baystateparent magazine June 2020

PRICELESS

Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families Since 1996

JUNE 2020

Dig This!

Kid-friendly gardening

Coping With Cancellations Sun Protection 101 Family Hiking Hacks

2 JUNE2020

contents

ta bl e o f

j u n e 2020

vol u m e 2 5

n u mb e r 2

7

on the cover: Max Bernier, 2, of Brookfield

Summer Sun Protection 101

in every issue

12

Should New Grads Take a Gap Year?

5 6 8 14 20 23

Editor’s Note Good to Know Herding Goofballs Very Special People Cyber Savvy Mom Finally Forever

bites 9 Goose’s Goodies: Homemade Fruit Leather 10 Food for Thought: This is The Year For a Family Garden

14 Local Mom Teams Up with Raffi for New Children’s Album

homespun fun 16

Family Hiking Hacks and Trails Off The Beaten Path

18

Make Your Own ‘Tiny Dino World’ BAYSTATEPARENT 3

baystateparent What’s your favorite summer treat?

president PAUL M. PROVOST

CREATIVE

‘‘ ’’ ‘‘ ’’ ‘‘ ’’ Soft serve chocolate-vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Fried clam roll by the beach.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

editor in chief AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER 508-767-9526 acollins@gatehousemedia.com creative director SHIELA NEALON 508-793-9121 shiela.nealon@telegram.com

ADVERTISING sales manager JEREMY WARDWELL 508-767-9574 jwardwell@gatehousemedia.com account executive KATHY PUFFER 508-767-9544 kpuffer@gatehousemedia.com account executive REGINA STILLINGS 508-767-9546 rstillings@gatehousemedia.com

baystateparent is published 100 Front Street, 5th Floor monthly and is distributed free of Worcester, MA 01608 charge throughout Massachusetts.

ONLINE

do you have a story idea?

We want to hear from you!

Email your suggestion to baystateparent.com acollins@gatehousemedia.com

4 JUNE2020

‘‘

’’ ‘‘ ’’ Nothing beats a summer lobster bake.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream.

My s g n i h T Fa vo rit e editor’s note

With all of us spending so much time at home recently, puzzles are really having a moment. We’ve loved playing with the BIG Picture Puzzle from Plus-Plus. The simple one-shape pieces can be used to create colorful flat mosaics, or to build more intricate 3-D designs. The perfect “next step” puzzle for my toddler.

I think this new kid-safe sunscreen from Puttisu is the cutest thing! The mineral formula comes in an adorable compact that includes a mirror and an applicator pad, making it easy and fun to apply.

They say of parenthood that the days are long but the years are short.

I say of parenting in quarantine that the days are endless, and the years... well let’s not even go there.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks became months cooped up at home with my 2-year-old, it felt like we were living in the movie Groundhog Day. Sure, there have been some wonderful moments I’d likely not have had the chance to spend with my son -- late morning snuggles and picnic lunches on the lawn -- but for the most part, quarantine has felt like a tense loop of the same day over and over again.

The promise of summer is what kept me going. Family vacation, trips to the beach and my son’s third birthday party offered some variety to look forward to.

But as summer inches closer, things don’t look much different. The season of fun is now the season of uncertainty, and I’m grappling with the real possibility of this summer being one big letdown.

Luckily, my son is too young to really feel the sting of disappointment, but so many children aren’t. Graduations, birthday parties, high school proms, family vacations -- coronavirus has robbed our kids of long-awaited events, once-in-a-lifetime milestones and so many rites of passage. Since March, it’s felt like a marathon of disappointment.

So how can we help our children cope with these losses? Experts say the best thing is to do is to acknowledge them as such.

Children’s Health recommends giving kids (and ourselves) room to grieve. Allow your child to have their natural emotional experience. As parents, there are some things we just can’t fix. The best we can do is to let them know their disappointment is valid. You can find more tips on helping them cope on page 23.

In this issue, you’ll find ways to bring some fun into this uncertain summer. No family vacation? How about a road trip to one of our state’s meandering hiking trails. You can find tips on hiking with children (and some off-the-beaten-path destinations) on page 16.

Staying home? Maybe this is the year to plant that big garden.

See how to get your children involved on page 10.

This season, we may not get to relish all moments and milestones we’ve anticipated, but I’m sure that if we look, we’ll still find things to look forward to. Happy summer!

Amanda

Just in time for Pride Month, this new board book features a diverse and cast of characters. Pride 1 2 3, by Michael Joosten, celebrates families of all sorts in a fun and colorful way -- all while counting to ten.

June is National Iced Tea Month. As a kid, my mom would always set a pitcher of sun tea outside to steep the summer. It’s an easy way to make a big batch of iced tea without turning on your stove. To make sun tea, fill a large glass dispenser with water and add about 8 tea bags per gallon.

Cover and set it out in the sun.

BAYSTATEPARENT 5

good to know A new COVID-19 coloring book is keeping kids occupied while also helping them understand what’s going on in the world.

“When We All Stayed Home” engages children in artwork while explaining pandemic, and also includes tips for adults on talking with children and supportive ideas for homeschooling parents. Created by nonprofit Headwaters Relief Organization, each book is $5, and for every coloring book bought, another is donated to a child in need. Find it at headwatersrelief.org.

A new study says you’ll have an easier time getting through the ‘terrible twos’ depending on the way you play with your child between the age of 14 and 24 months.

According to researchers, parents who take a more flexible approach to their child’s learning can minimize behavioral problems during toddlerhood. Known as ‘autonomy support,’ this parenting style places emphasis on the child taking the lead. As the child engages in tasks, parents should watch and adjust how they respond according to how the child is managing, say the researchers.

Unfortunately, the autonomy support strategy isn’t equally effective for all children: those born with a more irritable temperament are still more likely to be difficult toddlers.

While research has shown that vaping in teenage years is tied to smoking later in life, a new study finds some e-cigarette devices are six times more powerful at hooking young smokers.

The study, published in the journal Pediatrics, found that depending on which vaping devices a teen uses— vaping pens versus modifiable e-cigarette devices—the young person may wind up smoking far more. Those using a pen-like e-cigarette device smoked 2.83 times as many cigarettes as those who had never used e-cigarettes, and participants using a modifiable e-cigarette device (often called “mod” devices) smoked 8.38 times as many cigarettes.

6 JUNE2020

Your kids can help researchers track fireflies this summer

BY AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER On a hot summer night, is there anything quite as magical as a field full of glowing lightning bugs?

Those little beacons of summer don’t blink just so kids can chase them around.

Fireflies light up to communicate with each other; flashing to attract potential mates.

In Massachusetts, there are numerous species of the blinking beetles, each with its own unique flash pattern.

But if you think you’re seeing fewer fireflies these days than in summers’ past, you might be right.

“It is likely that there are fewer fireflies than in the past, just as there are fewer insects in general,” said Alexandra Dohan, the Education Department Coordinator at Mass Audubon. There are at least two reasons for this, she said, and probably more.

“One is that there are more people on earth, which means more houses, which means less habitat. Huge houses such as are being built in much of suburban Boston, with tiny yards, are definitely not good for fireflies. Another problem for fireflies, as for all insects, is the use of pesticides.”

In addition, she said light pollution could be another reason we see fewer fireflies – they’re there, but it’s too bright for us to notice their blinking glow.

Researchers have long been looking into the decline of lightning bugs, and for over a decade, have been enlisting the public’s help.

The Citizen Firefly Watch, first launched by the Museum of Science in 2008, combines summer fun with scientific research as “citizen scientists” around the country observe lightning bugs in their own

backyards to help researchers map fireflies.

In 2018, Mass Audubon took over the project, teaming up with researchers from Tufts University to track the fate of fireflies. With the help of everyday bug-watchers at home, they’re learning about the geographic distribution of the insects and what environmental factors impact their abundance.

Dohan said most of these citizen scientists take part in the project just for fun; it’s often a family project, retirement hobby, or homeschooling venture. They have high hopes for a busy season this summer, as folks are staying close to home and getting outside more.

It’s easy for your family to get involved with the project. Once a week during firefly season, spend ten minutes outside observing lightning bugs in one location (your backyard or a nearby field).

Keep track of the activity and record it on the Citizen Firefly Watch website.

While all firefly sightings – or lack thereof – are useful to the researchers, it’s certainly more fun to monitor a site with action than an area without it. Fireflies like open, grassy places, but there are some to be found in wooded areas, too.

“Any park, field, yard, or playground that has some bushes and isn't treated with pesticides will probably have some fireflies,” said Dohan. “Go outside as soon as it gets dark, let your eyes adjust to the darkness, and start watching.”

To take part in the Citizen Firefly Watch, go to massaudubon.org/get-involved/citizen-science/fireflywatch.

Sun protection 101 Whether they’re playing in the backyard or swimming at the beach, kids need to be protected from the sun, especially in the summer months. According to the Society for Pediatric Dermatology, just one blistering sunburn in childhood or adolescence more than doubles the chances of developing melanoma later in life. More research finds that five or more bad sunburns before age 20 can increase someone’s risk of melanoma by a whopping 80 percent.

With a plethora of sunscreens on the market, it can be hard for parents to decipher what’s best for their children.

You want them to be protected from sunburns, but you also want to make sure what you’re putting on them is safe.

Here are some tips for protecting your children from the sun and choosing a sunscreen from doctors at the SPD: Avoiding sun If possible, avoid the sun between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. It is best to plan indoor activities or seek shade under trees, umbrellas, or tents. One useful rule of thumb is that if your shadow is shorter than you, the sun is directly above and it is best to head for cover. Sun exposure is more intense closer to the equator, in the mountains, and in the summer. The sun's damaging rays are increased by reflection from water, white sand, and snow.

Protective clothing Cover skin with sun protective clothing when outdoors, including a wide-brimmed hat to protect the face, scalp, ears and neck. In addition to filtering out the sun, tightly woven clothing reflects heat and helps keep you feeling cool. Sunglasses with UV protection can help protect the eyes and eyelids from the harmful effects of UV light.

Not all sunglasses have UV protection, so be sure to check the label.

Choosing and applying sunscreen Choose a broad spectrum sunscreen with an SPF 30 or

higher. The protective ability of sunscreen is rated by its Sun Protection Factor (SPF) – the higher the SPF, the stronger the protection. Sunscreens labeled as “broad spectrum” indicate that they have passed the test for protection against UVA. Spread sunscreen evenly over all uncovered skin, including ears and lips, but avoid the eyelids.

Most importantly, choose a sunscreen that your child will wear. New sunscreens are added to the marketplace frequently, and selection of a particular brand is often a matter of personal preference. Sunscreens containing titanium dioxide and zinc oxide may result in whitish discoloration of the skin. Therefore, for dark-skinned children, sunscreens that do not contain titanium dioxide or zinc oxide should be considered.

On the other hand, if sunscreen makes your child’s eyes or skin burn, look for sunscreens that are fragrance free and do contain ingredients such as zinc oxide or titanium dioxide, as these tend to be less irritating.

Infants should be kept out of direct sun and be covered by protective clothing when possible. If sun exposure is unavoidable, sunscreen should be applied to exposed areas (i.e. face, hands).

Sunscreens have been deemed safe for infants older than 6 months of age.

Apply a broad-spectrum UVA and UVB sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher 20-30 minutes before going outside and reapply at least every two hours, even on cloudy days.

If swimming or sweating, sunscreen needs to be applied more often. There is no such thing as a “waterproof” sunscreen. Instead, look for products that say “water resistant” for use in water. Reapply more frequently if perspiring excessively or toweling off frequently.

Spray sunscreens Spray sunscreens can provide coverage from UV rays, however care must be taken to avoid accidental inhalation of the product, especially in children. The sunscreens need to be applied evenly to avoid skipped areas due to the distribution of the droplets on the skin. Spraying sunscreen on the hands and then applying, rather than spraying the face directly, can help children avoid breathing in these fumes.

What about cloudy days?

The clouds block a good part of UVB, the burning rays, but they do not block UVA, the tanning rays. Therefore, while there is less probability of getting sunburn, the skin is exposed to the deeper penetrating UVA rays, which cause tanning and wrinkling. As a result, it is important to stay protected from the sun, even on cloudy days.

Source: The Importance of Sun Protection, Society of Pediatric Dermatology

BAYSTATEPARENT 7

Herding

Goofballs

Where it all began

BY JOSH FARNSWORTH ILLUSTRATION BY KIRA BEAUDOIN

If 2020 had a fragrance, it would smell like uncertainty.

8 JUNE2020

I am not sure if any candle companies know how to accurately bottle a fearful emotion, but it has to smell better than the alternative “giant murder hornet” candles.

Our time and place in the world right now is on shaky ground as we are beginning to look at the ways we can emerge from our COVID-19 cocoons and re-enter the world as we knew it.

But there are two things I can look to in times like these and bank on: the color of the sky and the amazing partnership that is my parents.

My mom and dad are celebrating 40 years of marriage this June. It’s a romance that began in Kmart when both of them worked there during

school (many, many jokes made already about love blooming under a blue light special).

Not only is that chance meeting the start of a lifelong victory I like to call…well…me, but unbeknownst to them, the official launch of a decades-long partnership that has given my two siblings and me a front row seat to top-shelf parenting.

There were times I know I didn’t appreciate all they did for me (See some teenage years, I am sure). But time has a way of lending perspective. As a parent for almost seven years, their fingerprints can be seen all over what I at least aspire to be.

I have learned at the Sue and David Farnsworth School of Parenting. Here is a short list of

parenting pluses I have picked up as a student…

Don’t keep score This is a really hard one, given I am obsessed with sports and sports statistics and cherish every opportunity to use stats to make a point. It’s easy to get carried away trying to make things “fair” (i.e. the same amount of downtime when taking care of the kids, money spent on self, etc.).

A real teammate has all other teammates’ backs. Tallying up some fake score on “who has gotten more” is an exercise in futility.

If you have a spouse, first understand how lucky you are to have a partner in crime.

Secondly, “fairness” is not a quid pro quo, it’s a feeling that you want to help the other spouse be the best parent possible as well.

That might mean a couple extra shifts putting the kids to bed.

Eat dessert first, and maybe, again second My parents liked to tout the occasional “backwards dessert days” where the dessert is eaten first (which, by the way, is winning all sorts of accolades with my two goofballs here when we do it).

I have also taken this method of thinking to be a metaphor for flexible parenting. We all have our ways of parenting.

Sometimes, though, you just have to cut right to the enjoyment. Sometimes, you need to skip what you think is always a necessary evil (that would be you, plate of vegetables) and inject enjoyment into your day (hello, baked goods section!).

In other words, you don’t always have to rule the kids with an iron fist. It is possible to curb your own rules once in a while and cut yourself some slack— and maybe an extra slice of ice cream cake to help cut down on stress and have fun.

Am I overthinking this metaphor? Maybe. But it comes with a side of pie, so don’t ruin this for me.

Don’t go to bed angry Part 2 We’ve probably all heard this piece of advice regarding spouses and making peace before the sun goes down. While I don’t remember my parents outright stating this advice, they practice it.

There have been nights where all I want is for my goofballs to plant their heads on their pillows and have them “really think

about that bad thing you did!”

Chances are, at the end of the day, they were tired. You probably are, too.

My parents always made an effort to make my last impression of the day a good one. Whether it be a few words of sage advice, or just talking about their optimism about tomorrow, it went a long way.

Leave their heads on pillows on good terms.

‘Have fun’ not the other one When the dreaded time comes to part and leave my parents’, they almost never say “goodbye” or “so long” or a third phrase that says “this is where we leave.”

Almost never. Even on the phone.

Instead, they always say “have fun.” It’s a small thing, but the small things are what parents do to help us through good and bad times. “Have fun” is their way of injecting optimism into what we’re all doing next.

“Have fun” is permission to be positive, even if life is trending sideways.

Happy 40th!

I could fill this entire magazine issue with their words. Maybe it’s because I’m biased. Maybe it’s because I only paid attention at the “good” times.

But, then again, maybe I was lucky enough to be surrounded by two imperfect people, who forged ahead to produce so many more good times than bad through trying, sacrifice and genuine love.

My parents will be the first to admit they didn’t always have the right answers. But they are a team always game to find one together.

To my parents, congrats.

Thank you for your example.

Thank you for being a solid partnership in the best and shakiest of times.

Cheers, and have fun until I see you next.

No one holds a candle to your example—giant murder hornet scented or not.

Josh Farnsworth is a husband, father of goofballs Cooper and Milo, goofball himself, and awardwinning writer and columnist living in Worcester. He can be reached for column ideas at josh. farnsworth@ yahoo.com.

Homemade Fruit Leather If you find yourself with an abundance of berries this season try this kid-friendly snack. Fruit leather is a healthy treat, and children will love that you can make fruit rollups right at home. We used strawberries in this recipe, but you can easily substitute another fruit.

Ingredients: 4 cups strawberries, stems/leaves removed and chopped 2 tablespoons honey (optional)

Directions Preheat the oven to 150-200 degrees. (Our oven’s lowest setting was 175 degrees, so we cooked at that temperature.)

Line a baking sheet (we used an 11-by-15 cookie sheet) with parchment paper.

In a blender or food processor, puree berries and honey until smooth.

Pour the berry mixture onto the parchment lined pan.

Spread the mixture with a spatula to a thin, even layer.

Bake for about 5-6 hours, until leather peels away easily from the parchment. Set on a rack to fully cool down for at least 4 hours or overnight.

Use scissors to cut the parchment paper into strips. Roll to make fruit roll-ups.

Store fruit leather in an air-tight container for up to two weeks.

Notes:

Bites

goose’s

goodies

• When spreading the berry mixture, make sure the middle isn’t too thick. Also be careful not to spread it too thin, or your leather will be crispy.

• As ovens vary, you’ll want to check the fruit leather after about 3.5-4 hours of baking, and then every half hour or so.

• Do not use wax paper in place of parchment paper. It will melt into the fruit.

Laurie Silva Collins, known affectionately as Goose by her grandkids, is a nurse, mother and grandmother who is happiest when she’s in the kitchen, cooking and baking for those she loves. She learned to cook from her parents, and has perfected her recipes over the years while raising three daughters… and spoiling seven grandchildren.

BAYSTATEPARENT 9

This is the year for a

Family Garden Kid-friendly tips and ideas

BY AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER

I

f you’re looking to get your child to eat more fruits and vegetables, look no further than your own backyard.

Years of research confirms this: if they grow it, they will eat it.

A study by Saint Louis University found that young children who were served homegrown produce were more than twice as likely to eat the recommended daily serving amount of fruits and vegetables than kids who rarely or never ate homegrown produce.

In addition, children who grow up eating fresh-from-thegarden produce prefer the taste of fruits and vegetables to other foods.

"Whether a food is homegrown makes a difference,” said the study.

“Garden produce creates what we call a 'positive food environment.'"

If you are thinking of starting a garden this summer, or expanding your annual plantings, you’re not alone.

Fruit and vegetable seed sales

10 JUNE2020

have jumped worldwide and an interest in gardening is booming this season.

With families hunkered down in their homes and shortages in grocery stores, many are turning to their backyards for a family friendly hobby and access to fresh food.

Across the country, home garden installers told USA Today that they have seen a rise in demand for their services. And at nurseries, planting supplies have flown off the shelves, the newspaper reports.

For Paula Bernier, of Webster, it was all about timing. After recently taking down an aboveground pool, she was left with a giant patch of yard to fill.

“I couldn't think of a better time to bring in fresh vegetables in the middle of this pandemic we are in,” she said. She and her husband built an eight-by-ten foot raised garden bed to plant tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce and string beans this summer.

“It will be a bonus for when our grandson visits; spending quality time picking veggies.”

For others, it’s not so much

about the harvest as it is the hobby.

“We’ve done gardens in the past and they always seem like way more work than they are worth,” said Worcester mom of two Joyana Farnsworth. “That said, my kids really enjoy doing it so we’ll do it again this year, more for the experience than the actual crop.”

Aside from expanding their palette, gardening has some immense benefits for kids. It combines the general perks of being outside with the opportunity to tackle a project, which can improve children’s mental and physical health.

Plus, getting dirty can be a good thing. Research has found that playing in the dirt can actually boost the body’s immune system, that digging in the dirt (and even ingesting a little bit of it) actually can help decrease a child’s risk of allergies and asthma.

But perhaps the greatest benefit to tending a garden with your child is the opportunity to instill some real-world life lessons. A garden requires responsibility and patience, but also comes with the gamble of disappointment if things don’t go as expected. What better

place to offer these lessons than right in your own backyard?

Piquing their interest If your children prefer playing video games or scrolling their phones over getting dirty, make sure you present gardening as fun, not a chore. You can make it into a game, such as who can grow the tallest sunflower or the heaviest zucchini.

According to nonprofit group KidsGardening, to achieve maximum buy-in you need to involve kids in all steps of the process: planning, installation and maintenance.

To get started, you can find a great kid-friendly guide at kidsgrowingstrong.org.

Let your child help decide which plants to grow, based on his or her interests. A cherry tomato plant will reward them with a sweet, bite-sized snack, or a pumpkin plant will offer something to look forward to come fall.

KidsGardening recommends planting some veggies that kids are familiar with like green beans or carrots, along with some more unusual choices like leeks or okra. Children may discover a new favorite they wouldn’t have otherwise tried.

Other ideas to get children

into the idea is to offer them their own “plot” to take care of. Depending on the age of the child they may simply be playing in the garden or maintaining their plot pretty much on their own.

“The sense of responsibility and pride that comes with the investment of ownership leads to dedicated, enthusiastic youth gardeners,” note the experts at KidsGardening.

Older children might like the idea of gardening as an entrepreneurial project.

They can sell fresh fruits and vegetables at a sidewalk stand, canned items from their harvest, or herb crafts like potpourri or scented pillows.

Go with a theme A theme garden is another way to get children excited about gardening. The inspiration for a theme garden can come from anywhere -- a story, a favorite food, a favorite color, and so on. Here are some ideas: Pizza Garden: Grow all the ingredients to top a homemade pizza -- tomatoes, peppers, basil, and oregano. You can even design the garden to be round like a pizza.

Salsa Garden: Grow everything you need to make a batch of fresh salsa -- tomatoes, jalapenos, onions and cilantro.

Herb Garden: Perfect for container or indoor gardening, you can grow an array of herbs for cooking or crafting.

Pickle Garden: Plant cucumbers, dill and garlic to make a jar of homemade pickles.

Book Garden: Pick out a book with a garden theme and then try to recreate it. Try a Peter Rabbit Garden and grow the veggies in Mr. McGregor’s garden -- carrots, radishes, lettuce and cabbage.

Giant or Mini Garden: Plant varieties that will grow super big like giant sunflowers or pumpkins. Or, plant varieties that will stay really small like baby carrots and tiny pumpkins.

Rainbow Garden: Pick one color and plant a variety of fruits and vegetables in that hue. For example, a Red Garden could include strawberries, bell peppers, rhubarb and tomatoes. Or, try to grow plants with as many colors as you can, and arrange your garden by shade.

Composting 101 Thinking about composting but don’t know where to start?

Here are some tips.

BY ERIKA ENIGK If you're interested in growing some nice things this year, why not start a compost bin to help your plants grow?

What is composting?

Composting is a great way to use up materials that would otherwise go in the garbage and take up space in landfills. It’s also a nice way to enrich soil so your plants will grow. Good compost is made of three key ingredients: u Dead plant materials like leaves and twigs u Household waste like vegetable scraps, coffee grounds and eggshells (don’t use dairy or meat though!) u Soil

How do I use it?

The first thing you need to do is start your compost. You can do this in something as small as an empty soda bottle or as big as a trench in your yard. If this is your first time, try the soda bottle first.

Clean and rinse it thoroughly, then cut the top until you can open and close the bottle by flipping the top.

Put some soil in the bottom, and spray it with water. Add a layer of kitchen scraps like orange peels or coffee grounds and spray with water again. Then soil. Then leaves. Then soil, kitchen scraps, soil, leaves and so on until the bottle is filled almost to where the top was cut. Each time you put down a new layer, spray it with water.

Put the bottle in a sunny spot, and roll it around every day to mix up the soil, scraps and leaves. If the soil looks dry, add a bit of water. If the bottle is wet with condensation, open it up and let it dry out a bit. After about a month, your compost will be well mixed and crumbly. That’s when you can start using it to feed your plants!

BAYSTATEPARENT 11

Many new grads are considering a Gap Year.

Here’s how to make the most of it Continued uncertainty means many college students aren’t sure what the next year of school will look like.

Should they sit it out?

The answer is: it depends.

BY JOAN GOODCHILD

T

hanks to the state-wide lockdown forced upon us by coronavirus, many high school seniors in Massachusetts were hit this spring with the sad reality that the end of their high school experience would lack the usual rites of passage. Quarantine meant no prom, no graduation ceremony, no backyard barbeques to say goodbye to friends.

Now, they are on to facing new kinds of realities mired in uncertainty. The question is: what happens now? With no guarantees about quarantine levels and phasing back into normal life again, the issue of what to do about entering college in the fall hangs in the air.

It appears many incoming college students are not so enthusiastic about betting that there will be an open campus to head to in September. In fact, a poll by the Baltimore-based 12 JUNE2020

Art & Science Group finds nearly one in six graduating seniors says that due to the pandemic, they will likely change plans to attend college this coming year and will instead take a gap year.

This increased interest in taking a gap year is reflected in the web site patterns that Gap Year Association registers lately. Associate Director Dianna Hahn said in late April the site registered about 45 percent more traffic over the previous year.

“People are going to the accredited programs section. They are looking at deferral policies at schools. They are looking in general for information about what is a gap year,” said Hahn. “There is a whole new wave of families considering a gap year now due to the uncertainty of what schools have to offer.”

Indeed, the idea of dropping the price tag of tuition for classes online may not be as appealing to some who crave the social and community aspects of attending a college on a physical campus, and that has many second-guessing the choice to enroll for fall.

But at Gap Year Association, Hahn said they do not see a gap year as simply a break. The organization advocates for and helps interested students navigate everything from travel to volunteer opportunities as a way to have a personally enriching experience before heading back into an education environment the next year.

“We consider it a year on,” said Hahn. “In many years we are reinventing what that looks like. And we’re learning as much as anyone else at this point. We are hoping to be as creative as possible and offer certainties for those that want to take a gap year.”

Hahn said for those involved in coordinating gap years arrangements, that might mean partnering with other domestic organizations to open up more opportunities that won’t require long distance travel due to the uncertainty of what travel might be like in the fall.

Other motivated students have expressed interest in finding a way to help out in their local communities with COVID-19-related causes, because they want to give back by volunteering. These arrangements could also involve remote but helpful work for organizations involved with pandemic work, said Hahn.

“It could be an arrangement where they lend a helping hand to an organization with project-based work with mentorship,” she said. “We are pushing the idea of Plan A, a Plan B and a Plan C.” At Assumption College in Worcester, Robert Mirabile, the school’s vice president of enrollment management said it is still too early to know whether or not wider-spread interest in a gap year among students will have an impact on the numbers returning to Assumption’s campus in the fall.

“A gap year can be a good fit for a student depending on the goals of the student.

Some have well developed plans. A year of community service or some kind of travel or a community engagement endeavor. In cases like that we are very supportive of it,” said Mirabile.

Assumption does not have a large percentage of students who choose a gap year, and whether that changes remains in question. But Mirabile thinks those considering taking the year should consider carefully what they hope to accomplish during that period before diving in to make a decision to defer enrollment.

“Each student will have a series of trade-offs to make when delaying entering or

finishing a college education,” he said. “For some students, their career and life plans when they graduate at 22 or 23 is not material. But others may have in mind “I want to be an elementary teacher” and delaying entry into the profession may be meaningful to their overall goals.”

And Mirabile also points out that colleges and universities will have solid contingency plans in place in the event that remote learning must continue.

For those students who don’t have clear plans for how to spend a gap year, getting started on education may be

the best bet – even if the year may not look like originally planned.

“So many instructors are highly motivated to work with students, if a student is motivated to learn. It really can be a good experience. If the student is looking hard about what they want to accomplish, if they are thinking about advancing their college career, ultimately they will be learning.”

Another factor that may play into how many students actually decide to take a gap year is the financial aid offered by the school of choice. As

Mirabile notes, while the pandemic may impact families’ financial ability to pay, it could also change financial aid packages should the student defer.

Gap Year’s Associate’s Hahn said they actively encourage students from taking a gap year if they have a strong financial package that could be endangered by time off.

But ultimately, taking a gap year should be about selfreflection and growth, said Hahn.

They are encouraging students to check in with admissions counselors if it

is a consideration. But she notes that delaying entry due to COVID-19 fallout may not be a good enough reason for admissions counselors.

Schools being asked to consider deferment will want to hear more about the intent of the student’s plan to take the year away from campus.

“Admissions counselors are going to want to hear about what the student is going to be doing,” she said. “If a student thinks it is the right choice for them, now may be the time to look broader and find ways to give back to the world.”

BAYSTATEPARENT 13

very

special people

‘Songs For Unique Kids’ Local mom teams up with Raffi for new children’s album

BY AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER

C

hildren’s entertainment icon Raffi has teamed up with a local musician-mom for a new kids’ album that celebrates kindness, inclusion and acceptance.

“I Am Kind,” by Auburn’s Lindsay Munroe, was released on digital platforms in April, with a CD version coming June 12.

It’s the first album produced by Raffi’s label, Troubadour Music, that features an artist other than him in decades. Its 16 songs offer both inspiration and practical tools for all children, including those who are neurodiverse.

Munroe, a self-taught multi-instrumentalist, grew up listening to Raffi -- his joyful melodies and sing-alongs were part of the soundtrack to her childhood. When she was young, her room was full of instruments; guitars hung on the wall and a keyboard took up most of the floor space. Later on she’d perform at open mics and folk venues.

But it wasn’t until she became a mother that she found her true calling – children’s music.

“It’s what I’m meant to do,” she said. “What I love to do.”

Munroe is mom to three children with autism – Jack, 11, Emma, 9, and Marjorie, 8. Playing music with them, she said, has always been a helpful teaching tool.

For years, Munroe has performed for children at preschools and libraries. This eventually led to her “Sing Along with Lindsay” YouTube channel and Instagram page, where Raffi discovered her.

Last year, Munroe took her youngest daughter to Raffi’s concert at The Hanover Theatre in Worcester, and the two musicians connected backstage during a “Meet and Greet.”

“We were talking about songwriting and children’s music and autism,” she said. “He came up with the idea that I should write a song for kids with autism.”

14 JUNE2020

After Munroe wrote and sent the song “I Am Kind” to Raffi, he encouraged her to keep writing. Eventually, there were enough songs for an album.

“He offered to sing harmony on a few songs,” Munroe said.

“At the time, I thought I’d independently release an album.

Once we did the first couple songs together, he offered to produce the whole album. I was thrilled.”

Raffi sings backup vocals on some of the tracks as well as playing guitar, ukulele, electric piano, bongos, and train whistle.

Munroe’s children are also featured; their energetic voices lending the album’s sing-along vibe.

Songs on the album include children’s classics like “This Little Light of Mine” and “Frère Jacques,” as well as Raffi’s own signature tunes “The More We Get Together” and “De Colores.”

“She brings traditional songs to life with charm and a calm energy, just right for kids,” Raffi saif Munroe’s style.

Of her original songs on the album, Munroe said about half were written with autistic children in mind.

“With my kids, music is a nice way to teach social skills or things they can work on. Sometimes they’re not as open to trying new things. Or sometimes a mistake can seem like a much bigger deal than it is,” she said. “Music

can really help; a message with a little melody that sticks with you and helps you through your day.”

The songs’ titles – “Waiting Nicely,” “OK to Make Mistakes,” “I Can Ask For Help,” “I Can Try New Things,” – speak to the messages she hopes to convey.

According to Raffi, the songs are “positive affirmations that kids can internalize for those times they might need a melodic reminder that they are indeed capable people.”

While recording iconic songs like “The More We Get Together” was a thrill for Munroe, she said one of the most meaningful songs on the album is “Every One Of Us Belongs.”

“The message is important to me: inclusion and acceptance.

I want my kids to feel that and I want all kids to feel that,” she said.

Colorful and kid-friendly activity guides to go along with each song are published on Munroe’s website, lindsaymunroemusic.com. She offers printable chords, lyrics, and at-home ideas for fun and learning.

BAYSTATEPARENT 15

Homespun

Fun

Take a Hike

Family hiking hacks and trails off the beaten path

BY SARA KORBER-DEWEERD

H

aving survived a spring of learning from home, many families are wondering what summer will bring.

Will the continued presence of COVID-19 force them to postpone summer vacations?

Uxbridge mom of two Emily Fortna planned her family’s vacations long before the

16 JUNE2020

coronavirus was a concern— one to Costa Rica and another with extended family on an Alaskan cruise, both of which may have to be postponed.

“While we haven't actually canceled our vacations for this summer, we have been preparing our kids for a much quieter summer than originally planned,” she said.

Canceled vacation plans aren’t the only change we may experience. Kids are already wondering if beaches, parks, and campgrounds will be open.

Will they be able to congregate for neighborhood playdates?

What will become of the summer tradition of the multifamily outdoor barbecue?

As we cautiously resume

the rhythms of daily life, at least one outdoor activity has remained open and accessible—hiking. Whether you enjoy scaling a peak or strolling a wide-open path, getting outside and into the woods is a pastime that has grown in popularity in recent months. Research reveals many health benefits of spending time in the woods.

According to the U.S. Forest Service, “exposure to forests strengthens our immune system, reduces blood pressure, increases energy, boosts our mood and helps us regain and maintain our focus in ways that treeless environments just don’t.” It’s no wonder more families are seeking treescapes to enjoy these days.

Throughout Massachusetts’ stay-at-home advisory, state parks remained open. Yet the significant increase in visitors to state parks at times made social distancing difficult and even forced state police to close them during peak hours when they reach capacity.

“We tried going on a few trails early on but were uncomfortable with how busy they were and people not adhering to good social distancing, so we have mostly been walking and biking in our neighborhood,” said Fortna.

Many parents have reported similar situations. Determined to stay active and make the

occasional escape from home, families are on the hunt for “off-the-beaten-path” trails that may be less populated and easier to navigate.

Choosing a trail Recently, friends introduced us to a new hiking app that’s perfect for hunting down lesser known trails. The AllTrails hiking app designed for IOS and Android devices allows users to search for hiking trails utilizing multiple browsing categories such as top trails nearby, best views, and trail suitability for dogs, kids, and even strollers. Users can also search for trails by skill level and outdoor activity such as mountain biking or hiking. Once a hike is selected, the app offers a summary of the trail including average foot traffic and difficulty of the terrain, and provides directions to trail parking areas. An optional mapping feature tracks movement on the trail so hikers know if they’re still on course. Even if the GPS signal is lost while in the woods, downloaded maps in the app can still track hikers’ movement.

Another great website, Atlas Obscura, claims to be “the definitive guide to the world’s hidden wonders.” It can be used to locate often overlooked sites in an area.

We discovered the Holy Hill of Zion trail when we searched for Bancroft Castle. Hiking

the two together created the perfect afternoon in the woods for our family. Atlas Obscura’s “Know Before You Go” section offers information about where to park and how to locate a tucked-away site or trail head.

When choosing a trail, our family’s first rule of thumb is that there has to be something for everyone. While four of us would love a challenging hike to a breathtaking view, our littlest guy still fatigues quickly.

We’ve learned to choose trails he can easily manage.

A well-marked trail is also a plus, since we don’t have to worry about all keeping the same pace. The big kids can hike ahead while the little ones navigate at a comfortable pace with a parent.

The easier the trail, however, the greater the likelihood that older kids will get bored, so a trail with the promise of something to see is a must.

Many trails in the Bay State are also historical sites. The short hike up to Bancroft Castle in Groton or the longer trails that surround Quabbin Reservoir, for example, offer interesting historical sites that give a sense of destination when the hike doesn’t lead to a stunning view.

The panorama from Bancroft castle doesn’t offer high peaks, but it does reveal the remains of an early 20th century summer cottage and a beautiful view of rolling hills, antique farms, and Lawrence Academy in Groton. Once privately owned, the property is now open to the public.

The 7.2-mile Dana Common Trail near Quabbin Reservoir is wide, perfect for mountain biking or hiking. The destination? Well-preserved foundations of the original town center that was moved to make way for the construction of Boston’s water supply.

Many hikes offer multiple loops; we always enjoy a trail that has the possibility of picking up or connecting to a longer loop. When we reach the cut off for a new trail we can decide to keep going or head back to the car, depending on how everyone is feeling. From the ruins of Dana town center, bikers and hikers can continue past the common for beautiful views of the reservoir. Shaker Hill offers a short hike to the historical gathering place of the Harvard Shaker community.

But hikers with a little more energy can also hike down the opposite side of the hill and pick up a loop that winds through a field and follows a picturesque lane. Walking beside the stone perimeter wall, we could imagine Shaker famers using the well-worn path to check on their fields or to visit a neighboring farm.

A quick drive through the area afterwards also offers additional historical sites from the Shakers, such as the infamous “lollipop” graveyard.

Keeping kids engaged On longer hikes, playing games along the way helps our littlest one avoid boredom that leads to complaining.

Bringing a small football to toss back and forth as we walk and playing variations of I Spy are simple activities our son enjoys.

For kids interested in nature and wildlife, packing a nature book, such as the “Smithsonian Handbooks Series Birds of New England” allows them to look up the names of the different types of wildlife they discover.

Younger kids may enjoy a simple scavenger hunt attached to a small clipboard that allows them to check off their finds as they walk.

Our girls, 13 and 11, enjoy hiking with digital cameras.

They “collect” images as they hike and share their photographs with us later on.

Games like these help kids to slow down, pay attention, and observe what’s around them, nurturing their natural curiosity and wonder.

With all the fresh air and exercise, it’s likely little trailblazers will get hungry.

Packing snacks and water for the trail is always a good idea.

Bear in mind, however, that the trails recommended here do not have restroom facilities and, as of this writing, even state park restrooms are closed to the public. With short hikes, we hydrate before leaving home and keep our water bottles in the car for when we return.

Be flexible Though not necessary, it can be less stressful to hike during off-peak hours.

One weekend we opted to skip hiking on the first warm, sunny day we’d had in a while, and instead hit the trails the following day, when

the forecast called for clouds and cool temperatures; we encountered only a few people that afternoon.

Finally, remember that not every hike is a win. Northbridge mom of two Mandy Priore says her family had to leave a local state park earlier than planned, when the trail became too crowded with visitors. “It wasn’t enjoyable anymore,” she said.

Nearby Rhode Island mom Elisabeth Goodson took up hiking with her family of five last spring. “We learned the hard way to start small with our hikes and not try to conquer a mountain all in one day, but to build up to it.” Last summer she and her family made the trip to Acadia National Park’s Cadillac Mountain, and she and her husband set a goal of hiking New Hampshire’s Mount Washington together. But with COVID-19 making summer plans uncertain, they anticipate they’ll stay closer to home this year. “The plan is to keep it low-key and do great things in our area.”

With an open mind and some fail-safe strategies, family hiking in this time of social distancing can prove to be healthy, relaxing, and fun. Happy Trails!

Family-friendly trails in the Bay State All trails are labeled ‘easy’ in the AllTrails app n Bancroft Castle, Groton (listed on atlasobscura.com) n Bish Bash Falls Trail, Mt. Washington, MA (2.1 miles; listed on AllTrails) n Dana Commons, Gate 40 on Hardwick Rd., Petersham (7.2 miles hike or mountain bike; listed on AllTrails) n Gooseberry Neck, part of Horseneck Beach State Reservation in Westport (1.7 miles; listed on AllTrails) n Hassanamesit Woods Trail, Grafton (2.8 miles (or take a shorter cutoff); listed on AllTrails) n Holy Hill of Zion, Harvard (listed on atlastobscura. com) n John Wing Trail, Cape Cod Museum of Natural History near South Dennis (2.2 miles; listed on AllTrails) n Tri-State Marker, Douglas (Douglas State Forest—5.4 miles, or pick up a shorter hike to the marker in Thompson, CT—part of Airline State Park, also site of the Great East Thompson Train Wreck, (1.7miles); listed on AllTrails)

BAYSTATEPARENT 17

Homespun

Fun

Make Your Own

‘Tiny Dino World’

Directions

DIY Forest Floor Terrarium Have a dinosaur lover? Instead of storing all their prehistoric friends in a toy box, your little one can make a real-world living home for them with this easy terrarium. Take a trip to the backyard to see what you can find to complete the project - stones, sticks, moss or pinecones make great additions.

This Forest Floor Terrarium is featured “Tiny Dino Worlds,” a new do-it-yourself book that shows dinosaur lovers of all ages how to make prehistoric habitats with real plants.

YOU’LL NEED • 1 container (glass, hard plastic, ceramic, or wood with a liner)

• Coprolites (Dino Poop) (see page 61 for activity)

• Pea gravel, aquarium gravel, or small pebbles

• Toy dinosaur(s), miniature size (plus a regular size for the “mother,” optional)

• Potting soil • 3 to 5 miniature evergreen plants • Decorations of your choice: sticks or small branches, tiny pebbles for eggs, pine cones, rocks, moss, blue glass beads, feathers, leaves 18 JUNE2020

TIP: This forest terrarium needs abundant sunshine. Aim to water about once a week, when the soil is dry to the touch.

Watch carefully, and in a few months you’ll notice your miniature forest has grown taller.

1

If possible, wash your container with soap and hot water before starting. If you can’t wash it, then wipe it clean with a rag.

Cover the bottom of the container with a ½-inch layer of pebbles or gravel and a thin layer of potting soil.

Pop your plants out of their plastic liners and arrange them in the container. Pour soil around the roots, pushing down gently with your fingers to hold the plants in place. Add more soil until the soil level reaches the base of the plants.

2

3

There’s more to a forest than trees. What about some fallen logs, a stream or pond made out of blue glass beads, or a cave shaped from rocks and moss? Look around your terrarium. If you were a dinosaur, where would you build the safest, coziest nest? What materials would you use? Have fun building a cozy nest with feathers, moss, or leaves. And don’t forget the coprolites!

Set your dinosaur toys into the habitat you’ve created and act out a scene. If you’d like to include a Maiasaura mother and baby, include both a regular-sized dinosaur toy and a miniature one.

4

Plant Picks The earliest known conifers appeared around 300 million years ago, before the Triassic Period began.

Conifers are gymnosperms, which means they have cones. Conifer trees still live today. While the earliest conifers looked different from modern ones, they were the ancestors of the pine, spruce, fir, and other evergreen trees you see in the forest today.

Check out the terrarium or bonsai section of a wellstocked nursery and you’ll find lots of wonderful plants that look like tiny conifer trees. Compact fernspray cypress (Chamaecyparis obtusa ‘Filicoides Compacta’), miniature common spruce (Juniperus communis ‘Miniature’), and dwarf Atlantic white cedar (Chamaecyparis thyoides ‘Top Point’) are all fun choices.

Miniature lemon cypress (Cupressus macrocarpa ‘Goldcrest’) is special. Rub the leaves gently between your fingers and you’ll breathe in a delicious lemon scent.

From Tiny Dino Worlds by Christine Bayles Kortsch © 2020 Christine Bayles Kortsch. Reprinted in arrangement with Roost Books, an imprint of Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.

Toy Talk Top Toy: Maiasaura Substitute: Iguanodon, helmet-crested Corythosaurus, Parasaurolophus, or Hypacrosaurus BAYSTATEPARENT 19

cyber savvy mom

Managing family tech time during an uncertain summer Many of us will continue to spend lots of time at home during school break. How can families ensure it doesn’t turn into a round-the-clock binge of gaming and online videos?

I

hear you out there, weary moms and dads.

By now you are wrapping up several long months of trying to manage home schooling and remote learning arrangements, and summer is supposed to be your break. But in no ordinary time, will it be?

Most of us have already loosened a lot of restrictions on time limits for device and

20 JUNE2020

BY JOAN GOODCHILD, CYBER SAVVY MOM electronics use after our kids’ typical outside activities and sports were cancelled this spring. There is only so much time busy parents, who have work requirements and homeschooling to manage, are able to dedicate to play, board games or getting outside for walks with kids. One small comfort we had to hold on to was that most kids were at least still busy for a portion of

the day with school.

Now, as we move on from school distance learning programs and video classroom time into the end of school, that means finding new ways to fill time in a healthy way.

Summer is likely to still hold a lot of uncertainties around how much freedom we have to travel and gather in groups.

That means many of the traditional summer activities

kids know and rely on for fun may be off the table. In many homes, the tiring dance of getting work done and keeping kids occupied will continue.

Laura Graves, professor of management in Clark University’s School of Management, researches work motivation and worklife integration. She advises families to start summer by identifying priorities for the

coming months in lieu of the usual summer schedule.

“Often summer is a time when families want to offer kids development opportunities,” said Graves.

“They want to send them to camps and other activities and those may not happen.

Parents may need to revisit expectations and realize this summer may not be perfect, and they may not be able to

provide as many enrichment opportunities.”

But you can provide an atmosphere that allows children to thrive and for parents to maintain sanity too, said Graves.

Many school districts will likely have remote learning and enrichment courses that students may be interested in and can give some structure to the day. Some camps may even be held virtually if regular sessions are unable to meet.

And, of course, there are the old-fashion activities we grew up with, like simply spending a day playing in the backyard.

Whatever your kids do, it is important for parents not to put too much pressure on themselves to provide the perfect summer.

“I know many parents are feeling overwhelmed with having kids at home,” said Graves. “There needs to be adult members of the household who work together and negotiate with their partner.

There needs to be a whole family conversation about how you're going to work together and about who is going to do what.”

Graves recommends prioritizing family fun time, even if it seems tough with work looming. And don’t stress too much over how much screen time your kids are getting, because there can be lots of enriching ways to take advantage of technology for traditional summer fun. It just might look a little different.

“Think of games your family can play over Zoom with other families; like Charades or Trivial Pursuit. You may need the tech to connect but you aren’t relying on tech to have fun.

As long as the game you are playing isn’t a video game, it is a meaningful activity for the family.”

In a recent New York Times column, Catherine Price, the founder of Screen/Life Balance, and the author of “How to Break Up With Your Phone” makes several recommendations about thoughtful use of screens.

Among her suggestions: recognize that just as there are different types of food, there are different types of screen time.

Some are better for you than others. For example, reading an e-book is very different from scrolling through social media.

“For kids, watching cartoons will feel different from participating in an interactive music class or live story time,” she writes. “There aren’t any absolute right or wrong uses of screens. The point is to start thinking of your screen time in categories, rather than as one big lump, so that you can determine what blend feels right for you and your family.”

This summer might be very different than any we have known previously, and if staying at home continues to be necessary, your kids may find themselves turning to devices more often than you would prefer. But introduce them to educational and enriching opportunities that can keep them engaged for a portion of that time each day, even if it is through a screen.

As Price recommends, think about technology time in three buckets -- consumption, creation and connection. Ask your family to consider being mindful about dividing up time each day in each so that it’s not all spent scrolling through TikTok videos.

Instead, can your pre-teen spend some time watching a craft video and creating a project? Can your younger ones switch from video gaming to online games that help them practice math facts? Can your teenager be persuaded to swap YouTube for an interesting documentary in the TV room with you? These are all ways to continue to live safely within the confines of home without nonstop mindless consumption of media all day.

As the weather warms up, and summer arrives, give yourself permission to relax along with your kids. Recognize that electronics, for better and for worse, will continue to be part of life, but don’t beat yourself up about it if your family is turning to them a bit more these days. And, most importantly, enjoy that weather we New Englanders wait all year to bask in. Put the phones down and head outdoors whenever time allows.

Do you have a question or a story suggestion for Cyber Savvy Mom? Contact me at joangoodchild@cybersavvymedia. com.

BAYSTATEPARENT 21

Interactive

‘Birthday Show’

gives daily shout outs to kids celebrating at home

I

magine turning six and having your birthday party cancelled.

Quarantined birthdays have been one of the biggest disappointments for kids in the era of coronavirus.

But a new interactive online show is celebrating the birthdays of kids around the world every day. The Birthday Show, by Hellosaurus and hosted by Grammy-winning children’s musician Tim Kubart, gives kids 3 to 8 a way not just to celebrate their birthday, but also to participate in free virtual parties.

The Birthday Show has interactive moments throughout each episode, so kids at home can play classic party games like piñata and treasure hunt, blow out candles, “eat” the cake, and unwrap a present, all on a touchscreen phone, tablet, or computer.

Each episode features a “Who’s That?” segment with a performance or how-to from a guest star — musicians, breakdancers, puppeteers, inventors, comedians — and shoutouts to real kids celebrating their birthdays. Children can also participate by creating a video present for The Birthday Show featuring their creative skills like choreography, poetry, or crafting, and it might end up in the show’s “Present-ation” segment. Parents can request a "shoutout" and help their kids "Share a Present.”

Everyone is invited to join the party, available anytime and streaming every day live at 12 p.m. at thebirthday.show.

A GOOD PARTY IS ALWAYS IN SEASON! Reach more than 80,000 readers each month with baystateparent’s Party Pages!

Contact Kathy Puffer to book your Party Page ad today!

Call 508-737-5653 or email kpuffer@ gatehousemedia.com 22 JUNE2020

finally

forever

ask an expert

Q A

:How much information about a child’s biological family and/ or the reasons why they were removed from their home am I entitled to know before a child is placed in our home?

: When DCF or a contracted adoption agency finds a child who may be a good fit for your family, a disclosing meeting is set up to provide you with more details about the child. This can include: full medical history, living situation, and family connections. In some cases, you may have a chance to meet with teachers, foster parents, or other professionals who have a relationship with the child.

-Ricardo L. Frano, a Family Support Services Coordinator at MARE Inc.

June’s Child: Meet Danielle Hi, my name is Danielle and I am really easy going!

Danielle is a bright teenage girl of Caucasian descent.

She has many strengths that shine through, but some of Danielle’s best qualities are her manners, her friendliness, and the fact that she can see the best in everyone.

Danielle, 16, enjoys reading, participating in Girl Scouts and doing arts and crafts projects. She loves horses and hopes to have a career working with animals one day. Danielle likes attending school, and looks forward to learning new things. She does well advocating for herself when she needs to.

Danielle would thrive in an experienced family who will allow her to build a relationship and develop trust at her own pace. Danielle is legally freed for adoption and has two siblings she will need to

maintain contact with once she is placed.

Can you provide the guidance, love and stability that a child needs? If you’re at least 18 years old, have a stable source of income, and room in your heart, you may be a perfect match to adopt a waiting child. Adoptive parents can be single, married, or partnered; experienced or not; renters or homeowners; LGBTQ singles and couples.

The process to adopt a child from foster care requires training, interviews, and home visits to determine if adoption is right for you, and if so, to help connect you with a child or sibling group that your family will be a good match for.

To learn more about adoption from foster care, call the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) at 617-6273 or visit www.mareinc.org.

Nate Richards photo

Canceled plans and missed milestones How to help your kids cope

BY KELLY-JANE COTTER Canceled.

Broadway. Pro sports. Museums. Courts.

Campus life...

And, for our children, so much more has been canceled. Everything from field trips, school plays, concerts and recitals, to sports seasons, proms and graduations.

That's what may be weighing on kids as they face "remote learning" without being able to participate in their activities or see their friends.

Coronavirus has canceled all the fun.

In the grand scheme of things, we can say this is not a big deal. The coronavirus must be contained so lives are saved and the economy doesn't crumble. If social distancing means Jake and Emma don't get to have an 8th grade class night, then so be it.

We have to be serious about this.

Children are different Except that these are kids, and it's hard to look into those big eyes and see their disappointment or fear, no matter what their age.

"Make sure to give your children the freedom to be disappointed and angry," said Adam Saenz, a psychologist, therapist, author and speaker based in Dallas, Texas. "Don't tell them, 'It's not the end of the world, there are children starving, yada, yada.' Be in that emotion with them, let them explore their feelings, and validate them. Let them know it's OK to feel that way."

And if you're the one who has to break the news, as most likely will happen if you have young children, then your approach as messenger is key.

"You don't want to catastrophize or minimize," Saenz said.

"And when your child gets angry or disappointed about it," he said, "you say, 'I don't blame you' and you let them express themselves."

Don’t be surprised if their reaction is

intense, says counselor Leigh Richardson.

"Some are hitting the panic mode, some are angry," Richardson said. "Parents have to keep in mind that your brain is not fully developed until your mid-20s, so kids are making decisions and reacting to things based on emotion. Teens and young adults might even be more anxious about it than younger kids, because they have the life experience to refer to."

Acknowledge that cancellations of trips, traditions and birthday parties are a big deal for your kids, Richardson advises.

"As parents,'" she said, "we need to say, 'I know you're very disappointed and frustrated and I know how hard you've worked on this.'"

Once your kids have processed the news and have vented their frustration, experts say you should then help guide them toward acceptance of what they can't control.

"Having a mantra, like 'This too shall pass,' can help, especially if you verbalize it enough," Richardson said. "FDR's 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' Keep those things in mind, and model your behavior for your kids."

A bright side to the everyday disruptions from coronavirus safety measures is that our kids are bulking up their resiliency and developing grit.

"You tell them, 'I love you, and I don't blame you for feeling this way, but I need to tell you that this is a curveball, and life is going to throw a lot of them,' " Saenz said. "Your response to curveballs is the only thing you can control."

Perspective is crucial, and can help children understand that everyone is making sacrifices for the sake of the community.

"When the World Health Organization declares a pandemic, it puts a different perspective on it," Richardson said.

"Suddenly, there's a problem we all have to be aware of. We have to remember that when it gets to be an epidemic, it's not about me."

BAYSTATEPARENT 23

24 JUNE2020