BY DAN SAVAGE Dear Dan: I’ve been seeing a guy for two years. It was a FWB situation from the start, because he already had a girlfriend. I adore him, we quickly broke the rules (L-word spoken on both sides), but the B part has dwindled to nothing. We haven’t had PIV sex since September, and he just added a second FWB to the mix. He swears he’s attracted to me and says we aren’t having sex — with the exception of me blowing him from time to time — because he’s older. But I know for a fact the other two women are getting some. He says he’s attracted to me — so why doesn’t he want sex? How do I make him see how much I need him without issuing ultimatums? —Scared But Horny Dear SBH: Your FWB might come through with a little PIV if you issued that ultimatum, SBH, but it sure doesn’t sound like he’s going to fuck you short of one. You might be able to get this guy to quite literally throw you a bone, but I think your time would be better spent finding a new FWB.
BOULDER COUNTY’S INDEPENDENT VOICE
Dear Dan: I’m a a lesbian or a dyke, we’d shut them down. woman, and I was contactBut in 2020, it’s only acceptable to accept ed on an app by someone everyone for what they say they are. I disclaiming to be a “guydyke.” agree. Part of being a lesbian, being a Based on their profile picwoman, is also cultural and societal. It’s tures, I was basically looknot simply an identity. Living in the world ing at a white, cis, mascas a woman matters. A biological male presenting man who’s said he is queer who presents as a man and has sex only but only attracted to women. And by with women will never know what it’s like masc-presenting, I mean I to be treated as a woman or could not pick him out of a ROMAN ROBINSON a lesbian. He can identify lineup of the most average however he likes, of course, of average-looking straight but he will be perceived as dudes: drab clothes, a a straight man who’s week’s stubble, bad hairfetishizing queer women.” cut. Granted, nobody is obliged to announce their Dear Dan: I’m in my gender identity through late 20s and genderfluid. I clothing or grooming choichave a male physique, but es, but how is this guy not at times I feel more femistraight? nine. I suddenly can’t —Perplexed shake the desire to have more feminine breasts. I’ve Dear P: “I happen to be been looking at women one of those ‘old-school’ lesbians, despite with C or D cups and wishing I had boobs not actually being what most consider to that big. I’ve spent time looking into be old,” said Arielle Scarcella, a popular breast enhancement, but I live in the lesbian YouTuber (youtube.com/Arielle) Midwest. It’s not as bad as the South, but with more than 600,000 subscribers. “Back there are still plenty of people who when I was coming out in 2005, if a male believe violating gender norms is a sin. I person who lived as a man — a male who guess I don’t know what I’m trying to ask lived in such a way that he was always other than whether this is normal. perceived to be a man — claimed he was —Bro Obsessed Over Bust Size
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FEBRUARY 20, 2020
Dear BOOBS: It’s not normal — in the literal, non-pejorative sense — for an “assigned male at birth” person who presents as male to want to slap large boobs on his otherwise male-presenting physique. But so what? If you’re worried about how your boobs will be received there in the Midwest, perhaps you could get yourself a pair of what drag queens call “chicken cutlets,” i.e., silicone breasts enhancers that tuck into a bra, and try wearing them out. For the record, kids, I’m not equating being genderfluid with drag, even though many drag queens (but not all) identify as genderfluid and many genderfluid people (but not all) do drag. (I never get tired of tap-dancing my way through this minefield.) But back when I was doing drag, BOOBS, a pair of chicken cutlets artfully placed under my pecs created a pretty realistic looking set of big ol’ titties. Think of chicken cutlets as a temporary, nonsurgical breast-enhancement option — to test the locals as well as your desire to have breasts. On the Lovecast, the TRUTH about women’s libidos: savagelovecast.com. Send emails to mail@savagelove.net, follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage and visit ITMFA.org.
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