Grace Notes September 2024 Edition

Building Bridges of Love: Strengthening Our Church and Community

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s I reflect on our journey together as a congregation, I am continually inspired by the love and dedication you all show to God and to one another. Our church is more than just a building; it is a living, breathing community of believers, each of us with our unique gifts and stories.

Today, I want to encourage us all to take the next step in our spiritual journey by focusing on building deeper relationships within our church family and extending that love to our neighbors.

In John 13:34-35, Jesus gives us a new commandment: “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” These words are a powerful reminder that our love for each other is a testimony to the world of our faith in Christ. But how do we practically live out this commandment in our daily lives?

1. Create Intentional Connections within the Church ̶ First, we must strive to deepen our relationships within our own church family. It’s easy to come to church on Sabbaths, greet a few familiar faces, then go about our week without much further interaction. But imagine the strength and support we could experience if we truly invested in one another’s lives.

Start by making a conscious effort to connect with someone new each week. Maybe invite a fellow church member out for a cup of tea or for lunch, join a small group or Bible study, or simply take time to have a meaningful conversation after the service. These small steps can lead to profound relationships that provide mutual encouragement and accountability.

2. Practice Hospitality ̶ Hospitality is a beautiful expression of love and community. In Romans 12:13, Paul urges us to “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.

Practice hospitality.” Opening our homes to others for a meal, a prayer meeting, or just a time of fellowship creates a welcoming environment where people feel valued and loved.

Don’t worry about having a perfect home or preparing an elaborate meal. The heart of hospitality is about making others feel welcome and cared for. When we practice hospitality, we mirror the love of Christ and create opportunities for deeper connections.

3. Serve Together ̶ Another powerful way to build relationships is by serving together. When we work side by side in ministry volunteering at a local food bank, participating in a mission trip, or helping with church events, we forge bonds that go beyond the surface level.

Service not only allows us to make a tangible difference in our community but also draws us closer to those with whom we serve alongside. In these moments of shared purpose and sacrifice we often find our deepest and most meaningful relationships.

4. Extend Love to Our Neighbors ̶ Our call to love extends beyond the walls of our church. Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31). This means being intentional about building relationships with the people in our neighborhoods, workplaces, and communities.

Start by getting to know your neighbors. Introduce yourself, offer a helping hand, and look for opportunities to show kindness. It could be something as simple as mowing a neighbor’s lawn, bringing over a meal, or just being a listening ear. These acts of love and service open doors for deeper conversations and relationships.

5. Pray for One Another ̶ Prayer is a powerful tool in building relationships. James 5:16 encourages us to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” When we pray for one another, we invite God into our relationships and seek His guidance and blessing.

Make it a habit to pray for your fellow church members and your neighbors. Ask God to give you opportunities to show His love and to deepen your relationships. Prayer not only strengthens our bond with God but also with each other.

6. Embrace Diversity ̶ Our church is made up of people from various backgrounds, cultures, nationalities, and experiences. This diversity is a beautiful reflection of God’s kingdom. Embracing and celebrating our differences can lead to richer and more fulfilling relationships.

Take the time to learn about each other’s stories and perspectives. Be open to different ways of worship, fellowship, and service. When we embrace diversity, we grow in understanding and love, becoming a stronger and more unified body of Christ.

As we strive to build deeper relationships within our church and community, let us remember that we are following the example of Christ. His love for us is the foundation of our love for others. By creating intentional connections, practicing hospitality, serving together, extending love to our neighbors, praying for one another, and embracing diversity, we can strengthen our church and make a lasting impact on our community.

Let us be known as a church that loves deeply, serves selflessly, and welcomes all with open arms. Together, we can build bridges of love that reflect the heart of God and transform lives.

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Triad Mega Clinc Being held in Greensboro, NC partnering with Amen Free Clinic and Pathway to Health

by Jean Davey

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40 The Center for Disease Control health statistics states that in 2023 there were approximately 24.7 million Americans who had no health insurance. So, what do these people do when they need medical help? Thankfully, there are churches and other organizations willing to help. The Triad Mega Clinic is one of them!

The Triad Mega Clinic is sponsored by the Carolina Conference and churches in the Triad area (Greensboro, Winston-Salem and High Point, North Carolina). They have come together with Pathway to Health and AMEN (Adventist Medical Evangelism Network) Free Medical Clinics which are ministries of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. These organizations have worked together previously to make a big impact in many communities throughout the United States to provide free dental, medical, vision and other help.

The Triad Mega Clinic will be held in the Greensboro, North Carolina area on October 25th and will continue on the 27th and 28th of October. This event will host speaker Scott Ritsema (Media on the Brain), Jennifer Jill Schwirzer who will speak on depression and mental health, and Ron and Carin Lynch from LIGHT at Wildwood who will speak on natural remedies and the eight laws of health.

There will also be free massages, free clothing, haircuts, and glasses for those who go through the vision area and get a prescription. The organizing churches plan to continue their outreach by implementing a follow-up community outreach to help those who may need to find a job, and/or food stamps/ Medicaid. They also plan to start a community service center to keep a continuing connection with the community and will have follow-up programs at each church in this area.

The needs for running such a multi-community megaclinic are quite large and they need many volunteers to help.

The following is a list of how you can help. They need:

Dentists (great need), dental hygienists (great need), dental assistants, doctors of all specialties, nurses of all specialties, physical therapists, eye doctors (great need), eye technicians (great need), massage therapists (great need), interpreters (great need), greeters/escorts, and anyone else who can volunteer. The local coordinator, Sheila Williams, said that if anyone signs up, not to worry, they will find a use for them! As she beautifully stated “We are all the body of Christ!”

They will provide breakfast and lunch to volunteers, and they have links to hotels in the area and discounted rates on the AMEN website. Volunteers will be expected to pay for their own transportation to the site and lodging for the weekend. To volunteer, go to amenfreeclinic.org and scroll to the picture of the Greensboro Coliseum and the clinic named Triad AMEN and Pathway Free Clinic. The coordinator stated that they are working to have transportation from the hotels to the event. They still need funding as well. So, if anyone would like to donate financially to this event, go to dentonsdachurch. org and donate under Adventist Giving Online, item named Greensboro Health Clinic. She also added that if any of our church members would like to gather non-perishable food and clothing to give away as well, they can set a time, and they will come and pick it up before the clinic!

Sheila ends by saying this is going to be the start of something big in our Carolina Community. She feels that all our churches coming together are going to make a big impact in the Carolinas and she thanks the Arden church for any help we can bring.

Please prayerfully consider volunteering for this event for October 25th, 27th, and 28th. If you have any specific questions, please contact Sheila Williams at sheilawilliams0409@yahoo. com _______________________________________________ Continued from page 10: You will still experience waves of grief, but as you heal, the waves will become less frequent and have less power. Hold tension between acceptance and hope. God promises He will never forsake you.

Eric and Ann Marie are currently in training to lead support groups for those affected by parental estrangement. Watch for more information in the months ahead. ¹https://www.cornell.edu/video/fractured-families-karlpillemer ²"5 Most Common Mistakes of Estranged/Alienated ParentsHow to Heal Them." YouTube, uploaded by Families Divided TV, 2 Jul. 2023, www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l9ggEKpLY0. ³ibid. ⁴https://www.cornell.edu/video/fractured-families-karlpillemer 5 Nehls, M., & Wolf, N. (2023b). The indoctrinated brain: How to successfully fend off the global attack on your mental freedom. Skyhorse Publishing.

6 Avis, Fe A. Parents of Estranged Adult Kids. Magi Press, 2022. pp. 134, 135.

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Chris Small, Karin Small, Carrie Chavez, and Andrew Rahm all visited their childhood hometowns.

The Arden Pathfinders in Gillette, Wyoming

by Chris Small

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ince 1953, the word “camporee” has excited Pathfinders as they get ready to meet, camp, have fun, and worship with other clubs. Almost every year our own Arden Aviators Pathfinder Club attends some kind of camporee. Usually, it’s a local Carolina Conference camporee, with hundreds attending from North and South Carolina. On occasion, it’s a Southern Union camporee with up to five thousand Pathfinders. But the biggest camporee of all is the International Pathfinder Camporee (IPC) that takes place every five years. From 1999-2019, the IPC was held in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, but in 2024, it was moved for the first time to Gillette, Wyoming.

Our local Arden Pathfinders spent several years laying plans to attend the Gillette IPC in 2024. One of the biggest challenges was the distance: about twice as far as the drive to Oshkosh in years past, which quickly drove up costs. The Pathfinder Club needed to raise $35,000 for its own members and an additional $30,000 from families that would come with them. Thanks to several very successful fundraisers, careful planning, and the generous support of the Arden Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) Church, the financial need was met.

Alas, the coach bus our club had reserved was still in the shop for summer repairs.

Therefore, arrangements were made to take several 12-passenger vans and make a small caravan, with the Belangers and Rahms pulling our club’s repaired chuckwagon and a second small trailer.

The drive to Gillette was 26 hours one way (not counting for stops). Travel gave plenty of time to talk, play car games, listen to stories and music, and nap. Many in our group visited places they had never been: Cahokia Mounds, where nearly a thousand years ago Native Americans lived in a city of 20,000 people; the St. Louis Gateway Arch where we rode to the top; the St. Louis Old Courthouse where Dred and Harriet Scott sued for their freedom before the Civil War; the skylines of Nashville, Kansas City, Omaha, Sioux City, and more; the World’s Only Corn Palace; Wall Drug; the wildly beautiful South Dakota Badlands; the first National Monument, Devils Tower; the streets of Deadwood; and Mount Rushmore with its impressive presidential tribute to parts of America’s history.

Our club teens made sure each vehicle in the club caravan was decorated to show our destination: “Gillette or Bust!” All the way to camporee and back, we passed other clubs with decorated Pathfinder vehicles, honking and waving as we passed each other.

We also passed thousands of motorcycles going to the massive Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, in Sturgis, SD, taking place at the same time as the Pathfinder Camporee.

The theme of the 2024 International Pathfinder Camporee was “Believe the Promise,” based on the story of Moses, Miriam, Aaron, and the Children of Israel. Each of the evening programs featured an installment of this classic Bible tale, a full-fledged professional musical and drama production. The play is always a highlight for many of the Pathfinders, something looked forward to every five years. The spiritual lesson was one we thought about several times during our trip, especially during the most challenging hours: a reminder that just as God was with the Children of Israel, so Jesus promised to “never leave or forsake” us and pledged to be with us “always, even to the end of the age.”

The Arden Pathfinders had a surprisingly spacious campsite, at the back edge of CAM-Plex, the thousand-acre multi-use facility where the camporee was held. However, it was a three-mile round trip walk to the main programs and many camporee locations.

Thankfully, several rows of port-a-potties, shower facilities, and dumpsters were not far away. These had significant issues the first two days. Thankfully, groups running the pump trucks and dump trucks made a heroic effort, and the situation improved.

Our club arrived in Gillette on Monday, setting up camp. On Tuesday, leaders got the club registered and attended a safety briefing. This proved enormously helpful in view of what would happen later that afternoon. (Until now, eastern Wyoming and western South Dakota were so dry fire danger was extreme, and no club was allowed to have a campfire.) In the meantime, our Pathfinders began to explore the camporee grounds, finding where other clubs were camped, where mini-rodeos would be held, where honors were being taught, where shuttle buses stopped.

Just as we were preparing supper and getting excited for the first evening’s meeting, the wind began to pick up. Notices began to ping that we should secure all tents and stow our gear in preparation for a storm. We did so and were as ready as possible when the sky

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turned dark. The wind, thunder, lightning, and rain began in earnest.

Then, a message came that everyone should take shelter in a building or vehicle. Our club took shelter in two of the vans and in the back of the Fletcher club’s U-Haul truck! Several of the adults tried to help other clubs around us as they struggled with the elements. Later, we learned that about 40,000 attendees took shelter in the big convention buildings at CAM-Plex, but we were among the 20,000 camped too far away to get to them in time.

During the storm, lighting struck multiple times on the campgrounds. Hundreds of tents were blown away or downed. One alarming photograph showed tent poles driven by the wind through the glass windows of a vehicle. A small percentage clubs had to leave that same night (if they could get out of the muddy parking fields), but Arden suffered only one destroyed tent and a fair amount of wet bedding and clothes. A bed and breakfast in town generously opened their laundry facilities to us that evening. The people of Gillette and surrounding towns spontaneously began bringing extra tents, blankets, sleeping bags, pillows, and warm clothing to CAMPlex where so many clubs—especially in the International Village— needed help for the cold night that was coming on.

The evening meeting was cancelled, and as a massive double rainbow appeared over the grounds after the rain, the Arden club shared supper with several neighbors and our extra tents with other clubs who had lost so many. Within hours the hard, dry summer ground in Gillette soaked up the rain. Only in the lowest and most trafficked areas were there mud and puddles. With the wind and dropping temperatures, we were glad we had just enough extra blankets to make up for the wet sleeping bags, as our cold and tired Pathfinders crawled into their tents for sleep.

The temperatures stayed low in the coming days. Particularly in the mornings, those Pathfinders who’d brought a warm coat and hat were especially glad. On Wednesday each Pathfinder took care of his or her assignments, as the entire encampment did its best to regroup. By early afternoon the regular activities of camporee were back in full swing. Our Pathfinders gathered with adult supervisors to participate in different activities. They enjoyed pin trading, meeting other Pathfinders from around the North American Division and from across the world, visiting exhibition booths, tasting international foods, and trying or watching new activities they’d never see before. Arden had our own concession booth, run primarily by Arthur Gibbs, with at least four adults assigned to help every day. At times, four was hardly enough, especially in middays when American pizza and smoothies turned out to be especially popular.

On Wednesday evening, now Arden’s third day at Gillette, the first meeting and the Moses play were finally on! Excitement was high, but rain threatened again. Our Pathfinders enjoyed the first

part of the program with the drama and uplifting song service. But as darkness descended, a drizzle gave way to more constant rain.

Instead of a double feature, the program was cut short and nearly 60,000 people tried to find their way back to their campsites by flashlight and lantern.

In the crowd, Callen—a younger brother of two of our Pathfinders—turned back the way we’d originally come and was separated from our group. Anxiety ran high. While Callen’s parents went to check with Security, we prayed, claiming and believing God’s promises for help.

Within ten or fifteen minutes, we had word that Callen had approached Security personnel and was safe. We praised God! On Thursday and Friday, we finally had days without rain.

The highlight of Thursday was volunteering at the Carolina Conference Pioneer Village. Arden Pathfinders wore period dress of the 1840’s and helped guide hundreds of Pathfinders from around the world through activities such as log sawing, woodworking, corn grinding, basic sewing, dutch-oven cooking, butter churning, and axe throwing. Afterward, the team from Southern Adventist University invited many of our Pathfinders to come and earn the blacksmithing honor. In the evening, there was finally a full meeting: both Thursday and Friday served up double doses of the Moses drama to get the whole play completed by the end of camporee.

Some of our older Pathfinders went to the larger gathering, while younger Pathfinders and siblings stayed in camp and watched it live on a screen and wi-fi we rigged up. It went so late that many fell asleep during the final act.

Friday saw the Arden Pathfinders marching in parade with the rest of the Southern Union and the Canadian Union. We were proud to head up the Carolina Conference right behind the marching band, and two of our teens were selected to carry the Conference banner near the head of the entire Union. Right behind the band, our club did some fancy “dance marching,” and the two groups had fun as they waited for the rest of the parade to gather.

That afternoon, we received word that another major storm was possible for Sabbath afternoon, and that the camporee—for the safety of everyone—would end one day early. This gave us mixed emotions: we were sad to be leaving when we thought we still had another day, but we knew one major storm was enough; this would give us an extra half day for driving home, which would be helpful with 26 hours to navigate.

Finally, the next Monday evening, we made it home to Arden safely, drying our tents and hauling our gear out of the trailers. In total, the club went to Gillette and back with 51 attendees: 31 youth and 20 club staff and parents. We traveled 11 days, drove 3,677 miles and passed through 10 different states. We grew closer together and to God. Believing His promises, we survived Camporee 2024: what an adventure!

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28 Fundamentals:

“Creation”

“I

’m very impressed with that planetarium.” Mark spoke for the first time since leaving the observatory forty minutes earlier. “I loved the galaxies and the nebulae.” Then he was quiet.

“The wheels are turning in your head, Mark.” Pawpaw watched the traffic. “What are you thinking?”

“Where did it all begin, Pawpaw?”

“The Bible doesn’t say where. Doesn’t say when. Remember Deuteronomy 29:29?”

“Yes.” Mark laughed at the familiar reference. “‘The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us’ . . .” Mark wrinkled his brow. “There’s more to that verse, I think.”

“There is more.” Pawpaw glanced quickly at Mark. “But I’m considering what the Bible is quite clear about.” Pawpaw slowed as he exited off the interstate. “The Bible is quite clear about Who created and how He created.” Pawpaw waited for the green arrow, then turned left onto the state road. “Genesis 1:1 says it so simply.” “‘In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth,’” Mark quoted.

“And how did God create? Do you remember the simple, but profound statement, Mark?

“Another memory verse, Pawpaw.

Psalm 33:9: ‘For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast.’ But the Bible doesn’t mention a Big Bang idea, does it?”

“Not a word — or any of the other ideas we heard tonight about space/time stretching, how fast galaxies are traveling, or how old the universe is.” Pawpaw shook his head. “I’m not suggesting that these ideas are wrong or that humanity’s attempts to understand the origins of our universe are flawed.

What I’m saying is ̶ this is not what God intended we should focus on.”

“I . . . guess I don’t understand,” Mark responded.

“Okay, let’s go back to what God did reveal about creation.”

Pawpaw turned on the windshield wipers as light rain began to fall. “Specifically, who did the creating? Genesis 1:1 says God created. John 1:3, Hebrews 1:2, and Colossians 1:16 adds the detail that God the Word — who became the Son — was also involved in creation, probably as the agent who spoke the

words of creation. And God the Holy Spirit contributed His special gift.” Pawpaw glanced at Mark again. “Do you remember what we discovered in our conversation about the Holy Spirit?”

Mark nodded in the gathering darkness of approaching night. “I memorized the two scriptures in 2 Corinthians 3:6 and John 6:63. They both say the same thing: the Spirit gives life.”

“Right,” Pawpaw continued as the automatic headlights came on. “God wants us to know not only Who, but the specific how of creation. It’s in Hebrews 11:3 and Romans 4:17.

Can you look that up, Mark?”

“Sure.” Mark quickly read from his cell phone Bible. “‘By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.’ That’s from Hebrews.” His fingers swiped across his phone. “And from Romans: ‘who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist.’” Mark thought a moment. “It says essentially that God created our visible world out of nothing.”

“That’s what God wants us to focus on Mark — His abilities as Creator. And one more thing, this business about the age of the earth. None of us were there; we don’t know when it occurred. Various theories guess it to be 12 to 16 billion years ago. But the Bible makes no guesses. It just says: In the beginning, God created — and says nothing more about how long ago.” Pawpaw turned right again. “In fact, Mark, there are two “in the beginnings” in the Bible. Where’s the second one?”

“John 1:1: ‘In the beginning was the Word.’”

“Is that beginning the same as the beginning in Genesis?”

Mark shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“John’s ‘beginning’ suggests that the Word was present for as long as God was present, since the Word is God. But the Genesis ‘beginning’ seems to focus on creation, the beginning of the heavens and the earth, the beginning of the universe and the beginning of our earth. And how much time elapsed between those two words ̶ ‘the heavens’ and ‘the earth?’”

“I don’t know that either, Pawpaw.”

“Nor does anyone else. Remember that verse we didn’t complete? ‘The things revealed belong to us and our sons — and grandsons — forever, that we may observe all the words of this law.’” Pawpaw paused. “God wants us to know that He — all the Godhead members — created it all ̶ out of nothing.

All our knowledge of matter and energy, all our theories of time and space miss the point. God wants us to “observe the law” — which is a transcript of His character. The story of creation and all those galaxies and nebulae out there tell us about Who He is. That’s the point.”

Mark was quiet the rest of the way home.

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movement into daily life, individuals can improve their physical fitness, boost their mood, and increase their overall sense of well-being.

Putting Choice in Your Lifestyle

from CreationLife.com

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ifestyle medicine is an emerging field that focuses on the use of natural remedies to prevent, treat and manage chronic diseases. This approach to healthcare emphasizes the importance of addressing the root causes of illness in a way that encompasses the whole person — body, mind and spirit.

By adopting healthy lifestyle habits, individuals can improve their overall well-being and reduce their risk of developing chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes and certain cancers.

One of the key principles of lifestyle medicine is the recognition that our daily choices have a significant impact on our health.

The food we eat, the amount of physical activity we engage in, the quality of our sleep, and how we manage stress all contribute to our overall well-being. By making small, sustainable changes in these areas, we can significantly improve our health and quality of life.

A central component of lifestyle medicine is nutrition. A growing body of evidence suggests that a whole-foods, plant-based diet is optimal for promoting health and preventing chronic diseases. This type of diet emphasizes the consumption of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, and nuts/ seeds while minimizing the intake of processed foods, added sugars, and animal products. By adopting a nutrient-dense, plantbased diet, individuals can reduce inflammation in multiple areas of the body, support “good” bacteria in the intestines and improve gut health, and enhance the immune systems of the entire body to support the body’s natural healing processes. The first step to incorporating this critical component in your lifestyle is discovering nutritionally sound information and choosing to make it part of your lifestyle.

Physical activity is another key element of lifestyle medicine.

Regular exercise has been shown to reduce the risk of chronic diseases, improve mental health, and enhance cognitive function.

The American College of Lifestyle Medicine recommends that adults engage in at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity per week, along with muscle-strengthening activities at least two days per week plus stretching and balance movements before and after every physical training activity. By incorporating

In addition to nutrition and physical activity, lifestyle medicine highlights the importance of stress management and sleep. Chronic stress has been linked to a range of health problems, including heart disease, obesity, and depression. By learning effective stress management techniques, such as prayer, deep breathing, and mindfulness, individuals can reduce their stress levels and improve their overall well-being.

Similarly, adequate sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Adults should aim for seven to nine hours of sleep per night to support optimal functioning.

Lifestyle medicine is centered around the interconnectedness of physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. By addressing the whole person, rather than just focusing on specific symptoms or conditions, lifestyle medicine can help individuals achieve a greater sense of balance and harmony in their lives. This involves exploring practices that promote relaxation, inner peace, and a deeper connection to oneself and others.

The benefits of lifestyle medicine are numerous. By making small, sustainable changes to our lifestyle, we can reduce our risk of developing chronic diseases, improve our mental health, and enhance our overall quality of life. In addition, lifestyle medicine can help reduce healthcare costs by preventing the need for expensive medical treatments and procedures. As the field of lifestyle medicine continues to grow, it has the potential to transform the way we approach healthcare and promote optimal health for all. And it all begins with that one little word — choice.

Are you or someone you know struggling with depression, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure or obesity? When you’re diagnosed with a chronic disease, it’s normal to ask questions and look for answers.

Technology provides an abundance of health information at your fingertips, but the abundance of information may leave you with more questions than answers. You may find yourself wondering, how do I know what information to believe? Is it really that simple? Why have I never heard this before? What’s the right choice to make? You may also have questions about how to manage your new way of life: Is there a way this could have been prevented? Can my life go back to the way it was before? What does the future hold? How does my diagnosis affect my loved ones?

When faced with these questions, it’s important to get reliable, scientifically proven research and applied information. The carefully researched and reliable printed sources include Harvard Health Letter, Tufts University Health and Nutrition Letter, and Mayo Clinic Health Letter.

Online information is available at mayoclinic.org and livewhole.creationlife.com (where most of the material in this article originated).

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International Children’s Care “El Oasis”

by Tom Arany

young woman was out working in the fields in her condition could indicate that there were other children at home for whom she had to find food. Doubtless she knew she could not care for another, let alone two, children. Only God knows all about her and what led to her decision to abandon her babies.

But God did know about the events that would lead to the little one being placed with a home at El Oasis. And this baby boy would find there both human and Divine love and grow into an exemplary Christian adult.

For situations like this, International Children's Care (ICC), sponsors of several orphanages across the globe, were impressed to locate an orphanage in northern Mexico. Being near the large concentration of SDA membership in southern California, they hoped to catch the interest and support of sponsors and donors who might also help at the facility. It would be a close-to-home project. Thus, property was located near Santa Clara, off Highway 3 in the northern Baja peninsula with a moderate climate, adequate water, and aerable land. Shortly thereafter, they began to build homes for family groups. Then came the bombshell!

Just before Christmas 1997, ICC received word from the children's services department of the government that they needed ICC to take in 24 children. Two deteriorating orphanages were being closed and the orphan children needed a place to live. El Oasis facilities were not completely ready to take children yet, but they decided to do their best to accommodate these children. After all, ICC was in Mexico to provide a home for such children, and here was their opportunity!

ICC recruited Mexican ladies to be “aunts” as well as other volunteer groups, including an academy group from Vancouver, Washington state. With great excitement ICC welcomed the first children. What a Christmas celebration there was at El Oasis that year! It was hard to say who was more excited, the student volunteers or the children. What a blessing for everyone!

Over several years, 10 children's homes have been completed, primarily with volunteer labor from mission groups visiting from the US. In addition to children's homes, they have constructed other buildings: a church, a school, and a shop. To help defray operational expenses, the El Oasis campus operates a sizable agricultural program that farms 59 acres, including 33 acres of Jalapeno Peppers. Other crops include tomatillos, watermelon, and onions. Crops for the 2022 season totaled over 1.2 million pounds of produce!

This article was adapted from material on the International Children’s Care website. The extensive website features each of the ICC loacations with articles, updates, video, and other details of their work.

Those who wish to support ICC in their care, either by adopting a specific child at a particular location, or by donating to the general operation of all twelve orphanages, should contact ICC at:

forhiskids.org/donate or write to: ICC 2711 NE 134th Way Vanvouver, WA 98686 Page 9 | www.ArdenAdventist.org

Parents of Estranged Adult Kids II

by Ann Marie Bates

I

n part one of this series, I shared that parental estrangement is a growing problem in the U.S., affecting 10% or more of parent-child relationships, including my own.1 In this part, I share some of what helped me make sense of my experience and find new direction. Psychologist Joshua Coleman attributes dissolving family ties to Western individualism and the current emphasis on positive emotions. If a relationship brings negative emotions, rather than encouraging dialogue, understanding, and resolution, overwhelming social pressure supports ending the relationship. Parental requests for mutual understanding, empathy, or time often push estranged adult children (EC) further away. According to Coleman, EC may even label their parents as narcissistic or borderline personality trying to ease their guilt.2 These new social moorings fracture families and short-circuit the reconciliation process.

Estrangement and reconciliation research and practice is still in its inception, and professional opinions differ as to how to best help grieving parents. Initially, parents are bewildered when their children shun them, and reestablishing contact becomes their priority. Therefore, Dr. Coleman takes a “strategies” approach with parents, explaining the social current their adult children are swimming in and offering tools to attempt reconciliation. He counsels parents to give up any expectations of mutual effort and fairness and accept that the process will feel one-sided. Coleman says he has observed the more parents resist the accusations of their children, the more EC “escalate their complaints. The more fantastic the complaints and the memories are going to be.” He believes EC during alienation probably can’t access positive memories about their parents, but if parents can engage with EC in a way that doesn’t make them feel bad about themselves or angry with the parent, the EC may lower the wall. Even with this approach, Coleman acknowledges that EC still may not respond favorably.3 In fact, specialists acknowledge that amends, letters, gifts, showing up, and other strategies attempting to soften the hearts of EC often have the opposite effect.

The Cornell Reconciliation Project, Karl Pillemer’s national survey on estrangement and reconciliation, found that families

who experienced successful reconciliation did so by abandoning their own perspective of the past as accepted fact.

“They instead focused on the present and future of the relationship, adopting more realistic expectations about the other person…People are very attached to their narratives,” says Pillemer, and holding on to your version of the past is an obstacle to reconciliation.4 Social and emotional influences can reshape memory, especially when the mind is stressed.5 Understanding this makes it easier to extend compassion to ourselves and our EC. We parents can accept responsibility for our contribution to the problem, but we cannot “will” our reticent children to work toward reconciliation.

Author Fe Avis sees estrangement as an attempt to cope with anxiety, perhaps undergirding that reticence. In his book, Parents of Estranged Adult Kids, Avis cites a study in which researchers asked EC to agree or disagree with the statement, “We could never have a functional relationship in the future.”

Around 75% agreed. When asked the same question, only 15% of the parents agreed. Avis has found that over 90% of estrangements are leveraged—that is, a third party is encouraging the child to distance from the parent. Leveraged estrangements are the most complex of the four types and the least likely to reconcile, because of behind-the-scenes actors.

Since probably fewer than 10% of EC over 25 years of age will reconcile with parents, Avis prioritizes helping parents heal from the trauma of estrangement.6 A Christ-centered approach holds these perspectives in tension. We parents can love our EC without the expectation that they will love us in return. We can pray for them— their wellbeing, blessing, and growth, and for a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19, 20). We can inventory our own lives and parenting, repenting of everything that falls short of the glory of God, accepting His gift of justification through Christ’s redemptive grace (Romans 3:23, 24). We can guard against bitterness by practicing compassion. Adopting an eternal perspective, we understand that this life, with its troubles and pleasures, is fleeting.

We entrust our EC to God’s care, and grieve, accepting that we may never reconcile, while remembering that God is not bound by statistics and “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). This allows us to redirect our time and energy into rebuilding our own health and life-purpose.

Pursuing parental healing is essential. It’s a win with or without reconciliation. A parent who has done the work of healing is better prepared to relate in a healthy way to a hurting, angry adult child and able to build a supportive community and full life without their EC. You are precious. Care for your health through daily exercise, time in nature, and nourishing food. Do things you enjoy.

Replace holiday traditions with something new. Abide in Christ. Tend to your other relationships and invest in new ones. Learn new skills. Serve.

Continued on page 3.

Page 10 | www.ArdenAdventist.org

Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church Is a Safe Place to Grow.

Our Purpose is, by God’s Grace, to reflect His character in our community, to demonstrate a quality of life that will attract all to be reconciled to Jesus Christ, and to encourage people to become His loving, maturing disciples.

Our family focus this month features Dan and Jeannine Gurley. They are in the process of having their membership transferred from Mount Pisgah Academy SDA Church to the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church.

D

an was born in Athens, Georgia and lived in Mississippi before moving to San Diego, California. Dan attended public schools, then graduated from Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida with a Bachelor of Science degree. He received his master’s degree in Technical Engineering Management from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach, Florida. Dan has one brother and two sisters.

Jeannine was born in New Castle, Indiana, moving to Orlando, Florida at seven years old. She attended public schools, graduating from the University of South Florida - Tampa with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology. Jeannine had one older brother who passed away.

Dan’s career began at the Orlando Florida Fire Department, working ten years doing plan reviews for construction. He worked in various areas within the Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Florida and was part of the Space Shuttle Program. He also worked for twenty-two years at United Technologies, Lockheed, and Northrop Grumman Corporation. He was part of the “booster system” program and the “Joint Stars” radar program. Sadly, he witnessed the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster in 1986. Dan retired in 2009.

Jeannine worked for the State of Florida as a social worker, specializing in foster care and child placement. She moved to the Public Health arena, managing infectious disease programs including HIV, AIDS and STDs, for four central Florida counties. After working 33 years, she retired in 2003 to assist caring for a grandchild.

Dan and Jeannine have been married for forty years this November. They met while taking a Life Safety Course which both had to take for their jobs. Jeannine has one son, Greg, from a previous marriage. Dan has two daughters, Jennifer and Katie, from a previous marriage. They have five grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

While young, Jeannine was introduced to the Asheville area, traveling with her parents. She and Dan thought of moving to a new community. During their Bible study they read Deuteronomy 3:27 (KJV) “Get thee up into the top of Pisgah,” definitely a sign! They moved to Pisgah Estates in Candler, North Carolina, wanting to move to Givens Estates Retirement Community eventually.

Dan and Jeannine’s hobbies are reading and being in nature and supporting environmental causes and philanthropy. Jeannine also enjoys photography and painting with acrylic and watercolor. Dan recently took a pottery class. They have a one-yearold kitten named Neko.

They enjoy traveling and have been on cruises in the Caribbean, Alaska, the United Kingdom, France, Switzerland, Italy, and Egypt. They drove up the East Coast and spent five months in Maine. Jeannine’s mom and stepdad influenced them to travel while young enough to enjoy it.

Dan was introduced to the SDA church because his first wife was an Adventist. The book Patriarchs and Prophets by Ellen White influenced them both to attend an evangelistic seminar.

Both were baptized in 1984 by Pastor John Fortune. They taught a Sabbath School class for ages 10-11 for several years.

After two people, including Arden church member Cristina Bates, told them to “try Arden,” they decided to visit and absolutely loved the Arden church, knowing from their first day they wanted to join. They love the friendliness, the service-oriented ministries, the varied ages of church members, and how organized the church is. They were also very impressed with the Communion Service and the foot washing where children could come with their parents. They said, “We are thrilled to be joining.”

We welcome Dan and Jeannine to the Arden church family!

Page 11 | www.ArdenAdventist.org

Grace Notes Editorial Staff: Max Hammonds ...............................................Editor Chris Small.................................................Columnist Jean Davey..................................................Columnist Max Hammonds ..................Reporter & Columnist Pen Braister-Sturgis ..................................... Reporter Sara McCord ................................................. Reporter Dan Reynolds ............................................... Reporter Arizona McCord ............... Reporter & Proofreader Chris Small ..................................... Special Graphics Jim & Carolyn Sullenberger ................Proofreaders Nolan Darnell ........................ Mailing Management Shirley Wallstrom ...................Circulation Manager Chris Small .........................................Layout Design Whitney Barron .................................Layout Design Comments, suggestions and praises are always welcome. Please email or contact the church office.

Services each Saturday morning: Sabbath School Bible Study, 9:30 a.m.

Worship Service, 10:45 a.m.

Location: 35 Airport Road, Arden, NC 28704 Located on Highway 280, (Airport Road), 1.5 miles east of I-26 exit 40, and a quarter mile west of Highway 25.

Church Office: Office Manager: Whitney Barron Telephone: (828) 684-6700 Email: office@ardenadventist.org Website: www.ardenadventist.org Office Hours: Mon.-Thurs.,10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Arden Adventist Pastoral Staff: Senior Pastor: Eric Bates, D. Min. Email: ebates@carolinasda.org Associate/Youth Pastor: Rich Maskelony, M .Div. Email: rmaskelony@carolinasda.org Grace Notes is published monthly by the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church. Subscription is free by calling or emailing the office. †Do you have questions about what Adventists believe? Would you like to become a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church? Would you like to study the Bible? You are invited to attend a Pastor’s Bible Study Class. Please call for location and time. All are always welcome. † Disclaimer—The contents of Grace Notes, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained in this magazine of the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church are for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider, who is knowledgeable and experienced in the use of specific medical or Lifestyle Medicine interventions, or about questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice, or delay in seeking it, because of information published in this magazine. Neither Grace Notes nor the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church recommend or endorse any specific tests, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned in published articles.

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