Cardiff Times - June 2024

Cardiff Times June 2024

Join us for our next events

Llys Cyncoed care home, Cyncoed

Dementia Friends event During this friendly and interactive session you’ll learn more about dementia, how it can affect individuals, and what you can do to help people living with dementia in your community. Book your free space at one of the below events and become an Alzheimer’s Society Dementia Friend: Thursday 6th June at 11am Thursday 13th June at 3.30pm Tuesday 18th June at 11am

Llys Herbert care home, Lisvane

Care fee planning Thursday 20th June, 2pm - 4pm Listen to Tracey Daniel from Brooks Macdonald explain the complexities of funding care, what benefits you might qualify for and how to make savings go further.

Trusted to care To attend please call 0330 822 6781

Musical Director: Simon Curtis

Musical Director: Simon Curtis. Pianos: Rhiannon Pritchard and David George Harrington

SATURDAY 13/7/24, 6PM SUNDAY 14/7/24, 3PM BBC Hoddinott Hall, Wales Millennium Centre, Bute Place, Caerdydd CF10 5AL

Tickets available from ticketsource.co.uk/city-voices-cardiff Raising money for City Hospice.

Reg Charity 1023311

Get started with Kumon this summer term and save with our Free Registration offer

With more than 60 years’ experience, Kumon is proud to be recognised as an education provider that delivers proven academic results. Independent research by The Education Policy Institute (EPI), an evidencebased research institute, revealed that Kumon students significantly outperform their primary school peers in maths. This makes Kumon students transitioning into secondary school well-placed to continue making progress and thriving in their education.

The Kumon Method of Learning uses unique study programs that aid students in developing lifelong study skills and an excellent appreciation of reading. We aim to help children of all ages and abilities become confident, independent learners who can thrive both at school and in their future careers.

Reaching an advanced level of study makes sure students are well-equipped with the skills they need to achieve excellence and, with guidance and support from their Instructor, Kumon students establish strong foundations in maths and English, as well as important study skills including speed, accuracy, time management, concentration and problem-solving.

Classes are held in centre once or twice a week, with students completing worksheets outside of class to build good study habits and further develop their understanding of the material.

Students can now experience our worksheets digitally on a tablet with KUMON CONNECT, making Kumon’s tried and tested worksheets even more accessible and convenient for students to study using their tablet and stylus.

At all of our Kumon Study Centres in Cardiff, we’re offering Free Registration on the Kumon Maths and English Programmes between 1 May and 30 June 2024 to help you get started with Kumon before the end of Join the over 3.5 million Kumon students worldwide the summer term. by contacting your local Instructor and book your child’s Free Assessment and Kumon Registration and save with our Free Registration offer via the Kumon Instructors continuously monitor, guide and website at https://www.kumon.co.uk challenge students to grow by setting worksheets at their just-right level, established at an initial assessment that allows us to assign work that challenges students Alternatively, please see opposite for details for each while building on their existing knowledge and ability. of our Cardiff Kumon Study Centres and get in touch Many students will go on to cover topics that are now to book! beyond their equivalent school year as, at Kumon, progress is based on ability, not age.

4 CARDIFF TIMES

“His teacher said he is light-years ahead of his peers because of Kumon!”

-Olivia, Kumon Parent

Kumon’s maths and English study programmes deliver proven academic success.*

Book a free assessment today and save with our free registration offer!

Cyncoed 07906 760895 Grangetown 07539 468030 Llandaff and Radyr 02922 362639

Llanishen and Whitchurch 02920 485647 Penarth 02920 704961

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Roath 02920 498829 Rumney 07413 865138

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Terms and conditions apply. Fees vary. Participating centres only.

Please refer to your local study centre. Subject to availability. *For research findings on Kumon study, please visit kumon.co.uk.

Stuck!

It is eight years almost to the day that a neurologist confirmed that I had Parkinson’s Disease, so it is time for an update on my condition. The first thing to note is that I am still standing – but only just! I’ve previously explained how walking any distance has been increasingly difficult. The latest is that I resemble one of those old marionettes - a puppet figure manipulated from above by strings or threads attached to a control. In a simple marionette, the strings are attached in nine places: to each leg, hand, shoulder, and ear and at the base of the spine. By adding strings, more sensitive control of movement is achieved. Well, I take after a type of marionette some of whose strings have been snipped, causing my torso to duck and dive, desperately trying to find some control and steadiness.

My current physiotherapist has come up with a novel suggestion to ease my travails.

Writing to my Parky’s Consultants she noted “that Wyn’s rigidity is very marked both in 6 CARDIFF TIMES

byWyn Evans

his trunk and limbs. He has extremely tight hamstrings which are impacting on his posture as he can’t achieve full knee extension in standing.

I also feel his rigidity is really impacting his balance. Unfortunately, he had a fall last week… He has been actively stretching his hamstrings, but I feel that he may benefit from a medication review to systemically try to improve his rigidity or some Botox to target his hamstrings.” I’m meeting with the Consultants before the next issue of the Cardiff Times comes out and I’ll be sure to keep you posted. Botox in the treatment of Parky’s! I’ll believe it when it happens.

Parky’s was responsible for an unfortunate incident at home this week too. It was bedtime. Rather than standing over the sink to brush my teeth I’ve taken to sitting on the long edge of the bath with my top half over the sink. It’s less wearing on my legs and with much less risk of unbalancing myself or

taking a tumble. In theory, anyway. The taps are in the middle of the opposite long edge of the bath. So there’s me sitting, cleaning my teeth, well-grounded and, one would think, free of the risk of a fall. However, my posterior slipped backwards into the bath (caused by overbalancing to put my toothbrush away). It all happened in a flash so let me give you the slow-motion action replay. From sitting comfortably my rear end slid down the inward slope of the bath causing my upper torso to concertina at the waist and my neck and shoulders to slide down the baths opposite long edge, wedging my left shoulder and arm under the tapspout, my legs dangling by the knees over the other edge. My right arm was wedged between me and the short edge of the bath.

What a sight. When I say ‘wedged’ I mean scarcely able to move my hands, arms, legs, head, or anything else. I had on nowt but my pyjama trousers, the taps had scraped the back of my shoulder and blood was flowing freely from the resulting scratch. And it was

ten past one in the morning. It was open to me to shout for help, waking The Boss or the Girl so that they would haul me out.

But I didn’t think that would win me their sympathy. All in all, I reckon it took me about fifteen minutes to inch my way up and out of the bath. It would be very funny if it was a scene shot for a TV sit-com and I am very glad we all saw the funny side of it. (A mockup picture is attached.)

I have to go and stretch my legs, literally so!

PS, thanks for all the kind wishes.

The Girl had a wonderful 18th birthday party at Roath Church House.

www.cardiff-times.co.uk 7

Contains at least one RGB ColorSpace

8 CARDIFF TIMES

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www.cardiff-times.co.uk 9

‘And Another Thing...’

O’Bertolli Intriguing title don’t you think? Let me explain.

I was in a local store the other day when I happened upon an older man who was using a jewellers eye loupe to read the contents of a tin of beans. I asked him why and he was doing this. He said: “You can’t be too careful,” which cleared that up for me. However, this got me looking at things more closely (metaphorically and literally). Bertolli Spread (instead of butter) became the subject of my first close label scrutiny. The packaging crows about the use of Mediterranean olive oil supported by pictures of olive groves glinting in the sunshine. However, the labelling says: “Produced outside of Italy.”

It is in fact made in Dublin so O’Bertolli one assumes. Who knew? I bet that guy with the eye loupe did.

With the Advent of Summer (ish) She Who Must Be Obeyed suggested I get the Barbi out. Not being a fan of barbecues, I decided to take her literally and here she is. Burnt quite well mind. Of course, being politically correct like what I am, I have always felt that Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies and of course, women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

(Don’t write in please).

10 CARDIFF TIMES

byVince Nolan

Did you hear that there’s a new Divorced Barbie. She comes with all of Ken’s accessories apparently.

Crossword clue: Sends a postcard as the fisherman does 5, 1 and 4. *Answer below and no cheating.

I read this quotation recently which I thought I would share with you: “Time is what we want most but use worst.” This from English Quaker, William Penn the founder of Pennsylvania.

Unfortunately, he died of a stroke. I suppose it was a stroke of the pen but maybe not, eh?

Since I seem to have become politically incorrect all of a sudden, one of my favourite songs from a musical is There is Nothing like a Dame from South Pacific which was penned in 1949. Of course, this is somewhat dated language now so to update it they could set it in the North of England and rename it There is Nowt like a Wench. Just an idea.

Sheltering from the sun recently, in a local alehouse, I overheard the following: “We stayed on French Island near Melbourne, it was on the coast.” Call me stupid but islands tend to be surrounded by water and this one is no exception. Here’s a picture to prove it.

A man rescued a “pirate” from a deserted island.

Just tohanging. beten clear: Didrefused youorhear about the urologist a pardon inpostulated 1833 ortunately, only six of us turned up and abeing of wereHe required theelectric inminimum thedue early 19th century.

As the hecklers toiled in the Stereophonics and Tom Jones a fractional charge, under 14’s t bad news forold-timers the Cardiff a carrying grave error?

Between typos and autocorrect Ig,engaged four who were in the bar (could have been the who was eaten by a bear?

He was a meteorologist if I were illegally hunting for at the Principality Stadium which had sold as building blocks of the hadrons.

Quarks Andrew Jackson andthe from President derhosen Formation Slap Dancing Ensemble it’sone getting harder to post stuff read these out days.

One the whether factory, of the team would days edout ones from Taff Vale) and asked were them they fancied having a Citythe hotels.

The concerts then have not been directly observed but theoretical (meaty urologist, oh please yourselves).

I have questionable morels? ho will the no longer be slapping each other as tiny mistake and your whole post is urined. news and others would butt in with constant was executed after Court and free beerand for the afternoon.

Fearing some of the honey trap, they tookonthe weunless found athey City centre hotelkind predictions theirSupreme existence have rt cancelled ofa their routines are given After inviting him onto his boat, he asked him mention thatbased my WIFI had died that morning.

The Leader of the Opposition and I were sitting in all deer who has lost both ingfor that myhurrah! offer wasHowever, genuine. the Cautiously, they agreed to join us.

Picture theit and a has stream of “furious debate.” fickleinterruptions finger been confi rmed Oh The world taken athought strange twist –please! at leastWith he could turn down he whether it was to plunder ships withruled She misheard meexperimentally.” and I if said mywanted Wife ecial £80, dispensation byharder our First Minister. scene, 5pm onas a for sunny our socially local, The Funky Furlough, ccident?

No eyeleg, deer. of fatea(presumably the middle one), then And mesons and baryons, we could the parts I collated seem to occupy.

Iquality have been wooden hook for a hand, and anin eye had died.

Given this was her daughter she did be this mind Idistanced have some put-downs to.

No pleasing some folk. weekday evening at the side How long have you had arthritis?”

“IRugby not swoon, cry, or put down the food.

Prior todon’t patch. intervened and cancelled thespecials office lunch here allabout night. aw this Trump in a local pub board: reading a proposal for the 2027 when a lady close by to us asked the Bar Manager when dies, Ion willtheir give whichentrance comics have used to deal with modern day to the Brewery onwill clearing upwhich the matter I said: Yes, why us toand wander lonely as some clouds have We leaving Love Local champion local farms World Cup prevent anythat’s team in “but red I arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, iffacilities theCaroline toilets were still He ofI other course “He it is today how he as Iwas brought youupstairs. awant meal. how deal with loss!

The man promptly replied, “I’m not really hecklers: IStreet at the hairdressers the day for my where four ey: time tried to around the Castle and itswas outdoor bar densure fisheries.”

All very laudable but the first shirts and green shirtsIt’s playing each other that we had properly warmed up since we didn’t to pull any drinking just read in the paper that the Pope does.”

Alas this is a true tale. a pirate.”

“Oh really?

Then what’s with the Continuing January scalping when the Jimmy Nail song pensioners who could barely until frostbite got thelying better offront us and forced usand confiup rmed that they were but Ipeople thought thisstruggle to be ato earing make-up and inof m on their menu was Mediterranean Olives. because colour blind often . Unfortunately, sixtrying us turned a minimum of ten were required or he other three wooden leg?”only “I was to swim away from “Ain’t Nohanging Doubt - She’s Lying” came on thethe “What size ofseen shoe does your mouth take?” stand were onto back toina the hotelsame we did not need.

Much fun, but verheard pub: “Every time we distinguish between the two.

Not criticising Staying with the drink, there has always the rope very stupid question. have said something mlinson Overheard inI would a pub recently: “He had the island when a old-timers shark bit my leg off and I had sme off.

I engaged four who were inthem the bar (could have been the wireless.

Totally unscripted, we, thea Wales, masked ahow lamppost, for support, rather we quickly found out that there asay. limit“Well, to here come here.” don’t of like course but this would affect towe replace it with thisYou lump ofiswood.” smile Cheshire Cash!”

Possibly Johnny been much snobbery attached to wine. like: “I don’t know d by the son of a good friend singers in the chairs and our masked stylists theme: “This is what comes from drinking on an empty entioned ones from the Taff Vale) and asked them they fancied a much what mulled wine can drink before falling than illumination.

An I thought Canada, Ireland, Tonga, South Africa Cash’swhether brother toRussia, myself?having Of course, about theone hand?”

“Whilst foraging for tyrite sell-buy dates before Indeed, people make a living from it, all started to sway and sing to the music in a over. afternoon they would Japan.

Thiswould me intrap, mind of that quote Cheshire Cash never blow anything foodfree on for the island, snake biton my hand and I and when madam was a urology his Dad’s head.” tour and beer foraSoap the afternoon.

Fearing some kind ofhad honey they took scene reminiscent from The Full Monty when butfrom I am making a stand because thewho to cuton it off, then replace it with this hook.” up,BBC but Dinah might.

You will know that supermarket aeulogy Friday 3onvincing shopshad I that really snooker commentator TedI of Lowe never…… remember. last with us butat we e the heart to say my offer was genuine. Cautiously, they agreed to join us.

Picture the they all started dancing in the queue the a rope like accuracy in reporting and consequently “Okay. But what about the eye patch?”

“That’s famously said during one of his commentaries: lockdowns.

I’m giving up wine, every day, all “I know where you were when they were handing les that would make the with Mark Dacey (on the leS) who is the dynamic CEO of oots and job centre. all sharp implements wondered if Fortunately this Cheshire Cash was some seagull here poop.”is“Sorry, seagull poopA drunk“And scene, 5pm on a them sunny moved out to meant. from Anyway, for those of you who are watching in black who smelled like a Pope on afirstbrains month.

No wait, not it.minutes I’m the out………getting an extra helping ofup. adand some doubt whether makes you was my day with reference to the glitterati who live on thegiving Wirral. were forthat’s a is few short and then Itsausage does notblind?” need“No, meitto suggest the uncanny and the pink next to the green.” seges. weekday evening at the side brewery gotwhite, ondowned a bus and sat the car park many thejourney hook.”

Ievery am now sorry all I looked thisjust up. like It seems that Wine day month! without further comment, in a musical, mouth.” r for the home. rope down next to Wirral a priest.

The Tomlinson or of vice versa. entrance to the Brewery the Peninsula was based inlike ekyhad months ago as aonthe ale, (heenough was affectionately everybody wentwe back to wholly their day job Interesting lyric heard on the wireless s nothing to do with EU drunk's shirt was stained, his Cheshire according to the Domesday Book Two people out on a first date.

“Do you Caroline Street where four nothing had happened.

Lockdown has aoflot to no other day: “Sports bra and aconsequence Maserati car.” you know, ifbright you wore soundproof trousers because his likeness e-buy to home school face was full of red 1086.

Its location was direct described as within two dates before but a recent trip“Do to my local supermarket ction of of the packaging answer for butChester that was very funny. likeof Merlot Tammy?”

“Yes, but youPerhaps don’t Who would thought of which that combination? pensioners could barely once owned one the chewed pencils arrow falls of Citywho Walls.

However, one would hear a word saying.” lipstick and he had ahave half-you’re of Covid19.” nperishables leader), involved a tripImake light of the that the following Monday.

In fact I or fruit and vegwould like Apparently many have including a poet called since Local Government Acthanging ofLooks 1972 only pronounce the “t.”

“Oh, Ok.” at stand were seen onto bottle ofthe wine sticking Shakespeare empty used to write his famous works. used The Leader of The Opposition andI He Ithe were this is why do not run ales play France.

We Dave Cox whom I have just “discovered”. the Southern third is now in Cheshire, rest these comestibles would make it to the car for the journey home.

What is going one day leS on the sell-buy date.

It takes an inordinate amount of skill to sup hen it’s serious, “Is that real face or are you still celebrating outwaiter: ofyour hislistening pocket.

He opened “Two Merlots for me and Ammy.” to Michael Ball on the wireless. a lamppost, for support, rather of it is in Merseyside.

You following this?

The Intellectual property rules prevent me itquoting to chew on with it so much that Istarted couldn’t whether was atell pub.

0th year relationship withCloser 24 hours towas spare.

Wastetolevels must be astronomical. his and s, picked, He interviewing Donny Osmond who EU supply issues? inspec@on ofnewspaper the packaging above reference measurement by weapon the excitement. mum of tenpackaged, were required in-@me” or Halloween?” than illumination.

An any of his work here but I encourage you to Our friend Drthe H has trained her dog Daisy uple of minutes later, he asked theorpriest, "Father, what causes arthritis?"

A in wife sent her played themaround home and had been appearing in panto at the London not 2B. Staying with Bard, gone by, range reminded me comedy that thedays distance across distributed UK2B recent WalesOnline article bizarrely claimed look him up.

A real genius and hugely fruit and veg like Tanzania and Argen@na.

So these Staying with food, I have been doing some research into what is no longer ma as off.

I engaged four old-timers afternoon they would aused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too alcohol, and to bring her of a bottle ofhusband wine.

No asurprise themuch floor of red Commons between Palladium.

Donny was speaking about “Your bus leaves inthe 10House minutes...

Be under it.” aquote romantic ernational weekends.

On at GPs were working 40 months anUK. hour refreshing. o the shops and put on in order to attract women, I used to use this from the The list is endless but here is a small sample: Pringles (Belgium), Sm in the bar (could have beentaken the tothat," o@c climes, picked, packaged, the port or airport, the Government and benches is 13 your fellow man," the priest replied.

"Imagine theformer drunk muttered.

He Opposition never…… remember. acting mentor of his who told him the really, she’s a Bordeaux collie.

I was sat phrase we ertime.

I have no doubt they are ridiculously text message.

She wrote: “Ifhim.. are sleeping, send Mike’s fiones rst), we didpriest, it in Taff the on the sell-buy date.

It Vale) Colman’s English Mustard (Act Germany), Terrys Chocolate (France) feet, said to be equivalent to two broadsword eading his The thinking about what had said, turned tofor the following: “Theatre isyou the only place where ioned from the “Well, it’s night out and aOrange night offyou forand his Shakespeare’s Hamlet, III, Scene IV, line 82: Ia have also been reading Bob Mortimer’s Recent crossword clue: “Brush under the ses then delivered to40 the shops and put he on the shelves with etched atpaper. present, but months an hour? with She Who Must Be Obeyed the other lengths.

Of course, the easiest way to win a he 18th Century Parliament) Sauce (The Netherlands).

Staggering.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had can dream in public.

Your job as an actor is of skill to supply goods me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your aogised: bus to Dover, ferry crossing autobiography which I also strongly carpet 5 and 4.”

The answer was “gloss over.” them they at’s overwhether three years an fancied hour. The only way day whilst family.” drunk who smelled like a debate she in A Parliament is a to have a sharp sword sipped glass of very wine to deliver thatFunny, dream” which weand thought was don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk said,smile. "but I just read in the paper that poignant recommend. clever, Picture the poor student trying to maybe learn English. o spare.

Waste levels straight was do would be time travel so If you eating, send me a bite.

If you are s.

I this was next to him.

At I sitting wonder if to you read about the Sumatran atare theknock.” ready.

Everybody will agree you have a Here’s one for you: “Knock “Who’s there?”

“LiKle old lady.”

“LiKle o rewery tour and free beer for the brewery got on amuch, bus and sat and she said, “I love you so you rather good.

Oh yes it is. s." but enough about me.

In it he recalls a tale “Hello.”

Student – try it in a German accent: “If I called Rakus who was filmed good point.

Of course, the pen is mightier than ey were Orangutan referring to Dr Who. In “Imy world this “I need you like Van Gogh needed stereo.” had no idea you could yodel.” drinking, send me adown sip.

If next you are crying, me Offizis cer came onto Fearing some kind of trap, pCustoms and weft).

Of toI could aone priest.

The about having chronic flatulence asever asend child understand correctly, inhoney ze afiarst recently in the cutplace towhich his you know. the sword, but I know which I would prefer Icourt don’t know how live ould be like driving atwild 40 treating hours mile I was reading about a case where the accused Thanks to my cousin Lawrence for this joke. the drink, there has always been some convincing that my offer have in a tolerance face with a pain-relieving plant. which was both embarrassing and atwork times tears.

Itolove Her husband texted back: “ as Just hold up your passports brushing benease your carpet and zen drunk's shirt was stained, his ould be quite slow but not unlike towalked I trying amApparently, awas man ofyou awithout certain age soyou.” my does aswine well thare the related you.”

I fight. said, “Isthreshold that you or the Iyour into our local The Moaning Monet anit een doing some research What do you callbar, a Frenchman wearing he chewed the leaves of a climbing plant, ery attached to wine.

Indeed, very painful.

During one particular attack he add shiny paint over it.

You British!” was described as “having murderous intent.”

I was Cautiously, they agreed to join us. the recent traffic carnage in Cardiff par@cularly when being asked to embrace new technology.

I was therefore I’m in the toilet, please advise.” egotiate along and count them and face was full ofon bright red talking?”

She said, “It’s me the sandals?

Phillipe Flop!

Quickly by a I h saw Gogh sitting atthe the end afollowed bar stool.

Finally, back in real world, atalking top tip forto you Dracaena and then applied theVan init,they the UK. The aactured living from butCantleyi I am making alanes went to the Doctors who managed to “release ty Centre as impose bike on the e scene, 5pmword awound sunny weekday She WhoHere Be Obeyed suggested Ithis download anothing new app called what I writ: quite disappointed topoem learn that had to doWhat3Wo all.

Collect the residue coffee beans your poultice to the on his cheek. hewine.” lipstick and hequotes had afrom halfost me and said “Ion didn’t know Staying with games, I completed aMust word shouted “Hey Vince do you want a drink?” emall of the lockdowns.

I’m giving up the pressure” for him.

He the Doctor sample: Pringles of us. et’s call her Dr local caffeine emporium and bury them is your is if you don’t believe me.

Note the before and naviga@on aid which divides the World into 3 metre squares and gives each s the side entrance to the Brewery myNophone and I correctly guessed asRoses saying: “Better an empty house than a empty bottle of wine sticking ay, all month. wait, that’s not Happy New Yearcan Dear Reader, the Year of the ortpuzzle and Ion haven’t got his one.”

IThere with camping. a), Colman’s be red, Violets are purple.

Just garden as a nitrate-rich fertiliser.

Then later, after scar English below eye. was no report combina@on ofFinally, three words.

I s@ll“No drivethanks, about a lot for business, believe atenant” blessing for the drink: God,good. in his it or theevery they werepensioners looking for was with Dr Rword who ee that Street where four He shouted back: I’ve already Sainted Mother-In-Law for car noisy which Iaround thought was very up.

Wine day all out his pocket. opened you can have aof walk your grounds!

I got one of how long hemonth! had towas waitinlooking for appointment saying.

Ox. Apparently this year is going toHe be lucky words to that effect.

Then, a anHaving Chocolate Orange Hadron as in the Hadron Collider. no assured that this system would be much more accurate than using our sat na goodness, sent the grapes, to cheer both surance now that her stunt driving days are Presumably this was in the days before the barely stand were seen hanging to getDavid out more.has lost his ID. with the local Urang Doctor but sad luckily, he was myneed ear.” ing.

We recently Finally, news, friend his newspaper and started out on awhat first date.

“Do you like this was really all about I decided with the Ox representing diligence, persistence of aclue War 2 prisoner of war Parliament) Sauce (The the first @me the other day and the unique three word loca@on I was er.

IWorld managed to find a reasonable policy, Doctors were working 40 months an hour. seen in time and the rainforest pharmacy had a top bathroom tip: Never leave your greatFinally, and small.

Little fools will drink too looking mppost, for support, rather than y?”

“Yes, but you don’t look itpinned. up.

I in wish Ipronounce hadront bovvered (see .ducked Atocouple of minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?" ote was *Drops a line. the plant stock…...and we think we have rted it out and paid for it.

She in turn kindly Now he is just Dav. Are Lost!”

Design fault orNot user error? pile ointment next to your and honesty. for going to betoothpaste!

Trump’s year down into the footwell Adios Amigos much and fools none at all. My round. n.

An they would Oh, Ok.” Looks at waiter: “Twobeing what Iafternoon did there): “Any member of a class of Hasta la great Vista. evolved! mbursed me with this immortal covering it's caused by loose living, with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and door.

Live Radio then is it? ed his coat and mine on top of Laters Chums subatomic areisbuilt from quarksI Chums eremember. and Ammy.”particles Yamas Hasta Labank.”

Vista mail: “Thank you, the that Monet in the kpt knock.”

“Who’s there?” for your fellow man," the priest replied.

"Imagine that," the drunk muttered. He Icountered recently paid a visit to The Sainted Motherand thus react through the agency of the be outdone we ocourse move, whilst we were both this with “There was really H to has trained her dog Daisy toThe bring her amesons, bottle of redabout wine. No surprise in-Law bearing the gift of a priest, chicken casserole who?”

“Ilike had no idea ddy reading his paper. thinking what he had said, turned to the strong force.

The hadrons embrace ho smelled apriceless brewery got need to give me a impressionist gng uncontrollably.

The Customs what I had fashioned the previous eve.

Whilst note: “Please Bordeaux collie.

I was sat with She Who Must Be Obeyed the other day whilst baryons and their many resonances.”

Trouble but thank"I'm you anyway.” dinting apologised: I didn'tI mean totocome on so strong. How long have you had and sat down to ain passing, priest. handing itnext oversorry, and happened , did is I the thencount, wantedmissed to knowMike what a quark was. ?" shirt "I don't arthritis, Father," the drunk said, "but I just read in the paper that ’s washave stained, his face when people type ewe sohave my observed tolerance

ebright does."red lipstick and he had well as it used to pty bottle of wine sticking out of ed to embrace new .with He opened histhere newspaper and been the drink, has always

www.cardiff-times.co.uk 11

UK’S STRONGEST MAN COMPETITION DEBUTS IN CARDIFF WITH FIRST-EVER LIVE TV BROADCAST

The Ultimate Strongman is bringing its UK’s Strongest Man 2024 event to Wales for the first time in its 50-year history. Completing a double first for the competition, the event will also be broadcast LIVE on Channel 5.

Now in its 21st year on television, the UK’s Strongest Man has established itself as a key event in sports entertainment. This year, Cardiff will host the competition, attracting strongmen from across the United Kingdom for two days of rigorous contests at the Vindico Arena on Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th June.

The UK’s Strongest Man 2024 is not just a competition; it’s a fully-fledged entertainment spectacle. It combines live music, dynamic 12 CARDIFF TIMES

light shows, and pyrotechnics with the sheer excitement of watching elite athletes push their limits through incredible challenges such as truck pulls, car flips, and the infamous Steps from Hell.

Glenn Ross, five-time UK’s Strongest Man winner and co-founder of Ultimate Strongman expressed his excitement: “Bringing the UK’s Strongest Man competition to Cardiff, and Wales for the first time, is extremely exciting. This city, with its rich history and passionate community, provides the perfect backdrop for showcasing the pinnacle of human strength and endurance. Cardiff’s vibrant energy will enhance the experience for both competitors and spectators alike.

“Previously, the competition has been prerecorded and shown on TV later in the year, but being broadcast live on Channel 5 means that this year millions of viewers will be able to witness these extraordinary athletes in real time. We’re incredibly proud to be offering a thrilling and immersive experience that captures the awe-inspiring strength of our strongman competitions.”

The competition will be aired LIVE on Channel 5 from 2pm to 5pm on both Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th June 2024. For those who would like to watch from within the arena in Cardiff, tickets are available from https://www.eventbrite.com/cc/official-ticketsultimate-strongman-2024-2650689?gad_ source=1 cost from £35 per adult and £20 per child (children under two go free).

www.cardiff-times.co.uk 13

June 2024

In The Words Of by Carl Marsh

The Euro’s are about to commence, yet Wales didn’t qualify, sadly. At least Scotland and England are there to represent the UK. I can’t wait to spend days glued to my TV screen!

I have been fortunate to venture out for a few weeks on the spin, which makes for a very nice change. One music, one talk and one darts. What’s not to like? More on those below.

There are two interviews this month, both are musically linked albeit one being the comedian Rachel Parris who is bringing her piano to The Glee Club, whilst the other is the band James, who are not comedians but do bring a lot of fun to their gigs.

Tour Review: THE RE MADE MAN TOUR - THE MICHAEL FRANZESE STORY

Between singing her songs, she’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever heard speak. I needed to mention that! Her new selftitled album contains many songs that mean so much to her, some connected to the breakdown of her last relationship, but unlike Paloma Faith who didn’t like talking to me about it [in a past interview], Lyra took solace in it all knowing the crowd were appreciating her openness. Perhaps worthy to note is that of the songs I heard, they all sounded so familiar, yet I’d only heard two before, which shows how much of a fan I became that night and wanted the night not to end. She’s brilliant. Buy her album. Go see her when she’s next in the UK.

Bar/Restaurant Review: FLIGHT CLUB

After a last-minute venue change either due to Michael interviewing two controversial figures for his YouTube channel or his comments about Israel; the original Cardiff venue pulled out as I’m told the owners also owned the last venue where protesters turned up (Birmingham). I arrived at the Canton Liberal Workmens Club & Institute thinking I’d arrived at the wrong venue. After triplechecking my messages, and asking someone, I walked inside. There were no protestors outside. The night was a success, we all got to hear about how Michael gave up his life in the Mafia for his future wife. He faced many troubling times, both during, and after he’d left it all behind him, yet we found out that nearly every single person he’d “worked” with had been killed or died in Situated on St Mary Street, this is a dart lovers oasis for those prison. Michael Franzese knows he’s a very lucky man. I that want something a little bit more upmarket than dingy think we all left that night knowing it too. pubs similar to ones that I was used to when my Dad played

semi-pro in the 1970s/80s! Don’t get me wrong, you still have a traditional darts board and darts, but it’s all linked up to fun multi-player games via a TV screen. This is darts for the 21st Century! I’ve been wanting to experience this place for a good Concert Review: LYRA at The Globe, Roath while. I had one of the best nights out in a long time. The food and drinks sampled were divine - and plentiful - at the launch Lyra has been around for a few years and is somewhat of a event of Flight Club in Bloom, which officially opened its roof household name in Ireland. Her debut album has just gone to terrace where you can enjoy summer cocktails surrounded by number one in the Irish Music Charts, but it’s mindboggling an oasis of flowers whilst dancing on the smallest dance floor in as to why she isn’t that well-known in the UK. I went for my Cardiff [allegedly!] first-ever visit to The Globe in Roath, and even though a lovely little venue, Lyra commands a much bigger stage.

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Interview with Rachel Parris

Known for “The Mash Report” (BBC Two), and “Live at the Apollo” (BBC One), this new tour is going to be a love letter to musical comedy with Rachel very much at home doing stand-up along with singing funny songs at the piano. Rachel will be at The Glee Club on Sunday 2nd June, and we spoke via Zoom ahead of her new tour, “Poise”.

Carl Marsh I know you studied Music when you were at Oxford, so I can see the connection to how music plays a part in your comedy, but with the comedy itself, did you ever think you’d end up with a career in it?

Rachel Parris I think music has always been there since I was a little kid. And I always had a passion for it. I always hoped that it would be part of my job somehow. I didn’t know that this would be my job. But like, even before this was my job, I was working in schools doing choirs. I was teaching piano I was teaching singing. I was playing in churches, with the organ and stuff. So, music has always been there - and will always be there. The comedy… no! I never thought I’d get into comedy. [Laughs] I don’t think I would ever have even known what that path would look like into comedy. So, it was quite a surprise.

Words by Carl Marsh

Carl Marsh And at what stage was it that… a eureka moment or some sort of catalyst when you knew you’d found your niche in comedy?

Rachel Parris There were loads of different stages in terms of performing comedy on stage when I was at Oxford with the Oxford Imps, which was my first go at improv comedy. And a friend sort of sent me to audition for that. I wouldn’t have thought of it myself. And I loved it straight away. And that was probably the first moment that I thought, “Oh, I can be funny on stage”. But then it’s a different thing doing it on your own and doing songs. So, then I met a few comedians and watched a bit of comedy. This was in my mid-20s, by this point.

And I thought, “What’s my way into that?” Because I knew stand-up terrified me. I was already writing and performing songs at open mic nights, and quite a few of them were funny. So, I thought maybe I can ‘Victoria Wood’ this [Laughs], and I can do it with funny songs. So that’s what I did. The first few gigs were just comedy songs, not stand-up. And it went really well. I was like, “Oh, this is what works for me in performing, actually”. So, that’s still what I’m doing now: comedy song and stand-up.

Watch and listen to Rachel Parris at The Glee Club on Sunday, 2nd June 2024. A few tickets remain. www.cardiff-times.co.uk 15

Interview with Saul Davies [JAMES]

The band was originally formed in 1982, yet it wasn’t until the 1990s when James had huge popularity with songs like “Sit Down”, “Come Home” and “She’s a Star” made them one of the UK’s biggest bands. With album number 18 “Yummy” getting very positive reviews since its release in April this year, I chatted to the band’s guitarist/multi-instrumentalist, Saul Davies ahead of the gig at the Utilita Arena on Tuesday, 11 June in Cardiff.

Carl Marsh I’ve always thought that James is very much involved in that two-way connection to the audience, that engagement you have with the fans at gigs, very similar in style to how Coldplay are, with me having seen you both live in concert.

Saul - JAMES Well, they’re a cultural phenomenon, amazing songwriters. Hugely significant entertainers.

I mean, the songs are brilliant, and they just have this knack for engaging with people.

I admire very much the way that they can engage with people. Our band is about engagement. We don’t do a lot of it online or whatever. We’re not interested in any of that.

It’s all BS with people pretending that they like each other. It is not a very sensible way 16 CARDIFF TIMES

Words by Carl Marsh

forward. It is a waste of time, in my opinion, but when we’re standing in front of people on a stage…

Carl Marsh You do engage. And you especially, you’re so good at getting the crowd singing along.

Saul - JAMES It’s part of our job because, within those two to two and a quarter hours, we’re limited in what we can do in that time. You know, because we have this catalogue and we’ve got new stuff and all the rest of it, but you want to try and touch people. You want to challenge people a little bit. Eventually, the idea would be that you want people to leave the gig kind of feeling… like there’s got to be a celebration, hasn’t it? I think that’s what we do really.

We mustn’t take ourselves too seriously though, as we know what we’ve got to say. There’s some lyrical and musical content which is very dear and very important for us to say, play and present right to people. We also need to make sure that we’re having an experience that we ourselves ‘enjoy’. That isn’t the right word, it is too weak, but it represents some collective joy that James has as a band in being alive, and able to do it well and successfully.

Limited tickets are available for the Utilita Arena, on 11 June 2024.

FRI 11TH OCTOBER 2024

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www.cardiff-times.co.uk 17

18 CARDIFF TIMES

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www.cardiff-times.co.uk 19

HOW DID THEY DO THAT? BEHIND THE SCENES IN A TELEVISION STUDIO

by Sara John

How does a television programme come together??

I will do my best to explain the process when I worked in the industry during the period many regard as the golden age of television.

An original programme idea starts life in the stratosphere which enters the head of a producer, researcher, writer, or associate. It might fit in with other current trends for family viewing at that moment in time. It might, if presented well, to the decision makers, strike exactly the right chord for the newly prepared and very top-secret autumn schedule.

If there is serious interest the, as yet unborn script must be prepared as a submission up the chain to those who run the operation and command the budget. During that process it must retain a reasonable level of confidentiality, which is not easy in a culture where knowledge 20 CARDIFF TIMES

is currency, and walls have ears. When I was working in the television business the internal communications systems were second to none.

A casual word could easily seed in the coffee queue in the restaurant at 10.30 in the morning: “Guess whom I saw in reception being greeted by that new guy from the Drama Department?”

Word spreads rapidly and maybe adjusted as it travels through the air conditioning system (which we all thought it did). Does the rumour need a tweak from someone working in the canteen or in a rival department blessed with first class hearing?

Are there hidden mics under the tables in the restaurant? Not so, it was more like the situation, we have subsequently read in books about Bletchley Park, how no one outside those involved ever knew very much about the concept and final outcome.

Television differed from with the well-known cultures of the theatre and the film industry (although there were many similarities) and had developed its own methods of getting “the show on the road”. That meant very little leaked out until the proposal had been agreed.

However, there were also some well-established centres of ‘secrets’ for those staff who prided themselves on always being “in the know”. My personal secrets centre was one of the biggest Costumiers in the business, (branches in the USA and all over Europe) used by film, stage, and TV... The secrets were generally exchanged or overheard in the (very busy) slow lift.

The gossip on this mythical production became The Word, and led to ambitious, pushy types seeking promises or even just reassurances from their line managers, that they were being considered for the planned production.

This was a waste of time because each contributing department to the final production crew were selected on merit, experience, background, and blot free annual reports, and, very importantly on their commitment, talent, and total reliability.

Weeks later the project was in the pipeline and decisions had become the immediate future for those selected to join the production.

Auditions were held. Famous faces appeared in reception.

It was definitely on!

The run up time from being allocated to a new programme or series also covered how much “prep time” was necessary which, of course, varied enormously according to whether it was a drama, comedy, documentary, or light entertainment show. News, current affairs, and sport went through a different process. That time was, of course, never enough!

The units of staff involved with the actual program covered a large number of people of many different backgrounds and abilities.

Here is a selection of the different departments involved (I hope I have left no one out).

Set design, lighting, sound, makeup, costume, wardrobe, props - involving carpenters, painters, electricians, film unit, transport, catering, broadcast engineers, camera crews, www.cardiff-times.co.uk 21

and many other engineers, all the way out to transmitter staff.

At this time BBC Wales was broadcasting on a number of channels. Broadcasting House had to be manned for 24 hours over 7 days. The cleaners and catering staff arrived very early.

The security department was full-time covering not only the buildings but also the outside areas with outside broadcast vehicles and car parking.

Many visitors commented on how like a small village we were. Everyone knew one another, and everyone would give advice, start your car, wave you out or in, especially for female staff who might appear to the menfolk to be less adept at maneuvers in small spaces. Or perhaps like me asking the kind chap who was offering to help to go away because I would not be able to park my car if he was watching me.

(I was not alone in that situation).

During these years there was constant change as technological developments changed the industry with new equipment and methodology with consequential effects on staffing. At the same time broadcasting in Wales went through many reforms with the introduction of Radio Wales, Radio Cymru and BBC’s contribution to the new channel S4C. Alongside growth and development in production units some independent “outsiders” such as photographers, specialist makers, perhaps composers and musicians might also be involved.

As I was working in the Costume Department when I joined the BBC (a long time ago) it is familiar to me, so I will use it as an example of the procedure for turning the paper sheets of the script into a lively, bright television programme.

Costume (with regular support from wardrobe) and makeup department were the members of staff who had to be in touch with the artistes and performers at an early stage. Discussions had to be held diplomatically. It was necessary 22 CARDIFF TIMES

for a good working relationship to be formed with the caste of a drama early on to arrange fittings and meetings in order to be well ahead of the game. Very often the leads would be well known and would end a phone conversation hopefully with, “Look, I’ll just leave it all to you!”

Bliss.!

The Makeup designer and the Costume designer would attend rehearsals, often travelling to the London rehearsal rooms to do so. If garments were also being hired from the costume companies in London, then fittings for any alterations, also, needed the presence of the costume designer. It all took up time, with much of the time being swallowed up in travelling.

Space had to be allocated for all the costumes already selected from the stores labelled and checked over. Items from the London costume companies and finished new designs would join them from the making department on site.

Many others would be purchased locally. A costume assistant would be tasked with labelling all the items dedicated to this production. NO ONE touches anything on another designer’s rail, it goes without saying.

The charity shops would have been raided for secondhand jewels, bags, scarves, gloves, hats and so on. Small items might be requested from the rehearsal room for the actors to practice with, secret documents being put into an awkward briefcase for example.

Every performer would have a blue cotton wrap to wear first thing in the morning for their call to the makeup department. All the dressing rooms would have no bolts or locks because, should there be a fire alarm, everyone can make good their escape.

The performing artistes will have been given different call times according to their characters’ requirements. I have worked on shows with the leading lady begging for collection from the Angel Hotel three hours before she was required in the studio, yes, three hours.

For a studio production Wardrobe staff and costume assistants would arrive early and set up with a briefing note from me, a copy of the script and therefore able to answer any queries and questions. Introductions are made then the labelled costumes are taken to the relevant dressing rooms. We had our own coffee facilities in the ground floor wardrobe HQ. This was most handy, but the big job was keeping uninvited coffee lovers outside.

Gradually the studio filled with staff, mostly engineering staff. The Gallery on the first floor filled with production staff, files, folders, cups of hot coffee, and, in those long-ago days cigarette smoke.

The floor manager, on the studio floor, the one with the headphones and built in mic was ready to get underway. The lights changed again.

And again. We were under way bang on nine o’clock.

The stagger was the name for the first run through of the production. It was painstakingly, slow, and essential for the work following on the rest of the day prior to the actual recording performance. The stagger might take until lunch break in order to iron out any concerns and problems.

The director would prepare his “notes” ready to get together ‘face to face’ as it were with the cast. This is a private event, not for the benefit

of the crew! After the lunch break there is another run-through which is, hopefully, smooth running and satisfactory for both director and producer. During late afternoon small scenes maybe rehearsed if required. At six o’clock the studio “breaks” for an evening meal. Artistes are persuaded to change their character costumes for their blue cotton wraps. JUST in CASE!!

During these rehearsals many, conversations will have taken place between studio-based engineers and backstage engineers, the ones who ensure “perfection” from the equipment hidden from view behind doors which non engineers never entered. Another, essential world.

By eight o’clock the recording process would be underway. The atmosphere was already slightly more relaxed than it was earlier in the day. Sighs of relief all round. After the final words in the final scene plus a few minutes of perfect quiet, the staff scattered around the studio come forward and delight the performers with an “in house” loud round of applause. Not every show of course but it happens from time to time. Stress for all concerned has dissipated, exhaustion is setting in and hopefully replaced with a feeling of a job well done.

It is all over, bar transmission, the time is 10.45pm so the rest of the day is your own. I say to my crew thanks again!

www.cardiff-times.co.uk 23

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www.cardiff-times.co.uk 25

26 CARDIFF TIMES

For that early morning cuppa.

For when ‘7 across’ has you stumped.

For peace. For quiet.

For when a custard cream tickles your fancy.

For a hand to hold when it all feels too much.

For when you fall in love, again.

For that fit of giggles after a serious chat.

For “namaste”.

For that homely feeling, even though you just moved in.

For every moment, we’re here.

h a l l m a r kc a re h o m e s . c o. u k

www.cardiff-times.co.uk 27

STEVE ROBINSON Part One

In this month’s column I have interviewed Steve Robinson the former WBO world and European featherweight champion who gives his interesting views on boxing and his career. (My thanks to Rachel Bowes who is Steve Robinson’s PR) Ralph Oates In which year were you born?

Steve Robinson 1968 Ralph Oates Where in Wales were you born?

Steve Robinson Cardiff Ralph Oates What made you take up boxing?

Steve Robinson My older brother Paul took me along to the gym. I started boxing at 9 and had my first contest when I was 10 years old. I then boxed until I was aged 12 to 13 then stopped for a while.

Ralph Oates Which amateur club did you box for?

Steve Robinson Ely Star Boxing Club

28 CARDIFF TIMES

by Ralph Oates

Ralph Oates Can you remember how many amateur fights you had?

Steve Robinson I had about 22 amateur fights.

Ralph Oates Have any members of your family ever boxed previously?

Steve Robinson Yes, my older brother Paul, and my two sons, Luke and Jacob. Jacob is still Boxing.

Ralph Oates Who was your first amateur opponent?

Steve Robinson.

I can’t remember his name, but I lost to him.

Truthfully, I think I was over matched on this occasion. If I remember correctly, he was a Welsh Champion, and I was facing him in my first contest.

Ralph Oates Who was your most difficult amateur opponent?

Steve Robinson I had 2 fights against a guy called Beaky Johnson. I found him quite tricky. Our first fight was close. I also lost in our second meeting; however, I thought I got robbed in that outing.

Ralph Oates Who was your first professional opponent?

Steve Robinson Alan Roberts from Neath whom I defeated by points over 6 rounds.

Ralph Oates Once you retired from boxing were you ever tempted to make a comeback?

Ralph Oates Who had been your most difficult professional opponent?

Steve Robinson Yes, I was but I resisted the temptation.

Steve Robinson Prince Naseem Hamed. He was unorthodox and extremely awkward.

Ralph Oates In which stance did you box southpaw or orthodox?

Steve Robinson Orthodox but when boxing in the amateurs I used to switch in my first few fights.

Ralph Oates How did you feel about fighting southpaws?

Steve Robinson I felt alright about fighting southpaws. I defeated a few along the way. I was always told you have to move to your left against southpaws. I was also a left-handed orthodox which gave me a bit of an advantage. Since its the leading hand you use more often, your jabs, your hooks and most of your punches come from the leading hand. I had a strong powerful jab and shook a few people up with it.

Ralph Oates Do you believe that boxing instils discipline and respect?

Steve Robinson Yes, I do since it not only instils discipline but also confidence and respect. In so doing it calms you, making you a better person.

Ralph Oates Are you pleased about the progress women are now making in boxing?

Steve Robinson Yes, I am and I fully support them.

Ralph Oates Women’s rounds in boxing last for two minutes, do you feel they should be increased to three.

Steve Robinson Yes, women are just as fit as men.

Ralph Oates How many professional bouts did you participate in?

Ralph Oates Do you feel women’s world championship fights should be increased from 10 to 12 rounds or stay as they are?

Steve Robinson 51

Steve Robinson Yes, I feel they should be increased to 12 rounds.

Ralph Oates During your professional career you boxed abroad in countries like France (twice) South Africa, Spain (twice) and Hungary. Would you have liked to have boxed in the USA?

Ralph Oates How do you feel about there being so many weight divisions in professional boxing?

Steve Robinson Yes, I would have loved to, especially when I won the WBO world crown. I was trying to get a fight with Kevin Kelly who held the WBC version of the championship it would have been a unifi-cation contest with both titles on the line, but it failed to happen.

Ralph Oates Who was your manager?

Steve Robinson Dai Gardener Ralph Oates What would you say was your greatest achievement in professional boxing?

Steve Robinson It’s got to be the night I won the WBO world featherweight title. I outpointed my opponent John Davison over 12 rounds on the 17 April 1973 to claim the vacant crown.

Steve Robinson I have no problem with this. It now makes it easier for boxers to make weight. When there was just 8 weight divisions many boxers had to struggle to make the stipulated weight which was not ideal.

Ralph Oates.

How do you feel about there being so many world boxing organisations like the WBC, WBA, IBF and WBO in professional boxing?

Steve Robinson I think it’s a good thing with there being four major organisations. There is more opportunity to fight for a world title. There are so many good fighters out there, who deserve a shot at the championship. However, I do believe in unifying the titles when the chance arises, which I really wanted to do but wasn’t given the opportunity.

Part 2 of this interview continues in next month’s edition of the Cardiff Times

www.cardiff-times.co.uk 29

“ A B R I L L I A N T C H O I R ”

A S S E E NO N

S I M O NC O WE L L

WI T HG U E S T S O L O I S T

S I O N E D T E R R Y

WELSH MALEVOI CECHOI R

| S a t u r d a y O c t o b e r 2 6 t h 7 .

3 0 p m

B o o k o n l i n e : j o h n s b o y s . c o . u k / l i v e e v e n t s F O RA L L T O U RD A T E S :

F O L L O WU S O NS O C I A L S :

J O H N S B O Y S .

C O .

U K

30 CARDIFF TIMES

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CARDIFF TIMES 31

Cardiff and Vale Recovery College health and wellbeing courses You may be familiar with the famous proverb which states that “The best things in life are FREE.” Well, when it comes to gaining skills and knowledge about health and wellbeing ‘Cardiff and Vale Recovery + Wellbeing college’ are here to invite you to explore just that!

Francis Bacon famously said, “Knowledge is power” and where health and wellbeing are concerned the college believe it can certainly prove helpful in multiple ways.

There is no end of statistics available to highlight the effects and prevalence of poor mental and physical health and wellbeing in the UK and the associated stigma surrounding some of these. But thankfully, the NHS have initiatives like this college which aim to tackle issues as a country and empower our community through education and awareness.

Cardiff and Vale Recovery and Wellbeing college warmly invite you to begin an exciting and educational journey through their FREE courses!

The Recovery and Wellbeing college’s aims are: •To increase our knowledge through an array of over 50 courses (all FREE!) covering topics concerning mental health, physical health, and wellbeing for the benefit of ourselves and others!

•To promote community inclusion and a sense of belonging through their courses, the people whom attendees meet on them, and the knowledge people can gain!

•To offer opportunities, hope and a sense of control through delivery of a service whereby all the courses are all co-produced by service users and professionals to ensure there is something for everyone to be involved with!

32 CARDIFF TIMES

by Natalie McCulloch

There are 90 colleges throughout the UK but excitingly The Cardiff and Vale branch is Wales’s very first Recovery and Wellbeing college!

All the courses take place across Cardiff and the Vale, some online and some in person.

The courses are open to anyone who is: •Over the age of 18 •Living or working in Cardiff and Vale •Is keen to be part of a college whereby we can learn from each other and support others.

•With or without personal experience of mental/ physical health challenges who would like to gain knowledge on a wide range of topics!

If you’re interested but unsure if you’re eligible, please do contact the college to find out more.

So, what makes the college so exceptional?

The Cardiff and Vale Recovery & Wellbeing College is unique to Wales as it puts peer support at the core of all the courses it delivers.

They believe clinical and lived experience have equal value and worth. All the courses are co-produced and co-delivered by health care professionals and peer trainers with lived experience of mental health and physical health challenges. Course leads use their experience to support others.

If you have a lived experience of mental or physical health challenges, there may be an opportunity to get involved at helping to produce/develop a future course.

The college offers an array of over 50 courses including: •Managing stress, health, and wellbeing at work

•Discovering self-compassion •Understanding psychosis •Menopause and movement •Men and mental health So, as you can see, there should be something for everyone and the service is always keen to hear of new suggestions to add to their course collection.

The college recognises that some people may require a little extra support to commence their journey, for example some people may need digital support with accessing the courses online or feel unsure about signing up at all, this is exactly why they have a friendly team of skilled trainers at hand to have that conversation with you and work out what you would like from the college, what skills/ strengths you already have and enable you to maximise your participation and make the most of the support available to you and those available for you to acquire.

Here are what some college students say: “I am not alone in recovery. Everyone’s journey/ recovery looks different The Recovery and Wellbeing College is a wonderful service that is much needed and appreciated within Cardiff and surrounding area and deserves support and commendation.”

about treatment- I wasnt aware ACT worked for psychosis Reminder about how common voices are” “Others out there have similar problems to deal with and attend these courses looking for help.

The staff of CRC have both experience and knowledge of mental health issues, enabling them to understand people on the course and our mental health concerns well. There is no shame in asking for or seeking help.”

On a personal note, as someone with lived experience and clinical experience of both mental and physical health challenges and a keen advocate of the role of wellbeing in our lives, I am thoroughly looking forward to embarking on my own journey with the college.

Having met various team members and explored the detailed prospectus I was keen to share the great service the college offers with CT readers and encourage others to see what opportunities the college can offer them!

If all this sounds too good to be true, why not contact them today and check out how Cardiff and Vale Recovery college can be part of your journey or log onto their website to check out their current prospectus!

“I’m not alone in my feelings even though it may feel that way Others have moved nearer recovery than me so there’s hope Others have been through some worse stuff than me so feel little less at bottom of pile.”

“I’m going to get a bag of teaspoons and use them to monitor my energy. Try to do 10 minutes of light exercise more often. Use an on off switch to show if I need to rest or am ready for activities” “That art and creative writing are a brilliant way to express myself and my mental health”

E: Cardiffandvale.Recoverycollege@wales.nhs.uk Call: 02921 832619 www.cavuhb.nhs.wales/recovery- college

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The Big Retreat Adventure and Wellbeing Festival

Set in the picturesque countryside village of Lawrenny in Pembrokeshire, Wales, The Big Retreat returned over a four-day period between 24-27 May.

On stage was none other than fitness instructor, Mr Motivator. He still had the same enthusiasm as he had back in the days of GMTV.

We arrived on a hot sunny afternoon and checked in with reception. We were pleasantly surprised how large bell tents are inside. The room could fit four people. It was clean and spacious. The inside contained three beds, a few small tables to place your bits and pieces on and a lamp.

My children were not familiar with Mr Motivator, but they still took part in his fitness class. The atmosphere was phenomenal. People were laughing, jumping, and approaching us commenting that it was great to see children taking part too. After the exercise he then did a book signing. I have never seen my daughter look so excited. He was genuinely such a nice person who carries an aura of positivity.

We offloaded our luggage then looked around the retreat. It was HUGE. There was a choice of over 300 carefully curated experiences across 10 different areas. There was so much to choose from, you simply couldn’t fit it all in, so we opted for the following activities and treatments.

Having aches from working at a desk for prolonged periods of time I choose to go for a massage at the Woodland Spa. Glad I booked when I did because the treatments booked up quickly. There were various types of massage to choose from including Swedish and sports massage.

Feeling refreshed, then went to look for something to eat. We could hear loud music coming from the main stage with an instructor who sounded a little familiar.

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Now it was time to eat. There was a lot of choice including Indian food, lamb, pork, toasties, jacket potatoes, pizza, cakes, burgers, and lots more. After some deliberation we opted for jacket potatoes then sat down on the bank to eat our delicious food overlooking the beautiful Cleddau estuary.

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Later that day we attended an improv comedy event.

At the last minute, the event was switched with a music event in the neighbouring tent. To our amusement music fans entered looking confused. The looks on their faces alone was enough to make you giggle. We had so much fun meeting new people, making up stories on the spot and having to stand in the most peculiar positions with strangers. It was extremely entertaining. If you’ve not attended an improv comedy event, we highly recommend you trying it.

son who sadly took his own life. It was a deeply moving moment. It felt like time had stood still. She emphasized that people need to talk openly about suicide. It could save a life.

We were then ready for the evening event on the main stage. First up was Lucy Spraggan who was incredibly popular with younger audiences - who charged to the main stage as soon as she started to sing. Next up was ‘The Feeling’ and by this time it had started to rain.

When I say rain, I mean really rain. I wasn’t wearing a waterproof coat but stayed to the very end regardless of getting wet.

My children ended the day paddle-boarding with trained staff. They were out on the river for approximately 1.5 hours and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

It was cold and wet so layered up with extra clothing when we arrived back at our tent. Thinking the duvet would be warm enough I tried to sleep. I was cold for the entire night. That will teach me for leaving my sleeping bag in the boot of the car.

The following day we attended an event with a sports science coach from the WRU. This was mainly for my son who plays rugby; interesting to know how the athletes are monitored for fitness. Later attended a talk about insomnia. Lucky for me I do not have this problem however, its interesting to know (its not always obvious) that there could be underlying health issues causing lack of sleep. The good news is, if you suffer with insomnia you can get help. One of the speakers gives courses to help you get rid of insomnia for good.

It was time to move so popped along to a dance class and was shown how to do paso doble and jive steps. We were having so much fun, wish this event lasted longer.

Another talk involved mental health. The speaker being British-American actress, comedian, writer, television personality, and mental health campaigner Ruby Wax. Ruby was incredibly open about suffering with depression. She spent two years visiting mental institutions giving talks for free. People in the audience opened up and spoke about very personal stories

If you know of anyone who suffers with a mental health problem, please ask them to seek help. If you have a mental health issue, please get help. You are not alone.

There is always a way forward to help alleviate any issues whether it be counselling or needing medication.

The festival was led by hundreds of instructors and artists. There was something for everyone and has been voted one of the top wellbeing and adventure festivals in the UK. We certainly did have a holistic journey of wellness, and the attendees made you feel like you were part of a big friendly community.

The children spent most of the time without their mobile phones which was a major result.

The festival line-up of speakers, activities and workshops were inspirational and encouraged you to connect with your true self, leaving you feeling uplifted.

There was an array of musical talent, including celebrated artists we mentioned earlier as well as ethereal music and DJ sets. Food enthusiasts were treated to demos alongside talks on plant-based foods.

Having not glamped or attended a festival spread over several days and having two teenagers in tow, one who was apprehensive about glamping, I wasn’t sure how it would go. I was not disappointed and my daughter had such a wonderful time she wants to return next year.

Visit www.thebigretreatfestival.com

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The 3 Life Lessons from the Police A young police officer is sitting in the front room belonging to an elderly lady, taking a statement. He’s sitting on the sofa balancing his paper on his knee, she’s sitting on an armchair across the other side of the lounge with a cup of tea. You can hear the clock on the mantlepiece tick tock during the pauses in the conversation. Then, the door nudges open, and a German Shepherd dog wanders in, looks around and then proceeds to squat down in the middle of the room and deposit a fresh steaming turd. He then potters back out from whence he has come.

The police officer looks over at the lady, but she takes a sip from her teacup & looks as if she is pretending nothing has happened. Well, it’s not my dog and not my house, and everyone has different standards, thinks the young officer, so it’s not up to me to tell the dog off, so he just goes back to taking the statement.

By John Donoghue

So, was I the best cop to have ever worked the streets? No. But did I put in 100% effort to every incident I attend?

Also No. What I did was write about the funny, interesting, and bizarre jobs I went to…

However, fifteen minutes later, the statement is complete, and the curiosity becomes too much for him and as he leaves, he feels compelled to ask the question.

“I know it’s your house and up to you, but when your dog did a poo in the middle of the room, why didn’t you say anything?

I haven’t always been in the Constabulary and before joining I had spent 20 years in the military and had written my first book about growing up in Cardiff, my service and subsequent trip around the funny named places in Britain with my puppy, called Tails of the Unexpected: Digressions, a Dog and Project X. And I thought I’d told all my tales… but I’d never come across a dog doing a poop in the middle of the room and nobody saying a word… and that’s when I knew I had to take up writing again. My first book of police tales being Police, Crime & 999: The True Story of a Front-Line Officer.

I’m John Donoghue: a former police officer with twenty years’ service and I want to impart the three life lessons I’ve learnt from my time in the police.

It seems that in the police, fact can indeed be stranger than fiction, and over the years, I’ve arrested a bride at her own wedding, chased a naked man around the deserted streets at midnight, discovered why wearing two pairs of socks can make you a suspect, found out what happens when you die if CSI don’t like you, arrested a member of the Royal family, fought with a Bonsai Tree called Geoff…

I was a response officer… that is, I was the initial response to 999 incidents & other jobs that were reported.

It wasn’t what at all what I was led to expect… after all I’d seen enough TV police shows before I joined to know how the police operates:

“MY DOG?” replies the woman… “I THOUGHT IT WAS YOUR DOG!” Lesson 1: Fact can be Stranger than Fiction.

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1.Most crimes are solved by a Chief Inspector with his Sgt sidekick.

2.During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

3.A detective, who is usually a divorced alcoholic, can only solve a case after he’s been suspended from duty.

Oh, and printers always work.

However, I soon found out someone had been telling me lies, and that’s when I discovered my next life lesson.

Lesson 2: Assume Nothing, Believe Nobody, Challenge Everything.

It’s the core lesson in policing and is something that has stood me well throughout my career, although didn’t make me very popular with the local vicar.

Along the way I also discovered some of the bizarre things that people call the emergency line for: Someone called 999 because of a lack of hundreds & thousands on their ice cream.

An irate caller because McDonalds stopped doing breakfast at 11:00 A woman rang 999 to report a bad haircut.

Another 999 call because, “The neighbours are cutting their veg too loudly”.

There is a graveyard next door and it’s devaluing the price of my house.

All that being said, I hope I don’t come over as taking things too lightly or flippantly, as the other side of the police is some of the horrendous things we experience. They say on average a person experiences 4-8 traumatic experiences in their life, whilst a police officer can experience between 400-600.

There is a saying in the forensic world that every contact leaves a trace. A burglar may leave fingerprints, blood, traces of fibres at a scene, or minute particles of glass may be attached to an offender if they have broken a window etc.

And just as Every Contact Leaves a Trace in the forensic sense, every contact also leaves a trace on your soul, your psyche.

As a response officer, I’m first on scene at incidents and I’ve been to murders and horrendous traffic collisions, had people die in my arms and seen more dead bodies than I care to remember. And observing the worst that people do, day in day out, is bound to affect you.

So that’s why, like a lot of police officers, we turn to humour to get us through, often dark humour. As someone once said “Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life” However, despite that, it can be all too easy to lose your faith in human nature, but whenever I start to feel like that, I recall an incident I attended many years ago and it always helps me get through. It relates to one woman, who despite her own predicament, refused to believe that people were all bad. That there was still hope, and that’s my final life lesson.

Lesson 3: There is always Hope.

The tale starts one early autumnal morning & a report had come in about an alarm activation in a small post office in a sleepy village on our patch.

Armed robbers had burst into the shop, fired a warning shot into the ceiling and demanded the money from the safe. It was all over in five minutes. The helicopter had been scrambled and every unit across the county was searching for the getaway car. I was first on scene and stepping over the debris I entered the shop.

The scene was carnage. Half an hour earlier, this was a quiet and sleepy post office. Now papers were strewn across the floor, glass from the broken window scrunched underfoot, the smell of cordite hung in the air, and everything was soaked as the fire sprinkler system did its worst.

The elderly post-mistress, who had been born and bred in the village had never seen anything like this. She was shaking, still in shock. “They came in with their masks on, shooting in the air, waving their shotguns about and demanding money” she told me.

I did all I could and made her a cup of tea, but despite all that had happened, and all that she had been through, I could tell that she hadn’t lost all faith in mankind’s inherent goodness and decency when she paused in her statement to muse, “I don’t know where they could have parked though, because it’s double yellow lines outside”.

John Donoghue has written five books about his service in the police & military. His latest, A Bonsai Tree Called Geoff: Police Stories I Probably Shouldn’t Share, is available from Amazon. www.cardiff-times.co.uk 41

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