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Read the Signals By Anna Osborn, LMFT, Relationship Therapist and Coach
If you were to compare my husband and me, he’s definitely the more patient one between the two of us. I tend to have light switch expectations. Meaning… change should happen now. Small efforts should yield huge shifts, and differences should happen overnight. What can I say, I’m a work in progress. And as much as my husband is a patient man, there is one thing that makes him impatient–traffic lights.
When I’m driving, I think I’m only half aware of how many red lights I’ve hit along the route, but my husband, oh wow, does he keep a mental log of them all. And boy, does it get him fired up. The muttering under his breath, the shifting in his seat, it’s a whole deal. I mean, I get it…it’s frustrating when you’re constantly being slowed
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down as you’re trying to get somewhere. But it’s also something I’m not particularly aware of or bothered by.
And maybe I should be more aware of them, because signals play a pretty big role in our lives. Now, I’m not just talking about the yellow light, speed up or slow down debate, but more about how closely we’re actually paying attention and responding to the signals around us. When you see a red light in the distance, do you slow down or race to the intersection and slam on the brakes at the last second? Do you proceed with caution at a green light and look in all directions as you drive through? But more importantly, what about the signals in your relationship? Do you see signs of danger approaching (i.e. a hard, emotional conversation) and quickly reroute?
Do you unintentionally miss all the green lights your partner is giving to you? Are you terrible at deciphering if a yellow light is a reason to pause or an excuse to gun it?
The truth is, you’re constantly signaling to each other in your relationship. Trying to get each other’s attention. Alerting the other to your mood or your needs. And you’re usually working just as hard to understand your partner’s signals while likely missing a number of them along the way. In relationships, we know that the more attuned we are to each other, the more accurately and efficiently we can read each other’s signals. Now, this doesn’t mean any of us should (or even can) be mind readers in love. But it does mean attunement is the key to being more aware and