Two windows

Two Windows by Danae Vogiatzi

Images that blurred together: the twinkling of the wind chimes that were hung on tree branches around the garden, the feeling of the sun when it danced on her bare cheeks, the smell of lilies and the colors of tulips, the delicious smell of strawberries boiling in the homemade jam and of all the fruit that was resting in baskets around the kitchen, the voices that immediately relaxed every nerve of her body. These are some of her first memories. She was always the little girl with the big blue eyes and the fiery blond hair who was so quiet that people wouldn’t even notice her. But what was going on inside her head was the polar opposite of what anyone would suspect.

She had the ability to notice every little detail of the world she was living in. Her eyes never stopped scanning everything around her and with her imagination wild, she would always create scenarios and characters, make up stories in her head. Stories that didn’t let her sleep at night, thoughts so complex that they gave her a headache. She was a quiet little girl with a loud mind, and as she grew older her mind just got louder and more harmful. She got caught in the current, a never-ending spiral that managed to break a few times. There was panic, and sadness and something else that she couldn’t exactly wrap her head around. Weird feelings that drove her mad.

There was also love, love that she didn’t know she was able to feel. She thought she was broken a lot. And when someone thinks they are broken, they just exist, letting the rays of sun shine through the cracks, absorbing none of it. Little by little the pieces would start to stick together until they broke again and again, for she lived in an unstable and unpredictable mind. She was an observer, a wallflower. Someone that saw everything but didn’t really participate in the world around her. The noise in her head was so loud that it sounded like static, the information she held could fill up entire bookshelves. And although that was overwhelming, it also made her feel safe. Because during the times when her head would go silent, she felt it was too loud. So, she needed the noise, the unbreakable and unchanging routine that kept her going.

It was that routine and some people which made her life worth living. The sense of comfort and simplicity that those few people and doing the same things every day can offer. She realized that every wish, every desire and dream she ever had, took the form of a person. A person that was willing to love all of her with all he had. And she was willing to do the same. So, she fell and he caught her. And together, they were perfectly in sync. There was a spark inside her and those things fed that spark until it turned into a fire that kept on burning.

And with it burned the girl as she continued to live, for she couldn’t imagine abandoning the life she was used to. She did not know what the future held for her and that was a weight present in every breath she took. She felt like she was constantly running against the wind, but she got used to it. And she lived with it until it became a feeling that she co-existed with. But because of that ever-burning fire, things were unexpectedly good. And good was good enough.