August 2024 Grace Notes

Embracing the Power of Adventist Education: A Pathway to Excellence and Faith

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s summer draws to a close and the whispers of autumn soon fill the air, families across the country are preparing for a new school year. For those considering their options, the decision of where to educate their children can be one of the most significant they make. Amidst the myriad of choices available, Adventist education stands out not just as a viable option, but as a transformative journey blending academic excellence with deep-rooted faith. This is precisely why we as a church invest a third of our budget to support Captain Gilmer Christian School and why Pastor Rich and I spend so much time invested in its mission.

Seventh-day Adventist Christian schools are renowned for their commitment to academic excellence. Beyond mere knowledge acquisition, our school institutions strive to cultivate critical thinking, creativity, and leadership skills within a nurturing environment. Smaller class sizes allow for personalized attention, enabling educators to tailor their teaching methods to individual student needs. This personalized approach not only enhances academic performance, but also fosters a sense of belonging and encourages students to excel.

Moreover, our schools boast dedicated faculty members who are not only qualified educators, but also mentors and role models.

Their passion for teaching is fueled by a desire to inspire and empower students, guiding them not only in their academic pursuits, but also in character development and spiritual growth. They spend as much time talking about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and their students’ place in the Kingdom of God as they do teaching the “Three R’s.” This holistic approach to education ensures that students are equipped for success in the classroom and for life beyond its walls.

Central to the mission of Adventist education is the integration of faith and learning. Our schools provide a nurturing environment where faith is not just a subject, but a way of life. Students are encouraged to explore and deepen their spiritual beliefs, guided by Christian principles that underpin every aspect of the curriculum.

From daily prayers and chapel services to Bible classes, class worships led by local pastors, and service projects, our schools offer a rich tapestry of opportunities for spiritual growth. These experiences help students develop a strong moral compass, empathy for others, and a sense of responsibility to their community. The values instilled during their formative years become the foundation upon which they build their lives, influencing their decisions, relationships, and contributions to society.

One of the defining features of Adventist education is its emphasis on community and supportive relationships. Families choosing our schools often find themselves welcomed into a close-knit community where they form enduring friendships and connections. The sense of belonging extends beyond the students to include parents, teachers, and staff who share a common commitment to the well-being and success of every child.

This supportive environment fosters collaboration and teamwork, preparing students to navigate the complexities of an interconnected world with empathy and understanding.

Whether participating in extracurricular activities, volunteering for community service projects, or engaging in meaningful discussions, students learn the importance of contributing positively to their community and uplifting those around them.

Beyond the classroom, Seventh-day Adventist elementary schools and academies are dedicated to preparing students for a purposeful future, grounded in faith and service. They emphasize the development of life skills such as resilience, perseverance, and ethical decision-making, equipping students to face challenges with confidence and integrity. Alumni of these schools often go on to make significant contributions in various fields, guided by their Christian values and a commitment to making a difference in the world.

As families prepare for the upcoming school year, the decision to choose Adventist education offers a pathway to academic excellence, spiritual growth, and a supportive community. It is an investment in the holistic development of each child, nurturing their mind, body, and spirit in an environment that values faith, character, and lifelong learning.

For those embarking on this journey, the benefits are manifold: a rigorous academic curriculum, a nurturing environment that fosters spiritual growth, supportive relationships that span generations, and preparation for a purposeful future. Private Christian education not only equips students with the skills and knowledge they need to succeed but also empowers them to lead lives of purpose, integrity, and faith.

As the new school year beckons, let us embrace the power of Adventist education with excitement and anticipation, knowing that we are investing in the future leaders, thinkers, and compassionate individuals who will shape our world for the better.

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State Fair

by Jean Davey

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ark your calendars! The North Carolina Mountain State Fair will be held September 6-15 at the WNC Agricultural Center on Airport Road and once again, there will be a booth representing the Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) Church. It’s always an exciting time to have the opportunity to share the hope we have in Jesus with others.

This ministry is led by Arden SDA Church member, Linda Duncan. When Linda, her daughter Stella, and Linda’s grandchildren visited the fair they noticed that at that time, other churches were represented in the exhibit hall, but there was no Adventist presence. So, in 2014, Linda contacted the organizers to see if there was an available booth. There was one booth left and Linda said, “I’ll take it!” By God’s divine appointment, it was a center space on the front row – anyone entering the Davis Event Center from other areas of the fair would have to pass as they came in. She immediately filled out the application, paid the necessary fee, and former Arden pastor Jeff Wait helped secure the required insurance policy. This was the beginning of a 10-year evangelistic effort.

The second year, the fair told her they had another booth next to the one we already had and asked if she wanted it, as well. She said yes! Doubling the space was truly Holy Spiritordained. In fact, Linda said this was a “God Team” effort inspired by the Holy Spirit to be able to have such a large fair booth representing Seventh-day Adventistm each year.

The goals of this ministry are to be a friendly face of the Seventh-day Adventist church; familiarize people with our church name and logo; share that Adventists are Bible-believing Christians; and witness that our hope is in Jesus as a soon-coming Savior.

Linda wanted to get as many other churches in the area involved as possible in this big endeavor. She sent a letter to seventeen SDA churches within a thirty-mile radius of the fairgrounds informing them of this joint effort and inviting them to partner with the project through financial donations and volunteering. The Arden Church supports and facilitates this community effort by providing accounting and

storage. Each year the announcement of the Mountain State Fair is in the bulletin of each of these churches. The success of the booth is possible thanks to all the church volunteers and donations that generously support this evangelistic opportunity.

Many fair attendees and vendors have asked about the large picture which forms the backdrop of the booth. The 5 ft. x 8 ft. beautiful painting “Blessed Hope” is by artist Nathan Greene. It is very eye catching and many have commented that it “takes their breath away.” One gentleman stopped and just stared, saying he had dreamed about the second coming of Jesus. When he saw this painting, it was exactly as in his dream. Many want to have their pictures taken in front of it.

It truly draws people to the booth, providing the opportunity to talk about Jesus to others, which is a gift in itself. Last year, the beautiful booth won the “2023 North Carolina Mountain State Fair Best Non-Commercial Display” award!

Volunteers enjoy greeting folks and offering free materials.

In addition to Bibles in English and Spanish, other materials given away include The Great Controversy, Steps to Christ, Bible Answers, Hacksaw Ridge, and many Amazing Facts and Vibrant Life magazines. Glow tracts, bookmarks listing area SDA churches, materials from It Is Written, DVDs, tracts about a plethora of health and Bible subjects, and Bible study invitational cards are also available – all given for free. Local churches also share upcoming visitorfriendly events through fliers. All of these materials can be carried in a provided bag with the SDA logo on it. A signature draw to the booth are the free twisty balloon creations, coloring pages, kid magazines, and inspirational stickers given to kids! There is a daily drawing with interest cards to see what people are interested in (Bible studies, prayer requests, etc.). Church members always follow up with these interests, being a springboard for many Bible studies. Other Christian denominations working at the fair are excited to receive many of the materials, especially on Bible prophesy.

One non-SDA pastor said he uses them in his sermons!

In past years, fair attendance has topped 175,000-195,000 people. Thousands pass by this Seventh-day Adventist booth during the ten days of attendance. These people, walking past the SDA booth, see genuine smiling faces ready to welcome them, see the “Blessed Hope” banner, find fun things for kids to do, and receive many resources, sparking an interest in the Bible and the gospel truth. Last year, over fifty volunteers from nine different churches helped setup, break-down, and serve at the booth. This is a very large endeavor to undertake, but it is so exciting. So, if you are interested in being part of this ministry, please contact Linda Duncan at 828-606-3088. See you at the fair!

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Historical Sketch of Adventist Education

by Dan Reynolds

steady rain drizzled down on the muddy streets of a Midwest town as a few horse drawn carriages, men in trench coats and top hats, and women whose long skirts were held up so as not to get muddy dashed through the streets. The rain clattered against the windowpanes of a small one-room schoolhouse adding background noise as 12 children eagerly listened to the instruction of their teacher, Goodloe Harper Bell.

The year was 1872, and the Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) Church was in its infancy with just under 5,000 members.

Among the ranks of the early pupils of this school were Edson and Willie White, along with the future Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, founder of the Battle Creek Sanitarium.

This one-room school located on the first floor of the old Review and Herald building in Battle Creek, Michigan, was established as the very first Seventh-day Adventist school. Mr. Bell lived on the second floor of this same school building.

Two years later, this school would be renamed Battle Creek College and because of tremendous growth would later move to Berrien Springs and eventually be renamed Andrews University, the flagship university of the Seventh-day Adventist school system. Andrews University currently has eight schools or colleges, offering 130 undergraduate majors and 70 graduate majors. Andrews University has over 3,300 undergraduate and graduate students with more than 250 professors.

Goodloe Harper Bell, serving as the first teacher at this inaugural school, was a distinguished individual. He started teaching at age 19 in a small country school. He went on to write and publish a whole curriculum for future Adventist schools to model. He also developed the first ESL program (English as a second language) for some international pupils attending the school. “The methods of teaching were so unique,” remembered his friend J. O. Corliss, “without the usual commitment to memory of dry book rules, and the word was soon heralded about that Professor Bell was the very best kind of teacher.” (J. O. Corliss, “Early Experiences—No. 8, Divine Providences,”

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ARH, March 6, 1919, pg. 10) Ellen White was an ardent supporter of Bell and the mission of the Adventist Church in its endeavors to educate members and non-members alike. For 27 years Bell taught hundreds of students, many of whom went on to become pastors, teachers, doctors, and leaders within the church.

His illustrious career suddenly ended in a horse carriage accident in 1899 and it is said that his funeral was the secondlargest ever held in the Dime Tabernacle in Battle Creek, second only to James White’s funeral.

Bell’s dedication to Adventist education inspired many others to carry the torch further by beginning new schools and teaching children and young people the principles of practical study with a biblical worldview. An Adventist educator named Sidney Brownsberger, the first president of Battle Creek College, moved to northern California to begin the second ever Adventist school in 1882.

This was the 12th institution of higher education founded in California. They named this school Healdsburg Academy, later to be renamed Pacific Union College in 1909.

This school is on 1,800 beautiful acres nestled in the scenic Napa Valley region. Currently, nearly 1,000 students are enrolled at PUC. One year later in 1883, the Adventist church’s first nursing school opened at Battle Creek Sanitarium, founded by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, a former pupil of Goodloe Harper Bell. The “San,” as it was affectionately referred to, was an amazing place for nursing students to learn the principles of anatomy and physiology, dietetics, hydrotherapy, patient care and physical training. The San grew from 106 guests in 1866 to over 7,000 in 1906.

Two founders of this flagship nursing school in Battle Creek were Dr. Kate Lindsay and Dr. Ann Stewart. Dr. Lindsay was the head of her medical school class at the University of Michigan and matriculated in the second class that accepted female students. She went on to serve for 20 years at the Battle Creek Sanitarium nursing school.

In 1893, the first Seventh-day Adventist college outside of the United States was founded. Various missionaries banded together to help start a new college called Claremont Union College in South Africa. After a long tenure at Battle Creek College, Dr. Lindsay also helped to start the nursing school at Claremont. This college is now known as Helderberg College of Higher Education, located outside of Cape Town, South Africa.

The snowballing of many beginnings of Adventist educational institutions continued. In 1895 the first pre-medical school operated by the church opened at Battle Creek Sanitarium. This school was founded by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg. Further south in the same year, Edson White built and operated a riverboat school on the Mississippi River.

This school, aboard the steamboat named the Morning

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Star, was the first school operated by the SDA church for African Americans.

In 1896 another school for African Americans opened in Huntsville, Alabama, called Oakwood Industrial School, later to be renamed Oakwood University. This school started with humble beginnings but now has a sprawling campus with over 1,800 students and many prominent alumni.

For the next decade, the church’s school and university growth exploded, opening campuses all over the world. Not including dozens of primary schools’ opening, schools that eventually became tertiary institutions opened in Zimbabwe, the United Kingdom, Australia, Argentina, China, South Korea, Germany, Fiji, and a few more in the United States including what is today Loma Linda University and Washington Adventist University.

1904, at the encouragement of Ellen White, E.A. Sutherland and Percy T. Magan opened the pioneering self-supporting institution of the church called Madison College near Nashville, TN. This model spearheaded numerous developments of primary and secondary schools that were self-supporting, including our nearby Captain Gilmer Christian School and Fletcher Academy. Self-supporting institutions are financially independent from the official church structure but serve similarly to church-operated institutions in furthering the mission of the church. These schools formed on the principles of work and study, these schools seek to train students in the practical as well as the scholastic aspects of life.

The growth continued as schools and universities were established in the far-flung corners of the globe, establishing campuses that were used not only for education of their young people but also for training sites for local pastors, camp meetings, music events, medical conferences, and various other events. Local health food stores and restaurants were attracted to the surrounding areas of these campuses, offering employment for students to help pay their way through school. The vibrant environment of these schools fostered communities where the creativity of students and teachers thrived. They became the hub, as it were, of intellectual and theological discussions as well as forming a community of like-minded individuals on a mission of sharing the gospel with the world.

Today, the worldwide Seventh-day Adventist Church has the largest Protestant educational system, operating a total of 9,882 schools and universities. Almost 7,000 elementary schools enroll over 1.4 million students. Significant numbers of the international elementary schools are teaching ESL, a program originally

pioneered by Goodloe Bell. Many students are unchurched, and there is a tremendous evangelistic impact of students taking biblical principles learned at school and sharing them with their parents. There are also 2,811 secondary schools (high schools and academies) with over 600,000 students. Among the highest levels of schooling the church has to offer, 118 universities and colleges currently enroll over 150,000 students, with most of these institutions offering widely varying graduate studies.

There are 117,000 dedicated teachers and professors employed by the SDA church.

Without the tireless work of these individuals, these institutions certainly would cease to exist as we know them. They take time to pray with and for their students, challenge them to new heights within academia, and model a Christ-like character. Lesson planning, grading, and maintaining control of a classroom can be exhausting and difficult. Their service to Adventist education is inspiring to all. Many students have given their hearts to Jesus due to their teacher’s influence in their lives.

The humble beginnings in 1872 at the Battle Creek oneroom schoolhouse with just 12 pupils has led to explosive growth. Our Adventist educational system (not including all the self-supporting institution students) now includes well over 2 million students in total.

As the 2024-2025 school year rapidly approaches, our young people will be facing a new school year. Some will be attending new schools, moving up a grade in their old school, adjusting to a new learning environment, or beginning “adult life” after graduating last year. Some will be going to Adventist church schools, some will be attending public schools or other private schools, while others will be homeschooled. As a community-based global church, we seek to utilize education to empower young people and deepen their walk with God.

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28 Fundamentals:

“God, the Holy Spirit”

“H

appy Birthday, Mark!” Pawpaw (Albert Groot, grandfather and proud supporter) spoke so loudly several customers turned to look.

Mark frowned with his eyes, belying the smile of pleasure on his face.

Pawpaw was laughing. “It’s not every day that a young man turns fifteen and graduates from the 8th grade all in the same week.” Pawpaw wrinkled his brow, trying to look serious. “But . . . I promised your mother: no ice cream for lunch!”

“I understand.” Mark picked up his veggie Reuben sandwich, then paused in midair. “There’s something I wanted to ask,” he said, lowering his hands. “Jesus promised the Holy Spirit in the New Testament. But my friend said that the Holy Spirit isn’t in the Old Testament.”

Surprised by the sudden question, Pawpaw lay down his soup spoon.

“Hmmm. Common misconception.

But, where do we begin?” he thought out loud. “Let’s begin with Acts 5:3, 4.”

“But that’s in the New Testament.”

Mark objected.

“I know. But we need some basic information about the Spirit.” Pawpaw stopped. “The Holy Spirit never talks about Himself, you know. So, we must go where the description is given.”

Mark broke into a grin. “And you have your Bible with you, right?”

“I never leave home without my sword,” Pawpaw chuckled.

“And you have the Bible on your phone, right?” Mark nodded.

“So, look at Acts 5:3, 4 and tell me what you learn about the Holy Spirit.”

Mark looked longingly at his sandwich, then picked up his phone and found the passage. “First, the Holy Spirit is a person. Ananias lied to Him.” “Lied to Whom?”

“Verse 3 says Ananias lied to the Holy Spirit.”

“And to Whom did he lie in verse 4?”

“To God.” Marks eyes lighted up. “Oh, I get it! The Holy Spirit is God.” “First thing to know about the Holy Spirit, Mark.” Pawpaw was emphatic. “He is also God and He is His own person. Now,

what is His superpower? Each member of the Godhead has a particular function by which He is recognized as part of the creative power of the Godhead. What is it that the Holy Spirit contributes? Do you know?” Pawpaw continued eating.

Mark shook his head. “I’ve never heard this before, Pawpaw.”

“Well, this time we can look in the Old Testament and the New. Let’s try Job 33:4, then 2 Corinthians 3:6 and John 6:63.

Look at these verses and tell me what you find.”

Mark quickly scanned the verses. “It says the Holy Spirit gives life.” Mark looked up. “What does that mean, Pawpaw?”

“Where in the Old Testament was something given life, Mark?”

“The creation of Adam in Genesis 2:7. It says that the LORD God breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. So?” “That Hebrew word for breath is the same as the word used in Job 33:4. The Spirit gives the breath of life — to Adam, to Job, and to all of us. That happens a lot in the Old Testament —giving life.” Pawpaw paused for another spoonful of soup.

“But that’s not the only thing He does, Mark. After giving life, the Spirit’s next work Jesus described in John 16:8. Do you remember that one?”

“Another memory verse, Pawpaw. In short, it says that the Spirit convicts of sin. He convinces us that we need a Savior.”

Mark picked up his sandwich.

“Did that happen in the Old Testament? Can you think of any specific situations in which people were convicted of sin?”

“Sure. Cain, King Saul, King David, King Ahab. Lots of people. Work of the Holy Spirit, huh?” Mark quickly retrieved his veggie Reuben to take a bite.

“What else does the Spirit do in the Old Testament, Mark? Can you look at Ezekiel 36:26, 27?”

Mark reluctantly set down his sandwich and picked up his phone. “I know verse 26 about giving us a new heart of flesh. But verse 27?” Mark found the verse and froze. “This is about obedience, Pawpaw.

“When we have developed a new heart and are in love with Jesus,” Pawpaw took another spoonful. “We will want to obey. According to your scripture, Who helps us to develop this new loving, obedient character?”

Mark nodded his head in understanding. “The Holy Spirit.”

“Anyone in the Old Testament come to mind who needed the help of the Holy Spirit to develop in this way?”

“For starters, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob — and many more.

Wow! The Holy Spirit really was hard at work in the Old Testament, wasn’t He?” Mark sat staring at his phone, shaking his head in amazement.

“Indeed, He was. Now, Mark, if you don’t want your sandwich, I . . .” Pawpaw extended his hand.

“Pawpaw!” Mark exclaimed, quickly dragging his plate out of reach.

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Heard in the Bahamas

“I

’m surprised Peter let you come. He waited so long to catch you, I thought he would never let you go,” Alice said, adding a third layer of sunscreen.

“Actually, it was his idea.” Rose Marie looked up from the novel that had kept her engrossed for the last two days.

“He said the guys in his Annapolis graduation class do it every two years. Maybe it was my turn this year. Besides, he’s out sailing with our boys on the Chesapeake for the week.”

“Can you believe we haven’t been together like this since . . .” Patricia lowered her sun reflector and sat up. “Since when, exactly?”

“Since two years after we graduated from Penn State in 2009.” Beverly raised the edge of her large, floppy woven straw hat. “Fifteen years ago, a lifetime for me.”

“When did you lose Gordon?”

Rose Marie turned and caught the pain in Beverly’s eyes.

“Eight years ago this December — lung cancer.” Beverly hesitated; the brim of the hat slowly descended.

“Well, we never had this much sun at ole Penn State.” Patricia lay back on the chaise, adjusting her sun reflector. “Is that why you quit smoking?”

“No, actually.” The straw hat sat up. Beverly pushed the broad brim up and held it there with both hands, her elbows on the arms of the beach chair. “No. I quit when the physiology professor . . . What’s his name? We had that physiology class together.” She looked in Pat’s direction.

“Bechtold. Dr. Bechtold,” said the face of the nurse hovering over the sun reflector.

“Yeah. He told me he knew I was a smoker, because my face was already showing aging wrinkles and skin lines.

I quit smoking right then. Gordon didn’t.” Beverly paused.

“That’s when I quit sunbathing with the rest of you girls.

Smoking was already taking its toll on me. I didn’t need the sun to destroy more of my . . . what’s that stuff that supports your skin, Pat?” “Collagen. Collagen fibers support the skin. Holds it tight. Makes you look younger. Smoking decreases blood

flow to the skin. That and the aging from the sun plays havoc with the collagen.”

“Aren’t you afraid the sun will do the same to you, Miss Nurse?” Alice glanced in the direction of the sun reflector.

“Actually, I’m not worried about skin cancer. I only get this much sun about what? . . . every 15 years. Where I live in Boston, in the summer you must be outside about 4-5 hours to even begin to show signs of sun exposure.”

Patricia laughed. “So, we don’t get much vitamin D made in our skin. Down here,” she waved at the Bahamian beach, “it takes only 10-15 minutes for the skin to make all the vitamin D you need for the day. Where I live, this gets to be a problem, especially in the winter. We all take vitamin D supplements.”

“I’ll bet you get a lot of sun in San Diego, Alice.” Rose Marie suddenly paused, her finger marking her place in the book. “Is that why you put on so much sunscreen?

That’s the third time today and it’s hardly past noon.”

“We do get a lot of sun, actually, in San Diego.” Alice twisted the cap onto the now greasy tube in her hand.

“And as a result, I’ve had skin cancer on the top of my left ear and on the bridge of my nose.” She rubbed a spot on her nose that no one else could see. “Moh’s surgery is what they call it, I think. Slowly slicing into the top layers of the skin until they get all the cancer out.” Beverly cringed and lowered the wide brim of her hat. “That’s why I’m wearing this neck flaponmyhat.”Sheflounced the large flap hanging from the rear edge of her hat brim.

“Peter has a hat like that,” Rose Marie said. “He wears it all the time when he’s sailing.” She laughed. “The boys have created their own French Foreign Legion look by putting a large bandana on the back of their heads, then pulling their caps on tightly. Serves the same purpose; no red necks when they come home.”

“And I wear long sleeves and gloves when I’m out in the garden, even on hot days,” Alice added. “Actually, two opportunities with skin cancer were enough for me.”

“I love the novel, Alice. You write very well.” Rose Marie sat back and resumed her reading.

Beverly suddenly raised the monstrously large, floppy edge of her hat. “Has anyone noticed how often we say ‘actually?’ Where did we pick that up?” Everyone laughed.

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Nehemiah’s Wall: One Brick at a Time

by Jonathan and Veronica Nicholaides

On our return, we assisted in an evangelism event in our home district of Ratanakiri; a rich time, filled with seminars, health screenings, kid's programs, etc. On Sabbath, as the highlight of Ratanakiri's evangelism effort, several people were baptized. Two of these people's stories especially caught our attention.

One person was from the Tampuan tribe. Her earlobes sagged with huge empty holes, stretched by circular disks that she had worn for years. This middle-aged woman had been the village witchdoctor. People went to her with various problems, and she "helped" them with her witchcraft. On this beautiful Sabbath she publicly renounced her previous life, sharing her regret that she had spent so many years serving Satan and dedicating herself to serving Jesus from then on.

On Friday evening a teenager from the Tampuan tribe came to stay at the church so he would be there to be baptized on Sabbath morning. But when he arrived, he wasn't feeling well.

Upon investigation, his friends found that he had a fever of 103.8 degrees F. They tried to lower his fever by putting his feet in cool water, but his fever actually kept going up and he almost passed out. They told him that they needed to take him to the hospital because his fever was too high, but at this point he balked. "I'm not going to the hospital. If I go to the hospital, they'll keep me there for at least a day, and I won't be able to be baptized tomorrow. I must be baptized tomorrow, so I'm not going!"

With his decision firmly made, he got up and walked to the building where he would sleep. By the time he got there, his fever had started to recede, and he was able to rest peacefully. He woke up in the morning with no fever, still determined to die to his old life and be buried in the waters of baptism.

Praise God with us for the work that He has done in the lives of these precious people!

The Nicholaides family has been serving since 2013 in Cambodia as part of Adventist Frontier Missions, an independent ministry that supports the mission of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. AFM Missionarties must raise their own funding before going to their mission station to raise up indigenous churches among unreached people groups.

To give to the Nicholaides or any of the more than 50 AFM minssionaries visit: afmonline.org or write to: AFM 107 E. Ferry St. Berrien Springs, MI 49103 AFM is a member of ASI

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Parents of Estranged Adult Kids I

by Ann Marie Bates

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here were thirty or so of us in the small group counseling room. After my husband, Eric, and I found our seats, I watched others trickle in as tentatively as we had entered. Most sat in pairs, but not all. We waited quietly for the presentation to begin, while the speaker made warm small talk to dispel the stillness and put us at ease. The people in the room represented diverse segments of society, but we all shared a painful commonality: we are parents of estranged adult children.

Fe Avis, founder of Parents of Estranged Adult Kids (PEAK), was our speaker that evening. Under the direction of psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) Keli Rugenstein, PEAK serves to help parents heal from the trauma of estrangement. “Trauma” may seem an overly dramatic descriptor, but Avis asserts that parental estrangement shares all the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, including nightmares, flashbacks, insomnia, compromised cognition and memory, rumination, depression and anxiety, guilt, gastro-intestinal maladies, headaches, skeletal issues, skin disorders, arrhythmias, and negative relational and spiritual effects.

While society has systems for processing loss through death, no such systems exist for estrangement. The grief of loss is compounded by feelings of rejection and lack of closure.

Parents know their kids are still out there, somewhere, and they can’t help but wonder how they’re faring. Estranged parents also face uncertainty about their own future; according to PEAK’s home page, one in five older adults is an “elder orphan,” having “no one to turn to in a time of need.”¹ In addition, the stigma associated with estrangement further isolates parents, who often don’t disclose what they are dealing with.

When Eric and I experienced the loss of our children, we didn’t know where to look for help. We didn’t even have a word to describe our situation. It felt like our children had divorced us. As we searched, we discovered several support groups on social media for estranged parents and grandparents (some helpful and some counterproductive), as well as a few books on the subject. Until recent years, information and support for estranged parents was simply unavailable, leaving parents with more questions than answers and compounding their sense of isolation.

Sociologist and gerontologist Karl Pillemer, of Cornell University, and author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, noticed the prevalence of family estrangement and responded by creating the Cornell Reconciliation Project. The groundbreaking project, which conducted the first ever national survey on estrangement, found that 27% of people in the US are estranged from a family member, and 10% of parent/adult child relationships in the US are estranged (defined as having no contact at all). He describes it as an “almost epidemic-level problem” and highlights the collateral and multi-generational losses of connection, history, and resources resulting from these estrangements.² One of the most common of these losses is the grandparent/grandchild relationship. The benefits grandparents provide for grandchildren are well documented: a sense of identity and a family legacy, knowledge and skills passed on, positive influence and broader perspective that come with age, and emotional support that differs in role from that of the parents.

Children who grow up with close grandparental ties also exhibit more positive outcomes in terms of wellbeing and life choices.

The rewards of grandparenting go both ways, too, with grandparents who are actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives living longer and having reduced risk of depression, among other benefits. According to Dr. Joshua Coleman, psychologist and author of Rules of Estrangement, “Thousands of grandparents today have been cut off from contact with their grandchildren. While this sometimes results from the grandparent's highly problematic behavior toward the grandchild, my clinical experience…reveals that grandchildren are often a casualty of the conflict between parents and grandparents.”³ Chances are, you know people who have, like us, lost adult children and grandchildren to estrangement. Maybe you are dealing with this devastating loss yourself. I hope to encourage you that you are not alone. I hope, as you recognize your own situation in the things I have shared above, you will be able to let go of the burden of shame. Even so, I know questions remain: Will I heal from this? What can I do? Is reconciliation possible?

How can I help my friend or family member who is going through this? In our next issue, we will explore answers and strategies to these questions. For now, let me encourage you that your story is not over. For as Gabriel so aptly said (recorded in Luke 1:37), “nothing will be impossible with God.” ¹ https://www.parentsofestrangedadultkids.com ²https://www.cornell.edu/video/fractured-families-karlpillemer ³https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-rules-ofestrangement/202403/the-lonely-fractured-lives-ofestranged-grandparents?eml

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Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church Is a Safe Place to Grow.

Our Purpose is, by God’s Grace, to reflect His character in our community, to demonstrate a quality of life that will attract all to be reconciled to Jesus Christ, and to encourage people to become His loving, maturing disciples.

Our family focus this month features Martha Eissler. Martha joined the Arden Seventhday Adventist Church in April.

M

artha was born in Mexico. Her parents immigrated to the Rio Grande area of Southern Texas when she was nine years old. She and her parents moved to Healdsburg, California on graduation from high school.

When she was five years old, her mother passed away during childbirth. Martha has three sisters. After remarriage, her father and stepmom had eight children. So Martha has eleven siblings in all.

She and her family worked in the fields picking fruit in California when she was young. She then worked as a nurse’s aide at a nursing home owned by an Adventist family. This family “took them under their wing” and encouraged Martha and her family to get an education and introduced them to the Adventist message. They encouraged Martha to become a nurse. She attended and graduated from Pacific Union College in 1970, working as a nurse until retirement in 2013.

Martha became a Seventh-day Adventist at a young age and was baptized at St. Helena SDA church in Northern California. Later, she joined the Healdsburg SDA Church in Healdsburg, California.

Martha was married for seven years to her first husband, and they had a daughter, Claudia. Later, Martha became a single Mom and is grateful to have her daughter in her life.

She and Claudia lived in New Jersey but moved to Denver, Colorado where her daughter attended Campion SDA Academy. Later Martha attended an Adventist church in Colorado where she met her second husband, Keith.

They had been friends for three years when Keith surprised her by proposing marriage, and she accepted! They were married for seventeen years when he passed away in 2004.

Martha moved to Thousand Oaks, California, living there for ten years, being very active in the Thousand Oaks SDA church and community. However, she wanted to find a place where she could “retire.” She had friends who lived at Fletcher Park Inn in Hendersonville, North Carolina. She came to visit, really liked it, and put her name on the list. A year later she received the call for an opening. Her house sold at the perfect time, and she was able to make the move to Western North Carolina.

Martha’s hobbies include gardening, reading, crafts, sewing, crocheting, and making her own greeting cards. Martha also loves to travel. She and her husband enjoyed hiking and camping, visiting Alaska, Mexico, Hawaii, and forty other states.

She went on two cruises to the Caribbean and one River cruise in Europe. She went with a women’s group to tour Scandinavian countries five years ago. As a member of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, she traveled to Canada and Finland for their international meetings.

After moving to N. Carolina, Martha visited many SDA churches in the area.

Upon visiting Arden, she felt it was a good fit. She was welcomed so warmly, she decided to join. She visited several Sabbath School classes, and decided to join the Women’s Class. She has been involved with Bags of Love, has gone to Ladies Night Out, and enjoys the potlucks too.

We are so happy to have Martha Eissler as part of the Arden church family!

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Grace Notes Editorial Staff: Max Hammonds ...............................................Editor Chris Small.................................................Columnist Jean Davey..................................................Columnist Max Hammonds ..................Reporter & Columnist Pen Braister-Sturgis ..................................... Reporter Sara McCord ................................................. Reporter Dan Reynolds ............................................... Reporter Arizona McCord ............... Reporter & Proofreader Chris Small ..................................... Special Graphics Jim & Carolyn Sullenberger ................Proofreaders Gailon Morisette ..............Proofreader/Mail Mgmt.

Shirley Wallstrom ...................Circulation Manager Chris Small .........................................Layout Design Whitney Barron .................................Layout Design Comments, suggestions and praises are always welcome. Please email or contact the church office.

Services each Saturday morning: Sabbath School Bible Study, 9:30 a.m.

Worship Service, 10:45 a.m.

Location: 35 Airport Road, Arden, NC 28704 Located on Highway 280, (Airport Road), 1.5 miles east of I-26 exit 40, and a quarter mile west of Highway 25.

Church Office: Office Manager: Whitney Barron Telephone: (828) 684-6700 Email: office@ardenadventist.org Website: www.ardenadventist.org Office Hours: Mon.-Thurs.,10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Arden Adventist Pastoral Staff: Senior Pastor: Eric Bates, D. Min. Email: ebates@carolinasda.org Associate/Youth Pastor: Rich Maskelony, M .Div. Email: rmaskelony@carolinasda.org Grace Notes is published monthly by the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church. Subscription is free by calling or emailing the office. †Do you have questions about what Adventists believe? Would you like to become a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church? Would you like to study the Bible? You are invited to attend a Pastor’s Bible Study Class. Please call for location and time. All are always welcome. † Disclaimer—The contents of Grace Notes, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained in this magazine of the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church are for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider, who is knowledgeable and experienced in the use of specific medical or Lifestyle Medicine interventions, or about questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice, or delay in seeking it, because of information published in this magazine. Neither Grace Notes nor the Arden Seventh-day Adventist Church recommend or endorse any specific tests, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned in published articles.

Reliance on any information provided is solely at your own risk.

If you have a medical emergency, call your healthcare provider or 911 immediately.

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