...and next... The Grim Reaper
Faith A preacher fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me!" A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me!" Eventually the preacher drowned and went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Oh come on, you idiot! I sent you two boats!"
After another heavy snow, old Burt donned his boots and winter coat and slowly made his way shovel in hand to begin shovelling his driveway. The snow was wet and the going was tough. He felt the sweat run down his back, his breathing became harder and there was a tightening in his chest, but he pushed on. He had just reached the end of his driveway when he looked up and saw the grim reaper himself. Knowing this was the end, he threw down his shovel in disgust and proclaimed, "Did you have to wait until AFTER I finished?" Coming Round A man was just waking up from an anaesthetic after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're nice!" The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "nice." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
Values Oly and Lena are shopping in their local WalMart. Oly picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?", asks Lena. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans", Oly replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands Lena, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further along Lena picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?", asks Oly. "It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love", replies Lena. Oly retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price."
The Question You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Sober up, and get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round!
93