How to Go Wine Tasting
San Francisco
In recent times, wine tasting has ripened into a very chic activity, leaving many people bottled up with a great deal of confusion as to how it’s properly done. Throw in a worldwide pandemic and everyone is virtually drinking. Consequently, you end up with a maniacal menagerie of masked sippers thirsty to hit the tasting rooms with masks on and inhibitions off. For this jaunt, grab a glass and a shapely long necked bottle of something with an unpronounceable label and alcohol % within your comfort range and join me as we uncork the exquisite mystery of tasting wine. Braving the Tasting Rooms Are you venturing outside home base to test the fruits in first person? Times have changed. Make a reservation. Call ahead. Call a friend. Call your vaccine buddy. Ask Jeeves. Then pick a designated driver, preferably Jeeves, or the guy who has either lost his taste buds or is too young to drink. Your car has probably been locked in garage darkness since New Year’s Eve 2020 so jumpstart the Cordoba and head to wine country. Better yet, rent an embarrassingly large car so you and your masked tasting amigos can enjoy the fruits of the valley’s labor free from guilt and wreckage. Your loved ones will thank you later. Choose a Flight Wine tasting can involve some fairly rigorous standing for long periods of time, depending on what size flight you pick. For your safety, this flight is firmly planted on solid ground. “Flights” refer to the choice of varietals presented by a winery for tasting. Some may offer a flight of three selections, while others will want you to taste every wine they’ve produced in the last five years. This may require stamina and maybe a run through the In N Out drive-through before attempting to consume. After all, a #1 wins every time! Otherwise, a few too many sips and next thing you know, you’re signing on the wine club’s dotted line, helplessly watching as two cases of Ultra-Premium-Re$erve is merrily carted out to your Chrysler.
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By Fran Benavidez Dress to Swill Many tasting rooms have gift shops where they offer wine themed jewelry, clever hats and polo shirts bearing the winery’s logo. There really is no formal dress code for what to wear while you taste except masks are required, at least at the time of this writing. By the time you finish reading this, the law will have changed several times so no guarantees on accuracy. I have observed a sign that declares, “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone appearing intoxicated,” which leads me to believe that, a) One could wander in, dressed as a boom-boom girl, but who does not appear to be intoxicated, and swig away. (My guess is she walked in wearing the mask backward), or b) Mummy’s precious white Peki-schpoodle, who holds court in a Coach handbag, could partake in a nip or two of Screaming Beagle, as long as she is 21 in dog years and her bark is not as slurred as her bite. (My guess is she’s not a service animal.) One note of caution: do not wear white, especially while tasting reds, which, according to a color wheel, will turn your shirt pink. If it’s white you must wear, then you must also carry a handy Tide stick to lessen the damage to wine-sensitive wear. Then again, just wear the red, pink and white blend with courage and pride knowing you’ve made it this far. Most importantly, leave the fragrant hand cream, cotton candy lip balm and perfume HOME. Tasters want to smell the honeysuckle coming out of their glass, not from your Gucci. The only attention you will draw will be the indignation of every taster in the room and you will be extricated from the winery, nose first. Wearing a nice pair of jeans works well, just as Bob Mondavi must have slipped on a pair from time to time, as he plodded through the vineyards. A pair of Levi 5Opus1’s, anybody? Pandemic protocol being what it is, was and will be, be comfortable but cover the basics and leave the work jammies at the home office. What Would Robert Parker Do? On the infinite subject of swirling your wine glass, or “oxygenating,” as it is known, many intimidating and long-winded wine guides have deliberated as to whether one should raise the glass or set the goblet on the counter, then swirl. This practice helps to “open up the
The Arbor
