On Dit Edition 82.7

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Interwebs: auu.org.au/ondit. We love to love you, baby. Editors: Sharmonie Cockayne, Daisy Freeburn and Yasmin Martin. Front cover artwork by Alex Weiland. On Dit is a publication of the Adelaide University Union. On Dit is produced and printed on the traditional country of the Kuarna people of the Adelaide Plains. We recognise and respect their cultural heritage, beliefs and relationship with the land. Published 29/7/2014




But then I remembered that 298 people got shot out of the sky for no apparent reason. I remembered that thousands of Israeli soldiers invaded the Gaza strip last week. I remembered that there are more slaves in the world today than there have ever been at any point in history. I remembered that two asylum seeker children were taken from their Adelaide home, again for no apparent reason, and shut away from the world. I remembered that the world is awful almost all the time, but things seem particularly bad when all the tragedies you read about in

the news seem to be man-made. I can’t be the only one that feels helpless. I’m just one person. I can be outraged and sad, but I can’t change the way the world works. I can go to a protest, and I can write letters to my local MP, but when is it enough? At what point have I done enough to help make the world better?

The answer is probably never. There is no end point. I can understand why people become apathetic. It’s easier to say “worldisfukt” and get on with our daily grind than it is to try and comprehend just how “fukt” the world really is. But we can’t just sit tight in our bubble, sheltered from the atrocities of the big bad world. Bubbles are fragile, and the winds of war are blowing stronger than ever.

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a communist; Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a socialist; Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist; Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— because I was not a Jew;


wanted to write something uplifting for this editorial. After all, this is the first edition of the new semester. We’ve had a holiday and shaken the last semester off. I felt like I should write something about new beginnings and achieving your dreams.

Then they came for me— and there was no one left to speak out for me. - Martin Niemöller

Love, Yasmin (and Daisy and Sharmonie)


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Monday 1st September to Friday 5th September 2014


Open at 9.00am on Monday 11th August 2014 Close strictly at 4.00pm on Friday 15th August 2014




GENERAL MEMBER OF THE AUU BOARD (5 positions; each elected for a term of two (2) years) - the AUU Board is the governing body of the AUU and is responsible for managing its affairs. The AUU provides funding for activities, events and services on campus, as well as providing support and assistance to affiliated student organisations. The Board meets monthly and has various sub-committees in which Board members are expected to participate. NUS DELEGATE (7 positions) - the National Union of Students is the body that is charged with the responsibility of representing student interests. Delegates will be invited to attend State and National conferences of NUS and are expected to contribute to the development of policy and action at a State and National level. ON DIT EDITOR (1 position, however up to three students may nominate to be joint editors) - responsible for the publication of the AUU’s student magazine which is published during academic term-time. It is highly desirable that the successful candidate(s) have some knowledge of print media (if you are considering nominating, please find out what is involved).

STUDENT RADIO DIRECTOR (1 position, however up to three students may nominate to be joint directors) - responsible for the

coordination of the Student Radio programs on Radio Adelaide and the coordination and training of students involved in producing programs. It is highly desirable that the successful candidate(s) have knowledge of producing radio programs (if you are considering nominating, please find out what is involved).


1. Only students currently enrolled at the University of Adelaide who are financial members of the AUU may nominate. Members must be over the age of 18 years, able to hold a liquor licence and be legally able to hold the position of a director of an incorporated association. 2. Nomination forms must be either: a) completed and submitted online at www.auu.org.au or, where a candidate is unable to submit online, b) obtained from AUU Reception during opening hours and once completed given in person to the Returning Officer or their nominated delegate or mailed to the returning officer via registered post. 3. A policy statement and photograph can be submitted, if desired, to returningofficer@auu.org.au Policy statements must not exceed 200 words including the candidate’s name and the position for which they are standing; any words over 200 will not be published. Policy statements will be accepted in Microsoft Word or Plain Text with digital photos accepted in JPEG or TIFF format, with a minimum 300dpi (for clarity). If you are unable to submit your policy statement or photograph as above, please contact the Returning Officer to arrange an alternative method of submission. No policy statements or photographs will be accepted after close of nominations. 4. All AUU Board candidates will be required to attend an information session, to be held before the elections, outlining the responsibilities of an AUU director and the structure of the organisation.

NOMINATIONS RECEIVED AFTER THE CLOSE OF NOMINATIONS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED POSTAL VOTES FOR THE ELECTION: Applications for a postal vote should be made in writing to the Returning Officer, by no later than 4.00pm, Friday 22nd August 2014.


Any questions concerning the Election should be directed to the Returning Officer via returningofficer@auu.org.au or 8313 4406.

Published and authorised by the Returning Officer, July 2014. Please recycle.


Monday 1st September to Friday 5th September 2014


Open at 9.00am on Monday 11th August 2014 Close strictly at 4.00pm on Friday 15th August 2014


SRC PRESIDENT (1 position) – responsible for the overall co-ordination and leadership of the SRC and as chief spokesperson for the SRC.

GENERAL SECRETARY (1 position) – responsible for calling meetings, taking minutes and general administrative roles. EDUCATION OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to highlight issues relating to student’s education and other academic concerns. WELFARE OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to promote the welfare of all students and to promote and strengthen support for students. WOMEN’S OFFICER (1 position) – Acts as an advocate for women’s interests, a co-ordinator of women’s action on campus. To be

eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as a woman. QUEER OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of queer students, to promote and strengthen the rights of queer students on campus and to combat discrimination at university and the wider community. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as queer. INTERNATIONAL STUDENT OFFICER (1 position) – Advocates on behalf of students enrolled as international students at the University of Adelaide, and to promote equality and opportunities for international students. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must be enrolled as an international student at the University of Adelaide. POSTGRADUATE STUDENT OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of postgraduate students of the University of Adelaide. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must be currently undertaking postgraduate study at the University of Adelaide. ETHNO-CULTURAL OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of students with a cultural or linguistically diverse background. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as having a linguistically or culturally diverse background. ATSI OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of students who identify as Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as being Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. ENVIRONMENT OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate for environmental sustainability within the university and broader community. SOCIAL JUSTICE OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to highlight issues relating to social justice. MATURE AGE OFFICER (1 position)- Acts to advocate on behalf of Mature Aged students. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must be over the age of 25. ABILITY OFFICER (1 position) – Acts on behalf of disabled students on campus. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as being differently abled. RURAL OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of rural and regional students. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must have must lived in a regional or remote area, or have moved from a regional remote area, within the last three (3) years and within six (6) months of commencing their studies at Adelaide University. GENERAL COUNCILLOR (8 positions) – Acts as an advocate for all students, assists office bearers in the fulfilment of their functions.


1. Only students currently enrolled at the University of Adelaide who are financial members of the AUU may nominate. Members must be over the age of 18 years, able to hold a liquor licence and be legally able to hold the position of a director of an incorporated association. 2. Nomination forms may be completed and submitted online at www.auu.org.au ; candidates who are unable to submit online may contact the Returning Officer for available alternatives. 3. A policy statement and photograph can be submitted, if desired, to returningofficer@auu.org.au as follows: • Policy statements must not exceed 200 words including the candidate’s name and the position for which they are standing; any words over 200 will not be published. • Policy statements will be accepted in Microsoft Word or Plain Text with digital photos accepted in JPEG or TIFF format, with a minimum 300dpi (for clarity). • No policy statements or photographs will be accepted after close of nominations. • If you are unable to submit your policy statement or photograph as above, please contact the Returning Officer to arrange an alternative method of submission.


Applications for a postal vote should be made in writing to the Returning Officer, by no later than 4.00pm, Friday 22nd August 2014.


Any questions concerning the Election should be directed to the Returning Officer via returningofficer@auu.org.au or 8313 4406.

Published and authorised by the Returning Officer, July 2014. Please recycle.




what’s on



hey there, stranger. On this page you’ll find all of the events, info, strange things people say sometimes, news, bake sales, pub crawls, tarp-surfing competitions and anything else you could possibly want to know about the University of Adelaide. Did we miss anything? Let us know at ondit@adelaide.edu.au.

textbooks p r o t e s t What: The Student Co-op When: 10am - 4pm Tuesdays and Thursdays Where: Level 4, 230 North Terrace

National Day of Action against cuts to higher education When: 3.00pm, August 20th Where: Parliament House, Nth Terrace

VC’s cup trial

sports clubs

AU Sport are calling for University of Adelaide students & staff to trial for the annual VC Cup, a 4x800m running race through the Uni grounds. Each Faculty will be represented by a female and male staff member and a female and male student. When: 12.30pm - 1.00pm, Aug 11-15 Where: The Uni Loop (meet at the ‘200m post’ on Mackinnon Parade). How: Email your name, gender, staff/ student and faculty to sdo@theblacks.com.au

in the hub AU Sport has 39 sport clubs on offer for students, staff and the outside community. There’s field sports and court sports, swimming, gliding and more. Come and have a look at them all in Hub Central and pick what’s right for you! When: 11.30am - 2.30pm, August 7th Where: Hub Central, University of Adelaide

free brekky uni bar gigs What: Weekly free breakfasts to keep our keen eyed students healthy and happy on campus. When: Every Tuesday (excluding holidays), 8.30am – 10am Where: The Fix Lounge (next to Unibooks) Brought to you by Student Care and the SRC.

Broods When: 8.00pm, August 7th Just Like Clockwork When: 7.00pm, August 9th The Kite String Tangle When: 8.30pm, August 29th The Aston Shuffle When: 8.30pm, August 30th


e s s a y c o m p ‘Bhagavad Gita As It Is’ by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is a non-sectarian initiative to enable students to delve into an ancient eastern philosophy that has answers to today’s problems of the environment, ecology and the human condition. Competition Prize: $10,000 Question: On ‘Bhagavad Gita As It Is’ by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada Entrants: All students enrolled at an Australian university or tertiary education institution, either part-time or full-time. Essay Length: 2,500–3,000 words Essay Deadline: November 28th 2014 Prize Announced: January 30th 2015 Cost to Enter: $35 Visit http://www.bgasitisessay. com.au for full details.


we need you

The UofA Theatre Guild presents: ‘No Man’s Land’.

Edition 9 of On Dit will be an anthology of creative writing! If you would like your short creative masterpiece to be considered, please submit your work to ondit@adelaide. edu.au with the subject line ‘HEARSAY’ by August 6th.

When: 7.30pm, August, Sat 2nd, Tues-Sat 5-9 and 12-16 Where: The Little Theatre Tickets: $28 Full / $23 Concession More: http://www.adelaide.edu. au/theatreguild/

sports Inter-Faculty Active Recreation (IFAR) Week is returning to the AU Campus bigger and better in its 6th year. Brace yourself for an exciting mix of free activities, including: Table Tennis Laser Tag Zorb Ball Bowling A Mechanical Surfboard Air Hockey ...and MORE! When: 12.00 - 2.00pm, September 9th - 12th Where: Barr Smith Lawns & Hub Central, University of Adelaide

unithrive comp

FREE Lunch for Waite campus AUU members When: 11:30am - 1.30pm, August 7th. Where: McLeod Lawns, Waite Campus

j o b s Desperate for a job? CareerOne not doing it for you? The Union Employment Service will help you out. Head to unione.auu. org.au/Employment/ to get started.

For one night only the Cloisters will be transformed into an eclectic artistic wonderland, featuring Andy Bull, Oisima, Pilot DJ’s & more. When: 3.00pm - 10.00pm, Aug 1st Cost: Early Bird $12 / UofA Student $15 / GA $20 @ the AUU office.

band comp The biggest live band comp in Australia is heading to the UofA. When: Midnight - 2am, Aug 1st - 31st Where: Uni Bar, University of Adelaide


UniThrive are launching their blog, and are running a Creative Images Competition to help celebrate. Submit UniThrive inspired art to www.adelaide.edu.au/uni-thrive/engage/competitions/ to win a $100 UniBooks voucher. A donation of $1 will be made to 1 of 4 charities for every entry received. Entries close August 17th.


at the cloisters

Person 1: *Looking at AUU table at Wayville* Are those free candy or mini torches? Person 2: Why would you need a torch in your exam? Person 1: I dunno... to seek light?

you had me at hello. Email: ondit@adelaide.edu.au Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onditmagazine Twitter: @onditmagazine Instagram: @onditmag Snail Mail: On Dit, c/o Adelaide University Union, Level 4 Union House, University of Adelaide, 5005 In Real Life: Pop into our office on the West side of the Barr Smith Lawns. Yep, you’ll have to walk down those gloomy looking stairs. Sorry.



glorious leaders

state of the union



Sam Davis, auu president

delegates in September during those pesky University of Adelaide Student Elections. So what has NUS been doing to fight this anti-student budget? Right around the country NUS has organised national actions against the budget: demonstrations called National Days of Action in Australian capital cities. These demonstrations have garnered a large amount of media attention, and have been very successful in raising awareness of the injustices served to students’ under the Abbott government. The next National Day of Action will be held on August 20th outside Parliament House on North Terrace at 3pm.

In the face of all the unjust things the federal government is doing to university students, like cutting funding to universitys, allowing universitys to charge whatever they want for your degree and cutting you off of Newstart, who is standing up for you? The National Union of Students (NUS) is. NUS is the peak national body representing students and they are your main representatives to the federal government. They are the ones fighting for students rights against the government. How do they do this? Firstly they have a number of office bearers who reflect the broad national makeup of the student body. Similar to our Student Representative Council, there are office bearers who represent groups such as women, students with disability, LGBT+ students, and also those who work specifically with student education, and welfare. These office bearers are led by a national President, who is currently Adelaide’s very own Deanna Taylor. These office bearers are elected at a national conference in December of every year by delegates of all affiliated universities. You will have an opportunity to either run for, or vote in the election for Adelaide’s

Other than rallies, the NUS has also been organising behind the scenes and speaking to key players in Parliament, including the man behind all of the damage; Christopher Pyne, and key members on the Cross Bench, including Clive Palmer. It looks as though the government may have a difficult task getting their higher education reforms passed, which is a credit to NUS and President Taylor, in being able to put together a professional and honest face for the student movement. The NUS have done a fantastic job in representing students in this turbulent time, and I encourage all students who are concerned about the government’s decisions regarding higher education to attend the National Days of Action and show that we are willing to fight for our education.

glorious leaders

student representative column Lucy Small-Pearce, SRC president

Welcome back! And a special welcome to all of the new students starting at the University of Adelaide this semester, too! University can be a great place to meet new people, broaden your thinking and have fun. Sometimes though, times can get a little tough, and you might find yourself needing a little help. Whether you are being snowed under with study, having personal issues or simply low on cash, there are many avenues for assistance at the University of Adelaide here to help.

Study Problems

If you’ve received your first assignment back and your mark is less than you had hoped, The Writing Centre and the Maths Learning Centre (MLC) (both located on Level 3 of the Hub) are both great places to go for help. The Writing Centre can help you with writing and referencing, and the MLC can help you with anything maths related struggles. Both are open from 10am-4pm MondayFriday during teaching weeks and SWOTVAC. In other circumstances and fields of study, don’t hesitate to contact your tutor or lecturer, as they can can help you with extensions, clarify any issues you are experiencing, or point you in the right direction for further help. Sometimes you can organise study sessions with other students, and that can be very helpful. Student Care provides advice and assistance to students to navigate the way through the University policies and procedures that relate more serious academic issues such as plagiarism, replacement exams, concerns around academic misconduct, applying for Retrospective Withdraw No Fail (RWNF) and more. To make an appointment, call Student Care on 8313 5430.

Financial Woes

In the case of unexpected financial struggle, Student Care (located in the Lady Symon building) can help you out with small loans of up to $500 unsecured. They can also help you out with navigating Centrelink, legal and tax woes. If you’re not sure if they can help, just give them a ring on 8313 5430 and they can let you know. The AUU’s Employment Service can help you to find a job that fits around your study. There is also a lot of

discounted training for students such as barista courses to help you get a job. Check out what’s on offer at www. auu.org.au/Employment/.

Personal Help

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with study, work, general life or you just need help managing your time, the Counselling Service is a fantastic place to go for help. Any student can use the counselling service, and you can book an appointment ahead of time. If you need an immediate appointment, they have a drop in service from 1pm-4pm MondayFriday. Just pop by during open hours and ask for an appointment (pro tip: try to get there 10 minutes earlier as they book out very fast).


There are many fantastic clubs and associations you can join if you want to get more involved in the social side of university life. Joining your faculty association is a great way to meet people with like-minded interests. You can also join specific interests groups from the Adelaide University Hip-Hop Dance Club to the Adelaide University Chess Club.




a fairly current affair ELLIOT HOSKIN sums up the latest political shenanigans Art by daisy Freeburn


The deadline date for this article was July 18th. This morning I woke up, rolled over and checked Facebook. Within three minutes I had discovered that two devastating pieces of world news had occurred. The most prominent issue was the shooting down of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17, resulting in the deaths of 298 people from all around the globe. At the time of writing, the perpetrators are unknown and the scale of the act is far from fully realised. This morning also marked the beginning of an Israeli assault on the ground in Palestine. After reading up on both these events, I turned my attention to this column, a brief recap of Australian politics over the last few weeks. The transition from global problems to Australian problems is a shocking contrast. The leading news article on Australian politics was Queensland Senator Ian Macdonald wearing a hi-vis mining jacket to debate the repeal of the mining and resources tax (which was successfully voted down in the senate by Labor, The Greens and The Palmer United Party [PUP]). So with keeping this contrast in mind, it is time to look at the comparitively privileged problems that have occurred in the Australian political landscape over the last few weeks. And oh how depressing it has been. Over these university holidays the senate has changed hands, leaving the PUP-Motoring Enthusiast Party voting bloc the balance of power in the Australian senate. The most influential act that has occurred as a result of the new senate has been the repeal of the carbon tax, which was voted through on the July 17th, with a margin of 39-32 in the senate (The Australian Conservation Foundation has tweeted the names of those that voted for the repeal, so that they may never be forgotten if the worse is to happen in 40 years time. It’s worth checking them out on Twitter under @AusConservation). The move makes Australia the first country to remove a pollution based price scheme from its economy. The repeal bill is thus far the crowning achievement of Environment Minister Greg Hunt, who ironically spent his university days writing a thesis on market-based solutions for climate change. The conclusion of his paper read, ‘In place of the current system, we have proposed the wide

use of pollution taxes as a means of both raising revenue for environmental agencies and compelling polluters to decrease their emissions.’ In light of this information, it is very bizarre that Hunt went through with the repeal. Also I’m sure there is an important lesson here for all you students out there, something along the lines of ‘whilst your thesis may seem like the only thing in your life right now don’t worry, you will quickly forget everything you ever learnt.’ The other major piece of political news yet again involves Scott Morrison, who is proving yet again that he is the MVP of political journalism. Currently Australia is holding 153 Tamil asylum seekers on a boat in the middle of the Indian Ocean. They are in middle of high court proceeding regarding the legality of operation Sovereign Borders. Due to the governments ongoing secrecy around asylum seeker boats it is difficult to ascertain the full information of the proceedings, but what is being called into question is whether or not Australia could properly have processed the claims of the asylum seekers. Australia’s policies have drawn criticisms from the United Nations, with the human rights council showing ‘profound concern’ over those at sea. And finally, in a truly terrifying piece of political news, Liberal Democratic senator (on the crossbench, no less) David Leyonhjelm has said that the senate process is difficult to understand at first, and that some of the new senators may have voted the wrong way by accident. If they accidentally repealed the carbon tax then I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do honestly I mean come on. Sorry for the cynicism. I’ll be back next time where hopefully Clive Palmer’s shenanigans have gone back to being funny. Man I miss the Jurassic Park days.

Elliot asks all the questions dads do, makes all the jokes dads do and is shockingly not actually a dad. He is average height for a woman.


this is student politics william deacon suffers from faction distraction art by Sharmonie Cockayne

If apathy is the last virtue of a dying society, then we University of Adelaide students are spiralling towards some exciting times indeed. Hey, I’m Billy D and this is Student Politics Mk. 2, the place where you learn that starting your article off with vague hints at the end of the world increases your readership by 10 per cent. Did you enjoy the Supermoon weekend? Any mysterious lapses of emotion hit your end of Adelaide? For those of you who are unfamiliar with my work, I am like the Zarathustra of the University of Adelaide political scene: I take the many fragmented voices of campus and condense them into one monotheist column. In my absence from the magazine a lot has transpired : budget cuts have essentially created a ‘rally around the flag mentality’ for every student that has endured the classical music looping bureaucracy which is Centrelink; the head of the Motoring Enthusiast’s Party may be the only person who can save our poor environment; and hell, some kid got his Krispy Kreme’s stolen from him at knifepoint. But fear not, the most oddball student politics page is back, and not just so I can stop receiving messages saying ‘so you finally got fired from On Dit.’ Due to exam season only now subsiding, student politics in Adelaide has dropped into a bit of a quiet lull; a shame as Mars recently entered Libra, thus empowering everybody’s sense of balance, justice and communal action. The 2014 National Union of Students Education Conference was held from July 9th to 11th in Perth. According to sources from those attending, the two main talking points were the budget’s effect on deregulating the Australian University framework and turning it into a US monetarily hierarchal system, and the effectiveness of student power. As a result we can expect more large demonstrations like the National Day of Action, and possibly direct action protests like the infamous Q&A incident in the coming months. I’m crossing my fingers that my TV gets taken over again by wide-eyed proletarians. At least it would give me something interesting to write about. In the realms of elected action, though the SRC has not been active for a while (May 26th was their last meeting), they have recently suffered a casualty with

Aaron Dela Paz stepping down from both his SRC General Councillor role, and his seat on the Adelaide University Union (AUU) Board. At the same time, I have also heard talk that the Social Justice Officer role may cease to exist in future SRC’s. Petitions to block this action have been passed around campus, but the rumoured changes to the role may yet prove to be mere speculation. However, I feel that even the mention of getting rid of the position would be political suicide for the SRC, as they would thus lose that channel, if even merely superficially, to really engage with this new wave of socio-politically aware students. If the SRC begins to lose touch with this vocal demographic, many may look at the SRC as an obsolete group on matter that don’t involve fund raising morning teas and the idiosyncrasies of handing out free condoms. In May, members of the Anti-Poverty Network SA took centre-stage at the SRC meeting asking for unity between the two organisations to help single mother students with day-care facilities, and discuss the adequacy of student allowance. Would small groups feel comfortable discussing problems with the council without a position like the Social Justice Officer. Would they rather seek out help from the more vocal, and debatably more representative, groups on campus? I’d hope the former, but at this time of writing there is not enough attention to the “student” in “student politics” in my opinion. It is a problem that I have found consistently within my time writing for On Dit, and an issue that – from media presence, the information available on the union website and general apathy towards the position – I hope is confronted in the coming semester. It should be noted that I contacted various members of the Union Board and SRC to comment on moving forward from the first semester. I received no replies. They’re avoiding me.

William Deacon is not Yasmin Martin.




vox pop



Rachel // Final Year Masters of Counselling and Psychotherapy 1. Yes, I had one last night. 2. Probably Guy Sebastian – he’s Australian right? 3. I really don’t know. 4. Probably A. 5. A counselling business. 6. Best: I went to visit my very first nephew. Worst: The turbulence on the way back.

Tina & Charm // 4th and 5th

Tristan // 3rd Year Computer Science

1. C: Well I’m just overwhelmed by the gourmet glazers so nothing can compete with that. T: No, well I’m from Sydney. 2. C: Powderfinger. T: Does Australia have bands? Delta Goodrem. 3. C: I’ll hear less people whinging about it. T: Yeah, same here. 4. C: I’m not a fan of bratwurst so I’ll go with C. T: I was just thinking “What’s a bratwurst?” the entire time. 5. T: Are you thinking guns? C: Yeah, a shooting range! 6. C: My best and worst is the same thing: I slept too much. T: Best: I don’t have a best. Worst: Being at uni.

1. No I haven’t. 2. Regurgitator. 3. I have no idea. 4. A. 5. Digital Cartography. 6. I haven’t actually had a break yet.

Year respectively Dentistry


On Dit popped these students’ voxes and asked: 1. Have you had an SA-made Krispy Kreme yet? 2. Favourite Australian musician/band? 3. How will your life change now that the carbon tax is gone? 4. If you had a bratwurst and the person next to you somehow managed to get 7 bratwurst, would you a) eat your bratwurst and get over it, b) fall over screaming and mourning your lack of bratwurst or c) go back to sleep because who cares about a synthetic leather sack being kicked around by a bunch of men in a far away country? 5. If you were to start a business, what would it be? 6. Best and worst things that happened this mid-year break?

Kate // 2nd Year

Kavin // 3rd Year Health Sciences

Teshani // 3rd Year Health Sciences

1. No I haven’t! 2. Oh, that’s a tricky one. I really like Matt Corby? 3. I don’t really think it will change at all. 4. First of all: why does the second person have seven and I only have one? I’m torn between B and C because I don’t care about sports but I really like bratwurst. 5. Maybe a rival doughnut company that I’ll set up right across from Krispy Kreme. 6. Best: I went to the drive-in the other night, had a whole box of KFC with my sisters and saw How To Train Your Dragon 2. Worst: Probably that the movie ended and we had to go.

1. No. 2. Delta Goodrem (at the urging of the interviewer). 3. Is it gone??? 4. Probably C. 5. Run a night club I guess? 6. Best: All my results were okay. Worst: No money.

1. No. 2. Keith Urban. 3. It doesn’t affect me. 4. A. I don’t know if I could eat a whole one. 5. Probably something related to health science. 6. Best: Sleeping. Worst: Being cold.

Law/ International Studies




two too many words by alyona haines & Malwinka Wyra art by monty do-wyeld

On June 26th 2014, South Australia had two young students ripped away from their community by none other than our own government.




The two 16 year old boys came home from school, put down their bags, and settled in to play some Xbox. Moments later, Federal Police officers and Immigration officials entered their house, handed them a letter and told them to pack their things. They were taken to Inverbrackie Detention Centre in the Adelaide Hills. At three in the morning they were flown to Darwin, and were put into a detention center at Wickham Point. Our own government took children out of the physical and emotional safety of a caring household, and threw them into what is essentially a prison. There is no logical reason for their abduction. The two boys were living in community detention for almost two years, and were looked after by willing and loving carers.

They attended school and were good students. They’ve been in Australia since March 2011, when they arrived here by boat seeking asylum from Vietnam. These boys came alone, with no parents or family. They would only have been around 13 years old at the time. They spent approximately 16 months in detention upon their arrival, and were eventually deemed not a risk, and subsequently released into the community. We can only imagine how distressed these young students must be. They’ve suffered a life of prosecution in Vietnam, they’ve suffered a long boat journey, and they’ve suffered over a year in detention. Finally, they were allowed to have a childhood again. They started to trust again. So what does Australia do? Rip them out of their home, and put them through hell all over again.

This didn’t just shock the kids, but the community as well. Young people of South Australia are outraged and horrified about what happened. South Australian 2014 Youth Governor Malwinka Wyra represented young people’s views on the issue:

These young people have been chasing safety their entire lives, and I cannot imagine how they are feeling now that that safety and peace has been cruelly ripped away from them, just when they thought they had found it. It sends an appalling message to them, their friends, their community, and to the world at large, and I am horrified that my country would do this to anyone. Ripping peace, safety and freedom away from anyone -particularly the most vulnerable members of our society? Not in my name!

I’ll let that sink in for a moment.

Their circumstances can only be pieced together from brief visits and rushed conversations, sometimes interrupted


Despite having been detained in closed and community detention in Australia under the Guardianship of the Minister of immigration for more than three years, the immigration status of these young boys is still no different now than on the day they arrived on Christmas island. Their refugee claims have still not been heard nor assessed. A few weeks ago, in late June 2014, they were both served a written notice from the Department of Immigration and Border Protection (DIBP) requesting that they provide proof of their identity within six weeks. Due to their circumstances of having fled Vietnam and losing contact with their families, they sought legal assistance through an agency associated with Life Without Barriers in order to respond to this request. One of the kids completed Form 956 to enable a lawyer-migration agent to act on his behalf, but no other steps had been taken for him to respond to the request from DIBP. The other teenager, a Year 11 student, was concentrating on completing his school

work for his first semester of the South Australian Certificate of Education. He thought he still had time to do this school work before pursuing the legal help he needed to respond to the DIBP notice. As it turned out, neither of the teenagers had time to respond to the notice, with or without legal assistance. About seven to ten days after receiving it, both boys were apprehended and taken back into the closed high security detention at Wickham Point, where their means of communication and access to any kind of assistance is severely limited.



and cut short by Serco officers. Although the students have a good command of English, the topic of discussion is understandably difficult both in terms of language and in terms of imparting personal and sensitive information to strangers who have lived under completely different circumstances.

We can only imagine how distressed these young students must be. This puts them in a difficult position, because if they cannot provide proof of identity, they may be facing deportation. But they cannot provide proof if they are locked up behind bars.

It is also possible that the process through which the kids were detained was unlawful. The law states that prior notice must be served before revoking community detention. The students were only given a letter at the same instant that they were being taken. The precise reason for prior notice was violated here – to avoid shock and distress.

Running For Their Lives The boys were from Vietnam. There is a common misconception that because there is no war in Vietnam, there are no genuine refugees coming from there. This is completely untrue. Many people from Vietnam have been assessed as refugees, some as recently as 2013. The vast majority of persecution in Vietnam are against Catholics. Other groups that experience persecution include: human rights campaigners, anyone who exposes government corruption, people who have opposed China’s oppression of Vietnamese through land and minerals exploitation, people who have fought against government seizure of their family land, women subject to extreme domestic violence and afforded no protection from the state, the list goes on. Sometimes young people are threatened, harassed and severely beaten by thugs when they inherit the problems of their parents who have come under attack for these kinds of things. One of the boy’s family were troubled by the government and police when they resisted forced seizure of their land, thereby becoming enemies of the state. They were subjected to violence from thugs and threatened with their lives. The boy’s father gave himself up to the police and was incarcerated. He then agreed to sell his land and bribed the police


The teenager has tearfully described to those close to him that he has since lost complete contact with his family, and does not know their whereabouts. Nor does he know anything of their fate. The other boy’s family belonged to the Catholic parish at Tam Toa, where there were notorious and well documented anti-Catholic hostilities in 2009. His parents have since been targeted by local government and police because they worked for the church of Tam Toa and were involved in stand up actions against government seizure of land. They were severely beaten and were afraid for their son, so they sent him to Saigon. The teenager was also tearful as he explained that since fleeing Vietnam he has had no contact with his parents and does not know their whereabouts or fate. They both arrived by boat directly from Vietnam to Christmas Island in March 2011. They were detained on Christmas Island for one month, transferred to the Baxter Detention Centre in Port Augusta where they were detained for eight months, then to the Darwin Airport Lodge Detention Centre where they were detained for another eight months. In September 2012, they were released into community detention in Adelaide where they

first attended Adelaide Secondary School for English, for about a year. They have both studied hard to attain competency in English, and to be able to study in mainstream high school education. One of them commenced his mainstream studies at Woodville High School in the last term of 2013. The other commenced his mainstream studies at Woodville in the first term of 2014.

Even more disturbing are the reports of this happening all around the country. There are hundreds of people living in community detention, many of whom are children. All of them are now petrified and are living with a continuous threat of being taken away. They don’t know when or where, but they are waiting for a tap on the shoulder.

with the takings so that he could be released. In order to save his son, the father sent him away.

How can we stand idly by as innocent youth are held in jeopardy?

A Community In Pain

The impact that the boys’ disappearance has had on their local community is particularly concerning, especially its effects on others in the area who are also in community detention. Their third housemate, who is 19 years old, is also a Vietnamese asylum seeker under community detention, and has since run away for fear of being put back into detention himself. So have 11 other young Vietnamese asylum seekers in community detention in Adelaide, for fear that they can also be apprehended and deported. A further three ran away on Thursday 10th July. Should the police find these missing children, we will probably never know if they are taken back into detention.

Understandably, the loss of these students has sent shockwaves through their community, and has caused much distress to their friends and teachers. Students from Woodville High School have drawn together, and gave the issue a public voice during adjournment speeches on the final day of Youth Parliament 2014. Sitting within the chambers of Parliament House, in front of friends, family, the public, and MPs, four students made an emotional plea to have their friends returned. Many people cried, others were struggling to fight off tears. The boys weren’t just asylum seekers, or a burden on our society. They were part of a community, beloved by their schoolmates. One of the boy’s friends, Wathnak Vy, said in a radio interview:

They are really good friends, and when I am trouble, I mean when sometimes when I get stressed because of my school work, I asked for their help, and they cheer me up. They just are really kind, there is nothing to compare what they




Our own government took children out of the physical and emotional safety of a caring household, and threw them into what is essentially a prison.



have done for me. They are just really really good friends. Since then, they have been joined by fellow young people in mounting a campaign to have these boys returned, and to prevent further children from being taken. In just five short days, their petition already has more than 6,000 signatures.

Maria Hull – freshly elected Youth Governor of South Australia for 2015 – has been very involved in the campaign.

As the young people and leaders of today, we will not stand silently by as the lives of our peers are compromised. At first, this made me sad, but now I just feel sick. How can we stand idly by as innocent youth are held in jeopardy? How could our Ministers sleep at night, knowing that these young souls are not the only ones who have been subjected to this fate? Do not ignore our calls. Do not overlook our messages. We will not be silenced.

People often forget that at the heart of what is often deemed a political issue, lies a human

tragedy. Whether you’re for allowing refugees into Australia or against, in these circumstances it should not matter. The two boys are children. They are children who were already in the community, they were making progress, they were integrated. They dared to dream about a future. Now they are at a high security detention center; one which was deemed unsuitable for children by the Darwin Asylum Seeker Support and Advocacy Network. They are under the guardianship of Scott Morrison. Apparently being a guardian has been redefined to using your dependents for your own political gains, rather than ensuring their wellbeing. Their friends are distressed and horrified. How can a 16 year old trust the police and their own government, when their friends were so unfairly taken away from them for no reason? Other asylum seekers in community detention can’t sleep at night, because they are waiting

for that knock on the door. Living with that mental state must be incredibly difficult. There are currently 15 people sleeping on the streets, hiding from our government. They are cold, alone and scared. Scott Morrison threatened a jail term for anyone who helps them. This is the punishment you get for being a decent human being. Why are we as a country doing this? Is there an actual legitimate reason that we are indifferent to the plight of our most vulnerable? This is gut wrenching and heartbreaking. These are people, they are actual human beings. They feel happiness, sadness, pain and sorrow just like any of us.

We ask all of you, please have compassion. Set aside your political prejudices, and help us bring those boys back. Our petition is on change.org called Bring Our Boys Back Home. Join us at a rally on August 2nd at 11.30am, at Parliament House.


our glorious benefactor 19 PAGE



o many students and staff at the University of Adelaide, the name Taib Mahmud is synonymous merely with the oversized plaza nestled between Bonython Hall and the Ligertwood building. To others however, it represents an infamous Malaysian politician with a penchant for corruption.

university, although for many it is usually little more than a part of the daily campus commute.

Consisting mostly of a smattering of picnic tables and a few oversized umbrellas, the nondescript Taib Mahmud Court is a well-known feature of the

An alumni of the university’s law school, Taib graduated with a Bachelor of Laws in 1960 while studying under the Colombo Plan scholarship. Today he boasts

But unbeknownst to some, the plaza has been a major source of discord between the university and student groups since its official naming in 2008.

a string of official titles from his native Sarawak, a state of Malaysia on the island of Borneo. Currently the Governor of Sarawak, he is the second-longest serving parliamentarian in Malaysia, having previously held the positions of Chief Minister, Finance Minister and Resource Planning and Environmental Minister. Such is his influence in his home state that he is often informally referred to as Pak Uban, or “whitehaired uncle”. Unfortunately, Taib’s long and


In September last year, a group of students staged a protest over the naming of Taib Mahmud Plaza. Their Facebook page - boldly titled ‘Say NO to Taib Mahmud Court at Adelaide University’ - outlines a myriad of Taib’s alleged wrongdoings: from human rights abuses against the Penan indigenous people of the Sarawak Rainforests to expanding his unsustainable deforestation practices closer to home in Tasmania. According to the group, the university has effectively been accepting “blood money” over the years through Taib’s numerous donations.

thing about this case for those involved is the fact that Taib’s allegations are increasingly supported by a number of notable organisations and reports. After the official naming of the plaza, Taib made international headlines in August 2011 following the publication of a series of leaked US Embassy cables by WikiLeaks. The documents in question revealed that the US Embassy in Malaysia considers Taib to be a highly corrupt individual, noting that ‘Taib and his relatives are widely thought to extract a percentage from most commercial contracts – including those from logging – awarded in the state’.

The protest was organised by the Student Representative Council (SRC). The attention it received meant that it has gradually become an issue that many students feel passionate about. The event itself proceeded a letter writing campaign to the Vice Chancellor in the hopes of highlighting the group’s concerns, as well as an appeal for answers. The response so far however has been minimal. The university has maintained that a combination of permanent trust agreements and contractual arrangements with Taib mean that the plaza cannot be renamed. But perhaps the most concerning


ostensibly illustrious career has been regularly laden with accusations of corruption and self-enrichment, prompting calls for the university to cut ties with perhaps its most infamous graduate.

Former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown even went so far as to call the loss of the Sarawak rainforests ‘the biggest environmental crime of our time.’

More details of the impact of Taib’s corrupt practices have since continued to spread. In 2012, The Economist reported that Sarawak has the fastest rate of deforestation in Asia, which is likely to be contributed to Taib’s tight control over the logging industry. The region is known for its abundance of natural resources; however, based on satellite images,

Sarawak has lost at least 90 per cent of its forests over the last few decades. The involvement of Taib and his family in the logging industry is specifically mentioned in a report by Forests Monitor; a UK-based NGO that aims to raise public awareness of the impact of illegal logging. Former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown even went so far as to call the loss of the Sarawak rainforests as ‘the biggest environmental crime of our time.’ Despite the allegations, Taib has consistently denied that the majority of his family’s wealth has been sourced from fraudulent Sarawak state government contracts and its natural resources. He has countered the numerous claims against him by accusing human rights organisations of attempting to frame him and his associates. One of the more outspoken mediabased organisations on the subject of Taib is The Sarawak Report. Occasionally dubbed the “Wikileaks of Sarawak”, it was set up as a whistleblowing website dedicated to exposing corruption in the region. Unsurprisingly, Taib and his escapades feature quite prominently. Its founder and editor, Clare Rewcastle, has recently been hailed as one of the most effective voices calling attention to deforestation in Malaysia. In July last year, Rewcastle was actually barred from Sarawak, although Taib has been known to prevent his critics from entering the state.


For Rewcastle, news that the University of Adelaide has named a plaza after Taib prompted a strong response. ‘Authorities across the world are looking at Taib, including Malaysia’s own anti-corruption authorities,” she says. ‘It really is embarrassing for students of Adelaide that their university hierarchy are insisting on treating the global mafia boss of timber corruption as if he were a suitable benefactor and proud alumni of their university.’ She points to the accumulation of evidence against Taib over recent years, and highlights his latest endeavours in Tasmania as a way of bringing the wider issue closer to home. The Australian government has recently given the Sarawak-based Ta Ann timber company – owned by Taib’s cousin Hamed Sepawi – a $7.5 million hand-out to secure timber supply in Tasmania’s forests. The move has been heavily criticised not just based on environmental concerns, but also due to Taib’s alleged history of profiting from the investments of third parties. Rewcastle also raises concern that the company’s Tasmanian operation is a part of efforts to ‘disguise the bulk of its timber, plundered from the rainforests of Sarawak, as ‘eco-wood’ with Australian certification on the label.’ On its part, Ta Ann says that they support Tasmania’s sustainable forest industry, having secured

the wood supply contract under the Tasmanian Forest Agreement. Despite these events of late, Taib remains generally unmentioned by the university, besides the occasional extolling of his generous donations over the years; the most recent of which was an unverified amount in 2011. At the time, the university was heavily criticised for accepting the bequest. But despite the backlash, the university continues to see Taib as a long-term benefactor and a major starting point in building links with other Malaysian universities. In 1994, over thirty years after his initial graduation, Taib was presented with an honorary doctorate degree after making a substantial donation to the university. He has also received attention outside of Adelaide; in December 2001 he was appointed an Honorary Officer of the Order of Australia for ‘services to AustralianMalaysian bilateral relations’. The University of Adelaide is not the first major Australian institution to receive criticism due to connections with prominent Asian-based figures with questionable political and financial dealings. In 2007 the Australian National University honoured former Prime Minister of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew, on the ‘grounds of his service to the development of Singapore, his international statesmanship and his friendship with Australia. ’Mr Lee paved the way for Singapore’s independence, however he has received criticism over his firm leadership style which brought

about prosperity, albeit at the cost of civil liberties. So based on long-term interests, it is likely that Australian universities will continue to build and maintain ties with leaders in Asia, regardless of their dubious activities. As far as further action on the part of students at the University of Adelaide, Ethno-Cultural Officer, Ian Tan, says that the SRC stands by their viewpoint that sparked last year’s protest and are hoping to ‘look at it again’ and raise their ongoing concerns later in the year. This time around, Taib’s interests in Tasmania may influence how their agenda shapes up as the focus becomes much more local. However he stresses that Taib’s numerous exploits are still based on allegations that are currently being investigated and so the SRC will continue to exercise a degree of caution when questioning the university on the matter. For now at least, the story behind Taib Mahmud Court remains something of an enigma for many students. Whether or not the university will begin to offer some answers following further action on behalf of the SRC remains to be seen.

Ineke spends most of her time ordering coffee and testing the barista on the pronunciation of her name.






University of adelaide’s freshest


y friends will pay me out for admitting this, but I lost my shit when I saw Avicii perform ‘Levels’ in Adelaide at an electronic and dance music festival (EDM). I was 19 and knew of only three night clubs in Adelaide’s CBD, two of which were committed to blasting top 40 music and charged audacious entry fees. Nowadays, I’ve got my shit together (kind of). I’m more into deep, progressive house music; an acquired taste for some, though I still listen to plenty of electronic music – you never forget your roots. While I was lined up (for hours) outside Crippen Place, Adelaide producer and DJ Motez was lining up the decks with his own taste in club music and, more impressively, tracks of his own. I was going to talk to the DJ, except this time I’m not hobbling over to the booth requesting for ‘the song with a sick drop, please’. I was going to interview him about making said ‘sick drops’. Motez has been pursuing music for years. He was born in Baghdad, Iraq and spent his youth in the busy city. ‘Even before I moved to Australia, I was doing music. I was always playing and listening too. It was just something I loved doing’. A war-torn country was not the ideal place for practising piano scales, nor was it the safest place to live, so his parents packed up their lives and made the move to Australia. For Motez, Adelaide was both his new home and the foundation of his musical success: ‘I wouldn’t be doing music, as a job, if I wasn’t in Australia’. Now, Motez is something of a dance music phenomenon. The internationally-renowned producer has

been described by music industry bigwigs as a ‘beatmaster,’ a ‘champion of the wobbly house sound’ and ‘one of the freshest electronic producers to come out of this country since Flume.’ Over the past 12 months Motez has gained a reputation as household name in the Australian dance music scene. His music has been well received by local stations Fresh 92.7, SoundPond and Radio Adelaide, as well as getting airplay on Triple J and FBi Radio. He recently signed to Sydney dance music label Sweat It Out, where he released a few extended plays and has been touring across Australia with DJ Snake, Disclosure, Nina Las Vegas and Rüfüs. Though some might be surprised to know that Motez wasn’t always the talented dance music maker many know and love: ‘I didn’t actually start making dance music until a year after I moved to Australia. I grew up listening to all types; pop, metal, classical. The music that I write, I didn’t want to be confined by genres so I mix in all of my influences.’ Also surprising, Motez didn’t set out to be a DJ either, saying that he simply ‘got into DJ’ing to promote my music.’ He also undertook studies at The University of Adelaide, completing his Master of International Business in 2012, of which he says helped him connect music and business. While he says he did enjoy the core subjects, it was the electives which allowed him as a business student to get closer to what he wanted to do and succeed in. ‘I studied [a subject], Knowledge Management and Measurement,



international businesswords graduate by jenny nguyen and it was one of my best grades. It was one of those esoteric subjects where I was able to engage because I understood the value of music and what it represented - not necessarily from an economic point of view t- it was about me as a person with that knowledge and what would be worth in the real world.’ International business studies and dance music seems like a bit of an offbeat combination. Studying in the cold depths of the Barr Smith Library certainly doesn’t have the same appeal as the glitter of the music industry. The struggle to stay interested in study is real. You feel it, I feel it and Motez sure as hell felt it too. He says ‘studying was hard, so I picked subjects that would entice me to keep studying that degree.’ And then in his study breaks, he made music. After finishing his degree he went travelling to South America. When he returned, he wanted to do something different: ‘it was circumstantial and it felt right.’ He finally decided to commit himself to music. Though his parents are academics, Motez says they’ve always been supportive of his passions, even encouraging him to put aside academia to follow his dream: ‘they realised it was actually happening and encouraged me to put the academics aside and give it a shot. These opportunities don’t come around that often.’ That’s a tough call for a parent to make, especially in a volatile field like music. And with that blessing and a Master of International Business behind him, grounded and in touch with

reality, Motez went on to conquer the Australian dance music scene. ‘When I was studying, I was making music and working part time and it was a real struggle! But if you have that momentum, the drive and work ethic, you can do it. To me, that’s what being successful is about. It’s not about making a popular track per se, but striking a balance between your interests.’ On his decision to pursue music over a typical business grad job, Motez has no regrets. ‘It’s the golden era for electronic music in Australia. We have people like Flume and Touch Sensitive who lead the way and it’s felt all around the world.’ What Motez fails to mention here is that his name is often a part of the same sentence as theirs. All three dance producers have had international exposure via Diplo’s BBC Radio One show. I’m a regular listener of the show, and am constantly (pleasantly) surprised whenever I hear Motez’s remixes and originals included in essential mixes and played alongside the likes of Avicii. It’s kind of a big deal. I asked if he would consider getting back to his roots and delivering a remix of some Arabic music, and whether he thinks this would be well received at Electric Circus, where he has held DJ residency over the past few years. ‘I would love to! A good song is a good song, regardless of genre. If the opportunity comes along one day, I would do it.’ The man knows his shit. Jenny is confused as to why Jim Morrison didn’t write her name +1 on The Doors’ express entry list.



featured artist

anthony nocera



nthony is a Law/Arts student who technically majors in English and Creative Writing, but really majors in unbridled narcissism and unfortunate body hair. Contributing to On Dit as both a writer and an illustrator for the last three years, he’s learned to whip up drawings of naked people in a matter of minutes because everyone who contributes to student media just really likes to write about those things.


Anthony started drawing when he was a child for two main reasons: 1. Because his brother liked to do it and he wanted to beat him. Now every notebook he owns is obsessively covered in doodles and pictures to the point where all of his lecture notes are rendered completely useless during exam time. 2. Because his favourite author was Roald Dahl and he was obsessed with the illustrations of Quentin Blake. As a writer, Anthony likes to explore ideas of gender and sexuality, or more specifically issues associated with conventional notions of masculinity,

and the contradiction between outward presentation (or representation) and interior consciousness. This notion of contradiction also informs his artwork, particularly its construction, where colourful and vibrant watercolour backgrounds are often overlayed with intricate felt-tip pens drawings and sketches, which both embrace and ignore the textures of the watercolour to create detailed patterns and abstract shapes. When not borne out of the frenzy that comes from receiving On Dit’s illustrator callout, Anthony tends to draw and make art as a means of relaxation, finding comfort in creating intricate details. He tries not to put much thought into it and prefers to just start drawing and see where it takes him. Though his work isn’t for sale (he doesn’t have the time/ skill/ patience to get that going) you can catch his art and writing all over On Dit or listen to his radio show, The Midnight Herald, on Radio Adelaide 101.5fm on Tuesdays from 12am-1am as part of the Adelaide University Union’s Student Radio Program.


A new generation of


entrepreneurs words by Max M chenry


new generation of entrepreneurs is entering the marketplace and the values that they bring are set to change the character of our towns, cities and societies. From arts spaces to film companies and a plethora of bars, cafés and pop-up kitchens, the landscape of small business is changing as an influx of young business people, volunteers and creatives make their mark.


In the bitter cold of a Melbourne winter, on one of the less salubrious stretches of Brunswick St, a small, inconspicuous shopfront has been undergoing a gradual transformation. Over the course of eighteen months, a distant fantasy shared by two friends of starting a bar has germinated into a bricks and mortar establishment on the cusp of opening. ‘We wanted to create a space that was different,’ says Josh Bailey of the Rook’s Return, ‘Something that was part-way between a bar and a pub and somewhere with a sense of identity and community.’ The Rook is certainly different: It’s a small, nurturing space, a hole in the wall; homely like a pub but designed like a bar with the warm embrace of timber and brass




The desire of a generation’s to take ownership of the world that surrounds them and to shape it to their needs has meant that community often plays a central role in the structure, purpose and function of these new startups. The community organisation, something that has long faced

decline within Australian society, has begun to reappear. On a Wednesday night in Adelaide, a small dedicated group of people learn how to repair and build their own bicycles. It’s part of an ongoing series of workshops and events hosted by the Adelaide Bike Kitchen, established by a group of passionate and like minded individuals with the simple goal of teaching people to fix their bikes. Joey Fagan is one of the group’s founders and says that their small operation was

and the reassuring sound of Paul Kelly drifting out from the record player in the corner. ‘For us it’s almost a way of approaching the community and getting people interested in the things that we were interested in. There’s a point at which you think you know everything and then you swiftly realise you know nothing. We wanted to be versatile; to learn as we went. We wanted to grow the business in an organic way. We’re from a generation that has grown up being told ‘you can do what you want.’ A lot of people have broken away from trying to just do something to get them money. People are willing to do something different because people have been telling them all their lives to do something different. I think a large group of people can’t find meaningful employment in normal jobs and it steers people towards something different.’

They’ve taken risks, many of them risks that larger, more established businesses would not do and, in doing so, have created a reputation for the extraordinary.


something that fit into a larger international context: ‘It’s something that was big elsewhere and there’d been interest in town for a couple of years. It’s been big in Melbourne and some other Australian cities. I first came across it in Vienna.’ Part of the success of the Bike Kitchen has been the low key, informal structure of the organisation. ‘Slowly and organically was the way. It had to be outside a social group and had to be on neutral ground. We knew it wouldn’t be sustainable if it was just a small, exclusive group of people. We cast a wide net. We knew it was always going to be a social collective. We had large meetings and gradually, loosely organised what became a tight collective.’ The Bike Kitchen as an organisation has been breathtakingly successful and built a strong community of makers and users who have banded together to organise a string of highly publicised events. The organisation’s success has allowed it to move THE HAPPY MOTEL: BEN McGEE

into more conventional fields with many of its members starting their own businesses, working for larger more formalised organisations and obtaining increased support from council and government. Significantly, they’ve been able to build momentum of a community that can feed into itself and maintain its vitality. The Bike Kitchen is different to existing organisations with similar goals. Its based on a genuine need within the community to understand more about cycling and advocacy on behalf of cycling. It has no real hierarchy, rather, it relies on the passion and dedication of its membership: ‘We definitely operate differently. We’re grassroots and not top down. There are other community workshops that exist but they lack our energy. Its also a bit of a privilege thing. We have the disposable time and income that we can put it towards these sorts of projects. It doesn’t run for profit, but at the same time we’re


A generation of people who grew up working behind bars and cafes are finally coming of age

not opposed to gaining jobs out of it. It’s often a platform towards employment. It’s a training ground for social and technical skills. Shops have been opened by people who met in the group. People have operated collectives before and we’re just doing something that’s been done in the community forever. Its just that we’re young now and we’re doing it now. We’re filling a niche because there’s an aspect that we don’t like about our world that we want to address.’

A driving force behind the young people who set out to create these businesses is the desire to depart from existing clichés of their given field. Liam Sommerville is a partner in Capital Waste Productions, a home grown Adelaide film duo who produce documentaries, music videos and web series along with a whole host of other video content he tells about his desire for a sense of freedom within his craft: ‘It was important to have creative control. I didn’t want to work helping somebody else achieve their dream. There are several ways to make money in film but I never wanted to make real estate videos or cookie cutter hollywood movies. I wanted to make the movies that I wanted to make.’ In the past couple of years, Capital Waste has expanded exponentially in both the ambition of their productions as well as their capacity to create much larger scale productions and move into more commercial opportunities. Nonetheless, their work is marked by a unique worldview that’s




an unpaid internship, I thought I’d create my own, more interesting way to get experience.’

lacking in more heritage media companies. ‘We’re pretty different. We make something that is much more wholesome and DIY. Its not as polished and perfect but if you embrace that you’ll get something unique and different.’ While many of the newer endeavours have grown organically or started small and gradually evolved into much larger projects, many of the new generation business owners are setting and succeeding in achieving highly specific goals as well. University of Adelaide student Nisha Pereira’s interest lies in the minutiae of business ownership. She has a fascination with the smaller details of what makes a company tick, the management of staff and project management. Room for Dessert, a Moroccan/Indian fusion dessert restaurant has been her pet project of the last six months and draws together the experience she’s gained in her degree and a precise and ordered drive for success. ‘The business works on two levels because there are people within my networks and community who are interested in my journey. On the other hand I want it to be a tangible business. I’m one of those people who think I can have my cake and eat it too. Rather than spend six weeks doing

One of the most innovative examples of this new generation of business is the Happy Motel, a breathtakingly eclectic commercial Adelaidean venture which has consistently managed to bridge the gap between swinging nightclub, regional street vendor, high end restaurant and artistic installation with a healthy helping of karaoke, plastic tablecloths and neon lighting. The past few years have seen the Happy Motel construct pop up restaurants, late night bacchanales and culinary experiences which embrace the debauched, the cerebral and the fantastic. ‘We started a business with the idea of doing one thing with no thought for the future at all and then it evolved organically out of that via our social network,’ says Jordan Jeavons of the Happy Motel. ‘There’s a massive surge of hospitality entrepreneurship and there’s a massive surge of businesses opening. It’s not necessarily all positive. People are just opening these places and lots of them will fail. Maybe it’s just the cycle of people going “hospitality is great, I want to do something I love, I want to do something that makes people happy because people love food and booze.”’ The Happy Motel have certainly done things their own way. The past

two years have seen them significantly change expectations of what people expect in dining. They’ve taken risks, many of them risks that larger, more established businesses would not do and in doing so have created a reputation for the extraordinary. Certainly the entry of young people into business is nothing new. To be young is to have nothing to lose, and at a time in which the barriers to entry for full time jobs seem increasingly high, the prospect of opening your own business is infinitely more tempting. A generation of people who grew up working behind bars and cafes are finally coming of age. They’re working in ways that seek to make changes to the worlds in which they inhabit and they’re doing it with a sense of work and play- which intersects with their concept of business. This is a generation where the consequences of failure are small and the barriers to widespread wealth seem almost insurmountable. Most importantly, this is a generation to which readers of this magazine are a part of. And for us, it heralds the beginning of a time in which the world can be tailored to our expectations.

Max McHenry plays country music and studies economics. He likes line dancing and drinks his whiskey neat.



death of the

Festival? words by carina Stathis

images by Jenny nguyen & sharmonie cockayne


ig Day Out is was known as one of Australia’s most prominent music festivals. It featured a huge variety of local Aussie talent and international acts. The iconic music festival began in 1992 when Nirvana rocked out in Sydney alongside American rock band Violent Femmes. Since then, BDO has provided Australia with amazing music,

sore throats, sunburns and unforgettable memories. Our very own University of Adelaide was even lucky enough to hold Adelaide’s first BDO in 1993. But yes, if you hadn’t heard the news before now, I’m sorry to say that, after a particularly bad run in 2014, Australia’s much-loved BDO will not be returning in 2015. I know, I was

devastated too. The decision was made early June, after US company C3 Presents (the same music company who manage the popular American event Lollapalooza, which is one of the largest music festivals in the world) gained full ownership and decided to put a halt on Australia’s favourite music festival. ‘While we intend to bring back the festival in future years, we can confirm there



will not be a Big Day Out in 2015,’ C3 clarified in a statement. The news came after rumors circulated last year following dwindling ticket sales and a loss of up to $15 million. That being said, I wouldn’t worry that the festival is cancelled forever. Former festival promoter, AJ Maddah, spoke to Hack on Triple J on June 26 confirming that ‘yes Big Day Out will come back in 2016, yes the festival is still alive.’ Likewise, C3 co-founder Charlie Walker told Billboard that ‘we will be back’ after the company spends 2015 reworking the festival format.

Death of the fest?

Though BDO isn’t dead, its very public failure raises the question: Is the traditional festival format dead? Other music festivals around the country are slowly changing the form of their formats: Whilst smaller festivals such as Laneway, Falls Festival and Groovin’ The Moo who offer a more boutique experience are seeing wider success, more traditional music festivals are suffering. It seems quite appropriate that the combination of expensive ticket prices and bland line-ups will tend to result in poor ticket sales, losses in revenue and,

eventually, the cancellation of a festival altogether. Our own university is also suffering the effects of what appears to be the death of the typical music festival format. The old O’Live (formerly known as O’Ball) event – a music festival hosted by the Adelaide University Union (AUU) and held on the North Terrace campus – has been terminated indefinitely. The event, which in the past has hosted Cloud Control, The Jezabels, Something for Kate and Fire! Santa Rosa, Fire! to name a few, will this year be replaced by a boutique event called At The Cloisters. AUU marketing director, Kearin Hausler, says his staff have

had to take a critical look at why O’Live and O’Ball just weren’t working like they used to. Hausler says that changes in the nature of the student population and the changes to the environment of the music industry and events landscape are part to blame, as well as an increase in competition with other Adelaide festivals, such as the Fringe, Adelaide Festival and the thriving local music scene. Young people today experience and have access to so many different events that the competition between larger and smaller events is growing at a rapid pace and, in truth, newer and smaller festivals and events appear to be winning.



Not dead, just different

Past and present boutique events such as Barrio, Lola’s Pergola, the Fringe and the Garden of Unearthly Delights are raising the bar in terms of creativity, comfort and innovative entertainment. Festivalgoers would now like their music with a side of organic vegan friendly burgers, served to them on funky DIY furniture swathed in fairy light ensembles. Music festivals such as Laneway, Falls Festival, WOMADELAIDE and Groovin’ The Moo cater to these new expectations, and in doing so are enjoying great success. In an attempt to keep the O’Live/ O’Ball tradition alive, the AUU are hosting a dynamic university event known as At The Cloisters. The event will take place in the Cloisters courtyard, and will be host to an array of local food vendors, palate furniture, a fairy light jungle, grass roots DJs and popular Australian musicians Andy Bull and Oisima. Hausler said the event is an attempt to reactivate the Cloisters space and bring culture back to campus:

‘The idea is that it’s not just a music concert but more of a unique boutique experience, which has lacked on campus in recent years.’ Hausler wants campus events to live up to the market’s ever changing expectations by hosting events that offer more than just live music. Of At The Cloisers, Hausler said that the AUU hopes that, regardless of whether students enjoy the music or the performers, the experience of the event itself will be more memorable than just entertainment. Similarly, David Elmes is starting up a new blues and roots music festival called Follow The Sun. The event will be held in October at Glenelg’s Wigley Reserve, and will include a variety of local acts from Adelaide, around Australia and international touring artists. Of the location, Elmes has ‘always had an appreciation for music and Glenelg.’ ‘So,’ Elmes says, ‘as a businessperson who operates within the area, I thought that the space had lost a bit of its sparkle and needed to be relit. To bring some of that flare back we wanted to create something that attracts and exposes people to this

beautiful area that it is.’ Fremantle, St. Kilda and Bondi Beach can do it, why not Glenelg? Unlike BDO and Soundwave and any other large scale music festival, where afternoons sing to the tune of warm beers and disgusting bathrooms, Follow The Sun will offer hotel standard service. ‘What we’re trying to provide is a niche in the festival market where we’ll be able to offer hospitality surroundings with a hospitality feeling to present a good quality festival.’

The end

And at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to. The type of service we’re offered at festivals. People not only want cheaper concert tickets and a damn good line up, but also a level of civility, cleanliness and respect that is matched by innovation, craft and an element of surprise. Lets hope C3 are taking notes.

Carina is a first year media and arts student who hopes to write a book one day. She also has a slight obsession with painting.


homosexuality and religion words by thomas wooden



ast week an old school friend whom I don’t see much these days but once considered dear and close (and happens to be Christian) called me disgusting for being homosexual. I’m a pretty tough cookie, but the words and actions of a few individuals this past week, my old dear friend included, were incredibly hurtful. So severe was this discrimination, based solely on one aspect of my identity, it brought me to tears. Despite attempts to explain to my old friend how I reconcile my Christian beliefs and my sexuality, she ignored all that I said and recoiled from me as if I were the leper from the New Testament. This incident coincided with a sickening spate of backhands from the institution I have been brought up within. The leaders of my church invited a man who ‘left his homosexual lifestyle to follow Jesus’ and runs an organisation that ‘offers support for those affected by homosexuality’ to give a sermon. That my church, where I expect love and acceptance to be the core of their teachings, would specifically bring in a man to talk to the entire Church community about homosexuality as if it is a lifestyle choice was extremely upsetting. I could not bring myself to go, even for the sake of objective journalistic investigation.

community is still incredibly persistent within our society. Although most of us recognise that the queer community hasn’t been entirely accepted by ‘normal’ society, I do believe progress has been made. Life as a gay man is easier than it was last year, and all the years before that. Yet these incidents reminded me that this is a conversation that needs constant tending. Attempts for greater understanding and love within the community need to be reignited. Although not part of the personal attack upon me, for the second time this year the Rainbow Room was vandalised and covered in religious-themed hate messages. People have occasionally questioned the need for the Rainbow Room, but let this be a reminder that such spaces are vital for the well being of the University of Adelaide’s students. Although I have been blessed with a loving family, there are countless queer individuals that have not been so lucky; individuals that do not have siblings who understand and who do not have parents and friends who love and accept them without condition. This is why spaces like the Rainbow Room and clubs like Pride are especially critical for those facing discrimination. I write this article, revealing a very personal moment in my life, in the hope that others are reminded that homophobia is still pervasive within society and won’t disappear until we each endeavour to create change.

Despite my resilience, the hate-filled words of my old friend and the proactive steps of my Church to label homosexuality as something that can be tempered were overwhelming.

Whilst the knowledge of homophobia within society isn’t new, I want to express to the University of Adelaide community on a personal level, as a fellow student or as someone who you might consider friend.

In such times where one is choked and overcome, a comrade is needed. I called my brother to explain what happened. I tried to speak but drowned my own words with tears. He responded with love and support, let me cry, responded with encouraging words, and let me talk. Later, I hung up with a resolve that I would make some good come of these hurtful actions. This article is the result of that resolve.

How can we do our bit? Share these and your own stories. Open and friendly dialogue between friends and family is one of the best ways of bringing about change, whether you be straight or queer-identifying. Acceptance is a continued fight that the gay and greater queer community faces. It will be our words and actions that determine the treatment of a future generation, just as we have inherited a kinder world that was crafted by our queer and queer-friendly forebears.

The words slung at me solely because of my sexuality were a wake up call. Prejudice against the gay

Thomas would like to give a shout out to cake—a comforting constant in life.





CONDUCTED IN SPACE words by lauren fuge Art by jack lowe


s you’re probably aware, space is pretty inhospitable. There’s no air pressure, no gravity, and plenty of deadly radiation, so it’s no surprise that things up there behave differently to how they behave down here on Earth, where we have the luxury of gravity and the protection of our thick atmosphere. Researchers have built laboratory vacuum chambers that give us the ability to drastically reduce air pressure and bombard experiments with radiation, but they’re not exactly little pieces of outer space. No matter how hard we try, we can’t turn off gravity. You can imagine, then, that the advent of the space age was something of a godsend to scientists.

note called ‘space rose’, which has since been used by a Japanese cosmetics company to create the perfume ‘Zen’.

Even though astronauts in orbit around the Earth experience weightlessness, gravity isn’t quite zero—otherwise, there’d be nothing stopping them from just zooming off into space. However, the force of gravity is very, very small. It’s referred to as microgravity, and it makes tons of cool zero-G experiments on the International Space Station and NASA’s space shuttles possible.

2. Balls of Fire

1. Fragrance in Space

‘A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose,’ wrote Gertrude Stein in 1913, but in space, that’s not necessarily true. Volatile oils, which give plants their scents, change according to environmental factors like light, temperature, moisture and, apparently, gravity. In 1998, scientists teamed up with a fragrance company to find out how the smell of a plant would change, launching a seven-inch rose called Overnight Scentsation on the space shuttle Discovery flight STS-95. On the mission, two of the rose’s buds bloomed and volatile oils were collected. When the samples were analysed, scientists found that the rose produced fewer volatile oils in space, which actually created a whole different aroma—more floral than the same roses on Earth. The fragrance company used this to create a perfume

Think of every explosion in space in every sci-fi action movie you’ve ever seen. Sorry: they’re probably all wrong. In space, fire is a different beast. Fire needs oxygen to burn, which—along with gravity— isn’t exactly abundant in the vacuum of space. On Earth, flames form teardrop shapes caused by hot air rising in a gravitational field, but when there’s little or no gravity, fire burns in a sphere. It also burns bluer, dimmer and cooler, because the heat doesn’t get pulled away by gravity to make room for fresher, more oxygen-rich air. The used air just hangs around, so the fire uses up all its fuel and essentially smothers itself. Since March 2009, NASA has conducted hundreds of tests as part of their Flame Extinguishment Experiment (FLEX) in the hopes to improve fire fighting systems aboard future spaceships.

3. Space Germs

In studies aboard space shuttle missions in 2006 and 2008, researchers studied the bacteria Salmonella (yes, the genus responsible for food poisoning) and discovered that it actually


becomes more virulent in space. On average, it grows three to seven times more powerful than bacteria grown on Earth.

To work out how to reduce these effects, researchers naturally turned to laboratories in space.

It’s thought that spaceflight tricks them into thinking they’re in the human gut. See, Salmonella have the ability to sense the force of a fluid moving past them, and this movement acts as a signal to let them know whereabouts they are in the human body. As they enter the body alongside food, digestive juices are churning around and so the amount of fluid movement is high. However, when the bacteria reach the intestine—their destination—they are more sheltered and so the fluid movement lessens. In response, they switch on genes to make themselves more virulent. A weightless environment like space can mimic the fluid movement of the gut, making it possible for researchers to study these gene switches and use the information to create vaccines.

On the final mission of STS-135, the shuttle was host to thirty mice. Researchers studied how weightlessness affected their bone tissue at the molecular level, specifically the proteins in load-sensing bone cells—cells that essentially detect how much gravity pulls the mice down and then send signals to control bone formation. On the flight, half the mice were treated with an experimental agent that blocks this signal, and in the end, they retained greater bone density than the untreated mice. Further studies could lead to the development of drugs that help astronauts maintain health on longer missions, making interplanetary or even interstellar travel possible.

4. The Physics of Sandcastles All children who build sandcastles are budding physicists. You know that the sand grains tumble against each other and won’t stay upright unless you wet them and pack them down tight. You know the castle base has to be wider than the top or else it’ll tumble clean over. And what makes the grains tumble and fall? You guessed it: gravity.

A 2003 space shuttle mission carried small columns of sand up into microgravity, with the aim of figuring out how sand acts when it isn’t dragged down under its own weight. When that pressure between grains is removed, researchers can more easily solve problems of soil liquefaction, which occurs when wet soil is struck by a force and becomes more like quicksand than a sturdy, well-packed sandcastle. This would not only benefit kids on the beach, but also farmers (think of grain in a silo), engineers (designing stronger road foundations), and emergency planners (predicting a mudslide). But the experiment was flown on the space shuttle Columbia (STS-107), which, in a horrific accident, disintegrated upon re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere. The crew of seven were lost, and so too were their experiments.

5. Fragile Bodies

The Columbia tragedy is a reminder of how tough an astronaut’s life can be—in more ways than one. Long-term exposure to microgravity can affect their muscle mass and bone density, leading to irreversible skeletal damage. This throws a spanner in the works when thinking about sending humans to other planets and beyond.

Even though NASA’s shuttle missions have stopped flying, the International Space Station is orbiting our little planet. If you ever want to see it go whizzing across the sky, follow @twisst on Twitter and they’ll send you updates about when to step outside and gaze up.

Weirdest things flown aboard the space shuttles • A baby dinosaur bone • Buzz Lightyear action figure • Coke and Pepsi cans • Luke Skywalker’s Lightsaber • The ashes of Star Trek’s creator, Gene Roddenberry • Dirt from Yankee Stadium in NYC • An Olympic torch • Rocks from the top of Mount Everest • A piece of the Wright brothers’ rudimentary aeroplane from 1903 • Lego, which was then used to build a replica of the International Space Station (spaceception)

If Lauren ever becomes an astronaut, she likes to think she’ll become the coolest thing ever flown in space.



the price of beauty: slavery in the modern world


words by miriam crosby

‘There are more slaves in the world today than there have been at any other point in history.’


his kind of sentence has been shushed from polite conversation for centuries. Statements such as this leave us closing magazines and reaching for the red button on our remotes. But before you buy that $4.99 plain white tee from K-Mart in Rundle Mall, consider the possibility that the decision you’re making is actively supporting cruelty against humans.

The Truth

In theory, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is all we need. To make the mental leap from the chicken on our tables to our red feathered friends in the back yard is not too far. However, seeing the connection between your wardrobe and people in chains, is a little bit more elusive. The link is hidden behind labels reading ‘Made in China’ and $1 optional shopping

Free range chickens are all well and good but what about free range humans? No, not eating them. That, children, is called cannibalism and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. In this society, we’re constantly asked to make black and white decisions regarding the fair treatment of animals (to eat meat or not to eat meat?) whilst the question of human slavery is veiled in grey.

Ebony and Ivory

Every day, thousands of human beings engage in the discussion of animal welfare. Meat eaters are all too often pressured by their vegetarian friends to watch sickening documentaries about the treatment of the animals we eat. Here, a choice is required: to lose your bacon or your friends. In the same manner, we either endorse slavery or we don’t. And yet, the majority of Australians believe they are precariously poised like seasoned tightrope walkers on the fence: uncomfortable with the consequences of carnivorism and bargain bin clothes, yet not quite willing to dedicate the time and money necessary for living an ethical life. Whilst I would love to invite you all for fair trade tea with me and all of my vegetarian friends, I am standing right next to you on the fence. It’s probably about time we jumped down, but the question is, how?




bags whose proceeds ironically go to starving children. Even the companies themselves find it hard to make the link. According to Baptist Word Aid Australia’s 2013 Australian Fashion Report, only 7% of companies know where their cotton is sourced. Retailers too remain blissfully ignorant, responding with blank faces and empty replies when customers question the origin of their products. First of all, let’s just get some things straight. According to the Australian Criminal Code, slavery is ‘the condition of a person over whom … the rights of ownership are exercised.’This can come about through a debt or contract made by the slave himself and these ‘rights of ownership’ can be anything from control of movement, to subjection, to cruel treatment and abuse. These conditions are often woven into the fabric of the textile industry through cotton sourcing, fabric dyeing, and weaving and manufacturing, even in Australia. That being said, of the top ten cotton producers in the world (including the US, China, Pakistan, Brazil and Uzbekistan), Australia is the only country not to use child labour. Woot. That warm fuzzy feeling probably shouldn’t clear your conscience entirely though. It’s highly likely that your wardrobe is filled with cotton sourced from the other nine producers at the expense of slaves. The Australian Fashion Report examined 41 companies (128 brands) operating in Australia, assessing the efforts they were undertaking to protect the workers in their supply chain from exploitation, forced labour and child labour. The companies received a grade from A-F (A being the best and F being the worst) in four categories: policies, transparency, monitoring and worker rights. As much as I wish I had good news to report, the only brands that did well were ones I’d never heard of: Etiko and 3Fish, both of which sounded very ethical and lovely (although, their products may not appeal to most people). On the other end of the spectrum is Supré, with a big red letter F. Let’s be honest; that’s not much of a surprise. What is startling to see though is that higher end labels such as David Jones and Lacoste sit right along side Supré, with a resounding F in every category. Other surprising brands sitting on (the slightly better yet


still bad) red end of the spectrum include Peter Alexander, Sportsgirl, Lululemon, Myer, Colorado and Quicksilver.

Just Do It

So assuming you agree this is not much ado about nothing; do something. But again, the question is: how? We could vow never to wear clothes again and invest in real estate on Maslin’s Beach, or, alternatvely, we could support companies that are slave-free certified or venture into op-shops. A more active decision would be to put pressure on the industries; to get out a pen and start writing letters while the post-office system is still up and running. To write to the companies you wish weren’t quite so un-ethical because their clothes look so darn fine. Write to the government, asking for a labelling system containing the information you wish to to know. Ask questions when you go shopping and if they don’t know the answer, get on mind-boggling technology like the app from www.free2work.org which scans products and gives you their ethical rating. Pick one or all of the options, but just remember that your actions (or lack thereof) are a conscious decision to endorse or rebuke slavery. Choose wisely. Miriam is a firm believer that a cup of tea and an art degree can get you far in life. That and a good helping of adventure, mixed with a bit of naïvete.


one theory of the lonely man’s walls


words by justin mcarthur


art by jacqueline edwards


ometimes when I’m really close to finishing writing something on my computer, the whole damn thing will shut itself down and make me start again. The whole thing, nearly from scratch; just based on my rough unsketched ideas. A new document. A blank slate. ‘Tabula rasa’, if I were the kind to go on about Aristotle. (Which, come to think of it, I completely am.) I’m rebooting right now, in fact. Lying in the darkness, my ears are open, listening out for wild things through the walls. ‘I’m not the monster you want me to be’, one of them says, in a child’s voice. When I was in high school, we had a chapel, and in one of our weekly chapel services, our chaplain tried to tell us that we were fleeing the world on a leaky boat. I can’t actually remember whether we were fleeing from sin, or towards it – the chaplain was pretty vague. We might have been the infidels, or we might have been the chosen people; I wasn’t really paying attention at the time, to be honest. It didn’t really matter. The point was that we were looking for something we wanted desperately, and couldn’t get there. That stuck with me. ‘When we creepy-creepies first got here to this place, you welcomed us with open arms. You didn’t trap me, so why would I hate you? You’re not the one that put me in that almost-there, that nearly. You’re nothing like the island guards, always talking about their walls. They love their welded old-worn, they’re always talking about caging us off with rust, those fences hold like nothing else. I’m a monster but I really am your friend too – promise.’ Christians call that place ‘Limbo’, that little spot on the edge of hell. Maybe that’s what he was saying, the chaplain in my high school: that we were trapped forever on this island in Limbo, halfway between sin and salvation, neither heaven-bound nor heathens. Just… people, I guess, trapped in some high school chaplain’s shitty metaphor, cursed to never again escape his pseudo-intellectual faux-losophy. It was mandatory, like most things in high school.

Then again, I was sure, a good God wouldn’t put people in Limbo for very long; I was sure of that. Not even if they came to him on a leaky boat. Heaven isn’t run on opinion polls. That’s the kind of kid I was. I’m not in high school any more, I’m a big boy. These days I have my own yard, with a twisted wire fence, and you can tell that fence has been up for a long long time, because the wires themselves are a bit rusty, and where they cross each other they leave thick marks of coppercoloured dirt. And out the front of my place, my fence is rusted the same, and my gate is welded shut from all the grit of it. Getting in isn’t easy, in my old rusted-on house, but I’m so thankful that I have my rusty fence, to keep out wild things. The way things are going, we might just need a little bit of old-fashioned. I never answer my doorbell any more, either. At my last place, my landlord was a real dictator, and he kinda shook me up bad. He owned this whole block of houses where I used to live – which was sorta out that north-eastern way – and he kept forgetting where each of our properties ended, and he kept redrawing the boundaries smaller, like battle lines. Whenever I opened up a letter from him, I felt it ticking, ready to just explode, and I didn’t need that. ‘Who will judge you when they find out you’re not alone, that you share yourself? I’m sure there’s not many. But you might betray yourself to say “I have a monster friend, I gave it a place.” You might not want to hear that.’ I wrote to the council so that they’d excise me from postcode zoning. Technically, I’m no longer a part of the postal mainland. And ever since then it’s been quiet. I no longer answer letters, I don’t leave, and I definitely don’t answer the door any more, not for anybody. Even if they came on a leaky boat. ‘I worry that you see us as your shame, otherwise-hermit. But I’ve been loving the way you welcomed me into your church, you and your friends. Not that you are a saint yourself, or even a godly


man. But you hold meetings for us monsters in your church, and give us gifts; and they’re your kind of gifts, which makes them extra special. You’re charitable with your games and food and lessons, you give me a go. You help us all to find a home, when we used to only see ourselves as people that had left one. You ask about me, I can feel the rumbling in those little hairs in your ears, waiting to hear. You are more loving than you think, old man, perhaps even more loving than Santa. His sack’s been full of nothing-dust for a long time now.’ Before that, I lived in the commune. I could never live up there again either, it felt like mob rule, and mob rule’s no good when your mob consists largely of drugged out Buddhists. They threw conversations around and smashed them, like crockery in an earthquake: ‘…celebrities have magical powers. I pray Angelina can come to us and shed light, or even Lady Gaga or Rihanna. Punks are all about human rights that’s why I love them…’ ‘…but freedom is also the freedom to be in poverty…’ ‘…or so says Captain Angus Long John Silver of the pirate ship HMAS Sir Tony Dumb Dumb…’ I mean hey, at least I work. At least I put in an effort. That’s more than I can say for the communists. That house was communist, sure, but communist like a card game, and card games aren’t always fair. The dealers always won, but the money didn’t go to the house. ‘I haven’t spoken my father in three months, and it’s been much longer since I last seen him. He had to travel and get the money for a phone, before I last called him. Then the Red Cross people, they put me on a list, and told me to wait in line to call. In the meantime I got me and my older brother some Centrelink. It wasn’t easy to get some because I didn’t have a Centrelink ID. They told me I couldn’t possibly have got the forms off the internet without the ID, but I could have, because I did, and here it was, all printed at the internet café (using that change that used to jingle in my pocket). Then fill out the form again, because I didn’t fill it out right the first time – the first time, it said ‘skip question to 27A’ and so I didn’t print off the pages that were blank. They made me do the whole thing again, because it’s mandatory, it’s the rules. When us boys don’t have to rely on Centrelink, it will be a very happy time in my life. I did try to work for you. They wouldn’t let me work, but I got work anyway, in a factory outside of town.

I worked in a processing plant, and tried to cut the meat as best I could. Some of the men were thoughtless-cruel men, and they threw some of the pork meat at me, but I think I did a good job while the work lasted. And anyway, a friend I made in your church was saying that those men weren’t going to a good place. She called them “arsehats”, which is probably a religious term.’ Some hippies have this strange way of showing love, all talk and no compassion. They talk about chi and peace and energy but they’re always, always yelling, and quick to judge. Judgement isn’t becoming, even for a guy that sits alone in his house and listens to voices coming through the walls. I shouldn’t let it become me, not now, not ever, or I’ll probably end up reincarnating into a dung beetle or something. I mean yes, it’s frustrating that I can’t leave, that I can’t answer the door any more. I wish I wasn’t stranded here in his house, helpless and old and weak, a relic of that one time I thought it might be smart to cut myself off. I wish I could get up again. Instead I’m lying here, rebooting. Not even the postman can write me a letter, and the wild things can’t sneak up behind my white, unfurnished walls, or slip in under the bare barren linoleum, which hangs, slow and grey, like my breathing. But I can hear them, through the walls, and they make me toss and turn.



Journey to the ‘Centre’


Why pick a side? words by Bobbie Kavanagh


’m proud to say that I am a Centrist and a member of The Australian Democrats. Centrism is a political ideology based on reason and pragmatism. It’s about achieving common sense solutions that appropriately address current and future needs of society. Centrists want to do what is right and reasonable – they support strength, open-mindedness and policy, based on objective evidence. But it’s taken me over 20 years to get to this point! Now that I’m back studying at the University of Adelaide after having first set foot on campus back in 1995, I want to be of service to those students who feel uncomfortable or intimidated by extreme student political groups. I believe debate and sharing of discourse needs to be courteous and respectful – and heated when it needs to be, but never threatening or belligerent. Here are some examples from my recent time on campus that have bothered me lately: • Two girls were approached by members of a particular movement and the girls said, ‘We vote for Tony Abbott’, to which the response was shouted (when

they were a safe distance away), ‘Fuck you then!’. It reminded me of Chris Lilley’s character in Jonah From Tonga. • I engaged in discussion with someone at a booth for another political movement. I was interested in having a discussion because I liked some of their policies (for example, protesting against the Abbott Government), but thought the way in which they were selling their message on campus was turning people off. When I told the person I was conversing with that I was a Centrist, they said, ‘Oh, I hate people like you. I can’t talk to you. Just go away’. They were ignorant, obtuse, and displayed a serious lack of intellect; all bravado and no substance. • My third example is the burning of Liberal Club posters a few weeks ago. This reminded me of the physical and verbal attacks against me and other members of the Liberal Club back in 1995. It also reminded me of the Nazi’s burning of books in bonfires. From a starting point there should be mutual respect of fellow

students giving up their time for a cause and for the betterment of university life. With the benefit of a 13 year career in Law, study at this university, the university of New South Wales and Harvard, and living interstate and abroad, I am at ease with where I sit on the political spectrum. I have had a lot of experience that has shifted my thinking drastically. I believe that students should feel free to be part of the larger debate and discourse that is required to ensure that democratic participation is the cornerstone our student political movement. When I first started university back in 1995, I was a member of the Young Liberals and the University of Adelaide Liberal Club. But let’s go back even further. What made me into a Young Liberal to begin with? A variety of factors were at play. It is quite interesting to see how we are swayed by external factors, usually without realising it at the time. My family weren’t well off – we were a family of working class immigrants from Northern Ireland, so you’d expect us to support Labor. However, I went to a conservative private


school (through scholarships and bursaries); I was influenced by other students who came from wealthier backgrounds; my toil was rewarded – I learnt quickly the harder I worked, the higher the grade, and the higher the opportunity; ours was a conservative Roman Catholic family; and the media had gone off PM Keating and Labor, and that’s all I read about or saw on television back then. In 1995 I won ‘Australia’s version of the Rhodes’, ‘The Hawker Scholarship’ which, as well as paying my uni fees and a ‘study allowance’, paid for my living expenses at St Marks College in North Adelaide; an old-fashioned ‘Oxbridge’ style residential college, where some of richest families in Australia send their children (mostly from conservative farming stock). I was barely 17, and growing up in an even stronger conservative culture. I was mentored by a Supreme Court Judge of good ‘old Adelaide family’ stock, as well as having lunches at the Adelaide Club – the club I could never join because I was a Catholic from the northern suburbs. I studied Law, Anthropology and Music. All of these factors drew me to the Liberal Party, and my idea was that if you wanted a better life then you needed a Liberal government. However, I had not considered the benefit of my student welfare initiated by a Labor government, which supported my family in sending me to a private school, paid for my stationery and textbooks, and paid for my public transport to and from school. I was also able to secure a $7,000 loan through the Labor government, which was my pocket money whilst at Uni. This all came into my psyche a little bit later in

life when I had some clear air after adolescence: When I opened my mind to ‘alternative views’ and I realised that I did not have to be dogmatic, politically. I had become a mature, compassionate and open citizen. There was room for movement and my mixed-up background gave me pause for thought. I haven’t joined other parties since, except the Democrats. In the politics of the day (1995) Dean Brown was state Liberal Premier and from the moderate faction of the Liberal Party in SA. When the conservative John Olsen took over from moderate Dean Brown as Premier of SA, the reality of politics hit me and I felt stuck in a party where I didn’t belong. Through Brown being rolled, I realised that the Liberals were more interested in fights and divisions over internal power than governing effectively (just like Labor). It was all about power and not about service. Whilst I thought that federally Howard was a good change for Australia (in 1996), it became obvious over the years that I had voted for the wrong party. My heart wasn’t in it. Despite the economic reforms I was repulsed by the government’s position on refugees, cuts to health and education, the eventual benevolence to One Nation, jumping into military conflict where our participation would be negligible in any event, and the general ‘meanness’ of the party. It was on these bases that I surrendered my membership to the Liberalss and the uni club just a few years into university. Since then I have become a member of the SA Law Society Human Rights Committee, and a Human Rights Defender for Amnesty International. I’ve been involved continuously with World

Vision and provided work pro bono for the less advantaged (such as refugees) and many charities. I mainly voted for the Australian Democrats since Howard’s first term, because I didn’t fit in with the Libs; I didn’t fit in with Labor because of its trade union and socialist tendencies (although I did vote for Kevin Rudd in 2007); I didn’t fit in with the Greens because they were too far to the Left for me (although I admire some of their policies and did vote for them in the Senate once), but the Democrats – well they were a perfect fit for me. They were a centrist party that existed to work on a positive policy agenda and looks at each bill, policy or argument with pragmatism and common sense. The Democrats are rebuilding for the next federal and state elections; far from popular opinion, they still have thousands of supporters willing a centrist movement to take back the balance of power in the Senate. I’m drawn to the overall positivity of the party compared to the rest, which amazes me because they have some important issues to get over, but they are there, waiting to make a comeback. I bet there are hundreds of centrist students on campus and it would be great to form a movement as an alternative for students to feel at ease and comfortable with their position, knowing they can be open and pragmatic and that decisions are based on conscience after the issues have been debated and discussed. A university like ours needs a movement like this.

Bobbie was a successful corporate lawyer for 13 years after studying Arts and Law. He is currently studying Media. You can contact him on Twitter: @Newosis



fear and loathing alice bitmead has her friends and family worried art by Maddi foster


You note the passing of another evening spent in another new set of discount flannelette pajamas (often men’s, preferably maternity – what, like you’re supposed to feel ashamed for wanting maximum stomach accommodation in the midst of a particularly violent Doritos binge? Fuck off), emoting heavily in an orgy of self-pity and Sex and the City. The carnage of your delirious excess surrounds you like the flotsam of some ill-fated P&O cruise for middle class, sexually repressed female spinsters – three cups of now tepid tea, all of which feature Lady Di’s vacant, pixelated face; a heavily padded (ha! What foolish trickery is this!) bra discarded over one shoulder, and bits of tinfoil sprinkled like festive dandruff from the two blocks of Lindt Orange Intense you’ve consumed (at only $1.98 at Woolworths, you’d be LOSING money not to). Three online pop-culture-based personality quizzes have already been completed (‘Not Charlotte again – redo’). A sudden surge of annoyance breaks through the 60%-cocoa-soilds-and-half-a-bottle-of-red-you-weresaving-for-next-time-you-do-the-ironing haze you have constructed – your Utorrent downloads of Say Yes To The Dress and Hilary Duff ’s complete discography have stopped AGAIN. Jesus fucking Christ, you pay your taxes (in theory), can’t society just let you have this one thing?? For fuck’s sake. You calm down - there’s always that weird pornographic fiction site to fall back on if you get really stuck for things to fill the abyss with. Getting yourself off to username BlurredLines1976’s “Public Restroom Anal Sex” (ignoring their syntactical errors and willful misuse of the oxford comma, the philistine) and reaching climax by superimposing the ex you’re still in love with’s face and physical attributes onto the mental image of Mark The Virile Carpark Stranger could be worse, right? At least you’ve stopped planning the underwear-and-shoes concept necessary to win him back. That would have been really sad. A much better idea is just to quietly Google his name for the next twenty minutes. You reassure yourself that this is not creepy; that in this modern age of virtual living, the casual Google search amongst friends is surely akin to a warm handshake or a politely enquiring remark about another’s health! You reward your thoughtfulness with some semi-expired Easter chocolate and three search

pages of links referring that time he wrote the minutes for that community group two years ago. You know that the procedural motion he seconded in the 2011 AGM stands as a secret code for his continued infatuation with you (*nb: don’t forget to clear search history this time). Good work, have some more chocolate bunny face. You take a moment to enjoy the power and worldliness which comes from being able to consume an entire animal, chocolate effigy or otherwise, in a single sitting. This sudden blood/cocoalust stirs a moment of guilt – you recall that time you thought about going vegetarian (mostly to loose weight, but also because you thought it would be more fiscally pragmatic) but couldn’t go through without because you thought you’d look too much like a wank. You settle for uploading a picture of some cute dog onto your Instagram account (#adorbs #instadog #love). Internal existential crisis averted. You realize that your bladder is now uncomfortably full, but there is still two thirds of a glass of wine left. Getting to the bathroom means leaving the blanket fort you have constructed and potentially being seen by housemates who may judge the pajamas, but you’re also pretty sure that a UTI would be painful and/or undesirable – it’s a Sophie’s Choice. Shit. You knew you should have invested in that “portable urinal with female attachment – perfect for long car trips!” you saw in your nana’s copy of Innovations magazine. This is where you find yourself yet again – bloated, with an engorged bladder, lying on a bed of stale sheets marked not with the crust of some marginally impressive romantic conquest but the indelible smears of Nutella and spilt tea that paint your existence now. You could think of this as rock bottom, but at least you’ve still got the Real Housewives of Melbourne reunion special episodes to watch. Dream big. Alice Bitmead is on the kegel diet. She’s doing some right now. Expect positive results soon.


exchange confessions anthony nocera needs to get out more Photograph by anthony nocera

When you go on exchange, it is inevitable that you’ll learn a hell of a lot about yourself. EXAMPLE: It’s 1am in Beijing, I’m sitting on the toilet in my room and I’ve had at least twelve drinks, one of which was called ‘Zombie’. The room is spinning and I don’t know how but there is vomit all over my floor. I had enoki mushrooms for lunch. They’re caught in my teeth… again. It struck me all of a sudden, sitting in a pile of my own insides that I wasn’t at home anymore and that I was alone and that maybe, just maybe, asking for extra soy sauce and chilli on everything isn’t a good idea… as I drunkenly pulled the threads of mushroom and stomach from my teeth I came upon some hardcore truths about my time in Beijing. These are my exchange confessions. • The couple in the hotel room next to me were having sex and it ended with this massive thud and then complete and utter silence for a few minutes and then I heard someone running down the hall and I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t think I’m cut out to be a witness in an Asian murder trial. Also, I may be next. • I’m pretty sure that guy just spit in the street and I just stepped in it. Oh Jesus Christ… • The irony of the inventors of ‘Chinese Whispers’ being calling it ‘whispers’ is the fact that China, in every facet of the country, has not shut the fuck up since I’ve been here. • Why can’t I shit? • My bag is so heavy that I think maybe the guy from the hotel may have broken into my room and disposed of the body there. • I can’t believe how cool this is. What an amazing opportunity. Beijing is such a beautiful city and the people are so ni-OH MY GOD THAT MAN JUST SNEEZED AND A BIT WENT IN MY MOUTH I THINK. • Squirts hand-sanitiser. • Airplane peanuts are just better than other peanuts. • Can people tell that my back is sweating right now? Because it is. A lot. • Travelling is weird, like, I feel really adult and liberated that I’m doing this on my own (somewhat) but I also kind of feel incredibly guilty for being away

from my family… for doing all of these things without them and I think that’s because that, by being born, I ruined my Mum’s vagina. • Fuck I don’t know how to use chopsticks. • I AM GOING TO INSTAGRAM THIS! • Yeah no, I definitely just stepped in his spit. Google’s diseases you can catch from spit. • I want to go home. Get me out of here. • I could live here forever. • Fuck I forgot to pack shaving cream. Also, I’ve forgotten literally everything else I need. • Lecturer: The Chinese believe in a harmonious relationship between man and nature. Coughs on smog and pollution • Pointing is rude in China, Anthony. Stop it. • Should I hashtag this photo ‘#friedrice’, or is that pop culture reference not okay anymore? • How do I even pack? • I just realised that I can hear the guy in the dorm next to me flushing his toilet and I think that 100 per cent means that he heard my in-shower renditions of Paula Abdul… maybe he’ll buy my new single Straight Up I’m Gonna Die Alone. It’s dropping on iTunes in the summer of 20Ihatemyself. • Why can’t I stop shitting? • Squirts hand-sanitiser. • Me: Can I please have that one? Points. My Mind: ANTHONY STOP POINTING YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED. • I don’t understand why they had to put a full body mirror literally right across from the toilet in the airplane bathroom… I didn’t need to see that. I look bad when I’m doing things that make me look good, seriously. • WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO PUT MY TOILET PAPER IN A WASTE BASKET BESIDE THE BOWL WHAT IS THIS PLACE TAKE ME HOME? • Squirts hand-sanitiser/ Uses Wet-Wipe. • I think I might just be really racist and it took me coming here to realise that. • I’ve eaten a lot of meat since I’ve been here and I’m pretty sure that a lot of it was just organs. • Is that kid shitting in the street? Yeah? Great. • Squirts hand-sanitiser. • I still love Beijing. Anthony’s digestive system still isn’t okay… It never will be.





exchange specialty coffee

melodie cro Reviewed by tori hyland


vardon ave Reviewed by max cooper Exchange Specialty Coffee, on the corner of Vardon Place, opened last year, and it has quickly become one of my favourite cafes in the East End. If I had to use one word to describe it, I’d go full-Iggy Azalea and choose Fancy. They’ve got top of the line equipment for every element of drink preparation, they source interesting blends, and the entire aesthetic of the place is top-to-bottom beautiful. In addition, their process for drink brewing is so precise that it reminds me of a laboratory or the Harry Potter potions class. And I’d hope it’s obvious, but if you need it spelt out: the end result is astounding. Some of the more unique offerings can cost a touch more than a standard coffee or tea, but they’re worth it. The whole ‘get what you pay for’ principle is in full effect here, from the cheapest drink to the most elaborate sandwich. The absolute best thing though? The staff are so incredibly friendly. They’re all clearly committed to the quality of the business, and their friendly camaraderie helps to make the place feel like a real local landmark. Whether you’re catching up with friends for a nice brunch, or taking a break to sip some tea and read in the afternoon, it’s a wonderful place for it. I may have only been around a year, but Exchange has already become an integral part of Adelaide’s East End for me – if you haven’t checked it out, I’d highly recommend it. Photo by Kenneth Koh

Sometimes not understanding rap music can actually be a good thing. Over in good old Germany, a rapper by the name of Cro has been dominating the charts for the last couple of years. Hailing from the southern town of Stuttgart, he just recently released his sophomore album, Melodie and it’s gooood. Cro demonstrates a perfect mixt of rap and pop. So perfect is the mix, especially in his debut album King of Raop, that he donned a new genre: Raop (rap + pop = raop). Scoring multiple number one hits in his home country from his first album, I was doubtful he could produce the goods a second time round, but Melodie went beyond all expectations. Cro incorporated more backup vocals, brass instrumentation and increasingly complex and emphasised guitar work to enhance a sound I didn’t think could get any better. With Melodie, Cro has artfully navigated the fine line between sticking to your roots and boring repetition. If you’re looking for rap or pop that’s a little different, this album will satisfy all of your raop needs. If you even go as far as to purchase the deluxe edition (which is available on iTunes in Australia), you will be gifted with a set of instrumentals that will really refine your German rapping skills. (It’s a lot harder than you think.)





dumbledore’s army reunites... jk rowling Reviewed by sarah tynan As the Soccer World Cup kicked off, so did the Quidditch World Cup. Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet gossip columnist provided the coverage that we were all itching for, putting her Quick Quotes Quill to good use. In Dumbledore’s Army Reunites at Quidditch World Cup Final, J.K Rowling provides Harry Potter fans with snippets of information as told with Rita Skeeter’s dramatic flair. As well as Rita’s piece, commentary by Ginny Potter (née Weasley), senior Quidditch Correspondent and former Holyhead Harpies Chaser liveblogged the match on Pottermore.com, much to the delight of fans all over the world. Tumblr went mad- some excited, some annoyed that J.K was again adding information to the series after its finish. No new juicy new facts were revealed to fansperhaps save for the confirmation that Hermione Granger kept her own last name (Go Hermione!). While the piece interested loyal fans and made the news, it was little more than a short article with exceptionally good PR and hype. Nevertheless, fans will flock to whatever information JK decides to provide us with. Always. Spoilers: Bulgaria won 170 – 60 after Krum caught the Snitch.

community nbc reviewed by Adrien descours Community Community!





After 5 seasons (4 excellent, 1 forgettable) Community, a show about TV and everything that has ever been aired on TV, has been renewed for a sixth season. Westerns, musicals, emphatic documentaries, space operas, paranoid thrillers, summer comedies, all of them and many more have been spoofed or parodied smartly by showrunner Dan Harmon and his crew. One of the most groundbreaking features of the show is that it has several levels of watching, while being aired on network TV (NBC). It was first and foremost a goofy, quick witted and almost foolish show, with increasing craziness from all cast members (Jim Rash, John Oliver or Ken Jeong amongst other) but then it was a show about pop culture, featuring an impressive amount of movie references and even own references to the show former seasons. And the last level was about philosophical concepts. My suggestion is: if you’re in search of something a bit edgier than TBBT (yeah, that’s oxymoronic) or Modern Family, Community could be for you.


diversions 46 PAGE

colour me good: banana edition this shit is bananas

emma’s dilemmas

Life advice from someone who probably needs to see a therapist Hi Emma, Don’t call me a hipster or anything, but I recently got a nose piercing because I feel I have been getting more alternative since I started at Uni. What are some tips you could give me on dressing more alternative? The only thing is, I really don’t want people to think I’m a hipster because hipsters are super annoying – I would hate for someone to call me a hipster. Hipsters. – Amelia, 19 Hi Amelia, Generally the only people who say they don’t like hipsters, or in fact make any reference to them at all, are people who are desperately trying to prove that they are extremely up with the times. Problem is that hipsters haven’t been particularly zeitgeist-y since, like, 2007. I mean American Apparel isn’t even that cool anymore. Don’t worry about what meaningless label you should affix yourself with, Amelia. Just be yourself. Your real self. Okay, obviously don’t be your real self if that is like a paedophile or whatever, but just be a socially acceptable version of your real self. There, now that’s helped hasn’t it. EMMA, HI. I HAVE A PROBLEM; IT IS URGENT. WHEN IS IT OK TO USE THE POKING OUT TONGUE EMOTICON (:P) AND WHEN IS IT NOT OKAY? PLEASE ANSWER ASAP I EAGERLY AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE. ALSO, YOU HAVE A PRETTY FACE BYE. – Anonymous stranger, 38 Hey Anonymous, After a moment of quiet reflection I have come to the conclusion that there are only two situations where :p isn’t socially reprehensible. These are:

1. If you are a foreign exchange student and can blame the creepiness inherent to :p on cultural differences, and 2. If you are over the age of fifty and still think “lol” means lots of love. (I used to think my mother was constantly mocking me via text. Now I have realised that she is simply an old person and I should treasure her.) There are no other situations in which :p is okay. None. And thank you for saying I have a pretty face, anonymous stranger! It’s been said. Hi Emma, I just went through a terrible break-up, and I was wondering, how do you fall out of love with someone? I miss him so, so much. –Annie, 20 Annie, I think you should— Shiiiiiiiit. Shit shit shit. I knew this was going to happen at some point. An actual real life problem where someone is legitimately going through pain and needs my help? You guys realise I don’t really have any life knowledge, right? Like, I literally took on this advice column gig just so I would have something to do while drinking red wine other than write in volume 12 of my feelings journal. Maybe get some hobbies to distract yourself – have you tried yoga? Or beekeeping? Is beekeeping a thing? Christ, I am feeling hopelessly inadequate right now Annie, and it’s all your fault. Oh god, fuck shitting fucketty fuck, I knew this day would come. Guys, can somebody grownup answer this please? Got a question you’d like Emma to answer? Email us at ondit@ adelaide.edu.au with the subject title ‘Emma’s Dilemmas’.



with Mystic Marge

Aries Your attempts to brew your own white spirits using only vinegar and the superficially damaged swedes you got cheap at Woolworths will be met with scorn, but you’ll be the one laughing next time they have to spend $6 on wine. Fools! Taurus Your obsession with Facebook-stalking all potential Tinder matches before swiping to the right will pay off when you realise the buxom and well groomed Tiffany, 21, is in fact a 37 year old mother of four with terrifying body piercings. Gemini You will lose control of your bladder during a particularly gripping round of your Wednesday night Age of Empires LAN session. Your teammates will respect your commitment to the game by refusing to take toilet breaks, but will tease you mercilessly with the sanctioned digital taunt options regardless. Cancer Your current healthy lifestyle of replacement therapy (wine over weed) will come under critique by the free uni doctor when they announce you have the liver of a 60 year old Irish ex-solider. Lucky you saved those joints then.

targedoku Find as many words as you can using the letters on the Sudoku grid. Words must be four letters or more and include the highlighted letter. Use the letters to solve the Sudoku (normal Sudoku rules apply). There are no repeated letters. Clue: To obscure, to darken. Dark, like the blackened sole on the shoe of society, stomping forever towards oblivion.


u E c



c o


f t





t E f

b A

u b



s c t




Leo In attempting to broaden your romantic appeal through profiles on JSwipe and that app for people who collect model trains, you will discover that actually, everyone in every niche social interest group sucks and you are better off growing your body hair and embracing a solitary life of king sized KitKat Chunkies. Virgo A heady cocktail of too much crispy beef and smuggled red wine will result in your insistence in instigating a group sing-a-long to Savage Garden’s collected hits at your favourite Chinese restaurant. Even though you were asked to leave twice, you know they secretly loved your version of ‘To The Moon and Back’. Libra Your attempt at a coy wink when attempting to pick up in a bar will cause your would-be mate to assume you suffer a nervous twitch and make a hasty getaway. Whatever, who needs love and companionship anyway. Scorpio You will inadvertently steal a pen from your local BankSA branch after accidentally walking out with it in your hand. The guilt this will bring will rack you mercilessly, and you will be left a husk of your former self, fed through a straw. Sagittarius You will begin consuming leftover meal remnants abandoned at alfresco restaurants in a bid to save money and ‘help society’. This will cause a minor gastric episode and some embarrassing trapped wind, but at least you finally got to try lobster tail. Capricorn You will be unable to read this horoscope after your plans to travel around Europe selling acrostic poems and friendship bracelets woven out of your own body hair actually came to fruition. Aquarius In a sudden and very unfortunate departure from your usual beliefs towards fad diets and the importance of stinginess, you will spend $9 on some underwhelming juice. You will regret this lapse for many moons to come. Pisces A frankly appalling night out at one of Adelaide’s lower brow dives will pay off suddenly when a well-meaning stranger assumes the ten dollars he has found on the sticky, dangerously moist dance floor fell out of your bag. Nailed it!


open letter


Dear Elliot Rogers, The latest event in the never-ending string that reflects the misogynistic nature of our society and subsequent discussions of the event and feminism has changed nothing for me except that it has renewed my determination not to be complacent. I made a choice a few years ago to start being uncomfortable. To start speaking up when people said things that reflected these hurtful, damaging beliefs that we as a society hold. Yes, that includes to people like my friends, acquaintances, boys I was dating. The result is often not comfortable in itself. But I am still sick of being frustrated on a daily basis by the attitudes around me that are not changing. I am made to feel uncomfortable, passively, just by existing as a female in this world, so I have nothing to lose by making a choice to be and make others actively uncomfortable when I know it will lead to a better outcome. Sometimes I let it go because I am not perfect and I’m not strong enough to make the uncomfortable choice 100 per cent of the time. But I know that by doing this, and if all of my educated and aware friends do the same, this is truly how we will change society. There is no other way. This will not change, in my opinion, through top down initiatives. It needs to be grassroots. It needs to be everyday women (and men) speaking up and challenging their friends and families. You will be accused of being a feminist as if that’s a bad thing, and you will feel alienated. You may think that you will be written off and labelled as a sensitive

bitch, but what about when your friends do the same? What will that ignorant boy do when every female he is interested in responds to his sexist “jokes” with the same absolute intolerance? We can force people to question their beliefs through sheer number. We all grew up in this and I understand that it takes time to change. We are products of our environments. The real dangerous people in our society are those who evaluate their thoughts and choose to hold onto them (e.g. extreme Men’s Rights Activist’s ). It was only 2010 when I was very uncomfortable with myself and I externalised my self hatred (and resulting jealousy) into a belief in sexist things. For example I engaged in so-called “slut shaming”. But, over time, I made the choice to be more aware and open-minded. I still have to work on it, because there are probably still tiny little beliefs hidden in my architecture that I still don’t even know about. But I made a lifetime commitment to learn to understand and change, and if any potential partner of mine is not open to that same commitment, then I am not open to them. I am not joking when I say that I will end every relationship I am in if the other party holds serious damaging beliefs and is unwilling to discuss and learn. You may think that speaking up will not make a difference, but it will. You don’t have to protest. You don’t have to sign petitions. But, if you insist on living by the sentiments you believe in, and refuse to compromise when others express those damaging views, you will make a real impact. Yours, D. Tippet

Misogyny Mountains by Laura Gentgall

HONG KONG Your Choice of Exchange in Asia Student Exchange Programmes and Scholarships available Don’t miss your chance of a lifetime! Check with your home university’s exchange office today.

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