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Cannonball #8


Hey again Cannonballers Welcome to Issue #8!

hile the past term has seen its fair share of triumphs - the Festival of Arts being finally over, the joyous arrivals of royal babies (celebrity and real), and the sheer amount of brilliant one-liners thrown around at Intercol Debating - and disappointments - Robin Thicke and the VMA’s showing us objectification of women is an issue more modern than ever, the sorry affair of our country’s political future, and our slowly-falling expectations of academic successs - we’re alive and still kicking.. Instead of trying to explain to you anything of the wonder you’re about to devour in the pages within, please enjoy these pictures of Tuna, a #dogofinstagram I found lately. Whether you’re looking forward through an Oracle to the future, or reminiscing (as always) about the good times (bring back the 90’s) (pop culture), or finding valuable life lessons in board games, Tuna will be there. Let him love you at @tunameltsmyheart. While we wait in expectation for the polling booths to open, a new guilty-pleasure TV show to binge watch, and for me to actually write an article for this magazine, Katherine Turnbull on behalf of the Cannonball team

THANKS TO: Mr. Coffey and Fr. Davoren for their continued support (and Mrs. Fleming!) Regi Ashman and Jesse Davidson for being total pals and helping us out with some sorely-needed computer skills in formatting and collating this issue Ramy Robin, for asking about once a week when the next issue would be coming out and making me feel guilty enough to get this to the press SACE, for being SACE

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Contents The Peoples’ Prince Page 4 The Problem with KFC and Reality Television Page 6 Unnecessary Necessities

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Filling the Gap Page 10 Lenovo Love? Page 12 Oracle Olivia Page 14 Blast From the Past

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Four Resasons to Enrol to Vote Today

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Vox Pop Page 18 An Interview With The Preatures

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Left My Scooter Outside of the Delicatessen

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How the Horn Came to Be: Part II

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A Day in the Life of a Senior Student

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Monopoly Life Lessons

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Cannonfork Page 30 Tom Gransbury - Human?

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Contents | 3

The Peoples’ Prince T

by Dion Pietrosanti

he much anticipated third in line to the British throne; Prince George Alexander Louis Mountbatten-Windsor;

son to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge; Their Royal Highnesses William and Catherine, grandson to the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall; Their Royal Highnesses Charles and Camilla as well as the late Diana Princess of Wales and great grandson to Her Majesty the Queen and Prince Philip Duke of Edinburgh was born on Monday, July 22 2013 at 4.42 pm in Saint Mary’s Hospital, Paddington, London, weighing 3.79 kilograms. A statement made by Kensington Palace announced the third in line be known as His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge.

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The Prince’s name; George Alexander Louis follows a great history of Royal names and especially with British kings of the past. There have been six King Georges in the past, most recently Queen Elizabeth II’s father; King George VI and his father; King George V. It is also the fourth name of the Prince of Wales, the Prince of Cambridge’s grandfather. Alexander is the name of the famous fourth century ruler; Alexander the Great as well as the masculine version of Alexandra; Queen Elizabeth II’s second name. The name Louis, finally, is taken from the Prince of Wales’

great-uncle, Lord Louis Mountbatten. Despite the child being named George, once he ascends the throne, he may choose to take a different name. Like monarchs before him such as King George VI whose birth name was Albert Frederick Arthur George; known to his family as ‘Bertie’. Like his great great grandfather, he may not choose to take his first name upon ascending the throne, however, upon meeting the new Prince on Wednesday July 25, Queen Elizabeth II did approve of his name so the prince may keep his name. Little over a week has passed since the birth of the new Prince and the Royal Trust Collection has already released a set of Royal Baby Commemorative pieces, documentaries about the Child have been made and commemorative china such as the Royal Doulton figurine of the Royal Couple and Baby

are being commissioned. The Royal Baby is set to bring $400 million to the British economy with books, toys, DVDs, commemorative china and the like still to be released to the public. This child is possibly the most famous child to be born in the 21st century and has the largest weight sitting on his little shoulders. Every second of his life will be photographed, judged and any wrong move he makes will be spread through the media instantly. It is a sad fact that this innocent child will grow to never live a normal life. It is without a doubt, however, that if this future King reigns to that of his great grandmother; the Queen, not only will he reign with great satisfaction to his peoples, but also through to the 22nd century as a historic British Monarch.

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The Problem with KFC and Reality Television Food for thought from Thomas P. Haskell


have a bit of a problem with Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC). It has nothing to do with the fact that the original recipe chicken may as well be original recipe skin (let’s be honest, that’s the only good part about eating it), nor is it that Pepsi and 7-Up are sold in place of Coke and Sprite, rather the biggest problem that I have with KFC is the overwhelming guilt I feel after eating it. No, I’m not going to lecture you about the ethical issues associated with Kentucky Fried Chicken, and neither am I going to go into how it has an unnecessary amount of saturated fats and sodium in its menu items, the guilt that I feel stems from the loss in potential fulfilment my stomach could have felt. KFC has to be the single worst fast food option available. Sure it may be delicious, but the greasy hands and indigestion that immediately follow after eating is just not worth the 11 original herbs and spices. In the same way this is how I feel about reality television; sure, I feel fantastic when I’m watching it, but it isn’t until after that I realise that the show has left me with nothing but indigestion.

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Reality television is quite entertaining when you’re watching it and I must confess that Wife Swap (both the UK and US version) ranks as 2nd among my top 3 television shows of all time (Seinfeld at #1 and Arrested Development at #3, not that you care). The question must be asked though, what use does reality television serve nowadays? There is something wrong with this world when I can sit down to watch The Biggest Loser with a large popcorn chicken meal and judge the contestants as if for my own amusement. It is pure voyeurism plain and simple. Moreover, these shows act as a proxy hobby where one can confess to being a ‘foodie’ because they watch Masterchef or My Kitchen Rules when they would not know the first thing about fine dining or haute cuisine. The same applies to the new wave of expert renovators who could tell me all I need to know about fixing up my house with their impressive qualifications that include two seasons of The Block and the first three episodes of House Rules. I’m not entirely against shows that do nothing but entertain, but there

comes a point where we begin to start watching nothing at all (see: Keeping Up With The Kardashians). Apparently there was a time where Kentucky Fried Chicken actually tasted amazing and this was due to the quality of the ingredients and the fact that the chickens were actually chickens and not pigeons. This reminds me of when reality television was amazing due its quality and originality. Wife Swap is a

most perfect example of this. The concept is simple: take two families with radically opposite views on parenting and force the wives of each family to take over the other family. While in theory this should be something I detest, it is brilliant. So my advice to you is if you want to watch some reality television, maybe stick to Wife Swap and Nando’s instead.

Literarily minded? Artistically minded? Technologically minded? Absent minded? It’s almost guaranteed that WE WANT YOU! If you want us, too, email the Cannonball team at The Problem with KFC and Reality Television | 7

Unnecessary Necessities W

A blast from the past by Cassandra Granchi

e never really needed it but we really had to have it. It made us that extra bit cooler and showed others just how much we knew about the latest trends…that was until the next fad came along. The whole process would begin again; you saved up enough pocket money, you put it into your glittery purse and made your older sibling drive you to the shops hoping that they still stocked your desired product… the following are just a few of those blasts from the past… those unnecessary necessities! How about no. Do you remember growing up with various shop frontscovered in PICK FLOWERS NOT FIGHTS…? fluoro and cheesy slogans like “drop beats not bombs?” We used to beg our mothers so much that they were forced to take us into Suprè to buy that “love you long time” singlet in all three colours. We were invited to endless 10th birthday partieswearing our hot, new, fluoro attire paired nicely with flareddenim jeans and Dunlop volleys with the decorated laces of course. And who could forget the handbags and headbands to match? I sported the classic “Dance like nobody is watching”… but trust me, people were definitely watching!It’s not like slogan tees are socially acceptable now, however, they continue to re appear in everyday life?! I just don’t get it… We really couldn’t have been more wrong. We assumed that wearing these ridiculous slogans would make us feel ‘accepted’ and ‘cool’ but they were in reality, a cheeky way for clothes stores to make an easy twelve bucks.



This is yet another one of those ‘musts’. Collecting Beanie Kids meant you could now become part of the “Beanie club” which entitled you to a monthly subscriptionto ‘BK’ (the much needed guide to all your Beanie needs), plus free stickers and even a Beanie poster, which you would immediately stick up in your room for all of your play dates to see. There were the Beanie kid ‘tags’ which gave us each Beanie’s details including name and date of birthday… a vital part of Beanie collecting as it was essential to match up your own birthday with a fellow Beanie’s special day. These ‘identity’ tags were SO important that you HAD to protect them with a special case, and yes that was another five bucks down the drain. There were Beanie holders in which you could place all your Beanie Kids, (in order of rareness and cost of course.) And remember the Jumbo Beanie?! What’s not to love about an oversized, over-

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priced bear hanging out with the regular Beanies, showing them who’s boss? Honestly though, what did we even do with them all? Why were they such a necessity? I reckon I collected over fifty Beanies in my time and they’ve all just mysteriously disappeared… coincidence? I think not! Hmmm… Let’s just blame Mum for that one.


You were literally caring for an imaginary animal. They would occupy 100% of your time as one moment left alone resulted in death or an extreme and rare Tamagotchi disease. They didn’t speak English, lived in a cramped, black and white world and they would even wake you up from the deepest of sleeps purely for a selfish ‘potty break.’ Your type of Tamagotchi was linked to your ‘coolness’ factor, and you had to keep up to date with the versions or else there was simply no room for you in the ‘tama’ world. And who could forget the ridiculous casing and lanyard purchases, which were compulsory when dealing with a life as serious as a Tamagotchi. They came with connect-ability to joinyour friends in the game that stopped the nation. You could share food, drinks, gifts, and play games in a virtual world that you truly felt part of. This fad soon disappeared, normally as a result of your father unscrewing the batteries because you just couldn’t take getting woken up in the middle of the night; or being put in the bin headed for the dump… where it belonged in the first place.

IS YOUR PHONE COLD? HERE LET’S GIVE IT A “MOCK”… Those ridiculous phone socks, commonly referred to as “mocks” that we were convinced we needed to collect and use to ensure our brick-like Nokia’s were safe and untouchable. We collected many different designs ranging from glittery, to skulls and even personalised ones with photos of your friends or favourite band. You couldn’t go wrong with a mock lanyard either. No need for pockets or even a hand bag anymore! You could just place your phone in your personalised mock, attach a lanyard and you were certainly good to go. I remember for months on end all my “Total Girl” magazine purchases would give them as a ‘free gift’ when buying the magazine… (But hey let’s face it, it was the only reason we bought the magazine in the first place!) I began to form a mock collection, it was getting out of hand but I just couldn’t stop! Like honestly what on earth were we all thinking?! Giving our phones a layer of material to hang out in for about five minutes? That’s until we realised it was far too annoying to pull the phone out each time we received a text. Sadly, this was a crucial element in surviving year five and six, and now we have phone covers to ensure our phones don’t crack… bring back the mocks? I don’t think so.

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Filling the Gap 1

An article by Sevanah Sgoutas

40 days. Yes, my lovely Year 12’s, there are only 140 days until our final day of classes. Just before those highly anticipated schoolies-- erm, I mean exam days come to greet us. Year 11’s, in approximately eight months you’ll replace us as leaders of the college. Years 7 through 10…well, you have a while to wait before you can walk through the blessed threshold of the ‘Twelve Café’. But no matter how many days, months or years you have left in the caring, dynamic community which only Ignatius provides, it’s all leading to the day you’re told you’ve completed the required amount of education and it’s time to clean out your locker for the last time (tear?) and move out. This is an inevitable stepping stone for everyone. What divides us into individuals is the part that follows - where we go next. My question to you is where will you go next? There are several options for students in the years following high school. University or TAFE are the roads most travelled, however in recent years, the number of people deciding to take a gap year has risen by 10% since 2000, with a study by the University of Sydney finding up to 15% of school leavers deferring further study to take a gap year. A ‘gap year’ is defined as time taken out of formal education, or between completing a qualification and seeking work. But, what’s so good about it? The most common reasons go something like “to take some time to figure

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out what you really want to do with the rest of your life”, or “to take a wellearned break after 13 years of school”. Another reason comes in the form of a study conducted by the University of Western Australia, which discovered that gap year students scored an average of 2.3 per cent higher in their first year results than those who went to university straight from school, adding even more prosperity to the idea, and contributing nicely to conversations with not-so-thrilled parents. More and more students are choosing to defer further study and take a 12 month “zone of transition”, taking some time off between two big parts of their lives to adjust, experience new things, and figure out who they are and what they want out of life. A major part in deciding whether or not to take a gap year is to first decide what you will spend that time doing. The key to a successful, rewarding gap year is to have a balance - yes, we all know that word - between work and play. Sofia Vroulis, an Old Scholar of Walford, spent 6 months of her gap year working to fund her travels for the following 3 months in Europe. Deferring her University degree in speech pathology, Sofia knew that a gap year was something she needed to do in order to take some time and make sure she was 100% certain in the path she was taking. “It was something that I really wanted to do and that I really felt

like I needed to do,” says Sofia. “I always knew I’d go back to study but I wasn’t 100% sure if I’d do (speech pathology) or not…When I came back I knew that it was what I wanted to do.” Sofia’s time off gave her the perspective she needed in order to ensure she was making the right choices for herself and her life ahead. “I think I grew as a person and I was exposed to so many different things when I was overseas…it just helped to open my eyes and give me some more life experience before I started Uni, and I think also it really gave me the break that I needed, so I came back ready to go to Uni.” Sofia’s gap year was productive, and as a result, useful in her future decisions. In contrast, surveys have shown a very small percentage of those who do decide to take a gap year end up having a negative experience. You know the stereotype: 35, still living with his parents, no job, and Cheezel stains all over his 3-day-old t-shirt? Maybe that’s an extreme example, but you get the idea. Staying home and mooching off your parents while you ‘rest’ through the week and ‘celebrate life’ on the weekends is not exactly what one would describe a productive way to spend a gap year, and those who tried it found it incredibly hard to find motivation to find a job or continue with further study in the years following. If you’re considering taking a gap year, my advice is to think incredibly hard about whether that would be the right choice for you. Close your eyes (after you’ve finished reading…) and picture yourself 10 years from now. What are you doing? Who are you with?

Are you happy? If your picture is clear, then why put off making it happen? Go and get whatever it is you want, now rather than later. If the picture is blurry, perhaps a year off to do some work experience, earn some money for the years ahead or spend some time overseas gaining some independence and learning about different cultures may help you to clear your vision, like it did Sofia. If you’re working with a blank canvas, I couldn’t think of a cliché more suitable to thrust upon you than “the world is your oyster”. There are thousands of doors open to you. This may seem overwhelming, but if you follow your heart, you can’t go wrong. “Sometimes we have to go deep inside ourselves to solve our problems” - Patrick Star. No one can tell you what to do with your life. It is entirely your decision, whether that decision is made five years from now or, in the case of our Year 12’s, in approximately six months’ time. Whatever door you open has to be the right one for you, and only you, whether that door opens to a gap year, University or TAFE, or somewhere else. I wish 2013’s Year 12’s the best of luck in the decision making process, and to you younger students, I sincerely urge you to make the most of your time. It goes by faster than free food from the tuck shop at the end of lunch. To conclude, here’s an inspiring quote I found on tumblr: Life doesn’t begin when you leave high school, when you can legally drink or when you get a job. Your life has already begun. Where it ends is up to you. #swag.

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Lenovo Love? by Esther Fong

Before you dive into my (hopefully) intriguing article, I suggest you acknowledge three things: 1. As I most certainly did not ‘Excel’ at year 8 IT, and my computing skills consists of googling ‘’, all information in this article has come straight from the legendary Mr Coulter, as well as Ignatius’ technological expert Alessandro Borrello. (not really) 2. We are EXTREMELY fortunate to be given electronic devices by the school – and lets face it if we didn’t have the Lenovos we’d still be running around the campus under Mr Holland’s orders in search of a free, unbooked computer room. 3.We have an incredibly efficient IT support hub, for which I am very grateful. I have an undying respect for the friendly nature of the staff considering the waves of Lenovo horrors they must face. I DEARLY HOPE THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT CAST YOU IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT, ‘CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE CHAMPIONS. I’m not sure about you, but unfortunately my Lenovo and I have never had a very joyous relationship. My device seems to take pleasure in not reading my USB, hiding files, and ALWAYS preventing Citrix to work. Then one rainy day in Religion I flipped open my Lenovo to get started on an exhilarating assignment and found a minuscule crack in my screen. I was unable to recall a time in which I had dropped it, yet I told myself, “it’s no big deal, Ive seen worse”. This was until I opened my Lenovo again in the next period to note that the screen was well and truly, or should I say, thoroughly cracked. I was on the brink of going crazy as my mouse proceeded to spaz around my screen – that was until someone told me to ‘turn off the touch screen’ and ‘shut up’. Sadly, my Lenovo woes continued when I realised one evening that my whole keyboard could pop out. This led to a traumatic experience in English Studies– I was up at Mr Haskell’s desk holding my device and whinging about how much it must hate me, when suddenly, my whole keyboard flung out into the air and onto the floor. The whole class lost it (Mr H loves a good lol). At this desperate point, I came to the conclusion that it was time to finally make the stressful and slightly shameful adventure to the IT support hub. It turns out it wasn’t at all stressful, rather, quite rewarding – they gave me a fully functional Lenovo and everything!! A few weeks later, I received an email informing me that it would cost $611 to replace the cracked screen. ($611 !!) Let’s just say, Peter Fong was not impressed. So may this be a lesson to the extremely small percentage of Yr 10-12 students who haven’t already cracked their Lenovo screens – don’t do it, it’s not worth it! With that amount of money, you could fly to Singapore, buy an iphone 4s or a dog or something! Mr Coulter explained that the screens are expensive because the touch screen technology

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behind the glass is specially designed for this laptop. Also, the DER (Digital Education Revolution) only provides a contribution towards the laptops, not official funding, meaning it’s up to our ‘rents to cash out for any damages. The fragility of the screens have been the only real concern in the IT hub, so Mr C himself has given us some pretty neat tips to avoid that $611 bill: 1. Your Lenovo should be treated like a fragile device (my first mistake) 2. The screen should be closed (glass down) when returning it to the bag 3. Check your keyboard to ensure you haven’t left anything sharp resting on the keyboard (Eg. Pencils) 4. If you’re not in year 10, you should consider buying a bag with some protection (which were not available at the time of release) To be honest, when I received my Lenovo device I did in fact love it – I thought the pen and the rotational screen was pretty awesome. The only insignificant problem I had with it was that it appeared as if it came out of a 90’s sitcom, (sorry Mr Coulter, was that mean?) Presently, the only reasons I have to dislike my device are most probably only drawn back to me and my incompetence with computers. But what about you? Did you love your Lenovo when you received it in year 10/11? Do you still love it? And would you still appreciate that swingy screen once you leave Ignatius? I hit the streets, (rather my facebook inbox/school email) and this is what the people had to say…

Anonymous Quotes about Lenovos for your enjoyment: Students: “i loved the little lenovo from the very start, haha… Yep, im taking this little baby with me after i graduate, you just collect so much data over the years and grow used to its features that it becomes difficult to use anything else...except for that red button in the middle of the keyboard. that things gotta go, haha” “Nah now all my loves with my macbook pro” “I might use my Lenovo after I graduate - for draw something online hahah” “I love Mr Coulter. Hope he doesn’t hate me because I wrote an article about how I don’t really like my Lenovo” Staff: “I don’t love inanimate objects” “ No I do not love my Lenovo. If I could throw it through a window I would – just had hard drive replaced on it! I have lost significant minutes/hours of my life waiting for it to load/reload/poo itself!” “In 2 years’ time it will be in laptop heaven I hope! (so that’s a big NO)”

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Oracle Olivia

Welcome to a slightly abridged version of Oracle Olivia, my loves! After a very stressful, very busy “holiday” I am back to offer insight into all your dramas with clarity and all the ingenuity I have. Remember, kittens, everything is written in the stars. Until next time, Oracle xxxx

A very very Happy Birthday to my favourite lions this month. I hope for the sake of you all that your bark remains bigger than your bite… LEO (July 23—August 22): This month is an extremely important one for Leos with low self-confidence. The sun will continue to move through your solar first house, and this means you will find that the impression you make on others is more significant than ever before. Use August as a month of self-discovery and self-expression. Put more faith in your abilities and use your strengths for the betterment of others if it all possible. Rector’s assemblies would have you extremely aware that the College is a hub of social activity and crazy talent (Have any of you ever met Esther Fong??) Try your best in all you do and don’t be afraid of the consequences. Take initiative: your fate is in your hands. Failed your exams? So what. Auditioning for a role against James Kelly? Bad example. Experiencing heartache? Take a leaf out of Beyonce’s book and put everything he owns in a box to the left… and if that doesn’t work, be big, bold and beautiful! At heart, every single one of us is an independent-non-cultural-specific woman who don’t need no man (Uh-huh). Leave your mark on the world—just make sure you don’t trample on anyone in the process. Warmest wishes, Oracle

Hi Oracle! I recently attended Battle of the Bands in order to get a sneak peak of my favourite Triple J Unearthed star. I wasn’t particularly impressed by the “Jpeg files”. Is he taking his music in a new direction? An experimental phase? Lots of love, Fangirl I’ve got nothing… Oracle.

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Dear Oracle Olivia, I’ve been interested in presenting a speech at the next Rector’s Assembly entitled “Too much about the War, pt. 2”. Do you think there’s any room? Yours, History Buff Hello there Mr Buff! I’m not sure that we ever established there was enough room for Too much about The War, pt. 1…. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an avid history student myself, but I seem to have lost interest somewhere between “there was a dead guy” and your suede brown jacket. Exhausted, Oracle.

Hi Olivia, I noticed after watching a spectacular production of Amadeus, I noticed that you’re particularly close with a certain blonde celebrity… Is there any chance you can give her my number? Regards, Here’s Hoping My dearest dearest boy. I hate to break it to you but the queue for Constanze is longer than the queue for the Year 12 kitchen.. On top of which, your big eyed beauty is already very much taken by our favourite country princess, Taylor Swift… Wait, what? O.O

Blast From The Past Compiled by Olivia Mason

We’re almost at the end of Term 3 and with winter essentially over, everyone could use a tune or two to get into the spring mood right? How do we do this I hear you ask? By looking to happy childhood memories of course, and what better way to do that than by taking a trip to the long lost tunes of memory lane. The days where we watched Lizzie McGuire, Kim Possible, The Worst Witch, Martin Morning, Arthur, Finneas and Ferb, ANGELA ANACONDA… Oh I could go on for ages. What about the ‘So Fresh’ CD’s we played on our Walkmans? Remember the good old music of our childhoods? The Mary J. Blige, OutKast, Usher, and Craig David... An R&B and noughties pop fix to help you reminisce to the carefree kid life of the 2000’s has arrived. Despite the mostly vain and vacuous lyrics objectifying women and glorifying materialism, the pop of our childhood was pretty damn good. What happened to the mellow beats, the ridiculous names like ‘50 Cent’ and ‘Snoop Dogg’, and Christina Aquilera’s braids? Here’s my ‘Blast From The Past’ playlist to bring the good

times back.

Suga Suga – Babybash, Frankie J Family Affair – Mary J. Blige Don’t Phunk With My Heart – The Black Eyed Peas 7 Days – Craig David Walking Away – Craig David Jenny From The Block – Jennifer Lopez My Love – Justin Timberlake What’s Luv? – Fat Joe Beggin – Madcon Waiting for Tonight – Jennifer Lopez Hey Ya! – OutKast Push It – Salt-N-Pepa

Obsession – Frankie J, Babybash Hey Sexy Lady – Shaggy Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom – Vengaboys U Remind Me – Usher 03’ Bonnie & Clyde – Jay-Z, Beyonce Ignition – R. Kelly Independent Women – Destiny’s Child What’s Your Flava – Craig David I Know What You Want – Busta Rhymes ft Mariah Carey Beautiful – Snoop Dogg ft Pharell, Uncle Charlie Wilson Let Me Love You – Mario

Let Me Blow Ya Mind – Eve, Gwen Stefani

Blast From the Past | 15

4 Reasons to Enrol to Vote Today! Editor’s Note: While this article was 100% relevant at Mark’s time of writing, ‘technical difficulties’ have brought us here, several weeks later, and the nation votes tomorrow. However, we feel that it’s still important to both take an interest in politics and appreciate Mark Pace, so here it is anyway!


nless you’ve been living under a rock –or your textbooks- for the past few months, you would be familiar with the upcoming federal election. The influence of gender, education, the legal status of livestock and asylum seeker policy are but a few of many issues which will determine the next Australian Government. Despite the several dozen comments one might leave on Clive Palmers Facebook page with recommendations on the Titanic reincarnate, the best for our voices to be heard is through old fashioned voting. But with 43% of 18-19 year olds not enrolled to vote for the upcoming election, the voice of youth is unheard when we could play such a large role in this election. For the first time, Australian citizens (17 years and older) this election will be able to enrol to vote entirely online! So without the complication of mailing through forms there’s never been an easier time to register to vote. If you’re still unconvinced, sit back and read 4 reasons to enrol to vote today! 1. The Perpetually Growing Cost of a ‘Failure to Vote’ Notice. While it’s unlikely to be fined the first time round, voting in Australia is compulsory and by failing to vote could result in a nasty fine, not large enough to mortgage the house, but likely to hit you hard as you send a cheque –the equivalent of several plates of dumplings in China town- to the government within 42 days of notice. So why not enrol today and avoid the pain of fees? I mean if you don’t enrol now, what evidence there that you’ll enrol next for the next election? And receive another (now inflated) failure to vote fee. Enrolling to vote is similar to a Religion assignment; you can get it done now and not worry about it later, or you can delay it until nek minnit it’s Christmas and you’ve failed year 12. 2. Asylum Seekers Without doubt, the most controversial, and important issue of the upcoming election is asylum seeker policy. Both the Liberal and Labor Parties have revealed to the public their policies -ultimately dominating 16 | Issue 8

this federal election with ‘which political party can stop the most boats’. Asylum seekers are an issue the Australian Government must address, and by enrolling to vote (and then voting), you’re voicing your opinion as to how Australia should tackle this paramount issue. 3. Policy vs Politics Let’s make this election about policy, not politics. By enrolling to vote, and voting for a party or candidate based on the issues important to you, you’re promoting a policy election opposed to the media driven political elections Australia is used to. Influences such as the gender of the prime minister, their class, even the occupation of their partner should have no influence in real politics. So enrol to vote and vote policy, not politics. Mark’s Extra Juicy Bonus Tip: is the ultimate guide for youth –like us- still developing the political views. Prepoll compares the policies of several political parties so that you can find a party which reflects your personal views. Try it out now! 4. We’re Automatically Given the Privilege to Vote unlike the Majority of the World. In the mysterious and magical world of Harry Potter, one would agree that the Ministry of Magic is the magical world’s governing figure. But how is this governing body of the magical world decided? Perhaps a bureaucratic sorting hat that makes Ministry decisions exist, either way members of the magical world are denied the basic human right of a vote. The cheerful example of Harry Potter does no justice, as people/ muggles around the world are denied a vote. We hear on the news the war and terror across the globe as people sacrifice their lives for the right to vote, while here in Australia we sip our VB’s with friends and complain about the 50 dollars we have to pay for forgetting to vote. Exercise the privilege we have as Australians and enrol to vote today. This is the first election in Australian history where citizens can enrol to vote entirely online. It takes no more than 5 minutes and requires a driver’s licence –or passport for the driving challenged-. Enrol today at The Cannonball Team Mark Pace 4 Reasons to Enrol to Vote Today | 17

Vox Pop

QUESTIONS Collated by Jean-Marie Nguyen 1. What childhood necessity did you have? 2. Do you believe in Karma? 3. Who would win in a fight: Tom Gransbury or Gemma Clancy? (College Captains) Declan McCarron, Year 11 1. My childhood in general pretty much revolved around my Nintendo 64 and my copy of Mario Kart. I spent countless hours sitting too close to the T.V screen playing that thing. 2. Karma is something I believe we all slowly accumulate over time. If we do a good deed for someone, we will be rewarded and live a happier life. Likewise for bad deeds. If we commit a bad deed, we have a negative attitude in the future and hence are unhappy. 3. In both cases of a fist and verbal fight, Gemma would win. Tom would be too busy talking to Mr Stevens about Physics he wouldn’t show up.

Peter Cates, Year 12 1. Much like every other boy of my age, I used to collect footy cards, fill in the book of all the teams and do the classic trades at school, but that’s about as far as I can go with childhood necessities. 2. I don’t think that because of the decisions I’ve made that I will be reborn as a turkey in the next life, but I think that life sometimes has a funny way of giving you a taste of what you give others. 3. I mean, quite clearly Gemma would win the fight. All she’d have to do is start dancing and Tom would be so embarrassed by her lack in flow and finesse that he’d turn away and shut his eyes; prime time for Captain Clancy to pounce!

Alec Davis, Year 10 1. All the usual things for a child of the early 2000s, such as Pokémon, Digimon, and Yu-Gi-Oh! 2. I personally don’t believe in karma but I do believe that it’s important to treat people with compassion and kindness, because everything you do leaves an impression. 3. Gemma Clancy, I have a felling she could whip out some crazy moves if she wanted.

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Courtney Rossi, Year 10 1. As a child, my necessity was Beanie Kids. Every News Agency I walked past I’d peep my head in to see if there were any new additions to the range. Still to this day, I have all of my beanie kids, ranging range from the tiny little ones to the ‘Great Big Kids’ 2. I do believe that Karma exists - I don’t believe it’s a spiritual thing but it’s a part of life; bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people as well. 3. My personal opinion would be Tom Gransbury. Under all the brains that he may have, he looks like he could be a pretty fierce character.

Emma Norton,Year 11 1. Definitely my collection of Barbie dolls – and all the bits and pieces that I accumulated along the way! From Barbie’s horse and carriage to even her own motor home, and who could forget Ken! 2. I’m not a believer in revenge; it’s not worth wasting precious time on. Patience is the key, because eventually, what goes around comes around – karma will always find a way of catching up with people! 3. This is a difficult one! But if it was a battle on the dance floor, Gemma has some serious competition! I’ve had the privilege to witness Tom Gransbury on the d-floor, and he does have some pretty outrageous moves!

Katie Schneider, Year 12 1. It’s so hard to choose! I had so many obsessions when I was little like my blanket, Furbies, Bey Blades, and my Nikki Webster CD. I’d have to say tamagotchis though, I literally brought them everywhere. Even when the school banned them, I snuck them into class in my tray just so they didn’t die- I was a pretty rebellious kid. 2. Yes, I think what goes around comes around. I mean just look at Mean Girls, Regina George was a life-ruiner and what happened? She got hit by a bus. 3. Well I’ve seen Gemma running laps around the oval so I reckon she might have the edge in a physical fight. But if it was based on brains then I’d have to say Tom just because he’s a genius.

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‘Is This How You Feel?’ An interview with The Preatures It’s been a successful year for the young Sydney band ‘The Preatures’, their new single ‘Is This How You Feel?’ receiving praise both locally and internationally from the likes of Triple J and Pitchfork music. Jesse Davidson gets up close and personal with lead guitarist Jack Moffitt. What are the biggest obstacles for bands? I think it’s developing a vision, and then getting everyone to share it. Groups of people can take a long time to find a rhythm, an exchange; it can be really tough if you’re the songwriter or visionary to let your ideas go into that space – I always see a band like a trust exercise, and the more space and trust you give the band, and space to absorb the ideas, the more realised your vision can become. You can’t be three, four, five people at once. Oh, and stay together. And make commitments and rehearse every day, then go out for fun. What advice would you give to fellow bands? It’s hard to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing sometimes – just put all your energy into it, whatever it is. And don’t hold yourself to a false pretense. By that I mean, if it isn’t you then don’t do it. But take risks, and learn to trust your instincts about people who claim that they can ‘do something for you’. Where you in a band in high school? I was. I started three bands in high school, two of them at the same time. By year 10 I already knew I wanted to be in a band and tour and write music, so I focused a lot of my attention on learning everything I could get my head around. Have you ever completely forgotten to go to a gig? Only once and only because I put it in my diary for the following weekend, but it’s not the worst thing that can happen. It turned out that the hotel we were supposed to play closed a week later… maybe we had something to do with that.

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Have you had any terrible gig experiences? Yeah, I put on a show in the school gym once, for a house meeting during a homeroom/tutor-group type thing, you know? It was terrifying, I was supposed to sing and I chickened out completely – so these kids are all jeering and whooping, and they started screaming “Solo! Solo!” So I went to solo and I broke a string… it was just embarrassing. I think I was about 14. Which ‘Seinfeld’ character best encapsulates the sound of your band? Newman. If you could have any band (alive or dead) perform at your funeral, who would you pick? John Lennon. With a backing band that included Klaus Voorman (bass: Manfred Mann), J.J Cale (guitar), Joey Waronker (drums: Beck, Atoms for Peace) and Hal Blaine (drums: Nancy Sinatra, Elvis Presley), and Ed O’Brien (Radiohead). And I don’t want them to play any songs. If you had a sock stuffed in your mouth, do you think you could get it out without using your hands or feet? Yep. No doubt.

Is This How You Feel? An Interview with The Preatures | 21

Left My Scooter outside of the delicatessen Stefano Di Nino isn’t just a man, he’s an enigma. Of course, in one sense, the first essential for a man’s being a good citizen is his possession of the home virtues of which we think when we call a man by the emphatic adjective of ‘manly’. No man can be a good citizen who is not honest in his dealings with other men and women, faithful to his friends and fearless in the presence of his foes; who does not possess a sound heart, a sound mind, and a sound body. Stefano Di Nino presents all of these admirable traits, and more. But who is the real Stefano Di Nino? What makes him tick? Our correspondent Jesse Davidson catches up with him for a saucy and exclusive interview. What are the biggest obstacles for bands? The biggest obstacles for bands is finding the right motivation and energy to perform and releasing all that stress and emotion to bring confidence when performing in front of a wider audience. It’s like how the old saying goes “If you can’t beat them, join them”. What advice would you give to fellow bands? To all fellow bands, if you suck, don’t perform if you can’t dodge tomatoes. Which ‘Seinfield’ character best encapsulates who you are? I don’t watch Seinfield, but I hear its funny, like Family Guy, except Seinfield is real life. But my favourite character in Seinfield is ‘Seinfield’ himself of course, hes the main character, like Peter Griffin. If you could have any musician (alive or dead) perform at your funeral, who would you pick? Allen from ‘Hangover’; his voice is like a mixture of Fergie and Jesus. Yes, I did use a quote from ‘Step Brothers’. But nah, Allen’s got real talent. If he sung at my funeral, I reckon he’d make me come back to life, that’s how beautiful his voice is. If you haven’t checked him out, do it.

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Have you had any terrible experiences? I was at McDonald’s several weeks ago and ordered a cheeseburger without the pickles or onions. So as I went to pay and retrieved my food, I ultimately thought how great it was going to go to down.. Boy was I wrong, I found perhaps the biggest pickle in that cheeseburger. I had two options, I could eat that dreadful pickle, which I certainly was not prepared to do, quite frankly, or go back and order another cheeseburger. I panicked, it was all too much, so I ate the pickle and as expected it was the most terrible experience of my life. If I could go back in time, I’d definitely go back and show them a piece of mind. That’s ‘McDonalds’ for you though, ay. What’s your opinion on the situation in Afghanistan? The situation in Afghanistan is more than horrific, I mean there are people dying in Africa right now. Afganistan’s actions are indescribable, and punishments must be executed quickly before more and more children are getting hurt. May the Lord have mercy on their souls, I actually have a friend living there; the more I hear about Afghanistan, the more tears start to form from my eyes. If you were food, what type of food would you be? Artichoke. It’s spikey and hard to get into. Once you are able to get to the center, it’s really soft and delicate. That’s me. If you had a sock stuffed in your mouth, do you think you could get it out without using your hands or feet? Due to my physical ratio, this is nowhere near possible for someone of such calibre such as myself. But if I tried really hard and had like heaps of protein, it may be possible. If you were stranded on a desert island what three things would you want with you? I’d tell you the one thing I wouldn’t bring... My little brother, because he’s annoying. But there are many options: a boy, a girl, food, ropes, a gun with ammo, clothes, a first aid kit. I’ve considered it many times. You could even take just two things, like a plane and a pilot, and ‘bam!’ you’re on your way home. But I think bringing a good mood is all that counts.

Left My Scooter Outside of the Delicatessen | 23



By James Watson

he council of the Namori was held in the biggest and grandest hall of Namor and for three days they discussed what to do. The more passive among them claimed that making peace and forging an alliance with Zoros was the only way to stop him taking Aegor, while some wanted to leave Aegor to die. After much arguing they decided that Mire; Namori of war would lead an army of Fauns alongside Peodin while Poer would travel to Namar with host of sky-griffins from Namor while Uder would gather an army of Mer-people from the uncharted lands’ oceans. As well as forging a battle plan the Namori debated what to do about Kalo’s betrayal. Kalo had shown Zoros how to get to the world via the pool and thus knowingly unleashed the white terror upon the earth. They could not come to a decision about her fate so they left it to her sister Kala to decide. All at the council expected her to send Kalo to death but Kala decided to show her sister mercy. Kalo had her memory, beauty and power wiped, her name and titles taken and was sent to Namar to live as a mortal woman. Kala was then given the title of the Namori of beauty and lust. While the Namori council was arguing, things in Aegor got worse. Zoros and his pyromancers had razed the Agorian forests to cinders. The smoke from the fires carried across all of Aegor and made the sky as dark as the night. Peodin lost many men defending Aegor in several small skirmishes in the river lands on the border of Sedd and Aegor. Eventually the Namori arrived. Peodin withdrew his forces and joined the Namori in the south. When he got there he saw the mer-people, sky-griffins, fauns and Namori. Peodin took his new allies and his armies to the mouth of the Boarder River and waited on the coast for two days. On the third day Zoros and his hordes met Peodin at the river mouth. This was to be the decisive battle. All the banners were flying in their many different colours; there was the dwarf banner; three snow-capped mountains on an orange and white field, Podin’s banner; a golden eagle on a red background, the corrupted Island-King had a banner of a shark leaping out of the water on a pale white field. There were indeed many different banners that day. Battle cries were shouted as the armies collided. In that battle Man and dwarf, centaur and griffin, faun and mer-man fell, and died, alike. There was death and destruction and agony such as Namar had never witnessed. In that

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single afternoon the river ran red with blood and was renamed the red river. Many widows were made that day. At the end of the battle Zoros was captured by the Namori and taken back to the nether-realm. Once the dragon had been captured and taken out of Namar his spell lost strength and no longer effected the once corrupt. But the pyromancers still had the power they had been given, they fled Aegor and returned to Bar’rd. The dwarves, realising that they had been tricked and seduced returned to their homeland and forced the pyromancers out with the help of Peodin and destroyed Bar’rd. After the white tower fell the mountains grew brighter and the shadow that was once there left. The pyromancers then left and lived as a nomadic group led by the Rullar, the high pyromancer. They made it their mission to free Zoros and revive his ways of fire and blood. The Namori imprisoned Zoros deep below Namar and had Byldann make a horn with which to free him should the need arise. The horn was no bigger than a man’s fore-arm and was made to mimic the same dragon-like shape Zoros had taken in Namar. It was fashioned out of snow-white ivory with rubies for the eyes. Once the horn was blown it would unchain Zoros and release him from the dungeon into which he had been cast. The horn was passed to Hera, the Namori of forests and plants. They instructed her to take it to the uncharted lands via the pool and keep it safe and out of harm’s way. So she went to Namar and to the uncharted lands beyond the violet mountains where she created a vast jungle many leagues wide and placed the horn in the centre. The jungle was unlike any normal forest; it was carnivorous. Any mortal being that ventured in would be snatched and consumed by the trees. In that jungle the horn was kept safe. Meanwhile, upon his return from the war Peodin replanted and regrew the forest Zoros had razed naming it Cinderwood in remembrance of the flames that once threatened his land. Also, to commemorate his victory, Peodin built a grand city out of grey stone to be called Aegon which in his native tongue meant Aegor’s capital. At the centre of the city stood a castle; the Grey Keep. Soon, after work on the city had been completed, Kala gave birth to Peodin’s son; Barristan. Barristan was the first Semi-god to be born. His link to the Namori gave house Brieden the divine right to rule Aegor. For many years Peodin ruled as a just king and his subjects loved him. After his death, Kala travelled back to Namor and Barristan ruled as well as his father before him. And for a long time Aegor was safe and happy.

How The Horn Came to Be: Part 2 | 25

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A Day in the Life... | 27

Life’s Lessons Learnt from

Monopoly by Tom Gransbury

One day about a month ago, having arrived home from school and dropped a very heavy school bag on my bedroom floor, a worn box held together by masking tape caught my eye from in the cupboard in the corner. Walking over, I noticed my first ever Monopoly set sitting in the cupboard. I pulled it out, took off the cover (admittedly dustier since beginning year 12), unfolded the board, and with some reminiscence for my early Monopoly days, I started to have a look through.

at Ignatius really is like a lap around the old board? Well

my experience, geography assignments became greenopoly, history - WWIIopoly and religion something along the lines of Spiritual-Exercises-and-Ignatius’-life-opoly. So along with the other games of snap, skip-bo, Cluedo, Old Maid, Jenga and Uno which defined my childhood, I started to wonder what was so great about the classic game of monopoly that it almost defined the word ‘board game’ itself.

– might want to do that before you finish year 12! Holidays come as a relief as you turn to the next edge of the board ready to face Term 2.

maybe most of you just see Old Kent Road as Old Kent Road and Mayfair as Mayfair and are wondering how on earth a Monopoly board could possibly hold the meaning to life? Consider this: Having




Term 1 of school gets the dice rolling, moving quickly and depending if you’re in Kostka or not, you might pick up a property in Athletics CarNow we’ve all received an nival or Swimming Carnival assignment at some point in along the way. Before you know our lives which has asked us it, the term flies by and you havto make a board game. From en’t even thought to sing in Mass

The start of Term 2 brings the Formal for the seniors (and all the stressful organisation and great fun involved with it!), a possible midyear exam for the juniors, and the chance for the first decent Monopoly properties begins. Then comes that point we all know midway Now here’s a question, to which I’m through Term 2 (around week 8) sure the answer will be no: Have when your car ends up facing a line you ever realised that a year of expensive properties and hopes 28 | Issue 8

are looking pretty down. But free parking is in sight, and you’re sure to push through and as per usual, have some good fun along the way. Of course it will bring its ups and downs. Some days you’ll be running late, due to some interesting ‘attempts’ at parking, there doesn’t seem to be a “Free Parking space” in existence, and Mr Coffey will kindly tell you “Go directly to

the front office, do not pass the courtyard, do not go to class, until you’ve signed in late”. Other days when ‘Income

Either way, you’ve got a line of hotels facing you on the final and most expensive side of the board. Life’s looking pretty tough ahead… You end up hoping for a lucky chance card, but with a bit of chance, lots of community (chest) and potentially a great friendly chat with Mr. Borgo in his office, the exams will fly by and the end of the year comes around before you know it. So next time homework’s getting you down – you’re lacking inspiration for your ‘make a board game’ assignment, struggling with a Chem test or just generally hoping to jump the board with an ‘advance to go and collect $200’ – rather than wishing your year away before your eyes, maybe listen to the wis-

tax’ (pay $200 or 10%) is more like assignment 1 day late: lose 10% or get ‘zero’, you really count on your best mates to award you “2nd prize in a beauty context” (collect $10) just to bounce back and get your dom of the Monopoly board spirits up a bit again! and think twice about what you wish for. Sure enough, beTerm 3 can be a great term, but fore you know it, year 12 exams a busy one: the reds and yellows won’t be far away. It’s then you’ll of the Monopoly board are a sure realise that Ignatius-opoly is one sign of the range of enjoyment and game of Monopoly that you only stress that Term 3 brings. For some get to play once and if you don’t it brings exams and expensive ho- make the most of it, you’ll be left tels, for others it’s more of a cruise wishing you hadn’t rolled so on through – like Monopoly, it many doubles.

all depends on your playing style of course.

Term 4 - everyone knows what that means: Exams. Think of Mayfair and Park Lane as your final exams: some people own them (literally) and others pay in hours at the desk. Monopoly Life Lessons | 29


Cannonfork Album Reviews by Tom Haskell

Kanye West Rating: 9.1 Croissants/10

Best Song: Blood On The Leaves Worst Song: Send It Up

The internet is an interesting tool these days. Kanye West’s latest album Yeezus was leaked via the web a good week before it was due to be released. Interestingly enough, this was overshadowed by news of his daughter’s birth and the naming of North West, which can only be logically concluded as the product of a sheer moment of panic. It’s this same panic which runs through the abrasive and raw collage of sound in Yeezus. Yeezus is Kanye’s most abrasive listen to date; there is a noticeable influence from experimental hip-hop groups such as Death Grips, as well as various influences from the industrial scene such as Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. The production on this album is very raw which shows a certain level of charm in how panicked and chaotic it feels at times in tracks such as “On Sight” and is as heavy as it is rich on tracks such as “Blood On The Leaves”. “Bound 2” is the only track on this album which the casual Kanye West listener will feel some familiarity with, but other tracks such as “New Slaves” incorporate the more alternative samples which have come to define his My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy style. While the production is powerful and rich, the lyrics are very poor. While we have been used to a very high standard of wordplay in previous works by Kanye, Yeezus feels rushed, coming in second best to those such as Kendrick Lamar who continue to push the boundaries of mainstream hip-hop to its limits. I would back this up with reference to his lyrics, but I feel as if that wouldn’t be suitable for a student magazine (however, listen to “I Am A God” and that should tell you all you need to know. Also Croissants – really Kanye?). While being quite a short album, reaching just above 40 minutes, Yeezus is an album which is as accessible as it is challenging. While not reaching the same monumental heights as My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Yeezus maintains a certain charm and niche which proves that Kanye is still one of the best producers in the business, even if he may not be the most poetic.

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20/20 Experience (Part One) Justin Timberlake Rating: 8.1 Suit & Ties/10

Best Song: Pusher Love Girl Worst Song: That Girl

Justin Timberlake has been a very busy between albums. Since he released Future Sex Love Sounds in 2006 he has appeared in an Academy Award winning film, increased his business influence by investing in MySpace (not too sure how successful that one will be), and hosting the 2012 Walmart Annual Shareholders Meeting. So for us to wait 7 years in between releases, we should come to expect nothing better than the sometimes sweet, sometimes heavy pop which we have become accustomed to with earlier songs such as Senorita, SexyBack, and What Goes Around...Comes Around. In the 20/20 Experience it appears that JT has found himself a formula he likes and has stuck with it. The average song on this album goes for around 7 minutes and at times this can produce real winners such as Pusher Love Girl and Strawberry Bubblegum, but other times it can become really tedious and feel a tad contrived. For the most part the album is pretty solid and quite consistent, but what is missing are those really huge moments that we’ve seen from him before in songs such as Cry Me A River and What Goes Around...Comes Around. It just feels a little restrained at times. Though this is a somewhat small criticism as the direction which he has taken on the 20/20 Experience is much different to what he has pursued before. Some have gone so far as to call it Post-Pop which is one really good way of making pop music sound pretentious, but the overwhelming pop structure and sound is noticeable on tracks such as Mirrors where the RnB style of JT is seemingly absent. Like most of JT’s albums, a lot of songs are either hit/miss. Suit & Tie was met with asomewhat mixed response from the public and Mirrors has failed to make a noticeable mark on the mainstream charts. Having said this, the merit of the album does not come in its accessibility or ability to top the charts; The 20/20 Experience is more of an experiment in redefining the RnB/Pop sound of JT, and this experiment has yielded some pretty decent results.

Cannonfork | 31


Tyler, The Creator Rating: 7 unnecessary expletives/10

Best Song: Colossus Worst song: Trashwang

As far as EdgyTeenager-Core music is concerned, OFWGKTA and Tyler, The Creator reign supreme. In this cultural

subgenre, nothing is sacred for subject matter, and expletives are used with little regard for effect of repetition. In Tyler’s new album Wolf, the intensity is toned down a bit to deliver a more nostalgic and perhaps more marketable tone. The album as a whole tells a narrative of sorts which is a little difficult to follow, though the hardcore listener will enjoy how it acts as a precursor to the confessional nature of Goblin. Tyler is a lot more sentimental on this album than he has been before, exploring ideas of young love and the anguish felt because of it. This can be seen in tracks like IFHY and Awkward where Tyler speaks that “ten minutes can’t go past without you brushing my thought, that’s fourteen forty a day so I’ll say a hundred and forty four times”. Though Tyler hasn’t gone completely soft on us, tracks such as Answer and Colossus show his frustrations at both his runaway father as well as the toll that his new found celebrity status is taking on

him (oh poor Tyler).

The music itself, for the most part, sounds quite nice. The opening track Wolf uses a nice piano driven chord progression which is paired with a rather articulate description of his feelings of hatred (no, not really). As well as this, tracks such as Partyisntover and Answer standout as the most polished pieces of production. Though the album does drag on a bit and it does begin to sound the same about half way through. This paired with a very fragmented and clichéd narrative tends to hinder the overall quality. Still, it’s not bad considering

the man pretty much started an empire.

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Concerns that Tom Gransburry May in Fact be “Only Human”

The student who captivated our hearts at Speech day last November with that timeless smile and firm hand shake, who’s rumoured to have broken every Ignatian record, in every field of sport, academics and college life, may be losing his superpowers. That’s according to Senior Leader insiders who say their charismatic captain has not been himself in recent weeks and may just be a normal student with a hard working ability. Insiders report that last Friday, when Tom tried to fly out of the McAreavey room -as he usually does after his several meetings a day- he simply fell onto the ground, one witness reports “he was exceptionally lucky that his buoyant, packed to the brim, school bag managed to break the fall, otherwise the infirmary might have had to be called to the scene.” Last week, our Captain allegedly went to move a poorly parked Year 12 car consuming three spots, using just his arms, but couldn’t push it, forcing him to pretend he was scanning for Year 11 drivers. Self-professed medical expert (Olivia Mason) suggests Tom’s state is deteriorating: “All term he’s been walking around the Bellarmine building, extending his hands at banisters with the expectation of spider web, as it usually does. It’s quite sad really.” This news, if at all true, poses a major concern to the students of Saint Ignatius’ College who had hoped Tom would help organise Yiros Day, Casual Clothes Days, Winter Sleepouts, House Soccer, House Netball, House Performances, Ignatius News, Prayer at Rector’s Assembly, and Sing at Cabaret, while achieving a 99.95 Atar and participating in every curricular the school offers. “Without superpowers” one senior staff member said, “that’s just not possible”.

The Cannonball Team Mark Pace Tom Gransbury, Human? | 33

Cannonball #8  

Cannonball no. 8 m8