1 minute read
How I Met Your Father
from Unforeseen
How I Met Your Father By: Emilie Mussbach
Well, the way I met your father was quite romantic, actually.
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5:30 PM. It was a gloomy afternoon and I had had a horrendous day at work. Truly, it could not have gotten any worse: I missed my bus, I had to deal with a rude customer, and to top it all off, the canteen was out of Earl Grey tea.
On my way home, with an eagerly awaited cup of Starbucks warming my hands, I passed that little fast food place known for its lousy customer reviews.
And there he was, leaning back into his flimsy plastic chair.
He was 170cm of scrumptious masculinity, adorned with a face that read “I’m an alpha male”. He had greasy dark hair (how I adore a real man who only showers once a week!), coffee-stained teeth (the perfect way to wake up in the morning!), and a devilishly fashionable pair of grubby camo shorts (taken care of so lovingly!). He lazily scratched near his crotch: a swift movement that made my heart flutter and my cheeks flush crimson. Taunting my faithful thoughts with his bold manspread. He had already planted into my mind a glimpse of our beautiful, healthy future together.
After the clock had struck 5 PM and I had been liberated of my commitments at the office, I just yearned for my day to be sweetened by some forced interaction with a stranger.
At long last, from the corner of his eye, he finally graced me with a filthy look, up and down the length of my anatomy, setting fire to my loins. A grin had crept onto his perfectly non-judgemental face. A sexy sneer, if you will.
He looked like a cultivated, courteous gentleman.
Shouting at me: “Oi, hot thing! Smile for me, will you?”
That’s when I knew: he was the one. The apple of my eye. The man of my dreams, clicking his tongue before me. It’s so funny how love comes when you least expect it. I never believed in love at first sight until he proved me wrong.
I’m sure you’re wondering: “Are you grateful for his attention despite your otherwise thoroughly atrocious day?” To answer your question: Yes! And I didn’t even ask for it!
