ARMAZÉM Nº07

Magazine Cultural Escola Secundรกria Infanta Dona Maria . nยบ07. Jan-Fev 2011

ArtistasEscondidos

PINTURA

7ยบano turmas A e B

In English My Fair Lady, Alternate Ending

Kids I’m going to tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother.

A very long time ago before I was dad I had this whole other life. It was the year of 1924 and as I recall I was as bored as anyone could be. Now kids you already know the story of your mother’s yellow flowers, but what happened next is a whole different thing.

Alfred Doolittle: This is it Eliza, this is your moment.

This is when you stop being a flower girl and finally become a woman.

Eliza: Yes father, we all know how very much you appreciate the fact that I am no longer a single lady and someone is finally putting a ring on my finger.

Alfred Doolittle: Say what? That’s nonsense child you’d be better off marrying the rich boy than this Freddy person but it is better than nothing kid, you should be grateful.

Eliza: Please father spare of your thoughts and just walk me down the aisle now will you?

Alfred Doolittle: He didn’t choose you when you gave him that ultimatum did he? That’s why you are so mad at me.

Eliza: He can’t even choose whether or not he wants coffee instead of tea in the morning let alone if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately Miss.

Pearce can’t choose that for him.

Lets fast forward through that, you don’t need to hear it.

After a heated discussion your grandfather finally walked your mother down the aisle and just as she was about to say “I do” something happened.

Priest: Well Eliza will you take Freddy to be your loving husband as long as you both shall live?

Suddenly the windows shattered as a group of men came through the glass. A tall and very handsome man by the way, stood in the front screaming ”DAMN IT,IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WILL BEGIN TO EXPERIENCE A KIND OF PAIN I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE”. For everyone’s surprise behind who seemed to be no one other than Jack Bauer there I stood ready to take your mother away from the bad guy. Before anyone could mutt another word phones began to ring all over the church, even mine. This is what it said.

“Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous life of North England’s elite. Speak of the devil and he doth appear, wearing his trademark suit no less. Word is, Eliza Doolittle had nothing to say when the big question arrived leaving it to Lonely Boy to try to save the day, or may I say the lady in distress? And what of Little Freddy? Is he going to take a stand back and watch his leading lady go for the run, or is he ready to go for the fight with no other but Jack Bauer himself? Better watch out Freddy Boy hell hath no fury like a Jack Bauer scorned. ” Jack Bauer: Did you hear me? Step away from the bride and put your hands where I can see them!

The priest backed away in a flash. Everyone in the church was petrified with fear but not your mom. No your mom was looking at me with doubt, and a little bit of fury if I may say so. You see, I had given her all the signs that I didn’t want anything to do with her and right now I had broken into the church, stopped her wedding and I didn’t even bother to use the front door. I mean it’s not very gentlemanlike of me, but what else could I do? She couldn’t say “I do”, not to Freddy at least.

Needless to say that afterwards Jack got a little bit too excited and well let’s just say he made a lot of hostages that day.

Moving on[...] after what seemed to be the longest moment of my life, your mother apologized to Freddy and told him that she couldn’t marry him anymore. The poor guy broke in tears, and then some random dude, who by the way was not me, started laughing at the scene. Not his best moment if you ask me.

Well, after your mother talked to Freddy she came towards me running. And like in any movie you’d think that she was running slow motion with her hair dancing in the wind except we were indoors, and that all is going to end happily ever after, but that’s just some big load of some ugly word I can’t pronounce. Because you know what she did?

She slapped me. Yes, right across the face, pretty hard for a woman her size.

Eliza: This is for not choosing me when you were supposed to. And this is for being on time.

And then she kissed me. And that was it, that was the moment I stopped being the most desirable unconditional bachelor of Great Brittan and became hitched. And I am happy to say I liked it more than I thought I would. It seemed as if it was all going to work out in the end. But you know that’s not the way this story ends, don’t you kids?

And that’s why I am here today. To tell you what really happened after that kiss. You see, I had never been in love with anyone and that kind of feeling felt a little off on someone like me, at the very least it didn’t suit me as well as, well my suit. And so when we exited the church full speed we were so concentrated on each other that we didn’t even realized that a car was speeding his way out of the traffic. Apparently some young lady was in labour and they were in a hurry. Go figure, as if in 1924 the kid couldn’t be born on the sidewalk.

So that’s how I got hit by a car, out of nowhere. That’s probably how it’s supposed to be, otherwise people would see the car and get out of the way.

Anyways, after the hit the poor guy had to drive two people to the hospital. Funny thing is once we got there nobody cared about the girl in labour, apparently I was the priority numero uno. Ah, take that!

Once in the hospital all I could hear was your mother screaming and someone constantly saying “Page Doctor Shepherd and Doctor Grey again”, I mean seriously, what else does a guy have to do, besides getting hit by a car and be almost dead on the table to make a doctor show up on time?

After that I only know what I was told. I got into a coma because I hit my head pretty hard. The power couple tried to save me, but there was nothing they could do and then I ended up across the ocean, more precisely in the U.S.A., on the back seat of a ’67 Chevy Impala along with the Winchester boys chasing down the devil. Yeah, as if I didn’t have anything else to worry about, I was helping these two whackos find Satan to try and get him back to hell. My hell was back in London screaming her lungs out thank you very much.

But you know what? Dean and Sam were nice enough to make me a deal with George Clooney, you know the one from Nespresso? Well turns out he and that Malkovich guy are some kind of crossroad demons and in exchange for a ridiculous amount of coffee I would and was able to go back to my life for 10 years, only to at the sound of midnight of the last night of 10 years later my soul would belong to the devil.

Now, word of advice kids, don’t think that monsters and Satan don’t exist because I thought that too and guess where I’m coming from right now? That’s right a not too nice vacation on the pit. And now you ask me how am I back?

I will only say one word, Castiel. The rest, well I’ll give you more on that later. And that kids, it’s the story of how I met your adoptive mother.

12º I Beatriz Peres Joana Temudo Joana Rasteiro

Mother Nature

Mariana Oliveiros,

11º H

Once upon a time, there was a Mother called Nature. She had many, many children. Some of them were plants, some were animals such as fish, birds, reptiles, mammals... They all lived in a very large family cottage, that was called “The Earth”. Mother Nature kept her family house really clean and functional: every single one of those kids had certain chores to do around the house, and they would do them without arguing. And they lived happy and balanced, until the birth of the most despicable Nature’s son: the Human.

When Human was born, he was one of those fragile, sick kids, He didn’t have claws, or fur, or venoms... He was helpless.

So,

Nature

spoiled

him,

unaware

that

he

was

growing up to became a little trouble maker. She stimulated and protected hum so he could become the smartest of all his brothers. And he did. Oh, but he just turned out to be an arrogant brat with an enormous ego. He thought he was better than all of his siblings, and he thought they were meant to serve him. He wouldn’t do one single chore around the Earth, in fact, he used to get a kick out of ruining other’s good deeds and hurting others as well! He took over his sister Trees room, just to bring his friends over, he forced his brothers Fish and Mammals to cook for him, he would leave the

lights on around the house, until the

floors dry out and crack, he’d leave the taps running until the room was flooded, he smoked inside until the air was impossible to breathe, and threw the cigarettes ends on the floor so the house could catch on fire. He turned on the heaters so high the refrigerator started to melt down. His Mother couldn’t help but crying: her beloved house and family were ruined! Her kids were moving out of the house, for they just couldn’t bear to live there. Her son Human had destroyed the Earth and no living creature survived.

Design - planificaﾃｧﾃｵes

Luﾃ行a Barreiros 10ﾂｺD

ilustraﾃｧﾃ｣o

Luﾃ行a Barreiros 10ﾂｺD

Ilustração

Direitos Das crianças

fotografia

Lava Lamp Jo達o santos

TEATRO

A Forรงa da Palavra ร rvore da Vida

arquitectura

Ant贸nio Moreno 11潞B

Educação tecnológica

Design Grรกfico

Design Grรกfico

Professor Jo達o Santos

g o s t a r d e

art.

ost art.

G

concurso de letras

biblioteca Miguel Torga – autor do mês de Janeiro

Fez em Janeiro último dezasseis anos que faleceu Miguel Torga. Nasceu em Trás-os-Montes e muito da sua escrita reflecte essa ruralidade, no entanto, foi em Coimbra que acabou por se estabelecer profissionalmente, como médico, e onde viveu com a sua família na casa que hoje está transformada em museu.

Assim, durante o mês de Janeiro, destacámos Miguel Torga como autor do mês e foi principalmente através de uma exposição cedida pela casa-museu que o celebrámos. A exposição, que fazia parte do projecto A Rota dos Escritores, é constituída por vários painéis com fotografias antigas de Coimbra e citações da obra de Torga inspiradas na cidade. Tivemos também expostas várias das suas obras e o grupo VI da Área de Projecto do 12º H preparou duas apresentações sobre o autor que têm estado a passar na biblioteca.

Última página Foto e Desenho Joana Silveirinho Machado – 10ºano