CANTA ISSUE 9, 2017

QUEERTIQUETTE WITH HINERANGI C H L Ö E

THE SECRET LIVES OF STUDENTS: WHY ARE WE SO POOR?

S W A R B R I C K

CRASH COURSE KORERO

in this issue

THE SECRET LIVES OF STUDENTS. WHY ARE WE SO POOR?

FLAT FAMOUS: THE VATICAN CANTA INTERVIEWS: CHLÖE SWARBRICK

BESTIES FOR BEER

LUCKY DIP: FAMILY PIZZA

Editor’s note

Kia ora koutou ☺

Two great things happened this fortnight: Chlöe Swarbrick hugged me, and $2 Rice returned to its rightful position of being offered every weekday at The Wok. It goes to show you; if you write to us, and we prod and question and badger... you get results. I’m not saying that it was entirely my doing, but IT WAS ENTIRELY MY DOING. Seriously though... you have the power to get what you want in life. If that’s

rice? Then you got yourself some RICE. Well done. You can stop writing to me about the rice now.

Wairua week is coming up soon – read up on the events coming up so you can keep your life in check.

Our political guy (who looks like Liam Payne) Matt Amos chats to Ms Swarbrick in CANTA HQ, and Wajd El-Matary asks the question; why are we so poor?

It’s the secret life of students, apparently. Oooh.

Joshua Ētita

Java Katzur Wajd El-Matary Hinerangi Curtis Spanky Moore

Matt Amos Reo Roy Hayden Slaughter Hugh Baird

Letters to the Editor

PINKWASHING

Here at CANTA we also take letters in the form of snapchats. It’s all part of our attempt to better connect with the millenial student body. Also feel free to write on our Bebo wall...

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Dear Canta,

I’d like to complain about the buzzing light bulb in the journalism room.

Engineering students get all the money, even though were the ones doing a public service by providing ya’ll with the information you need to tackle your day!

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb in the journalism room???

I’m starting to think I have tinnitus and have slightly begun to lose my sanity. Our building literally has cracks on the walls representing our despair.

Yours sincerely, Neglected arts students p.s. We do get jobs.

Hello Neglected, Sounds like a bad time. UCFIXIT is your best option for this. It’s a thing. I know it is, I’ve seen it in the Undercroft toilets. I can help you fix the buzz, but not your resentment to Engineering students.

I’m conractually obliged to be pro Engineering because I’m actually the brand ambassador for Nuts N Bolts..... awkward.

– CANTA

VOTE OR... DON’T...

Some student-snap-thoughts on how to engage the five year old – uni student demographic when it comes to UCSA elections...

DAD’S ON CAMPUS

Canta, I don’t write to you a latte but I’d like to espress my disappointment that no cafe on campus sells coffee after 3:30pm. I feel like it’s really ristretting my ability to function and I’m feeling pretty flat. White, that’s all about I have to say.

Sorry, I have no filter when it comes to bad jokes.

Hello and thankyou for writing to CANTA.

I think you need a Thermos. All the cool people have a Thermos. Sometimes it’s soup, sometimes it’s mulled wine if ya fancy.

My tip: Buy several cups of coffee, and chuck them all in there. Add a packet of marshmallows too. You’ll look really great! Everyone loves a person who plans ahead their hot drinkies.

– CANTA

ROAD CARPARK RAGE

Hi CANTA,

I’m currently writing this letter from inside my car in a fit of anger after having pulled over. I simply cannot contain my emotions for a moment longer. Why? Because I just spent about 25 minutes looking for a park before my 1pm lecture began. It got to about 1:15pm before I gave up and turned around to go home.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked that I have an excuse to go home and nap, but not so stoked about the petrol that was just wasted coming here, nor the oh-so precious learning time that I just missed out on.

Anyway, the point of this rant was simply to ask what you think about the parking situation at UC. Do you think UC are giving out more parking permits than there are parks? And what can we do to put a stop to this tomfoolery?

Sincerely, A disgruntled driver

Hey Disgruntled. Yep. It’s shit. I know this. We all know this. Luckily, I live in my car, so I just park under a leafy tree and listen to The Foundry music.

This is an eternal struggle here at UC- it’s not a guaranteed park. It’s the right to try finda park.

We could get into ride sharing and public transport debates but I think my advice to you is...live like me, on campus! Let’s start a commune. What? Nothing.

– CANTA

TWO DOLLARS TOO LATE

More words from the realm of snap. This one covers a topic that we here at CANTA can’t recall hearing about. Thanks for bringing it to our attention...

(turn the page to find out the shocking final resolution to the Rice Vs Noodle saga that has been gripping the nation.)

NOPE THANKS

Hi Josh, have you ever seen the ‘hatguynz’ on instagram? That boy is gorgeous!! Fingers crossed he’s single, because i’d love to see his hat collection sometime ;)

It’s gross that you used my name in this shameless plug. Be gone! At least make your Insta public. Sheesh.

– CANTA

UC

SUSTAINABILITY

AWARDS RETURN

In September this year the Sustainability Office will once again host the UC Sustainability Awards. The Sustainability Awards recognise the efforts of our university community to improve the world around us. This can be through research projects, community initiatives, departmental resource efficiency leadership or anything else that demonstrates a willingness and ability to make our place that bit greener.

Holding these Awards is important because not only does it recognise people for work that otherwise often goes unnoticed, but it also raises the profile of sustainability activities in our community and demonstrates just how much of this great work is happening here. The winners will be selected by an independent judging panel made up of sustainability professionals outside of the university, and a representative from the UCSA.

Nominate a student or staff member

Know someone at UC doing great things for sustainability? Nominate them for a Sustainability Award. Feel free to nominate more than one person. This can be:

– Student or staff research projects

– Resource efficiency initiatives

– Community involvement

– Other initiatives

Nominations are open from 1 August - 31 August. Get the nomination form: http://www.sustain.canterbury.ac.nz/awards.shtml.

Awards ceremony

The awards ceremony is held during our annual Sustainapalooza on Thursday 21 September 2016, from 2-3pm in Undercroft 101

The Awards will be presented by PVC Science

Wendy Lawson and the UCSA President James Addington.

By Matt Morris

UC WAIRUA WEEK 7-11 August

This year our dear Uni has a brand new and slightly exotic week in its calendar: Wairua Week! UC Wairua Week (meaning the spirit, or the soul) is a chance to celebrate the place of faith and spirituality on campus at UC.

With meditation groups, yoga groups, and 10+ specifically religious clubs on campus, it’s fair to say that many Canterbury students express a diverse and energetic spiritual life. Now this may come as a bit of a surprise to some University old-schoolers. It used to be that some old geezers thought spirituality should have nothing to do with study. But nowadays the new wave of students are keen to engage with deepening their spiritual and emotional health - as well as their brains. Who would have thought? In fact, most Maori understandings of wellbeing put the importance of Spiritual health near the top of the list! Buddha put it like this: “Just as a candle cannot live without fire, people cannot live without a spiritual life.”

Over the week a pile of weird and wonderful conversations will be going down around campus; Muslim’s and Christian’s will be meeting up for coffee and cake at the UC Muslim prayer room, Spiritual Guru’s (“Guru” in the loosest sense of the word) will be offering one-on-one advice to any takers in the Undercroft, students of various spiritual persuasions will be interviewed on Facebook Live via the UCSA FB page, and for all you sceptics out there, we’ll even explore if it’s possible to practice a “Secular Spirituality” with our very own Dr Michael Grimshaw.

So, be you of a fixed faith or none, take the opportunity to explore your spiritual side this UC Wairua Week? You may be surprised by what you find.

For the full program and more details head to www.facebook.com/UCWairuaWeek.

By Spanky Moore

BIG GARY’S AND UCSA SHOUT THE NEIGHBOURS

Thanks to Big Gary’s, The UCSA and CANTA got to bring a few groups of people together all in the name of neighbourly love.

So far we’ve had fidget spinners and Jamesons, tradies and taco chips and even a flat shouting their landlord. Props to Lisa and the team at Big Gary’s who supplied the feasts!

They take orders online now which is sweet –www.biggarys.co.nz/order - and Mondays Lisa is live on FB. Always worth a tune in!

We still have a few shouts up our sleeves – check out ucsa.org.nz/shout to enter.

MAORI AND PASIFIKA UC TRAINEE TEACHERS HONOURED

Congrats to three of our UC trainee teachers who have been awarded a Kupe award!

Chloe Cull, MA Art History, BA Hons Art History, Christchurch, University of Canterbury

Kāi Tahu, Ngāi Te Ruahikihiki

Kupe Scholar, Māori High Achiever

Courtney Joblin, BA (English/Media), Christchurch, University of Canterbury

Tūhoe, Ngāti Kahungungu, Ngāpuhi

Kupe Scholar, Māori High Achiever

Misikuki Pepa , BCOM BSci, Christchurch, Canterbury University

Samoan

Kupe Scholar, Pasifika High Achiever

This prestigious scholarship aims to attract Māori and Pasifika high achievers to the teaching profession and support them to become inspiring teachers and role models in early childhood, primary and secondary education.

$2 RICE WINS THE WAR

In a fight to the death, the tiny morsels delivered the final slimy blow to the limp noods. I’d like to say it was neck and neck but neither dishes have necks. The UCSA have listened and we now have $2 Rice on the daily! We eat again!

Alongside the funding each recipient also receives taonga keepsakes in the form of a stylised paddle ‘hoe’ or waka / vaka / va’a as a permanent recognition of their achievements.

These were presented by Associate Education Minister Tim Macindoe at a special ceremony at Parliament in Wellington.

Location: Undercroft

Open hours: Mon/Fri - 8:30am-5:30pm

Phone: 03 364 2215

*Not including prescriptions,

CRASH COURSE KORERO CRASH COURSE KORERO

TE REO PRONOUNCIATION

The five vowels are:

a, e, i, o, u

Remember this to make it easy: the vowels rhyme with ARE THERE THREE OR TWO?

Vowels can be pronounced SHORT or LONG: Short

A as in aloud

E as in entry

I as in eat

O as in ordinary

U as in to Long

Ā as in car

Ē as in led

Ī as in peep

Ō as in pork

Ū as in loot

Why? Because macrons can change the entire meaning of the word.

For example: keke (cake) to kēkē (armpit).

There are eight consonants:

Macrons are important. Macrons are important. h, k, m, n, p, r, t, w h, k, m, n, p, r, t, w

There’s two DIGRAPHS. These two letters are combined and form one sound. WH and NG.

The WH sounds like FFF, and NG sounds like the letters in ‘singer’. It’s right at the back of back of your mouth.

Think of it as an ‘n’ sound if you have a cold.

Correct te reo pronunciation shows respect for Māori, and for New Zealand’s heritage –give it a go!

Big Hair, Big Laughs, Big Heart

Actress Kathleen Burns is going retro in an 80s comedy-drama that will make you feel all the feels.

Set in a hair salon in 1987 Louisiana, Steel Magnolias follows the bond between six women over three years. Written in just ten days, the story was inspired by the death of the playwright’s sister. The play was a smash hit: running for over 1,000 performances off Broadway and adapted into an award-winning movie.

Shelby, Burns’ character in Steel Magnolias, was played by Julia Roberts in the 1989 film. We chatted to Burns about what makes a good play, and whether an actress should try to be Julia Roberts.

What’s it like to be in Steel Magnolias?

It’s a treat to be in a cast that’s all women. This is the second play I’ve been in with an all-women cast – my first one was The Women in 2013. Doesn’t that just say something in itself? It’s very cool.

The show was very contemporary when it came out, but now it’s more retro – how do you feel the play has dated?

For starters, the script is just so, so good. The story of the women, and connections between them is absolutely 100% as applicable today as it was then. The bond that women have is timeless by nature. It’s forward-thinking in many ways. Some things the women talk about would have shocked the hair off people in the late 80s – it was so ahead of its time.

What do you think of your character?

I love Shelby so much. She is full of goodness and love and light, in an honest way. She’s not without her flaws, but she wants nothing more than to help people.

The only man in the rehearsal room is the director, Gregory Cooper. How is it having a male director for a female-centric play?

Sometimes I think “what is going on in Greg’s head” when he is watching us on stage. I imagine it must be like watching a crate full of chickens. It reveals a lot to us. We had a hand-cream incident – if one person starts using hand cream, everyone in the room will end up using hand cream – which he found hilarious. He’s learning a lot about women. And sometimes I think he manages to direct us. As director, Greg looks at what we’re doing and asks “what do the audience want to see right now.” And

I appreciate his commitment to making the beauty parlour as real as possible. It’s something he knows nothing about, which makes it that much better.

Have you watched the movie Steel Magnolias? When I was a girl I saw the movie, and I thought about watching it again, but decided not to. I watched a few clips online – I love Julia Roberts – but decided “nope, I don’t need to watch this”.

Were you worried you’d feel pressured to recreate that performance?

Luckily for me I don’t have an ounce of that spirit in my body. It was the same when I performed in Educating Rita – I’d seen the movie, but if I try and impersonate the performance I would never do it as well as if it was just me. Plus the script of the play is so different to the script of the movie. I’d rather go further into the text that I’m given.

Thanks Kathleen! And for the rest of you: pull on your legwarmers, put on your loudest colours and enjoy a show that celebrates friendship, togetherness and six incredible women! Steel Magnolias opens 5 August at The Court Theatre.

Kathleen in Educating Rita.

club promoter

Profiling the best clubs and events on campus

LOGIA SOCIETY

The Logía Society is an interdisciplinary academic social club for advancing knowledge and education, making friends, and building of academic skills. Named after the Greek “-logia”, the study of a subject, we aim to bring together students from a diverse range of arts, sciences, and other faculties to build links between different fields of study. We host weekly talks, watch

WAIRUA WEEK EVENTS

UC Wairua Week Communion

Fri 11 August, 12pm, Dept of Spiritual Engineering (120 Ilam Road)

The Christian Clubs of Canterbury (a casual collective of UCSA Christian

entertaining movies, organise speakers and field trips, have social gatherings, and network with clubs to stimulate lively discussion and engagement on and off campus. With us you can share and discuss diverse topics and anything capable of spinning an interesting thought or idea. Whether you want to share something that inspires and entertains you, or want to practice a course presentation on a friendly audience, we’d be happy to hear from you.

groups) are banding together for a shared communion service as an endnote to the UC Wairua Week. Communion is a simple ritual where Christians break bread and drink wine to remember the last meal Jesus had with his disciples before he died. There’ll be fresh bread, fortified wine, and enough home made scones to sink a Cathedral before peeps head off to their next lectures. All welcome!

Spiritual Guru Sessions

7 - 11 August,

Lunchtimes at The Undercroft

Throughout UC Wairua Week a swag of different clubs have selected a “Spiritual Guru” (of sorts...) to offer any curious souls a conversation that goes a little deeper than the price of

This year we have been on guided (and discounted) tours of Rutherford’s Den, West Melton Observatory, and Canterbury Museum. We’ve held BBQs, critiqued bad sci-fi movies, and discussed everything from the politics of micro-nations to the links between mental health and scientific insight. But we’re just getting started, with excursions to Ferrymead Heritage Park, debates about future technologies, and talks on the quirks of NZ’s upcoming election all in the works.

Consider becoming a member if this sounds like you!

Sign up for $2 (or $5 for extra loot) at any of our events.

beer at the Foundry. ENSOC have teamed up with Stowe Campbell for the “Firetruck Confession Booth” - so you can finally get those deep, dark secrets off your chest. CathSoc have loaned us Father Michael who’ll be manning his “Ask A Priest anything... and I mean ANYTHING!” booth. Ben Kendrew from Arise will be on hand for his semi-scientific “What’s your Spiritual Superpower?” test. And Rev Megan Hearles-Mooar will be operating her “Spiritual Help Desk”, offering faith-hacks for cynics and saints. You’ll find your preferred spiritual guru sitting in a corner with a small sign in The Undercroft each lunchtime.

UC MEDITATION

Bike stolen? Mistook a noodle day for a rice day? Left an exam early only to realise it was in fact double-sided?

Hi, I’m Albert Nisbet, an enlightened being who has come down from my ethereal plane to share how meditation taught me to chill. I use to be an exam-fearing uni student: I placed my happiness in the Foundry bouncer’s random number generator and I’d try to

DeSOC

DeSoc is a university club for people who believe in advocating for diversity and inclusivity, both at the University of Canterbury, and in the wider community.Membership is free and open to everyone, including non-students!

KEY EVENTS

UC Diversity Film Series: Come along to watch the coolest and most diverse films you’ll see all year! Last year we collaborated with UC Diversity, UC Film Club,

relive my toga party glory days for the fourth year running. But then I discovered UC Meditation and realised that not all of your spiritual uni experiences need to be had half way through an all nighter with enough Red Bull to give you 10 different pairs of wings.

Alongside realising the true nature of consciousness and how to alleviate all suffering, we offer the following fringe benefits:

* Manage and prevent anxiety

* Breath control

and Q Canterbury toscreen Temple Grandin (about an autistic scientist), and Pride (an LGBTQIA comedy). This year we intend to join with 4 other clubs in presenting a range of films that focuses on diversity!

Autism Seminar: A seminar on what autism really is and how a person with autism might process information. We have a speaker from Autism New Zealand and a discussion panel too!

Sign Language Seminar: DeSoc has collaborated with Deaf Aotearoa for a taster workshop on New Zealand Sign Language & Deaf Culture. It was a free 45 minute demonstration of New Zealand’s third and frequently forgotten Official Language, including cool signs for everyday use. Learn how to ask your friends

* Greater appreciation of the small things

* Improved posture

* Quicker access a state of flow

Other benefits may include:

* Less obnoxious breathing

* Greater compassion for the UCSA

* Night vision

* Enhanced used of herbs and spices

You have nothing to lose: At the very least you’ll have a breathing exercise calm the nerves, at most you could go as far as supersede the need for food, accommodation, internet memes and make unreal savings on your living expenses.

So come down to KD07, Kirkwood at 5:15pm on Mondays, and be sure to check out our Facebook page for room changes and updates!

to get you a coffee when you’re on the phone to your mum! We hope to repeat this workshop in the future.

Inclusive Catering:

DeSoc and a ton of other clubs will be hosting the coolest event ever, about food and how to include people with diverse dietary requirements. This will be followed by a meal that ticks all the boxes. Hope to see you then!

Social Meetup:

We meet up every fortnight with club members for a cool chat about what’s going on. Drop by and say hi! Details on the DeSoc Facebook page.

If you’re interested in joining DeSoc and making a difference, drop us an email at desocuc14@gmail.com, or join “DeSoc” Facebook Group!

‘Society might be homophobic and transphobic, but you don’t have to be! A column for the cishet ally in training’.

Welcome to the first edition of Queertiquette, a column by your outspoken local lesbian to help earnest members of the straight and cis community (that’s you!) make our environment just a wee bit less hostile towards members of the LGBT+ community.

But first, half of you are probably already confused –what does cis mean? Is that you?

So first of all, here’s a quick glossary any ally worth their rainbow stripes should know.

Gender and gender identity:

Somebody’s gender refers to how they experience gender, either on the spectrum between male and female, or separated from that binary entirely. Gender identity often refers to the relationship between somebody’s gender and the gender they were assigned at birth, when it’s assumed penis = male or vagina = female, while genitalia may not accurately represent someone’s gender at all. In reality, gender identity and gender expression are much more complex and varied than the constructed binary of male vs. female – binaries are for software engineers and CompSci majors, and when was the last time they were any fun at parties?

Sexuality and orientation:

Someone’s sexuality or orientation refers to the gender(s) they may or may not be attracted to. Somebody’s sexuality or orientation can’t always be determined by their dating history, which if you’ve ever had someone assume you were only into weird smelling guys who own longboards because of your habit of cosying up to CUBA members at parties, you might understand. For many people, it’s a journey, and some people identify with different orientations along the way! If you’ve ever had someone assume you were only into weird smelling guys who own longboards because of your habit of cosying up to CUBA members at parties, then you might understand.

Transgender – to identify with a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth (often shortened to trans)

Cisgender – to identify with the gender you were assigned at birth (often shortened to cis)

Cishet – describes someone who is both cis and straight

Genderfluid – describes a gender identity which is fluid between two or more genders over time

Non-binary – describes any gender that doesn’t fall under the binary genders of man or woman.

Agender – describes a lack of identification with any gender, binary or otherwise

Gay – attracted exclusively to the same gender

Lesbian – woman attracted exclusively to other women

Bisexual – attracted to two or more genders

Pansexual – attracted to all genders, or regardless of gender

Asexual – not sexually attracted to anyone Aromantic – not romantically attracted to anyone

THE SECRET LIVES OF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS THE SECRET LIVES OF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS:

Why are we so poor?

Wajd El-Matary looks at the student allowance, and asks a few UC students on how they manage to survive while studying at UC.

As most of us reading this magazine will know, funding a university lifestyle with only the help of the government is not as easy as it sounds. When it comes to older generations, a lot of responses to our constant shortage of dosh come down to what they think is the solution to our problems, to “stop partying so much!”. Most of us on the student allowance or living costs entitlement will know, partying sometime isn’t even an option when we run this low on cash regularly.

Let me break it down for those of you who aren’t on any government allowance what these terms mean. As a student living away from home, whether it be flatting or in a hall, you are eligible for up to $210 a week student allowance, depending on your parent͛s income. You also qualify if you do not keep in contact with your ‘rents or have completely cut ties with either one or both of them. So, although your parents may earn a couple of thousand less than the bracket, you are still not legally eligible for the full entitlement. This means the allowance doesn’t have to be paid back unless you fail more than half of your courses at university, or drop down to part time study.

Already, the flaws through this system are flowing out from all directions. As of 2017, it’s very safe and easy to say that not many people living away from home are receiving financial assistance from their parents, so why should the parents earnings count towards the amount of money their child is entitled to every week?

Another major flaw in the system, is that if a university student chooses to work a part time job and earns more than that $210 a week, their money is deducted from student allowance based on how many hours a week they earn, with the assumption made from study link that $210 a week is a viable and liveable source of income. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. $210 a week broken down can for one person living in the Ilam/ Upper Riccarton area can easily come down to these expenses. Keep in mind these are the average spends a student will accumulate throughout a week worth of living away from home.

Weekly Breakdown for your Average Student

Weekly Breakdown for your Average Student

$135 a week on rent

$135 a week on rent

$30 a week on food

$30 a week on food

$6 a week on Wi-Fi (approx.)

$6 a week on Wi-Fi (approx.)

$8 a week of power (approx.)

$8 a week of power (approx.)

Aaaaand that͛s already a large chunk of money the student will earn that week. $179 will go towards living a somewhat healthy life, and those extra measly $33 will either be put aside for savings, or left in the empty bank account in hopes that no extra bills will accumulate during the rest of the week.

One of the most painful parts of this article will also shine a light on the students who aren͛t entitled to student allowance as their parents ‘earn too much money’. What happens to them? Well, they are entitled to up to $176 a week, which will only cover a portion of their expenses, meaning no money will be put aside for savings or emergencies. Worst part of the $176 a week? You have to pay it back at the end of your degree.

Assuming the average degree is 3 years, that debt will accumulate to $27,456 for their whole time at uni, not including the cost of the actual degree.

cont. on next page

There is of course always the option of working a part time job, but the mental strain it can have on a university student studying full time is sometimes hard enough as it is. I decided to have a chat with a few students about their living conditions and put together profiles on how they survive their weeks, and what their weekly budget covers for them. I asked them all the same questions;

How do you ration out your money for the week?

Have you ever had assistance from your family?

Do you ever struggle to feed yourself or balance your social life due to lack of funds?

Do you have any hacks or tricks that you use to make your money last longer?

MEET ROBERT:

starving and without food, I have to rely on UCSA welfare or friends. UC Free Food Society is a godsend as well.

[W] Do you ever struggle to feed yourself or balance your social life due to lack of funds?

[R] I struggle to feed myself a lot. My diet has mainly consisted of rice, peanut butter, bread, eggs, yoghurt, and all bran cereal. Sometimes I splurge and buy things like chicken or spinach or vegetables, but if I do, then it means I can’t do anything at all for the week unless it’s free. In between all of this, I also go to the gym frequently which requires me to eat way more food than I currently am, so I have to start making the rest of my calories up using mass gainers that were donated to me. Otherwise, I can actually lose a ton of weight—I lost 2kg alone in five days during exams, and I didn’t even go to the gym at all during that time and made sure to eat three good-sized meals a day. Hence why I eat filling things like rice and bread. I like to joke that I’m an involuntary vegetarian simply because I don’t have enough money for meat. I barely go to any non-free events, but luckily enough my friends enjoy my company, so I don’t need anything like an event or thing to socialize.

[W] Do you have any hacks or tricks that you use to make your money last longer?

(may not be actual Robert...)

[Wajd] How do you ration out your money for the week?

[Robert] I pay my rent/internet/power first at the start of every week, and I’m left with an okay amount of money for the rest of the week, which has only gotten smaller as winter comes in and we have to start paying more in power. Whatever I have left is all the money I have for food, drinks, activities, etc. so I’m more or less limited to either studying, playing board games, talking to friends around uni (in walking/biking distance) and watching videos/playing games on my computer for any entertainment. However, sometimes if an expected cost happens out of nowhere and I need to pay it, then my grocery budget suffers and I can be left sometimes with peanut butter sandwiches and rice with egg for a week (which has happened multiple times).

[W] Have you ever had assistance from your family?

[R] Unfortunately, I’m cut off from my family and have been since I was 14—when I first came out—so I’ve never been able to get any assistance, whether it’s money or food, from my family. Usually if I’m actually

[R] I’d say to stop paying for any drinks that isn’t free water—the rest is a massive waste and adds up so quickly. When you consider that a coke is around $3 and you only have $30-70 of your student allowance left after rent and that, that’s about 10-2% of your allowance on one drink that’s not even good for you! I’d also recommend taking up new things that don’t have any cost—my friends and I have started board game nights so that way we have something to do that doesn’t require any money. If you’re the type to have a savings account (which you should), I’d recommend having it in a different bank that can’t be accessed using an EFTPOS card, so that way if you did want to splurge or impulsively buy something, you’d have to wait for a business day for it to transfer to your cheque account. That way you’d be a lot less tempted to make those small purchases that add up.

Ee-Li from Advocacy and Welfare wants to remind you that as a UC student, you can apply for the Hardship Grant, the Mickle Fund loan or the Mickle Fund small loan. There’s also the UCSA Foodbank.

Contact her for a confidential chat: ee-li.hong@ucsa. org.nz.

By Wajd El-Matary

WHAT OTHER STUDENTS HAD TO SAY:

It seems like living as a student comes at a cost. When your average student juggles which meal to prioritise, there’s something wrong with the system. Maybe we need more flexibility around earning money, or anallowance system that caters for more individual circumstances.

Students shouldn’t be piling the stress of where their food is coming from, or removing social interaction from their life just to make their future better.

The new normal of the student struggle is disconcerting to say the least.

Have any tips on how to make money last longer? Share them with CANTA. We’ll print them next issue. Also make sure to keep in touch and like UC Free Food Soc on Facebook, it’s literally what it says it is. https://www.facebook.com/freefoodsoc/

FLAT FAMOUS POPEAPPROVED!!

We are the Vatican, where the bread and wine consists of speedy crack and Billy Mavs.

The seven members of our congregation are Frank “fucc boi” Beker, Matthew “shotgun shitter” Small, Josh “the fouhy” Fouhy and Harry “Christopher Jack” Seagar *Pride.

Also included are our president botanists Gabe “big dick” Harris and Callum “wagon burner” Rix.

Then to match the Christchurch ratios, the solo female; Tayla “jungle fever with the odd redhead on the side” Richards.

... AND POPE CENSORED

The Vatican goodies from Harrington’s! Wanna win YOUR flat something similar?

Email CANTA@CANTA.CO.NZ telling us why you’re flat’s so bloody spectacular and you could be featured in FLAT FAMOUS!

Photography by Java Katzur

[Matt] You’ve become a bit of a celebrity over the past year—what’s that been like?

[Chlöe] As far as celebrity goes, it’s D-grade. When I put myself forward for the mayoralty last year, it was a bit of a protest. I thought my policy would be the thing that was headlined, instead it became about me and the fact that I was 22 years old. All my friends obviously joked about that—”Chlöe Swarbrick 22”—and that was really interesting to navigate, because as a human being you have all of your complexities and think of your character as more holistic than just your age. But back to your question—being a D-grade celebrity. It comes with an enormous amount of privilege because people open up to you. I’ve had a lot of people tell me some really dark things about their lives, because they’ve vested trust in me—that I can hopefully go about helping them to solve it or make sure that those issues don’t occur for other people. It comes with quite a weight in that respect.

[M] In your view, what is the role of central Government?

[C] To ensure that everybody has a level playing field from the beginning and that nobody goes without the basics. What’s something that you’ve changed your mind about recently? I’ve started to like Kendrick Lamar more. Does that count? Or does it have to be policy? That’s a hard one because I always try to be as open minded as possible.

I did the Big Sleepout with Lifewise recently. Until then I’d not necessarily given all that much credence to it, but I’d entertained the notion that perhaps there are some people that choose to be homeless and rough sleep. Given my very bougie experience of sleeping rough—I say bougie because we had access to toilets and there were guards roaming around—no one would choose that.

[M] What practical steps do you think the government can take to increase youth voting rates?

[C] Young people are not homogenous. We don’t all want the same things. We are all at a certain stage in our life, which tends to indicate that we’ve got similar challenges, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we perceive the same solutions to them. So I think that young people need something to vote for, and that will change things. Representation is important, so I think it’d be rad to have more young people standing, but if you look at the biggest youth movements in both the States and the UK over the past few decades, it’s been two old white dudes, so it doesn’t necessarily need to be the right messenger, because we know that we’ve tried everything under the sun in terms of advertising and communications to try and make voting cool. I don’t think that young people are dumb. I also think we need to stop talking down to them. Because there is a really patronising approach of young people are so lazy, or apathetic, or whatever.

“We are all at a certain stage in our life, which tends to indicate that we’ve got similar challenges, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we perceive the same solutions to them.”

Matt Amos talks to the Green Party candiate about youth voting, immigration & being a NZ celeb

[M] Which MP on the right do you have the most respect for?

[C] Do you count New Zealand First as on the right? I’m going to say Tracey Martin. I was at bFM for 4 years, and I spent a long time interviewing politicians, and of those on the right—although I don’t know if Tracey would put herself on the right—she cares about things. And I think that a lot of New Zealand politicians really do care about things, but I think that some get lost along the way where it becomes about the game of politics rather than what politics can actually achieve. I’ve always felt that she genuinely fights for stuff and she’s a staunch feminist and has some really awesome thoughts around education. We definitely don’t agree on quite a few other things, but I’ve got quite a lot of time for her.

[M] You’ve gone from being an independent to being in a party. What’s been difficult about that?

[C] It’s been interesting. Politics was not a thing that I thought that I was going to be doing. I was in the media and I was trying to create change culturally and trying to report on all of these issues. I was getting increasingly frustrated because I found that you can break the story which you’ve worked on for months and it exposes all of these flaws in the system and then it’s gone by the next news cycle. So I found that I had to operate in the structural sphere in order to actually try and bring about that change. Because that’s where power lies at the moment. Coming in from being an independent to joining a party that has a 27year history is a really interesting jump. As an independent you can say whatever you want because you represent yourself. As a list candidate I am seen as a representative

in everything that I do for the party. So that is always going to be a challenge, for everybody, but at the same time our support systems are really awesome. What do you think about Bill English’s social investment approach? I think it’s misguided. I think that it comes from a place—I’m thinking and I’m hoping—of compassion. I do think it does. But I don’t think that it will achieve the aims that it is supposedly setting out to do. Look at the critique which has come out from certain academics and researchers in New Zealand against the social investment approach for examples of where it fails. But the major one being that when you hyper-target things, people will fall through the gaps. That’s a fact. You stigmatise people too.

[M] I think immigration dialogue has been a little confused this election on the left. Labour and the Greens have been stumbling around a bit. What’s your take on immigration? Do you think we’re getting it right at the moment?

[C] I think that the discussion about immigration has become a dog whistle. And it has become a dog whistle because we are no longer talking about infrastructure— we are talking about immigrants and we are talking about types of immigrants as well. And whether we want it to be or not, it is tied to the dialogue and the discourse which has been happening around Asian-sounding surnames, around whatever Winston wants to say about Asian reporters, all of those kinds of things. Immigration is totally one of the factors that play into managing a country. But immigrants are not to blame for our lack of infrastructure, that’s chronic underinvestment over the last nine years. So I’d prefer that we were having that conversation about infrastructure rather than pointing the finger at immigrants, because I think we lose what the whole point is somewhere in that transition.

chloeswarbrick@greens.org.nz

twitter: @_chloeswarbrick chloeswarbrick.co.nz

Interview by Matt Amos Photography by Hugh Baird

“But immigrants are not to blame for our lack of infrastructure, that’s chronic underinvestment over the last nine years.”

ANTI SOCIAL

Honourable

THE F-WORD Episode 6

Trigger warning: sexual assault

Kia ora! FemSoc kicked off UC Diversity Fest with a screening of The Hunting Ground, a documentary about sexual assaults on US university campuses. The film exposes a widespread, but often unseen, problem, and shows the resilience and determination of survivors to fight back. This led to an inspiring discussion of what the documentary misses or leaves out, what’s relevant to New Zealand, and what can be done better here at UC. A key point was how, until coming out publicly themselves, most survivors didn’t know how many others there were. This shows how a culture in which it’s taboo to be open about being a survivor keeps the scale of the issue hidden.

In New Zealand it’s often mentioned how little we talk about feelings and personal issues. Having those sometimes difficult conversations ‒ both privately and publicly ‒ is an important start to understanding and fighting the problems many of us face. However, it’s important to respect that it’s an individual’s choice to disclose personal information. What we can do as a community is create a safer and more supportive environment for survivors.

So think about this: What can you do to reduce the stigma of talking about personal issues so people you know feel comfortable coming to you if they need support?

SPIRITUALITY FOR DUMMIES

Kia Ora. I’m the Rev Spanky Moore - the Uni Chaplain around these parts. Or as I like to think of myself, the dean of the Department of Spiritual Engineering. And as you might expect I’m pretty chuffed to see Wairua Week happening on campus next week (7-11 Aug), because I for one think spirituality should be a part of every student’s university experience at Canterbury.

So what exactly do I mean by Spirituality? Afterall, I should know, because I find myself in meetings most days waving my hands around in flamboyant ways going on about “spirituality this” and “spirituality that”.

Now I’m definitely not trying to lump whole cultures into homogeneous categories, but if I’m perfectly honest, most Maori I talk to seem to take the idea of spirituality seriously. Most Pacific peeps I know seem too as well. And plenty of international students, from their various cultures and faiths, connect with a spiritual understanding of life.

But it’s usually the Pakeha kiwi that will give me that slightlyconfused-but-I-desperately-don’twant-to-come-across-culturallyinsensitive look I’ve grown so accustomed to over the years. The conversation is then moved on as quickly as possible - onto things they are more comfortable withlike budgets or business plans or The Block.

So let me offer you the shortest Spirituality for Dummies guide in less than 100 words. Spirituality is that connection with our spirit or our soul - and is fundamentally about Mystery, and Meaning. The Mystery bit is evidence whenever we experience a sense of awe, beauty, or joy in ways that escape

words for most of us; a sunset, a painting, a tree, a baby, a song, a bird. The Meaning bit is when we begin to make sense of our lives by believing we are part of a bigger story.

And I think all students need to get serious about getting spiritual. We all need a sense of Mystery in our lives to flourish. And most of us need some kind of Meaning too. So maybe 2017 could be the year you explore how your own Spiritual engineering is wired?

facebook.com/UCWairuaWeek

TOP FIVE UNDIES AT THE UNDIE RUN

Another freezing cold day for OpSoc’s Undie Run for 2017. That didn’t stop a decent crowd of 40+ runners shedding their clothes and boosting around campus in their trainers. Good job!

Here are my top five undies spotted at the run.

1)The obligitory mankini – even if it was half a commitment with undies underneath

2)Tied at second place are the neon pink and neon orange trunks.

3)The slick Puma 2 piece – lookin’ like a legit runner!

4)The American flag boxers – so topical right now

5)The frankenstein patchwork trunks – kinda gross but also kinda funny.

NGAIRE KNOWS BEST

Dear Ngaire, My flatmate came home with a fuckin cat. I hate cats and I’m allergic. She’s now trying to hide the cat when we have flat inspections because we aren’t allowed pets???

My other flatmates are guys and don’t care which makes it even more stressful for me. What’s the best thing for me to do?

Please don’t say kill the cat.

Signed, Shitty about Kitty

Dear Shitty, No dear don’t kill the cat. How sad would that be! Pussies are a delight.

Surely you have a sad, lonely friend? Maybe called Denise, Joanne or Paula? Tell her you have the most DARLING cat and would hate for your monstrous flatmates to kill it, which they will. “Paula, could you do me a favour and kittysit until we find a permanent home?” Then never answer her calls when she tries to return it.

Pusstastic, Ngaire

Hi, This is for ‘Grandma Knows Best’.I started at UC when I was 16 and therefore everyone I’m around assumes I’m 18-19. I’m about to turn 17. I don’t look my age.

I’ve started dating a girl and she thinks I’m 21. Don’t ask. I have avoided bringing her home all year because I live at home. I avoid Mono every week because I’m underage.

How can I break it to her that I am 17?

Jacob

Hi Jail Bait Jacob,

I too am quite used to lying about things like my age (also my sexual health, marital affairs and criminal record) and I’ve learnt the trick is to COMMIT to that lie. Believe it so much, that it sounds like the truth.

Try going to a friendly nerd and pay him $20 to whip you up a fake ID on that photo-shop thing. It worked for me and my 18+ card.

Good luck, Grandma Ngaire

Hi Ngaire, I’m trying to make it as a rapper. I busk, I make YouTube videos and do everything I can to promote myself. It’s been almost two years and it has been an uphill battle. One of my friends had a heart to heart with me and basically said I suck. What are your thoughts? (YouTube link retracted)

Lil Cheesey

For Pete’s sake. First things first, if it’s cheesey you need to wash it.

Right. Now the truth: you sound like you are weak as piss and twice as annoying. I’d bully you busking at the supermarket until you cried, just because I could. Even though I’m frail, nearly dead and my family don’t like me I know I’m better than you. Go work at Bunnings!

FEEL GOOD FACTS

FEEL GOOD FACTS

– Whales will bring their whale babies to visit their grandparent whales.

– The majority of clean-up work at the Fukushima power plant disaster was done by elderly volunteers, because they would never see the result of the radiation exposure.

– Blind people smile even when they have never seen someone smile before.

– When the shooting happened at the Pulse club in Orlando, so many people were signing up to donate blood that the blood bank phone line was unusable and the lines to donate blood at buses were hours long.

Love, Ngaire

We pass on your emails to Ngaire: canta.editor@gmail. com

Facebook: /MrsNgaireChambers

UC motorsport (UCM) is a student organisation made up of mechanical, mechatronic, and electrical engineers which competes in the Australasian formula SAE competition each year. Formula SAE is an international design competition where students are tasked with designing, manufacture and testing of a formula class race car. Since 2013, UCM has built cars with conventional combustion engines. However, in 2016 UCM made a radical changes and switched to an all-electric power train. The car consisted of four independently controlled electric motors, which totalled more than twice the power output of previous cars; at the limit of what the competition would allow. The 2016 UCM formula SAE car was the first electric four wheel drive electric race car built in New Zealand!

Matt Barham was the lead electrical systems engineer for the 2016 car, and just completed his Master’s thesis on the vehicle control unit, car wiring, and the battery systems.

Controlling four independent motors simultaneously is a difficult task to achieve. As well as limiting the maximum power available to the car (to comply with the competition rules), the control unit governs how the power is balanced between the wheels. This power governing allows the motors to assist in steering and handling the car by actively pushing and pulling the car into position using the cars motors. It does this by balancing the torque at the wheels at a single point in time to match the turn that the driver dictates.

Matt had the opportunity to drive the car himself during his time working on the project. An electric car is a very different experience to a convention combustion engine vehicle. Aside from the complete lack of engine noise, the way the car accelerates can be quite surprising. “It feels very different to a combustion car. I think the biggest thing which catches people out is the lack of any gear changes. There’s a really smooth strong acceleration.”

Switching to a completely electric system was a huge challenge, and the team had high hopes for the performance of the car. The team had a promising start to the Melbourne based competition, coming in 1st place in the skidpad event. This is a time trial around a tight figure eight track which pushes the steering and handling of the car to its limits. Unfortunately, reliability problems with the motor control system plagued the team during the competition and they could not hold out in the final race.

“It was disappointing that we lost out so close to the end” Matt said “but a four-by-four race car was such a huge challenge, and I’m super proud of what we achieved in the end!”

Matt has now submitted his master’s thesis and is now working full time for Rodin Cars Ltd, a Canterbury based company aiming to build track day super cars based on the Lotus formula one technology.

The current UCM SAE team is currently working hard on the 2017 car, which is based on the same power train as the 2016 car. They have worked out a lot of the issues which troubled the 2016 car in competition, as well as refining and improving the individual wheel control systems. If you’re interested in keeping updated on what the UC team is up to, you can follow them on their facebook page. There is some real engineering eye candy on there!

Image credit Toby White

Hard yards

the Nazis in this film; he would then go on to train Obi-Wan Kenobe and Darth Vader in ‘Star Wars

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace’, mentor Batman in ‘Batman Begins’, become Aslan the lion in the Narnia films and also destroy his daughter’s kidnappers in ‘Taken’. But all the badassery started with Schindler’s list. This film is a classic because it made Liam Neeson a demi-god who would later unleash his supreme powers for the world to see.

Give us some facts about this movie I can impress someone with:

for them. So he shot the dinosaur movie first and then he dealt with Oskar Schindler. Both films released in 1993. Both struck boxoffice gold. While Spielberg made about US 250 million dollars for Jurassic Park he didn’t charge a penny for Schindler’s List.

The UC Film Club put in the hours watching classic ‘must watch films’ so that you can pretend you are cultured.

Movie details: Schindler’s List (1993)

Why should I pretend I’ve seen this film?

This is that black and white film for which Steven Spielberg won his first Oscar. Spielberg has directed many colorful movies in his lifetime but the one film that fetched him the elusive Academy Award for the very first time was this colourless film. It was also the second scary film after ‘JurassicPark’ that Spielberg directed in the year 1993.

One sentence sum up of the plot: A messiah by the name of Liam Neeson a.k.a Oskar Schindler prevents innocent lives from being persecuted by the bad Nazis.

What makes this film a classic: This was perhaps Liam Neeson’s first significant role in his legendary acting career. He saved Jews from

Although this movie is 99% black and white, one of the most remembered scenes of this film is the one that showed the little girl in the red winter coat. Apart from the beginning and ending of the film, the girl’s red coat was the only colorful component in an otherwise dark film. Also, Mr. Spielberg is actually a college dropout. He dropped out of college, became a multi-billionaire and then many years later he re-enrolled in college and submitted Schindler’s List as his final student project. So this movie not only helped Spielberg get an Oscar but also a freakin’ academic degree. Dropping out of college and becoming a billionaire seems to be the way of life. Also, Universal Studios wouldn’t allow this man to shoot Schindler’s List until he had shot Jurassic Park

Controversial or alternate theory on the storyline: Well, this might sound extremely lame so please forgive me for mentioning it. The protagonist’s name was Oskar. Spielberg won his first Oscar for this film. So if the protagonist had a different name would Spielberg still have won the coveted trophy?

Does this movie enjoy cult status?

I think every Spielberg movie that released in the 90s enjoyed cult status. Christopher Nolan was yet to arrive then. Once he arrived in the 21st century, he took advantage of Oskar Schindler’s wisdom to train Bruce Wayne.

By Reo Roy

GIG GUIDE

SHANE P CARTER AND BAND

FRIDAY 11TH AUGUST

Location:

Blue Smoke Tickets: Available from undertherader.co.nz

DAZE

with support from crooked lidz , willy styles , acid police & more

SATURDAY 12 TH AUGUST

Location:

New City Hotel Tickets: $15 early birds

BILL DIREEN

SUNDAY 20 TH AUGUST

Location: Dark Room Tickets: $10

Sir Spyro

With support from LOWQUID , SCHEME , BRASSIC & TWISTED DUB

FRIDAY 25TH AUGUST

Location: Dim 7th

Tickets: Available from cosmicticketing.co.nz

If you’re reading this on the day this CANTA came out, TuneSoc’s Diversity Pot-Luck is on tomorrow night (Tuesday), 6pm in the Living Room. Bring along your friends (if any), a plate of food and any fun instruments that you would like to share with the group!

If you’re reading this after Tuesday, shame—you missed out on a great Diversity Pot-Luck. Chairs, TuneSoc xx

DARKSPACE III)

Review by Hayden Slaughter

Da rkspace III, a collaborative event from two of Christchurch’s premier underground music establishments, Darkroom and Space Academy, was scheduled for the night of Saturday the 22nd of July.

It was cancelled due to the torrential downpour— most of the acts couldn’t get to Christchurch.

A soggy 0/10.

Fran/Bar Group, Hex and The All Seeing Hand

Review by Hayden

Slaughter

However, Darkroom pulled through with a gig so lit you could see the rain vaporising on the roof of the building. Fran/Bar Group, Hex and The All Seeing Hand braved the weather and made it to Christchurch, to play some experimental sludge rock, an upbeat punk set, and something I can only describe as some “nasty ass droney sludge music from the depths of hell”.

Both Fran and Hex played tight sets, but, The All Seeing Hand were the real winners on the night. Quite different to a traditional Mono Night, these guys could thrash out a tune that consisted of one single note, but drove it home like Tiger Woods in his glory days. And, not unlike Tiger’s collapsed marriage and considerable drunken notoriety, they proceeded to blow my f*cken mind. If you like sweating a lot, and having existential crises, you should give these guys a listen.

An existential 8/10.

PEKING DUK)

Review by Wajd El-Mataray

Hearing Peking Duk would soon brace our shores was probably one of the best bits of news I received all year. Not only have I admired them from afar, I jumped at the chance to see the duo perform in the flesh.

After releasing their single High, the duo from Canberra shot to fame internationally. It was then the influx of fabulous songs went viral, and their efforts were appreciated worldwide. The duo which originally worked at McDonalds before their successful stints as musicians started, wow’ed Christchurch with a sold out show.

Having been probably the only person there not intoxicated, it was safe to say it was a fantastic night and everyone enjoyed it! As they played some old bangers and new ones, I looked at the crowd and analysed the sparks going off in the crowd. It was a fantastic night, so here’s hoping next time they choose a bigger arena!

TuneSoc and RDU Collide TuneSoc and RDU Collide

By Matt Slaughter.

TUNE into TuneSoc Radio every Friday between 12 and 2 on RDU 98.5!

RDU and UC have had a close relationship since the station’s humble beginnings in 1976. By its very nature, student radio is radio created by students, for students. The beginning of 2017 saw this notion once again affirmed through the creation of TuneSoc radio; TuneSoc’s mainstream voice, and the Christchurch public’s way-in to the goings on of the University of Canterbury music scene.

Every Friday between 12 and 2, TuneSoc Radio provides listeners with a treasure trove of new and old musical gems, to educate and inspire the next generation of UC songwriters and creatives. Pair this with some sometimes informative, but for the most part, questionable chat and many a shameless TuneSoc plug, and listeners are left with a snapshot not only into UC’s strengthening music scene, but also into student culture, and what it means to be a UC student in a time where orange men (Ed’s note: Trump) rule.

TESTIES FOR BESTIES

How well do you know your friends? We provide five randomly generated questions for you and a mate. If you both get them all right, you win a box of beer on us.

Well – Besties for Beer started out with a fizz...

1/10 for both Laura and Emily! No beer for them.

If you think you and your bestie are up for the challenge, contact CANTA.

This week

Laurafeaturing&Emily!

LAURA

HOW IT WORKS:

ONE SIDE THE OTHER SIDE

Kinda funny story here Canta. My so called “blind date” is a chicken-shit, scummy piece of crap who couldn’t even look me in the eyes. Make sure that everyone reading knows that NAME REDACTED is a total scumbag and not to date him.

I saw him coming and I started laughing because I KNEW it was him expecting another clueless first year, and he had no idea what was coming. I made sure everyone in Spags knew he was a cheater. I was yelling at him before the door even opened. I wish I wasn͛t so fired up, because I could have taken a pic of his face. He honestly had no idea what hit him and went bright red.

Afterwards I thought shit... what if he wasn’t the date??... it was pretty obvious it was in the end (and weirdly I had a premonition that something weird was going to happen) but regardless I don’t think he will be showing his face around Riccarton for a while. By the way NAME REDACTED you looked really bloated and your skin looked like my dinner.

The first good thing he did was leave. Before that he left his voucher for me (so he should). Trying to be a gentleman about it but I basically just told him to fuck off. Yeah I kept the voucher though lol. I called my mum and my sister down to the restaurant and we had a good laugh and an awesome dinner with stuff to take home.

I was still shaking with adrenaline by the time we left but it’s one for the storybooks.

Thanks to CANTA I finally got a chance to have a date to cure my dry spell. I also had the chance to wear my ‘guaranteed to smash’ outfit. Chinos, shirt and blazer. New shoes. Showing a bit of cheeky ankle even though it͛s basically snowing. I smelt good, I looked good, my hair was fresh.

I turned up to this Lucky Dip date and pretty much turned around and left again.

Somehow I’d been paired up with my ex-girlfriend’s little sister. Her entire family hate me because I basically cheated on her for a year with randoms and ruined her first year at UC. I know it’s a bad move from me but I was a fresher and should have broken up with her months earlier.

Sorry CANTA but there’s no blind date happening with this chick. I’m lucky she didn’t throw her drink at me.

Really sorry there’s no happy ending here. I’m keen to try again but I think I need to see who I will be meeting up with.

Cheers and sorry CANTA.

Appreciate the effort lads.

Two strangers, free dinner and drinks at Spags,and a written summary from each person that we broadcast to the world.

IF YOU’RE WAITING FOR THE WAITER, THEN AREN’T YOU ACTUALLY THE WAITER...?