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A project of Choose your own name Inc. in conjunction with Last Minute Productions. In loving memory of the Blackout® weekly.

Welcome U! After month's of endless planning and an overdose of interesting conversations and renovations, contemplations and in general just applications, Camp Chayolei Hamelech 5773 has officially begun its greatest summer in the history of camps ever! Getting to the bus is apparently not one of the many talents that parents have. A simple game of “I moved but didn’t leave” was all that was needed to convince the parents to put their kids on the bus, instead of waiting until their son would be the last on the bus (apparently two parents were waiting outside and no one wanted to be second to last). Although not everyone made it, some had to chase the bus all the way to camp, this did save them a lot of money I hope. After a rather intense bus ride some of us made it to camp (except SDSES who missed the bus). That is when we ate the first pizza ala blacketo ever in the history of man! Things started getting serious after a while of having fun in the Shul, when the head staff HCMTS and HCLLS first gave the most unforgettable fiery scary wacky funny high five… no I’m getting

Vol. 7 Issue 1 Parshas Pinchas . Summer 5773

g carried away… literally… they want me to stop ty… Don’t worry everyone you now have a new writer who will not get literally carried away… unless I wrote something as understandable and blown as the previous writer did. So where were we? Right the speeches. There were speeches. But the most elevating moment was when the head counselor called out our names to stand in the front of the Shul (elevating because we had to stand) and announced our counselors who almost crashed into us and sent us halfway across the Shul. Luckily they stopped running before it was too late.

that title and also won the record for the longest someone ran around holding a chair. All in all one thing was clear: this summer’s night activity is going to be anything but normal. [Continued on next page]

HaPictures of the week

After unpacking and earning points for bunk competition, we were introduced to Pick a Caption someone who is a doctor but who was losing his patience, and decided to play 1. The director testing out a musical chairs in the most original new activity for the wacky diabolical [insert 50 adjectives summer. here] type of way. 2. “Are you sure you’re not

scared of heights?” NADDZYZS is no stranger when it comes to making people dizzy to the 3. What to do when you don’t have a ladder. point of collapse. After setting the record for the most cheats ever in the 4. I don’t want to pick any of these captions. history of musical chairs he lost his title by bringing on stage THDIAS who took

‫יחי אדוננו מורנו ורבינו מלך המשיח לעולם ועד‬

The Toichenazation Zimri ben Salu commited a sin at the end of last week's parshah, . Pinchas wanted to make sure that the wrongdoing of Zimri would not bring HaShem's anger upon Bnei Yisrael. And so rather than let Zimri continue, he risked his own life and killed Zimri. This week's parshah begins by telling us that HaShem rewarded Pinchas. When HaShem saw that he risked his life for the sake of the Jewish people, He told Moshe: "Pinchas turned My anger away from B'nei Yisrael.... Therefore I will give him a covenant of peace." When praising Pinchas, HaShem calls him: "zealous." A zealous person puts aside concern for himself and does whatever has to be done to fulfill the will of HaShem. A person may have to risk his life in gashmiyus or make sacrifices in ruchniyus, but because he is zealous, he doesn't think about himself. He has one thought in mind:

[Continued from first page] The first full day of camp began with a lot of anticipation, as we heard the mots ultraexerbant (not a real word, shucks) speech from LDLES which had a whole bunch of fancy shmancy lines in it which he most have learnt in Oholei Torah.

what HaShem wants. There is another person in the Tanach who is called "zealous" - Eliyahu Hanavi, who said: "I have been very zealous for the sake ofHaShem." Actually, our sages teach us that "Pinchas is Eliyahu," so it is not a surprise that they were both zealous for the sake ofHaShem. When Eliyahu Hanavi said this, he also told HaShem how disturbed he was by the wrongdoings of the Jewish people. He cried out toHaShem, telling Him how many of His people had gone astray. HaShem was not pleased to hear Eliyahu criticize B'nei Yisrael. HaShem wants us to always look for good in others. And that good is always there; we may just have to look a little harder to find it.

for all time to come. He would be there to see how the Jewish people are faithful to HaShem, and how they keep His mitzvos. HaShem taught Eliyahu that a person who feels zealous should show extra measures of Ahavas Yisrael; he must always try to find merit in the Jewish people. This became Eliyahu's mission - pointing out the good in others and in this way, bringing people close to each other. And so when thenavi Malachi describes how Eliyahu Hanavi will announce the Geulah, he says: "He will turn the hearts of fathers to the children and the hearts of children to the fathers." And when the Rambam describes Eliyahu's mission, he says: "He will come solely to establish peace."

And so HaShem appointed Eliyahu as the Angel of the Bris, and instructed him to attend the bris milah of every Jewish child

As we join together in Achdus and Ahavas Yisrael - which give us the strength to overcome the challenges of the galus EliyahuHanavi will certainly be there to seek out our merits. He will point out the abundance of Ahavas Yisrael that we have, and will lose no time in announcing the coming of the Geulah.

NADDZYZS blew us all away as we watched one camper after another put their life on the line for the doctor, and boy did he give them a good treatment.

We were also introduced to pinkyshaking day which takes place this time of year, mainly in China where people have stuffed noses.

Cinnamon (without the sugar), ketchup That’s all for now, getting ready for the and pickle juice, challah flour faces were first full week of camp, where things just some of the interesting prescriptions start getting really crazy. prescribed by you know who. I can’t wait! Crashing, bumping, throwing, ctaching, running, jumping and then we finally The dancing rabbis also made an Chayolei Hamelech Poll . made it to our very first sports games of appearance, to the sound of much music. the summer. Our counselors were very And who can forget how THDIAS This week we asked a random 1,000,007 campers… busy watching, debating analyzing and prepared us for Night Activity slowly scrutinizing every move we made to and carefully with a Chazzanos lesson What is happening in make sure that leagues this summer will camp? for us all. be the greatest and most exciting ever! 12% There is a squeaky PA To top it all off the very first late night Manager HLGSTS told us that not only is water of the summer was given after the 48% Golf carts are breaking down wet it is also dangerous. Defiantly a worlds greatest Maariv. 99.9% Staff are waking up in the morning speech for (and from) the books. 3.2% I don’t know Friday we all took a shower (some of us 56.7% People are dancing Hot dogs were served to prepare us for for the first time) and toiveled in the 21% SIX things the most face changing, water splashing, Mikvah in preparation for the most 39% ”why is Zalmy Spritzer?” food creating, disgusting and fascinating inspring, uplifting Shabbos we will ever -96% We’re trying to make the Night Activity. Once again have. percentage normal

Question of the week: What does Ishkababooshka and Yabababooshkie mean? Are they related?

In the house!

Welcome! I hope you had a first few smashing days in camp, I know I did… you’re probably reading this while drinking your soup, pretending that it is your Bubbies chicken soup. Well, if you are, that’s not good, you have to get up on the benches, and sing songs and get a lot of Laffy Taffy’s!!! The more Laffy Taffy’s you have, the more fun camp is, because you can read the joke, and eat the Taffy! (Most times, in normal circumstances, Taffy’s are sweet, not salty). I was really

surprised when I asked the campers at night activity to do some NASTY stuff, they did it right away, with a big smile on their face, (And I’m supposed to be the crazy one!) so since I see that this year we have the most amazing, (craziest) campers of all time, I’m really excited about next week, and the even more crazy stuff I’m preparing for you! On a final note, many campers asked me why my name is Dr. Z, and I heard a lot of answers, but only one of the campers got it right. He said, when you go to the eye doctor, he asks you to read the letters off the paper, and the biggest

Comic of the week:

letter on the paper is a Z!!!! A big Z! So that’s why my name is Dr. Z…. WHAT! IM JUST JOKING! IF YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW BY NOW, ASK YOUR COUNSELOR! Wishing you a songful, Laffy Taffy-full, hot pepper-full, soda-full, Shabbos competition-full Shabbos!

The Chayolei ‘Haktzanot’ Wondering who took all the Shiselach from my bunkhouse Beware of waiters not having when to eat Thanking Hashem above for giving us a reason to unpack by making it rain Have you seen the survival director I hope he came Congratulating LDLES for being confused as a head counselor Should we or should we not eat a peach Has anyone seen my straw hat, I left it somewhere around camp Looking for someone to write funnier stuff in the paper Needed: Someone to do crazy stuff not for this paper Up with the ceiling down with the floor Speeches Inc. would like to thank everyone for the attention these last four years (at least that’s how long they felt like). Attention being the key word. Dance night coming to a camp near you. Watch this space. And this. Still looking for an OD, Shesle, Chuzbashim, my brains, Shiselach, control, coffee beans, Yonah!, someone to turn on the revile tape on time! Still waiting for something to fill up this space of the newsletter if anyone has something please call 1-800-TOOLATE Read the fine print here

HCMTS: Be in the right place, at the wrong time.

Messege from the Peanut gallery

The hardest working campers of the week: Bunk Aleph: Sholom Druin Bunk Beis: Yaakov Schilag Bunk Gimmel: Mendel Kanofsky Bunk Daled: Yosef Gordon Bunk Hey: Dovid Smulowitz Bunk Vov: Baruch Dahan Bunk Zayin: Shneur Wilansky Bunk Ches: The Entire Bunk Ches Bunk Tes: Sholom Ber Shubov Bunk Yud: Avremi Reinitz Bunk Chof Ches: Lishnerino

On behalf of all the staff of CCH we appreciate your amazing effort keep up the awesome work.

Science for Oholei-Torahnicks 

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The reason why the babaganush is brown is because this way it is camouflaged when it spills on a brown shirt. The reason why the sky is blue is for the same reason why the grass is green. The reason why Oholei Torahnicks really don’t learn science in camp is because they can’t read English. The reason why this sentence is cut off is still not understood, no one has an

We would like to welcome all the campers, staffers and the entire T building to camp Chayolei Hamelech 5773 We wish a great summer to you and yours, and sincerely hope that next week there will be a punch line somewhere around here!

We at the bored meeting, would like to express our sincere thanks to all our readers. We hope you enjoyed reading as much as we enjoyed writing! Moshiach NoW! The Golusout Weekly Lackawaxen’s most read publication Published by the Chayolei Hamelech Board of Bored souls at their weekly bored meeting. Summer 5773

Lackawaxen, PA Another project of:

PAMSZS: It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about winning! © All rights reserved. No parts of this newsletter may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the Chayolei Hamelech Board of Bored souls, That includes all types of chuzbashing.

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