A Mask Won't Hide Who You Are Inside

All glory to God. Without him none of this could ever happen.

MY PERSONAL CANVAS

This is a space where you can jump into my head over the past year where reflect on my time in architecture school. Where all of my toils, and clutter. Strife and struggle. Pride and ego. Spiritual battles, earthly struggles, and growth and development are contained.

HOME

This is my battleground, the place that wake up in everyday, the root of my thesis. When wake up I have to face myself and my being. This year’s challenge has been to mend 3 ideas of my being. My life, my faith, and my work.

Welcome to my mind space!

Because this is my mind space, understand its degree of clutter and variety, so this introduction is my attempt to explain how you might comprehend its structure. Following this introduction is the play that personifies my building, and exploration, a component that shows the process of development throughout this school year.

For my thesis project I’ve designed a teaching hospital. This project explores ideas of form, how the building is programmed, and the narrative that brings these components together. This building provides space for patients to contemplate the things happening in their lives that brought them here to begin with. Most scenarios for hospital visits involve some condition or mistreatment of your own body. Sickness or illness.

PROJECT INTRODUCTION

PARTI COMPONENTS

In breaking down the massing of this building there are 3 elements. The core, the mask, and the savior. The mask is created as this beautiful screen that covers up whats in the core, where the patient levels are. Representing the idea of covering up your internal struggles. The savior is the surgical levels as a place of physical healing. It represents the idea of the mask being peeled back and decaying.

This building is a teaching hospital and that Idea can be examined through both of these words individually. The hospital component is expressed in the corridor of this building as the optimal efficiency required for a hospital to operate smoothly. The teaching component exists as an envelope wrapping around the core. It is not only teaching for students, but patients as well.

TEACHING HOSPITAL

PROGRAM

The main program for students bookend the building as auditoriums. Where the left side is a lecture hall, and the right side is a surgical theater. Within the surgical levels, residents are provided with smaller classroom spaces, surgical observation rooms, and open space to foster a learning environment. The patient levels above, in achieving optimal efficiency are bisected by nurse bays where clear lines of sight can be connected all the way across the building.

FOR WHO?

Now all of this effort for efficiency that goes into any given hospital works well for doctors and nurses. But for patients not so much. This as your only experience can be crammed and stressful.

PATIENTS DESERVE BETTER

So instead of the patient room being simply the end of the corridor, wanted it to be the escape from the corridor. Where stepping outside of the core you have a contemplation space. A place that allows the patient to step outside the pressures of the core. A space where patients have a chance to ask the deeper questions relating to how you got to the hospital in the first place.

The site is on Roosevelt Island in New York City. As opposed to being within the dense grid of Manhattan, this hospital was placed on the tip of this island to capture an essence of freedom, tranquility and reflection as you are isolated by water and collected into the building bu its calming nature.

ROOSEVELT ISLAND, NEW YORK CITY

NEW YOORRRKKK!

THERAPIST

(Roosevelt Island Bridge) THE SAVIOR (Love)

(Internal figure)

Now I’ve previously mentioned the idea of the mask, the core, and the savior as components of this as a building. Moving forward to the play, these are the elements that become personified. This building is a vessel cruising along the water containing 5 characters that chronologically represent the 5 years of me in architecture school, aided by a therapist, the idea of love, an audience, and an internal figure.

THESIS OVERVIEW PROLOGUE

QUEST

(New York City Skyline)

St. Job’s Teaching Hospital

SUMMARY

This narrative urges people to remove their masks and confront internal battles, exploring themes of hurt, pain, and redemption. It’s told from the perspective of a person who once idolized architecture. Coming to see this false idolatry he goes through a journey of self-discovery starting in a space panic in seeking love, finding forgiveness, recognizing his flaws, and finding love through Jesus Christ.

Adam Daze Alberdante, Alberdante?

You heard me right Alberdante?

Leonardo Quest

Sorry; uh, yeah; mean yes, thought it was over.

Adam Daze

No, we can keep going if you like.

You sent me a message at 1 o’clock in the morning.

“I feel like I’ve fallen.”

What makes you feel that way?

THE WORLD LOOKS LIKE THIS

Adam Daze

Man, you keep throwing tantrums won’t be around anymore. just got an award in a competition man grow up. No internship, no website, sit around and just make renders. You did nothing during Covid man you are messing up my stuff.

Luther What? Messing up your plans? must not know anything! Screw your feelings... You’re being extremely lazy.

Adam Daze

See, don’t know why you like playing mind games with me. I’m not slow or stupid. know when you’re distant, and know you’re fake busy Stop hiding and tricking me with your reverse psychology.

Luther Man, you are tripping! Who got you that internship, and who kept that GPA?

Sir Vincent

What? You think I’m going to just follow you? Nah, you’re pretty lame.

You know what... You shut up!

Luther

Well, I find it funny that you can’t even apologize. You’re far beyond prideful and egotistical. You love your own lies. You’re the reason that we are all messed up. You’re the reason we are overlooked, underpaid, under-booked, under shame! have flaws, have pain, never you, I remained, and you’re the reason why we get on each other when we change.

Sir

See, I’m tired of these lazy, ungrateful people! Fake innocent!

Stop pretending, y’all sentiments, aren’t realer than, what you’re defending. Let’s be real, we just can’t get along. When you first got here you were a yes man, then you went home to take some rest man. When you tried to get all the attention you can.

Luther What are you even talking about?

Never mind man... I’m leaving now.

Leonardo Quest never cared anyway.

Luther Man you better watch your mouth.

Luther Put the work back on the table.

Vincent

Adam Daze

Adam Daze Your evil always made me doubt.

Sir Vincent Work and mouth is all you got.

Sir Vincent Sketch a little then rhino it out.

Leonardo Quest Make this shape lock here.

Luther Create a transition here.

Adam Daze Make it modular here.

Sir Vincent Make it move here.

ARCHITECTURE AS A GOD

THERAPY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I DON’T NEED THAT. COME ON, LOOK AT YOU. YOU SOUND PRETTY DUMB. WELL EVERYBODY IS DUMB. WELL YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. REACH OUT TO GOD.

Alberdante

met a little boy who reminded me of myself: crisp and sharp, full of curiosity always trying to explore the world, following his brother with hand-me-down clothes, running around the streets with his husky size, playing with his friends but his chubby cheeks were always picked last, throwing a tantrum on anyone who painted him bad, and the sun glistening on his shiny forehead. He looked at me.

Young Alberdante

Alberdante, you do know my language; you just forgot because of what architecture school has painted. Oh, forgot! You’re a “leader in the school.” That’s right. You’re famous. used to drive to see big houses, but my time was taken, but never mind. You’re here right now, don’t you mistake it. Take a look at your time in school and make a new list of everything you thought was progress. It’s all fake. I’m on top of your life, and I see it’s full of turmoil and spoiled by fantasies of who you are. feel bad for you. can attempt to help you, without scaring you, but if you resist, I’ll back off quick, but if you pick architecture over Jesus then at least be an advocate... Tell your brothers to come back home.

Young Alberdante

I’m on top of your life, and see it’s full of turmoil and spoiled by fantasies of who you are. feel bad for you. can attempt to help you, without scaring you, but if you resist, I’ll back off quick, but if you pick architecture over Jesus then at least be an advocate... Tell your brothers to come back home.

Debuting in the heart of city, debuting in the heart of the city, debuting in the heart of the city!

Alberdante I’ve

Run, run. Share your thoughts on love. Run, run, run. Share your thoughts on love. Run, run, run.

Alberdante Man, I’m losing my mind. Where are you at from the site to the city? I’m flying for you, thought saw you, back in school. Maybe you’re not real, maybe I’m paranoid. I don’t need you anyway, don’t lie to me. can advocate for you, can serve for you, if you tell me what the problem is !

MAYBE YOURE NOT REAL, MAYBE IM PARANOID. I DONT NEED YOU ANYWAY, DONT LIE TO ME. I

I’m deluded loving you, deluded loving you, deluded loving

Alberdante

place blame when you fail and shame when you fail. You have confidence in yourself, breaking on the waves, but I’m not convinced of your talent. It’s nothing special. What can blame him for? What were your intentions, and where is the influence you speak of? You preached in front of 100s but never reached him . Man, tell you, man you failure. You aren’t a leader; I never liked you, and I forever despise you. don’t need you. The world doesn’t need you, and don’t let them deceive you... Numbers lie too. I hate your pride too. Man, hate you. hope you embrace it

Alberdante

Are you the reason my friends are distant? No, you’re nothing. You say you love them; know you don’t mean it. know you’re irresponsible, selfish, in denial, and can’t help it. Your trials and tribulations are a burden, and everyone feels it. Where was your presence? Where was your support that you fake? You’re not a brother, you’re not a disciple, and you’re not a friend. know your secrets; mood swings are frequent. know depression is resting next to your heart for two reasons. know you and your brothers aren’t speaking. Y’all are fighting. I’ve seen it, and you’re the reason. Man, everything is your fault. There are faults breaking to pieces and earthquakes every weekend, because you shook as soon as you knew isolation was needed. I know your secrets, but don’t let me tell the world about them. I’m messed up, but I’m not as messed up as you. You just can’t get right. think your heart is made of rocks, and if the mirrors could talk, they would say, “you gotta go,” and if told your secrets, the world would know.

ALONG THIS SHADOWY JOURNEY, WE MAY FIND OURSELVES LOST WITHOUT A CLEAR PATH EVERYTHING HERE MAKES IT DIFFICULT

SESSION 5 BREAKTHROUGH ALBERDANTE

Alberdante

Some year will make things right, including all the wrongs I’ve done with the father and son. Until then, will work. You can rain on me or put the blame on me. I have guilt and am hurt. have shame on me with 4 people aiming at me. I’ve been here before, so what’s fame to me?

I’m losing my footing

Alberdante

Just a game to me, where the hospital bed at? Sleep, I’m never connected with that, and what’s fed when the hearts and the facades don’t reach? It’s not fair when somebody takes your dreams back. care too much, and want to share too much. I’m in my head too much, and shut down too. I’m not there too much. I’m a complex soul. They layered me up, and they broke me down. lack trust, yet this time around, trust myself. I’ve pleased everybody else but myself, but was myself. I’ve outdone fear and outdone myself. This year, you had better be one with yourself. There are masks on the babies, masks on the sick, and masks in the neighborhood stores where you shop, but a mask won’t hide who you are inside. Open your eyes! The world is carved in lies. wipe my ego, dodge my pride, and look myself in the mirror. I’m deprived of every emotion, and even my strengths can’t survive if don’t ever learn to love myself and forgive myself a hundred times.

Alberdante

Every day didn’t seek God, still could find myself through a building, many find their life in a computer. 1 O’clock in the morning scroll through the model, and there is nobody but the mirror looking for the fall off.

Close it up

Close it up

Close it up

Alberdante

You said that I’d feel better if just worked hard without lifting my head up, but that left me fed up. You made me stress out because wanted the best project, but you ignored me, then changed the project, then changed the project, good energy in studio, drop the location please, trying to keep my good thoughts in the front of my mind. These thoughts persist within my head, and they’re living there with ease. chose to never give you my feelings, so just mess with you from a distance. Some people use the devil when they fall short, and put it on my ego.” Lord of all lords...” Sometimes fall for it.

I love when you write me off,

I love when you write me off, I love when you write me off,

Alberdante

have some regrets, living in my mind, that can’t forget. Lord knows I try my best, but some things must confess. say my truth and face my debt. You see this? I’m a mess. Let me lose. sit back.

This is me, but I’m blessed. This is me, and I’m blessed. Is anybody working through the stress?

Anybody working through the…

WISH SOMEBODY WARNED ME IT WOULD BE THIS WAY

be this way, be this way,

I WISH SOMEBODY WARNED ME IT WOULD BE THIS WAY be this way, be this way,

FALSE PROPHETS

Alberdante

All these masks that he’s worn over the years have created a perception of love that is misinformed. Ego fueling every move declaring he’s a star. But you couldn’t look past it because of how he first captured our hearts. He’s being torn apart, but we never see it. He’s justifying the buildings he makes, and we always buy it. He walks around like he’s a genius, but it has been hard for him to look into the mirror. There was a time where these people were my idols, maybe, but that’s the reason why his fall from grace is hard to take. So, he loses control, becoming the person to hide behind a mask all along. It’s starting to show, but why did this happen? Maybe it’s my fault for idolizing people based on the buildings they create. But have come to find out that their stuff isn’t even their own. They see some style that they like and copy it. That’s what get for lying to myself. What you’re missing is he’s crying out for help, while the city is egging him on. I’m begging him to stop it. Making the same typical projects knowing he won’t top it False prophets.

Alberdante

He’s sensitive. He feels everything and everybody. One man standing on two words: “Heal everybody.”

The 1 thing keeping him from being honest all these years is his savior complex. The hurt and pain that came from lack of acceptance as a kid turned into the desire to be the only one accepted, being the only one capable of doing what he’s able to do. He desires external validation False prophets.

Alberdante

The pressure is too much now, and it’s getting heavy. cannot hide from your feelings. It’s time for the truth. Lately, I changed my point of view. You won’t grow waiting on me. can’t predict the future, and while tend to fall short for your graces, this time won’t wish time away. It’s not about who’s right, or who’s wrong. As long as we evolve, that’s all that matters.

MYSELF

I pick myself. I’m sorry.

I pick myself. I’m sorry.

I pick myself... I’m sorry.

Alberdante

Everything is toxic. Darling, my mind would hop off the leash for a lecture. God shined a light, and you know need him. When working on myself, counseling is not easy. Don’t point at others simply to point at others. Faith in one building is a ship sinking. Do yourself a favor and get a mirror that mirrors grievance, and then, point it at me so the reflection can mirror freedom. realized true love’s not saving yourself, but it is focusing unconditional love towards others. When will you let me go? trust you’ll find independence, and if not, then, all is forgiven.

I pick myself. I’m sorry.

I pick myself. I’m sorry.

I pick myself... I’m sorry.

Therapist

Alberdante

Um, yes. Um, my apologies, think I found the key to love.

Alberdante

Alberdante, Alberdante? Alberdante? Therapist

You’ve had a lot on your mind.

It seems as if you’ve grown a desire to preach about your own unworthiness and to stop placing all your worth in trying to solve the impossibility of the socioeconomic of architecture.

So, what’s next?

Now, see. cannot unsee the love that is so present in my life from Jesus Christ. We go through so many trials and tribulations where we don’t know how to communicate our feelings.

There will always be

but always remember that this is a

Accept the experience and learn how to move on from things that don’t serve you well. Find your journey and love it.

This has been a long year for me full of growth and opportunity, all thanks to God. Lastly I want to uncover all of the work that went into my development throughout this year. My work has been explored through a wide variety of mediums and inspirations.

The first semester I really wanted to focus on expanding my breadth of work in understanding what am capable of. It was very much a trial and error kind of semester, make an iteration, move on, learn something new, move on, connect my thesis to God. You’re doing it wrong, you’re designing a hospital? You’re taking on too much, it’ll never get done

You’re doing it wrong

It’ll never get done

You’re designing a hospital? You’re taking on too much

LAST CHANCE

The second semester had switched to target specific objectives in both my life and with my work. wanted to end thesis year having made something that so uniquely expresses me and who am, and the journey that I’ve been on. There came a point in the semester where just felt so lost, had just finished, had just finished the 3 day AIA VA Competition, and was like wow, there’s so much that could make if keep doing 3 day projects, but that felt lifeless. So went back to what remember feeling a year ago. In my time of beginning to dive deeper in my faith. I saw that had been through a lot. had something to say, and this is my last chance before leave school. So hunkered down and started working on this dream.

CHICKEN LEGS, MMM!

There was one day where was just fed up with rhino. was hungry, having already eaten dinner. Alongside just being completely exhausted. So told myself “ you know what? Just put everything down, grab a piece of paper and just draw whatever is on your mind.”

So started drawing chicken legs. It turns out, I’ve pretty much been craving and only eating chicken legs for the past year straight. don’t know how it doesn’t get old, but it’s part of my everyday meals in various forms. 3 eggs for breakfast, 2 pieces of chicken for lunch, and 2 pieces of chicken for dinner. Tangent aside, drew a whole series of these because if couldn’t eat it in real life, at least could eat it on the page.

WHAT IS MY STORY?

All jokes aside, originally did these to work on my own articulation of aesthetics in my sketches, devoid of architecture. Alongside this, I had been developing this script. Looking back at these past 5 years realized had a story to tell of who was and how I’ve grown. From here, the chicken leg sketches started transitioning to being the articulation of my life in each year.

2 months left and the rough draft was finished. had my final building sketch and had set 3 main objectives to accomplish.

1. Computer modeling the building

2. Preparing for the final Pinup

3. Making the final book

had 1 month figure out how would instill all these ideas that have been cooking, into a fully flushed out building. It was ultimately an extremely new process. I was constantly under pressure to figure things out and move extremely fast.

CRUNCH WEEK

1 week left before final pinup and it was time to create the physical model of my building. was running behind schedule. did not have the 3d print files fully set up. just knew it would be the most hectic week ever. I had to essentially do this as a design build project. Preparing/modeling unfinished parts, while others were printing. So many failed prints, problems, stress, running to and from studio. But alas, 2 days late, I had the model completely finished. could make another rant about its imperfections, but I’ll spare you. But ultimately, 2 days late meant that only had one day to make the presentation boards.

LOBBY WEEK

At last, made it through the night, and got my whole presentation and everything set up. A full day to pinup. It was actually a really good turn-out. admit, over the past month, not having touched the narrative, was a little rusty and scared to really open up. So the first person saw coming up to me, like ran away to go practice what would say. Which ultimately would not work because over the course of the day realized that what I needed to say would come from God and be portrayed through my heart and words. It was a great day, people loved my model. They also loved reading through my rough draft script, and at times there were lines forming and photographs being taken.

THESIS FINALIST AWARD

Nominated by students, was selected as 1 of 12 finalists for the thesis prize. These weeks were coming in waves where I had a ton of work, and then a day or two to recover before jumping back at it again. This happened a couple of times including making this book. For this presentation reworked all of the drawings and renders to start portraying the contents of these pages.

FINAL UNDERGRADUATE PIN-UP

My studio class had a final review where guest critiques were in attendance amongst others. This was my last chance to say what was on my mind and I had to get every last bit out of my system. To leave everything out there in its vulnerability. gave a full 20 minute presentation where read ACT United in Tears out loud. then spoke about my building in full. This pinup was truly God speaking through me as going into it, didn’t think would have the courage to stand in front of everyone and pour my heart out.

THANK YOU NOTES

Thank you God for all of the trials and tribulations that I’ve been through as you always use them for good. Thank you for all the people you’ve put in my life over the past 5 years. Thank you in advance for what you have in store for my future. All glory goes to you.

Love! Love! Love! Love!

Let’s goooooo, woooooo! Yessss Lord!.! did it. Lord made it, got through all!

don’t care what any of the critics say we made it man! We did it! We killed this! don’t care if no one ever reads this, we did it!

gotta do my thank you’s man, theres a lot of people I couldn’t have made it here without. Thank you God! My MOMMA! love you so much. Thank you dad, and my whole family for all of the support you’ve given me. Thank you to Bobby Vance out there paving his own path. Shelley Martin connecting me to Boston. Mario Cortes introducing me to architecture and teaching me about self motivation. Shadi Abdel Halim for getting me to fight for what believe. Edward Becker and Clive Vorster for helping me break free. Kathryn Albright for all of the things that you have supported me with throughout the years. Chip Von Weiese for pushing me beyond my limits. Denise Dea for believing in me through the hard times. Neil Reindel for consistently being there and challenging me. Parke Macdowell for showing me the world of fabrication. Ben Pennell, my thesis advisor for expanding my horizons on the very definition of art, form and composition. Seth Tucker for being my best friend and having a relationship that is centered around our relationship with God, not with architecture. Clayton Greer for how you and have grown together through the circumstances that life has thrown at us. My RUF friends for giving me such an irreplaceable friendship, I love you guys and I really hope this isn’t the end. Isabella Stusse, I can’t believe forgot to mention you in this list the first time. Your help in making the physical model helped me so so much in the busiest week I’ve ever had! will forever be grateful and keep you in my prayers. Claire McCartney for taking the time to hear my story and help me edit my script, I made sure to watch the commas, hope you notice! Tucker Rossi and Ian Bell for the life we are about to proceed into together with Plum. We’ve gone through thick and thin and love you guys! Stanzin Namygal, Jack O’Connor, Kazuki Mitsunaga, you guys are amazing and love you guys! Jennie and Vivian for you guys being amazing best friends and putting up with all the times I’ve distracted you from working. You’ve taught me more than you’ll ever know, love you guys! Davidson Joseph for being my brother in Christ and being there whenever call on you, even when haven’t always been able to do the same. How could forget My Therapist Lisa! There has been so much that has happened over the course of this year and I’ve gotten to learn so how much about myself and how to process things in a new way. Rosemary Blieszner, thank you for constantly supporting me over these past couple of years! It has really been great getting to know you and be able to share my journey with you. Thank you to all the greats that came before me for me to be inspired by. God, Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole, Thom Mayne, Christopher Nolan, Le Courbusier, Rem Koolhaas, Tyler The Creator, Chance The Rapper, Pablo Picasso, Frank Gehry, Wes Anderson, Salvador Dali, Michelangelo, among many others. There’s only one thing that matters in life and that’s happiness. That comes from love, just genuine love. The kind that God shows