HowToIncreaseIntimacy:15Ways ToReigniteConnection
Feelingemotionallyconnectedtoyourpartner,alongwithastrong physicalconnection,isessentialforthehealthandhappinessofyour relationship
Soifyou’relookingforwaystostrengthenandimproveyourconnection, we’vegotyoucovered:Since2014,we’vebeenhelpingcouplesincrease intimacyandrekindlethepassionintheirrelationship.(Nottomention theyearsbuildingastrongcoupleconnectioninourownmarriage)
We’resharingourtop15research-and-experience-backedtipsforhowto increaseintimacyandbuildadeeperemotionalandsexualconnectionin yourrelationship
WhatIsIntimacy?
Intimacygoesbeyondsexandphysicalclosenessandencompassesdeep emotionalconnection,vulnerability,andtrust Itinvolvessharing thoughts,feelings,andexperiencesopenlyandhonestly,creatingasafe spaceforauthenticity,andfosteringastrongsenseofbelongingand support.
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Thistypeofdeepintimacyisbuiltupovertimerequiringongoingeffort
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Increasedhappinessandwellbeing
Improvedcommunicationandconflictresolution
Strongersenseofbelonging,support,safety,andtrust
Amorepassionateandpleasurablesexualconnection
Enhancedself-esteemandconfidenceasindividuals
Astrong,healthy,andresilientrelationship
Whenworkingonyourcoupleconnection,it’simportanttoconsiderthat ‘intimacy’encompassesaspectsofphysicalintimacy,sexualintimacy, emotionalintimacy,andevenspiritualintimacy
Thegoodnewsisthatthey’reallconnected,soworkingononewill increaseintimacyinotherareas,too
Infact,nomatterwhichtypeofintimacyyouwanttoimprove,here’sthe bestplacetostart
15PracticalWaystoIncreaseIntimacyinYourRelationships:
1.PrioritizeEmotionalIntimacyEveryDay
Themostimportantingredientforasatisfyingrelationshipisemotional connection.Andprioritizingthatconnectionalsohasanincredibleflowoneffect:Thisisbecauseconsciouslyandconsistentlycreatingmoments ofconnectionisthebestwaytoincreaseintimacyinyourrelationship. Itmeansbeingoneof:
Qualitytimeconnectedwithoutdistractions(phonecalls).Pleaseleave! Regulardatenightswherewefocusoneachother.
Proactivelyaddresschallengesandcelebratesuccesseswith relationshipcheck-ins
2.BeVulnerableandRadicallyHonest
Buildingintimacyinarelationshiprequiresopeninguptoeachother: Researchshowsthatwecanshareourthoughts,feelings,dreams,and fightsUnlessyou’rewillingtoshare(whichIknow) (asapersonaldisclosure)cannotbuildanemotionalconnection. Thisradicalhonestyhastogobothways:
Themorevulnerableyouarewitheachother,themoreemotionaltherelationship becomesAndyouwillfeelahigherleveloftrustandemotionalsecuritywith eachother
3.ImproveIntimateCommunication
Wanttohearsomethinggreat?
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Sexualintimacycanbeimprovedjustbytalkingaboutit:
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Thismeanstherearevariousonandoffoptionsthatyoudon’tknow about
Toovercomethesedifficulties,increasesexualcommunicationbefore, duringandaftersex
Youbecomeinterestedinyourpartner’sdesiresanddislikes
Practiceaftercareandsharefeedbackonwhatyoulikeaboutbeing closertoeachother.
Talktoyourpartneraboutyoursexlifeingeneral
Discusswhatsexmeanstoyouandhowsatisfiedyouareoverall Askexactlywhatyouwantrightnow.
Talkopenlyaboutwhatyoulikeandwhatyoudon’tlike.
⚠Thingstoremember:
WeunderstandthattalkingopenlyaboutsexcanbescaryandvulnerableButit’s askillworthdevelopingRemembertoapproachtheseconversationswith curiosity,compassion,andsensitivity.Overtime,intimatecommunicationbuilds trustandasenseofsecurity,increasingrelationshipsatisfaction
4.Takethepressureoffinthebedroom
Asimportantasitistoenhanceintimacyinthebedroom,it’salso importanttopayattentiontowhatimpedesintimacy:
Focusingtoomuchonorgasm(prioritizingpleasure)
RushingorpushinginsertionSeekingaspecificoutcome(insteadof slowingdown,beingpresent,andenjoyingthemoment)
Tryingtoohardtoperformandpleaseeachother(realThiscreatesa lotofpressuretoviewintimacyacertainway
Itconfusessexualdesireandconnection.Toremoveexpectations,try expandingyourdefinitionofsex
Agoodplacetostartistoincludeanythingthatmakesyoufeel comfortableorconnectswithyouinaphysicallyintimatewayWhetherit’s nakedcuddling,oralsex,orjustareallygoodmakeoutsession.Allof thesecountas“sexualrelationships
“Theimportantpointsare:
Thelesspressurethereistoreachadestinationorachieveanoutcome,theeasierit isforintimacytogrow.
(Wantmoreintimate,connectedsex?Learnaboutthemostcommonsex mistakestoavoid.)
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5.Rememberandtellyour“lovestory”
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Soundseasyenough,right?Buttheresearch*isconclusive:Themore positivelycouplesremembertheirrelationshipstories,thestrongerandmore intimatetheiroverallrelationshipwillbe.
6.PlanYourSex
Beforeyourollyoureyes,hearmeout:Nothingimportantinyourlifewill happenunlessyouputitonyourcalendarandplanit Soifsexis importanttoyou,whyshoulditbeanydifferent?
Makingsexapriorityrequiresplanning Butthere’sadifferencebetween plannedsexthatisfunandexciting,andplannedsexthatfeelsforcedand uncomfortableAndthisisaboutunderstandingyourInitiationBlueprint: Essentially,yourInitiationBlueprintisthesecrettothetypesofactivities youneedtoreleasethesexualbrakesandgetexcitedtogether ThisisamapofIfoneofyou(orboth)wantssexbutisn’tinthemoodyet, thisisaveryhelpfulresource.
Wanttoknowyouroriginalplan?Wouldyouliketoincludetheexactsteps totakeifonepersonwantssexmorethantheother?
Thencheckoutourhomestudyprogram``ReigniteYourLove’’Don’tmiss “Life”.
Whenyoustarthavingsexoftenagain(thankstoyourschedule adjustments!),you’remorelikelytohavesexspontaneouslybecauseyour sexualexpectationsarealreadyhigh.
7.IdentifyYourIntimacyStyle
Therearemanydifferenttypesofintimacy,andeveryonehastheirown preferences.Thesixmostcommonintimacystylesareemotionalintimacy, physicalintimacy,sexualintimacy,intellectualintimacy,experiential intimacy,andspiritualintimacy.
Wanttoknowmoreaboutyourself?
Takeour2-minutecoupleintimacyquizanddiscoveryourunique intimacyprofile.Whenyousignupforouremaillist,you’llalsoreceivea personalizedreportdetailingwhattypesofconnection-buildingactivities youshouldprioritize.Becauseit’spossible,andevenpossible,thatyouand yourpartnerhavedifferentintimacystylesThat’sfineWhat’simportant isthatyouhaveeffectivestrategiesforcultivatingintimacyinawaythat’s meaningfultobothofyou
ReadMore:HowtoBetheMostInterestingPersonintheRoom It’sNOTWhat YouMayThink
8.GetBetterwithConflictResolution
Increasingintimacyisn’tjustaboutfocusingonthepositives.Knowing howtoresolveconflictsinahealthywaywillalsostrengthenyourbond witheachother.Here’swhyimprovingyourcommunicationskillsand improvingconflictresolutionaredualbenefitsforyourrelationship
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EmotionalIntelligence:Howtobringyouremotionstogethertoidentify, explore,andexpresshealthyemotions
RealisticCommunication:Expressesyouropinions,needs,emotions,and boundariescalmlyandconfidently.
NervousSystemRegulation:Knowwhenandhowtoeffectivelytakea breakwhenthingsescalate
Tolerance:Assumethatyourpartnerhasgoodintentions while exploringwheretheremaybeharmfuleffects
Respect:Knowingthatit’sokaytohavedifferentneedsandperspectives andtheseFindouthowtovalidateyourneeds
9.Exerciseortrysomethingnewtoincreaseyouradrenalinelevels ScientificyetsimplebiohackstoincreaseintimacyCheckitout:There’sa phenomenoncalledarousalfalseattributionthatcanhelpyouandyour partnerigniteyoursexlife.
Basically:
Yourbrainmistakestheexcitementofheradrenalinerushforarushof sexualarousal.
Sodoingsomethingexcitingandnewtogetherorjustgettingsomeblood flowinginthegymwillincreaseyourattractiontoeachother
10.Breaktheroutineandbeintentionalwitheachother
Whenyoubothhavebusylives,it’seasytogetstuckina“Netflixrut”: Afteralongdayofadulthood Hey,guys youhavetoliveuptothe demandsofmoderntimes.Thelastthingyouwanttodoislieinbedand watchashowtogetherOrjustliethereandscrollthroughyourphone untilyoupassoutfromexhaustionAndeventhoughitmaybetempting forustoswitchoff,thisroutineeatsupprecioustimeforintimacyand contact
Needcreepyevidence?
•A2006study*showedthatsimplyhavingaTVinthebedroomcutthe numberofcoupleshavingsexinhalf.
(Andyes,thiswasbeforesmartphonesandotheron-demanddistractions arewhattheyarenow).
A2006study*showedthatsimplyhavingaTVinthebedroomcutthe numberofcoupleshavingsexinhalf
(Andyes,thiswasbeforesmartphonesandotheron-demand distractionsarewhattheyarenow)
Additionally,phubbing*(ignoringyourpartnerinfavorofyourcell phone)inintimaterelationshipsisassociatedwithlowermarital satisfactionandincreasedriskofdepression.
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Daily5minutedebriefandcheckinatfirstbedtime.
Technology-freeTuesday Nodigitaldevicesintheevening.
Leaveyourphoneinanotherroomwhenyoueat
“Dessertdatenight”(buyyourfavoritedessertafterthekidsareinbed andshareitinsteadofstayingoutallnight)
WhenyoumeetupagainintheeveningHugfor3minutes
(Ifyouneedmoreintimacyexercisesforcouples,wecanhelp!)
ReadMore:12AmazingSexTipsforaBetterSexLife
11.Expressyourgratitudetoeachother
Takeamomenttothinkabouthowgreatyourpartnerisatimprovingyour life.
Theydotheworkyoudon’thavetodo
Theirlaughtermakesyourheartsmile
Someonecanexperiencealifewithdeepmagic
Whenwasthelasttimeyouexpressedyourgratitudeoutloud?
Afterspendingsomuchtimetogether,it’seasytosimplythinkabouthow muchyouvalueyourpartnerButtheneveryonebecomescomplacentand assumesthey“justknow.“Unfortunately,constantlyunderestimatingyour partnercanleadtofeelingsofcomplacencyandresentmentinthe relationship.Meanwhile,researchshowsthatcoupleswhopractice expressinggratitudespendmoretimetogether,resultinginincreased intimacyandstrongerbonds
12.Celebrateeachother’ssuccesses
Howyoureacttoyourpartner’sgoodnewshasahugeimpactonthelevel ofintimacyinyourmarriageInanunexpectedway Researchershavecategorizedtypicalreactionsintofourtypes:
Positive,constructive:Yourespondwithenthusiasmandinterest,asking yourpartnertoelaborateandsaymorePrompt:“Oh,damn,YES!“Give meallthedetails!
Passive Constructive:You’recalm,butattentiveandinterested:“Oh, yeah!Isthatcool?Soundsgood.
Passive Destructive:Downplayingwhatyourpartnercommunicatedor downplayingitsimportance:“Oh,really?
That’snobigdeal,isit?
Active DestructiveTarget:Showingindifference,it’sallaboutyourself: “Sowhat?Ididthatlastweektoo.
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Obviously,thelasttwodonotincreaseintimacyButpassiveconstructive reactionsdon’tworkthatwell.Allthreeaffectthelevelofrelationship
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Leverageourpartners’successestounderstandthembetter.Asking questionsallowsyoutodigintothedetailsofwhattheyfeltandwhyitwas importanttothem.
13.Sharehouseworkandhouseworkequally
OK,maybeyoudon’tthinkit’sworthincludinghouseworkaspartofa conversationabouthowtobemoreintimateButsciencesaysotherwise: Studies*showthatcoupleswhosharehouseholdchoresarehappierand moresatisfied,andhavemoreregularandfulfillingsexlives Sodomoretasksandhavemoresex.
Easy,right?Unfortunately,thisisanalltoocommonchallengeforcouples Ifyouoryourpartnerresentthewayyourfinancesarerun,besureto readthisarticleaboutsharingtheburden
14.IncreasePhysicalTouch WithoutExpectations
Physicalintimacyisanimportantpartofwarmthandintimacyina relationshipandhelpsincreasebothemotionalandsexualintimacy. However,formanycouples,lovingtouchdiminishesovertimeTodeal withthis,lookforwaystoexpressloveandaffectionbytouchingas casually(andwithoutexpectations)aspossible We’retalkingabout:
Hugherfrombehindwhileshe’scooking
Kissheronthecheek
Holdherhandintheshoppingline
Putyourhandonherlegwhiledriving
Helpreleaseoxytocin,Youstrengthentherelationshipandcreatean instantconnectionbetweenthetwoofyou.
ProTip:
Trytodifferentiatebetweeneverydaydisplaysofaffectionandsexualcontact
Whenrestoringintimacyinarelationship,physicalcontactshouldnotcreate pressureorexpectations.It’snotlikeapreludetosex.
15 Changethewayyouinitiatesex
Okay,it’stheuncomfortabletruthTime:Formostcouples,whatworked forinitiatingsexduringthehoneymoonphasenolongerworksinalongtermrelationshipplug.
Infact,goingthroughthe“sameoldmoves”cancreateoutrightdisgust andmakesexfeelboring,mechanical,orobligatory.Mostcouplesneeda completelynewapproachtoinitiatingsexiftheywanttoincrease intimacy.
Itstartswithanhonestconversation
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•Askyourpartnerwhatactuallyworksandwhatdoesn’tforinitiatingsex.
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•Whatmakesthemfeelrelaxedandcomfortabletobeopentosex?
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Whenweworkwithcouplestoincreaseintimacyinourcoaching programs,wefirstaskthemabouttheirrelationshipandsexlife,tofind inspirationandCreateacommonvisionthatenhancesrationandmood. Wehelpyouunderstandthedifferenttypesofintimacyinrelationships, whichonesaremostimportanttoyou,andwhatroletheyplayinyour overallrelationshipvision.Next,let’smoveontopracticalcontent.
Understandexactlywhatblocksintimacyandremovethoseobstacles DevelopskillstocreatedeepemotionalintimacyTobuildsexualdesire andphysicalintimacyIndividualapproachButthisprogramisfor everyone.
Ifyouhaveahistoryofextremetrauma,seriousmentalhealthissues, addictionorsubstanceabuse,ordangerousrelationshipconflict,working withatherapistisagoodfirststep
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