CANTA ISSUE 3, 2016

CONTENTS

Letters to the Editor

The Mixed Bag (News)

A moment with Josie Butler

Alcohol Alienation

Amnesty Day

Food for Thought

Clubs on Campus: MOTOSOC

A Laugh & A Half

Issue 03, 2016

canta@canta.co.nz

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Editor: Liam Donnelly

Deputy Editors: Shannon Costello, Mac Stephenson

Designer: Jessy Erceg

Contributors: Sophie Bailey, Paige Valentine, Heather Victoria

Special Thanks: Caleb Dudley, Sam Clark

Flat Profile: Mecca

UCPols: Campervan Crusade

Canta Investigates: Bike Theives

The Best of ‘The Free Table’

Culture

Empower Yourself

UCSA Exec

Exec Watchdog

Canta is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) and the New Zealand Press Council. Individuals with a complaint against the magazine should first contact the Canta Editor in writing and then, if not satisfied with the response, contact the New Zealand Press Council Secretary at PO Box 10-879, The Terrace, Wellington. _______

Canta is brought to you by:

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.”

– Peter Drucker (Educator)

UCSA Advertising

Send any queries or complaints to president@ucsa.co.nz or canta@canta.co.nz

Acting Sales Executive: Jason Schroeder

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LETTERS EDITOR TO THE

Dear Canta, I have a wardrobe full of skirts but I can no longer wear them to University. Not because it is getting colder but because I can’t cross my legs under the desk without knocking my knees! This needs to be fixed as it’s the only way I can sit down without exposing my mummy maker.

Can you please raise this issue as I’m desk-perately wanting to wear something cute this month!

Yours, Skirtless Susan Canta: OMG, what a nightmare. You might actually have to wear appropriate clothing. How terrible.

Kia ora Canta,

In the last publication of Canta I sadly noticed there was an over-abundance of chunky word article things and a distressing lack of dank memes. Students rely on a steady source of such memes just as much as they rely on a steady source of caffeine and $2 rice so please get cracking on some fresh funnies. We’re counting on you mate.

Yours hopefully, Rod.

Canta: If you want ‘dank memes’ go on a computer, we ain’t Facebook.

DESK-PERATE FOR ATTENTION

Dear Canta,

I’m having real issues with people and hats. Like when it comes to inside lectures and stuff, I just can’t see the screen. Like, I legit can’t see! I get that caps and beanies are ok, but the other day someone wore a cowboy hat! Like that’s a fashion statement in itself, but seriously can we have a sign or something put up?

Yours, Penny. Canta:

Penny, use your words.

So, I am not sure if it is CANTA people, or just your standard shifty UCSA exec type folks, but what is with that stretch-Golfcart which they are constantly driving around Campus all the time? I understand if they are delivering and transporting heavy loads about the place, as the fancy stretch golf cart appears to be designed to do. But this seems unlikely, as I have not once seen them with anything at all on the large somewhat ominous tray at the back of the cart (It’s probably for bodies, I bet it’s for bodies). Are they just out to show us their ‘sick ride’ and let us know that our student levies are being well spent? Or is it a moral opposition to walking on the filthy ground like the rest of

Want to write a letter?

Email: letters@canta.co.nz

Canta,

You ticked off ‘A good UCSA app’ on the Exec Watchdog checklist. Have you actually tried to use the new app? You have to log in to your Timetable every time you go into the app! Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Yours, Using Google Calendar

Canta: We apologise for our inaccurate ticking, our standards were clearly too low.

us dirty plebs with our peasant ‘walkin feet’? Is it another rhetorical question, which vaguely mocks our benevolent overlords with golf cart privileges? Either way, it’s a bit of a hazard on the foot bridges and small pathways that you lot (whoever you REALLY are) insist on driving it over. So, I suppose what I am trying to ask here is why. Why must you drive everywhere, campus isn’t that big, and why your cart is so gosh darned huge?

With Regards

Ploderick, the Underlord of Pedestrianity

Canta: K.

Canta’s ‘Least Shit Letter of the Week’ wins a roll of coveted 2-ply toilet paper!

No

If he’s stupid enough to wear a cowboy hat in a lecture theatre he deserves to be verbally abused.

EXEC BLINDDOG

HATMAN RETURNS

A PEASANT HAS SPOKEN

Around the World

North Korea:

Good news! Last Wednesday, About 6:10 a.m. local time, the North Korean Military launched two mid-range ‘Musudan’ missiles as part of a weapons test. Fortunately, both missiles crashed “shortly after they were launched," a Defense Ministry official said.

THE MIXED BAG

Turkey:

A man armed with a pump-action rifle, robbed a bank in the Kumkapı neighbourhood of Istanbul last Tuesday. The man, named Semih Bulut, then went to the top floor balcony where he proceeded to fire rifle shots into the air as he scattered 30,000 Turkish Liras onto the street below.

United States:

Business magnate and engineer, Elon Musk, announced last Friday that his company, SpaceX, expects to launch a capsule to Mars by 2018. It will be a test flight for the capsules which in the future will be able to transport people to Mars. Musk stated that he sees Mars as a kind of an “insurance plan” for life on Earth.

Spain:

Construction workers in Spain carrying out routine work on water pipes discovered 600 kilograms of ancient roman coins. Dating back to the late third and early fourth centuries, the bronze coins were found inside 19 Roman amphoras, a type of jar.

Russia:

Last week in Moscow, two parents became very worried when their 11-year-old daughter failed to return home from school. It was later discovered that instead of going home, the girl, who had never been on a plane before, took a flight to St Petersburg. According to the girl she joined a family with children and snuck past security unnoticed.

So DU u think you can SUDOKU??

News by Numbers

$105,000,000

– The market price of Ivory the Kenyan government has seized and burned this month.

19,050 Kilograms

– Was the amount of ham lost on a truck that burst into flames in North Carolina.

350

– The estimated population size of the Woolly Wolfs, a newly discovered species of wolf in the Himalayas.

$17.4 Million

– The cheque Irish gambler, JP McManus, got to take home after winning what has been described as a “serious backgammon match”.

20 years

– The maximum prison sentence for prank calling a SWAT team on other people under new legislation in the US.

1886

– The year Mt Tarawera exploded, resulting in the disappearance of the Pink and White Terraces, which scientists last month concluded were largely still intact.

30 Minutes

– The time all Venezuelans put their clocks forward permanently last Sunday in an attempt to save the country money.

28,000,000

– The amount of documents served up by Sci-Hub, the world’s largest pirate website for scholarly literature, it has been revealed recently.

Closer To Home

Bikes – There has been a whole raft of bike thefts on campus in the past month, so well done to the USCA Exec for selling and supplying D-Locks in order to combat the problem. If you have a bike stolen, please inform campus security. There have been rumours that a D-Lock was cut through, but as of yet there is no evidence to prove that. For a more comprehensive analysis of the thefts, see page 20 of this week’s Canta.

UCSA Building – Plans for the new UCSA Building have been revealed, the plans include leisure spaces, performance centre, bar, lockers, amphitheatre, and other multi-purpose spaces. The $25 Million project is expected to begin shortly and be completed by 2018, with 51% student ownership.

Entré - UC’s entrepreneurial club is holding its $85K Challenge once again. The competition pits competitor’s business ideas against each other through a gruelling series of developmental workshops in order to see which potential business can take away the coveted Grand Prize. For more information and to enter, visit their website http://www.entre.canterbury. ac.nz/.

University Challenge – The University of Canterbury is looking to once again form a University Challenge team for this year’s competition. The 70s and 80s phenomenon was revived in 2014 was won by Canterbury last year. The first step to getting into the Team is attending the general knowledge quiz on the 10th of May.

A Moment with Josie Butler

Josie Butler, probably not a name you’re particularly familiar with, but you have almost certainly heard about what she did. Earlier this year, Economic Development Minister, Steven Joyce was hit in the face by a dildo while at Waitangi. That top 10 funniest moment of 2016 was kindly served to us by none other than Josie Butler. Now that a few months have passed and the dust has now settled, I had a chat to Josie to find out who this person really was.

the TPPA the corporation could sue the local council for profit loss, to the sum of millions of dollars, therefore directly handcuffing our councils from implementing policies that benefit the communities and allowing the complete domination of corporate profit motivation.

Do you stand by your actions?

I fully stand by my actions, and will continue to partake in direct action to stop this atrocity. This is our generation’s Springbok tour, and I want to be able to tell my grandchildren one day that I did everything I could to protect their future.

Do you intend to return to Waitangi in the following years, any plans to taking similar actions?

When did you first form your political views and what was it that influenced those views?

I’m passionate about advocating for human rights, social justice, and the ensuring the mauri of our country for future generations. Unfortunately capitalist structures look to put profit over people, therefore the need to stand up against these systems is vital.

What do you believe are the faults of the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement?

The TPPA is not primarily a trade agreement, it is a mechanism whereby global corporations can override the sovereignty and lawful decisions of nation states. Out of the 29 chapters of the agreement, only 5 pertain to trade, the other 24 are related to investor’s rights. This is an investor’s rights agreement, with a dash of trade to allow for a good marketing campaign. The ISDS clause allows corporations to sue New Zealand if we get in the way of their profit margin. The water issue is a good example of this currently. If local councils decided to put a levy on the bottling of water for overseas sales and put that money back into the community, then under

I have been invited by Nga Puhi to attend Waitangi next year. Hopefully John Key has the courage to attend this time because I would love to give him a very warm welcome!

What made you choose a dildo to throw at Steven Joyce? Were there other objects you thought about throwing?

I chose the squeaky toy penis because unfortunately the media likes a good story, and more conventional methods of protest do not fit into this dialogue. Sex and humour sells, so I decided to exploit this by throwing a squeaky toy penis with an aim of bringing international attention to the signing of the TPPA the day prior in Auckland. I was inspired by the gentleman who threw his shoes at George Bush in protest of the invasion of Iraq. Throwing things at politicians is a form of protest which gains large amounts of publicity, I think because it shatters the illusion of politicians being ominous, untouchable leaders.

Interview by Liam Donnelly

Canta wishes Josie all the best with her future penetrations into New Zealand politics.

Alcohol Alienation

A contributor has her fill of the binge-drinking culture

Notably the first few weeks of being a first year were undeniably memorable. Unlike my peers who I don’t think could recall most of those days, I remember the exact feelings I felt at the time. Back then I spent most of O-Week, and a few terms after, kept to myself in the hall. Blame my personality sure, new environments weren’t my forte at the time. But I could hint to you something more.

The drinking code was unspoken but truly there. It took me close to months to feel adjusted to what should’ve been a with ease transformation.

I didn’t drink. Alcohol was a bizarre liquid which seemed to cause happiness to everyone but me.

Alcohol seemed to be the password to get into the party. Not only was I uninvited but my thoughts drove me to feel that nobody

alienation I’ll call it, I didn’t have memories to lean on or connect with. Their jokes were just empty words to me.

Back then the benefits of alcohol didn’t sit right with my mind or stomach. My view points were strong but I kept quiet. Which was the opposite of most people’s views. I decided to lean on religion to make friends as most Christians didn’t drink and were accepted for that.

Not only did I indirectly and some days jokingly directly feel manipulated to drink but I felt alone. It wasn’t all bad because not everyone cared of my sober manner within the hall. But all in all their hands down was a pressure to drink.

As I grew closer to a lot of people and they grew to know and accept me, it wasn’t the people that made me feel uncomfortable but myself. There definitely was something in the air that made me feel the complete

alcohol and “the university experience” and although it definitely does enhance days in some ways, it also puts large amounts of pressure on the people who don’t want to drink alcohol.

by Heather Victoria

would ever invite me because I was boring and didn’t drink. Although this might not have been the case, this idea was driven into my head in the earlier stages of hall life causing a deep feeling of alienation.

I remember specifically on my first day at the hall during introductions, alcohol came up in conversation with this guy. As I told him I’d never had it before I watched as his attitude towards me suddenly changed. It was as if he’d been directly offended by the fact that I didn’t drink. It wasn’t even the night of the first day and I already felt written off by someone because of not wanting to drink. You can probably imagine how this made me feel.

Through the first week as I watched my dorm mates get closer through drinking activities and events I felt a wall build up between myself and them. Alcohol

definition of FOMO (fear of missing out). This lead me to think that maybe just trying one drink would be okay to eventually in second semester getting drunk.

I drink now on special occasion but still enjoy my sober crazy dancing moments. It still makes me laugh when people think I’m actually drunk but really I haven’t had a drop of alcohol.

We don’t talk about it but there’s definitely a scene of alienating those who don’t drink. Why though? Why is being sober uncool? It wasn’t intensely pushed upon me to drink vocally but the atmosphere was full of that viewpoint.

This isn’t a student preaching to stop drinking but one trying to speak out to the students who’ve felt pressured to drink. There’s an intense direct link between

If you are worried your drinking is unhealthy or harmful and would like to talk to someone about it, some key contacts are listed below:

Alcohol Drug Helpline 0800 787 797

UC Health Centre (03) 364 2402

Alcoholics Anonymous (03) 379 0860

help@ucsa.co.nz

“Alcohol was a bizzare liquid that seemed to cause happiness to everyone but me.’”

Amnesty Day?

No. The OTHER Amnesty Day.

Don’t worry, Canta undertsands your stupid drunken mistakes. One day you wake up from a night of drunken antics to find a road cone and a street sign in your living room, we get it. It happens to the best of us.

Did you know the punishment for stealing a road cone can be up to 3 months in prison, or a $2000 fine?

Both of which are, quite frankly, hugely unappealing.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you had the chance to return all those items that somehow came to your possession, without the threat of a fine?

The 28th of May is International Amnesty Day, and here at Canta we thought the University of Canterbury could use a nice touch of Amnesty.

We propose a day of amnesty, where all stolen items can be returned free from judgement, imprisonment, and fines.

If you’ve got a life sentence worth of roadworking paraphernalia in the flat lounge, and are rather keen to support an Amnesty Day here at UC, email us at: letters@canta.co.nz

Or show us some support on you Facebook page fb.com/cantamag

OPINION PIECE:

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I’m hungry. How can we save money, yet eat meat, the most expensive part of the human diet?

Naturally a simple way to omit arguably overindulgent food stuffs from your diet. No more fish and chips, Indian takeaways, or instant noodles. No two dollar rice. A student could potentially save $20 or more a week, enough for several meals. But this is such a hardship for so many students, privileged as we are.

A better way is to remove meat from the diet. It is far, far better to replace it with the vegetarian goodness of nature; lentils, chickpeas, legumes. But the goodness of nature only goes so far. Indeed, often the expensive meat replacements, packets full of protein and iron cost more. We tried it out, and ended paying more at PAK‘n’SAVE for meat replacement options. And they were not pleasant.

The answer lies not in a diet change, but in a cultural one. Society has given us the means to fill our bellies without damage to the battered wallet.

There is growing fear that our meat is mistreated before it is killed, packaged and slapped on a shelf. All this can be avoided, and in the process saving not only our inherent morality but also making you the swift saviour of many poor beasts.

The solution? Go to the pound, the refuge of homeless animals.

Today’s world is harsh, and there is much to worry about. Students, whilst more than others and less than most suffer none the less. Education is our curse, we’re observant, we’re thinkers, we draw conclusions based on the incremental acquisition of knowledge that we have spent considerable currency acquiring. We know what human habits are doing, we know what the cost of meat is; both to our wallet and our planet. What better way could there be to make the planet better, and society fitter, and sooth our morality than keeping our own beasts?

If you can’t eat meat, why would you torment yourself with placebos? So vegetarianism doesn’t work for our problem. What can be done? How can we provide for our omnivorous digestive system, maintain eating food with flavour, and not break the bank? My wallet begs me to change my ways. My discerning tastes beg me not to forego meat.

Upon entering, one is beset by such a feast of willing flesh to make the mouth water. One can acquire such a beast for the meanest of sums. Taking the leash, willingly it will go home with you. Cats, dogs, canines of all descriptions, rabbits, the rabble of society, the unwanted creatures. Unlike your counterparts, you will not select the smallest, or cutest, rather the one that has never been wanted, the largest, the one with attitude, for you will not be selecting on the condition of its coat or teeth, but rather the girth of its middle, and the meat that hangs on it’s frame. Such a beast, weighing 20 kilograms or more will happily feed a flat of six for a week. From a celebratory roast to a hearty warming stew, even the meanest of creatures, the humble bunny rabbit can provide food for a flat numbering half a dozen; a most excellent roulade created from the meat, a frittata in the morning, the marbled fat more tasty that the flesh of a pig.

Furthermore, all edible creatures possess what we do not; a fur coat. Sown together and flung onto the ground into a fashionable rug or coat, or make the soft supple pelt of the rabbit into a pair of gloves, as protection against the cruel biting wind of this city.

This is the best way. Don’t plant and tend a garden; too much time and hardship. Don’t have window boxes full of herbs, and planters full of potatoes. Don’t compost. We don’t produce any compostable material, so why bother. If you are just going to buy food wrapped in non-biodegradable protection, why bother to shop at all. Living, perishableat-will, heat sealed food is the only way to eat safely. Don’t vary your diet by buying what is in season. That is just hard work, and requires interest in the environment, which is, as we all know, redundant to our needs.

For waiting for you is a pooch, tail wagging, eager for you to come home.

[Disclaimer: Canta and UCSA do not support the slaughter of domestic animals to feed your flat – even if it is technically legal.]

“The answer lies not in a diet change, but in a cultural one. Society has given us the means to fill our bellies without damage to the battered wallet.”

“My wallet begs me to change my ways. My discerning tastes beg me not to forego meat.”

An opinion piece by Mac Stephenson

MOTOSOC CLUBS ON CAMPUS:

I was at the Motosoc track day - the premiere gathering of campus petrol heads and adrenaline junkies.

It was seven in the morning. I had made up my mind to go the night before, and as such, had little time to prepare. I knew that they wouldn’t accept a debonair gentleman, pulling up in a white shirt and expensive shoes. No, for them it’s the bogan lifestyle. Sordid and disreputable was how they rolled; in an attractive, rakish sort of way.

ago, 2005ish. Drum and bass fuelled the clubs party scene, while cheap high octane fuel pushed their cars along. Then the internet caught up, and drum and bass was relegated to the dance floor, and Motosoc kind of crashed. Not the nice, walk away crash, but the lose control, swerve over the road, take out pedestrians, wrap the car around a tree crash, many months in hospital crash. The kind that takes years of rehabilitation. They lost it all, dipping to only a few core members, kept alive by the throbbing of their beloved engines beneath badly sprayed bonnets.

massage saloon in Sweden, having paid off my loan and moved to greener pastures.

Long story short, I washed my hair, put on a sweatshirt and dived in.

This is a club a long way from boy racers. Speed is desirable, but only when safe. For them, gathering on dusty roads and scattering from cops isn’t fun. What is? Going to the wreckers, finding a 1972 Mercury Zephyr, buying it, doing it up, and selling it for much monies. Time, yes, expensive, yes. An amazing car, Hell yes.

They gave me a guide and a radio, and told me to piss off. We went to the shelter understeering around the turns, goosing down the straight, some veering off and spinning out “coz they pushed it too hard”. Dust billowed and drivers grinned.

Anyway, back to track day.

Motosoc is the premier car club on campus. They can be reached on motosoc.uoc@gmail. com or Facebook for more infomation.

Turns out I was wrong. Debonair / handsome / bearded / white shirt / expensive shoes weren’t really in fashion, but would have been better than the grease monster that I presented, shambling out of the seat, apologising to the driver.

So, late at night, I ripped my jeans at the knees, rubbed mud into them, tore my beloved ACDC shirt, stuck my head into an engine sump and tamed my hair with axle grease. My beard was cut ragged; superficially matching my army combat boots.

Then I went to sleep, seemingly pre-prepared for the day ahead.

Apparently I was wrong.

As I sat down in the Saab, and felt the plush leather slide underneath me. My clothes attempted to escape, while the heated seats made the oil sticky and slimy underneath me. The gentleman in the driver’s seat said nothing, but I could tell he wasn’t happy.

Motosoc is a club with a long history. They were the largest club on campus, a long time

Around me was no evidence of bogans, or boy racers. If I had to pick a label, I would say nerds. Car nerds. Harmless, helpful gentleman and ladies talking with utter enthusiasm in a language that I, education and all, could not understand.

Numbers, words, gibberish.

Nerds. Enthusiasm about the most esoteric of engine parts. The freshest of fresher’s had an encyclopaedic knowledge of their car. The committee members could name everything about all the cars, and more besides. If I knew my major like they knew their cars, I would have written a how-to-win book, graduated with high marks, fought three lawsuits for being too awesome and even now be getting a blowjob from beautiful women in a Swedish

I was surprised, all the cars were ticked off, all drivers were helmeted, and the club provided cotton overalls. All cars had an easy to reach fire extinguisher, all the marshals had a radio, all the drivers knew that if they were “silly buggers” they would be punished, and removed from the track.

To put thirty cars on the track, legally, safely, and then drag them back for a drink afterwards was a feat not many clubs could accomplish. Not just getting them there, but the safety, the care, and the preparation. Motosoc is one of the more dangerous clubs. You cannot drive a car at a hundred kilometres’ an hour, speed around the corners, skid out, and do it all over again without a touch of danger, but the adrenaline more than made up for it.

by Mac Stephenson

I was told this as a helmet was lowered onto my head. The engine throbbed in it’s bed and the car rumbled and thrashed below me. It was rather like a wild horse, or an untamed woman, or a… never mind.

“I Ripped my jeans at the knees, rubbed mud into them, tore my beloved ACDC shirt, stuck my head into an engine sump and tamed my hair with axle grease.”

“Around me was no evidence of bogans, or boy racers. If I had to pick a label, I would say nerds. Car nerds.”

“Don’t die.”

A Laugh & A Half A Laugh & A Half

It’s that time of year again, the New Zealand Comedy Festival is on throughout the country showcasing the best comedic acts from New Zealand and around the world. Two of this years international acts are Irish comedians, Tommy Teirnan and Jimeoin, I had an opportunity to have a chat with both about life, comedy, and how to put up with Irish people.

Did you ever have a wow moment? Was there ever a time you thought yes I can be a comedian?

Tommy: I definitely had that moment, I worked for a little while as an actor and I had the opposite of a wow moment, I had the dampening moment, when I realised ‘I can’t do this’. But there was a comedy club in the town where I lived and I knew I could do that, just not if I could do it very well, but I was confident I could do stand-up comedy.

Jimeoin: Yeah I did have that moment. I think it was about the third or fourth time I was on stage, I told a story that really clicked with the audience and I got a massive laugh and a round of applause. But I never thought I would make a career out of it, I was at a building sight working the next day and I kept thinking that was a real life changer for me.

on the news. Also I find these things funny, I find little stupid things funny, the main thing me for though is if it’s funny, put it in.

Is it a long process for you to come up with a routine?

Jimeoin: Yes it is a long process, collecting all the funny things together that are new this year… actually I need to go buy a new notebook to write everything in. In your stand up you often talk about topics that could be considered quite serious, why is that?

Tommy: Well I don’t do it with any sincerity. I think the Catholic Church have just issued a new statement on sex and masturbation, and they want to be taken seriously while I don’t. It’s not a platform for truth, it’s an opportunity to tell lots of lies, that’s all it is really. I’m not Bono or the Pope or Barack Obama, I’m not here to be taken seriously.

We have lots Irish people in Christchurch at the moment, what’s some advice to cope with them and their culture?

You often joke about things most people don’t give much thought to, how do you manage to see humour where most people would overlook it?

Jimeoin: I think it’s the most important thing you can do, just find really stupid, silly things amongst all these obvious subject matters. Subject matter is important to the joke - a joke can be good, but you’re not going to stand out as a comic, you’re just going to be like the rest of them if you keep talking about things that are commonly

Tommy: Don’t go near without an irresponsible adult, approach with caution. There are actually a lot of similarities between Ireland and New Zealand… Maybe the Irish are a little more wreckless, but in other ways we’re kinda the same, we both live beside a big neighbour. But I think the Irish are less enthusiastic about capitalism, so bare that in mind.

Jimeoin: Just be a bit forgiving.

With that in mind, should we be trusting these Irish people in with the rebuild of our city?

Tommy: I wouldn’t say so, no. It’s no coincidence that

“I’m not Bono or the Pope or Barack Obama, I’m not here to be taken seriously.

the IRA bombed London and the Irish rebuilt it, and the IRA bombed it and the Irish rebuilt it, and the IRA bombed it and the Irish rebuilt it. Irish people will always build where there’s an opportunity to build more, so obviously building on a fault line suits us down to the ground! The likelihood that what we build might collapse so we can build it again sounds like a perfect recipe for Irish invasion.

Jimeoin: Yes you can, we’ve built New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, London. We’ve built many places over the years!

Last but not least, what can the audiences in New Zealand expect from you?

Tommy: Storytelling, flight and fancy, a tiny bit of obscenity, not much but a few sprinkles. My ambition is to give people a good night out and have a bit of a laugh.

Jimeoin: Just classic shit that I do, hopefully it will be a big laugh.

Would You Rather...? Would You Rather...?

Round 2 Round 2

While talking to such high calibre comedians, I took the opportunity to ask them some of life’s tougher questions, in the form of ‘Would you rather?’.

Would you rather have a tennis ball sized head or a watermelon sized head?

Tommy: Tennis ball head, good for stress. Jimeoin: Watermelon.

always think you can fly, but you’d be knackered once you get to places. Being invisible would be fun, but it would only be a matter of time before being sneaky turned into being sleazy.

Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?

Tommy: Freeze to death. I have a bald spot, so I’m not great in the heat.

Jimeoin: Freeze to death. Apparently freezing is quite nice, and eventually you just don’t feel anything.

Would you rather be without elbows or be without knees?

Tommy: I enjoy running, so I’d find it very hard to cope without knees, but I also like drinking coffee and I’d find it very hard to drink without elbows… I prefer coffee to running, so I’ll live without knees.

Jimeoin: I’d rather be without elbows. I could still point to things and I could use my wrists, plus my shoulders would become a bit more nimble.

Would you rather be able to turn invisible or be able to fly?

Tommy: I’d rather be able to fly, totally, that would be great wouldn’t it?

Jimeoin: Be able to fly… Although there is probably a lot of effort needed to be put into flying… people just

Would you rather have a penis-sized nipple or a nipple-sized penis?

Tommy: Well I’m coping very well with a nipple-sized penis already.

Jimeoin: Nipples the size of your penis. That way you would have everything big, and you could always just get your nipples cut off after the interview. They do it all the time, people get their nipples cut off, pierced.

Interview by Liam Donnelly

For details and tour dates for the NZ Comedy Festival visit: www.comedyfestival.co.nz

“Well I’m coping very well with a nipplesized penis already.”

Hamish ‘Dddamo’ Riley Piers ‘Ben’ Dover

Fifa fiend, Frisbee fanatic and self-appointed flat style guru. Hamish brings his hairdressing skills to the flat, and has promised (and so far refrained) from shaving obscene symbols into our hair. Massive fan of shepherds’ pie.

Harry ‘Dirty Haz’ Beaumont

Beer (or diesel) bong champion, bagpipest, and chairman of the Russley Nudist Enthusiast Club. Usually seen procrastinating from study with his partner in crime Harry, borrowing informative signs from the local road crews, or not going to the Russley dairy, as he is banned.

Josh ‘Joph’ Allan

Self-confessed ‘strawberry blond’ Josh Allen labours under the delusion that slippers are acceptable footwear when leaving the house. This comes as a surprise when one considers his 9.0 GPA, and more importantly, his ability to crush a goon faster than most.

Although he aspires to be considered a biking god, a gnarly skier, or a diesel drinking legend, Harry is more likely to be described as a liability, most often found getting way into a Taylor Swift song at the Craic on Wednesdays.

Dan ‘McGruppeladdy’ Gruppulaar

Despite being a football wizard, full time long-range boyfriend, and a consistent podium threat in weekly hierarchy meetings, Dan still finds the time to regularly sink half a bottle of bourbon and appear no worse for wear. Always keen for a trip to Dunners to relieve his blue balls.

Cam ‘Swalez’ Swales

Resident lady-killer Cam occasionally imparts some words of wisdom to both the single and attached lads in the flat.

1- Texting a girl at 1am on a Saturday night is always a good idea. 2- Ladies love runners, and the very short shorts that come with them. 3- Calling your room the ‘Shag Pad’ is catnip to females.

Do you want your flat in Canta? Email:

canta@canta.co.nz

by Shannon Costello

Paula Bennet’s Campervan Crusade UCPols

The news over the last month has been riddled with the controversial budget campervan company ‘Wicked Campers’. Wicked Campers is an international brand with hubs in Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, South America and the United States of America. Currently they’ve been in the headlines due to slogans that the likes of Z Energy, Paula Bennet and the Chief Censor find crass and indecent. Wicked Campers aren’t new, they are not a failing company attempting to increase their popularity through the use of vulgarity and satire. So what is their motive? If they even have one…

I am sitting on the fence with this. On one side I understand marketing when I see it and to an extent that is all this is, marketing. I wonder why a company like Z cares, why camp ground owners care, and whether the government should actually be involved at all. The conclusion I’ve come to is that these parties shouldn’t care – it’s business. It’s money that comes from our biggest industry, tourism. By the amount effort that central government is putting into the promotion of tourism, especially this month with the recent deals with China, I could not understand why it even applied to them. I assumed it was a typical political move to crush creativity, which we tend to see far too much in this contemporary society.

WORST OF WICKED

Then I looked away from big business and stopped focusing on money. It’s far too easy to get caught up in money; in fact it pretty much dictates our lives. This magazine costs money, your education costs money [insert Labour Party pledge here], the sushi ball and ‘Sparkling OH!’ that you are currently having for your lunch costs probably too much money. Money surrounds us, the driver behind that is advertising, hence why you’ll probably find a Super Liquor ad on the next page, but we shouldn’t be dictated by this, there should be something else. Even in Paula Bennet’s criticism of Wicked Camper’s she still focused on money.

There appears to be many unclear motives surrounding this issue and I am still no further in understanding Ms Bennet’s than I am Wicked Campers.

So what’s on the other side of this argument? What isn’t focused on money? In researching this issue I’ve found that there is actually a deep moral battle to be had. Just one perspective I

used to help understand this, was that of the Women’s Refuge.

One of the slogans that the Women’s Refuge of New Zealand was concerned about was an image depicting an egg raping a chicken with the words above reading – “What came first? The chicken or the egg?”. I will shy away from saying that some of Wicked Camper’s slogans promote rape culture because I’m sure that’s not their motive but some of their slogans are very concerning and I can understand the negative thoughts that they could create. The aim of branding is to normalise a concept to build a relationship with a particular product or idea. The risk that can occur with vulgar advertising is that it promotes a certain range of values and these can, in turn become normalised.

In the end this leaves me very confused. New Zealand is a liberal, secular nation. We should embrace individuality and freedom of expression, but we should also ensure that every person who either calls Aotearoa their home or those visiting feels safe, welcome and understood. To me Wicked Campers is a pinnacle of self-expression but if it is at the detriment of others, then I must not condone it, as a New Zealander this would be wrong.

I’m intrigued to hear your thoughts.

Email: editor@ucpols.co.nz

Hon Paula Bennett

“I think they should be proactive in actually getting rid of those others that they know are completely offensive”

Canta Investigates: Bike Thieves

Wow, how times change… One minute we are all going about our business in what we assumed was a nice, safe place. Now we tread carefully, looking over our shoulder at every moment, weighing up every individual and questioning their innocence.

I am, of course, talking about the horrible plight of bike thefts and the terrible affects it has had on our University. It is no secret that there has been a slate of thefts in recent times. But why? And who for that matter? There appears to be no clear facts, no motives, and no understanding as to why this has happened. So I figured the only way to gather any useful information would be to understand what stealing a bike was like.

The crime scene was open and exposed, anyone who dared to attempt a theft here was ballsy and would want to get it over and done with quickly.

Did they manage to slip up?

It was a Tuesday evening, around 7 o’clock, the University was relatively quiet, and just as I was suspecting; unaccompanied bikes were sitting on the bike racks. The highlight of the whole experience for me was cutting open the lock, that was really fun, and once you’ve done it you get a real sense of pride from putting the work in. The downside however was that I ended up with a free bike, something I didn’t really want, or need, since I had driven to University anyway. I then repeated the experience the next day, doing everything exactly the same as the night before, except this time I didn’t pee all day first. I discovered that once I really needed to pee, the bike all of a sudden became a lot more desirable, because it meant I could travel around at a faster pace than walking in order to find somewhere to pee. Are all the bikes being stolen by people who just really need to find a toilet? It’s a theory, but I’m not convinced.

Nonetheless, now that I had stolen a couple of bikes, I felt in a better position to be able to find the culprits of the great bike theft of 2016. To further my investigation I visited the crime scene of one of the robberies to see if I could find any clues.

Well I found a small stick near the scene of the theft, a rather unusual place to find a stick I thought. I analysed the stick and attempted to match size, shape, and colour to similar nature. What I discovered is that the stick could only have come from one place… a tree! At some point, one of the bike thieves must have been near a tree. Wow, the evidence was really starting to build up thick and fast, I was confident I would have a culprit in no time.

1. The Crime Scene

2. The Mysterious Stick by Liam Donnelly

“Are all the bikes being stolen by people who just really need to find a toilet?”

“They steal a bike or two, prey on our fear by then selling bike locks to everyone”

The next piece of evidence came in the form of a bike lock, sitting, alone, not even able to fulfil its purpose in life. It appeared to have been dealt to heavily buy some form of cutting tool, which sliced straight through the middle. One could argue that the crux of a bike theft is in fact the lock, therefore you should

probably have a good lock. On further analysis, this wasn’t a good lock. So whose fault is it really?

I searched around the crime scene some more, and noticed many of the other bikes were now using bike locks kindly

provided by the UCSA Exec at reasonable price. Could we have played directly into their hands? They steal a bike or two, prey on our fear by then selling bike locks to everyone, to which they previously copied all the keys. They now have their own endless stream of bikes. Genuis.

The conclusion I have come to at the end of this intensive investigation is that there are a very limited amount of reasons someone could be desperate enough to steal a bike. Either the person really needs a toilet, the culprit is ironically Shel Silverstein’s ‘The Giving Tree’, you’re an Exec member, or you had such a shit lock that it wasn’t really theft. Either way, whoever you are, you thieving shit, your days of theft are soon over and your day of reckoning will come.

By Liam Donnelly

ON THE CASE!

Never fear! A recent victim of the evil bike thieves has taken it upon himself to investigate the crime spree, and identify the perpetrators. Canta can’t name the non-caped student crusader. And we can’t name the person or people he claims to have identified. What we can do is tell you the police have been notified, and then show you a bunch of bikes-forsale ads from Facebook. Which don’t prove anything. But perhaps illustrate just how many ways you can sell a ¬second-hand bike these days without anyone asking questions. Until now…

3. Oh! I found a dollar!

THE BEST OF ‘THE FREE TABLE‘

Hidden under the stairs to the Puaka-James Hight library is a table, often adorned in an odd variety of items. This is the ‘Free Table’, one of 6 scattered around the University. The Free Tables were started up by UC Sustainability as a way to dispose of reusable items (not junk or rubbish) without adding to the landfill. The concept behind the table is feel free to take what you like, but when you’ve got things to throw out, consider if you can put them on the Free Table first. But don’t be misled by the name, the table itself isn’t free. In fact, they are now bolted to the ground because of that exact problem (thanks engineering building). To celebrate this great eco initiative, Canta decided to show off the best of what we found.

Lace Animal Print Bra

Playstation 2

Comes with controller & generous 8 MB memory card

Half a Bagel

Woollen Socks

Nice and warm on the parts that aren’t holes.

Super

Wind Up Salt & Pepper Shakers Shaped like Robots

Makes seasoning the food a lot more interesting.

Free Table Locations:

MacMillan Brown Library

Locke Building, level 5

Logie Building, level 5 and lobby

Dovedale library

Geography – 3rd floor

Puaka/James Hight

For more information about UC Sustainability visit: fb.com/ucsustainabilitycommunity www.sustain.canterbury.ac.nz

Black Leather Shoes

Metrosexual Scarf

Comes with a fierce attitude.

Free urine inside the shoe.

CULTURE

Whats on at the movies:

The Huntsman: Winters War

Directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan

This flick is the sequel to the 2012 Snow White and the Huntsman which had us gawking at the lush male prowess of Chris Hemsworth; adequately contrasted by the facially numb Kristen Stewart. Luckily Chris is back and Kristen ain’t, her fine-as replacement is Emily Blunt, who is far more expressive in the role of Freya, The Winter Queen.

The movie starts off with an eargasmic narration by the one and only Liam Neeson, which gave this movie its first point! The plot itself is about love, a lot of ice (I mean a shit ton!) and a number of one-liners to deserve a golden globe! The writers of the film must have been heavy frothing for the Disney film ‘frozen’ as this film follows a similar tale, just with more of an M-Rating, violence, and dwarfs.

One quote from the film that I will share happened at the very start of the film, where Queen Freya starts up a wee institution of her own, which kind of resembles a youth Hitler camp. Anyway, Winter Queen Freya starts rambling off about why she hates ‘love and relationships’ but the whole time only thing that I could think about was how similar the

scenario was to the relationship I have with my student loan

“Love (student loan) is a lie, it is a trick, played by the cruel on the foolish (me) and weak (Brutal but yeah, me again), cast it from your mind,”

See what I mean?

If you’re not frigid on bad language and fancy a good love story then this is the movie for you. This movie will either get you leaving in the mood to swipe right or you’ll be leaving with one of the greatest life lessons; Hell has no fury like a women scorned.

Currently Screening at Hoyts & Riccarton 7

/10

Spotify playlist of the moment:

Gaurdians of the Galaxy

by Peter Quill

It’s not a playlist stuffed with new music, but it is something that has students buzzing. If you haven’t already watched the movie then, this playlist is going to change that! An unbeatable lineup with a list of fine-as artists like Elvin Bishop, The Jackson 5, Blue Swede and The Five Stairsteps. I’ve personally been listening to this playlist on repeat; joining the cult following of around 18,000 Spotify users.

This playlist has those old beats that we were brought up on; the kind you overheard on Mum and Dad’s CD player. These tunes are excellent for both studying and low key jamming. So give it a blast, it will at least entertain you while you catch up on all the work you didn’t do over the break.

8.5/10

Album to try:

The Life of Pablo by

Kanye West

He’s crazy, he’s controversial and says he’ll be running for president in 2020. Kanye West’s new album is something of a mish-mash of his old RnB work mixed with some ‘subtle’ rants. This album gets the tick from me with the long list of high end artists like Sia, Rihanna, Frank Ocean, Chance the Rapper, Young Thug, and Ty Dolla $ign. If you’re not already a Kanye fan, then this album might just change that! Be sure to listen to “Wolves”; an excellent duo between the Kanye and Sia. Overall, this is a fun album, hence why I won’t be ashamed to listen to it even when everyone finds out it is Kanye.

Television show to watch:

Daredevil Starring Charlie Cox

It’s not technically a new series, but it is certainly a fresh addition to my Netflix’s account. Here is yet another way to procrastinate from work, deadlines and of course, a social life. Just like other Marvel shows, the past couple of years have seen an influx of comic book characters turned into hit television shows. Daredevil makes you question your own moral allegiance and leads you to develop feelings and attachments to both goodies and baddies. The show is dark, funny and violent; if you’re into that then better start filling out those aggregates, cause you now have new priorities.

7.5

7.5/10 /10

Book to read:

Everyone Brave is forgiven by Chris Cleave

This timelessly immersing novel takes place in 1939 England, at the height of World War II. The protagonist, Mary, is a young woman on the verge of marriage. However, the outbreak of World War II throws her plans into disarray and she instead seeks to become a volunteer at a London primary school. The children were stranded after unsuccessfully seeking to evac uate to the safety of the countryside. Many of the children were dark-skinned or suffering disabilities, and were accordingly rejected. Mary idevelops a relationship with her boss, Tom, who is seeking to avoid active service.

The book gets a high 7 rating as it captivates us with credible characters and a gripping por trayal of war as a separate character in itself. This book shows some circumstances are entirely beyond control, just like our grades.

Website to Shop:

Www.aliexpress.com

It’s a common scenario. You walk into a shop and fall in love with a product from first sight. You approach said product. You read the price tag of product. Disheartened, you leave.

I present to you an alternative. Some may say it is the ultimate student shopping experience. Some may say it is a scam, but they probably didn’t use it right. The alternative to this capitalist culture of atrocious mark-ups, is AliExpress.

AliExpress is a global marketplace offering quality products straight out of the sweatshop. It’s like buying something wholesale, but in a much smaller quantity. Many people only buy a single item, and the price is still kept unbelievably low. You can find almost anything on this TradeMe-esque site, from double-ended dildos, to knock off YSL bags, to massaging toe rings.

The key to making the most of the deals available is to be vigilant in your research. When you come across something that interests you, always read the full item description and check the reviews. This will show you real people who have bought the product and their opinions on it, sometimes providing their own photos. Try buying from established sellers who have been open for a couple of years.

With millions of products, the search for good stuff can be a bit daunting. Go to Bestselling and Hot Products to see what other buyers are getting, or there’s thieve.co, a curated list of some of the best products you can get.

Always hunt around for the best price. There are bound to be multiple listings of your product and the sellers compete for the most purchases. Tip: Download the app. Nine out of ten times the item will be cheaper on there. Add the item to your cart or wish list and leave it a few days. You’ll get a notification if the price reduces. I snagged a $160 sterling silver ring for $8 with free shipping this wayand no one can tell the difference between it and a Pascoes piece.

You may be bit apprehensive because it sounds too good to be true, and I don’t blame you. Sometimes you’ll wait six weeks for something to arrive and it looks nothing like the photo and it goes straight in the bin. Be careful buying cosmetics; sometimes health regulations aren’t followed or don’t apply, so be careful of what’s in that concealer palette. There’s a bit of risk involved in AliExpress, so start off with testing the waters. Most goods have free shipping, and yeah it takes a while, but it’s free so just be patient. Try buying a $1 phone case. You’ll soon work it out.

If your item doesn’t arrive after the Buyer Protection period, or turns up broken/ completely different to the description, you can open a dispute and get your money back. It’s easy. So have fun with it. Yeah, you probably don’t need those Mona Lisa socks or that BB-8 USB, but it’s $2. I just bought a Minions car decal to surprise my flatmate with. Look out for that in Clyde.

So next time you’re about to spend $100 on something, double check that you can’t get a cheaper alternative on AliExpress. You could get that phone charger for a hell of a lot cheaper. Welcome to the AliLifestyle. Your house is about to be full of shit you probably didn’t need.

Empower Yourself

By Sophie Bailey

As students we are thrown headfirst into a wildly unfamiliar university environment. We juggle lectures, tutorials and deadlines. We embrace the endless ways of procrastination, and many of us immerse ourselves in caffeine, student-deals and the flatting-life. Many of us attend parties, and consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Some of us prefer to sit at home watching Netflix or explore the academic world of journal

For many of us, our journey into the real world of self-sufficiency and independence can be confusing and overwhelming. One area that many are not adequately prepared or educated in is an understanding of sexuality, consent and relationships.

At University we meet new people, we build connections and explore relationships. For some, this is daunting and scary, for others this is exciting. Some of us get drunk and make mistakes – some may end up having unconsentual sex. Some of us don’t know that we can say no to sex, or sexual activities. Some of us are judged for having casual sex, and others are concerned because they still haven’t had sex yet. We may put up with ‘average’ relationships, or struggle to communicate how we feel. Most of us deal with breakups, being cheated on, or missing out on our crush. Some of us have poor body image or feel we must live up to the social expectations pushed upon us. Some of us don’t feel comfortable attending the gym, or walking about late at night. We deal with all of this these issues in our own way, sometimes with support, sometimes not. I’m not saying that we don’t have good times, and I’m not saying that we don’t have positive relationships or positive experiences. But I am saying that all of us should, not just some of us. I feel all students should be educated and supported to achieve positive sexuality.

You can check the campaign out at fb.com/TIBNZ. You will also find myself and the TIB UC team on C-Block lawn every Thursday – our times will be posted on the UCSA page. Please wear black and be part of this movement. If you want to be involved please contact me: sba116@uclive.ac.nz.

During my time here at UC, I was in a relationship, and was physically and sexually abused. In coming out of this, I reflected on what I went through and how I ended up there. I realised that I hadn’t explored my sexuality and all that it encompasses: I hadn’t explored what I wanted in a relationship, I

hadn’t explored what I liked and didn’t like sexually - I didn’t even comprehend that I could say no to sex, with my partner. I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was. I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings assertively. I didn’t understand that we as humans directly internalise our experiences. I wish that I had been empowered to question these things, so that I was an informed person.

In reflecting on this, I created a proposal called ‘Empower Yourself’ as a guide for tertiary institutions, and presented this to UCSA. My proposal seeks to empower students to explore their sexuality, question their relationship perspectives and preferences, understand consent and to communicate and thrive as individuals. Of course, this isn’t going to happen overnight, but I hopewith time we can make progress. I hope that we can provide consent, sexuality awareness and education workshops. I hope that safe places and an inclusive environment can be fostered for all.

Currently, I am locally implementing the national campaign Thursdays in Black (TIB). “TIB” is a movement towards a world without rape and violence. It is coordinated by NZUSA through Tertiary Women NZ, and run locally on campuses. Thursdays in Black believes that we have a problem with sexual assault in our communities, but that a different reality is possible. We believe that sexual assault is a social problem fostered by negative attitudes about sexuality, victim-blaming, and a lack of support.” Finally, let’s all empower ourselves and explore our sexualities, and foster a positive consent-culture on campus.

“For many of us, our journey into the real world of selfsufficiency and independence can be confusing and overwhelming.”

FEELING REPRESENTED?

The UCSA is reviewing the Student Executive representation model this term … and we want to hear from you!

The constitution is a founding legal document and is made up of by set of fundamental principles on how an organisation is governed. The current UCSA Constitution includes election process, representation model, membership, and how the organisation is managed and operated. It became clear last year that the current Constitution is confusing and outdated and this year we are looking at renewing it. For the large part it is simply bringing the Constitution up to speed with current practice, however, there are certain aspects that are worth discussing. Most significantly, the current Executive representation model!

In term two, the UCSA is reviewing the model and we would love to hear from you. Do you like the current model

D-LOCKS COME UP TRUMPS

Over the last few months, a decent number of bikes have been stolen on campus. Stealing sucks, walking is too slow, driving is overrated, and students aren’t made of bikesso here at the Students’ Association we thought that we would try, in at least some capacity, to do something about

it. We have/are working with UC Security and the police to sort out a long term solution, but we thought that anything extra we could do couldn’t hurt.

With that in mind, we gave you the D.

After striking some back alley deals with the legends at Church Corner Cycles, we managed to acquire 50 pure steel, drill/cut/ saw/nunchuck-proof D-locks which we could

of President, Vice-President, Finance, and 9 General Executive? If not, what should we change it to? The options are endless!

We will be facilitating focus groups and asking for feedback online. UC Pols and UCSA will also a host representation debate on Wednesday 18 May in Undercroft 101. It would be great to hear from you!

For more information check out the UCSA website.

ucsa.org.nz/student-exec/ representationmodel

James Addington

sell to students for only $30. Over the last three weeks, 40 of these locks have already been snapped up.

First of all, we want to say thank you. It’s been so great having students who make what they want/need known, work with us to find solutions, and then get on board and support us when we try things like this. In the end, we’re just students, for students, who want everyone to succeed and belong on campus.

So two questions for you:

1) Do people want more bike locks? If this is something you still need, please let us know and we can sort something out

2) Do you have any other cool ideas, initiatives or solutions to problems that you want to make happen on campus? We would love to hear from you. No group of students is as smart as all the students combined, so come in for a chat or flick me a message at finance@ucsa.org.nz and help us make this uni great again!

Jacob Bignell Finance Officer

This content is provided by the UCSA

CANTA’S EXEC WATCHDOG

GET YOUR A INTO GM

The UCSA Annual General Meeting (AGM) takes place on:

Tuesday 17th May

12pm

Undercroft 101

Canta encourages every UC student to come along to the AGM. It’s your chance to pretend show you really care about the governance of your Students’ Association – a multimillion dollar operation propped up by your hard-earned Student Services Levy. You’ll have the opportunity to ask questions of the Exec (even if it’s just at an informal level) and draw your own conclusions about our beloved leaders. And there’s free pizza!

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

At times it can seem like UCSA Execs come and go without achieving too many tangible improvements to the average UC student’s life. However, the latest initiative to resell D-Locks at $30 a piece is worthy of some applause. Canta would love to see more responsive, ground-level initiatives like this from the Exec. Bravo.

CHECK PLEASE

See below for our updated list of Exec election promises. After considerable feedback regarding the general shitness of the UCSA app (why do we have to log in every time to see our timetable?) Canta has revoked the tick. We look forward to reinstating it when the app becomes… well… less shit.

And how’s that two-ply toilet paper going Tappin and Brophy?

Independent Canta

24 hour access rooms

A good UCSA app

A modernised UCSA website

A support network for clubs

Student forums and blog for the rebuild of the UCSA Building

A bus on Saturday night that takes people from the Foundry into town

V-Plate food and beverage deals

Cafés open longer hours

Communal vegetable gardens

SOS Chargers Project (rentable chargers, headphones, etc…)

Introduce a sustainability portfolio

An Interfaculty Sports Tournament

Redesigned social-sport competition

2 ply toilet paper