Black & Pink News, Vol. 8, Issue 4—May 2017

Background by Mata Ruda B&P graphc by Hugh G. (PA)

May 2017

By Eric Drooker

Volume 8, Issue 4

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A message from Jason Dear friends, I hope this note finds you as well as possible. I am sitting here in my apartment trying to keep my cat from jumping up on the table, but I am failing. He is all grey, very soft, and I let him get away with anything, it’s a problem. His name is Vanzetti, he’s a great cat, and like most cats he does exactly what he wants to, living up to his anarchist namesake.

This past week there has been a lot of attention paid to the recent reported suicide of Aaron Hernandez here in Massachusetts. This may not have made as big headlines where you are, but Hernandez was a football player with the New England Patriots and he was incarcerated for allegedly killing three people. It is likely that his actions were motivated by a desire to hide his sexuality. The exact facts of the case are complicated, something many of you are familiar with I am sure. The truth is, regardless of what happened, Hernandez’s life still had value.

Those who loved Aaron Hernandez are grieving his death. According to news reports he left three different suicide note addressed to his fiancée on the outside, his daughter, and his boyfriend on the inside. To be honest, I feel some sadness that we at Black & Pink never reached out to him, not knowing about his queerness, and that we were unable to be there for him to provide support and remind him that he was not alone.

When one prisoner commits suicide, prison administrators often gets nervous that this is going to spark others to do similarly. There is some truth to this anxiety. Those of us who know someone who has taken their own life are more likely to die by suicide. However, what prison officials fail to do is change the conditions that create the

desperation so many feel. Suicide is the leading cause of death in county jails and the leading non-physical illness cause of death in state and federal prisons. Prisons and jails create the environment for suicide.

The inhumane treatment of prisoners, the incredibly long sentences, and the absence of actual care for prisoners makes suicide often feel like the only option.

I recently received an email from a prisoner who was struggling with feeling suicidal. I want to share with all of you some of what I shared with this person: Feeling suicidal is a very common feeling behind the wall. You are not alone in that. Sometimes that can feel like the only way to have power over anything. There is no shame in having those feelings. Life can feel like too much some times. What I want to encourage you to do, though, is try to take some deep breaths when you’re having those moments. Try to pay attention to your breathing. Feel your feet on the floor. Try to feel your heart beat in your chest. Try to be aware of every feeling in your body. Even when everything around you feels terrible, your body is a miracle. Try to pay attention to the moments of life that feel good. Try to clear your mind…

When that doesn’t work, it’s ok to just cry in your bunk. Push your face into your mattress. Cover yourself with your blanket. Imagine being anywhere else. Imagine a different life, one where you are free. Cry and feel angry. Try to feel all the rage in your body. Feel yourself get hot from the anger. Feel your face get wet from the tears. Know that it is ok to feel weak and broken some times. You are not the first one to feel this way. Life can be horrible; life is completely unfair. Each day you make a choice,

a choice about living, and my hope is that even as things are so bad, that you will keep choosing life. As part of Black & Pink you have a family that does care what happens to you.

Even if we can’t always write, even if we can’t get you free, even if we can’t make everything better or right, we care about you. We care about your life. You are valuable to us.

I wish words could be more comforting. I wish I could give you a hug or hold your hand when things feel so horrible. Please know that we are fighting for a better world and that we want to end the suffering you are experiencing. We will not win soon enough. We will not make things better fast enough. We will keep fighting though. I hope you are able to keep fighting alongside us.

“Please know that we are fighting for a better world and that we want to end the suffering you are experiencing. We will not win soon eough. We will not make things better fast enough. We will keep fighting though. I hope you are able to keep fighting alongside us.

Aaron Hernandez’s boyfriend has been put on suicide watch, an often inhumane response to a person’s devastation. It is unacceptable that prisons treat people in these ways. As our open family, we keep resisting, knowing that once there were no prisons, that day will come again.

In loving solidarity,

Jason

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In This Issue News you can use: Criminal Justice in Trump’s First 100 Days pages 5, 10, 13-14 Special to Black & Pink: So Many Faces... pages 6, 8, 11-12 College Wrestler Convicted of Spreading HIV Wins Legal Victory pages 7, 15 The Nonviolent/Violent Dichotomy pages 7, 9-10, 13, 15-17 Cuomo Proposes Reduction in Prisons’ Visitation Days pages 12, 15 Black & Pink family: Letters pages 18-29, 31 Poetry pages 24, 29, 31-32 Submit to Black & Pink! page 30

May 2017

Black & Pink News Black & Pink Hotline The hotline phone number is (617) 519-4387. The hotline will be available Sundays, 1-5 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time) for certain. You can call at other times, as well, and we will do our best to answer your calls as often as possible. We are sorry that we can only accept prepaid calls at this time. The purposes of the hotline are: Supportive listening: Being in prison is lonely, as we all know. The hotline is here for supportive listening so you can just talk to someone about what is going on in your life.

Organizing: If there are things going on at your prison—lockdowns, guard harassment, resistance, or anything else that should be shared with the public—we can help spread the word.

work toward the abolition of the prison-industrial complex (PIC) is rooted in the experiences of currently and formerly incarcerated people. We are outraged by the specific violence of the PIC towards LGBTQ people, and we respond through advocacy, education, direct service, and organizing. Black & Pink is proudly a family of people of all races and ethnicities.

About Black & Pink News Since 2007, Black & Pink free world volunteers have pulled together a monthly newspaper, composed primarily of material written by our family’s incarcerated members. In response to letters we receive, we send the newspaper to more prisoners every month! Black & Pink News currently reaches more than 9,400 prisoners!

Give us a call! (617) 519-4387 Sundays, 1-5 p.m. EST

We look forward to hearing from you! This is our first attempt at this so please be patient with us as we work it all out. We will not be able to answer every call, but we will do our best. We apologize to anyone who has been trying to get through to the hotline with no success. We are still working out the system. Thank you for being understanding.

Restrictions: The hotline is not a number to call about getting on the penpal list or to get the newspaper.

The hotline is not a number to call for sexual or erotic chatting. The hotline is not a number for getting help with your current court case; we are not legal experts.

Statement of Purpose Black & Pink is an open family of LGBTQ prisoners and “free world” allies who support each other. Our

Disclaimer The ideas and opinions expressed in Black & Pink News are solely those of the authors and artists and do not necessarily reflect the views of Black & Pink. Black & Pink makes no representations as to the accuracy of any statements made in Black & Pink News, including but not limited to legal and medical information. Authors and artists bear sole responsibility for their work. Everything published in Black & Pink News is also on the internet—it can be seen by anyone with a computer. By sending art or written work to “Newspaper Submissions,” you are agreeing to have it published in Black & Pink News and on the internet. In order to respect our members’ privacy, we publish only first names and state locations. We may edit submissions to fit our anti-oppression values and/or based on our own editing guidelines.

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May 2017 (United States)

May 2017

Sun

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Mon Hitler commits suicide (1945), Berlin

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Lei Day (Hawaii) May Day: Inernational Day of Workers' Struggle

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14 Lag BaOmer

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Mother's Day

Tue

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Wed Yom Ha'atzmaut

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9 John Brown

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born (1800), abolitionist who led armed insurrection against slavery

World Press Freedom Day

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Fri

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19 Malcolm X born

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27 Ramadan starts

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3 Curtis Mayfield

17 Supreme Court

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22 Harvey Milk Day

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29 Memorial Day

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31 Shavuot

(California)

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bans school segregation (1954)

Sat Cinco de Mayo

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13 Philadelphia

police bomb Black radical MOVE house (1985)

(1925)

Liberation Day National Missing Children's Day

born (1942)

Criminal Justice in Donald Trump’s First 100 Days

By Ames Grawert and Natasha Camhi Brennan Center for Justice, Apr. 20, 2017 In his Inaugural Address, President Donald Trump pledged to address the rising specter of “American carnage”—“the crime and gangs and drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential.”

The last time a president addressed rising crime in his inaugural address was 1997. Then, with crime near historic peaks (at 4,891 offenses per 100,000 people), President Bill Clinton spoke of the need to “help reclaim our streets from drugs and gangs and crime” so that “our streets will echo again with the laughter of our children, because no one will

try to shoot them or sell them drugs anymore.”

Trump’s dark portrait of America, however, comes at a time when the national crime rate is near historic lows—42 percent below what it was in 1997. As his first 100 days near an end, what has the president done to address crime and criminal justice? And what can the country expect in the weeks and months ahead?

So far, many of the administration’s actions are symbolic. But they evidence a clear return to the discredited “tough on crime” rhetoric of the 1990s, and suggest a significant departure from the Obama administration’s approach to criminal justice. Trump’s turn also directly contradicts the emerging consensus among conservatives, progressives,

law enforcement, and researchers that the country’s incarceration rate is too high, and that our over-reliance on prison is not the best way to address crime. As crime remains

“[These proposals are] solutions in search of a problem. Taken to an extreme, they would set back the ... movement to end mass incarceration.” near historic lows—despite local, isolated increases—these proposed changes are, ultimately, solutions in search of a problem. Taken to an extreme, they would set back the

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Special to Black & Pink: So Many Faces...

By Erykah Carter While incarcerated in Massachussetts last year, trans woman Erykah Carter published two pieces in a local newspaper documenting her experiences transitioning on the inside. In April 2017, Carter spoke with oral historian and educator Revan Schendler about being free and being herself—and why she wants to reach out to Black & Pink News’ readers.

“We have a lot of rights, we just don’t know it. Being able to transition while incarcerated is one of them. I was told I couldn’t, that it was impossible, and that I would be better off transferring to another jail. Well, that was not happening.”

When I was incarcerated I wanted someone to look up to, and to read things that showed I wasn’t the only one trying to make it in the world. There are a lot of people who need to know how it feels to finally get out and live your life on a comfortable note. I want them to see it’s possible. Yes, there are going to be those mistakes and fears. Life isn’t always going to be great, but you can go out there and do things that people do every day. We’re no different from anyone else living a “normal” life.

At one point I felt that normality was cisgendered male and female, people with good jobs and stuff

like that, exploring the world. The doubts start to be put in our heads at an early age, the perception that only straight men and women have “normal” lives, because, according to some people, the LGBT community is, how would you say it, corrupt, or we are sinners. This makes it difficult to believe that we can have a normal life.

I’ve had to go through a tough struggle to believe I was worthy of having the same happiness as anybody else. All the messages you hear spouting out of people’s mouths because they don’t necessarily know that you are a trans woman and they think it’s OK to say those things—the way society tells us that we aren’t normal or that what has happened to us in life makes us the way we are: it’s all just to belittle us.

I don’t believe all that anymore.

You can’t tell me it’s raining ducks and I’m gonna believe it. It’s not that type of party.

Not everyone who is sexually abused turns out to be either a lesbian or a homosexual.

It’s terrible that those messages are out there.

People make choices that are their own.

Life Erykah Carter

can be good despite those who are against us.

I see how people are put into categories and boxes, how your story fits into this kind of story.

That’s not what I want to do. I don’t only want my story to be for trans women and trans men or even the whole LGBT community. My story is from rags to riches, and definitely NOT in the sense of money, but in the sense of empowerment and comfortability. I want to show people it’s possible to make a life, even if you’ve been hurt.

Being trans,

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‘Mandigo,’ College Wrestler Convicted Of Spreading HIV, Wins Major Legal Victory

By Steven Thrasher

BuzzFeed News, Apr. 5, 2017 Michael Johnson, the college wrestler also known as “Tiger Mandingo” who was sentenced to 30 years in prison for “recklessly” exposing his sexual partners to the AIDS virus, has won a new chance at freedom. On Tuesday the Missouri Supreme Court declined to intervene after a court of appeals reversed his conviction and remanded the case for a new trial.

Johnson, the subject of a threeyear investigation by BuzzFeed News, had been found guilty, in a racially charged trial, of infecting one man with HIV and exposing four others to it. But in a withering decision, the Eastern District Court of Appeals of Missouri ruled that his trial was “fundamentally unfair” because his prosecutors waited until

the last minute to turn over 24 hours of taped calls that Johnson had made from prison.

Prosecutors “intentionally withheld the recordings from the defense to gain a strategic advantage,” the appeals court wrote. Its decision quoted a prosecutor saying, “If we disclose them to the defense they’ll tell their client.” He added, “so we don’t disclose them until towards the end.”

The prosecution appealed that ruling, but Missouri’s highest court declined, without additional comment, to hear the case. Despite the reversal of his conviction, Johnson, who was imprisoned three years ago at the age of 22, will not be released from prison any time soon.

“We’re prepared to try the case again,” St. Charles Prosecuting Attorney Tim Lohmar told BuzzFeed News through a spokesperson.

“At some point,” said Eric Selig, who will represent Johnson in future proceedings, “they’re going to be given an order that he’ll have to be removed and brought back to St. Charles County,” where he was originally tried. Then he may have a bond hearing, engage in plea bargain negotiations, or face a new trial.

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College wrestler Michael Johnson a.k.a. “Tiger Mandigo”

The Nonviolent/Violent Dichotomy

By Victoria Law

The New Inquiry, Apr. 3, 2017 More than 40 years after the War on Drugs was declared, our nation faces overcrowded prisons and skyrocketing costs. As state and federal budgets sag under this weight, politicians who once vowed to be “tough on crime” are now introducing legis-

lation that ostensibly begins to undo their efforts. Though the new president has set himself firmly against Obama’s criminal justice reform (along with everything else Obama has implemented), lawmakers on the state level are continuing their efforts to cut prison populations.

On the federal level, there have been talks of a bipartisan approach

to criminal justice reform. In the Senate, for example, Kentucky Republican Rand Paul teamed up with Democrats Patrick Leahy and Jeff Merkley to introduce the Justice Safety Valve Act, allowing federal judges to hand out sentences below the mandatory minimums. Wiscon-

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Special to Black & Pink: So Many Faces... continued from page 6

and what I needed to do. Not everyone was willing to help, but I went through those who were. It became more and more clear to me that I was able to transition.

In a men’s prison it’s always sir sir sir, in a women’s prison it’s ma’am or whatever, and it’s impossible to feel who you are. Even while I was trying to transition and people knew my gender was female, there were those who felt they had the right to choose who they wanted me to be. They make it seem like there’s only one gender in this facility or that facility and nothing in between.

That’s something that makes it difficult for people to survive.

I spent many days and hours focusing on these things. I did a homosexual, sticking out, being lot of self-reflection. The damages that have made us unable to want to incarcerated—it’s all tough. Prison live, including abuse and whatever officials don’t know how else to deal with it, so you are segregated. has stunted our growth in becoming You’re not male, you’re not female, who we want to be—we need to you have to be placed in a single focus on these before we can deal with anything else. cell or in confinement, because I can think of better places to selfthey don’t have anywhere else to put you. That’s an example of the reflect, but cell time is definitely prison system imposing gender on OK, away from those who would like to taint what you are working us instead of being able to assist us. on. I enjoyed a lot of the time I Luckily for me, I had the courage to push for what I wanted, not just was able to go through things that have scarred my life, healing those allowing people to tell me, as I have most of my life, what had to parts of it, removing that anger and hatred for people who made me feel be done.

I was less than.

It’s difficult to transition in jail, The healing came from accepting always having “It’s difficult to transition in jail.

You someone to go up that some people are damaged, and against. You settle settle one situation one day and there’s although they one situation one another waiting for you as soon as you day and there’s knew what they were doing, their another waiting for get out of bed in the morning. That’s you as soon as you where you have to build the strength to behavior has a lot to do with how get out of bed in the be able to fight for what you want.” they were raised morning, whether it’s inmates, and conditioned.

This is not to let correctional officers, staff, or anyone who feels Even I have things to learn about them off scot free, it’s a way for me that you don’t have the same rights gender. I have had to get used to to understand and move on with my as they do. That’s where you have using the pronoun “them” instead life. to build the strength to be able to of “him” and “her” with people I wrote in my journal and wrote who prefer that. We’ve all been letters expressing what I felt. I fight for what you want.

We have a lot of rights, we conditioned to believe there is only even sent some of the letters out, to just don’t know it. Being able to him or her. I don’t want anyone else family, because those were the ones transition while incarcerated is one to feel like they don’t have a place in I wanted most in my life, expressing of them. I was told I couldn’t, that this world, because they do. I have the pain that I had felt, or that I had it was impossible, and that I would to break down the walls of what I caused—it’s not just one way. be better off transferring to another was taught. Having to unlearn a lot Although I don’t practice a jail. Well, that was not happening. of things has been hard, but I’m religion, I feel there’s a spirituality to be able to soul search and find I was already planted where I was. willing to do it.

I wouldn’t be able to get through that inner being which is you, I wasn’t looking to relocate or become comfortable somewhere a day if I didn’t feel OK with the which has not been molded. If you else. So I did some research to find things that have happened in my continued on page 11 out whether there was a process, life. While I was incarcerated

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The Nonviolent/Violent Dichotomy continued from page 7 sin Republican Jim Sensenbrenner teamed up with Democrat Bobby Scott to introduce the Safe, Accountable, Fair, Effective (SAFE) Justice Act, which encourages probation for lower-level offenses. The act’s supporters run the gamut of the political spectrum, from the NAACP and the ACLU, to the Police Foundation and Right on Crime.

On the state level, governors and legislatures are embracing criminal justice reform and ways to send fewer people to prison for lengthy periods of time. California passed Proposition 57, allowing people with nonviolent felonies the chance for parole and the possibility to earn time off their sentences by participating in prison programming. State

level reforms aren’t limited to blue states either. Oklahoma and Utah, which both have Republican governors, reclassified various drug and property felonies into misdemeanors. So did Alaska, whose governor is a Republican-turned-independent.

But let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that this is the start of abolition—or even wider decarceration.

As the SAFE Justice Act pushes for nonprison alternatives for lower-level (nonviolent) convictions on the federal level, it still focuses on “concentrating prison space on violent and career criminals.” Even Obama, who recently wrote that criminal justice reform has been a focus of his entire career, has stated, “There are people who need to be in prison, and I don’t have tolerance for violent criminals.”

Concentrating prison space on violent and career criminals might be a goal that few would argue against. After all, who doesn’t want to be safe in their homes, streets and communities? But this divide between nonviolent and violent crimes ignores the root causes of harm and violence as well as society’s failure to recognize and address these forms of violence.

This was certainly the case for Roberta Bell, whom I interviewed for Truthout this past November.

Bell, sentenced to life in prison for witness tampering, intimidating a witness, and the use of a firearm in the death of another woman, can very easily be viewed as one of the “violent criminals” that the SAFE

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Dichotomy continued from page 9 Justice Act and many politicians want to keep in prison.

But the charges and conviction fail to take into account Bell’s extensive history of abuse, including the repeated sexual abuse by the man who was her mother’s drug dealer. When they met, she was a 14-year-old with a new baby; he was in his late twenties. He not only demanded sex from the teenager, but also forced her to hold his drugs and money. At the time, Bell didn’t think of his actions as abuse.

“I didn’t know to call it abuse in any form. I know different now but back then it was just a young girl being ‘fast,’” she explained in a letter from federal prison. “So, based on the knowledge and understanding that I have now I view it as having been abused and taken advantage of back then. He was a dope dealer and I was the daughter [of a] dope fiend.

A young girl with a baby at 14, so in his eyes (and the world) I was probably viewed as the same.”

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Criminal Justice: An Overview of Trump’s First 100 Days continued from page 5 national trans-partisan movement to end mass incarceration.

This analysis documents the following key shifts in federal policy since January 20th:

Misguided Crime Wave Fears President Trump has repeatedly cited misleading statistics to push a false narrative about rising crime and call for urgent, drastic action. This focus on fear over fact, unprecedented for a modern

president, helps justify the administration’s most controversial policies. Trump and his new attorney general, Jeff Sessions, insist that they must “Make America Safe

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Special to Black & Pink: So Many Faces... continued from page 8

a mask. To be able to do the things I enjoy and be the woman I am makes life so much easier. Finally I feel comfortable. Back when I was gendered as male, it was a burden to be masculine or hear my birth name, which made me cringe inside.

To make up for being masculine, I overpleased, so that I could be seen as normal, somehow. Now I don’t have to deal with that.

Being able to be myself means that I don’t have to impress anyone anymore. I don’t have to please people always. I’ve been told that I am selfish, and I do attend to myself a lot right now. Though I would like to focus only on others, I have to focus on myself as I continue to transition.

comfortable in myself allows me to cry. can find yourself removing all those I enjoy talking to people now, which is not something I could do barriers, all those layers of things before. I was always uncomfortable. that have been piled on because it was easier to throw on a nice suit I felt I was being stared at, but in [than look inside], you can begin reality it was the discomfort of being to find out who you are. I used to someone else. I walked with my head down and avoided eye contact. Now avoid being in my own head, and I have more confidence and even I’m sure a lot of other people do too, in order to be OK hiding sexual talk to strangers! People gravitate abuse, physical abuse, all the things towards you when you feel good about yourself, not when you’re shy that others don’t know about and and withdrawn. that we hide from ourselves to be OK. Letting all of it go and finding I recently attended an event about mass incarceration and spoke another path in life.

I always felt, why me, why me? to a young lady [who is a member of Pa’lante, a Restorative Justice And I’ve come to realize I’m not just group at Holyoke (MA) High me, it’s those I have allowed in. I’ve allowed a lot of people into my life School]. Before I wouldn’t be able to express my that I probably shouldn’t have, emotions or say how comfortable so I’m partly to or happy I was, blame. Letting “[To] soul search and find that inner being people go when which is you, which has not been molded— because I wasn’t.

To give someone I need to is if you can remove all those barriers you something I’m else hope or the feeling that they learning how to piled on because it was easier to throw on do. a nice suit [than look inside], then you can can accomplish We try to something, too— like if I can do prepare ourselves begin to find out who you are.” to withstand this, you can accomplish what what will come Things that make me happy are you want, too—is a wonderful up against us, but once we’re in that position, it’s different from different from things that I loved feeling. That was probably one of our expectations. I’ve had to make years ago. I still enjoy dancing, that the best conversations I’ve had in a changes, including with friends and hasn’t changed, but the quality of long time.

We all need somewhere to be family. I didn’t realize I would have being able to be feminine while to distance myself, cut ties with doing it makes it all that much comfortable, someone to confide in, those who just didn’t see the life I better. It’s not like, he’s a male who will give us sanctuary and safe wanted or respect it. I don’t care if being feminine, it’s, there she is, haven. I’ve been in a bit of an uproar they don’t agree. Respect is what expressing herself! I like watching recently and I’ve been asking myself I’m looking for. I didn’t know the a movie by myself, being able to where can I go to rejuvenate and be extent some would go just to make cry and laugh. It’s wonderful to do OK with going through emotions, that without the backlash. with trying to figure out what are the their point.

These days are better than days Now I have the freedom to cry steps to be able to find a place to be I’ve had for a long time. Every not because I am a woman but continued on page 12 other time was like living through because I am comfortable. Being

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Cuomo Proposes Visitation Days Reduction

By Kenneth Lovett New York Daily News

Inmates at the state’s maximum security prisons are facing fewer visits from people on the outside under a proposal by Gov. Cuomo.

Cuomo in his budget plan unveiled last week tucked in a plan to reduce the number of days in which visits are allowed at maximum-security state prisons to three days a week, down from seven.

Cuomo in his budget book said the change is designed to make visitations at maximum-security prisons “align more closely with medium-security correctional facilities.”

Cuomo said the cut is so the prisons are more aligned with medium security prisons.

But the Assembly Democrats say Cuomo told them during a budget briefing the move would allow the state to save $2.6 million by eliminating 39 positions.

“I don’t think it is the humane thing to do,” said Assemblyman David Weprin, the Queens Democrat and new chairman of his chamber’s corrections committee. “It’s really penalizing the families of inmates.”

Weprin also said for inmates, the visitations is there

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B&P Special: So Many Faces... continued from page 11 comfortable and not giving up. We all need that.

If you need to find that place and there’s a door, then close it.

Find an area in which you can have comfortability. It’s hard to explain this to children because their first thought is, I’m only supposed to do what I’m told. It sucks to think about, because children don’t know how to remove people from their minds, in order to find that comfort.

It’s hard for adults, but it’s more difficult for children. They are the next generation to change what’s going on.

I still get looks, but now I see them as a beautiful woman being stared

your comfortability and I have mine.

So I’m not bumping up against most males who would probably take it some other way. I make sure to keep space so people know that I’m just another person trying to get through life. We have to be considerate of others.

I don’t find myself scared, and I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. I don’t find myself feeling vulnerable because I know how to keep myself safe, stay out of danger.

You read a lot about trans women, especially black trans women, being murdered, and that stays in my head as a possibility. Not every place is safe. I’m not above any of those women who’s been murdered. I’m not invincible. I’m bold, but I’m not

“Being bold is stepping out of the shell that was made for me and always being who I want to be. Being bold is wearing things that my mother thinks I shouldn’t, wearing my makeup how I want to, being okay.” at. My mother asks me, Doesn’t it bother you? It doesn’t bother me at all, and I tell her, I don’t know the reasons why they are staring.

Though it may be something bad, I don’t want to go to that state of mind, because that’s just not something I’m looking to do. I feel secure with who I am, and if they’re staring, it’s for a reason, whether good or bad. I like to think I bring light to people’s lives, and if I can make someone smile, that’s okay with me.

In public places I try to be aware of those around me and not invade the space of people who don’t know me. I want to make sure you have

pushing against people who might react and try to harm me.

Being bold is stepping out of the shell that was made for me and always being who I want to be. Being bold is wearing things that my mother thinks I shouldn’t, wearing my makeup how I want to, being okay. I find myself in pictures long ago, and there’s always that same face. Now there are so many different faces, since I’m not stuck in that shell! I want to show people it can happen. You can go from being this timid creature and blossom into something really out there, and it’s OK to be whoever you are.

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CAN YOU TELL ME

WHAT’S FOR BREAKFAST? Hey, everyone! I’m a journalist working on a story about food in a variety of correctional institutions, with a focus on breakfast. If you’re interested in telling me about what you eat in the morning, please send a letter that includes your name (or a pseudonym if you wish to remain anonymous), the institution you’re in, and anything you think is important for me to know.

Britni de la Cretaz 27 Roslin St #2 Dorchester, MA 02124

Nonviolent/Violent Dichotomy continued from page 10 The man positioned himself as her savior. “He never let me forget how ‘lucky’ I was and that if it hadn’t been for him, my mother might’ve had me on the corner turning tricks,” she recalled. Even after getting married and having children, Bell continued to feel a sense of obligation to him. When she was 20, he instructed her to drive to another

city to deliver money to his brother.

She did, and when she arrived, followed his brother’s instructions to drive to another building and pick up another woman. The next day, she learned that police had found the woman’s body and that the woman had been scheduled to testify against the brother. Still, Bell was too scared to tell the police. Though

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Trump: 100 Days continued from page 10 Again,” citing outside forces that have brought in drugs and violence—justifying a travel ban, a border wall with Mexico, and mass deportations. The administration has also issued several executive orders focused on combatting this phantom crime wave, without offering solutions to solve the real and serious localized problems of violence in Chicago and Baltimore.

The taskforces created by these orders may recommend new federal criminal laws or new mandatory minimums, especially for crimes against police officers and drug offenses. This new tone from Washington also risks derailing a decade-long bipartisan effort to reduce prison populations in states. If the public incorrectly believes that crime is rising, there may be less support for state and local reform.

A New War on Drugs?

President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder took several steps to reduce the federal imprisonment rate, which dropped by 9.5 percent since 2007. In 2013, the Justice Department deprioritized prosecuting nonviolent marijuana cases, providing more latitude to states, and issued a directive to federal prosecutors to reduce charges in

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May 2017

Criminal Justice: Donald Trump’s First 100 Days continued from page 13

strip funding from cities that do not cooperate with federal immigration authorities (i.e. “sanctuary cities”).

The Department of Homeland Security is also expanding its detention capacity.

rations on behalf of the Bureau of Prisons. Now, BOP is free to continue and expand the use of private prisons, a signal that Sessions expects the federal prison population to grow.

lower-level nonviolent drug cases.

Now, Sessions is poised to reverse those reforms. He has been one of the most vocal opponents of bipartisan criminal justice reform. He derailed a Republican-led, modest Less Oversight of Local Police Possible Federal Sentencing or Historically, the Justice DepartReentry Legislation sentencing reform bill last year, and Last year, Republicans, including opposed many of Holder’s initia- ment has played a key role overtives. Since taking office, Sessions seeing and regulating civil rights Sens. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and has given several speeches call- violations committed by local police John Cornyn (R-Texas), and House ing for a return to harsher federal departments. Under Obama, the Jus- Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.) led charging policies, and issued mem- tice Department opened more than a bipartisan effort to pass the Senoranda directing U.S. Attorneys 20 investigations into police mis- tencing Reform and Corrections to stand by for such major policy conduct and enforced more than a Act (SRCA). The bill would have shifts. Sessions could revoke key dozen “consent decrees” with local reduced mandatory minimums for Holder-era initiatives, directing police departments. These settle- some nonviolent and drug crimes. federal prosecutors to pursue maxi- ments, overseen by a federal court, Then-Senator Sessions led an efmum penalties in fort to defeat the bill, labeling it drug cases even in states where “[Att’y General Sessions] has directed a a “criminal leniency bill.” In marijuana is legal. Notably, the review of all existing consent decrees and response, Senate administration attempted to stall pending agreements.

Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has shown interThis trend will likely continue, potentially est in expanding declined to bring the bill to a floor treatment op- emboldening police departments.” vote despite overtions for opioid addiction, which whelming supdisproportionately affects white, require officers to work with com- port for the initiative, fearing a split rural communities, while increased munities and improve policing prac- within his own party.

In January 2017, Grassley and marijuana prosecutions would more tices. Sessions outright rejects this role for the federal government, la- Ryan committed to reintroducing affect communities of color. beling it as part of a broader “war on some version of the law, yet are rupolice.” He has directed a review of mored to be waiting for the adminIncreased Immigration Enforcement and Detention all existing consent decrees and at- istration to announce its position Shortly after the election, Trump tempted to stall pending agreements. before moving forward. In March, pledged to deport as many as 3 mil- This trend will likely continue, po- Trump dispatched senior advisor lion undocumented immigrants. He tentially emboldening police depart- and son-in-law Jared Kushner to meet with Grassley and Sen. Dick has since issued several executive ments to become more aggressive. orders directing the Justice DepartDurbin (D-Ill.) to discuss sentencing ment to more vigorously enforce More Private Prisons and reentry legislation.

Sessions recently revoked an Kushner, whose father spent two immigration law. Sessions responded by fast-tracking the hiring of Obama-era memorandum that di- years in prison for white-collar ofnew immigration agents, ordering rected a wind-down of federal use fenses, supports criminal justice all U.S. Attorneys to prioritize im- of “private prisons”—correctional reform. Notably, Trump’s personal migration cases, and threatening to facilities operated by private corpo- positions on such bills are unknown.

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Cuomo Proposal continued from page 12

courtesy of The New Inquiry

Nonviolent/Violent Dichotomy continued from page 13 she was questioned several times, she lied each time. But that didn’t protect her—after each interview, the dealer beat her. At age 24, Bell was convicted and sentenced to life in federal prison.

Bell is among the 4.4 percent (or 551) women in federal prisons with a violent conviction. She’s one of approximately 14,000 people (of any gender) in federal prisons who are not only excluded from mainstream criminal justice reform, but also vilified as the real bogeyman threatening public safety. Hers is also an example among countless others of how people can be classified as “violent” criminals even if they did not commit a violent action.

Roberta Bell’s story is not uncommon: abuse is a frequent pathway to prison, particularly for women. However, no one seems to know how many abuse survivors

are arrested and prosecuted for actions stemming from abuse because no agency tracks this data. In 1999, the U.S. Department of Justice reported that nearly half of women in local jails and state prisons had been abused prior to their arrest. It also found that, of women convicted of murder, the majority had killed intimate partners or family members (though no further details are given). That’s the most recent national information available—and it still fails to identify how often abuse survivors have either been coerced into crimes by abusers, like Bell, or are arrested for defending themselves against violence. While no hard-and-fast numbers exist, hers is a theme that has come up again and again during my dozens of interviews with women behind bars.

Little over half (53.2 percent or 704,800 people) of state prisoners of all genders have been convicted

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main contact with the outside world and their families.

Jack Beck, of the Correctional Association of New York, called the proposal an “unwise policy change” that could make prisons less safe by taking away an incentive for inmates to be better behaved.

“Visiting is crucial to not only the person inside but also their families,” Beck said.

He said many prison rooms are already maxed out under the current schedule. Reducing the days could shorten visits or make it impossible for some to get in at all, Beck warned.

“I see a huge downside with very little gain,” he said.

“Visiting is crucial to not only the person inside but also their families.”

Jack Beck, Correctional Association of New York Cuomo budget spokesman Morris Peters said “weekend visitations are the most popular as many families have to travel long distances.”

“This change—which comes with the expanded use of video conferencing—would be a more efficient use of taxpayer dollars and match the preexisting policy at medium security DOCCS facilities,” Peters said.

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May 2017

The Nonviolent/Violent Dichotomy continued from page 15

crosshairs of the criminal legal system.

Mary grew up in rural Oklahoma, the seventh of nine children in a poverty-stricken Creek family.

Her father exerted extreme control over her mother and siblings. When he wasn’t beating his wife and children, he was withholding money meant for groceries, a common form of non-physical abuse. The violence in her home was never addressed.

Mary dropped out of high school and ran away from home.

By 1982, Mary was a heavy drinker who grew marijuana be-

paved the way for her current incarceration. of violent crimes. Among women in Drugs are prevalent in prisons across the country. Mary learned state prisons, 37 percent (or 34,000 this firsthand when a cellmate ofpeople) are convicted of violent crimes. These numbers reflect only fered her Dilaudid, a pain reliever. the number of cisgender women Mary, seeking a way out of the pov(and maybe a handful of trans womerty and violence that she associated with alcoholism, began injecting it. en) in women’s prisons. No govern“I thought if I could just stop drinkment agency tracks trans women in men’s prisons (or trans men in ing, I could lick this curse [of alcowomen’s prisons). holism] that would not leave me,” she explained. She stopped drinkLike their federal counterparts, ing, turning to drugs instead. Even people in state prisons for violent crimes are largely excluded from after prison, she continued using drugs, a decision that led to arrests, conversations about sentencing and other criminal jusshort jail stays and her current incartice reforms. Many have also been sen“Focusing on nonviolent crimes allows ceration. tenced to decades In 2002, Mary drove her brother behind bars and of- lawmakers—and the general public— ten face the prospect to continue sidestepping ... the work to a friend’s house, bringing her two of repeated parole young sons along. denials, with the needed to eliminate the many forms of most common rea- violence perpetrated by capitalism The friend wasn’t home, Mary reson being the “nature of the crime.” and patriarchy. “ called, but another man was and The divide between he threatened to violence and nonviolence ignores the ways that people hind her trailer in a small Oklaho- kill one of her sons. Mary took her grow, mature, and change, instead ma town. According to Mary, she brother and children home, then freezing them into a single act (or had been drinking heavily when drove back to the house where she three men came to buy marijuana. beat the man with a piece of rebar set of actions) forever.

Sixty-four-year-old Mary Fish, She was so drunk that she couldn’t and took his wallet. “I was on methcurrently incarcerated in Oklahoma, find the plants. The men finally did adone and other drugs and overrehas been repeatedly denied parole. so and two left; one stayed behind. acted,” she told me. She was conIf you look primarily at her prison Mary passed out. When she woke, victed of assault and battery with rap sheet, which is filled with vio- the man was on top of her. She tried intent to kill, as well as robbery, and lent convictions going back to 1980, to escape and, when the man caught sentenced to 40 years. you might conclude that she’s one up with her, she stabbed him with a This time, Mary has enrolled in various prison programs, including of those “bad people” who needs to paring knife. be locked up for the safety of othNo one challenged the prosecu- substance abuse treatment, ongoers. I’ve been corresponding with tion of a low-income Creek woman ing support groups and various reMary since 2013. I’ve learned how for defending herself against sexual ligious programs. Though federal any focus on solely on the nature of assault. Mary was sentenced to ten funding for college-in-prison proher crimes overlooks the tangle of years in prison for first-degree man- grams was cut in 1997, the Creek racism, poverty, patriarchy, and ad- slaughter. That sentence not only Nation pays for her college classes, diction that have kept Mary in the further disrupted her life, but also enabling Mary to work toward a

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degree. She also counsels younger women in the prison system, trying to prevent them from repeating the mistakes that continually landed her behind bars.

However, none of this made a difference when the parole board considered her application in October 2015. In Oklahoma (like several other states, including Alabama), the applicant never appears before the board. Instead, the parole board reviews a packet about each applicant, including letters of recommendation. The board denied her application.

Oklahoma, which spends half a billion annually on prisons and has the nation’s highest rate of female incarceration, is now exploring criminal justice reform, including sentencing modifications for low-level drug and property crimes and utilizing alternatives to incarceration. But even if Mary had been arrested today, she would not have qualified for either because, though drugs were the underlying cause of her last conviction, her actions are still considered violent. By positioning people with nonviolent convictions as deserving of sentencing reform, early release and alternatives to prison, the violent/nonviolent framework implies that people with violent convictions don’t deserve consideration at all. Instead, they remain frozen in time, defined by their worst actions rather than by their atonement, growth, and maturity.

Karen is a 69-year-old domestic violence survivor imprisoned in New York. In 1983, Karen was sentenced to 25 years-to-life for the death of her abusive ex-husband.

During her decades behind bars, she has taken every applicable program and has had no disciplinary infractions (prison speak for “has not

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been in trouble”). Even so, she has been denied parole five times. The reason? “Your release at this time would deprecate the seriousness of the crime and would be incompatible with the welfare of society.”

“If you held my five denials up on a lightboard, superimposing them on each other, the content would match up. The only thing that would change is the date,” she reflected.

“In fact, if you held up my denial and someone else’s denial, they would have identical wording.”

Underlying each woman’s story is a society which failed to recognize and address the violence perpetrated against them, followed by the violence of lengthy (if not life) imprisonment. But these factors are rarely discussed in conversations about crime and criminal justice reform. Abolishing prisons requires abolishing these root causes of harm and violence, including the many forms of violence perpetrated against women. Instead, reforms continue to focus on nonviolent convictions, sidestepping the more fraught conversations about poverty, patriarchy, and gender violence as pathways to prison and the need to end them.

For these conversations to occur, those in power would need to acknowledge—or be pushed to acknowledge—capitalism’s primary role in creating the conditions of poverty that lead people to antisocial behavior and work towards abolishing these conditions. Focusing on nonviolent crimes allows lawmakers—and the general public—to continue sidestepping these fraught conversations and the work needed to eliminate the many forms of violence perpetrated by capitalism and patriarchy. Meanwhile, women like Bell, Fish, Karen, and countless others, languish behind bars.

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HIV Legal Win continued from page 7 Selig, who has legal experience with criminal sex cases, will be Johnson’s third lawyer.

It was a public defender, Samuel Buffaloe, who successfully won the appeal with help from the ACLU of Missouri and the HIV Law and Policy Center. Prior to that, Johnson had been represented by a different public defender, Heather Donovan, who told prospective jurors that her client was guilty until proven innocent and once ran out of the courtroom in tears. After

“[So] many people stepped up to support Michael. It’s a beautiful moment of solidarity— he’s our brother and we have his back.”

Charles Stephens his conviction, a group of activists formed The Committee For Michael Johnson’s Defense and raised $20,000.

Selig said he had not yet spoken with his client about the latest development. But Charles Stephens, who helped lead the fundraising effort on Johnson’s behalf, spoke for those involved.

“It’s a great moment for our movement, because so many people stepped up to support Michael. It’s a beautiful moment of solidarity—he’s our brother and we have his back.”

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May 2017

Black & Pink News

Aloha Family, My name is Tori Lynn, I am a transgender woman doing time at CCA’s Saguaro Correctional Center in Eloy, Arizona. I am 23 years old and my horoscope is Gemini. I live in Hawaii on the island of Maui and I’ve lived on Maui Hawaii since childhood. I came out of the closet about six months after I graduated high school. I was gay at first then I slowly started to progress into wearing women’s and girls

clothing. I eventually considered myself transgender stepping more out of the closet as time went by. The drug (ICE) or methamphetamine has also helped me in bringing out my feminine side.

My nationalities are Irish, Hawaiian, Puerto Rican. I used to have and go thru identity crisis till I came to realize that I really shouldn’t care what other people say. I eventually started ignoring what other people had to say about me and

just started beinging myself. I’ve now stayed that way ever since and finally got over that identity crisis bullshit. As of right now I am doing a five year term.

I will be making out my sentence on the 22nd of October 2017. I am also looking for friends and family I can write to within the LGBTQ community. I would also like to give a shout out to my girl

you wrote in the newsletter and I got a address that sends books to prisoners but it takes three months:

about six months ago my mom told me it was not your fault and even though I thought it was I know it wasn’t. So just keep your head and be strong Lance it will be better. There both in a better place. Well let me tell you all about me for those that don’t know my name it’s Sketch. I’m from California born and raised. I’ve been to state prison and now doing a fed bid my state prison I got busted for ATT. murder cause someone shot and killed my boyfriend at the time and I shot back hitting the dude three times. But he was in a car so I couldn’t do nothing about it all I did was lay down in the street and hold him while he took his last breath you know that has lived with me my whole life about that his blood was on my hands for years.

But I paid the $8000 for his funeral.

That was my first love. So then I went to prison for shooting a dude and while he being locked up I’ve been standing up for all gays. Some days have been rough but if you’re fam then you’re always be family regardless. But like I said my time is almost done with. I’ll be out on the street this year. So to all my fam that’s behind these prison walls keep your head up and be strong regardless your GBG brother at hand.

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Dear My B&P Family, This is your Boi Sketch. First off I want to give a shout out to Jason. You’re doing a good job. Please keep up doing the good work. I pray and hope to meet you or talk to you on the phone when I touch down on the streets which will be this year, so I would like to be a soldier on the street to help you out with Black and Pink. I just want to say on the behalf of all the fam that’s locked behind the walls and say thank you. Well first off I want to give a shout out to a few people one is to Mr. Echo from NJ. Hey there fam I want to say that I’m sorry that you had to go through that as a child. I was also raped when I was seven years old and that was hard to talk about. But I understand what you’re going through trust me I do all I can say is please keep your head and be strong no matter what you go though always be yourself and when I touch down to the streets I want to look you up and keep in touch with you. Be strong always. And to Miss Ke from TX I want to say that you’re not alone. B&P has been around for ten years and I am glad that your husband gave you. And I hope that some of the stories touch your heart in ways that you’re not alone in your fight. Trust us we all stand as one. Keep your head up and be strong always. And to Pretty Boi hey keep up the good work and never let anyone get you down. Never be fake about who or what you are. I like what

Books Thru Bars 4722 Baltimore Ave. Philadelphia, PA 19143 Or you can write to this spot and ask for a prisoner resource directory: PARC P.O. BOX 70447 Oakland, CA 94612 And they will send you a booklet that has a lot of address on books or whatever. It even has LGBT stuff also. I hope this helps you out. Well this is my last shout out. This is to Lance S. First off family I want to say that I’m sorry to hear about your mom & brother. I fully understand how you feel. I lost my dad to cancer and when he died I lost it. There’s nothing that anyone can say at this time cause it’s not of this time.

Hurts, trust me fam I know you don’t blame yourself for your brother's death.

It’s not your fault. You know when we get busted it’s hard on all our loved ones out there but it’s not your fault. Trust me when my dad passed away I thought it was my fault that he passed away. I even sent home 10,000 dollars to help out to try to save his life. But it don’t work and yea I blamed myself for his death and

Love always, Sketch (PA)

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Veronica for introducing me to Black and Pink and my other girls Waile’e, Brandi, Rachel, Aubrey, Mikayla, Kainoa, Denise, Sascha and Porsha for always being there for me thru thick and thin and my queen mother Cherry Lynn for taking me under her wing. I LOVE YOU MAMA =) I would like to be added to the penpal list if possible

and have my name added to your online penpal program. What I look for in a man is somebody that is sweet, loving, funny, got a sense of humor and that knows how to treat a woman, a man that has a big heart but at the same time is independent, trustworthy, loyal and that knows how to build a firm foundation for a relationship. Last of all I would

like to send my love to all you LGBTQ out there and much love to my NEW FAMILY I LOVE YOU =)

honest to God truth. I was incarcerated at 17 placed where only the strong survives with the mindstate of a child. I was forced to grow up fast because I was so young and not homophobic like most, which struck people as odd. Placing me in the predicament to be raped, 5 foot 9, 120 pounds backed into a corner by a transgender twice my size. I made it out that cell by the grace of God now she better pray God is there when we meet again (I promise we will meet again). Four years letter I crossed into your lifestyle while in segregation for a gang riot.

Thinking it was sweet I got LGBT tatted stating “it’s apart of me forever.” Last you know I told my family, hardest part was telling the mothers of my two children, “I’m bisexual I’ve fallen in love with a transgender woman whom I’m engaged to be married to.” I love you Mayanna!

Also everyone reading this grab a dictionary and look up the word “morals” then write a list of the ones you still have. You will not survive with no morals in a place like prison. When adding to your list think about penitentiary laws like no snitching and mind your own business. Remember being gay is accepted it’s not against any penitentiary law. All about how you carry yourself which will lead to being able to avoid becoming victimized. Somethings you can’t avoid but the things we can let’s do so. As well can we use the Black and Pink letters to help guide our next generation so they don’t start to make the same mistakes as us. This is my biggest problem with our family-- there’s no guidance or structure. We are the only movement, family or organization without rules and discipline. I don’t know about your biological family but mine has those things and having those plays a major part in the bond shared between our family. Plus how do you love me if you can’t tell me when I’m wrong? Somebody has to discipline, or you can’t speak when someone else disciplines your brother/sister. Are you your sister’s keeper? You need to be because if not somebody will. So you must speak up when you see them doing some of the things I’ve mentioned, not after the next person steps up. This is why some people victimize us because bad actions reflects on us as a whole.

Love always and forever, Ms. Tori Lynn (AZ) Xoxoxoxo

Black and Pink, Today is 2/26/17 and I’m sitting in the dark at 3am wondering how it is that the family always says “they found theirself” yet they are so lost as to why things are happening to LGBT people inside of prison. Is it that you’re lost or is it you’re not willing to accept the reason? Well hopefully Black and Pink will aid and assist on exposing the truth. All I need the readers to do is open your mind and don’t allow emotions to cloud your vision or this message will exceed over your head.

Before I reveal what is causing so much chaos I feel obligated to share my story with the multitude, bear with me it’s the first time I’ve put it on paper. My name is Clarence I’m a black 24 year old bisexual male and active gang member, currently serving a sentence in Missouri Department of Corruption. I was raised in a LGBT household with five of eight gay or lesbian siblings by a lesbian mother. Our house was the hang out for all our LGBT family and friends after school, weekends and spring and summer vacation. It was even a go-to place when they got put out or ran away from home. They knew they were safe and their lifestyle was accepted we had what most pray’d for, we were blessed. My twin sister is a “stud” she was born a lesbian with us growing up inseparable I was taught to respect equal opportunity, so I’ve always supported LGBT rights. We participated in the Pride Festival at home in St. Louis, plus we traveled to other states to show our support by participating in their festival.

Through all I’ve shared with you, would you believe I’d never engaged in same sex relations until incarceration? Well it’s the

First I want to address AIDS/HIV. It’s amongst us that we all know that’s why we need to motivate and encourage each other to constantly get tested. As for the ones who already carry the disease you have to find love with in self enough to share that knowledge with a person before you become intimate with them without fearing rejection.

Next I want to talk about PREA. I know Missouri isn’t the only place misusing it.

PREA is not supposed to be used for revenge yet vindictive people are manipulating it and using it as a weapon. Administration is allowing it but how much longer before they not take us serious? Once they see it’s being constantly misused it’ll be gone then we’re back to square one.

See I’m saying these things out of love I love my people so much I want us to do better but we must start here at home. If we don’t treat each other right and with love

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May 2017

Black & Pink News

From Eric It was suggested to me by a friend that I should write an article to put forth some of my ideas on prison reform. I think there are very important issues that could change the way we keep prisoners.

At first I found this a silly proposition.

Who would care about what a prisoner had to say or thought about such issues as this or any other for that matter?

Then I heard a news story on the radio and the reporter was saying how many people in this country complain about the system when they really have no right because they never do anything to try and change it. They only sit around and complain. Well, I decided to at least TRY to do something about it, even if it’s only putting forth my ideas. I have a unique view from the position I am in... from the inside out.

I totally understand that this idea of mine would need to be tried out on a small scale first and have all the bugs and kinks worked out of the system. I do believe that if this system would be used, it would not only cut the recidivism rates but cut down on cost and crimes. It would allow prisoners a real chance at success upon their release.

Here’s my short biography.

My name is Eric. I am 49 years old and currently serving an eight-year sentence for Assault of a Public Servant, and Evading Arrest. I have spent many years of my adult life in and out of prison, why? I just wasn’t prepared for the weight of what the world placed on my shoulders. I felt like a total failure, so I would give up and turn to drugs and alcohol to put myself in a mind frame to where I would be able to at least drown out my problems for a short time. When I was released in 2003, I actually tried hard to get it right. I was successful for eight years-- very successful-- I had a

90k a year job, built a 300k house, trips ever 6 or 7 months long, good friends and a loving family. Everything in my life changed in October 2011, after my hospitalization for pneumonia, and was diagnosis with a CD 4 count of 223 AIDS. I was not prepared for that, so I did what I thought was best and turned to drugs and alcohol. It helped me numb the feeling I was having, for a while at least. (I am not using AIDS as an excuse for my failure.) I wanted to die, so I became this horrible alcoholic and drug addict whose care in the world was where my next fix came from. I ended up being questioned, by an officer when I then pushed him in an attempt to escape.

I don’t recall anything about that day. I wasn’t arrested but taken to the hospital for treatment. Dallas County filed charges about two months later. That’s where the story leads me to prison again.

I had actually started cleaning up with the treatment & counseling I received before starting my sentence.

I made up my mind this is not how I wanted to live the remainder of my life.

My mother, family and real friends are sticking by me, this is one thing that’s really helping to change my life. They showed me that there really are people in this world who love you, stick by you, really care about you... and this helped me to care also. This is why I want to help others. I know how stupid I’ve been. This time in prison has had a dramatic effect on my life. I’ve gotten older and wiser. My views of the world have changed dramatically. At some point, I became aware of the life I was living and decided to change it. My mother’s love and support helped me finally change.

I’ve worked very hard to become the man I envisioned myself to be, the man God, family and friends knew I could

be. Now I focus on doing what I can to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Sincerely, Eric Note on Punishment: Most people in the free-world assume that punishment should be to make offenders as uncomfortable as possible within the constitutional limits. No air conditioning, access to items such as wholesome foods, fruits, ice, good blankets, comfortable beds, pillows, hot water, etc., this would constitute punishment.

The truth of the matter is this, none of these things serve to keep people from coming back to prison. They only serve to increase the stress and violence of these places. All of these things are adaptable. When you are allowed only five or six hours of uninterrupted sleep (which has been shown in science to be just as stressful as only getting four hours of sleep), it only creates a more hostile environment and reinforces the “us against them” mentality that prevails within these walls. Now of course, the prison would deny all of this... but only because they have to.

I see on the news the abuses of GITMO, but there are never any stories of the abuses the prisoners suffer here in our own country. I myself am guilty of my crime, but how many are here who aren’t? The facts show that some people have spent decades here and were totally innocent of any crime at all.

Let me explain to you what is the real punishment of prison. It starts long before you get here. From the day you

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Volume 8, Issue 4

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A Lot to Say, So let’s jump into “My Inner Thoughts on Reality.” This month has been very informational and enlightening.

Throughout the months, I receive newsletters that are solely focused on LBGTQ’s from around the country including from our extended family at Blk & Pnk. I’m stricken with emotional pain when reading about how my brothers and sisters who are incarcerated suffer turmoil behind the walls of state prison. I cry and hurt with you. Trust and believe that. I feel, as heart wrenching as yours/our personal stories are, it’s important that you share. It’s not healthy to harbor these emotions. And believe it or not what we share will help others in ways we may not understand.

Stories y’all share keeps me motivated and gives me reason to continue being a voice for those incarcerated that choose to be silent due to the retaliation one may receive. That’s ok, I hear you!

Numerous individuals have come forward and emotionally shared their concerns with me. I don’t know when I became the shoulder to lean on, but that’s ok too, because with every strong voice, comes a compassionate listener.

This helps me to properly address issues that hinder the incarcerated LBGTQ

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are arrested, whether you are guilty or not, you being to lose everything you own, you lose everything you’ve worked for all your life. Imagine if you will, how long do you think you could pay the bills from inside a prison? How long would have your house? Your job?

Your partner? One by one, these things fall away and out of your control. You are totally at the point of watching your whole life slip away. One by one, as the weeks turn into months, these things slip away and are gone forever.

family. Though my advocating within the Fla. Dept. of Corr. has brought on policy changes concerning LBGTQ rights, they may not coincide with your state’s policies. However, any changes to enhance our rights can be used as building blocks to further assist with policy changes in your state.

My letters I’ve shared in the past with y’all may at times sound like peaches and cream, but there’s a lot of hurt & pain behind each word written. I have dealt with hatred and abuse my entire life and sad but true, I’m kinda numb to it. I start my day always with a prayer of gratitude that I am who I am on the inside. I am created unique and wonderful. The best part is nobody will ever change who Tiffanyjoy is or what I stand for. I travel through my day with this positive attitude, it works for me.

If I may share some possible alternatives with you that I’ve shaped with others that have had positive results for those who’ve been rebuked or ostracized.

Try involving yourself with all types of programs your institution has to offer. It not only will occupy your time constructively, but will open up positive channels abroad and the introduction to an array of individuals to share casual

You lose everything you’ve ever owned, all your saving dries up like a puddle on a hot day, months turn into years, and the people who have stood by you begin to die... you lose your dad, then your mom, then your partner. Your children are put up for adoption, and you never see them again. No one cares because in their eyes, the children are better off without you. So you live your life in prison never knowing where your children are, who they live with, or if they are happy. Their birthdays pass by

conversation with. Also there are faithbased camps. Ask your classification officer if these camps exist in your state.

Most individuals at these institutions tend to be genuine and accept those for who they are. There’s also the mental health clinic. This can be utilized to relieve unnecessary stress that may be inhibiting one’s personal growth. I have used this avenue in the past and after doing so felt rejuvenated physically and mentally. And last your family or extended family. They’re a good source for support and to utilize for such needs as expressing concerns with calls to state officials or expediting transfers etc...

I try to keep updated with every LBGTQ movement inside and outside prison. Being educated in what you have passion for will lead to the path of liberation and understanding.

I sincerely care for each and every one of you, and when there is a day that you feel that no one cares, just review this message and feel ensured that thousands of individuals and groups are endlessly advocating to create a better life for us and care for you just as much.

TiffanyJoy G. (FL) and your children change into young adults without your knowledge. You picture them everyday in your mind and you cry... because you can’t do anything but pray for them. Every single day you tear yourself apart for the mistakes and stupid decisions you’ve made which have caused not only your life to be torn apart but theirs as well. THIS IS THE REAL PUNISHMENT. Everything else you can, and do adapt.

Eric C. (TX)

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B+P, Greetings to all the members of this celestial family. May all of us greet each day with a smile and each evening with peace in our hearts.

The tragedies of the recent past need not be elaborated upon. History is full of times such as these. It’s nothing new.

The difference today is how quickly we find out about such incidents. And also how adept the media has become at controlling public opinion.

And I can do nothing about any of that directly. The sense of disbelief changes to outrage and then sadness. Time moves on.

What I can do is limited to where I am right now. My opinion is of no import.

There are plenty of opinions to be heard here in this dorm. From the T.V., radio, C.O.’s, and the other inmates. All are eager to share theirs. But they are all just words so I don’t feel there are any words that I need to add to the cacophony.

Instead I choose to live from moment to moment in such a way to perhaps provide an example to those around me.

To be kind and helpful to my fellows no matter what their past, present, or future. To give to those in need. Not just material things, which are hard to come by for me. But to give hope, attention, knowledge, or even a smile. To see reflected in the world around me maybe a little of what I give to it.

Dear Black & Pink, I just read the October/November newsletter. I just got done reading the article by David L. from OH. I’m in tears. I can relate to you. I too am a sex offender, and I also got raped from about 5 years old until about 12 years old. I too never told anyone. Am I wrong for not saying anything? I was told that’s what God made me for. I recognized I was bisexual when I was about 14 or 15 years old. I met a guy that was 21 at a store I went to, and well let’s just say we

But, even if I don’t get that in return, that’s okay too. Because the gift is given with the sincere belief that is who we really are. That we are not defined by the actions of a few misguided individuals but by the thousands and tens of thousands who come in the aftermath of chaos to pick up the piece. To provide aid, solace, and support to those in need. No matter what race, creed, preference, or species are in distress, there are always hands outstretched to give comfort. That’s who we really are.

And I won’t let those who desire to turn a profit or twist the truth to further their own power hungry egos define who we are or what we think.

Much metta to all.

Dharma Dave (Pendleton, OR)

hit it off. We stopped communication when I wouldn’t date him cause I’m not out. Well when I was 26 years old I used the internet to hook up with someone we had unprotected sex (shame on me) and well when I wouldn’t give him money he yelled rape so I got a darn rape charge. David, baby you’re not alone on this. I too am not able to see my son because the mother of my child thinks I’d do something to my son. I’d never touch a child. David I know I can’t have

them post my address but just know I’m praying for you and the rest of Black and Pink. David keep your head up, you will find that not everyone will judge you. I’m not out still. I’m 29 years old, and confused as heck. Well thanks for listening again David you’re not alone and I’m praying for you. Keep writing to Black and Pink. I’d love to hear an update. Also love the poems and pics.

found the love of my life while locked up, and she showed me that I truly was deserving of love and support. Terra, I love you. She showed me that I could love someone when I thought my hope was all lost. It’s a tough relationship because we are both locked up and in different facilities, but she’s strong and I try to be. I will never claim to perfect, in fact I’m far from it. However I make my mistakes, I learn from them and I move forward with a new mind and a new direction every time.

Just remember we’re here for you, I’m here for you, LGBTQ pride. I’m proud to be who I am, and nothing will ever change that. You should be too, there is nothing wrong with you and who you are. The hardest thing is to let yourself be you and who you are. The hardest thing is to let yourself be you, forget what others say, I know it isn’t easy, trust me, but the only acceptance that matters is your own. If others don’t accept you, leave them to their own devices.

Robert (VA)

From Eylexa (ID) I don’t have a supportive family, and someone told me that your friends are the family you choose. I chose a family that recognizes me for who I am and loves me for me. And thanks to them I’ve come to realize that I want to be a family to those who don’t have one, I want to be the friend that some people never had. I want to be the loving caring sister that supports you in your time of need.

I have had my struggles and I’m working on being a better person. I have

Love you all!!

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Precious Black & Pink, To my brothers & sisters in the TX prison system and across the nation, all my good wishes and the best for you. I wish you success and true love. My name is Camila Dubraska Fuentes. I am Puerto Rican born and raised trans woman, proud of my Caribbean and Latina roots. I am 28 years old and very grateful to be a 6-foot-6-inch tall “Glamazon,” LOL! I am thankful to B&P for allowing me to share this with you all. First of all, thanks to Nell Gaither from TPI for her fight for our rights. She influence and made a change for all of us in here. It’s because of her and others like Vanessa Gibson, Healther Marie, and Alexis, to name a few, that a real change is being made in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) and UT Medical Branch (UTMB which provides health care for TDCJ). We are able to get our transition, you guys.

I have been a transgender woman since I can remember, an Amazonian woman dressing in nice feminine clothing, LOL! But it wasn’t until October 2016 that finally I started on hormones. Good news! In February 2017 I was switched to intramuscular injection hormones (shots) and became the first trans woman at this unit to be prescribed with the “shots.” This is great news.

This means that now another trans woman will be able to get the shots, too. Intramuscular injections work way better than pills because they go straight to your blood vessels and then to your breasts, making it more effective and fast. Also for

trans women already on hormones, new to them, or thinking about getting on them, let me share this very essential information. TDCJ (under the American Association of Psychiatry and UTMB) has a specific policy which gives you the right to get diagnosed with gender dysphoria and get treated, making this a serious medical need. It is called CMH G.51.11 Policy. You will find it at your law library. Read it, follow the proper steps, and request to get officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria through the Mental Health Dept. But, since mental health staff can’t officially diagnose you, they will refer you to the unit medical physician, who will run labs on you to find your actual level of testosterone and compatibility with hormones. Then they will refer you to the gender dysphoria specialist Walter Meyer at the Hospital Galveston Unit, or telemedicine; either way, after you get evaluated and diagnosed they will place you on a regimen which usually starts with estradiol 1 mg twice a day.

erections, variable or possible male sexual dysfunction, decreased testicular volume, decreased sperm production. Usually you won’t see drastic side effects unless you smoke or drink, but usually are reduced to minimum to none if not smoking or drinking. But anyway also keep a goal in mind, once you start your hormones, you will be seeking for your estrogen level to be above 200 and your testosterone below 25, which will take some time. So patience, sisters, LOL!

Within the first three months it will make reasonable changes: softening of the skin, decreased oiliness, and body fat redistribution, which means that parts of your body, especially upper body fat will drop to your butt and thighs, giving you a more feminine shape and hips, breast growth, thinning and slowed growth of body and facial hair, reversing of male pattern baldness, which means your hair will stop falling out and will grow out fuller and thicker, decreased muscle mass and strength, decreased spontaneous

This is our life, our journey. We are worth it. With this being said, I want to send my love to my dear fiance “Alwayne.” I love you Daddy.

To my best friends “Fat Dave,” “Michael,” “Rain,” “Alexander,” “Chasity & Midget,” and of course my mother Tatiana, “Tee-Tee.” Love you, Mom, LOL! Also to you “Justin” with your tall ass, stay strong and stay in touch with your music. I am proud of you. Until next time, my family. I love you all. And remember: knowledge is power!

Also remember this, UTMB also provides spironolactone (“the magic beans”) which is a testosterone blocker that lowers your testosterone levels and helps your estradiol absorption in the body. Request for it. If given, they will start you at 25 mg twice a day. In the outside world the average dosage is 200 mg a day. I am at 100 mg a day, so I’m getting there. Remember, keep yourself informed, do your own research, and don’t let nobody tell you otherwise unless they know what they’re talking about.

Sincerely, Ms. Camila D.F. (TX)

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Black & Pink News

Dear Black & Pink Brothers & Sisters, My name is Patrick and I am 29 years old. I been locked up for seven years in the South Dakota prison system. I’ve endured many tests and trials, as have my other LGBTQ brothers and sisters. If it wasn’t for Black and Pink and magazines like Out, I don’t know how much would be different. I can really relate to my brothers in the November issue, Brandon (IL), Marcus L. (TX), Terry (WA). Hang in there we are

all pulling for you, in prison or in the free world. I’ve had two serious relationships in prison. One just came back to prison after being apart three years. It’s so hard knowing we have been apart after I told him I transfer back to the prison where he stayed. My life is now upside down. And Tianna Mommy D., I'll stay strong. Slowly blessing beyond compare will happen like right now.

Same sex marriage, laws changing

constantly. I endure so much being gay. Cops always separating us, so we can’t be together. To my whole rainbow community: Stay united in love and integrity and know that no one can change you and be yourself always. Never worry about anyone else’s opinion. We are family and I know I’ll always be here for y’all.

on a sex-offense of receipt of C.P. on a computer through interstate transit. Since February 15, 2012 I have been down. I receive your newspaper, and most don’t know what it’s about, even the inmates I would consider to be gay. I’ve mostly kept to myself and haven’t had any serious problems, but I can see others that do. I try to help as best I can. It’s hard. It’s hard to write and write, and write and get no response from other groups or organizations

of sexual orientations, or to know if the Feds are not allowing it to be received. They don’t tell us anything.

would truly be something my legacy and self-worth, if I could reach into a gutter and help a lost soul to stand...

Maybe.. Then someone would say that I was a compassionate man.

Praising my God while basking in His glory, I tell you what I do here on earth will one day surely tell a story! I've been thinking!

are dead? When people speak of you will it be kind words that are said? I’ve been thinking.

Peace out peoples.

Patrick (SD)

Dear Black and Pink Family, I’m in a federal prison in New Jersey via a joint military base.

Compared to the responses of letters you receive, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of federal inmates that correspond to Black and Pink.

Federal prisons restrict a lot of things that state prisons easily receive, and this needs to change.

My name is Leon, I am 44 years old, black male bisexual; mostly gay. From Virginia, incarcerated

I would like to see responses from other Fed inmates-- as to, are we restricted more than the state from receiving things? Are there other sources we could write to or receive from?

Jesse (NJ)

I’ve Been Thinking I have been thinking of my life and just what it is that I’ll leave behind.

Such are the thoughts which have been tumbling through my mind.

What will be my legacy long after I am dead? When people speak of me will it be kind words that are said?

I’ve been thinking.

I have been thinking of how so many of us are all doing time-- we’re shut up, locked away, we’re prisoners of our minds. To love somebody!

If I could love everyone on earth that

I've been thinking that you should be thinking of your life and just what it is you’re going to leave behind...

Such are the thoughts that should be tumbling through your mind. What will be your legacy, long after you

William M.R. (FL) Author’s note: This was truly William from my heart. To read it is one thing but to hear me recite it with deep inflection and baritone voice is enough to cause a listener to think of MLKJ. I wish you could see/hear me before an audience.

Gosh, I have SOOOOOO much to share with y’all. Yeah... Down here we say y’all. Awight?!

Originally from 2002

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First and Foremost, I want to extend my utmost love and respect to all my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community and prisons/detentions around the world. This is the first time I am writing and being open to all of you about who I am and my experience as I journey through my 27.5 year sentence in the ADOC prison system.

My name is Gonzalo Prudencio. I am a 29 year old bisexual, Hispanic male. I have known I was gay since I was 13 years old when I first developed a certain love/feeling for other guys. I am originally from Compton, California, but moved out to Phoenix with all my family when I was six and have lived out here since. Coming from a family with a father who is proud of having four male sons and trying to raise us to be as manly as possible and who looks down on my fellow LGBTQ family, it is hard to-- and will always be hard to-- open up to my family and let them know who I truly am and how I really feel.

My father always told us that if any one of us in the family turned out to be gay, he would send us to a military boot camp, kick us out of the house, and never speak to us or consider us as his sons. Knowing the way my father is, I have constantly avoided all conversations that he might bring up about when I am going to have kids or plan on getting married, due to the fact that I don’t want to lie to him about something I know is never going to happen.

As I was growing up, my older brothers used to make fun of me or clown on me with all their friends saying that I was gay because I

didn’t have a girlfriend or would be too shy to talk to girls. In my mind, I knew it was true, but I was too afraid to admit it because I didn’t want my father to find out.

When I finally could not hide my true feelings, I decided to run away from home. I was 16 at the time. I was staying at a good friend’s house for a while, but decided not to overstay my welcome, so I was constantly on the go from house to house and that was when my life took a turn for the worse. I started to drink, use drugs, and party, which eventually landed me in jail and now prison.

When I decided to tell one of my friends about me being bi, he did not look at me any different and still considered me to be like a brother and never spoke negatively about me. I was 19 at the time. When I finally thought that it would be okay to open up about myself to other people due to the positive reaction I received from my good friend, my darkest fears came to light as I opened up to my friends-- or should I say, my so called friends? One by one, they started to speak negatively about me to other people and sure enough, I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I lost the respect of my friends and was forced to avoid ever opening up to anyone again.

I am now 29 years old and in prison where everyone who is gay is always being treated in a negative manner by both staff and inmates. I have learned that in order to survive here in the ADOC prison system, I would have to avoid being who I truly am and adapt to my surroundings.

When I finally decided to look

for information to places that I can write and open up and tell my story, I found an address to you, my fellow Black & Pink family, which I wrote to and received the first newsletter that helped me open up to you, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. As I read all the similar stories in the November 2016 newsletter, I was happy and inspired by everyone to finally take that first step again and write down my story for the first time in hopes that everyone around the world who reads my story and the stories of our brothers and sisters is also inspired and chose to tell their story and isn't in fear of coming out and being your true self. We are all unique, special, and deserve to be loved and respected no matter what we are or who we choose to love. I am proud to be bisexual and am in full support of my LGBTQ family around the world. My love to you all with my utmost respect.

From a good friend, love always, G. (AZ) P.S. Always remember, “A faithful friend is a strong protection. A man who has found one has found a treasure.”

“Happy is the man whose heart does not condemn him, and who has not given up hope.”

“There are humiliations for the sake of gaining glory and there are men who rise from low conditions.”

With all this said, stay true to yourself and never give up. Love life and honor who you are, always and forever. Keep your head up, stay strong, and always push for a positive change. We will always be united as one unit and movement that is out of love and never hate. ‘Til pen meets paper once again, may we all be blessed.

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Black & Pink News

Dear Black and Pink Family, For those of you this does not apply to, I’m deeply grateful and pray it never will. I’ll call myself Jane Doe. I am an older transgender woman in a man’s prison.

help, there is hope, and gradually we begin to heal. There will be times when something triggers those emotions, those fears, but we learn how to cope with them.

mostly to my original self. Even better in some ways. You can find this too. You only have to take that first baby step and talk to someone.

Even if it is just to say, “I need help.”

Like a lot of trans girls, and many others, I was forced into having sex against my desire.

For a long time, I lived in fear, doubt, and shame. I was depressed.

I felt like I was going crazy. I felt responsible. I didn’t fight off my abuser. For that, I only hated myself that much more. What’s worse, I never told anyone. I just lived in my pain while repeatedly being abused.

It felt so bad, I nearly took my own life.

Don’t be afraid to go to a friend, a family member, a doctor, and especially mental health. When you request, you don’t have to list a reason. Simply say, “I need to see someone.” They have to keep stuff confidential and will tell you what they can’t keep. I have had two really wonderful psychiatrists and two amazing psychologists. They have helped me so much. And you can even reach out to Just Detention International (J.D.I.). A very big support system.

And this last thing I’ve got to say, “Forget the hype!” If you’re in this kind of trouble, tell someone and tell them right now. This is not snitching. It’s protecting yourself from harm you do not deserve to be suffering. You were not sent to prison to be raped.

Many people have gone through this. You are not alone. You have

I’m not 100%. Never really was.

But, with help, I have returned

Step up, seek help. Our community is too small as it is. I don’t want to lose none of ya! And if you see this happening to someone, be their hero and speak up. Support your community.

With love, support, & solidarity, Miss Jane Doe

Dear Black and Pink Family, My name is Casey or better known a “Butterfly Boy” to my small group of very close friends, due to the fact that I love butterflies and have numerous tattooed on me. But butterflies are also the symbol of “self transformation” because they start out as a fuzzy little caterpillar and turn into what they are truly meant to be and that is something very beautiful. And the butterfly was also part of my inspiration to come out when I was 14 because “if they can change so much and be so beautiful, why can't I?” But I’ve received Black and Pink for 3 1/2 years now and I read a lot about the lack of unity and support. I am a gay male in the judicial system of Texas. One of the worst ones for

(LGBTQ) people that I know of, because of the PREA Act because they use it to target the family in so many ways. And where I just came from there was a small amount of unity, because we had some of the officers that would single us out wherever we went. And for situations like that we had a group that would help with grievances and other help when that wouldn't work. Like for instance I had a female officer that kicked me out of a church service as soon as I walked in and told me that “I couldn’t be there because God don’t like or love you faggots” and the grievances that she got for that gave her a vacation, so they do work if you write them.

But where I’m at now there is

no unity at all in any aspect at all unless it’s within the small group of friends that you have. But believe it or not some of the best support that I get comes from the Black and Pink newsletter every month.

So keep writing because the words that you write are helping someone somewhere with something.

So please keep supporting each other, because we need each other more than ever as long as we’re locked up in the state’s judicial system. Because as most of us have found out the hard way, this is not a world that is for us, and is against us in so many ways to keep us unhappy.

LGBTQ love, Casey (TX)

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Black and Pink Family, Hey there! This is Jamie from Arkansas. I am so excited to say I got my first issue of B&P and I love it!! I have finally found something I can be a part of and be accepted for being myself. I love all the articles in B&P from my sisters and I finally feel home.

I am in prison here in Arkansas and doing a 12 year piece. Being in prison and all the “politics” of prison, a girl has to watch what she does and who she talks to. I am a gay/bottom and I am not ashamed.

I feel comfortable with myself and that’s what matters. People who

know me, know what I am and those who don’t, they suspect. :) As I said, I don't care because I am who I am.

I would like to say to all my sisters, be true to yourself before all else and never let them get you down.

Keep your heads up and remember, we all love you.

Secondly, I like to respond to Jonathan aka Servin. Bro you hit it on the head. I am glad someone besides me is fed up. I am tired of the hatred, but there is nothing that anyone can do that will ever make me stop being true to myself. And as for the way it is in chow-hall there it is the same here. I am young and pretty enough that everyone lusts off me as well. The only reason I am not in a relationship now is I

refuse to hide who I am and what I do. I respect you as a fellow young white gay male for doing the same.

For that you deserve much love. I cannot express some things here because I will be punished but I express who I am.

Jamie (AR)

Hey B&P Family, It is your boy Bear. I have a few things/people I’d like to write in regards to the July/August issue.

First, I will respond to Maison.

I am proud that you stood up for that friend of yours. You did right.

A lot of people would be scared to do it. I too am a 23 year old male.

I am in the hole for assault, when I was really defending myself and standing up for my sexuality.

Please support Prison Radio!

www.prisonradio.org “Labels” “Equality” “You Can’t Bully Me” “The Lives That Matter” “I Can’t Imagine” “Struggle to Survival” “I am the Flow” “Affirmation” Please go on and listen to the above webcasts!

Thank you!

Lisa S. (CA)

Love always, Bear (SC)

Hello Everyone at B&P, I find it such a gift for us in prisons to have a place to share our stories of life in prison. We all as readers are very lucky to have B&P. I know that some stories are hard to imagine. But reality is, nobody is safe in a prison. Especially in the LGBT population.

Where I am now, there recently was a horrible incident. A transgender person had her face, head, and neck slashed. She required 64 stitches.

Several stories circulated about the incident. But two wrongs don’t make a right. If you don’t want your down low business out there, then straight people shouldn’t be doing down low things.

It is horrible that this has happened

to one of our sisters. It is a reminder to the girls that in here and the outside we have to be careful who we mess around with. But even with that said, anything can happen to anyone at any time.

And at this prison there is a lot of the phobia, especially against the girls. It is very difficult to be who we say we are and not be bullied and ridiculed by staff and inmates alike. It is a very sad place to be here because the girls can’t participate in some of the programs and jobs just because they are women. I for one have experienced the discrimination first hand for the eight years of being here. But being silenced is not who I am. So to everyone be careful and be who you say you are.

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May 2017

“Transexual Transition and Resistance in Prison” I am a transsexual female in a men’s Maximum Security Prison in California (Kern Valley State Prison). I am a Kupanga Indian from Kupa in Southern California, where the Kupayim dwelled for thousands of years before the European invasion, genocide, usurpation of our land and forced relocation (Trail of Tears) to a reservation in San Diego County. As an American Indian formally enrolled in tribe, I am required by law to have a “registration number” with the U.S. Government, and bear such a number. I have been in prison 35 years, technically with the possibility of parole.

As an aspect of my transsexual transition, in January 2015 I had my California birth certificate amended with the state’s Center for Health Statistics and Informatics, Vital Record, to record my “sex” as “female.” This was accomplished pursuant to new law passed by the California legislature and signed by Governor Jerry Brown, in effect since January 2013. Under this law, the Vital Statistics Modernization Act, transsexuals in California no longer need to have Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) in order to have the gender marker on their vital records amended to reflect their gender of identity and the gender they are diagnosed to be by transgender specialists (although I have been surgically castrated, I have not had formal SRS). Now, all that is legally required is a sworn declaration of a physician that the individual is undergoing transsexual transition (e.g., hormone treatment). I am the first and only transsexual to do this in California.

By California law, I am now legally a female.

Relative to this development, I formally requested of the prison department to classify me as a female inmate and

rehouse me in a female institution, presented my new birth certificate to confirm. The department verified the document with the Center for Vital Records, but refused to respect it and denied my administrative effort. The local court (notoriously manipulated by the prison guard union) similarly denied my petition.

The governor is the prison department’s boss (appoints all the Wards and the Secretary of Corrections). The California legislature holds the department’s purse strings and oversees its operations. Executive branch and the legislative branch, respectively, which are the most fundamental branches of state government and which preside over the prison department. The judicial branch refuses to apply and enforce the law, disregarding law passed by the legislature and enacted by the governor.

This is tyranny of democracy; a kinder, gentler form of tyranny, the tyranny of a runaway mini-state that is the prison industrial complex, in addition to its overt brutal tyranny that it typically visits on prisoners in every form of moral vileness, killing them in cold blood even.

Meanwhile, I am being subjected to sexual assault and sex abuse at this prison, witnessed by staff and done nothing about. Not to mention rapes, etc., in other men’s prisons. I do not wish to be in a men’s prison. I am a female. I should be in a woman’s prison.

The entire transsexual transition methodology-- in the instance of trans females, female hormone therapy, female clothing, makeup, SRS, amendment of vital documents-- serves to validate our identity as females.

Each step is meant to validate, validate, validate our female position, our inner

female composition, our female essence (spirit). Validation is key for our peace of mind, for our inner equilibrium, to consolidate our place within ourselves, in society, in the world, and within the broader context of the cosmos as being of cosmic female energy that proliferates throughout. When prison officials refuse to accommodate our female identity, intentionally impede its expression, its extroversion, suppresses it, for whatever reason-- ignorance and hate outstanding-- it is an emotional slap of our face, traumatizes us, tells us in effect, “you’re a man,” the ultimate insult one can level as a trans female, the ultimate subjective injury. This harms us, disturbs our mental equilibrium, takes from our inner peace, and depresses us. It takes from our validation, leaves us in limbo. I need the validation of my identity as a female that housing in a women’s prison will provide, will confirm me, assure me, and uphold my personal integrity as a female. While we are confident in our position as females, nevertheless, validation is absolutely requisite for our personal and social harmony vis-a-vis civic; including within the penal environment. We are as social as anyone else.

It is well established that prison administrations are among the most corrupt entities on earth, drenches in moral turpitude. But so are some of the law projects that operate and get their budget in the name of prisoners, and even so-called “support groups.”

Unless you are a trans celebrity or white trans, they don’t know you. It’s sad to say, but it’s a reality in California. The two transwomen in California prisons who recently won lawsuits for SRS were white girls represented by white lawyers.

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continued from page 28 But when this third world trans girl asked them for legal help-- not to make a new law, but to enforce the law they helped make-- they were unwilling to help me.

I continue to utilize every available resource to create what I need for peace of mind and for my inner harmony as a transsexual woman in a men's prison-the ultimate cruelty.

Despite the insults, the neglect, the harm,

My spirit will prevail.

Eva (CA)

P.S. I am the founder of Transpiritual Revival Ministry, a religious group for transsexual females who worship Goddess as the source of their female spirit, a tradition that goes back thousands of years. TRANSEXUALISM IS A SPIRITUAL PHENOMENON: TRANSPIRITUALITY.

Hey Fam, Just wanted to help our little brother “Pretty Boi ID” (from TX) out with a few addresses to some places he & others can write for some free books & educational materials. He reached out for such help in the Jan/Feb 2017 issue of B&P, which is truly the ****!! What with the latest new formats and all-KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!

So those addresses are: 1. Inside Books Project c/o Street Books 827 W. 12th St. Austin, TX 78701 2. LGBT Books to Prisoners c/o Rainbow Bookstore 426 W. Gilman St. Madison, WI 53703

continued from page 19

how do we expect others to treat us with respect? I know nobody wants to hear this but it’s what needs to be said. This is my stand, who’s willing to stand with me?

Shout outs to all the members of the LGBT community that’s willing to stand up.

Stand up for something Or Fall for anything Clarence A.K.A 4Z Editor’s Note: Stopping the transmission

I would also like to leave everyone with a quote that has given me inspiration during some tough storms...

effort @ B&P to keep those of in the struggle informed, connected, & in the movement. Shout’s out to my sisters of “MP” who continue to lead by example, uplift, bring unity & love where it’s most needed-- AND SPECIAL HOLLA TO MY OTHER HALF, MY DAY ONE, MY BABY SISTER ZANIYAH “Barbie” LOVELACE… FOREVER LOYAL!!

“We imagine that if only we could change the world, then we’d be happy. Instead, focus on changing our perspective on things that disturb us.

The outside world isn’t our source of discomfort, our responses create our discomfort… Very often what nourishes the spirit most is what brings us face Big Baby (FL) to face with our greatest limitations & difficulties-IN DIFFICULTIES WE REALLY FIND OUT Jason L. (MA) WHO WE TRULY ARE.” --Jack Kornfield Crying in the middle of the night,

"Are You The One?"

As always, shout’s out to Jason & those who devote so much time & of HIV is everyone’s responsibility, not solely the responsibility of people who are positive.

Have open and honest conversations with your sexual partners about risk reduction. One of the key ways we will end HIV is by ending the stigma put upon people who are positive.

This is the responsibility, especially, of people who are negative. Do not shame/blame people who are HIV+. We all have work to do to end the epidemic.

With your face on my mind.

Wiping away the tears that were shed, Because I remembered when you left me behind.

You said it wouldn't work out, Because you lost the love you had for me.

You broke my heart into millions of pieces, And tossed the shards into the sea.

Away they drifted across the waters, Spreading out until they reached distant lands.

Where they remain to this day, Because they haven't found my true love's hands.

I'm still waiting for the day to come, That my true love comes and mends my heart.

I've been waiting for over 5 years now, So that my life can finally start.

Are you the one who comes and saves me, From all the heartache I feel inside?

Are you the one who is my true love, The one who will never leave my side?

Are you the one?

Well, are you?

Page 30

May 2017

Black & Pink News

Buscando Contribuciones

Call for Submissions

¡Hola hermosa familia hispano-parlante de Black & Pink!

Seeking erotic short stories, poems, and art by Black & Pink incarcerated and free-world family members for a new zine. To be mailed, art cannot include full nudity. Please send submissions (and shout out to the authors from the first issue mailed in January!) addressed to Black & Pink — HOT PINK. This is a voluntary project, and no money will be offered for submissions, but you might get the chance to share your spicy story with many other readers! The zine will be sent one or two times per year.

Estamos buscando contribuciones en español para nuestras secciones de Cartas a Nuestra Familia y Poesía del Corazón. Por favor envía tu contribución escrita en forma legible y de no más de tres páginas a: Black & Pink — ESPAÑOL Damos la bienvenida a cualquier escrito de tu creación, pero dado el espacio y la variedad, no todas las contribuciones pueden ser aceptadas. Al enviar tu contribución, das permiso a Black & Pink para publicar tus escritos en forma impresa y en internet.

To subscribe to upcoming issues of HOT PINK, write to our address, Black & Pink — HOT PINK.

Black & Pink Mailing Information Write to us at: Black & Pink — [see table below] 614 Columbia Rd. Dorchester, MA 02125 Please note that you can send multiple requests/ topics in one envelope! Due to concerns about consent and confidentiality, you cannot sign up other people for the newspaper. However, we can accept requests from multiple people in the same envelope. There’s no need to send separate requests in more than one envelope.

If you are being released and would still like to receive the Black & Pink News, please let us know where to send it!

Penpal program info: LGBTQ prisoners can list their information and a short non-sexual ad online where free-world people can see it and decide to write. There will be forms in upcoming issues.

Mail info: We are several months behind on our mail. There will be a delay, but please keep writing!

Email us: members@blackandpink.org

If you would like to request:

Address the envelope to:

Newspaper Subscriptions, Penpal Program, Address Change, or Volunteering

Black & Pink — General

Newspaper Submissions — Stories, Articles, Poems, Art

Black & Pink — Newspaper Submissions

Black & Pink Organization or Newspaper Feedback

Black & Pink — Feedback

Black & Pink Religious Zine

Black & Pink — The Spirit Inside

Advocacy Requests (include details about the situation and thoughts about how calls or letters might help)

Black & Pink — Advocacy

Submit to or request Erotica Zine

Black & Pink — HOT PINK

Stop Your Newspaper Subscription

Black & Pink — STOP Subscription

“No Regrets”

Dear Black & Pink Family,

I hope my words reach you in good health and By: Sabrina Nicole fortune. I pray for the LGBT community always.

I used to think I was into kink We are on the verge of a Cause I wore pink every time I’d drink breakthrough here. Times are That being a chick, meant I couldn’t have a dick changing and our movement It makes me sick, it doesn’t click; it’s a trick. to free all from the bondage The truth is now, that I’ve learned how of labels and disrespect.

To allow myself to be proud.

Being a woman is hard, I learned that from the start Stay strong guys and girls and keep your heads. I will Men breakin’ my heart; tearing me apart be transferring soon to an I don’t see why, I need to define; unknown location, but will My life in signs. It’s about time I’ll just be me. All that you see.

The she that was a he. The woman you wanted to be Dearest B&P Family, I did nothing wrong; stayed strong, Allow me to run away with Knew it was all along. So I wrote a song. my thoughts for a moment.

You don’t see me. You need to be me.

Does anything in all the Cra-zy. La-zy. You see? world force a heavier weight I scare you. Why? Because I’m not a guy? upon one’s shoulders than Instead I cry; so you say goodbye. guilt? I have felt the burden It’s confusing. Yes. I guess? often, and carried it many I didn’t know I had to go to prison to know, miles, along what would feel I was just an average Joe. So... like a very lonely road.

No more lies. No more tries.

Just the truth. See my eyes?

Guilt resembles a sword with I can’t do it no more. I’m not afraid anymore. two edges. On one hand it If you can’t handle it, there’s the door. cuts for justice, imposing For rich or poorer? (What a joke.) I wanted more. practical morality upon I see it now. You brought me down. those who fear it. Guilt, the You kept me around to keep me bound. consequence of conscience, You were scared to keep it real. is what separates the good Why? ‘Cause it wasn’t part of our original deal? from the bad. I have seen Well what can I say? (things change) I’m not the in TDC, given a situation same. that promises gain, most I’m right here. (here and now) not back there. people, inmate or guard, will That’s another time. Another place. discriminate, hate and seek to A man with a pretty face. No longer a disgrace. kill our very being and walk Well that’s not been me, you see; since I was three away carrying no emotional As long as I can remember this with me, burden at all, though it would It’s the bed I made. You should’ve stayed, appear. The people might ‘Cause in that bed we could’ve laid, together, fear retribution but will shed Yeah, my life’s a mess; more or less. no tears for their victim.

But I have to confess. I’m truly blessed.

I’ll make someone a good wife. Live a long life; To humans, to gays, to trans, He’ll do me right. We’ll never fight. and all the good, suffering Make love all night. Our future’s bright. imposed by conscience I know it couldn’t be; but sounds good to me. will usually far outweigh Nothing’s perfect, and nothing’s free. any external threat. Some I'm a head case. Leather and lace. would conclude that guilt-Running a drag race. You wanna taste? conscience-- is the primary Nah, You couldn't handle all this bass! difference in people, in

be sure to send my love as soon as I get to my destination. I hope my poem/rap can give a glimpse of understanding. People are scared of what they don't understand, and it’s our job to help soothe their fears. They are beginning to realize how wonderful the community really is. And how much we have to offer the world. I love you all and remember to never give up! Keep fighting for the good guys! Blessed be!

Love, Sabrina Nicole (FL)

humans, in inmates. In this regard, guilt must be considered a positive force.

But there is another side to that weighed emotion. Conscience does not always adhere to rational judgment. Guilt is always a self-imposed burden, but is not always rightly imposed. So it was for me along the road from home to these “steal” bars. I carried out of home guilt for my accuser, my grandmother, to these “steal” bars I carried guilt for my brother, and my lies to him and the shame along these roads there has come many burdens. My mother hurt by the monster that hunts me still, the pain I suffer at my own hand; and the people, the simple people that have all been hurt.

Rationally I know that I was not to blame, that the actions were beyond my influence. But rationale is little defense to the weight of guilt. In time bolstered by the confidence of trusted friends, I came to throw off many of those burdens.

Others remain and always shall. I accept this as inevitable, and use the weight to guide my future steps.

This I believe, is the true purpose of conscience.

To know, to dare, to will.

Forever, Raven (TX)

For Jess

BLACK & PINK 614 COLUMBIA RD. DORCHESTER, MA 02125 RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED

NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION U.S. POSTAGE PAID BOSTON, MA PERMIT NO. 1475

Jeff M. (MO) You keep me from falling Like a hand in gusting winds blowing, Catching me so I don’t land crashing down In the dark storm.

You’re the sun that dries my tears In this world of hate and fear.

You’re a rainbow That puts a smile on my face in days of sorrow.

Happy Mother’s Day From Black & Pink Sunday, May 14th

You’re a friend With care and passion. That makes me happy and not sad.

You give me strength when I am weak.

You’re my family of Black and Pink.

P.S.This poem was written for my friend Jess who is a member of Black and Pink and my pen-pal and a friend who wrote me in solitary, she gives me strength and is a nice person.

Carole Jahmil, “Unbroken By Bars”