On Dit Edition 81.1 by On Dit

Edition 81.1

HOW VICE-CHANCELLOR WARREN BEBBINGTON LEARNED TO STOP DREAMING AND BE REALISTICALLY AMBITIOUS

Volume 81 Edition 1 Editors: Casey Briggs, Stella Crawford and Holly Ritson. On Dit is a publication of the Adelaide University Union.

EDITORIAL 2 ON THE WEBSITE

CORRESPONDENCE 4

On Dit is produced and printed on the traditional country of the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains. We recognise and respect their cultural heritage, beliefs and relationship with the land.

WILD HORSE!

VOX POP

FROM THE PRESIDENTS

STUDENT NEWS

lifeoncampus.org.au/ondit facebook.com/onditmagazine twitter.com/onditmagazine

WHAT’S ON

Published 25/2/2013.

CONSIDER THE STAFF: RHYS NIXON

IT’S MY CHOICE: TOM GISSING

TATTOO TABOO: BELINDA QUICK

THE MILKMEN: NOBY LEONG

COLUMNS

FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO ENLIGHT: SEB TONKIN

PULL OUT O’GAME: GINA CHADDERTON

CONTROLLING AND DISSOLVING: GENEVIEVE NOVAK

CAFÉCLYSM: JUSTIN MCARTHUR

CARE TRADE: NICOLA DOWLAND

THAT TIME I TRIED OKCUPID: EMMA JONES

CHEAP LISTENING: ROSS JOBSON

GETTING FESTY WITH SEFTY

BOXWARS: RECYCLING STRIKES BACK

DIVERSIONS 46 COOKING UP A STORM OF CORN FRITTERS: ELEANOR LUDINGTON

Cover and inside front cover artwork by Lauren Williams. Thanks to Nic, for design help. And Sam, for design help. Galen, Seb and Emma for guidance, chocolate and, yep, design help. All our fantastic, beautiful contributors and copyeditors. Pre-emptive thanks to Angus for distribution.

EDITORIAL

HELLO POSSUMS,

We’re Casey, Stella and Holly, and we’re excited/ nervous/relieved/worried. Excited to be leading On Dit into its 81st year as the student rag at the University of Adelaide. Nervous that you won’t like us (yes, we’re that vain). Relieved that we actually managed to get this magazine printed, and that you’re holding one of those 3,000 copies. Worried about how we’re going to be able to go through that hellish process eleven more times this year. Being an editor comes with some special powers: the ability to turn an unreasonable, sleep-deprived demand for something into real, beautiful work. Say, for example, our desire for a picture of Warren Bebbington floating in space, which now graces our front page. It accompanies this edition’s cover story on the uni’s new strategic plan; a plan that will have us all twirling, twirling, TWIRLING toward educational enlightenment. What’s new this year? We want to make sure you’re across the

big things happening with your university and your education. We’ve introduced a student news section to keep you up to date, and we’re looking for campus news reporters too. Get in touch if you’re interested. To keep you up to date on the lighter aspects of your uni life, we’d like to introduce What’s On. Think of it as a digest of on campus happenings over the next few weeks. And then there’s the regulars that we wouldn’t dare kill off - Vox Pop, Diversions, and the Union President’s column that we know everyone absolutely adores. The food outlets on campus look very different this year, and in this edition we tell you what’s changing and why. We’re also sharing a personal story of a student recovering from their eating disorder, and introducing new students to uni (hey freshers!) with our pull-out O’Game. And we don’t stop at the 52 pages you’re holding right now. Our website is full of extra content,

including a metric buttload of Fringe and Festival coverage. Click onto it at www.lifeoncampus. org.au/ondit. We’re also on Facebook at www.facebook. com/onditmagazine, and Twitter and Instagram (@ OnDitMagazine) posting all sorts of inane shit. Remember: On Dit is all about you. It’s full of words and pictures written and drawn by you (the collective you, not you personally, that would be absurd). That means we need you. If you want to share some feels, know of a cool thing happening on or off campus, or absolutely HAVE to tell everyone about the super underground band that a hermit in the Himalayas told you about, then GET IN TOUCH. We want your comics, your words, your feedback. We have an email address: ondit@adelaide.edu.au. USE IT. Until next time, we love you very much. Casey, Stella and Holly.

ON THE WEBSITE

WE’RE NOT JUST THE CELIA PACQUOLA IS DELAYED MAGAZINE IN YOUR HANDS. Self-confessed klutz Celia Pacquola in town for the Adelaide Fringe WE’RE DIGITAL TOO, BABY. iswith a show loosely about packing HERE’S A SAMPLE OF up and moving to the UK. She spoke WHAT’S ONLINE AT WWW. to Casey Briggs from an overheating car about working on LIFEONCAMPUS.ORG.AU/ stationary Laid, the variety of chip flavours in ONDIT. England, and visiting Hahndorf.

HIGH PERFORMANCE WITH WOMADELAIDE ARTISTS

WOMADelaide performers Clairy Browne and Sudha Ragunathan are both seasoned performers. We spoke to them both and got some tips on performing, such as ‘read your audience intensely’, and ‘whiskey is okay’. Want to review for On Dit? We publish reviews online year round. Send us an email or fill out a contributor form at lifeoncampus.org.au/ ondit/contribute and we’ll be in touch!

REVIEWS. LOTS OF REVIEWS

We’re well into Frantic Feb/ Mad March now, and On Dit is here to help you with the debilitatingly difficult decisions of which of the thousands of comedy shows to see, and whose modern retelling of a Shakespearian classic is worth giving your money to. Head online for reviews, updated daily.

KEYS TO YOUR LOVE

Sam Young argues that the keys to the city are as valuable as we make ‘em, and also that Lance Armstrong was a jerk. Should we, he asks, hand over keys to any cricketer that makes over 200 runs at Adelaide oval? Bands that decide to play in Adelaide? Muse along with him online.

CORRESPONDENCE

To whom it may concern,

The bloke would like to distill a timeless myth. Some say that the only reason why student politicians choose to smoke is so the backstabbing bastards always have an excuse up their sleeve to leave a room. The bloke writes here today to confirm that this is true. That is all. Yours not in untruth not always, The Sentimental Bloke

We asked on Facebook and Twitter what you thought of the closure of the Mayo, Briefs and Backstage Cafés in their current forms. This was before the university made the decision to let Grassroots operate in the spaces. This is some of what you said... ‘I found Mayo to be a pretty uncomfortable place. I suppose they could fit a lot of table tennis tables in there.’ - Jessica Martin ‘Hooray, I won’t be able to afford to eat at uni anymore!’ - Kahtia Pop ‘Can we put poker tables in there?’ - Ben Woolford

Dear 2013 editors, I apologise for my lack of communications in these past few months, I have recently been camping in the Simpson desert, investigating the theory behind this so-called ‘global warming’. It has come to my attention that there are some in power who have been using this myth to convince the people of the world to hand over greater control of their day to day lives to their governments, and in turn, to the lizard overlords.

‘I’m crushed; I loved Mayo. It was the perfect source of cheap, quick, and relatively tasty takeaway food. Now that it’s closed, I won’t be able to afford to eat on campus anymore... looks like an eternity of packed peanut paste sandwiches for me’ - Dane Wilden ‘Where will I impulse buy chips and wedges without Mayo?!’ - Max Cooper ‘Because we can all afford aroma every day . At least there’s still knoodle junction.’ - James Loader

Whilst in the desert, I made numerous important discoveries, upon which the river of human consciousness and self directed freedom may rest. The first of these was that our planet is going through a period of warming, and that this has been caused in the first place by the burning of fossil fuels. On that hottest of fifty degree days, I also discovered that in the second place global warming is being caused by a conspiracy - there are certain beings, who I fear to name in case of drawing attention to myself, who are actively working to heat the sand and air. I don’t need to state the obvious, that these actions are directly linked to our freedom from the lizards that I alluded to earlier!!

‘Let me guess this is because of the eateries opening up in the hub... well looks like peoples budgets are going to take a hit from this...’ - Jasper Bird

I hope that my email finds you in good stead, and remind you to remain ever vigilant.

‘This is the worst kind of news: simply horrible. I went to Mayo, most likely, around 20 times last year for the purpose of getting chips and gravy. It was the best kind of lunch/ comfort on the long wintery days of late semester 1 and 2 uni.’ - Floyd Bakewell

In solidarity, Annie Mousse

We like getting emails! Email us your thoughts with the subject line ‘Letter to the Editor’ to ondit@adelaide.edu.au and you might be printed on this page in a future edition.

‘Mayo hasn’t changed significantly (ok, so it went from serve-yourself to a more traditional style) in the six years I have been studying at Adelaide. It survived as long as there was no on-campus alternative, however compared to Grassroots or even Aroma the food quality was sorely lacking. I don’t think it will be missed at all.’ - David Auricht ‘Wasn’t that great anyway, kids killing themselves with chips thrown into a paper plate with a drizzle of brown sauce...’ - Bilge Ferrys

‘In Europe the university cafes provide the cheapest meals in town and the most wholesome. It is terrible to see that our Uni doesn’t want to support it’s students to get through their Uni years but instead supports business to make profit off of them....’ - Dominika Skrodzka For more information about on campus food in 2013, see pages 29-33.

WILD HORSE!

The Adelaide Uni Football Club is calling you to arms to play for the World’s Greatest Football Club. Player registrations are being taken now in both men’s and women’s footer. Show your allegiance email football@bobneil.com Training: monday and wednesdays @ uni oval from 6pm. For more information on the club visit bobneil.com

VOX POP PRETTY STANDARD: WE ASK YOU QUESTIONS. YOU ANSWER. CONSIDER YOUR VOX POPPED.

1) WHAT’S THE WORST PIECE OF O’WEEK ADVICE YOU WERE GIVEN? 2) HAVE YOU BOUGHT TICKETS TO ANYTHING AT THE ADELAIDE FESTIVAL OR FRINGE? 3) DO YOU GIVE MONEY TO BEGGARS? WHY? 4) IF YOU WERE GETTING A TATTOO RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU GET, AND WHERE? 5) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF VEGETARIANS? 6) WHEN YOU HEAR ‘BEACON OF ENLIGHTENMENT’ WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ELLE, GENETICS, HONOURS

1. Go hard every night . 2. Not yet. I’m planning to go to the Garden, or some of the pop up bars, like Arcade Lane. 3. Yeah sometimes I do, if I can justify that they’ll spend it on food. 4. I would never, but if I had to: the Egyptian Ankh symbol on the back of my neck. 5. I have no problem. I love vegetarian food, but I need meat. 6. Yoga, peace, spirituality and meditation .

PAUL, INFO OFFICER TECHNOLOGY SERVICES, THE HUB 1. Work in the Hub during O’week. 2. Not yet. I’m planning to go, I’ve never been. 3. No. I’d give them food or drink. Maybe if they had a dog. 4. An octopus on my leg. Someone from EMF had one (eds. EMF = an alternative dance band from England). 5. I couldn’t eat a full one. 6. No comment. I’m staff.

SOPHIE, SCIENCE, 2ND YEAR

1. Go to every lecture - they’re so boring. 2. Not yet. I’d like to go but I’m not that organised. 3. Yes, occasionally. I think ‘it could be me.’ 4. I’ve never wanted a tattoo. But if I did - some sort of symbol on the back of my neck. 5. I don’t have an issue, as I was for a long time, and my dad’s a vegetarian. 6. Something to do with the uni.

NATHAN, ARTS @ FLINDERS, 3RD YEAR

1. I don’t think I got any bad advice. 2. Not yet, but I’ll go to a couple of things at the Fringe. 3. Occasionally I do. I’ve been a busker, so I know how it feels. 4. On my body? (eds. Yes, where else would you get one) Then a tiger, on my upper back, quite graphic. 5. They’re fine. People can choose whatever they like; I don’t care. 6. Colonel Light.

JOSH, LASER PHYSICS AND TECHNOLOGY, 2ND YEAR

1. I wasn’t given any - that was probably the worst. 2. I might, probably to things in the Garden of Unearthly Delights. 3. No. I’m a student so I don’t have much money. And if I give to one, I’d have to give to everyone. 4. I don’t think I would, they’re so permanent. 5. They’re fine, I don’t have any problems with them. 6. That’s a tough one. I’m drawing a blank there.

ABDUL, HEALTH SCIENCES, HONOURS

1. Thinking that first year would be easy. 2. No, I don’t really go to the Fringe. 3. I feel I have to. I feel pretty bad if I don’t. 4. On my shoulder. Something random, maybe the university logo. 5. They’re missing out on a lot. 6. Smart people.

STUDENT REPRESENTATIVE COLUMN CATHERINE STORY

It seems we are experiencing an uncertain time in higher education in Australia, where students feel powerless. The free education period that our parents and leaders enjoyed has been phased out of our collective conciousness. The discourse that suggests free education is a thing of the past is very influential and many of us do believe that it will never happen again. We are treated as consumers in the student ‘market’, but paradoxically don’t associate our HECS loans with real future money, making us less likely to demand and shape the quality of our education as true consumers. We assume that this is the only future possibility, and we forget the collective student action of the past that marched and lobbied against HECS, in favour of equal access to quality education for all, against cost cutting in our universities. We must remember once our tutors and lecturers had full time stable jobs, and were able to feel secure in their positions, providing a better education for students. We forget that for many of us wishing to continue in academia, at the moment this is looking to be our future. We forget that education is not accessible to everyone, and we forget that much disadvantage is created by education disparity, especially the education disparity in Aboriginal people that has been created through removal of land and culture. We forget that within education there is inequality, that students from low socio-economic

MY NAME IS CATHERINE STORY AND I’M YOUR SRC PRESIDENT FOR 2013. backgrounds are more likely to struggle, that women will take 3.5 more years to pay off their student debt. When we talk about politics, and what is political, we should not only be talking about our leaders. We should not just accept this ‘Vote for the lesser evil’ attitude. We should be thinking ‘What could the future of education look like and do we want this?’ and working together to shape it. We need to be working to repoliticise the discussion around education in Australia from a different angle, for every day that we come to university is political. When we talk about student politics, we are not talking about irritating campaigners on the Barr Smith Lawns (such as myself), we’re talking about you and what you feel is unjust and your vision for the future. You elected us as your representatives but true representatives don’t just talk for you, they work with you and help you make change. If you feel something is wrong your course or program it probably is. This year if you come to us with a concern we will keep you included– we might bring you along to university meetings if you want, or invite you to our SRC meeting where we are discussing it.

We’re going to have more workshops around issues that come up at the university so that the knowledge that student reps often hold from sitting on university boards and committees is shared with all students. This is an Enterprise Bargaining Agreement year – our tutors, lecturers, and professional staff at the university will be negotiating for better pay and against casualisation of the workforce. We should be joining in this discussion, asking our tutors and lecturers about their experiences and what they are wanting to achieve. It’s also an election year – we need to be demanding that whichever political party gets into power takes students and student issues seriously, and the only way that will happen is through us working together. It’s important that we remember the past when we look towards the future; it may just help us reenvision a possibility of equal access to a good education in Australia. I’m really looking forward to meeting and working with you all this year. Catherine Story SRC President srcpresident@auu.org.au

QUIZ YOUR REPS

STATE OF THE UNION DEANNA TAYLOR

Is there any way to release a summary of Union activities, meetings and voting at the end of the year? This would help a lot with transparency and the activities etc. of the Union. It’s not common practice, but minutes of every meeting are on the Union website and Union meetings are open to all students. I would be open to releasing a report at the end of the year if students are interested. - Deanna Taylor

I’M HERE TO MAKE SURE YOUR 9 UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST IT CAN BE.

Q: A:

The Union is run by students, for students. I’m your Union President, and along with the rest of the Board of Directors, I’m here to make sure your university experience is the best it can be. We organise events like O’Week and O’Live and run services like Student Care so that your life on campus is an awesome one.

How do you distinguish between the Union and the SRC? The Union provides funding to the SRC, as well as services to students. The SRC is the activist arm of the Union; they represent students’ issues and sit on university committees. - Deanna Taylor

Welcome/welcome back! I hope you all enjoyed your summer break, and are psyched for the year ahead.

Q: A:

The times they are a-changin’ for the Union. We’ve got a new-look website, a fancy new logo, new and improved Union Card offers and new staff members who are making our events and services bigger and better than ever.

Q: A:

On the wider university front, there’s also a lot going on. The University Club is closing Mayo Café, Backstage Café, and Briefs Café after years and years of feeding poor, hungry uni students. It’s a huge loss, but the Union will be working with the Student Representative Council and the University to make sure those spaces are used in the best way possible, and that your needs are well and truly catered for.

Where do babies come from?

Um (giggles) I don’t know. My Mummy and Daddy never told me. (eds: We can probably have someone explain it for you) that would be appreciated. Deanna Taylor Is someone going to fix Fix?

The SRC, with Union Assistance, have plans for the bottom floor. If you’ve got specific problems with the state of Fix, talk to the SRC. Deanna Taylor More questions? Email us at ondit@adelaide.edu.au

This year we’ll be focusing more than ever on communication with the student population. I’ll

be keeping you updated on what shenanigans the Union is getting up to. But communication isn’t a one-way street. I want to hear what you guys have to say. We’re here to serve and represent you, the students. And the only way we can do that is if we know what you want. So if you have any ideas, questions or concerns about the AUU or any of our services and events, don’t hesitate to drop me an email or give me a call on 8313 6945. Or you can head to our aforementioned new fangled website www.lifeoncampus. org.au for more information. To quickly get in some shameless plugging: make sure you pick up a free Union diary, and don’t forget to head to The General and buy your Union Member Card. For $25 you get a year’s worth of discounts and freebies both on and off campus. Make the investment – you won’t regret it! As I said, contact me if you have any ideas, questions or concerns. It’s extremely important to us at the Union that you feel more than satisfied with your campus experience. After all, that’s what we’re here for! Deanna Taylor Union President auupresident@auu.org.au

STUDENT NEWS

TUTORIAL CUTS, ROUND TWO Humanities and Social Science students are facing having their tutorials cut for the second time since 2011. From semester one, the first and sixth tutorials for courses in the Faculty are optional for course coordinators, with the likely effect that they will not be run at all. This means that students studying courses in the Faculty of HumSS will only receive five sixths the number of tutorials as last year. Notable exceptions to this are language and music courses. A similar change was made in 2011, and was widely criticised by the student body. Student forums were held and the changes were eventually reversed with the University promising student consultation on any changes made in the future. At the time of print On Dit was unable to investigate this issue any further. We will have more on this story in the second edition.

SSAF LEGISLATION REVIEW The Federal Government has announced a review into the guidelines describing how the student services and amenities fee is allocated once it has been collected by universities. Former Tertiary Education Minister Chris Evans made the announcement saying that students ‘need to be confident that student fees are being used fairly and for the purpose intended.’

The National Union of Students are looking for the government to require a minimum proportion of the fee to be allocated to student organisations. ‘We’ll be pushing for the independence of student organisations, stronger student consultations, and minimum amounts distributed to organisations’, said Jade Tyrell, NUS President. The review panel is made up of former Brisbane MP Arch Bevis, a nominee from Universities Australia and a nominee from the National Union of Students and will be completed mid-year.

UNIVERSITY NEGOTIATING NEW AGREEMENT FOR STAFF The University and NTEU (the staff union) are set to negotiate a new Enterprise Bargaining Agreement for staff this year. The current agreement has a nominal expiry date of 31 March, but it is unlikely a new agreement will be reached before that date. In December the NTEU branch endorsed a Log of Claims outlining their desired improvements in working conditions for the new agreement, and have presented this to the University. Included in the Log of Claims is a salary increase of seven per cent per annum for all staff, an overall reduction of casual employment, leave entitlements for staff affected by domestic violence, and four new bicycle storage cages on the North Terrace campus.

NTEU SA Division Secretary Kevin Rouse stressed that the first priority for the NTEU was a very short negotiation process. ‘The membership at Adelaide University have given us a clear mandate that this round of bargaining needs to be quick’, he said. ‘At the moment I think we will probably expect the first meeting to occur toward the end of February. If not, I think we’d see that as an attempt [by the University] to stall.’ The last round of bargaining took twenty two months to complete, and University of Adelaide staff took industrial action in frustration. Rouse explains that strike action is on the table for this round as well. ‘I think this time around we’ll see the NTEU move towards industrial action very very quickly’, he noted. The University has set up a feedback page for staff to contribute to the process, but has already stated that it will not be in a position to begin negotiation meetings until late February. Pascale Quester, Deputy ViceChancellor (Academic) is the leader of the negotiations for the University. She is hoping to bring to the table the philosophy of co-creation and flexibility she has been championing in her position. ‘People expect it to be run like any other negotiation with this strong union class warfare’, she said. Quester noted the challenges faced by the University in implementing the new Beacon of Enlightenment plan. ‘One of the things we need for the future is flexibility, accountability, and a willingness for people to work with

a transformative agenda... the most important thing for me is to make sure that staff are on board for the ambitious program ahead of us.’ The threat of industrial action is a concern to the University. ‘I’m worried that they have hinted at it, but personally I don’t think that industrial action is particularly powerful. When school teachers go on strike the parents are really inconvenienced. Here you do it and the students don’t care. The parents don’t care.’ She expressed concern about the interests of students in bargaining process. ‘The union should not take the students hostages at any point. This whole talk of industrial action is all about chest beating a la class warfare. That’s not constructive and that’s not what’s best for the university’.

NEW NATIONAL STUDENT REPS ELECTED The National Union of Students, the peak representative body for undergraduate students in Australia, held its annual conference in December of last year to elect the office-bearers for 2013. Jade Tyrell was elected President, while Todd Pinkerton is the new General Secretary. Both are students from New South Wales. Tyrell identified fighting against increases to student fees as a key priority for NUS 2013. ‘We know that if the Coalition got into government they plan to increase student fees’, she said. ‘Students should not have to foot the bill, education should be a public contribution’.

NUS also created a new position at the conference, the National Disabilities Officer, with Liam McDonald elected to the role. The new officer is responsible for representing the interests of all students with disabilities. Controversially, University of Adelaide student Mikaela Wangmann was elected National Women’s Officer. She was criticised heavily at the conference for her perceived political views and lack of experience.

Where the bigger issue lies is the University of Adelaide Act. The Act gives that the Council should, as far as is practicable when appointing persons, consider that the Council is to be constituted of equal numbers of men and women who. Despite this, on the current Council of twenty Councillors, only five are women. As it stands, Council has the power to either change the criteria of elections or to appoint.

The Council of Australian Postgraduate Associations also held its Annual Council Meeting over the summer, and re-elected Meghan Hopper as President.

STUDENT REPS ON UNIVERSITY COUNCIL On March 6, new student representatives on the University Council, the governing body of the University, will begin their terms. Postgraduate students will be represented by Casey Briggs, elected unopposed for a second term. The undergraduate representatives were more hotly contested, with Thomas Crowhurst and Raffaele Piccolo elected to positions on Council. Women students at the university are hence drastically underrepresented on Council. Not only were no women elected, but no women students nominated for positions. This raises old issues as to the extent to which women can achieve higher office in the University and academia more generally; this in spite of the fact that both the Union and SRC are led by women this year.

Got a super secret tipoff about a story happening on campus? Send us an email with the subject line ‘Super secret tipoff’. Interested in becoming a campus news reporter? Send us an email with the subject line ‘Interested in becoming a campus news reporter’. Got a more imaginative way to fill up some blank space on a page? Send us an email with the subject line ‘A more imaginative way to fill up some blank space on a page’. The email address is ondit@adelaide.edu.au

WHAT’S ON. WELCOME,

Here’s where you’ll find information, gossip, shout-outs, news, events, bake sales, pub crawls and anything else you could possibly want to know about your university.

Have something to add? Think you know what’s what? Let us know at ondit@adelaide.edu.au

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY This year’s theme is ‘March against Misogyny’. The

day is March 8th. The person is you. This year’s Breakfast features UofA’s very own Dr Stephanie Hester, speaking on ‘Women in Education: A multicultural perspective’. It is at 7.15am though, so we understand if you can’t make it. Sleep is a commitment.

O’WEEK HAPPENINGS

So you’re looking at your booklist, and then at your bank account, and it’s making you sad. Thankfully there’s

THE SRC BOOK SHOP AND SWAP Where: In da Hub When: Week 1, 9am-4pm Everything costs < $6 More information? email srcbookshop@gmail.com Photo: flickr.com/NRKP3

Roll up, Roll up to the Barr Smith Lawns from the 25th to the 27th of February for this year’s O’week frivolities. DJs, comedians, including Arj Barker (!), FREE STUFF and games, as well as all the information you’ll need to get you through 2013. And pick up the SRC’s Counter Guide.

DAYS UNTIL: 83 Exams Start: 118 Eurovision:

2016 Olympics: 1258

THE BRAGGS MAY OR MAY NOT BE OPENING SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE. POSSIBLY. IN THE MEANTIME, DON’T APPROACH IT FROM THE SOUTH. OR THE WEST. OR THE EAST. ONE SIDE LOOKS NICE! WE’LL TRY AND KEEP YOU POSTED AS MORE NEWS COMES TO HAND...

LIVE BELOW THE LINE

Oaktree promises that it’s going to be huge this May! It’s still the same, simple idea: eat on $2 day for 5 days to make an impact overseas, and change the way Australians think about extreme poverty. Sign up for Live Below the Line 2013 now at www.livebelowtheline.com.au. For more info contact oaktree@auclubs.com.au.

This is Nick Cave. He’s good friends with Adelaide Festival Director David Sefton. To read an interview with Sefton, turn to page 44. He’s also pretty bad ass. To read about another bad ass Australian, turn to page 33.

O’LIVE

Last Dinosaurs Messrs Ryley

Wednesday 6th March @ the UniBar Doors at 7pm $15/$20/$25 + bf for Union Members/ Students/GA

O’VERHEARD AT ADELAIDE UNI Let’s sit here, I really like this statue - But don’t you hate Flinders? That’s the statue of Matthew Flinders. NO! WE CAN’T SIT NEXT TO MISTER FLINDERS - Freddie Mercury is dead?! [eds. Yes.]

DO YOU LIKE PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES, SOCIALISING, AND THE IDEA OF JOINING A CLUB WHERE THEY DO THESE THINGS? The Computer Science (CS) Club is holding a Meet & Greet on Tuesday March 5 from 6pm in the Clubs Association. It’s open to both members and nonmembers. FREE FOOD AND DRINKS PROVIDED!

IN CASE YOU DIDN’T REALISE, IT’S MAD MARCH. HERE’S SOME MORE THINGS TO DO: Barrio: Where all the cool kids hung out last year. WOMADelaide: Don’t be that prick who jumps the fence. The Clipsal: Just don’t throw up and you’ll be fine.

JAMALAIDE:

is a game development club - with an emphasis on digital games, but they also encourage traditional (board/card etc) games. They’re holding the second ever game jam on Friday 1 - Sunday 3 March. Contact rory.stokes@jamalaide.org. au for more info, I’m no use.

SICK OF O’RDINARY O’WEEK? TRY SPORTS O’WEEK!

Find all kinds of ways to get your daily 60 minutes of exercise, and some new friends, in the Cloisters carpark. 25-27 February

WANTED:

DRAMA QUEENS AND LEADING MEN The Theatre Guild is holding auditions for Richard III on Saturday 9 March/Sunday 10 March. Get in touch with melanie.hibberd@ student.adelaide.edu.au for more information.

KEEN FOR MORE PARTYING?

Skullduggery is legen... dary. Just ask your parents about it. Tickets will be on sale during O’Week. Don’t miss out. Really.

CAN’T GET ENOUGH ON DIT FROM 52 MEASLY PAGES OF PRINTED GOODNESS? KEEP CALM, AND INTERACT WITH US EVEN MORE! Twitter + Instagram: @OnDitMagazine Phone: 8313 5404 In Person: Come find our office by the Barr Smith Lawns Spoken Morse Code: If you know what this means, go for it.

CALENDAR: FOR YOUR REFERENCE MONDIT 4 FIRST DAY OF CLASSES TUESDIT 5 WEDNESDIT 6 O’LIVE @ THE UNIBAR THURSDIT 7 FRIDIT 8 INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY SAT’DIT 9 / SUN-DIT 10 WOMADELAIDE MONDIT 11 OL’ QUEENY’S BIRTHDAY PUBLIC HOLIDAY TUESDIT 12 WEDNESDIT 13 THURSDIT 14 FRIDIT 15 SAT’DIT 16 / SUNDIT 17 LAST WEEKEND OF FRINGE/FESTIVAL

CONSIDER THE STAFF RHYS NIXON EXPLAINS WHY THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT LETTERING: STEPHEN GRACE

Like many students I have a part time job. Mine is nothing glamorous, just the routine supermarket night fill position. The work itself is so easy that a lab trained German Shepherd could do it with half the proper training. The ease of the job, however, allows one to make many observations of the run-of-the-mill shopper. There is one common thought that seems to come up in my observations, which is that the customer is not always right. Once at work, I was minding my business restocking the shelves with cheese when a customer approached me. Well, they didn’t approach me, but the cheese. This happens all the time, and usually it proves to be more annoying than anything as I have to stop what I am doing and wait for them to move.

thing that comes to my mind is ‘I have to tell this person that there isn’t any left, they’ll chew me out for this’. They did. What follows is a frenzy of passive aggressive remarks about customer service, loyalty, my work ethic, and the usual things people say when they can’t get the cheese they were after. I remember my training and offer a replacement item to make up for it. This doesn’t work so I send for a manager. The manager offers a replacement item, but this time with a discount. And like magic, the customers face is beaming with an expression that says ‘Yeah, I did it.’ This isn’t a rare occurrence either; we are trained to do this. If you, a fully-grown adult, have a tantrum in our store, we will reward you for calming down. Think ‘If you stop crying I’ll get you a treat’. And it sickens me. And where does this kind of behaviour stop?

What struck me though was that the customer didn’t even acknowledge that I existed; they saw me as an extension of the shelving unit. You may think I was being a bit sensitive about this whole thing; the customer doesn’t have to acknowledge me, and frankly I would prefer they didn’t. The manner in which this happened though was what bothered me. The customer just stared right through me. Not past me, not over my shoulder, but right-in-my-face through me. This was how they said ‘Excuse me, sorry, I just wanted to see the cheese behind you’. I promptly moved out the way, mostly because it was incredibly uncomfortable, and just made myself busy while they mulled over their decision. A minute later, however, the customer turns to me and says ‘my cheese isn’t here’. That was it. No ‘Hi, do you happen to have any of brand X left?’ or, ‘Do you have any out back?’ ‘My cheese isn’t here.’ As a loyal employee, I suggest that I look out in the fridge for the cheese they wanted. And the customer looks at me with a ‘well, duh’ expression. So I go out back, and lo and behold, we have none left. The first

I remember having a discussion with a friend looking for a unit to rent whose mother told him ‘You’re a customer, and you need to be treated as such. You should walk into their office, go right up to the agent, and say “I am a customer, and I demand you find me a house,” the customer is always right after all.’ When do you stop being a customer, and start being a human? In years to come, all of us retail workers will move on, but the memories will remain. Think of the trainee or the nightfill staff; you used to be one of them. Remember how it felt when you were belittled for not having an infinite supply of cheese, milk, or eggs. They are humans, just like you.

Rhys Nixon is a writer studying a Bachelor of Arts, and he is not a crook.

IT’S MY CHOICE TOM GISSING THINKS THAT YOU SHOULD BE MORE HONEST

I was once asked whether I thought being a vegetarian made you a better person. The tone of voice in which this particular question was presented gave away an obvious subtext to this query. ‘How dare you suggest that not eating meat makes you a better person than me!’ Regardless, I responded in the affirmative. Yes, I did believe that not eating meat makes you a better person – and I still do (After all, if I didn’t, why would I be a vegetarian?). I recently listened to an environmentally and ethically conscious individual argue that the farming of hooved animals for meat is wreaking havoc on our local soils. Her concern for the environment lead her to abstain from eating these hooved animals and instead she stuck to a diet of emu, kangaroo and other Australian natives when it came time to throw steaks on the BBQ. More interesting than the argument itself was the way she described what she was doing in offering us this information. When an intrigued listener inquired, ‘So does this mean you think we shouldn’t eat cows?’ The environmentalist, somewhat taken aback, replied with an overtly conciliatory clarification: ‘No, no. I’m not telling you what you should do. You can do whatever you like – it’s your choice.’

I propose that our environmental quasi-vegetarian ought to have been more honest with her audience. It’s clear that she does, in fact, believe that people should abstain from eating these meats. If you believe that the environment is worth saving, and that this sort of farming damages it, then the obligation to refrain from eating hooved animals obviously applies to society collectively. Of course it is our choice as individuals whether or not we do so, but there are still better or worse choices to be made. Her polite reply captured a common intuition in our culture. People seem to believe that it is straightforwardly wrong to suggest that someone making be making a morally incorrect choice. Particularly, when it comes to what we decide to put in our mouths. If you doubt this, consider how an individual under conversational pressure will reply ‘But it’s my choice’ or ‘It’s just my opinion’, as though the fact that it is their decision exonerates them from all the consequences that result. This is clearly untrue, and ultimately it serves as a conversation stopper. It is crucial to recognise that our actions have consequences, and that we may not always appreciate when a behaviour, even one as innocuous as buying a hamburger, can be cause suffering. Even more important than the specifics of our diet is the general possibility of open discussion about the impact of our choices. If we forgo the opportunity to offer and accept serious criticism, we forgo many chances to improve society and ourselves. We may also risk making serious moral errors without ever recognising that we are doing so. After all, aren’t we all adults who can have discussions like this without winging about hurt feelings? As long as we are adults, and capable of behaving as such, we shouldn’t respond with emotion laden cliches when the conversation turns to how we should be behaving or what we should be believing. So next time you’re tempted to play the ‘choice’ card in defence of a belief, I implore you to offer a reason instead. If you can’t find one, perhaps you should to consider that you might be wrong. Tom finished his Bachelor of Arts in 2012 and is halfway through his Honours year in Philosophy. So, in 6 months he will be entirely unemployable but more than happy to tell you about the different between non-cognitivism and ethical realism.

TATTOO TABOO BELINDA QUICK WRITES ABOUT LIFE WITH INK ILLUSTRATIONS: KATIE HAMILTON

Ink – I love the stuff. My appetite is virtually insatiable. And, it would appear, I am not alone. From a delicate cursive creation on a petite wrist, to a full-blown, full-colour sleeve; nowadays it seems like every second Generation X, Y and Z-er has some sort of body art. The popularity of tattooing has undoubtedly sky-rocketed recently, perhaps to a level never before reached in Australia. However, the burgeoning fascination of today’s youths with skin illustration seems to be solely isolated to the 18-35 age bracket. It would be safe to say, in fact, that our elders do not have any understanding of our current obsession, and we are indeed culturally alone in this sense. Realising this fact begs the question: are our tatts really a respected and revered expression of our individuality, or a condemnation to social isolation? And, furthermore, should we expect respect and acceptance, or just accept the leering judgement of our elders? Take, for example, my personal situation. I am a 27 year-old, female Masters student here at the University of Adelaide and I have nine tattoos. My artworks cover around two-thirds of my back, large sections of both thighs, the inside of my left foot, and a small section of my ribs. Additionally, the wheels are in motion for a major chest piece, which will hopefully be underway

early this year. Despite this extensive coverage, to the average observer who encountered me on an average day, I would appear to be essentially a cleanskin. And while I have no qualms with showing off my tatts to generationally like-minded uni-goers; there is a purpose to this clever concealment. You see, since 2007 I have been a high school teacher. Teaching is a profession in which it is widely-accepted that tattoos, and the people brandishing them, are unacceptable. In my career it matters not that my artworks contain no violent images, brazen words or ‘adult’ themes (they are really just a few pictures of roses, poetic verse and musical symbolism), they are undesirable. I have to admit, this really bothers me. I have gradually come to resent the ingrained prejudices of my elders and their complete inability to accept change. It really irks me that I can’t walk down Rundle Mall in a skirt, or visit any of my local beaches, without getting glared at by your average passer-by. It infuriates me that if I dare flash a bit of my art I am immediately considered dangerous. But most of all, it really troubles me that I can do seemingly nothing to remedy this social distortion. I am positive there are plenty of On Dit readers out there who have read this article and vehemently oppose the views I have expressed here. You are 100 per cent within your rights to this opposition, however, I didn’t write this article for you. Yours is the position perpetually upheld in society – by the media, our employers and our elders. This is for my fellow tatt addicts, my friends; those who aren’t afforded a voice for their art. Belinda is a second-year Masters student. When she’s not in the Barr Smith Library, she can usually be found drinking beer at one of Adelaide’s wonderful pubs.

THE MILKMEN NOBY LEONG EXPLAINS THE SCIENCE OF MALE LACTATION

Are you a mother with a new born baby? Are you sore from breast feeding but don’t want to use formula? Well, pass that baby onto the baby daddy because men can lactate! Apparently, the ability to secrete that milky goodness from one’s nipples is a trait possible in men. However, rather than being a cool self-nourishment opportunity or an exciting party trick, male lactation may actually be a symptom of a much worse medical problem. Male lactation is more accurately known by the name galactorrhea (which sounds cool when you say it out loud). The word ‘lactation’ is avoided as it implies that the men are using it to breastfeed their young, which is often not the case. But I’ll use the term here for convenience. Got milk? The cause of male lactation often has something to do with the hormone prolactin. Prolactin stimulates breast growth and lactation in women. It’s present in men as well for a host of other things, like sexual satisfaction! However, too much of a good thing can be bad. When prolactin levels in men get higher than Amy Winehouse (may she rest in peace), that’s when the milk flies. Prolactin levels can soar for a number of reasons. This is where the potentially terrible medical conditions come into play. Sometimes, it might be due to a hormonal imbalance, which favours the production of prolactin. This may be due to recreational drugs, pathogens in the body or certain foods eaten in excess. It might also be due to a pituitary tumour, which would disrupt the normal production of hormones by the pituitary gland. Scarily, puberty can bring on an onset of lactation, though usually transient. Love thy liver Liver damage can also be an underlying cause. The pituatary gland regulates the production of hormones such as estrogen and androgen. In turn, the liver processes these hormones and clears them from the system, to prevent any build up. If the liver is damaged, this can no longer happen.

An increase in estrogen is seen, which in turn spikes the production of prolactin. This is what happened to prisoner of war survivors in World War II. During their time in war camps, they experienced severe malnourishment leading to liver and pituitary failures. Once they were rescued, they were fed and began to recover. But the pituitary gland recovered quicker than the liver. The gland began producing hormones that the liver couldn’t cope with, eventually leading to male lactation. Liver damage can occur from a number of factors, not just malnourishment. Obesity and alcoholism are two more causes, so keep your fat in check and don’t drink too much. No one likes a milk-based cocktail. Babies and bats The lactation phenomenon is not just seen in humans though. Males of the dyak fruit bat have shown some male lactation, although only a few males with not a lot of milk. Of those, none have been observed actually nourishing young. Hence the debate over use of the word ‘lactation’. It’s not known whether these observations were due to some pathogen in the air or if it was natural. If natural, it does bring up the question of why males lactate, or rather, why don’t males lactate? Surely, as women are carrying the baby during pregnancy, the least the man can do is help feed it. What does it taste like? But there you have it, male lactation. If you have any questions let me know but I’m going to pre-empt things by suggesting an answer to a question I am anticipating: Question: My male friend is lactating, is it safe to drink and what might it taste like? My answer: I don’t know if it’s safe to drink, but I’ve heard women’s breast milk tastes like blood. Also, if your ‘friend’ is actually you, you should probably see a doctor.

Noby Leong (@nobyleong) is doing his PhD in Chemistry and is happiest when with food. He writes for othersideofscience.com.

PARTY FOR YOUR RIGHT TO ENLIGHT 18 ‘I carried a dream. I was able to turn that dream into a realistic ambition which ultimately took me to space’ Andy Thomas

I can’t be the only one who’s smirked at the giant lettering on the window above the south east entrance to Hub Central. ‘I carried a dream,‘ says first Australian spaceman Andy Thomas. So far so good. ‘I was able to turn that dream into a realistic ambition which ultimately took me to space.’ Lost it. Let’s be real – the only reason an awkward and oddly pragmatic quote like that wound up on our wall is because the guy literally went to space and happened to attend our university before he did that. ‘Realistic ambitions’ aren’t usually the stuff of fairytales. The new University strategic plan has a neater title – ‘Beacon of Enlightenment’ – but, like our graduate hero Andy, it finds itself in an uncomfortable place between dreams and reality. Put

WORDS: SEB TONKIN ILLUSTRATION: OLIVIA DI FABIO together after comprehensive consultation last year, it aims to outline the next decade for the University of Adelaide. It is, as you’d expect, a classic document-by-committee, full of flowery language and spin. Phrases like ‘reanimate our quest for the resources we need’ and ‘rekindle our importance to the community’ mean, more or less, things like ‘find more money’ and ‘get better PR’. But peeling a little bit of that back, there’s a dream, some realistic ambitions, and a change or two that might worry a few people. Also, a lack of detail sufficient to properly assess any of the above – but that’s a strategic plan for you.

Discussing the Plan in the Adelaidean, Vice-Chancellor Bebbington was pretty frank. In short, he said that it was time to draw a ‘line in the sand’. The University as it stands (in an expensive spot with no adjoining vacant land) can’t really sustain continued growth in student numbers without sacrificing educational integrity. This seems almost like a no-brainer, but in terms of policy it’s a turn-around. The last plan, from 2008, encouraged an increase in full-time student loads from around 16 000 to 20 000, which has been more or less borne-out. Rather than succumbing to overcrowding or dumbing down programs like other universities, the

VC publicly advocates a return to the ideals of old – an environment where research is inseparable from learning, and where small groups of students engage in dialogue and collaborative discovery with professors at the top of their fields. At least, that’s the dream. Small groups obviously sound great. To be honest, though, it’s a little surprising to hear them so stridently advocated by the University, who for several years have been taking the opposite approach. In 2011, many humanities tutorials were cut as a cost-saving measure, and last year, some philosophy courses did away with small groups entirely in favour of mammoth weekly whole-class sessions. Senior University staff, like Deputy VC Pascale Quester, have in the past played down the correlation between levels of teaching and levels of learning. I’ve also heard unconfirmed rumblings that humanities tutorial cuts will return this year. In short, small groups require more teaching staff, and staff are expensive – which is probably why the Plan stops short of actually promising smaller tutorials, seminars, and labs. Instead, revealingly, it refers to ‘simulating the small cohort experience’. ‘Simulating’ that small-group experience means a couple of potentially troubling changes in course offerings and delivery. The Plan flags that smaller courses, based on lecturers’ ‘specialised research interests’, will be cut, in favour of research projects within larger undergraduate core courses. Other subjects, which ‘flourish

effectively without a research basis’ might be given up as well, left to ‘other institutions with different missions’. Meanwhile, trebled spending on IT and e-learning goes towards shunting as much content online as possible: essentially anything the University believes can survive the transition with ‘pedagogical integrity’ – certainly lectures (I’d posit), but possibly more. The University hopes that these measures will free up staff to make small group learning possible, but – and there’s no way to read around this – that will come at the expense of subject diversity and traditional physical lectures. Beyond class sizes and delivery, other changes to undergraduate programs are planned. The Plan

As well as some introductory research, the Plan promises that every undergraduate student will complete one of the following: graduate work experience, an overseas exchange, or hosting an international student. This focus on extra-academic experience and career-readiness is probably an effort to distinguish Adelaide from its competitors, and it also goes to improving relations with business and government, another aim of the Plan. Finally, the University will double the number of scholarships for disadvantaged students and prospective PhDs, which is, probably non-controversially, a Pretty Good thing to do. Other things in the Plan are a little less directly related to the average

THE PLAN ALMOST SHEEPISHLY ADMITS THAT THE UNIVERSITY DOESN’T ACTUALLY HAVE ENOUGH MONEY commits to every student in every program experiencing research (in the pure sense – i.e. discovery or creation of new knowledge in a field). Mostly this will take the form of major individual projects in final year, but more exclusive Advanced Bachelor programs will introduce research projects from the very beginning.

student. The University’s looking to take on at least 10 international high-class, high-citation, top 1 per cent research staff, and engage in worldwide research partnerships. This seems directed at moving the University up the research ranking tables (a game which the University appears to begrudgingly but dedicatedly play) – but

undergraduates may benefit from contact with those high-profile staff. Research funding will come from a central, cross-discipline fund that will focus on areas of importance to business and government, and be heavily reliant on partnerships and grants. Not exactly a bastion in the intellectually pure quest for truth, perhaps, but you gotta pay the bills somehow. Probably the biggest questions hanging around are ones of resourcing. Beyond the things above like scholarships and high-profile international staff and e-learning and exchange programs and research funds, there’s also a new medical school needed to meet the new Royal Adelaide Hospital, and more development planned on and off the existing campuses. The Plan almost sheepishly admits that the University doesn’t actually have enough money for all of those things – but as always they’ve got some plans. The first is simple fundraising. The new VC has a good record on this; in his time at Melbourne uni, he more than quadrupled their $11 million yearly fundraising intake. Certainly it’s worth keeping alumni on board – businessman Graham Tuckwell just dropped $50 million onto an unwitting ANU, and a few of those would pay for more e-learning than you could shake a virtual stick at. Expect a major philanthropic campaign for the 140th anniversary next year, and redoubled efforts at ‘engaging stakeholders’ in the community, business, and government. The University will campaign harder on higher education policy,

seeking to ‘remove the constraints that prevent leading universities in Australia competing with their peers abroad’, and rebrand and market itself in line with the rest of the coming changes. And then there’s a sneaky reference to ‘redirecting’ resources from unspecified ‘less strategic uses’, so keep an eye out for cuts too. As a whole, the Beacon of Enlightenment proposes some radical changes. Putting a halt on enrolment growth is something that entails both risk and potential reward. Smaller classes, the pursuit of research, and demographic accessibility are welcome things that recall the ideals of older, sandstone-ier institutions. Other aspects of the Plan, though, are less traditionally academic, looking to cater to a demographic who work full-time, and want a path to a career with as much flexibility and as little fuss as possible.

Despite the nostalgic rhetoric, the picture painted of the University of Adelaide in 2023 represents a break with the past as well as the present. It outlines a new kind of 21st-century institution – one at once more research-focused and more vocational. One with smaller class sizes, but also with a smaller selection of classes. One without lectures in theatres at all. It’s pragmatic – rather than improving teaching through better resourcing, the Plan does it at the expense of, well, other teaching. Every benefit students will see comes at a cost that will largely be borne by students. Just how great that cost will need to be we’ll see eventually. The dream is of a Beacon of Enlightenment. The challenges are manifest and many. As a dream, it might be okay. It remains to be seen what’s lost in the transition to realistic ambition. Seb Tonkin is a student who has nothing better to do.

The raw deets you need to know:

Smaller class sizes Fewer electives Research components in all undergraduate degrees Requirement of either exchange, work experience, or hosting an international student Tripled investment in IT and e-learning As much content moved online as possible Doubled number of scholarships for disadvantaged students and PhDs More investment in research Finding enough money to do all these things, somewhere.

Honey, why isn’t there a men’s issue of On Dit?

Because feminism, darling.

Elle Dit, the women’s issue, is a space to celebrate women’s voices at the University of Adelaide. To contribute, send your pitches and submissions to ondit@adelaide.edu.au Deadline: Friday March 8th. That’s International Women’s Day. Ce-le-brate good times, come on!

Photo: flickr.com/automaton_be

NOTICE TO ALL STUDENTS ELECTION OF STUDENT REPRESENTATIVES TO FACULTY BOARDS Nominations are hereby called for the election of student representatives to faculty boards. Each faculty board must contain two student representatives – one undergraduate student and one postgraduate student. Student representatives are entitled to receive all information put before the board and are entitled to vote in decisions made by the board. Student representation is an important means by which student issues may be raised officially at faculty level. In addition, student representatives gain experience in working with senior University committees. Undergraduate students: Students who are: 1. enrolled in semester 1 and semester 2 as students of the University proceeding towards: (a) a bachelor’s degree or (b) a diploma other than a graduate diploma in a faculty; and 2. not members of the staff of the University; are eligible to vote and/or stand for election to the board of that faculty. Postgraduate students: Students who are 1. enrolled in semester 1 and semester 2 as students of the University proceeding towards: (a) a degree other than a bachelor’s degree (b) a graduate diploma or (c) a graduate certificate in a faculty; and 2. not members of the staff of the University; are eligible to vote and/or stand for election to the board of that faculty. Nominations: Nominations should be made on the official form: http://www.adelaide.edu.au/governance/elections/facultyboards. Nomination forms must be received by the Returning Officer before 12 noon, 8 March 2013. Terms of office: Each position is for a term of one year from the day after the announcement of election results in the current year. Dr Nicole Beaumont Returning Officer

ROLL UP, ROLL UP, IT’S THE 2013

O’GAME

A FUN GAME TO PLAY WITH YOUR BRAND NEW FRIENDS. PLAYING PIECES ON THE INSIDE BACK COVER.

BY GINA CHADDERTON

SRC Book Shop & Swap Week One Mon 4th – Fri 8th March (9am – 4pm) Hub Central

2nd hand English texts – all $5 2nd hand paperbacks – all under $6 Buy, sell & trade 2nd hand text books Buy quality second-hand books at really low prices! Nothing will be over $6. Simply deliver your text book to the SRC stall on the Barr-Smith lawns during O Week or to the Book Shop & Swap during Week 1. We will register your contact details and place your book(s) for sale at Book Shop & Swap at the price you assign. Once we’ve sold your book(s) we will contact you so you can collect the money. We are always requiring more books to help us sustain the Book Shop & Swap, and volunteers to man the desk. If you want to help or have any questions, please email srcbookshop@gmail. com.

CONTROLLING AND DISSOLVING WORDS: GENEVIEVE NOVAK ARTWORK: OLIVIA DI FABIO

27 I could tell you how it starts. I could tell you about looking in the mirror and feeling not just dissatisfaction, but genuine disgust. Sixteen and insecure, pinching my skin after a shower and dreaming about ripping it off my bones to reveal a better me – that’s where this started. A bookish child from an athletic family, I had always been surrounded by muscle and bone, and always found it just out of reach. There was a scrawny, leanlimbed girl there somewhere: it was just a matter of learning how to find her. I spent most of puberty trying to make myself invisible. Maybe the insecurity bred from sitting quietly in a corner and pulling at a loose thread in my jeans was what taught me self-loathing. Maybe the frustration of pulling them on everyday and never finding them loose enough sent me looking for an extreme solution. Having spent enough time hating my reflection, looking down over my toes and seeing the numeric definition of myself sparked a snap reaction. I quit. Giving up food is surprisingly easy, although few people would like me to tell you that. The hardest part is the first day. You aren’t used to it yet, and you’re hungry, and you get anxious skipping each meal. But once you do, and the day is over and you’re slipping off to sleep on an empty stomach, you’re home free. Every day after the first is a dream, and waking up hungry is

addictive. If you can step out of bed and feel light, not weighed down by all of that heavy, useless food like before, you will never want to go back. If that isn’t enough to make you love fasting, wait until you get on the scale. On a good day, I could lose onepoint-two kilograms overnight. Doctors and nutritionists might tell you that this is false, and that all I had lost was water weight – but the proof for me stood in front of the mirror with its pelvic bones stretching the skin above. It was just a moment in the morning, but it was the best part of my day. And it was enough to keep me going back for more.

A BINGE IS FRANTIC, FRENZIED, ROBOTIC, TERRIFYING AND UNSTOPPABLE I could talk about the deepest, quietest hours of an eating disorder.

Would you like to know how the handle of my toothbrush became my best friend? Or how I came to love the ache on my knees from the bathroom tiles? Even a recovered bulimic will tell you that throwing up is a quick and effective solution to every problem they have. One quick trip to the bathroom and a rinse with mouthwash and you’re free of whatever weighed you down. If you fail an assignment, or forget to pay your phone bill on time – this will show Them how it’s Their fault. You can’t control your grades or your bank account, but you can control this. I could tell you about your throbbing muscles when traditional bulimia doesn’t feel like enough. You have to run those calories off until you can live with yourself. The fact that your body is eating your muscle before it can finish forming doesn’t bother you because you don’t want muscle. What you want is a protruding collarbone from shoulder to shoulder and dangerously peaked at the base of your throat. You don’t get that by lifting weights; you get it by fasting until you’re too weak to get out of bed at all. My eating disorder became an alternative to an unpredictable daily life. I didn’t have to worry about schoolwork, or my friends’ crises, or not making enough money, because I had my own private hell to shut myself into. Calories and exercise and scales were something solid that I could rely on. Funny, how everything else spirals out of control when you’re putting all of your energy into controlling your body.

I could tell you about losing control of it. You could picture me at work, locked in a bathroom stall, breathing deeply and rubbing my chest because my heart physically hurt, and it would be so real that it might be from your own memory. Next time you’re with your friends until daybreak, think of me, awake and on autopilot for three consecutive days on black coffee and willpower, because sleep was a waste of time when I could have been burning energy. A binge isn’t going back for one more biscuit after a generous dinner. A binge is frantic, frenzied, robotic, terrifying and unstoppable. When you’ve been so controlled – so good for so long – you punish yourself for a hiccup with more food than you have eaten in weeks. A binge leaves you aching and full for days, no matter how much you purge. A binge makes you feel dirty. It is the complete reversal of your normal behaviour. A binge is not a cupcake. A binge is failure. No one told me, before or during, how to cope with the grey area between sick and all better. I was desperate to get better in one corner of my mind, and in love with my illness in another. Any time I got better – started eating, stopped throwing up, started seeing people – I wanted to get back to where I had been. Craved it. I went to two doctors and a psychologist to get rid of the lump in my throat that no one could see but that I could feel any time I had been eating well for too long. If you think you or someone you know may be suffering from an eating disorder, contact The Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673 or visit thebutterflyfoundation.org.au

I could tell you about recovery, and how it’s so much harder than being sick. Sometimes I want to feel properly hungry again. So hungry you feel like it’s giving you energy every time your stomach growls, or you get dizzy when you stand up. There are moments of clarity when you know you’re doing what is best for your health. You know that those people who consume a healthy number calories per day and go to the gym are not lazy and disgusting, they are just not killing themselves in front of a mirror. Oh, but for so long I had the secret. For so long I was better than them, and so pleased with myself. The battle is in the waking up, not the purging or starving or fainting. I have to decide to recover on a daily basis. I could tell you about the guilt that lingers. When my dog died last year – my best friend, a constant for fourteen years and a soul-destroying loss when he left – I didn’t eat for a week. But this time, it wasn’t addictive or sexy or something to be proud of. I didn’t eat, and I wasn’t hungry, and I had never been so disgusted with myself. All of those days when I was too weak to get out of bed, he would sit next to me and wait to be walked, and I couldn’t. And the guilt, now, and the idea that I would give anything, anything, all the unnecessary calories and too-tight clothes and all the weight my bones could carry to take him for one more walk. To anyone who asks how I know I’m better, that is the moment I pinpoint. Some days I still miss it. Some days it would be so easy to go back to that familiar place – to the illness that I loved and that loved me back. Some days the need to feel skinny and smug creeps back. Other days, I remember banning myself from water, or being afraid of the calories in toothpaste. Some days I think about the poor, sick girls still suffering, who don’t know how to get better. Some days I want more for myself than to die in a hospital bed, sick and delusional and convinced that I had won. For today, that’s a good enough reason to make myself breakfast.

CAFÉCLYSM WORDS: JUSTIN MCARTHUR

If you’re returning to the University of Adelaide’s North Terrace campus this year, you might notice some major changes to the ground levels of Ligertwood, Union House and Schultz, with the likely-permanent closure of Briefs café, and the change of ownership in Mayo and Backstage Cafés over the 2012-2013 summer break. In the short term, Briefs is shutting down, while the kitchen/sales spaces of Mayo and Backstage are being taken over by Grassroots. The longterm futures of all three are unclear.

The traditional fare provided in these institutions had begun to lose a substantial amount of trade to the newer providers in the Hub, commercial entities with which the not-for-profit University of Adelaide Club felt it could no longer compete.

‘It’s basically become impossible to run the whole spectrum of outlets on campus,’ says Professor Felix Patrikeeff, Chair of the University of Adelaide Club, which ran the three cafés. ‘The new outlets were really digging into us [and] we’ve seen our own share of the market slip very badly. We carried that cost, and kept prices at their traditional lower level, in order to keep us affordable to the University community, [but] we were haemorrhaging [money] very badly.’

In terms of how this affects students, ‘[The Union] finds it very regrettable that the University Club made the decision to close the three outlets,’ says Union President, Deanna Taylor. ‘It is very unfortunate, and I hope that they did make every conceivable effort to keep the outlets going.’ The main thing that will change in Mayo will be the prices. Marcus Breach, director of Grassroots, says that he’s ‘still obviously conscious of the students, so I don’t want to go too over the top, but for instance, down at Mayo café you are now probably going to pay a bit more for the hotdog that I’m going to create than you might have paid previously.’ This contrasts with the University Club, which offered cheap (if unhealthy) alternatives to the other providers on campus until

meeting its end. The Mayo Refectory, in particular, provided a counterweight to the more expensive food on the North Terrace campus, substituting quality for grease in a way that was appreciated by much of the student community, and even loved by that choice number suffering from the Stockholm syndrome of a student salary. At the end, the cheapest items were the Mayo dim sims, which came in at just fifty cents each. Even if it keeps the same name, the Mayo of the future is unlikely to maintain these low prices. With the Club no longer functioning as a provider, the number of low-cost options on campus shrinks quite sharply. Catherine Story, President of the Student Representative Council, says that she is particularly

concerned about the lack of cheap food on campus, and its effect on low socioeconomic status students. ‘It had a lot of cheap, pretty greasy food, which is not really accessible anywhere else on campus… there’s certainly a need for cheap food.’ This is something the University seemed to have taken notice of – Dave Lamb, the General Manager of Student Services and Administration, notes that ‘we’re pretty well covered in terms of the medium- to higher-end [providers]; I think what’s lacking is the low end, and we need to work to try to make that happen.’ The choice of Grassroots as the incoming provider, in the eyes of the Union and SRC presidents, ‘is a clear jump from [their] original consultation’. ‘We don’t believe this will revitalise the Union House area, provide affordable food for students or provide variety,’ they said, ‘we only hope with further consultation we can make sure that this year Mayo is available to be used as a much more integrated student activities space, rather than just another cafe.’

to use the very best of ingredients and it’s going to be cooked fresh,’ he says. In the long term, the University will be trying to meet that need. ‘In the short term, [however], it’s hard to see how the full range at that level can be offered,’ says Lamb. Furthermore, Breach is quick to respond to any concerns about the loss of Mayo’s traditional food pyramid. ‘Down at Mayo, we’ll be offering a similar style of food to what was already offered down there – you’ll see some gourmet hamburgers and gourmet hotdogs, with good quality ingredients; you’ll have wraps, rolls and sandwiches ready to grab from a fridge […]; we’ll still do chips and wedges because there’s obviously a need for students wanting that kind of food. We’ll have a large range of drinks, we’ll have the same quality coffee – we’ll use the same coffee as we do up here – and that’s about as far as I’ve got so far with Mayo’s menu.’ It all seems unnervingly sanitary – culinary, almost.

The Club also believe that the University could have better made use of their opportunities. ‘We really did want to perpetuate all of them,’ says Patrikeeff. ‘We suggested to the University that a certain level of support would be required in order for us to do so; the fact that that was rejected meant that we really had no choice… we took this decision with a very heavy heart.’

It is certainly positive that the Mayo, which for a short period looked to be lost to us, has a new resident provider. There is a sense of history to the Mayo Refectory, and this gives it a special place in the hearts of University of Adelaide students. Before the Learning Hub, campus culture was highly centred on the Barr Smith Lawns, and as the closest food joint, Mayo became a mainstay of the student experience.

Without the Club, the University has no strong plans for the introduction of a short-term lowcost operator. But Breach believes that the higher cost is appropriate, in order to ensure that the food is of a reasonable quality. ‘I’m going

Wooden, modest and homey, big old red-brick Mayo was always packed out with students. It wasn’t too dark to see, like Fix, and it wasn’t too bright for the hungover, like the Hub. ‘It’s a great space,’ says Story. ‘It’s got a good vibe, it’s

not pretentious.’ Lamb agrees – ‘I think that there is a fabulous space there.’ With Grassroots moving in, hopefully not all of this vibe is lost. But can we really stand to lose the messy, grungy Mayo? For a great deal of students, it would be horrific if the Mayo Refectory were to metamorphose into something like the Hub – for them, it seems, there is more love for it as a grub than there could ever be for a butterfly. The grunge of Mayo, and institutions like it, seems reflective of a certain intangible university ethos – a smooth, seamlessly seedy appeal that event organisers have been attempting to tap into for many years, albeit with limited success. The UniBar has cleaned up its act in recent years; O’Week is now a dry, three-day event; noone goes to Prosh; and O’Camp doesn’t even exist anymore. Perhaps the general nostalgic feeling one gets towards Mayo, in particular, is just the romanticisation of a bygone era, and one that has had its time; maybe these spaces will lead to new enriched and enlivened student experiences. Nevertheless, the closure of these traditional meeting grounds has already led to concern from student representatives about the possibility of diminishing student spaces. ‘I’d like to see all three spaces continue to be student space,’ says the SRC President Story, stressing a need to consult with students about the spaces’ potential uses. Taylor, AUU President, agrees. ‘We’ll be working with the SRC and the university to make sure students’ needs are catered for’, she says. In the short term, while Grassroots

ONLINE REVIEWS OF THE MAYO REFECTORY ‘Chips & gravy are intrinsic to the student experience’ – Foursquare

‘Please note that the food is not brilliant but it is reasonably priced for something filling and convenient on campus.’ – Lost on Campus ‘For what it is, it’s fine.’ – Yelp ‘It’s shitty but in a good type of way’ – Reddit thread on Mayo closure

will move into Mayo, the Club will move Mayo’s offerings into the UniBar. According to Patrikeeff, the Club ‘certainly was planning, and is still planning, to expand the range of offerings upstairs in the UniBar, so that people who want wedges, and want chips, and want burgers, and some of the other things Mayo and Backstage offered, can still go up to the bar and get them’. Meanwhile, the major institutions in the building will engage in discussion processes, and interestingly, looking at shifting the ways the space is shared in the longer term. Looking further ahead, the potential loss of Mayo, while sad, could lead to a complete overhaul of our conception of Union House. ‘There’s going to a lot of interest in that space,’ predicts Taylor. ‘It comes into the whole discussion about Union House – the reinvigoration of Union House – and what’s going to happen with all the spaces in that building.’ The University has a lot to think about – for example, Lamb suggests that the Fitness Hub could shift to Mayo’s former space, and the UniBar could expand to take up the entire fifth level. The Fitness Hub would then provide the attractive, muscular, chiselled face of Union House, with the UniBar functioning to the highest of its ability as the building’s seedy overbelly.

He also suggests that the reverse might be possible, where the UniBar would move to the ground floor and push out into the cloisters, putting the Fitness Hub across the entire fifth level. This would allow the Fitness Hub to extend its offering, while the bar would gain a broader service space, and its increased accessibility would provide an added cultural draw that could potentially reinvigorate not only Union House, but the surrounding cloisters, lawns and facilities. On the other hand, this would put the bar front and centre, removing more of its underground element, and it would be harder to control unruly patrons; it could also lead to interesting incidences inside Unibooks next door. Whatever happens, Lamb observes that ‘the key is likely to be the social aspect rather than the academic’. ‘There will be something that is really useful for students and that students have had a significant input into,’ says Lamb. The bar, cafés and other recreational facilities form a ‘part of the bigger university experience rather than an aid to learning’. Though Lamb stresses that the University doesn’t want to ‘recreate any Hub thing’ in Mayo, this seems to have been the mandate of the Learning Hub redevelopment, too. The Hub is the UniBar’s teetotal, nerdy twin – the most noteworthy aspect of that redevelopment, for many, was the centralised and often integrated nature of the Hub experience, where an Arts student can happily sit next to an Engineering student, utterly bewildered by the series of lines and letters on their screen. This provides for those high school friendships that in the past would have dissolved under the stress of disciplinary boundaries, as well as the formation of new interdisciplinary relationships, be they professional, or personal. That said, there is a commonly perceived need for disciplinespecific spaces around campus, and regionally-specific fare. This makes the Grassroots move into Backstage a positive one for the Music community, which would

otherwise have been entirely without a café. The changes to the food reflecting the changing provider in much the same way as Mayo, says Breach: ‘over at Backstage, we’re going to be offering a slightly more gourmet style of food, slightly more gourmet fillings in your wraps, your rolls, frittatas, toasted flatbreads […] we’ll have open toasted sandwiches, chicken schnitzel burgers with crispy bacon; and hot specials up there, like in wintertime we’ll have a couple of soups, we’ll be doing curries, we’ll be doing beef stroganoffs with mash, and that type of thing […] Basically, there’s no point having three outlets within a hundred metres of each other offering the same food, it just doesn’t make sense.’ Law students, meanwhile, will miss out on the benefits that Music students receive from a disciplinary café. However, it’s unlikely that this will affect the Law community as much, given their proclivity to seek out a higher standard of coffee than Briefs provided in the first instance. The governing forces of the University of Adelaide face a tough series of decisions in the coming months, as the University community discuss this issue and determine the best of the opportunities arising from these closures. Centrally, there seems to be a real opportunity to revolutionise and reconceive the three spaces, and yet a desire to keep them traditional, unique and functional – to treat them as a blank slate, and yet observe that there is an appreciated and beloved status quo. With any luck, at the end of it all, those of us with less money will have something to eat, too. There’ll be times of dim simplicity, but good gravy, and when the chips are down, we might be off the thin edge of the wedge. Schnitzel.

Justin McArthur is a fourth-year B.Media/B. Arts student, and a regular On Dit contributor. His beard is doing much better now than it was last year.

MAYO: THE WOMAN The Mayo Refectory was founded in 1929, and takes its name from University of Adelaide graduate Dr Helen Mayo OBE (1878-1967). In 1902, Helen Mayo was the second woman to graduate from the University’s medicine program, topping her class in her final two years and winning an academic scholarship in each. She moved into private practice after graduation, before being appointed clinical bacteriologist at the (later ‘Royal’) Adelaide Hospital. She established the hospital’s vaccine wing, and the research she undertook in this position contributed to a thesis, which she (literally) wrote on her weekends. This thesis led to her MD degree,

the first such degree awarded to a woman by the University. She then gave clinical lectures at the University of Adelaide on the topic of children’s medical diseases for eight years, before being appointed an Officer of the Order of the British Empire.

Adelaide medical establishment (and the organisation’s finances) to try to save the lives of babies.

In this time, she also found the time to found the Mothers and Babies Health Association, through which she unsuccessfully campaigned for the Adelaide Children’s Hospital to provide medical assistance to people under the age of two.

From 1914 until 1960, Mayo also sat on the University of Adelaide Council, serving to strengthen the University as the first female member of a university governing body in all of Australia. She initiated the amalgamation of various student bodies into the Adelaide University Union, as well as pushing for the construction of the Lady Symon Building and the founding of St. Ann’s College.

In the absence of any other provider of infant medical services, she then chose to rent a two-storey house in St. Peters and call it a hospital, flying in the face of the

TL;DR: HELEN MAYO WAS A BADASS

CARE TRADE WORDS: NICOLA DOWLAND

Last year organic and fair trade coffee vendors invaded our campus, capturing many students with the alluring phrase ‘free sample’ and extolling the virtues of their miracle drink. Oxfam’s storefront windows boast pictures that make even the stony hearted feel guilty for spending ten dollars on a Boost Juice while photogenic children starve in Africa. Of the many charitable causes that infiltrate our campus with posters and flyers, organised lectures or volunteers who harass you en route to class, Fair Trade is arguably the most sympathetic. All people regardless of gender and nationality deserve fair wages and safe work environments. In developing countries, fair wages not only help the producer and their family but also the community and surrounding environment. Unfortunately, our generation has been desensitised to human suffering. We grew up watching World Vision

advertisements during after school programming; we took our daily dose of environmental guilt from Captain Planet. Now we remain stoic through courses like ‘Ethnic Cleansing and Genocide in History’, offered this year for those lucky History students. I was intrigued by Fair Trade over this past summer and decided to get off my butt to investigate the cause, to see how much students can (or should) help. To a great extent the Fair Trade movement has not yet reached Australia. ‘We are a little bit removed from some of those issues,’ says Julia Sumner of Oxfam Australia. Australia locally produces items that other countries have to import. For example, in the UK there is a large market for Fair Trade imported flowers and sugar.

We are also physically removed from the people suffering in developing countries. We know they’re there, but far away across oceans, cultural and social divides. They exist in the back of our minds. Throughout the world, different causes gain recognition in different cultures. Today the UK boasts the largest market for Fair Trade fashion, while in Europe the vast majority of supermarkets devote multiple aisles to Fair Trade produce. The US is more concerned with environmental issues. In the last few years, Australia has hesitantly dipped a toe into each pool, testing the waters. Now it’s time for us to canon-ball. Why should we care? Short answer: basic human compassion.

WE TOOK OUR DAILY DOSE OF ENVIRONMENTAL GUILT FROM CAPTAIN PLANET

Long answer: circumstances are forcing our generation to grow a conscience. Captain Planet was our hero for a reason. The time for ignoring environmental sustainability, climate change, and human suffering has long passed. Within our lifetimes, we will face the repercussions of our forefathers’ decisions. We must chose to either help the people suffering in developing countries, or watch their cultures whither and die. Just imagine Stephen Fry hosting the programme ‘Last Chance to See: Human Edition’. In light of this, much of the information, magazines and charitable programs available for Fair Trade target a younger demographic. This makes it easier for us to get involved, and we do: the majority of Oxfam Shop volunteers are under 30 years old.

Do we care? In a recent survey, University of Adelaide students discussed their views on Fair Trade. Many differing opinions were expressed. One ECMS student writes: ‘Humans as a race tend to care nothing but for themselves and their own environment. So long as the individual is comfortable, they do not feel inclined to help the needs of others’. A Humanities student disagrees: ‘it’s usually only a tiny little bit more in cost than their non-Fair Trade counterparts so it’s definitely worth it.’ Perhaps we can use Fair Trade as a tool for personal growth, to selflessly care for our fellows. Imagine if the situations were reversed. How can we help? Given the limited recognition Fair Trade gets in Australia, it can be difficult to work out what

your options are, or how best to support the cause. Below are a few helpful hints. With just a little mindfulness, making ethical choices can become second nature. ‘I want Fair Trade shoes and clothes, but from where?’ Asks a Humanities student. Unfortunately, Australia’s Fair Trade fashion industry is stunted. Events like the upcoming Green Ball in Melbourne, a celebration of sustainable fashion, suggests a change is on the way. ‘If I want Oxfam coffee… I need to buy a HUGE BAG. It’s hard if you just wanna try it out’, writes an ECMS student. Limited product availability is a genuine concern, though conquerable. ‘[I] wish I bought more Fair Trade items. Sometimes my laziness gets the better of me, and I opt for non-Fair Trade coffee’ admits

Photo: Lara McKinley, Oxfam Australia a Humanities and Professions student. Laziness is a common student ailment. Apply ointment twice daily and consult your charity if symptoms persist.

a humanitarian award, but asking your local shop to start stocking Fair Trade tea or chocolate can make a difference, especially with independent retailers.

A Health Sciences student writes: ‘I have found the Fair Trade scheme to be not entirely straight forward and difficult to find unbiased information about.’ The information is available; it only takes 20 minutes of online research. Too often this is a greater commitment than students are willing to give.

You don’t have to change your way of life, just make your daily routine include a Fair Trade beverage. Little things. Small conquests. As for the ever-important price tag, differences are often negligible or nonexistent, especially for the smaller everyday necessities.

Finding a cup of Fair Trade coffee will send you on a scavenger hunt across town. So is ease of consumption worth the detriment of the coffee producer? If so, then sip away at your most convenient café. Otherwise, make the conscious decision to hunt down that guilt free cup. It won’t win you

For expensive items, jewellery or furniture for example, we can either save up or take the cheaper option. ‘Just because you can’t do everything, doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Those small decisions do make a difference,’ Sumner assures me. Very often, a Fair Trade substitute is just a Google search away. My search brought up Peppermint

Photo: Bonnie Savage Oxfam Australia

Magazine, which promotes ethical green fashion and lifestyle. Printed on 100 per cent recycled paper, it’s a fine substitute for the ad-filled, glossy gossip rags that you might otherwise peruse. Another search informed me that Adelaide City Council is the first capital city in Australia to be granted Fair Trade status. They purchase only Fair Trade coffee, tea and sugar for use in their facilities, educate city communities on the issues of Fair Trade, and, perhaps most useful for we students, provide an easy to read map of Fair Trade retailers in Adelaide. Our Moral quandary Is it a double standard to support Fair Trade yet own an iPhone, or products of dubious origin? Apple products are produced in the notorious Foxconn Factories. Over the past three years 18

workers attempted suicide there, and the management has been called ‘inhumane and abusive’ by the South China Morning Post. When asked to comment on this issue, Sumner said ‘Oxfam doesn’t support boycotting’. The ethically minded may get a twinge of guilt when opening their new Apple product, but sadly there is no certified Fair Trade technology available in Australia. Oxfam works with companies like Nike and the Just Group in Australia to improve their sustainability and working conditions. We can only hope that Apple will be similarly inspired. Closer to home, many Australian companies make a moral compromise: they do not offer Fair Trade merchandise, but donate to charity. Tree of Life stock clothing, gifts and home-wares of a similar

Bohemian style to the Oxfam Shop. Their products are not Fair Trade. Each store boasts information about their charity program, through which they sponsor 110 children in India. That’s right, this Australia wide company with 52 successful stores magnanimously sponsors 110 children through a little known charity, A Touch of Love Foundation. This is little more than a gesture, one many businesses make. For example, T2 offers one certified Fair Trade tea: English breakfast. Hudson’s Coffee also offers a Fair Trade blend. McCafe (a necessary evil for those who enjoy a latte with their cheeseburger) exclusively use Rainforest Alliance coffee beans, a similar certification system to Fair Trade though with somewhat questionable standards. If this is a response to the public’s demand for Fair Trade items, then

maybe we don’t care enough. I knew little about these issues before I began my research, and I tried to keep an open mind throughout. I certainly do not believe that Fair Trade certification is a perfect system, but it’s the only one we have. So what difference can one student make when faced with this capitalist apathy? Chose the Fair Trade option, if there’s one available. I do now. Our limited funds can make a difference, not for you or me - but for the producers. The Fair Trade battle continues worldwide. We’re not on the front lines. That’s companies like Apple, Oxfam, or the Rainforest Alliance. We’re akin to the families back home, sending care packages - supporting those who fight for a cause we believe in.

Nicola Dowland is a book-loving BA student who believes there is a Harry Potter reference for every situation, you just need to find it.

Photo: Oxfam Australia

THAT TIME I TRIED OKCUPID EMMA JONES BRAVES THE WORLD OF ONLINE DATING

ILLUSTRATIONS: MADELEINE KARUTZ

Let’s be real: even the best of us sometimes succumb to the urge to watch Rachel McAdams movies. We momentarily believe that somewhere out there is another person on another couch with another half-eaten pepperoni pizza having another hissy fit at the DVD player for deciding to glitch on Amélie at the exact moment where he kisses her eyelid/you give up on life. That you won’t die alone because love is real and you just haven’t met someone with the physical ability to reply to text messages yet. Dating isn’t what you’d call my forte. Just last week I developed a crippling crush, but instead of taking any kind of definitive action I just stared avidly at him in a way that, had he noticed, would probably have been more unsettling than flattering. Enter OkCupid: a site for people who are too awkward to hit on each other in person. You might think it’s not for you, but sometimes after a particularly

awkward morning after and an extended listen to post-Jay Beyoncé you convince yourself that it’s about time somebody put your love on top; you throw caution to the wind and decide that you are going to meet an educated, successful, stable and sexy lover on a dating website. Signing up was easy. I answered all the questions (‘Do you believe in the power of prayer?’, ‘Would you allow your partner to kiss you after performing oral sex on you?’, ‘If you were going to have a child, would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?’, ‘How often do you Tweet?’, ‘If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?’) as honestly as I could (‘No’, ‘Yes’, ‘Don’t care’, ‘Not often’, ‘Maybe’). I uploaded two photos of my face. I filled out the profile. I forced myself to tick boxes in the ‘Looking For’ category, admitting to myself that, yes, I was looking for sex and dating because apparently on a University campus full of thousands of other horny

twenty-somethings that’s actually really hard to find. I always thought dating websites were for the desperate, the sociopathic, the ugly or the middle-aged. I quickly found that I was right. Within a few minutes, my inbox was going crazy with messages from other users to whom I had been recommended by OkCupid’s magical compatibility assessment system. Here are some: 22% match, 30% enemy: ‘You’re so beautiful. I’m quite interested in you. Would you be interested in me?’ 54% friend, 47% enemy: ‘helloo my enemy.. the enemy percent bw u and me is 47%.. come and fight :)’ 53% friend, 20% enemy: ‘Do you like your men like you like your food? If so my grandpa would love to meet you hahahaha God that’s disgusting, who said that. LOL sorry. Not joking now though, I actually liked your profile, probably first ever. Mainly coz I’m a massive Seinfeld and Breaking Bad fan. I’ve watched all the eps like 50 times, literally.’

65% friend, 31% enemy: ‘Hope you’re ‘enjoying’ the initial onslaught, I’ll message you something infinitely more interesting once it subsides.’

but I found myself paralysed by an inexplicable fear that we’d have mutual friends and people would find out we’d met on (gasp!) OkCupid.

Not all of the users were guys 20 years older than me/weirdos without access to spellcheck, though: the interface immediately suggested I check out other people on the site who studied at Adelaide Uni, frequented the Exeter, had acceptable hair and probably did not have the set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre in their basements.

This is where I get confused. I’m looking for something on a website full of people looking for the same thing, more or less. We’re all looking for connection. The nature of finding this connection is hit-and-miss. That’s dating. I’ve kissed people I’d never want to be seen in public with. I’ve certainly kissed people who never want to be seen in public with me. I’ve been shunned for showing too much interest, and I’ve also wriggled my

Maybe if I had messaged one of them we could have shared a pizza,

I ALWAYS THOUGHT DATING WEBSITES WERE FOR THE DESPERATE, THE SOCIOPATHIC, THE UGLY, OR THE MIDDLE AGED.

way out of making commitments to people who are keener than Commander Keen. We’re all assholes to each other in our search for someone who won’t be an asshole to us. What I don’t get is why the discourse around dating and fucking is so hidden and embarrassing: why was I too afraid to message a guy on a dating website who I probably would have approached pretty confidently at a party? Just because the context made it clear that I wanted to suck face? Or was it because I assumed that if he was on this website, there must be some secret, dealbreaking flaw? Why do we pathologise our totally natural desire to find someone to do life with? Sure, we’re fresh out of puberty and we might not want to put a ring on it before we’ve even graduated. When it comes to the long haul, a little commitmentphobia isn’t that unusual. But sources of wise and reliable life advice like Cleo magazine dictate that even if you have a little case of the feels, you’re supposed to keep it on the down

low. I can understand that a whiff of desperation is off-putting, but is actively looking for someone a desperate act? OkCupid taught me that for me, it is. Participating in an online space with an outlook to finding someone to share my life with felt wrong. I couldn’t abide the fact that these guys who were contacting me didn’t know me, or my friends, or what my voice sounds like, or even my name. Every possible candidate OkCupid offered me seemed repulsive to me because they had contacted me on a dating website; it felt like I was assessing job applications and their unabashed desire to get to know me better came with none of the drunken mystique you get when you find your mouth accidentally falling onto the mouth of the guy who bought you a drink half an hour ago. Within 48 hours of signing up, I’d withdrawn my account. I’m ashamed to admit that I was ashamed to have tried OkCupid. I’m ashamed of the fact that I couldn’t do more than make terrified eye contact with Mr. Attractive last week. I’m ashamed of the fact that I want someone to like me beyond the morning after, and I’m ashamed of the fact that I try to hide that every time I meet someone the night before. I don’t hate being single. Usually I don’t think about it. Sometimes, when I want to eat Doritos in bed until 4am, I revel in it. Sometimes, when it’s raining or I’ve got my period or a romantic movie is on TV, I resent it. But I don’t see my relationship status as an affliction. OkCupid is a valid place to meet people, but in my case, it was a band-aid I didn’t need. What I do need is a less selfpreserving attitude towards the human weakness that is crush town; to accept that there is no shame in wanting to hang out with someone even when they have clothes on. And that there’s no shame in telling them so, because we all want the same thing in the end, right?

Emma Jones has a cat. She does not have a boyfriend.

CHEAP LISTENING ROSS JOBSON HAS SOME MUSIC RECOMMENDATIONS FOR CHEAPSKATES PHOTOGRAPHY: ALICIA STROUSS

I get sick and tired of hearing the same songs being force fed to me over and over again on the radio. So I go on new music hunts, hopping from band to band, trying to find something I like. ‘What does this involve?!’ I hear you yell. Fortunately for people like me, this feeling was more widespread than first thought. People were sick of having to listen to what the big wigs decided they should listen to, and so were the bands, this gave rise to websites such as ‘bandcamp.com’. Bandcamp.com is a place artists can get a direct point of sale and contact with their fans, selling their music for around 85 per cent profit, and setting the price point at what they like. People like us (read: poor uni students) can help ourselves, as a lot of new and upcoming artists deliver their music either for free or on a ‘pay what you want’ basis. So now that you are up to speed on the how and why, let me jump into the first of what I hope to be many recommendations on any number of styles imaginable.

STREETS OF FIRE – RUN

Genre: Alternative Rock, Indie Rock. This is an EP from a band out of New Jersey, which, along with Brooklyn, is offering up some of my absolute favourite new music. It starts with the song ‘Latin’. A fuzzed guitar coming in, with some reverbed vocals, which quickly unfold into a whole band getting energetic. If you like to bob your head and hear some semi-disco licks used in the vein of indie rock, this opening track will draw you in. The following song, ‘Ain’t Comin’ Back’, starts out so Jack Johnson-esque that I thought the band had gone on holiday. But this is just a misdirection - the same tones heard in the first track came back with a vengeance. ‘Call Me Dishonest’ is a funkier, Red Hot Chili Peppers like song. You can definitely hear funk and disco as influences for the whole album, but they are done in a way that you would be forgiven for missing. It is good this album is not a full length, due to the fact that if there were any more songs that sounded similar it would all get a bit samey, but the diversity present is enough for an EP. It’s a really fun listen for when you just want to hear some groovy and upbeat indie/funk rock. Listen if you like: Early Kings of Leon, Red Hot Chili Peppers streetsoffiremusic.com/album/run

LEMAITRE – RELATIVITY 2 Genre: House, Electronic, Electro-Pop

This album took me by surprise. When I find electro music online I tend to assume it’s going to be something someone just knocked up on their computer. Dead wrong. This sparkly, well produced, well influenced album knocked my teeth out from the first second. The opening track ‘Keep Close’ starts out with a filtered synth and low pass filtered drums before it all starts evolving. Some pianos are introduced to keep it fresh and then all hell breaks loose. I can imagine everyone in a room dancing to the glitch, soaring greatness of this opener. ‘Time To Realize’ quickly follows on. This is just upbeat from the get go, and really starts to show some Daft Punk influences. The vocals on the other hand are somewhat like Cut Copy or Bag Raiders, but fresh enough to be unique. The ending of the album carries on the definite Daft Punk influences and wraps things up nicely with a remix. I really was a fan of this, and you will be too if you like to dance. Listen if you like: Daft Punk, Cut Copy, Bag Raiders lemaitremusic.bandcamp.com/album/ relativity-2

LET’S GET FESTY WITH SEFTY

44 On Dit presents excerpts of a conversation with David Sefton, Artistic Director of the Adelaide Festival and former London and LA Festival organiser. He speaks about what this first annual Festival means for the ladies and gentlemen of the University of Adelaide. To read the rest, check lifeoncampus.org.au/ondit. Stella Crawford: A lot of the artists performing this year are people you’ve worked with in the past, at UCLA Live or in London. (D: Yep) How much is this a Festival of the people you know and have brought to Adelaide?

There’s no question: standing in Barrio last year and looking around, the crowd that were coming into Barrio, were definitely not the people who were buying tickets to theatres.

David Sefton: There’s almost certainly people you’ve worked with before, especially once you’ve been doing it as long as I have. I’ve worked with just about everybody. But you are right, quite a lot of the headline names – the Kronos Quartet, Laurie [Anderson]- are definitely part of my history. But I think that’s inevitable when you’ve been an artistic director since the mid nineties; all of the greats you’ve had a chance to work with are people you definitely want to bring back.

[Unsound and Brasslands are] not things you would necessarily expect in the Adelaide Festival. But I think that’s exactly the point. We should be looking at the next generation of audience, as well as doing stuff for people who’ve been coming for a long time.

S: Oh yeah, I don’t know that anyone’s complaining that Nick Cave is playing. (D: Exactly). There’s definitely a lot more contemporary music in this program than there has been in the past. Is that something you see as essential to a festival? D: Yes, I do. I mean, I think every festival, not just Adelaide, but all festivals should evolve. Part of that process of evolving is looking at what’s new, and looking at what is going to bring a wider audience.

S: If we wanted to talk about targeting a younger audience, you couldn’t go past Barrio: probably the first time a lot of people university age had an experience with the Festival. Was that something you had to bring back? D: Well, I witnessed the phenomenon that was Barrio [last year]. The thing that I liked about it was not just the fact that it was popular, but that it contained so much; it was almost like a little festival going on by itself in that club. Looking at both what it was, and how successful it was, I felt that there was no question that it should be done twice. I’d have been so unpopular if I hadn’t done it. Your natural instinct would be to do something new right off the bat,

but I just felt that whatever I did would be compared to Barrio, and so with the success of it, I should do it again. S: So you’ve worked in LA, you’ve worked in London. Is there any difference in working in what is, effectively sometimes quite a small town? While Adelaide does go mad for Festival time, it is quite conservative in its attitudes sometimes. D: The funny thing is, if you actually look at the Festival historically, over the years, there are things that have been here in Adelaide that I wouldn’t have risked bringing to Los Angeles. Whatever happens the other 11 months of the year, what is certainly true is that the people of Adelaide will take risks during the Festival and have allowed the Festival to be far from conservative. One of the ironies is that Adelaide being, the rest of the time, a relatively small place, makes it a perfect festival town. Because you can’t miss the Festival. The Adelaide Festival runs from the 1st to the 17th of March. Grab a guide and check out what David’s got lined up for you.

BOXWARS: RECYCLING STRIKES BACK

45 This is a cardboard box. Looks pretty simple, huh? Just imagine it cut up and retaped and fashioned into full body armour and then destroyed by a cardboard dragon. Pretty nifty.

Many of us would have spent significant amounts of our childhood crafting things out of cardboard, taping toilet rolls and boxes together to make fantastical inventions/ pieces of crap. But how many of us continued that activity well into adult life? Ross Koger is one of those people. He is a part of a Melbourne art collective called Boxwars. On Dit spoke to Ross on the phone last week ahead of his performance at WOMADelaide. Ross explains how Boxwars was born from a desire to ‘do something fun, and that’s what Boxwars is for us, but also an outlet for our creativity.’ We go on to talk about childhood craft projects, and how quickly those efforts pale in comparison to Boxwars’ creations. He’s reassuring: ‘It was born from the ideas of what you were talking about just before, being a kid and building stuff out of toilet rolls and the TV box and all those sorts of things. That’s where Boxwars

really came from, and it’s just sort of like us taking the evolution of that and building it into the current event it is today and how you see it today. So yeah, maybe if you continued along that path you might be in the same vein as us now.’ Comforting. One of the fascinating parts of the collective is that absolutely all of the art they make is transient, and must be destroyed at all costs. It’s fairly rare to find an artist that will so willingly destroy their own work. ‘Whatever happens in Boxwars, it has to be destroyed – if it isn’t destroyed we’d have to just keep storing them, there’d be nowhere to put anything. Our houses would be just filled with crap. So it has to be destroyed,’ Ross laughs. There’s another thing - all the costumes and creations are destroyed in action, on the battlefield. After spending hours and hours building an intricate helicopter, or giant star wars style robot suit, they stage a giant mock battle, and yes, people do get hurt. ‘People have been hurt, but we run a very safe event. It’s not about competitiveness in the battle, it’s about competitiveness in creativity... to go in there and

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k fl ic

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deliberately cause harm, it’s not a good look. But we have had injuries before, but they haven’t been as terrible as you might think,’ he is quick to point out. Boxwars are running a workshop at WOMADelaide encouraging participants (particularly kids, but Ross is quick to point out that big kids are also welcome) to get into cardboard creativity. They’ll be demonstrating techniques for creating cardboard constructions; don’t try and pretend you’re no good at crafts. ‘When they get in there, people surprise themselves. They find that they can really build with it. I mean, everyone can build with lego. And cardboard pretty much is lego. It’s just not packaged as a toy’. Plus, cardboard is much cheaper than lego.

For the full interview transcript with Ross Koger check lifeoncampus.org.au/ondit. Boxwars are performing at the WOMADelaide Festival in Botanic Park.

DIVERSIONS

MAD LIBS. SEXY SEXY MAD LIBS How to play: One player requests a word of the type in brackets, the other provides them before seeing the story. Write them into the blanks and read for hilarity.

I see you from across the crowded (common noun) meet mine.

, holding a (place ) (adjective) . A shiver goes down my spine, as your eyes flick up to

It seems almost fated when we bump, later, queueing to purchase a wwww

from the bar.

(drink)

I turn around and walk toward the Cloisters. You follow. I stop outside the now empty

. You keep walking and collide with my erect (place) . Quickly, you grasp my and push the door (body part)

(noun) open. You sit on the

and remove your (item of furniture) . I watch on avidly as your buttocks rest in dried

(item of clothing) stains and your feet tap on cold (liquid) on the floor. (adverb)

(food)

gathering dust

, you remove your

(body part)

and touch my aroused (item of clothing) , which is weird because I’m still wearing all of my clothes.

As I touch my

to your body, you (body part) (onomatopeia) softly, and lean further into me. ‘Don’t stop! (proper noun) DON’T STOP!’, you cry. We roll and roll, entwined, over the stained tables. We have sex, put our just in time for

(noun)

(colour)

on and go to the Barr Smith Lawns Fear. Gross.

THE END.

HOROSCOPES NAUGHTIES AND CROSSIES (best of three)

BY CLARE VOYANT

ARIES You will be caught in the act of stealing office supplies at your part-time job. Feigning a seizure will create enough confusion to smooth over the situation.

LIBRA You have become a throwback. Get a haircut and stop using the words ‘dope’ and ‘rad’. You’re welcome. SCORPIO All those secret jazzercise classes are about to pay off regarding that special someone- Burn baby burn, disco inferno.

TAURUS Today is the first day of the rest of your life: don’t buy any more Bjork albums. GEMINI Your news year’s resolution to stop stockpiling curly wurlies has collapsed. Buy a girdle and embrace the real you.

SAGITTARIUS A passing gang of middle school students will corner you on the bus: just remember not to make any sudden movements and that they’re more scared of you than you are of them.

CANCER Seeking pragmatism and efficiency, you will stop wasting time reading your horoscope. Productivity will increase by 12 percent.

CAPRICORN You will choke on a spanish peanut while telling a poorly-received knock-knock joke. Your listeners will take comfort in the thought that the punch-line died with you.

LEO An acrostic poem you wrote about your dead guinea pig will receive international acclaim; you will still never get a girl/boyfriend.

AQUARIUS In a rare moment of charity, you will stop to listen to the environmental activists on North terrace. You will regret this for many moons.

VIRGO A piece of grammatically-correct graffiti will stop you in your tracks and set you on the path to enlightenment; you will dismiss your Arts Degree as being “too bourgeois”

PISCES Avoid all chicken-based Chinese meals: salmonella, it is on your horizon.

TARGEDOKU Find as many words as you can using the letters on the Sudoku grid. Words must be four letters or more and include the highlighted letter. Use the letters to solve the Sudoku (normal Sudoku rules apply). Hint: Plump and delicious.

S P

P I

M P

N L

I L

M U

D P

N D G

COOKING UP A STORM OF CORN FRITTERS ELEANOR LUDINGTON WHIPS UP SOMETHING DELICIOUS PHOTOGRAPHY: ELEANOR LUDINGTON

Some of you are no doubt jumping with joy about the return to uni. You get to see all your friends again, you’re one year closer to getting that ‘real’ job and actually being able to afford to move out of home, and you now have something to do (although surely with 3 months of spare time you found a million things to do!) Others of us are probably lying in bed each night, tears streaming down our faces as we envisage what is to come. Oh well, such is life. If you’re anything like me you might be saying goodbye to your only income source for the near future.Maybe you’ve just broken up with your one true love as you realised that no relationship can survive the distance between Adelaide and Flinders; they’re simply too far apart. Perhaps it’s the realisation that Adelaide Metro has cancelled half its train lines for the year (thanks guys, I really love getting in for my 8am starts now!) Whatever your woes, I promise you’ll look back and laugh at them one day. Or at the very least you’ll find comfort in eating the delight below that I’ve made just for you! My brother and I have found ourselves overindulging lately, and we both agree that we feel much better about the problems in our lives with a plate of corn fritters in front of us. I know you will too!

Makes 20 fritters Ingredients:

1 x 400g tin creamed corn 2 average sized potatoes, peeled and grated 1 carrot, grated 1/2 red capsicum, diced finely 1 small onion or 1/2 a big onion, diced finely 8 tablespoons of flour – more may be needed depending on your batter Salt and pepper to taste Method: Combine and mix all ingredients ensuring a thick batter (it shouldn’t be too dry, nor should it be too runny. You want to be able to drop these onto a pan so that they make wellformed fritters) If the mixture is too dry add some more creamed corn; if it is too wet, add a little flour until desired consistency is achieved Drop spoonfuls of batter onto greased fry-pan over medium heat Flip after a couple of minutes Cook until both sides are golden brown and crisp Enjoy on their own or serve with salad and salsa Temporarily experience elation and forget any worries in your life.

O’GAME PLAYING PIECES: TAKE YOUR PICK. CHOOSE CAREFULLY. CUT US OUT AND PLAY WITH US! FABULOUS AND ATTRACTIVE ON DIT EDITORS

UNIVERSITY HEAD HONCHOS VICE CHANCELLOR WARREN BEBBINGTON

CASEY BRIGGS

DEPUTY VC (ACADEMIC) PASCALE QUESTER

HOLLY RITSON

VICE-PRESIDENT (SERVICES & RESOURCES) PAUL DULDIG

STELLA CRAWFORD

INSTRUCTIONS: 1) CUT OUT THE FACES YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH (BE CAREFUL WITH SCISSORS, KIDS. ASK A PARENT TO HELP YOU!). 2) CUT OUT THE CIRCLE WITH THE NUMBERS IN AND THE ARROW NEXT TO IT. 3) COME TO THE ON DIT O’WEEK STALL OR OFFICE TO COLLECT A SPLIT PIN AND ASSEMBLY INSTRUCTIONS 4) HAVE FUN!