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In-Depth p. 6-7
Culture p. 10
Features p. 3
Twin Cities Weekends : All about everyone’s favorite metropolitan combined statistical area.
Matt vs. Food: Staff writer Matt Woolsey takes on the Twin Cities’ gastronomic challenges.
Junior year abroad: Two EHS juniors go across the world.
Volume 33 Issue 6
April 12, 2013
6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
Papal celebrations Edinans have high hopes for new Pope Francis I “I was excited to find out that Jorge Bergoglio was elected by the conclave,” said senior Jay Dienst. “I think a non-European Pope could really help the church move into a modern direction.” On March thirteenth, the cardinals selected Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina to succeed Pope Benedict XVI. Bergoglio decided to take the papal
name of Francis, making him the first to take the name. Pope Francis could quite possibly be what the Catholic Church is looking for to help reestablish itself in the modern era. As the Archbishop of Buenos Aires, he was a firm believer that the Church should promote the Catholic faith more than regulate it. Due to the number of Catholics
Photo credit Wikipedia user Fczarnowski
Catholics in St. Peter ’s Square celebrate Pope Francis I right after his election on March 13.
that have left the Church, it is likely that his support for missionary work will continue in Vatican City. Within a year, Pope Benedict XVI, Pope Francis’ predecessor, joined millions of other users on Twitter and became the first Pope to step down in over 600 years. Although rumors circled claiming that his resignation was due to ailing health, he has stated that his decision to step down was a spiritual one and is due to his lack of strength to live up to his papal duties. One of the most common observations of Pope Francis is how simple and humble he acts in public. Instead of wearing flamboyant traditional robes and giving a very long message from his balcony, Pope Francis focused on interacting with the people gathered below in Vatican Square. “The fact that Pope Francis is setting an example for the rest of the church is inspiring and nice to see after such a long time,” said senior Kevin Franze. Edina is home to two Catholic churches, Our Lady of Grace and Church of St. Patrick, both are places where quite a number of EHS students frequent on Sunday mornings and nights. Perhaps Pope Francis’ motivation for expanding Catholic Church membership will be felt in Edina and around the world. Alex Van Gorp, online news editor
Edina’s music programs hit the world stage There are over 600 students involved in music programs at Edina High School. “Music is not so much a class at EHS but more a family, as cheesy as that sounds,” said senior Cassie Clarke, “There’s a ton of talent that gets to be showcased.” And showcase they do. Not only do students participate in music on school grounds, but their experience extends beyond the classroom. The EHS orchestra, choir, and band all take trips to travel outside the bubble and share their music with the world. Orchestra travelled to Chicago over the weekend of March 7th. “We did a school exchange,” said Clarke. “We played for them, they played for us, and then we performed a piece together.”
The orchestra also performed at Northwestern University, but there was more than just music planned on the itinerary. “We visited the Hancock Tower, the Field Museum, an aquarium, Millennium Park, and went to Michigan Avenue to shop,” said Clarke. “What I most enjoyed was the Picasso exhibit at the art institute. It was so amazing to see his pieces and collections in real life.” One week later, Concert Choir traveled to Chicago. Just like the orchestra, they did two school exchanges and took cues from a guest director. “We did a lot more on the trip than just sing,” said senior Meghan Herring. “My favorite part was walking around Chicago on St. Patrick’s day.” With a green-dyed Chicago River to guide
their way, the choir went to Andrew Lloyd Weber’s show and saw Blue Man Group perform. “We also ate dinner at Dick’s Last Resort,” added Herring with a laugh, “The waiter made me a hat that said ‘Easily Forgettable’ and senior Talia Edelheit one that said ‘Born a Boy’.” Unlike the orchestra and choir, EHS’s band has yet to leave for their 2013 trip. “We are going to Singapore over spring break,” said senior Rory Bade. “I’m most excited to go to the beach and perform at the Esplanade, a famous concert hall in Asia,” said senior Erin Savre, “We will also perform with an all-girls school from Singapore which should be a cool experience.” Vivian Engen, online sports editor
Passion Project a success, teachers say According to sophomore English teacher Fred Cheng, the Pre-A.P. English 10 Passion Project is “intended to be a full-year research project [and] came from a need to fulfill new national and state standards for Language Arts.” The assignment, which is a new addition to the sophomore curriculum this year, also has an encouraged service component. Mr. Cheng said, “We wanted to incorporate service learning because school work that encourages students to take action also forces deeper learning.” In a nutshell, the project is a yearlong assignment that was introduced to students at the beginning of the school year. It is broken down into a research paper, due the week of April 11th, as well as a project and presentation. A Passion Project Fair is set to occur on May 23rd and 24th. All tenth graders are required to complete the assignment, but topics vary from student to student. English teacher Beth Mohs noted, “Some students explored more historical topics, some chose topics related to their extracurriculars, and some based their choice on current social issues.” For instance, sophomore Grace Boyle is researching the rights of families with gay parents, while sophomore Sidonie Gindre chose the subject of bilingualism. So how do students get started? The process can be quite complicated. Gindre described a common setback as “finding topics to research on.” However, Media Specialist Sara Swenson, who plays a large role in assisting students with their research, designed several resources that sophomores could utilize, such as a help forum, lists of reliable databases, and access to NoodleTools, a site that assists with organization. Student feedback on the project has been mixed. Mr. Cheng described, “It’s very intimidating to be told they’re writing a ten page paper. Being a yearlong project is also very daunting. It’s not something you can rush off the night before it’s due.” So will the assignment stay for next year? Mr. Cheng weighed in, saying, “I don’t see it going away.” Clare Ling, in-depth editor
Top: Orchestra poses in front of the Chicago skyline on Lake Michigan... Bottom:...and underneath the Bean in Millenium Park. Photos credit HAnnah Sommerville
The official newspaper of Edina High School
2 www.edinazephyrus.com
News Volume 33 Issue 6
April 12, 2013
6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
April showers bring May Term “I’m going to Winnipeg, Canada with Christina Dovolis to do a culture study. We’re looking at art, schools, demographics and government; we are then blogging about it. This is my first time going to Canada and that makes me even more excited for the whole experience,” said Senior, Blake Olson. By the time May comes around it’s not just bringing the warm weather and feelings of summer but it is also brings along May Term. May Term is an educational program offered to seniors that lets them expand their learning to go beyond just the classroom walls. This opportunity allows seniors to complete an internship or a project of their choice during the last two weeks of school. Senior, Rory Bade said, “My May Term is a brass quartet with Jack Swiler, Audrey Lidke, and Grace Stewart. Our final project will be a short concert that we will perform at the middle schools and hopefully a few of the elementary schools.” Bade went on to say he was most excited for getting to learn a new skill in a non-traditional way. He added, “In other words, it’s going to be really fun to learn in an independent setting rather than in a classroom. I think it gives the student a lot more freedom in how you approach a problem that might arise during the process.” Applying for May Term includes a detailed application that was due on March 19th and is reviewed by the May Term board soon after. For people who already have a clear vision on what they want to do, there is an early decision deadline on Feb 19th. A response will be given on March 1st, allowing plenty of time to revise and resubmit an application for rejected students. While May Term is open to all sorts of interesting possibilities, the application itself still needs to be
well planned and thorough in order to get passed. Senior Kaia Lindquist stated, “The application process wasn’t bad but it was in depth. It was useful for us too because we could go through exactly what we wanted to accomplish and it forced us to get organized.” However, there are certain requirements that must be followed before embarking on May Term. Seniors that wish to be considered must maintain a 2.0 GPA or better and not be on an unexcused attendance contract. If a student is accepted they must check in twice with an assigned advisor over the course of their project. Those doing internships must blog on Moodle and all students must give presentations on June 3rd regarding what they did over the course of the month. After the presentation, students are given pass/fail grades. If a student fails, they must attend summer school. However, the work hasn’t stopped many students from doing May Term. Over the years, projects have ranged from constructing an outdoor classroom to making a documentary. This year students are doing a variety of interesting stuff. Lindquist is going to Tortola in the Virgin Islands. Lindquist said, “Lauren Johnson, Maddie Hartwig and I are going to Tortola for May Term. We are going to study the ecology of the island; this includes but is not limited to: animals, plants, weather and geology.” When asked what she hoped to get out of this experience, Lindquist said, “I think all of us are just hoping to have a good time, it is great that we will be done with high school and we can explore something that we are possibly could be interested for in the future.” Anna Zhou, staff writer
art by Annika Smith-Ortiz
MN legislation
&
the fight for GLBT “It’s not one of those bills that came out of the blue upon which everyone has to get organized,” Minnesota Representative John Lesch said in a recent interview with MPR. Lesch is talking about the proposed bill that is currently undergoing debate in the Minnesota House of Representatives. The bill would effectively legalize gay marriage statewide, changing the definition of marriage from “a civil contract between a man and a woman” to “between two people.” But are Minnesotans ready to make that change? Supporters of the bill say yes. Many believe that the recent defeat of the marriage amendment -which would have amended the Minnesota constitution to say that marriage can only be between a man and a woman- created the ideal political environment for further gay rights movements. Supporters hope that momentum and excitement have built to the point where Minnesotans can pass a law permitting gay marriage once and for all. Opponents to the gay marriage bill have also been vocal. So far, only one Republican representative has signed on with the legislation, and Senator Warren Limmer explained to the Star Tribune that the political climate is not as ideal as some may think. “The people simply said that they didn’t want to take the definition of marriage as it’s written in Minnesota state law and include that in the constitution,” Limmer said about the
recent defeat of the marriage amendment. On March 7, hundreds of opponents of the new legislation marched in downtown Minneapolis, and according to a recent Star Tribune poll, 53% of Minnesotans want to keep the current ban on gay marriage in place. The bill will be debated in coming weeks, passing through first the House Committee and then the Senate Judiciary Committee. At any point in that process, the bill can be defeated before it reaches the actual Minnesota Congress, but according to the Associated Press, enough votes have been guaranteed to make that unlikely. Senator Scott Dibble, a sponsor of the bill, believes that both committee hearings will succeed. The real challenge will come when the bill is debated before the Minnesota House of Representatives and Senate. In order to pass, the bill would need 68 votes from the House and 34 votes from the Senate, before reaching the final point of the process: Governor Mark Dayton’s desk. Dayton, a democrat, has said that he will sign the bill into law if it comes to that point, but that may not happen for several weeks. Minnesotan democrats, the main force behind this bill, told the Star Tribune that they will be focusing on budget issues first, with the real gay marriage push coming after they work to resolve financial issues in the state. Andrea Kimball, editor in chief
BUSTED!
Let’s get things straight. There are so many rumored school policies, how do we know which ones are real? Zephyrus sat down with assistant Principal Eric Nelson to talk about some of these urban legends. Rumor: Students can leave class if a teacher doesn’t show up within the first 15 minutes. Eric Nelson says: I heard that when I was in high school. That’s one of those things that everyone claims there is a policy that says that, but that is never the case. If there is some reason that a teacher doesn’t show up, that means someone in the office is scrambling to try and get someone there. The kids should hold tight until someone shows up. BUSTED Rumor: After the heat is turned on for the winter, it cannot be turned off until the summer. Eric Nelson says: We have a heating season and a cooling season. Our boilers and air conditioning units are so enormous and complex that you can’t just cool a room that has been heated, overnight. This becomes more of an issue in September and October, and then again in April, May and June. TRUE(ish) Rumor: If you become pregnant while attending an Edina Public school, you are asked to leave. Eric Nelson says: Absolutely not. That’s probably illegal. I don’t know where that even came from. You cannot deny someone education based on a medical condition. BUSTED Rumor: If you receive an attendance contract in the mail, and you refuse to sign it, you do not have to abide by the rules. Eric Nelson says: It’s more of a courtesy letter to remind you that you are now or soon to be exceeding the attendance policy. Failure to sign it doesn’t mean anything, it is still in play. BUSTED Rumor: Teachers cannot get fired if they have another job within the district. (i.e. coaching a varsity sport) Eric Nelson says: Coaching positions are a year-to-year contract; there is no tenure for coaching positions. If someone is a coach and a teacher, they are two completely independent positions. If you were not doing a good job or you were negligent as a coach, this would not impact your position as a teacher. BUSTED Note: The term “tenure” is not “ten-year”. This does not mean that if a teacher has worked for ten years at the school, they cannot be fired. It’s similar to a continuing contract. This means the teacher has a right to a position as long as it exists after they have completed a three-year probationary period. Megan Couture, culture editor
Features 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
April 12, 2013
Volume 33 Issue 6
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Every year, the Edina Rotary Club gives Edina High School students the chance to study abroad for the full year. Students can chose where they want to go, and the Rotary sponsors them. This school year, juniors Mackenzie Dykstra and Regan Wagner have been studying in Italy. Dykstra has been living in Northern Italy and attending school at Liceo Paolo Giovio. School is different for her as an exchange student, and she takes a lot of art classes. Learning Italian was a difficult process, but by January she felt more comfortable. She “had to learn how to do the most basic things all over again- ask questions, use a phone, even ordering at a restaurant.” While Dykstra and Wagner don’t live in the same town, they get to see each other occasionally at Rotary events. During a trip to Cinque Terre, Italy which was “one of the most beautiful places I have ever been,” they got to see each other which Dykstra describes as “surreal.” One of her favorite things about living abroad has been how easy travel is. She explained that she can get “$40 airplane tickets to other countries and $20 train tickets to Paris” and because of that she has been “all over Italy- Cinque Terre, Venice, Rome, Florence, Milan and Lecco as well as Belgium and Switzerland over our holiday breaks.” Although her time there has been an incredible experience that she would recommend, she added that “I have bad days, I still cry and I still feel lonely sometimes BUT all the lows do is make the rewards and high points more vivid.” She added that the things she missed the most besides home in general would be “holiday spirit, school spirit, my friends/family (especially my brother Bennett because I have been lucky enough to see the others throughout this year), Chipotle, and Target.” When Dykstra gets back “on the first Monday of summer- you will probably find me at Chipotle those first few weeks.” Like Dykstra, Wagner finally “stopped feeling nervous speaking [Italian] probably after 5 months.” She added that “one day I will be able to speak perfectly, and confidently, and then the next day I can’t even understand a word people are saying to me.” Wagner pointed out that there are so many differences between American and Italian schools. She attends school Monday to Sunday. School is different from EHS because they “stay in one classroom all day with the same people while the teachers switch classes.” At the beginning of the year school was hard, but now she can participate more and enjoys it. Wagner lives in Cremona, Lombardy which is also in the north of Italy and an hour away from Milan. Her life back in Edina had a daily routine that she was used to and that “everything that happens in my life now is so unexpected, but I have learned to accept the unexpected and to make the best out of it. It has created some lasting memories.” Like Dykstra, she has had the chance to travel all over Italy, and Europe. Wagner said that her experience with the Rotary has been “the experience of a lifetime and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world” and that “the whole experience in general has been a memory that I will never forget.” She will be home on the 27th of June. Go to edinazephyrus.com to read about junior Elisabeth Lee’s upcoming year in India. Hannah Sommerville, features editor
art by Annika Smith-Oritz
Micah Osler, news editor
Do our teachers know other subjects?
Two EHS juniors’ year abroad
photo by Jessica Smith
photo by Jake Freeman
photo by Jessica Smith
You’ve got to hand it to elementary school teachers. Somehow, they manage to deal with the bizarre demands of seven-year-olds, keep Lysol wipes in increasingly creative places, and assist in such rites of passage as potty training. More than anything, though, they manage to seem like they know everything and – get this – they pull it off. High school teachers are a bit more specialized. Instead of knowing the fundamentals of math, science, English, and pretty much everything, they (supposedly) focus in one specific area to effect better learning for us all. In the interest of journalism (and maybe a little smart-aleckiness), though, I decided to answer the question we’ve all been asking silently: do our teachers know anything about other subjects? Judge for yourself: Steve Sanger, Enriched Biology and Human Anatomy Q: What nations took part in the Revolutions of 1848? A: Uh, Russia…? And, um, China! (Correct answer: most of central Europe, most notably Austria and the German states)
Martha Cosgrove, United States Literature and A.P. United States Language and Literature
Daniel “Kaiser” Baron, A.P. European History and German
Q: What was the Diplomatic Revolution of 1756? A: I have no idea. (Correct answer: when France and Britain changed their allegiances to Prussia and Austria)
Q: What is the gendered critical lens in literary theory? A: When I don’t like a book written by a woman. (Close enough.)
Q: How do you add complex numbers of the form a+bi? Q: What does the letter sigma signify in mathematA: You add the first parts, and then you add the second ics? parts? [nervous squeak] A: I don’t know. (Correct!) (Correct answer: the sum of a series) Q: What, in your opinion, does the motif of power symQ: What is the byproduct of cellular respiration? bolize in Ellison’s Invisible Man? A: Uh… carbon dioxide? A: No. Just, no. (Correct!) (Fair enough.)
Q: Define a logarithm. A: Good ol’-fashioned hillbilly drumming. (Okay then.) Q: What are covalent and ionic bonding? A: Two methods of transforming lesser base metals into gold via alchemy. (Correct answer: only lead can be transformed into gold via alchemy.)
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Features
Volume 33 Issue 6
April 12, 2013
6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
The art of getting “likes” Maximizing your Facebook popularity Facebook is a vital part of our lives, so it’s important to be good at using this popular social media platform. Here are three ways to popularize your Facebook profile: The caption There are many ways to go about creating the perfect caption for your profile picture. First there’s the cheesy quote, which is always great for getting likes. The only rule here is the cheesier, the better. Try something like, “Reach for the moon, if you miss you miss you’ll be among the stars.” An inspirational message about body image and self confidence is also a prime strategy. When doing this, you want to make your audience emotional but engaged. Avoid the cliché “You’re beautiful” and try to go deeper. If cheesy quotes or deep thoughts on society aren’t your thing, a Taylor Swift lyric is always a good backup plan. 2. The picture These days, a simple picture of you smiling just won’t do. If you want to rack up those likes, embrace your inner model. Whipping your hair, throwing your hands up, and working the duck face are all great ways to pose. Dance pictures are great too, and the “ur lyk so gorge” will be clogging your notifications. However, if you’re going with the dance pictures, do so in moderation. Editing is also key for having the perfect profile picture. You want to be really careful about this, as you can always tell when someone blurs their imperfections on iPhoto. Make yourself look normal, and know that tanner is not always better. Give your profile picture around a two-month cycle so you’re not that person that changes it daily. 3. The status If you’re looking to be a true Facebook celebrity, avoid status updates at all costs. They don’t get very many likes, and let’s be honest, we have Twitter to talk about whats on our minds. You want to keep your audience engaged, and putting out a status every day about what you did really makes your intrigue disappear. There are some exceptions, but if it isn’t a major life event, don’t share it. It’s not so hard being a Facebook pro. If you follow these steps, you’ll be gathering up those likes and on your way to becoming Facebook famous! Drew Davis, staff writer
Top 10 classes to take before graduation AP Psychology - And you thought you couldn’t know more about yourself. AP Psych remains one of the most popular electives to take, and, to be honest, it is just because what you learn is actually interesting. You do not just learn about yourself, but you learn about others and what it means to be human. AP Economics – It’s advanced placement. It’s economics. It’s blended. Physical Universe - People still wonder why they don’t call this class “Inception.” Students often walk out of the classroom suffering from various chronical brain explosions and post-dramatic lecture disorder. Comparative Anatomy – Not only do you get to dissect a fetal pig, you get to shove your scalpels into much more. AP Comparative Government – Save money and cancel your subscription to satellite TV. When taking AP Comp Gov, you will immerse yourself in current events so that you actually know what is going on in the world, instead of stalking other people’s lives on Facebook. AP World Literature - If there is one that will prepare you the most for your future, it is AP World Literature. Not many people can write an essay in an hour, and I guarantee this will save you multiple times in your college experience. Although the class is rigorous, it is highly beneficial. And there is an electric kettle. AP Human Geography - Yes, you get to take easy map test quizzes. But that’s not the point. Not only will you discuss current global problems, you will learn how they impact you and the future. AP Human Geography will raise your global awareness for conflicts that our generation will be experiencing, while shaping your perspective on how you view society and global cultures. Key word: awareness. Ceramics - They say that everyone has an artistic side, and that may be true. If you have an interest of wearing an apron, getting hands-on, and dirty, you are in for a real treat. Ceramics claims the prize as one of the most popular art classes, proving that they are doing something right getting EHS students to learn the techniques of the potter’s wheel. Creative Foods - Please raise your hand if you have made a homemade food item in the past week. Probably 10% of EHS students. Not only is this a logical class to take, it will ultimately prepare you for a future where little to no one actually knows how to cook, and cook well. Child Psychology - Attention all women who think they, at some point, will be pregnant! (And men who think they will be fathers.) This class is your way out of unexpectedly dealing with the cries, wails, and messy accidents of your baby. Why not grasp a strong sense of what it really is like to love and care for a child before it actually comes true? Sloane Nilsen, art editor
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Sports 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
April 12, 2013
Volume 33 Issue 6
www.edinazephyrus.com
Stop hibernating; spring sports are in bloom
photo by Jake Freeman From left to right: Reid Hirschey, Matt Hopfner, Katherine Vayda, Conor Kline, and Laura Johnson. Not picuted: Will Burke
Girls Lacrosse
Boys Track
“We have a really good shot at making it to state.” Senior captain Reid Hirschey is looking forward to another incredible year on Edina High School’s girl’s lacrosse team. The team has begun to practice every week and is looking strong. Hirschey, along with her other cocaptains Madeline Rodriguez and Dana Stasieluk, are proving to be extremely influential leaders for their team. Before each game, Hirschey makes sure “...to go home early and nap, eat raspberries, and jam out to Justin Bieber!” Practices are also incredibly intense, involving “...conditioning and running drills. Our drills usually revolve around what we did badly in the last game we played,” Hirschey said. The team also plays various games with one another, allowing their competitive spirit to grow and help them become stronger. This year, Hirschey and her fellow captains are looking forward to helping their team “...perfect our passing and catching skills, be loud and strong on defense, and have smooth transitions.” The girls lacrosse team is gearing up for another amazing season and the students of EHS can’t wait to see where their talent takes them.
“Coming early this May, we have one of our biggest events,” said senior track captain Will Burke. The Edina Invite is the first week of May, and one of the biggest races of the year. “It’s our home meet so we take pride in winning as many events as possible.” With the snow gone, the season is off to a fast start with goals set and expectations revealed. “The other four senior captains [Peter Knoll, Ian Collins, Arin Arpinar, and Riley Goldman] and I want to have as many guys qualify for the state meet as possible,” said Burke. With that said, Burke expects this year’s team to perform better than last year’s at both the conference and section meets. “This year is different than last year because we have more guys returning to the team with big meet experience,” said Burke. Burke keeps it simple on race days. “I eat waffles for breakfast and drink a lot throughout the day. A few minutes before I warm up for my race I drink coffee to feel more awake and energized,” said Burke. Between races the atmosphere is pretty relaxed. Usually runners set up camp and watch the meet around them until their event. “Typically race days are much more relaxed than the upbeat practices,” said Burke.
Girls Badminton Even though Edina’s badminton team has only been present at the high school for three years now, it has rapidly become one of the most popular spring sports this year with over seventy girls registered. Edina badminton dates back to 2010, when Celine Henke, a 2012 alumnus, worked with the Edina Athletic Department to create a girls badminton team. Thanks to her aggressive planning and viral rallying, badminton was established as a varsity sport at Edina in the spring of 2011. With Henke’s parents, Steve and Margo, coaching the team, Edina badminton has quickly risen from one of the weaker teams in the division to one of the best. Senior Laura Johnson exclaimed, “We are planning on attending state this year, so we’ve been working hard on our foot-work and wrist exercises for compitition.” Despite the competitive edge, Edina badminton is an extremely fun sport with fairly relaxed practices. Team members can be found in the South View gym working on serving the shuttlecock, footwork, and proper technique, all while chatting with friends on the other side of the net. Edina competes in singles and doubles competitions, with Johnson as a varsity singles player. “My team is so great,” said Johnson, “And this season is going to be a success.”
Boys Ultimate Frisbee The game of ultimate frisbee, although fairly new to Edina High School, is picking up more participants every year. With the season off to a fast start, senior captain Conor Kline said, “I think a very attainable goal this year is a state championship.” With the support of three other senior captains, (Bearsy O’Leary, Brian Wandrei, and Nick Crain), Kline believes that with the addition of a few varsity athletes their team will have a chance for a championship. With games lasting up to two and a half hours, the team will work hard in practice in order to prepare. “In practice we condition, run through drills, go over plays, and scrimmage.” Kline later added on saying, “The key to success is much more than just practicing hard. We are hoping to get a good fan base, and some committed Hunnies (super fans) to bring moral support.” The ultimate team likes to have a lot of fun, whether it be by taking a trip, having a car wash, or wearing jorts (jean shorts). “The team is excited for our out of town tournaments this year. We possibly are going to Cincinnati and Chicago,” said Kline. The team also looks to raise money in a fun and creative way. Kline encourages everyone to stop by the jorts only carwash. “Not only will we wear jorts for the car wash, but it is a ritual for every game day,” said Kline.
Girls Synchronized Swimming Not to be confused with diving or swim racing, synchronized swimming is in a league of its own. Synchro is the execution of precise movements above and below the water. Basically dancing while constantly treading water. The team divides their time between practicing particular moves during the beginning of the year and practicing routines during the rest of the season. These ladies face-off in solo, duet, trio, and team competitions, and earn scores which hopefully qualify them for state. Last year 48 of the 60 girls qualified for state in 2012, and the number is expected to grow this spring. Senior Katherine Vayda said, “We have already started practicing and training for the competitions.” At practice, the girls swim laps around the pool to practice endurance and to learn new aquatic dance moves. But, the best part of synchro is the costumes. Glitzy and sleek, these girls know how to rock a one-piece swimsuit, swim cap, and cheesy smile. “The competition swimsuit really adds a lot to our performance, and I feel so sporty chic while wearing it,” said Vayda. Fun and visually pleasing, Edina girl’s synchro is spring’s most engaging and amusing sport.
Boys Baseball “This is our last chance [as seniors] to win a state championship for the high school,” said senior captain Matthew Hopfner. After playing on the Edina High School baseball team for the past three years, Hopfner and his other co-captains, Mitch Larson and Mark Handberg, are looking toward a bright year. The baseball team this year is special to the seniors due to the fact that many of them have played together for the past five years. Having this connection with one another, the team is able to work together more closely and become a strong group. Before each game, Hopfner warms up with Mitch Larson, listens to ‘Stairway to Heaven,’ and follows Handberg as he leads arm circles. “As our arm circles get bigger and bigger, Handberg’s chirps get more and more funny,” Hopfner recalled. Hopfner and the other baseball captains also continuingly push their team daily. “At practice, we usually go over different game situations, then take batting practice on the field... We blast our baseball playlist during the whole practice!” The boys baseball team is looking forward to pushing themselves towards the state tournament and keeping their Lake Conference title intact. EHS students should be on the lookout for the incredible baseball season ahead.
Articles written by: Christina Dovolis, culture editor; Talia Edelheit, news editor; Jack Hultstrand, sports editor
8 Opinion
www.edinazephyrus.com
Volume 33 Issue 6
April 12, 2013
Dress for success There’s a reason people say, “Dress for success.” When you look good, you feel good. Although many people rock the sweatpants, I think it’s more than worth it to dress (relatively) nice for school. If you’re given a free pass to express yourself, why not take advantage of that? This is a typical day, right? Wake up, wish you’d slept more, throw on something gross, then you feel photo by Jake Freeman unmotivated for the rest of the day, don’t pay as much attention in class, feel unattractive, and you might even be crabby. Does that sound fun? No. So why not instead try (even a little), express your inner hottie, and walk around like you rule the school? I would much rather take option two, but to each their own. And don’t even think for one second that I’m only talking to girls. Gentlemen, you know that when you wear some nice jeans and a shirt that hasn’t sat in a pile of dirty clothes for weeks, you feel more attractive and on top of your “A” game. Sometimes it’s easy to forget we have as much freedom of expression as we do. Obviously you can’t wear shirts or jackets that have sexual innuendos or that advertise drugs or alcohol, but beyond that, almost anything goes. Did you know that 95 percent of public schools in New Orleans have a uniform policy? Or that in 2010, 57 percent of public school principals nationwide reported their school enforced a strict dress code? Count your blessings and by all means, take full advantage of your first amendment right to freedom of expression. At least one day a week, consider leaving the sweatpants at home. Sarah Aydinalp, staff writer
6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
Minimum rage
Sexy article gets axed
In President Obama’s recent State of the Union Address, he announced his plan to raising the federal minimum wage from $7.25 to $9.00. Although this sounds very appealing, high school students working for minimum wage will actually hit hard by this change. For a high school student just entering the workforce, $7.25 is the expected wage. Although $9.00 would allow more money saved for Chipotle and college, it would also hurt the chances of even obtaining a job in the first place. The increase in minimum wage will mean that businesses will have to spend more of their money on wages and less on other necessities. Because of this shift, it is more likely for businesses to hire a more experienced worker in order to put their money to good use, or cut down on the number of employees in general. An unskilled high school student’s labor is not worth $9.00 an hour, and businesses know that, so they hire the more experienced worker and leave the high school student without a job. A job is a double-edged sword, in order to get one, you need experience but in order to get experience, you need a job. The probability of getting job experience with a higher minimum wage is much less than it is with the minimum wage at $7.25, thus stunting your future employment opportunities right off the bat. Even the more experienced minimum-wage employees are at risk. With the growing technological advancements, machines are taking over valuable positions at businesses. Self-checkouts are becoming more and more prevalent in supermarkets, replacing employees that could have had their job. Most importantly, self-checkouts don’t earn a paycheck which saves the company money. With all of these obstacles, the unemployment rate will definitely surge. It is a disappointment that 8% of the population is without a job right now, but to increase the minimum wage will just put more workers on the streets. Ask anyone and I’m sure they’ll tell you that getting paid $7.25 an hour is much nicer than getting paid $0.00. Ashley Smith, online editor in chief
does student censorship go too far?
We’re in high school and as much as our parents This article came about after Zephyrus was hit don’t want to think about it, many of us are having with some drama that fired us up. If you frequent edinazephyrus.com, you may sex, and even if we’re not all having it, we all know have noticed an article called “Sexy sports to get about it. Sex is a part of the high school experience. As a high school newspaper, we in shape for Valentine’s Day.” Obviwrite about the high school for the ously, by reading the title, one can high school. And high schoolers genassume that what lies within will be erally like/want to read about sex. funny and slightly scandalous. This They want to know the facts, they article, when published, had some want to hear funny stories, and they questionably sexual phrases, but it want it to be treated like anything was all in good fun, so we let it pass. else we cover in the paper. Boy, were we wrong. Zephyrus covers issues that stuThe next day we were commanddents at EHS, and just high schoolers ed to take the article down because in general, face every day, be they it was “vulgar.” After editing and controversial or not. looking up the Tinker Standard (We This article isn’t advocating for do not shed our First Amendment high schoolers to have sex, that’s not rights at the schoolhouse gate!) in a what I’m trying to say at all. Honrighteous fury, we began to discuss. estly, I don’t care about your sex life; This anecdote brings me to my I care about dismantling the taboos main point: Why is sex so scandalsurrounding discussing sex in school. ous? Why do we, as a high school By censoring ourselves when it newspaper have to censor ourselves comes to sex, we are creating a taboo, when discussing it? ’ and that’s the reason sex seems so Sex isn’t some taboo topic; it’s a art by Julia Bolter scandalous. It’s scandalous because basic fact of life. And according to we make it scandalous. Sex happens psychologist Abraham Maslow, sex and just because we try to ignore it in is a basic need. He even ranks it with breathing and food. On the most basic level, sex is a “polite company” isn’t going to make it go away. And why should it? None of us would be here means to reproduction, but it can be so much more than that. And to not discuss that in this forum, is if it wasn’t for sex. Rayelle Washington, copy editor practically negligent.
photo by Jake Freeman
photo by Jake Freeman
“Working in high school isn’t worth it”
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“A guy’s take on bathroom troubles”
Zephyrus Staff
editors in chief: Andrea Kimball, Ashley Smith copy editor: Rayelle Washington art editor: Sloane Nilsen managing editor: Anna Ellingboe advertising manager: Alex Van Gorp coordinating manager: Ellie Lagorio news editors: Micah Osler, Talia Edelheit, Alex Van Gorp features editors: Sarah Nealon, Hannah Sommerville, Ellie Lagorio sports editors: Jack Hultstrand, Vivi Engen in-depth editor: Clare Ling opinion editors: Jake Freeman, Hayley Morrison, Alex Van Gorp culture editors: Megan Couture, Christina Dovolis, Ellie Lagorio back page editor: Sloane Nilsen staff writers: Sarah Aydinalp, Perry Bruder, Drew Davis, Matt Dulas, Madison Hobbs, Jackson Van Dyke, Matt Woolsey, Anna Zhou head photographer: Jake Freeman photographers/artists: Julia Bolter, Nick Crain, Talia Edelheit, Tom Gaasedelen, Abby Gieseke, Cici Holmquist, Elizabeth Jarvey, Anna Pugh, Raquel Radenbaugh, Zai Rutter, Jessica Smith, Annika Smith-Ortiz graphic designer: Tom Gaasedelen advisor: Elizabeth Barniskis
Zephyrus is a monthly publication produced by students of Edina High School; 6754 Valley View Road; Edina, MN 55439; (952) 848-3800 x3087. Zephyrus is an open forum for student expression that recognizes the First Amendment guarentee of freedom of the press, and abides by Tinker standard. Opinions published in Zephyrus do not necessarily reflect the views of the entire staff, advisor, administration, or entire student body. Submissions and letters are printed based on space available. Anonymous letters may be printed only if a Zephyrus advisor or editor knows the author’s identity. Letters should be mailed to the school or given to the advisor or a staff member. Zephyrus reserves the right to edit any letters for clarity and length.
Opinion 9 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
April 12, 2013
Volume 33 Issue 6
Our names are the most important aspects of our identity. They’re what we’re called in our day-today lives, what gets printed on our awards, and what we take with us all the way to the grave. Lately, parents have put a strain on finding the most unique name for their child, one that no one has ever had before that will differentiate them from the rest. Some celebrities have gone as far as to name their children Apple or even, my personal favorite, Moon Unit. Unique baby names like these are not only ridiculous, but also unnecessary; your child’s name should not be what distinguishes him or her, it should be your child themselves. Let’s begin with taking a look at some of the worst names these delusional parents have come up with for their children: GoldenPalaceDotCom (yes, people really do name their children after websites), Metallica, 4real Superman, Ynot, Zealand-New, and one couple in China even got as desperate to just going for a symbol and naming their child “@.” Imagine a teacher on the first day of school calling names off an attendance sheet and finally landing on one of these names. More likely than not, she’s going to think it’s a typo or some kind of practical joke. How do you ever imagine that after that this teacher is ever going to take that student seriously? Truth is, they’re not. And what’s even worse: imagine what that student’s peers are going to say about them. Not only will they be unable to be taken seriously by their peers, but imagine the kind of bullying someone with the name 4real Superman is going to have in high school. art by Cici Holmquist Now let’s imagine people with these names trying to get a job. First of all, no boss is going to hire someone with the name GoldenPalaceDotCom seriously, making it harder for people with these “brilliant” unique names to get jobs. Even there was such a bold boss that would hire someone with this name, no customer is going to want to buy something from someone who’s wearing a name tag with “GoldenPalaceDotCom” printed on it. So simply because of a decision out of their control people with these new and “unique” names are set up for failure just because their parents wanted to stray from the norm. Parents who give their children these kinds of names say that they want their children’s unique name to reflect their unique personalities. However, these parents fail to realize that children can make a name for themselves without a name like Zealand-New or Metallica. We, as people, should be remembered for our redeeming qualities and our actions, not by our names. In fact, giving their children such names forces others to focus only how different their name is and never allows their kids to get past that name to really get to know who they are. Society needs to get past this ridiculous fad of trying to set their child apart by their names and allow them to create an identity for themselves. If you name your child after a symbol or a website, you’re doing it wrong. Hayley Morrison, opinion editor
The Beef
art by Julia Bolter
What’s in the name?
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Being the modern teenagers that we are, we are more than comfortable with Twitter. And of course the infamous hashtag. But this wicked parasite of the modern computer has gone too far. The hashtag has become something deserving the status of Internet Explorer and Comic Sans. On Twitter, the hashtag is actually a rather clever idea. This is just fine and dandy until this infectious rat spreads to the other areas of social networking. Before you know it, the hashtag is all over Facebook. It legitimately serves no purpose at all. A hashtag on Facebook doesn’t do anything. It just looks stupid. Often, this crime is defended with the claim that the person uses some service that simultaneously posts an update on multiple social networking sites at once. I simply don’t understand why in the world someone would find this useful for anything but social suicide. How could your update, for different social networking sites, that all work in a different way, be exactly the same? It might be similar but posting one single piece of text on multiple social networking sites at once makes no sense. Twitter works incredibly differently than Facebook. Take an extra 10 seconds out of your day to keep your updates meaningful and take full advantage of the specific social networking site. Alas, it seems that it is too late to save us from this catastrophe. The hashtag has contracted severe cultural stigma, making it, in some situations, almost stylish to use out of context. Making it seem as if one is staying away from what the mainstream man wants from you. Because of this, it has even spread into physical conversations. People say hashtags out loud. Like the classic “hashtag popular!” Just the thought of this greatly upsets me. At least a Facebook hashtag is electronic; at least it’s relatively close to Twitter, and there is a somewhat viable excuse. But what can a real-life hashtag user say as defense? They can’t, that’s exactly the point. They are proud of this horrible wrongdoing. Because of the points I have introduced, the hashtag has become something of a sarcastic wisecrack. But using it this way only encourages the delinquents. The hashtag has become something it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should die, maybe it should just be reined back. All I know, is that I when I hear the word “hashtag” I just end up feeling like Aubrey from “Pitch Perfect.” Jackson Van Dyke, staff writer
Adderall Abuse We all want to be number one. From Pokémon catcher Ash Ketchum to gymnast Gabby Douglas, the competition for first place is fierce and demands a great deal of training and focus. Yet I doubt that these winners were taking Adderall to achieve success. Each year, more and more students are taking Adderall in order to focus intensely and ace every text. Adderall is a Dexedrine and Amphetamine typically taken to treat ADD and ADHD, but now it is being taken as an illegal “study drug” for many high school and university students. According to IMS Health, prescriptions for ADHD for people ages 10 to 19 has risen 26 percent since 2007. “I usually take a pill before a test,” says an anonymous Edina student, “for a brief amount of time I have an extreme focus; my brain goes into overdrive.” With the competitiveness of universities and jobs growing, it seems that everyone needs the extra edge above the rest. In today’s society it’s not enough to be “average;” one has to be excellent.
“I usually take a pill before a test. For a brief moment of time I have an extreme focus; my brain goes into overdrive.”
It’s the A and B students who are taking Adderall to achieve higher marks in desperate attempts to get to the top. According to the Medical Billing and Coding Company, on a national level between 30 percent and 40 percent of undergraduates report abusing Adderall and other similar stimulants. But at what cost? Adderall has many risky effects, but an overdose of this drug is deadly. Too much Adderall induces cardiac arrest, lasting mental defects, and death. Other side effects include anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, seizures, and psychotic episodes. In addition, Adderall is extremely addictive and often leads to other drugs like cocaine and heroin. With young adults turning to drugs to get good grades, one must question what society’s priorities are. Christina Dovolis, culture editor
10 Culture www.edinazephyrus.com
Volume 33 Issue 6
April 12, 2013
6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
Photo by Jackson T. Van Dyke
Matt Vs. Food
Staring contests and unnecessarily punishing games of backyard football both stem from the same thing: pride. Many believe it is best to swallow your pride, but in reality the better option is to swallow for pride. Big food has become popular through “Man vs. Food” and the “Buffalo Wild Wings Challenge.” Many have been inspired by these challenges which The Food Network’s Alton Brown describes as “wasteful” and “an embarrassment.” Fortunately for us in and around the Mill City, gluttony is only a short car ride away. Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit’s Meterwurst: Frankly, pronunciation of this place may only be decipherable by Mr. Baron. Nonetheless it is by far Minneapolis’ highest standing symbol of why we are unable to end world hunger. Seen on the previously mentioned show “Man vs. Food,” guests must tackle an approximately three foot long bratwurst, as well as two sides. Compared to the “Old 96’er” from the movie “The Great Outdoors” this challenge may seem like some much needed Velveeta cheese on a pile of grody vegetables, it is far too easy to consume. Remember though, this is about pride, and considering this is one of very few challenges in Minneapolis that gives you a “certificate” upon completion, I’m all in. Edina, not just for cake anymore: Our town may have a history of being glutinous, especially when being insulted by inferior suburbs. Oddly enough, this misconception translates quite poorly into the realm of big food. Luckily Edina has prevailed with a few consumer-made food challenges. The first is hard for some, but a common meal for others. The two burrito challenge at Chipotle may be a good starting place for someone who is trying to go from having a salad for every meal to winning the “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest,” but this challenge is still in the minor leagues. The real challenge lies in eating two “Tremendous Twelve’s” from Perkins and then running a mile. The
only real goal here is not to hurl, but considering eight pancakes, eight bacon strips or sausage links, two mounds of hash browns, and six eggs must be consumed before running which on its own is enough to make me puke, this is easier said than done. Why anyone would want to go through this is a mystery to most, but like catching the legendary pike ‘Lou’ from Lake Minnetonka, this challenge is a mythical creature and few have lived to tell the tale of their success. Matt’s Bar’s Jucy Lucy: Minneapolis’ tour of big food wouldn’t be complete without a quick trip down to Matt’s Bar and their famous Jucy Lucy cheeseburger. Legend has it that the Jucy Lucy was (and is) so popular they didn’t have time to spell the name right. Whether it’s that or the Minnesota public school education, the Jucy Lucy has become a chart topper for best burger in both City Pages and MPLS St. Paul Magazine. That being said the burger really isn’t much of a test. When I made the trip down to this comfortable hole in the wall, I finished my Jucy Lucy in only a few minutes, and still had room for a half order of fries. Nonetheless their slogan is “fear the cheese” and that I did. With delicious mystery cheese oozing out onto the various unknown regions of my face, I realized that while this may not be setting any size records, it was indeed an experience worth pursuing and the perfect entry level food challenge. Whether it is the glory found in paying 25 dollars for a bratwurst or humiliating yourself and screaming “why?!” as you make the short ride down Normandale Road from Perkins to the community center, big food and the consuming thereof is for sure to be a rite of passage for generations to come.
Music aficionados, get your earbuds/speakers/phonographs/mildly-tricked-out cars ready, because spring’s coming and, as usual, it’s bringing a host of great new albums with it. Here are some of the ones we’re most looking forward to:
Lady Gaga, “ARTPOP” No matter what your taste in music, you’ve got to admit that Lady Gaga, while arguably the strangest person with a #1 hit in recent years, can write a good, or at least a memorable, song. The question, then, is whether her popularity can last. Her last album, “Born This Way”, spawned two or three hits, which, while respectable for most any artist, was fewer than expected for such an incredibly hyped album. The songstress’s been pretty secretive about this one, though – no advance singles have been released yet – so we’ll just have to see whether Lady Gaga can keep going for a while longer or succumb to 2013’s rapid-fire popularity cycle. Micah Osler, news editor
Albums on the rise
Vampire Weekend, “Modern Vampires of the City” If you’re unfamiliar with VW, please, for the love of Prometheus, ignore the band name. It’s a long story, but trust me, if you’re imagining a band of teenage girls caterwauling odes to “Twilight”, you’re way off. These guys are about as preppy as you get – New York magazine famously said that “even you could beat these guys up” – but they make amazing pop music that is equal parts ‘80s synth pop and young indie band from Manhattan. They seem to be going for a more straightforward power-pop approach on this album – check out lead single “Unbelievers” for a sample - and so far, it’s working out pretty well. The album drops May 7. Phoenix, “Bankrupt!” It took until 2009’s “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”, but this French band has finally found a place in the American mainstream. They’ve been making great music for over a decade now, but the bright synths and catchy melodies of “Wolfgang” apparently struck a chord – ha! - with American listeners. Even with their newfound success, they haven’t abandoned the weird/artsy aesthetic that’s uniquely theirs – they announced this new album via a post on their website that carried a seizure warning, and the artwork for “Bankrupt!” is, inexplicably, a pixilated photo of a peach. This bizarreness, thankfully, doesn’t translate to their music: “Bankrupt!”’s first single, “Entertainment”, is as catchy, hard to sing along to, and Phoenix-y as it gets. The album comes out April 22. Arcade Fire, “TBD” Full disclosure: this might not be, technically speaking, a “spring album”. It might not even be a 2013 album. But, we’ve got reason to hope that Montréal’s greatest rock collective might bless us with an album soonish. First of all, they actually played a gig recently consisting entirely of new songs (of which, somehow, none leaked online). Secondly, they’ve consistently released a new album every three years for the past nine years, and it’s been three years since “The Suburbs”. Thirdly, they’ve supposedly been recording for a year or so, including some sessions with James Murphy (formerly of LCD Soundsystem). Finally, the band did tell Rolling Stone in December that they hope to have their album out this year. So let’s keep our collective fingers crossed.
Matt Woolsey, staff writer
There’s always money in the banana stand EHS students can regularly be heard saying things like, “There’s always money in the banana stand,” or, “I’m a nevernude.” These quotes come from the hit TV show “Arrested Development.” To the dismay of viewers, the show ended in 2006 after 53 episodes. “Arrested Development” is coming back for a fourth season this May. They will be airing fourteen new episodes, released directly to Netflix. The show’s return is eagerly anticipated by many fans. Junior Lydia Gutowsky said, “I plan on watching all fourteen episodes in one hour.” She added, “I just want to know what happens with Ann because Michael thinks her name is Egg.” The show features many quirky and bizarre characters. Fans are unable to agree on a favorite. Junior Jesse Marquisee explained, “I’d have to say Tobias is my favorite character because he said that he ‘blue himself’ and he mistakenly got on a boat with gay pirates.” Junior Meg Doyle disagreed, “George Michael is my favorite character because he’s funny and awkward. My favorite quote of his is, ‘today is a great day... for being sad.’” If you haven’t yet had the chance to see this comedic masterpiece, hack into someone’s Netflix account and start immediately. If you hurry, you might be able to catch up by the time the new season airs. Sarah Nealon, features editor
Culture
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Volume 33 Issue 6
April 12, 2013
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Spring into fashion Oversized sunglasses continue to make appearances season after season but this spring we’re seeing a trend towards more circular-shaped lenses. Think John Lennon, only thicker rims. Another trend seen time and time again on the runway this season is cutouts. Placed at the natural waist, these triangular or diamond cutouts extenuate a women’s hourglass figure. These cutouts add an eye-catching aspect to an otherwise structured, plain outfit.
Blazers aren’t just for lawyers and uptight businesswomen any longer. Add a blazer to any everyday outfit to class it up. Plus, blazers are easy to dressdown. Many come in a thinner material that’s fitted to the body and are meant for the sleeves to be rolled up to show a cute fabric underneath. If blazers aren’t your thing, go for a bomber jacket instead, another sure-to-be hit this spring.
Perhaps one of the biggest trends we’ve seen on the runway this season is ruffles. Whether they’re on the neckline of a shirt or the hem of a skirt, ruffles can add flirtatious movement to your outfit that will be sure to catch anyone’s eye.
In terms of prints and patterns this season, while floral patterns are always a popular choice for spring, blacks and whites are taking over the scene. The 60s checkered print and black and white stripes have been favorites on the runway. In terms of fabrics this season, by and large, sheer is the way to go. Opting for a sheer fabric over a typical starch blouse can turn your outfit from all business to fun and flowy.
Even though the stiletto lashes trend is on the rise, stilettos themselves have been less popular on the runway this season. Instead, we’re seeing a trend towards a 60s style heel. These heels are characterized by a shorter, thicker heel and a pointed toe.
Time to toss out those skin-tight jean cut-offs ladies, bermudas are back. This spring we’re seeing a lot of those mid-thigh, tailored shorts that you can wear without worrying about whether or not your butt is showing. If you want to go for a simpler look, try out a pair in a pastel. Looking to spice it up? Try out a pair in floral, another hit pattern we’re seeing this season. Hayley Morrison, opinion editor
art by Nick Crain
Music in the Twin Cities
photo by Sebastian Swanson
There are many musical festivals in the Twin Cities and they vary in cost and location so even if you don’t want to drive too far and don’t want to pay too much you always have options to listen to some great local and national music. If you aren’t going to the cabin over Memorial Day weekend, go to the 93X XFEST. This features rock music at St. Paul’s Midway Stadium. Also, there is the Soundset music festival. Senior Sebastian Swanson said, “Soundset is in Canterbury Park. This is on May 26. It costs $35 if you buy tickets online way in advance.” This musical festival features hip-hop and other genres of music with local and national performances. Would Swanson recommend this to a friend? “Sure would.” In mid-June, one can go see “Rock the Garden” which is hosted by the Walker Art Center. Tickets can be bought through Minnesota Public Radio. This features local and national alternative, dance and indie acts. This event’s tickets sell out very quickly so don’t procrastinate buying them, however they are free. In late June, one can visit the River’s Edge Music Festival and the Twin Cities Jazz Festival. At the River’s Edge Music Festival one can go to Harriet Island and see a variety of local and national acts. The River’s Edge Music Festival has been cancelled this year but their website hints that it will be back in 2014. In July, head over to Canterbury Park to listen to rock, punk and hip-hop music at the Vans Warped Tour. This is on July 21. But perhaps the most popular of all the music festivals is the Basilica Block Party. This features some popular national acts of a July weekend of the 12th and the 13th . The money goes towards the upkeep of the church so you can support a cause while there having fun. Perry Bruder, staff writer
THEDaily www.edinazephyrus.com
Volume 33 Issue 6
HE-WHO-MUST-STILL-NOT- BE-
NAMED’s LAST REQUEST
UNCOVERED
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Prophet April 12, 2013
6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439
GUIDE TO DEFEATING THE CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACK page 8
KRUM TALKS ABS
fully stylised guide from professional Bulgarian Quidditch player Viktor Krum including secrets of how to achieve the pack
HOW TO RAISE
GINGER BABIES
CORNISH PIXIE
onstruction plans for a new wizard prison, Azkaban 2, have been launched by Minster of Magic Kinsley Shacklebolt. Although details regarding on its location and new protective magic have been secretly disclosed to him, Head Auror Harry Potter, and Co-Head Ronald Weasley also claim to know the secrets. Rumours have it that it will be lain somewhere in the midst of the Arctic Ocean. Upon the relocation of the prison comes the relocation of its prisoners, and in transit, The Daily Prophet was able to quickly grab some opinions and comments on their new home. Only the 15th anniversary since the legendary Battle of Hogwarts goes to show that there still are very many of He-Who-Must-Still-Not-Be-Named’s followers who are breathing. See Page 4 for further information regarding the dementor’s kiss penalty. And so we had the chance to ask former Death Eater Barty Crouch Jr. of his thoughts. He quickly told us that he rather liked being moved. “I want to get out of here. I feel salty,” Crouch described, feeling his hair and skin, “I feel like a dry roast on Christmas Day.” And indeed, he was. Before leaving to join the herd wandering into the depths of Azkaban for a prisoner re-evaluation, Crouch shouted, “VOLDEMORT’S LAST REQUEST.” And so naturally, we motioned for him to sneak out of line to begin talking to us about He-Who-Must-Still-Not-Be-Named’s last request, which apparently, to the former Death Eater, very much exists. Crouch claimed that You-Know-Who wished for him, once out of Azkaban, for him to begin not only Plastic Surgery classes at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but to open a new field in the Ministry of Magic that aids wizards and witches (pureblood, according to the request) with facial composition. Crouch stated that He-Who-MustStill-Not-Be-Named was most concerned with nasal repair.
TERROR CONTINUES
For further information regarding the lives of the Wizarding World and how it has been impacted by Cornish Pixies, see pages5-6F
3 BROOMSTICKS
SHRINE
BACKFIRES
PANSY PARKINSON IS OUR QUEEN CONJURING FIRST MINISTRY OFFICIALS CLAIM AFTER SHE
RECEIVES ORDER OF MERLIN FIRST CLASS FOR “It just happened unexpectedly,” Ms. Parkinson exclaims as I sit down for afternoon tea with her. (She uses a lot of sugar.) When asked of former Patronus, Parkinson refused to talk about the subject. This goes to show that perhaps that she never even had a Patronus to start off with. “My new specimen that I have created has a rather
Patronus
The
Hungry? Tired? Want your probelms to go? Well come to the Three Broomsticks, located just in Hogsmeade. House elves allowed only in proper attire.
FOR DIGGORY
THE DOUGHNUT delicious chocolate icing,” Parkinson describes. I followed up by reminding her that a Patronus should reflect her happiest memory. She stated that her happiest memory indeed was her first doughnut that she, and her parents, had while celebrating her acceptance into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
f
We apologize directly from The Daily Prophet to say that this is just a joke. Congratulations to Gryffindor House, the real champions!
PROPOSED PLAN
W
ormer Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts School of Witchraft and Wizardy, Gilderoy Lockhart, has unleashed unexpected, controversial information in a recent interview for Divination Today. After foregoing much treatment at St. Mungo’s wizard hospital, Lockhart states that he has truly found his innerself by recognizing that actually, he was born a woman.
For further information on the scandal, see section 3A
hat started out to be a rather lovely tree has only turned into one that is severely more perilous. Last week, Hogwarts student Teddy Lupin claimed that as he was walking down for tea with his rabbit friends in the Forbidden Forest, he saw a group of students kicking the violent tree called the Whomping Willow. (Previously the Willow’s fury has destroyed a handful of objects not limited to but including: a Flying Ford Anglia, former student Hermione Granger’s face, and sadly, a young couple having a picnic nearby when a rather large branch fell upon the boyfriend.) Lupin did not see who the young foolery were, but shortly after he says he heard peculiar sobs coming from within the base of the tree, as well as several groans, and then a roar. Herbology professor Neville Longbottom claims that until last week none had known that the Whomping Willow has been vandalized and teased considerably by Hogwarts students and that thus it takes its rage out on whatever Tune in to Extendable Ears Radio Programme to hear comes into its path. Sadly, last week, yet another bird. interview with activist Cho Chang at 7pm tonight!
“I’ve got 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one,” claimed Dean Seamus, Flying lesson director extrodinare at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
WINS HOUSE CUP
KILLS YET ANOTHER BIRD
QUOTE OF THE DAY
HUFFLEPUFF
WHOMPING WILLOW