CANTA ISSUE 1, 2022

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18.02.22
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Editorial.

Kia ora UC whānau. If you’re a fresher, welcome to UC. To the rest of you, welcome back and I’m sorry.

Thank you for picking up the first issue of CANTA for 2022. I hope this little mag provides you with a bit of entertainment and solace throughout the year before you use it as a doorstop in your overpriced, run-down flat.

We’re moving CANTA into the 21st century. This year, we’re committing ourselves to increasing our social media presence. So, if you’d rather watch videos of your mates chatting shit on our FB page or scroll through TikTok than read a mag, give us a follow, yeah?

In this issue, we’ve got a bit of everything to help you navigate all things uni-life. From What The F**k is the UCSA, to knowing your rights as a tenant, and the penultimate What O-Week Event Are You, please enjoy your next circa 20 minutes of escapism because anything is better than thinking about this fucking pandemic. Am I right!?

If you like what you’re seeing in CANTA, tell us. If you hate it, also tell us - but do it nicely please. This is your student magazine so get your voice heard!

Kia pai tō rā and enjoy the start to your semester.

Emily Heyward (Co-Editor) (she/her)

Emily Ella

Kia ora dear CANTA readers! Welcome to UC and welcome to CANTA 2022. To those reading a CANTA right now for the first time ever, welcome to you. For those reading a CANTA right now as a fluent shit talker from years of reading CANTA, welcome back to you, you unfortunate veterans! Don’t let those summer comedowns get to you too bad, here at CANTA we’re going to keep things as spicy as possible to keep you entertained.

For a wee introduction to me, my name is Ella Gibson and I am one of the Co-Editors of CANTA this year. I’ve written for CANTA since 2020 and it is now my pleasure to be editing this bloody brilliant mag.

In these dreaded COVID times, things are a bit different in 2022 with the mandatory vaccination announcement. On February 4th 2022, UC announced that all students and staff will need to be fully vaccinated to be present on campus.

Emily & Ella

Student media is the voice of and for the students. To ensure that CANTA’s very purpose is preserved, we’ve made our own lil CANTA Manifesto. Prepare to be indoctrinated, lovelies! One of our very (un)official amendments states that, “CANTA 2022 aims to create content that is relevant, representative, and entertaining for our diverse student audience.” We are here to represent you! We need y’all to get involved, be engaged, and stay tuned.

We can’t wait to get the ball rolling in this first Orientation Issue. Let's get this party started!

Arohanui, Ella Gibson (Co-Editor) (she/her)

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Canta Team Co-Editors Emily Hey ward Ella GibsonDesigner Kyle Paget News Editor Alex Car terFeature Writers Stella Cheersmith Leo He Laura Tretheway Jude Van Houtte Digital Editor Hannah Perr y-Purchas Video Creative Director Tom Murray Video and Digital Assistant Imy Rice Audio Editor Ben O’Connell Contributors Pierce Crowley Rosa Hibbe rt -Schooner Ka men Engel Emily Ward Abishekh Satheesh UCSA Student Executive editor@canta.co.nz Want to get involved with CANTA? Visit canta.co.nz news@canta.co.nz contents ISSUE #1 Orientation news. 06 News 19 Know Your Rights 08 Fake UCSA Noticeboard 10 Meet the UCSA President 26 Flat Famous 30 CANTA Urban Dictionary 34 Fresher Flashback 44 Lucky Dip 3

President’s Piece.

Welcome back to UC for 2022 – and a very special welcome to all those who are starting off on their uni journey this year. There is so much to be excited about in the year ahead!

I’m Pierce, and I’m the student president for this year. I’ve just about finished off a law degree, and I am well on my way to finishing off an arts degree to boot. Very exciting stuff… I’m joined by 12 other amazing students of various backgrounds and disciplines on the UCSA executive.

In addition to all these lovely people (introduced later in the issue), we’ll be joined by a student advisor member for this year – representing the newly minted faculty of health. This will be developed into a general executive position over the coming year.

Now, what exactly is the UCSA, and what does the UCSA even do? Honestly, if you’re new to the university and you’re asking these questions, don’t feel bad! There are many students in their final year who couldn’t tell you a thing about us either. But the UCSA is by design there for the entire student body. We are based in the Haere-roa building – your student union building, located just across the river off Ilam Road.

We offer a variety of services – from running many eateries and cafes on campus, to offering a range of advocacy services – such as hardship grants, dental, and academic advocacy.

We are entirely independent of the university. This means our number one priority is ensuring the student voice is represented at all levels of the university. As president, I sit on the University Council, the governing body of UC, to ensure that students are represented on issues, and that our interests are brought to the table. All members of the executive sit on various boards and meetings at various levels of the uni, from the senior leadership team to faculties.

We also facilitate all student clubs on campus! Clubs are an incredible way to meet new people and get involved on campus. From Lawsoc to Ensoc, the Student Volunteer Army to UC Pols, and Musoc to the UC Amateur Sports Society – there are hundreds of clubs on campus. Clubs’ Day is coming up during the first and second weeks of uni. If there is one thing that I recommend doing this o-week, it is joining a whole bunch of clubs!!! It really is part of the UC experience.

All of the exec’s individual emails and contacts are available on the UCSA website. If you ever have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us – my email is president@ucsa.org.nz if you are unsure who to go to. Once Covid (hopefully) calms down, we’ll be having office hours where you can raise concerns directly with us, or just come by for a yarn.

On that note, it is time to talk about the elephant in the room. Due to being at the red light setting, this year's O-Week is going to look and feel very different. With Covid-19 in the community, we need to ensure that we are looking out for each other and our whānau. Make sure you have a mask (or a few) handy, and scan in around campus! If you’re feeling unwell – stay home! Most lectures are online, and if yours aren’t let us know and we’ll do something about it!

At the end of the day, make sure you’re looking out for yourself, and your mates. Starting uni for the new year is such an exciting time, but it can also be quite stressful, even more so given the current times. There are heaps of support services from the UCSA and UC that are there to help. At the end of the day, we won’t be at red forever, and we’ll all get through this together!

That’s all from me for now, can’t wait to see you all during O-Week!

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Pierce Crowley (he/him)

Tumuaki Piece.

Rosa Hibbert-Schooner (she/her)

E āku nui, e āku rahi, tēnā rā tātou katoa!

Ko wai tēnei?

He uri tēnei nō Te Arawa, nō Ngāti Whakaaue. I tipu ake au ki Ōtautahi.

Ka ako au ‘psychology’ me mātauranga Māori ki te Whare Wānanga.

Ko te Tumuaki o Te Akatoki i tēnei tau,

Kei ngā manu kai mātauranga, nau mai haere mai ki te pae tukutuku o Te Akatoki.

Ko tā Te Akatoki, he tautoko i ngā tauira Māori o Te Whare Wānanga o Waitaha kia eke ai rātou ki te angitū!

E whakapono ana mātou ki te pito mata o te tauira, anō nei he toki e whaowhia ana ngā taumata tiketike o te mātauranga, kia puta ai te ihu ki te ao mārama.

Kia whakataukītia te kōrero;

"He Toki Ngao Pae ki te Ao Mārama" -Tihei Mauri Ora.

Te Akatoki Māori Students' Association is the formal body that represents all Māori students studying at the University of Canterbury.

Pou Hono - social connections

Pou Ahurea - culture, Reo, Tikanga

Pou Hauora - health and wellbeing

Pou Taiao - nature and environment

The core pou that speaks to the heart of what we do at Te Akatoki Māori Students' Association.

We organise events and provide support throughout the year to strengthen these uara (core-values), whilst providing our students with a place where they feel culturally connected and safe.

We have an Academic Board of student representatives that advocate for ākonga Māori throughout the different faculties. Some of our executive board also sit on boards across the university making sure ākonga Māori voice is being heard and listened to.

If you ever need support, have whakaaro and opinions, pātai or raru, please get in contact with us via social media or emails (listed on social media).

We work closely with Te Waka Pākākano and the UCSA to help ensure Māori students get the most out of their time studying here on campus.

Follow us or get in contact to find out how to sign up, what events we have going on and how to get involved in some awesome kaupapa!!!!

@teakatoki - Insta

Te Akatoki Māori students association University of Canterbury - Facebook

te-akatoki@canterbury.ac.nz

Kia pai tō haerenga ki Te Whare Wānanga o Waitaha, Ngā Manaakitanga, Rosa Hibbert-Schooner

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news. cant a

Slumming it out student style

Students are choosing to swap out mealtimes for sleep in order to cut down costs, according to an online survey conducted by CANTA.

Rent across the country is increasing with the housing market becoming exceedingly unattainable for most of Aotearoa. For many students, finding affordable and good housing can be a nightmare. From bad flatmates to lazy landlords; moving out of home into a flat comes at a great cost. Although you have freedom, this freedom comes at a price, which is usually the low quality of living which has now become a student norm.

Students took to the survey to tell CANTA some of their problems with student flatting; the main issue being landlords not being on top of their game, and leaving the homes in dismal conditions, such as heaters and ovens not working. Other students took to the survey to share issues about their flatmates and their messy living habits - I hope ya’ll sort that out soon!

Another student said that they pay $100 a week to fill up their car, but that only manages to reach the halfway mark on the tank. With petrol prices rising to $2.55 per litre in Christchurch, and $2.80 in other parts of the South Island, living as a student is no longer sustainable.

Where is the #LiveLaughLove when there is only #CryCopeCurlUpIntoACornerAndDontEat?

One student is about to lose $550 to her landlord after she moved out due to usual wear and tear, such as paint chippings in the walls. The unnamed student is now in a battle for her tenancy rights, as the landlord went in for the final inspection an hour before the scheduled time to go over the house without the tenants there.

What is to be done about this level of insanity that is being forced upon the rising number of students being forced to deal with these situations? While the tribunal is there to support anyone who is renting, it is often a lot of work, especially for students who don’t have excess time on top of their studies and part time jobs.

Cutting costs, budgeting and not indulging in Netflix and beers play a big part in being able to afford the university lifestyle.

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news.

Vaccines mandatory for UC

The University of Canterbury has introduced a vaccine mandate this month meaning all students, staff and visitors to UC must be fully vaccinated on campus .

A UC spokesperson has stated that a My Vaccine Pass will be needed for people (including volunteers and contractors) to access university buildings and campuses.

“We understand this is an unsettling time for many. At UC we strive to create a campus culture of belonging, understanding, inclusiveness and caring. Any signs of discrimination surrounding a virus that doesn’t discriminate on race or religion will not be tolerated,” the spokesperson said.

“In a recent survey most staff and students were in favour of mandatory vaccination of all UC staff, students, and visitors. Based on this response and our health and safety risk assessment, the University of Canterbury has been consulting staff and students on a proposed mandate policy.”

What does this mean for UC students? Campus life and culture can be maintained on campus if you have a vaccination pass. For those who do not, they simply cannot come onto campus.

UCSA President Pierce Crowley said “Ultimately, the UCSA and UC Wellbeing will be doing a lot of mahi to ensure students are engaged with and supported during what may well be a tough few weeks on campus.”

With O-Week, Clubs’ Day and lectures being online, university has been made accessible to all those who can’t make it on to campus this year.

The majority of students have responded poitively to the mandate, with some stating that they believe it is a great idea as it ensures the safety of others around.

A survey conducted by CANTA found that 91% of students who took the survey were vaccinated, but not everyone’s reasons for getting the vaccine were the same.

Some people were upset with the way things have panned out, with one person stating, “It’s stupid [the mandate]. I understand why. But why put people through not being able to access their study/work because of vaccines – it’s really unfair.”

Others were concerned for minorities and how this may affect them, and some were anxious for a backlash of protests that may march through campus.

The mandate has been put in place to maintain safety on campus to reduce the risk of spreading the virus while the country is at a red traffic light setting.

Crowley said the mandate was about “risk mitigation”.

“The risk will never be zero, but it is the best approach to keep as many people safe as we can.”

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PRESIDENT UCSA GET TO KNOW YOUR

CANTA’s co-editor Emily Heyward sat down with UCSA president Pierce Crowley to chat houseplants, mental health and plans for 2022.

Emily Heyward (she/her)
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Who is Pierce? How would your mates describe you?

“Interesting. Funny, I guess. They would probably say funny, you’re laughing so I mean that’s a thing. I can make people laugh. I’m smart. I’m a good thinker. I think a lot. I’m a nice guy - this is my mates, this is not how I would describe myself, I want to clarify that. Well I would, but you know I wouldn’t be like ‘nice guy’ like the meme.”

What do you study? How long have you been at uni?

“I’ve been at uni for a while to say the least. I am studying for a law degree. I’m basically finished with that and I also do a BA in political science and history, so I’m finishing that this year. I actually started in 2016, so a while ago. In 2017, I sort of took off so it’s sort of been five to six years. So I’m really at the end stages of my university career. When I started, the old UCSA student union building was actually still standing.”

Now you’re a self-proclaimed amateur plant dad. Tell us about your plants, how are they doing?

“They’re all thriving. My Begonia Rex was my first plant. I say I’m an amateur because really I only started at the beginning of last year. I was always a plant adjacent, so I always liked plants. I got six in one go and killed most of them; disasters, I’m a terrible father! This one I over watered, it went down to one leaf and it’s grown back into a huge bush.

And that is the story with all my plants, they’re thriving now. I think in my lounge at the moment there’s like 20 or 30 plants. It’s grown from six.”

What is your top tip for freshers?

“It’s really basic but join clubs and get involved in the clubs. It really is the best way to make friends. If you’re in the halls you make friends, you establish relationships that way but it can be quite hard if you’re just coming from (a local) high school and maybe you don’t have as many friends coming through your course with you, clubs are really just the best way to get to meet people. And honestly, join as many as possible but definitely go to the events because it’s really easy to fall into the trap of spending $100 signing up to as many clubs as possible and then doing absolutely nothing or going to one event, so definitely go. You will make amazing friends and build amazing relationships.”

What are the main things you are advocating for in your role as president this year?

There are many things. In a nutshell, it’s making the UCSA more accessible; some of the advocacy and welfare services for example, just making them easy to apply for. Obviously addressing some of the systemic issues and rebuilding our relationship with Te Akatoki, our Māori Students’ Association, and making the UCSA a more understandable and accessible body, is the core of what I want to do.

What is the UCSA planning to do to tackle the mental health crisis [i.e. wait times for counselling] here on campus?

Effectively, we’re sort of a triage organisation. We get a lot of students who are in or somewhat close to crisis so it’s just making sure our grant process, and some of the grants that we give out for more general reasons, are available for that kind of intervention, whether it be counselling or other services. I think we’re going to push UC Wellbeing to really re-look at their funding model for the Health Centre because clearly it’s not working. People are having to wait weeks and weeks to get counselling appointments so it’s just really lobbying the university to either free up more funds to deal with that or reallocate how they do their funding model.

You’re keen to see a UC Pride week too?

Still really keen on that. All is looking well. I think Christchurch Pride is in March which is going to fall right in the middle of Omicron which sucks but I am still committed to holding at least something. Maybe if it’s not in March, we will definitely do some sort of Pride celebration throughout the year because it’s important.

To hear more of this interview with Pierce, including how he feels about the Foundry and where he goes to cry on campus, check out our podcast Canta Ranta!

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You may have noticed that there are a lot of events happening in O-Week hosted by the UCSA. But what is the UCSA, you may ask?

The UCSA or the University of Canterbury Students’ Association was formed in 1894 when several clubs decided that they needed a better student voice. They cover many realms of services such as academic support, foodbank, and subsidised dental, just to name a few.

Governance

The UCSA is governed by 13 annually elected student representatives alongside four student advisory groups. This includes the Equity and Wellbeing Advisory Group, Postgraduate Advisory Group, International Advisory Group, and Pasifika Advisory Group. The UCSA is also made up of an advisory board and it has almost 200 staff.

The general executives are each given portfolios of different faculties. This means that they sit on various committees and boards as full members to ensure student voices are heard and that there is enough student consultation. Additionally, the President and Vice-President sit on higher boards like the UC Council and Academic Board.

Action from the UCSA last year included them managing to increase the age limit of child discount from 18 to 19 years old and implemented a tertiary discount in ECan’s annual plan. The education representative from last year held a focus group with disabled students which will see a working group implemented by UC this year.

Food and Fun

Advocacy and Welfare

One of the big parts of the UCSA is to advocate for students. One of the ways this is achieved is through the class representative system. The class reps can help classmates communicate academic problems to the lecturer and meet every semester with their respected faculty rep (from the general execs) to give feedback to UC and the UCSA.

The UCSA also has Advocacy and Welfare staff that can help you with academic processes such as grievances, appeals and discipline hearings. They can also help by sorting out the paperwork and sitting with you during the hearings.

They also approve hardship grants. This includes if you are impacted by Covid and desperately need money for food or rent. There is also a foodbank, food vouchers, and budget planning for those struggling with budgeting and making ends meet.

The UCSA also offers other subsidies:

· Dental care

· Optometry vouchers

· Eyewear subsidies

Check out the UCSA website for more information: https://ucsa.org.nz/

Apart from the serious stuff, the UCSA also owns the majority of the cafes and restaurants on campus. Students can enjoy a 10% discount on most food and beverages. Download the V-plate app and sign up with your UC email to reap the rewards. Often the UCSA holds a free BBQ in the amphitheatre at Haere-roa, so be on the lookout on the UCSA socials for events such as these!

Are you more of a party goer? They have you sorted. Apart from hosting O-Week events, the UCSA also holds events throughout the year, including Tea Party and Re-O-Week events. As well as that, every Thursday night the Foundry holds Mono, where students get free entry to a different gig each with their student ID. Sidenote: due to Covid restrictions, this event may or may not be happening this year, we just have to keep an eye on alert levels. If big events are not your thing, the UCSA also has more chill events such as movie nights and Boss Coffee Comedy Club.

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EXEC YEARBOO K UCSA 2022

Pierce Crowley

Role: President Studying: LLB/BA in History & Political Science

Quote: “...If anyone wants me, I’ll be in my room.”

Asher Herrmann Sophie Svenson

Role: Vice President Studying: LLB/BA (history and political science)

Quote: “People talk loud when they want to sound smart, right?”

Role: Finance and Engagement Officer

Studying: LLB and BCom majoring in HR

Quote: “Sophie 1.”

Mastine Dube Sophie Katavich

Role: International Rep Studying: 5th year, Law and Commerce

Quote: “Insert ‘funny quote’.”

Role: Equity and Wellbeing Rep Studying: Bachelor of Commerce majoring in International Business and Marketing

Quote: "Sophie 2."

Cleo Vernon

Role: Postgraduate Student Rep

Studying: Master of Commerce, in Management. Undergraduate degree in a Bachelor of Commerce, majoring in Economics, Operations and Supply Chain Management

Quote: “You can retake a class, but you can't relive a party.”

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Ashley Gutteridge Kartikey Kartikey Bryant McIntyre

Role: General Executive, Science Rep

Studying: Chemical and Process Engineering

Quote: “Here’s to love, here’s to honor...”

Role: General Executive, Arts Rep Studying: BA in Political Science, International Relations, and Media and Communication

Quote: “How you pronounce my name : car + tea.”

Role: General Executive, Education Rep

Studying: BA in Political Science and Economics

Quote: “No, Xavier, we aren’t using the UCSA’s budget to buy Captain Ben’s.”

Felix Mendonça Xavier Moir

Role: General Executive, Engineering Rep

Studying: Civil Engineering

Quote: “2022 IS going to be the year of Monos.”

Role: General Exec, Law Rep Studying: BA majoring in Political Science, minoring in History, Psychology and, Sociology

Quote: “Surely a Captain Ben’s run.”

Isaac Munro

Role: General Executive, Commerce Rep

Studying: Final year of Mechanical Engineering

Quote: “Uni’s not just about grades.”

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WHAT O-WEEK EVENT ARE YOU?

SUMMER STEIN

- You definitely play the guitar, whether you’re decent at it or not is another question.

- Your collection of bucket hats is absurd and unnecessary

- Anklets, Hawaiian tees, and Vans consume your wardrobe.

TOGA PARTY

- You’re clean on the streets, but you’re fucking dirty under the sheets.

- Wow, you’ve just celebrated your 12th birthday yesterday!

- Smirnoff Cruisers are definitely your drink of choice

MARDI GRAS THE FROTH

- Turn the glitter levels down a notch please, love, we ain’t in a crafts class.

- Tinder is your most used app.

- Try to refrain from making out with more than three people in the mosh this time, babe.

COMEDY CLUB

- Your drink of choice is a Pinot Gris, no cap.

- You’re too cool to be seen in moshes, however pretentiously laughing and critiquing wannabe comedians is quirky enough for you.

- Your bedtime is much earlier than the event will go till, just be sure to have your chamomile when you get home to wind down.

- Drink of choice? Don’t you mean do you prefer bath salts, gear or ket?

- Liking and listening to DnB isn’t a personality trait, hun.

- You definitely use the words; filthy, fiend, and rollers way too much in your regular vocab.

ELECTRIC AVENUE

- I mean, you’re basic. You spend more time in Glassons and Hallensteins than you do at uni

- How are your lungs holding up, babe? I can’t see you through your vape cloud.

- Long Whites are your drink of choice, period.

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Ella Gibson (she/her)
Forget petrol and parking Hundreds of bus services go past UC every weekday. Find out more at metro.co.nz
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Freshers, picture me this. It’s 2022 and university is the hot new thing on your mind. Courses are sorted, boxes packed, and you’ve found a rental. Naively, you enter a very aesthetically pleasing wooden floored house with two mates, unaware of the trials and tribulations to come. Winter hits and you suddenly realise that your very old and rundown fireplace barely heats the living room and chews through your wood supply. You resort to small $15 heaters and warming your hands and feet on laptop chargers. When it rains, you keep your clothes inside and they don’t dry for a week because everything is damp. Your brilliant solution of leaving the windows slightly ajar while you get groceries which leads to you getting robbed. You get a dehumidifier, but the power frequently cuts off because you have too many appliances running during Electric Kiwi’s free hour of power. And on top of that, no one does the bloody dishes. Pictured it yet?

Now, if you’re the type to glorify the ungodly living conditions that students somehow view as symbolic, by all means, move along. Join the breathers in Otago who love living it rough just to feel something. But if you want to avoid the above scenario, then practise some self-love and get yourself a properly insulated place to live. To help you on that journey, here’s a handy dandy list of tips that I wish I knew before renting.

1) Finding a Rental:

By golly, by gee, do NOT skimp out on asking questions. Go to a viewing and ask away. It helps the property manager remember you and paints the illusion that you know what you’re talking about. Here’s some things to look for and discuss with the property managers (rote memorisation techniques from NCEA come in handy here): good quality curtains with no mould, draft stoppers, windows that open and

can let air circulate and light through, and smoke alarms in the right places. Is the oven gas or electric, are there signs of pest infestations, are there unpleasant smells in cupboards and mattresses, is there a fibre connection? But here’s the winning question: does it have a reliable source of heating? Will this heating source reach most of the house, or will it escape out the doors and windows? Is the fireplace just decoration? If you must depend on tiny fans or oil heaters to prevent frostbite, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY EXORBITANT AMOUNTS ON POWER!

Ask to see a healthy home report. Search the name of the property managers in the Tenancy Tribunal database to see if they’ve had a history of orders against them.

Pick your flatmates wisely. Your “mates” could have severe allergies to housework and general hygiene. If you wouldn’t live with them alone on an island for six months, they don’t cut the mustard.

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2) Moving In:

The best advice that I could possibly give, other than visiting the Eco Store or Kmart and getting some schweet schweet cutlery and crockery, is to take photos of the house before you move your stuff into it. Do this to picture any pre existing damage, wear and tear, or stains. Send these to your property manager, so you can have an agreement about the initial condition of the flat. Another option is using your first inspection to facilitate this conversation. This is your safeguard to not being hassled by landlords in your moving out stage where they take your bond money for pre existing damage.

3) While You’re Living There:

You have your rights. You are allowed to ask for things to be seen; plumbing issues, extractor fan not working, or leaks. Flat inspections should only be every four weeks, and landlords are not allowed to barge in without 48 hours’ notice.

“Love thy neighbours”, even if you don’t. It’s a weird liminal space of a relationship. On the one hand, they may send noise complaints to your property managers, who in turn give you a 14-day notice (we were “talking very loudly” at 10pm... in our own lounge...). On the other hand, they may take care of your mail and plants while you’re on holiday. With any good relationship, communication is key – forewarn them of events you might be holding and apologise for the noise.

Play the nice guy act. Keep a paper trail of nice words and emails from yourself to the landlord or property manager even if you want to strangle them. If there are issues that arise, contact your landlord first, then get advice from tenancy services – they always have the best kiwi bangers for their hold music.

4) How To Move Out:

Even though it’s within the Tenancy Act that tenants must “leave the property reasonably clean and tidy”, unless you followed steps above and took photos at the start, you’re gonna have a hard time proving that your level of ‘tidy’ is sufficient. You DO NOT have to get professional carpet cleaners if you haven’t damaged or stained the carpet. Take all your shit - the next renters don’t want your jumbo box pack of ramen under the sink, or the communal sleeping bag used for those that needed a place to crash. A really good idea is to again follow up with the landlord and do the final inspection together, so they can tell you what to fix or amend BEFORE you give the keys back.

Cleaning doesn’t have to be an unpleasant experience - call up mates or family to all help and reward yourselves with a few bevvies and a BBQ afterwards.

It’s not an entirely foolproof list of things, but it will do the trick. If you get two or three rentals down the road, can’t get a mortgage for yourself because you earn minimum wage, there’s skyrocketing house prices, and first home buyers don’t have a lot of luck unless your parents lend you a couple hundred grand... maybe then it’s time to go bush. Live like Johnny Currie of Mad Mans’ Creek. Build yourself a comfortable abode and live from the land. It may not be a shack up to housing standards, nor would it probably pass a Healthy Homes check... but you’d never have to write another passive aggressive email towards a property manager or landlord ever again.

Got mould? Have you tried...

20
nOt BrEaThiNg?

Applications open until 7 March.

Apply now at: ccc.govt.nz/CreativeScheme

your creative project with the Creative Communities
Fund
Scheme
Photo credit: Christchurch Circus Trust

UC is super lucky to have over 150 clubs rocking around campus, and this year CANTA is dedicated to scoping out some of these sweet groups. Stella Cheersmith sat down with two members of MUSOC: Claudia Crosland (Club President) and Gabe Baird (Musical Director for their upcoming show) to see what the club is up to in 2022.

So what’s MUSOC all about?

Claudia: MUSOC is the University of Canterbury Musical Theatre Society! We put on shows throughout the year - usually we’ll do two major shows and then a smaller cabaret in the middle. We also put on social events, educational events, and we’ve started doing open mic nights.

What’s the history of the club?

Claudia: MUSOC’s been around since 1969 (nice), and our first musical was in 1972. We had our 50th club anniversary a couple years ago and celebrated with a big cabaret performance, and we’re currently preparing for our reunion at the end of this year which will celebrate 50 years of performing shows.

How did you come to join the club?

Gabe: I had known about it for a long time and I thought “it’s about time I tried my hand at this”, especially because musical directing is something I enjoy a lot and I wanted to try it. I was a bit nervous at first, but the club has been so welcoming and it’s such a community, and everyone’s really invested and excited to be involved so it has been a real pleasure actually. There’s lots of moving parts in MUSOC and lots of different roles for people to play, and it seems that people play to their strengths and whatever they’re good at, they can do.

Claudia: I think what surprised me when I joined was the sheer amount of what you can actually do. When I first heard about MUSOC I was like ‘aw, I don’t sing, I don’t dance, I don’t act…’, but I play instruments, I can

musically direct a show, I can be on admin behind the scenes, and I can play in the band! You can have casual involvement, you can pick and choose what you want to do.

And MUSOC has a show coming up?

Gabe: Yes! The show we’re doing at the moment is a cabaret-style show, so rather than being a written show it’s actually a collection of songs, this time suggested by people in MUSOC. We’ve put them all together in a big show. I’ve enjoyed it a lot because there’s a lot of creative freedom in the cabaret-style show, and lots of work to put into it but it’s been really rewarding. The show is called ‘At the Heart of Us’, and the show dates are from the 4th till the 12th of March at the Ngaio Marsh Theatre.

Claudia: We’ve also been sponsored by I AM HOPE for this show. They’re a really cool organisation so we’re feeling pretty lucky.

What else has MUSOC got planned for 2022?

Claudia: We’ve got a busy calendar coming up! We’ve got lots of educational workshops planned, some open mic nights, definitely more shows and performance opportunities, and also lots of social events to get amongst.

Amazing! And where can we keep up with MUSOC online?

Claudia: Trusty old Facebook, Instagram, and our website which is musoc.org.nz or musoc. org.nz/tickets if you’re looking for tickets to our show! Only $15 for students.

CLUB COR NER Stella Cheersmith (she/her)
22

CLUB PROMOTER

UC Women in Engineering

UC Women in Engineering is a club that supports women studying engineering. The club is welcome to anyone who is, or supports, women in engineering i.e. you don’t have to be a female or do engineering to be a member!

We run a mixture of industry, social and education events throughout the year. Some of our upcoming events are:

- A bus trip = 3rd March

- International Women Day First Year Event with WIL and WIB = 8th March

- Industry evening = 15th March

Given the uncertainty of COVID, we will have the option to purchase a membership online and in the event any of our events are cancelled due to COVID we will be fully refunding attendees.

Feel free to follow our social accounts and dm us if you have any questions!

Entré

Entré is a club like no other at UC. Over the last 18 years, Entré has given over $600,000 to ambitious students harbouring their business ideas.

Backed by a wide variety of sponsors who have a hunger to see students grow and succeed, Entré’s flagship event is the Startup Challenge, where they take students’ ideas in any stage of the process and accelerates them with connections to mentors, coaching, exclusive workshops, and a chance to win a slice of $85,000 in prizes!

For more information and to find out more about how you can enter competitions and gain access to all Entré has to offer, be sure to check them out on Clubs Day. Head to their website https://www.entre.co.nz/ or find one of the team members up in UCE!

Q Canterbury

QCanterbury is where UC’s resident queers come together to meet and celebrate our unique identities. We run events throughout the year, as well as manage an active social media presence, to ensure our rainbow whānau can thrive on campus.

We’ll be rolling out an agenda of initial events for the semester in week one, so be sure to keep an eye out, and our long-term goal is to be able to meet all of you and throw a big ol’ ball at the end of the year to celebrate!

Come find us in the Rainbow Room (Logie 107) or on insta @qcanterbury to meet some new people and have some fun. Also: our membership is free! If you have any questions or ideas for the year flick us a DM or email qcanterburyuc@gmail.com.

Want to feature your club in Canta’s Club Promoter? Email your interest to letters@canta.co.nz.
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Kamen Engel @kamenengel

“The image is a composite of around 200 separate photos taken through a microscope. The sample is a ‘granophyre’. The interesting patterns are created when magma cools underground to form an intergrowth of quartz and alkali feldspar (moonstone).”

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25

flat famous.

KYLE TOM HANNAH ELLA BEN JUDE
ALEX IMY
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LAURA STELLA

Ella (she/her): Kia ora koutou! My name is Ella and I have the honour of being one of your Co-Editors for CANTA this year. As a student myself studying communications, Spanish, and psychology, I am committed to creating spicy, relevant, and representative content for UC students. Fun fact, I have a scar on my chin from not looking at where I was going while biking on a tennis court. My priorities were with my mum who took a picture of me slamming into the tennis net’s pole. Call me classy. I can’t wait to get stuck into 2022. Feel free to hit me up for a kōrero anytime this year! Sending aroha to you all.

Emily (she/her): Kia ora whānau! I’m Emily and I am super excited to be Co-Editor of CANTA this year. When I’m not working away on this beautiful mag, you can find me navigating my way through my Masters in Psychology. My hobbies include pretending I can dance, talking about being gay and overusing the phrase “you’re a star”.

Laura (she/her): Kia ora e hoa mā! Hi pals, I’m Laura and I’m one of your Feature Writers for 2022. I’ve kind of snuck my way onto the team, having recently submitted my dissertation – had to get a sixth year on campus somehow! I am thrilled to be part of the CANTA whānau, sharing all the dumb student mistakes I’ve made over the years, so you can avoid em…

Leo (he/him): Kia ora. Ko Leo taku ingoa. I am studying towards a Bachelor of Arts with Honours in sociology and I will be one of the Feature Writers for this year. I am super excited to bring a cutting edge to CANTA. In my spare time I listen to a lot of music, from classical to electronic. However, I would say my two most favourite genres are musicals and symphonic metal - I swear I’m not a goth.

Imy (she/her): Kia ora! I’m Imy and I’m the Digital and Video Assistant this year. I’m in my second year studying a Bachelor of Communications and can’t wait to be involved with CANTA. In my spare time I enjoy doing flips and watching reality TV.

Ben (he/they): Howdy, I’m Ben (Appetit), Audio Editor this year. Bet y’all thought you’d seen the last of me.gif. I’m a media gay, reality tv fiend, love the sound of my own voice and am so pumped for what’s sure to be a Cantabulous year <3

Kyle (he/him): Hola everybody, I’m Kyle and I’m the Graphic Designer for CANTA in 2022. Looking forward to making the team’s work look as sexy as I can for you all! I am - fingers crossed - in my last year of my BCOM degree. In my spare time I like to surf and snowboard.

Jude (she/her): Nga mihi o te Tau Hou! Hope 2022 catches you all by the ear and drags you t owards some great times ahead. I’m Jude, a Feature Writer for CANTA this year. I’m pretty stoked to be on the CANTA team and even happier to be able to write remotely as I take a semester off. When I’m not at university I like to spend my time supporting chch made music at the darkroom or space academy, watering my plants, cooking food with as many 99c cans as humanly possible, and walking around the port hills. I hope to bring a SciComms twist to a few of my articles this year, hopefully embodying the spirit of David Attenborough, Jane Goodall, Bill Nye and Hank Green all at once. Kia pai te rā! :--)

Hannah (she/her): Kia ora! My name is Hannah and I’m super stoked to be your 2022 Digital Editor for CANTA. I’m a 3rd year BA student studying media and communications originally from Hawke’s Bay. When I’m not stuck at the library studying really hard I like to go to gigs around Christchurch, rewatch ‘Friends’, and hang out with my mates! Bring on 2022 and our fresh new team!

Tom (he/him): Talofa Lava, I’m Tom. I’m the Video Creative Director for CANTA in 2022; which is just a fancy way of saying I make all the videos for the socials. I just finished my Bachelor of Product Design and I’m putting my degree to good use by delivering pizzas for Dominos in my spare time. If I had to live on one food for the rest of my life it would be lasagne, but I also enjoy croissants and baguettes. My favourite genre of music is African Funk. However, the title of my favourite artist belongs to the Hawaiin reggae group ‘Rebel Souljahz’. I enjoy long walks on the beach and hang-gliding with my uncle.

Stella (she/her): Kia ora CANTA readers! I’m Stella and I am lucky enough to be one of four fantastic Feature Writers for the mag this year. I was your typical nerdy theatre kid in high school, but now I’ve morphed into your typical obnoxious English Major .Apparently I completed my degree? But I’m sticking around this year to do my Masters. When I’m not procrastinating essays I’m probably eating fairy bread or driving around in my tiny, two-seater Smart car à la the 2006 movie The Pink Panther. If you see me around uni, give me a wave!

Alex (she/her): Kia ora guys! I’m Alex and I’m the News Editor for 2022! I’m here for all your juicy gossip around uni and cannot wait to get stuck into writing your stories and finding your news! When I’m not being a nosey bitch, you can find me procrastinating every task I have to do, singing in the shower, hugging my cat who doesn’t enjoy my hugs and doing the occasional theatre show. Come see MUSOC’s At the Heart of Us (musoc.org.nz/tickets) Xoxo - Gossip

Girl.

Flat Famous is one of CANTA’s longest-running and most popular segments. In each issue, we feature a different flat made up of UC students. For the first issue of the year, we have decided it’s the best place to introduce you to the team!
EMILY LEO 27

UC SH*T YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT

Whether you’re a fresh-faced first year, coming back for a change of career, or kickstarting your postgrad studies, there are a few things that are good to know about life on campus.

And while this list isn’t as sexy as the CANTA team is in Flat Famous, our whānau will be thrilled you know how to get to the Health Centre when you think you’re having a heart attack during exam week. I’m kidding, well, kind of.

28

p tips fOr newbies:

Alternatively helpful and hilarious, the UCSA Noticeboard is where you’ll find new flatmates, the latest goss around campus, and free food alerts!

2 3 4

The parking situation on campus is undeniably shit. In lieu of paying almost $500 for a permit to make it on time to your lecture (yikes); walking, biking, or bussing is your best bet. If you’re desperate, there’s a few possies in adjacent side streets where you can park for the day – just watch out for those P120 signs!

You might be feeling wealthy now, but I guarantee some unexpected cost will pop up this year. Don’t be like me and use your course related costs to buy a guitar you never play, and find yourself fucked when your phone breaks. If you get into real financial trouble, have a chat to the UCSA, who have funding to support students through financial hardship. It’s also well worth getting familiar with their reception team – they have a charger library, free tampons and pads, and vouchers for $10 eye exams at Specsavers Riccarton.

5 6 7 8

You’ll hear all your lecturers ranting on about the Academic Skills Centre, and how great it is. The thing is… it actually is. Don’t be a dummy like me and wait until your fifth year to use it. The courses are a great way to upskill, and the drop-ins are customised to what you need.

It’s well worth signing up to the UC Health Centre. With free doctors’ appointments and counselling – although there is a waitlist – why wouldn’t you? Prefer not to chat on campus? Have a kōrero with your doc! All Kiwis are entitled to 5 free counselling sessions through a programme called BIS. The Student Care team are also on hand to offer practical advice with a quicker response time when you’re feeling stressed about budgeting or studies, bless ‘em!

Think of your first two weeks as a shopping period: if you suddenly realise you’re never going to be able to handle calculus, you can drop out during this time with a full refund! My advice? Go to a wide range of lectures to see what floats your boat.

Remember to enjoy the downtime – the Uni experience isn’t all about essays and tests. Find your people through the wide range of clubs available, or UC’s specific services for Māori, Pasifika, Rainbow, disabled and first year students who aren’t living in the halls. He waka eke noa – we’re all in this together, so make sure to seek support if you need it, and have a cracking year at UC!

1 29

tO
Good students use their course related costs on their textbooks (i.e. not me), but it’s worth remembering that the library has a high demand collection where you can borrow top textbooks for 3 hours. There’s also a UC Textbooks Facebook Group that sell second-hand copies at sliiiiiiightly more acceptable prices.

Beezy Noun

tAcAn

aQUiCKgUidE toCommoNUNi liNgo!

In Aotearoa, ‘beezy’ is a colloquial and informal word to describe someone of the female sex. An example of how the word may be used in a sentence is, “damn, check out that beezy over there!

Breather Noun

‘Breather’ refers to an individual who breathes for the sesh. In other terms, ‘breather s’ are individuals that consume DnB as if it is oxygen

Ceebs Adverb

‘Ceebs’ is a common abbreviation for ‘can’t be f*cked.’

Coffin Noun

A ‘coffin’ refers to the carrying vehicle of the beloved beverage of Billy Mavericks. The term ‘coffin’ is given instead of a box because you might as well be dead once you’ve finished drinking them all.

Decks

Noun

Decks refer to DJ Decks of which every Tom, Jack, and Harry own. They are plugged in at any given moment to only be played on terribly yet the so-called ‘DJ’ thinks they’re the next Netsky.

Dusty Adjective

A means to describe the feeling of being hungover. One may also use the term to describe a situation that is rather ‘marginal’ or uncomfortable.

Fresher Noun

The title bestowed upon a first year UC student.

Gear

Noun

A common and colloquial term given to the drug MDMA

Goon Noun

A ‘goon’ or ‘goonbag’ is slang for the plastic bladder found in beverages like boxed wine.

Gurn Verb

‘Gurn’ or ‘gurning’ refers to the act of consuming MDMA where one can often be found ‘chewing their face off.’

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Ilam Fields

Noun

A place located opposite the main UC campus off Ilam Road where many marginal and unknown activities occur.

Innit

Contraction

An abbreviation for “isn’t it” where people who usually don’t have an English accent attempt to do one awfully while saying ‘innit’.

Juice

Noun

Don’t be fooled, if someone is referring to ‘juice’ on campus when they’re asking, “have ya got any juice”, they’re not talkin g about the fruity beverage but instead vape juice.

K1

Noun

This term refers to the dreaded long lost cousin of UC that brings students misery when they have a class or exam there. This is due to one of two reasons; one, because of the distance between K1 and any other campus location and two, because of the f*cking distance between K1 seats and their desks

Leccies

Noun

‘Leccies’ is the common abbreviated term for lectures. An example of this term being used in a sentence is, “f*ck, I’ve got so many leccies to catch up on.”

Nangs

Noun

Nangs are the colloquial term used to describe nitrous oxide. Otherwise known as laughing gas or lost brain cells.

The Old Foundry

Noun

This term refers to the eternal conversation topic of the Foundry that used to be. I personally never experienced the magic of this mythical creature, but I will forever be envious of others that have been in its ethereal-like presence.

Rage Cage

Noun

A drinking game that gives Beer Pong a decent run for its money. In simple terms, it’s like Flip Cup on steroids with quicker and even less digestible binge drinking activity.

Shosh

Noun

The shor tened term used to describe the legendary vape and hook ah shop. Most UC students - if they vape - visit the store located on Riccart on Road.

Symrose SuperFresh

Noun

Located on the corner of Ilam and Creyke Road, Symrose SuperFresh is the illustrious mega cafeteria that does everything. One thing that it excels in is taking care of all the mongs that visit it for the best drunk feed .

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CHANGED

WOMAN I AM A

In the early days of my relationship, I took my girlfriend on a date to the fireworks at New Brighton. I convinced her we could bike there. She wasn’t too impressed. But I made up for it by strapping a pizza box to the rear of my bike. The ride for me was thrilling. For her, it was a slog, she was stressed about keeping up and would have preferred to take the car.

These days, we ride to uni together and almost everywhere else. Sometimes we even hold hands while riding. The other day I heard her say, “I’m a changed woman! How good is it jamming to music and really noticing the trees around me. Like reeeeally noticing them.”

So you can experience this same sense of euphoria, I have put together some reasons why you should ride too!

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Money Saving

Petrol prices are rising with no end in sight, but an obvious cost saving is UC parking, priced at roughly $500 when bike parking is free - and right outside your study space! Biking can save half your course-related costs or that elbow fight for street side parking at 8am!

Time Saving and Exercise

When it takes five minutes to drive and 15 minutes to bike, how do I save time you ask? Well my friend, biking is 30 minutes of exercise with all it’s related health benefits. It's guaranteed exercise, which means you save the 20 minutes of deliberation on that 50 minute Zumba class you felt obliged to go to. Not to mention the time saved if you live in an area that has traffic congestion or those relentless road works.

Reduced Carbon Footprint

Do I even need to elaborate? The weight of climate change is constantly put on us. Here is a transport option that uses no carbon emissions for your commute AND takes up far less road space that can be better used for more environmentally friendly purposes.

Cycling Breeds More Cyclists

Most importantly, research shows that the more people that ride, the easier it becomes to ride and the more cyclists there are! Have you heard of the gay agenda? Because there is definitely a cyclist agenda. More cyclists creates a better cycling culture, greater cycling safety, attracts more funding to cycling and normalises cycling as a primary mode of transport.

Better Mental Health

Commuting via bike means you are guaranteed to get those exercise related mental health benefits before you arrive at uni. Staying active will enhance your productivity and memory. And if you don’t see those benefits, it will at least help with the hangover.

If you need some practical tips for getting started, the UC Cycle Guide (just Google it) has some great tips. My advice is:

Get a good bike lock (you don’t want to pay the Christchurch bike tax).

Having a locker - either on campus or at the gym - can make journeys much easier. Or get a good basket/rack!

There are more showers on campus than you realise, they are there to be used (and it's free hot water!).

As humans, we are forever changing and adapting. Life is definitely not measured by the breaths we take, but it sure is more enjoyable when we will fill those breaths with clean fresh air.

Emily is a Master of Urban Resilience and Renewal student and co-hosts the podcast ‘It’s Getting Hot in Here” on Plains FM.

Bikes & cities

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there's no chicken & egg about cars & cities it's the tail wagging the dog the dog thinks it's happy but if the dog paused for a moment it would realise it could be so much happier controlling its own tail

FLASHBACK FRESHER

Starting uni brings its own mix of excitement and terror. To help you make the most of student life, we asked the experts for their advice – the lecturers here on campus ! Take a trip back to the ‘80s, ‘90s and early ‘00s, when these professionals were, e rr, not so professional…

Ekant Veer

Marketing Professor, Associate Dean of Postgraduate Research (Scholarships) & Director of the Christchurch Knowledge Commons

THEN

Mike Grimshaw

Associate Professor of Sociology

What do you wish baby Michael had known?

“That Speights gave you extremely wicked hangovers.

That coming from a small country high school - in my case Geraldine high schoolmeant you came from a completely different NZ, socio-economically, educationally, culturally to those from Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch or from top boarding schools and you had a lot of very fast catching-up to do.

What do you wish baby Ekant had known?

“Everyone is just as scared as I was. No one, including the lecturers sometimes, knew what they were doing. Most of us were faking our way through life and seeing what would come of it. I also wish I'd known that it's ok to swap/change what you had enrolled in. I felt a huge amount of guilt changing my studies because I thought I had to be an adult and have my life in order by now. 20+ years on and my life still isn't in order, but I'm ok with that and feel comfortable changing my mind. If you don't love it, if you aren't good at it, if it's not going to help you reach YOUR goals, then don't do it and don't worry about switching out.”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

“I do remember turning 20 while at uni the very same time that the drinking age dropped from 20 to 18. Suddenly, the bars were full of freshers when we thought we'd be the mature ones allowed in… then we remembered we'd been going to the same bars since we were about 17/18! My fake ID name was Carlos de Silva, I think…”

“Not sure if it's funny or just cute, but my wife and I met in uni during a tutorial and worked on a group project together. We were both mature enough to know that dating someone you're working with is just awkward, so didn't pursue anything but the sexual tension was huge - can you blame her, looking at me back then?!. Anyway, the same night we submitted our final assignment for that class and we were officially no longer working together, I walked her home from uni and we made out in the hallway of her flat! We'll be married 20 years in March!”

That everyone is bluffing most of the time. It’s what I now term ‘the duck’ : we see the duck floating serenely on the water, we never see its rapidly paddling fleet. If we are the ‘wrong way up, we resemble those ducks whose heads are under water and we see their scrambling feet. The aim is to be able to turn ourselves from ‘head down’ to ‘head up’ ducks. That’s what everyone bluffing has been able to do - and it’s an important skill.

That a law degree would open up many more options than just doing law – and so I would have done a BA/LLB (not just a BA hons).

The way to thrive and not just survive is work hard and play hard (what I learnt very quickly from med and law students): this is central to bluffing…”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

“Given I was a longtime scarfie, none of my funny stories are really repeatable; most involve excessive drinking with people now in positions of responsibility (including the Knox bike race on 31 brandies).

I can remember, following the winter Olympics on TV, when it snowed, my flat sitting in woks and oven dishes as we did our own version of the luge down Queen Street with a hard right into Warrender Street down to George Street

I was also with a larger group of fellow scarfies at the NZ-India ODI at the 1992 world cup game at Carisbrook when, following the temperature dropping 15 degrees and the scoreboard blowing over, the first couch was burnt (I was not involved nor near it…).”

NOW
NOW
34

Tony Shou

Lecturer/Post-Doctoral Mechanical Engineering Fellow NOW THEN

What do you wish baby Bronwyn had known?

“I wish I had known that studying at university was eventually going to end up taking me around the world, to some amazing places and working with wonderful communities. It would not have changed anything I did, but it would have been fun to know what was coming afterwardsbecause at some times, let’s face it, university work is a hard slog. I also wish I had known university gets better - I remember being so lonely in the first year. We sat in big lecture rooms and hardly talked to anyone - so I can’t imagine how much harder it is for students now in Covid studying online, but I do know it gets better. The pandemic will pass, the classes get smaller as you go along and there is lots more chance for interaction - and far more clubs and activities at UC and student care support

Also, I wish I had known that if you just ask your lecturer a question in their office hours they will be amazed and chuffed if anyone came to say hi, let alone asked a question!”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

“I went to Otago and to be honest I had fun but wasn’t into the drinking culture - more the tramping clubs and theatre stuff. But I remember being in a University Capping parade which got put on the front page of the paper (because the community both loved and hated the parades). I was a tiny little face in this picture, on a truck and in clown makeup but my grandmother (who I loved) still managed to spot me and rang me upand I could tell she wasn’t too impressed! It was a reminder that even when you are in the university student bubble you are still part of a wider community!”

What do you wish baby Tony had known?

“Going to uni gives you access to so many opportunities to get to know yourself better, take as many as you can. Join a club for a hobby that you think you'd like, pick up a sport that you find interesting, even if you think you would suck at it (everyone has to suck at something at some point before they get better at it). For me, playing hockey for UC was (and still is) one of the things I most looked forward to during the year. Through it I've met some great people, people that will be my mates for life I'm sure!”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

“During the inter-club keg race in 2015, I puked so much and so hard that I damaged my stomach lining and had to go on meds to fix it. My doctor at student health wasn't terribly impressed, but I also don't think that was the first kind of case he'd diagnosed from a UC student either Also, I have to be honest, one of the best nights I've ever had at the Foundry was in 2013 when I jumped the fence with a mate because we got denied entry by the bouncers. Now that I have a job to lose though, I probably have to legally say I do not condone that sort of behaviour. The glass around the current Foundry would also be incredibly difficult to get a good foot hold on…”

Jarrod Gilbert

Director of Criminal Justice and Senior Lecturer above the Bar

NOW

Donald Matheson Professor of Media and Communication

What do you wish baby Jarrod had known?

“I wish I knew that my University education was going to set me up as well as it did for a life of crime.”

What do you wish baby Donald had known?

“I had this weird image of other students when I started. They were all really bright and working harder than me and they were also into drinking and parties and all had lots of friends. I wish I knew that I didn’t need to stress and could just be myself. It helped when I joined t he greenie group on campus (the Student Green Movement) and got involved in doing things with others. We mostly sat around and talked about how we would save the planet if we got our act together.

“Also, it took me three weeks to find out that my first-year courses had two classes a week. It helped when I found that out.”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

“Most of my stories as a student involve large amounts of beer and poor decision making - but perhaps the most memorable was after a student protest around rising fees. We stormed the registry and stayed there for three days. There was a real sense of camaraderie to the whole thingwe were making a serious point but it didn’t stop us from having a bit of fun. We had a dance party in the council chambers, which was probably the most sensible thing that’s ever happened in that room.”

THEN NOW 35

NOW THEN
Bronwyn
THEN

NOW THEN

Philip Armstrong

English Professor

NOW

What do you wish baby Philip had known?

“I wish I’d known that my lecturers weren’t as forbidding as I thought they were, and that they’d have been happy for me to go and ask them about things I didn’t understand.”

What did you get up to back in the day?

What do you wish baby Erin had known?

“We get sold the idea that uni is going to be awesome, but honestly my first year was not great. I was very depressed, I was overwhelmed by everything, and I was mostly taking courses I didn’t love because I’d believed all those people who’d told me a BA, in the subjects I was best at at school, was too easy and a waste of time. By the way, it’s neither of those things, come do arts papers! I got behind on assignments and readings (bad move), I skipped class (worse move) and I was terrible at asking for help (catastrophic). I was a big ball of fear and shame. Moral: don’t be like me. Be the opposite of me. Come to class, even when it’s hard or you’re not sure what’s going on. Do the readings and attempt the assessment, even when you don’t get half of it. Reach out. Study is hard – it’s meant to be hard – but bit by bit it will start to make sense.

I did do three things right though: I made friends, I joined lots of clubs, and I eventually changed my degree, although it took me a while to figure out what was best for me. Later I got involved in CANTA and RDU. I really wish I’d known to treat the first year as a time of exploration, and that it’s okay to figure things out as you go. Frankly, it’s silly and stressful to expect a first year student to have their life planned out. I started uni avoiding calculus four times a week at 8am, and now research horror cinema and write arts criticism for a living; if there was hope for me, there’s hope for you too.”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

“Most of my funny stories can’t be shared, but a bit of extra advice from a friend’s experience in second year: if you’re heading to the library, and you swipe some of your flatmate’s freshly baked cookies so you can have a study snack, just make sure they’re not laced with hash first.”

What do you wish baby Julia had known?

“I wish I had really taken on board the importance of eating good real food for optimising brain and physical health. I ate far too many noodles and packaged products that in retrospect definitely didn’t help with managing stress and workload. I probably wouldn’t have listened if

someone had said it, but maybe students these days have better sense than I did. As Michael Pollan says: “Eat real food. Mostly plants. Not too much.”

“I was very shy during my first term at university, so I used to sneak into the back row of lecture theatres after everyone else had gone in. One day I did this but discovered after a few minutes that I’d come to the wrong lecture, and was missing the one I needed to be at. I got up, planning to slip out quietly, but I dropped my umbrella. We were in a very large, steeply-raked lecture theatre – holding about 300 students – and my rolled-up umbrella began to slide down the stairs between the rows of seats. As I watched in horror my umbrella just kept on slithering from step to step, down, down, till it reached the bottom step, just below the lectern where the lecturer was glowering up at me. Every instinct in my body was telling me to run for it, but this was Auckland, so it was raining all the time, and my mum had just bought me a really strong expensive umbrella, and I had no money to get another one. So instead, quietly as I could, and with the lecturer waiting in menacing silence, I tip-toed right down to the bottom stair and picked up my umbrella and climbed all the way back up and out. Anyone who knows NZ literature will know how brave (or foolish) this was when I reveal that the lecturer in question was C.K. Stead. (Unfortunately I left the umbrella on a bus the next day.)”

What do you wish baby Tammy had known?

“I wish I knew that student engagement, both inside and outside the classroom, is linked with high-quality learning outcomes. It took me about two years to realise the importance of being part of a smart and kind community, from finding study groups that made me laugh (and l earn!) to discovering a club that shared my passions (and pushed me to think in new and exciting ways).”

What did ya get up to back in the day?

Around the time I finished my PhD in the genetics of birds, I reconnected with a friend from my undergraduate days when we were both studying towards a BSc in Zoology. She reminded me that back then, I actively avoided bird courses (and grumbled every time we had to study birds in other courses) and I was terrified by genetics. Oh, the irony.

THEN NOW
NOW
36

Letter to my

FRESHER SELF

Stella Cheersmith (she/her)

Fresher – we've all been there before. For some, maybe the start of uni is a distant memory now, and for others the start of uni could be today! Now that I’m on the other side of my degree, I decided to check in with my fresher self and see just how far I’ve come since my Orientation.

So, you wore an off-the-shoulder top when they took your ID photo and now it looks like you’re naked on your Canterbury Card. Sure, it’s a rocky start, but in a few years’ time you can retake that photo and start fresh with a slightly less pixelated ID.

You’re starting uni! Proud of you. It’s kind of gonna be exactly what you expected and also totally different and a bit insane. But in the best possible way! It will take a little while but eventually you’ll build up the courage to chat to the other students in your classes and even make a few friends. And you’ll go to Clubs Day and sign up for a million clubs and then receive a million emails that you’ll never read and finally unsubscribe from and feel silly for ever signing up in the first place. But it’s cool getting into uni life, I promise.

Yep, in no time you’ll be a proper little uni student with your timetable and your readings that you definitely always do before the tutorial and you’re gonna be so onto it! And never ever procrastinate. Look at you go. But starting anything is daunting and spooky, so I thought I’d compile some tips and tricks to help you on your way:

Get familiar with LEARN. Bookmark her, cherish her. That gorgeous green website is gonna be your saviour during term time. Some of your courses will be set out beautifully, and some will be in absolute shambles. But LEARN is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

Explore uni! Don’t be afraid to venture beyond the rooms of your lectures or tutorials. Sure, some of the older buildings look like they could be the film set of a prison movie or potentially a dystopian drama, but there are some pretty cool spots hidden away in there (except West. West is just a long building of sadness).

Get a V-plate. You’re gonna go to the cafés on campus. It’s inevitable. So do yourself a favour and get those sweet sweet discounts.

Think about your courses. That shit ain’t cheap and if you’re not enjoying a course have a look at other options. And no, that Ancient Greek History course isn’t going to be fun just because you loved Percy Jackson as a kid.

Trust yourself. Reach out if you need help. Uni is a big deal, and it can be freaky at the best of times! Don’t be afraid to ask your lecturers for advice or check out Student Care.

Just remember: I love you, you got this, and as Michael Scott says, ‘I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.’ That’s uni for ya!

Dear Stella, Love, Stella

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39

HOE-DOWN THE THROWDOWN FOR INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS

Abishekh Satheesh (he/him)

I am delighted to share a bit of information about what the UCSA has planned for our international student community in 2022. As the pandemic has evolved and put nations into long-lasting restrictions, we here at the UCSA have been eagerly waiting for you all to get back to campus. In the meantime, we have put together some ideas and tweaked our workflow to make sure everyone here in Aotearoa and overseas is an integral part of our community.

This year, we will take necessary measures to livestream or record our international events for all those who wish to be a part of the experience. In addition to that, we are designing events that are exclusively online and will be open to the entire student community to indulge in. We are also partnering with the international clubs at UC to deliver more culturally relevant events, starting with the celebration of Lunar New Year. Also, UC International, Confucius Institute, UC Sustainability and other university departments will collaborate with the UCSA to organise events that cater to all our students.

We at the UCSA offer more than just student events. We now have dedicated staff members who have joined the team with the primary focus of supporting international students. If you are ever in need of support, get in touch with Nicole Anfang from our Advocacy and Welfare team. The A&W team will always be available to address all your concerns and help you get acquainted with life at the university. Our office and staff at Haere-roa is at your beckoning for all your student life needs and wants.

If you are curious about all the international student events that might interest you, get in touch with me, Abishekh Satheesh. I am the International Events Coordinator and an alumnus of UC. As an international student who has been here for over three years now, I believe my priority will always be to provide the best student experience to my fellow student community. My personal journey at the university and with the UCSA has always been resourceful and I wish to share the same with you all.

When you are back on campus and are having a walkabout, drop in and come say hi. UCSA is here to guide and support you through your journey. Our organisation will also strive to be your window to understanding the bi-cultural background of Aotearoa.

To all international students at UC, let 2022 be the year of happiness, good health and great accomplishments.

Mā te wā.

Nāku noa, nā

Abishekh

International Events Coordinator, UCSA abishekh.satheesh@ucsa.org.nz

40
get invO lved witH canta. tH is year? keen tO Apply for Flat Famous, Lucky Dip or pitch your story idea to us on our website! Calling creatives: We would love to showcase your art/poetry. Send your work to print@canta.co.nz for the chance to be featured in upcoming issues. INSTA @cantaiscool Facebook cantamedia TIKTOK cantamedia WEBSITE canta.co.nz

PSYCHED

Ella Gibson (she/her)

Welcome to Psyched! This is going to be one of your recurring columns appearing in CANTA 2022, so get buckled in. Now, what the fuck is Psyched about? In this column, I’m going to take a social phenomenon that is somewhat related to the theme of each CANTA issue and delve into it through a psychological lens. With this, I want to explain the psychological inner workings of a common social phenomenon and advise you, dear CANTA readers, how you can go about navigating it.

For the first ever Psyched, we’re going to look at social anxiety. Going into a new uni year can be anxiety inducing, especially if you’re a fresher trodding on the tertiary territory for the first time. COVID definitely has not aided anxiety levels either. It has only helped by axing O-Week events that are meant to bring unfamiliar individuals closer together and in a way resist social anxiety.

Social anxiety is a type of anxiety disorder that arises from thinking about and being in social settings. Someone with SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder, unlucky acronym) will experience difficulty talking to individuals, meeting new people, and attending social gatherings. These difficulties stem from the fears of being judged by other individuals. While someone with SAD may understand that their fears are irrational, they may feel powerless to tame the SAD beast.

SAD can invoke many physical symptoms from sweating to trembling, blushing to a shortness of breath, and nausea to a rapid heart rate. Psychological symptoms are also plentiful. The main psychological symptom that social anxiety invokes is worry; worry about social situations, worry about embarrassing oneself, and worry that others will notice this internal worry - we’re in the Metaverse now, Zuckerbreg!

This phobia’s origin is not exactly known. But alike to most psychological phenomena, current research is suggesting that SAD is caused by a conglomerate of environmental factors and genetics. Negative events like bullying, family conflict, and sexual abuse are thought to be incidents that may contribute to someone having SAD. Does the apple fall far from the tree? If a parent has an anxiety disorder, their child may develop an anxiety disorder while learning the behaviour from their parents. That is not always the case, just a possibility.

True diagnosis for SAD can only be confirmed by a healthcare provider. No medical test exists for SAD. A SAD diagnosis will be derived from someone’s description of their symptoms and visible behaviour patterns.

It is advisable that if you struggle with SAD or SAD-related symptoms that you can seek professional help. While receiving professional help is the ideal resolution, let me enlighten you with some legitimate ways that you can aid SAD/SAD-like symptoms yourself. You can learn stress-reduction skills. Personally, meditation and breathwork helps me a shit ton with SAD-like symptoms. There are so many free resources out there on Spotify and YouTube, so go on and breathe it up! It is advisable to limit or avoid alcohol and caffeine. If you are also being physically active on a regular basis and getting enough sleep, your SAD-related symptoms will have nothing on you.

University is a challenging time, no cap. For some, dealing with SAD and SAD-like symptoms are a reality. However, there are ways to combat this disorder and its counterparts. Be patient, be hopeful, and seek help.

Resources: Need to talk?

Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.

Lifeline 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE).

Youthline 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline. co.nz or online chat.

Samaritans 0800 726 666.

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Positive wellbeing supports your educational achievement

Your university, and the Code of Pastoral Care, works to ensure you have a support system.

This means that you should be:

• safe, physically, and mentally

• respected for who you are

• supported in your learning and wellbeing

• connected with your social and cultural networks and

• able to have your say in decisions about services.

If you have concerns about your wellbeing that aren’t being met, or you want to make a complaint, talk to your university or student association first. If it’s unresolved, NZQA is here to help.

For more information visit:

www.nzqa.govt.nz/know-the-code

#knowthecode

FEEliNg lUCKy?

aPPly For a lUCKy diP

DIP LUCKY DIP LUCKY

CANTA’s longest running segment! Each issue we set two people up on a blind date and they record their experiences.

Here are the unedited results.

Official sponsor of Lucky Dip

oN oUr WEbSitE
44

Having eagerly procrastinated quizzes, labs, and assignments over the last few years, flicking through stories of awkward clammy handshakes, saucy one-nighters, and rumors of lasting romances, my time in the blind date hot seat had come!

Our date was set at Rollickin’, the perfect setting to drop a classic “cream on”. I arrive roughly on time and explain to the shawty dishing the cream that I’m here for a blind date, only to be faced with confusion.

After a few minutes of scrambling and realizing I am in fact at the right place, the manager hands me a voucher and the ball is rolling. And just in time to be met by a super cute tall blonde girl, just my type!

After introducing ourselves and chatting for a second, we order two massive plates of the good stuff, coffees, and head upstairs to cover the general chit chat about what we do and where we’re from.

About half an hour goes by and my untouched dessert is turning into somewhat of a swampy mess, but our conversation is interesting enough that I’m not phased.

diPPEr oNE diPPEr tWo

I have always found myself flipping through to read the awkward and crack up stories for this column, thinking surely I should do that one day.

Well that day came in the form of a post on the UCSA Noticeboard, with a link to sign up. Not thinking anything would actually come of it, I was surprised when I got a message from the editor asking if I was still keen, I honestly had nothing to lose at this point so why not.

Lowkey, I was having some nerves on the way there, so I pumped up the tunes to get out of my head. Rolling into the parking lot while noticing my mecca lip injection lip gloss had reacted with a patch of my skin giving me a sick windburn look - amazing.

Fair to say I was hoping they had shown up first, wasn’t a fan of doing the awkward wait and look around deal. Saw a tall looking guy holding a Rollickin voucher sitting outside, figured that was him so after the cringe "hey are you here for the blind date" thing, we introduced ourselves and instantly forgot his name, great start.

After exchanging the classic pleasantries, we managed to spend $40 on gelato and headed upstairs to sit down. Our masks came off and I noticed the clean beard on him, love it. He studies commerce, none of the usual engineering or law degrees which was refreshing to hear. He gave off such a friendly vibe which made me feel instantly relaxed.

I make an attempt to get her on Facebook only to be met with a complete mind blank…. yes I have indeed forgotten her name, I blatantly ask her again and we giggle (phew).

The music taste box is checked as we discover a mutual love for drunken drum and bass gigs, she has quite an interesting life story which I probe some more before suggesting we grab some drinks next door.

A couple of fruity cocktails and some more chit chat later my blatant clumsiness gets the better of me and I knock over a glass which shatters everywhere - it was bound to happen at some point.

We glance outside only to realize it’s getting dark and a couple of hours have flown by, time to make a move. We stroll back to our cars, hug and exchange snaps, we’re about to leave when she floats the idea of a second date hitting the surf which I’m keen to hit!

All in all, a success in my book!

Cheers CANTA

The convo rolled on from there, finding out we were both suckers for a good gig in town, skating and a bit of surfing and we even had a few mutual friends! I was relieved halfway through when he asked what my name was again to look me up on Facebook *phew*, not the only one.

We had finished our desserts, and headed across the road for a drink. He got on the cocktails, me on the cider. I carried on telling my crazy flatmate stories and felt like I talked a lot but he was so nice. He had good bants and great energy. He managed to accidentally break his cocktail glass on the table at one point, but honestly I probably would have done the same thing. He apologized a lot to the waitress and laughed it off, very sweet.

He shouted the drinks, good lad, and ended the evening with a hug and exchanged snaps with the plan of going for a surf sometime. And other than the $50 parking ticket (cheers Wilsons), all in all, it was a chill night and good vibes.

Thanks CANTA for a fab end to the long weekend x

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Te Reo & NZ Sign

PUZZLES.
46

HOROSCOPES.

ARIES TAURUS GEMINI

Just let go… of that gas you’ve been holding in this whole lecture. Wherever you are, let your wind be free.

Embrace a new perspective… and see that you were the toxic bastard in that summer fling all along.

Star t fresh… because (time for actual horoscopes) February is a great month of romance for Geminis. Download Tinder.

CANCER LEO VIRGO

There’s always a new beginning and another opport unity to fuck everything up the same way you did before

Move forward… as slowly as you want to.

You’re in control… but also not at all. You have the freedom to believe in fate. Or maybe your fate is believing in free will. Anyways, I’m lonely.

LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS

It all begins with one small step… to a therapist. Talk it out with someone.

Live fully… delusional. The entire world does revolve around you. Embrace your fantasy no matter how French vanilla it is.

Look ahead… in the mirror. Maybe dye your hair? Try coloured contacts? Face tattoos?

CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PICES

Mark your destiny… like a dog pissing on a pole to mark their territor y. Pee who you are!

When one door closes, another opens… the door to Big Gary ’s is calling your name.

A fresh start is a new mindset… that’s even worse than before. Make sure to repeat your mistakes.

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Bayer New Zealand Ltd., 72 Taharoto Road, Takapuna, Auckland 0622. PP-PF-WHC-NZ-0007-1. NA 13428. December 2020. OH no! YOUR FORGOT PILL? to call FORGOT Mum? OH W ELL.

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