12 issue 06 20
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AuSM AuSM Update
Moments of musical madness
Artist of the week Tamsyn Solomon
AuSM Week in photos
Feature Our shining stars Celebrity charity
Opinion Kony 2012
Article There once was an island...
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Humour Cattin’s coulmn
contributors Hazel Buckingham | Paula Te Kiri | Mattew Cattin | Sebastian Mackay | Scott Moyes | Danielle Whitburn | Rachel Ramsay | Morgahna Godwin | Adam Warin | Lachlan Hornell | Alexandra Ventura | Ben Parsons | Scott Yeoman | Nigel Moffiet | Melissa Low | Spencer Dowson
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An AuSM Week
Photos by: Annupam Singh
committed against a particular group of people, crimes that could constitute genocide, aren’t these crimes against humanity? Thus, shouldn’t we all have an equal say in how justice is brought to the perpetrators of these crimes?
So what do you make of the Kony 2012 campaign? This campaign has stirred a lot of opinions and has become such a phenomenon in the world of social media activism that there are a number of angles to take on the story. We might be able to say that the campaign has been successful if its goal was to bring Joseph Kony’s crimes against humanity to greater world-wide attention. And I say good on Invisible Children in this respect. But we have also heard the criticism – that the campaign is “sensationalising a dead horse” because Kony is no longer active in northern Uganda. And how the campaign was rejected in Uganda because many could not understand the campaign’s mission of making Kony famous in order to highlight his crimes. In a widely published statement, Victtor Ochen of the African Youth Initiative Network said there was “a strong sense from the [Ugandan] audience that the video was insensitive…and that it did not accurately portray the conflict or the victims…In particular, viewers were outraged by the KONY 2012 campaign’s strategy to make Kony famous and their marketing of items with his image”. This criticism is well worth reflecting on and raises some difficult questions, particularly around the issue of crimes of this nature. Don’t these crimes affect us all? Aren’t crimes
Many may in fact say “no”. America, along with China, India and other nations were against the creation of the International Criminal Court. These nations raised the question of sovereignty while some Muslim nations criticise the court for being set up under western values and ideals. This highlights that the notion of ‘universal’ rights and justice, extending beyond cultures and borders, has never been easily adopted. In the same sense, delivering ‘justice’ is also problematic. Campaigns like Kony 2012 have to be critically aware of the victims of these crimes, and ensure that the victims are the first to demand justice. These campaigns also have to consider how the victims would like to carry our restorative justice. It is understandable why many Ugandan victims of Kony’s crimes might become upset seeing white middle-class American youth demanding action in the manner we’ve seen. Ugandan victims need to be the first to take action against Kony, and then we can help them along the way. This also ensures victims of horrendous crimes get a little bit of restored dignity in return. In this issue of debate we look at the list of perpetrators who are wanted for crimes against humanity on many counts; it reminds us of all the other nasty shit going on. Kony, unfortunately, is not in a league of his own.
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Dear Forced to read textbook between classes, You will come across mistakes, which is unfortunate, I admit. But you will also fail to see any improvements due to your “resignation from the reading population”. Also, keep reading more text books –it might help you develop more engagement in the world around you as we “pluck the strings of societal conscious”. - Ed.
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Your band name sucks! Matthew Cattin
Love them or loathe them, a band’s name usually makes the first impression to a potential fan, and like a tattoo, it sticks for good. I think the key to a good band name is one you can belt out as if introducing the band to an audience. If you can do this with pride, without laughing or vomiting, you have a winner. If not? You’re doomed before you even set foot in the music industry. Here are eleven bands that tried, but failed.
10. Limp Bizkit
Ah Limp Bizkit… Have they no redeeming features? My first issue with the name is obviously the spelling. But that is not why it made the list. The band is named after a good old fashioned rainy-day game called limp biscuit, also known as soggy biscuit. Don’t know it? Either ask your folks or look it up on urban dictionary. I plan to keep this PG13.
Probably the only band name on earth that is un-google-able, !!! was named after what the subtitles read when an African tribe speaks in clicks in the film The Gods Must be Crazy. Cool story, but for everyone not in on the joke, !!! becomes ??? See what I did there?
Known in some circles as Dickelback, NB makes the list mostly just because I hate them. According to the band, the guitarist worked at Starbucks before his career being a dickhead got off the ground and when customers bought drinks, he would often say “Thank you sir, here’s your nickel back.” What really happened though is when NB was first starting out, they only charged a nickel for their shows. When they finished and the pissed off audience wanted their nickel back, I guess the name just stuck.
06. Dogs Die in Hot Cars
05. Steely Dan 04. Crunt
So the name isn’t half bad on its own, but in context, it’s rather silly. Originally Shihad, the Kiwi band got their name from the war in the film Dune, called Jihad. Not knowing the spelling (and without google to check) the boys called themselves Shihad. When they were trying to conquer the states post 9/11, Shihad sounded a lot like Jihad (“the struggle” in Muslim, in reference to the holy war), which caused a bit of controversy. In one of the biggest name cop-outs in music, Shihad, for a time, became Pacifier, before realising it was silly. Now it’s back to good ol’ Shihad. A name that states the obvious but you still have to wonder why… I suppose it is a good tip for pet owners but for a band name? Why not ‘Cats die when you don’t feed them’ or ‘Horses die in barn fires?’ What were they thinking?! Seems normal enough at first glance, but then again, so did Jason Russell. Dig a little deeper and you’ll discover that Steely Dan was the name of an infamous metal dildo used by a German hooker in William Burroughs’ Naked Lunch. And boom! Good band ruined. I have to say the C-word is probably my least favourite word of all time. In fact I even struggle to write it down on paper because it just looks so awful. Maybe Crunt felt the same way, adding an ‘r’ to soften the blow. So thank you Crunt! You’re bad, but you’re not all bad.
03. Cherry Poppin’ Did they think for a minute how disgusting this sounds? The word ‘daddies’ makes it Daddies
Metal bands never cease to make me laugh and thus the entire genre comes in at number two. Masters of wrong-on-purpose spelling, bad puns and just generally trying too hard to be hard-core; throat violence is a fitting example. They join the long ranks of shockers including Moshquito, Eternal Tears of Sorrow, Rake Sodomy, Septic Blood Fart and Meat Wagon. Shit. I wonder if they rock as hard as their band names.
Where to begin? Words cannot describe just how awful this band name is. It’s like the punch line to an X-rated Christmas cracker joke. What even is it?! Two words spring out at me but together they make no sense - it just makes me feel sick somehow.
so very much worse too, implying something so sinister, it makes me shiver – a huge age gap. Who’s your daddy!?
Tamsyn Solomon Hello, I am Tamsyn Solomon and Iâ€™m currently studying my 3rd and final year in Digital Design at AUT. I really enjoy drawing and designing characters. I love stories, and I love being able to capture moments in stories through the poses or expressions in the characters I draw. I like to experiment with all sorts of styles, but cartoon is my favourite one. I also enjoy playing around with colour and see what kinda of colour schemes work. I plan to go on making pen and paper role-playing games, drawing comics and just playing around with some CG stuff for fun after University. So I readily soak up my favourite kinds of media such as cartoons, comics, anime and manga to draw inspiration from and better myself as artist and storyteller.
debate is looking for some super talented artists to profile. Do you know some artists at AUT who we should feature? Is it you? Get in touch with us today. Send in your work at email@example.com.
Laura Charman Singer-songwriter and walking phenomenon Miss Taylor Swift landed her Speak Now World Tour finale in New Zealand, having performed her show over 100 times in 17 different countries. By now you have done well if you’ve avoided Taylor Swift’s fandom, dodged the odd screaming twelveyear-old. You’ve also done well if you’ve failed to hear one of her chart toppers or avoided knowing that all three shows at Vector Arena were completely sold out. But for those of us who actually attended one of Miss Swift’s shows this is only the beginning of her enchantment. In attending the Sunday night concert, the noise that surged throughout the arena could not be measured by decibels alone; the scale of screams was simply astronomical. Scanning around the arena, loyal fans lodged their support of the star through bright handmade t-shirts and excess glitter plastering their body. Barring all hype, Taylor Swift sustains her career through lyrical talent and musicianship alone but it is perhaps heightened by her large devout following. The Speak Now Concert not only cemented this, but also showcased her ability to create both a visually enticing and thoroughly entertaining piece of art. An elaborate showcase The Concert itself showcases top choreography, elaborate sparkly sets and aerial gymnasts, as well as Taylor’s talented band. In between all the tight eight costume changes, Taylor also manages to incorporate the banjo, piano, acoustic and electric guitar in her instrumental rotation. After lining up since eleven in the morning, I found myself with a prime spot, sandwiched right at the front of the crowd within a metre from her reach at times. Having watched the Friday show from the
seated area I was ready to feel the sweat of Taylor and soak up the crowd’s electric atmosphere. As soon as the curtains parted, crowds were enveloped into the snow globe that is the ‘Speak Now’ stage. ‘Sparks Fly’ opened with a bolt of fireworks escaping from the ceiling. As far as set design went, each theme present was visually shown in theatrical style, and from the scale of things, it seemed to give the audience everything they paid for. Taylor Swift’s storytelling craft of imagery was explored heavily in songs like ‘Haunted’ which tap into a heavier and darker side of Taylor Swift, avoiding her usual fantasy and idealistic based songs.
Together with the continuous fainting of dehydrated and star-stuck girls, the Taylor Swift experience was both HARDcore and HEARTcore. The powerful string section propelled a sense of urgent panic while gold, oversized bells were bashed by Taylor dramatically in between hair flicks. Of course, it wouldn’t be Swift enough not to have some display of sparkles so fairy-like trees provided an eye-candy background feast if your ears weren’t already satisfied. Her voice when revealed was strong above the crowd, on pitch with her signature country twangs that were most present in her iconic ‘Mean’ number. A captivating stage presence What really stands Swift apart from other artists is her intimate audience involvement. Any artist who takes the time to whisk around a crowd of
12,000 odd people really shows her integrity as a person. Taylor swiftly waltzed into the audience, swapped high fives and thank yous to her fans, at one point giving her glove to a young girl who I’m sure has probably framed the sweaty relic by now. Vector Arena security centurions with their bulky bodies and staunch watchful stares were a far cry from the spewed sparkles of confetti cascading around them. Engulfed in an enchanted world, they couldn’t have been more out of place. You don’t need to go to a screamo concert to get the brunt of a mosh pit. I kid you not, during the song ‘You belong with me’ one distraught girl absolutely annihilated everyone in her path , punching, pushing and elbowing her way to the front with tears streamed down her fuming face. Together with the continuous fainting of dehydrated and star-stuck girls, the Taylor Swift experience was both HARDcore and HEARTcore. Being the last concert of the worldwide tour, the atmosphere shared between the cast seemed somewhat effortless and more relaxed than the opening night. Towards the middle of the Concert, the song ‘Speak Now’ almost resembled that of a closing finale at a high school show with loose reigns being uncoiled everywhere. The opening act, Hot Chelle Rae appeared on stage out of turn, clearly not blending into the church wedding scene. This was followed by a shirtless dancer trolling on stage, his excuse later being revealed by Taylor that it was his birthday. But the absolute highlight from a fan’s perspective was seeing Taylor Swift sport an All Black’s t-shirt during her performance of the new single ‘Safe and Sound’. This one costume change sent the crowd into a piercing, unified frenzy that will remain special to those who witnessed such a grand gesture from such a truly amazing artistWonderstruck!
Top 10 Predictions for the business end of the local and European football season Ben Parsons
As summer cools down in New Zealand, European football season heats up. Alongside this, the local stuff winds up and we get new champions, new heroes and plenty of great goals. It will answer many questions for the fans that have been loyal for months on end. Here are my top 10 predictions for 2012.
A club from Manchester wins the Premier League
Relegation will go down to the final day
Wellington Phoenix gets close to the A-League Crown
Well this has been inevitable for a while now, City and United have been going hammer and tong at each other all season and the photo finish is expected. City with all their player-buying greed are still unbeaten at home in the league, but have experienced problems away from home and from a certain Mr Tevez. United have been United. Solid without being amazing. There is something about Sir Alex that brings out the best in players; players who aren’t that fantastic to start with.
Give me a season when tears don’t start flowing at the end of a final day. Usually full of twists and turns, this year’s premier league seems like it will be no different. Wigan has been dead set terrible this season, but Roberto Martinez knows how to get his team out. Look at last season for example. Wolves are a team that have some decent players, but lack direction and lost their manager mid season. QPR started very well like most promoted teams do, but have fallen with Bolton down the table. Both have the team and management to get out though. All Blackburn fans need to hear is “Kean out, Kean Out” to understand how their season has gone.
A Spanish Club wins the Champions League The two Spanish clubs have dominated the Champions League this season. Real Madrid and Barcelona seem destined to meet in Munich in May and again it will be the Ronaldo and Messi show. Scored nearly 100 goals this season combined, the two have been amazing at times and there aren’t a lot of teams left in the UCL that can challenge them.
This season could be the year of the Phoenix. A turn around away from home and a solid defence lead by Durante has resulted in a home playoff in the finals series. They will need to finish better if they are to beat the likes of Brisbane Roar and Central Coast though. The Phoenix seem solid across the park at the moment, but silly cards and suspension could holt progress. Australian referees don’t seem to look kindly on the Phoenix tackling, especially away from home.
Saints do the double
Chelsea wins the FA Cup
Auckland City wins the ASB Premiership
The dedicated football fans look to the Championship to see who will promote to next seasons premier league. Southampton is on top and is in control of the league. Lead by star striker Ricky Lambert, the Saints are looking to win promotion back-to-back after being the League One (3rd Division) only last season.
Chelsea fans have been pretty down this season. AVB’s departure though has lead to a miracle win over Napoli and even Torres has started scoring again. With Liverpool and Tottenham already gaining European qualification, the cup final at Wembley may be Chelsea’s last chance to play in Europe next season.
The NZ media largely ignores local football with the Phoenix being the lowest level of football they report on in this country. Auckland City has been dominate since the start of this competition and is lead by All White Ivan Vicelich. Auckland City has players born in Spain so really have an unfair advantage against everyone else and are sure to win.
BARCELONA AT LA LIGA
Barcelona don’t win the Spanish La Liga
AC Milan claims the scudetto
There will be more controversy
Barcelona was expected to waltz through this season, but sometimes the script is wrong. Barcelona has been very poor away from home only winning 7 from 14. Compare that with Madrid who has won 11 from 13. Perhaps teams just sit at the back at home to Barca to get a result. Anyway, Madrid seems a bit more desperate to win the title this year. They haven’t since 2008.
Potentially the Italian League is the closest in Europe, in terms of the teams being very close in skill and star level. AC Milan is more of a team than in previous years and has the players to win the league for a second time in a row. Ibrahimovic and Boateng have been key for them while Robinho has been the most consistent he has ever played.
It just isn’t the end of the season without some more trouble. Perhaps there will be more calls for goal line technology after a goal is ruled out and don’t forget the acting nonsense in the Champions League. And imagine the media attention if Tevez gets a run for City before the end of the season. Teams will go down, there will bad referee calls and there will be tears and triumphs. It will all come down to the final few months.
AuSM Student President
Kia Ora everyone, This week is the last week before the two-week mid semester break and I hope you are all looking forward to it. This is the time that most lecturers give students assignments to be taken home and schedule mid-semester tests for the first week after the break. During this period, some of us have to cram for mid semester exams, work long hours to make some money or just burn the candle at both ends. No matter what we do, it is still the golden opportunity to take a break. When your willpower is drained, a suggested way to restore it is by recharging your bodies with rest, food or some other physical distraction that takes you away from whatever is burning you out so take a break. Watch some TV, have a candy bar, goof around, tune out for a bit and come back to the task at hand when you are feeling better. Thank you to everyone who got on board last month for the Beads of the Courage Day Street Appeal. We had over 30 volunteers from the AuSM team which is almost 4% of the total 800 volunteers at the 120 sites for the two-day street appeal. We had great AuSM staff, AUT students and friends donating their time for such a great cause. The AUT student organisation (AuSM) has truly proved that it’s not just about our current students but also our future students and the community as well. It was such a huge privilege of witnessing the generosity of our community on the streets. It is a great event and I hope it would continue to raise significant funds that could make a meaningful difference in the lives of these courageous children and their families through the Child Cancer Family Support programmes ran by the Foundation. The 2012 Uni Games would be on from 10th – 13th April which is during the second week of the mid semester break
at Wellington city. Some of us will be down there to cheer on the Mighty AUT Titans. On behalf of AuSM, I would like to wish our team all the best and we hope they bring the Shield for the champions to AUT with many gold medals. Finally, don’t forget if you want to get hold of me over the break I will definitely be around. Drop me an email or give me a call in the office. I wish you all a happy Easter and a fantastic study break. Till next time, have a lovely study break!
Take a break The AuSM Lodge still has some vacancies over Easter break! Why not get your mates together and take a road trip to National Park. You can hire the AuSM lodge from $130 and it sleeps 12 – that’s less than $11 per person! Find out more or book now at www.ausm.org.nz Vesbar Easter Party Easter is almost here which means you get a well-deserved break and what better way to celebrate than at Vesbar! Join us this Thursday 5th April for the Vesbar annual Easter Party! 7pm till late. Sticker Up Don’t forget that from now on you will need your AuSM sticker for some of the AuSM services such as free feeds, Vesbar discounts and Movie screenings. Get yours this week from AuSM. Battle of the Bands 2012 Battle of the Bands is back! Get your band together and enter online now at www.ausm.org.nz. First heats kick off on 3rd May at Vesbar with finals on 24th May. Free for spectators! R18. Clubs AuSM clubs are getting into full swing and have heaps going on. Get more involved on campus and join a club! Find out more at www.ausm.org.nz or come and talk to Deanna in the AuSM City office. Need a flat? AuSM classifieds is the place to go to find flats, flatmates, second-hand textbooks and more! Check it out now on www.ausm.org.nz Saving with Mates Rates AuSM have hooked you up with even more sweet deals on the AuSM Mates Rates. Check it out on our website now! www.ausm.org.nz
Passing of king leaves Tongan community out of pocket
Tongan students in New Zealand face uncertain economic futures after the passing of King George Tupou V. With the island nation already in a tough financial situation, many of those living in Tonga will require more monetary help in the upcoming months because of the pressure on them to help pay for the king’s funeral and the new coronation ceremony.
“Their children are suffering because they send most of their money home, but forget that the education here needs to be paid to help with their futures.” There are more than 50,000 Tongans currently living in New Zealand with over 80% percent in the Auckland region. This is not just a Tongan problem as many of the Pacific nations face similar financial issues; Samoa’s economy has been down since the tsunami in 2009 and the world financial crisis in the same year.
The funeral, which was held in Nuku’alofa on March 28 to celebrate the late King’s achievements, cost the small country thousands and put further strain on locals.
Chairman of the Tongan Advisory Council Melino Maka says the cost of the funeral is hard to predict but considering an Auckland based Tongan Funeral is around $30,000 at least, just imagine one for a king.
Cash-strapped New Zealand based Tongans often send money home to pay for simple items like food and water.
“It seems over the top, but relative to the King and his legacy. It’s an impact on the community and so will the coronation of new King ’Aho’eitu ‘Unuaki’otonga Tuku’aho TupouVI, but it is a part of Tongan life.”
This puts pressure on them as they go without basic requirements, with education one of the first things to suffer. Tertiary level students drop out and at secondary school students can go without necessary equipment. Accounts manager at Kelston Boys’ High School Susan Borich says she sees hard cases every day due to parents being unable to pay basic school fees.
Maka says the issue of the families sending money home is complicated and Tongans living in New Zealand that are facing unemployment should, “go home and work on the land”. “Family is always there and there are strong family ties, but it is important to look after your kids here and manage your life here first.”
AUT students trade coins for courage
It may be a sacrifice, but giving a few hours on the street collecting money for the Child Cancer Foundation’s Beads of Courage Day Street Appeal is a small one for AuSM and AUT. On Friday 23 and Saturday 24 of March, student volunteers helped out the appeal by collecting money inside campus and out of the streets of Auckland. The Foundation’s goal is to raise $1 million on Beads of Courage Day and throughout Child Cancer Appeal Month in March to help children with cancer and their families. Child Cancer Foundation spokesperson Megan Horsburgh says three children are diagnosed with cancer each week in New Zealand and together undergo a total of 100,000 treatments and procedures annually. “For each of the treatments and procedures they have to go through, they receive a Bead of Courage from the Child Cancer Foundation,” she says. The foundation at present does not
receive any funding from the government or any other cancer charities. This is why organisations like AuSM are involved helping with collections from every-day New Zealanders during Beads of Courage Day. Over the two days of collecting, AuSM has over 50 students and staff helping to collect. AuSM President Kizito Essuman says this year’s two-day Beads of Courage Day was successful and AuSM is proud to be part of this success. “It was such a huge and fantastic privilege to witness the generosity of our community on the street. It is a great event and I hope it would continue to raise significant funds,” he says. Horsburgh says it is crucial to have outside organisations help to collect money because the charity by itself is simply too small. “It is critical for us to have volunteers to help collect or we simply wouldn’t have Beads of Courage Day.”
“The AUT students who helped collect were amazing, not just for the money they brought in but also for the colour and good spirit they brought to the streets of down-town Auckland”, she says. Each year the AuSM president with the student executive council come up with a community based initiative which represents the interests of future students and the community. Essuman, this year, chose the initiative to help children with cancer. “It is always a good feeling to support events like this which are for a good cause. AuSM has played a very vital role in being part of the success of this project.” “We had great AuSM staff, AUT students and friends donating their time for such a great cause,” he says. The Child Cancer Foundation’s next large event is the RCP One Night Dinner at Eden Park in June.
Costly car services force students to cut corners Grace Bradshaw
AUT University student Daisy was similar to many young Aucklanders when she let her car go past its service and registration date to save money. The 22-year-old drove her car without a valid warrant of fitness or registration for three months because she could not afford to pay for them. Daisy was issued a $400 fine while on the way to get her overdue warrant. It turns out this is not an unusual scenario for Aucklanders, a recent national survey suggests. The findings reveal that in the last year, more than one in five of the 2500 people surveyed have driven their car without a valid registration. Fourteen per cent of these people are Auckland residents, who were the most likely to do this. The survey shows the younger people are, the more likely they are to not pay for car registrations. More than a quarter of the people surveyed admitted to ignoring their cars’ service expiry date. It was also found that some people care more about a good sound system than safety features when buying a car. Thirty per cent of Generation Y respondents said they would invest in a good sound system over safety features. Twenty-one-year-old Aucklander Shaun admits he has bought and sold many cars relying on their sound systems rather than the safety of them. “I have a car at the moment that doesn’t even have seat belts in the back and it’s on Trade Me.” Similarly, 20-year-old Auckland student Ali says she has sold a car using its sound system as its best selling point. “For students it’s unlikely you’re gonna get a particularly safe car so you might as well go for a good sound system.” Canstar Blue is a division of ratings company CANSTAR, and conducted this survey about motoring costs.
Names People have always been obsessed with names. People
have decided that pets, plants, cars and random inanimate objects all need names. People used to only have just one, a first name. That’s it. Till they needed more – thus the surname came about. Then the middle name. Some have two. Some have ridiculous amounts like three or four . Sure I understand the need for naming, especially when they are semicreative. It’s interesting, unique and it makes a person feel just that little bit more interesting if they aren’t stuck with a generic name like Jane or Mark (no offence to any Janes or Marks. I’m sure you are all very lovely), but surely there is a line in the sand?
Laurene Jooste I can think of half a dozen stupid names celebrities have given their poor little creatures (read children). Apple, for one. Gwyneth Paltrow’s girl. Really? Really? Were you at such a point of chronic sleep deprivation that this actually seemed like a good idea? If so, what the hell were you doing close enough to the naming papers to make this stick? Although, I must say, this is by far one of the tamest ones. Then there is Sunday Rose, Nicole Kidman’s kid. Then you get the more intense ones. Apparently Beyoncé (my computer actually corrected me to put the apostrophe on the name. Are you joking? When the hell had Beyoncé’s
name become legit enough to be in the dictionary for Microsoft word?) and Jay-Z are naming their child Blue Ivy. Are you kidding me? As Jay-Jay Feeney said in a recent article in New Idea: “Who calls their kid Blue?” Then speaking of blue, Alicia Silverstone and Christopher Jarecki’s poor child is called Bear Blu. Poor thing, although, I must admit, the kid might be saved some humiliation with the possible association to Bear Grylls. But then you get Mariah Carey’s child – Moroccan Scott. I get the whole ‘name your kid after a city or place like Paris or Brooklyn’, but Moroccan? To top off the list, here are 11 of the most spectacular ones:
Jermajesty – Jermaine Jackson’s son Sage Moonblood – Sylvester Stallone’s boy. Poor man should have just stuck with Rocky. Moon Unit, Diva Thin Muffin, Dweezil and Ahmet – Frank Zappa’s children. Reason I put
all four under one number is otherwise they would dominate the entire thing. The first one is a daughter. Yes, you read right. Daughter. What the hell is this man on?
Pilot Inspektor – Jason Lee’s son. Moxie Crimefighter – Penn Jillette’s daughter. I get if this was for a boy, but a girl? Really? Blanket – Michael Jackson’s son. Bronx Mowgli – Ashlee Simpson’s son. Once again, I might have been able to understand for a boy, but a girl? It will never work with Jungle Book around! Poor thing will have to have a sex change.
Kal-El Coppola – Nicolas Cage and Alice Kim’s son. Tu Morrow – Daughter of Rob Morrow. See. Right here. This is stuff ‘what if’ jokes are built on. But this guy was
being serious! Thank the Lord it’s a girl so the name can be altered.
Audio Science – Shannyn Sossamon’s child. Ocean – Forest Whitaker’s boy. If this was a girl, I would debate about it being on here, but a boy called Ocean? Poor kid
doesn’t stand a chance.
Seriously people, take a second and really soak those names up. How on earth did they manage to do this wrong?! Didn’t they stop for a second to think of their names and how much easier their life was because of that? Even I have a rough time with mine and it’s not even that difficult (though, French names aren’t exactly very prolific here, so I guess I can forgive them). Granted, they weren’t the best at naming crap in the old days either. I mean, really now, how many Henry’s does the world need in one family line before it gets a bit tedious? Clearly eight or more. So, to counter-act history’s monumental lack of creativity, people try to be too creative. Surely, surely, one day we have to hit a medium somewhere.
Or maybe we did in the 1820s and the time has passed us. Either way, people need to get off whatever they are using for ‘creative inspiration’ and take a step back, turn that name inside out and flip it upside down and really consider if what they are naming is legit enough to not scar the hell out of the poor thing before it even hits its fourth birthday. So moral of the story is this: If or when you have children, by all means, be individual and interesting. But please, please¸and I am asking you for the sake of their mental welfare, to not do any naming while under any form of mind altering substance or lack of sleep. Why? Because one day when you’re old they are going to shove you in a crappy retirement home and you will be totally screwed over.
Hazel Buckingham Tuesday March 6th was a day pretty much like any other for me. I rolled out of bed at 5.45am to get to my 8am journalism tutorial – then fuelled with caffeine and more caffeine, I proceeded to go through the motions of university. It was at about lunchtime, as I sat in a dreary media communication lecture flicking through Facebook and imgfave, that I began to notice something different. My two favourite social networking sites were being bombarded by a video accompanied with pleas such as: “OMG this is sooo terrible. Plz repost :( :(” “Plz take sum time out of ur day to help the kidz in Africa” For the first few hours, in fact I think for that entire day, I managed to avoid it. I was quite proud of myself for not jumping on the bandwagon and I made it my goal in life not to click the play button on that video – Kony 2012. After all, I’m cool and different; I don’t do what everyone else is doing.
So I think that attitude lasted until Wednesday night. I couldn’t take it anymore. The social media world had gone crazy, my friends were talking about it constantly, and even at work – my esteemed colleagues who I looked up to, knew about this video. So, I made myself another coffee, huddled up on the couch and pressed play. Well. After that 29 minutes and 59 seconds I was ready to change the world, give the Invisible Children all (which admittedly isn’t very much) of my money, and repost and retweet Kony2012 as many times as possible. I hit ‘like’ on the Facebook page and climbed into bed that night thinking how proud I was to be apart of something bigger. To be a part of something that was finally changing the world. I then woke up the next morning to find that there had been negative criticism and backlash about my beloved video and the Invisible Children, the organization behind it. I suddenly felt embarrassed and ashamed. I had jumped right on the bandwagon without even typing
Kony 2012 into Google and doing my research. I realistically had no idea what I was supporting, or what harm I had done by spreading the video. And I began to realize the dangers of this new social media phenomenon. But first things first.
Kony 2012 is a thirty minute video made by an American charitable organization called the Invisible Children about Ugandan war lord Joseph Kony. He is the leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) who is responsible for over 30,000 child abductions and killings. It is narrated by Invisible Children director Jason Russell and his cute five-year-old son, and really is a tug on the heart strings piece. It shows ungodly violence, multiple deaths and harsh conditions in Uganda juxtaposed with thousands of people in the West, namely America, who are coming together to ‘end this hatred’. For
those who are wondering, this is Joseph Kony, the man responsible for this phenomenon:
The fact that I’m guessing at least 50% of you believed that, shows that you are all just as bad as me and jumped on the bandwagon without doing your research. That, is actually Carl Weathers from the movie Predator. Just like I bet almost 90% of those chanting “Stop Kony” couldn’t even point to Uganda on a map.
best reception in Uganda and it definitely wont be winning any People’s Choice Awards there anytime soon.
Fact This is Joseph Kony Fact He is the leader of the LRA, a rebel army group that enslaves children as sex slaves and child soldiers and killed over 30,000 children in the last 20 years. Fact He is a terrible man that needs to be stopped.
However. The Kony 2012 video does have some terrible discrepancies: False Kony is at large in Uganda. Kony has actually not been in Uganda since 2006. He was forced out and now his number of followers in down to the hundreds. While he still is an awful criminal, he is no longer Africa’s most concerning problem.
A showing in Lira, a town North of Uganda, of the film was met with jeering and throwing objects. This then prompted angry calls to radio stations and wide online criticism. Ugandan journalist, Rosabell Kagumire explains why the film was received so badly: “This [film] paints a picture of Uganda six or seven years ago, that is totally not how it is today. It’s highly irresponsible” It’s also been criticized within Uganda for being insensitive by showing the violence and bloodshed that, although happened a long time ago, is still a fresh wound for many.
False Giving your money to Invisible Children will help end the war on terror Of the $8.9 million dollars the Invisible Children spent last year, not even a third of that was channeled towards work in Africa. It was spent on travel expenses, salaries and ‘making cool movies’ to help ‘raise awareness’. False The Ugandan army are the most prepared and most suitable to find Joseph Kony. The Ugandan army and Ugandan President, Yoweri Museveni, have been accused for poor human rights record also. There is so much political corruption going on within Africa that you really need to be careful who you are channeling your money towards in an effort to help.
The-most-obvious-conspiracy-Ican’t-believe-I’m-even-having-totype-this. The US Government are trying to get military presence in Uganda in order to obtain their oil and beat China in the resources race. It’s Iraq and Afghanistan all over again. Therefore, they have funded the Kony 2012 campaign to get people passionate and interested and supportive for when they make their move. Invisible Children are moneylaundering frauds stealing all your
thoughtfully donated Kony 2012 money to pay for their flash cars and nice houses. And finally, my favourite - Joseph Kony is chilling in some sweet as mansion with Saddam, Osama, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger.
So while you think you’d be supportive and proud of a movie that’s been made in your country (*cough* Lord of the Rings *cough*), Kony 2012 didn’t exactly have the
If you ask me, I think the biggest problem here is how we all just followed the herd and did what everyone else was doing. They told us at the very beginning of the video – “THE NEXT TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES IS AN EXPERIMENT.” Yet no one took the time to question or to think, and that is what mass media and social media is doing to us in today’s society. It is a sad day when we think we can change the world from our living room, or end a war with wristbands. When we just click ‘like’ cause everyone else is doing it and everyone else is talking about it. In psychology, it’s called Groupthink. In Germany it’s called the Holocaust. In America, it’s called the Gulf Wars. In 2012, it’s called Kony. Start challenging your mind again.
The function of the International Criminal Court
crimes against humanity, genocide, and war crimes Matthew Cattin
The International Criminal Court (ICC) is a tribunal devised by a number of international countries which has jurisdiction extending to four offenses described by the court as “the most serious crimes of concern to the international community as a whole”. The crimes include: genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes and crime of aggression. Although separately defined, many of these crimes overlap with each other. For example, genocide is also a crime against humanity and a war crime.
The court came into existence very quickly by international standards since its early beginnings on 17 July 1998 when 120 nations voted to adopt the Rome Statute. Twenty one nations abstained and seven were opposed including the United States, China, Israel and India.
Okot Odhiambo (fugitive) – Senior leader in the LRA with a reputation for massacres and violence. Described by ex-LRA members as “the one who killed the most”, Odhiambo is alleged to have led a massacre in 2004 in which 300 people were burnt, shot and hacked to death.
Although the primary responsibility of prosecution belongs to the nation involved in order to respect national sovereignty, the ICC will step in if the nation is unable or unwilling to bring the criminal to justice. It was finally established on July 1 2002 when the founding treaty, the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, was signed by participating states. Since so many states are involved, state representatives have struggled to define a set of acts that warrant a crime against humanity, in fact, the ICC is still struggling to define some of the terms. For example, the definition of ‘crime of aggression’ won’t be officially decided on until 2017. This means that in a court of law, no individuals can be prosecuted for a ‘crime of aggression’ until it has been defined. Another problem arising from the large selection of participating states is that several large-scale crimes have been left out of the agreement. The use of weapons of mass-destruction for example is not a prosecutable act in the ICC unless with the intent of one of the other crimes, like genocide. The current definitions are very specific meaning that a criminal can be a total bad-ass and not qualify for prosecution with the ICC. Genocide is defined as a crime committed with the intent of destroying in whole, or in part, ethnic, racial, religious or national groups. A crime against humanity is defined as a serious attack on human dignity or degradation of human beings that is tolerated or condoned by the government. To qualify as a crime against humanity, as opposed to an isolated event, the crime must be part of a wide spread or systematic practice. War crimes are classified as violations against the international laws applicable to armed combat. This includes ill treatment of civilians and prisoners and unnecessary destruction of land. The crime of aggression is awaiting definition by the ICC.
Joseph Kony (fugitive)– The leader of the
Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) wanted for 12 crimes against humanity and 21 counts of war crimes.
Dominic Ongwen (fugitive) – Rumoured
to have been killed in 2005, Ongwen is wanted for three crimes against humanity and four war crimes. DNA testing on fingerprints disproved the rumour in 2006. “Unfortunately, the bastard is still alive” said Ugandan Peoples Defence Force spokesperson Felix Kulayije.
Libya Abdullah Senussi – The brother-in-law of
Colonel Gaddafi was arrested in this this month for crimes against humanity.
Saif al-Islam – Arrested November 2011 for allegedly torturing and killing civilians; his name ironically translates to Sword of Islam.
Kenya William Ruto – Although not directly getting
his hands dirty, Ruto is a Kenyan politician charged with government corruption serious enough to qualify as crime against humanity. He appeared voluntarily when summoned by the ICC and is facing trial.
Uhuru Kenyatta – The Deputy Prime-Minister
of Kenya, Kenyatta is wanted for his alleged involvement in a series of violent upheavals after the 2007 elections which left members of the opposition party dead. He is also awaiting trial after appearing voluntarily.
Francis Muthuara – Also held responsible for the violence following the 2007 election. Appeared voluntarily to ICC summons with Kenyatta.
Democratic Republic of the Congo Mathieu Ngudjolo Chui – Wanted for six counts of war crimes and three crimes against humanity, including murder, sexual slavery and child soldiers. Germain Katanga – Wanted for indiscriminate killing sprees, sexual slavery,
torture including locking prisoners in rooms with corpses and ordering attacks on civilians. Congolese authorities surrendered him to the ICC in 2007 and he has begun trial.
Thomas Lubanga Dyilo – Currently in custody of the ICC facing life
imprisonment. Prosecuted for acts of murder, ethnic massacres, rape, maiming and conscripting child soldiers.
Bosco Ntaganda (fugitive) – Known as the terminator, Ntaganda is wanted
for forcibly conscripting child soldiers.
Omar al-Bashir (fugitive) – The Sudanese President accused by the president of the ICC of war crimes, genocide and crimes against humanity. Responsible for the Darfur crisis and several other ongoing civil wars which have affected millions of people. Ahmed Haroun (fugitive) – Wanted for 20 crimes against humanity and 22
war crimes, Haroun has been accused of displacing over 50,000 people from their homes.
Ali Kushayb (fugitive)– Accused by the ICC of 504 assassinations, 20 rapes and the home displacement of 41,000 people, Kushayb is wanted for 22 crimes against humanity and 28 war crimes. Abdallah Banda – Currently awaiting an ICC trial for three counts of war crimes.
Ivory Coast and is facing imprisonment for murder, rape, persecution and other inhuman acts.
Germain Katanga Omar al-Bashir
“The men were restrained in different ways. Some of them … had been tied and suspended in the air… His arms were held wide apart and tied to a plank of wood on the ceiling, while his legs were also held wide apart and tied to objects on either side … a stove was left burning between his legs…. All the men had whip marks on their bodies and their clothes were torn and blood-stained… He had been repeatedly beaten, called ‘Tora Bora’ and deprived of food…. Two other men … had been badly beaten and their fingernails and toenails had been forcibly removed.” -Survivor on Ali Kushayb.
Laurent Gbagbo – Former President of the Ivory Coast, Gabado was arrested
Hot spots of human rights abuses throughout the world
From 1970-79, Uganda was under the tyrannical rule of Idi Amin, responsible for the deaths of up to half a million people killed in state-sponsored fighting. His replacement Milton Obote came to power in 1980 when Amin was overthrown and his leadership was just as bad, causing the deaths of hundreds of thousands of citizens in his five year rule.
Sudan, much like Korea, has been plagued by years of North-South disputes, costing millions of people their lives and homes. The current president, Omar al-Bashir came into power in 1989 and has been ruling violently ever since. On the run from various arrest warrants, al-Bashir continues to travel through countries that oppose the warrants.
In 1986 president Yoweri Museveni was elected, introducing democratic reforms and dramatically improving human rights. Although he has influenced considerably better living standards in Uganda, the Lord’s Resistance Army has been at large since 1987, abducting tens of thousands of children to use as soldiers and sex slaves. The LRA, led by Joseph Kony (who you may know from Facebook), has been in hiding for years but I’m sure you tweeters will find him!
The on-going conflict in Sudan is pressuring neighbouring countries and it is possible that the inner conflicts may soon erupt into a regional war.
The Democratic Republic of Congo The Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) has been in violent turmoil since it’s declaration of independence in 1960. The list of upheavals, massacres, extremist groups and corruption could fill an entire issue of debate. In 1998, the Second Congo War (also known as the African World War because of its scale) broke out. The war which involved nine African nations as well as numerous armed groups was responsible for over 5.4 million deaths to date. This figure makes it the world’s deadliest war since World War II. Hands up who even knew about it? The DRC is currently a more stable climate under the rule of President Joseph Kabila but despite a peace treaty in 2003, some areas remain rife with violence and slaughter.
Libya Colonel Gaddafi came to power in Libya in 1969, ten years after oil was discovered in quantities enough to make the country wealthy. Over the next four decades under Gaddafi’s eccentric rule, Libya became an increasingly unruly and violent state. Eyes of the world turned to Libya in 2011 when the government used excessive force trying to control the masses intent on uprooting Gaddafi’s 41 year rule. On October 20 2011, Gaddafi was found, beaten and murdered by anti-Gaddafi forces. Elections should be held to appoint a new leader within the next six months.
Social movements, protests and activism through social media and the World Wide Web Alanna Caveney As of mid-March, the Kony2012 video had reached 83 million views on YouTube, and had invaded the social media pages. Everyone with a Facebook page has no doubt come across the film at least once since it was released onto the World Wide Web, and with millions of views, a lot of those Facebookers also watched it. Invisible Children’s Jason Russell has said of the film that it is not the answer to ending child slavery in Africa, just the “beginning of a conversation”. With one in every 13 people worldwide signed up to Facebook, they have begun a mammoth conversation. So let’s have a brief inspection of other events, both global and national, that have been shaped as a result of the internet.
Middle Eastern Uprising 2011 The ‘Arab Spring’ uprisings of last year began as a crusade of non-violent civil resistance, featuring demonstrations, marches, and labour strikes. The movement was kicked off with the Tunisian revolution for the ousting of longtime president Zine El Abidine Ben Ali in January 2011, and led to the
Egyptian revolution. This movement heavily relied on the internet and social media sites like Twitter, Facebook and YouTube in the early stages to accelerate social protest. The words “Facebook” and “Twitter” could be seen graffitied on walls across Egypt. There are even allegations that the CIA was blindsided by the Egyptian uprising by failing to follow developments on Twitter. The internet fire became so strong that the Tunisian government began blocking access to most social networking sites, but not Facebook. They attempted to do this in 2009, but decided it would cause more problems. In Egypt, the government successfully shut down the internet for five days during peak demonstrations, cutting off protesters’ access to online resources. As a result of these revolutions,
Facebook and Twitter have been seen as real game-changers for the future of social activism. Philip N. Howard, associate professor of communication at the University of Washington, and other scholars have analysed the millions of tweets, YouTube videos and blog posts and concluded that “social media played a central role in shaping political debates in the Arab Spring… [The evidence] suggests that social media carried a cascade of messages about freedom and democracy across North Africa and the Middle East, and helped raise expectations for the success of political uprising. People who shared interest in democracy built extensive social networks and organized political action. Social media became a critical part of the toolkit for greater freedom.”
Occupy Movement Beginning on October 15 2011, Occupy Auckland saw New Zealanders from all walks of life gather in Aotea Square to stage a peaceful protest. The Occupy movement began in New York’s Zuccotti Park on the September 17 2011, with protesters claiming “we are the 99%”. By October, Occupy protests were occurring in 95 cities across 82 countries. The internet went wild with online protestors, especially on the blogging site Tumblr, where people from all over the world posted photos
of themselves with an outline of how being in the 99% has affected their lives, from unemployment to student debt (www. wearethe99percent.tumblr.com). Neal Caren, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina’s College of Arts and Sciences carried out research to record the protests and the role that social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter had in linking supporters and distributing information in relation to the Occupy movement. The research found that Facebook was the most used and effective site in spreading the movement. “Social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter have been central organizing locations for spreading information about Occupy Wall Street. While the focus of Occupy Wall Street is on mobilizing individuals offline, online activities greatly facilitate these efforts. Facebook has become a recruiting tool for bringing in new supporters and getting people to events,” said Caren.
WTO Seattle Riots 1999 The media dubbed it the “Battle in Seattle”, but to the world’s governments it was simply the World Trade Organization’s third ministerial meeting of 1999. Along with the delegates came thousands of protestors from far and wide. This protest was one of the earliest examples of co-ordinated social activism over the internet. Before the days of Facebook and Twitter,
these early activists took to the more mechanical functions of the internet by employing the extensive use of email, online discussion boards, setting up of websites, the use of audio and video links and using the internet for the general spread and gathering of information. This was an event that shaped the nature of future movements as activists learnt to adapt and use the internet with more sophistication. The 1999 Seattle riots also highlighted how the internet can take control of more organised groups and undermine the legitimacy of their movement – although the majority of the protestors were non-violent, a small collection eventually began to initiate violence and looting. These actions led to arrests, tear-gassing, pepper spraying, a 7pm citywide curfew, and even the shooting of rubber bullets at the innocent protestors.
Morgahna Godwin In other social media news… This is exactly what happened to me:
Jezebel Dodai @jezebeldodai
“midnight hunger games!!! i dont even care that I’m the oldest one here except for someone’s mom!!!” I’m a pretty open-minded person and I like to know what everyones talking about, in general. So I, like many others (who will probably not admit it), went and saw the Hunger Games. I was the oldest person in the room. It was a little demoralising . I’ve said it once and I shall say it again, I’m more of a ‘Coneheads fight-to-the-death’ fan rather than this Hunger Games business (I’m a 90s kid!). For fear of being shot with a bow and arrow by some crazy tribute super fan I will refrain from saying anymore If you didn’t get that ‘tribute’ reference you obviously haven’t seen the movie and have a life. -
The Internet also contributed to the organisation of street blockades that disturbed the normal WTO summit, attracting the attention of news media around the world. During the blockades, activists with portable computers connected to the internet were constantly updated with reports from the streets and details of changing police tactics. At the same time the internet was the site of anti-WTO action itself, with groups like ®tmark (Artmark) creating a sophisticated ‘spoof site’ of the WTO’s homepage.
Edge announcer Megan Slovak posted this about Rihanna. All I can say it Te Amo, have you seen it? Looks like Rihanna’s had the same dream.
Megan Slovak @Magoogoo
“So what do you supposed it means if you have a totes innapropes dream about Rihanna?! I’ll never look at her the same…” Richard Branson posted this the other day :
Richard Branson @richardbranson
“Everyone (including celebrities) should treat receptionists with respect. Their job is a lot tougher than ours “ Let’s dissect this for a second. I don’t know who he thinks follows him on Twitter but I’m pretty sure the receptionist where I work spends more time on Facebook and in Marc Jacobs than she does actually doing anything. That doesn’t apply to all receptionists of course, but I think you would also agree that the receptionist at the information desk doesn’t work harder than you who’s reading this in your lecture right now. Right? I like you Richard but you pressed my button with that one. -
Oil Drilling There are always on-going protests in New Zealand, particularly over oil-drilling. The most recent protest in the media is that of Greenpeace against oil giants Shell and their attempts to drill in the Chukchi Sea, off the coast of Alaska. Seven protestors, including actress Lucy Lawless, occupied the Noble Discoverer ship and remained there for 76 hours before being removed and arrested at Port Taranaki. They were eventually charged with burglary. “#SaveTheArctic” could be seen all over the protestors’ shirts and pickets. This refers to the online protest through social media site Twitter, where people could voice their concerns and tag this particular issue into their posts. Greenpeace also added a section on their website where people can send a message in protest to Shell CEO Peter Vosser and sign an online petition to stop deep sea drilling. So far, almost 340,000 people have done so through Greenpeace alone. Greenpeace’s executive director, Kumi Naidoo, has said social media is a powerful tool for the organisation and key to helping save the environment.
This week’s Follow Friday I recently found this kid who has the funniest twitter account. It speaks to me. It’s like a real reflection of my life.
“My relationship status is like my ipad. I don’t have an ipad”
“My mom + My dad - Condom = Greatest person alive.” You should follow him, I swear you won’t be disappointed.
Cattin’s Column This day in history
Thirty years ago today, Argentine military invaded the Falkland Islands in an attempt to steal it from Britain’s 150 year rule, essentially starting the short but hostile Falklands War.
Fun fact of the week
The Falkland Islands are located 460km off Argentina’s coast and have been under British rule since 1833, despite the fact that England is 12,000km away. Argentina, feeling they deserved sovereignty, invaded with 12,000 soldiers and 40 ships.
England, under Margaret Thatcher’s iron fist, deployed 28,000 soldiers in a fleet of 100 ships. They would have sent the air force but of course it was too far away. Seventy-two days later, it was all over and the Argentines were forced to surrender defeat. With more than twice the number of ships and soldiers, Britain announced victory on June 14 1982. Nearly 1,000 troops were killed in the bizarre conflict, as well as three unlucky Falkland Islanders.
Laika - the Russian space bitch In 1957, her dreams came true. Plucked from the streets of Moscow, Laika was chosen by the Russian Space Agency to be the first creature to venture into space. “Woof!” said Laika, barely containing her excitement.
Laika was a Soviet space dog that became the first animal to orbit the earth. She eventually died in orbit and helped pave the way for human space exploration. As a young stray pup growing up in Russia, Laika’s beginnings were far removed from the unimaginable heights she later reached. On long cold nights when she couldn’t find food, Laika would look up at the vast expanse of stars, yearning to be among them, to understand their mysterious beauty.
For months, lucky Laika was put through rigorous space training by the Soviets and although it was exhausting, she found it a rewarding and humbling experience. She had to practice living in a confined area without moving, as well as learning to be calm in turbulent and noisy conditions. Finally, on October 31 1957, it was time to launch. She boarded the little satellite Sputnik 2, and was fired up into space. During the flight, Laika’s heart rate went up three to four times its usual speed. How exhilarating she thought. Unfortunately for Laika, her brave journey to space was only a one-way trip. After being suspended in zero-gravity for around seven hours in 40 degree heat, transmissions to the space centre confirmed her death. Laika was immortalised as the first living creature to make it to space, teaching scientists the effects of space travel. Well done Laika.
Brendan Kelly An Icelandic Saga translated by Brendan Kelly from the original text by the Most Sacred and Revered Sage Dwstfgl Ahooooooooooooooooooooora III Once there was a man named
Nedelofgen who was so bad with money, his neighbours would hold secret meetings on alternate Wednesdays, to discuss how bad he was with money. “Nedelofgen is not very good with money,” said one, whose name was Juseppapia, which is Icelandic for ‘he with the evenly distributed eyes’ – eye distribution obviously playing a key role in Icelandic mating rituals. “No, he is not,” agreed SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein, which means ‘he who often awakens beneath the belly of the yak’. Naturally, SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein was not popular in the village because of his ludicrous name and also because by making him unpopular I can immediately remove him from the story and thus not have to go through the struggle of typing his fucking name again. We will have nothing more to do with SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein forthwith. Despite the removal of SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein from the story, Nedelofgen was bad with money. Like most of the working class of Iceland he was employed as a pig-slapper, a very silly profession that involves the pre-tenderising of pork products while the animal is still alive. The process is entirely humane and has been compared to massage therapy for swine, although how the pigs feel about is yet to be ascertained. As soon as Nedelofgen received his salary on alternate Wednesdays, he would blow it all on luxurious things – a coat made from seventeen beaver-skin coats, a hat carved entirely from celery, an eyepatch composed of nine-thousand fleas preserved in honey; but that wasn’t enough. Nedelofgen would go down to the arena, where the highly competitive sport of hermit-crab wrestling would take place, again on alternate Wednesdays. Sometimes he would win, sometimes he would not, but Nedelofgen always enjoyed himself. Even SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein would testify to that if he were still involved in the story.
But one day it became obvious to the population of Iceland that pig-slapping was a very silly profession indeed, and Nedelofgen lost his job quicker than you can say ‘SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein’. But old habits die hard, and as everyone knows, hermit-crab gambling is the most addictive of all the vices, except whoring. So Nedelofgen gambled on; but unlike Kenny Rogers, he did not know when to hold ‘em, or fold ‘em, or stop risking his savings on hermit crab wrestling. A year later, in the depths of winter, Nedelofgen had nothing left but his coat made from seventeen beaver-skins. He knew that even though he was hungry, the coat would keep him warm and help him survive the cold. One day, as he sat in his gutter, a swallow flopped down beside him like a blob of pancake mixture. “Alright?” it said to him, quite casually. “Me? I’m on top of the world, me,” he replied sarcastically. It is widely agreed that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Being sarcastic to birds is ok though, because birds often have fleas. “That’s good then.” Swallows aren’t really good with sarcasm. To be fair, they didn’t even know they were capable of interspecies communication until they read this story. He made to fly off, but Nedelofgen called him back. “No, wait! I’m not really on top of the world, you know. I’m poor and hungry and I have this condition where the back of my leg flares up with a rash in the shape of a Dane, the dog not the people.” “Oh,” said the swallow, unused to this level of specificity. “That’s shit. I’ll tell you what though mate – the winter’s nearly over! Look at me man, I’m a fucking swallow. I only come out in the spring. You’re good to go son.” And with that, the swallow took off, and Nedelofgen was over-joyed at the realisation that his worries were over. He hobbled down to the hermit-crab pen and bet his coat on Grongo, the mightiest of the crabs, to win. Unfortunately Grongo had contracted leprosy in the harsh winter, and his head fell off three seconds into the first round. But to Nedelofgen this wasn’t so
bad, because he knew the winter was almost over. He was sure he could survive for a few days. The next day, Nedelofgen discovered the frozen carcass of the swallow four metres from his spot in the gutter. He kicked it angrily; it was as hard as a lump of iron wrapped in Mr T. Its frozen rictus stared up at him, taunting his foolishness at having followed the advice of a bird, albeit one capable of advanced rhetoric. In hindsight, following the advice of an animal rarely pays off. Nedelofgen knew if he didn’t find shelter, he would be more dead than SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein. Seeing smoke from the chimney of Juseppapia, he picked up the swallow and moved closer, not sure if he would be made welcome. And from the window, which for narrative purposes was wide open even though I already stipulated it was winter, he heard his neighbours talking. “Nedelofgen, he is not good with money,” said SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein. And so Nedelofgen ran inside and beat SanjatalaypapasakreakreaTANGstein to death with his frozen swallow carcass for repeatedly intruding on the story after I already cut him out, and to a lesser extent, for being a gossiping wanker. He then stole his coat, his money, his house and his wife, and lived happily ever after. The moral of the story is, although one swallow does not make a spring, gossiping is bad and will ultimately end in your demise. 90 per cent of gossip related deaths are performed with a frozen object of some kind. Other possible objects that can be frozen and used to kill off gossipers include: A sheep Two sheeps Grammar Grandma Three sheep A flock of sheep A Flock of Seagulls A Band of Brothers A rubber band A rubber ball A school ball A disco ball Patrick Stewart
Women talk too much. Yes, it’s a well-known fact that women talk more than men - any girl who denies it is LYING. Women speak nearly three times the amount of words guys do in a day. One way to really annoy a girl is by pointing that out while she’s talking, but there are definitely men out there that can hold their ground with women in the battle for talking. Good on you guys!
Quick tip Want to impress girls? Take the leading role and be confident; although, that doesn’t mean be cocky and crack your jokes really loud. I mean expressing yourself if something is not acceptable. For example, asking people behind you to stop talking in the cinemas. It will impress the girl that you took charge. As much as girls like that, we also have independence. But we appreciate a guy that has the ability to step out and talk.
Nothing upstairs for guys Yes, it’s a well-known fact that women talk more than men - any girl who denies it is LYING. Women speak nearly three times the amount of words guys do in a day. One way to really annoy a girl is by pointing that out while she’s talking, but there are definitely men out there that can hold their ground with women in the battle for talking. Good on you guys!
One reason why women talk more is because we require and also provide more detail than the average male in a conversation.
The scene: Guy and girl meet up and go to a park. Guy and girl hold hands; they play on the swings and pass a ball around. Now, asking the girl what she did today, she replies: “I met up with this guy, we both went to the park, you know, the one near Queen Street, and we held hands. It was really sweet, we played on the swings and talked about uni and his rugby team and fans and all that, then we played passes with a rugby ball and then went home. It was nice.” Guy Response: “I just met up with this girl, went to the park, mucked around with the ball.” That’s a basic example, but try to look back at conversations, stories and even fights – the girl requires and provides more information and guys are used to getting lots of info from girls; when we don’t give it they get suspicious or sometimes annoyed.
“Beside every great man is a great women, even in the game of chess the queen protects the king.”
However that stereotype of women wanting to know what’s in a guy’s head is being slowly broken. A few years ago it stumped me how many men I noticed leading conversations with “what are you thinking?” And yes, asked often enough, it’s bloody annoying! After acknowledging that, I can see how it’s come to the point where men get frustrated when a woman doesn’t believe them when they say they were thinking of nothing. In the girl world, from when we are little, we are told men are liars. Sadly enough, women make it hard too. They say they’re thinking nothing at times when something really is wrong – especially the whole, “what’s wrong?” Girl: “Nothing…” Guys, if she’s uncomfortably quiet, yes, there’s probably something wrong and it may be your fault!
Best advice – trust your GUT feeling; it usually picks things up way before you and that’s the feeling we try to justify with thoughts. For example, “he’s creepy . . .he’s probably just shy or awkward.” Nope, gut says creepy, stick to that. Or, “she’s gone uncomfortably quiet . . . she’s just thinking or PMS.” Nope, something is bothering her!
Morgahna Godwin A human entity possessing a brain packed with legitimate genius ideas. I was going to write you some mildly exciting article about what ‘thrilling’ accessories will be on offer this winter. I decided against it. Fashion has so many facets and if you’re planning on going down that path there’s a few things you should be aware of to enhance your Legit Genius Brains. I say ‘to enhance your legit genius brains’ but I also mean so you don’t embarrass yourself by going, “what’s that?” I’m working for a fairly huge fashionista in New York and there have been plenty of times that I’ve been ‘called out’ by some skinny-soy-chai-latte-tryhard biarch. It’s not fun. Here we go. Let’s start with the who’s who: Ian Gavan @ Getty
ANNA I write ‘ANNA’ because everyone knows who she is (or should). Anna Wintour is, whether you like it not, the motherfucker earth of fashion. She’s been the editor and chief of American Vogue for so many years that there are permanent reflections of her in the glass doors as you enter the offices. She’s known to be very harsh and doesn’t tolerate a whole lot. Having said that, I have a lot of respect for Ms. Wintour. When you pick up a copy of US Vogue you know that Anna has carefully curated every single page herself. It’s a piece of art.
Isaac Hindin Miller
Grace Coddington Grace also sits on the Vogue throne as Anna’s righthand wooo-man. She’s the creative director at American Vogue and she’s packin’ (if you know what I mean). Don’t get it? Me neither. I just love her hair
Karl Largerfeld Karl is the creative director at the House of Chanel. He’s the fashion equivalent of the pope in Europe. Worship him.
Kate is the style director at Elle USA. I bring her to your attention purely because she’s one of the best dressed women I know I wish I knew. She’s got copious blogs dedicated purely to her style. Spend 5minutes a day studying her, rather than watching cat videos or Ellen, and you will definitely grow those genius brains.
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Mario Testino Mario is one of the most noted fashion photographers in the world. NO matter what Tyra tells you, Nigel isn’t that high up in the pecking order. Mario shoots everyone and anyone who’s a ‘somebody’.
Tavi Gevinson Tavi is part of what will become the future of fashion. She’s 15, a blogger, an editor, and a fashion front row occupier. I’ve talked about her before so I don’t want to bore you but go to her blog (www. thestylerookie.com) and learn a thing or two.
Now for the what’s what of fashion: Grande extra shot soy skinny vanilla latte with no whip.
Ugly Betty (TV show)
Ugly Betty is not fake. It’s real. It’s my life.
I still don’t know what this is about. I just know that if you don’t get it you will be shunned to the nearest corner, or told to go and work at US Weekly (ewww).
The Devil Wears Prada (Movie)
True to some extent. Except there’s no Meryl. I was expecting Meryl?!
These are shoes that only Kim Kardashian can pull off and everyone else is trying to ripoff. Wear them with caution. They will not give you legitimate genius brains but will probably make you less intelligent. Just know they exist.
Not as in ‘going out on the town and coming home with some hot piece of meat’, but as in pulling looks from a collection to shoot. It’s common sense, I know, but it’s taken me a while to get used to. For example: “Morgs can you pull ten of the black racks out”. My response, “ They want me to pull ten black girls’ boobies? Seriously?! why?”. My Oprah ‘Ah-ha moment’ then kicked in.
The September Issue (Movie)
Watch it! It follows Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington in the lead up to the 2007 September issue of American Vogue. It’s a good insight into what happens on the business side of fashion. Being a designer is great but getting on the good side of magazines and publications is the bread to your butter. Wintour pretty much made Marc Jacobs career what it is today. I don’t know if you can find it in the local DVD store but if you’re really stuck you could find it on the net.
I saw Hunger Games last week, and I must say that overall, * braces self for an onslaught of flying rotten fruit * I found the whole experience a little bit underwhelming. HOWEVER, there was one thing I did like about the story. I’m not sure if Suzanne Collins meant to achieve this (if she did then it was very clever and I really do applaud her) but I liked the parallels she implanted in my mind between the ‘Capitol’ (the wealthy district in Hunger Games where nobody gives a crap about anyone that lives outside the area) and Western society as a whole. Now, I’m not about to say that Western society is quite as bad as the Capitol. We don’t pluck 24 kids from poor countries every year and rejoice in patriotism as we watch them “bludgeon one another to death” with “spiked maces”. (Seriously. How has this story done so well?) But it doesn’t take a genius to see that our world and the Capitol mirror each other in lots of ways. In our world, we find happiness through slick technology and high fashion, ignoring the injustices that brought these products to our doorstep in the first place. What’s worse is that we cannot claim ignorance to these injustices. We’ve all read the papers and watched 60 Minutes enough times to be aware of the impact our consumerism has on the world around us. But we continue with our reckless, mindless consumption anyway because we enjoy the comfort and convenience it adds to our lives. For example, we all know how cruel and grotesque battery hen farms are. Yet in 2010 it was reported that 82 per cent of New Zealanders’ eggs still come from these gory establishments. We also all know that using animals to test cosmetics is not only a cruel practice, but an unnecessary practice. Yet, cosmetic testing still accounts for 10-20 per cent of all animal testing in the USA. Let me ask you this – if it was mandatory for all animaltested shampoo to display a picture of a caged bunny wearing face cream on the bottle, would you still be happy using that shampoo and seeing that face-creamed bunny every morning?
Ways aspiring super citizens can be more aware of what they’re buying (and can therefore move into an age of condemning unethically produced products)
Ask store managers if their stock is fair trade/their eggs are free range/their shampoo is animal tested Even if you already know the answer, the very fact that you asked shows that you care. If they tell you no, their eggs are not free range, then make a point of basing your purchase decision on this. For example, say “Oh well, in that case I’ll have the fruit salad,” or alternatively (if you don’t mind awkwardness) say “in that case I will eat elsewhere,” and then leave. That will certainly get them thinking. Do your research online There are about a million different websites that name and shame brands that produce their products unethically. Simply type ‘SPCA approved eggs New Zealand’ or ‘Does *insert company’s name here* animal test?’ into the Google machine and you’ll soon have your answer. NOTE: Go to an independent website, not a corporate website. Otherwise you’ll get a really confusing answer that’s full of jargon and will leave you unsure of what you wanted to know in the first place. Call the company Squint your eyes to see the 0800 number, pick up your phone and wait on hold for as long as it takes. Ask the customer service rep all the questions on your mind – someone somewhere will register that you don’t approve, and that really does count for a lot. I’m a great believer in the power of informed choice to bring about change - you, as a consumer, have the ability to use your free will against the injustice plaguing our consumptionobsessed world. After all, as Martin Luther King Jr so eloquently put it, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” And as usual, how right the man is.
It is our duty, as aspiring Super Citizens of this luxurious, affluent, abundant society, to take a closer look at the industries we’re supporting. It’s all very well for us to say we oppose animal testing or battery hen farming, but our words count for nothing if we continue to purchase animal-tested products and batteryfarmed eggs. The second we buy a product that is produced unethically, we are not only supporting the injustice, but we are the sole reason that it is allowed to continue.
By: Ian Hughes’ Where: Q Theatre
Rating: 3 ½ /5 After a 10 year hiatus, Irish rock band The Cranberries are back with their sixth studio album, Roses. If you are a fan of the musical style of The Cranberries, which is a mash up of indie rock, pop rock and Irish folk music, then this album is a must have for you. Show Me The Way is the first single released off the album and the song which brings the band back into the industry following their long break. It won’t blow you away but it is catchy and radio friendly. If you’re anything like me and a sucker for a rock song with a violin, you will find it hard to fault the song. It sets up a nice premise for the rest of the album and, as far as comeback songs go, ticks all the boxes. Tomorrow was the second song released from the album, and while it is just as catchy as Show Me The Way, it pushes an important message of moving on through life. Lead singer of The Cranberries, Dolores O’Riordan, said the track is about how we overescalate small things in our minds, but at the end of the day these things are small and foolish, and we have to move on. It makes you wonder if The Cranberries are talking about moving on from their earlier roots or their ten year hiatus. Either way, the message combined with the tune makes for a great song, and I would say it is my favourite off the album. O’Riordan has always been praised for her haunting voice with the Irish twang, and it is evident throughout the whole
album. She raises and lowers her tempo through songs such as Fire and Soul and Losing My Mind, and draws you into going on a journey with her captivating, beautiful voice for the whole album. The song Schizophrenic Playboys is definitely worth checking out, if not for the good rock track, then purely because of the name. The final track on the album is Roses, and rounds off the comeback album nicely. If you wanted something hard-hitting and powerful like the 1994 smash hit, Zombie, you’re out of luck. The Cranberries have returned with music which is radio friendly, pop rock style. I would have been happy if only a few tracks were like this, but with the whole album sounding pop rock, you feel a bit left down. Even the tunes which start off sounding more Irish folk eventually turn back to the pop rock tune by the chorus. If it wasn’t for O’Riordan’s unique voice, it would be hard to differentiate a chart topping band with some of the other fluff which is hanging around the charts. While Roses should hold their place in music industry, I hope, The Cranberries will pursue something a little more powerful for their next project. Renee Simpson
Rating: 4/5 Ship Songs, a play written and performed by Ian Hughes (Bare, Shortland Street), is a story of adventure, yearning, discovery, and reflection told through three main characters destined for new lands; each with a separate story to tell but sharing in the theatrics of the high seas. One of the more prominent stories throughout the performance is the tale of Yorkshire lass Gabrielle Barker, a young woman set for the journey of a lifetime as she boards a ship en route to Alaska. The audience is told that all of the stories start somewhere exciting; they are all an adventure of life. Gabrielle’s story is of a personal nature to Hughes as it imaginatively recounts the true tale of how Hughes’ parents came together and fell in love. On top of this we also have the oriental tale of 15th century explorer Zheng He, and the story of a lively 18th century Irishman who has encountered a great deal of trouble and faces even more as he jumps ship and lands on some remote shores in the Pacific and is romantically struck by a beautiful local woman. Hughes is a one man act. With little more than the stage and a tin barrel as a prop, he captivates with his story telling and stage presence alone, confidently taking on the various Chinese, Irish, British and Canadian accents and personas with a steady mix of high sea drama, hilarity, and tender moments of sadness. He hits all the emotional notes and
hits them well. Yet, Hughes is not the only star of the show and the audience has an array of other visual and audio elements to feast on as the performance bursts with action. There is a lot of musical interpretation that drives the story along, including sound effects both subtle and bright. Don McGlashan takes charge of the music along with Chris O’Connor and Dave Khan. When the moment is right, Hughes and McGlashan burst into song. Some of the best moments occur when genuine Irish joy takes hold of the stage. One can almost smell the sea breeze and the sense of freedom and the excitement of new destinies. The story is also brought to life through the use of stunning visuals which are sparingly projected onto the canvas sail screen behind the main stage. The screen is equipped with zips and doors and allows for a number of visual effects including a scene that takes place during a storm behind the wheel of the ship. Ship Songs first toured New Zealand in 2008 but returns after having its “decks completely swabbed and its newly refurbished sail hoisted”. It is a very enjoyable show, but one that requires a great deal of concentration as the story moves along at such a pace and some plot lines can get confusing. Ship Songs continues its foray of adventure at Queen Street’s Q Theatre. Nigel Moffiet
Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.
We Need to Talk About Kevin Dur: 112 mins Starring: Tilda Swinton, John, C. Reilly, Ezra Miller Dir: Lynne Ramsay
Rating: 4/5 “We need to talk about Kevin,” is the sentence you hope to hear the whole film, until it’s too late. Lynne Ramsay’s film adaptation of the acclaimed 2003 novel (Lionel Shriver) is a harrowing and disturbing insight into an abnormal child who pleasures in the pain of others. Told from the perspective of Kevin’s mother (Tilda Swinton), the film goes straight for your empathy jugular, causing you to feel the frustrations and fears of a frightened parent. Once an acclaimed travel writer, Kevin’s mother had her nomadic life cut short by a presumably unplanned pregnancy. Forced to settle down, she is clearly miserable about her paternal responsibilities from the get-go, summed up beautifully by her depressed expression in the hospital bed as her husband (John C. Reilly) fusses over new born Kevin. Her unenthused attitude is mirrored by baby Kevin who develops a rebellious streak very early on, doing anything in his power to slash his mother’s hopes for normality and reciprocated love. His apparent vendetta against her seems distinctly mature for someone of his age and Kevin, to me, resembled the devil-spawned child Damien from The Omen (1976). The story is told in an intensely fractured narrative structure, which initially is quite difficult to grasp but about 20 minutes in, it settles down into a linear story and you can take part in the harrowing ride. Almost straight away, the film reveals that a teenage Kevin (Ezra Miller) was involved in a horrible incident and much of the film focuses on a post-Kevin timeline. This timeline is traumatic and fragile as Kevin’s mother is haunted by whatever it is her son did. A brilliantly creative directorial decision was to use the colour blood-red in nearly every scene. It could be cans of tomato soup, red paint, furniture of oozing strawberry jam but the message is clear. Whatever Kevin did has stained his mother’s life and it will haunt her forever. We Need to Talk About Kevin is a suspenseful assault on your emotions – the ending in particular knocked me for six. Compelling and terrifying right to the end, it is at times a very difficult film to watch. It leaves you feeling quite empty; one of those films that you’ll be thinking about for days. It almost took me a few days to come to terms with the film after the shocking ending left me thoroughly disturbed. It is however a masterfully directed and extremely clever film, just don’t expect to feel good afterwards.
Name Phone # Email Campus
Mathew Cattin CONGRATULATIONS! to our issue 5 winner
Jessica Johnston Akoranga Campus
Jordon Milroy, 22, takes life’s challenges in his
stride. Having Cerebral Palsy makes it hard for Jordon to control his muscles and so he gets around university in an electric wheelchair to get past the busy crowds safely. But when his classes are finished, he leaves his wheelchair behind, and lately you’ll find him scaling the stairs of his 14 story apartment as he trains for his latest mission. On April 17 Jordon will climb the 1029 stairs of Auckland’s Sky Tower before jumping off to raise disability awareness and set the message straight that people with disabilities can achieve and set goals in life. He talks to debate about the upcoming event.
How did you come up with the Sky Tower climb challenge? “It was a midnight thought. You know when you can’t sleep at night and you come up with these ideas on what to do. I teach disability awareness at schools, so I thought to myself ‘what can I do to become more different’ because I’m not different enough. I Googled to see how many steps were in the Sky Tower and it was 1029 and I thought to myself ‘that’s not that tall’.” You are carrying out the challenge to raise disability awareness. What are some of the key issues you are raising? “I use a power wheelchair for getting around uni and people see the wheelchair and think I can’t walk or that my legs don’t work properly. I want to send the message that disabled people can set goals in life and can challenge these stereotypes. When I go home, I leave my wheelchair at the front door. I use a wheelchair because university is so busy, I might get knocked over and so I can get to class on time.”
Do you feel some people underestimate you because of your disability? “You know the saying ‘don’t judge a book by its cover?’ That’s a really important saying to me. Even coming to uni – people would think I’d never come to uni and then last year I topped my course, so you know what I mean? Don’t judge a book by its cover.” What kind of training have you been putting into this challenge? “When I started training in September, I also started a Facebook page to record all of my training. So when I don’t want to train because the weather is bad, it reminds me to keep going. So I climb a lot of steps in my apartment which is about 14 stories high. I do that around three or four times each day.” How have your friends and family been supporting you? “Support has come from more than friends and family, it is world-wide. Over the weekend, the Facebook page went past 2000 likes world-wide, so there’s support from all around the world. My friends and family have gone in a complete circle because in the beginning they were like ‘okay, here we go again’ because I always come up with these crazy challenges. When I was seven I tried to dig a hole in my back yard so I could live in it. But now that they’re on board with it they’re like ‘oh, so you’re actually going to climb it?’” Do you think there are enough services for people with disabilities at AUT and around town? “I think NZ and AUT is really geared up for disabled people, like all the buttons on the doors and everything. But in a perfect world there’d probably be a bit more but you can’t complain every minute of the day, you just have to think ‘okay, I can’t go that way, I’ll just have to go this way’.”
Visit Jordon’s Facebook page and offer your support and to find out where to donate: www.facebook.com/jordonsclimb or email firstname.lastname@example.org debate is looking for some super interesting AUT students to profile. Do you know someone at AUT who we should profile? Is it you? Email email@example.com with your suggestions.
HEAT winners will recieve a $50 VESBAR bar tab.
FINAL winner will recieve recording time at Red Bull Studios, a slot at an AuSM gig in 2013 and $100 VESBAR bar tab.
Huge range of hospitality equipment at city campus store Chefâ€™s Jacket Assorted Sizes $56.69
Henckels 4 Star Boning Knife
30cm Sharpening Steel $28.89
French Sealed 300mm Stainless Steel Whisk Student Price
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