Metro Times 03/27/2024

EMPLOYMENT

Project Manager Development - Seat Components, Brose North America, Auburn Hills, MI. Plan, manage, & coordinate series production projects incl. validation of product designs & engrg change mgmt for mechatronic seat cmpts incl. backrest recliners; comfort cmpts incl. lumbar assemblies, vibration massage sys, bolster adjusters, & power center console; cushion length adjusters (CLAs); & latches, to be produced at 3 Brose global plants, & dvlpmt projects (quotation, dvlpmt, validation, rampup, launch, series production) for Brose seat cmpts incl. latches, recliners, & power center console, to be produced at Brose plants in NA. Track & ensure series & dvlpmt projects are on time, within budget, & continue to meet medium- & longterm cost targets. Use CATIA V5 & Siemens NX Computer Aided Design (CAD) tools to prepare & analyze 3D designs, 2D drawings, & cmpt packaging studies. Use Excel & Enventive tools to perform tolerance stackups. Use ASOM tool to perform sys level kinematic calculations of complete seat structures & force anlys’s. Bachelor, Mechanical, Mechatronics, or Automotive Engrg, or related. 60 mos’ exp as Engineer, Design Engr, Engrg Lead, Project Mgr, or related, performing product design of automot seating sys & /or responsible for seat integration & engrg change mgmt, or related. E-mail resume to Jobs@brose.com (Ref#3943).

NEWS & VIEWS

News Shorts

Diarra Kilpatrick shows hometown love in new BET series

We may not know much here at Metro Times, but one thing we know for certain is that Detroit is always gonna root for Detroit. So when we saw the teaser for Diarra From Detroit, a comedic mystery series on BET+ written by a Detroiter, we knew we had to chat it up with the show’s creator.

Diarra Kilpatrick is behind the new series, and not only did she write and executive produce it, she stars in as the main character, Diarra. She’s a teacher going through a divorce who thinks her Tinder date ghosted her after they had sex, not because he just wanted to hit it and quit it, but because he’s gone missing. So she decided to do some sleuthing and solve his disappearance herself.

“A schoolteacher in Detroit gets some really good ‘D’ and it turns her into an amateur detective, and it’s a wild ride,” Kilpatrick describes the show over our Zoom call as we both laugh. If you thought her last name sounded familiar, yes, she is the half-sister of former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

“There’s a ton of subtext,” she adds about Diarra’s journey on the show. “On the surface, the character thinks that she really does need an explanation. But one of the things we talked about in the writers’ room was that it’s easier to solve a mystery than it is to face your feelings, to go through a divorce, to stare down your grief… That’s what she’s trying to do is look away from the pain of her life into something else and it just so happens that the something else is very dangerous and a little crazy.”

Diarra From Detroit is set in the city and includes cameos by Detroit rappers Kash Doll and Icewear Vezzo. It debuted on BET+ on March 21. The eight-episode show even got a dedicated mural painted by Sydney G. James and Ijania Cortez on the side of Corktown’s Detroit Barber Co. on Michigan Avenue. It shows Kilpatrick in a fur coat hanging out the window of a car, mirroring promo images for the show.

Kash Doll appears in an episode as a character named “Maisha” who Kilpatrick says was written with the rapper in mind. She also recalls Kash Doll giving a concert

in the hair and makeup trailer.

“I don’t know how it happened, but her music came on and she gave us a mini concert and the whole trailer was rocking,” she says. “She is really sweet, just a Detroit girl through and through. She knew her lines and she was ready to go… I’m a fan, so I’m glad that I got to meet her and now she’s lil sis.”

Like most Detroiters, Kilpatrick says she wanted to show how dope the city of Detroit is, even if it has its problems.

Kilpatrick is from Detroit originally but now lives between Los Angeles and the Bay Area, California.

“Diarra, the character, was much like a metaphor for the city in that, in a way, she was caught between the old and new versions of herself,” Kilpatrick says. “She’s coming out of this marriage and she’s going through a trauma. She’s going through a loss. And anytime you walk through the labyrinth of grief you come out on the other side different… And so we really wanted to lean into her as a metaphor for the city of Detroit itself and finding beauty in where she is in the mess, in the potential.”

She says that while the narrative of Detroit these days is often that of a comeback story with a bustling downtown and high profile events like the NFL Draft, Detroiters are what have always made the city special.

“Detroit’s been a vibe. Even in the days when downtown maybe wasn’t as thriving and there weren’t as many wine bars and all the cool stuff that we can now enjoy,” she says. “There was still a spirit to the people and the beauty to the culture that was blooming through the cracks in the concrete. That’s the Detroit that I grew up in and I saw the beauty in it then.”

Certain characters on the show are “composites” of people in Kilpatrick’s real life, like Aja who she says is loosely based on one of her close friends. (She laughs while noting that actor Dominique Perry, who plays Aja, has since become cool with her friend the character was based off.) But the characters also represent the spirit of people like the librarian at the Detroit Public Library who helped foster Kilpatrick’s interest in books when she was a kid.

“Those are the people that loved me and taught me about art, who affirmed me at places like Bates Academy and the Charles H. Wright [Museum of African American History],” Kilpatrick says. “The children’s librarian at the main branch, Kelly, I can see her face right now. She always greeted me with a smile and knew exactly who I was and wanted to show me some new books to check out. That is the Detroit that I knew and that’s the Detroit that I feel like needs to be represented as well.... The people are gems and so those are the portraits that I tried to paint in the show.”

Portraying Detroit can be complicated though. Yes, Detroiters are amazing but the city has had its share of ups and downs, financial crises, challenges with crime, and a supposed dwindling population. So how do you uplift the spirit of a city full of good people while acknowledging its hardness? It’s similar to the complexity of portraying Black women on screen. While Kilpatrick says she isn’t necessarily fighting against the “strong Black woman” trope in Diarra From Detroit, she wants to convey the duality.

“Sometimes Black women are strong, not because we’re stronger than anybody else, but because we’ve had to

be,” she says. “Sometimes the guys in the neighborhood do come off kind of hood. To me, that’s the truth of it. I don’t want to deny the truth of it. The issue is that there’s more to the story than that. I’m also more concerned with the why. Why do people present this way? Why is she presenting as strong, because we know she’s a human being and if you cut through, there’s something softer inside and I do think that’s a mark of the Detroiter. Can it be an aggressive city? Absolutely. Do you have to have a thick skin? Absolutely.”

She continues, “I put it in the first couple minutes of the pilot, my name autocorrects to ‘diarrhea.’ I went to a Black middle school. Have I been called ‘diarrhea’ before? Absolutely. So of course I have a thick skin. But I think what is the mark of Detroiters, a lot of the time, is at the center of us is this soft, gooey teddy bear.”

While she had all this in mind while writing the show, the self-professed Black nerd really just wanted to create a quirky Nancy Drew-esque series that centers Black characters.

“People keep saying it’s so original, but I think we have seen mystery shows before [and] we’ve seen mystery shows mashed up with comedy before,” she says. “But I don’t think we’ve seen them with a Black woman in the driver’s seat. I don’t think we’ve seen them with a tough setting like Detroit… and all those things kind of blended together to make this unique tone and story.”

The first season of Diarra From Detroit is available on BET+ and Kilpatrick teases that she’s hoping for a second season in the future.

—Randiah Camille Green

Diarra Kilpatrick wrote, executive produced, and stars in BET’s Diarra From Detroit COURTESY OF BET

Registration open for free entry into the NFL Draft

Seems like we blinked and it’s already nearing the end of March. This means the 2024 NFL Draft, which will take over downtown Detroit from Thursday, April 25 to Saturday, April 27, is drawing near.

Organizers announced that registration is open for free tickets to attend the NFL Draft festivities taking place mostly around Campus Martius and Hart Plaza.

Entry is free, but registration is required. To register, you’ll have to sign up online at nfl.com/draftaccess or download the NFL OnePass app. Adults can sign up to bring up to five children to the events.

Beyond the NFL Draft itself, the event includes a lineup of free concerts, photo opportunities, local food pop-ups, games, youth activities, and autograph signings from current NFL players and NFL legends.

The 32 NFL teams will be selecting their draft picks at the main “NFL Draft Theatre” in the Monroe Street Midway. Access to this area is standing room only on a first-come first-served basis. It will also be broadcast on screens throughout the area.

The NFL Draft Experience presented by Rocket Mortgage will take over Hart Plaza for the duration of the draft like a festival. Attractions include games like a 40-yard dash and vertical jump. The grounds will include a replica of the official NFL Draft stage and the Vince Lombardi

Trophy for photo opportunities. A Pro Football Hall of Fame exhibit will include hall of fame bronze busts of Barry Sanders, Lem Barney, Joe DeLamielleure, and more.

Local restaurants will rally for a “taste the town tailgate” featuring Waka by Baobab Fare, Fried Chicken and Caviar, Good Cakes and Bakes, Chef Greg’s Soul-N-The-Wall, Super-

crisp, The Kitchen by Cooking with Que, Brome Modern Eatery, Kuzzo’s Chicken and Waffles, Haraz Coffee House, Bangkok 96 Street Food, Mom’s Spaghetti, Detroit 75 Kitchen, M Cantina, and others.

A youth activity hub called the Corner Ballpark will be located at Michigan and Trumbull. There will also be free concerts

throughout the draft. Local artists will perform on April 25 and April 26 before the draft pick announcements, and a post-draft concert will close out the event on April 27. Headliners have not been announced yet.

For more information and a full lineup of events and activities, see nfl. com/draft/event-info.

—Randiah Camille Green

Highland Park gets new treasurer after former one was ousted

A Highland Park entrepreneur and community booster will soon take over as the city’s new treasurer after a judge ousted Janice Taylor-Dibbs in January.

The Highland Park City Council voted 3-2 last week to appoint Lisa Stolarski to the position.

She was among nearly 10 candidates vying for the seat. Only two of those candidates, including Stolarski, live in Highland Park, which is a requirement for the position, according to Councilman Khursheed Ash-Shafii.

“I think Miss Lisa Stolarski is going to be a great addition to the city, and I think she is going to do a wonderful job and give us the transparency that we haven’t had for 30 years,” Ash-Shafii

tells Metro Times. “The office has been sealed and locked off to the public since Janice Taylor-Dibbs has been treasurer.”

A Wayne County judge ordered the seven-term treasurer to resign on Jan. 30, saying she was ineligible to run for re-election because she owed more than $90,000 to the city as the result of a housing scandal.

Highland Park’s charter and state law bars residents from running for office if they are in default to the city.

Taylor-Bibbs owes the money because she brazenly took advantage of a federally funded program aimed at helping lower-income residents buy a home. Despite a policy that generally forbids city officials from participating in the neighborhood stabilization pro-

gram, Taylor-Bibbs was awarded a new house on Midland Street near Woodward Avenue in Highland Park in 2012.

The Michigan State Housing Development Authority, which doled out the federal funds to build the new houses, demanded that Taylor-Bibbs pay back the $90,620 spent on the home or relinquish ownership to the city, saying she was ineligible to participate in the program.

Taylor-Bibbs did neither and kept the home, where she still lives, according to city records.

Stolarski is a popular city booster, and in 2018, she founded the Antique Touring Company, which provides historical tours of Detroit in antique, Detroit-made vehicles.

Stolarski previously served as executive director of the National Cooperative Business Association’s domestic development program and has been on boards for cooperatives around the country.

In 2015, Stolarski helped start the Cooperation Group, a Highland Park-based nonprofit that provided consulting and technical assistance for cooperatives. The idea was to assist in economic self-determination of people who want a more inclusive economy.

“She’s got my full support,” Ash-Shafii says. “Things are turning around in Highland Park in a positive direction.”

Metro Times couldn’t reach Stolarski for comment.

—Steve Neavling

The 2024 NFL Draft will take place in downtown Detroit on April 25-27, 2024. KATELL AR GOW, FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS

Ferndale’s Church Militant shuts down amid scandals, teases Texas move

It looks like Church Militant, the Ferndale-based conservative Catholic media company that the Southern Poverty Law Center designated as an anti-LGBTQ+ hate group, is no more — at least for now.

The company’s website churchmilitant.com has shut down in the aftermath of a number of scandals, including a defamation lawsuit brought on by New Hampshire priest Fr. Georges de Laire and the 2023 resignation of founder Michael Voris. The company also has not posted on social media since late February, around the time that Church Militant and its parent company St. Michael’s Media ended the lawsuit by retracting an article and paying Fr. de Laire a $500,000 settlement. It is also reportedly selling the pair of office buildings it owns at 2840 Hilton Rd., Ferndale.

Last Monday, St. Michael’s Media sent an email to its subscribers with the subject line “Final Correspondence.”

“After 17+ years of teaching the Faith, it is with heavy hearts we must now announce the closure of our Church Militant website,” the email read, which was obtained by the Catholic blog

called Where Peter Is. “The challenges posed by insurmountable scandals and hurdles have made it increasingly difficult for us to continue our mission.”

However, that might not be the end of the story. The blog also reported of a second email claiming to be from Church Militant, featuring a new logo and a Houston, Texas address.

“Church Militant will be bringing you new content well worth your continued support, as we partner with others just as devoted to seeing the advance of authentic Christianity and the ongoing struggle against Communism, both in politics and the culture,” the second email reads. “We will be rolling out the first of our new content to you this coming week and are in current discussions to add more voices (some new, some familiar) and content in the coming weeks.”

In a social media post, former Church Militant employee Joe Gallagher claims that Voris is behind the new Church Militant.

“Voris began texting and calling former staffers about joining him on a new venture, but wouldn’t tell them who he was working with,” Gallagher wrote. “I

have proof, but staff are afraid of what lawsuit-happy Voris might do to them. Out of respect for them, I [won’t] post the texts. Voris was asking if they’d relocate to Texas and would not say who he was working for/with.”

Voris reportedly resigned in November 2023 for breaching the company’s “morality clause.” While the nature of the morality clause was never made public, Voris vaguely alluded to personal “demons” in a video statement regarding his resignation. In 2016, Voris admitted of his own queer past, saying he was “confused about my own sexuality” and “lived a life of live-in relationships with homosexual men.”

However, in a six-page letter sent to St. Michael’s Media on Nov. 19, members of Church Militant’s staff claimed Voris “was recently seen at a well-known gay bar in Detroit, had a pornographic video playing on his computer when he had a male staffer come to his home for work, and had somehow posted obscene messages and shirtless selfies to the Church Militant DropBox account,” according to a report by the Catholic publication Our Sunday Visitor

Under Voris, Church Militant repeatedly accused its targets of being gay, The Washington Post reports.

“Michael Voris hurt a lot of people. He attacked individuals privately and publicly, but couldn’t even come clean himself about his own gay scandal. Which was, yes, very gay,” Gallagher wrote on social media, adding, “This can’t continue. For his own soul, he needs to abandon apostolic work and go find God. There is no other option.”

Voris did not respond to a direct message on social media asking for comment. An email and a direct message sent to Church Militant also did not get a response.

The defamation lawsuit is pretty in-the-weeds, especially for the lapsed Catholics in the Metro Times newsroom, but the gist of it is that the anonymously penned article accused Fr. de Laire of being “emotionally unstable” and “incompetent,” among other unsubstantiated claims. The article was allegedly written by lawyer Marc Balestrieri, who had an undisclosed conflict of interest, though Balestrieri has denied that he wrote the article. You can read more about it in Our Sunday Visitor

Needless to say, this is all incredibly messy, and we’re glad to hear that Church Militant is getting the hell out of Ferndale. Good riddance.

—Lee DeVito

Church Militant’s Ferndale headquarters is shutting down.

LEE DEVITO

NEWS & VIEWS

Lapointe

Trump’s trail of ‘blood’ goes back (at least) to Michigan

By Joe Lapointe

When I was a little kid, I watched a lot of cowboy westerns on our black-and-white TV. Bad guys were always killing good guys “in cold blood,” or so it was said. This baffled me.

I always wondered: How do they get the cold blood? From humans? From animals? And how do they chill it? Do they pour gallons of cold blood in a refrigerated bathtub or swimming pool and then kill the guy by drowning him?

Thankfully, one of the more sophisticated neighborhood big kids explained to me that “cold blood” was just an expression, meaning “done with unfair and cowardly treachery.”

It was the opposite of honorably killing a low-down, no-good varmint like a manly man would with a pistol duel, face to face, on a dusty street at high noon in a town with wooden sidewalks. (Would that be “in hot blood?”)

My literal misunderstanding of “cold blood” returned to my mind in the last few days during the controversy over Donald Trump’s prediction of a “bloodbath” if President Joe Biden is reelected this November over Trump.

“If I don’t get elected,” Trump said last Saturday in Ohio, “it’s going to be a bloodbath for the whole country.”

Trump’s paid staff and media groupies immediately scoffed at Trump’s critics who said the former president chose the word “bloodbath” with sinister meaning to hint at violence even worse than Trump’s Jan. 6 lynch mob insurrection attempt to overthrow the 2020 election of Biden over Trump.

Many shed blood in that Capitol Hill clash. Some died. But such a comparison is nonsense, said Trump’s apologists. In Ohio, he was merely discussing the automobile industry and predicting how it will suffer financially if Chinese companies build cars in Mexico and sell them in the United States.

In defense of Trump (There! I’ve said it!) it must be acknowledged that the large, loud, orange-faced, yellow-haired

demagogue threw around similar, reckless, blood metaphors when he spoke last fall in Clinton Township during the United Auto Workers strike.

In a non-union auto parts warehouse, Trump promised “a revival of economic nationalism and our automobile factories, a lifeblood which they are sucking out of the country.” He also said immigration is “killing our country. They’re destroying the blood of our country.”

Referring to the president, Trump said: “Crooked Joe backed every single, blood-sucking globalist attack on U.S. auto workers.”

Reflecting on his immense wealth and how he is sacrificing a life of luxurious leisure to patriotically serve his wonderful but troubled nation, Trump said, “I’ve risked it all to defend the working class from the corrupt political class that has spent decades sucking the life, wealth and blood out of this country.”

If those Trump blood references don’t make your blood boil, consider his views regarding blood and women, specifically those women who might challenge him on television

In a 2016 Republican debate, Megyn Kelly — then with Fox News Channel — called out Trump, saying, “You have called women you don’t like fat pigs,

dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.”

Asked later about it by Don Lemon — then with CNN — Trump said of Kelly, “She had blood coming out of her eyes. Or coming out of her whatever.”

Quite an observation from a proud sex predator who once (at least) bragged that, when he sees an unfamiliar woman he finds attractive, he just grabs her by the crotch, his method of saying “Hello.”

After he was elected in 2016, Trump said he turned down a request from Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough of MSNBC to interview him at his Mara-Lago palace on New Year’s Eve.

“She was bleeding badly from a facelift,” Trump said in a social media post. “I said, ‘No.’”

Return now to the present, when Trump now runs a blood-curdling campaign of doom and gloom, fear, and smear.

Part of his evil genius is to spray vicious words like metaphoric bullets from the metaphoric gun of a metaphoric mass shooter taking aim at various metaphoric moving targets in the hallway of a metaphoric school.

Among real people, Trump picks fights with judges, prosecutors, lawyers, journalists, most Democrats, and some Republicans, too.

How can one even focus? This essay is already more than 700 words long and we haven’t yet mentioned that Trump labels political opponents as “vermin” and he calls migrants “animals.” He cheapens words like “blood,” the vital fluid of both life and death.

In religious symbolism, blood is sacramental. But Trump uses the word symbolically to cut, smear, and scare people. At his rallies, he mixes his blood metaphors with a sense of humor that is limited to the ridicule of others while his fans in the audience behind him fill the TV screen with smirks.

Every now and then, more than before, Trump throws in a few curse words. On TV, you can see how they draw happy gasps from his “evangelical” and “patriot” followers. So cheeky! And they love it when he calls the convicted Jan. 6 felons “hostages” and promises to spring these convicts from prison.

Of course, Trump vows vengeance on the news media, the “enemy of the people.” For God’s sake, Trump even mocked Biden’s stutter.

Compared to those recent word belches, his “bloodbath” comments are just a splish-splash. And if you think Trump’s words might get worse in the coming months, you’re bloody well right.

Trump supporters outside a Clinton Township rally. MATTHEW RODIER/SIPA USA

By Randiah Camille Green

During a visit to the Detroit Institute of Arts in February, I noticed a section of the Native American Art exhibit was missing with signs that read, “Gallery work in progress. We are preparing something new for you. Come see in March!”

A new exhibit of contemporary Native American art had been unveiled in the DIA’s Cosmos Gallery upon a second visit. Next to it, a sign says the museum removed items that had been displayed.

“Why Are There Empty Spaces in the Native American Galleries?” the sign reads. It continues, “The DIA has removed some items from display in an effort to return cultural items in the collection that likely were taken from Native American communities or individual makers without consent. The DIA is in discussion with Native American Tribes and is following the process outlined in the Native American Graves and Repatriation Act (NAGPRA).”

The DIA tells Metro Times the NAGPRA notices were installed in the Native American Art galleries in early 2023.

inventories, and return the remains of ancestors and funerary objects.

NAGPRA isn’t a new law that suddenly appeared in 2024, however. It has been the federal law since 1990 and regulations requiring institutions to consult with Native American tribes went into effect in 1995. Unfortunately, as Chief Executive and Attorney for the Association on American Indian Affairs Shannon O’Loughlin explains, several loopholes in the previous iteration of NAGPRA allowed museums to get away with non-compliance.

for more than 30 years saying, you don’t have a right to these items. You’re supposed to be repatriating these items, but institutions haven’t done that... If you want to do an exhibit or you want to do extractive research and pull DNA out of my ancestors, you need to ask permission first because it’s native nations who are the primary experts of their cultural heritage and the rightful holders of these materials.”

A revised version of NAGPRA went into effect on January 12, 2024 with stricter guidelines for institutions to return human remains, funerary items, sacred objects, and objects of cultural patrimony to the tribes they originated from. Museums have five years to consult with tribes, update their

Across the nation, museums have been removing items from Native American exhibits or dismantling them entirely in response to updated federal regulations that require institutions to obtain informed consent from Indigenous tribes, lineal descendants, or Native Hawaiian Organizations (NHOs) before displaying, possessing, or conducting research on culturally significant items.

“There was no definition of what consultation meant,” O’Loughlin says about the faults of NAGPRA as it was previously written. “So what we saw is, institutions who didn’t want to comply would simply send a letter or an email, and that’s all they would ever do to communicate with tribes. Then they would make their own determinations without true consultation.”

She adds, “The law has been in place

In 2021, DIA Assistant Curator for Native American Art Denene De Quintal “encountered” the remains of 13 Indigenous ancestors and six funerary objects in a storeroom for the museum’s Indigenous Americas collection during a “comprehensive inventory,” according to transcripts from a NAGPRA Review Committee meeting on June 7-8, 2023. De Quintal joined the museum in 2019 after the position was vacant for nearly a decade.

The American Museum of Natural History in New York City removed two

of its Native American exhibits completely following the updated regulations. The Cleveland Museum of Art and Chicago’s Field Museum of Natural History covered display cases with Native American items in response, and the Peabody Museum of Archaeology and Ethnology at Harvard University vowed to remove all funerary items.

The DIA has a history of consulting with tribes and has worked to return the remains of at least 21 ancestors and several cultural objects in its possession over the past several decades, including the ancestors discovered in 2021.

Despite a month of back and forth with the museum via email prior to the unveiling of the new exhibit, the DIA would not provide Metro Times with additional information on what items were previously displayed in the Cosmos Gallery “out of respect for the tribes.”

A representative for the museum wrote about the new exhibit, “This gallery has been planned for more than a year. The galleries have been installed since 2007, [and] the new gallery is a chance to highlight contemporary art and contemporary voices before a full reinstallation of all the galleries can be planned.”

The DIA told Metro Times it was consulting with local tribes and “[deferred] to them to share that information.”

“In our commitment to adhering to the Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act (NAGPRA), we have and continue to welcome consultations with Native American tribes,” a statement from the museum reads. “Consultation has been used in the recent past and will continue to be used by the DIA to determine what items are and will be on display. The museum will make every effort to ensure its compliance with the new NAGPRA regulations.”

I also observed in February that an item described as a “model of a Shaman’s guardian figure” from the Central Council of Tlingit & Haida Indian Tribes of Alaska had been removed from a display case at the DIA. A placard in its place notes “this item has been temporarily removed” and is dated August 1, 2022.

O’Loughlin says museums covering up and removing collections is a red flag that shows which institutions haven’t been compliant with NAGPRA all this time. O’Loughlin sat on the NAGPRA Review Committee from 2013 to 2015 and is a citizen of the Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma.

The DIA’s history of repatriation

At the June 2023 NAGPRA Review Committee meeting, De Quintal and

other DIA staff received the committee’s approval to repatriate the remains of 11 ancestors and six funerary objects to Michigan’s Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians.

The museum needed approval because the 11 ancestors had been deemed “culturally unidentifiable,” an egregious term O’Loughlin says museums have used to claim they couldn’t trace the ancestors’ origin and, therefore, didn’t know what tribe to return them to.

The other two ancestors out of the 13 that were discovered were determined to be affiliated with Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

One of the updates to NAGPRA was removing the “culturally unidentifiable human remains” category.

“It’s a lie under the law,” O’Loughlin says about Native American ancestors being culturally unidentifiable. “Most of these institutions, the inventories that they’ve produced have plenty of information, including geography, to affiliate those ancestors with their nations. But, they determined that — because they didn’t consult [and] they just sent a letter — ‘I guess they’re not identified with anyone, so we’ll keep them.’”

She continues, “Harvard is a great example of this because, unless an ancestor was deemed affiliated, they would continue to do extractive DNA research and other types of research on

human remains and cultural items even though they had no legal right to do so… So the new regulations are really important, not just because they’ve now defined clearly what consultation means, but they’ve also eliminated this concept of ‘unidentifiable.’”

De Quintal said at the June 2023 meeting that the DIA invited “43 Indian tribes, as well as the two Michigan State Historic Tribes whose aboriginal land includes Michigan” to the museum for consultation and “no one objected to a culturally unidentifiable determination based on a lack of evidence.”

According to De Quintal, after monthly meetings with NAGPRA representatives of Michigan’s Anishinaabe tribes and the Michigan Anishinaabek Cultural Preservation and Repatriation Alliance (MACPRA), the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe requested the remains be returned to them.

The DIA confirmed to Metro Times that the ancestors had been returned.

Marie Richards, who was the Repatriation and Historic Preservation Specialist for the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe at the time, was responsible for removing those ancestors from the DIA and bringing them to the Upper Peninsula. She now works for the federal government as a Tribal Relations Specialist.

“I made a trip from Sault Ste. Marie to [the] Detroit Institute of Arts that Wednesday before Thanksgiving,” Rich-

ards recalls to Metro Times. “I met with staff and was able to, under the language of the law, take possession [and] have stewardship, and [I] escorted those ancestors up to Sault Ste. Marie… It’s a culturally sensitive thing but we try to help them continue their journey back to the spirit world after having that disturbance the best that we can, and part of that is reburial.”

Richards explains that the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe is often the designated caretaker for “unidentifiable” ancestors in cases like these, as decided by the Michigan Anishinaabek Cultural Preservation and Repatriation Alliance.

“Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians is based out of Sault Ste. Marie, [Michigan]. It’s the gathering place, where on different occasions, bands of Anishinaabe from all over the Great Lakes would meet,” she says. “Because of that historical role that we played in our culture as the host to people from many nations, we continue doing that… Those ancestors do have a right to something, so it’s just a matter of figuring out how we can do that in a good way.”

Richards says the Sault Ste. Marie tribe has also received the remains of ancestors repatriated from Michigan State University in a similar situation where they were deemed “culturally unidentifiable.”

According to ProPublica’s Repatria-

The DIA’s Native American Gallery includes art from as far south as Peru and as far north as Alaska. STEVE NEAVLING

tion Database, the DIA has made all of the 23 Native American remains that it reported having to the federal government available for return to tribes. The same database reports that Michigan State University has made 100% of 544 ancestors and over 84,900 associated funerary objects it reported possessing available for return to tribes.

However, making the remains and funerary objects “available for repatriation” doesn’t always mean those ancestors and sacred items make it back home.

“That’s one of the problems that we tried to correct with the new regulations [is] that you don’t really know what actually happened or not,” O’Loughlin says.

After an institution submits a “notice of intent to repatriate” on the federal register, the affiliated nations then have to submit a request for repatriation, O’Loughlin explains.

“So there has to be that formal, ‘yes, please give these back,’” she says. “This signifies kind of an administrative return… but there’s no notice that will tell you if something’s actually been physically returned.”

On January 16, 2024, days after the NAGPRA updates went into effect, the DIA filed a notice with the National Park Service’s federal register to repatriate seven objects of cultural patrimony and four funerary items. These were reportedly removed from “unknown locations in Alaska’’ and have been traced back to the Central Council of the Tlingit & Haida Indian Tribes. Some of the objects include a Gooch Shádaa (wolf headdress), a Weix’ S’eek Daakeit (sculpin tobacco pipe), a Xixch’ S’eek Daakeit (frog tobacco pipe), a Kaashishxaaw S’eek Daakeit (dragonfly pipe), and a bear tooth amulet.

The DIA confirmed that the Shaman guardian figure removed from display in 2022 (and whose space was still empty during our visit) is one of the items it intends to repatriate.

“The museum’s work on this gallery continues,” a DIA representative told Metro Times. “In addition to tribal consultations on the collection, items are often removed from display or rotated as is common in museums. As that continues more items may be removed from the galleries and may through the process established by NAGPRA. Out of respect for the tribes and their preference on how this process should be handled, the museum will not make an announcement every time this happens, but the work is ongoing.”

Four of these items are believed to have been placed “with or near individual human remains” as part of a burial rite or ceremony, and all were determined to have ongoing historical,

traditional, or cultural importance to the Tlingit and Haida Tribes.

“The documents were published in January but the decision was made before that,” a representative for the museum said about the notice of intent to repatriate. “The process can take years from the initial consultation to the formal request from the tribe.”

Back in 2001, the DIA filed a notice of intent to repatriate a bear claw necklace of cultural patrimony from its collection. The necklace — made of 30 grizzly bear claws, glass beads, and otter fur — belonged to James White Cloud (1841-1940), a chief of the Iowa Tribe of Kansas and Nebraska. According to the federal register, the DIA purchased this necklace in 1981 from a man named Richard Pohrt of Flint. Documents and oral testimony show the necklace had passed through an Oklahoma pawn shop, Oklahoma’s Southern Plains Indian Museum and Crafts Center, and another man named Mildford Chandler of Detroit before landing in the DIA’s possession.

Judith Dolkart, DIA Deputy Director of Art, Education & Programs, told the NAGPRA Review Committee the necklace had since been repatriated to the Iowa Tribe of Kansas and Nebraska.

“[NAGPRA] is only 34 years old, and if everyone had followed it as they should have, the only issue would be new acquisitions. But unfortunately, that’s not the case,” Richards says. “With objects of cultural patrimony, that is the one where we’re seeing more changes in the federal law and that’s why many institutions immediately pulled objects they did not have consent for, or covered them. [The] DIA had already had such items not on display.”

Richards says the Sault Ste. Marie

“I was involved in the Detroit Institute of Arts consultation and I just wanted to publicly state that I give a lot of credit to the Detroit Institute of Arts,” she said. “They and we were surprised to realize that the museum had some outstanding NAGPRA obligations, and the Detroit Institute of Arts really seemed to take seriously its federal legal compliance responsibilities, as well as the human rights imperative that Congress set forth when creating NAGPRA in 1990. And for any museum that’s listening or any tribe that’s listening, if you want an example of what is possible when you have the institutional will, the Detroit Institute of Arts, with the support of Jan Bernstein [of Bernstein & Associates NAGPRA Consultants] and her team, really stepped up in a way that was very admirable and, in my experience, quite rare.”

Tribe was invited to the DIA along with several other tribes to consult with the museum about patrimony objects in 2023.

“I’m very vocal about why consultation has to happen, why these conversations with tribes have to happen collectively,” she says. “There were several tribes present so we could talk with each other as well as interact with the items. It’s important for the institution to talk with the tribe and also for us to be able to interact with our colleagues who also want what’s best for the ancestors and those objects of cultural patrimony.”

According to transcripts from the June 2023 NAGPRA Review Committee meeting, the DIA submitted notice of having 10 “culturally unidentifiable” Native American ancestors in its inventory in the early 1990s that had been “removed from Detroit or the surrounding area.” After consulting with several of Michigan’s Anishinaabe tribes, Dolkart told the committee, those ancestors were returned in or after 2009.

She also noted that the DIA held monthly virtual meetings with Michigan tribes between October 2022 and April of 2023, who advised the museum on what items should be removed from display.

“Throughout those seven months, the tribes determined which images should be removed from the DIA’s website, which items should be removed from display, and which items the DIA collection staff should make available for examination during an in-person consultation,” she said.

At that same meeting, Veronica Pasfield, a NAGPRA Officer for Bay Mills Indian Community in Brimley, Michigan, commended the DIA for its efforts.

According to the Oakland Press, a ceremony to thank the DIA for its work returning Native American ancestors was held in February. At the ceremony, De Quintal was presented with a Healing Blanket and DIA Director and President Salvador Salort-Pons was given a plaque from South Eastern Michigan Indians, Inc., American Indian Health and Family Services Inc., and the Northern American Indian Association of Detroit, the Oakland Press reported.

In O’Loughlin’s eyes, closing entire Native American exhibits is taking the easy way out of a nuanced issue. Instead, she says, museums should do the work to consult with tribes so they can learn exactly what they have in their collections and display them accurately and respectfully.

“As we were all going into NAGPRA and institutions were often fighting against NAGPRA, the complaint was that all their shelves would be empty,” she says. “And what we found was that when true consultation actually happens between tribes and those institutions… they learn about the values of various and diverse native nations so that they can properly educate the public because that’s the mission of a museum anyway… They’ve only had information provided by an archaeologist or an anthropologist and it often does not include the primary experts, the original peoples where the items came from.”

She adds, “Native nations do want to educate the public about who they are, but they want to have control of it. They want to be able to be a part of that education, and they just haven’t ever been at the table until NAGPRA was passed… Also, there’s about 150 tribal museums that are owned by native nations and they are likely better places to go if you want to learn about them.”

The DIA’s Native American Gallery in late January, 2024. STEVE NEAVLING

WHAT’S GOING ON

Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check venue website before events for latest information. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/ AddEvent.

MUSIC

Wednesday, March 27

Alestorm, Elvenking, Glyph 6 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $27.50 advance, $35 day of show

Art Of Anarchy with Jeff Scott Soto & Bumblefoot, Angeles, Duke Charelle 6:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $20.

Darkest Hour, I Am, Filth Is Eternal, Somnuri, Cyadine 6 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $22.

Games We Play, House Parties, Zoe Ko 6:30 p.m.; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $21.

GWAR, Cancer Bats, Fuming

Mouth 6 p.m.; The Crofoot Ballroom, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $24.99-$32.

Jack & Jack, Sammy Wilk 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20-$520.

Samara Joy 7:30 p.m.; Hill Auditorium, 825 N. University Ave., Ann Arbor; $14-$77.

Rakim, DJ Kid Capri 7 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $40-$65.

Thursday, March 28

Magic Bag Presents: Cowboy

Mouth 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $26.

Matt Maltese, The Army, The Navy 7 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $25.

Pacific Dub, Leaving Lifted 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $16.

Snow Strippers, Eera 8 p.m.; Tangent Gallery, 715 E Milwaukee Avenue, Detroit; $25.

The Classic Rock Show 8 p.m.; Fisher Theatre - Detroit, 3011 West Grand & Fisher, Detroit; $49.50-$144.50.

Tommy’s RockTrip featuring Tommy Clufetos, The Creeping Chaos, Triple Black, Massasauga 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15.

Warrant, Lita Ford 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit;

$46-$58.

DJ/Dance

Visages, Nexero, Nick Dagher, Dewey Decible, Grant Jackson 9 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $20-$25.

William Black, ALLEYCVT, Astral Descent 7 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $20-$60.

Friday, March 29

Adam Ant, The English Beat 7 p.m.; Cathedral Theatre at the Masonic Temple, 500 Temple St., Detroit; $54.50$125.

Autoheart, Argonaut & Wasp, Raegan 8 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $18.

Damian and Stephen Marley 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $45.50-$52.50.

David Cook 8-9:30 p.m.; FIM Capitol Theatre, 140 E 2nd Street, Flint; $25-$75.

Ledisi, BJ the Chicago Kid 8 p.m.; Fisher Theatre, 3011 W. Grand Blvd., Detroit; $71-$389.

Ruston Kelly 7 p.m.; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $25.

Stokley 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $39-$52.

Teen Mortgage, Death Lens, The Rosies 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15.

The Shapeshifters, Melvo Baptiste, Mona Black 9 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $20-$25.

TOOLOLOGY, The 99 7 pm; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $18.

Witchpucker, Panto Collapsar, Shells, DJ Big Kahuna 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

DJ/Dance

Thrown with Kris Baha, DJ Sphinx, DJ Good Evening Latex Girl 9 pm-midnight; Leland City Club, 400 Bagley St., Detroit; $15.

Saturday, March 30

Bas 7 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $28.

Brian Culbertson The Trilogy Tour 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $49-$62.

Frank Sinatra Tribute Dinner & a Show (performed by Gary Dixon) 7-10 p.m.; New Baltimore Trade Center, 35248 23 Mile Road, New Balti-

more; $45.

Hollywood Casino @ Greektown

Present The Whispers 8 p.m.; The Music Hall, 350 Madison Ave., Detroit; $40-$75.

Ignominious & The Art of Deception, Walking Down Main, Ghosts in Motion, Blackcloud 6:30 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $10.

Incognito, Norman Brown 8 p.m.; Fisher Theatre - Detroit, 3011 West Grand & Fisher, Detroit; $154-$186.

Jerry’s Tone (Jerry Garcia Band Tribute) + DJ Tangent 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Class Of ‘98: The 90’s Party PaloozA 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $15.

Queen Flash - The Ultimate Tribute to Queen 8 pm; Emerald Theatre, 31 N. Walnut St., Mount Clemens; $25$1,000.

Roundabout Festival 2024: Mom Jeans, Summer Salt, Microwave, Origami Angel, Hunny, Free Throw, Teen Suicide, Worry Club, Odd Sweetheart, Equipment 1 p.m.; Russell Industrial Complex-Exhibition Center, 1600 Clay St., Detroit; $49.99-$99.99.

Spy, Unabomb, Sawchuk 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $18.

Twist of Country - Faster Horses Night 8 p.m.; Diamondback Music Hall, 49345 S. Interstate 94 Service Dr., Belleville; $10.

Vulgara, Katharsis, 10KTeet, Starscourge 6:30 pm; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $15.

DJ/Dance

Ternion Sound with Hari, Pyro Kitten, Yak, Safaro, and more 8 p.m.; Harpos, 14238 Harper Ave, Detroit; $33.

Sunday, March 31

Left To Die, Flesher, Centenary, Throne 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $20.

Saul, Kingdom Colapse, Remember Me 6:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15.

Set It Off, Crown The Empire, Caskets, DeathbyRomy 5:30 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $30.50.

The Last Dinner Party, Miss Grit

7 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $25.

Monday, April 1

Mariah The Scientist, Ryan Trey 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $38-$83.

DJ/Dance

Adult Skate Night 8:30-11 p.m.; Lexus Velodrome, 601 Mack Ave., Detroit; $5.

Tuesday, April 2

LANY, Junior Varsity, Conor Burns 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $47.50-$57.50.

Magic Bag Presents: Combichrist, Treasvre 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $30.

DJ/Dance

B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 pm-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; no cover.

THEATER

Performance

Flint Repertory Theatre Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf; $10-$27; Wednesday, 10 a.m.-noon; Thursday, 10 a.m.-noon; Friday, 7-9 p.m.; and Saturday, 7-9 p.m.

Fox Theatre Bluey’s Big Play; $15-$130; Thursday, 6 p.m.; Friday, 3 & 6 p.m.; and Saturday, 11:30 a.m. & 2:30 p.m.

Meadow Brook Theatre Native Gardens; $43; Wednesday, 8 p.m.; Thursday, 8 p.m.; Friday, 8 p.m.; Saturday, 2 & 8 p.m.; and Sunday, 2 & 6:30 p.m.

Play House Will You Miss Me? An original theatrical piece by Detroit-based experimental performance company The Hinterlands; $10-40; Thursday, 7:30-9 p.m.; Friday, 7:30-9 p.m.; and Saturday, 7:30-9 p.m.

COMEDY

Improv

Go Comedy! Improv Theater Go Comedy! All-Star Showdown; $20; Fridays, Saturdays, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m.

Podcast: Live podcast

The Fillmore KevOnStage & That Chick Angel: Here’s The Thing; $36.50$76.50; Sunday, 7:30 p.m.

Stand-up

Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle

Leslie Liao; $25; Wednesday, March 27, 7:30-9 p.m.

Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle

Chris Porter; $20-$25; Thursday, March 28, 7:30 p.m.; Friday, March 29 7:15 p.m.

and 9:45 p.m.; Saturday, March 30, 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.

Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle Tom Green; $35; Tuesday, April 2, 7:30-9 p.m.

ART

Artist talk

Toyota Lecture Series: Morning Boost Friday, 9 a.m.-noon; College for Creative Studies, A. Alfred Taubman Center, 460 W. Baltimore Ave., Detroit; no cover.

Art Exhibition

PARC Art Gallery The Nature of Art Exhibit; no cover; through May 6.

Stamelos Gallery Center, UMDearborn Andy T’s Urban Vision 20012024; through April 21.

University of Michigan Museum of Art Unsettling Histories: Legacies of Slavery and Colonialism; no cover.

FILM

Screening

Motor City Cinema Society Ghost Diver (1957); Monday, April 1, 6:30 p.m.

WELLNESS

Self-care

MYSTICAL WELLNESS With tarot reader Emmy Rose, intuitive healer Jodi Lynn Turpin, herbologist Jessica from Anchored Roots.Saturday, noon-5 p.m.; Dancing Eye Gallery, 101 N. Center, Northville; no cover; dancingeye.com.

CAR CULTURE

Gateway Classic Cars of Detroit Caffeine and Chrome – Classic Cars and Coffee at Gateway Classic Cars of Detroit. Saturday, 9 a.m.-noon.

WEED

Pleasantrees Mount Clemens

Canna Carnival Experience: celebrate the grand opening of the newest dispensary — and Michigan’s largest — inside the historic Gibraltar Trade Center. No cover; Friday, noon-9 p.m. and Saturday, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.

MISC.

Drink

Sip and Paint Beyoncé Get ready to sip on some drinks and unleash your in-

Ann Arbor Film Festival

FILM: The internationally renowned Ann Arbor Film Festival returns this week, continuing its tradition of celebrating the diversity of experimental film. Established in 1963, this year marks the festival’s 62nd anniversary, continuing its legacy as the oldest independent experimental film festival in North America. This year, the festival will be a hybrid event, blending in-person activities through March 31 with online showings that will be available until April 7. The event features 40 programs with more than 180 films from over 20 countries of all lengths and genres, including experimental, animation, documentary, fiction, and performancebased works. Films will be screened all week under categories “Film in Competition,” “Feature in Competition,” and “Special Programs,” as well as the festival’s new “Off The Screen” series, which will focus on programs of new media, video, live performances, and art installations. For the fourth year in a row, the Ann Arbor Film Festival is able to pay filmmakers to show their films in competition. The festival will close on Sunday with an awards ceremony and screenings of the award-winning films to celebrate the week and all of the filmmakers involved. While most of the festival will require a ticket, there will be a few free events to help make cinema accessible to the public. For those who would like to attend the festival in person, a Full Festival Pass includes access to all programs in person and online. Online-only passes will allow access to most incompetition films and juror programs as well as an online film forum and filmmaker interviews.

–Layla McMurtrie

See aafilmfest.org for full schedule.

Ghassan Zeineddine book talk

BOOKS: Since Next Chapter Books opened in September 2023, the store has centered local authors and community with book talks, open mics, a book club, and more. Its next event will feature Ghassan Zeineddine, the author of Dearborn, for a reading and book talk. Dearborn is a collection of pieces celebrating the diversity of the Michigan city’s Arab American community through stories spanning decades that merge tragedy and comedy. The book was named 2024 Mich-

March 27-April 2, 2024 | metrotimes.com

igan Notable Book and Best Fiction

Book of 2023 by Kirkus Reviews and Booklist, among many other awards and nominations. During the upcoming event, Zeineddine will read from Dearborn and hold a discussion with Tazeen Ayub, a local musician, community organizer, and professor of Arabic at Henry Ford College. The event is free to the public.

–Layla McMurtrie

Starts at 6 p.m. on Thursday, March 28; Next Chapter Books, 16555 E. Warren Ave., Detroit; nextchapterbkstore. com. No cover.

NSFW art and music exhibit

ART: Fine art, electronic music, and rap come together in this exhibition co-curated by mixed media artist and muralist Habacuc S. Bessiake and musician Rob Apollo. The second annual NSFW music and art show is going down with live music, drinks,

and of course, visual art for sale. Participating artists include Zelooperz, Bre’ann White, Bakpak Durden, Avery Williamson, Isaiah Johns, Ruby Flwrs, Olivia Beelby, Kaio Huvaere, Doug Cannell, and Habacuc S. Bessiake. There will also be music by Rob Apollo, Thot squad, John Fm, Ziggy Waters, $cottib, Nova Blu, and Uns4ne. Despite the name, NSFW is not an erotic exhibition. Instead, as Bessiake explains, the focus is “exploring the debauchery and escapism of young adulthood through a lens that is both humorous, heartbreaking, and socially radical.” The show is part of an ongoing digital media project called NSFW by Apollo and friends that includes two music albums and the annual exhibit which includes painting, sculpture, photography, and other mixed media work.

—Randiah Camille Green

From 7 p.m.-midnight on Saturday, March 30; The Riverside Detroit, 8711 Grand River Ave., Detroit; robapollo. com/nsfw. Tickets are $12.65 advance.

Ghassan Zeineddine.

AUSTIN THOMASON, MICHIGAN PHOTOGRAPHY

MARCH MADNESS PLAYING ON OUR BIG SCREENS!

Thurs 3/28

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHEILA TEQUILA & STACEY OLDENBROEK!

Fri 3/29

AN EVENING OF MUSCLE GUITARS BMCC4 / LEROY (FLINT) / INTELLECTUAL JIVE (improv rock/acoustic)

Doors@9p/$5cover

Sat 3/30

MATT SMILEY’S THIRD ANNUAL BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA FEAT. LANS NAM/ALLUVIAL FANS/ ASKLEPIUS/DANG QUIXOTE (alt rock/psych prog/indie pop)

Doors@9p/$5cover

Sun 3/31

HAPPY EASTER!

OPEN NOON-2AM

Mon 4/01

FREE POOL ALL DAY

Tues 4/02

B. Y. O. R. BRING YOUR OWN RECORDS (WEEKLY)

Open Decks@8PM NO COVER IG: @byor_tuesdays_old_miami

Fri 4/05

TIGERS OPENING DAY!

PATIO BAR OPEN DJ SKEEZ & FRIENDS

Doors@8p/$5cover

Coming Up:

4/06 The End of Ends/Hiding Salem/ Second Hand Drugs/Belling The Tiger

4/12 DEATH CAT/Come Out Fighting /Idiot Kids

4/13 BANGERZ & JAMZ (monthly)

4/19 DANNY OVERSTREET DAY!

4/19 Karalavara/Walkin’ Talkin’ Toxins

4/20 Spur Tongue/Narc Out The Reds/Nine90

4/26 Absentees/Lousekateers

4/27 3 the Hard Way/DEAR DARKNESS/Macho

Book Your Parties at The Old Miami

Email us: theoldmiamibarevents@gmail.com

MUSIC

Local buzz

District 142 celebrates first year, announces Eva Under Fire concert

Detroit rock band Eva Under Fire is heading back to District 142, a new music venue in Wyandotte.

The band will join forces with fellow Detroit rock band Boys of Fall for the Sept. 13 gig. Tickets are $20 and go on sale at 10 a.m. on Wednesday at district142live.com.

Last April, Eva Under Fire and fellow local act Kaleido performed the first sold-out show at the venue, which celebrated its first anniversary on March 10. Co-owner Julie Law says it’s been a wild ride so far.

“We’ve had 126 shows our first year, which is pretty amazing,” Law says.

She adds, “The community’s really embraced us and honestly, this is their venue.”

Metro Times readers voted District 142 as the Best New Music Venue in our 2023 poll.

“When we first opened our doors, we promised to be [a venue for] rock and country,” Law says. “I think we’ve done a pretty good job with that.”

Michigan’s Uncle Kracker performed at a private launch party for the venue, and rising country acts like the Red Clay Strays and TikTok star Cooper

Alan have also performed sold-out shows there, among many others.

However, Law says it took some time for the venue to get on the radar of the country music industry.

“If you notice, right out of the gate, we didn’t have any country,” she says. “It’s extremely hard to get, and that’s where it’s very important that you build relationships. It’s something that you have to fight for.”

She adds, “The country scene, I personally love it myself. So it’s easier for me, because I just love the scene … It’s just very competitive, and you kind of have to have your ear to the ground, and know what’s hot.”

Law says District 142 has also found success by hosting tribute acts, or cover bands. Yachtley Crew, a “yacht rock” cover band that plays soft rock hits from the 1970s and ’80s, has been a big hit.

The venue has also dipped into other genres like pop, and some of its fastest-selling shows were Joey McIntyre of New Kids on the Block and Ryan Cabrera hosted by Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC. It has also hosted stand-up comedy with acts like Tom

Green and Bobcat Goldthwait.

Law says the venue always tries to add local artists to bills if space allows.

“If you’re a music venue, you have to give your local community those opportunities,” she says. “Every show that we do, we try to add local openers.... Our goal is to continue to find more opportunities and to get more of the local bands on our stage.”

District 142 will continue to branch out into other genres, Law says.

“I can produce what I love,” she says. “I love rock, I love country. We think we’ve pretty much dialed down that end, and now we’re going to start expanding to different genres and music types, and then see if our consumer likes that.”

She adds, “At the end of the day, the consumer is going to decide.”

The venue is also available for venue rentals, weddings, and corporate parties.

“We’re just happy that everybody’s supported us and can’t believe it’s one year and we’re off and running,” Law says.

—Lee DeVito

Eva Under Fire performed the first sold-out concert at District 142.

JOE MAROON

FOOD

Highly rated, but off-menu

By Jane Slaughter

Kalahari African Cuisine

19701 W. Seven Mile Rd., Detroit 313-693-4314

facebook.com/thetasteofsenegal

Appetizers $7, dinners $15-$20

If the chef at Tiliani recommends a restaurant, take heed. I am a fan of Hisham Diab, who helms the stellar new spot in Dearborn, and he’s the one who told me to try Detroit’s Kalahari African Cuisine.

You should take Kalahari’s printed menu with a grain of salt (not that the food needs salting) — what’s actually available varies. Both times I dropped in, I was disappointed to find Kalahari out of maffe yap, a lamb and peanut butter stew, as that is Diab’s go-to dish. The owner says you can call ahead to find whether it will be offered on a given day (but go early). Otherwise,

you may be greeted with “I have lamb, chicken, and fish.” Turkey wings, fufu, jerk chicken, stuffed roast lamb, fataya (fish patties), and steak with white sauce (!) are also listed. I wanted to try the ginger drink and the bissap drink, from hibiscus, but no go. Green tea in a footed glass was offered for free when the meal was over.

I am always happy to order lamb, though, and enjoyed a big pile of crusty kabobs, many with the fat on, served with jollof rice. This was under the heading of “Dibi (Lamb),” whose description reads “kabob chicken, beef, or shrimps.” Like I said, trust not the printed word. On one occasion they substituted spring rolls for another dish and then undercharged us both for that item and for another one.

Jollof rice is one of those dishes with infinite variations, country by country and cook by cook, involving tomatoes, onions, spices and whatever vegetables

or proteins the maker desires that day, all cooked in one pot. In the mid-2010s West Africa saw friendly “jollof wars” over whose was best. Washington, D.C. holds an annual jollof contest that’s judged blind, to head off accusations of native-son favoritism.

Kalahari’s chestnut-brown version appears simple, without visible additives, and it has a nutty flavor. Quantities were bountiful.

We also enjoyed a crisp whole grilled red snapper, well done, easy to detach from its skeleton and worth the effort, served with spiced grilled onions.

If you order the whole chicken, it will be chopped into square pieces, except for the drumsticks, warmly spiced and grilled a dark red brown. It’s not as tender or juicy as American fried chicken but worthy for the crunch and the spicing.

Perhaps even more than these hefty main dishes, I liked Kalahari’s spring rolls, called “nems,” with nuoc

mam sauce. The wrapper is a dream of lightness and crunchiness, delicately browned, stuffed with cilantro, shrimp, vermicelli, mushrooms, and onions. And they’re just three for $7. Sticking with the roll theme, chicken shawarma comes in a lightly crisped, thin pita, stuffed with well-spiced chicken chunks. Both of these would be good for takeout or for when you don’t want a heavy meal. Or just because they’re so good.

Fried plantains varied from visit to visit, one night crisper and less sweet, but always served in a big delicious heap.

Kalahari is very informal. Paper towels serve as napkins, though plates and silverware are real, not plastic (plastic forks being a regrettable growing trend). Walls are painted orange, tablecloths are bright, place mats are shiny gold. A mural of charismatic African fauna is the main decoration.

Chicken drumsticks, warmly spiced and grilled a dark red brown.

VIOLA KLOCKO

CULTURE

Arts spotlight

City Walls unveils ‘DCleated’ art project ahead of NFL Draft

By Randiah Camille Green

People headed to downtown Detroit for the NFL Draft this April will notice oversized cleats painted with flowers, football players, and vibrant nature scenes dotting the downtown area.

These are part of the City Walls “DCleated” art initiative in anticipation of the NFL Draft. Twenty artists were selected to paint the huge cleats fabricated by Prop Art Studios and each artist chose a nonprofit organization to represent.

The cleats will be displayed at places like Ford Field, Little Caesars Arena, the Coleman A. Young Municipal Center, Detroit Metro Airport, City Airport, and hotels in the downtown area for the month of April.

In May, they will be auctioned off at an event at the Godfrey Hotel with proceeds benefiting the artist’s chosen organization or charity.

Detroit artist Trae Isaac, who has done several City Walls murals, painted his cleat to mimic stained glass with cartoon kids playing football and

children’s handprints at the bottom. He chose The Children’s Center as his nonprofit.

“When I was 16 and I was 18, my baby brother and my mother passed away from cancer,” he tells Metro Times “They had the exact same type of cancer, Spinocerebellar Ataxia Type 7. It’s a neurological type of cancer, and it’s generational as well. Since the age of 18, I’ve been tested for it and still they do testing for it. Prior to that, I used to box for almost a decade. So when they passed it was a huge sit down moment in my life that kind of transformed me.”

He says he wants his cleat to represent transforming “trauma into triumph.”

“For me to lose my mom and brother to go to doing what it is that I’m doing today, I’m very grateful,” he says. “I realized, I’m here to serve other people.”

The artists, nonprofits, and city officials gathered on Thursday afternoon to unveil the cleats to the media before they headed off to their respective locations.

The Children’s Center CEO Nicole Wells Stallworth thanked Isaac for his installation and for sharing his story at the press conference.

“Trae’s powerful art installation, as he pointed out, reflects his own journey overcoming trauma. It is my hope that this piece will serve as a catalyst for erasing stigma about speaking up and addressing the necessary mental health treatment that anyone may need,” she said. “The Children’s Center is truly grateful to be part of an important cause, to celebrate not only the diversity of the artists that we have in our city of Detroit but also the diversity of the children and youth in our communities.”

The “smile man” himself, Phil Simpson, was also one of the participating artists. He painted his signature smile man in an outdoor scene with a bright blue sky and sports gear like a football and basketball. Proceeds from the sale of his cleat will go to Project Play, an organization that promotes an active lifestyle through sports programming

for children.

“As a father of a thriving, energetic young lady who plays soccer, who does gymnastics [and] is interested in flag football, it’s an honor to paint this cleat here for Project Play,” Simpson said at the press conference. “In our household, we advocate for education, sports, and reading.”

Tony Whlgn (pronounced hooligan) decorated a bright orange cleat with food items and the phrase “everybody eats” in his pop art style for Gleaners Community Food Bank. It will be placed outside Wayne County Airport.

The NFL Draft is taking place mostly around Campus Martius and Hart Plaza from April 25-27. The “NFL Draft Experience” is free to attend with registration and includes a slew of concerts, games, an interactive exhibit, chances to get autographs from current and past NFL players, and more.

DCleated is a partnership between the City Walls program, Visit Detroit, DMC, and SpaceLab Detroit.

Twenty artists painted oversized football cleats to be placed around the city, with proceeds going to local charities.

RANDIAH CAMILLE GREEN

CULTURE

Film

Shirley Chisholm gets the Netflix treatment

By Chuck Wilson

Shirley

Rated: PG-13

Run-time: 117 minutes

The late Shirley Chisholm is having a moment. The first African American woman elected to Congress, and the first woman to run for president of the United States, Chisholm, who died in 2005 at the age of 80, is the inspiration for Shirley, a compelling but dramatically stilted docudrama starring a superb Regina King. The Netflix film continues an unexpected small-screen Chisholm boon, beginning with Udo Aduba’s vibrant depiction of her in an episode of the Cate Blanchett series Mrs. America and continuing in Hulu’s recent History of the World: Part 2, which finds an exuberant Wanda Sykes starring in a sitcom called Shirley!

Sykes bursts into song as Chisholm attempts to win over delegates at the 1972 Democratic National Convention, an irreverence that isn’t available to King, who must play it straight, per writer-director

John Ridley’s determinedly intense reenactment of the convention’s tumultuous behind-the-scenes events. In focusing on Chisholm’s presidential campaign, Ridley, who wrote 12 Years a Slave, as well as the brilliant ABC series American Crime, which also starred King, sacrifices the details and range of Chisholm’s life and accomplishments, a choice that makes for a film that often struggles to find the personal in the political.

Shirley opens in 1968, as the 43-yearold New York state assemblywoman is elected to Congress. Each day, in her first week, she’s stopped in the rotunda by a Southern congressman. He’s a newcomer too, but can’t resist taunting her with the same observation, “Imagine, you making 42.5 like me.” There’s a world of contempt in the way his voice comes down hard on “42.5,” but he’s not prepared for Chisholm to answer him with her own sharp annunciation of the number. He slinks away, abased, however briefly. It’s a small moment, but one of the few in the film that offers a chance to see Chisholm squaring off, with her trademark wit and

ferocity, against the institutional racism she must have encountered every day of her political life.

In a beat, three years pass and Chisholm has been petitioned to run for president by her constituents, who’ve raised a bit of money to get her started. She assembles a team of advisors, including her stalwart friends Wesley McDonald “Mac” Holder (the late Lance Reddick) and her head of finance, Arthur Hardwick, Jr. (Terrence Howard), as well as a former aide named Robert Gottlieb (Lucas Hedges) who agrees to be her youth coordinator. When she tells him she’s running for president, Gottlieb exclaims, “Right the hell on, Mrs. C.”

Not many in power support her — not the Congressional Black Caucus, or the leaders of the women’s rights movement. But on the road, Chisholm finds adoring crowds among people of color and among college students eligible to vote for the first time. Along the way, she takes on a young protégé, Barbara Lee (Christina Jackson), a Black activist (and future Congresswoman) who didn’t believe in voting until she met Chisholm.

In a movie overstuffed with men, Jackson and King spark off one another, and share one of the movie’s best scenes. Lee keeps pressing Chisholm to attend a Black political convention in Gary, Indiana, but Chisholm keeps refusing. Frustrated, Lee demands to know why. “They have made it clear they don’t care what Black women have to say,” says Chisholm. “That’s just how they are.”

“They?” Barbara asks. “Men,” Chisholm replies. “Always plottin’ and plannin’.”

This is Ridley’s central theme, just as it was for Chisholm. It’s the endless machinations of powerful and wannabe powerful men, white and Black alike, that will prove to be the undoing of Chisholm’s daring last-minute bid to gain a spot for her platform at the ’72 Democratic National Convention in Miami. The road to that disappointment, filled as it is with arcane delegate math, is not completely gripping, but there’s beauty in the light that fills King’s face as Chisholm lists all that will be possible if they’re able to influence George McGovern’s administration. Afterward, her voice catches, as if she can’t believe she dared voice her truest dream.

It is in these small gestures that King finds Chisholm, even when it seems as if the screenplay itself is losing touch with her. It’s a deceptively physical performance. Shirley Chisholm walks and sits with her back straight at all times, but late one night, she comes home from the campaign trail to find that her husband (Michael Cherrie) hasn’t thought to leave her any dinner. She pulls a frozen dinner from the freezer and then sits at the kitchen table, too tired to put it in the oven. Leaning right, she takes off her glasses, crosses her leg, leans her head into her chin and falls asleep, a working woman in a plain kitchen, catching rest when she can, just like the women she grew up with, and like those she hopes to represent in the White House.

As a presidential candidate, Shirley (Regina King) brings on Arthur Hardwick, Jr. (Terrence Howard) as an advisor. NETFLIX

CULTURE

Savage Love

What Counts

By Dan Savage

: Q I’m involved with a guy who’s married and, yes, I’m a cliché and I know it. I don’t want him to leave his wife. I don’t even want to be involved with him physically and we aren’t doing anything physical. We’ve both been good about maintaining that boundary. But we are very involved emotionally. We like to tell ourselves that we’re not cheating but it’s definitely an emotional affair. I honestly do not want to have sex with him. I look at pictures of him and his wife and kids to remind myself that he has a family, and I don’t want to break up his family. Not that I could just by having sex with him, but you know what I mean. I don’t want to be “the other woman.” My question: Am I endangering his family just by talking to him so much, about absolutely everything (including sexual fantasies we will never act on), and treating each other as soulmates? Perhaps I’m just naïve, but I’ve convinced myself that so long as we abstain from anything physical, we’re OK.

—Can’t Have Unavailable Male Partner

A: I’ve answered a lot of questions like CHUMP’s lately, I realize, but there’s a larger point I’ve been wanting to make, and CHUMP’s question is a good jumping off point. But my apologies to regular readers who are annoyed to find another question in the column this week — yet another one — from a woman who’s fucking or about to fuck a married man.

Here’s the larger point I wanna make: I believe couples should define sex as broadly as possible and cheating as narrowly as possible. Because when a couple defines sex broadly — when more things count (not just PIV/PIA) the more sex that couple winds up having and the more varied, interesting, and satisfying their sex life winds up being. But the fewer things that same couple counts as cheating — the more narrowly that couple defines cheating — the less likely they are to cheat on each other and, consequently, the less likely they are to break up over an infidelity. To summarize…

Define sex broadly: more and better sex. Define cheating narrowly: more resilient relationships.

Now, I realize these ideas are in conflict. I think sexting with a partner should count as sex but sexting with someone else — in the context of, say, an online flirtation that was never going to lead to anything physical shouldn’t count as cheating. But I would argue that the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and function is not just the sign of a first-rate intelligence, as the late F. Scott Fitzgerald said, but also the sign of the kind of emotional intelligence required to have a successful relationship. (Please note: successful ≠ perfect.)

I do have an agenda: I want imperfect-but-good relationships to survive — none are perfect, some are good and the more sex the average couple has, the better the average couple’s relationship tends to be. And since the average couple defines cheating as unforgivable, the fewer things that count as cheating, the less likely the average couple is to break up over cheating. Which is why I’ve been on a lonely, one-man crusade against the people — the fucking idiots — out there pushing the “micro-cheating” concept on us. Instead of making relationships more resilient by defining cheating narrowly, these fucking idiots are destroying relationships by adding more things to the list. Staying in touch with an ex? Cheating! Confiding in a friend? Cheating! Following a few thotties or himbos on Instagram? Cheating!

These idiots listing examples of “micro-cheating” and “micro-infidelities” to their socials — most claiming to be relationship experts (there’s no bar exam for “relationship expert”) are not helping and no one should listen to them. Because instead of encouraging people to define cheating as narrowly as possible and thereby making relationships more resilient, they’re encouraging people to define cheating so broadly that no relationship could ever survive.

Emotional affairs — very broadly defined — always appear on the “microcheating” lists pushed by these homewreckers. And while I hate to concede even an inch to these “micro” idiots, CHUMP, you leave me no choice: You are, indeed, having an emotional affair with this man. If this man and his wife haven’t redefined their relationship as companionate and he isn’t allowed to seek this kind of attention from other

women, together you’re cheating his wife out of what’s rightfully hers. And since you’re investing time in this man that you could be investing in finding a guy who isn’t married, wants to fuck you, and you feel good about fucking, CHUMP, you’re cheating yourself out of the kind of relationship you want and deserve.

So, if you don’t want to blow up this man’s marriage — if you don’t want to graduate from emotional affair to affair affair — stop talking to him, stop texting with him, and stop sharing sexual fantasies with him. Just because you haven’t fucked him yet doesn’t mean you won’t succumb to the temptation. The longer someone plays in traffic, the likelier that person is to get run over. The longer you keep talking with this man and sharing sexual fantasies with this man, the likelier you are to get run through.

If you don’t wanna get run over, don’t play in traffic. If you don’t wanna fuck this married man, CHUMP, stop flirting with him

: Q I’m a straight cis male. When I’m having sex with my current or past monogamous partners, it will feel really good for a while, but then I’ll plateau. In order to come, I need to call up mental images of me fucking a specific past casual sex partner. (In no way is this past partner someone I’d rather be with.) It just works and works reliably. I’ve tried NOT to do this many times. I’ve tried the obvious — being in the moment and connecting with my partner — and on a few occasions I’ve been able to come without relying on my go-to, but those times are rare. Side note: I do watch porn, not excessively or compulsively, and I am able to come doing so. And sometimes I masturbate about other past experiences that don’t involve this former partner and I am able to come without calling up their mental image. I know there’s nothing wrong with this, but it does feel like a problematic fixation because it’s so specific — and because, at least for a few minutes, I’m disengaged and not present for my current partner. My shame about this issue has gotten better over the years, but it still haunts me. I’ve tried sharing this with a monogamous partner in the past when they could sense I was somewhere else, and this was DEFINITELY a bad idea. But the alternative is being stuck in this secret headspace. Please help me out! I surely am not the first listener with this issue.

—Can’t Understand My Situation

A: Is this a problem, CUMS, or is it a superpower? Since you need to access these mental images in order climax since you’re not completely in the

thrall of whatever physical/emotional sensations you’re experiencing in the moment — that means you’re able to last exactly as long as your current partner would like you to last. You never come to soon, CUMS, and you never take too long. You’re in charge of when you call up these mental images of this particular past partner, which means you never hit the point of orgasmic inevitability before you want and, perhaps more importantly, before your partner wants you to. So, maybe instead of feeling bad about this “problem” and trying to fix it on your own or — even worse — informing your current partners of this “problem,” you should 1. accept that this is how your dick works and 2. recognize how beneficial it is for current partners.

: Q I was supposed to see someone. I thought we had a date. We didn’t set a specific meeting place or time; it was more casual than that. I thought we had agreed to keep the evening free for each other, and I figured we’d sort out the specifics later. But he made other plans —dinner with someone else — and told me it was because he didn’t hear from me in time. Now, I thought I’d been clear that I would be in touch after I got home from work on the day we agreed to keep clear with each other. What’s the protocol? Shouldn’t he have said something like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you, if I don’t hear from you by X time, I’m going to make other plans,” versus just him going and making other plans?

—Suddenly Unmade Plans

A: Do you wanna fuck this guy, SUP? If so, give him the benefit of the doubt, chalk this one missed date a misunderstanding, and make plans for another night. Because it’s possible — it’s plausible even — that he was waiting to hear from you and/or thought your plans were tentative and/or didn’t register that you said you’d call him when you got home from work that night. So, make firm, specific, and unambiguous plans for another night — ideally, SUP, the kind of plans you could describe to an advice columnist without using, “I thought,” or, “I figured,” or, “I supposed,” or all of the above. If he blows you off again, no third chance, no additional benefits of additional doubts.

HUMP! 2024 Part One is now touring the country! To find out when HUMP! is coming to a city near you, go to humpfilmfest.com!

Got problems? Yes, you do. Send your question to mailbox@savage.love! Podcasts, columns, and more at Savage. Love.

CULTURE Free Will Astrology

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES: March 21 – April 19

In the coming days, your hunger will be so inexhaustible that you may feel driven to devour extravagant amounts of food and drink. It’s possible you will gain ten pounds in a very short time. Who knows? You might even enter an extreme eating contest and devour 46 dozen oysters in ten minutes!

APRIL FOOL! Although what I just said is remotely plausible, I foresee that you will sublimate your exorbitant hunger. You will realize it is spiritual in nature and can’t be gratified by eating food. As you explore your voracious longings, you will hopefully discover a half-hidden psychological need you have been suppressing. And then you will liberate that need and feed it what it craves!

TAURUS: April 20 – May 20

Taurus novelist Lionel Shriver writes, “There’s a freedom in apathy, a wild, dizzying liberation on which you can almost get drunk.” In accordance

with astrological omens, I recommend you experiment with Shriver’s strategy in the coming weeks. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, Lionel Shriver’s comment is one of the dumbest thoughts I have ever heard. Why would anyone want the cheap, damaged liberation that comes from feeling indifferent, numb, and passionless? Please do all you can to disrupt and dissolve any attraction you may have to that state, Taurus. In my opinion, you now have a sacred duty to cultivate extra helpings of enthusiasm, zeal, liveliness, and ambition.

GEMINI: May 21 – June 20

At enormous cost and after years of study, I have finally figured out the meaning of life, at least as it applies to you Geminis. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to reveal it to you unless you send me $1,000 and a case of Veuve Clicquot champagne. I’ve got to recoup my investment, right?! APRIL FOOL! Most of what I just said was a dirty lie. It’s true that I have worked hard to uncover the meaning of life for you Geminis. But I haven’t found it yet. And even if I did, I would of course provide it to you for free. Luckily, you are now in a prime position to make dramatic progress in deciphering the meaning of life for yourself.

CANCER: June 21 – July 22

FOOL! I was half-kidding. It’s true I’m quite excited by the likelihood that you will receive floods of love in the coming weeks. It’s also true that I think you should do everything possible to boost this likelihood. But I would rather that people be amazed and pleased at how much they love you, not afraid.

VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22

Now would be an excellent time for you to snag a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Momma or Sugar NonBinary Nurturer. The astrological omens are telling me that life is expanding its willingness and capacity to provide you with help, support, and maybe even extra cash. I dare you to dangle yourself as bait and sell your soul to the highest bidder. APRIL FOOL! I was half-kidding. While I do believe it’s prime time to ask for and receive more help, support, and extra cash, I don’t believe you will have to sell your soul to get any of it. Just be yourself!

LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

tender. The cosmic powers ask it of you! The health of your immortal soul depends on it! Yes, Sagittarius, for your own selfish sake, you need to pour out more adoration and care and compassion than you ever have before. I’m not exaggerating! Be a lavish Fountain of Love!

CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

If you gave me permission, I would cast a spell to arouse in you a case of ergophobia, i.e., an aversion to work. I think you need to take a sweet sabbatical from doing business as usual. APRIL FOOL! I was just joking about casting a spell on you. But I do wish you would indulge in a lazy, do-nothing retreat. If you want your ambitions to thrive later, you will be wise to enjoy a brief period of delightful emptiness and relaxing dormancy. As Buddhist teacher Sylvia Boorstein recommends, “Don’t just do something! Sit there!”

AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Happy Easter everyone!!

Perhaps you could celebrate it by ordering a yummy but sensible, non-pretentious cocktail, at your favorite dive bar.

For a limited time only, you have permission from the cosmos to be a wildly charismatic egomaniac who brags incessantly and insists on getting your selfish needs met at all times and in all places. Please feel free to have maximum amounts of narcissistic fun, Cancerian! APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating a bit, hoping to offer you medicinal encouragement so you will stop being so damn humble and self-effacing all the time. But the truth is, now is indeed an excellent time to assert your authority, expand your clout, and flaunt your potency and sovereignty.

LEO: July 23 – August 22

Michael Scott was a character in the TV sitcom The Office. He was the boss of a paper company. Played by Leo actor Steve Carell, he was notoriously self-centered and obnoxious. However, there was one famous scene I will urge you to emulate. He was asked if he would rather be feared or loved. He replied, “Um, easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” Be like Michael Scott, Leo! APRIL

Happy Unbirthday, Libra! It’s that time halfway between your last birthday and your next. Here are the presents I plan to give you: a boost in your receptivity to be loved and needed; a constructive relationship with obsession; more power to accomplish the half-right thing when it›s hard to do the totally right thing; the disposal of 85% of the psychic trash left over from the time between 2018 and 2023; and a provocative new invitation to transcend an outworn old taboo. APRIL FOOL! The truth is, I can’t possibly supply every one of you with these fine offerings, so please bestow them on yourself. Luckily, the cosmic currents will conspire with you to make these things happen.

SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21:

Now would be an excellent time to seek liposuction, a facelift, Botox, buttocks augmentation, or hair transplants. Cosmic rhythms will be on your side if you change how you look. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a lie. I’ve got nothing against cosmetic surgery, but now is not the right time to alter your appearance. Here’s the correct oracle: Shed your disguises, stop hiding anything about who you really are, and show how proud you are of your idiosyncrasies.

SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

I command you to love Jesus and Buddha! If you don’t, you will burn in Hell! APRIL FOOL! I was just kidding. I was being sensationalistic to grab your attention. Here’s my real, true oracle for you: Love everybody, including Jesus and Buddha. And I mean love them all twice as strong and wild and

In accordance with current astrological omens, I suggest you get the book Brain Surgery for Beginners by Steven Parker and David West. You now have the power to learn and even master complex new skills, and this would be an excellent place to start. APRIL FOOL! I was half-kidding. I don’t really think you should take a scalpel to the gray matter of your friends and family members — or yourself, for that matter. But I am quite certain that you currently have an enhanced power to learn and even master new skills. It’s time to raise your educational ambitions to a higher octave. Find out what lessons and training you need most, then make plans to get them.

PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20

In the religious beliefs of Louisiana Voodoo, one God presides over the universe but never meddles in the details of life. There are also many spirits who are always intervening and tinkering, intimately involved in the daily rhythm. They might do nice things for people or play tricks on them — and everything in between. In alignment with current astrological omens, I urge you to convert to the Louisiana Voodoo religion and try ingenious strategies to get the spirits to do your bidding. APRIL FOOL! I don’t really think you should convert. However, I believe it would be fun and righteous for you to proceed as if spirits are everywhere — and assume that you have the power to harness them to work on your behalf.

Homework: Speak aloud as you tell yourself the many ways you are wonderful.

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