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The forest and the trees By Anna Osborn, LMFT, Relationship Therapist and Coach
I was talking to a friend the other day about life, parenting, relationships and literally all things. As you can imagine, it was a conversation that went in all sorts of different directions. As we spoke, I realized that there are some things I have waaay too much distance from and other things where I need to take a big ol’ step back.
We all know the saying, can’t see the forest for the trees, but what about when all you can see is the vastness of the forest…what’s that called? I mean they’re obviously very different things. And I think, at times, I struggle with both!
You see, sometimes I’m so thick in the weeds or focused on a darn tree that I forget the bigger picture. I lose sight of the things all around me that are literally there to support and encourage me during more stressful or overwhelming times. And I’m sure you’ve been there too.
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When your partnership or your parenting woes are taking all of your attention, it’s really, really hard to focus on anything else. In fact, your intimate relationship is so important to your overall well-being, that we know you move about the world with more confidence and success when your home base is secure. Yes, research actually supports this over and over again. Which sadly means the inverse is true. The more unstable and stressful your relationship is, the more angst it causes you in all other areas in your life.
We all know that feeling your feelings is hard, especially the not so fun feelings. But if you choose to numb yourself off from your harder emotions, you risk being disconnected from ALL of your feelings and that really doesn’t work in love.
And yet an overly focused view can leave you without the perspective needed to make the necessary changes or improvements. Acck!
Well it takes practice AND some checks and balances.
So, it’s easy to see why focusing on the proverbial relationship tree can be all consuming and hard to step back from.
And then we have the darn ol’ forest. The risk of erring on the side of disconnection so you don’t have to face or feel the enormity of life or love stressors. Putting things in a nice and tidy box (until it spills out everywhere) and keeping such a broad view of things that you lack the emotional connection needed in your relationship.
So what gives?
Do we need to focus on the forest or the trees?
How do we keep perspective while also being emotionally connected to important situations (and people) in our lives? How do you keep your eye on what’s right in front of you while also not forgetting about all the other things going on around you?
Perspective is important and so is connection. Your relationship actually thrives on both.
You need perspective to be able to see what really matters. Where you need to dig in and make some adjustments. You need perspective to have a better vantage point of what really matters in the long run so you can release the minor annoyances that love throws your way.