Romance
THE BEST OF THE WORST
MOVIES
by Dakota Parks
Maybe you’re alone on Valentine’s Day this year or maybe you want to get together with the guys, gals and nonbinary pals to pretend it’s still possible to find love bumping into an attractive, albeit, facemask covered human at a coffee shop—not swiping aimlessly left and right on stranger’s selfies and photos of their dogs. If romance movies were truly accurate, 50 First Dates would be about self-induced amnesia to forget terrible Tinder dates and Must Love Dogs would be its own dating app entirely devoid of people still convinced that you can actually domesticate cats. Nonetheless, it’s the month of clearance chocolates at Publix and romance movies, so buckle up or cuddle up to your significant other and enjoy some cult classics and contemporary romance movies with questionable plotlines.
Pretty Woman
(1990) AMAZON PRIME If you don’t think a rich busi-
nessman falling in love with a prostitute and showering her with money, etiquette lessons and high-end shopping sprees is romantic, then you’re not the only one confused by this SugarBabies.com plotline. After 2020, I think we could all use a Richard Gere in our lives—maybe just his credit card and not the jealousy, possessiveness and toxic tropes that embody his character. Julia Roberts as Vivian shopping and singing Prince in the bubble bath is a mood though.
Titanic
(1997) HULU Ahh, a classic love story where
a poor artist saves a rich heiress and reinforces that class relations should go down with the ship. Sorry, no plot spoilers here, but Jack sets a high precedent for chivalry—painting you like one of his French girls and offering to do more than just hold a door for Rose. Cue every mathematician that tried to determine that door was big enough for two people. 18 | DOWNTOWNCROWD.COM
Never Been Kissed (1999) HULU
Sure, the main plot here might be Drew Barrymore trying to get her first kiss as a grown adult working as an undercover reporter, but let’s talk about going undercover as a teenager and catching feelings for the male English teacher at school. Yikes. That Ferris wheel scene gives off some uncomfy To Catch A Predator vibes.
The Notebook (2004) HULU
It might be the origin of your favorite meme asking your girlfriend what she wants to eat, but The Notebook remains one of the most popular Nicholas Sparks’ romances. When another wealthy heiress (seriously though, where do these rich women keep coming from), Allie falls in love with a poor lumber mill worker, Noah, the two fill an entire notebook with their drama and seem to make a habit into making out in the rain, or something like that.
The Vow (2012) HULU
What’s with romance movies and amnesia? You would think the last thing on someone’s mind after waking up from a coma is how to get the groove back on in the romance department. Apparently a voicemail is compelling enough for Paige to go home with a stranger from the hospital after completely losing her memory in a car accident. But her husband is dedicated to helping her get her memory back, one awkward surprise party at a time.
