Spring 2013 BK Rainbow

The

Rainbow Reporter http://www.bnaikeshet.org/

March 2013

Volume XXXV, No.1

Nissan 5773

From Our Co-Presidents

Rabbi Elliott

This year may be 5773 and the Chinese may have just welcomed theYear of the Snake, but here at BK we are in the midst of something else altogether:TheYear of the Bnai Mitzvah. Between October 2012 and November 2013, we will celebrate 42 bnai mitzvah of the Zayin (7th grade) Bet Midrash class, up from a previous one-class high of 27.

God would like us to be joyful even when our hearts lie panting on the floor.

– Tevye

And celebrate is indeed the word, not endure or tolerate. For these simchas photo by Dan Epstein represent – as Rabbi Elliott reminds us elsewhere in these pages – not only the stepping up into Jewish adulthood of the child and the joy of the family, but the vibrancy of our community and the continuity of the Jewish people.

Services at American synagogues have a lot of challenges. Often those who attend aren’t sure why they are present, what they are praying for or how to pray. Part of the reason that Yom Kippur services are so widely attended is that at least the why and what are clear.

On Yom Kippur we know we have missed the mark and that we need rituals that allow us to rededicate and begin again. Even the how seems easier; we fast, we meditate, we ask forgiveness from others and God.

Double bnai mitzvah days – both Shabbat morning and mincha – are increasingly common at Bnai Keshet. We may soon celebrate a BK first: two bnai mitzvah parties at the shul on the same day. This presents some logistical challenges that we’ll overcome, but as our grandmothers would put the point: we should have such problems! Plus, there’s often smoked fish at the kiddush.

TheYear of the Bnai Mitzvah seems to us also somewhat metaphorical for Bnai Keshet’s development. But one generation or so ago, a group of 15 families met in Judy and Bernie Beck’s garage on South Mountain Avenue to discuss the idea of creating a new sort of Jewish community. Thirty-five years later – yes, we’ll mark BK’s double-chai next year – look at what the seed planted that night has grown into: a 280 member-unit community in a beautiful, paid-off building, implementing a cutting edge model of congregational learning, with a range of programming on any given week that would keep other communities busy for a month. (If pride is indeed a sin, for BK we’re guilty.) And yes, a year with 42 bnai mitzvah.

As children grow and develop their needs become increasingly complex.

No less so with institutions. As BK moves through its adolescence into full adulthood, our challenges mount: meeting the needs of a larger community, providing a solid financial foundation, making the unprecedented number of bet midrash students fit into our classrooms, communicating via e-blasts and Facebook, and on and on.

But as with individual bnai mitzvah, if one pauses to notice them between the mishegas of DJs, dresses and suits, food and hotel arrangements, there are moments of divine grace. This the two of us know for sure, as our daughters are on either side of the bnai mitzvah divide (Izzy’s was during Sukkot, Maya’s is this September). Watching Maya begin her preparations with a seriousness of purpose, or Izzy and her cousin Eden engaging the continued on page 2

How much more can we be joyful, when there’s really something, to be joyful for! – Lazar To Life! (L’chaim) Fiddler on The Roof

It is a small measure of Bnai Keshet’s success in addressing spiritual questions of what, why and how that we get significant attendance at other holiday services throughout the year. That said, it is my guess that if we were to survey the next best attended synagogue services in America after the Days of Awe, we would find the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

For many Jews, the only time they come to regular Shabbat service is for Bnai Mitzvah. This success is not only about the party that follows. Rather, when we attend Bnai Mitzvah of friends and family we understand the purpose of our presence and of the ritual. The survival of vibrant Jewish life for future generations is can’t be taken for granted. When we see a Bat Mitzvah reading for the Torah or hear a Bar Mitzvah offering a devar, we witness the chain of tradition being passed down; an immediate antidote to the existential threat of Jewish continuity.

Even though thirteen is young, we come to Bnai Mitzvah to see children stepping into adulthood. We stop and reflect on the very nature of life as we watch the parents’ faces full of emotion.

When we are part of the family or have known the child for many years, we are mindful of how fast time passes; of what life was like thirteen years ago; of who was present then who is gone now; of the changes we might expect in another thirteen years.

In short, even for those who are never celebrate Shabbat or are connected to the family, Bnai Mitzvah services work. continued on page 2

March 2013

Rabbi Elliott - continued So it is sometimes hard to remember that for those unconnected to the family, these very services can feel alienating. For those who have found meaning in the weekly prayer practice of attending Shabbat services, Bnai Mitzvah can feel like a disruption to their spiritual rhythm. For those who experience the Bnai Mitzvah service as a place of disconnect, I offer these suggestions, which are, by the way, equally helpful to invited guests and useful for Shabbat services even when there are no Bnai Mitzvah.

Why Are You Here?

It is customary when putting on a tallit, to drape the prayer shawl over one’s head for a few moments. This is an opportunity to set one’s kavanah, intention. When you step into services, allow yourself thirty seconds to ask yourself, why am I here today and what am I praying for? Just this simple act will change your relationship to the liturgy, song and prayer. If you find yourself becoming distracted by one element or another of the Bnai Mitzvah, simply remind yourself of this kavanah and reset your intention.

Observe The Service Through Another’s Eyes Often when leading Bnai Mitzvah, I pause in my prayers and look at the 13 year old to my left. Whether they are on automatic pilot, speeding through the service, visibly nervous or apparently thrilled, their faces always inspire warm feelings of compassion. Then I look to the parents, eyes and hearts laser-focused on their child. Once in a while I catch the eye of a grandparent or sibling. My connection grows as I become aware of how they are experiencing the current moment.

PRAY for the Bnai Mitzvah: Be a Prayerful Community At Bnai Keshet we choose to celebrate this life-cycle event not as a private family affair, but as an explicitly public and communal event. Though he/she can’t vote or drive a car; though he/she may be the baby of the family in the parents’ eyes; when he/she joins us at a Bnai Keshet shiva minyan this person counts as an adult in our community.

Bnai Keshet policy requires that all Bnai Mitzvah services be open to the community. The families have to plan the service within particular, community-defined boundaries because they are sharing a communal space to make their celebration.

It is our responsibility to make this intention of this policy real.

We have an obligation as a community, whether we are friendly with the celebrating family or not, to show up and be spiritually present. It is a mitzvah to sing joyously and pray vigorously at Bnai Mitzvah. When we participate fully in services, we lift up the guests, the family and the entire community. We create a memory for that child and everyone present of what it means to come of age in a vibrant, spirited and covenantally bound community.

Pray for the BNAI MITZVAH: Offer Prayers on Their Behalf.

When answering the question of how to pray, there are two seemingly contradictory paths. One is to use the liturgy and time to journey inward, to investigate the qualities of our

2

heart and be mindful of the state of our soul. Another is to lose ourselves, letting soulful song or the familiarity of the services carry us outside of our minds so that we might feel connected to God, the world and our community.

Sometimes Bnai Mitzvah, with the extra unfamiliar faces, with slightly more explanations and formal opportunities to comment on the event, can be disruptive to these efforts. We can find ourselves distracted by the differences, or find our inner-voices caught up in comparisons and judgments. This can be especially true if we perceive any sense of tension.

When this happens (or even if it doesn’t) it can be quite moving to offer your own series of personal blessings. Start with the child and consider what your wishes for him or her on this day. Continue to the parents, the community and even the synagogue. In my experience this practice of offering blessing, especially to those to whom your mind is drawn in a distracting way, melts away judgment and replaces it with compassion and connection. This is true even when, or perhaps especially when, offered to strangers.

Finally, Kvell!

It is just miraculous that our congregation gets to be a part of all these joyous simcha moments. Each Bnai Mitzvah is a marvelous accomplishment, not only by the family and staff, but of the whole community. There are so many families who have found a home at Bnai Keshet when no other Jewish community seemed to fit. Our services are unique and our community is embracing. The achievements of every one of these children are simply amazing and you have been a part of making them possible. After you congratulate the family, find a guest and introduce yourself as a member and ambassador of this great community. Wish a fellow congregant mazel tov on having helped to fulfill this mitzvah. Be joyful, there is really something to be joyful for!

Co-Presidents continued community in a discussion of what it means to see the face of God in daily life, the fog parts and the reason for all the surrounding work and craziness shines through.

These moments occur always and everywhere at Bnai Keshet. From the few and proud who arrived for services, pot luck kiddush in hand, on the recent “Nemo Shabbat” to the 100-plus congregants who converged the previous week to help some newer members of the community mourn the loss of a family member far away, the moments of meaning, the reasons for it all, abound. All we need do is open our eyes, and ourselves, to them. All this and 42 bnai mitzvah. What a year. Mazel tov to us all.

Richard and Craig

Nissan 5773

Observations I recently I took a plane trip with my toddler. We sat in the middle of a row and I tried to entertain her with one thing after another. The woman in the window seat obliged her crawling over to look out for a few minutes, but still, sitting down was not a viable option for the long haul. Instead, we spent most of our flight racing up and down the aisle, irritating flight attendants and amusing other passengers. One of these days I expect my daughter will figure out how to behave in public, although it might be awhile. The task of toddlerhood is figuring out how to behave in the community you belong to.

When she comes out of the other side of toddlerhood, I hope she has a firm sense of belonging to her family and some extended community and a good handle on what constitutes appropriate behavior (whether she behaves appropriately or not).

My job as a rabbi and wearing my hat as an educator of children is to extend the work of parents in our community educating their children Jewishly. Educators in synagogues and other faith communities have identified three goals of spiritual education: behaving, believing, and belonging. Just as our American culture has its norms of behavior, its common beliefs, and its ability to suffuse us with a particular identity, so too, Judaism. “Behaving” includes lighting Shabbat candles, praying, doing intentional acts of tikkun olam, and performing other mitzvot. What constitutes Jewish “believing” differs from community to community, with the outer bounds being clearer than the inner dimensions. Jewish “belonging” includes both claiming a personal identity as a Jew and acting on that identity by conscious membership in Jewish communities, both informal and formal.

Of the three pillars, believing is hardest to approach directly.

Some believing comes from persistent behavior. As we said at Mt. Sinai, “We will do and we will listen,” often interpreted as

“Do the mitzvot and you’ll eventually believe in them.” Some believing comes from feeling and thinking our way through the stories passed down to us through our ancestors. Students studying the revelation at Mt. Sinai create “sense poems” to give their own eyewitness accounts of the experience – it was hot, the thunder was loud, the sand was in my eyes, it smelled of 600,000 people crowded together in the heat. Other classes recreate these stories in the form of sculpture or painting. Our fourth grade class focuses the entire year on theology. After every discussion and story, they concretize the question at hand through collage, nature walks, sculptures, creative writing, and more. This is just a sampling of “belief ” education for children at BK – in truth, this pillar is the most frequent source of creative thinking and innovation on the part of our teachers and an area of constant reinvention and growth.

Adult Jewish education, unlike children’s education, rarely has its core purposes articulated. Yet our adult education program at BK fulfills many of the goals of the behaving, believing, and belonging paradigm and that education is centered around and reinforced by weekly Shabbat services which give us the opportunity to perform Jewish behaviors, reflect on our beliefs, and demonstrate our belonging to community.

After four hours of running up and down the aisle on our recent flight, my daughter tired herself out. She cried in my arms for about twenty minutes and finally fell asleep. I had a quiet moment to chat with our neighbor in the window and I discovered that I was sitting next to Alicia Ostriker, a prominent Jewish poet who I have admired for years. I gushed over meeting her and she was gracious and said nice things about my wild child. Ms. Ostriker wrote a poem I particularly like entitled “Everywoman Her Own Theology.” I invite you to look it up and think - if you had to write your own statement of belief, what would it look like? How has your synagogue membership, your Jewish upbringing, or your coming to Judaism as an adult shaped your belief? What elements of that belief can you share with your Jewish community? If you are raising children, which parts can you share with them? And if you haven’t shared them, why not?

Rabbi Ariann Weitzman

Ladtkapalooza- Ed, Craig, Marty, Sam, Jordan, Zach, Alan, Ira, and Rich

Photo by Dan Epstein

3

March 2013

A

r

a

l

w

a

n

b

d

a

b

i

.

o

t

b

h

.

i

.

r

.

t

s

,

a

w

i

o

o

m

t

H

m

i

h

i

m

a

e

n

t

e

b

o

s

i

f

t

a

o

e

r

m

b

t

u

a

f

r

n

e

o

r

o

H

r

i

a

s

r

f

d

e

n

f

u

t

m

n

i

h

a

d

m

e

n

s

a

i

i

f

r

h

e

n

W

h

e

r

r

t

w

c

y

o

W

m

o

.

i

T

t

h

:

u

P

a

k

g

u

e

r

y

s

o

t

a

i

s

i

g

a

c

o

o

.

n

r

r

r

n

a

n

M

a

o

g

o

,

o

t

a

c

a

n

s

r

d

i

e

e

s

t

r

n

h

r

l

g

o

o

:

e

n

J

m

a

T

t

e

g

h

o

h

e

s

t

8

w

g

i

a

2

m

,

t

y

i

o

:

h

e

a

s

3

t

h

e

n

8

i

a

r

r

,

h

t

a

h

s

a

e

m

m

y

w

c

e

h

e

o

n

e

l

.

0

A

M

/

3

P

M

n

( W

e

’

l

l

m

e

e

t

a

t

B

n

a

i

h

e

n

K

e

s

h

e

t

,

s

i

n

g

h

a

l

l

e

l

( i

t

’ s

P

W

h

o

W

h

a

a

s

:

s

Y

t

o

y

u

e

s

t

i

e

a

u

n

s

a

e

r

/

i

e

t

f

r

d

t

p

S

a

,

d

s

R

r

)

n

n

o

o

r

,

u

m

4

v

u

o

y

Q

o

i

V

n

r

i

P

.

g

i

e

n

o

a

d

b

r

s

r

i

a

v

a

n

a

n

g

n

d

:

)

f

b

a

a

m

g

i

g

e

d

t

:

o

c

M

l

a

a

n

r

@

i

a

n

g

G

m

a

o

l

i

l

.

c

a

n

o

,

m

l

y

1

l

u

6

n

a

c

n

h

d

,

o

l

d

e

r

r

t

p

,

r

p

i

b

b

a

i

u

u

t

i

l

n

t

e

d

b

t

a

r

h

u

s

e

h

i

o

h

r

u

s

e

Nissan 5773

Member Mentionings We recognize the creative abilities of the following members: Alyce Gottesman’s paintings are featured in an exhibition “Structure and Flow: An Exploration of Contrasts in Abstraction” on view through March 9 at the Paul Robeson Center for the Arts, 102 Witherspoon St., Princeton. Artist’s panel discussion Thursday, March 7 at 6:30 p.m. as part of the Princeton Artwalk. Gallery hours Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Ron Kaplan, sports and features editor for the New Jersey Jewish News, is publishing his first book, 501 Baseball Books Fans Must Read before They Die (University of Nebraska Press, April).

Ed Davis is teaching a course for the Montclair Adult School, “Introduction to Classical Music”, 3 Tuesdays, 7-9 p.m. A sampling of great Baroque, classical and romantic composers will be discussed.

Purim 2013!

Hesed is Here What do you think of when you hear the word “hesed?” I confess I myself never thought much about it until BK tapped my shoulder. I searched my soul and heeded the call to serve my community in hesed.

My quest to learn about a definition of hesed led me to phrases like “acts of loving kindness,” “faithfulness,” “steadfast love,” “loyalty.” I was particularly struck by this description: “An act of hesed presupposes the existence of a relationship between the parties involved. Where no formal relationship has previously been recognized, the person exercising hesed has chosen to treat the recipient as if such a relationship did exist.”

To me this encapsulates hesed. The simple message of helping someone you may not know that well, or at all, and you do so for no particular reason, except that it is just what one does in the name of hesed, is truly a mitzvah, but only half of the equation.

The other half doesn’t present itself as clearly. Our esteemed rabbis often say “It is a mitzvah to reach out for help.” That can be challenging for someone in need to remember, but it is a mitzvah to be able to reach out and ask for help. Our DNA is programmed to want to help others in times of stress and celebration. How can we fulfill that need if no one reaches out for help? Hesed is a yin-yang mitzvah and it doesn’t get more beautiful than that!

So who are we that need and perform hesed? It’s all of us. We are husbands, wives, widows, widowers, singles, divorced, mothers, fathers, grandmas, grandpas, sisters, brothers, special needs, gay and straight. We are the BK community. We have good days. We have bad days. Together we mourn, celebrate, care for and help one another. Hesed is here. Consider taking part. Please contact me at loribecker13@gmail.com , if you want to help or if you need help.

– Lori Becker

5

March 2013

Introducing Our Newest Members (since Dec. ‘12) Nancy Markowitz and Al Drozdowski Native Chicagoans Nancy Markovitz and Al Drozdowski have a mixed marriage-Nancy’s from the South side, Albert from the North side. But they can agree on the Bulls and Bears and their hearty mixedbreed dogs Jack and Fiona. When not working as a regulatory affairs consultant, Nancy likes to be outdoors, garden, and play/coach sports, especially basketball. Al is, after 5 years in increasingly challenging roles with The Players, Roche’s musical theater group, looking for new creative outlets for his inner ham. Fortunately, his current position as a hardware associate at The Home Depot in Paterson provides a decent stage for this. Nancy and Al like the diverse community at BK and the friendliness they have experienced there. Al particularly appreciated Rabbi Elliott’s Purim costume: a carpenter; it reminded him of his younger days as a maintenance mechanic. Al and Nancy are looking forward to new experiences and friendships at BK and learning more about Judaism.

Maya Grosz and Siddhu Nadkarni The Grosz Nadkarni family joined BK this winter. They moved to Montclair from Brooklyn a year and a half ago and love their new hometown. Their daughter Tara, who is in first grade, attends Watchung school and will join Bet Midrash next year. Siddhu is a neurologist and psychiatrist in Manhattan and Maya is a law professor at Seton Hall Law School in Newark. They have heard many great things about BK from friends in Montclair and are thrilled to find a progressive, diverse, spiritual Jewish community.

Ellen Schwartz and Mike Stein Ellen Schwartz, Mike Stein and their three children Samantha, Jacob and Nicole joined this January. Samantha is a Senior at The Hudson High School, Jacob, a 7th grader at the Newmark School and Nicole, a 6th grader at The Hudson Middle school. Nicole has joined the Bet Midrash, 6th grade class. They were moved to join by the enthusiasm for BK of Mike’s sister Jill Stein and her family. They look forward to being part of the warm and progressive community that BK offers.

Marion Jacobson and Tom Hilliard The Hilliard family is new in the neighborhood, having just recently moved to West Orange and joined Bnai Keshet. Marion earned her PhD in ethnomusicology at New York University, and put it to work writing “Squeeze This: A Biography of the American Accordion”. Tom, an Alabama native, works with a Manhattanbased think tank, the Center for an Urban Future, as Senior Fellow for Workforce Development. Their son, Jasper, the only fifth grader in West Orange obsessed equally with Doctor Who, physics, microbiology and wrestling, aspires to become a Pokemon trainer when he grows up. Simone is in third grade, where she spends most of her time reading, writing and making amazing things out of paper. We are all thrilled to have joined the BK community!

Judith and Jared Grodner The Grodners moved to Montclair from Brooklyn in 2005. Jared grew up in Montclair, and daughters Ruby, 3, and Lily, 1 month, are now growing up in his childhood home. Jared is a designer/fabricator of furniture and architectural metal and Judith is a pre-k/kindergarten teacher at the Montclair Cooperative School. Jared and Judith have many friends at BK, and were attracted to it for the inclusive spirit, community service and comfortable atmosphere.

6

Nissan 5773

Celebrate your family and friends or remember a beloved one with a Bnai Keshet donation.

Whether it is a life cycle event, a special occasion, a remembrance of a beloved person, or just to let someone you know that you appreciate them, turn to Bnai Keshet to recognize the event or moment. Your donation will also help Bnai Keshet.

Tributes

Prayerbook

What is a Tribute? A tribute is a great way to tell someone you care. Perhaps you wish to acknowledge a life cycle event, a simcha, or just let someone know you’re thinking of them.

Your tribute in celebration or in memory of someone will be listed on the website and also on a list distributed at Shabbat services. The recipient of your tribute will receive an immediate e-mail announcement. Nonmember recipients will receive a card via US mail. We welcome any donation, but suggest that it be given in increments of chai, $18.

Donating a prayerbook is a wonderful way to keep our supply fresh and growing. A bookplate with your name will be placed in the book you donate. Check the web for designs.

Bnai Keshet Bookplate

1) Go to the Bnai Keshet website, bnaikeshet.org

Celebrate and remember with a Bnai Keshet bookplate.

Whether it is a life cycle event, a special occasion, or to honor a dearly beloved with a lasting memorial, dedicate a Shabbat siddur, a humash, or a High Holy Day mahzor to your family or friends. A bookplate will be placed in the book of your choice along with your personal inscription. Each time the book is opened your dedication will be reaffirmed.

Siddur - $36 Humash - $54 High Holy Day Mahzor - $72

Ways to make your donation:

2) Contact the synagogue office via email with the necessary information at bnaikeshet@bnaikeshet.org 3) Mail or drop off the information and payment to the synagogue office, 99 S. Fullerton Ave. Montclair, NJ 07042

7

The Rainbow Reporter Bnai Keshet’s Quarterly Newsletter

We welcome articles

Rabbi:

Elliott Tepperman

Contact Lois at: infeld6@hotmail.com

Associate Rabbi:

Darby Jared Leigh

Rabbi Elliott Tepperman

Director of Congregational Learning:

Rabbi Ariann Weitzman

Rabbi’s Study: 973-783-2511 E-mail: rabbielliott@bnaikeshet.org

Co-Presidents:

Richard Freedman & Craig Levine

VP Religious Life & Tikkun Olam: Jordan Sklar

8

Editors: Laurie Waite-Fellner & Lois Infeld Associate Editor: Judith Kalmanson

Rabbi Darby Jared Leigh

Rabbi’s Study: 973-746-7588 Home Study: 973-508-0876 E-mail: rabbidarby@bnaikeshet.org

VP Membership & Community Development:

Cheryl Marshall-Petricoff

Rabbi Ariann Weitzman

VP Development:

Charles Rosen

VP Education:

Ruth Lowenkron

School Office: 973-746-0244 E-mail: dcl@bnaikeshet.org

Treasurer:

Richard Polton

Secretary:

Marian Golan

Director of Operations:

Stuart Brown

Assistant Director of Operations:

Nadia Christiansen

Synagogue Office (Mon. – Fri.)

Synagogue office: 973-746-4889 Fax: 973-746-4963 E-mail: bnaikeshet@bnaikeshet.org Website: www.bnaikeshet.org Please contact Stuart Brown, Director of Operations, for more information.