Issuu

Information for Bereaved Relatives

NHS

Stockport

NHS Foundation Trust We Care, We Respect, We Listen

Stepping Hill Hospital, Poplar Grove, Stockport SK2 7JE. Telephone: 0161 483 1010 Fax: 0161 419 5003 www.stockport.nhs.uk

We wish to express our sincere sympathy to you and your family at this time. This booklet aims to provide some useful help and advice during the early days of your bereavement. Please don’t hesitate to ask questions if you are unclear about any matter, our staff will always be pleased to help.

Contents Practical necessities What to do first Medical Examiner Office Personal Property How a death is registered Who may go and register a death? When you go to the Registrar Tell Us Once People to inform Things may need returning Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased Probate and the estate Cremation Burial Grieving Grief in children and adolescents Friends and relatives can help Your doctor can help Grief that is never resolved The do’s and don’ts of grief Advice and support Local contact numbers Other contact numbers

1 1 2 4 5 5 6 7 9 10 11 12 13 13 14 16 16 17 17 18 20 20 22

We wish to thank the advertisers and sponsors, without whom this publication would not have been possible. Although this publication has been sponsored, the Foundation Trust is not able to recommend any of the services included.

Practical necessities What to do first Please telephone the Bereavement Office between 9am and 4pm Monday to Friday on 0161 419 5034 / 5035, or via the switchboard 0161 483 1010. The Bereavement Office will explain the next steps to you and will require the following information: 1. Who is the next of kin 2. Who is the Funeral Director (if known) If the preferred contact is not the next of kin the Bereavement Office will need to confirm this with the next of kin. If you choose to use a funeral director, you don’t have to wait and can contact a Funeral Director as soon as you feel ready. Address: Bereavement Office Stepping Hill Hospital Poplar Grove Stockport SK2 7JE

Medical Examiner Office The Medical Examiner Office is an independent service to the hospital and is responsible for providing a scrutiny of the death. The Medical Examiner will scrutinise and agree a final cause of death with a hospital doctor who treated the patient, to complete a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. In certain circumstances a death will need to be referred to the Coroner, this will be discussed with you by the hospital teams. The Medical Examiner Office will telephone the ‘next of kin’ or nominated contact provided by the hospital’s bereavement team as soon as possible after the death. They will explain the next steps of the process and go through a couple of questions whilst the Medical Examiner Office await the necessary paperwork to be completed by the hospital teams to begin the ME process. Who are Medical Examiners and Medical Examiner Officers? The purpose of the Medical Examiner system is to provide a means of appropriate scrutiny of all deaths not reported to the Coroner and a point of contact for bereaved families to raise concerns about the care provided prior to the death of a loved one. Medical Examiners are senior Consultants who give independent advice about what caused deaths. Medical Examiners and their officers offer families and carers of the person who has died an opportunity to raise questions or concerns about the causes of death, or about the care the person received before their death. This will usually be through a telephone call, or sometimes a meeting. They can explain what medical terminology means and make it easier to understand. Medical Examiners also look at the relevant medical records and discuss the causes of death with the doctor filling in the official form (its official name is the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death). 2

Why am I being asked if I have any concerns? A discussion with a Medical Examiner or their officers provides you with an opportunity to have an open and honest conversation with someone who was not involved in providing care to the person who died. It is also an opportunity to ask questions and raise concerns. What questions will I be asked? The Medical Examiner or their officers will explain what is written on the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death and check if you have any questions or concerns. What will happen if something was not right? The Medical Examiner and their officers are here to discuss any concerns you may have surrounding the death or the proposed cause of death to be completed on the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. If the Medical Examiner identifies a concern, this will be reported via the trust’s governance channels for investigation. If you have concerns surrounding a patient’s care, or concerns with a ward, the Medical Examiner’s Officers can provide the information for the hospital’s PALS team to investigate further. Will funeral plans or release of the body take longer? Medical Examiners make every effort to avoid any further delays to the families, friends and carers of the person. The Medical Examiner Office assumes legal responsibility of the case when we receive the necessary paperwork from the hospital doctors. Once the hospital’s medical team have provided this to the ME service the scrutiny process can begin and the Medical Examiner will agree a cause of death for the Hospital doctor to write. The hospital’s bereavement team will then take back the responsibility of the case to organise a time for the hospital doctors to attend the bereavement office to complete the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. 3

What can I do if I have questions or concerns about the Medical Examiner process? If you are not satisfied with the Medical Examiner’s advice, we suggest you discuss this with the Medical Examiner’s office in the first instance. If you are still not satisfied you can contact the Regional Medical Examiner’s Officer. How can I contact the Medical Examiner’s office? Your point of contact will remain the Bereavement Office on 0161 419 5034 / 5035 who will liaise with the Medical Examiner’s office. Email: Medicalexaminers.office@stockport.nhs.uk or via the switchboard Opening hours: 8.30am – 4.30pm (Monday – Friday)

Personal Property Any personal property should normally be available from the ward as soon as possible. Valuable items are stored within a safe in the cashier’s office. Ward staff should offer you any property when you attend so that you do not have to make multiple trips. Personal identification may be required to collect certain items.

How a death is registered All deaths must be registered at the local office of Registration of Births, Marriages and Deaths in the district where the death has occurred, five days after the medical certificate has been completed (unless the Registrar extends this period). If the death has been referred to the Coroner, the procedure is slightly different; we will advise you concerning this. The Registrar’s Office will advise you of what documents you require.

Who may register a death? Regulations state that only certain people can register a death with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths. For a patient who has died in hospital these people are: • A relative of the deceased who was present at the time of death. • A relative of the deceased, in attendance during the last illness. • A relative of the deceased residing in the same local district. • A person present at the time of death. • The person accepting responsibility for making the funeral arrangements, i.e. an executor, solicitor or similar, the occupier i.e. the Matron or Officer in charge at a nursing home or rest home, providing they knew of the illness before the death.

When you register the death You should tell the Registrar... • The deceased’s last (usual) address. • The deceased’s first names and surname, and the maiden name if applicable. • The deceased’s date of and place of birth. • The deceased’s occupation and the name and occupation of husband (if applicable). • Whether the deceased was receiving a pension or allowance from public funds. • If the deceased was married, the date of birth of the surviving widow or widower. The Registrar will provide... A certificate for Burial or Cremation (known as the Green Form), unless the Coroner has given you an Order for Burial or a certificate for Cremation. Whichever form you are given will be needed by the funeral director so that the funeral can be held. You will be able to purchase a Certified Copy of an Entry Certificate, which is needed for any pension claims, insurance policies, and financial matters. You may need several.

Tell Us Once When someone has died there are lots of things that need to be done, at a time when you probably feel least like doing them. One of these is contacting government departments and local council services that need to be told. Stockport Council provides a service which will make things easier; Tell Us Once. How the service can help you When someone has died their death needs to be registered with the Registrar. Once that’s done, several organisations may have to be contacted and given the same information. Stockport Council can help you to give the information to the Department for Work and Pensions and they can pass on this information to a number of other government departments and local council services for you. How to use the service Once you have registered the death with a Registrar and obtained the Tell Us Once service number there are a number of ways you can use the service: • By telephone - If you would like to speak to someone on the phone please call the Department for Work and Pensions on 0800 085 7308. The lines are open Monday to Friday between 8am and 6pm. This number is free to call from a BT landline, but other providers, including mobile phone providers, may charge you. If you don’t speak English, call us on 0800 085 7308 and an adviser and an interpreter will call you back and help you. You will need the service number, provided by the Registrar, with you to use the service. 7

• Online - After you have registered the death, you can use the online service. The Registrar will give you a unique reference number which you will need to use the service. The website address is www.gov.uk/tell-us-once. In both cases the service is available for 28 days from the date of registration. Who can be notified? The most updated list is held on the Gov.uk bereavement website, www.gov.uk/tell-us-once. Information you will need to use the service It will help if you have with you the following information, where relevant, about the person who has died when you use the service. • Their date of birth and if you have it, National Insurance number. • Details of any benefits or services they were receiving. • Their death certificate. • Their Driving Licence or Driving Licence number. • Their Passport or Passport number and town/country of birth. • Details of blue badge. • Details of any recent stays in hospital, or a hospice care home. You may also be asked for the contact details for: • Their next of kin. • A surviving husband, wife or civil partner. • The person dealing with their estate. You must obtain the permission of the persons listed above if you are going to provide information about them.

People to inform There are various people, companies and other interested parties who need to be informed of the death and others who ought to be informed (some may be covered by Tell Us Once). Done

Date

Solicitor Bank, Building Society, Insurance Company etc Social Services (if they are providing any services) Inland Revenue and Benefits Offices Employers and Trade Unions Schools, College, University attended Any Hospital the person was attending and GP Local Gas / Electric / Telephone / TV Licence / Water Companies (the relevant office should be informed) Local Council (e.g. Council Tax) Professional Organisations Car insurance Please note, some organisations may request the National Insurance Number of your relative/friend. 9

Things may need returning After a death it is necessary to return the following items belonging to the deceased with a covering note to the appropriate authority as follows: Done

Date

Benefit and Pension Books (Social Security Office) Passport (Passport Office) Driving Licence (DVLA) Tel: 0300 790 6801 Registration documents of car, to change ownership (DVLA) National Insurance papers (Tax Office) NHS Equipment Library Tickets / Season Tickets Future financial help may be required; it is quite possible that you may qualify for help from the state. The telephone enquiry line for Social Security - 0800 731 0469. They should be able to help with any general benefit enquiry and will give you advice on how you go about claiming. Claim forms can be obtained from both Benefit Offices and the Post Office.

Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders. By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0333 006 8114, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete. Alternatively, ask the bereavement team for a leaflet that can be returned in the post. This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

Probate and the estate If you are an executor and entitled to deal with someone’s estate, you will probably then have to apply for legal permission (called ‘probate’) from the Probate Registry to do so. This may also involve sorting out any Inheritance Tax due. Contact:

Probate and Inheritance Tax helpline Tel: 0300 123 1072 www.hmrc.gov.uk Probate information: www.gov.uk/wills-probate-inheritance

You may choose to sort out probate yourself if the estate is relatively straightforward, or you can use a specially trained accountant or solicitor to help you. Should you find it helpful to take advice from a professional service you can have a short consultation, for a fee you should agree in advance. You can then decide if you will need their help. Telephone the company to find out what their fee would be for providing an initial consultation and subsequent charges. The whole process of going through Probate may take weeks. The Probate Officer for Stockport area is Manchester 0161 240 5701. You will then be given a ‘Grant of Representation’ form to give to financial and other organisations to release the ‘estate’ to you.

Cremation No one can be cremated until the cause of death is known. There are certain forms that you will be required to sign. The cost of the Crematoria is governed by local authorities. Ashes can be scattered in a garden of remembrance or in a favourite spot. They can be buried in a churchyard or cemetery or they can be kept. Arrangements may be made for erecting a plaque but there could be a charge.

Burial There will normally be a request for a pre-arranged burial plot in a churchyard or cemetery. The Church of England has set fees for burials of which your funeral director can advise you. The cost may be higher for the burial of someone who lived outside the parish. Many churchyards are no longer open for burials because there are no spaces left, unless you own a family plot. If a plot has been paid for in a cemetery, there will be a deed of grant. Most non-denominational cemeteries are owned by local authorities or private companies, so fees may vary.

Grieving Bereavement is a distressing experience that will affect us all at some point in our lives. However because it is something that is not talked about much, we may not learn how to cope with loss. Different people react to bereavement in different ways; some need more help and support. The information in this booklet is to offer help and advice as well as suggesting organisations that may be able to help you. Grieving is a natural process that can take place after any kind of loss. When a loved one passes away this can be a very powerful emotion that has to run its course. There are a range of different feelings that can take time to go through. Although people are individuals, the order in which they go through these feelings are often the same. Most people feel totally stunned for some hours or days following the death of someone who is close. A feeling of disbelief is common, even if the death has been expected after a long period of illness. However this feeling of emotional numbness can actually be a help in dealing with the various practical arrangements that have to be made. To overcome this it can help to see the person who has died. Sometimes it’s not until the actual funeral that the reality of what has happened finally sinks in. Although it may be distressing to attend the funeral or to see the body, it is important to say goodbye to the ones we loved. After the numbness has gone you can often feel anxious and distressed and long for the person who has died. This can affect you in your everyday life, it may be difficult to relax, concentrate or even sleep properly. 14

Some people experience extremely disturbing dreams, others say that they actually see their loved one everywhere they go, commonly in the places that they used to spend time together. It is also quite usual to feel angry at this time - towards doctors and medical staff for not preventing the death, towards people around you such as friends and relatives, or even towards the person who has left you. Another very common feeling is guilt. It is likely that you will go over in your mind all the things you wished that you had said or done. In some cases you may even consider what you could have done to have prevented the death, even though death is usually beyond our control. You may feel guilty if you are relieved someone has died, particularly after a distressing illness. This feeling of relief is perfectly natural and very common. These strong, confusing emotions can be felt for quite a while after a death and are generally followed by periods of sadness and depression. Grief can be sparked off many months after the death by things that bring back the memories. It can be difficult for other people to understand when you burst into tears for no reason. Some people who can’t deal with this tend to stay away at the time when they are most needed. The phrase “Time is a great healer” is in most cases certainly true, however the pain of losing a loved one never entirely disappears, nor should it be expected to. The different stages of mourning tend to overlap and can show themselves in various ways. There is no ‘standard’ way of grieving as we all have our own way of dealing with difficult situations not least the loss of someone we love. 15

Grief in children and adolescents Children feel the loss of a close friend or relative in much the same way as adults even though they may not fully understand the meaning of death. Children experience the passage of time differently to adults and can therefore appear to overcome grief quickly. However children may need reassuring that they are not responsible for the death of a close relative as they can blame themselves for one reason or another. It is important that the grief of a young person is not overlooked; they may not want to burden parents by talking about their feelings. It could help to include them in the funeral arrangements.

Friends and relatives can help Being close to others can be a great source of comfort. It is not always necessary for them to say anything, just being there is enough. It can be difficult for people to understand why you keep covering the same ground, talking and apparently becoming distressed about the same things over and over again, but this is an important part of the healing process. Some people will not mention the name of the person who has died in case they upset you. This could lead to a sense of isolation and add to your grief, however it is important to talk about the person you have lost.

Another difficult time when friends and relatives can be of help is festive occasions and anniversaries, which can be particularly painful for years to come. Practical help with domestic chores and looking after children can all help to ease the difficulties that you are facing.

Your doctor can help Bereavement can turn your world upside down and is one of the most painful experiences we all have to endure. There is help available should you need it. For example, many people have trouble sleeping; if this becomes a concern to you do not hesitate to contact your family doctor.

Grief that is never resolved Some people hardly seem to grieve at all. They can avoid any mention of their loss, do not cry at the funeral and appear to return to their normal life remarkably quickly. For some people this is just their normal way of dealing with loss and it is not harmful. However some may suffer physical illness and periods of depression for some time to come. Sometimes people cannot overcome the grieving process. The sense of disbelief and shock can continue and never seem to end whereas others cannot think about anything else but the loss of their loved one. There are organisations which can help. Some of them are listed in this booklet.

The do’s and don’ts of grief Do choose a funeral director you like and trust. Do express your feelings as much as possible. Do talk through what has happened with someone you can trust (e.g. your family, a close friend, an appropriate support group). Do contact one of the voluntary or hospital organisations (telephone numbers of which are contained within this booklet) if you would like to talk to someone - they are there to help you. Hospital Chaplain - 0161 419 5889. Do take good care of yourself; get lots of rest, eat well and give yourself time to grieve. Do begin to make plans for the future so that you will always have something to look forward to, but remember not to rush into any big life changes. Do contact your doctor if you feel unwell or would like the doctor to refer you to someone to talk to. Do keep in touch with family and friends, remember that most people are pleased to be asked to help. Don’t rush into having the funeral right away unless it is the practice of your culture. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings.

Don’t make any life changes whilst you are still grieving. Give yourself time to think about any changes you may wish to make. Don’t enter any financial or legal arrangements unless you fully understand them. Don’t rush to overcome your grief. There is no fixed time to get over a bereavement. Don’t let others rush you into anything before you are ready.

Advice and support We have listed several organisations used to dealing with bereavement. It can sometimes be easier to talk to a stranger than it is to talk to a person who is close to you.

Local contact numbers Age UK Stockport 56 Wellington Street, Stockport SK1 3AQ Tel: 0161 480 1211 Citizens Advice Bureau Stopford House, Piccadilly, Stockport SK1 3UR Tel: 0808 278 7803 Register Office Registrar of Births and Deaths Town Hall (John Street Entrance), Stockport SK1 3XE Tel: 0161 217 6007 Stillbirth and Neonatal Society (SANDS) Tel: 0808 164 3332 www.sands.org.uk Beechwood Cancer Care Centre Chelford Grove, Stockport SK3 8LS Tel: 0161 476 0384 www.beechwoodcancercare.org.uk

CRUSE (for the widowed) Tel: 0808 808 1677 Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk Welfare Rights Unit Welfare Rights and Debt Advice Service, 4th Floor, Stopford House, Piccadilly, Stockport SK1 3UR Tel: 0161 474 2140 The Samaritans Heaton Moor Centre, Thornfield Road, Stockport SK4 3LD Tel: 0330 094 5717 or 116 123 Beacon Counselling Service 50-52 Middle Hillgate, Stockport SK1 3DL Tel: 0161 440 0055 Not a drop in centre, appointment only. Poynton Information Centre Poynton Town Council, Civic Hall, Off Park Lane, Poynton SK12 1RB Tel: 01625 872238 Stockport Christian Counselling Service 91 Station Road, Cheadle Hulme, Cheshire SK8 7BG Tel: 07990 403319 www.sccounselling.org Romiley Life Centre 3 Stockport Road, Romiley SK6 4BN Tel: 0161 430 1130 www.romileylifecentre.co.uk

Other contact numbers Carers UK 20 Great Dover Street, London SE1 4LX Tel: 020 7378 4999 Email: advice@carersuk.org The Compassionate Friends Kilburn Grange, Priory Park Road, London NW6 7UJ Tel: 0345 123 2304 Daily 10am - 4pm, 7pm -10pm CRUSE - Bereavement Care PO Box 800, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1RG Tel: 0808 808 1677 www.cruse.org.uk The Lullaby Trust 10-18 Union Street, London SE1 1SZ Tel: 0808 802 6868/9 or 020 7802 3200 www.lullabytrust.org.uk Miscarriage Association 2 Otters Holt, Wakefield WF4 3QE Tel: 01924 200799 www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk Mon, Tue & Thu 9am - 4pm, Wed & Fri 9am - 8pm

Samaritans Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS Tel: 116 123 Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS) SANDS, 10-18 Union Street, London SE1 1SZ Tel: 0808 164 3332 (Helpline) Switchboard LGBT Health and Wellbeing Tel: 0800 0119 100 (Helpline) or 0300 330 0630

Reference: Stockport NHS Foundation Trust Bereavement Book Review Date: December 2027 Publication Date: December 2025

The Hospital would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time. Whilst the Hospital is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

STOPPING JUNK MAIL If someone you know has died, we can reduce the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them, stopping painful daily reminders. By registering with our free service, the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks.

Call: 0333 006 8114 OR

Visit our website: www.stopmail.co.uk bereavement support network stop mail

here to help

Calls are charged at standard landline rates. Calls from mobiles are included in inclusive call packages. © Bereavement Support Network Ltd 2025

Do you need help with

Probate? You may need help, support or advice on what to do when someone dies in relation to probate. It may not always appear obvious if it will be required.

Call: 0333 240 0360 We offer free guidance on the legal and financial aspects of bereavement including your responsibilities and whether probate is required. You may need to establish whether a property is held in joint names or tenants in common, we can perform a simple check at no cost to establish the title deeds. This service is provided by

bereavement support network here to help

Connecting you with managed and D.I.Y. Probate Solutions Calls are charged at standard landline rates. Calls from mobiles are included in inclusive call packages.

Bernard Kenney & Daughter Funeral Service

At Bernard Kenney & Daughter Funeral Service, compassion is at the core of everything we do. We understand that losing a loved one is one of life's most challenging experiences. We are here to provide you with support, guidance and dignity at this difficult time, delivered by our friendly team with empathy and dedication. Personal attention at all times Day & Night Service Independent family run funeral directors Private Chapel of Rest Bereavement advice

Transparent pricing Home visits Pre-paid Funeral Plans

Situated on the edge of Buxton covering all of the High Peak, Macclesfield and Stockport areas

01298 26421

www.bernardkenney.com

A trading style of Turnside Marketing Ltd

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospital. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have. Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.

RNS Publications, Trium House, Broughton Way, Whitehills, Blackpool, Lancashire FY4 5QN

01253 832400 enquiries@rns.co.uk