CANTA ISSUE 2, 2019

PRESIDENT’S PIECE

Yeeeow, week 1 & 2 tick, Mardi Gras tick, first Mono tick, Clubs Days tick, $100 down because of clubs day tick. Yup the start of uni has flown by, course outlines well and truly covered and now the rubber hits the road with assessments popping up all over the show.

Speaking of clubs day, it was epic to see so many of yas out and about - the vibe was insane and it was by far one of the best I’ve seen.

Myself along with Tori (Vice Pres) and Millie (Finance Officer) also took our new Vice Chancellor Cheryl for a walkaround. She loved the vibe and found it great chatting to tonnes of the clubs. Shout

out to BYCSOC and LAWSOC for the free snag and members tee for Cheryl.

Now I have to say it but: $3 Rice????!!!! It’s just not the same right? See a post from our CEO Dave of a full rundown of why UCSA has raised the price of ‘fried rice’ from $2 to $3, or $2.50 with a V Plate.

Just another reminder about the 24/7 liquor ban in the uni area (no open vessels, drinking in the streets) – police are slapping down $250 fines straight up. Heard rumours of a poor fresher starting an online crowd-funding campaign to help pay off their recently-received fine. Don’t let this be you. And if you’re hosting a party www.goodone.org.nz every time.

Now, it being the 125th year of the UCSA’s existence, we’ll be doing a highlight in each Canta of some of the key events in our association’s history. Enjoy.

Week three can also be a bit of a comedown post O-Week, when reality sets in, so look out for your mates and take extra care this time of year.

Cheers, Sam

Kia ora friends,

CONTENTS HOW TO:STUDENT

BEN APPETIT CAPTAIN BEN’S

HOW TO: BINGE TV & NOT FAIL

GETTING TO KNOW U(C)

HOW TO: FAKE SEMESTER 1

FLAT FAMOUS HOUNSLOW SQUAD

HOW TO: EAT ON A BUDGET

WELLNESS WATCH: UTSNZ

CONTRIBUTORS

JOSHUA BROSNAHAN

CONOR JONES

LIAM DONNELLY

LIAM STRETCH

BEN O’CONNELL

KELLY PHILLIPS

LEWIS HOBAN

JAVA KATZUR

NATHAN JAMES

SPANKY MOORE

ROBERT BROWNLEE

ASHER ETHERINGTON

FISI CARRASCO-REX

SAM GIBSON

MEGAN NELIS

LETTERS EDITOR TO THE

Dear Canta;

It’s hard to put these sort of things on a scale, but the lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and most of all proactivity in New Zealand can be staggering.

can offer.

If your body makes the wrong chemicals, and your brain fires the wrong cylinders, you can ask for help.

If you think “why should I need help, there’s people worse off than me”, you can still ask.

If you can’t motivate yourself to get out of bed and face the world, you can ask.

There are a thousand reasons to ask for help, and no good ones not to. Mental health in New Zealand is tough, faced against a “she’ll be right” and “things aren’t that bad” and “it’s not really my business” attitude. I’ve tutored and coached and studied, and seen classrooms ignoring the student breaking down. I’ve seen friends look the other way out of discomfort. I’ve seen the brightest students failing, because they were fighting uphill and didn’t know it.

If your worried “everyone probably feels like this, and why can’t I keep up”, you can ask.

If you’re stressed, you can ask. If you’re worried about your future, you can ask.

If you’re worried “I made my bed, I have to lie in it”, you can ask.

If your friend can’t reach out, you can offer help.

If your friend isn’t themselves, you can offer.

If your friend doesn’t see how much they’re suffering, you can offer.

If your friend is struggling, you

Reaching out isn’t what makes you a GOOD person, or rather, it shouldn’t be. Reaching out is what makes you a better PERSON. it’s all of our duty and all of our responsibility.

If a friend needs help, “I don’t know, I’m just having a tough day” in kiwi slang is “help me, I’m damn near drowning”. If a friend needs help “hey, wanna chill out and catch up” in kiwi slang is “for real, I’m here for you, whatever you need”.

LETTERS EDITOR TO THE LETTER OF THE WEEK

Sincerely, Yeah, nah, all good.

Dear editor,

I’m not sure if this is the right place to complain, as this certainly isn’t your problem, but that of the “gym creeps”.

“Gym creeps” are the few guys (although I’m sure others have been guilty of it) who try to chat up girls whilst we exercise. STOP!! Nobody wants to be hit on, let alone TALKED TO, when they’re at the gym. We all want to get in and out as fast as we can with the least amount of human contact possible. I mean come on, being a chick at the rec centre is awkward enough with the sausage fest that presides there, but add unnecessary flirting and it’s almost not worth going back.

Furthermore, rejecting you just makes it awkward when we come back to the uni gym and see you lurking in a predatory manner (think Hunchback of Notre Dam but horny) beside our equipment of choice. Looking at you, dude who just cornered me in the corridor.

Sincerely,

A very sweaty but not unreasonable human.

Hey Sweaty – this is totally the right place to complain! If I know anything about UC Sport and our rec centre is that they take security and safety of their users very seriously. Don’t be afraid to speak to someone there. They’ll help you.

CANTA’s Summary: Fuck politeness. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, call it out. Loud and in public. If all else fails, call UC Security. Or aim a sweaty pit in Hunchback’s direction.

I’M ON A BOAT!

Every time I walk across the bridge towards the Foundry I am surprised at how much Haere Roa (new UCSA shit box) looks like Noah’s Ark. I am equally surprised at how at the length of time this building is taking to complete. I was promised an opening at the start of 2018 when I started university. At least when the world succumbs to climate change and the great flood comes, we will be ready because we will have a big fucking ark.

Ty, disappointed.

Thanks so much foryour shitty opinion, Disappointed! We will be closing up the door to Haere Roa as you swim up crying, screaming PLEASE! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DOUBTED YOU! We will start new lives with jugs and wedges from The Foundry on the daily and free education for all. We call it … MONOland.

Seriously though – sometimes things are delayed. I thinkyou’ll survive, but by all means, feel free to go to Ara, train as a carpenter and come and help.

CANTA

JOSH: CRITICAL

Hi,

YIKES

Just wanted to raise a serious concern about student wellbeing. There are currently no copies of the current edition on CANTA available in the marked baskets outside the doors of Puaka James Hight. This poses a serious issue to my and other students’ ability to make use of the fund which we pay to the UCSA every year as part of our levy. If I cannot read a CANTA what is my money going to? Ensuring access to UCSA services to its members should be a main priority of the organisation and not a footnote in your agenda. Angerey Reacc. -Josh

Ohhhh Joshy.

CANTA is everywhere. If it’s not in the stand, it’s online. In fact, I bet if you walked around a little… you would have found a copy somewhere. Issue 1 had DOUBLE the copies printed, given out at Ori Day and also distributed in Undercroft, and C Block. I’m sorryyour lifeblood was drained from not accessing CANTA.You’ve got to get in quick. Supply and demand etc. To appease you, dearest Josh, I have fired the entire team and burnt down the office.

PS- CANTA is virtually cost neutral thanks to advertising revenue. Bloop.

HORNY HUNCHBACK

CANTA

NEWS NEWS

OUSA Looks At Drugs

Well let’s face it, it’s inevitable that we’re going to talk about this.

If you’ve been under a rock the past few weeks, then you may have missed the OUSA making headlines.

The Otago University Students’ Association made headlines last week when it became apparent that it would be offering drug-checking at its Orientation Week events.

The OUSA, partnered with KnowYourStuffNZ and New Zealand Drug Foundation to offer drug-testing to any interested participants.

The process involved students providing a small sample of their substance of choice.

The substance is tested for purity, results are given, and harm reduction counselling is provided.

Essentially, it’s a test to see if the drugs are actually the drugs people think they are.

Inevitably this has started the conversation of whether the UCSA should follow suit and also offer drug-testing prior to our big events.

Unfortunately it’s not necessarily an easy debate.

On one hand, these substances are illegal. The law’s the law and so be it. If you offer students the ability to test their drugs, you’re essentially condoning drugs.

On the other hand, it would be ignorant to assume students aren’t already taking these drugs in copious amounts. Drug-testing would better inform them to what exactly they’re taking.

Now having spent the last five years of my life hanging around this university I can say, with absolute certainty, that these drugs are taken. Here at Canterbury some people looooove a cheeky nose-beer and there’s literally nothing that can be done to change that. I’m not claiming that it’s a good or a bad thing, but it is just the reality. Nothing anyone says or attempts to preach is going to change the current habits of our university students.

OUSA’s CEO, Debbie Downs, pointed out it’s about helping the individual make their own decision to stop using these drugs because preventing the use doesn’t work.

“OUSA in no way condones drug use of any kind, but in the day and age we live in, we are cognizant of the need for harm prevention. If we can’t stop the intent to use, step two is to educate and inform to reach the same objective,” said Downs.

Right now, student drug-use is seen as a “problem”, yet no one seems to provide a “solution”. This drug-testing is the closest to a realistic solution anyone has provided.

In reality, drug-testing is not being “pro-drug” it’s being “hey I love you enough to let you know that what you’re taking isn’t what you think it is”.

A SIT DOWN AND A GLASS OF WATER WITH THE NEW VICE-CHANCELLOR

Cheryl de la Rey is one of thousands of new faces at the University this year. Except she is far more important than the rest of the faces you might see.

Appointed at the end of 2018, Cheryl became our new VC this year. The person in charge of the university dayto-day. The head honcho.

CANTA sat down over a glass of water and had a big ol’ yarn with the new boss to figure out who she is, her dreams, aspirations, and what’s next for UC.

Like many, Cheryl was once a student doing student-y things. After not particularly enjoying her first year at University, she chose to persevere with her studies in psychology and eventually found her feet. Cheryl fell in love with the independence and freedom of thinking that universities provide, and ended up completing studies at a number of places herself.

Cheryl’s last role was as VC at Pretoria University in South Africa, the same role, just many miles away. She’d been to New Zealand before but merely on holiday, when the rumour-mill began swirling that there was a job up for grabs in Christchurch, she jumped at the chance. Why? Well because it’s the Garden City! Something about her enthusiasm was contagious, I’ve lived here 16 years and even I was thinking ‘omg, it IS so garden-y’.

A word that kept popping up in our conversation was “future”.

Cheryl is about as forward thinking as they come and is entirely aware about keeping universities relevant to an ever-changing workforce. That appears to be an important goal for her; to make sure we’re a university that is ahead of where it needs to be. To keep pumping out students who are going to be the most prepared for their workforce.

Cheryl’s previous university had a roll of about 62,000

students. Canterbury has 16,000. I inevitably asked about the change, why the downsize? Well as it turns out, 62,000 people can create a lot of noise and it’s pretty easy to get lost amongst it.

“There’s a sense of anonymity there… but there is a very real sense of community here”

It was clearly a driving force behind her decision to move here. Cheryl seems genuinely curious in what students are doing and keen to get involved herself. Her first actions as VC reflect just that, welcome BBQ’s, Orientation Day, and Clubs Days. In her first weeks she has attended any and all things student-related.

Never did we discuss balancing cheque books, or raising the price of carparking, or EFTs margins, or UC’s future capital works. Sure, those are things a VC will no doubt deal with from time to time, but Cheryl’s interest is in ensuring students have a fulfilling and worthwhile time at university.

When she’s not busy being VC, she’s pretty cool in her down time. Cheryl describes herself as “artsy” - partial to a good show, gallery, or museum. She was also able to remind me exactly when the Super Rugby season started, I had not noticed it was about to start but Cheryl was onto it. Cricket and rugby are her sporting cup of tea… maybe another reason she moved here. I wasn’t here to embarrass myself, so I didn’t even attempt to talk about cricket. However, rugby is basically a diet staple in both New Zealand and South Africa so it seemed appropriate to talk about.

She favoured New Zealand for the next world cup, but acknowledged England and Ireland have been performing well recently.

“I see it like this, if South Africa and New Zealand are in the world cup final… I can’t lose”

Sorry Cheryl, but lets face it, South Africa is not making the final.

IS ‘SEX ED’ FAILING THE #METOO GENERATION?

own hands, Assoc Prof Quinlivan says. “There are feminist groups in schools and there are queer-straight alliance groups in schools that have strong social justice orientations, combatting discrimination and talking about pleasure – there are a lot of informal things happening that are not visible in the formal arena.”

The gaps can be bridged, she says. Assoc Prof Quinlivan advocates for teachers to listen to young people’s lived experiences and venture beyond traditional boundaries.

“It is not easy teaching these things. The Ministry of Education is risk averse and doesn’t provide support for professional development, plus the Sexuality Education guidelines are not compulsory – in fact schools didn’t even receive a hard copy of them,” she says.

Gender fluidity, consent, exposure to pornography, sexual violence, and the power dynamics behind the #metoo movement are some of the issues University of Canterbury Associate Professor Kathleen Quinlivan explores in her new book Exploring Contemporary Issues in Sexuality Education with Young People (Palgrave).

“One of the main issues is this huge slippage between what young people need and what they are getting. We are in the era of #metoo, sexual harassment, sex and gender politics and those are things that young people really want to know about, but they are often not areas that teachers and parents are comfortable going into,” Assoc Prof Quinlivan says.

The internationally recognised researcher of schoolbased sexuality education says a limited health and risk focus of sexuality education lingers. That the word “pleasure” was removed from the most recent (2015) Ministry of Education sexuality education guidelines is typical of a cautious official approach, she says.

Meanwhile, young people are taking matters in to their

“Policies aside, the relationship with students is the most important thing for teachers to develop and that takes time. You have to be someone who is really interested in exploring the issues that young people are dealing with.”

The possibilities for change are exciting, she says. “The rise of the #metoo movement has been huge –there has been a tidal shift. There is a new feminism where younger women are starting to stand up and talk about the things they experience. Through popular culture, in response to gender-based harassment, sexual diversity and the rise of #metoo, there is a renewed interest in gender activism – it is a bit of moment really!”

The book was launched in New Zealand on 20 February to coincide with a symposium for academics and teachers at UC’s College of Education, Health and Human Development, titled Coming In Slantways: Sexuality Education Otherwise. Presentations and workshops enabled participants to explore and expand their practice, bringing the fruits of research to both educators and their students.

Navigating contemporary gender issues is complicated for young people, and New Zealand’s traditional sexuality education is not keeping up, according to a Canterbury education expert.

Kathleen Quinlivan

CANTA’S BROKEN NEWS

‘Top Lad’ Injured Under Weight of Mardi Gras Beads

$3 Rice Breaks University

The University of Canterbury is currently in utter disarray after the revelation that $2 rice has risen in price by a dollar.

$2 Rice, now $3 Rice, has been a food staple and has held reliable presence at UC for many years, and was even temporarily ViceChancellor in 1994.

When the price hike was made public to students, the reactions were quick and sharp, with many calling it “the worst thing to happen ever”.

Large protest rallies were organised in major areas of the university which saw rampant couch burning and damage to university property. The university is closed down until further notice.

A student was seriously injured by his Mardi Gras attire while attending the O-Week event.

The student, who was praised for his skills with the ladies, was seriously injured after the sheer weight of the beads he was carrying was too much to handle.

Beaded necklaces were given out at the event to students who were able to receive kisses from other individuals.

According to his friends, the student was a “top lad” because he was highly-skilled in the area of “canoodling with women.”

The student is now reportedly in hospital with severe back injuries, thrush, and a collection of cold sores resembling the word ‘fuckboi’.

UC’s latest construction feet is proving to be an effective Escape Room.

The College of Education’s new building, Rehua, has become the latest location in the Escape Room craze.

Escape rooms are a recent interactive, hands-on problem-solving experience that see groups work together to escape a locked room.

Rehua was quickly picked out as a perfect Ecsape Room facility due to it’s confusing floor plan and winding hallways.

It has proved such an effective Escape Room, that no one has actually escaped.

Rehua Hired Out as Escape Room Postgrad Students Reeling From Irwin Birthday Anniversary.

Postgrad students are once again feeling the pain as lecture halls are empty and grades plummet following Steve Irwin’s birthday.

Steve Irwin, the legendary Crocodile Hunter, would have celebrated his 57th birthday in late February.

The anniversary of his birthday raises raw emotions for many postgrad students, many of which were at primary school at the time of his death.

“How the fuck does someone expect me to write a thesis under these conditions?! He could’ve been 57 today! Why god why?!?!?!?!” one student calmly responded.

Every year postgrad students grapple with the anniversary, usually leaving the University recovering for months.

This year’s anniversary was particularly damaging on students, as it was revealed that Terri Irwin has “had her happily ever after”.

UCSA President

Josh Proctor Stealing Bongs

The UCSA’s former President has been exposed as a bong thief, in recent explosive allegations.

Proctor, who was UCSA President for 2018, has been revealed to be a regular thief of bongs from flats and properties in the Upper Riccarton/Ilam area.

His stealing spree began in September 2018 after a very public incident involving a University of Otago Proctor stealing a bong from a student flat.

“Well I love bongs and I was really inspired by his actions, soon I realized I was entitled to stealing them as well,” said Proctor. It became apparent the former President had not made the distinction between his last name and the administrative position of a proctor.

Former

Crikey Now That’s Some Fake News

CLUB PROMOTER

PROFILING THE BEST CLUBS AND CLUB EVENTS ON CAMPUS

Want to stand out in the job market? Do it while making a positive social impact with 180 Degrees Consulting!

180 Degrees Consulting Canterbury is an organisation that provides talented university students (yes, you!) the opportunity to work with non-profits and social enterprises to create social impact in our communities. Students engage in real-world consultancy projects and develop the transferable, professional skills that employers love.

Our brand – 180 Degrees Consulting – is the world’s largest student consultancy branched out in 100 branches spread across 35 countries and over 6000 consultants working on projects at any time. We’re a humble bunch, whose primary aim is to give developing NGO’s access to high quality and affordable consultancy services and to facilitate the development of social impact talent. Come along to our Launch event for a proper introduction to what we do and the projects we have for this semester! Follow us on Facebook or check our website for updates on time and venue plus more.

CLUB PROMOTER

FB:facebook.com/180dcCanterbury

Website:180dc.org/branch/Canterbury

Email:canterbury@180dc.orgorpresident_uc@180dc.org

Explosives get you all hot and flustered?

Subatomic particles get your heart racing?

Magnetism get your coils in a twist?

Make like nuclear fusion and smash your way into PhysSoc. Get your freak on at our challenge weekends, get some handson, enhance your practical knowledge of “fluid dynamics”, and release all your potential energy at our annual Tekapo retreat!”

Email:uc.physsoc@gmail.com

Facebook:PhysSocUC

Website:www.physsoc.co.nz

Did your mum tell all her friends that you were a ‘bit of a drama-queen’?

Were you a member of that super-secret high school society named “AV Club”?

Or do you just stan a tight scene-change?

Well then DramaSoc might just be the place for you. We’re UC’s home for actors, techies, and theatregoers alike.

Every year we try to do at least a major production, our annual 3SOME, a couple ‘Day 2 Play’s and a slew of improv. So, come on down to our Clubs’ Day stall and ask us what we have coming up! While you’re there, ask us some questions like “How do I sign-up?” and “What’s 3SOME?”; we know you love to hear yourself talk and we would love to listen ;).

Facebook: DramaSoc

Bonjour! Do you study French?

Or maybe you’ve you studied French?

Or maybe you just appreciate a good croissant?

If this is you, join Frenchsoc this year for action-packed fun that complements your level of French.

Whether you are a French-native, have studied French at school, or just love French culture, like our facebook page, UC Frenchsoc for notifications of upcoming events. See you there!

Formoreinformation, emailfrenchsoc.uc@gmail.com.

UC Bike is known for its legendary biking and social events such as our annual Queenstown trip!

We host weekly trail rides during the fair-weather months and have a large Facebook group for organizing rides and laps at the Adventure park.

Also we hold sick social events such as bike movie viewing nights with free pizza, BYOs and other random wild events.

Facebook: UCBike

The Club meets Tuesday and Thursday nights from 7.00 – 9.30 pm at the UC RecCentre. The Club caters to all levels of climbers from people who have never climbed before, to seasoned rock climbers.

Included in membership: FREE gear hire. Trips and events: Intro days, Castle/Flock Hill, Paynes Ford and Hanging Rock, BoulderFest, movie nights, rope skills nights, and more.

Discounts at Bivouac, Aspiring, YMCA Roxx and Uprising Boulder Gym.

To join the Club or find out more, come find us at Clubs Day or come along on a Club night!

Email:ucclimbingclub@gmail.com

Facebook:UCClimbingClub

Instagram:@climbingclubuc

Want to discover your second family?

Do you love Jesus and want to find out more about Him? Join UC Navs! UC Navs is a Christian club on campus, which aims to grow faith to transform everyday life by studying the Bible and walking in fellowship with others in your faith journey. Find us on clubs day for a fun activity and to sign up.

For more info, visitwww.ucnavs.org

Contact 022 161 8921

UC Climbing Club

CAPTAIN BEN’S

BY: BEN O’CONNELL

APPETIT BEN BEN APPETIT

Look at me! Look at me!!! I am the captain now. Welcome to this week’s edition of (Captain) Ben Appetit, where the UCSA pay me to chat shit about food in and around campus. I couldn’t visit Big Gary’s without going to its rival, so this week I ate at Captain Ben’s.

With a uni-centric Ilam Rd/ Rountree St location, Captain Ben’s is well-known for feeding student gobs with grease. They have a huge menu of Chinese and chippie meals, most of which could easily be eaten as tomorrow’s lunch (and dinner, as I found out later that evening). The offside bench, a broken corner arcade game, and some wholesome photos are all nice touches. I’d explain the place further but I doubt you haven’t been there before.

Known for its burgers, including Baird’s longstanding UCSA advertising and yet again a mock Double Down, I had to get one. The cheeseburger (which I deemed the most neutral bet for review purposes) had a brick of melted cheese and was -as expected- largely

8/10 BENS.

inoffensive. Meanwhile, the fries aren’t as crispy as Big Gary’s, but Captain Ben’s fries are arguably fluffier and better value. All up, a solid combo!

The chicken fried rice was huge. I’d guesstimate it’s the size of three Wok rices. Besides the value for money it was scrumptious as heck. Purchasing a meal and stretching it out with vegetables or meat seems like a fair shout. I have a new go-to if the entire Chinese menu is as good as this rice.

BEN APPETIT

Captain Ben’s only capitalizes on its prime UC location with a solid, extensive menu and its authentic, blunt presentation. You get what you get and it’s great. I wouldn’t go there every week, but I have to rate it a well-deserved 8/10 Bens.

SCREEN

SHOT

IS YOUR SCREENSHOT IN HERE? YOU’VE WON A QUICKTAP CARD!

ITS LOADED WITH 5 FREE DRINKS FROM SELECTED CAMPUS VENDING MACHINES

HOW TO :

Watch all your favourite shows and not fail any papers.

BY: FISI CARRASCO-REX

We’ve all been there, whether it be 13 Reasons Why, Gilmore Girls, or Black Mirror, there are some shows we just can’t stop watching. These shows always seem to be most entertaining when an essay or exam is coming up. But complain no more! Gone are the days where your unwritten paper nags at your slowly deteriorating brain cells; No longer will you promise yourself one drink at MONO and then you’ll come back and finish it. Say goodbye to submitting your first and only draft. Here are a few easy tips on how to watch all your favourite shows and not fail any papers:

1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

DON’TTURN ON NETFLIXTILLYOU’VE FINISHEDYOUR HOMEWORK.

This one is pretty obvious because it’s the first rule we get taught in school, and yet it’s still relevant now. Having self-discipline is something that I’m still learning as a 5th year student, but it’s probably the most important thing you should learn. Understanding how to keep yourself accountable for priorities like assignments is one of the key elements about Adulting™. Make these habits while you’re young and able.

6) HAVE A HEALTHYLIST OF SHOWSYOU

ALREADY WANTTO WATCH. It takes way too long to find something good to watch. Have a list handy so you don’t waste your down time. In my own experience as a serial binge watcher, I could spend anywhere between 15 minutes to one hour scrolling Netflix for something I feel like watching. Having a healthy list of shows and films that are separated into categories is the fastest way to make sure you maximise your chill time, and not waste your work time.

SET SOME TIME

LIMITS.

Pretty much, staying up too late watching shows is the easiest way to sleep in and miss class. Whether or not this is important to you is your choice, but it’s also something that I’m still struggling with today. It doesn’t get easier to force a routine, and I’ve never been able to manage it, which is one of my biggest regrets. At some point, you will have to be a morning person, and that shit sucks, so you might as well start now.

7)

PREPARATION IS KEY. A little planning at the beginning of the term will go a long way. Have a calendar and write in when all your assignments are due, then make them due two days earlier. This usually worked for me, although nothing can make you actually want to do the assignment. However, you’ll be less stressed when you realise you do have time to rewrite the essay. Designating time to complete an assignment is the best way to find out when you can have chill time.

SHOWS THAT DON’T NEED TO BE FOLLOWED CLOSELY.

PICK

Depending on how many assignments you have due during the week will determine how closely you can follow a show and not need a recap. Comedies and animations are really good to watch when you’re just chilling because they don’t require much focus and they usually don’t follow much of a plot. This way, you don’t feel bad for missing your show, and you can pick it back up whenever you finally have time.

PICK SHOWS THATARE RELATIVELY SHORT IN EPISODES. Choose shows that are around 20 to 30 minutes long, this makes it easier to stop and go back to studying, or hitting the hay. On the other hand, these short episodes make it really easy to say ‘I’ll just watch one more’. Be sure not to take the bait. If you’re not good at self discipline like me, you must mother yourself. Film and media are so easy to consume these days, so channel your inner baby-boomer, and tell yourself off for being on your device. Exit that tab after this episode, and do what you need to do with the remainder of the hour. You’ll thank yourself later.

WORKHARD, RELAXHARD.Work hard when you’re working. Getting on a roll with assignments is hard to do, but when you’re in it, go with it! Making sure you’re doing work, no matter what it’s for, is the best way to feel guilt free when you’re sitting in front of the laptop later on. The mornings are best for doing writing and reading assignments, the afternoon is better for doing chores and errands.

8) 9)

SAVE LONG EPISODES FOR A DUSTY

SUNDAY. These days, shows have changed from once a week, 20 minute episodes to hour-long season marathons. It’s important that you stay away from these traps while you’re in working mode during the week because we all know how hard a good cliff hanger is to ignore. Besides, there’s nothing better than staying in bed on a dusty Sunday morning with some Uber Eats and a few hours of good, quality Riverdale (or literally any other show if you don’t hate yourself).

DON’T BE TOO HARD ONYOURSELF.

University and the fate of your entire future is stressful, so don’t be too hard on yourself. So what, you spent a few hours unwinding and watching a show that makes you smile!! Remember that mental health is the most important part of your life, and making sure that you’re all good should be at the top of your list. Taking your mind off the deadline is a great way to restart your brain and allows you to get back to your work with a fresh mind. As long as you don’t do this everyday.

10)

BE A FILM STUDENT. Do what I did and study a Fine Arts degree where you can count watching movies as studying. It was super chill, but got me into some pretty bad habits.

Whether or not you want to follow these tips is up to you. They’re suggestions that may be able to help you figure out what works best for you, and when you find that sweet, sweet routine, you’ll be thankful you learned it sooner rather than in Postgrad like me. However you decide to go about it, just remember that everyone is different, and just because your classmate can wake up at the crack of dawn doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for staying in bed and watching your favourite show. Also, good luck staying away from Game of Thrones. The final season premieres on April 17.

Getting to know U(C)

BY KELLY PHILLIPS

Wheredidyougrowup?

I grew up in Matakana between Auckland and Whangarei.

Whatareyoustudying?

I’m a third year Bachelor of Fine Arts student majoring in painting and I’m doing a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Art History.

WhatbroughtyoutoCanterbury?

I wanted to get away from home and go somewhere exciting. I felt like Auckland was too close to home. I had a scholarship for Canterbury and I admired artists who’ve been to Ilam like Rita Angus and Olivia Spencer Bower.

Whoisoneofyourartidols?

I’m inspired by Edward Hopper. I really like his paintings of people within architecture. You don’t know who the person is, but it feels like a gateway into the subject’s thoughts. For my art project last year, I painted some of my friends in different places around the city.

Whataresomeofyourhobbies?

Playing music. I play guitar and sing and do gigs. I go busking to earn money. The other thing I do is work at Paint n’ Sip teaching people to paint. During one lesson called “paint your mate like

Picasso,” I showed the class a few Picasso paintings to talk about the formal aspects of the art. I love my work. I’m interested in working as a university lecturer of art history and I feel like it’s good for that potential career path.

Whatdidyoudooverthesummer?

Katie Wright -

-

Aside from work, I looked into Juliet Peter’s art and how she did satirical cartoons for CANTA. I also started learning about Maori rock art in Canterbury. I went on a sketching trip to see the Waikari paintings and attended a lecture on Maori rock art found throughout New Zealand.

What’syourdreamcareer?

Art curator.

WillyoustayinCanterburyaftergraduationormoveon?

I think I will leave Christchurch at some point, but it’s a good time for artists in Christchurch. All these things are happening to make it an interesting and a vibrant city. There are a lot of opportunities to get your art out there and be inspired by others.

To see more of Katie’s art you can visit Katie Wright Art on Facebook or @katiewrightartist on Instagram.

FAKING YOUR WAY THROUGH SEMESTER ONE

COMPILED BY BEN O’CONNELL

We’ve all seen Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, the Nickelodeon sitcom that broke down high school life like a nature documentary. Sadly, they never did a sequel based at a university. And so, here I present a collection of advice to get you through your first semester at UC.

LECTURES AND CLASSES

- Start out by attending every lecture. Understand that the first week of classes are typically introductory. You may not even have tutorials at all. Be careful though, as this is just your lecturer easing you in. Don’t get used to it.

- Becoming familiar with your course’s key players is a good way to make friends but also get a better grade. Surrounding yourself with hard workers will push you to work hard to get to their level. You may know people that have done the course before hit them up! Also, knowing who to avoid is a plus; such as the annoying mature student who constantly asks unprovoked questions, or the student you really want to leech off in the upcoming group project.

- Load your Canterbury Card (Student ID card) with money to print. You’ll thank yourself later. You can also use your Canterbury Card to pay off library late fees.

- If you can get the book out at the library, nine times out of ten don’t buy the book. If the lecturer wrote the book, recognize they may be handing out more readings than necessary for clout related reasons. This, like most of this advice, doesn’t apply to law students though. You’re on your own and it’s all your fault. Check out UC’s online library too.

- Tutorials are more personalized, taught in smaller groups, and often not recorded. It’s important not to miss them. Always miss a lecture over missing a tutorial. (And then watch them back, of course.)

ESSAYS

- It typically takes me a day to write 500 words of an essay. If you can’t do essays very well, or you aren’t too confident, then start your essay well in advance.

- Do far more research than you think you need. This will help you find your essay’s direction faster, and get you in the right headspace to bust the essay out. You often get marks for referencing too, so having quite a few doesn’t hurt.

- Proofread the fuck out of your essays. Unless you’re a god, you ought to have made dumb mistakes that you’ll kick yourself for. Remember the word count, a title page, numbered pages; basically all of the things your rightfully-pedantic lecturer asks for.

TIMETABLE

- Forcing yourself to come to uni by choosing the tutorial on your off day? Or the other strategy of putting all your classes on one or two days of the week and having a long weekend or something. I had Fridays off last year and it was as much of a blessing as it was a curse.

- Using the MyTimetable function of schedule sharing so you can see when your pal has something or when you both have nothing on; etc. A powerful tool but be careful not to hand it out to that absolute leech you know.

FOOD AND DRINK

- Buy yourself five Tupperware containers and sort yourself out with meal planning. Noodles and rice and vegetables and all that. Living off energy drinks and Undercroft rice is expensive and unhealthy. Meal planning is our only defense in the face of the heinous dollar increase of $2 rice (which henceforth shall be known as ‘thrice’).

- Eat larger breakfasts so you’ll spend less at university.

- There’s free hot water all across campus. Bringing a Thermos of whatever to class, or bringing super cheap instant coffee, are great calls.

- For you when you do spend money at university, use a V Plate. It all adds up. Just put it on your keychain and forget about it until you reach the counter. $5 Sir Ed deals are cheap and good too.

HEALTH AND FITNESS

- The Rec Centre does heaps of awesome free classes such as spin, yoga, Zumba (I think); the list goes on. Get involved. They have women only hours too.

- It’s important to get enrolled with the Health Centre. Look into getting a Community Services Card. Make sure you are booked in advance, don’t miss your scheduled appointments, and enjoy the cheap (and sometimes free) service.

- You can get free condoms from the Health Centre. You can get free counseling from the Health Centre.

- You will get sick in Semester 1 and you probably will gain weight. This is normal and nothing to fear.

- Pace yourself. As much as you want to do everything on campus, you don’t have the goddamn time. It’s hard to focus when you’re so tired, and you’re more susceptible to the fresher flu. You’ll burn yourself out faster than you can say “I’ll be there!”

- According to a fifth year law student, “There are sugar free low calorie Canadian Clubs that provide sinkable piss without the worry of losing your gym bod that you worked so hard for”.

SOCIAL LIFE

- A wise woman once said, “Scrumpy is cheap and gets you pissed quick”.

- If you’re a straight man, set your Tinder to ‘Men and Women’ for a brief ego boost.

- A social smoker is still a smoker. Also, satisfy your nicotine needs by simply going outside at MONO and take a deep breath of second hand dart.

- You can buy beads at Mardi Gras so they’re nothing to boast about. It’s not impressive. Enjoy strep throat.

- Joining clubs is a great way to socialize with like-like-minded people. And if no club vibes with you, start your own!

- Life continues beyond university. Sure, you’ll meet some amazing lifelong friends, but there’s a wide world out there after you’ve graduated (or decided to continue studying beyond undergrad for some awful reason).

- Tell someone when and where you’re going on a date or dick appointment. Schedule an alarm for half an hour into the date and pretend it’s a phone call to give yourself a possible out.

And there you have it! A comprehensive list of fresher advice. I’m sure there’s heaps I’ve missed. Of course, this shouldn’t be held Gospel. Some of these might just be outright bad advice. University can be overwhelming. Make sure to always leave time for yourself to do whatever the heck you want. Not only does uni try to make everything as accommodating as possible, people have equally open arms if you just ask. The Noticeboard post I made asking for fresher advice is case in point (and has many more great pieces of advice too).

FLAT FAMOUS

PHOTOS BY: JAVA KATZUR

Our idyllic flat is home to 7 strapping young lads who love sport just as much as they love each other. Whether it be football, curling, rugby, greyhound racing, sex, or go karting, our team is full of talent and full of chat. Team bonding activities includes drinking, movie nights, playing with a dildo, cuddles, being shit at cleaning, nudity, and pesting.

CAMERON:

Always gets behind the boys in a scrum. Best hands on the field but always seems to drop the soap in the showers. Gay like Nigel Owens and homophobic like Israel Folau.

JAMES:

Player/Coach of the team who shows class on the field. Runs you into the ground at training but will always buy you a bevvy in the clubrooms. Should be in his prime but has the body of a 50 y/o.

ROSS:

Personification of a ruck. Misses every second game to see his missus. Makes up for 50% of the scrum weight. Follow @100_likes_for_ross on insta.

GREG:

Volunteers to set up the practice cones and great under a high ball. Fiery bastard with a tendency for red cards. Big fan of the one bar man heater.

JACOB:

Will run the ball down the field but can never score a try. Player who gets sent to the other team when they’re short. Florist and a banjo player.

TRAVIS:

Will gamble against his own team and on a first name basis at the TAB. Misses training due to a headache but surprisingly skilful on game day. Always cleans the club rooms.

TAYLOR:

Zippy little fly-half. What he lacks in skill he makes up for in looks. Hot enough to melt steel beams. Always starts the on-field brawls but will let the other lads finish it.

STU:

First reserve but not getting any game time until he pays his subs.

COOKING ON A BUDGET

A JOURNEY THROUGH THE INTERNET

BY: LIAM DONNELLY

I love food.

Watching TV about it.

But fuck actually cooking it.

When I’m walking home after a long day, my heart sinks at the thought that my food isn’t already prepared for eating. Standing over a hot element staring at inconsistently chopped veges in a pan can be the last thing we want to do after a long day.

For many students, cooking dinner is a matter of rolling shit in glitter to make it look nice. It’s more about filling an empty stomach than going on a Michelin-inspired culinary journey.

Now I’m sure there’s some of you out there thinking ‘I love the budget meals I cook’. That’s fine if you do, but it probably means you buy too much fresh produce and think kale is nice.

Newsflash. That shit tastes like arse.

And unfortunately because Uber Eats is not a viable option every night of the week, we do succumb to making glittery shit for dinner. Cooking the same bland shit day after day can get really tiresome and sometimes you need new bland things to cook.

I’ve immersed myself in the world of budget cooking to try to discover a new side to cheap eats, change my frame of mind towards cooking, and even – if possible – eat something nice.

Okay this is just sad and depressing. 5 Stars.

Really epitomises a sad student lifestyle. Mix in some durries, and you have the perfect ‘Social Media Influencer Diet’. 3.5 Stars

Great advice. But don’t actually combine all these things together, it’s fucking disgusting. Cooking in bulk is also annoying to do. 3 Stars.

Well it’s a boring texture. Also, the only spice I had on hand was cinnamon, which was rank. 5 Stars.

Thanks Beth, now my ringhole is on fire. No but seriously, it’s one colour, stodgy and smells like shit. 5 Stars.

Yaaaas. I feel classy af having a quiche. Quesadillas are a great idea too but I left it too long and had a wheat-bean frisbee. 3 Stars.

Okay this is pretty tasty, cheap as chips, and easy to do. 0.5 Stars.

It’s brown, like very brown. I think it’s tasty, I literally can’t tell anymore. 2.5 Stars.

This is awful, it should not exist. Do not recommend. I waited 3 hours to eat dog food. 4 Stars.

No. No it’s not delicious. Hot chocolate is yummy, peanut butter sandwiches are yummy. But together they are not. Causes lukewarm soggy, milky bread. 3.75 Stars.

This is proper good advice. Highly recommended. There’s nothing more studentesque than scabbing food off your employer. I did this once, but it was at a bar, and it just completely screwed with my liver. 6 Stars.

Okay this just tastes like half the other stuff on this list. I love toast though. 1 Star.

Some of the better advice I found. Vodka is great and really good at numbing pain. Also, it’s made from potato therefore it’s a salad. 5 Stars.

Okay, this has nothing to do with food. But man, this is some HOT advice. I’m really enjoying forcing my flat into 6-man showers and cuddle time at the moment. 3 Stars. Where would the world be without the humble potato? Highly worth it for the moment of middle-class-ness. 3.5 Stars.

Okay, well this is creative, innovative, average tasting, and the dried noodles add a nice texture. Thanks for advancing the student experience Monique. 5 Stars.

Well there you go.

Did I learn anything?

No.

But a few things were confirmed to me. Get takeaways or steal food for the best outcomes.

I’ll just stick to watching Tasty videos, drinking, and munching cones.

BACK TO SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE: CONSENT IS HOT AF

TIB is no Coach Carr from Mean Girls (cc no, if you have sex you will not get pregnant and die) and by all means, we are not here to kill your sex life. But one thing we do want to kill is the shitty excuse that seeking active consent ‘ruins the mood’. So, to help you out next time you see a hottie at mono and want to do the horizontal tango the exec of Thursdays in Black has put together a list of sexy ways to seek consent.

Whisper “do you want it?” into your partner’s ear before you slam them all way through to next week.

Stare them in the eye and ask, “may I?” before you make sweet love.

Ask “can I kiss you here?” “and here?” as you move your lips all over their body.

Check as you go! There’s nothing hotter than asking your sexual partner “do you like it when I touch you there?” “does that feel good for you?”

Tell them “I want to make you moan, do you want that?”

Or get straight to the point 50 shades style and ask, “do you want me to pin you up against this wall and fuck you till you’re screaming my name?”

If the thought of asking that makes your insides turnover backwards then why not start small? “Hey cutie, can I touch your booty?”

However, if you’re still not convinced consent is hot, the one thing we’re begging you to remember is that assault is not. Sex without consent is rape. If this is a concept you don’t understand, or you want some more hints and tips to make consent sexy then come along to our one of our fortnightly stalls and please ask us!! But ask first, because if you wanna be my lover, you got get my consent.

If you found any of the above content triggering or unsettling, please contact any of the following:

ThursdaysinBlackUC:thursdaysinblackuc@gmail.com

UCHealthCentre:healthcentre@canterbury.ac.nz

StudentCare:studentcare@canterbury.ac.nz

Aviva:enquiries@avivafamilies.org.nz

WRITTEN BY MOLLY BROOKE ROBERTS

WELLNESS WATCH

BY : ROBERT BROWNLEE

What is UTSNZ?

University and Tertiary Sport

New Zealand (UTSNZ) is the organisation that runs the New Zealand inter-university sport champs. UC compete against New Zealand’s other universities at these events, in a bid to be the top sporting university in the country. In 2019 ten events are being held, which UC Rec & Sport will be recruiting players and selecting teams for throughout the year.

Competing at a UTSNZ tournament is an ideal way to get involved in the uni scene and meet a bunch of new people, while giving you a chance to potentially get a national title under your belt! If you’re missing the old high school tournament week, do yourself a favour and get involved!

We caught up with the Executive Director of UTSNZ, Sarah Anderson, who said “UTSNZ believes as many students as possible should have the opportunity to challenge and better themselves through sport. Sport can be a powerful contributor to academic achievement, sporting performance and student wellbeing. Our role is to foster this aspiration and help facilitate opportunities for its realisation on a national and international level”.

How can you get involved?

Players

To get involved as a player pop your details in the online registration

form on our website. Head to www. canterbury.ac.nz/sport/utsnz/ for details. We’ll get in touch with trial info and other details when you register.

Coach/Manager roles

We’re always on the lookout for volunteer coaches and managers to support our teams. If you are interested in helping out contact emma.cantwell@canterbury.ac.nz

Workforce Development Programme

The UTSNZ workforce development programme connect students wanting to put their studies to practical use with leading sport organisations, both nationally and internationally. A variety of opportunities including volunteering, work experience and internships are available to UC students. Check out the details at www.utsnz.co.nz/workforceprogramme

A FEW NOTES

DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE

Parker’s atmospheric echoes. It’s all very spacey, very operatic – then again, this is a modern psych album we’re talking about, these things should be expected, especially since it’s an AUSTRALIAN psych album (Oz has become an infamous incubator for modern psych bands). Point being, if you’re going through Tame impala withdrawal, Pond are here to serve as a well-needed substitute, like a menthol cigarette to, uh, the tobacco impala?

BY: LEWIS HOBAN

SIR BABYGIRL

- Crush on Me

Hey cool kids, you all heard of this new hip band ‘Tame Impala’? Of course, you have. There was absolutely nowhere the aristocratic cosmic space rays of another dimension that was 2015’s “Currents” didn’t penetrate. So, here’s a refresher: Tame Impala is just Kevin Parker noodling about in his studio, locking himself away like a monk in deep meditation. He is, when on tour, backed by Nick Allbrook, Jay Watson, Joe Ryan and Jamie Terry, respectively. When the four aren’t busy flanking Parker, enlightened and mysterious eldritch entity as he may be, they’re actually an insanely competent and articulate psych band. And they have quite the catalogue as well – eight albums, counting this one, including last years “The Weather”, which garnered significant critical acclaim, filling the bigtime big-name void left behind in the swathe of Parker returning to partial hibernation, only to rouse himself to gorge upon honeycomb and help produce this very record.

So, if this is the Tame Impala touring band, and Kevin “Tame Impala” Parker is producing this LP, does that mean it can technically count as a Tame Impala release? Sure, if you also count tomato’s alongside apples. Parker’s signature galactic miasma, like the same radiation that bombarded the Fantastic Four which gave them potluck superpowers, is very present on this – there are your bogstandard atmospheric echoes, then there’s

SLEAFORD MODS

- Eton Alive

If you read Mojo back in 2016, you’d see that the music scene (ever patrician in their tastes) very quickly tacked on to this two-piece by years end. The twosome is divided between Andrew Fearn laying down a beat with a keyboard or drum machine, while vocalist Jason Williamson virtually spits stream-of-consciousness in a thick Northern English accent, like a slam poet who would glass you for bumping into him while he was about to sink the whole Snooker table. It’s very good stuff for where you’re mad at the inadequacies of class structure and the rampant consequences thereof. There’s also swearing, and I know you all love a bit of that.

This being the late 2010’s, the music scene has recently bore witness to a steady uptake in talented trans or nonbinary/ genderqueer musicians – Ezra Furman, Adult mom, Openside’s Possum Plows, Vektroid (allegedly) Anohni and SOPHIE, to name a few. Sir Babygirl is another shining star in this line of musicians, delivering a grumpy, punky DIY assemblage for listeners that still comes away as sweetly endearing. A rough-around-the-edges anti-prom antidote to the likes of glittery popressess of the mainstream.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

MEN I TRUST - Oncle Jazz

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS

- Live in London

SUNDARA KARMA -Ulfilas’

Alphabet

SHADY BUG - Lemon Lime

CANTA COLUMNS

LGBTQ+ AT UC QUEERTIQUETTE

UC is committed to developing a diverse, culture-rich, and cooperative environment. There are several spaces and places on campus to support the rainbow community.

To name a few, the UCSA’s Advocacy and Welfare offers free and confidential services. The Equity and Wellbeing Advisory Group (EWAG) also works to promote and support our university’s range of communities, providing a student voice on diversity issues.

The UC Health Centre, which provides counseling to students, is yet another accommodating point of contact. Student Care also provides its free advice and support services. There are many Diversity Champions around campus too, who are approachable, knowledgeable, and sympathetic to diversity and equity issues.

For more info, the UC website provides a hearty list of support groups and communities such as Q-Topia, TEU Rainbow Te Kahukura, and Rainbow Networking Canterbury.

Andnow,awordfromQCanterbury

Hola! Forthose newto uni, this column is all about celebrating, sharing and shedding a lil’light on the rainbowcommunity and related issues. Being that Christchurch Pride is on the horizon, and there are some fantastic events lined up both on and off campus,we thoughtwe’d give some of those awee promo.

QCanterbury(also known as QC) is a social group forrainbowstudents at UC. Some upcoming events include thewelcome barbecue at 5.30pm on the C Block Lawn on the 28th February. Grabyourself

some snags, meetyour2019 exec and get connected with other rainbow students on campus (veggie options available too)! There are also a series of seminars being held in Erskine 111 at 6pm: Intersectionality of LGBT+ Culture on the 1st of March, and Intersectionalityof LGBT+ Gender5th of March. Come along to hearfrom a great line up of speakers and gain newinsights.

Coming up in thewiderChristchurch LGBTQ+ community, Christchurch Pride is hosting a huge range of events ranging from: zine night, casual coffee hangs, cabaret,yoga, karaoke and pride partiesthere’s honestlysomething foreveryone! Forthe full Christchurch Pride line up, checkout:www.chchpride.co.nz

CANTA COLUMNS

My

Growing up, the only knowledge I had about mental illnesses was the stereotypes I watched on television and saw online. It wasn’t something that was commonly talked about – I was always of the opinion that it’s a rare occurrence and would never happen to me.

In the years before any official diagnoses were made, I began a mission to become healthier – “cleaning-up” my diet and increase my activity levels (*side-note: my diet and exercise routines were balanced and healthy and did not need any changes despite my actions and thoughts saying otherwise). All of this quickly snowballed in full-blown disordered eating and ritualistic behaviours no longer compatible with sustaining life.

I was weak and forever tired, always anxious, terrified of food and hated the way I looked, and utterly miserable. And despite all of this, I was still experiencing complete denial in accepting that anything was wrong with what I was doing to myself.

It was June 2012 when my sixteen-year-old self was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.

Narrowly avoiding an emergency admission to public hospital, I was unable to attend school and was sent home on strict bedrest; where I stayed for six months. I managed to increase my intake of food and restore some of the weight I had lost whilst receiving therapy through the South Island Eating Disorder Services. Despite our best efforts and use of an array of therapy styles, my progress stalled and I needed several admissions onto the specialist eating disorder hospital ward. I spent over four months of 2013 there – a ward with only 7 beds for eating disorder patients throughout the entire South Island – where I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and experienced Nasogastric feeding.

Over the next few years I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depressive disorders – throwing a few more spanners in the works. However, the tailored therapy I received from this point was where some of the magic in my recovery began to happen. I learned that a) my obsession toward perfectionism and control was humanly impossible and established realistic goals around expectations of myself and my life, b) food was not the enemy, c) I needed to feel the fear and do things anyway, and – most importantly – d) life can be worth living if I decided so.

Fast-track some six long and hard years and here I am; no longer under such specialised care for my mental illness, in my final year pursuing a degree in an area of study that I love, in the workforce doing jobs that give me worth and that I enjoy doing, and being able to spend quality time on hobbies and being with people I love.

You don’t really think that getting better is possible when you are in the thick of it. You feel alone, as if no one else understands or is struggling like you are. But life beyond mental illness is possible, you are not alone, and you are worthy of a life beyond what you are currently living.

I am not ashamed of my past, as that just feeds the current societal stigma that mental illness is “taboo” and not something we discuss. Mental health is just as important as physical health; just as we talk about to our friends about a sore leg or broken arm, so too should we feel comfortable to discuss feeling down or getting anxious about a certain event that has or is about to happen. The only way that we begin to remove the stigma around mental illness is if we open up the conversation about it and let it be known that people are not lesser if they are struggling with their mental health, and become more proactive about increasing our mental fitness and

wellness.

Mental Illness Myth-buster: Psychiatric Hospitals, beyond the TV screen

No – it is not common practice to use straight-jackets on patients, or lock us away in secluded rooms.

No – we are not absolutely “insane” or “crazed” people. We are members of society who – like you – live, work, and study.

No – people do not want to be in these places, but those people do need to be there for the sake of their health

Yes – the services available in this country do their best with what resources and information they have, but no – the services are not where they need to be. However; yes – we can get there

Rawing Meg

@rawingmeg on Instagram

Email: rawingmeg@gmail.com

EatingDisorderNewZealand (EDANZ):www.ed.org.nz

MentalHealthAdvocacyandPeerSupport (MHAPS),forworkshops,peersupport groups,&accesstoresources:https:// mentalhealthadvocacypeersupport.org/

Lifeline24/7Helpline-0800543354

www.depression.org.nz

Story

NGAIRE KNOWS BEST LESSONS FROM MY CHILDHOOD

The editor says that this month’s issue is all about how to be a student. My goodness. Doesn’t that sound dull! What a snooze!

I tried to remember about back when I was a girl at school. What did I like? Dislike? Did I even go to school? And for how long? The details seem fuzzy looking back now. The trauma of multiple childbirths, a lifetime of whiskey and pills have meant my memory isn’t what it used to be. So I sat down and I made a list.

THINGS THAT WERE IMPORTANT TO ME AS A GIRL STUDENT

Not ending up going to Hell - very important.

I was a very good student at English and Religious Studies but terrible at Algebra. Couldn’t work out an equation to save myself! Hee hee!

Always being a good sharer of cigarettes with my friends, nobody likes a scab.

I didn’t want to marry that awful Mr Chambers man. I knew even at 12 something was off with him but Mother wouldn’t hear of it. “Children are expensive burdens,” she would say.

Playing hopscotch with Jeanie was a lot more fun than Latin.

The Japanese were coming to attack us but at least they’d bomb Australia first.

What? Oh yeah. Something about students? I don’t know. I hate young people. You’re always on about the environment, women’s lib, this and that. I don’t listen and you don’t fucking look up from those goddamned phones. AND I’M JUST TRYING TO SCOOTER DOWN THE STREET. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY I CAN’T STEER THIS THING.

God Bless, Ngaire

DEPT OF

SPIRITUAL ENGINEERING

ON WHY 2019 IS THE YEAR YOU SHOULD START PRAYING

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with magazine subscriptions. For some reasons I feel this pressure to read every page - every word! - in the hope I’ll get maximum bang for buck. And so magazine subscriptions have felt like a bit of a curse, as they pile up next to my toilet, unread, and gradually becoming swollen and misshapen from a barrage of moist midnight misses.

And so I had mixed feelings when my wife gave me a TIME magazine subscription for my birthday. “Oh great.” I thought as I unwrapped the voucher. “Every week I’ll get to see 50,000 words of obligation poking out of my letterbox. Horray.”

Since then, I’ve finally made peace with having this subscription. Some days I even look forward to seeing it arrive in the mail. And just last week I was surprised to see a front cover headline that seemed out of place on a Time magazine cover;

Pray! The health benefits of faith.

As you can imagine, as the HOD of the Department of Spiritual Engineering (Note: not an actual UC department), prayer is a subject that interests me greatly. And so I quickly retreated to the Spiritual Engineering library (my toilet) with the magazine, and read about the various bits of scientific research that had discovered praying regularly helped you to live longer.

But for the average UC student this raises big questions. Like, “What is prayer?”

“Do you have to be “religious” to do it?” And “Should I give daily prayer a go?” (And not just before exams and before job interviews.)

As a man of the cloth, I think prayer is the way human beings (and perhaps dolphins, but the Dept. of Spiritual Engineering team is still looking into this) connects, communicates, communes, and finds rest in God – the divine force in which Christians, Muslims, Jews and Sikh’s believe all humans move and live and have our being.

But even if you’re not sold on the idea of God – I’m hoping the following story might encourage you to still give Prayer a go.

Andrew W.K. is a US musician of some renown who also answers an advice column in the Village Voice. He’s certainly not a pastor or a religious leader - in fact, he refers to himself as the “king of partying.” But a few years back an atheist wrote to his advice column for feedback on how to convince his grieving family that prayer is “mumbo jumbo” after the man’s brother was diagnosed with cancer a week earlier.

“My whole family is freaking out and trying to deal with the news,” the individual wrote Andrew W.K. “Everyone is trying to find different ways to help, but something my grandmother said has really got me angry. She said we should all just ‘pray for my brother,’ like prayer would actually save his life.”

W.K. responded by saying he was “deeply sorry” about the brother’s diagnosis, but explained that the “idea of ‘praying’ is a lot less complicated, a lot more powerful, and a little different than you may realize.”

“Prayer is a type of thought. It’s a lot like meditation —But there’s a special X-factor ingredient that makes “prayer” different than meditation or other types of thought. That X-factor is humility. This is the most seemingly contradictory aspect of prayer and what many people dislike about the feeling of praying. “Getting down on your knees” is not about lowering your power or being a weakling, it’s about showing respect for the size and grandeur of what we call existence — it’s about being humble in the presence of the vastness of life, space, and sensation, and acknowledging our extremely limited understanding of what it all really means.

Being humble is very hard for many people because it makes them feel unimportant and helpless. To embrace our own smallness is not to say we’re dumb or that we don’t matter, but to realize how amazing it is that we exist at all in the midst of so much more. To be fully alive,

we must realise how much else there is besides ourselves. We must accept how much we don’t know — and how much we still have to learn — about ourselves and the whole world. Kneeling down and fully comprehending the incomprehensible is the physical act of displaying our respect for everything that isn’t “us.”

So as you set to work this year at UC learning about new ideas and having new experiences – why not push the limits and give regular prayer a go as part of your new life curriculum? You may be surprised what you discover in the process – both about the world, about yourself, and perhaps even about God (gasp!).

And if you ever want tips on how to pray – just drop me an email. I may lend you a magazine from my library/toilet.

Rev Spanky Moore

spanky.moore@canterbury.ac.nz

– WHAT KIND OF FIRST YEAR ARE YOU?

PERSONALITY QUIZ

1 - WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN A UNIVERSITY?

A) Reputation & quality of education

B) Interesting courses

C) Social opportunities

D) Sports teams

2 - YOU’RE HUNGRY… WHICH FOOD DO YOU CHOOSE?

A) A well-balanced salad with seeds, superfoods and the right amount of each food group

B) Something cheap and vaguely healthy

C) Left-over pizza from last night, you’re too hungover to cook

D) Protein, protein and more protein

3 - YOUR PREFERRED WAY TO CRACK THE ICE AT A PARTY?

A) You don’t do parties, they distract you from your studies

B) Start conversations by asking people where they’re from, what they’re studying and what they want to do after uni

C) Turn up with a tray of jelly shots

D) Arrive with your friends from footie, netball or volleyball training so you don’t have to awkwardly make new friends

4 - YOUR TYPICAL THURSDAY NIGHT CONSISTS OF…

A) Studying for next month’s exams

B) Rushing to finish your assignment due at midnight

C) Drinking with friends (it’s practically Friday…)

D) A gym session followed by a steak (#gains)

5 - WHICH BATHROOM PRODUCT ARE YOU GOING STEAL?

A) I would never steal

B) You wouldn’t normally steal but you forgot to buy conditioner and your housemate won’t notice if you take a small amount just this once…

C) Toilet paper from your lecture building

D) Deodorant… you’re doing everyone a favour!

SO WHAT DO YOUR ANSWERS MEAN?!

MOSTLY As The Square

You’re attending uni purely for the educational benefits. You have no interests in socialising and only bother with activities that will look good on your CV. And whilst you will most likely come out of the experience with fantastic qualifications and a great job lined up, you could probably learn to relax a little and enjoy yourself once in a while.

MOSTLY Bs The All-Rounder

You want to do well at uni but you’re not going to sacrifice your social life for the sake of an extra few marks on your essays. You get your work done on time (just about…) but you also want to enjoy your time at uni and make friends. For you, it’s all about finding a work-life balance.

MOSTLY Cs The Party Animal

Who cares about exams and assignments when you can be out drinking and making new friends? Life for you is all about socialising and partying. And although you’ll have lots of funny stories to tell your grandchildren… you should probably try and slip a little bit more studying in to your time at uni!

MOSTLY Ds The Athlete

You look great and you’re super healthy. Good for you! Just remember to balance your commitment to exercise with studying and some healthy socialising. Life is there to be enjoyed!

A MIX OF AS,BS, CS AND DS…

Congratulations! You’ve somehow managed to be a hard-working, popular and extremely sociable student whilst also maintaining the perfect healthy physique. You are the holy grail of humans, and you probably lied in some of your answers… Looking for student accommodation? Whether you’re a Square, All-Rounder, Party Animal or an Athlete, check out our website for accommodation options to suit you:

www.ucastudentvillage.co.nz

CAMP

BAY

BY: NATHAN JAMES

Camp Bay is a beautiful Nor’Western Bay on Banks Peninsula. With two small sandy beaches separated by a rib of rock, it is the perfect place to hit the beach this summer. With good waves and plenty of sunshine, this is not a beach to be missed.

adventuresftsouth.com

Location

Camp Bay is a smaller bay just around the corner from Diamond Harbour. The easiest way to get there is to drive over Dyer’s Pass or through the Lyttelton tunnel. If you were fighting fit and wanted to make a day of it you could catch the Diamond Harbour ferry from Lyttelton. Once at Diamond Harbour you would then bike the remaining 8.6 km to Camp Bay. The road in is narrow at times so take care when traffic is coming from the other direction.

Exploring Camp Bay

Around from the leftmost side of the beach, there are a number of smaller rock pools and a steep cliff-like overhang. It is here that you are able to get some of the snazzy beach pictures that Lauren captured below of me. I think the best photo opportunities are from out and around this point.

If you are looking for a relaxed weekend on the beach, playing in the sand and splashing in the waves then Camp Bay would be my destination to go. It is approximately an hours drive from Christchurch, but with the amazing views, it is well worth it. Make sure you check out Tumbledown Bay if you are looking for another beach in the Banks Peninsula area to explore.

To keep up to date with the latest adventures with Adventures from the South make sure that you sign up to the mailing list and follow Adventures from the South on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Parking

The beach can be popular among many people especially those with young families. There is no public access beyond the beach, anything beyond the beach is private farmland. The car park has a public toilet, however, there is a shortage of water in the warmer months. Only flush and use water when it is essential. Camp bay is split in two; take a left over the fence to the bigger sandy beach or a right to a smaller sandy beach.

Camp Bay Beach

Camp Bay beach has a small amount of surf that provides enough to have a lot of fun with the boogie-boards while keeping it tame enough for younger children. The waves are best on an incoming high tide. There’s plenty of room to spread out your beach towel put up the umbrella and get stuck into your book. There is a clear ban on all fires on the beach so you will have to farewell those campfire dreams.

LUCKY Jack

FIRST IMPRESSION

My debut in the blind dating arena was a match I was ready for. I have endured 19 years as a relatively hopeless romantic with a tendency to fall too hard too fast, overthink and, ultimately, fail to find the one. Fresher year saw my wings begin to spread, but the more I age the more I feel ready to settle down.

Hence, there I sat in the corner booth of the Fox and Ferrett, three glasses of water recently and nervously skulled within a minute, as I puzzled over the dynamic of whether to go for the hug or the handshake (you’d be surprised at how complex this decision is). My mind settled as the waitress recommended me, in a jovial tone, to “just go for the hug. It’s not a business meeting”.

Enter: my date. She had an aura alright. She walked assertedly, and definitely radiated confidence from the moment I saw her. She dressed nicely and was definitely attractive, but it was her demeanour that I was more struck by. We hugged (thankfully) and both expressed how nervous we felt. That was really good. I think that settled both of our minds a bit, and it meant I didn’t keep drinking so much water.

CHEMISTRY

Conversation flowed relatively well between us. We got along as two good people enjoying a good conversation, but the romantic

within me wasn’t quite sold. She had a fantastic personality and I would listen to her storytelling all day long. We were transparent with one another and I appreciated that. However, I feel that we lacked a deeper connection on an emotional level, which is important to me.

FUNNY MOMENT

This extremely outgoing girl I sat across from impressed me with her knack for storytelling. She had me hanging on every word as she explained, in great depth, some pretty extravagant stories. I’m talking, doing road cone funnels on the 11th floor of the library, boyrelated tales of gripping drama and scandal, and being on the brink of eviction following a house party with 200 people (and wanting to do it again). One story, however, quite comprehensively took the cake. “Yeah, so I climbed the scaffolding at Jib The Foundry and slid down on my ass”. Audacious, ridiculous, and a surefire way to make me nearly choke on my salad.

THE VERDICT

Right - crunch time. She was after a tall guy, and I’m no short fella but 5’10 and a half isn’t winning any hearts in that department.

I feel like we both had this unwritten, unspoken appreciation for the fact that we didn’t fully connect, and that is absolutely okay. My date was a great person and I am glad I met her. For me, however, the search for love goes on.

MY

IDEAL DATE:

A picturesque date for me would be one that sparks within me a feeling of comfort and warmth. I want to be mentally stimulated, with good conversation that goes beneath the basic levels and sees us connect on a deeper level.

WHY IM SINGLE

I'm single because I'm a full-on person with too much energy for my own good and that puts people off. I am an open book and an emotional guy, so I often put too much into a bond too early and this can scare people.

LUCKY DIP Ophelia

FIRST IMPRESSION

MY IDEAL DATE:

My ideal date would be sharing an experience with someone that we’re both into like going to the beach or the mountain

WHY IM SINGLE

I’m probably single because I like to get to know people quite well before I properly date them (or have a lot of instant chemistry)

My first impression of him was that he seems like a nice enough guy, however, he is a psychology major and it SHOWS. I felt like he analysed me the entire time and my life is a wreck, so I felt a bit self-conscious.

CHEMISTRY

As soon as I discovered he was exRnR and I’m ex-Uni Hall I knew party lives wouldn’t be a good match. I told him about the Uni Hall lifestyle and he wasn’t too impressed which showed his good boy RnR character. I personally didn’t find much romantic chemistry in the date and I got the impression he thought the same. It was clear that we were two very different personalities, suited to being friends more than anything else.

FUNNY MOMENT

As the date went on it became clear that I had some questionable stories about uni up my sleeve and as I laid them on him I felt the

psychoanalysing continue. I found it a bit embarrassing that most of the date was made up of my drinking stories and when he asked me my biggest achievement, I sat there for a good minute trying to think something up… surely the huge flat party we had last week counts, right??

THE VERDICT

One thing I appreciate about Jack was he was very polite the entire time and it was obvious he was there to meet new people and not there for the wrong reasons. He told very encouraging stories about how he’s an advocate for respecting women. On multiple occasions he has stood up to guys that were disrespectful and misogynistic. Jack and I have a lot of mutual friends so it is likely I’ll see him again, however I don’t believe it’ll be in a romantic way. He’s truly a lovely guy and he’s still single girls, so HIT HIM UP.

Want a Fox & Ferret dinner, drinks and a chance to shoot your shot in LUCKY DIP? Emailcanta.editor@gmail.com

AQUARIUS

(Jan 20 - Feb 18)

This just in - the next cat to approach you will treat you with a deep malevolence. Do not fall for their wiley tricks.

TAURUS

(Apr 20 - May 20)

You can find meaning in the dictionary. Right before “measles”.

LEO

(July 23 - Aug 22)

Eating at Ancestral gives you a free vibrator for 10 minutes. 20 during lunch rush.

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Scorpi-row row row your standards right the fuck back to “C’s get degrees”.

PISCES

(Feb 19 - Mar 20)

The early bird gets the worm, but birds don’t have Echo 360.

GEMINI

(May 21 - Jun 20)

Remember to water your “tomatoes” every day. It’s been a hard summer for the green thumbs out there.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 - Sep 22)

Next week you’ll be able to find all your classrooms with ease.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

If you have a class in K1 and then a class in Dovedale, just stay at home.

ARIES

(Mar 21 - Apr 19)

Delete Tinder. Try MONO instead.

CANCER

(Jun 21 - Jul 22)

You will soon have an out-of-money experience.

LIBRA

(Sep 23 - Oct 22)

We are planning on dropping the secret to happiness into one of the Libra horoscopes this year, so you should read every issue of CANTA.

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 - Jan 19)

HAPPY ENDING HOROSCOPES

I see a surprise property inspection in your future, maybe it’s time to mow the Capri-lawn?