Newsletter July 2017

LIFE
 Edition 7, Issue 27 - 2017

Open your eyes - what can you perceive?

Open your ears - what can you discern?

Open your heart - what are you aware of?

Open your mouth - what can you distinguish?

Open your nose - what can you identify?

Open your sensors EXPERIENCE will teach you, yet an ENCOUNTER will take you places!

WELCOME....

The LIFE publication is produced quarterly. Our desire is to bring you stories and articles that will encourage, inspire and perhaps even challenge you as you journey through life.

Life is a journey with many twists and turns, valleys and mountains, laughter and sorrows. It is not always how we start that matters, rather how we choose to live everyday with the options and choices that are before us.

Today choose to live and love, your life!

In This Issue WELCOME.... ................................................................................................................................... 1 Living Well: Pain is Inevitable but Suffering is a Choice .................................................................. 2 Slave or Free?..................................................................................................................................... 2 Relationship Links to Health.............................................................................................................. 4 Conflict Management ........................................................................................................................ 5 To Do or Not to Do! ........................................................................................................................... 7 Authentically Me................................................................................................................................ 9 To Test or Not to Test: Is That the Question?................................................................................... 10 Creativity as Connection ..................................................................................................................11 Retirement for Men - Where to from Here ...................................................................................... 12 Getting Back From the Future.......................................................................................................... 14

Living Well: Pain is Inevitable but Suffering is a Choice

Rather, they control the pain, most often with a daily dose of the four phrases as needed. Most importantly, they look for ways to live life not focusing on the pain bur rather on their passions.

Candy Daniels

In his book, The Four Things That Matter Most, Dr. Ira Byock highlights the value of 11 words that can change how we live life.

1) Please forgive me 2) I forgive you 3) Thank you 4) I love you

Once pain is understood and taken under control it can be turned inside out and used as a stepping stone to aid our own and others’ wellbeing. If you are stuck because of a pain that is controlling you, take a moment to pause and consider first forgiving yourself and forgiving those who have hurt you. Be bold and take courage to love someone. Remember “thank you” is two words that can be said at the beginning or at an end of a sentence. Thank you for taking time to read these articles. We trust that they are challenging, encouraging and inspiring.

I believe these four phases are golden nuggets that need to be applied on a daily basis into all our lives towards building strong relationships.

When it comes to life and relationships pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice. Please keep in mind that pain is experienced physically, but more often it can be mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Pain turns into suffering when we lose sight of the cause of the pain and focus on blaming, shaming, fearing or unforgiving.

Slave or Free?

So the next time you experience pain, pause for as long as you need to consider the above four phrases. Act appropriately within your thought processes, for your thoughts will quickly impact your emotions and you will respond or react based on the integration of your beliefs to your thought life. Separate the pain or problem from the person or situation. It is only in the world of mathematics that two negatives make a positive. In the rest of the world this calculation doesn’t work.

Jodie Chambers Galatians 4:21-31 – Abraham’s Two Children All societies are governed by laws. These laws can be as complex as global laws for world trade or as simple as rules that govern our homes. Laws and rules are important as they help us create boundaries around how we can work together and live safely and happily.

They are meant to help us enjoy living freely together.

Once suffering (prolonged and continuous pain that has no relief) begins to take over our life, we move from thriving to living to surviving to barely making it though the day. There are many people who go through chronic pain which is continuous and ongoing but I can assure you that the pain doesn’t control their life.

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In the above verses, the writer talks about living in slavery to the law or in freedom in Christ. I have been looking at this idea for a while and thought I would ponder it further on paper with you.

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How do freedom, slavery and laws all come together in relation to our own personal needs and living as free children? I think the short answer to this question will differ for each of us. However, I would like to see if I can take the angle of freedom in and through love. Free to love and be loved, versus a slave to love and being loved.

manness gets in the way. It is hard to reassure someone else of their worth and lovability when you are unsure of your own.

In Galatians the author tells us that in God we find our love and when we look to Him for His love and acceptance we can never walk away empty. When we ask the world “Am I a good mother, father, wife, husband, brother, sister, employee, etc?” the answer will quite often come back as “no”, “you can’t”, or with a set of requirements attached. In Christ the answer is always “yes.” Living free means to live in the “yes” of Christ. Don’t misunderstand me, sometimes you will get a “no” from Christ.

However, the times I have received a “no” from Him I still feel loved, accepted, understood and the requirement is usually to spend more time with Him.

From a humanistic viewpoint, our basic need is for love and acceptance. We find this by knowing our true self. This is something we are all working in different ways to achieve.

Firstly, do we know our true self, and secondly, does this change through time and experiences? The humanistic viewpoint is that we don’t know our true self, only a self that we choose to see and that through experiences, our beliefs and behaviours change. Mostly we discover our true self in reflection and according to the responses we receive from the people around us. This can be from our immediate family, extended family, friends, coaches, mentors, film and music stars etc. We look to these people to guide us towards being the best ‘me’ we can be. Sometimes the person we are looking for acceptance from isn’t a very accepting person. If it is true that we are looking for love and acceptance and we discover this through our interactions with others, then the very people in whom we are looking for this also need acceptance in return. Depending on how we are feeling at the time, can we give and/or receive acceptance beyond our own immediate need? This is where things can start going very wrong. Instead of affirming another’s personhood and abilities we can become insecure within our own personhood and abilities, so leading to the need to criticise and put down instead of love and accept. I believe that our ability to find love and acceptance from others is flawed because of this very reason. Our huLIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

Some ways of finding our self, our true self, would be some of the standard answers you have already heard or perhaps do, like spending more time praying and reading your Bible.

Some suggest that you will get there but “it’s a journey” or “you won’t get there this side of heaven.” While I don’t disagree with these answers or think they won’t work, I feel they are part of the laws that keep me in slavery. It is hard to not look to those around us for reassurance and acceptance that what we are doing is “right” because the world around us seems to be talking the loudest. We are bombarded with images and messages of what is good, bad, right and wrong. I believe it is true that only through strengthening our relationship through Christ we can truly find love and acceptance.

At the same time, I accept that because I live in this world, which is shouting the loudest, I am going to struggle to feel free and find space to hear God. It is in this struggle that I believe I will find Christ. It is He who can quieten the 2017

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noise of the world around me. I try to look at my struggle as part of my freedom. I believe that acceptance and love can come when we acknowledge our struggle and turn to Jesus for help because without the struggle I can only be a slave.

ing away? There is more to us than just our body and mind. What is your relationship like with God, yourself and with others? When was the last time you considered your spirituality?

I would like you to consider the need for relationship that the human spirit longs for. Spirituality is about relationship, not religion.

Relationship Links to Health Candy Daniels

Thankfully there is growing acknowledgement these days on the impact of poor physical, mental and emotional health on a person’s wellbeing. I am certain that I don’t need to go into much detail about the importance of looking after our physical body. How we deal with living is often more of an indication of what is going on for us on the inside than what is on the outside. Our mental health is responsible for how we think and process our experiences.

This then navigates its way into our emotions and behaviour. I would say the death or deterioration of our ability to express our thoughts and emotions in a healthy manner impacts upon our mental, emotional, social and physical wellbeing. These aspects contribute to our relationship first with self, then others.

Brock Chisholm, the first director of the World Health Organisation, defined health as “a sane mind in a sound body”. I have spent the past six months working in a hospital, watching people of all ages grapple with and try to deal with their health challenges. Most of the focus was often based on working on the ’sound body’. Some patients were in for very short periods, and some never left the hospital. This link between having a “sane mind and a sound body” has more to do with those we are in relationships with than what is often going on in the mind and body. In times of crisis, it is not things that matter most but relationships. This became clear as I listened to patients talk about their relationships with others, their beliefs, values, spirituality and/or the relationship they had with themselves.

On a social aspect many would think people are thriving, particularly when you consider the number of contacts, friends or followers they have on social media. Yet how many of these people do you really know? How many of them would turn up to assist you in a crisis or really know you? Two things stood out to me during my time visiting and sitting with patients. The first was that those who were comfortable with self had a stable relationship with their spirituality and with other people. The second thing that stood out to me was that the patients longed to talk about meaning: their values, purpose and their passions. Have you given much consideration to your spiritual health and how it impacts your overall wellbe-

This led me to realise that physical death is inevitable from the moment life begins. Yet there are other contributors to death. Have you considered that our body/physicalness is the container that houses the rest of what makes us? Don’t get me wrong; we must look after it.

It needs to last us our lifetime, and we are responsible for our body. Yet there are many of us who are dying at a rapid rate spiritually, emotionally, mentally and socially way before the body catches up to what we know as death.

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Conflict Management

ing? We are spiritual beings and our spiritual health can’t be over looked.

Trudy Buchanan Conflict management and conflict resolution are terms that are often used synonymously.

Theoretically, I think they are different — resolution suggests finished or overcome, whilst management suggests that conflict is not an on/ off phenomenon. I think some of the conflict we have, would have more productive outcomes if we thought in terms of management rather than resolution. This is because most relationships/conflicts are about differences of opinions, ways of doing things, etc. They therefore require ongoing management, where choices are made and actions implemented during communication that help sustain good, healthy relationships and therefore engage positive healthy conflict.

God created human beings to be and live in relationship with God and others. What purpose does a sane mind and body have with no life in it? When does a person feel most content or at peace? I find usually when they are at peace and content. Money may get you the world you desire to live in yet it can’t provide you with genuine relationships. Nor can it buy you your health and wellbeing. Relationships can be painful, yet being in the presence of someone you love and who loves you is priceless. There is power in relationships as there is greater force when two or more work together with mutual respect and care for each other.

Challenges and conflicts are overcome and impossibilities turned into possibilities through relationship.

In any communication/conflict, we have a chosen frame of reference which will determine: • what we will notice in our environment, • how we will interpret noticed events, • how we expect others to behave, • and how we will behave ourselves.

This includes many subconscious biases or thinking procedures we all follow in order to manage our anxiety, or the information presented in conflict. (There is a lot of information about cognitive biases — google if you’d like to know more!)

How will you care for your health and wellbeing? A healthy body and mind is important and social interactions are essential; but do remember that the spirit gives life to it all. In times of crisis most people will cry out to God or their loved ones. Think of your health and consider how you plan to foster a healthier relationship with all of who you are.

The Thomas Kilman Conflict Model (fig. 1) offers a good summary of, and options for, managing conflict which can applied to work, couple, family or friend conflict contexts.

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It is often posed that in conflict or relationships we need to compromise. This, however, does not always lead to the best solution or outcomes and can cause frustration, mainly because compromising often means both conceding.

Fig. 1 The Thomas Kilman Conflict Model

This theory suggests that different styles have different goals and purposes:

Style

Goal

Purpose

Competing

To win

-

Quick decisive action is needed To make an unpopular decision

Accommodating

To yield

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When you are wrong To show reasonableness To create goodwill To develop harmony

Avoiding

To delay

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For trivial issues When the cost of conflict outweighs the benefit of the outcome To cool off If more info is required

Collaborating

To participate

-

To integrate all parties involved To learn and understand other/s viewpoints To merge differing perspectives To make consensual decision To work through feelings that affect the relationship

Compromise

To find middle ground

-

When the goal is less important than the disruptions being caused When power is equal If a commitment to mutually exclusive goals As a temporary fix For expediency

-

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To Do or Not to Do!

Regardless of the context, style or theory of conflict, we require an understanding of our own internal emotional state, cognitions and behaviour as well as reading the emotional response of others. Only then can we listen, be appropriately assertive, and be respectful of ourselves and others, all in order to manage our own responses and cognitions to effectively communicate and manage conflict! The communication triangle (fig. 2) can help us understand some of the positions we subconsciously may take and the underlying reasons why they occur, including reasons of shame, being overwhelmed or learnt maladaptive patterns of responding.

Melody Durand Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing a task or set of tasks. Human beings have been procrastinating for centuries. The problem is so timeless, in fact, that ancient Greek philosophers like Socrates and Aristotle developed a word to describe this type of behavior: Akrasia - the state of acting against your better judgment. It is when you do one thing even though you know you should do something else. Loosely translated, you could say that akrasia is procrastination or a lack of self-control.

For example, I had to submit my write-up for the LIFE newsletter. I have known about it for weeks and continued to put it off day after day.

As the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I experienced a bit of nagging pain and anxiety thinking about this write-up, but not enough to do anything about it. Then suddenly, the day before the deadline, the future consequences turned into present consequences, and I write this article after I get a deadline extension for submission. There is something important to note here. As soon as I started to put action to the thought, the pain began to subside. In fact, being in the middle of procrastination was more painful than being in the middle of doing the work. The guilt, shame, and anxiety that I felt while procrastinating was worse than the effort and energy that I put into doing the work. The problem is not doing the work, it's starting the work.

Fig 2. Communication Triangle

Some helpful approaches during conflict: • Stop and consider • Ask clarifying questions • Reman open to possibilities • Concentrate on the problem not the person • Try to understand the issue and underlying factors rather than solving the problem • Focus on what interests will bring those involved together • Consider multiple options LIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

Procrastination steals a person’s time, productivity and potential. Victor Kiam stated that “procrastination is opportunity’s natural assassin”. Due to resulting fear and inactivity a person can exhibit additional side effects, such as 2017

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self-pity - thinking of oneself as a victim; making excuses – not taking personal responsibility for inaction; and more importantly, the loss of focus and hope because we wait for motivation to show up. Motivation is a by-product of actively engaging in doing something – a byproduct of associating action with a decision.

As Harvard psychologist Jerome Bruner says, “you’re more likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action.” So act! Whatever it is you know you should do, do it. The whole cycle-breaking process starts with action. Act your way into feeling and don’t wait for positive emotions to help build momentum. It does not matter what has stopped you or how long you have been inactive. The only way to break the cycle is to face the fear and take action, even if the actions seem small and insignificant.

FEEDBACK Firstly, we would like to thank all our readers. To those who send in comments and reflections of how a particular article has challenged or inspired you; keep them coming in. We appreciate your feedback, particularly as we share a little bit about who we are with you.

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Please forward your feedback or request to enews@lifeinternational.com.au we look forward to hearing from you.

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oping our protective mechanisms “to protect us from really being seen by others” – withdrawals, counter-attacks, masks, people pleasing, addictions, busyness, and the list goes on. However, I love Brene’s interpretation of vulnerability – “it is having the courage to show up and be seen by others, knowing you cannot control the outcome.” It is through real vulnerability that we learn to develop the courage to own and love our story and let go of what people think. It is through loving ourselves and giving ourselves permission to believe we do matter, that it becomes possible to truly live a wholehearted life.

Authentically Me Donna Hunter When I was living up on the coast a few years ago, I remember the feeling of connection and peace within me. I would wake up early to meet the sunrise and walk the beach to start my day.

The beach is my spiritual place, where I not only go to contemplate life’s hard questions to seek God’s direction, but also a place of renewal for my spirit. In this place, I feel that what God talks about in the Bible, the peace that surpasses all understanding, which guards my heart and mind (Phil 4:7), is mine. It is a place where I do not need to rush or even have an agenda, where I can be authentically me and embrace God’s love for me in that moment.

Our stories are fluid and never ending. We can therefore never arrive at complete authenticity, but it is like following a star knowing we are heading in the right direction. Our journey of authenticity is full of defining moments and sometimes we need to dig deep and allow ourselves to be imperfect and still be ok. As Brene puts it in her book Daring Greatly, “owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as hard as running away from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the light within.”

Now I live too far away from the beach to visit as much as I used to. In losing this place, I have had to do some inner searching to find my special place again. As I have learnt to become more sensitive to how I feel, I have noticed that it is when I am completely honest with myself about what and why I feel at any given time that I am helped to live a more authentic life. I may not like what I find, but I accept it. Margaret Young once said “often people attempt to live their lives backwards: you must first be who you really are, and then do what you really need to do, in order to have what you want.” Losing what I loved has helped me to see that it was an opportunity to find my true self and learn to live more authentically.

I encourage you, the reader, to allow yourself the space and time to explore your own vulnerabilities and to discover what values you hold close to your heart which express who you are. In owning your story, your journey becomes one of possibilities.

What does it mean to be authentic? And how can one even know if they are living an authentic life? These questions have been wandering around in my mind lately as I work towards “doing what I love and loving what I do”. This has been an excruciating process that I have purposely been working towards over the past years.

This journey has lead me to read some of the work from Brene Brown, who is a researcher and a storyteller. Brene has spent the last twenty-plus years researching concepts such as vulnerability, shame, courage, compassion and wholehearted living. Brene talks about living authentically by learning to be more vulnerable. Vulnerability paints a picture of exposing ourselves to others and leaving ourselves open to attack, which makes no sense since we spend our lives develLIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

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diagnosis is not wanting their child to ‘become a label’.

For many parents, the thought of their child being labelled ‘autistic’, ‘aspy’, ‘aspergers’, and more recently ‘on the spectrum’, is the single most common argument against having them tested. Interestingly, a label in and of itself is neither good nor bad; what determines its power is how it is used. Many parents worry about the social stigma that a formal diagnosis will bring, when such labels get misused and abused, and can be very harmful. They become tools for bullying and boxing, that is, putting a child in the ‘ASD box’ and focussing on their limitations rather than their potential. Chances are, though, if children with ASD are already struggling with their learning, with fitting in with school and social groups, or their sensory responses are resulting in meltdowns and challenging behaviours, they may already have been labelled. It is not something we want to hear or acknowledge, but in all honesty it is highly likely that many of these children with ASD have already been labelled - the naughty kid, the difficult child, the oddball, the weirdo.

The difference with having detailed scientific testing and a formal diagnosis is that it helps to explain the unusual or challenging behaviours.

It can help determine what things trigger certain responses, and it helps to determine levels of knowledge and comprehension, as well as areas of strength and weakness. It gives signposts and starting points for change that those other, generalised (and let’s face it, mean or crude) labels do not.

To Test or Not to Test: Is That the Question?

Samantha Brown Deciding whether or not to have a child tested for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is often a divisive question for many parents. There are good arguments both for and against formal testing to obtain an official diagnosis. The fear of inviting social stigma and being labelled can be strong reasons for abstaining. Arguments in favour revolve around finding a starting point from which to develop appropriate support interventions; interventions that could provide better quality of life for children and their families.

In the past, ASD was thought to be psychological in nature, related to schizophrenia, and was even considered a result of ‘bad parenting’.

Our understanding of mental illness has come a long way since the 1970’s, but during those early years, a formal diagnosis that would legitimise one of these possibilities as the ‘real’ reason behind a child’s ‘odd’, ‘difficult’ or just ‘different’ behaviour, was something to be feared. Testing also involves significant financial costs for doctors, specialists, treatments, programs, resources and sometimes even medication. A formal diagnosis can bring with it an unwanted certainty; certainty that some parents would prefer to deny; a certainty that often brings with it a form of grief; grief for a life or a future that they envisioned for their child; an idealised future that may never come to fruition. These are very real, and very significant considerations for parents, but one of the most prevalent reasons for avoiding a formal LIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

When used positively, labels can be extremely powerful and transformative. For example, when you travel to a foreign city or a new town and do not know your way around, you do not fit in, do not understand the language, and can feel powerless and isolated. If there are signs 2017

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but they are in a different language you can get easily lost. Then, when you see a sign with something that you recognise, like a picture of the train, or the restroom, or whatever it is you need, suddenly there is a sense of relief. The signpost – the label – not only points you in the right direction, it gives back a sense of understanding, independence and empowerment that was lost.

adapt their processes to be more inclusive of children with ASD. The process of testing, and the purpose of obtaining a formal diagnosis for children with ASD is not about getting a result, a box to put someone in, or a label to stick on them. It should be about finding a starting point for change that will give them the best possible quality of life.

In recent years, with significant increases in research, awareness and understanding of ASD, many of the symptoms and behavioural traits associated with the condition have become readily recognisable without a formal diagnosis. In particular, people working in the fields of education and health care, who are exposed to growing numbers of children with ASD, are becoming increasingly attuned to the various attributes of ASD; they know what to look out for and how to manage responses.

Having formal testing may not always be necessary to recognise that a child has ASD, but testing will provide much needed specifics about each child’s current capabilities and future possibilities.

Creativity as Connection Kate Reimer Creativity is a vital aspect of what it means to be human (Csikszentmihalyi, 2013), yet we seem to give it so little consideration. Creativity may be described as the development of something which is original and useful (Batey, 2012). However, this may largely be a Western understanding of creativity. Averill, Chon, and Hahn (2001) suggest that Eastern cultures may place stronger emphasis on the creator’s personal authenticity than on creating something new. They contend that when novelty and authenticity join, “creativity becomes self-transformative” (p. 174). Recently I have been contemplating what it means to bring myself to my profession, resonating with this idea of creativity being rooted in authenticity.

Each child is different; what works for one will not necessarily work for another. Testing allows others, and the children themselves, to acknowledge what they can do, what their strengths are, as well as their limitations, and significantly it can be used to adjust unrealistic and often burdensome expectations. A more precise understanding of the individual traits of a child with ASD can inform more individualised responses, and those responses can inform what tools and interventions might best be utilised to equip and empower these children and their families. Importantly, formalised testing and diagnoses can assist schools, social clubs and other mainstream organisations to LIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

During my undergraduate studies, lecturers frequently encouraged me to include more of my voice in my papers, highlighting my perspectives, conclusions and proposals for further research. I was accomplished at citing other authors, but readers struggled to find ‘me’ in what I wrote. I lacked the core of creativity, that of bringing the uniqueness that only I can bring to a project.

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In earlier years, playing music was a significant part of my life. So long as I had music in front of me and rules to follow, I excelled.

However, playing by ear, improvising or composing music was next to impossible for me.

As with the rest of my life, so long as somebody was telling me what to do, I could perform. When it came to finding the song within me, I was lost.

Perhaps we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to fumble and make mistakes, in order to discover and express the music that is within each of us.

References Averill, J. R., Chon, K. K., & Hahn, D. W. (2001). Emotions and Creativity, East and West. Asian Journal of Social Psychology, 4(3), 165-183. doi:10.1111/1467-839X.00084 Batey, M. (2012). The Measurement of Creativity: From Definitional Consensus to the Introduction of a New Heuristic Framework.

Creativity Research Journal, 24(1), 55-65. doi: 10.1080/10400419.2012.649181

I have been contemplating the various creative activities I need and want to engage with in order to develop and bring who I am to my professional life. However, I find myself still thinking about these activities, and rarely actually doing them. Something holds me back from acting on what I know is important. When I look underneath all my excuses, I find the core reason is fear. Fear of connecting with myself. I run from connecting with myself and seek connection through so many other means, whether it be time on social media, texting friends, or being busy with people. This is at the expense of myself. In order to be creative and thereby express myself, I first must be okay with deeply connecting, and being, with myself. I wonder if this is what Averill, Chon, and Hahn (2001) meant when they suggested that authenticity underpins creativity?

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2013). Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. New York, NY: Harper Perennial Modern Classics.

Retirement for Men Where to from Here RR - Age 62 Over the last 5 years I have made it my aim to find out as much as I can about what happens once I no longer work, so that I can have the best “retirement” I can have. I know that I will only have one shot at it. Based on hundreds of conversations and many books I have read, I would like to take the opportunity to share what I have discovered.

When we engage in acts of creativity, whether it be bringing fresh perspective to a professional responsibility, responding in a novel way to help an upset child, or designing beautiful art, we run the risk of making mistakes. Being okay with making mistakes is part of embracing our humanness. To be creative, therefore, requires vulnerability. But to become fully alive, bringing our whole selves to the people and tasks around us, creativity is critical.

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There are three parts to our lives. One – our first 30 years where we grow up, get an education and party. Then Two – the next 30 years we find a career that hopefully pays well, find a long term partner to settle down with, sign up for a large mortgage, and then try to survive (with a little medical intervention). Three – you 2017

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turn 60 and RETIRE, there is no long term strategy and often no future plans beyond the much talked about big trip.

touch with the vibrancy of life that exists around you.

As we get older we are confronted by progressive losses. Firstly, parents then friends, work colleagues then driver’s licence, health, virility, loss of physical ability. Waiting thereafter is cancer or heart disease, and then eternity. But the transition to the rest of your life can be so life giving if someone were to shift to nurturing, discovering and affirming who they are as a person. Perhaps later on there is more time for reflection and less time being able to do things, other than being loved by family and by God. We also need to remember that a person’s characteristics tend to become more accentuated as their life goes on. So if you’re grumpy now, it probably won’t get better once you’ve left work. Whether it is helpful or not, we need to remind ourselves that time tends to imprint more wrinkles on the mind than it does on the face.

Retirement can be a shock. But a useful shock, which must be approached positively to get the most out of it. It has been said that women describe retirement as “twice as much husband and half as much money” with the sentiment “I married him for better or worse, but not for lunch”. Generally, the women in our lives are much better at organising themselves socially, and shift very easily from full time to part time and then no work. If you live in the present, you quickly understand that to get older doesn’t mean losing time, but rather gaining time. All it takes to add value to time is God, a soul and a moment – and all three are always there.

In my many conversations with people over 60, it became apparent that our needs loosely conform to the following: Comfort, Attachment, Inclusion, Occupation and Identity. With this in mind, there are four things that help make the lives of retiring men easier as they transition to post-work life. Firstly, replace workmates with a new social network. Secondly, we must rediscover how to play. Thirdly, we must cultivate creativity. Finally, we should continue life-long learning.

We need to treat time as a gift from God, and invest it in worthwhile projects and relationships that will last beyond the grave. Proverbs in the Bible tells us that “Grey hair is a crown of honour” and that our days are numbered. It is a fantastic time in our lives and we should embrace the future with both excitement and enthusiasm. There are ample opportunities available if you decide to seek them out.

If the only thing that you do is to cultivate a “therapeutic culture of retirees”, then you run the risk of playing and consuming yourself to death. It is almost as if a fog surrounds you, where you become gradually disconnected from society. It can be said that formal and institutionalised retirement sets older people up for a season of continuous leisure and sloth, which leads to reduced self-worth and losing LIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

Have an absolutely brilliant next 30+ years.

“To know how to grow old is a master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.” HENRI AMIEL 1894

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Getting Back From the Future

and start working through a situation. These six guidelines may assist you to stop worrying over a catastrophe that may never happen.

Jodie Chambers

Step 1. STOP!!! Recognise that your thoughts are racing and you are trying to solve a problem that you’re not even sure of.

When we become overwhelmed, anxious, having a moment or any other out-of-control feeling you can think of, we need to calm ourselves down. This way we can look at our situation with clarity and thoughtfulness. Our mind and body are both reacting together in times of stress and it can be difficult to find calmness. Our body is trying to do something while our mind is trying to think something.

The problem is, we feel trapped and our mind goes blank.

Step 2. TAKE A BREATH. Breathing is something we can control and it is one of the things that becomes out of control when we get stressed.

There is no need to worry about counting breaths in and out, just take a deep breath in and slowly let it out. Do that a couple of times.

Step 3. WHAT CAN YOU SEE? You can bring yourself back to the present moment by naming some things you can see around you.

Step 4. WHAT CAN YOU HEAR? Name a couple of sounds you can hear in the now.

Back in the early 90’s there was a series called “Back to the Future.” These movies are about time travel. The first movie travels forward in time and another movie travels back in time.

Stress can be a bit like these movies. “It” throws our minds and bodies into the future, where we try and predict what is going to happen (“ I’m never going to be able to get what I need done, time is running out”). Or back to the past (“that happened last time so it’s going to happen again.”)

Step 5. WHAT CAN YOU FEEL? Either step 3, 4 or 5 will help bring you back from the future – or past. Touch your nose, wiggle your toes and if all else fails sing heads and shoulders, knees and toes until you feel settled.

Step 6. REPEAT ALL THE ABOVE STEPS. Keep doing this until you find yourself calming and your thought patterns regulating.

Try and practice these steps any time during the day or night before you get stressed. The more you do these steps when you are not overwhelmed, the calmer you will become over time.

There are some wonderful strategies that people can use to come to a place of calmness.

Below are six actions you can put into practice to help yourself Come Back From the Future

LIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

I find these steps can work quite well at 3am!

2017

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LIFE Edition 7, Issue 26

2017

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