SLOW BURN
A. Kreimendahl
sometimes, it flows like an ocean i’m flooded with bad feelings like resentment and fury at all of my surroundings that aren’t right even me but my body acts like a dam i pride myself with control but with nowhere to go, it swallows me whole
somedays i feel as if there is nothing inside of me somedays all i can feel is burning hot anger with pure intent but nothing about me can be pure if the tides are always changing the ocean will always be beautiful but sometimes it can be brutal i am dismantling wisdom with words most of my days have been a fallacy
i am not prone to violence but it is prone to me i come so close, we barely brush each other anger makes its way into everybody’s lives but how is it navigated anger as a strength is so powerful i did this out of anger but it is not beautiful “i did this out of anger” i took ten thousand voices and made them into one but it isn’t watered down, it is powerful destroyed lives and people and buildings but today it is regarded as my kingdom so marvelous
when everyone knows that you’re sick and you aren’t okay but you fluctuate like the weather you’re a fake and you’re a fraud when you’re feeling okay but your sickness returns when you never asked for it it will let itself back in so quietly that you don’t notice it so how could you stop it from happening like a bad cold you get over it within a matter of days or weeks it will always come back you feel like an idiot when you forget because how could you when sickness is a part of being alive
i’ve craved real love just to feel closer to death i want to be suffocated by you i want to be blinded by you, i don’t want the rest of the world to look at me because i’ve seen it and i know what it has to offer
i want to look into your eyes and only see you
i traveled miles and miles i told you it was for the scenery, but it was really all for you so clearly i was naïve i was fresh and couldn’t believe i could hold your attention you stunned me, i was in awe by everything you were and everything you showed me i held you in my arms and now you’re just sitting in my chest like a rock i can’t believe it sometimes like a dream i lit up like a firefly when you spoke to me and now i try my best not to think of you i buried you but you still linger when i least expect it kill kill kill kill
you make me as happy as the sun bright and shining you are my rain on days where there’s too many clouds for the sun to shine
i’ve loved and i’ve loved and i’ve loved
what is on your mind when you aren’t looking into my eyes i can only hope you feel what i feel when i talk to strangers i introduce myself like i am yours i speak like i have a fence up around my heart that has your name on it i keep reverting back to the moment that you first came into my life and changed the way i see and the way i breathe in i breathe with ease i walk around like you’re trapped inside of my ribcage and i feel proud for the first time
there are so many miles between us at all times but the smile you put on my face could stretch across each and every one of them to get to you
you stop i’ll start we can pretend we both have it all figured out i wonder if anybody walks around feeling as lost as i have i wonder if anybody has ever gotten out of bed, just sleep walking throughout their day i feel like a fake when all i’m trying to do is just relate i know i have to dig deep just to find it but it has to be there because that’s what i was promised parts of me feel ingenuine i string together words like parts of a puzzle that all come from a different box
until all the pieces fit i tell it to myself day in and day out things are meant to be the way that they are if it’s not broken, don’t fix it