Wait, But What If We Had a Female U.S. President?

Wait, But What If We Had a Female U.S. President? Get in loser, we’re maladaptive daydreaming. By Maddy Black

1. We’d Have A First Gentleman

Ugh, doesn’t FGOTUS just roll off the tongue. Sure, it sounds like a fatal fungusrelated diagnosis, but if GIRL PWR is a sickness then we don’t want to get better!

2. Things Would Run A LOT More Smoothly

If there’s one thing a GirlBoss©™️ can do, it’s get the job done. She’s a multitasker after all! Famously the phrase ‘Get you a girl who can do both’ was inspired by Nasty Gal She-E-O Sophia Amoroso, who published her book ‘#GIRLBOSS’ just one year before her company was accused multiple times of sexist discrimination in the workplace. We’re obsessed!

3. Finally, Some Fashion In The White House!

Obama wears one tan suit in 2008 and people act like he reinvented the wheel. Yawn. Ever heard of Kamala Harris’ Timberland boots? All around America, Republicans’ jaws just reached terminal velocity. With a girlypop in the Oval Office, there would be a fashion revolution (please don’t consider this a precedent to structural reform of any kind). If you’re signing a Crime Bill and your hand ISN’T newly manicured?? Well honey… close the door on your way out.

4. More Women In Politics… And Boy Do We Need It

Male politicians are desperately out of touch with the ordinary person. Every time I read the phrase ‘golfing holiday’, I feel like I’m being gaslighted. It’s time for women to break the mould, i.e. bottomless brunch with the girls. Picture POTUS, necking back mimosas on a Saturday morning. She’s having girly chats about how to maximise the cabinet’s joint slay, and which third world country is doing A Little Too Well For Our Liking. Feminist win!

5. She’d Know Exactly Where You Are, What You’re Doing And The Contents Of Your Camera Roll, But In Like, A Sweet Maternal Way?

Who wants some creepy FBI agent watching your every move? With Madame President at the helm, she’d see you watching the Harry Styles ‘Golden’ music video for the 7th time today and be like ‘ugh, same queen’.

6. She Might Even Listen To Covid Advice

The bar is on the floor at this point.

The first female president could be anywhere. Maybe she’s reading an article about ‘How To Find Your Best Zoom Lighting’ and mourning her misspent youth. Maybe she’s randomly being terrorised by the desire to bleach her eyebrows at 3 AM, or slapping £20 mud on her face in the name of self-love. Maybe she’s losing sleep over the marketing logic behind the Pret Subscription scheme - I mean, aren’t we all? Or maybe, just maybe...she’s The Girl reading this.