Cannonball Issue 11 by Cannonball

SHOULD be looking forward to in

Welcome Cannonballers, to ISSUE 11 of the (in)famous student magazine! As term three is heating up – as is the weather (much to my dismay might I add) – we are resolutely pumping out a new issue for YOU the reader! There is much to be summed up since last issue; the Commonwealth Games, Robin Williamson’s death and the myriad of somewhat amusing ALS ice

bucket

this issue is another rendition of why something is wrong by The

Guy Who Hates Everything, a royal rundown of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip’s marriage by none other than Dion

Pietrosanti, a somewhat accurate interpretation by Mystical Mackenzie of dreams sent in by some ah … “students” … and of course another stunning article by Will Duncan (if you are continuing your search, look to page 11).

challenge

videos. Unfortunately none of those things will be covered in this issue, but life goes on. What you

We would like to thank all of those who made Cannonball possible, including Mr Coffee and Mr Passaniti for their continued support; the lovely ladies in the book room for letting us print; Mr Haskell for taking us under his wing; all of those who wrote pieces for this issue; and Harrison Vial for his extensive artwork – including the front and back covers – they are greatly appreciated! ~THE CANNONBALL TEAM

IN THIS ISSUE: EDITORIAL [p2] WOMEN: SORT YOURSELVES OUT – THE GUY WHO HATES EVERYTHING [p4] GIRL POWER – EMILY PEACOCK [p6] THE CASTLE – MAX WURM [p8] ALIENS IN OUR REALITY – CHRISTINA GAVRILIOUK [p9] HOW TO SELL A LLAMA TO SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT A LLAMA [p12] A LIFE OF TRUE LOVE – DION PIETROSANTI [p14] THE APPROVAL MATRIX [p16] WHO IS REALLY RUNNING OUR COUNTRY? – JOHN SWAN [p18] DECLAN’S SHOWER THOUGHTS – DECLAN MCCARRON [p21] MYSTICAL MACKENZIE – MYSTICAL MACKENZIE [p22] HIPSTER 102 – GEORGIA MCDONNELL [p23] VOX POP – JEAN-MARIE NGUYEN [p24] JAGN RECOMMENDS – JOHN MCDONALD [p28] 18 REASONS WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN – WILL DUNCAN [p30?] 3

Disclaimer: This article expresses the opinions

Women: Sort Yourselves Out

and views of the author and is in no way

The latest instalment of why something is wrong by The Guy Who Hates Everything

representative of the views of the College.

Alright, to begin with, the title and indeed the topic area of this month’s The Guy Who Hates Everything was not my original choice, nor was it my original intention to write on this particular issue, but I have received numerous requests over the past two terms to share my thoughts on feminism and women in general. This being the case – and I am sorry to disappoint – but sexism is something I am strongly abhorred by, so don’t read this if you are expecting to read such comments as ‘women are shallow / stupid / heartless etc.’, nor will there be any ‘get back in the kitchen’ jokes unless in a form of irony (also, if by this point you haven’t picked up on my prolific use of irony in my previous articles, you really shouldn’t be reading this ... try Will Duncan’s column, that’s normally more suitable for primitive minds). Now that is all out of the way, I would like to say just one thing: I hate feminism. Alright, let me justify this, from a purely etymological standpoint, I hate the word ‘feminism’. The term feminism refers to the movement or ideology that seeks to have equal rights and treatment for all men and women, effectively ending discrimination and abuse against women and therefore levelling out the way in which society treats and respects all people. This I have no problem with, but denoting the term ‘feminism’ to describe this movement and ideology is inherently stupid. Although I understand the need to ultimately empower women to overcome the mistreatment and in some cases extreme subjugation they face in various parts of the world, I think that denoting an emphasis on the ‘female’ aspect is a flawed way to describe a movement that is ultimately about equality, not – as the term implies – the suggested supremacy of women over men. Perhaps a better term would be ‘sexism’, except this has already been given a place in our society as a derogative, and so this is another issue I take with its etymology. If you’re going to start a movement driven by equality of the sexes, don’t call it ‘feminism’. Indeed, adding the suffix ‘ism’ to the name of any movement or ideology already denotes a derogatory idea of radicalism (see what I did there?); for example; Nazism; Fascism; McCarthyism; Communism; Rastafarianism; Fifty-Shades-Of-Greyism; etc. Perhaps, let us reflect on this example for a moment. I am a strong proponent for the equality of all people regardless of race or cultural background, and I am morally abhorred by derogatory terms or insults to people based on their appearance and culture, and the mistreatment of groups of people throughout history for the same reasons. Furthermore, I know I am not the only one who feels this way, yet why aren’t we all united in our mutual hatred for discrimination against races under an all-inclusive term, such as ‘racism’ for instance? Wait; hang on, what was that term? Yes, that is a good term! That is exactly the perfect term to describe this movement and ideology: ‘racism’. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to say, today – once and for all – that I am a racist, and racism will never be quelled or subjugated, because I believe in the equality of the races! I am a racist!1

Seriously, if you do not understand this humour, go read Will Duncan’s article. Like, right now ... on page [8]

Surely, the term ‘feminism’ has the same effect? If anything, it sounds like a condemnation or castigation of women; a synonym for misogyny. I mean seriously? Why are there so many women prepared to march under a term that sounds like a derogative for all women? My only answer to this is that – being women – they are too stupid to have figured this out.2 I know that now I am coming across as being extremely dismissive and downright rude about feminism, but don’t for a second believe I do not support equality. I do support equality; absolutely and whole heartedly. Yet I am dismayed that through decades of mismanagement, of poorly chosen role models, and through a popular notion that feminism refers to the subjugation of all men and the superiority of women, the true nature of feminism has been diluted and forgotten, because it is fundamentally a movement to defend the rights of others; the voices that society has forgotten. Yet unfortunately, the general consensus is that only women can be involved in changing this perception and treatment of women in society, and male feminists (yes, they do exist) are silenced by the female community, as they rather ironically believe they don’t need the support of the opposite sex to achieve gender equality. While women such as Germaine Greer, Aung San Suu Kyi, and Malala Yousafzai have undoubtedly done enormous good in support of their cause, why are men such as Michael Flood and Michael Kimmel not given equal recognition for their work in support of gender equality? Even more extreme is that of the literature of Victor Hugo, who was one of the first people to challenge the way in which women were treated by society, yet why is he not regarded as one of the greatest feminists of all time? Disturbingly, women have decided that feminism should be exclusive to women only, which will ultimately not change anything. If you want men to support feminism, then you need to give them the opportunity to support it, and recognise them when they do. But finally, feminism – particularly in western society – suffers from a pathetically narrow vision. While women are undoubtedly still disadvantaged in our society – receiving lower wages, less employment opportunities, and prolific sexual exploitation through the media – they are not the only ones disadvantaged; people are still discriminated based on race, religion, sexual orientation, and even height. In fact, people shorter than 160 cm are generally paid less than taller men and women in the same positions, and 90% of people in management positions are above average height3. So the moral is, while women may be beneath the glass ceiling, they should consider themselves lucky that they are at least tall enough to reach it in the first place (unless of course they are also short... and not white... and Islamic... that would be a real human rights catastrophe). Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is, I do not support feminism, not by any means. I support equality. I support the equality of all people, from every nation, and from all works of life. I do not believe that we have any grounds to discriminate based on gender, race, culture, religion, sexuality, height, or weight. I believe that all people are created equal, and that this equality must be acknowledged, not from purely one perspective or one viewpoint, but as a collective voice for all people. So basically, society: sort yourself out.

GO READ WILL DUNCAN! Thankyou to Stephen Fry and the QI researchers for this interesting anecdote. Although, if you do want to learn more about this, I recommend http://www.supportfortheshort.org/ 2 3

A speech by Emily Peacock that came first in this year’s Plain English Speaking competition Ladies and gentlemen, I am reminded by Coco Chanel that, ‘The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.’ A feminist is any man or woman who believes in the equality of the sexes and accepts that there is no perfect model of either of them. Hence, today I would like to stand up here and publically acknowledge that I am a feminist. I believe that it is important to acknowledge that feminism and gender equality takes very different forms dependant on what perspective you are viewing it from. Here in Australia I am thankful for the women’s suffrage movement which has given me the right to vote and participate in democracy as an equal citizen. I live in a society where I do not feel dominated by or beneath men, but this is not true for all women around the world, particularly for those living in less developed countries. Although feminism within Australia has achieved great things, people question its relevance in today’s society which is predominantly equal. So I have to ask myself: Is there still a need for feminism, or has the message of equality for women been lost? The social and cultural conditions of many less developed countries place women into situations of extreme sexism. Discriminatory religious influence over the state has created circumstances where females are denied many basic human rights. On May the 15th in Sudan, Christian woman Meriam Yahia Ibrahim Ishag, who was 8 months pregnant at the time, was sentenced to hang. And her crime? That she refused to renounce her faith and convert to Islam, the religion of her father, and that she committed adultery by having a child with her Christian husband. Conflict regarding the education of females within Middle Eastern countries led to the 2012 attack on teenage activist Malala Yousafzai who was shot in the head by the Taliban for being too outspoken about her beliefs. These are not events that happened 20, 30, 50 years ago- they are happening now. I take a moment to quote Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful…’ This is the reality for many young women living in less developed nations today. In the evolution of western feminism the word itself has become entangled with negative stereotypes. One such negative connotation is that feminism focuses on female superiority and an implied a hatred of men. Although this may be attitude of some so called ‘radical feminists’ it is certainly not something that I adopt nor do I believe we should focus on as we move into the future. We say that Australia in 2014 is more or less an equal society but let’s look at some statistics. In Australia, women earn average 17.5% less than their male counterparts. Women hold only 12% of management jobs in the private sector and make up less than one third of all parliamentarians. Sexism within politics is prevalent throughout the world; examples include the wolf whistling endured by Cecile Duflot, the French housing minister while delivering a speech in parliament, comments made regarding the weight of South African Opposition Leader Lindiwe Mazibuko and the heckler who demanded that Former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton ‘iron his shirt’. Reflecting upon our Former Prime Minister Gillard’s time in office, we realise that this form of sexism does not escape Australia. As, if Ms Gillard was male, would we have spent time criticising her clothes rather than her legislation? If Ms Gillard was male, would have radio presenter Howard Sattler even considered to question her partner’s sexuality? And if Ms Gillard was male, would the opposition leader have stood in front of discriminatory posters which called her a man’s bitch?

While professional inequality remains an issue, I believe that modern feminism must be a movement away from the sexual objectification of women. Not only is labelling women a sex object demeaning, it is also damaging for young girls. Simply look at the number of pop songs today which depict women being seduced by men. The song ‘Hard out Here’ by Lily Allen brutally represents what pop culture has become for women and mocks the double standards which exist between her and artists such as Jason Derrulo, whose final line of his newest release ‘Wiggle’ is ‘Damn baby you’ve got a bright future behind you’- in reference to a women’s derriere. If I’m being completely honest, I must admit the sad truth that I love dancing in my car to wiggle, but the issue I have is what these video clips are teaching our children and society. We live in a society where young girls are told that street harassment is a compliment by dumb boys who have nothing better to do. Personally, I struggle to find what is complimentary about a car horn or wolf whistling. The hypocrisy of this is that I would never even consider honking my horn at an attractive male. I also struggle to come to grips with why we teach our children to compete against those of the opposite sex, particularly as we strive towards equality. I work with young children at a gymnastics facility and each week one of my older male colleagues asks the children during their exercises “who is better? boys or girls?” Admittedly all the kids immediately try their best, but I have begun to question why I allow him to teach children that they have to be better than the opposite gender to achieve, or in our case receive free time on the gym equipment. Another important aspect of feminism for me is the idea of the perfect female as encouraged by other females. We strive to be the perfect employee and mother, to be fit, beautiful and happy all at once with magazine such as Women’s Weekly and Cleo presenting us time after time with women we idolise for being perfect. I believe that women not only compete with men, but with other women and this is potentially our biggest flaw. As an emerging adult body image is something that I have struggled with in recent years, constantly comparing myself to models and ‘fitness inspiration’ social media pages. And I am not alone with between 70 and 75% of Australian high school girls who admit that they would prefer a body thinner than their own. Up to 75% of girls; what does that say about our society? So what do I believe as a feminist in 2014? I believe that women universally deserve access to education. I believe that being a woman will not stop me from achieving my dreams. I believe that we need to erase the competition between men and women for good. And most importantly… I believe that there is no template for the ideal man or woman and that we are all perfect just as we are.

To continue your search for Will Duncan’s article, go to page [16]

You are a young man or woman (we’re all for gender equality at Cannonball) who has been captured by the evil wizard Cannonbaethenazgotug. In order to escape his castle, you must summon your inner wise guy and outsmart the wizard. You may only continue to the next paragraph when you have solved the riddle in the one preceding it. Trapped in the dungeon, you look up to see three doors - guarding each door is a man. One of the men always tells the truth, one of the men always tells lies, and one of the men is a guinea pig in disguise. Behind one of the doors is the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, behind another of the doors is a poorly cooked casserole, and behind the other of the doors, conveniently, is the key to the cell. You are allowed to ask only one man a single question. Assuming you cheated and asked more than one question, you grab the key, unlock the cell and wake up. There is now only one guard in the room, although he has obviously eaten the poorly cooked casserole because he is significantly larger than the one in your dream. He says that he is thinking of a number between one and three – that’s one, two or three, geniuses – if you guess the correct number, he will let you pass, or if you take too long he will feed you to the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. You are allowed to ask the guard a single question to find out which number the guard is thinking of. The guard can only answer with “yes”, “no”, or “I do not know”. What should you ask the guard?* Assuming you successfully put the guard asleep by playing the magic flute on the floor, you give the door a mighty heave and continue on. The edge of the castle! A wide moat surrounds it; you peer down and see that a boat is moored to the edge of the stone. You step into the boat and find three items; a walrus, a euphonium and a leprechaun. As you begin to row the boat across the moat, the boat begins to sink. The boat can only hold one item at a time (as well as yourself); in addition the walrus may not be left with the euphonium, otherwise it will eat it, the euphonium may not be left alone with the leprechaun, otherwise he will start playing Irish folk music, and the walrus may not be left alone with the leprechaun for no reason in particular. You must figure out a way to transport the three items to the other side of the moat with all three items intact. Assuming you walked across the drawbridge instead, you sprint as far away as possible from the castle. Congratulations, you escaped the wrath of the evil wizard Cannonbaethenazgotug! *there is an actual answer for this one – ten points if you get it.

Will Duncan’s article sure isn’t on this page, but you might be better off snooping around on page [28]

In our reality; a pressing issue An interplanetary guide to the unknown by Christina Gavriliouk You may actively choose to deny ET, or fear the infinities of space as I do, but it’s only ignorant to ignore the alarming and substantially supported possibility of life beyond ourselves. With statistics, theoretical evidence and brave (perhaps disillusioned) accounts of aliens mounting, my fear underlined with fascination for alien life is constantly ignited by procrastinating Google searches and Wikipedia articles that I believe with full credibility. And it isn’t just me, “aliens” is the second biggest topic on the internet; with absolute floods of information on the publically denied, controversial and perhaps even conspiracy subject available to the world, surely some of it could be justified in reality. Ultimately there are two possibilities, either earth is the only place inhabited with what constitutes intelligent life and it’s all up to humanity (or unless aliens live among us here, see further), or there is something more in our still exploding, always changing universe.

UFOs: The reliable cases are uninteresting and in the interesting cases are unreliable. — Carl Sagan, Other Worlds, 1975 A notable scientist who was surely confident in alien life was Carl Sagan; he was heavily involved in the U.S. Air Force’s UFO investigation project in 1966 which concluded that aliens do not behave in a manner that constitutes a threat to national security… sounds suspicious. Honestly I strongly recommend his books – gosh, good reading. Anyway, practically there are two alternatives: either life other than ourselves exists or we are completely alone in the universe. Daunting either way. Conspiracies Of course, science is all well and good, but really what seems to fascinate humans is the lies and deceptions fed to us by government authorities. Roswell, Area 51, Alien mutilations, crop circles, illuminati, Nazis, new world order, political leaders actually being aliens, shape shifting reptilians, lights in the sky, abductions and visitations – I think, like the human imagination, the list of alien conspiracies is endless although I do find myself believing perhaps too many.

gargoyle statues. The unique quad runway system at the airport depicts what seems to be a Nazi swastika from aerial view. All around the airport there are little Au Ag symbols, which on the surface means silver and gold, but for those who know AuAg is a colloquialism for the deadliest strain of hepatitis, supposedly held as a biological weapon. There is a stone plaque under which a time capsule is held from the New World Airport Commision (a commission which doesn’t actually exist…). Underground tunnels exist, initially intended for trains but proved expensive and were never implemented, and blueprints for secret underground bunkers have surfaced and never been explained. Then there’s the murals-which I don’t even know how to begin to explain. Here’s a picture to stir at your rationality.

My favourite is Denver airport and the New World Order- seemingly there is some unusual business happening there. Firstly there is a 32 foot tall copper blue stallion statue with red eyes outside; strikingly eerie especially when you learn the artist who created it died whilst building it. There are countless demonic

Will Duncan’s article is on page [20], I’m sure of it this time

Take what you would like from that, but many account this (and supposed sightings of reptilian aliens on the site, shrouded figures walking through walls, mirages through the airports corridors and so on) to the New World Order. NWO, in popular knowledge is attributed to the Illuminati, Neo-Nazis and Reptoid aliens, all of which work behind facades to run the world from their Denver Airport headquarters. There some huge interconnections between NWO and everything going on (see http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/New_World_Order ) which you want to believe but then again perhaps not. Maybe the space lizards do deliberately make everything happen in our world; interestingly, when Earth was threatened with the possibility of being hit by a comet (we were just missed by 22 miles phew), President Obama was conveniently at Denver Airport for a prolonged period of time. Suspicious? Certainly. Anyway all the stereotypical Roswell and Area 51 business easily come to mind when you think of conspiracies, but there is just so much out there. Even mad accounts from people on the internet (not my story, soz):

Back in in Spring of 1997 a group of us neighbourhood kids were looking up at the night sky observing the Hale Bopp comet. I grew up hours from any major city so the view was pretty clear. I spot a satellite up there and watch it traverse the night sky as they usually do. It was a bright white spot and it moved in a constant direction at a constant speed, as satellites tend look to the naked eye from the ground. Suddenly, when it was pretty much directly overhead, this thing turns on a dime and moves in a completely different direction, then again, and again, tracing a perfect isosceles triangle pattern... when it moved back to the point it had started from it shoot off at a much higher speed when I first spotted it, until it dips below the horizon. We all went home shocked of what we saw. Does any of that sound familiar? Probably not but you may have had your memory wiped. Interestingly, it was the Hale Bopp comet which instigated the cult suicide of the Heavens Gate group who believed their extra-terrestrial salvation was on the comet (they still answer their email rep@heavensgate.com). With the possibility of aliens we have the possibility of almost anything – isn’t that a nice and liberating thought. Aliens Among Us Perhaps the greatest conspiracy of all is that aliens live among us, and no I don’t refer to Stefan Smerdon (with whom I actually witnessed what I believe to have been an alien anomaly). But things like Majestic 12 and so on are deliciously controversial thoughts and possible realities if you choose to believe – humans have believed for thousands of years! Ancient alien theories include: - The ancient Egyptian pyramids being built by aliens, this idea is supported by what looks like helicopters and such in Egyptian hieroglyphs (see picture).

- That Gods and Deities from most, if not all, religions are actually extra-terrestrials and that such visitors' advanced technologies were wrongly understood by primitive humans as the divine. - 10,000 year old carvings in Azerbaijan that look not much like human beings, but eerily similar to beings reported by abductees. - Accounts (songs, tapestries, writings and such) of an alien fight and mad lights in the sky above Nurnberg, Germany in 1519. - Petroglyphs from Val Camonica, Italy; these pictures resemble modern day astronauts (see picture). If anything, perhaps we were even contacted by aliens in 1977 when American SETI researchers in Ohio picked up a very exciting signal that our equipment computed as an array of numbers and letters – colloquially known as the WOW! Signal.

The U.S. Government hasn't maintained secrecy regarding UFOs. It's been leaking out all over the place. But the way it's been handled is by denial, by denying the truth of the documents that have leaked. By attempting to show them as fraudulent, as bogus of some sort. There has been a very large disinformation and misinformation effort around this whole area. And one must wonder, how better to hide something out in the open than just to say, 'It isn't there. You're deceiving yourself if you think this is true.' And yet, there it is right in front of you. - DR. EDGAR MITCHELL, lunar module pilot of Apollo 14 Anyway for me, I do like to believe in the possibility. Id include a picture of an alien but honestly I can’t google them directly out of paranoia and fear; which perhaps summarises my attitude of fascination shrouded in terror. My words of wisdom- watch the skies…

Still haven’t found Will Duncan’s article? Try page [29]

Misused Euphemisms An issue of uninformed individuals in our constantly, conversely communicating culture Aww: exclamation In reference to something sad and/or disappointing e.g. saddening test score Naw: exclamation In reference to something cute e.g. nice animals

Oww: exclamation In reference to something painful e.g. concussion (Hopefully Tom Bailey is doing well)

A ‘How to’ guide to life…

Follow these six simple steps to become a Llama selling expert!

Step One:

First, people need to know that you are selling a Llama. Advertisement is the key!

For example, try making a 30 second

television commercial. This way people will think you have more money than you actually do.

Step Two: When people begin to arrive to look at your Llama, do not act surprised or glad! You must pretend that you are used to people coming to see your Llama.

Step Three: This is crucial. Do not let people see your Llama unless they have cash. Everyone wants to see a Llama, so most people will come to see your Llama and leave without buying. You need to avoid this at all costs!

Step Four: Once you have people who want to buy the Llama, you need to talk the Llama down. Tell people how horrible and disgusting it is, that way, they will have low expectations. When they do see how awesome the Llama really is, they will be very surprised and impressed.

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Step Five: After luring the buyer and they hand over the money, it is time to celebrate!

Step Six: BUT be careful not to be too happy! You must be saddened by the loss of your deeply beloved Llama, for the buyer must believe that the Llama is worthwhile. (Crying may or may not be necessary)

Congratulations! You are now a Llama selling expert!

If you aren’t having any luck finding Will Duncan’s article

page [4] was looking pretty suspicious

Cannonball

is only possible due to the incredible

people who are willing to give up their time and talent to write for us, and the great thing is, anyone can write for us! If you’re interested in contributing, stay tuned to the daily notices for updates on goings-on in the Cannonball world. Contributions of any kind are welcome from all students Years 10-12 (just try to keep it G-rated)! Email cannonball@ignatius.sa.edu.au with any questions or queries The Cannonball Team

I think I saw Will Duncanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s article on page [23]

*Concept originates from New York magazine (nymag.com). If you have trouble reading the approval matrix, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry, I still donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exactly understand how it works.

A look into corruption in Australia by John Swan

Who is really running our country? Are our democratic governments working to achieve social cohesion and progress? What really motivates our elected representatives? These are just some of the questions I have been trying to answer in the wake of serious allegations misconduct leaders, leaving me deeply disillusioned. Corruption of the government has tainted Australian society since European colonisation. On the 26 January 1808, the NSW Garrison Corp marched through the streets of Sydney to arrest and depose of Governor Bligh in the so called Rum Rebellion, Australia’s only military coup. It is accepted that the colony was significantly corrupt, with officers in the Corp stealing convict labour, land and monopolising alcohol imports- deposing the harsh governor who tried to take a stand4. With the rise of corruption scandals at all levels of government, are we no better?

The unfolding saga at the New South Wales ICAC, Independent Commission Against Corruption, is the most prominent example of corruption in an Australian government. Politician Eddie Obeid slowly constricted and controlled first the Labor right faction, then the party, the premiers and ultimately the state. In an interview to the ABCs Four Corners, former Premier Carr spoke about Obeid using numbers for a revolt in the caucus over a police corruption bill, before later telling Carr ‘if I am not in your cabinet, I’ll be causing as much mischief in the caucus room’. Numerous financial scandals ensued including the theft of the Sydney City Council’s Smart Pole designs, the corrupt allocation of harbour café licences and principally the purchase of land confidentially designated for coal exploration. This purchase would reap millions not only from the sale of the land, but also with insider trading into the mining company, Cascade Coal. The revolving door of premiers Morris Iemma, Nathan Reece and finally Kristina Kennelly demonstrated Obeid’s power. ‘I am nobody’s puppet I am nobody’s protégé I am nobody’s girl’, were the first words of Kennelly’s time in office5. The ICAC promoted by the newly elected Liberal government exposed much more, proving that corruption is a tarnishing all areas of the political spectrum. Premier Barry O’Farrell, previously touted as a leader in government accountability, was ironically forced to into a humiliating resignation over his involvement in a corrupt Sydney pipeline company, Australian Water Holdings. It is not surprising that $3000 bottle of grange hermitage came to his door for keeping quiet about executives paying themselves upwards of 1.1 million dollars for a business with little work. Even more surprising was

The 1808 'Rum' Rebellion, 2010 State Library of NSW, accessed 8 August 2014, <http://www.sl.nsw.gov.au/discover_collections/history_nation/terra_australis/rebellion/>. 5 The Enemy Within 2013, 4 Corners television program, ABC 1, Sydney, 12 March. 4

the employment by AWH of Federal senator Arthur Sinodinos on a salary of $200,000 for 10 days work6.

There are more members of the Australian Federal Parliament with serious allegations of misconduct. On February 5th, Assistant health minister Fiona Nash suddenly closed a government food health ratings website only an hour after it had been launched. The website gave a star rating to every grocery food item, which was progressively going to be made mandatory on packaging, supplementing the current system of confusing nutrition labelling. The rating system was formed with cooperation between experts and the consumer group Choice, with support from health advocates like the Cancer Council. Fairfax media exposed that Minister Nash’s chief of staff Alastair Furnival was a co-owner of a lobbyist firm that worked for junk food brands like Kraft and Cadbury. Ratings like Kraft peanut butter being only 3 stars against Sanitarium’s 5, where clearly not in Mr Furnival’s interest 7. Federal parliamentary misconduct has similarly occurred with the conviction of former Speaker Peter Slipper dishonestly using Cabcharge vouchers8. We a society need to question the motives behind these people seeking public office.

Political donations and gifts continue to be a method for the private sector to have undue influence in government. Donors include miners, hotels, casinos, agricultural multi-nationals and the alcohol industry. It would be naïve to believe that organisations like poker machine industry lobby group Australian Hotels Association donate without expecting favours, such as the stagnation of reforms to help problem gamblers. Do we care about families falling apart, with parents addicted to these machines? Although these donations and gifts cannot force political actions, it is psychological nature for a human to repay a debt. Donations to the South Australian Liberal and Labor parties by property developers, such as Adelaide Capitol Partners, is a state example developers using donations to gain Renwick, E 2014 ICAC hears Arthur Sinodinos's $200,000 salary seemed a lot for attending monthly meetings, ABC News, accessed 8 August 2014, <http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-03-19/icac-witness-questioned-over-sinodinos-200000salary/5331462>. 7 Background Briefing: Big food fight continues after Senator Fiona Nash controversy 2014, radio program, ABC Radio National, Sydney, 30 March. 8 Gorrey, M 2014, ‘Peter Slipper found guilty of acting dishonestly over taxpayer-funded winery tour’, The Australian, 28 July, accessed 8 August 2014, <http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/peter-slipper-found-guilty-of-actingdishonestly-over-taxpayerfunded-winery-tour-20140728-zxhbm.html>. 6

unfair corporate advantage for projects like Gilman land redevelopment, which never had a tender 9. Why is it that in SA property developers can make political donations, whereas in NSW this practice has been outlawed?

Revenge for inaction after substantial political donations has become epitomised by Federal Fairfax MP and mining billionaire Clive Palmer. Until the election of the LNP Queensland Government in 2009, Mr Palmer had been a staunch supporter of the party; being a life member and donating over $204 000 in 2011-2012. Jeff Seeney, Deputy Premier, said that soon after the election he was given a draft bill by Mr Palmer give his business Waratah Coal exclusive rights to mine the Galilee Basin, the largest Australian Coal reserve, along with criminal immunity. This included the mining of the sacred Indigenous site and conservation area Bimblebox Park, as well as agricultural areas, with scant environmental protections. The government instead approved Hancock Prospecting plans. This approval, along with the federal government’s refusal to allow his north Queensland Nickel refinery to dump toxic waste into the Great Barrier Reef infuriated Palmer. His revenge for the LNP not honouring his donations has come with the establishment of his Palmer United Party and numerous legal threats10. Our democracy is being run by corruption. This year Transparency international dropped Australia from 7th to 9th in the global list of least corrupt countries11. The vast majority of people in public office are honest workers, however the scandals outlined show how it only takes one selfish person for greed to prosper. Corruption and misconduct affects all of us, and therefore it is our responsibility to take action. We cannot not accept the manipulation of our government by individuals and businesses. In the words of UN Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon, ‘corruption is measured not just in the billions of dollars of squandered or stolen government resources, but most poignantly in the absence of hospitals, schools, clean water, roads and bridges that would have changed families and communities’12.

Disclaimer: This article expresses the opinions and views of the author and is in no way representative of the views of the College.

Mannix, L 2014, ‘Government’s Gillman story unravels’, In Daily, 6 February, accessed 8 August 2014, <http://indaily.com.au/news/2014/02/06/govts-gillman-story-unravels/>. 10 Palmer Drama 2014, 4 Corners television program, ABC 1, Sydney, 25 November. 11 Von Regan, S 2013 Australia drops in global corruption ranking, SBS News, accessed 8 August 2014, <http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2013/12/03/australia-drops-corruption-ranking>. 12 MESSAGE FOR INTERNATIONAL ANTI-CORRUPTION DAY, 2012 UN Secretary General, accessed 8 August 2014, <http://www.un.org/News/Press/docs/2012/sgsm14703.doc.htm>. 9

Declan McCarron reflects on some thoughts, ideas and solutions to the universeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s problems. 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' isn't a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how much useless information we are taught at school that won't be applicable later in life. "Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and on again?" The person who proof read Hitler's speeches was a grammar Nazi. Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed. I wish I had a Mario Kart-like ghost of myself punctually getting ready for school in the morning so I'd know if I was running late. There should be an optional "people are sleeping" button on the microwave to stop all the extra loud beeping. Mars is populated entirely by robots Newborns are always crying because any discomfort is literally one of the worst things they have ever experienced. I have no idea what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve forgotten. I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is. Gorillas don't know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential. When you say the word "crisp", it moves from the back of your mouth to the front as you say it. Asking someone "Where are you?" is a recent thing; before we had mobile phones, the only way we could talk to people is if we knew where they were. We will never hear about the truly perfect crime. Unless you're a celebrity, Twitter is like talking to yourself in a crowded room. If humans could fly, we'd consider it exercise and never do it. What if our use of emojis gradually becomes so extensive that we actually circle back to writing in hieroglyphics? Getting birthday money is the real life equivalent of passing 'Go' and collecting $200. A car with 40,000 kilometres on the odometer is considered low mileage. 40,000 kilometres is approximately the circumference of the earth. A low mileage car has already 'travelled around the world.' The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly. The only reason celebrities always say people should "follow their dreams" is because they're part of the small percentage who were actually successful. We say hair when referring to lots of it but we say hairs when referring to a few. Scooby-Doo taught us that the real monsters always turn out to be humans.

Welcome back to Mystical Mackenzie! Once again I will be answering all of your weird and wonderful life predicaments, love conundrums and queries about the inner workings of Saint Ignatius’ College. If you missed out this time, you can submit your questions via ask.fm/MysticalMackenzie for a chance to be published in the next Cannonball. The Mystic has been dreaming a lot recently… mostly about school finishing; however, I am now feeling very wistful and intuitive to the inner workings of the human subconscious. Therefore, I have carefully chosen a few people to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity to have their dreams analysed and their inner hopes and dreams revealed.

Dear Mystical Mackenzie, I’ve lately been having a recurring dream of myself falling into a deep, deep bottomless black hole with no end and no idea of what I am heading into…could this mean I have a new love interest slowly approaching? Love, Champagne Diamonds Hmmmm, a very interesting interpretation of your dream! I would say that love is right around the corner for you. Congratulations!

Hi Mystic, A couple of nights ago I had a pretty absurd dream and I can’t work out what it means! I was being chased by a mob of angry ducks whilst they rolled spherical shaped cheese in my direction. Can you help? Well, dreams are often considered an expression of what you’re repressing during the time that you’re awake. So, I’ll let you make up your own mind about that one.

Mystical Mackenzie, I had a dream that I performed at the Battle of the Bands but forgot ALL the lyrics to the song! Now I’m too afraid to enter my one man band into the competition. What should I do? Don’t ever let a bad experience in your dreams stop you from chasing your real life dreams…get out there and good luck against Rogan, they were pretty good last round.

Remember everyone; a well-rested night is imperative in ensuring you have maximum brain function and achieving a high ATAR at the end of year. So get dreaming! Shhhhhhh, Kanye rest!

Cause 101 is too mainstream, by Georgia McDonnell Have you been invited to a ‘Hipsters and Hobos’ party lately and thought ‘I could nail Hobo’ but don’t really want actually to look like a hobo? Well, here to help you out is a guide to looking Hipster without trying… For chicks: Raid your mum’s closet – anything that is generally considered out of fashion and ugly is perfect. Keep your hair messy – hipsters have that whole ‘I tried really hard not to try at all’ thing going; intentionally untidy is a must. Throw out all your shoes – all you need is one pair of worn out Converse – dresses, shorts, jeans, naked? Wear cons. For dudes: Cut off the circulation to the lower half of your body – skinny jeans are now your best friend. If your dad doesn’t have a beard you have two beardless mums – take a note out of Chet Faker’s book and grow a noice big beard. Nothing is ever one colour – Elle Woods thinks that no one looks good in paisley; however, as a hipster, the more paisley the better. Guys and Gals: Pretend you can’t see – hipsters are always rockin’ a pair of big, thick glasses – if you can see properly you ain’t worth looking at. Wear clothes that don’t fit – every t-shirt you wear now has to be oversized and band or irony based. Be cheap and buy expensive things – only wear things that are pre-loved but are ridiculously overpriced because nothing says hipster more than ‘It’s not stained it’s vintage’.

So there, a pretty alright guide to not looking like a Hobo at a ‘Hipsters and Hobo’ party. But remember, to be a real hipster you must become vegan, reject corporations, take filtered photos of things we see every day and reject everything that everyone else likes.

Will Duncan’s article was definitely on page [18]

By Jean-Marie Nguyen In the previous Cannonball Vox Pop’s you have heard from the students and past scholars of Saint Ignatius College. Well, the time has come for us to hear from the teachers! 1. What is the most exciting thing that has happened to you since becoming a teacher? 2. If you weren’t a teacher what would you be? 3. If you could come to school dressed up as your favourite superhero OR movie character who would it be and why? 4. What is your favourite event of the school year? 5. If you had to battle it out with another teacher on the dance floor who would it be and why? 6. Advice and wise words for the students of St. Ignatius College:

QUESTIONS

Mr Stenta

1. Probably the opportunities to travel that I have been afforded. There are too many to mention, but I’ll never forget my first Indian Pilgrimage back in 2005; I still get goose bumps thinking about it. 2. What I’d love to say is a professional sportsman; that would be my dream. Realistically though I’m not good enough for that so I’ll go with a stay at home dad…I love spending time with my girls more than anything in the world and my wife already earns more than I do so perhaps it’s not that much of a stretch! 3. It would be a toss-up between Astro Boy and Michelangelo the orange Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Not only was I obsessed with them both as a kid, one can fly into space wearing just his undies and the other is a ninja who loves pizza. Either would be sweet. 4. There are so many highlights throughout the school year that it’s hard to pick just one but if pressed it would be hard to go past the Middle Years Christmas Concert. So many talented musicians on show, including my special favourite, the Year 8 Class Band. No matter how many times I hear Tequila, I still managed to get choked up. 5. Mr Kapnistis; I’d envisage it being a Pokemon style battle to the death between our two cultural dances; Mr Kapnistis and his Greek Zorba vs Mr Stenta and his Italian Tarantella!! Smashing of plates would be welcomed also. 6. Life passes you by quickly so let go of the things that bring negativity into your life and embrace the things that bring you joy.

Mr Haskell 1. Meeting so many amazing people, particularly the students that I have had the privilege to get to know over the years. I really love the fact that you get the opportunity to work with so many talented students and watch them grow into young adults. I feel very blessed that I remain in contact with so many ex-students even today. 2. That’s a no brainer. I would love to be a professional golfer. Sadly it was never to be, but if I didn’t teach that is where I would be. On the fairways enjoying life.

3. From the moment I first saw the movie, I thought Han Solo was pretty cool. I loved the way that he was so self-assured about himself. 4. Speech Day. I really enjoy the way we come together as a school community to celebrate our academic year. 5. That’s a tough one. Given the fact that I am an atrocious dancer I would have to Mr Uren. At least we might be evenly matched. J 6. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Life is about seizing the opportunities that come along and make the most of them. Sometimes we tend to sweat the small things and forget the bigger picture issues and this can often get in the way of appreciating the talents that we all have been given.

Ms Doyle 1. The most exciting thing has probably been the opportunity to work in the last few years alongside other teachers who I taught when they were at Saint Ignatius’ College as students. 2. A physiotherapist or policewoman! 3. Wonder woman – I think her outfit is awesome. 4. Athletics Carnival – but only narrowly over Speech Day and the singing of the College Hymn at Saint Ignatius’ Day Mass. 5. Mr Coffey – because he would let me win! 6. Be courageous and show people how much you care about them when you can … what does it really cost you to be kind to someone else?

Mrs Sheldon 1. Receiving an email from the director of the West End production of Singing in the Rain, Cameron Wenn – wishing us all chookas before our opening night in 2012. 2. I have often thought about this question… and to be honest, I love what I do, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else really. I have thought what it would be like to be a professional actor or even a paramedic – however – teaching feeds my soul. No day is ever the same, I have the privilege to work with some amazing people who always inspire me to be the best teacher and person I can be and to see students grow and develop confidence and knowledge from year 7 through to year 12 is a nurturing experience. 3. Haha this is a good question.. Possibly Invisible woman from the Fantastic Four – because to become invisible to everyone for a while would sometimes be a welcome relief. Or maybe Lara Croft – to not be afraid of anything or anyone – totally awesome. 4. The musical production for me – so many students working together to create magic for others to watch and be drawn into, it’s stunning! I also love Patronal Feast Day Mass and Speech Day – having the entire Ignatius community together makes you realise you are part of something great and far beyond yourself. 5. Definitely Mrs McKinnon – have you SEEN her lawn mower and shopping trolley moves???? 6. leave your thumb print on the world in some way – it doesn’t have to be anything massive, but if we all keep this in our mind, we will all strive to live the best and most positive life we can. AND… yes – school is THE MOST wonderful time of your life, I promise!!

Mr Miles 1.

3. 4.

Being a sports addict, much of my excitement comes from the sporting field and at school this is no different. Watching the 1st XVIII or the 1st XI or my Table Tennis team compete gives me a lot of excitement, as does cheering Campion onto victory at sports events. Whilst on that topic – watch out Kostka, your days are numbered! Campion are ready to shine and restore the natural order! Also, seeing a concept eventually ‘click’ in an Accounting student’s mind is exciting from a teaching perspective. Strangely enough, I made a statement when I was in Year 12 that the last thing I would ever do was be a teacher. However, God works in mysterious ways and directed me towards teaching somehow! It is a career that is so rewarding as you can be a real influence in the life of young people. If I was not to be a teacher, well, those who know me would know that it would have to be a life revolving around cruise ships or country music. With my ‘great’ singing skills, we can definitely rule out music as a career!! *grins* So, I guess a life working as an accountant on cruise ships would be the way to go! A tough one here as no one really springs to mind. Not sure it could be classed as a superhero, but maybe as a Central Districts footballer?? They sure were the ones I idolised as I was growing up. The final day of the school year? No, only kidding! To me, Mission Afternoon is a wonderful annual event where we all have the opportunity to raise money for those in need in our global community. That, plus seeing our Year 11’s on their Caroline Chisholm placements or the Cage event that was so well run by senior students this year. It is great to see the care and concern which our students have for those who are struggling. Well, with my ‘two left feet’, you won’t see me battling it out with anyone on the dance floor! Instead, I will leave that to those who can truly ‘bust a groove’. We are lucky to have a few who can. For starters, everyone knows how great our Music, Dance and Drama faculty staff are on the floor. Additionally, you should watch the Chisholm Study members at their Friday ‘after parties’! Oh, and I have been blessed to share my Home Groups each year with ladies who certainly know how to move! I think that one of the most important things that I can advise is to remember that it is not what career you are in, how much money you make or how great you are on the sporting field that really determines the type of person you are. Rather, it is how you treat those around you. Always look after those who need your help in any form and be a caring and compassionate person. Also, stay positive and keep that ‘permanent smile’ on your face!

Mr Dales 1. The pay cheque every second Thursday that enables me to purchase a new jumper, shirt and tie. 2. A jumper, shirt and tie maker. 3. Gordon Gekko, from the movie Wall Street who was always impeccably attired and who said: “The most valuable commodity I know of is information.” And “Greed in all of its forms; Greed for life, money and knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. Greed is good.” 4. The first day of Term 1 and the last day of Term 4!

5. Mr Miles. He’d supply the two left feet and I’d supply the two right feet. 6. Wise words: “Corrugated iron is really groovy”. “Dolphins serve no porpoise whatsoever”. “Parachuting is simply jumping to conclusions”. “Beat insomnia – enrol in a poetry class”. “Karl Marx was a capital fellow”.

Mr Uren 1. The most exciting thing in my teaching career was starting at Saint Ignatius almost ten years ago seeing the looks on some of my former teachers faces when I walked into the staffroom. 2. Rich…… Seriously I would be a famous journalist who specialised in food/wine and travel writing. People would pay me large sums of money to eat at their fancy restaurants and renowned wine makers would send me boxes of their top shelf product 3. Shrek, because I wouldn’t have to buy a costume. 4. The Headmasters address at Speech Day. This is because it is an opportunity to hear the vision that our leader has for our college community. Plus I like getting my Academic gown on and pretending I’m at Hogwarts. 5. Pound for pound I do believe that I would definitely take Mr Zubreckyj on. He would try and play dirty by deploying some under handed Eastern European tactics but my grace and finesse would easily overcome these Slavic shenanigans. 6. Ask lots of questions, really listen to people when you have a conversation, you are not defined by your ATAR and know a little about a lot.

Mr Passaniti 1. One of the most exciting things that has happened to me as a teacher is that every now and then you bump into people that you used to teach and they mention things that you either said or did that made a difference in their lives. Whenever than happens, it is very exciting and satisfying. 2. I have always been interested in sport and at one stage I wanted to be a physiotherapist, but unfortunately I failed Year 11 Physics. (Must’ve had a bad teacher). Now, if I wasn’t a teacher, I would enjoy the peace and serenity of being a light house keeper but I don’t think there are many of those jobs going around nowadays. 3. If I was Superman I could use my super powers to fight for Truth, Justice and the Ignatian way. I could also fly from my office to the RM classrooms and get there on time. 4. I really like the Patronal Feast Day Mass. The Year 12’s mix with the Junior School students first, the whole school gets together, the music is lovely, the message is inspiring and we get to go home a bit early. It is a great day. I also love the Athletics Carnival. 5. Mr Coffey, because I am pretty sure I’d win. Or Mr Zubreckyj. He’d be a formidable opponent, but I’d still win. 6. “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”. (Dr Howard Thurman)

John McDonald shines some light on some culture What’s up people! I’ve always been a pop culture snob, and so instead of criticizing what everyone else enjoys like a hipster, I’m going to give you some recommendations on some awesome music and movies that I love. Albums -

OK Computer by Radiohead o Picking a Radiohead album to recommend is difficult, because they are all so different, and all so amazing, but I don’t think they have released a more perfect album than OK Computer. From experimental rock standouts “Paranoid Android” and “Climbing Up The Walls” to more popfriendly tracks “Karma Police” and “No Surprises”, this album has something for everybody. Genre: Alternative Rock Favorite Song: “Let Down” More by this artist: Kid A Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Red Hot Chili Peppers o With Flea’s frantic bass playing, John Frusciante’s melodious rhythms, Will Ferrell rocking on drums and Anthony Kiedis’ smooth raps on top of it all, there’s not a lot, if anything, wrong with the Pepper’s breakthrough album. Funk rock themes of their earlier work reign through the album, but more mainstream friendly tracks such as “Under the Bridge” are also present. Genre: Acid Funk Favorite Song: “Sir Psycho Sexy” More by this artist: Californication

Artist Spotlight -

Jeff Buckley o In my opinion, the greatest male vocalist of all time, Jeff Buckley performed emotional and passion driven songs during his short time on Earth. His first album Grace is a true gem, with tracks such as “Hallelujah”, “Last Goodbye” and “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over”. Though this was the only album he was able to release in his lifetime, his posthumous efforts also left their mark on the music industry. o John’s Top 5 Jeff Buckley:  Vancouver  Lover, You Should’ve Come Over  The Sky is a Landfill  Haven’t You Heard  Grace

Films -

American Psycho o Many of you may only know Christian Bale as Batman in the Dark Knight Trilogy, but before he donned the mask and cape, he portrayed Patrick Bateman, a savvy businessman who also happened to be a psychotic mass murderer. With subtle, witty humour and pop-culture references aplenty, the dark comedy stays exciting through the entire film. Genre: Dark Comedy Favorite Quote: “I have to return some videotapes.”

Fight Club o Edward Norton stars as an unnamed insomniac who moves in with a man he met on a plane, Tyler Durden (portrayed by Brad Pitt), after his apartment is burnt down. Their friendship leads to a Fight Club, which then leads to the beginning of a serious terrorist organization known as Project Mayhem. This film features many twists and turns, and makes for an incredible viewing experience. Genre: Thriller Favorite Quote: “It’s only after we’ve lost everything, that we’re free to do anything.”

Director Spotlight Quentin Tarantino o Okay, so maybe his films have a little too much blood. Maybe his plots are a little too obscure. But each and every one of his films are incredibly entertaining. From his first big break Reservoir Dogs to his latest film Django Unchained, Tarantino continues to impress in the box-office, while also gaining a cult-like group of followers. o John’s Top 5 Tarantino Films:  Pulp Fiction  Django Unchained  Inglorious Basterds  From Dusk Till Dawn  Kill Bill Will Duncan’s article lies on page [13]

Things to look forward to thanks to LEAP Admittedly we are a quiet and modest part of the college, but we do have things happening that you should certainly be involving yourself in. Perhaps the biggest of these is the redevelopment of the reflection area (you know, up beyond the tennis courts, next to the creek, it’s pretty neat). Thanks to our enthusiastic Year 9s, there’s vision and drive for a new natural habitat for Ignatians and wildlife alike. Spoiler alert: it’s rumoured that a new hockey pitch is going in across the creek. It seems LEAP and the student body has been assigned to the job of sprucing up the area (talk about cheap labour). So, at present time the site is populated with non-native plants and pitiful twigs; evidently the environment needs some attention. You (yes you, the miscellaneous middle years student looking to find their niche in the college) are urged to come along, every Tuesday Lunchtime to dig some holes, prune some trees and observe the creek. If anything, axing down a bush seems to provide a huge degree of therapeutic relief.

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