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How to Go Wine Tasting

In recent times, wine tasting has ripened into a very chic activity, leaving many people bottled up with a great deal of confusion as to how it’s properly done. Throw in a worldwide pandemic and everyone is virtually drinking. Consequently, you end up with a maniacal menagerie of masked sippers thirsty to hit the tasting rooms with masks on and inhibitions off. For this jaunt, grab a glass and a shapely long necked bottle of something with an unpronounceable label and alcohol % within your comfort range and join me as we uncork the exquisite mystery of tasting wine.

Braving the Tasting Rooms Are you venturing outside home base to test the fruits in first person? Times have changed. Make a reservation. Call ahead. Call a friend. Call your vaccine buddy. Ask Jeeves. Then pick a designated driver, preferably Jeeves, or the guy who has either lost his taste buds or is too young to drink. Your car has probably been locked in garage darkness since New Year’s Eve 2020 so jumpstart the Cordoba and head to wine country. Better yet, rent an embarrassingly large car so you and your masked tasting amigos can enjoy the fruits of the valley’s labor free from guilt and wreckage. Your loved ones will thank you later.

Choose a Flight Wine tasting can involve some fairly rigorous standing for long periods of time, depending on what size flight you pick. For your safety, this flight is firmly planted on solid ground. “Flights” refer to the choice of varietals presented by a winery for tasting. Some may offer a flight of three selections, while others will want you to taste every wine they’ve produced in the last five years. This may require stamina and maybe a run through the In N Out drive-through before attempting to consume. After all, a #1 wins every time! Otherwise, a few too many sips and next thing you know, you’re signing on the wine club’s dotted line, helplessly watching as two cases of Ultra-Premium-Re$erve is merrily carted out to your Chrysler.

By Fran Benavidez

Dress to Swill Many tasting rooms have gift shops where they offer wine themed jewelry, clever hats and polo shirts bearing the winery’s logo. There really is no formal dress code for what to wear while you taste except masks are required, at least at the time of this writing. By the time you finish reading this, the law will have changed several times so no guarantees on accuracy. I have observed a sign that declares, “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone appearing intoxicated,” which leads me to believe that, a) One could wander in, dressed as a boom-boom girl, but who does not appear to be intoxicated, and swig away. (My guess is she walked in wearing the mask backward), or b) Mummy’s precious white Peki-schpoodle, who holds court in a Coach handbag, could partake in a nip or two of Screaming Beagle, as long as she is 21 in dog years and her bark is not as slurred as her bite. (My guess is she’s not a service animal.)

One note of caution: do not wear white, especially while tasting reds, which, according to a color wheel, will turn your shirt pink. If it’s white you must wear, then you must also carry a handy Tide stick to lessen the damage to wine-sensitive wear. Then again, just wear the red, pink and white blend with courage and pride knowing you’ve made it this far. Most importantly, leave the fragrant hand cream, cotton candy lip balm and perfume HOME. Tasters want to smell the honeysuckle coming out of their glass, not from your Gucci. The only attention you will draw will be the indignation of every taster in the room and you will be extricated from the winery, nose first.

Wearing a nice pair of jeans works well, just as Bob Mondavi must have slipped on a pair from time to time, as he plodded through the vineyards. A pair of Levi 5Opus1’s, anybody? Pandemic protocol being what it is, was and will be, be comfortable but cover the basics and leave the work jammies at the home office.

What Would Robert Parker Do? On the infinite subject of swirling your wine glass, or “oxygenating,” as it is known, many intimidating and long-winded wine guides have deliberated as to whether one should raise the glass or set the goblet on the counter, then swirl. This practice helps to “open up the

flavors” in the wine. If the foremost authority in the wine industry, Robert Parker, walked into the room at this moment, I might be compelled to raise my glass and whirl away. Parker’s well-paid palate is to the wine industry what Alan Greenspan’s financial opinion meant to our economy back in the day. At any prime rate, I’ll bet Parker pops his corks just like the rest of us. I wonder if he carries a Tide stick. More to the point, can he repeat “Vouvray!!” 10 times, really fast?

Nirvana in a Glass After swirling your modest pour, burrow your nose deep into the goblet. That’s right, now further. People blessed with hook-shaped noses are physically superior at perfecting this technique. Close your eyes and inhale deeply. In wine circles, this looks surprisingly cool and you will become popular with other fellow wineauxs. What do you smell? A bowl of ripe cherries mixed with a dozen pink roses on the mid-palate, followed by a hint of Corinthian leather, with just a flicker of barnyard on the finish? It’s all there. The more you can smell the hipper you will appear, causing fellow wine tasters to form a semi-circle around the bar as they practically lift you upon their shoulders, chanting over your every observation. Through transcendence, they too, will smell the cherries and maybe even a barnyard hen or two. Give yourself a pat on the back for detecting the aromas of “fresh hay,” click your Keds together and repeat “Vooway!!” ten times, really fast.

Save the Best for Last Now that you’ve settled into your tasting routine, you will notice the boom-boom girl has just left the building with a case of Lust and Robert Parker’s Tide stick. At the other end of the counter, Fifi’s Chateau La Paws have turned to an interesting shade of blush rosé, and she’s backing barkward. And, is that a wine label stuck to your forehead? Now grab your tasting notes and repeat “Whoozray!!” ten times, really, really, really fast.

Finally, raise the glass to your eager mouth and longingly slurp the wine between your waiting lips. Close your eyes and swish the juice around like mouthwash, savoring all the decadent flavors as they languorously bathe over your tongue, then swallow. Open your eyes, turn sideways toward your tasting buddies, who will undoubtedly be rolling in hysterics behind wine-soaked masks (remove before sipping next time), smack your lips together, and proclaim, “Ahhh…this stuff tastes pretty good to me.”

SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA CHAPTER REPORT

Early 2021 was a disappointing continuation of our difficult 2020 year with restrictions, COVID surges and closures. Not until June 14th did California “open up”. That did not deter us from persisting and participating in Zoom Virtual tastings along the way and taking advantage of our talented Supreme Knights and their winery connections.

At our suggestion, the Washington Chapter’s Supreme Knight Allen Shoup and Master Knight and Winemaker Gilles Nicault hosted the entire KOV National membership in a tour of 4 great high scoring wines from their beautiful Long Shadows Winery in Walla Walla. Our chapter took advantage, as many Chapters across the country did! Locally, a large group gathered at the Pingitore’s to share the experience paired with fabulous charcuterie boards as only Linda Pingitore can create.

We have plans for live events in the coming months including our Assemblage at Raymond Vineyards in September and a “Sail on the Bay” cruise in mid-October! Also, for those of you visiting the Napa or Sonoma Valleys in the following months, our Master Scribe Fran Benavidez provides the following guidelines as only she can!

Lise & Vince Ciolino, Paul & Anne Villerme with Linda Pingitore