CANTA ISSUE 8, 2021

EDITORIAL

Hello one and all.

It’s me, the other Liam.

Did you know that lemurs self-medicate, and some get high off millipedes?

As a way to get rid of intestinal worms, some lemurs chew on and rub millipedes into their fur to ward off parasites, and malaria carrying mosquitos. As well as ridding the primate of these unwelcome visitors, the toxins within the millipede also get the lemurs high. They start gurning and salivating. So, next time you’re heading to a gig, reach for that millipede cap. But make sure you get it tested first. I hear some have been cut with centipedes.

That’s got nothing to do with this magazine. I honestly just couldn’t think of anything to write here. At the time of writing, it’s a Monday morning, and frankly, I’m tired and I am yet to have lunch.

Anyway, here is our Human Resources Edition. It’s full of life tips, conspiracy theories, and one of the most iconic recipes of all time, among more tantalising content.

If you wish to take anything up with the CANTA HR Dept., please mail it to 123 Fake Street, Ilam.

New in this issue is a column from the Reverend Doctor John Fox. He will be bringing us advice and spiritual musings. Welcome to the dysfunctional CANTA family, Rev.

I hope you’ve all had a fabulous start to the semester and everything is swell. Remember there’s an election coming up soon, so like vote or something.

Many kind regards,

Liam Stretch

Managing Editor

Liam Donnelly

Print Editor

Liam Stretch

News Editor

- editor@canta.co.nz

- print@canta.co.nz

Emily Heyward

Designer

Conor Jones

Feature Writers

Neueli Mauafu

Lily Mirfin

Ella Gibson

Ella Somers

Contributors

Rosa Hibbert-Schooner

Kim Fowler

Rev. Dr John Fox

Digital Editor

Pearl Cardwell-Massie

Audio Editor

Asher Etherington

Video Creative Director

MaCaulay Quinn

Want

President ' s piece

By Kim Fowler (they/them)

Kia ora e hoa ma,

I hope your first two weeks back have gone well! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed RE-ORI, and I hope you did too, whether you grabbed a snag, joined a club, or had a boogie.

Now, nominations are open for UCSA Elections 2021. Please consider running!! Being on the UCSA Exec is a heap of fun and gives you a chance to represent and speak for students across UC. You learn lots of skills, like chairing a meeting, putting together submissions and proposals, and connecting with all sorts of students.

If you are thinking of running, nominations close at 12pm on the 5 August, so make sure to get everything together before then. If you want to know a little more about running or check to see if your campaign ideas would work, feel free to contact the Returning Officer with any questions: returningofficer@ucsa.org.nz.

Other things happening in UCSA-land include:

Continuing to advocate for bus fare discounts for students (Environment Canterbury, who fund the

buses, has asked for a report on this, and it’s coming to their September transport committee meeting).

Advocating for RA pay to cover living costs, amongst other things.

Seeking student feedback through our recent Two Cents for a Week’s Rent promos on course advising and on student housing conditions. We’re hoping to action this feedback soon!

We’ve recently inputted into some pieces of UC policy, including the Alcohol and Drugs Policy and pieces of academic policy.

This time of year can be a tricky one for people as we pass through our coldest months, so make sure to look after your mental well-being. No matter how you’re feeling, there’s someone at uni to help you, so head to Student Care, book in with a counsellor, or hit up our Advocacy and Welfare Team over here at the UCSA.

That’s all from me for now!

Kim

tumuaki piece

By Rosa Hibbert-Schooner

Nei rā tōku mihi ki a koutou katoa e panui ana. Ko tēnei tuhinga, he tuhinga auaha.

Tight grasping fingers hold my neck in a lock as I struggle to release the words:

Colonisation will not silence my voice.

Colonisation will not silence my voice.

Colonisation.........

It takes one bad experience, one person, one word, for those of us struggling with our very identity to lose grasp of it in one second. It’s those times where the hands of colonisation are too tight around our neck, telling us how to act and what it means to be Māori.

Being Māori does not look or mean the same thing to every person. The stereotypes colonialism perceives us to be are not representative of the diversity of our people.

We are engineers of sustainable design; we are navigators of vast oceans. We are great orators and teachers. We are researchers; we are changemakers and system reshapers. We are radical; we are geniuses. We are Māori.

Being Māori is wearing the same korowai, and it looking different on every single one of us. Although the way we wear our cloaks of Māoritanga is different, the way we look and act are not always the same. We are Māori. It is in our blood, in our soul, and in the wisdom that we have learned from our tipuna. It is our responsibility to represent our cloaks of Māoritanga for the world to see and the younger generations to look up to. Wear your korowai of who you are and wear it with the pride of your ancestors, yourself, and your mokopuna.

REPRESENTATION FOR STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES

By Emily Heyward (she/her)

Students with disabilities will finally be represented within the UCSA’s club scene, with a social support club set to be established this semester.

UCSA exec member Leo He says there is not enough social support for students with disabilities at UC so is setting up the ‘University of Canterbury Disabled Students’ Association’ to help address the issue.

“I feel it is quite important … Students are academically supported thanks to the services but there needs to be more social support for students.”

He wants to create a safe space where students with disabilities can connect with each other and discuss the challenges they are facing, as there is currently no club specifically dedicated to students with disabilities.

“The first step basically for me is [creating] a foundation and for me, getting people on board and for me, connections.

“There’s a lot of stigma around being disabled and being a burden on society so people don’t really reach out for help.”

While the ‘University of Canterbury Disabled Students’ Association’ will be officially recognised as a club, He hopes there will be a disabled students’ association set up in the future.

“The road to association is a bit complicated. This is our dream, but I don’t think the association will happen, not until a couple of years later.”

He says establishing a dedicated student’s association would ensure students with disabilities are better represented within the education system.

“There is a need for a disabled students’ association … People with impairment I think have the potential of doing as well or more well as abled students, but the current system will make it difficult for students to succeed.”

Last semester, He held a focus group for students to get together and talk about what needed improving on campus, and about what they would like to see come out of establishing a club.

UCSA president Kim Fowler says establishing a club is a positive move for students with disabilities.

“We think it would be cool to see this feed into the advocacy structures the UCSA already has, like the Equity and Wellbeing advisory group and to see if this works for disabled students. It would be great for disabled students to have a club on campus that runs events for them.”

A Statistics NZ report released last year found that people with disabilities are more likely to experience loneliness and discrimination than non-disabled people.

STUCK OVERSEAS DURING A PANDEMIC

By Emily Heyward (she/her)

About 17 months after he was supposed to return from his summer holiday visiting friends and family in Tianjin, China, international student Jacob Hou has finally made it back to New Zealand.

The past year and a half have been tough. From having the border shut on him just days before he was due to return to Christchurch, to being scammed out of thousands of dollars by a fake airline company, and not knowing when he would be able to return to campus, if ever. And that’s not mentioning the challenges of studying online, via distance, and in a country where the likes of Google and Facebook are banned.

“The internet issues are always there as well. We cannot do anything about it. There are certain sites that’s hard to visit in UC. They set up a VPN for you but it’s not reliable.”

He describes the past year and a half of his life as “dramatic” and “miserable”.

“The struggle is real. It’s so real. You can’t even imagine. Even myself I can’t even imagine what just happened in the past one and a half year.”

Hou has been studying electrical and electronic engineering from an apartment in the “bustling” centre of Tianjin. But trying to study in a massive apartment complex where you can’t tell which neighbours are making all the noise, has been difficult, he says.

And studying takes a whole lot longer when you’re doing it online, he explains, especially when you’re in a different time zone and having to wait days for a response.

“Sometimes my one-hour lecture … it just feels like it’s just double or triple the timeline.”

At times, he felt like giving up.

“Even me as a Christian, last year was too much. Sometimes even questioning my faith, is it worth it. What should I do? Sometimes I had no idea.”

He says the lack of support and communication from some departments and services at UC added to his stress.

“They signed up for me a student mentor, but we only get to talk once. He never tried to talk to me again.”

He says teaching staff need to improve communication with distance students, otherwise international students will start pulling out of study.

“I get quite exhausted to do my part, trying to communicate. I think it would be helpful if passing on my concern or my questions they can answer you a bit quicker and also other department will know it as well to give you support accordingly. I think that would be great.

But he’s pleased to be back in New Zealand. Hou is currently on “day five or maybe day six” of his 14-day stay in managed isolation and is looking forward to being able to attend lectures in person again and enjoy a sense of normality.

Last year the Government announced that 82 UC students, that were stuck overseas, could return to New Zealand. 51 have already arrived back, and about 10 are currently in managed isolation.

The University of Canterbury has been approached for comment regarding the concerns raised in this article.

STUDENTS FLOOD NGAIO MARSH WITH SHIT TO ESCAPE RE-ORI

Some cheeky students attempted to flood Ngaio Marsh with sewage in an attempt to cancel a Re-Ori event.

The faecal philosophers were attending a gig that was part of the UCSA’s week of festivities when they realised flooding the place with poos would be more enjoyable.

By clogging toilets in the adjacent block, turd years were able to flood Ngaio Marsh Theatre.

However, the plan backfired due to the fact the event wasn’t good enough for a flood of sewage to detrimentally affect it.

“We take it as a compliment,” the UCSA said, adding, “the event was obviously too good”.

UCSA BARBECUES TO START SERVING WHITEBAIT FRITTERS

After the Students’ Association received a mysterious donation of whitebait, the organisation has announced that all UCSA barbecues will now serve whitebait fritters.

“This generous portion of healthy, delicious whitebait is going straight back to the students,” said the UCSA Fisheries spokesperson.

“Never in our 127-year history have we not served pre-cooked sausages at our barbecues; this is a momentous occasion.”

Only five people have been hospitalised so far.

WHEEL CLAMP TO RUN FOR UCSA PRESIDENT

In a desperate attempt to repair its reputation among students, The Wheel Clamp has decided to run for the UCSA presidency.

“I’m excited to announce that I will be running for UCSA President,” said Wheel Clamp.

“I know many will not be pleased to hear this, but this campaign will show we’re not that different.”

Opponents of Wheel Clamp have been quick to fire off criticism, noting that car clamping shouldn’t be the business of campus security; therefore, student politics shouldn’t be the business of a wheel clamp.

“Campus security doesn’t just clamp cars. They unclamp them too,” he rebutted.

By Reverend Dr John Fox

Howdy, I’m the Reverend Dr John Fox, the new Chaplain here at UC. My bro Spanky Moore has departed for Nelson to soak in the sun and do something worthy with youth, leaving me a depleted bottle of gin, half a box of Favourites (that belonged to someone else, but I ate them before he said), his crazy big gothic chaplaincy house, and this column.

That said, the Department of Spiritual Engineering still does “scones (they’re cheese now) listening, crying, arguing, spiritual crisis, advocating, talking smack, and growing basil”, and if you have existential angst, who better to help you with it than a disabled graduate in Renaissance poetry?

It’s all God, sex and death. Have pen, will travel. So, by all means, email me (john.fox@ canterbury.ac.nz), and let’s talk.

Since I was a student here 15 years ago (BA/BSc, English and Biology), I’ve done a bunch of things. I did kids and youth work and family restoration in Aranui and Clendon. I was a hospital chaplain and a City Mission guy; I looked after students in Hall for the University of Auckland; I was an extremely low grade academic. I worked in public policy til it gave me a headache. My faith and politics evolved. I nearly joined a cult, decided not to, tried to change the world, burned out, got sick, went overseas, came back, got a PhD, fell in love, argued with a bunch of politicians, ended up a disability advocate, and then went to Jedi School to be a priest. And in all that time, I have never met two people that are the same.

Each person is an active, unrepeatable miracle. My faith tells me each person is made in God’s image, sharing in His creativity, rationality, in His heart and goodness. When I think of the people I met and learned to love: the street whanau in central Auckland, the vulnerable elderly at the rest home where I’m proud to eat stewed apple as chaplain; the disabled people I’m a trustee for, and every person who walks through my office door, here’s what I know.

First, people are more important than stuff. My old English lecturer used to wear a t-shirt reading HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT RESOURCES. Each person has pains and gifts, brokenness and joy, a journey and a story. (Sometimes they even tell me what it is). Stuff will rot. Things break. Ideologies die. But to see into the heart of any human being is a profound and sacred privilege; to hear what makes them tick, where they hurt and what they love. To God, you are not an ID number.

Second, I have given and received real love from all kinds of people, at all kinds of socioeconomic places. I’ve poured 7 AM coffee for the homeless (“three coffees, six sugars, light on the milk”). I’ve eaten custard with the elderly and pizza with students. As a disabled person, I have leaned on the generosity of people with very little, and it’s never let me down. Chaplaincy to me represents human and spiritual values: generosity, hospitality, kindness, curiosity, courage, adventure, mystery, faith, hope, and love. Bigger than a bank balance. Bigger than our whole world, because those are the things that move it. When my mobility went away, when my strength and work and meaning went away, and all I could do was stare at the ceiling from a hospital bed, those things saved my life. And they’re bigger than cash. More important than stuff, more important than your economic value, more important than your job, is your heart, your character, the gift you are to others. And if your courage is failing you today, or someone else is being a gift you’d quite like to return, drop up and see me sometime. Higher values are only an email away.

Department of Spiritual Engineering

Mobile: 0272868349

Office: Jane Soons (Geography) 404.

Email: john.fox@canterbury.ac.nz

Who is Ray?

Kia ora! I’m Ray. I’m a comedian and writer – though to be fair, I mostly work in a library, helping people to operate the photocopier and quietly yelling book recommendations at people. I also crochet, which is less economical but also less dangerous than knitting. I’m currently working on about six and a half pairs of cosy winter socks, which I’m sure will be done just in time for spring.

A few UC students have probably seen you around at different UCSA events, but for those who don’t know, how would you describe your comedy?

Deadpan and silly. I mostly tell jokes and stories about my family (sorry, mum!) and navigating the world as a queer person.

What food gets a bad rap, in your opinion?

I was out for dinner at a Thai place the other night, and someone called me basic for ordering a Pad Thai. Does that count as a bad rap? Don’t do that! Basic food is popular for a reason! Let yourself order the Butter Chicken/Pad Thai/ Margarita pizza! So dependable! Always delicious! Very rarely done badly! Often uncomplicated to replicate in your own kitchen!

Who is a comedy role model of yours?

Hannah Gadsby (of course!), who did the comedy circuit for a decade before Nannette, and saw all the ugliness and joy of it and then did something really revolutionary. Plus, she just writes really, really good jokes.

In your time as a librarian, what has been the strangest book you’ve come across?

There’s plenty of very strange books I could go on about, but the funniest and strangest thing is when a library sticker on a book changes the title somewhat. There’s this children’s book series about a kid called Hank Zipper, and the author’s name starts with ‘W’, so the title turns into WANK ZIPPER, and I find it funny every damn time I see it.

What’s your favourite book?

As a millennial, it used to be sweet and age-appropriate for me to say Harry Potter because I grew up with it, and it is undoubtedly a charming series, and it has that big queer following even though there’s no queer characters (is it an unintentional extended ‘out of the closet’ metaphor?) (no!). Anyway, JK is a transphobic sadsack, and it makes the books read not as well, so I guess now I’ll have to find a better answer.

I’m finding that I’m recommending ‘Station Eleven’ by Emily St John Mandel a lot at the moment. It’s very good, but don’t read it if you have severe pandemic anxiety.

I recall you performing poetry – can you write me a haiku?

Yes:

HAIKU PSA

A little known fact:

Every haiku must include

A seasonal reference.

What’s your favourite pick up line?

God. Pick up lines are atrocious. There’s no good one, I don’t think. The only option if you insist on using them is to be devastatingly charming, humble, and funny in the delivery. Good luck.

Toast or untoasted bread? Why?

Toast toast toast. What is the point in bread? You just tear it apart when trying to spread literally anything onto it. Bread always appears vaguely damp. No good.

Where is your happy place?

On holiday. Any holiday will do.

Where is your unhappy place?

Winter, which I get is not a place but a season, but it makes all places a bit bad. Chilly and shadowy and wet, even when the sun is out? How is that possible? If I could live somewhere where it was Birkenstocks weather every day of the year, I would certainly be a happier and more productive member of society (but I would be wearing Birkenstocks).

What is your favourite tea?

Morning: Dilmah extra strength breakfast tea. Evening: vanilla rooibos.

Why?

Morning: just enough caffeine for if the coffee has run out. Evening: sweet and calming. Very delicious.

Ray Shipley is perhaps the most wholesome comedian you’ll come across. Often found in a library, they have graced the stage on Ngaio Marsh, with witty observations leaving the audience laughing jollily. Liam Stretch reveals their secrets.

By Ella Gibson (she/her)

Conspiracy theories explain the weird, wacky, and utterly inexplicable oddities of our world. I think that’s why we have a natural affinity for them. They make things that don’t make sense, well, make sense. More than anything, they’re downright entertaining. From president assassinations to planets that are flat, to secret societies of enlightenment, you name it, and someone has probably made a conspiracy theory about it. I am going all out in Buzzfeed fashion in this article, and I am going to be telling you what your favourite classic conspiracy theory says about you. This is insinuating that you believe in these theories, so please refrain from offence.

1) JFK

Synopsis: JFK’s assassination on November 22, 1963, led to a multitude of theories about his death. Conspiracy claims are centred around the US government deliberately covering up information about the aftermath of the assassination. Spurred up theories involved the following being responsible for the assassination; the CIA, the Mafia, VP of the USA Lyndon B. Johnson, Cuban Prime Minister Fidel Castro and the KGB (not the RTD beverage).

WTSAU (what this says about you): You watched a lil too much Criminal Minds growing up. You probably wanted to be involved in forensics when you were younger. But then you went to uni and realised something monumental; you didn’t like science, lol. Your viewing preferences also consist of Netflix true crime documentaries and more Netflix true crime documentaries. Nothing more and nothing less.

2) Mandela Effect

Synopsis: The Mandela Effect occurs when a person or a group of people have a false memory of an event. The term was originally coined by Fiona Broome. Broome created a website recounting her recollections of former South African President Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 1980s. However, after serving 27 years in prison, Mandela was again the president of SA between 1994 and 1999 and subsequently died in 2013.

WTSAU: If the Mandela Effect is your jam, then you probably believe that you’ve been born at the wrong time. Nostalgia can be cute, but remember that the present is happening around you, sweetie. Also, I think you have the memory of a goldfish. Maybe you should consider either going to a psychologist to learn how not to make false beliefs or get an MRI to see if there’s still functioning brain cells in there.

3) Tupac Lives!

Synopsis: Tupac died on September 13, 1996, in a driveby shooting. But did he? Conspiracy theorists believe that because Tupac did not succumb to any gunshot wounds and rather escaped to Cuba. Supposed sightings of the rapper have continuously been reported, and the theory still lives on.

WTSAU: Tupac is your icon, your hero and your deity. Even though you probably only listen to ‘California Love’ and ‘Ambitionz Az A Ridah’ once in a blue moon to be able to call yourself a fan. The thought of him not existing sends striking pains to your insides, making them twirl into sickening dimensions. You have no choice but to conclude that he is, in fact, alive. Also, you definitely like to think you’re gangsta enough to make a Bloods sign on occasion just for shits and gigs.

4) Flat Earth

Synopsis: Rather explanatory in the title, flat earthers believe that the Earth is, in fact, flat and not spherical. Their reasoning being that because it looks and feels flat, how on earth (no pun intended) could our Earth ever be a sphere?

WTSAU: You definitely rarely wear shoes. Nothing against being barefoot, but you prefer to feel the flat Earth beneath your footsies. You often like to defy living on this Earth and participate in meditative practices regularly to enlighten yourself from society. You are probably that person in that high school science class that just went to purely question the teacher and get under their skin.

5) The Bigfoot and Loch Ness Monster Vibe

Synopsis: Cryptozoology’s finest hoaxes!!! Bigfoot is an apelike creature that supposedly inhabits North American forests. Evidence for BF stands at anecdotes, video and audio recordings and footprints. Then we have our beloved Loch Ness. The Loch Ness Monster is a creature in Scottish folklore that is said to inhabit somewhere in the Scottish Highlands. The long-necked water-dino’s evidence of existence is primarily anecdotal as well.

WTSAU: Honey, if this is your favourite conspiracy theory, are you sure you’re not over 70? Why are you reading a CANTA magazine (not that I would ever discourage anyone from reading a CANTA mag)? If you’re a fien of some pseudo folklore action, you are either a horse girl or do fencing. Everyone knows that inviting you to a social event results in strenuous and unwanted conversations about your beliefs in these mystical mongrels. Therefore, you often don’t get invited to things.

6) Illuminati Synopsis: The Illuminati is a secret society that existed in the 18th century. Yet, the conspiracies around the secret society arose in the late 19th century. This was when a group of European conservatives believed that the society was responsible for the French Revolution. Later conspiracies about the group were spread in the 1960s where the Discordians (a group of American practical jokers) wrote fake letters about the Illuminati to Playboy.

WTSAU: The likelihood of you leaving your bedroom is at an all-time low. Your agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is disguised as you believing that the Illuminati exists. You were woke before Shane Dawson exploited conspiracy theory YouTube. Your windows are barred up most of the time, and you most likely don’t have a mobile phone. You are the most difficult person in the world to contact and only accept pigeondelivered letters. But you make special exceptions for your Momma because she still cares about feeding you.

By Emily Heyward (she/her)

I have never worked in Human Resources. I know hardly anything about the profession. The only knowledge I have comes from shit-chat that I have seen on the internet. But I’m not going to let that stop me from comparing the department to inanimate objects. Why? Because I can. Men: take note. This is what you sound like when you’re mansplaining.

To my first object. The fridge. Everybody loves you when you’ve got something they want. When you’re full to the brim, the people just can’t get enough of you. Morning tea up for grabs? Yes please. Is that the smell of sweet, company purchased Sauvignon Blanc waking me from my Friday afternoon slumber? You know it. Damn, you sure know how to boost morale from the inside out.

Number two. The freezer. Look, we get it. Sometimes shit hits the fan. Josh hasn’t shown up for work in weeks, Carla’s turned up for work in an Oodie again, and Johnny, well, who the fuck knows about Johnny. You’re a bit over it at the moment, and everyone can tell. I think we’ll wait for you to cool down a bit before mentioning that the new employee you just hired is busy writing his letter of resignation.

Number three. A faulty fire alarm. Because sometimes you

can be a bit like that screeching fire alarm that’s hellbent on reminding everyone about the importance of positivity while dumping stacks of paperwork on our desks. Irritating.

Four. An iPhone. You’re the encyclopaedia of the workplace. You know everything about the new employee down to the name of their uncle’s ex-girlfriend’s cat because you’ve spent the last 5 hours stalking them on every social media platform you can think of. You know what time everyone starts work, and you sure as hell know when they are 10 minutes late. You’re basically Google.

Number five. A tissue box. Because sometimes we’ve just got to cry to someone. And you’re a human resource, after all. Number six. The kettle. You’re in hot demand. From hiring new staff to getting rid of old ones, you’ve always got something bubbling away. Move over coffee; I want the tea.

And last but not least; a fork. Because what the fork do you actually do?

All love, no hate. CANTA respects all HR departments.

By Lily Murfin (she/her)

I know the time has not come for many of you to foray into the formal and oftentimes confusing world that is workwear. But you probably know what I’m on about when I say, “power suit”. Take yourself back to the 1980s, picture a power suit, complete with double-breasted buttons, enormous lapels, and the obligatory shoulder pads. This would probably seem a bit extreme for many offices, but don’t you sometimes just fantasise about having an extensive collection of pastel or tweed two pieces to choose from? No! Just me, then? Okay, then – my mission today is to make sure you appreciate workwear and how we ended up where we are today.

100 years ago, some women did work. But, of course, in significantly lower numbers than those that work today. But this group of working women were predominantly from the lower classes. During this time, women, particularly mothers, working outside of the home was typically only done out of need. Might I remind you that women still weren’t acceptably allowed to wear pants? Therefore they carried out many manual labour jobs with long skirts on. This would absolutely not be my cup of tea, especially when you consider how impractical and dangerous many of the jobs women held would have been in loose, billowy clothes.

World War Two was a major period for getting women the ability to work. With men being drafted and sent to war, it became necessary for large numbers of women to fill the gaps take in the workforce. During this time, women adopted pants and overalls en masse due to them being an option more conducive to manual labour. This is where the utility suit came into play. A utility suit was typically made of a sturdy fabric like tweed or wool – it was essentially a scaled-down men’s coat with a pleated skirt. The need for this sort of practical dressing was due to necessity as fabric was a scarce resource, so women needed to be able to wear the same thing for multiple purposes. Although many women remained working after World War Two, it was still not the norm. Women started entering the

workplace once it became socially acceptable to do so, and workwear adapted as the role of women in society changed.

The 1960s and 1970s saw second-wave feminism sweep across the world. This movement questioned the ongoing inequalities women faced, particularly in disparities of pay and work opportunities. During these decades, more and more women were going onto higher education, and major universities like Yale allowed women to enrol as freshmen undergraduates for the first time. This later provided the possibility for high-level positions to be occupied by women for the first time en masse. Although there are immeasurable benefits to gender equality because of these societal changes, we can also say that this was one of the elements that gave us corporate fashion. Because let’s be real, there’s only so many ways they could jazz up men’s suits back in the day.

The 1980s was the golden era of the true power suit. The power suit came about because women needed a commanding silhouette from their clothing. These suits, in many ways, diminish natural femininity. The broad shoulders imitate men’s suits, but given that they were typically paired with skirts, they still have feminine touches. The introduction of sneakers as popular streetwear allowed for a bit more comfort than travelling to work in heels. The sneaker with work suit look was immortalised by the character Elaine in Seinfeld. For maximalist workwear inspiration, look no further than the aptly titled 1988 film Working Girl. This movie has so many iconic outfits, hairstyles, and makeup looks.

Crafting a wardrobe to exude both comfort and power in the workplace shouldn’t be a necessity for women to be taken seriously. But, when you pick what you wear to work, oftentimes it’s not really a choice. So let us all band together and start petitioning for the power suit to be a normal occurrence in 2021.

Liam Stretch rates the best fidget things found within 2 metres of his desk in the CANTA Office.

Blue Tack is perhaps one of the most amazing achievements of humankind. It can cement things to a wall yet be pulled away with such ease. It also makes a solid contender for the top office fidget device. Its pliable nature makes it a restless hand’s best friend. You can roll it, shape it, stretch it, and squish it – so many options. In fact, as I’m writing this, I am simultaneously playing with a disturbingly sticky piece of the blue clay.

5/5 paperclips

This one is great and comes in at second as a fantastic alternative to twiddle with. It is small enough to fit between two fingers and large enough to be stimulating. An added bonus of its round shape is its ability to spin. It can also be combined with the Blu Tack to make a sculptural work.

3/5 paperclips

The benefits of this are that it makes me look half a per cent cooler than I actually am – which, if you are unsure, is very, very cool. This one offers diverse fidgeting options. The elastic combined with the beads makes it one of the more enjoyable options on this list. Plus, when you’re playing with it, and someone walks into the office, they can immediately admire your fantastic sense of style.

4/5 paperclips

This red foam sphere, given to me by the University of Canterbury promo people, has been so well used that its branding has rubbed off. Though satisfying, it fails in the practicality department, as, due to its size, it does not allow for multitasking. It does introduce a more game-like element, however. One can find various hoop-like vessels around the office to become an office-bound Steph Curry.

2.5/5 paperclips

Not so much a fidget device, more a literal obsession. I don’t go anywhere without it, and my lips are, at all times, lacquered up. It offers a quick distraction from the mundane and is applied every 5 to 10 minutes.

5/5 paperclips. I would not function without it.

As a side note, coffee also serves as a distraction and an excuse to get up from the desk. I do believe the additional caffeine in my system adds to the urge to fidget.

1. A sticky ball of well used Blu Tack.

2. A washer I found on the floor.

3. An institution-issued stress ball.

4. My Gen Z bracelet.

5. My lip balm.

STOWE

Flat Famous

This issue’s Flat Famous is a wee bit different. Here is a highlight on just three of the many people around this campus doing good for students. This is the Chaplaincy Office or the ‘Department of Spiritual Engineering’. They’re keen to help, no matter your faith or GPA. Meet John, Jane, and Stowe.

Revd Dr John Fox

A Christchurch boy, an Anglican priest, a disability advocate (spastic hemiplegia), and a Bible geek. I’ve worked with kids, youth, families at risk, the homeless, and as a hospital and disability chaplain. I write bad poems and was a Harry Potter trivia champion.

Campbell Jane Halliday

I know it’s an unusual name, but that’s what I get for being named after a ski town in Vermont. Married to an amazing wife, Dad to three sons. I’m out in the sun whenever I can be, whether it is on a trail, a bike or a run, or otherwise I’m reading a book. My great grandfather was a prisoner at Alcatraz. I’ve been a Christian for nearly 30 years which makes me sound super old. Here to help/listen/ chat and especially encourage. I’ve studied and taught at uni level and get what it’s like to feel stressed and anxious at times. I love to meet people and talk and drink coffee like most of NZ. I’m average at quite a number of things but can make very good dumplings.

Stowe

Neueli Mauafu (he/him)

Finished your degree? Stuck in the mud, trying to figure out what to do now? Need money to pay your debts? Look no further.

After four long and stressful years, I can finally say I am officially a graduate of university! So many memories flood back of the mishaps and shenanigans I got caught up in over my run on campus grounds: The endless stress breakouts from assignments, hangover attendance of lectures/tutorials, the afternoon feed at good old Captain Bens, and many other nostalgic lingering memories. The lightspeed of my time here on campus made me forget about life after finishing uni. I was so caught up in rushing to finish, causing me to be stuck in a total brain-dead moment of, ‘Where to now?’

If there is one lesson I may have learnt along the journey, it is to always – ALWAYS – be prepared. My level of preparation seemed to have failed with accepting the fact that it was time to step into the real world. Or had it? Fortunately for me, there were a couple of resources I was able to access to navigate me into the so-called ‘adulthood’ stage of life.

UC Careers

Okay, let me be honest; nobody really thinks of visiting UC Careers during their fivrst years on campus, sorry guys. You are so caught up in the hysteria of being a fresher that securing an appointment for your career is just straight trash. Let me give you this advice, though, book that appointment ASAP, and maybe not just once but a few more times over your academic journey. UC Careers deliver so much more than just your usual yarn regarding a future career.

The team holds one on one sessions regarding what path you’re interested in pursuing. The sessions include resources that allow you to seek out jobs both online and in person. If you have questions or confusion about what path to take, the dedicated team at UC Careers are on hand to deal with your complications. Workshops are also held throughout the year on how to modify your CV (Curriculum Vitae) to the masterpiece it is destined to be. Simple yet important details that you might have missed can be ironed out by UC Careers.

Online Job Search Engines

They say that the internet is your best friend whenever you need a solution to a problem. Luckily enough, the internet can be your guide to your dream job in the future. Online websites or jobhunting pages become a necessity to anyone finding their feet in the employment world. The ideal tool that these online job websites have is the ability to filter or modify the search engine to your own liking/needs.

Creating a profile on such pages gives employers the chance to have a view of your progress in your CV attached online. Having a profile also keeps you updated on jobs being posted around you and with progress on your own search for your career. Some of my favourite pages include

Student Job Search (sjs.co.nz)

SEEK (seek.co.nz)

LinkedIn (linkedin.com)

TRUST THE PROCESS

Having no idea what your next move looks like can be truly frustrating, especially after slaving your butt off for a valid piece of paper for 3+ years. Do not worry, though. Sit back, pause, and relax. Let the process do its thing while you take a load off and embrace it. Keep in mind that if you have overcome your academic journey, you are now stronger than ever to conquer life on its next stage. Remember, though, take a breather, and enjoy the accolades! You have officially graduated.

By Ella Somers (she/her)

Interested in doing some volunteering but don’t know what’s out there, what you might be interested in and what you can fit around your busy life? Whether you’ve never volunteered before and you’re thinking about giving it a go, or you’re looking to pick up a new volunteer gig, here’s a list of places that would greatly appreciate some of your time.

Good Bitches Baking:

All bitches are welcome at Good Bitches Baking, and all it takes to become a good baking bitch is to bake up some magic in your kitchen for someone or somewhere that needs it. If you don’t feel confident in the kitchen but still want to get involved, you also have the option to sign up to be a driver and drop off baked goods instead!

Red Cross:

There are more than 16 ways you can volunteer for the Red Cross in Aotearoa, and within those varied roles, there’ll be something to interest most people. You could sign up to be a refugee support volunteer, blood service support volunteer or even pick up a pair of knitting needles and volunteer at one of their knitting groups. Or check out the other 13 different volunteer roles they have available on their website.

Volunteering Canterbury:

Regardless of if you’re looking to do some volunteering by yourself or you’d be keen to do something with a group of your mates, Volunteering Canterbury has a

good selection of both individual volunteering and group volunteering roles available to look at/through on their website. You’ll find a real mix of volunteering roles to intrigue you as there are roles available for everything from rural history enthusiasts, board members, animal care assistance, packing and delivering food parcels and more.

City Mission:

City Mission has a wide variety of volunteer roles that are open for interested people to get involved with. They include everything from volunteering at their foodbank to Thrive op shops and reception. City Mission also holds Learning and Development courses to develop work and life skills for their clients - everything from computer skills to barista and driving licenses courses and more. If you have a skill that you think might be useful for others to know or learn, think about reaching out to them.

Community Gardens:

Community gardens are often looking for new volunteers, regardless of how green-fingered you are or how much gardening knowledge you have under your belt. Canterbury Community Gardens Association says there are over 35 community gardens in Canterbury, which gives you a lot of choice on where you’d like to get some dirt under your fingernails. With spring (kind of) around the corner and the days soon to get a bit warmer and brighter, volunteering at your local community garden is a great way for newbie gardeners to get involved.

STUDIOUS SALLY

By Ella Gibson (she/her)

ENGINEERING ED

If you are a Study Sally, you most definitely have more than four highlighters in your pencil case at all times.

You’re a diligent wee one, aren’t you? You wake up at 6am everyday and actually get to your 9am lab unlike us less superior citizens and probably have a smoothie bowl for breakfast.

GPA:

HYGIENE:

SOCIAL LIFE:

STANDARD DRINK CONSUMPTION:

NUTRITION:

You certainly make up the majority of UC’s population.

You are often down for shean combination and greasy hair. Your body is made up of energy drinks and chips from Nuts and Bolts. Cute reminder bae, did you shower today?

GPA:

HYGIENE:

SOCIAL LIFE:

STANDARD DRINK CONSUMPTION:

NUTRITION:

TECH TED

You would prefer to stay in Jack Erkshine than to get your healthy amount of sunlight everyday.

At least you’ll have a minimum of 3 screens in front of you at all times so don’t worry about other light hitting your eyeballs. You either have an electric scooter or Boosted Board to get you from place to place. Your favourite food is an ice cube because it’s pixelated asf.

GPA:

HYGIENE:

SOCIAL LIFE:

STANDARD DRINK CONSUMPTION:

NUTRITION:

BREATHER BEN

Hey Ben, I would just like to say that you don’t need to make DnB your personality trait.

There are already too many of you out there breathing on everyone else’s fine music tastes. You wear fanny packs too often, are you okay? Keep the gear to a minimum during the uni week, hun.

GPA:

HYGIENE:

SOCIAL LIFE:

STANDARD DRINK CONSUMPTION:

NUTRITION:

INSTA IRENE

SOCIALITE SUSAN

It’s funny how your Instagram is chocka with uni content but you’re actually not doing any uni work

Put your phone away sweetie and look up and smell the roses and assignments! Everyone has seen what an iced coffee looks like before and quite frankly no one cares. Your aesthetic may be cute, but how about your grades?

GPA:

HYGIENE:

SOCIAL LIFE:

STANDARD

DRINK CONSUMPTION:

NUTRITION:

Susan, you are the most caffeinated of the bunch.

You should consider going to your lectures rather than filling up your schedule and body with coffee dates and club events. We do love you Susan, but stop complaining about how stressful your life is when you leave your assignments to the last minute, thank you.

GPA:

HYGIENE:

SOCIAL LIFE:

STANDARD

DRINK CONSUMPTION:

NUTRITION:

By Liam Donnelly (he/him)

The Dalai Lama once said that the purpose of life is to be happy. But I argue that the purpose of life is to cringe through really awkward moments until you lose all grasp of social cues and then die. Therefore, I’ve compiled a series of recommendations and stepby-step instructions for the really uncomfortable snapshots in our lives.

SCREWING THE CREW

You wake up one morning stinking of a heady mixture of vodka, goon, and sex. You groan upright and glance at your partner for the night. It’s your flatmate.

FREAK THE FUCK OUT

At this point, it’s important that you freak the fuck out. To turn one night’s poor decision into one year’s awkward clusterfuck, let these baseless generalisations screw with your mind.

“Oh god, they’ve probably fallen in love with me.”

“The sexual tension will tear this flat apart!”

“The rest of the flat is going to hate me for this!”

Ignore that they wouldn’t have been true until you let them control your actions. Rationality shouldn’t cross your mind at this point; you’ve got a flat to screw up.

DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO ONE ANOTHER

Conversing is a gateway to bringing events that need to be talked about into a space where they can be worked out. Because of this, it is imperative that you don’t talk to the person you slept with. I understand that it is sometimes a bit hard to confront things that you don’t want to talk about. This is why you don’t want to talk about it. This is why you should never, ever confront any of your problems. Ignoring problems makes them disappear.

AVOID

Now that you have ceased speaking to one another, try to avoid contact with your lover. Locking yourself in your room and eating alone should be enough. If it crosses your mind that you are acting a little insane and should just talk reasonably with the person, you are obviously thinking rationally, and you must stop it immediately.

ATTACK CRITICISM

If anyone in the flat tells you that you are overreacting, immediately overreact. Shout at them that they do not understand how you feel and completely ignore the possibility that they just want to help. If they tell you that your behaviour is the reason this is all going wrong, slap them.

ACT LIKE THIS ALL YEAR

Holding a grudge about something that wasn’t a problem until you made it one will help precisely on one. As such, if you make it to the end of the year and you are still thinking about a onenight stand you had at the beginning of the year, congratulations! You’ve turned a fun night into a year-long horror story.

A BAD KISSER

You’ve been out having a great night. You lock eyes with that hottie you’ve been building chemistry with all night. You know what’s about to happen.

RE-EVALUATE THE SITUATION

Is this person really worth kissing? Well… if you think they are worth it, then let’s press on.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE? Okay.

FIRST, WE NEED TO PERFORM AN ALLERGY CHECK

Carrying swabs for this purpose is useful. If swabs are not at hand, then proceed on a line of inquiry as follows: “Allergies…?”

A sufferer of nuts does not want to sample a mouth full of chicken satay, no matter how delicious it is.

KISS AROUND THEIR FACE

Avoid that tongue that is being used in such nasty ways.

MAKE A GENTLE APPROACH

Ease into their mouth, slow and steady like. This way, technique can be corrected. Reward good mouth-work. Say “Mmm” or “well done!”

IF THEY’RE NOT TERRIBLY ATTRACTIVE...

Use your hands to cover as much of their face as possible. This will lessen the embarrassment and provide a more fulfilling kiss.

FINALLY, IF NOTHING HELPS

Drink more alcoholic beverages and stuff as many mints into their face as possible; the combined sensation should overcome any bad kiss.

DITCHING A WEIRDO WITHOUT ASKING THEM TO LEAVE

Got a socially awkward Creepy McCreepster hanging around you like a bad smell? Here are some things that may help you kick them to the kerb.

PLAY HIDE AND SEEK

Just don’t do the seeking part when they hide. Maybe even lock that cupboard they’re in (but not for too long, Josef Fritzl).

FAKE A PHONE CALL

Just pick up your phone and start talking into it, then walk off, never to return. You can even do this if you don’t have a phone, just stick your finger in your ear and pretend you’ve got a Bluetooth earpiece.

OUT-WEIRDO THE WEIRDO

Just totally get all freaky. Start telling them about your undying love for salamanders, perhaps moonwalk everywhere, maybe even start speaking in tongues.

FLIRTING

Flirting is hilarious because it’s essentially the skill of holding a normal conversation but trying to make it sexy. It’s also – for the benefit of this article – incredibly cringe and uncomfortable when it doesn’t go well.

THE TEASER

Remember when we were all kids, and some little punk at kindergarten started picking on you, and your parents would assure you that they’re acting that way because they actually have a crush on you? The Teaser acts on this sort of logic, using carefully phrased insults as forms of endearment and flirtation. Be cautious not to take the teasing too far, as you run the risk of actually offending the other person.

THE COOL ONE

This requires you to get rid of any hint of desperation in your flirtation technique. Adopt an air of nonchalance and don’t pay too much attention to your target of affection. Also, if you don’t have some badass life story, try and spend the next five minutes coming up with one in your head -- added points for possessing chewing gum or an ability to sing in tune and play the guitar.

THE MONEY

Only advisable if you have a well-paying job and/or live with your parents. As the name suggests, using “The Money” means just that… using your money to win someone over. Start by having money, then continue to pay for everything. This is a pretty easy way to impress someone, but once you start, it’s pretty hard to stop.

THE AVOIDER

People? Flirting? Thanks, but no thanks! ‘The Avoider’ defines bypassing social interaction at all costs because people are gross, and why would you want to be around them? If you’re using this flirting method, I assume you were dragged along to some place you don’t want to be. Be careful; you might attract those people who like quiet types.

WAKING UP NEXT TO SOMEONE YOU

DON’T REMEMBER

You wake up one morning stinking of a heady mixture of vodka, goon, and sex. You groan upright and glance at your partner for the night. It’s a complete stranger.

DON’T PANIC

Keep yourself calm and composed. If you panic, they will figure out that something is wrong.

PRETEND TO SLEEP

Keep pretending to sleep until they leave. If they attempt to wake you up, then snore extra loudly and hope they get the hint. If this doesn’t work (boy, they’re persistent), resort to playing dead. Laugh inwardly as they freak out. Foam at the mouth if necessary.

USE PET NAMES

When waking up and they’re still there, the first thing to say is, “Morning sunshine”. Who says you need to know their name anyway? The use of the endearing nickname means you get to bypass all that without seeming rude. Suggestions for nicknames include, but are not limited to Buddy, Pal, Darling, Sweetie, Sugarpie, Honey, Pumpkin, Boo.

OWN UP

If you’re lucky, they’ll have forgotten your name too, which leaves you in the clear. Either that or they will go apeshit. Tread carefully.

COOK THEM BREAKFAST

Throw some extra tasty shit in that mix, and they’re more likely to forgive you for your faulty memory. Have you got bacon lying around that you were saving for a rainy day? Well, my friend, today is your rainy day.

PRETEND IT’S NOT YOUR HOUSE

Alternatively, if you don’t want them hanging around, you could get up, put your clothes on, kiss them on the cheek, and say, “Thanks for letting me stay”. Then hide around the side of your house and watch them panic and get the hell out of there. They know it’s not their house; they think it’s not yours, so they are panicking to get out of there ASAP. The plan works.

HOW TO VOMIT CORRECTLY

Hey, it’s got to happen sometimes, we overestimate what our bodies can handle, and it comes out in un-classy ways. But that’s okay.

THE CLASSY VOM

Politely excuse yourself and make haste to the toilet; aim carefully, rinse your mouth out, freshen your breath and return to your scintillating conversation. Repeat as desired.

THE SNEAKY VOM

Channel the silent agility of a ninja and spew with stealth. Behind the couch, the nearest pot plant, and an unfortunate handbag are just some of your options. Tiptoe at your discretion.

THE PHANTOM VOM

The phantom vomer leaves absolutely no trace – remove all liquid, lumps, and other spew detritus. Deny all knowledge if the residual odour attempts to betray your sins.

THE CHEEKY VOM

Raise your hand to your mouth and turn your head as if you’re about to whisper. Deposit unwanted stomach contents off to the side and return to your original position. Smile and act as if nothing has happened.

THE X-FACTOR VOM

Take centre stage. Do the helicopter, recreate the Tivoli fountain, burp the alphabet when you’re done, whatever. Be creative. It will be a “yes” from someone, I promise.

WINNERS DON’T WAIT FOR CHANCES, THEY TAKE THEM.

THIS DOG CONGRATULATIONS

Bands gave all they could, then gave some more. To everyone that played, you rocked! You all stole a moment of time and made magic. This Dog, you sexy musical mystic beasts, the crown and glory is yours!

For more information visit: www.digthegig.co.nz

Thank you to our sponsors for supporting live music.

Gig Guide

PLANNING A GIG? WANT CANTA TO PROMOTE IT?

VISIT OUR WEBSITE

REZZY CROOKS, JAM HENDERSON, AND MIM

5 AUGUST, 8PM

DARKROOM - 336 ST ASAPH STREET

LAYAROUND, THIS DOG, AND GECHO

6 AUGUST, 8PM

SPACE ACADEMY – 371 ST ASAPH STREET

HELLOIAM PRESENTS - PB’N’ JAM

13 AUGUST, 5:30PM

FLUX – BOXED QUARTER

EYES DOWN SOUND

13 AUGUST, 10PM

HIDE – 172 ST ASAPH STREET

TRUTH - ACCEPTANCE LP RELEASE, FT LELIJVELD

7 AUGUST, 8:30PM

XCHC - 376 WILSONS ROAD

WORD WHEEL

Make as many REAL words as you can, using the centre letter.

THE MR BEAN SANDWICH

In celebration of our Human Resources edition, I bring to you perhaps the most unique recipe featured in these pages by one of the most resourceful characters in recent history, Mr Bean.

This recipe comes from the episode The Curse of Mr Bean Alongside visiting the local swimming pool where he realises that he is scared of diving, trying to find a way to leave the car park without paying, and taking his girlfriend to a scary movie, Bean visits the park for a lunchtime snack. It is here where the infamous sandwich first appeared on our screens. Bean uses everything on his person to construct a sandwich that is a worthy competitor to his fellow park luncher.

Despite success in constructing his lunch, everything goes wrong at the last minute, creating one of Bean’s most classic sketches.

HOW TO:

Take out your trusty pair of scissors from your coat and cut two slices of bread – about one inch thick. Throw end crust into the nearest bin.

Using an Eftpos card or student ID, spread butter on each slice. Remove lettuce from a snap-lock bag, also kept in your jacket. Wash in a nearby water fountain and use a sock to spin lettuce, removing water.

Place lettuce on a piece of buttered bread. Get a jar of sardines out of your jacket. Take a sardine or two out of the jar and bash on something solid to ensure they’re dead.

YOU WILL NEED:

One loaf of white bread – rustic style.

Butter

Iceberg lettuce

Sardines

Black peppercorns – whole

Take whole black peppercorns and sprinkle them into a handkerchief. Fold over the handkerchief and use a hard-healed shoe to crack pepper. Sprinkle onto sardines and place the piece of bread on top.

For a side, take a hot water bottle and dip a teabag in. Add milk to taste.

Make sure you don’t flick pepper into the air or use the handkerchief, or you will sneeze and lose your creation.

Lucky Dip is the longest running segment in CANTA. Each issue, we set two people up on a blind date and they record their experiences. These anecdotes are as they come; unedited.

WANT TO GO ON A BLIND DATE FOR LUCKY DIP? APPLY FOR LUCKY DIP ON OUR WEBSITE

dipper one

It’s a sunny day, there are good vibes in the air, and I’m about to go to my Lucky Dip date. What could go wrong?

I was very excited for my first date in over a year, especially because it was going to be with someone totally random, and set up by another person that I also do not know. I’m one of life’s gamblers I guess.

I arrived for my date and she was already there. I smiled and walked up to her, wondering if her eyes were already piercing my soul or if it was just nerves. Turns out it could have been either. Because she was not here to fuck around.

She was probably really cool, but I couldn’t relax in front of her at all. I felt like a little kid being called to the principal’s office. She looked constantly disappointed at me.

I pushed through and we made plenty of conversation. We had some interests in common, but for whatever the interest was, she was more knowledgeable or better skilled. Which just lead her to being even more disappointed in me. Trapped in a neverending cycle of disappointment.

While we ate our food (which I think she was also disappointed with) I came to terms with the fact this date was a bit of an anticlimax. She clearly did not like me, and I was a bit scared of her. But I was determined to finish this date on a high note.

So I asked her if she likes jokes. Upon hearing she does, I rattle off the best joke I know. 8 jokes later, I’m out of material and I’ve not had a single laugh.

She then gets up, thanks me for the “interesting” date, and walks off.

Dipper two

I must preface my discussion with this: I don’t mean to come across as acerbic, but honestly, I’ve been on enough dates to give no shits.

A couple of things make a first date go well, in my most humble opinion.

1. Food and drink are essential – it doesn’t matter necessarily if it is good or bad. If it’s good, there is less taking because you’re concentrated on the task of filling your face. If it’s bad, you fill the time with mutually complaining.

2. The company is the most vital element. They must, and I mean, MUST be able to hold their own in a conversation. If they can’t, sorry, it’s the door for you.

I can say, thankfully, one of these elements was present at the date concerned. I’ll let you work it out as you read on.

He was sweet and took the time to be interested in my interests, which got the ball rolling with the conversation. I feel a few things that I talked about went over his head a wee bit – if you don’t know much about Philosophy, honestly, don’t pretend you do when talking to a Philosophy and Classics major.

He was a pretty funny guy, actually, quite a nice feature in a person. Even if I didn’t find his quips and jokes funny most of the time, attempting to make someone laugh is an admirable quality in anyone.

Despite this, there wasn’t chemistry, and I just didn’t feel like we were a match. We weren’t intellectual matches, maybe physically compatible, but it wasn’t willing to go there.

I thank him for stepping out there and going on a date; it’s tough.

Anyway, if you haven’t already guessed what element was present, it was the food. The food was good.

TIME CAPSULE

ISSUE 14

JULY 20, 1993

HUMANOSCOPES

Bad inspirational quotes

ARIES

“Nothing we do is more important than hiring people. At the end of the day, you bet on people, not strategies.”

TAURUS

“To win the marketplace, you must first win the workplace.”

GEMINI

“The more seriously you take your growth, the more seriously your people will take you.”

CANCER

“To build a rewarding employee experience, you need to understand what matters most to your people.”

LEO

“Hire character. Train skill.”

VIRGO

“When people go to work, they shouldn’t have to leave their hearts at home.”

LIBRA

“Leadership is about giving people a platform for spreading ideas that work.”

CAPRICORN

“Inventories can be managed, but people must be led.”

SCORPIO

“If you’re good to your staff when things are going well, they’ll rally when times go bad.”

AQUARIUS

“The more seriously you take your growth, the more seriously your people will take you.”

SAGITTARIUS

“Human Resources isn’t a thing we do. It’s the thing that runs our business.”

PISCES

“True leadership lies in guiding others to success - in ensuring that everyone is performing at their best, doing the work they are pledged to do, and doing it well.”