Issue 4 - February 2014

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www.edinazephyrus.com

In-Depth p. 6-7

Features p. 4

edinazephyrus.com

Breaking Up: All about everyone’s least favorite way to spend Valentine’s Day!

Third Wheeling: Learn about how to survive being forever alone.

Grapefruit: Read some alluring grapefruit facts, and why Sarah Aydinalp thinks they should be your favrotie fruit.

Volume 34 Issue 4

February 7, 2014

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Scandal in the Church Why the Catholic Church is

art by Katie Manderfeld

currently under fire

How much do you know about your religious leaders? This is a question that many in the state of Minnesota have had to ask in recent months.

A string of sex abuse scandals within the Catholic Church of Minnesota has left it in a state of disarray.

In early December, the Minnesota archdiocese came forward with the names of over thirty priests accused of abusing minors. Many more accusations were brought forward but have not yet been substantiated by the diocese.

“I think it’s embarrasing and uncomfortable

for members of the church, because it takes away from the religious part and ... focuses on things that don’t have to do with individual faith,” said junior Anna Rummel.

The real catalyst to the release of the names was when a man came forth with a story of how he had been abused as a child by longtime Catholic priest Thomas Adamson. This initiated a wave of accusations throughout the diocese.

The Roman Catholic Diocese has not been under fire only because of the acts of sex abuse, but also because of the ways in which the higher-ups

within the Church handled allegations. Inmany cases, accusations were not investigated.

Even the Archbishop John Nienstedt has been under fire for claims that he engaged in inappropriate activities during a 2009 Confirmation group photo.This claim has not been validated or refuted due to a lack of evidence. Regardless, Nienstedt has stepped down from his duties as Archbishop of the Minneapolis-St. Paul area.

Edina’s own Our Lady of Grace Church is under fire for being part of the ring of sex scandals and cover-ups.

In December, Bishop Nienstedt personally came to Our Lady of Grace to deliver a sermon in which he formally apologized for the string of sex abuse scandals and admitted that he should “have investigated it a lot more than [he] did.”

“My youth group just talked about the problems the church has. It’s less popular than in previous history, but I still go. I still believe,” said junior Connor Tressel.

Bess Pearson, opinion editor

Recently, electronic cigarettes, or e-cigs, have seen a surge in popularity, especially among teenagers. Electronic cigarette usage has more than doubled among U.S. teens, rising from 4.7% of high school wstudents in 2011 to 10% in 2012, according to a 2013 survey published by the CDC. E-cigarettes have many differences from tradi-

tional cigarettes. Although e-cigarettes do contain a small amount of nicotine, they are tobacco-free and produce a vapor, which the user inhales, or “vapes”, rather than smokes.

They also aren’t subject to U.S. tobacco laws, so they can be purchased without proof of age and advertised on television, radio, and social media.

Additionally, they’re offered in a variety of flavors, and don’t carry that signature tobacco smell or cause unpleasant side effects like yellowing teeth. Given these facts, it’s easy to see why they’ve attracted so many teens.

The electronic cigarette was patented in 1963, but Chinese pharmacist Hon Lik invented the modern version in 2003.

Many health experts warn that the risks of e-cigarettes are unknown because there has not been enough scientific research to understand their negative long-term effects.

These devices have entered a state of legal limbo, which many doctors believe is danger-

ous for public health.

“Cancer and respiratory experts see the same ploy being played out today with e-cigarettes as was done in the 1940s with cigarettes, when America started smoking en masse,” said columnist Christopher Wanjek of the Huffington Post.

So far, only four states, Utah, North Dakota, New Jersey, and New York, have instituted statewide bans on e-cigs, but many other states are proposing legislation. This has incited heated debate on both sides of the argument.

Proponents of the bans believe that if e-cigarettes are legal in public places, it will renormalize the act of smoking, and they’ll serve as a gateway drug that will attract more kids to start smoking tobacco cigarettes and use other drugs.

Opponents of the bans believe that e-cigarettes are a healthier alternative to tobacco cigarettes and help many people quit smoking.

Others argue that e-cigarettes will continue to be popular regardless of any legislation that

is passed.

“If a person is underage and wants to smoke an e-cig, they’re going to smoke an e-cig. They’re going to get ahold of them no matter what,” said an anonymous junior.

“I think the verdict is that the jury is out. I don’t know if we have enough data to show that they’re as safe as we think they are,” said EHS Nurse Ann Little.

Minnesota Representative Phyllis Kahn plans to introduce legislation during the 2014 session that would ban e-cigarettes in public places in Minnesota.

“Our state is a leader when it comes to public health,” Kahn said in a press release distributed by the DFL House communications staff. “My bill continues that tradition.”

Hannah Kloos, staff writer

E-Cigarette Use on the Rise

photo by Bridgit Loeffelholz

The official newspaper of Edina High School

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News

www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 34 Issue 4

February 7, 2014

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Train Development in Edina Lots of people drive in Edina. Look around, and there are cars everywhere. The only form of public transportation we have here are busses, and there are plenty of people who use those. That could soon change though, as there are discussions to bring the Southwest Light Rail line to Edina.

According to Edina Magazine, the line is expected to break ground in 2015 and begin operations in 2018. It will give residents access to downtown Minneapolis, with a total of seventeen stations. The existing Hiawatha Light Rail line has proven to be pretty popular, so the Metropolitan Council

know that this is probably a good idea. It’s all aimed at giving residents more transportation options, because people love options.

The Light Rail lines, coupled with lots of new bike lanes, are just some of the ways that Edina is giving its residents new ways to commute.

“I’d take the train to Minneapolis to see concerts. It would provide quick transportation and you wouldn’t have to worry about parking,” siad senior Julia Barnet.

Griffin Thompson, staff writer

art by Sarah Aulik

Increase in Minnesota Traffic Deaths According to the Minnesota Department of Transportation, the number of annual traffic deaths in the state of Minnesota has dropped from 568 in 1990 to 395 in 2012.

But what does that mean on an “average” day on Minnesota roads? 198 crashes, one death, and eighty-three injuries per day, adding up to cost the taxpayers around $4.1 million dollars.

Instinct might tell us that snow on the ground leads to the most fatalities, but in reality, the most dangerous month to drive was September, with forty-eight deaths and 258 injuries. The worst holiday to drive on in 2012 was New Year’s Eve, with seven deaths and 240 injuries across the state.

Now, for some happier news about the traffic situation in Minnesota: the state estimates that at any given point, 94% of vehicle occupants are wearing their seatbelt. This is up from just 20% in 1986.

Junior Sarah Anderson said that her seatbelt is “always on.” She went on to say that it’s “a habit I’ve always had.”

As seatbelt use increases, so does the number of people not ejected from the vehicle after a crash. Out of 271 automobile deaths, 25% resulted in someone being

ejected or partially ejected, and of the 25%, only 5% were wearing their seatbelts. In other words, if you got into a crash this year in Minnesota and were wearing your seatbelt, 98.75% of the time you would remain in the car.

Minnesota can boast that we have .69 traffic deaths per 100 million miles traveled, bested by only Massachusetts. That means that, for about every 1.5 million miles driven in Minnesota, there is one traffic related death.

The national average is 1.09, or one Lookdeath eving at all ery 917 this data is thoua little tersand rifying, and miles. of course anyOf the 395 one would love to deaths in 2012, the art by Jessica Lin report that there were most frequent causes no traffic deaths this year, were, in descending orbut accidents happen. But at der: driver distraction (i.e. texleast we’re doing well relative to the nation. ting), failure to follow established provisions

Early Results Are In!

This is the time of year when colleges release their Early Decision and Early Action results.

What, exactly, are these?

“There are two forms of applications. Early Decision is a binding agreement where, if you’re accepted, you agree to withdraw all other applications to other schools. Early Action involves applying early without any contract” said guidance counselor Bill Hicks.

For senior Sophie Bull, applying Early Decision wasn’t all that optional. “I applied to EmbryRiddle Aeronautical University early decision because they are the only school in the country that has a global securities and intelligence program,” said Bull.

Those who apply Early Decision are in the minority, however. According to Mr. Hicks, “Only about 5% of seniors choose to apply Early Decision. Early Action is growing in popularity, and more students chose to apply Early Action this

year than ever before,” said Hicks.

This is true for senior Billy Tuff, who applied early to the University of Georgia, Arizona State University, University of Southern California, and Boston College. The motive? “I had more time to decide. A lot of Early Action applications are faster,” Tuff said.

“Applying early means there are [fewer] applicants that a college looks at. The smaller pool gives students a greater chance of being accepted,” said Hicks.

While it can be great to find out your admission status earlier in the year, not all schools use this process. “Some schools, especially public schools, don’t allow one to apply early. Early admission is used mostly with schools that have a less than 50% acceptance rate,” said Hicks.

Fortunately for Tuff, he was accepted to all the colleges to which he applied.

Perry Bruder, news editor

(yielding and right-of-way), and speeding.

72% (286) of those deaths occurred in the Metro area.

“Texting on the highway is just the dumbest thing ever! People who do it should just be arrested,” said senior Lauren Tabor.

If the most common causes of vehicle fatalities are distraction and speeding, then put away the phone and slow down. No one wants to be the recipient of your last text ever. No text is worth putting yourself or anyone else in harm’s way. Even when you’re doing everything correctly, taking turns slowly and wearing your seat belt, accidents happen.

“I give the same advice to a lot of students: I’m less concerned about your driving.

It’s the other guy that I’m worried about.

Slow down, stay off of your phones, and wear your seatbelt,” said Police Liaison Brian Hubbard. “When you look at your phone while driving, the average length of time where your eyes are off the road is seven seconds. Try driving sixty miles per hour down the highway, close your eyes, and count to seven. You just wouldn’t do that!”

Will Hagens, staff writer

Snow Days How they Affect our Schedule Do we even go to school anymore? Since the end of winter break, Edina has had seven days off, and only two of those were planned.

The state of Minnesota requires that high school students spend at least 1,020 hours in school each year in order to graduate. Usually, Edina seniors are pretty close to that 1,020-hour mark, and underclassmen generally come in at around 1,040 hours. According to Assistant Principal Eric Nelson, that discrepancy comes mainly from MCA testing days, the PSAT, and, in the past, seniors were excused from second semester finals.

So how do all of our snow days affect our graduation requirements? At the beginning of each school year, Edina Public Schools makes sure that there are three buffer days, so if school is canceled, we all still graduate. After the two canceled days last week, we went over that

three day buffer.

Senior Natalie Rauchle said, “I don’t think that we are going to be behind because we were assigned homework during the days off.” She went on to say that she wasn’t worried about the lost educational time since the school had chosen make up dates so soon.

To make sure that seniors graduate, the school board changed the year’s plans a little bit. To accommodate the winter weather, the school district has canceled the Feb. 5 late start, and added two make up days on Feb. 8 and Mar. 7, days that were going to be part of long weekends. According to Nelson, these days were chosen so we could make up days as soon as possible, and so Edina’s spring break and summer vacation could remain unchanged.

Will Hagens, staff writer

Features 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

How To Be a Lizard...

(A.K.A. Love Wizard)

art by Olivia Chen

We all have a special place in our hearts for that certain someone. Maybe you like their clothes, or their teeth, or their money. Regardless, relationships should always start with tricking someone into liking you. They don’t know what’s best for themselves, so you have to show them what they’re missing by seducing them. So, for all you star-crossed lovers out there, I’ve got some tips to help you seduce your crush.

Sing: Who doesn’t like a nice song? If your crush sees you walking down the hallway belting out “Amazing Grace” or hearkening back to pre-school days with the classic “Down by the Bay,” they’re bound to know you’re the big dog on campus.

Get Athletic: You might not like it, but a lot of relationships are based on physical attraction. Therefore, one of the best tactics for getting that special someone is to show them your athleticism. It might be fake athleticism, but if you can trick them into thinking you’re athletic, you can trick them into doing anything. I’d say the best way to really get the point across is to run as fast as you can whenever they’re around. Whenever you see them, just start running.

Show them you’re rich: There’s nothing the modern capitalist wants more than an affluent partner. One of the best ways to trick someone into loving you is by showing them how much they can benefit financially from it. Start wearing a suit and pretending to talk on the phone in the hallways. Say things like, “No! How many time do I have to tell you? The Swiss bank account, you fool!” or, “Sell!

Sell! Sell!” They’ll be running after you in no time.

Continued online at edinazephyrus.com

Jackson Van Dyke, opinion editor

February 7, 2014

Volume 34 Issue 4

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www.edinazephyrus.com

#askedonadateswag There are few things more awkward than a first date.

Getting pantsed in the middle of the cafeteria? Eh. Throwing up all over your desk? Probably not. Scoring a goal for the other team? Please. First dates trump all.

The first stage when you’re asked out is most likely initial shock. “Someone wants to be seen in public with me?!” You wonder. Because you’re a polite, Minnesota nice person, you will never turn down the date (even that kid in second hour who still hasn’t seemed to discover the great modern invention commonly known as deodorant).

Then you have to spread the word. Now, I don’t generally think that tweeting “SOMEONE WANTS ME #askedonadateswag” is a particularly good idea (I mean think of all the sub tweets you could get #thirsty #desperate). But telling your friends is always acceptable and usually a good second step.

But then comes the waiting. This is an awkward and uncomfortable stage because you have a lot of time to think.

“What if people think I’m weird for going out with him,” “would getting him deodorant be a weird first date gift,” “holy mother of God what am I supposed to wear?!” and so forth.

Don’t fret, your special day will come soon enough (unless you scheduled it months in advance, then you should probably find a hobby to occupy your time).

Tonight’s the night. You decided against the six-inch stilettos and mini black dress because perhaps that sent the wrong message - your eighty-year-old neighbor whistling at you wasn’t exactly a beautiful moment. You decided against the deodorant and now you’re just patiently waiting to be picked up.

Shoot. He ran over part of your lawn. Now you know two things: he’s an atrocious driver and your father already hates him. He stumbles out of the car and rings your doorbell. You wait approximately ten seconds (so as not to seem like you were lingering by the door, of course) and then open the door.

You can see, okay, no, you can smell him sweating, but invite him in anyway to meet your parents. You sustain an extremely uncomfortable five minutes of small talk before you dash out the door and into the deathtrap he calls his car.

More small talk. Homework. Teachers. Vacation plans.

Then you pull up to the restaurant. You hop out of the car as

art by Sophie Cannon

fast as you can to avoid silence and wait for him to open the door to the restaurant for you (assuming that chivalry is not completely dead).

Now you have to figure out what to order? The least expensive thing on the menu? Do you have to get a salad so he doesn’t think you’re fat? Oh god, would he be mad if I ordered a soda? Wait, what if he doesn’t even pay? Crap, is this even a date?!

You finally figure out what to order but now you have to endure even more small talk. Then the food comes, at least it fills a bit of the silence. Then dinner is over (he paid, so it was a date…).

Now back to the car, small talk, silence. And then you get to your driveway. This is the worst part of any first date.

You have a few options. A) scream and run out of the car, slamming the door behind you, B)reach across the center console for a forced hug, C) receive the uncomfortable kiss on the cheek, or D) Scream I love you, kiss him really fast, and then run out of the car.

All in all, first dates are inevitably going to be uncomfortable. Make sure you say your Hail Mary’s, cross your heart, and hope that your Friday night isn’t a complete bust.

Bess Pearson, opinion editor

photo by B. Loeffelholz

The Game Theory of Love have to put themselves out there, while the person that asked only receives eighty units of happiness because they had to lay their dignity and emotions on the line. Finally, if neither asks the other out, then both receive zero units of happiness, and

both will presumably go hide under their covers with a pint of ice cream and complain to their un-single and thoroughly unenthused friends about how they are “forever alone.”

Before you go off and force your friend, under the threat of cruel and unusual punishment, to go ask that “special someone” out, consider this: asking out your mutually attracted love interest is not always necessarily the right strategy, assuming you are trying to maximize your happiness (which you are).

Indeed, there is a big problem. If Person One is going to ask, then Person Two should not ask, as to gain more units of happiness by not putting their feelings out there. Conversely, if Person Two is going to ask, then Person One should not ask, again to gain more “happiness.” You can see how this could lead to a deadlock, with neither person wanting to ask the other on a date, for fear of putting themselves out there and losing units of happiness.

This is why love is so freakin’ hard, and is also why the people that coulda, shoulda, woulda been together end up ridin’ solo. At some point, assuming both people are mutually attracted, someone is going to have to step up, take the hit to their happiness, and ask the other person out. I mean its only twenty units of happiness, c’mon people! Otherwise, both will be caught in the violent cycle of waiting for the other person to ask them on a date that will never happen, and then consequently washing sticky ice cream off of their tear-stained, lonely sheets.

Matt Dulas, features editor

art by Audrey Sheehy

Why is it that we so often hear the statement: “you guys should date!” but even when the attraction between the two people is mutual, a romantic relationship seldom develops? In order to save love, Valentine’s Day, and the world as we know it, I turned to game theory to uncover why we constantly see love squandered love opportunities at Edina High School.

Game theory according to Mr. Szporn’s AP Economics screencast is “a way to think through things in order to maximize your outcome,” and can be applied “to any situation where you have a decision to make, and where what happens to you is a function of not only your decision but also the decisions of others.”

In the scenario of “mutual-crushing” that we so often encounter, there are two “players” so to speak: Person One and Person Two. Each person has two choices, either ask the other person out or don’t. With each combination of choices that the two people make, there are “payoffs,” which for the sake of simplicity will be defined in “units of happiness.”

If you look at the diagram you can see that if both Person One and Person Two ask one another out, both receive one hundred units of happiness. However, if one asks the other out, then the person that is asked out receives 120 units of happiness because they did not

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Features

www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 34 Issue 4

February 7, 2014

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Looking into Images Most students at Edina High School know that Zephyrus is the newspaper and Windigo is the yearbook, but fewer know what Images is.

“The purpose of Images is to create a space for members of Edina High School to showcase otherwise hidden talents in a more permanent space,” senior Lydia Gutowsky, an editor for Images, explained.

“Images on the Wind (the official name) is... entering its forty-seventh year. It has grown from a small pamphlet full of poems and illustrations to a full literary arts magazine,” explained layout editor and senior Sam Greene. “Images is also an award winning publication, receiving awards in 1990, 1994, 1997, and 2001,” Greene added.

Putting Images together is a sizable task.

“A lot of the work that goes into making Images possible occurs before asingle submission is received,” explained Greene. Images staff must fundraise andsingle submission is

see all of the talent that EHS has to offer has been very rewarding,” said Greene.

Even though Images consists of writing like poetry and short stories, Greene said that they “accept nearly every visual medium, from photography to painting to ceramics. If your art can be conveyed in two dimensions, we want it in the book.

This year, we are also expanding to musical arts with a SoundCloud page.”

“Submitting to Images is a great way to get your art seen and become a published photo by Sam Greene artist, especially if you aren’t usually the kind of person to show off your work. received,” explained Greene. Images staff must We like to see everyone’s art, so please, fundraise and put advertisements around the encourage everyone you know to submit!” school so that students will submit work to the said Greene. publication. Unlike Zephyrus and Windigo, Students at EHS can purchase a copy of Images is not a school funded publication.

Images this spring so be sure to buy a copy “We receive a lot of submissions each year, and support all the hard work the staff has put and it is very hard to whittle them down to the into the publication. art that makes it into the book. Being able to Hannah Sommerville, managing editor

Deep Thoughts with Long Communters

photo by Bridgit Loeffelholz Special Ed Teacher Kurt Hunter

Overheard in the Halls

Passing through the same hallways, following the same schedule, and attending the same classes everyday can become a little tedious. However, if you listen close enough, you might hear some crazy things in the wild high school halls.

Here are a few exchanges encountered by EHS students: 1) “All I gotta do is turn up, then swag out, and then I’ll be good.”

2) “And then in celebration, I twerked, and I twerked so hard that I broke my glass.”

3) “I hate it when people try to say hi to me in the morning!” [Shakes head and buries head in hands]

4) “A cantaloupe isn’t an animal right?”

5) “What if when you were trying to summon Satan you misspoke and summoned Santa?”

6) “I wonder if these are bomb proof...”

Chiara Kohlmayr, staff writer

Third Wheeling for Dummies Three is an unlucky number. Why? Because no one ever wants to be third. No one wants to be third in a race, the third best friend, and especially not the third-wheel.

Whether your friend is too awkward to hang out with their crush alone or you don’t have any other friends, third-wheeling is usually something to avoid.

Some people enjoy it, though. Senior Anna Tsakakis spends at least five days a week third-wheeling her friends Griffin Kelley and Amy Hobday. “I enjoy third-wheeling because they are two of my best friends but it also sucks because if, say, a serial killer were to come attack us, I know they would save each other and let me die,” Tsakakis said.

“Remember that you are important too, so if a couple tries to make you leave, start to scream and cry. Make sure they know it is a relationship of three,” Tsakakis advised.

I interviewed the master of third-wheeling,

senior Jack Belvedere, to ask him about his experiences. The most couples he’s ever third

wheeled at once was ten and the longest he’s ever third wheeled a single couple is twentyfour hours.

“I consider it my passion. I just love the couples,” Belvedere said. Sometimes while third-wheeling couples will get a little too cuddly. When this happens, Belvedere responds accordingly. “Well it depends on the couple. Sometimes I just walk away, but if I’m comfortable enough with them, I’ll just join the fun,” Belvedere said.

Next, I interviewed senior Marcus Halvorson, famous for being Marcus in Marcus&Maddy®. He said he has been the third-wheeler and the third-wheeled.

“Sometimes you don’t even realize you have a third wheeler, but when I’m the third-wheeler, I just kinda sit on my phone,” Halverson said.

Adair Andre, staff writer photo by Bridgit Loeffelholz

Although it can be easy to get fed up with the seemingly endless lines in Edina High School’s parking lot, it’s important to remember that for many staff and students, that part of their commute is just the beginning of a long drive home.

Math teacher Jeff Mace drives from Northfield each weekday to reach EHS in time to teach first hour AP Calculus AB. From Northfield to Edina is 39.2 miles, but in bad traffic, the drive can last hours. “My longest commute was probably about three hours with a snow storm,” said Mace.

However, the drive isn’t all cows and cornfields. Especially with the icy roads that a Minnesota winter can bring, it’s not uncommon to see an accident or two. This winter, Mace saw a “semi in a ditch on its side facing the wrong direction” on one of his drives to EHS.Special education teacher Kurt Hunter, who commutes each weekday from Forest Lake, has also seen and been in - his handful of accidents. Recently, he “spent four hours in a ditch waiting for a tow.”

But that’s not even among his craziest of stories. “[I saw] a car totally in flames on Hwy 100.

Oh, and a guy playing his harmonica during slow traffic on I-35 – he was no doubt playing the blues. (I hear ya’, brother!),” said Hunter, whose drive is usually fifty minutes on a good day (but can last over three hours on a snowy day).

So why not move closer? “I’ve thought about that since the day I was hired eight years ago – right when the housing market collapsed. Maybe the market has come back. I don’t know – I’ve been too busy to find out,” Hunter commented. out,” Hunter commented.

Social studies teacher Amy Kampf has her own reasons for living far away. Although currently in the midst of a move to Highland Park with her fiancé, Kampf has been commuting from North Oaks (approximately twenty-six miles from Edina) for the past eight years, where she lives with her mother.

“When people ask why I don’t move closer, it’s for these five reasons,” Kampf remarked. “1. No rent.

2. No laundry. 3. I come home and dinner’s on the table. 4. I live in the beautiful woods. 5. My mom was a social studies teacher so she proofreads tests and helps me grade. Cost benefit analysis, it was the right choice.”

Clare Ling, online editor in chief

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Sports 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

February 7, 2014

Volume 34 Issue 4

www.edinazephyrus.com

The Best Sledding Slopes of Edina Sledding is one of the favorite activities that Edina High School students enjoy in the winter time. Edina students are divided as to which hill is the best in town.

“The Creek Valley hill is my favorite place to sled,” said senior Sara Vanhove.

Vanhove likes the enclosed nature of Creek Valley and its convenient location.

“You can’t run into any trees or sled your way

into a street, and it’s very close to home,” said Vanhove. Although she only sleds once or twice a year, Vanhove likes sledding because it allows her to enjoy the outdoors.

“I don’t like the walk back up the hill, but its fun to sled down in a big line of people all holding onto each other,” said Vanhove.

Sophomore Charlie Degrood disagrees with Vanhove, calling Browndale Park the

best hill for sledding. “[Browndale Park] is the best because all my neighborhood friends go there,” said Degrood.

Degrood has been sledding at Browndale since he was young and enjoys the close location, as it is only a short walk from home.

Just like Vanhove, Degrood enjoys attaching sleds together and going down the hill with his friends. Although he enjoys the excitement, Degrood only goes a few times a year as he dislikes the feeling of snow in his shoes.

“As a professional sledder, I believe the

photos by Lauren Petersen

hill behind the high school brings the most fulfilling sled ride,” said senior Nick Oliver.

Oliver sleds about eight times a year, always at the high school. According to Oliver, the high school has the biggest and most rugged hill in Edina. “I get an adrenaline rush every time I go down the hill. It makes me feel like I just got 100% on my math test,” said Oliver.

Edina has many hills, all of different shapes and sizes. It is up to you, reader, to decide which hill is the champion of Edina.

Jack Hultstrand, print editor in chief

How to Hold Your Own Winter Olympics There has been plenty of controversy surrounding this year’s Winter Olympics. With various celebrities and politicians demanding a boycott thanks to Russia’s anti-gay policies, it makes one wonder if it’s really worth it to watch the games. But if you don’t watch, you’ll be ostracizing yourself from popular culture. What should you do?

Start your own Winter Olympics, of course!

Think about it. The Olympics were just an idea that came into some Greek guy’s head around 2800 years ago. And restarting them was just an idea that came into some French guy’s head in 1896. So making a new version

of them can be called an idea that came into your head.

Of course, making an internationally-renowned sporting event takes millions, if not billions of dollars. But if you find yourself a dollar or two short, there are ways to cut corners.

Instead of constructing your own hockey rink, use one of the many rinks located around the town. Instead of finding a mountain to use for downhill skiing, just go up and down the ravine behind the high school

art by Emily Ding

over and over. Instead of paying for on-site paramedics, have someone who didn’t fall asleep during ninth grade health stand by.

How do you get athletes? Just remember the two D’s of motivation: deception and doughnuts. First, attract as many athletes as you can by putting up a poster or sign promising a state or nation-wide competi-

tion. Or, better yet, leave what the competition is vague and promise that there will be doughnuts, then filter out the athletic people once they arrive.

What about attendance? Luckily, with social media, nearly anything can be scheduled over the magic of the internet. Most people aren’t willing to sacrifice any amount of time to see a group of sub-par athletes compete, though, so be creative with the facts. Use phrases like “World Class” or “Locally Famous” for description, words with no real meaning that add nice fluff.

John Osler, staff writer

Managing Wins Championships At a sporting event, all eyes are usually on the athletes. They are the ones who cause excitement and have a shot at eternal glory.

But lingering behind the scenes are a quiet driving force. They move like shadows doing the tasks no one else wants to. Their actions may not be glorious and may go unnoticed, but they are the backbone of sports themselves. They are silent guardians, watchful protectors... dark knights. Known to most

photos by Bridgit Loeffelholz

of the sports world simply as “managers,” two of these tireless workhorses agreed to sit down for a shocking exposé delving into their hidden world.

“My roles on the team are being really, really ridiculously good looking, bringing sticks to the bench, and keeping the locker room loose before games,” said Junior Gold A Hockey manager and Edina High School senior Jay Pederson.

“I am team dancer and DJ but I occasionally take stats too,” explained senior Casey McGarvey, manager for Girls Varsity Hockey.

So why did these two individuals answer the calling? “When I had to stop playing hockey one of the things I missed most about it was the bond you had with your teammates,” said Pederson. “Seeing that all my best buddies were playing on the dynasty [a self-proclaimed nickname for the historically successful JGA hockey program] this year, I figured why not do it?”

McGarvey had similar reasoning, citing time with her best friends as her main motivation.

“The person who has inspired me to manage more than anyone is definitely Florida State Football manager Red Lightning, because he’s the best of the best,” added Pederson, referring to the spectacled, red-haired,

red-bearded Frankie Grizzle-Malgrat, who captured the nation’s heart during Florida State’s run to a national title. He has ventured to unexplored lands for a manager, with highlight reels on YouTube and t-shirts for sale (all the profits from which he donates to charity). It thus comes as no surprise that Pederson idolizes him in such a way.

There have been many, many managers throughout the history of sports, but there are skills that can sit you head and shoulders above the rest. “You have to be able to make really popular Snapchat stories and start ‘90s dance parties,” said McGarvey.

“I’m at the pinnacle of being able to unlock locker room doors in record time,” said Pederson, considering himself an all-time great.

Pederson and McGarvey know that their managing careers are not lengthy, with pesky things such as “graduating from high school” and “getting a real job” barring their way, so they offered some advice for the next generation of managers.

“Always look sharp while on the job and listen to your captain, unless his name is Mark Harmon,” advised Pederson.

“Learn to say no if you don’t want to fill water bottles. It will be okay!” said McGarvey.

“Also it’s important to be nice to the parents because they give you caramel apple suckers... and feel free to take a nap in between the periods it’s usually necessary,” McGarvey added.

Finally, and perhaps the best tip of all, “If asked if you play on the team, always say yes,” said Pederson.

Tanner Sparrow, sports editor

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Opinion

www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 34 Issue 4

February 7, 2014

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

Fro-Yo No No In the past couple of years a chilled dairy scourge has been sweeping through the nation like a cow-juice plague. Of course I am talking about frozen yogurt. While undeniably delicious, this cold, creamy concoction has left the American public udderly deceived that it is a healthy alternative to traditional ice cream.

Before delving into the issue, what really is the difference between ice cream and frozen yogurt?

Ice cream a,s many of you well know, is a dairy dessert that is usually made of milk, cream, sugar, and other ingredients to add flavor. Yogurt on the other hand uses lactic bacteria starters: Lactobacillus bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermophiles to essentially ferment, or curdle the milk, which is then chilled to make frozen yogurt. So, as you spoon that chilly dessert into your chew-hole there are bacteria performing some hot binary fission. Yum. As gross as the thought of eating bacteria may be, in actuality cultures are beneficial for you and may help certain gastrointestinal afflictions.

However, these do-gooder bacteria are not the problem with frozen yogurt.

The real crime that frozen yogurt commits is the healthy façade it casts. Frozen yogurt has the

reputation of being a health food, but most frozen yogurts have comparable, or exceeding amounts of sugar to ice cream. For example, Very Vanilla frozen yogurt at Freeziac has thirty-four grams of sugar per cup, while Edy’s vanilla ice cream has twenty-six grams of sugar per cup.

Furthermore, frozen yogurt contains more questionable compounds than the EHS/Valley View chemical spill of 2010, such as microcrystalline cellulose, diglycerides, and a red seaweed extract called carrageenan, which according to the Huffington Post is associated with adverse health effects. With all those chemicals it’s no wonder that a prominent frozen yogurt shop is called Yogurt Lab, as you wouldn’t expect to find these chemicals outside of an organic chemistry laboratory. Additionally, it is hard to call it healthy when there are enough preservatives in most frozen yogurts to mummify a housecat.

I’m not saying that you should never eat frozen yogurt from your favorite self-serve yogurt shop. I’m just saying that frozen yogurt is not even close to the healthy alternative to ice cream that we make it out to be. Don’t let the healthy disguise of frozen yogurt udderly deceive you.

Matt Dulas, features editor

Begging for Bagels By the end of fourth hour, my stomach is rumbling and I’m thinking of nothing but food.

Lunch is near, and the seconds couldn’t be going by any slower. I hear the bell and hurry out of class to avoid the lines. Most of the time, I hope for a nice bagel with cream cheese for lunch. Not today, though, or any other day, for that matter.

When third lunch rolls around, the cafeteria has been robbed of bagels. And don’t go telling me there aren’t that many bagels to begin with.

I have first lunch during Collaborative Wednesdays, and I’ve seen dozens of bagels on display.

On these days, and these days only, can I satisfy my hunger with the comforting taste of a bagel.

People in first lunch take bagels for granted.

They haven’t been present during third lunch to experience the lack of this delicious food. It’s been ingrained in their routines: walk into the

photo by Bridgit Loeffelholz

Zephyrus Staff

cafeteria, grab a bagel, and enjoy, not realizing the joy they are taking away from others. Now, I will occasionally walk in and find one, sad excuse for a bagel. Don’t get me wrong, I still buy that gross raisin bagel, but to think of all the blueberry and plain that were once there, that’s what gets me on the verge of tears.

“There should be more bagels,” said sophomore Lindsey Ruehl. Being the great citizen that I am, I’d like to propose a solution. The cafeteria should set aside extra bagels for third lunch and put them out towards the end of second.

I’m not completely belittling the other cafeteria food, because heck, I end up having it for lunch most days. My hope is that as word gets out, students of Edina High School in third lunch will stand together and fix this situation.

Meghan Hussey, staff writer

Teenagers search the Internet for “hipster” clothes, music, and movies. People throw the word around, talking and accusing someone of being hipster. However, what is hipster, and how do you become one?

I believe hipsters are overrated. The word hipster was coined in the 1940s to describe hip, young people. Then, the word evolved into what it is today.

Hipsters are now known as trendy people ahead of the times. They wear unique clothing and do things differently than the rest of society.

The word can be used to describe things that are cool and not widely known.

However, there is a difference between true hipsters and wannabes. Real hipsters are just following their own style, which is perfectly normal. The wannabes are most of the people roaming Tumblr posting artsy photos and inspirational quotes. They’re the ones rubbing their coolness in everybody’s nose.

The first thing I know about hipsters is that you cannot call yourself one. It’s basically “unhipster” to tell everyone you are one. However,

if you don’t, then people would call you a hipster. This ultimately means that either everyone or no one is a hipster.

Secondly, I do like some hipster styles, but most of the ones on Tumblr I just can’t stand.

Let’s start with flower crowns. If you wear one, please answer me one question: Why? Last time I checked, we’re not in third grade during recess.

Then there is a hipster’s music taste. They pride themselves in knowing underground music and bands unknown to any other human beings. I don’t mind the music, but isn’t all music just music? They flaunt their unique tastes, but maybe everyone else doesn’t need to know. I respect all music genres, so hipsters shouldn’t judge if we all listen to mainstream pop.

Maybe true hipsters aren’t bad. I just can’t stand the hipster wannabes. These are the teens flooding the Internet and showing off their coolness. I believe people should just be themselves, not strive to become another image.

Farhia Osman, staff writer

art by Sarah Aulik

A Lose-Lose Vikings Stadium On Dec. 3, 2013, construction began on the new Vikings Stadium. In my opinion, this is a huge mistake.

To begin with, the Vikings have done terribly the last few years with a record to prove it: the worst one in the NFC North.

The Vikings came out of the 2011 season with an awful 3-13 record...I may cheer for the Vikings when they’re playing, but there’s no denying that they’re terrible. Our fanbase is nothing compared to others in our division. In fact, many Minnesotans are loyal to our rival, the Green Bay Packers.

It’s no surprise that polls are coming up with less than 50% of Minnesotans supporting the stadium to be built. Until the Vikings become a team worth investing in, it isn’t worth the financial support. ` Now comes the cost, which is too much to pay for the best team in the NFL, much less the Vikings. The construction will cost $975 million, half of it to be paid by taxpayers.

According to Forbes, study after study has shown that taxpayers paying for new sports stadiums has ultimately led to economic waste.

Because of that, the majority of the state funding is planned to come from new electronic gambling machines. However, this has proven to be an unreliable source of revenue and a terrible decision overall.

According to Think Progress, a nonpartisan organization that researches and advances progressive policies, revenues from these machines have fallen below the predicted levels. Revenues since pull-tabs started on Sept. 18, 2013 have fallen far short of the $100 million monthly target experts initially set for the games. Last month, disappointing revenues prompted state finance officials to cut the expected stadium

cash they’d have on hand by half.

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf and the Vikings players have spent millions of dollars lobbying the Governor and Legislature. According to the Minnesota Campaign Finance and the Public Disclosure Board, since 2006 the Vikings have spent $2.82 million in lobbying including $1.16 million in Wilf’s first year as owner.

In his first five years as Vikings owner, Wilf has averaged $564,000 per year in lobbying. This includes political donations to persuade the Governor and Legislature, something that shouldn’t be accepted by our government officials.

Even further, legal challenges have delayed the continuation of this project. According to ABC News, former Minneapolis Mayoral candidate Doug Mann filed a lawsuit Friday, January 10th against a $468 million bond sale that would be used to fund the stadium. Doug claimed that he believes Minnesota voters should have been allowed to vote on whether they wanted to fund the stadium.

Secondly, the bond sale violates the state constitution because you can not use city sales tax to finance a state debt. Not only is financing of the stadium unfair to voters who would rather have taxes used towards something of their own interests, but its illegal.

Overspending had always been something that has bothered me. When the spending isn’t even on something that helps others, however, I draw a line. Government officials need to stop putting the state further and further into debt and think seriously about what their money is going to. The needs of the citizens come first.

Certainly, the materialistic pursuit of a shiny new stadium for terrible millionaire athletes isn’t the place to start.

Patricia Leach, features editor

print editor in chief: Jack Hultstrand online editor in chief: Clare Ling copy editor: Micah Osler art editor: Sarah Nealon managing editor: Hannah Sommerville advertising manager: Will Hagens online page editor: Hannah Sommerville news editors: Drew Davis, Perry Bruder features editors: Matt Dulas, Patricia Leach sports editor: Tanner Sparrow in-depth editor: Sarah Aydinalp opinion editors: Bess Pearson, Jackson Van Dyke culture editors: Matt Woolsey, Alexi Diem back page editors: Jack Hultstrand, Clare Ling, Micah Osler, Sarah Nealon, Hannah Sommerville, Matt Dulas staff writers: Adair Andre, Ellie Bender, Sophie Cannon, Noah Chestler, Will Hagens, Mia Hilali, Megan Hussey, Hannah Kloos, Chiara Kohlmayr, Emily Kraft, Erik Lindquist, Madeline Marker, Marissa Nelson, John Osler, Farhia Osman, Audrey Sheehy, Griffin Thompson head photographer: Bridgit Loeffelholz assistant photographer: Maddie Fischer photographers/artists: Genevieve Anderegg, Sarah Aulik, Sophie Cannon, Oliva Chen, Emily Ding, Zoe Gunderson, Lydia Gutowsky, Cici Holmquist, Martina Horns, Jessica Lin, Katie Manderfeld, Jamie Mustful, Lauren Petersen, Alex Riddle, Casey Robinson, Audrey Sheehy, Jessica Smith, Annika Smith-Ortiz, Ellie Weir, Emma Westbrook graphic designer: Katie Manderfeld advisor: Elizabeth Barniskis Zephyrus is a monthly publication produced by students of Edina High School; 6754 Valley View Road; Edina, MN 55439; (952) 848-3800 x3087. Zephyrus is an open forum for student expression that recognizes the First Amendment guarentee of freedom of the press, and abides by Tinker standard. Opinions published in Zephyrus do not necessarily reflect the views of the entire staff, advisor, administration, or entire student body. Submissions and letters are printed based on space available. Anonymous letters may be printed only if a Zephyrus advisor or editor knows the author’s identity. Letters should be mailed to the school or given to the advisor or a staff member. Zephyrus reserves the right to edit any letters for clarity and length.

Opinion 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

February 7, 2014

Volume 34 Issue 4

Minnesota Vice

“Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

This line from Garrison Keillor’s “A Prairie Home Companion” is often taken to define Minnesota. I think I’m pretty good looking, I know all the ladies at Edina High School are constantly in the weight room, and we are all for sure above average. We are all just above average and want to keep it that way.

We don’t want to go out on a limb for fear of coming off as rude. We all just want to be nice. The idea of Minnesota Nice isn’t about a community of friendly outgoing people, but rather one filled with no one that’s either extremely rude or extremely courteous. So while people from around these parts might call it nice, I feel it comes off as indifferent.

Ever since I moved to Minnesota at age six, I’ve heard rumors from my parents of the fantastic

people found in places outside

art by Jackson Van Dyke

Out of tune Whistling Call me a cynic and a party-pooper, but I absolutely hate it when people try to be something they aren’t, and that’s all I see when I hear someone whistling out of tune.

Every day I hear people forcing themselves to whistle something as if they’re trying to show the world they’re some kind of musical free-spirit who can just whip out a quick tune.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love whistling.

I think it’s just awesome that we can shape our lips and blow in a way that makes a controllable pitch. But why do people have to take such a gift and use it to make the world a worse place?

I constantly hear people whistling like crazy, like they’re some sort of whistle virtuoso, but they have no idea what they’re doing.

That’s not even mentioning the spontaneous key changes. Maybe someone started on too high of a pitch, or they lost their pitch so much they were forced to change keys. Regardless, I hear far too many people walking down the hallway randomly changing the key of the song they’re whistling.

I’m not saying one needs rigor in their whistling habits, but that’s really besides the point. You just can’t randomly whistle notes and pretend like you’re whistling a song. Either don’t whistle at all, or whistle correctly.

No one wants to hear anything in the middle.

Jackson Van Dyke, opinion editor

Minnesota, places where you don’t have to know someone to be friendly with them and it’s is expected to say sorry, thank you, and hello to complete strangers when the situation demands it. I always thought that no such place could exist and function as well as our wondrous Gopher State. Then I went to New York.

“Where all the

women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

When you go to the local Cub Foods in Minnesota, it feels like people are purposely cutting you off and trying to break your toes with their broken shopping cart wheels. If someone is standing in front of what you want to buy, it seems that the Minnesota approach is to stand there and stare at one another’s shoes until someone gets the hint and moves out of the way. However, in New York, people still find time for common

courtesy. Even on a crowded subway, where everyone is shoulder to shoulder, if someone even grazes your shoulder they will take the time to turn around and apologize. Don’t think that this only happened to me once: in the ten plus times we were on the subway, someone always bumped into me, and someone always apologized.

A marketing firm called Marchex recently posted to their company blog an analysis of over 600,000 customer service calls in order to determine the most courteous states and the ones that were most likely to say please and thank you. Minnesota was in the bottom third in the United States.

I’ll be the first to say that being nice isn’t formulaic, and holding doors open for people doesn’t make you a nice person. Even when it comes to more intimate relationships, Minnesotans still fall short.

“In [Minnesota], the teenagers don’t care a lot for their good friends… but in Italy we are like family,” said senior and Italian foreign exchange student Giuliano Pini. Just because you’re from Minnesota doesn’t mean you are a total jerk, but in general, as a state, we fall short of social expectations both domestically and internationally.

We aren’t the greatest people, and we aren’t the worst, but we all thrive to be somewhere in between.

Matt Woolsey, culture editor

Wrongly Convicted or Publicly Convicted Getting wrongly convicted seems like a terrible situation. But if your case is highprofile and everyone believes you are guilty, then it seems that it would be better to go to jail and get out of the public eye. When the public believes you are guilty and you get out of a sentence, things only seem to get worse.

Consider George Zimmerman. Though he was cleared by the courts, he is guilty in the eyes of the public. He has become an online joke, and almost everyone thinks he’s a racist who was unfairly let off.

He has had trouble finding employment because of his public image.

Personally, I would not want to go through life like that. Had he been convicted, he would have gone to jail and then likely been left alone upon his release. I would rather serve time in jail and avoid the constant media coverage that he had to endure.

The same thing happened with Casey Anthony. Most people believe she killed her daughter despite being found not guilty. In fact, her acquittal only further enraged the public. There was widespread coverage on the perceived incompetence of the prosecution because they were unable to get a conviction.

It seems that if she had gone to jail, she would have been out of the news much sooner. If I were in a situation like hers, I would rather have gone to jail and escaped the public eye after my release.

In France, during World War II, there was a

art by Annika Smith-Ortiz

9

www.edinazephyrus.com

Juniority and Collaborative Wednesday Who gets to leave?

Collaborative Wednesday is a great time to catch up on homework, meet with teachers, or hang out with friends, but an issue has arisen. Only seniors can leave school. This has sparked some anger in the junior class, and there is definitely reason behind it.

If you’re a student who owns a car and drives it to school, there should be no reason to not let you leave campus. The program is meant to allow students to “collaborate,” but why should some students be limited to collaboration at the school? I can think of many different scenarios where collaboration occurs outside of school: having a meeting with your ACT tutor, working on an essay at Starbucks, and so forth.

Each Wednesday during collaborative time, the halls are flooded with students.

Walking through the Commons is like taking a journey through a zoo. For some students, finding a quiet study area is nearly impossible.

Personally, I like to study in areas that are completely silent, and Fick, the designated study area, is always filled with murmurs. The fact that only seniors have the opportunity to study elsewhere doesn’t make any sense.

Seniority definitely exists, but there are certain scenarios where it just doesn’t apply.

When seniors having more rights than other students start to interfere with study habits and learning, there is an issue at hand.

Furthermore, there are a ton of sophomores and juniors that sneak out during collaborative time. The school must know this happens, so why not just let them leave campus?

While the Collaborative Wednesday program is great in many ways, it has one major flaw, and fixing that could make better for its purpose.

According to EHS administration, the reason for this decision is because of an Edina Public Schools District ruling. Seeing as this is a matter involving the district and not the state, an amendment to this rule would be possible.

Drew Davis, news editor member of the Resistance named Rene Hardy.

He was supposed to be at a meeting where the famous leader Jean Moulin was captured, but he ran away when he saw the Gestapo.

Because he was able to escape, most of the French believed he turned in Moulin in exchange for his safety. After the war, this made him a traitor in the eyes of the French. He was tried twice for collaborating with the Nazis, but was cleared both times. This did not stop the French from openly calling him a traitor for the rest of his life. He died, but now his family name lives in shame because the French believe he got away with treason.

Again, in this situation, I think it would have been better for Hardy to have gone to jail so his family could live in peace.

Some would argue that it is better to stay out of jail - as long as you know you’re innocent, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. However, the public’s opinion can ruin someone’s life. The court of public opinion can ensure that they never escape scrutiny.

Sarah Nealon, art editor

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Culture

www.edinazephyrus.com

Volume 34 Issue 4

January 31, 2014

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

2014: A Year for the Movies

February Lineup

art by Sarah Aulik

With the 2014 Oscars just around the corner, we’ve got movies on the mind, and this year looks better than ever. With dozens of book-based movies and sequels to hit films, get ready to stuff yourself with popcorn, because you’re not going to want to miss these movies.

“Divergent” - Based on the first book of the ‘‘Divergent’’ series by Veronica Roth, this movie is in line to be the start of a movie franchise. If it goes over well, it will follow the path of “The Hunger Games” and con-

tinue as part of a series. The book follows the main character Tris, who lives in dystopian Chicago.

The city is broken into factions that each focus on a certain quality, such as honesty or knowledge, and at a certain age children decide on which faction they want to spend the rest of their lives in and enter a grueling initiation processes.

The movie is very anticipated among those who’ve read the book. “The book is amazing!

We’re really excited to see it in theaters and are planning on going to the midnight premiere!

There will be tears,” said juniors Caitlin Houle and Isabelle LeFebvre. “Divergent” will be released to theaters Mar. 21, 2014.

“The Amazing SpiderMan 2” - According to imdb.com, in this sequel to the “The Amazing Spider-Man,” “Peter Parker runs the gauntlet as the mysterious company Oscorp sends up a slew of supervillains against him, impacting his life.” If that isn’t enough to win you over, see it for SpiderMan himself. “Andrew Garfield [who plays Spider-Man in the film] is like nerdy hot,” said sophmore Maggie Walsh. “The Amazing Spider-Man

2” will be released in 2D, 3D and IMAX 3D on Apr. 18, 2014.

“Godzilla” - It looks like Hollywood may have finnally got this Japanese classic right. With a mysterious and star studded trailer taking over the internet, “Godzilla” is attracting audiences who before would have turned away from a typically corny creature of the lagoon. Throw in Walter White himelf, Mr. Bryan Cranston and “Godzilla” is sure to bring in “Avengers” sized audiences. “Godzilla” will be released May 16, 2014.

“The Fault in our Stars” - Also based on a book, “The Fault in our Stars” is narrated by Hazel, a sixteen year old cancer patient. The role of Hazel is played by Shailene Woodley, who also plays the role of Tris in ‘’Divergent’’. The book follows Hazel’s relationship with amputee Augustus Waters, whom she meets at a support group she is forced by her parents to go to. The movie is also highly anticipated by fans of the book. “It’s absolutely phenomenal! I am just praying that they don’t mess up the movie, because it is one of the best books ever,” stated sophomore Chloe Gratzek. “The Fault in our Stars” will be released Jun. 6, 2014.

“How to Train your Dragon 2” - The first ‘‘How to Train your Dragon’’ movie, released in 2010, was an animated 3D movie. It featured a

young Viking teenager named Hiccup who aspires to become a dragon slayer. Upon capturing his first dragon, though, he befriends it. The film has inspired a video game, television series, and other merchandise. The sequel is set five years after the end of the first movie when Hiccup finds himself in the center of a conflict between humans and dragons. “I really liked the first movie and I have high hopes for the second, said sophomore Riga Moettus. “How to Train your Dragon 2” will be released Jun. 13th, 2014.

“Mockingjay Part 1” - The third installment of “The Hunger Games” trilogy, which is the second-to-last of the movies, has evoked excitement many from die-hard fans to non-book readers. “Catching Fire was so good and I left the theater pumped with excitement for the next installment of “The Hunger Games!” It will be interesting to see Katniss outside the arena,” said junior Rachel Lewis-Johnson. “Mockingjay Part 1” will be released Nov. 21, 2014, and Part 2 will be released Nov. 20th 2015.

Ellie Bender, staff writer

Feb. 8 The EHS Sweethearts Dance will again be held at the International Market Square in Minneapolis.

Feb. 8 at 2:00 p.m.

Edina will again be hosting its own All City Orchestra Concert at South View Middle School.

Feb. 15-18 Presidents’ Day Weekend, no school on Monday or Tuesday.

Feb. 21-22 and Feb. 27 – Mar. 1 at 7:00 p.m.

The EHS POPS Concert makes its return to Fick Auditorium.

Have an upcoming concert, performance, or new song coming out? Shoot us an e-mail at edinazephyrus273@gmail.com to be featured in next month’s issue.

Z

ephyrus Staff Picks: The Best of 2013

Well, it’s been quite a year. Movies were made; songs were sung; bizarre things were tweeted by celebrities who should probably know better. And, as always, Zephyrus is here to help you sort through the junk and find the gems. Here, according to our highly-scientific poll, are the Best of 2013:

The Best Film of 2013 is “Catching Fire” – explosions! Make-out scenes! Katniss! A horrifying vision of our own dystopian future! From Jennifer Lawrence to a great script, the second film in the “Hunger Games” series had something for everyone.

The Best TV Show of 2013 is “How I Met Your Mother” – this reporter will be honest, he knows nothing about this show. He saw, like, half an episode one time, and even then he couldn’t hear anything because people just wouldn’t stop talking, and it had a laugh track that was sort of annoying. But, his staff picked it as the greatest TV show of the year, above such really good shows (that this reporter has actually seen) as “30 Rock” and “Parks and Recreation”, so thus it will stand. It has Neil Patrick Harris and that one guy from “Freaks and Geeks”, this reporter thinks, so that’s cool, he guesses.

The Best Album of 2013 is “Modern Vampires of the City” – Vampires! Cities! Modernity! Existential dread! From the melancholy harpsichord of “Step” to the ‘50s rockabilly stylings of “Diane Young”, the third album by pop group Vampire Weekend had something for everyone.

The Best Tweets of 2013 are Griffin Thompson’s Conversation with Best Buy® - full disclosure: Griffin is a staff writer here at Zephyrus. But these tweets

were sent not as Griffin Thompson, Intrepid Reporter, but as Griffin Thompson, Private Citizen. And they were beautiful. In them, he engages with the Best Buy corporation in a deep conversation about life, happiness, and our own mortality.

Micah Osler, copy editor

Culture 6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

February 7, 2014

Volume 34 Issue 4

11

www.edinazephyrus.com

The Worst Pop Culture of 2013 1. “The Fox”-- Ylvis Never before did I question what noise a fox made until this video by the Norwegian group Ylvis was released on YouTube. The video consists of people in full body animal suits, crazy lyrics, and an old man reading a book to a small child in the middle of a forest. Sounds like the recipe for a hit Youtube sensation. Debuting in September of 2013, the video now has 289,010,677 views and counting.

2. Twerking According to Wikipedia, twerking is “a type of dancing in which the dancer, usually a woman, shakes her hips in an up-and-down bouncing motion, causing the dancer’s buttocks to shake, wobble, and jiggle.” “I don’t think I would ever twerk,” said junior Leo Schluter. Made popular

by Miley Cyrus at the MTV Video Music Awards with Robin Thicke, the performance sparked a YouTube takeover of “how to twerk” instructional videos and the hashtag, #twerkteam.

3. “Chinese Food”-- Alison Gold

While the little white and red takeout containers make anyones’ mouth water, this video

by Alison Gold caused a YouTube uproar. With 13,636,019 views in two months, the twelveyear-old and her producer Patrice Wilson, who also produced Rebecca Blacks “Friday,” have once again gotten a catchy but ridiculous chorus in the heads of YouTubers worldwide.

4. The Chloe “Disneyland” meme If you haven’t seen Chloe, then congratulations! You have somehow managed to avoid the picture of the year that has been popping up on every form of social media. Chloe is a little two-year-old from Salt Lake City with a big attitude! The meme sprouted from a GIF taken from a home video by her parents. Her parents wanted to surprise their two daughters with a trip to Disneyland, but didn’t get the reaction they were expecting from both of their kids. While Lily, Chloe’s older sister, was crying tears of joy, Chloe’s face was priceless. The sassy side-glance has made her Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr

Finding your Film from 2013

famous; she got a trip to Disney and worldwide fame all in one day. Not bad for a little girl!

5. The use of “YOLO,” “Swag,” and “Swaggy” “What even is swag? It’s pointless!” wondered sophomore Kelly Good. This new lingo became a staple of the American teenager’s vocabulary throughout 2013 thanks to a select few celebrity icons. “YOLO,” standing for “You Only Live Once,” was made popular by the rappers Drake and Rick Ross in their joint mixtape “YOLO.” They also reference the word in many of their other songs. “Swag,” and, even worse, “Swaggy”- were made iconic and overused by the one and only Justin Bieber. First used in his song “Boyfriend” from 2012, this word most definitely still makes the 2013 list because of its new variation, “swaggy” or “swaggie.” #swaggie is now a top twitter hashtag and its prevalence in the English language is off the charts.

Sophie Cannon, staff writer

art by Sarah Aulik

The Evolution of Eminem Marshall Bruce Mathers III: arguably the world’s best rapper. And he just recently released “The Marshall Mathers LP 2.”

You may also know him by his stage name, Eminem, his alter ego Slim Shady, or as Rabbit from “8 Mile.” Eighteen years ago, Eminem released his first album, “Infinite,” which only sold about one thousand copies. After a three year break, this talented “Rap God” produced an album per year from 1999-2002: “The Slim Shady LP,” “The Marshall Mathers LP,” “Devil’s Night (with D12),” then “The Eminem Show.”

“The Slim Shady LP” broadcasted Eminem’s anger while adding a bit of humor. “The Marshall Mathers LP” was more in-your-face and hinted at the drugs Eminem was using during a rougher period of his life.

Then one of my personal favorites: “The Eminem Show.” The talent is all there, backed by catchier tunes, and the songs get stuck in your head for days. It’s great.

After taking a two year break, Mr. Mathers came back and wowed listeners with two album releases in one year: “D12 World” and “Encore.” After an unusually long wait of five years, Eminem released “Relapse” and “Recovery” the following year, and he received Grammys for both.

I’ve always had, and always will respect this musical genius. However, I didn’t like that I’d heard so many songs on Eminem’s LP2 in commercials and on the radio before I actually listened to the album. I also don’t like that I feel like I know 50% or more of the lyrics in some of the songs after first listen. However, there were many references to past songs, and I loved

picking up on them while enjoying the beats.

Eminem uses his music to express his feelings and tell stories about his life, and he’s good at it, which is why Rolling Stone named him King of Hip Hop in their August issue in 2011. Some of the most common subject matter involves his childhood in Detroit, his messed up family life, drug use by himself and mother Debbie, two divorces from ex-wife Kimberly Anne Scott, death of his friend Proof, and the love he has for his daughter Hailie. No matter what the subject, he records music that’ll take you through the complete spectrum of emotions, from feeling insane in “Just Lose It” to getting through the toughest of times in “You’re Never Over.”

Did you know this man of many names has won thirteen Grammys throughout his career? And that he’s the best selling rap artist of all time? Bet you didn’t.

Sarah Aydinalp, in-depth editor

art by Audrey Sheehy

You Look Brrr...tiful!

art by Sarah Aulik

Sometimes winter can be a challenging time to find an outfit to wear. It can be tempting to wear a sweatshirt and leggings every day of the week.

This look isn’t my favorite, if worn every single day. Every once in a while, it’s good to take a break from that look and try out something new.

“My favorite piece of clothing is a big puffy coat,” said junior Sarah Meisenheimer, “When I don’t know what to wear, I put on leggings and one of my big flannels. However, my favorite looks are boots with jeans and a big warm sweater, or a sweater and a plaid skirt with knee high socks and boots.”

“I really like a simple knit sweater,” said sophomore Clara Lerner. “When I don’t know what to wear, I wear a scarf.”

Alexi Diem, culture editor “My favorite winter outfit is a big sweater with

a simple skirt and boots. I like almost any winter boot and I really like big cardigans with skirts and an infinity scarf. I also really like the big cardigan and belt look,” said Lerner.

For the boys, junior Jack Vorlicky’s favorite clothing items are belts and boots. “My go to outfit is a J. Crew dress shirt, quarter-zip sweater, Cole Haan shoes, and a vest ... My favorite look is a peacoat with quarter-zip, and dress shirt with chinos and chukkas,” said Vorlicky.

This winter season, there are some great new styles to try out. There has been a shift from a few years ago when Uggs were fashionable. Now, the look has shifted to riding or hunter boots for girls.

Boys, meanwhile, have been seen wearing more and more mocassins and less Timberlands.

Madeline Marker, staff writer

www.edinazephyrus.com

12

Back Page The Love Zone Volume 34 Issue 4

February 7, 2014

6754 Valley View Rd. Edina, MN 55439

with Matt “The Fox” Dulas

Ladies--

Got man problems? Just ask “The Fox” your friendly neighborhood love expert.

Trust me - I’m a ladies’ man.

Dear Dulas--

I want to ask one of my friends to the annual Sweethearts dance, but I’m afraid it’s too much commitment.

Help! Dulas, what do I do?

Dear Lady,

You can’t be afraid to commit, babe. If you don’t commit now, when will you? Today? Tomorrow? Next year? That’s right -- never.

But if you’re afraid -- that probably ain’t just commitment, is it, babe? You probably don’t wanna waste your time with this go-nowhere loser.

I can see him now -- about 5’6’’, brown hair, annoying nasally voice, probably has a wimp name like Micah or something, total nerdwad.

You deserve better, babe. You deserve better.

Babe, you deserve Dulas.

Dear Dulas--

My boyfriend is being weird! He’s usually really nice to me, but he’s been acting really distant for the past few weeks and hasn’t responded to any of my texts. Dulas, is he trying to break up with me?

Dear Lady,

Babe, I know how tough this must be for you. You’re probably all tense.

Come here. Let me give you a massage. My hands and forearms are strong from years of skiing, and the biting wind has afforded my face a rugged, chisled beauty.

The luxurious odor of brown sugar from one of my plentiful scented candles will waft over you and soothe your pain.

He’s gone, babe. I’m sorry, but you were too good for him.

You’re a beautiful, foxy lady, babe, and if someone don’t understand that, then that’s their problem.

I understand you, babe. Dulas understands you. Dulas wouldn’t leave you for some no-good floozy.

Dulas wouldn’t leave you for the world, babe.

“If you were a Canadian province, babe, you’d be one of the cool ones, like Manitoba or Nunavit or something.”

Dear Dulas--

So I have a crush on this guy. He’s a senior in Zephyrus, going to Northwestern, a great skier, and supercute! What move should I make, Dulas?

“My hands and forearms are strong Dear Lady, from skiing, and the biting wind has afforded my face a rugged beauty.”

Babe, you gotta tell me -- who is this nerd? Is he blackmailing you or something? He’s trying to steal my swag anyway.

Going to Northwestern and skiing and Zephyrus and being foxy are MY things! Who does this geek think he is?

But babe, he ain’t got what I got. He ain’t got a gold 1987 Trans Am and a voice that makes the ladies swoon. And I bet he ain’t got a learner’s permit, either. I can drive you anywhere you want, babe, as long as my mom rides along.

Look, babe, you got a choice you gotta make here. You can keep having eyes for this dork, or you can follow your heart.

And, babe, you and me both know I’m the one in your heart.

Dear Dulas--

Dear Dulas--

Dear Lady,

Dear Lady,

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, but recently he’s been calling me a lot. I haven’t picked up the phone, but I think he might want to get back together.

What can I do, Dulas?

There, there, babe. Don’t worry.

Dulas is here now.

I don’t trust this guy. He seems like a shifty type. Probably hangs around at sleazy pool halls? Patchy stubble? No love in his heart for his woman?

My triceps are the size of a twelve-yearold’s head. This jerk comes up to you, tries to get you to come back, starts pleading?

I just stand in front of you, cross my arms, cock my head, and ask you, “This guy bothering you, special babe?”

Then I will embrace you. And he will walk away in shame, babe. In shame.

I bet his triceps aren’t even, like, a sixth as big as mine.

Don’t fret, babe. Dulas will do anything... for his lady.

So I like this guy, and I’m trying to get his attention with eye contact, but how much is too much?

I’m afraid I’m being creepy. Can you give me some guidance, Dulas?

Eyes are the window to the soul, babe.

I can see your eyes right now - a nice light brown, probably, or that cool ice-blue. Your soul is just as beautiful as your body, babe. I can see it in those eyes you have.

Use those eyes to look at this photograph I have prepared for you:

YOU

It is a photograph of us, in the future. I can travel in time.

That is how I got this photograph. We are together, and we are beautiful, babe.

It’s just destiny, babe. Don’t try and fight it. We will be lovers one day.

Until then, babe. Until then.

Matt Dulas is a nationally syndicated romance columnist. His writing appears in hundreds of newspapers across the USA.

Also, as usual, this was written by Micah Osler, not Matt Dulas.