Debate Issue 10 by Debate Magazine

debate Issue 10 | MAY 2014

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EDITORIAL Hello, Hoorah! debate has reached double digits! Look at us all grown up! To celebrate, we decided to bring you a ‘10’ themed issue. For better or for worse, just about everything in this issue relates to the number 10 somehow. How clever is that? Not very? You’re right. But we had fun. Okay, I’m lying, it was a stressful week and never again will I endeavour to have a number themed issue… Hope you enjoy it! It was 10 years ago that I discovered Pearl Jam’s debut album Ten. Prior to that friggin’ fantastic moment, I had been listening pretty much exclusively to the classics of yesteryear; Michael Jackson, The Clash, KISS and Guns N’ Roses. In my angst, I may have even dabbled in Sum 41, Dashboard Confessional, Nickelback and Taking Back Sunday, but I’ll save that for therapy. I still sometimes enjoy these artists today in a nostalgic sense, but nothing shook me to my core (and stuck with me like a clingy sloth) more than my first listen to Pearl Jam. For me, Ten was that record which I think everybody experiences at least once in their lives, a new sound that floors you like a wave, changing your tastes completely. An album that becomes your bestie, speaks to you in ways music has never previously managed. It sounds romanticised and cliché but I’m hoping a handful of you readers have related thus far and have an album in mind that rocked your boats too, whether it was Dark Side of the Moon or Panic! at the Disco’s debut. I first heard Pearl Jam at my cousin’s place. The

song was Release, the final track of the album I would come to adore (but I didn’t know that yet). I decided in those moments that I wouldn’t sleep easy until I owned my very own copy of that sound. Having forgotten the name of the track but remembering the band, I headed up to the plaza with my guitar over the weekend, earned a few coins busking in the carpark and hit up the Warehouse. I found Ten quick enough – its striking purple cover leapt out at me - and I paid for it with a handful of silver. I remember my first listen through very clearly, laying on the couch in the afternoon sun, eyes closed, CD Walkman purring on my lap. I wasn’t sure if Release was on that album or not (as my memory is, and forever has been, not my best feature) but I was listening with butterflies of anticipation anyway. By the end of the third track Alive, I knew I had found something spectacular. With the fold out liner notes spread out before me (as her body once did #lolpearljamjokelol), I read the handwritten lyrics along with the music, absolutely tripping balls at the power and rage in Eddie Vedder’s vocals. In his distinctive baritone, he growls his way through 11 tracks, spine-tinglingly ticked off and focused. But it wasn’t just that, Eddie had things to say, he had stories and scars. In the raw breakup ballad Black, he dips his pen in blood and bares his vulnerability over a haunting piano melody and Mike McCready’s wailing guitar. In Jeremy, he captures the true story of an unstable teen, bullied to the point of classroom suicide - “Jeremy spoke in class today,” sings Eddie. I remember hearing the final track Release rise from the ashes of the previous track’s distortion and I had that beautiful feeling of finally finding that song you’ve been searching for. Ten years

later, the song still reduces my stomach to a soggy mess. The lyrics are absent from the liner notes, apparently as tribute to the fact they were never written down. Eddie had some feels all up in him, he took to the mike, he let loose, and one of the most powerful, compelling songs that I know came out of him. What a bloody champ. If only I should be so lucky in my songwriting. Throughout college and beyond, I was the biggest Pearl Jam fan under the sun. I knew every song, as well as the stories behind them, I preached to anybody that would listen and I took solace in their music in those turbulent teenage years. In year 13, they finally announced a tour down under. Pre-sale tickets came on sale on my 18th birthday and Mum, bless her soul, let me stay home to buy them before driving me into school - she even wrote me a note. I had a sick day a few weeks later and I was mooching on the couch when the courier came banging on the door. I signed for the parcel and decided, while I was up, to check the mail. Another parcel, for little old me. One contained the tickets, the other a Pearl Jam DVD I had ordered online a few days previously. I’d like to say I didn’t sit on the couch, tickets clutched in hand, TV full volume and happy tears welling in my eyes, but that, dear readers, would be a lie. Over the years, other bands have come along and pushed Pearl Jam aside, however, unlike many other artists I grew out of completely (cough *Nickelback* cough), I still rock the Pearl Jam like nobody’s business when the mood strikes. If you’ve never given it a listen, why not give it a crack in the spirit of celebration for debate’s 10th issue? You know you want to. Have a great week, Matthew 5

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10 SIGNS YOU HAVE AN UNFAITHFUL PUSSY By Amelia Petrovich You are a special and valuable person. You have been putting up with far too much for far too long. You don’t deserve this deception, these lies from the one you used to trust the most. It’s time for you to reclaim your self-respect and call them out before they break your fragile heart. Here are ten signs that your cat may be cheating on you or at the very least seriously considering flirtations with the neighbours to spice things up a bit. The heartless wench. 1) They’ve stopped sleeping on your bed The first few times you didn’t click, probably because you were asleep. But as time wore on your feet started to get colder, your room more silent with the lack of contented purring… could it be that your cuddle buddy is wanting more? 2) They appear unfeeling and sinister Like, more than usual. 3) They pay more attention to your guests than they do to you You don’t see your feline friend all day and then as soon as your best mate Stephen comes over she’s all over him like mosquito bites in summer. You smile through the hurt but somewhere deep inside you ask yourself ‘why doesn’t she headbutt me like that anymore?’ 4) They no longer show up for mealtimes Well think about it this way, you pretty much only show up for mealtimes so if your affection-craving kitty can’t even muster up enthusiasm for Whiskers chicken & lamb casserole they must have something pretty exciting going on somewhere else.

That’s correct, your cat has more of a social life than you do right now… Either that or they’ve come into a bit of money and can afford to eat out some nights. But even so, they’ve not invited you have they? So you’re still essentially forgotten and alone. 5) You have at least one time during the course of your relationship dressed up as a ‘sexy cat’ for Halloween This is definitely more your fault than theirs but its time you grew up and realized that inter-species friendship is a doublepronged thing. Quite frankly I just can’t see any self-respecting family pet sticking around and tolerating that level of degradation. 6) The ‘tail flick’ You know the one. You spy your fluffy friend across the hallway and call to them in your loudest baby voice, arms outstretched. They take one look at you, flick their tail and then saunter the heck out of there like the queen of Sass Island. You feel like Cady Heron in Mean Girls, this is so not fair. 7) They smell like someone else’s house Houses always smell like food and cats always smell like houses. Your cat smells like vegetarian paella. You can’t even pronounce the word ‘paella’. It occurs to you that your cat may already be seeing more exciting people or, at the very least, people with slightly more appreciation for traditional Spanish cuisine.

people-hating devil’s advocates even, but never is a cat merely ‘lovely’. You can guarantee your pet is turning on the charm and trying to win over the family next door and they are buying it- that smooth-talking, sneaky lil’ heartbreaker. 9) No more presents You’ve started miss the freshly delivered bird cadavers that lay strewn across your living room floor once upon a time. It was a symbol of acceptance and devotion, no matter how disgusting and mildly disturbing it often was for everyone involved… And that quite possibly could be the weirdest thing you’ve ever admitted to yourself. 10) You see your cat with another person You’ve tried to ignore all the signals for so long. It can’t be true, it wouldn’t be true. But then comes the fateful day that you’re walking up along your street from the bus stop and you spy your beloved fur baby in the arms of another person. It’s your neighbour, and not even the nice one who you borrow baking items off sometimes, but that awkward old guy who once complained about your speakers being too loud. You’d think they’d at least have the decency to choose someone who isn’t a total jerk but cats are unfathomable like that. You don’t say a word to each other, nothing at all, but you see that apologetic yet defiant look in their eyes. A look that says “I’m sorry… But you had it coming” and you know in your heart that it’s over. You should have got a friggin’ dog instead.

8) The neighbours begin to comment on “what a lovely cat you have” No cat is lovely. Cats may be pretty, intelligent, conniving, sinister, sarcastic,

Feature ARts

ten FEATURE ARTS

To celebrate our TENTH issue, we asked five different artists to feature two pieces of their work.

Bethan Powell | https://www.facebook.com/bethanpowellart

Dana Franklin | http://www.dana-franklin.tumblr.com/

Amber Khoo | https://www.flickr.com/photos/firelyamber/

Che Crawford | http://fattybunny-che.blogspot.co.nz/ Jun Arita | facebook.com/pages/Japanese-Pop-Artist-Jun-Arita/

TEN TRAVEL TIPS FROM TOM HANKS By Alex Casey It’s getting close to that time of year where people start spewing their travel plans all over Facebook. And soon they will be spewing all their travel photos everywhere on hashtag semester break. Which is great, and I want to be sure that everyone has a safe and fun time. But as someone who has no real-world knowledge about anything, I’m back to movie world. To assist me in imparting some sage travel advice, I have enlisted the help of my buddy Tom Hanks, who has done a lot of decent travelling in his movies. Here is the top ten list of Tommy’s Tips:

1) Safety First When you are inevitably buzzing through Thailand on your tiny little motorcycle, remember to wear leathers and helmets. Tom Hanks decides to ‘cool himself up’ a bit in the 2011 film Larry Crowne, so he goes out and buys a moped. And guess what? It works. Not because mopeds are fully sick as hell, but because he wears a protective leather jacket when he rides it. I don’t care how hot it is in Thailand, nothing is hotter than safety.

2) Stay in touch No matter how hard it is, try your hardest to stay in touch with the people that you love back home. Tom Hanks has provided various methods for this. Imagine your Mum’s face when she hears her Windows 98 mutter “You’ve Got Mail” in the dead of the night! Write a letter! Send a parcel! Don’t worry if it gets lost in the post when the FedEx plane probably explodes. Tom Hanks will do his darndest to deliver it, no matter how many years he’s been a castaway.

3) Unlock the Mysteries of Paris Everyone’s gotta have that “go to Paris to solve a grisly murder and weirdly grow your hair long” phase. Visit the Louvre, slick your long locks back and stand in front of the Mona Lisa whilst arbitrarily linking symbols in the room together. Maybe something cool will happen. Maybe having long hair is the ultimate Holy Grail. Maybe Tom Hanks was Jesus all along.

4) Get to Know Your Airports You don’t even need to fly anywhere to have a true traveller’s experience. Put on a vaguely racist Borat accent and chill the f out in an airport for a while. Tom Hanks never ever leaves The Terminal and there he finds friends, foes and love. Actually, I’m pretty sure that Auckland Airport closes at 10pm. Maybe you could fly to Wellington and then take up residence Gollum’s mouth. Very nice, my wife.

5) Don’t Go to Space Tom Hanks went to space in Apollo 13 so you don’t have to. He survived, but it seemed really hellish. Before boarding any aircraft, just politely ask a clerk “is this 100% not going to space?”. Instead of hurtling through space in the Odyssey command module, might I suggest the Odyssey Sensory Maze on Queen Street for a unique and equally cosmic experience.

6) Watch for Pirates/Parcels If you are travelling for work, and you happen to work for FedEx or Maersk Line, just be a little careful. Tom Hanks seems to have a very hard time shipping freight, with his container ship getting commandeered by pirates (the scary, real kind) and himself taken hostage in Captain Phillips. If this happens to you, appease the lead pirate with a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor and everything will be fine. I’m assuming here that him being a “non-actor” meant “actual pirate” but I could be wrong.

7) Get in Touch With The Landscape Why not jump into molten lava? In Joe vs The Volcano, Tom Hanks travels to a tiny Pacific Island named “Waponi Woo” after finding out he is going to die. He has a dealio to jump into a volcano as a sacrifice to keep the natives and the mining moguls happy. Far from dying, his heroic volcano-jump actually gets him the girl (obviously Meg Ryan) and saves his life. It drowns the entire island but, you know, swings and roundabouts. I suppose the tip here is: do all the dangerous things, all the time.

8) Enjoy a Lovely Train If Polar Express taught us anything, it’s that you should just bliss out this Christmas and catch the Overlander to Palmerston North. Preferably looking like a weird CGI sim.

9) Learn Some Survival Skills Castaway should be the in-flight safety video on every flight. Not Bear Grylls, not Sports Illustrated, just leathery old Tom showing you how to weave together a raft when the plane crashes. Other survival skills in Castaway include: burying Vince Martin from Beaurepaires skills, doing tally charts on rocks skills, volleyball communication skills.

10) Talk to Strangers Travelling in any place should always entail some form of public transport. Tom Hanks encourages getting to know your fellow travellers. Next time you are waiting for a bus with a stranger, just say hello. Especially if they are holding a box of chocolates. As a wise man once said, “you never know what you’re gonna get”. Hopefully they aren’t getting the same bus as you though because then you’ll have to awkwardly talk to them for the whole journey. And everyone else will listen. And what if they get off at the same stop as you?! And you have to keep talking forever?! Oh god, no, don’t do it.

I hope this helps some of you on your worldly ventures. If you haven’t got any travel plans as yet, you could always just pull a Tom Hanks in Catch Me If You Can. See the whole world with the added bonus of pursuing Leonardo DiCaprio. That’s my plan for 2k15 anyway. 11

ten memories By Luseane Tupouniua. Like every other student here at AUT I’ve had my fair share of memories (the good, the bad and the ugly). However, with graduation talk amongst peers and lecturers it has hit me that this will be the last semester I will ever walk around our campuses as an undergraduate. In tribute of my years here, I shall reveal to you my top 10 unforgettable memories of my time at AUT University! 10. TRUCK PROBLEMS. So in my first year I decided to do an assignment last minute (I still do this now) which resulted in me asking my dad, whom had just arrived from Gisborne, to drive me into town to hand in my assignment before the 5pm deadline. Feeling proud for handing it in on time, I walked out of WT feeling like a boss! My dad was waiting right outside WT in my brother’s truck and I hopped in excitedly only to hear my dad say “get out with the spanner under your seat and hit the car battery”. OMFG my balls dropped out of my pants and rolled on the floor with embarrassment. Out of all of the times to open a bonnet and smash a car battery, it happened when everyone was walking out of class. Humiliated but listening to my dad, I got out and did what I was told! Five smacks later, the truck started and everyone was laughing at the islander girl with the second-hand islander ride. NEVER AGAIN! 9. SLIPPERY JEANS. One time outside WT, I was waiting for my friends to come out of class. While watching the citizens of Auckland walk up and down the steep hill (note; it had been raining earlier that day), I noticed a figure waving in the distance. As the figure got closer, I realised it was my friend so I waved and made my way over to her. Just as I leaned in for a hug she slipped on some wet leaves hit the floor. Ever seen an islander skate with their body? No? Good, cause that shit is not fabulous! After laughing at her for a good minute I helped her up only to see her jeans had ripped from her inner thigh to the back. Her facials were priceless! Poor thing never wore tight skinny jeans again, well not in front of me anyway. 8. G-UNIT. One year my friends and I decided to join the Japanese festival and we came up with the idea to rap Notorious BIG’s Hypnotize in Japanese. The big day approached and we were rushing as usual. Pressed for time, I told everyone to dress in their costumes and come into town ASAP for a final run through. This is where shit went downhill. We got into town with gold chains and t-shirts big enough to cover three people, rocking grills, sneakers and snap backs, only to get lost and not find the place where the festival was held. Instead of rapping that day, we walked around UoA and Queen Street looking like mini T-Pain buskers trying to rob people. 7. FACE PLANTS.

If you’re a diehard WT student you may have seen this next memory happen millions of times too! When you’re outside with your smoker friends enjoying a chat, when everyone stops and stares at the good looking individual dressed to kill. Envious of how they can look so great at eight in the morning wearing six inch heels, you watch as they make their way up from the Zona dairy. Those who are more confident quickly realise the many eyes staring and start to walk as if they’re on a runway (watch out Tyra Banks), which is until… They miss a step and eat the concrete. The way they recover and still act as if half their makeup isn’t rubbed off, amazing! All I know is if that was to happen to me, I’d run inside and only come out when I camouflage with the darkness. 6. AIRY FRIENDS. One day my friends and I were chilling outside of the quad preparing for lunch. As everyone was trying find a seat the automatic doors to the gym opened and out came one of our friends. The way she walked, daaaaamn shortay, was hot off the runway - all eyes were on her. Anyhow, whilst showcasing her short jump suit and making her way over to us, we saw the two ladies she had passed mumble in horror. As she got closer the group burst in to laughter because her nuts were showcasing themselves too, (yes SHE is a HE, and no she did not give a damn). Acting as if what had happened was normal she made her way to the back and put the boys back in place, then joined us for lunch. From that day forward duct tape became her best friend! 5. BRUISED BABY. Now this memory I’m not too stoked about but every time I walk past Khartoum place on Lorne Street, I am reminded of what happened to my friend’s son. Like every other day, the bros and I just had a coffee, except this time we had a little visitor. Being the non-smoker, I opted to play with this child but after running for a bit I sat down on the seat with my back to him. Still playing, he would push my back, and I would pretend to fall forward while remaining seated. However, on the last push I decided to go the extra mile of acting and pretend he was strong enough to push me off. It turned out to be the wrong move, the kid fell forward and hit his head on the floor. The lump was as big as my lips (and they’re pretty huge). Not only was I scared for the kid, I was scared his mum was going to Kung Fu kick my ass skinny! Not the happiest times but definitely memorable now that I’m labelled ‘THE BABY DROPPER.’ 4. UNLOCKED TOILETS. As you may have recognised by now I love to hang out at WT, and if you have been inside WT you may have noticed the door with the sign ‘cleaner’ next to the stairs. Before it was made the cleaners closet, it was a toilet. One night my friends and I made our way down after a night of studying. Just as were about to walk out someone said “I’m busting”. As we were the only people on the ground floor, I pulled the door wide open while yelling “hey come here! This one is

free!” only to realise it was occupied by a woman trying to finish her business. How quickly that woman got up to close the door, should be recorded in Guinness world record books. One minute I’m yelling ‘this one is free’ and the next minute I’m getting laughed at for giving the woman a 10 second islander audience. 3. FARTS FOR WORDS. Another night, locked away in the tower trying to complete assignments, found myself and the bros taking another smoko break outside. Here is where one of our lecturers came out from a late night also. While in the midst of talking about our papers with the lecturer whom is a HOD, my friend tries to ask a serious question. Instead of her mouth doing the talking, her ass does it for her and lets one rip! It was so loud that no one could keep a straight face and our lecturer was the first to laugh. I felt so bad for my friend that I started to feel second hand embarrassment (after we finished mocking her of course). No one knows why her gas spoke when it did but I guess some things you just can’t control. 2. BIG GIRL PROBLEMS. One time I caught the elevator (which was already packed) and squashed in amongst everyone. As I placed one leg in, the beeping noise came on and I wanted to stab myself. For some reason though, the noise stopped and I hopped in. I get off on my level and walked into class. I was the only one there so I sat down but just as I got comfortable, the seat bent back and broke! Man did I feel sorry for that seat. I quickly replaced it and sat like a little big princess waiting for everyone to arrive. The elevator had warned me to cut back on the junk food but I didn’t listen and the consequence for having a butter chicken pie for breakfast is getting shitfaced on the floor because your ass is too heavy! I tried being healthy that day…Let’s just say that didn’t last very long. 1. CULTURAL EXPERIENCE. If you want to travel the world, just hop in an elevator at AUT and you’re guaranteed to meet someone from a different country every time. No one sticks to one particular group of ethnic friends, but if they do they have worked with others mixing opinions and cultures. The people (even the most opinionated) are approachable and willing to help when it’s needed. This is what I love about this place and it’ll be something I will remember forever. Though my University years haven’t been full of partying I would not have changed what I’ve experienced, witnessed and done for anything. I have had a great time, made the best memories, gained great friends, gained lots of weight too… smh... And forged good relationships with my lecturers. What more could a small town girl from Gisborne ask for? These years have been great!

Lovenotes and Hatemail

Want to whisper a sweet nothing in our ear? Or would you rather scream hateful somethings at us? Either way, email us at mcattin@aut.ac.nz., or drop your letter off to the AuSM office. We look forward to hearing your judgement of us!

Sup Kieran (and whoever else may be interested) Let’s play together sometime ;) Best regards, Moglas Atla, Moogle Engineer and Airship Commandeer. Moglas Atla, Of course, I embrace your enthusiasm and gun-ho attitude; it speaks to me. My only condition is that you bring your airship. No DND game is complete without an airship. You also must provide a bowl of chips no lesser than 700 grams. I assume of course you will be taking the role of a gnome artificer? If yes, please write the name of your character on a piece of paper and place it in a black briefcase to be left seven metres down the Grafton bridge. I will contact you. But seriously, if anyone wants to play, I would highly recommend checking out The AMERICA Club at Auckland University. They are very friendly and arrange to have you placed in a group where you can meet up regularly and try out a variety of games. Google ‘The America Club NZ’. Get amongst and slay those goblins.

Hi Matthew, Totally resonated with Monster squad for life :-| I guess every kid faces the lurking monsters behind shadowed stuffs. My biggest fear as a kid was turning off the hall lights and then racing for my life across the huge room, up the stairs, to the safety of the welllit first floor of our house. It was a thing that I always dreaded. Many a times, I felt the creepy creatures of the dark, grabbing my feet and dragging me down the stairs straight into Hades. Cartoons had spurred my imagination :-) And believe me, I haven't outgrown the fear. The movie Paranormal

Activity has in fact increased it (Post that I have absolutely stopped watching any horror movies). Wish they would have shown the face of the monster. Prior to that I would laugh at horror flicks because I liked to study the makeup and costumes of the ghosts and vampires. Now I am afraid of turning off the lights when I sleep alone! My feet is always kept away from the bedpost just in case THEY decide to drag it while I am sleeping. So contrary to your experience, my monsters have grown and matured with time. Just like me. Or unlike me?? Anyways stay safe and keep writing the thought provoking stuff Matthew (I appreciate even the hair raising spooky stuff :-) Cheers, Hanadi Hanadi!

Dear Mr Cattin I have been a student at AUT for almost a year now....Though this email is due for a long time....I think you and your team having been doing a fabulous job in keeping Debate consistent, the articles and the debate on current issues are a delight to read...to be honest....I don't pick up the magazine on Mondays...but rather on Thursdays .. It's sad that there are still a couple of copies left by the time weekend approaches. A special mention to Ramina Rai...I think her artwork deserves to be framed...some of the cover pages are visually stunning. I don't how you guys manage to put in so much effort with the burden of other uni stuff. I appreciate the effort put into magazine week after week...and would like to invite you guys for cocktails at Pullman. Cheers

So glad you can relate to my incessant ramblings! Perhaps we should assemble a monster squad of our own to keep the forces of darkness at bay? I don’t want to brag but I am pretty nifty with a switchblade and deadly with a crossbow. I conquered my fear of the dark by sleeping with a lamp beside my bed. Rather than lay there sweating in my pyjamas when my imagination got the best of me, I would switch on my light and inspect my room for ghoulish intruders. If I was satisfied, I would switch it off again until the fear returned. After doing that for a couple weeks, I realised that nothing actually changed when the light went from on to off, nothing but the amount of light in the room. Worked for me anyway. If that doesn’t work, come in and see me about the monster squad. Thanks for your letter! Matthew

Ashwin Hey Ashwin, Thanks so much for your kind letter! So chuffed that you appreciate the work we do. About time too that the lovely Ramina got some love! What a lot of people don’t realise is that it is Ramina that really wears the pants in the office. When my head gets too big, she takes no time in sassing be back down to size. She’s an absolute champion, tireless in her work and a pleasure to share the office with. So thanks Ramina! Cheers, Matthew

Top ten YOUTUBE CHANNELS by Louise Stone So that essay is due on Friday, and it would sure be great if you had a stream of random videos to take your mind off the looming deadline. Look no further! The gems below are some of my favourite YouTube channels to frequent whenever I feel the need for internet inspiration. And who knows, maybe they’ll work for you too! Note: they aren’t in order of which ones I think are more awesome – you just can’t have a top ten list without the numbers one through ten.

10. CrashCourse. Okay, so you’re feeling guilty about procrastinating – you don’t want to do work, but you can’t help but feel bad for skipping out on your educational responsibilities. The solution? Compromise! Procrastinate while educating yourself with CrashCourse videos. CrashCourse is a channel dedicated to providing 10-15 minute educational videos about a variety of topics. Some of the topics include: World History, Biology, Chemistry, US History, Literature, & Psychology. The videos are fast-paced, aesthetically pleasing, employ creative animations and get straight to the point. Anyone looking to better their knowledge – just maybe not on a subject relevant to them – should definitely check out this channel. Hell, you could even watch a video about your essay topic if you feel that bad! 9. CollegeHumor (I deliberately spelt it the American way because they are an American channel). The title pretty much sums up the main goal of the channel – humor. This channel contains sketches of all sorts. Some favourites of mine include: Furry Force (as terrible as it sounds); Drawfee; The Problem with Jeggings; How To Tell If You’re A Basic Bitch; and Batman (or as they call him, Bad-Man). Politically incorrect, short and to the point, and touching on everyday issues, CollegeHumor is a great channel if you want to laugh at truthfulness of the videos – as long as you don’t look too hard and realise that you may be the one perpetuating some of these stereotypes. 8. Cryaotic (AKA: Cry). For those unaware, Cryaotic is a gaming channel. Wait, let me rephrase that. Cryaotic is what some of us call a gaming channel. He plays video games, he provides a running commentary, and he eventually finishes the game in question. However, some people like to claim that because he’s not an expert gamer, that suddenly his channel is not a ‘proper’ gaming channel. I personally think

that’s bullshit – and I like his stuff. In terms of game genres, Cry plays a little of this and a little of that. If you check out his playlist, you’ll see that he has made let’s play videos for: The Cat Lady, Bioshock Infinite, Rule of Rose, The Crooked Man, The Last of Us, and Dishonored (once again, intentionally American spelling). And to add a little mystery to his videos, you never see Cry’s face – and that generally keeps my interest sparked.

The reaction videos are literally filmed reactions of kids, keens, elders, and YouTubers reacting to watching viral footage. These videos last just under 10 minutes and can usually elicit a few giggles. The timed spoilers include television series, movies, books, and YouTube features – and they generally try to incorporate 50 to 100 of these spoilers in the space of about 5 to 7 minutes. Think it can’t be done? Watch it and see for yourself.

7. Rhett & Link (& Good Mythical Morning).

3. The Warp Zone. This channel features sketches about movies, video games, superheroes, and boobs. Yes, I meant it in a sexual way that time. Their video categories consist of A Cappellas, music video parodies, and Top Five with Melvin. The Warp Zone tries to address those important topics in life, such as, how does Spider-Man hide his boner? Who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman? Why do girls find Loki so hot? And, of course, the top five video game butts, girlfriends, cougars, and boobs. If you want these questions answered, or you just want a laugh, check out this channel.

Rhett and Link is a channel for the slightly more refined in taste. I’m not saying it’s necessarily the classiest of acts, but compared to the other channels in this list, it is arguably the most mature. And no, I don’t mean porn. Goddammit why did you have to go there?! They began their video making careers creating advertisements – Chuck Testa’s commercial was one of their creations, and they eventually moved onto other videos. They have three separate YouTube channels, but the majority of their content includes: music videos, Middle School Musicals, Caption Fails, Commercial Kings, and Good Mythical Morning – a series in videos in which they discuss anything and everything. There is huge variety in their content, and something bound to please almost anyone. If you haven’t already, check these two out. And goddammit, I was still not meaning that in a sexual way. Jeez.

6. TheJWittz. Okay, this channel is a little more focused in its audience compared to the others. Initially, TheJWittz was predominately a Pokémon based channel, but he has since expanded to include nearly all things Nintendo in his content. Okay, not all things Nintendo, but he’s slowly getting there. In terms of Pokémon related videos, there is definitely variety to be had here: trading card matches, Let’s Play Pokémon Y (don’t be a genwunner – no one likes that), Pokémon Fact of the Day, and a series of top ten lists varying in Poke-related topics. But he does do a series of other game play-throughs for those of you too mature to like Pokémon. So for you un-cool people… And more recently, he featured on the TBS show ‘King of the Nerds’. 5. HowItShouldHaveEnded (HISHE). This channel is growing in popularity and rightly so. Sometimes we watch a movie and think ‘well, why didn’t Gandalf just use one of those giant eagles to fly over and drop the ring in?’ HISHE understands us and gives us a brief animated sketch which illustrates how some of our favourite movies really should have ended. Their videos are on average 3 minutes long, but they manage to address so many of our ‘but…’ and ‘what if…’ and ‘why didn’t the director just…’ moments. To pique (I know, fancy right?) your interest, here are just some of the movies they have improved upon: Doctor Who: Doomsday, The Desolation of Smaug, Frozen, The Lego Movie, Indiana Jones and the new Batman series. And if you like these guys, then I’d also recommend checking out the channels ‘Cinema Sins’ and ‘Screen Junkies’.

4. TheFineBros. This is a name you will have probably heard during your time as a YouTube surfer, and rightly so. The Fine Brothers, in case you were actually wondering, are just as their name describes – two brothers who are Fine. Fine by name, not as in ‘daaaamn, that is some fine man, I gotta get me some-of-that!’ I mean, they may be that kind of fine for some, whatever floats your boat I suppose. Regardless, these two are most widely known for their two main series: their timed movie spoilers and their reactions videos.

2. Bart Baker. Hilarious and offensive to all popular singers and song writers – that is the best way to summarise Bart Barker. Baker specialises in taking popular songs and creating some of the most awesome parodies out there. The end result is that you like the parody more than the original. Some of the artists subjected to his ridicule are: Miley Cyrus, Pharrell Williams, Taylor Swift, One Direction, Katy Perry, Robin Thicke, and – of course – Justin Bieber. And some of the guest appearances in his videos include Joan Rivers, Steve-O, and Ron Jeremy. If you can’t stand popular artists or their music, or you can just laugh at the things you love, then I’d recommend searching for this channel the next time you’re on YouTube. 1. PewDiePie. And here it comes: Oh my god Louise, how cliché is it that you picked PewDiePie – you never said this was a popularity contest. I mean, he’s not even a good YouTuber! You don’t like PewDiePie? Fine. But don’t tell me – or anyone else – for that matter that they are ‘sheeple’ because they like something that happens to be popular. And don’t be one of those pretentious douchebags who hates people or trends that are popular, purely because they are popular. Dislike something for the right reasons. Anyway, now the rant is over, let’s get back to PewDiePie. For those of you who don’t know PewDiePie, he is the most subscribed to channel on YouTube with currently over 26.5 million subscribers (what he calls, his Bro army). In terms of video content, Pewds makes predominately gaming videos. And much like Cryaotic, he is not an expert gamer – but that isn’t why people watch him. People watch PewDiePie because his running commentary during the game is considered by a lot of people (but not all) to be quite hilarious. His random quotes, occasional misuse of the English language, and his general bubbly (there is no better word for it) personality make him a fun and entertaining YouTuber to watch. Not only that, but PewDiePie is one of the best channels to watch for procrastination purposes because A) He has over 1,700 videos uploaded and B) he usually uploads at least one video per day. This means that you have so much Pewds to watch that you will have enough material to procrastinate for nearly every assignment that comes your way this year. Isn’t that great?! 15

Courtesy of the Boston Public Library, Leslie Jones Collection.

tennis By Scott Moyes

the Spaniard, Rafael Nadal.

As a sports junkie, you learn to cope with disappointment. I’ve watched the Warriors lose their very first Grand Final. I witnessed it first hand when they lost it again. Comefrom-behind America’s Cup losses and World Cup capitulations. Many dreams have been shattered and thousands of possibilities destroyed.

Of course, a little competition in sport is only healthy. Nobody wants to pay and see demolitions all the time. Competition is what brings out the best in their encounters. And there was no greater rivalry than Roger and Rafael. I follow my fair share of different sports and teams. But Federer vs Nadal is just next level compulsive viewing. Their Wimbledon finals are more dramatic than Game of Thrones.

You have no choice but to always expect the worst. It’s sort of like buying your food at Eden Park. You hope your spare change will cover a Fritz’s weiner. In reality, you’re prepared to take out a second mortgage. But in January I found myself sitting at rock bottom. I’m a massive fan of the Swiss maestro, Roger Federer. He’s simply an artist when he takes the tennis court. People always ask if he’s the greatest of all time. I just know I’ve never seen such a complete professional. His amazing statistics are of a Sir Donald Bradman magnitude. 17 Grand Slam titles out of 24 finals competed in. He’s held the number one position for over 300 weeks. You name it and Federer has probably achieved it twice. But alas, Federer isn’t the best in the world anymore. I fought it for ages, but there is no denying. The pack has been chasing for quite some time now. And that group is led by

In January I realized this great rivalry was all over. It happened during the semi-finals of the Australian Open. People were starting to get back on the Federer bandwagon. You could really sense him rising to the challenge again. He was gliding around the court showing some vintage form. He had beaten British ace Andy Murray in the quarterfinals. Life was looking good again for the Roger Federer clan. But then he had to play Nadal in the semifinals. Federer wasn’t just beaten in this crucial match in Melbourne. No, Nadal absolutely and utterly destroyed the former tennis champion. It didn’t matter which slice, cut or smash Roger produced - Nadal would return it with an extra dose of venom. It was almost soul-destroying to watch it all unfolding. Every single unforced error and ball that sailed too far – you knew he was slipping off his podium of supremacy.

The 2014 French Open gets underway in Paris next week – it’s one of the most important tournaments in his career. I don’t think it’s make or break for the Swiss - Rafael Nadal is the undisputed King of clay court tennis. He’s had a mortgage on this title for a decade. But he needs to still match it with the best. He needs to show he’s still one of the contenders. Federer was invincible in his day because he oozed confidence. Equally, it was the intimidation that all his opponents felt. But unfortunately for him, his shield is showing serious cracks. That’s not to say I think Federer should just retire. Why retire when you’re paid squillions doing what you love? Nobody can realistically claim that Roger Federer has now expired. He is just a little past his used by date. But milk that’s a day old is still perfectly fine - and Federer is still perfectly fine to keep playing tennis. One only hopes he lets go before we see mould. So what does all this have to do with ‘ten’? Why don’t you go back and read this article again? Make sure you look at every paragraph and every sentence. Because in the word ‘sentence’, you’ll find the word ten. And every sentence you just read contains exactly ten words . Boom.

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Circle all the words in the TEN Wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win some super neat-o prizes! Tooooo easy! Winner will be notified by email. While you're at it, care to write us a lovenote, hatemail or even a suggestion? We'd love to hear it!

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LIFE To celebrate debate’s tenth issue, we spoke with 10 people of 10 different age milestones to present to you this cross section of life.

Ashlee Tupouniua – 13-years-old

Harry Burnand – 5-years-old

What do you enjoy most about being 13? EVERYTHING! Nah I don’t know, that’s hard. Mum says I’m a young lady now, maybe that’s it?

What do you enjoy most about being 5? I get to go to school.

What is your favourite movie? Tangled, I want long hair like Rapunzel.

What is your movie? Frozen.

What song do you have on repeat these days? Beyoncé - Drunk in love.

Is there a song that you listen to on repeat at the moment? Wagon Wheel (Old Crow Medicine Show) Who is your hero? Batman What would you like to be when you grow up? A policeman

What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be dancer for the royal family. Who is your hero? Parris from royal family. She’s the best dancer and I met her at my cousins hip hop thing. She was so kind to me.

William Bloomfield – 10-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 10? When I break or lose my stuff, my mum and dad buy me a new one. What’s your favourite movie? I like Transformers. What song do you have on repeat these days? Trumpets - Jason Derulo What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be rich like my parents! I want a flash car. Who is your hero? Manu Vatuvei, he’s the man at league.

Taylor Duncan – 18-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 18? I've figured out who my true friends are and who I am. Having a new found freedom to drive has allowed for endless road trips and fun nights with good people! I love finally being treated like an adult, however without serious responsibilities just yet there's time for teenage antics. Best of both worlds! What song do you have on repeat these days? Latch - Disclosure, JubeI - Klingande, Nobody To Love - Sigma and anything by Shapeshifter or Six60. What was your favourite childhood movie? The Parent Trap was

probably my all-time favourite! I think Cheaper By The Dozen and The Sound of Music were definitely up there too. What do you look forward to most about being an adult? I can't wait to be working and doing something I love everyday rather than being stuck at school learning about pathetic fallacy and finding the value of x. What advice would you give your 13-year-old self? Never lose sight of who you are and what you deserve, don't let others make you feel silly for striving to achieve greatness. Make the most of school and try as many things as you can! I also wish I could have told my 13-year-old self not to have a Facebook at that age haha.

Kieran Bennett – 21-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 21? Being 21 is nowhere near as bad as I had made it out to be in my head. I was always a little worried that I would have to somehow have my life sorted out by the time I was 21, but it's just not true. Being 21 is basically the same as being 20. What was your favourite childhood movie? Finding Nemo. Not only is it incredibly hilarious but the father/son story is the usual high quality that Pixar puts out. It's just a feel good film. Is there a song that you listen to on repeat at the moment? I just can't stop listening to The Wizard by Black Sabbath. I mean it's a really basic song and a teeny bit shit, but I just love the harmonica in it and the fact that it really is just a song about a wizard. What kind of old person do you want to be? The kind of old person that people come to for advice. Old people who just hate everyone are dull, old people who give advice and tell stories are awesome. What advice would you give 13-year-old Kieran? Mate, dude, Kieran, whatever. Everything is going to be fine. Year nine blows ass for everyone. Shave more often, until you're about 18, seriously. Also, ask Hannah out way earlier, you knob-face. Oh and don't listen to the careers counsellor, AUT is where it's at.

by Stan Walker and a woman. What advice would you give your 21-year-old self? Stay home and look after your kids! I was not the best mother at the time, partying was my lifestyle. Things have changed now but that’s what I would tell myself. What do you miss most about being a kid? I didn’t get the chance to be a kid if I’m being honest. I wanted to grow up fast so I got married at 16 and had my first child at 17.

Ingrid Quickfall – 50-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 50? Freedom, now that the kids are independent. After over 20 years of putting other's needs first it is nice to get back to doing your own things again. Sort of like being 20 again but with money! What was your favourite childhood movie? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I still remember the horror when the car drove off the cliff and the joy when it flew instead of falling. What song do you have on repeat these days? My family say I have killed the Great Gatsby soundtrack for them. What was the best life decision you’ve made? Ok this is a cliché but marrying my husband 25 years ago and building our fantastic family together is definitely my best decision. What advice would you give your 21-year-old self? Take loads of photos of yourself while you're young, slim and beautiful. I envy this generation and all the images they get to have of themselves at their best.

Faone Laungaue – 65-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 65? I don’t have to work hard anymore; I can now relax and wait for my pension pay to come in. And now that my children are bigger they help look after me too.

Jacqui Deed – 30-years-old

What was your favourite childhood movie? We don’t have cartoon like now in my time at Tonga. We only have one Bruce Lee movie.

What do you enjoy most about being 30? In reference to one of my favourite someecards, 'I did all of my stupid shit before the internet'.

What song do you have on repeat these days? I don’t listen to my mokopuna rubbish music, I only listen to Kava and church songs.

What song do you have on repeat these days? Riptide by Vance Joy, it's been on repeat for a wee while now. Other than that, the entire Triple J hitlist is constantly on repeat.

What advice would you give your 21-year-old self? Don’t drink so much. Bad memories when I was 21 and stupid boy. I fought a lot of the time.

What was your favourite childhood movie? I would be lying if I said anything other than The Sound of Music. Ol' Julie Andrews has a special place in my heart. That and Ghostbusters. What do you miss about being a kid? Having NO responsibility. Everything was limitless and I secretly thought that I had magic powers - turns out I don't. Funny that. What advice would you give to your 21-year-old self? Your qualification will get you through the door of an interview. Life experience, personality and the right attitude will land the job. And don't sweat the small stuff.

Katea Bloomfield – 40-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 40? Menopause. Just joking… Spending time raising my family the way I want to raise them. It’s a good age and I’m in the right state of mind. What was your favourite childhood movie? E.T? I don’t even remember how old I was but it’s one of the films I loved growing up and that’s as far back as I can think. What song do you have on repeat these days? My daughter played a really nice song a few weeks ago and I listen to it a lot now. It’s Holding You

What do you miss about being a kid? Seeing my mother and my father every day.

Nola Ledwith – 80-years-old What do you enjoy most about being 80? Not a lot! I could enjoy having the time to pursue other things I haven’t done yet. My age could be rather frustrating. I’m not physically as strong but I still have the drive. Health could limit my activities, but I’m still optimistic! What advice would you give your 21-year-old self? Live life to the fullest, do all, try new things, extend, extend in all directions. Define your ambitions, change them if necessary, never give up! What was your favourite childhood movie? All things musical! I have never grown up from that. What song do you have on repeat these days? The music I would have on repeat play would today be Albatross. What do you have to say about the young kids of today? Kids of today are amazingly clever, bright, receptive (maybe I am referring to my grandchildren!) Maybe I would suggest that they disconnect from phones, iPhones etc. for a time, and investigate other opportunities and the simple things probably forgotten.

Heeeere’'s Jenny

by Matthew Cattin As an avid film buff, I’m always devouring list after list from the likes of Empire and Total Film magazines. I can’t help myself… I like to see my favourite films ranked highly, reminisce about the many films I’ve seen and furthermore, I always end up making note of a few new titles I hadn’t previously discovered.

manipulative mastermind that is V. She goes through an incredible transformation of character which I would love to spoil for you here in a gush of praise, but I couldn’t live with the guilt. See this film. Memorable quote: “I can't feel *anything* anymore!” Amélie Poulain

I was perusing Empire Mag’s top 100 film characters of all time last month and I couldn’t help but notice a major deficiency in female characters. Of the 100 characters listed, only 12 females made an appearance, with only one making the top 40. A bit discouraging thought I, especially considering one toy, three male robots and two aliens (one genderless and one presumably male) also made the list. Where all dem ladies at?! I decided therefore to compile a list of my all-time favourite female film characters, because let’s be honest, there are too many dicks on the film set.

The lovable lead from every hipster’s favourite film, Audrey Tatou is outstanding as the quirky introvert Amélie, giving me miniature heart attacks every time I re-watch because I can’t handle the excessive amounts of cute. What’s not to love about a delightful character who takes delight in life’s little pleasures; skimming stones, cracking the top of a crème brûlée and pondering how many couples are having an orgasm right now (fifteen). Memorable quote: “I had two heart attacks, an abortion, did crack... while I was pregnant. Other than that, I'm fine.”

Mindy 'Hit Girl' Macready Ofelia Making the list for all the right reasons, Kick-Ass’ Hit Girl defies expectations from the moment she appears on screen, taking a bullet square in the chest in combat practice with her vigilante father Big Daddy. It sounds twisted, and perhaps it is, but to me there is nothing better than seeing a young girl dropping the C-bomb and brutally terminating every bad guy in sight. The film faced a fair bit of controversy for the same reasons it earned itself an almost cult following – it went places no other film dared - and for that Hit Girl deserves full credit. Memorable quote: “If you need to reach me, just talk to the Mayor. He has a signal that shines up in the sky… It’s in the shape of a dick and balls.” The Bride Uma Thurman’s take-no-prisoners bride has become one of modern cinemas most iconic characters. Rocking her killer bee outfit and Hattori Hanzo sword, the Bride slashed, decapitated and sassed her way into the hearts of filmgoers everywhere. Trust old Tarantino to create a character so ridiculously over the top, brutal and stylish, and have the prowess to pull it off… Memorable quote: “It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that I'm sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it comin'. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting.” Evey Hammond Rocking the buzzcut like nobody’s business, Natalie Portman’s portrayal of Evey Hammond cemented her as one of my favourite actresses. While the world marvelled at how good she looked with no hair, I marvelled at just how brilliant she was in her role, countering perfectly the

From Guillermo del Toro’s dark fantasy Pan’s Labyrinth, I can’t look past Ofelia, the youngest character to make the list. It’s one of those films where every shit thing that can happen, does happen, regardless of the tears on your face and the cracks in your heart. Ofelia is pretty much the bravest youngster I can think of and she will always be a princess in my imagination. Memorable quote: “Hello. I am Princess Moanna, and I am not afraid of you.”

would argue to get the real Salander, stick with the books. Memorable quote: “Lie still. I've never done this before...and there will be blood.” Marla Singer One of my favourite characters of all time, Marla Singer is an absolute mess, a lovable, dark and attractive mess... Getting her kicks attending support groups for diseases she doesn’t suffer and refusing to look both ways before crossing the road, she’s the ultimate bad-ass who can count the amount of fucks she gives on no hands. Played to perfection by Helena Bonham Carter, I can’t think of a single actress who could have done Singer justice. If you’ve never seen Fight Club, what are you even doing with your life? Memorable quote: “It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.” Ellen Ripley Often topping polls for the greatest female film character of all time, Ellen Ripley (portrayed legendarily by Sigourney Weaver in four Alien films) is one of scifi’s greatest protagonists. She’s hard as nails, brave as a lioness and gave lonely geeks of the 70s and 80s just another reason to love scifi. In a time where women and action films didn’t exactly go hand in hand, Ripley really changed the game, giving the world an absolutely kick-ass female lead who relied on nobody but herself. And seeing her face off with the Alien queen in the sequel? Cinematic gold. Memorable quote: “Get away from her you bitch!”

Clarice Starling The only character to stand up to Hannibal Lector and get away with it, Clarice Starling is a gutsy young FBI Agent trying to earn respect in a rather sexist job environment. She’s pistol quick, has great intuition and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself in the face of chauvinistic superiors. But her real challenge comes in dealing with the unnervingly intelligent and probing mind of Dr Hannibal Lector – the chilling intensity between Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs (both earning Academy Awards for their roles) is legendary. Memorable quote: “You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself?” Lisbeth Salander Seemingly indestructible, Stieg Larsson’s brilliant character Lisbeth Salander has become an iconic role model for women the world over. With a disregard for rules and thirst for justice, Salander does whatever the hell she wants with her life. Whether it’s her image, relationships, problems or her sex life – she does it her own way. She was portrayed brilliantly in both the Swedish original and the American remake by Noomi Rapace and Rooney Mara respectively, but many

Hermione. Oh how different things would be if Harry decided not to be friends with dear Hermione… Most likely, he would never have made it past book two and his body would still decaying in the Chamber of Secrets. And as for Ron? Well I imagine without Hermione’s help he would have been expelled long ago, likely working part time at Florean Fortescue’s with Scabbers (cough *Pettigrew* cough) in tow. Hermione, though, is simply brilliant. Although she’s mostly renowned for her smarts, she’s also the most loyal, determined and motivated character I think the book has to offer. She thinks of everything, admits to her faults and, although Ron may say otherwise, has her priorities sorted out so masterfully that she saves the day on most occasions. Without her, the Battle of Hogwarts would have been a much sadder occasion. Memorable quote: “I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.”

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ten ten-track playlistS LOVE-MAKIN' Light some candles, clean up your flat and vacuum the cookie crumbs from in between your sheets, it’s time to make like trees and root.

Make it Wit Chu – Queens of the Stone Age Do I Wanna Know? Arctic Monkeys Closer – Nine Inch Nails

Broken hearted Breakup Ballads

EMBRACING SINGLEDOM

Early Morning Surf

Your cookie crumbs were discovered, and Nine Inch Nails’ ‘Closer’ didn’t go down as well as expected. Never mind, here are some artists that share your pain – take comfort in their sadness.

You never even loved that no-good excuse for a lover. You’re hot, you’re single, the world is your oyster, get on the Tinder and start some fires (in hearts, I mean).

Movin’ On Up – Primal Scream

It’s six in the morning, the sun is still in bed, but you’re already on the road, heading to your favourite break with an Up & Go and a mate. Gotta get yourself in a good headspace so allow me to suggest the following.

Leave – Glen Hansard

Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen

At the River – Groove Armada

All I Need – Radiohead

I Need A Life – Born Ruffians

Old Pine – Ben Howard

I’m On Fire – Bruce Springsteen

Cut Your Hair – Pavement

Go On – Jack Johnson Rise – Eddie Vedder

Paradise Circus – Massive Attack

At Last – Etta James

I’d Rather Go Blind – Etta James

La Vie En Rose – Louis Armstrong

Poison Cup – M. Ward

Close To Me – The Cure You Swan, Go On – Mt Eerie In These Arms – Swell Season Gigantic – Pixies True – Spandau Ballet

The Frigid FIFTIES Back when everything was simple and babies were delivered via stork, here are some ditties from a black and white world.

Teenager in Love – Dion & The Belmonts

Holocaust – Big Star Lucky You – The National

The Rabbit, The Bat And The Reindeer - Dr. Dog

The Rat – The Walkmen

Hip To Be Square – Huey Lewis And The News

Pictures of You – The Cure

Dancing With Myself – Billy Idol

Dayvan Cowboy – Boards of Canada

Wash Away – Joe Purdy

Sweetest Kill – Broken Social Scene

Start Today Tomorrow – Youth Group

Girl From the North

Clean Slate – M. Ward

Country – Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan

Miles Away (Acoustic) – Years Around the Sun

Endless Ladder – The Antlers

Midnight on the

Wash – Bon Iver

Interstate – Trampled by Turtles

Berlin – RY X

World Sick – Broken Social Scene

EIGHTIES DANCE PARTY

EXTREME HANGER

ELECTRO INDIE ALL NIGHTER

A sweet mix of tunes for those times where you just want to punch that punkass-bitch for talking to you while you’re really, really hangry.

Your assignment is due in 6 hours and you haven’t even started, you’ve been too busy looking at urbanoutfitters. Crank these beats if you need to get yo brain’s booty pumpin’.

I thought it would be uplifting. I thought it would be inspirational. I thought it could make a difference. But no filter or dim lighting will ever fix my ugly.

NY Excuse – Justice

Everybody Hurts – R.E.M

Dedicated to the decade that was nought but a ten year long, non-stop party. Crank this at any social gathering to guarantee D-floor results.

Power of Love – Huey Lewis & the News

Cry – Johnnie Ray

Heart of Glass – Blondie

Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodnight – The Spaniels

Modern Love – David Bowie Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners

I Only Have Eyes for You – The Flamingos

Footloose – Kenny Loggins

Summertime Blues – Eddie Cochran

Take On Me – A-ha

Oh What A Night – The Dells

Everloving – Moby

Black – Pearl Jam

Dancing in the Dark – Bruce Springsteen

Heartbreak Hotel – Elvis Presley

these humble tunes.

Dog Days Are Over – Florence And The Machine

Mony Mony – Billy Idol

You Send Me – Sam Cooke

You’re cruising at 100 on the open road, oncoming headlights look like diamonds. You’re alone behind the wheel, alone with your thoughts and

Don’t You Forget About Me – Simple Minds

Earth Angel – The Penguins Sh-Boom – The Chords

Head Like A Hole – Nine Inch Nails

Midnight Drive

She Sells Sanctuary – The Cult You Make My Dreams – Hall and Oates

Move Bitch (Get Out The Way) – Ludacris Lose It (In The End) – Mark Ronson Look At These Hoes Santigold Blood On Our Hands – Death From Above 1979 Inhaler – Foals

Welcome Home, Son – Radical Face

Bury Us Alive – STRFKR Dance The Way I Feel – Ou Est Le Swimming Pool Oblivion - Grimes Skatesteak – Sebastien Tellier

13 Ghosts II – Nine Inch Nails

FAILED NO MAKEUP SELFIE

Bad Day – Daniel Powter Back To Black – Amy Winehouse Creep – Radiohead Scar Tissue – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Icky Thump – The White Stripes

Swing Tree – Discovery

True Colors – Cyndi Lauper

Evil Eye – Franz Ferdinand

From Nowhere – Dan Croll

Fix You – Coldplay

Infinity Guitars - Sleigh Bells

11th Dimension – Julian Casablancas

Raised By Wolves – Midnight Juggernauts

Midnight City – M83

Killing In The Name – Rage Against The Machine.

My Girls – Animal CollectiveMachine.

Broken – Jake Bugg Melancholy Hill – Gorillaz Hurt – Nine Inch Nails 25

It's in the bag By Laurien Barks I’ve never been the kind of person who carries a purse with her. When I leave the house to go out for the day, or even on the incredibly rare occasion that I ditch my sweat pants and chamomile tea to go and pretend to enjoy some form of night time entertainment, I only take what I can carry on my person. Ain’t nobody got time for a purse weighing down on shoulders, looking ugly and unfashionable, or slowly becoming a dumping ground for everyone’s rubbish, keys, money, shoes, etc. Hell no, not me. If it can’t fit in my hand, be shoved into a pocket, or be concealed in my bra...it’s not coming with! That usually leaves me with nothing more than a bankcard, a chapstick, a phone and headphones...but I’ve come to learn that that’s really all you ever need. That is, unless you’re heading to uni. My uni bag life is much different than my personal bag life. If you’re as committed to uni life as I am, five days a week, you know what it’s like to feel like you live on campus. Between early classes, assignment catch up, co-curricular, and meeting up with friends, it’s not uncommon for me to be at uni for 12 hours on any given day of the week. And that doesn’t even count bus time to and from. So when you’re away from the house and your things for that many hours a day a few times a week, you’re going to need to take more with you than money and lip gloss. You’re going to need to be prepared for everything. Of course I always have the basics of uni books and bus cards, but over the years I’ve learned and adopted a few new little essentials that not everyone thinks of when packing their school bag. I’ve thrown together a list below of my top ten ‘not-often-thought-of-musthaves’ to have in your uni bag. Some practical, some odd, all winners.

MOUTHWASH:

It’s a lot easier (and more hygienic) to carry than a toothbrush and toothpaste, and a lot more effective than mints or gum. You can buy excessively mini travel size bottles, as well as just general smaller bottles depending how big your bag is or how often you think you’ll use it. I bought a small bottle when I stayed at a motel one night and it wound up in my uni bag by accident. I’ll never go back to a mouthwashless bag again. Good for coffee breath, garlic breath, and it keeps you make-out ready at all times.

TAPE:

Yes tape. A roll of sellotape has saved my life many a time. Taping books back together, hanging posters or flyers, making random crafts in tutorials (Bachelor of Arts...the struggle is real), and when times are tough and laughs are few, you can do that thing where you tape your face into a contorted and beastly composition. Then take selfies of course.

VANILLA EXTRACT:

I’m not even lying. I always have 1, if not 2, bottles of this stuff in my bag. It’s the cheapest, most effective, and yummiest smelling perfume you will ever have.

Granted this is more of a girly point, unless you’re a guy who thinks he can rock the eau de nilla (just going to warn you right now that you probably can’t), but it still totally makes the list. If you’re not a fan of vanilla (GTFO), you can purchase a variety of different delicious smelling extracts from your local grocery store. It’s small, doesn’t come in a glass container, and can be used throughout the day to dab on your neck - keeping your spirits and freshness notably high.

Disney songs, musical classics (hello Rocky Horror), exotic tunes, etc. You honestly never know when you will need to pump some sick beats that differ from your usual tastes. Dance-offs happen every day, and even though I like having a good ol’ breakdance sesh to Broken Social Scene...others may not. Be courteous.

DEODORANT:

I feel like this hardly needs an explanation. I’m always needing a plaster, and I often hear other people asking for one. Yet nobody ever seems to ever have one. I learned my lesson when I had to hobble with a broken blister into a store last month and beg for their first aid kit so I could stop bleeding out on their floor. Just chuck a pack in your bag and end the suffering.

Unlike the previous item, deodorant is more of a necessity rather than an indulgence in the smell department. I’m the queen of deodorant, I have one in every bag, every room, everywhere. That is 50% because I constantly lose them and then find them again after I’ve bought a replacement, and 50% because I’m forgetful and the number of times I remember to put on deodorant before I leave the house is extremely minimal. Hence the old ‘roll on in the uni bag’ trick. Even if you’re not forgetful, keep one in your bag anyway. Long hours, surprise sleepovers, spontaneous sweaty flashmobbing...you never know when you’ll need it.

WATER BOTTLE:

I know that many people have this already, but hear me out. Invest in a small 500ml reusable water bottle with a clip-on lid. For real. The number of people (my former self included) walking around with disposable water bottles is too damn high! Three reasons why you need the previously described water bottle for your uni bag: 1) Save the planet. I’m not going to rant at you, but I’m just saying it’d be nice if my children had the option of seeing a polar bear one day. 2) It’s way cheaper. Pretty sure if I had gotten my reusable water bottle even just a year earlier, the money saved would’ve covered the installation of an inground pool AND the salary of a hunky pool boy named Juan. 3) If you get one with the clip on lid, you can attach it to your bag even when it doesn’t fit inside of it, leaving your hands free to do other important things (like pointing out how cool your bag looks with a water bottle clipped on it).

HEADPHONES AND MUSIC:

I’m not talking about your usual headphones that you use all the time. If you’re one of those people who goes nuts without some kind of melody playing in their ears, then chuck a cheap pair of small headphones in a pocket in your bag in case something happens to your real ones. Like those ones that came with your phone or your musical device and come tied together and in a little plastic bag - those ones are perfect for this purpose. And as far as music goes, this is less about what goes in your bag, and more about what goes on your music device, but it’s all related! Create a playlist full of songs that you won’t necessarily listen to on a regular basis, but you can have on hand for random events/emergencies. I like to keep some funny songs, some really annoying clubby songs,

PLASTERS:

TIDE-TO-GO STICK:

If you have not heard of these, then listen up! They are portable stain remover markers! If you get a stain on your clothes, (it’s a special day when I don’t spill food on myself or trip into a mud puddle), you just grab your Tide-to-go and colour on the stain like you would colour on paper, and voila! You’re stain free and no one will ever know you’re actually a big ol’ man/lady child.

SPOON:

How many times have you packed a delicious lunch, or watched your friend unpack a delicious lunch, and then realize that there is no utensil present to aid in the process of eating it? If you answered ‘a lot’ or ‘erryday’...then I have the solution for you. Get an old spoon and chuck it in a clean pocket in your bag. It’s better if it’s metal because it’ll be less fragile. Don’t make the mistake of using this spoon as your main spoon, continue to pack the appropriate eating utensils when you remember to...this is an emergency spoon only. And it’s a spoon, not a fork, because everything you can eat with a fork, you can eat with a spoon, but you can’t exclusively vice versa that philosophy.

QUIRKY FUN THING:

This might seem a tad pointless, and a lot strange, but I love having miscellaneous items in my bag that I can whip out for a bit of fun. I try and keep my random item count to one or two and just change things up every now and then. Right now I have a container of bubbles that I like to pull out every now and again. Blowing bubbles at random is one of the greatest joys in life. If you’re a beginner in the uni bag packing department, I highly recommend starting out with bubbles as your ‘quirky fun thing.’ Then as you warm up to the whole process you can graduate to stickers, whistle rings, and eventually glow sticks. There you go. These ten things plus your usual necessities = a uni bag worth breaking your back over. You’re welcome.

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The Top Ten

Pokémon

Ever

Based on my own eclectic

reasoning By Ethan Sills

10. Tropius

9. Furfrou

It may have the unfortunate type combination of Grass and Flying that makes it weak to pretty much everything, but that doesn’t really matter to me because Tropius is a FLYING BRONTASAURUS!! This is an insane combination of prehistoric lizard and fruit tree, and just to make Tropius more appealing they slapped a set of wings on him to create one of the strangest but most awesome looking Pokémon out there. What makes Tropius even handier is the fact he has bananas growing out of his neck, making this a fine killing machine and a convenient source of potassium.

I think one thing plenty of people think when they are playing Pokémon is ‘wouldn’t blahblah be so much cooler if they weren’t that colour?’ We can all agree that some of the design choices are not the best, but in the latest games X and Y, we have been given a Pokémon whose sole purpose is to customise; I present Furfrou, a poodle-esque Pokémon who you can take to a stylist and give it one of ten different styles (the dandy trim is featured above). Some readers may be appalled I am giving this precedence over other factors, but my response is this; YOU CAN CUT ITS HAIR INTO A HAT! If more Pokémon came with customizable features, they’d be on my team in a heartbeat.

8. Eevee

7. Spiritomb

6. Absol

No one evolves like Eevee. It may look like a furry brown ball of fluff, and indeed that is essentially what Eevee brings to the table, but it makes it onto the list because it does not evolve into just one Pokémon, it can evolve into one of eight! They have different types and different strengths, but all are very unique and just look generally awesome as well. I cannot choose which one is my favourite, so Eevee makes it for being the most unique evolver in the franchise.

This Pokémon takes the cake when it comes to being difficult. In order to capture Spiritomb, you have to fuck about in the Underground (a random side feature of Diamond/Pearl/Platinum) before you can place the Odd Keystone in a stone tower and summon this freaky-faced Pokémon. Completely irritating, but that’s not why Spiritomb’s here. It is on the list because Spiritomb has the nearly unstoppable type combination of Dark-Ghost, meaning it has no weaknesses. There is one other Pokémon like this, so what sets Spiritomb apart? How about the fact it’s made up of the souls of 108 dead people? Capture Spiritomb and you’ve basically got a graveyard riding around in your pockets. And they say Pokémon is for children.

A lot of fun gets made on the Internet for some of the silly PokeDex descriptions given to some Pokémon, but some of those disjointed paragraphs actually make some Pokémon a lot more interesting. Absol is the perfect example of this; classified as the Disaster Pokémon, it is said to be able to predict disasters before they happen and appears at the sight to warn people. However, these appearances have given Absol a Grim-like reputation for being the cause of said destruction. This haunting little back story gives Absol its sixth place spot – plus, when it Mega-Evolves, Absol grows wings for no reason, so, you know, that’s rather impressive.

5. (Mega) Ampharos

4. Samurott

3. Giratina

Pokémon is all about evolution, but some of those evolutions just don’t make much sense. Look at Ampharos: it starts out life as the sheeplike Mareep, but by the time it reaches its final stage it is standing up and shows no sign of wool or baa-ing. The designers perhaps saw the fault here, so when they introduced Mega Evolutions in X and Y, allowing certain Pokémon temporary new evolutions, they turned Ampharos into one of the most glorious Pokémon ever – just look at it! It has a mane of glorious woollen hair! This is a Pokémon that could be the Fabio of the Pokémon romance novel world, AND, just to top it off, it’s part Dragon as well. In summary, Mega Ampharos is basically an electric sheep-dragon hybrid with a really good stylist – all factors deserving of a spot on this list.

When designing starters for Black and White, someone clearly looked at old Blastoise and his back cannons, scoffed and thought ‘I can do better than that’. So here comes Samurott, a cross between an oversized otter and a samurai, but instead of being fused with military weaponry, it has much better features; a sword for a head, two swords in its front legs and its tail turns into, you guessed it, a fourth sword. This is a Pokémon that, if the games allowed it, could be having four hand-to-hand-to-head-to-tail fights all at once whilst still unleashing some kick-ass Water moves. Also, it evolves from one of the cutest starters ever, so bonus points for that.

I was unsure about including Giratina, largely as there is already a Ghost on here, but then I remembered that Giratina is essentially the Pokémon version of Death and decided ‘what the hell’ (pun intended). On top of that disturbing feature, Giratina is a shape shifting Ghost-Dragon who lives in its own personal alternate dimension where gravity doesn’t exist, and in order to capture it in Platinum you have to visit this world as part of the plot. Best location for a battle ever and perhaps the best designed and unsettling legendary in the entire franchise.

2. Mewtwo

1. Charizard

Of course this guy is going to be on the list. Mewtwo is one of the strongest, coolest and most fascinating Pokémon in the entire franchise, largely because he has perhaps the most intriguing back story of any Pokémon. For all those who remember the brilliant piece of cinema that is Pokémon: The First Movie, you will know that Mewtwo is a clone of Mew (hence the highly imaginative name), a mysterious experiment of Team Rocket’s that is said to have gone wrong. Dark and intriguing with a world of back story to explore, as well as being insanely strong, Mewtwo earns the silver medal. The only reason why it isn’t higher is that when they gave it a Mega Evolution, they made his head very… phallic…

I mean really, could anyone else top this list? Charizard is the eldest Fire starter having been introduced way back in Red/Blue, but it remains a fan favourite all these years later. It is perhaps the most draconian of all Pokémon despite not actually being a Dragon type, the best Fire type and starter in the entire franchise, and is the basis for the best character in the whole anime – even after over 800 episodes, nothing beats Ash’s Charizard in terms of storyline or defiant sassiness. Charmander was my first ever starter and Charizard makes for one of the best final evolutions in terms of bad-assery, and is a pretty decent battler as well. It may seem like a cliché choice to go with, but I am standing beside Charizard through and through, and considering it, you know, breathes fire, anyone going to counter that? I think not. 29

That Was A Decade Ago??

Plum, Lemon & Vanilla Cake

by Matthew CatTEN Lost Oh yes, it was 10 years ago the plane crashed, stranding us on that godforsaken island with ‘the others’, Hurley’s inability to lose weight and Merry the hobbit. Ten years and I still have no idea what the hell happened… Napoleon Dynamite One of the most quoted films of our generation, Napoleon Dynamite’s incredible success could never have been predicted. Made with a budget of only $400k, it went on to earn over 46 million. Gosh! Hot Fuss The Killers debut landed mid-2004, changing the music scene for the better with their fresh brand of synth pop. They even had a cameo in The O.C that same year; don’t act like you don’t remember. Facebook Yup, it was 10 years ago now that Mark Zuckerberg became the face of social networking, changing the world with the launch of Facebook. Thanks for nothing Mark. The Boxing Day Tsunami The day after Christmas, the world seemed to stop in the wake of the worst natural disaster of my lifetime. The death toll sits at 230,000 – a grim reminder of nature’s cruel power. Civil Union Act Passed On December 9, the Civil Union Act was passed, allowing samesex and de facto couples the option of a civil union. It’s not quite marriage, but it was a step in the right direction for equality in our country. American Idiot Love it or hate it, 2004 was the year that Green Day returned with their world-dominating album American Idiot. Ten years gone, and I still can’t get the damn singles out of my head. Anchorman The film that gave us Sex Panther, Afternoon Delight, mahogany, lamp and a thousand quotable quotes, Anchorman celebrates its tenth birthday this year. Happy birthday Ron. Yeah! Can you believe it’s been a decade since Lil John uttered the immortal words “yeah”, “okay” and “watch out”? I only wish it was longer… Nipplegate An event that really shouldn’t have been world news, 2004 was the year Justin Timberlake exposed Janet Jackson’s nipple to the world at the Super Bowl. Naturally, a shit storm followed and her career went up in flames.

Hi everyone, I’m Miss Charlotte Cake and not only am I the receptionist here at AuSM, I’m also obsessed with baking cakes (and desserts in general)! I’ll be choosing a recipe to make each week and writing it here in debate to share with you all. This week is a delicious plum, lemon & vanilla cake which looks all rustic and is perfect as the days are getting cooler because it tastes just as amazing warm!

What you will need: •

1x 850g can of Black Doris plums • 300g butter, softened • 1 & 1/2c sugar • 3 eggs • Grated zest of 1 lemon • 1 tsp vanilla extract • 1c buttermilk or full cream milk • 3 & 1/2c self-raising flour • 2 tbsp icing sugar

Method 1. Preheat oven to 160°C. Grease two 20cm (8 inch) spring-form cake tins and line with baking paper. 2. Drain plums, and remove pips and put to one side. 3. Cream together the butter and sugar. 4. Beat in the eggs one at a time. 5. Mix in the lemon zest and vanilla. 6. Gently stir in the buttermilk and the flour until evenly combined. Do not over mix the batter. 7. Spoon the batter into the prepared cake tins. Spread it out evenly, smoothing the top. 8. Arrange the fruit on top, cut side up. This is where you might also want to dollop some plum jam into the hollow left by the pip. 9. Bake for 50-60 minutes until the cake is set and golden. The fruit will sink into the cake as it cooks. Mine actually rose completely over the plums and you would only know it was a plum cake once you had cut into the cake! Dust with icing sugar once cooled to serve. Tip* sometimes I finely chop roasted almonds and sprinkle these on before I put the cake in to bake; you may want to try this or adapt it to your own tastes!

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REVIEWS

Do your strong opinions drive away your friends? Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section.

Coldplay Ghost Stories

clung on for too long to the sinking ship, but I can’t defend them any longer. Good on them for changing up their sound I s’pose… But they aren’t Radiohead and their version of ‘progressing’ is taking several steps in the wrong direction whilst drunk and blindfolded. Overall, Ghost Stories is an extremely chill album that never really goes anywhere. It’s been labelled a break up album, and perhaps it is – I only hope there was more emotion in the split than on this dull record. Coldplay has become masterful at copying their influences, that’s always been clear. In their early days it was Radiohead, then Arcade Fire for the more orchestral sound of Viva La Vida, but these days, judging by their shitty songs, they’ve been cranking a lot of One Republic and Owl City. At least they didn’t invite Rihanna to the party this time around.

Reviewed by Matthew Cattin It’s always disappointing when you lose the will to defend a band you once enjoyed, and instead jump to the front of the hate bandwagon because their latest output makes you want to cut your ears off and send them to Chris Martin with a note signed “this is for Gwen, you formulaic bastard”. I’m sorry… That was rude, and perhaps a little too soon. But Coldplay’s latest release Ghost Stories is nothing but the afterbirth of a band that used to make good music. Many would debate me on that point, but I’ve always defended Chris and co with tooth and nail. Parachutes and A Rush of Blood to the Head are often ranked amongst the best albums of the 2000s, and I’ll still tell anybody who will listen that the songs on there are top notch. Unfortunately, they peaked too early (just ask Gwen) and it’s been downhill ever since. Perhaps I

OTHER DESERT CITIES Playwright: Jon Robin Baitz Starring: Sarah Peirse, Hera Dunleavy and Elizabeth Hawthorne

It seems Chris finally discovered Bon Iver’s music too. Don’t believe me? Listen to Midnight. It’s so uncanny that I’ll be downright furious if Justin Vernon doesn’t get songwriting credits in the liner notes. However, despite its obvious origins, this is one of the only songs on the album I would listen to again, but only because it sounds like Bon Iver. Clever tactics Coldplay… Clever… Oceans sounds like a Parachutes B-side given a 2014 facelift. It creates a nice atmosphere with its lonely acoustic strum and submarine-esque bleeps and boops. But then, just as you find yourself settling down and enjoying yourself, A Sky Full of Stars happens, and the angry tears come back. Seriously though, what is this song? It sounds like David Guetta ft. Chris Martin. It sounds like the unsavoury techno-remix of a scrapped Coldplay song. It sounds like the song a youth group would use in a video promo for summer getaway. What happened to you Coldplay? Did Chris find a synthesizer at a garage sale and bring it to band practice? Did he make you put down your instruments, force you to shelve ecstasy and make you sexy dance with glow sticks? Apparently so. Avoid. a joker, I suggest you sit this one out, the jokes here are not for the sensitive. It is easy to differentiate who each character is and what they do. Their manner of speaking and dress sense is that of a typical Palm Springs family also. As time goes on and the scenes get a little heavy, the audience are glued to their seats with curiosity as to what caused Brooke’s absence and what is her family hiding. In the second half of the play, the cat’s out of the bag and the seemingly happy family is not so happy anymore. Secrets are revealed and tension is high in the air, slowly things are coming together but there is still a lot of confusion and suspense. This is where the guessing game begins where you think you know it all but really you don’t. At the end you’re left happy with the big reveal and stunned at how much they’ve endured as a family. Sticking to the simple style, music was only played to mark intervals or a scene changes. The basic but perfect setting had the audience captivated by the performances rather than focusing on the background. If there was anything I didn’t like about this play, it would be the accents. I know it’s hard to pull off the American accent but the only ones I thought that did a good job were the males in the cast, Brooke’s brother and her father. However this isn’t a biggy and it didn’t outshine their performances.

Reviewed by Luseane Tupouniua. If you’re looking for something that’ll give you a glimpse into the life of the politically wealthy, then Other Desert Cities is the perfect show for you, Set in Palm Springs, the family of Brooke Wyeth are together for Christmas after six years of her being absent. What seems to be a happy family on the outside is anything but. In the opening scene we are introduced to the family members who pull low blows at each other the moment they open their mouths. However if you’re not

The messages in this play I loved and the way the actors portrayed their characters took me on an emotional journey that made me feel sympathy for them throughout. A child thinking they know every detail, accusing their parents for things they knew little about, this is a play that shows the lengths parents would go to protect their children and how much a person can grow from knowing the truth.

Bad Neighbours Starring: Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne, Zac Efron Directed by: Nicholas Stoller

grand scale. Rogen and Byrne lead as Mac and Kelly Radner, a young couple struggling to adapt to their new life as parents. Their newly built world is shaken up when a fraternity, led by Zac Efron as mega-dick Teddy, moves into the house next door, and despite an early friendship the two sides fall into war when Mac and Kelly call the police on one of the house parties. As their battle escalates, Mac and Kelly learn the frat have only two strikes left before they are disbanded, and throw everything at the frat while trying to maintain control of their relationship. I think what makes Bad Neighbours work better than it should have was that it is not just ninety minutes of dumb but funny jokes; there was a nice theme about growing up that added a charming extra layer. However, that isn’t what is going to get people into theatres; this is a raunchy, R16 comedy at its best. Every kind of dirty joke, pop culture reference and bad impression possible is thrown and I was laughing for the whole movie.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills

It is certainly pegged as a boy’s movie, and both Seth Rogen and Zac Efron were in fine form along with the extended ensemble of frat boys and pledges. Most of what Efron usually makes is not anything I’d pay to see, but he was certainly funny here and gave what could be his most committed and entertaining performance yet. However, I think the funniest character here definitely has to be Rose Byrne. She has already shown her comedy chops as the stuffy antagonist Helen in Bridesmaids, but she really excels as Kelly, playing the short tempered, sleep deprived and bored new mother perfectly. Basically all her lines are perfect and Byrne has the best facial expressions to accompany her character.

This time of the year is usually dominated by big action blockbusters and superhero sequels, but a few comedies generally find the time to shine in this very crowded movie season. One of the first out this year is a big screen version of Neighbours at War, but instead of hicks arguing about dogs, we have Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne facing off against Troy Bolton on a very

Asides from some awkward pacing and one quickly resolved argument, Bad Neighbours delivers what it promises and everyone in my cinema was laughing for the entire run time. If you’re iffy about drug, boob and dildo jokes, then this probably isn’t the one for you, but if you want something that is smartly immature in the best way possible, then this is the movie for you.

FARGO

few years after the events of the first film, although at this stage doesn’t feature any of the films characters.

Episodes 1-4

The pilot episode, The Crocodile's Dilemma, follows Lester Nygaard, played superbly by Martin Freeman (The Hobbit trilogy, and Sherlock). Lester is having a hard time. He is being bullied by his wife, and is beaten up by his childhood bully, Sam Hess. Lester can’t even fix his washing machine, it’s not looking up for Lester it seems, at least until he meets Lorne Malvo, a mysterious drifter played by Billy Bob Thornton. Malvo offers to kill Hess, Lester just has to say the word. With only nine episodes in the season Fargo promises a brisk pace towards resolution. Events in the pilot resolve faster than most dramas, which is refreshing. Unfortunately characters introduced in episode two feel tonally out of place, losing a bit of the shows momentum after such a solid pilot episode. This prevents Fargo from achieving the same level of focus dramas like HBO’s True Detective had in its eight episodes. Billy Bob Thornton’s character largely remedies this however, elevating scenes that seem to divert from the plot with his performance as Malvo.

Reviewed by Clint Milne Fargo continues the trend of remaking films into television dramas we’ve seen with the shows Hannibal and Bates Motel. With the quality of television dramas at an all time high this doesn’t really feel like a bad thing. Why not spend more time in the universe of Fargo? Instead of simply being a remake of the original 1996 Fargo directed by the Coen brothers, the television show is surprisingly a sequel. The series picks up a

Scenes with Colin Hanks (Son of Tom Hanks), and Alison Tolman stand out, as they feel more focused. Hanks, and Tolman, play naive small town cops who begin leading the investigation of the “not so mysterious” murders due to the incompetence of their peers. Fargo isn’t quite the step forward that True Detective was, but it is quirky, funny, and dark, in ways we haven’t seen since Breaking Bad. It lacks the subtlety in its story telling that we see in dramas like Mad Men, but Fargo’s energy and charisma pull it through any of it’s few rough patches. Fargo is one of the smartest, most polished, and best looking dramas on television this year.

AUT CHINESE CENTRE 中文中心 Free support services for all Chinese speaking students 為華人學生提供援助的地方 •

Specialist advice and information on studying and living in Auckland - 提供生活和學習方面的專業指導

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