Issue 6-- March 2012

ZE PH

YR US N

EW S

Z

www.edinazephyrus.com

In-Depth p. 6-7 Around the world: All about everyone’s favorite planet.

Volume 32 Issue 6

Culture p. 11 Spring fashion : What to wear during the rainy season.

March 8, 2012

Travelling with Talia: Details about her exciting endeavors in Israel.

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Renovations in Edina

Art courtesy of Simon Property Group

All around Edina, businesses are changing, remodeling and expanding to meet customer demand and move successfully into the future.

Southdale: What would make Southdale Center better?

That’s the question Simon Property Group (SPG) has been pondering since its purchase of the mall in 2007, and it looks like they finally have some answers.

“I don’t like Southdale because there are too many stores that left and a lot of empty spots,” said Edina High School junior Claire Caschetta, “The food court is also really bad, but the big restaurants and theatre are nice.”

Of the construction that was scheduled to begin in January, SPG has several plans to revamp Southdale to attract new tenants and to please its regular customers. According to Laurie Davis, Southdale Center general manager, a new food court featuring seven new fast food restaurants, a children’s play area, and a covered entrance for easy drop off outside of the new food court are all part of Southdale’s makeover.

Edina Sports Dome: On February 13th, the Edina Citizen Engagement website (edinacitizenengagement.org) posted the results of the feasibility study of an indoor athletic facility on the Indoor Athletic Facility blog. According to the results of the study, the indoor facility or dome is projected to cost between five and 5.5 million dollars to build and would have over $200,000 in costs in its first year. The challenge for the facility would be to have prices that attract Edina resident interest while still being competitive with other indoor facilities around the metro area. In addition to the possibility of a sports dome, the possibility of an addition to Braemar Arena is also in the works. Advocates of the proposed

Features p.3

“Hornet’s Nest” presented their ideas to Edina’s Park Board which include one million in private money already being pledged towards the four million project. The new facilities would include new locker rooms for high school hockey, a restaurant, and new dryland training facilities.

Edinborough Park: Proposed changes after a study conducted by the architectural firm ATS&R would be designed to renovate the park. Included in the proposed changes are the elimination of the Junior Olympic-sized pool, track, and fitness areas, along with the elimination of two-thirds of the park’s trees. “[The proposed changes] would be good I guess,” said junior Caroline Cerf, “but I feel bad for the senior citizens who use the pool and track for more of an everyday use.”

The new space created would be used for a new soft children’s play area, a ropes course, room for interactive digital games, and added space for birthday parties. As reported on Agenda: Edina, Edina’s City Council news program, the goal of the suggested changes is to expand on the services currently offered by the park and to continue to create a multi-generational space.

Whole Foods: A new 32,000 square foot store located near the Centennial Lakes Plaza will open in 2012. This new store will join the other two stores in Minnesota, one in Minneapolis and the other in St. Paul. Whole Foods is noted as a grocery store that specializes in organic and non-processed foods; the addition of its new store will bring a greater variety of foods available to Edina residents and will create around 100 jobs.

Alex Van Gorp, staff writer

No Child Left Behind left behind On February 9th President Obama signed a waiver allowing ten states, including Minnesota, to be exempt from the federal act No Child Left Behind. States all over the nation can apply for a waiver from the bill, all they need is an appropriate plan of their own.

No Child Left Behind, an act passed during the Bush administration in 2001 states that schools who receive federal funding must take a series of standardized tests. Each year, the schools must make annual yearly progress (AYP) meaning one grade must do better on the test than the grade before it.

There are various levels of consequences if the schools do not make AYP. If schools miss it one year they lose some funding, if the school misses it again, the school is labeled “in need on improvement” and must make a two year plan for improvement, if a school misses AYP four years in a row action, such as replacing the entire staff, may be taken.

Due to the recent executive order, Edina High School is now exempt from these rules.

When asked about what changes we would see at EHS Mr. Michael Pretasky, dean of students, said “Not a lot. We are still held to the same level of accountability by the state.” Students will still be subject to standardized tests, but the standards will now be set by the state government rather than the federal government.

Edina students will still take the MCA tests in order to graduate and be evaluated by the state.

One of the few changes is the way students’ academic levels will be measured.

“Instead of all students having to meet a specific foundational target, you can also measure growth” Mr. Pretasky said.

Many believed that No Child Left Behind put greater pressure on teachers to “teach the test.” Senate Education Committee member and Minnesota Senator Al Franken was one of those who opposed it. “Far too many schools all over our state have been unfairly sanctioned under the current one-size-fits-all model, and I’m pleased that the Obama Administration recognized that giving Minnesota some flexibility is the best way to serve our students,” Senator Franken said on his website.

Thomas Matthes, staff writer

Edina’s Model United Nations team takes on Boston Edina High School’s Model UN team returned home from Boston last week after taking five awards at a convention held at the Park Plaza Hotel where teams from public and private schools nationwide gathered to compete.

Upon arrival, participants from these schools were designated countries wherein they assumed the role of diplomats that would develop solutions to international problems currently being discussed by the United Nations.

Edina represented Nigeria, Liberia, and Portugal.

Those who did not serve as delegates, which include several members on Edina’s team, served on crisis committees or represented individuals in the simulation.

“Competition was fierce,” said Maria Swanke, a senior captain.

“A lot of kids from the private schools had taken Model UN as a class so competing with them was challenging but a lot of fun.”

Awards were given out at the convention on an individual and group basis to those who displayed exemplary leadership and diplomatic skills. Edina took Best Position Paper (won by junior Steven Schweiger and junior Anisha Singh) and Best Delegate of Committee (junior Anna Schmiel) in addition to a

verbal commendation (junior Connor Deeds) and an honorable mention (junior Betty Liu).

The group finished off their trip with a visit to the original Cheers bar and a dance where over 1400 of the competing students converged onto a single dance floor. “[The trip to Boston] was a great experience. This group of kids was absolutely amazing. They put a lot of time into preparing and their hard work definitely paid off,” said team adviser Betsy Nimmo.

As for next year, the team has no definite plans as to where they will travel. They do, however, plan on going out of state and hope to return to Chicago, where they attended a convention earlier on in the year.

If you’re someone who’s interested in joining Edina’s Model UN team, Nimmo added, “You can join Model UN any year. We’ve had people who join as seniors, juniors, and sophomores who have all ended up having a great time. It’s never too late to start.”

Grant Marks, staff writer

Photo by Jake Freeman

Above, delegates from the Ivory Coast cast their vote in a crucial decision making process involving the future of the “Model World.”

The official newspaper of Edina High School

2

www.edinazephyrus.com

Dr. Locklear serves on NASSP Board of Directors

photo courtesy of EPS website The National Association of Secondary School Principals Board of Directors will have a new member when they convene for their next quarterly meeting: Edina High School’s Principal Dr. Bruce Locklear.

Dr. Locklear was selected to be on the prestigious 24-person committee by association members from the state of Minnesota and from the Midwest region. He will be representing the entirety of Region IV, which consists of Minnesota, Wisconsin, North and South Dakota, Michigan, Iowa, and Wyoming. According to a statement on the school district’s website, this will be the first time in more than ten years that a Minnesotan has served on the board.

Needless to say, he’s excited about the opportunity to serve.

Receiving the award “was an exciting and humbling experience,” said Dr. Locklear. “I am excited to be able to represent the state of Minnesota on a national level.”

This isn’t Dr. Locklear’s first experience with the NASSP. He received the organization’s Minnesota Principal of the Year award in the high school category in 2010. When asked about the award, he said, “I am so grateful to be the principal of Edina High, and it’s a lot of fun to work with the staff that we have.”

The NASSP was founded in 1916 as a forum and advocacy group for the principals of middle and high schools nationwide and, despite the word “national” in its name, in more than 45 countries across the globe. From early on, it has had as much to do with students as it has with administration, establishing the National Honor Society a mere five years into its existence in 1921. The Junior National Honor Society followed in 1929, with the National Organization of Student Councils appearing in 1931. Today, it boasts a membership of 30,000 and growing.

The NASSP is also very active in its pursuit of its legislative agenda. While it did pursue serious changes to the Bush administration-era No Child Left Behind policy, the state of Minnesota was recently granted an exemption to the policy by the Obama administration, so the group is moving on to other challenges. These goals, according to Dr. Locklear, are nothing less than reforming the standards of education itself.

“One of the things that we’ll be spending time on is re-examining the statewide academic standards,” said Dr. Locklear of this objective.

“The main question that we’ll be asking ourselves is, ‘What really matters?’”

Micah Osler, staff writer

News

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Edina Public Schools plan for the future This month, Edina Public Schools will revise its strategic plan through the 2014-2015 school year. The district revises this roadmap every three years and it includes initiatives and goals that will guide the district’s action during that time. According to Superintendent Ric Dressen, the new plan will include a “new vision focused on international comparison” and a goal to have “all students graduate with one year of college under their belts,” whether that be through A.P. classes, engineering classes that offer college credit, or other classes co-sponsored with Normandale Community College and the University of Minnesota-Mankato. The new plan will also include all-day kindergarten for all Edina students, to be implemented over the next theree to five years.

Dr. Dressen also said that the plan will include a focus on “how we understand students,” and put a greater focus on individual student learning styles and helping students pursue their interests.

There will also be a greater focus on “understanding courses and why [students] are taking them.”

Another aspect of the plan is how to manage the district’s aging facilities in a digital era. The district’s newest building was built in the 1980s, so there is always the issue of maintenance. Dr. Dressen also mentioned that the district’s 24 acres of roofs will need to be maintained. A major focus of renovation will be on media centers in schools, where not only will equipment be upgraded and replaced, but the district will look at how the centers themselves should operate. “You used to have to come to the media center for your information. Now you can look it up on your smartphone,” Dr. Dressen said.

The new strategic plan will address racial balance across school buildings. Dr. Dressen said that “part of the elementary work will be looking at having schools reflect the demographics of the school district” to avoid any racially-isolated schools.

The commitee gathered formally to discuss and plan for the future changes on Monday, March 5th for the first of three advisory meetings. Input for strategic planning and insight for the future will mainly be given by commitee members, but later on they do plan to get input from what the community and general public thinks, too, later in the process. Additional details about this public input will be released in the future.

A total of 60 staff members will get together to set the new goals for what is called the, “new standard of excellence” and dicuss the possible benefits, cautions, possibilities, solutions, concerns, and perspectives to make Edina Public Schools the best it can be.

Erik Rehberg, editor in chief

photo courtesy of educationview.gov

EHS graduate runs for Third Congressional District

photo courtesy of the Will Steger Foundation

John Howard, Nicole Rom, and Paul Thompson work to find advance solutions to environmental issues.

John Howard, a 2006 Edina High School graduate, is “A Breath of Fresh Air” according to his campaign site, johnhoward3.com. The 24year-old has major concerns about climate change, and will be running as a Republican candidate for the 3rd Congressional District.

What sets Howard apart from other Republican candidates is his strong focus on the environment. “It seems like Congress isn’t dealing with a lot of the long term issues that are going to be impacting our

generation,“ said Howard.

Being a young party leader at the Will Steger Foundation, along with Paul Thompson, they both work with the United Nations in climate negotiations, finding advance solutions for evironmental organizations.

Howard is leader of the Citizen’s Climate Lobby, member of the City of Edina’s Energy and Evironment Education, and a board member of Cool Planet. All of these organizations work towards improving the international and global problem of climate change in the UN climate negotiations.

Howard’s time at Edina High School greatly impacted his decision to run. “A very important class for me was A.P. Environmental Science which [had a strong impact] on my beliefs on the importance of climate change. It also gave me the knowledge to deal with these issues that aren’t going to solve themselves.” Another important class for Howard was A.P. United States History, which gave him “a good understanding of United States history, political tradition and government structure.”

“It also taught me that the best political leaders are ones who decided to do something with real issues, like Abe Lincoln” said Howard.

So what lies ahead for Howard? Howard will be running against incumbent Eric Paulsen, who has been serving since 2009. “My campaign is a lot smaller [than Paulsen’s] but I’m bit more willing to take on issues that aren’t politically easier to deal with,” said Howard. Howard will be having a campaign event on Saturday, March 10, at the Edina Davanni’s.

Emily Cherkassky, staff writer

Features

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

March 8, 2012

Making bank

Volume 32 Issue 6

3

www.edinazephyrus.com

Traveling with Talia

An inside look at Talia’s two-month adventure to Israel

A guide to easy and fun summer jobs

1.

Babysitter: Get in touch with a local church; most of them have a babysitter list they have for members to use. The Red Cross also offers a business card template online for sitters.

2

. Edina Parks & Rec helpers: Work at the playgrounds with kids. Positions are open until they are filled. Apps are available online at the Edina Parks and Rec website.

3

. Career Center Opportunities: Throughout the year the Career Center posts job opportunities in the counseling office and the outside of the library. During the spring they will begin to post about summer jobs for students. The best part is that many of these jobs are well over minimum wage. You can also contact the Career Center via their email for more information.

4.

Lawn Service: Post flyers around your neighborhood advertising a lawn mowing service and/or gardener. This job is great because you can be flexible with when you work, can ask to be paid in cash and you will never get the night shift!

5.

Lifeguard: The downside to this is you will have to be certified before you get a job. The upside is you get to tan by the pool all day while being paid for it!

6.

State Fair: Yes, this is a temporary job at the end of the summer, but it will be one for the memories. You just have to get over the fact that you might be sweating over hot greasy fries for eight hours in the August heat.

Natalie Paule, art editor

Photo courtesy of Talia Edelheit

During Talia Edelheit’s first night in Jerusalem,“our adult leaders had us watch the sun set over the skyline of the city, and it was one of the most incredible sights I have ever seen.”

Junior Talia Edelheit had the opportunity to study in Israel from November to January during this school year with the Alexander Muss High School in Israel Program.

While in Israel, Edelheit was able to travel to “Jerusalem, Tel-Aviv, Akko, the Negev, Masada, Dead Sea, Tzfat, the Kineret, up the border of Lebanon, Syria and even to a Kibbutz (the highest one in Israel) where we could see both Lebanon and Syria in one area. We also traveled to Afula and many other places around the country.” The trips were even more special for Edelheit because “every single place we went to had some sort of historical aspect to it, which made the experience even more meaningful.”

While in Israel, Edelheit lived on a campus in Hod Ha’Sharon, which is about 30 minutes away from Tel-Aviv and an hour from Jerusalem. She said that “sometimes we would have free weekends, where we could go stay with a family who lived in Israel. I stayed with family friends a few times in Jerusalem, stayed with a bunch of kids from my program in the West Bank and went on a Bedouin camping trip with my group as well.”

Edelheit, whose dad is a rabbi, said that “going there taught me that I want to keep my reform beliefs and become more culturally Jewish and not become strictly religious.”

Edelheit’s trip was not all travel and fun. She had a rigorous school schedule that kept her busy, but she did get to go on small trips with the group.

For Edelheit, her favorite part of studying abroad was “seeing the incredible places that Israel has to offer.”

“I need to start living life on a day-to-day basis,” Edelheit said about an important insight she learned on the trip. This insight came after “realizing that I was in Israel and that my trip was going by fast, [so] you have to take in the little things and appreciate them for what they are because you don’t have that much time.”

“The hardest part about studying abroad was definitely being away from home for so long,” she said. Thankfully she “had the resources to stay in touch with everyone at home, and when I came back on the 24th, I couldn’t have felt more loved and welcomed back into the bubble.”

Hannah Sommerville, staff writer

Ask the officer

In health class, there is always that one kid who asks very personal questions. We all want to know the answers but may be too embarrassed to actually ask ourselves. Edina High School students sent in their anonymous questions to Zephyrus. We sat down with officer Kenna Dick, the EHS police liasion, to talk about all things legal: curfew, drinking, and student ethics.

Curfew: What are the typical repercussions for receiving a curfew violation?

“It depends on how many you have” said officer Dick. The first curfew violation usually results in “a very small fine” of about $25. After subsequent curfew violations, someone may have to see a judge who may award a sentence of community service or of taking a class.

Drinking: Can students get in trouble for being at a party with alcohol, even if they aren’t drinking themselves?

Students cannot get in trouble for being at a party with alcohol if they aren’t drinking themselves. However, if someone hosts a party with alcohol, he or she could be cited under the Social Host Ordinance Law “even if [he or she is] underage” said officer Dick.

What are the drawbacks in refusing to take a breathalyzer test?

“If you aren’t drinking, why not [take one]? You have that right [to refuse to take a breathalyzer test], but [refusing] wouldn’t do anything but make the officer upset.” The officer would then look for other signs someone has been drinking because the law says an officer can use any indication to determine if someone has been drinking, not just proof from a breathalyzer test.

Ethics: Is cheating illegal? Can students be arrested for academic dishonesty?

Cheating is not illegal. It is an “ethical dilemma, not a criminal one.”

Other: Is it illegal to sleep naked?

It is not illegal to sleep naked and it is “not illegal to drive barefoot” said officer Dick.

There you have it, guys. All of your burning questions answered. If we receive any more questions, we will post a follow-up piece online at edinazephyrus.com. More anonymous questions can be sent to asktheofficr@edinazephyrus.com. Keep ‘em coming!

Grace Meyer, staff writer Photo by Jake Freeman

4

www.edinazephyrus.com

Features Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

A trip through time of past issues of Zephyrus Believe it or not, Zephyrus hasn’t always been the immaculately produced, impeccably edited block of truth that it is today (in fact, Zephyrus, the newspaper, has only existed since the mid-1970s onward. We used to be a magazine). From the 1940 Edina-Morningside Blue and Gold to the 1970 Buzzette, Edina publications have included some serious bizarreness, raunchiness, and a pinch of disaster.

“It was labor-intensive! We’d actually have to print it off ourselves. And there were always issues with what they’d let us print, especially in the ‘70s,” said Dave Langholz, the advisor of Zephyrus in the early 1980s.

As staff writers, sitting in the back of the publications room and giggling over old newspaper headlines and advertisements has become one of our new favorite hobbies, alongside such other illustrious pastimes as Wikipedia racing and eating. In any case, though, here’s a collection of our favorite headlines and quotes from Edina papers of old: the mundanely olden-timey, the intriguingly out of place, and the outright strange.

photo by Jake Freeman

Random @EdinaZephyrus twitter follower, senior Kevin Foley, pies editor in chief Erik Rehnberg Friday morning after we hit 250 followers.

•

Solving the secrets of Edina

•

Uncovering mysterious places around EHS Edina High School is more than a building full of classrooms. There are many nooks and crannies around the school that remain undiscovered by the majority of students and faculty that spend 40 hours a week in the building….until now at least.

•

• • • •

The Dark Room

Who: The dark room is used by photography students

One of our favorite newspaper headlines comes from the Edina-Morningside Blue and Gold of January, 1940. Try and make some sense of it. “It Can’t Happen Here; That is We Doubt If You Can Find Any Good Candy; But There Was Indigestion.”

“Kindergarten Children Visit Boiler Room; Dictate Experiences” – Edina-Morningside Blue and Gold, February 26th, 1940. (Vaguely Twitteresque; did Twitter arise from these headlines? Maybe...)

“More Edina Men Enter America’s Armed Forces” – Edina-Morningside Blue and Gold June 1st, 1945. (In the same issue, an article was written titled “Let’s Cut Down on War News.”)

“One of the big questions today is, ‘What are the latest records?’” According to the Edina-Morningside Blue and Gold of 1945, the answer is Bing Crosby’s “Just A Prayer Away.”

The Edina-Morningside Courier of December 1950 has listed the tentative lunch menus for the week of Dec. 8-15. Items include creamed chipped beef with hard cooked egg on mashed potatoes, chicken and egg hot dish, potato celery soup and enriched bread.

“The smoke in the lavatories smells different these days...” – Edina Zephyrus October 16th, 1970.

“The cost [for Sweethearts] is three dollars per couple” – Edina Buzzette February 4th, 1972. (This one speaks for itself)

in Ms. Raskin’s class.

Where: In the photography classroom.

What: The room was made six years ago and allows

students at Edina High School to practice traditional photography. In order to enter the room, individuals have to go through a spinning door that helps preserve the darkness of the developing photos.

The Team Room

Who: This room is used by the girls volleyball, basketball, and lacrosse teams during their sport seasons.

Where: In the hallway off the main gym.

What: The room is equipped with a smaller, but identical wooden floor of the gym, couches

and individual wooden cubbies for each player. The girls basketball team has a pasta party in this room before every home game.

The Book Room

Who: The book room is used by English teachers.

Where: The closet doors on the second floor of the

In the Zephyrus issue of December 18th, 1981, the ten most popular current television programs according to the Edina student body were listed.

social studies hallway.

What: This is where all of the books in the English curriculum are stored when students aren’t reading them for class.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

The T-Shirt Closet

Who: Stud Co uses this room and calls it the ‘dungeon.’

Where: On the first floor across from the language hallway.

What: This room is where all of the old dance t-shirts are stored. There are shirts in there as old as 1999!

Unfortunately, these mysterious rooms around EHS are no longer mysterious. However, some secret locations were left unexplored in order to preserve a sense of adventure throughout the building.

Vivian Engen, staff writer

photos by Vivian Engen

A typical tutor session at Countryside Buy one get one free “guys Elementary School in 1974. and dolls” special at Arby’s

M.A.S.H. General Hospital Dallas Hart to Hart The Twilight Zone

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Hogan’s Heroes Monday Night Football Happy Days Little House on the Prairie Saturday Night Live

Of course, by even publishing this, we’re dating ourselves horribly, just like the Courier of 1951 did when it published a futuristic description of what the high school would look like in... 1976! We can only imagine future generations of Edinans finding this paper in some cardboard box in the back of the Pub Room/Robot Slave Holding Dock. “Hey, what is this? Did they find something comical about creamed chipped beef, way back then? And what’s this Wikipedia thing?...”

Micah Osler and Megan Couture, staff writers

Sports 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

5

www.edinazephyrus.com

Get involved!

all photos by Jake Freeman

More than just a good stretch “My favorite thing about yoga is that it’s a great way to stay in tune with your body and depending on the level of difficulty, can also help you stay in shape,” remarked senior Lisa Yanchuck, who helps organize the Yoga Club at Edina High School. “It’s important to have some way to center your mind periodically, and yoga is a great way to do it.”

Yanchuck described Yoga Club, which started in February, as an opportunity for “relaxation and stress release, since most Edina students experience stress in their lives in one form or another.”

According to junior Olive Mclean, the president of the Yoga Club, the group usually meets to practice “in the gymnastics gym on the first floor across from the main gym, Mondays from 3:20 to 4:20.”

One day a week not enough? Southdale YMCA and LifeTime Fitness both offer free classes for members. At CorePower Yoga on 7495 France Avenue South, prices are discounted for full-time students from the usual $19 to $13 for a drop-in class.

Looking for more ways to work up a sweat? Try Zumba! Junior Sydney Domke attends Zumba class twice a week at LifeTime Fitness. Domke remarked, “I would definitely recommend going, especially with friends! It’s a fun way to be crazy and exercise all at the same time.”

During a typical Zumba class, a certified instructor warms up participants with stretching exercises before embarking on various dance routines, all to the beat of Latin music or popular hip-hop songs. The class then ends with a cool down and more stretching.

Senior Hannah Burns, a licensed Zumba instructor, described her Zumba addiction. “I love Zumba because the music is awesome, and it’s a fun, easy and effective workout! You get lost in the music and just have fun with it.”

Zumba classes are offered at both the YMCA and LifeTime Fitness, so stop by to try it out.

Of course, any kind of exercise is great, but yoga and Zumba definitely have their own unique advantages. As Mclean pointed out, yoga “isn’t based on competition” but instead is a way to “channel all your energy into making yourself a stronger and happier person.”

Clare Ling, staff writer

“I love playing with and meeting people from the other schools.” said junior Zack Minn.

For many students, participating in after school activities while in high school is a big part of their life. A sport is an activity, whether it be intramural level or varsity. Sports are an outlet for our energies, a place to meet new friends, experience the highs and lows of competition, and learn how to handle different situations. For the students enrolled in special education, it is no different.

Many of our special education students at Edina High School compete in a league designed to fit their needs.

Students can join this league as early as seventh grade and continue in it until they graduate. “They are able to participate like typical students can,” said Edina’s Adaptive Sports Coordinater, Mrs. Jackie Awsumb.

Edina, Bloomington, Eden Prairie, and Richfield form both the South Suburban Jets and the South Suburban Flyers. These teams are part of the Minnesota State High School League (MSHSL), and compete against other teams from around the state. In the fall, students enjoy soccer, in the winter they play floor hockey, and in the spring they have softball. This winter the Flyers were (9-3-1). In past years the Flyers have consistently been one of the top teams to beat. “ G e t involved!”one of Edina’s slogans promoted by Dr. Locklear, is intended to be heard by every student in the student body.

According to Mrs. Awsumb, “ T h e s e students are able to meet new friends, and above all be part of the Zack Minn, the junior floor community hockey captain. through sports.”

“All three sports are enjoyable. I like them very much.” said

Partners: on and off the court What is your partner’s pregame ritual?

“He freestyle raps and has rap battles.”- senior Kelly McGarvey

“She does witch dances.”

- junior Matt Nelson

Does your partner get cocky when they win?

“He has a cute strut after he wins. J.K. it’s not cute.”junior Sarah Downey

Read the rest of this article on website via this QR code.

Who is the better athlete?

“Oh, for sure me. I’m just awesome.”- sophomore Sami Peterson

Tara Gupta, staff writer

8 Opinion

www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439 art by Jamie Jones

Head to head: Politics T

J

$pending

ust as my colleague, the esteemed Mr. Gieske, has outlined some of the highlights from the politically conservative standpoint, I will offer you some from the liberal side. With the presidential elections just around the corner, I would advise everyone who is eligible not only to vote, but also to make an informed decision by looking up the platforms of the different parties. This article is not a representation of the Democratic Party’s official platform; rather it is a look at your typical liberal’s opinions on the national debt, gay marriage, and Obama’s mandate on birth contraceptives.

According to the U.S. Treasury, the nation’s debt currently sits just under $15.5 trillion. Now, no liberal out there would brush that off as chump change, but I do think that the economy is quickly improving. When President Obama took office, he was sitting on roughly 10 trillion dollars worth of debt, $5 trillion of which were racked up by President George W. Bush. Since then, according to President Barack Obama’s website, there has been 23 consecutive months of job growth in the private sector, an impressive feat. The President’s stimulus plan was effective. For example, General Motors, Chrysler, and Ford Motors were all circling the drain before the President extended rescue loans to them. Now, all three of these automobile companies are profitable, and the President effectively saved 1.4 million American jobs.

To start, the incredible rate of spending must stop. It’s come to the point that the federal government must continue to pass debt-ceiling increases almost every few months to prevent bankruptcy. The Republican Party supports a minimalist government—if you don’t need a higher entity spending your money or limiting your freedoms in certain areas, why create it there? Thus Republicans such as 2012 Presidential candidate Rick Santorum call for a drastic cut of $5 trillion in federal spending within 5 years, through freezing spending in areas such as Medicaid.

One of the pivotal issues in the next Presidential election is how to reconcile past promises such as Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security with current fiscal realities. It will soon be impossible for out nation to honor its promises as the Baby Boomer generation begins to retire—there is nowhere near enough money in the national budget.

We must gradually wean our way out of these past promises, since they probably shouldn’t have been made in the first place. True, some people depend on these benefits, so the cutback should come slowly, giving individuals time to adjust. The alternative is national bankruptcy.

Looking at legalizing same-sex marriage, I would use the same term that many have used in the past and say that legalizing it would put us on a “slippery slope” socially. Individuals can run their private lives however they see fit, but if we fundamentally change the definition of a social building block as pivotal as marriage, would anything in our society be considered sacred and off-limits to change?

Obama’s recent contraception mandate, which would require that all employers provide free contraception—including the abortion-inducing morning-after pill—to employees that request it, seems to disregard the fact that abortion and even contraception itself is gravely contrary to the beliefs of certain religious institutions, including Catholic schools and hospitals.

According to a survey by The Pew Forum, 23.9% of the U.S. is Catholic, and 83.1% is affiliated with some sort of religion. Our President feels that it is somehow justifiable to single-handedly require, without even bothering to pass a legitimate law, that nearly a fourth of the country tread on its beliefs.

All of this in order to push an issue (abortion) that is highly politicized and controversial in the first place. This attitude in government needs to change Tyler Gieseke, opinion editor

Culture Wars

On to the topic of same-sex marriage! The most common liberal view on equal marriage rights can be summed up in the words of Anne Hathaway at the Human Rights Campaign dinner in 2008,“...love is a human experience and not a political statement.” Moreover, I think it is important to consider all the benefits of marriage that gay couples are being denied. Everything from financial benefits to joint-ownership to medical decision-making capacities are being withheld from couples who love each other. In a country where, according to divorcerate.com, over half of all marriages between men and women end, is it really fair to say that same-sex couples are the ones destroying the sanctity of marriage?

Finally, let’s talk about President Obama’s mandate on contraceptives. The mandate, as it is currently written, requires private health care insurance companies to cover the cost of birth control. This has caused much drama among conservatives, who reference the mandate as an attack on religious freedoms.

Speaking as a woman and as a liberal, I completely disagree. This is not a religious debate, but one over women’s rights and access to basic health care. It is a woman’s right to decide what to do with her body and whether or not to have a child. But, more than that, women take birth control for all kinds for reasons, not simply as a birth contraceptive. According to Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown Law student who testified in the House in February, birth control can cost a woman around $1,000 a year. Such economic burdens should not be placed on woman for exercising their right to freedom of choice. As Dawn Laquens, the executive vice president for policy and communications at Planned Parenthood said, “The people who vote against birth control and vote against health care- they are going to have boxed themselves into a very small corner,” and I must say, I agree! I mean, when was the last time we restricted women’s liberties and were proud of it?

Alma Pronove, editor in chief

he conservative political block has been called many names, some nicer than others: hillbillies, country bumpkins, the religious right. In general, it’s associated with bluegrass, down-home, good ole’ tradition. Conservatives focus on tradition. It’s an effective guide: traditional values, thoughts, and opinions are often tried and true. Of course, not always, and this is true as well. As we near the next Presidential election, take some time to consider what the Republican Party stands for and how they propose to reign in the perilous policies that have left our nation on the brink of bankruptcy and socialism, among other things.

Zephyrus Staff

editors in chief: Alma Pronove, Erik Rehnberg, Krystal Walker copy editor: Monica Omodt art editor: Natalie Paule news editors: Stephanie Coleman, Michael Jacobson features editors: Anna Ellingboe, Ellie Lagorio sports editor: Rayelle Washington in-depth editor: Andrea Kimball opinion editors: Tyler Gieseke, Monica Omodt culture editors: Sloane Nilsen, Ashley Smith back page editors: Natalie Paule, Alma Pronove staff writers: Emily Cherkassky, Megan Couture, Vivian Engen, Jake Freeman, Tara Gupta, Jack Hulstrand, Maddie Kopiecki, Clare Ling, Grant Marks, Thomas Matthes, Grace Meyer, Sarah Nealon, Micah Osler, Hannah Sommerville, Alex Van Gorp photographers/artists: Connor Bjornnes, Julia Bolter, Anne Cavanagh, Kelsey Ehrlich, Ashley Eickhoff, Jake Freeman, Cici Holmquist, Elizabeth Jarvey, Jamie Jones, Rebecca Kidder, Claire Kouatli, Raquel Radenbaugh, Zai Rutter, Anna Schmiel, Kat Skibbe, Emma Westbrook webmaster: Will Rurik advertising manager: Alex Van Gorp advisor: Elizabeth Barniskis Zephyrus is a monthly publication produced by students of Edina High School; 6754 Valley View Road; Edina, MN 55439; (952) 848-3800 x3087. Zephyrus is an open forum for student expression that recognizes the First Amendment guarentee of freedom of the press, and abides by Tinker standard. Opinions published in Zephyrus do not necessarily reflect the views of the entire staff, advisor, administration, or entire student body. Submissions and letters are printed based on space available. Anonymous letters may be printed only if a Zephyrus advisor or editor knows the author’s identity. Letters should be mailed to the school or given to the advisor or a staff member.

Zephyrus reserves the right to edit any letters for clarity and length.

Opinion 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

9

www.edinazephyrus.com

O E S P or TV degradation harming kids

A

s a kid, I thoroughly enjoyed watching “Arthur,” “Reading Rainbow,” and other PBS shows each morning before elementary school. These days, it seems that these educational shows have lost popularity among youngsters, and have been replaced with more entertainment based, unoriginal, stereotypical, and just plain annoying shows, epitomized by those on Disney Channel. A part of my soul dies as I watch the children I babysit waste time viewing the trashy entertainment based shows that are on TV today.

It all started when our cable company gave us three months of free cable as a promotional deal.

Though I don’t nearly have enough time for TV, even I was elated when I discovered the endless number of premium channels. For my siblings, watching the new channels was time well spent, (it seemed), away from homework. However, I soon realized that they were no longer interested in watching non-cable shows because they found entertainment based shows like “So Random” more interesting.

Now, I’ve done my research. Though sitting down to analyze “Shake It Up” or the new “Hannah Montana Forever” is not even close to my cup of tea, I had to for the merit and sake of giving decent arguments for this article.

First of all, why does every actress look the same? And why does every actor/actress want to rack up a record deal on top of their acting contracts? I am pretty certain these actors/actresses are trying to mature faster than need be. These shows also overemphasize clique boundaries, (the nerds are so obviously cast out among the popular girl cliques, or having the jocks beat up the nerds), which I think is very annoying. Another element to this Disney Channel madness is that most of the shows glorify dating and being girl/boy crazy at such a young age.

If the majority of young people are starting to watch all entertainment based shows, which seems to be the case, then I’m pretty concerned. I feel old when I say “Reading Rainbow” or “Arthur” will and always will be the best, but it’s true! Those shows had so much legitimacy and merit, and I never felt the need to fit into a preconceived mold of a stereotypical clique, image, or behavior afterwards.

Monica Omodt, copy editor

art by Elizabeth Jarvey

Website blocking too overbearing

I

f you’ve ever used a school computer to access the Internet, you’ve probably realized that the school filters the Internet. The school district doesn’t do this because the adults in charge enjoy denying students access to certain parts of the web, but rather because “schools that receive Federal e-Rate funding are required by law to block sites that are determined to be inappropriate by the Child Internet Protection Act,” according to Michael Walker, the district secondary technology integration specialist.

While the school’s filtering blocks sites that are undeniably inappropriate and harmful, like porn sites, the filter also blocks some completely innocuous sites, like the popular webcomic Penny Arcade. Also caught in the net are some legitimately educational searches. Students researching queer theory, a literary theory concerning gender identity in literature, in English teacher Jessica Froehlich’s class were surprised to learn that they could not find anything meaningful on the topic because the school blocked all related web searches under the category “GPORN.” Since when is something as dry and boring as literary theory considered porn?

When asked what to do when a legitimate search cannot be completed at school, Mr. Walker said, “In this case, we may ask you to complete that search outside of school.” Theoretically, that’s a good option, but not when you have a group presentation the next

day and need to research with other group members.

Sites always can be unblocked, Mr. Walker explained, saying “students can contact their media center and put in a request.” That, however, will of course take time, and then it may be simpler for the student to wait until they get home after all.

For users on the district’s WiFi network, going to a blocked site leads to a page explaining why the site is blocked and giving users the opportunity to log in on their school accounts to authenticate. On the wired network, a blocked site displays a similar page, but with the option to log in as a different user.

What the page is lacking, however, is a description of what to do. It informs students to contact the building’s media staff, but provides no link or instructions on how to do that.

Problems with the filtering system boil down to two main categories: collateral damage as legitimate content is filtered and a lack of communication. The collateral damage associated with web filtering is inevitable, but can be better managed, especially by improving the second category: communication. The splash page for blocked content should be modified to provide more information, from an explanation of why the particular category of web page is blocked to a guide to how to get the site unblocked to a comprehensive (and prominently available) explanation of the school’s web filtering system.

Zephyrus editorial board

No?

W

ith registering for next year’s classes still on the brains of students, it’s time to think about what next year’s opportunities will hold for you, and that just might include Post-Secondary Enrollment Options (PSEO). It’s not too late; students can apply at Normandale through July 1st. PSEO is available through the Minnesota Department of Education to juniors and seniors who decide to take courses at a local university or community college, such as Normandale, to earn dual college and high school credit.

Although PSEO sounds like a great idea, Edina High School offers Advanced Placement classes that essentially provide the same benefits. PSEO and A.P. classes alike allow students to receive dual high school and college credit that can be transferred to another college down the road, and both are free through Edina. The only major difference is in order to receive college credit for an A.P. class, the student must take an A.P. exam at the end of the year and get either a three, four or five.

For those students who wish to go to a private college or university, counselor Bill Hicks suggests that A.P. classes are a better choice: A.P. is a standard program available in most high schools around the country, so the credits can usually be transferred easily to private schools, even if they are out-of-state.

PSEO is only available in certain states: its credits are easier to transfer to public schools, especially those that are in one’s home state.

Because of this, full-time PSEO student and junior Nora Abdelal decided that it was a good choice for her. “There is this program called MNTC (Minnesota Transfer Credits), and once I get 40 credits at Normandale, I can automatically transfer to the U of M. It’s kind of a way to ensure that the credits will be accepted at the college I want to go to,” Abdelal said.

PSEO is also a good option if a student is tired of the high school atmosphere and is ready to move on to college. “[You] get to know new people, make new connections, and get a taste of college life,” Abdelal said.

For others, not getting the full high school experience may be seen as a con. “I am definitely not involved in the high school as much as I would like to be... It’s still possible for me to be but with the full-time PSEO and a job, it’s hard to balance everything out the way I would like to,” Abdelal said.

If you’re considering PSEO, also remember the options Edina High School offers you, such as A.P. classes, and the obstacles of PSEO. It’s a big decision to make on your own, so consult your counselor and they’ll have the best advice that pertains directly to you.

Moving on to college sounds like a good idea now, but make sure you soak up the high school experience now and don’t take it for granted. Once high school is done, it’s done forever!

Ashley Smith, culture editor

10 Culture www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

The Chronology of Birthday Parties

No matter how many birthdays you have, you’re going to die eventually.

Past: At your first birthday party, the whole class was invited, parents included. By the time all thirty million kids had arrived at your party, be it at the zoo, Chuck E. Cheese or Grand Slam, the pile of your presents had reached twice your size. Everyone wanted a seat next to the birthday child and piece of cake with writing on it. Much to your disappointment, your parents remembered to write down who gave you what so you wouldn’t forget when you wrote the dreaded thank you cards.

Presents from the past: ● A big plastic bag. This all-in-one present can float in the wind, suffocate children and serve as a parachute in dangerous situations. ● “War and Peace”... in Russian! The college process starts early, knowing another language really gives you a leg up.

Any child will be able to cruise through this easy novel.

Check out edinazephyrus.com for more culture articles, including the latest article:

Man Jewelry Bookmark This!

“The Historian” by Elizabeth Kostova

Present: Burst the bubble! Jump into a limo with your fifteen best friends and head out for a wild night in the cities. Don’t forget to spend at least an hour getting ready so you look perfect in your $200 dress. Hit up the best overpriced restaurants. Of course, you need to take hundreds of pictures and upload them all on Facebook to show everyone how great you look.

They’ll appreciate the opportunities to Facebook stalk you.

Presents for the present: ● iTunes gift card. This will reel the torrent-using teenagers to the legal side. ● Zephyrus subscription. Zephyrus is now offering subscriptions.

Who wouldn’t want one?!

Future: By the time your 90th birthday rolls around, you will have come full circle. The celebration will simply be the fact that you are still alive.

Even though you’ll be back in diapers and will need help blowing out your candles, you’re still breathing, albeit with the aid of a respirator.

You could even have your friends from knitting club over for some ice tea! Bonus: if you’re living in a nursing home, you can have built-in sleepover! Hopefully all of your friends will survive the night.

Presents for the future: ● Tennis balls. These multi-purpose balls can be used for padding the bottoms of a walker or for throwing at cats. ● Spiked prune juice. Sometimes, old people just need a little escape from their cat-filled reality.

The concluding moral? Live long and keep blowing out those candles!

Sarah Nealon, staff writer

Set in Eastern Europe, “The Historian” is a fastpaced thriller following two young college students on their search for Dracula. No, not the Hollywoodstyle, cape-toting demon, but the actual historical figure who inspired the legend: Vlad the Impaler, a ruler in medieval Europe who terrorized and tortured during his time in power. Evidence has turned up that Vlad the Impaler is still alive. A series of creepy, mysterious deaths and disappearances lead the two students through Cold War Europe on a dangerous mission to find a lost friend and the tomb of Dracula.

Most of the book is a flashback, from the perspective of one of the college students, as he tells it to his young daughter in modern times. Eventually, her father disappears on some business, leaving her letters for her to learn the rest of his story. While she follows his mission through his letters as well as old letters from her missing mother (who she later realizes was the second college student, also on the adventure), the daughter soon gets caught up in an adventure of her own. She escapes her apartment in Amsterdam in pursuit of her father, convinced that he is finally on the trail of Dracula and that he needs her help.

Her adventures through the French countryside are told simultaneously to the reading of the letters, so only in the final chapters do all the pieces of the mystery fall into place.“The Historian” is not for the faint-hearted - as you can tell, the plot is entirely complicated, spanning over two generations, and the book itself is 642 pages long. The genre is full of science-fiction and mystery, with a touch of romance and overall horror. Intimidated? I sure was, but read it anyway. The book is impossible to put down.

And if you’re not intimidated, then you have no excuse to not go to the library and check it out.

Bookmark This! is a monthly column where I feature truly fabulous books that EHS students may have overlooked. If you have a book suggestion or comment, you can contact us at bookmarkthisreviews@ gmail.com. Keep reading!

Andrea Kimball, columnist

Culture 11 Spring Upcoming Concerts Fashion 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

www.edinazephyrus.com

We all have that one fashion forward friend who makes our outfits look like a bad FACS project, or an episode of “What Not to Wear.” But what if every girl could be fashion forward? If you are a walking fashion faux pas waiting to happen, read on to discover the hottest spring fashions for girls of 2012.

photo by Cici Holmquist

“I think what makes concerts so exciting is the fact that you’re in the same “room” with the band and that it’s like they are singing to you, not to the microphone. Also, it’s fun to be around thousands of people whom you have something in common with” said junior Aleda Bisping.

Lady Antebellum: March 11 at First Avenue If you’re into country, the Lady Antebellum concert is a perfect and fun night out to let loose and listen to some good music! Some of their most popular songs include “We Owned the Night” and “Just a Kiss.”

Florence and the Machine: April 27 at the State Theatre Minneapolis If Indie pop music is your thing, Florence and the Machine provides an exciting and eclectic show.

Florence and the Machine was nominated for a Grammy and are known for their hits including “Dog Days Are Over” and “Cosmic Love.”

Foster the People: June 22 at Target Center If you’re looking for a fun summer concert, check out Foster the People and jam out to their top song “Pumped up Kicks.” Although it’s not until June, now’s the time to get your tickets, because they will sell out quick!

Hot Chelle Rae: April 23 at the Varsity Theatre This up and coming group made it big in 2011 with their hit songs Tonight Tonight and “I Like It Like That.” If you’re interested in going, get your tickets now because it’s one night only!

Needtobreathe: March 29 & 30 at First Avenue This Christian rock band began their career opening for Taylor Swift on her Speak Now tour and are now touring on their own. If you want a fun and relaxed concert before spring break, get your tickets now, you won’t be disappointed!

Trampled by Turtles: April 11 at First Avenue This eclectic group is the perfect show for teens and young adults that are looking for a high energy and good atmosphere show. Trampled by Turtles are known for their hit song “Alone.”

Nickleback: May 23 at Target Center Although Nickleback is more popular for their old songs including “If Today Was Your Last Day” and “How You Remind Me,” their new tour is a revamping of their career on the music scene. If you’re a diehard fan, this is your chance to make your dream come true!

The Black Keys: May 15 at Target Center This up and coming group’s tour starts at just $39 a ticket and is known for their contemporary style that appeals to everyone. Tickets are on sale now, so if they interest you, don’t hesitate (everyone deserves a night out, right?).

Madonna: November 3 at Target Center The queen comes to Minneapolis! For most of us teenagers, we haven’t been able to see the queen of pop in concert, so now’s the time! I mean c’mon, who doesn’t L. U. V. Madonna?

Coldplay: August 10 & 11 at Xcel Energy Center If someone were to say the anticipation for Coldplay’s album Myloxyloto was minimal, I don’t think anyone would believe them, and the same goes for their concert. What’s better than Coldplay’s new album? Coldplay’s new album in concert!

Ellie Lagorio, features editor

Exposed Midriffs Please do not pull a Mary Kate and Ashley and wear belly shirts as soon as the temperature hits 70 degrees.

Instead, the style this spring is much classier and more tasteful. Choose flirty tops that show a small amount of skin, in a playful way. Try pairing a crop top with a skirt to make the look fun, yet classy.

20’s Style/Art Deco Imagine making “The Great Gatsby” into a fashion style, and you’ve got yourself this new spring fashion inspiration. It’s all about going back to the 20’s and reinventing old favorites like the flapper dress, and art deco (a style of the 1920s and 30s, marked by bold geometric shapes and strong colors). Make sure to stick to solid colors, and avoid tye-dye, but try glitzing your outfits up by adding holographic sequins for a spicier look this spring.

Sporty Chic For you sport fanatics out there, it is finally your time to be high fashion. Well, kind of. Try mixing sporty with girly to stay on top of the trends this season. Sport anything from track pants, floral hoodies, to a parachute strap dress!

Oceanic Colors and Shapes This season get ready to pull out your inner mermaid!

The colors to wear are coral, ocean blue and all other ocean themed hues. Fishy sequins, or sleek clam pearls – whatever the style, make it oceanic.

All photos by Natalie Paule

It’s always fun to try new trends for the new season, but make sure you stay true to yourself, and adapt these trends to work with your own personal style!

Anna Ellingboe, features editor

Art by Natalie Paule

“The Hunger Games” phenomenon has often been compared to the famous “Harry Potter” and “Twilight” series, but really, how will it compare on screen? Until March 23rd, 2012, when the movie is released onto the big screen, we won’t know for sure.

Fans at EHS seem to have their own opinion of how they believe the movie will compare. Senior Danielle Kellogg, a hardcore “Hunger Games” fanatic is “super pumped for the film!”

Some are worried that the movies won’t be as good as the books, like many other movies turned out. Based on the trailer and the comments underneath the clip though, many fans were pleased. A top comment on the YouTube trailer was, “Epic. Can’t wait to see it!”

The movie franchise decided the “Hunger Games” would be a film in March of 2009, and the role of Katniss Everdeen was chosen on March 18, 2011. They took quite awhile to find Katniss, but after they saw Jennifer Lawrence, Gary Ross, the director, told Entertainment Weekly, “It was the easiest casting decision I’ve ever made in my life.”

Most were happy with the choice because of her acting ability (she was one of the youngest to receive the Oscar nomination for best actress in “Winter’s Bone”) but others were upset because they didn’t think she looked enough like the role. Lawrence responded to this with, “It’s easy. I can dye my hair. Done.”

The other lead characters, Peeta and Gale, were chosen to be played by Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth. Fans seem to be happy with the choice. Junior Claire Madden exclaimed, “I love Josh Hutcherson!” At least happier than “Twilight’s” at first negative fan reaction to the casting of Robert Pattinson.

Of course, the never-ending question regarding a movie’s success is, “Was it as good as the book?” Although the movie hasn’t been released yet, many have high hopes for the franchise.

Sophomore Katy Peck told, “I really hope the books will be as good as the movie, but you never know!”

Overall, fans at EHS have a positive outlook on the film, and the soundtrack is getting good feedback as well. Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift featuring the Civil Wars and One Engine by the Decemberists are both the singles and the tops hits of the soundtrack on iTunes.

Tickets for the midnight premiere came out on February 22nd, so order them quickly in order to be one of the first to see the 74th annual “Hunger Games!” Also, if you want to see the Hunger Games cast in person, use your Friday off school (March 9) and go to the Mall of America.

Stephanie Coleman, news editor

back page 12

www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 32 Issue 6

March 8, 2012

super cousins

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

If you don’t know yet, the back page editors are indeed blood-related. Here’s what we would be if Marvel or D.C Comics turned us into tight wearing, villain fighting super “heroes.”

Alma Pronove by day, Grumble Girl by night. My powers include the ability to mute crying babies, light things on fire with my mind, fall asleep anywhere, and convince teachers that spending class time napping is a good idea. Morning people are my nemeses. Essentially, I am here to defend the sleep-deprived teenager. Just as the Bat-Signal was Batman’s call to action, yawning is mine. So next time you are trying to catch up on some sleep in a public place and someone’s baby starts crying, yawn. I will be there in a flash (or longer because chances are that I myself am asleep) to mute said baby. Or next time some peppy morning person skips into class asking how you’re doing, yawn, and I will be there to light their hair on fire.

Natalie Paule by day, Blubber Babe by night. As soon as the winter sky turns black and the moon rises Natalie Paule takes out her Eskimo costume and becomes Blubber Babe. She and her sidekick Bode, her family dog, prowl around during the night helping Minnesota teens.

She has an incredible smell for bacon grease, much like a shark does for blood. With Bode saddled like a horse she races towards the nearest bacon grease deposit to fulfill her northern need for fat. Her arch nemesis is the snow plow driver who has the power to force EHS students to attend every school day, no matter the weather. With her spidy sense of snowflakes, she can predict the dumps of snow. She defeats the plowers by cutting all the electrical wires in their trucks with her mind. The only thing that can defeat her are A.P. tests.

not-so-super superheroes

The real flops of the comic book world.

The Red Bee

The only thing super about this guy is his super creepy outfit. Think Michael Jackson red jumpsuit.

Now throw in a belt with a compartment built into the belt buckle. Now pop a TRAINED bumble bee named Michael into that compartment. Yes, the only thing the Red Bee can do is release his bee from his belt buckle during battle. Oh, and he is only effective if his victim is allergic to bees.

Otherwise, he only poses as a mild obstacle. Or the bee could be smashed.

Matter-Eater Lad

First of all this name is lame, and is very difficult to yell during a battle. Secondly his only power is the ability to eat anything, besides his enemies. Another great hero brought to you by D.C. Comics.

Madam Fatal

No super powers here. Just an excellent ability to cane fight and his unusual desire to cross dress as an elderly woman. Madam Fatal is basically a regular guy’s drag persona.

Squirrel Girl

The Wasp and Ant-Man

One of the superhero couples. Ant-Man was a scientist who made a mixture that could shrink him down to ant size. This is all. His girlfriend wanted to join him and now can make herself small, and with the help of some wings she made herselff, she can fly but only when she is insect size. Besides being annoying I don’ t see the point of these superheroes. Maybe they like the thrill of being swatted at.

Your average high school girl goes into the woods. She falls in love with squirrels. Next thing you know, she basically is one. She travels to New York City to meet her idol, Iron Man, and offered to become his partner in fighting crime. Even after she defeats his nemesis for him, Iron Man rejects her. Her powers boil down to three things: semi-commendable speed, a “special” bond with squirrels, and retractable claws and tail.

which superhero are you?

A.Only when I’m bored B.Never C.Like it’s my job D.My phone is water damaged E. No, silly, I only upload photos of me and my friends!

Do you associate yourself with birds of prey?

A.Only eagles B. I am more of a crazy cat lady C. I prefer the stability of the ground D. No, I like mermaids ;) E. I empathize with their prey. Sad :’(

What is your favorite article of clothing?

A.My underwear and tights B.My anime cat ear MEOW C.Black to blend into the night D.Bikinis, not on me ;) E.My bracelets!!!!!!!!!!!! Or my headband.... I just can’t choose!!!! Or my go-go boots.... Can I say all three!?

ANSWERS Mostly “A” = You are Superman. Enjoy wearing your underwear over your tights.

Mostly “B” = Catwoman. Spend your days in a skin tight, leather outfit and your nights cuddling with your cats. Meow Mostly “C” = Invisibility, not a superhero, just a creep.

Mostly “D” = Your Merman!! The creepy, retired superhero from Spongebob. No you won’t be saving babies, you will instead be starting a strike against the prune pudding served at the nursing home.

Mostly “E” = WONDER WOMAN!! YEA!!!! Your powers aren’t real powers, you have things like empathy, a lasso, and bracelets that reflect sunlight into peoples’ eyes. You’re alright with this though, you just enjoy rainbows and sunshine!

Do you frequently stalk people on Facebook?

Alma Pronove, editor in chief & Natalie Paule, art editor