Finally Forever

ask an expert

A: When DCF or a contracted adoption agency finds a child who may be a good fit for your family, a disclosing meeting is set up to provide you with more details about the child. This can include: full medical history, living situation, and family connections. In some cases, you may have a chance to meet with teachers, foster parents, or other professionals who have a relationship with the child. -Ricardo L. Frano, a Family Support Services Coordinator at MARE Inc.

Hi, my name is Danielle and I am really easy going!

Danielle is a bright teenage girl of Caucasian descent. She has many strengths that shine through, but some of Danielle’s best qualities are her manners, her friendliness, and the fact that she can see the best in everyone. Danielle, 16, enjoys reading, participating in Girl Scouts and doing arts and crafts projects. She loves horses and hopes to have a career working with animals one day. Danielle likes attending school, and looks forward to learning new things. She does well advocating for herself when she needs to.

Danielle would thrive in an experienced family who will allow her to build a relationship and develop trust at her own pace. Danielle is legally freed for adoption and has two siblings she will need to

maintain contact with once she is placed.

Can you provide the guidance, love and stability that a child needs? If you’re at least 18 years old, have a stable source of income, and room in your heart, you may be a perfect match to adopt a waiting child. Adoptive parents can be single, married, or partnered; experienced or not; renters or homeowners;

LGBTQ singles and couples. The process to adopt a child from foster care requires training, interviews, and home visits to determine if adoption is right for you, and if so, to help connect you with a child or sibling group that your family will be a good match for.

To learn more about adoption from foster care, call the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) at 617-6273 or visit www.mareinc.org. Nate Richards photo

BY KELLY-JANE COTTER Canceled.

Broadway. Pro sports. Museums. Courts. Campus life...

And, for our children, so much more has been canceled. Everything from field trips, school plays, concerts and recitals, to sports seasons, proms and graduations.

That's what may be weighing on kids as they face "remote learning" without being able to participate in their activities or see their friends.

Coronav irus has canceled all the fun.

In the grand scheme of things, we can say this is not a big deal. The coronavirus must be contained so lives are saved and the economy doesn't crumble. If social distancing means Jake and Emma don't get to have an 8th grade class night, then so be it.

We have to be serious about this. Children are different

Except that these are kids, and it's hard to look into those big eyes and see their disappointment or fear, no matter what their age. "Make sure to give your children the freedom to be disappointed and angry," said Adam Saenz, a psychologist, therapist, author and speaker based in Dallas, Texas. "Don't tell them, 'It's not the end of the world, there are children starving, yada, yada.' Be in that emotion with them, let them explore their feelings, and validate them. Let them know it's OK to feel that way."

And if you're the one who has to break the news, as most likely will happen if you have young children, then your approach as messenger is key. "You don't want to catastrophize or minimize," Saenz said. "And when your child gets angry or disappointed about it," he said, "you say, 'I don't blame you' and you let them express themselves."

Don’t be surprised if their reaction is

intense, says counselor Leigh Richardson. "Some are hitting the panic mode, some are angry," Richardson said. "Parents have to keep in mind that your brain is not fully developed until your mid-20s, so kids are making decisions and reacting to things based on emotion. Teens and young adults might even be more anxious about it than younger kids, because they have the life experience to refer to."

Acknowledge that cancellations of trips, traditions and birthday parties are a big deal for your kids, Richardson advises. "As parents,'" she said, "we need to say, 'I know you're very disappointed and frustrated and I know how hard you've worked on this.'"

Once your kids have processed the news and have vented their frustration, experts say you should then help guide them toward acceptance of what they can't control. "Having a mantra, like 'This too shall pass,' can help, especially if you verbalize it enough," Richardson said. "FDR's 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' Keep those things in mind, and model your behavior for your kids."

A bright side to the everyday disruptions from coronavirus safety measures is that our kids are bulking up their resiliency and developing grit. "You tell them, 'I love you, and I don't blame you for feeling this way, but I need to tell you that this is a curveball, and life is going to throw a lot of them,' " Saenz said. "Your response to curveballs is the only thing you can control."

Perspective is crucial, and can help children understand that everyone is making sacrifices for the sake of the community. "When the World Health Organization declares a pandemic, it puts a different perspective on it," Richardson said. "Suddenly, there's a problem we all have to be aware of. We have to remember that when it gets to be an epidemic, it's not about me."