On Dit Magazine 79.1 by On Dit

The Adelaide University student magazine

Vol. 79 / Issue 1

Contents Vox Pop Degrees of knowledge Maths

Helpful Map On Dit’s O’Guide Feature Why are students protesting in the UK?

Feature The partition of Sudan

Please Hold... SA’s emergency warning system

Food What A Clown Julian Assange

Adelaide The pros and cons

Music / Arts / Theatre Collarbones / WOMAD / Theatre memberships

Columns Diversions

8 10 12 17 22 26 28 1

Recipes and Cheap Eats

32 34 36 42 46

Go To www.ondit.com.au if you’re not a square Editors: Sam Deere, Elizabeth Flux & Rory Kennett-Lister Cover artwork by Alex Weiland On Dit is an affiliate of the Adelaide University Union Published 11/2/2011

Editorial

Sam

Rory

Elizabeth

(Rory) Greetings — first to your eyeballs, scanning these words as they patter across the page. Or maybe to the brain, directing aforesaid body parts. Wait. We’re getting into specifics. Editorials should be broad, all encapsulating. Sweeping, even. More to the point, they should be to the point. We should be describing, with wit and enthusiasm, the amazing bundle of goodness set out for you, our beloved reader, to peruse. Damn it…

Inevitably construction has increased, and so all of last year’s hard learnt paths around the campus have become obsolete. I’m not entirely convinced that this isn’t just some kind of long term psychological study – the kind which involves electric shocks, moving walls and Beiberface. Oh well, my pavlovian response to Beiber exposure was already to cry whilst punching the nearest wall, so whatever.

As you may or may not be able to tell, this is our first issue. We’re new to this; not virgins, per se, but still tender. We haven’t become the cynical, foul-mouthed whores we’re sure to become after a year at the helm. (Note: mixed metaphor. BAD.) You might also be new, to campus at least. O’Week is getting underway.

(Sam) The late-night, Mi Goreng-fuelled process of collating all the bits and pieces for this magazine has made us pretty delirious, so apologies for the rambling intro. We just hope that you enjoy what you find on these pages – our lovely contributors have worked their arses off, and we’re pretty stoked with the results (remember, if you too would like to become an unpaid word-monkey then there’s ample opportunity – see the inside back cover).

(Elizabeth) Either way, welcome. This year On Dit has taken some inspiration and aims to be like the Adelaide campus itself; constantly under construction and littered with nonsensical graffiti which is then immediately attacked by Grammar Nazis. Hmm. Maybe not then... (Except for the Grammar Nazi thing. “Your doomed”? Seriously?) Anyway, pull up a clump of dirt or a pylon and settle into the probably by-now beer-soaked lawn.

So welcome to Uni for 2011 — it’s a bit of a lark, and who knows, you might learn something useful. In the meantime, enjoy the magazine. Love, the eds

contribUTORs

They write words for our pages or draw real pretty.

Writers Adele Teh (‘On Dit’s O’Guide’, page 12) Adele’s childhood featured bowl haircuts, purple bicycles, denim overalls and a diet of Enid Blyton books. Having updated her wardrobe and bookshelf since then (but not the bicycle or, arguably, the haircut), she has been on the uni scene for five years in a Law/Commerce double degree. During this time she has forgotten nearly everything, while her caffeine consumption has increased exponentially. Contact her if you can make a mean aioli.

Georgia Lawrence-Doyle (‘MiND THE GAP, Commandant Clegg’, page 17)

Tomas Macura (‘The Partition of Sudan’, page 22) Tomas is in his fifth year at uni with an agonising two further years of law after completing his masters in international studies thesis. He likes football (the world game) and anyone who will genuinely listen to his political ramblings. He dislikes bogans, hipsters and people. After graduating from his bohemian lifestyle, Tomas will discover the foolishness of his current intention to mould the world according to his idealistic vision.

Artist Annie RuddUck (‘How To: Wave’, page 46) Annie Rudduck began her Media Studies degree at Adelaide Uni, then moved on to complete a Grad. Dip. in 3D Animation at AFTRS. Today, she works as a freelance illustrator and concept artist for Vishus Productions. When she is not busy drawing and animating, you can find her sitting on her surfboard somewhere down the Fleurieu Peninsula, hoping that some decent swell will come. Check out her art blog at www.annierudduck.blogspot.com

Georgia is a third year Arts student, majoring in history and now minoring in unemployment. She enjoys lots of things, but especially likes reading, watching Woody Allen movies and eating Coles brand chocolate chip cookies. Recently she went on an exchange to the University of Bristol in the UK, where she studied and gallivanted for a year. She has now returned to Adelaide to complete her degree and plot her next escape.

Vox

POP

Stevan

Georgy

MAX

Arts, 7th year

B.Sc(Geology), Honours

1. I’m not sure it’s necessary,

1. Erm...it’s non-existent?

Master of Philosophy Astrophysics

considering the size of our campus and how close we are to town. Aesthetically, it’s foul.

2. Now that the tram goes to the entertainment centre, I’m not sure...

3. Drowned by a hippo. 4. My little toes. They are useless.

5. Last year I passed two subjects in the one semester.

2. About four metres, even if you’re really skinny. Swimming pools/backyard tanniing excepted

3. Gored by a hippo 4. About 10kg around the upper thigh region.

5. Got tipsy on the roof of assorted buildings and left a scattering of possessions (shoes etc.) around the rooftop gutters of the uni.

1. Currently blocking fast passage across uni!

2. Other side of dunes 3. Gored by antelope 4. Little toe 5. Attempted parkour on a construction site

We asked our panel of randomly selected students: 1. What do you think of the Hub? 2. How far from the beach is it acceptable to wear your bathers? 3. How would you prefer to die, gored by an antelope, or drowned by a hippo? 4. If you had to lose a body part, which would it be? 5. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done at university?

Joseph

Sally

Ollie

Bsc. Biotechnology

Earth and Enviro Science, Honours

Medicine, 5th Year

1. Not too sure 2. Six kilometres 3. Antelope 4. Left foot 5. Taken a leak on a garden after Unibar

1. I don’t know much about it. 2. Depends how hot it is 3. Gored by an antelope 4. Nothing too important, a finger

5. Attended most of my first year lectures

1. All this Hub-bub? 2. Acceptability of bather wearage is directly proportional to saltiness of surrounding walls... Siberian water is fresh.

3. If I was gored by an antelope I don’t think I would be able to live with the humiliation... but it would be a better fight.

4. Left hand, it’s only used for aesthetic purposes.

5. Breast exam on a guy...who had breasts...

Degrees of knowledge An insider’s look at something you don’t study

MathEMATICS

Words: Casey Briggs

I’m sitting here writing this while on a break from Maths Camp. I don’t know what more I can do to preach the virtues of mathematics than the simple act of stating that there exists such a thing as a Maths Camp. Doesn’t even seem worthwhile to continue writing. But I will, because the editors told me to write 700 words, and I don’t fancy incurring their wrath. Before I begin my critical exegesis, let me give you a bit of background, because, let’s face it, you probably have no fucking idea what it is a mathematician even does. We’re not all teachers, I haven’t touched a protractor in years, and I suck at my times tables. Hell, I barely ever use numbers in the first place. However, I do understand all of the jokes on The Big Bang Theory, and I can also tell you the best strategy to take if you ever want to win a goat on a game show. Two more compelling reasons to study mathematics. Maths itself is made up of three broad disciplines. You’ve got your applied mathematicians, who deal with tangible questions like ‘What’s the best way

to manage traffic flow?’ and ‘How are we going to minimise the number of people that die from the spread of this disease?’ They spend most of their time finding solutions to real life problems arising in other fields. This involves a lot of mathematical modelling, deriving and solving messy equations.

One piece of advice: build up a good relationship with your fellow maths students, lecturers and other staff in the school. They are, for the most part, great people. There’s barely a suit in sight (indeed, you’re more likely to see someone wandering the halls barefoot) and the attitude is equally casual. Case in point, the head of school has a ponytail halfway down his back. Back to the degree though. Maths courses typically follow the same tried and tested format: weekly or fortnightly assignments or tutorials, maybe a mid semester test, and then an exam worth most of your grade. So be forewarned - you always have an assignment to do, or an exam to revise for. This can get wearisome.

Applied and pure mathematicians have a strange rivalry. The guys over in pure think they’re better because they work in a more elegant field, and their research is notionally more difficult. The guys in applied revel in the fact that they’re solving tangible problems with real world outcomes. Plus, they have a hope of actually getting a job.

Ultimately though, the reason I’ve stuck at it for so long is the simple fact that maths is a little bit like magic. Maths has shown that if you have a hairy ball, it’s impossible to comb it flat without creating a cowlick. Maths has given us the best strategy to take in the event of a zombie outbreak (only an aggressive, decisive attack on the zombies will prevent the collapse of society). Maths has shown that it’s possible to find the area of a wacky shape using only the perimeter (that doesn’t sound exciting, but it’s pretty crazy). Oh, and maths has shown that you can take a wobbly table and get all four legs to touch the ground by rotating it on the spot (Intermediate Value Theorem, bitches). Trust me, it’s all just a little bit fancy.

Last of all, you have the statisticians, whose salaries shit all over those of any other mathematicians. This field is all about the collection, analysis, and organisation of data. Work done by statisticians varies from

Right, now I’m going back to Maths Camp to get drunk and talk about finding the ways of winning a game of noughts and crosses, if played on a Möbius Strip. That’s how cool I am.

Then there are the pure mathematicians. They live firmly in the world of the abstract and speak mostly in unintelligible code. Some of their work is applied to cryptographic systems, such as those used in internet banking. Pure maths also helped researchers prove that any Rubik’s Cube can be solved in at most twenty moves. Nifty, huh? These guys are also responsible for some of the research that could be regarded as generally ‘not useful’, such as the three-volume Principia Mathematica, which tried to build up the fundamentals of mathematics using only a small set of axioms about set theory. By page 379, they’d managed to prove that 1+1=2, an occasionally useful fact.

highly theoretical questions, to more practical data analysis. A lot of the time, they want to make predictions about the future, based on data that has been collected.

Excuse me...

Ducks. And effluent.

On Dit Offices: Come and peer at us. We are not dissimilar to monkeys at the zoo, though we are more accurate when it comes to throwing faeces.

Mayo cafĂŠ: Enjoy the chips, avoid the burgers.

CafĂŠ: Discounted meals after 3pm.

Ugly building.

The future Hub: What does this mean? Nobody knows, not even the University administration. Currently operates as a giant inconvenience.

Ridiculously expensive parking.

Home to Confucius statue.

Music practice rooms. If you forget your iPod, hang out here.

University of Adelaide:

Where Am I? North Tce. Campus

RIP Union Hall: Formerly one of the most interesting buildings on campus. Now rubble.

Med School: Smells like sheep.

Ugly building.

Lower level of ugly building.

11 Aroma CafĂŠ (UniSA): Pretend you go to Super TAFE and eat here.

Law Buildings: Ugliest edifice on campus. (This is up for debate â&#x20AC;&#x201C; see Schultz and Napier.)

You are unlikely to see the inside of this building until your graduation ceremony.

David Jones Food Court: Cashed up? Eat here.

e d i u G ’ O On Dit’s

ark days d d n a s t h ig n vitable late e in e h t e iv nment v e r t h g li n e l a n How to su io for educat t s e u q r u o y during

Words: Adele Teh / Illustrations: Madeleine Karutz The heady scent of watered-down beer, burnt meat and grass (the lawn kind, kids), wafting along on a summer breeze. It’s the signature fragrance of optimism and new beginnings; the symbolic ribbon around the shiny new year of uni waiting to be unwrapped. Ah O’Week, here you are again. The clubs will entice you with free BBQs and golden promises of pub-crawls a-plenty. However, you must be warned that the week after O’Week is like the morning after the night before. Upon opening your e-mail inbox, you realise you’ve hooked up with every Uni club in existence (and those not in existence) and you’re wondering how to break it off and tell the Sailing Club you hate water and can’t tie knots. Like Bear Grylls, the TV survival program celebrity, you need enough survival knowledge to navigate the gruelling plains of the University of Adelaide. However, unlike that SAS-turned-TV-star, there’s a good chance you won’t be forced to drink from elephant dung or shelter in the loving embrace of a dead animal’s bloody skin. Uni is looking good already, isn’t it? For a start, do attempt to know the names of the courses you are taking and where you should be on day one. It’s a good start, and this way it will

not take you as long to realise you are sitting in a Psychology 112 lecture when you should be in Accounting 1002. Maps are also of use*. You may be forgiven on the first day, but traipsing into a full lecture theatre half an hour late and being subjected to some witticism by the lecturer is bound to affect your social cred for at least a few weeks. Another box to be ticked in the survival list is the elephant in the room, also known as making friends. Never openly acknowledged, instead it clomps around in the background of lecture theatres and tutorials, trumpeting from empty seats. Without new freshman buddies, who are you going to chill out at uni bar with, or amiably tackle that horror group assignment with? Like venturing out on a blind date, you scout the lecture hall for potential besties, or lie in wait until a lone freshman is within speaking distance. The approach is always the hardest. Usually it starts with sidelong glances leading to banal comments on the course content and then the fail-safe “What high school did you go to?”, or alternatively the conversation topics of gap years and employment. Keep in mind that you do not want to scare away your potential new friend. No one wants you whipping * Helpfully there’s one on page 10

out your smart phone and adding him or her on facebook the first day you meet them, especially if every week in that Monday tutorial you plan on commenting on every photo of them taken on the weekend. It just spells creepy.

enough to know where the Med kitchen is? (I hear they have a sandwich toaster too. Curse them for receiving the privilege of cheesy melts in return for being groomed to save lives). Well the

If you are one of the many unlucky students needing to collect a course reader from the Image and Copy Centre, here is some advice. Bring a packed lunch, a deckchair and some light reading – perhaps the complete Mills and Boons collection or a how-to guide of small talk. You will need these homely items. The notorious queue at the Image and Copy Centre stretches as far as the eye can see, rather much like a queue for a Robbie Williams concert, except without the handmade signs or screaming.

“ Unlike Bear Grylls, there’s a good chance you won’t be forced to shelter in the loving embrace of a dead animal’s bloody skin. “

For the cash-strapped student enforcing a strict diet of dollar-dinner leftovers and shunning the lure of the mall, there comes a time when you don’t want to fight the other casserole-toters to pre-heat your lunch. What, you say? There’s a queue ten students deep for the microwave in the Ligertwood building and you’re not privileged

Women’s Room in the Lady Symon Building is here to help, with handy microwave, fridge, bed, worn-out couch and musty hardcover eighties non-fiction. What, you say? You’re not a woman? Rigged-up drag it is then, or else the queue for you.

The A to Z:

To aid you in your navigation of the choppy, debt-infested waters of university, here is an A to Z guide that would make the creators of Sesame Street proud.

Adelaide University Union. (‘AUU’, located on Level 4 Union House). The AUU provides services and associations including membership discounts for the stingy student, On Dit (this publication in your hot little hands), a Venuetix ticket outlet, employment service, Sports Hub, resource centre and more. BBQs. The occurrences of these are an icon of the University. Recent forays have also discovered that far from ostracizing vegetarians, the newer creed of club or association BBQ will spruik vegie patties to entice those of both culinary persuasions into membership. Also see ‘O’Week’. Barr Smith Library. Another icon of the university, there’s a pseudo Harry Potter reading hall, group study rooms and a rumoured secret passageway. Oh, did I mention books?

Clubs. There are almost 40 sports clubs that are active and seeking a steady relationship with potentials like you. That’s better than an online dating site’s stats.

Caffeine. This is a necessary part of uni and goes together with the other C: concentration. Disability Service. For temporary or permanent disabilities or conditions. Located on the ground floor of the Horace Lamb Building. Exams. The dread of uni students and the inspiration behind the ethos of 51 weeks of holidays and one week of study a year.

Education and Welfare Officers. This service is all about helping you with student life and has a policy of not gabbing to others about your information. They can provide financial assistance, counselling and tax advice.

MyUni. This is the central place for course announcements and information. It also hosts discussion boards for each course you’re enrolled in. Although they might be handy for asking questions of the lecturer and other students, caution is advised when approaching these boards. In a certain first-year course I remember reading posts concerning particular bodily functions. Fascinating and possibly educational, but not too useful when you just want the answers to tutorial questions. Mayo Café. An upgrade from greasy heart-attack food to an only slightly artery-clogging menu has improved this quick-eat haven situated near the Barr Smith Lawns. Mature Students Association. This is for anyone who has been out of school for more than one year. Nutrition. Prepare to shun it for stints of time as late night assignments and lunchtime lectures wreak havoc with your eating patterns.

Fitness Hub (i.e. the uni gym. Level 5, Union House). whether you want to improve your fitness or possess the scone-like abs displayed by those lycra-clad people in the home shopping ads, the Fitness Hub may be for you. Goon. Enough said. Hecklers. Do not become one. I do not want to hear your half hour debate with the lecturer on irrelevant points, I just want to get out of there and eat my salad sandwich. Juggling. Time management is an essential skill that ensures you do not completely lose your mind. Instead, you will only go slightly bonkers while juggling your social life, gainful employment, family and uni. Knowledge. You will be expected to have gained a certain amount by the end of the year. Lockers. Unless you’re a contender for the next Olympic weightlifting medal, you may not want to lug around those textbooks, gym bag or whatever else. Lockers are available for hire through the AUU and are located at various spots around uni.

Osmosis. The way every student wishes information could be absorbed (i.e. in a similar way to how water passes through a semi-permeable membrane. i.e. no reading required, just hold a book to your head and the information will absorb). O’Week. A time to collect some free stationery, join clubs, frequent the BBQs, drink cheap beer, mingle and possibly attend introductory lectures. Procrastination. If the idea is new to you, what are you doing in these hallowed university hallways? You will come to find that it is the bane of every uni student’s academic existence, yet a

healthy dose can lead to inspired last-minute outpourings on consumer choice in an over-saturated market, the Third Reich or the limits of animal law.

around too.

Pub-crawls. Almost every faculty has their own pub-crawl, complete with generally witty themed t-shirts and awkward stories the next day.

Vitamin D. Plenty of this is to be had while lounging about on the Barr Smith Lawns.

Questions. If you want to know something, ask questions. Better to get it over and done with and look like a fool now rather than later. RSI (repetitive strain injury). It can occur from excessive writing of lecture notes, or alternatively from the repeated lifting of alcoholic beverages to one’s mouth.

Second-hand textbooks. If your course is using the same textbooks as last year, do try to find second-hand books. Some faculties may have their own dedicated textbook sale websites or forums; otherwise there are also flyers on the notice boards around uni.

Ugly. (1) pub crawls. (2) a uni student the morning after a pub crawl.

Writer’s blockage. Much like a plumbing problem only instead of a qualified tradie who thankfully does not show rear end cleavage when fixing the bathroom pipes, what is needed is suitable surrounds. This could be either a computer room full of zealous students or your personal study room packed to the ceiling with intimidating yet inspiring reference volumes. A handy supply of stimulants (like a strong pint’s worth of coffee) also does the trick. XXIX. The number of acquaintances running for student elections who you have to dodge around uni during election time.

Sleep. A rare asset. Trying. Other than on the rugby field, this term is also used to describe a uni student putting effort into doing something. Although at uni laziness is next to godliness, sometimes it pays to try. It would be disheartening to repeat first year three times, by which time your HECS debt is approaching an amount that makes you contemplate moving to South America and taking up parrot smuggling*. However, it is also possible to try too hard at uni. One’s sanity is often preserved by simultaneously maintaining a social life. Being a hermit locked in the woods, with your only company being a wheelbarrow full of textbooks and a shotgun to keep away social advances, generally ends in tears. Either that, or you end up with a natty waist-length beard. Uni bar. Drinks, gigs and camaraderie. Many a student lives here, beckoned out only by offers of money or fire alarms. Unibooks. This is where you can buy shiny new books. Sometimes there are discounts floating

* In no way does the writer practice, condone or recommend parrot smuggling.

Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin. The ‘Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin** feeling’ is what you will experience upon first entering university. It will feel like you have left somewhere stable for uncharted space. However, like Yuri and unlike the poor monkey launched into space, you probably chose uni and had some sort of reason for doing so other than the free BBQs. So do not panic. Zen. That feeling the second after you submit an assignment or upon the realization you know all the answers (rare, but possible). It is the opposite sensation to the ‘Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin’.

** In 1961 he was the first person to travel in space.

‘MIND THE GAP,’ COMMANDANT CLEGG! The UK’s government has signalled sharp increases in university fees. Cue riots. Words: Georgia Lawrence-Doyle

a) Getting ‘trolleyed’ every night of the week in seedy dub-step clubs where students spent their daddy’s money on hits of MDMA. b) Wealthy students from the likes of Surrey and Fulham behaving as though they were on the set of Skins and talking like their ‘bruvs’ from ‘Soufff’ London.

Most importantly, I left with the notion that students from the traditionally more affluent universities, genuinely believed that their lives would be served up to them on a plate, along with their hideous residence hall cooked dinners. As much as I loved my time living there (specifically, having fish and chips for breakfast) I certainly did not get the impression that the upper echelons of the British student body were aware of much outside of their Sainsbury’s Basics vodka-induced bubble. So, upon hearing about the budding mass student

But stereotypes aside, the recent policies proposed by the new British Coalition of the Liberal Democrats and the Conservatives to apparently address the massive national budget deficit, have given rise to the biggest student movement since the days of Margaret Thatcher’s ‘United’ Kingdom. So what are these new government policies which have got the British students off their tweed behinds? Picture: Midnightblueowl / Wikimedia Commons

c) ‘Going out on the lash’ frequently = attending little to none of the meagre contact hours already in place as a Humanities student (and then righteously complaining about this).

movement in the UK I was pleasantly surprised, if not a little cynical. I simply could not marry the images of the cast of Brideshead Revisted trashing the lobby of Millbank, home of the Conservatives.

After studying at the University of Bristol in the UK for a year, you could say that I left with a comprehensive understanding of the British student way of life. Various attributes of this existence included:

Student protesters: nothing if not articulate

Basically, Britain now has the largest budget deficit since World War Two, thanks to the economic recession and the previous Labour government’s overspending. The LibCon’s attempts to deal with this mammoth debt lie in their eloquently titled ‘cutting hard and fast’ approach. This essentially means that the British State — known for being progressive, welfarist and a tad Socialist — is

Picture: geese / www.flickr.com/photos/skhan

“ From 2012 onwards, the average student’s debt will Come to a whopping 38,000 quid. That’s around $70, 000 by the time they leave university ” getting a thorough beating. The Coalition’s logic behind this thumping of the welfare and education system is that it will benefit the nation in the long run, because it means paying less interest on this public debt in the future. The Labour Party — now smug as ever as Nick Clegg (Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the LibDems) is compared to the likes of a Nazi collaborator — argues that although the budget deficit needs to be tackled ASAP to avoid future debt, the British are not as vulnerable to currency speculation as the Tories claim. Therefore, the consensus among the opposition and the unhappy campers of Britain, is that

Students demonstrating in Trafalgar Square, London

while broad cuts and tax increases obviously need to be made, cutting this fast and this deep will do more harm than good — putting the financial recovery in danger, creating nationwide job losses, affecting front line public services and ultimately, hitting the poorest hardest. So surely these reforms won’t be passed by a Deputy Prime Minister who less than a year ago was photographed signing pledges next to student union types vowing he would abolish tuition fees? Wrong. Coalition Ministers voted in December to allow English universities to raise the cap on tuition fees from the current £3,000 per year to a maximum of £9000. Not to mention the double whammy of major budget cuts (up to 40%) to institutions’ teaching and research budgets. British academics will now have to rely on pontificating in their leather studded armchairs in BBC documentaries to make any money at all (although the BBC has been hit hard as well). From 2012 onwards, the average student’s debt will now come to a whopping 38,000 quid. That’s around $AUD 70, 000 by the time they leave university! Therefore, assuming fees of £7,500 for a three year degree, plus maintenance loans, this suggests that the top 10% of graduate earners will clear their debts, on average, in about 15 years. A middle-earning graduate, however, would need to earn an average of £48,850 a year for 26 years to pay off their debt. In other words, the 18 year old Ian McEwans of the country will be stuffed—unless they write another Atonement.

But what has got the students (and their long suffering sugar daddies) really pissed off is the government’s decision on January 19th to ditch the EMA (the Education Maintenance Allowance). This scheme allows students in full-time education and who come from underprivileged families, to receive financial support from the government. Peter Henderson, a Bristol History student, argues that the system is an inefficient one at best. He insists the EMA is exploited by many wealthy students with separated parents who are “blatantly not using it for books.” Henderson and most students concede, however, that it is unfair to make those suffer who do genuinely benefit from and need the system to continue—or even begin—their education. So what are the students actually doing?

It was not, however, the Liberal Democrats HQ that the feverish crowd of approximately 200 stormed at the end of a relatively peaceful demonstration. At 30 Millbank, the central London building that is home to the Tories, a wing of the protest turned violent as protesters hurled placard sticks, eggs and some bottles at the batonwielding police. Some also shattered windows and waved anarchist flags from the roof of the building, while masked activists traded punches with officers to the chants of “Tory scum”. The police were not without their share of brutality either; footage depicts a siege of officers on horseback, trampling many in their wake. Fourteen people — a mix of officers and protesters — were taken to hospital, while thirty-five arrests were made. Sir Paul Stephenson, Metropolitan London Police Commissioner, said the force should have better

The students and academics demonstrated the extent of their fury as demonstrations swept the country towards the end of last year. In London, the 9th of December saw a 52,000 large crowd sweep down Westminster and London’s CBD. Despite some aggressive and unimaginative placards (“Cameron is a Cunt”), journalist for The Guardian, Michael White, remarked that the majority of students seemed genuinely “really fired up about the cuts.” He also observed that the crowd seemed to possess a lot less “ideological anger” than the protests he participated in during Thatcher’s reign some twenty years ago. A group of students even “apologised” with standard British courtesy as he bumped into them. BBC film documentation of the march, however, captures plenty

of bolshie youths, donning authentic cashmere scarves and stamping their converse-clad feet with their fair share of earnest ideology: “Someone needs to remind Commandant Clegg that this isn’t Nazi Germany!” This notion of Clegg being seen as Cameron’s puppy, willing to do anything to hang on to a little bit of Tory-sanctioned power, seems prevalent throughout the student voice. This dwindling in student support of the LibDem’s is evident in recent polls, which has seen the party drop to 8%, the lowest level of support recorded for the Party in any opinion poll since September 1990. This has given Labour a comparatively cushy lead of three points (43%) over the Conservatives, who have dropped to 40%.

predicted the scale of violence, stating that, “It’s an embarrassment for London and for us”. Aaron Porter, president of the National Student Union, argues that the rally was far from an “embarrassment” to London, or all of Britain. He deems the biggest student demonstration in generations a huge success, which shouldn’t be negatively affected by a “minority of idiots” and the fear mongering of the Tory press. Encouraging protesters, he told them: “We’re in the fight of our lives. We face an unprecedented attack on our future before it has even begun.” This passionate spirit has been especially powerful in the stiff upper-lipped colleges of Cambridge University. Cambridge English Literature student, Caitlin Doherty, has been heavily involved in the newly formed student occupation ‘Cambridge Defend Education.’ Doherty admits that she is happy with her newfound status as “riot-mongering antiCapitalist” as long as she can attend Starbucks occasionally. From small beginnings in October 2010, CDE has achieved a lot, both on a local level and as part of the massive student movement that Doherty states has emerged nationally “seemingly from nowhere,” to fight against these cuts. CDE’s feats include a protest in Cambridge’s Top Shop. Several students labelled as tax collectors chased another masked as Top Shop’s alleged tax-dodging CEO, Phillip Green, around the store. While farcical and amusing, it forces the point that one of the protestors, Rebecca Graham makes: “The Tories and Lib Dems are saying that we need to treble tuition fees and make draconian cuts to public services to balance the budget. But Philip Green’s avoided tax would pay for 32,000 students to go to university at £9,000 a year. It’s clear that these cuts are ideological, and that there is an alternative: making the rich pay what they owe.” Jeremy Davies, another protester, agreed: “People like Philip Green are getting away without paying their fair share while the students, the poor, the unemployed, and public service workers face the brunt of these cuts. These cuts concern everyone, and so everyone must join together in resisting them.” Less vocal in their protests were the Cambridge academics, members of CACHE, the Cambridge Academic Campaign for Higher Education, who participated in a ‘silent’ protest outside Senate House, the administrative centre of the univer-

sity, on January 17th. While some may see their diplomatic silence as achieving little and a slightly wanky affair, it is clear that simply the presence of the academics registered and supported the student’s resistance. Whether you want to write off this burgeoning student movement as a group of ignorant toffs protecting their privileges, or alternatively, as a group of informed young people genuinely interested in the decisions affecting their country, the facts remain the same, there is a student voice which has surfaced in Britain for the first time in 15- 20 years. This is a long time for students to not complain about something! This ‘voice’, seems to also succeed in uniting all British students (‘toffs’ and ‘chavs’ alike). Because frankly, does it matter why they are now substituting Jordan’s (or ‘Katie Price’) reality show for the news? Shouldn’t we be celebrating this fact instead of scrutinising it? Yes, there were a few idiots chucking fire extinguishers off the roof of Millbank. But doesn’t it make you a bit warm and fuzzy inside to realise the potential for power that we as young people all possess? (as well as the idea of balding Tories running around like headless chickens and screaming threats of the ‘revolution!’). Ultimately, it isn’t simply a matter of the rich “Tory Scum” hating the poor. But the truth stands that as an already incredibly polarised society, Britain needs a price put on educating the population like a kick in the proverbial pants (ahem, sorry, ‘trousers’). Clearly Coalition Ministers should not just ‘Mind the Gap’ getting onto the Tube, but also the ever increasing one between the rich, privately educated people and the less fortunate. Finally, I can’t help but write this and think what it all means for us as Australian students in the past, present and future, away from the Barr Smith Lawns. I can only baulk in true student tight-arsedness when I think of leaving with the equivalent of $AUD 70,000 in debt (and I’m only a measly Arts student). I do, however, like to think that if this happens to us in perhaps the foreseeable future, we would storm Parliament House with our crude slogans and self righteous expressions on our faces. Or at least the Mitchell building.

Picture: Bobalicious / www.flickr.com/photos/bobaliciouslondon

FEATURE

The Partition of Sudan In the wake of a bloody ethnic conflict, South Sudan votes to become the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest nation. Words: Thomas Macura / Illustration: Lillian Katsapis In the recent referendum, the people of south Sudan have voted overwhelmingly for separation from the north. The Muslim dominated north and the Christian and animist south have been embroiled in a civil war that has claimed millions of lives since independence in 1956. This culminated in a peace agreement in 2005 between the government in Khartoum and the rebel groups from the south. From a historical perspective, this momentous occasion demonstrates the arbitrary and fragile nature of states in the developing world. During the partition of Africa in the nineteenth century, the Western empires carved up the continent by drawing borders which suited them. This did

not consider the ethnic and religious differences amongst various populations. This eventually resulted in the darker side of human nature playing out within states such as Rwanda. Of course, the concept of statehood is a Western construction (this is despite the expansion of European empires during the colonisation of the majority of the remaining worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s population). As a consequence, it is hardly a surprise that much of the world is not comfortable with an international system dominated by states as the supreme political unit. A state formally organises populations, but is often not the main point of identification for its citizens. The civil war between the North and South in Sudan and the creation of a new na-

tion is an example of dozens of identity conflicts and independence movements that have persisted after the wave of decolonisation in the immediate post-Second World War decades. Despite being indicted with crimes against humanity by the prosecutor of the International Criminal Court for supporting genocide against the people of Darfur, President Omar al-Bashir has vowed to respect the outcome of the referendum. Besides wanting to deny the privileges of statehood to an independent South, Khartoum is also losing the majority of its oil deposits which are located in the South and have constituted its primary export. However, the more developed North possesses the necessary infrastructure to process and transport

the oil, thereby preventing either party from being the sole benefactor while acting as a lid on any underlying tension. However, the oil-rich Abyei region lies on the prospective border and is a likely flashpoint. The local tribes have opposing views on whether to join the north or secede with the south which could escalate into violence in the near future. Abyei was scheduled to have its own referendum to determine its fate but this has been postponed. Two other border regions are also the subject of dispute between local tribes and the administrations in Khartoum and Juba, the future capital of the south. It is worth noting that renewed war between the North and South will force the inter-

24 Picture: usaid.africa / www.flickr.com/photos/usaidafrica

Southern Sudanese voters in Juba queue up on the first day of polling

Feature: Sudan

national community to respond since this would constitute conflict between two states. This would prevent Sudan hiding behind its sovereignty to disguise internal violence. If the UN Security Council falters and the political will of the great powers falters, it is likely that the pro-active African Union will intervene to prevent regional instability.

An interesting dimension to the tension and opportunity in Sudan is the role of external actors. China has been a significant importer of Sudan’s oil and has provided major investment and development aid along with support for Khartoum’s regime. A primary reason behind the international community’s inaction regarding the genocide in Darfur is China’s intention to veto any Security Council resolution authorising any action resembling a humanitarian intervention. Beijing does not want to disrupt a major source of oil, so it can utilise its considerable leverage over either party to de-escalate potential tensions. The US also has a significant interest in preventing a war

Even if the North and South manage to avoid conflict, a threat to the security and prosperity of the region is the South being unable to maintain a stable socio-political order, ultimately leading to internal conflict, a power vacuum and state collapse. Along with accommodating the hundreds of thousands of former residents from south Sudan returning home after fleeing the violence, the new government will have to attempt to adequately represent the interests of 270 different tribes living in the south. Even though the south owns the majority of Sudan’s oil deposits, it only has 40 kilometres of paved road. Therefore, the key issues facing the government of an independent South Sudan in July, which will replace the interim administration, are political stability, positive relations with the North and an agenda for economic development. The latter will involve providing jobs for the returning residents so mass unemployment does not lead to resentment, as well as building the necessary infrastructure for the economy to grow so the population can receive adequate services. Now is the time to celebrate for the people of south Sudan but it faces a long road ahead if it is to achieve lasting peace and prosperity.

A footnote to the historic occasion is the Satellite Sentinel Project funded by George Clooney (a long time activist in Sudan) and other wealthy celebrities. This is like the CNN effect on steroids with hundreds of square kilometres of land being broadcast via satellite, at a resolution that renders visible the movements of combatants (and crucially, whether they are approaching civilians). The goal is that in the event that peace fails, at least the slaughter of innocents will be prevented by the media pressuring the international community to act.

between the North and South given the context of its struggle against international terrorism. This is because it does not want another safe haven from emerging in conflict zones such as Yemen and Somalia. President Obama has even stated that Sudan may be removed from the state sponsors of terrorism list which would enable significant trade if al-Bashir accepts the South’s decision to secede.

Please Hold...

The condition of SA’s emergency warning system is pretty terrifying.

Words: Galen Cuthbertson

“The smoke suddenly got very thick and very very dark, the colour of charcoal, and was bubbling towards me over the lake. I knew the fire was about to hit and at that point I thought I might die. Then there was an explosion and everything was luminous orange, and embers began to shower down on me. [...] From under the water I could see the embers descending, like orange lights through green glass. I would surface for a breath, sheltering under the branch I had found, and then duck under the water again. When I surfaced I could see the school going up in flames in front of me. [...] I was in the lake for about an hour.” – Mr Daryl Hull’s testimony to the Royal Commission into the 2009 Victorian Bushfires Australia has always had, and will always have, bushfires. Natural disasters are just that: natural. Unavoidable. They are also terrifying, and often deadly. The Victorian ‘Black Saturday’ fires resulted in 173 deaths. Closer to home, the 2005 Wangary fires on the Eyre Peninsula resulted in nine deaths — four of them children. The youngest was two years old. Australian bushfires are, as one youtuber put it, “hell on earth.” So is the South Australian emergency system prepared for a large-scale catastrophe? Look to the Adelaide hills, and you’ll see a series of towers at Mount Lofty. One of them handles all Government Radio communications in the area. A total of 132 similar tower ‘sites’ exist across South Australia, and collectively they form the ‘SA-GRN’ (South Australian Government Radio Network) — built by Telstra, though currently run by Motorola. Emergency services in South Australia — Police, Ambulance, MFS, CFS, SES — all

need the GRN to talk. Without it, one police car couldn’t talk to another, nor could it talk to the ‘dispatch’ that sends them to respond to incidents. Without the GRN, all emergency services in South Australia would collapse. Luckily, full failure of the network is almost impossible. Partial failure, however, is worryingly common. Far more people use the network than was originally intended. The ‘capacity’ of the network for communication is surprisingly low. And there are dead-spots — places with no reception — in areas where you wouldn’t want them. The first weakness in the network is ‘function creep.’ On the 29th of April 1999, when Telstra was contracted to build the network, the GRN was intended for use solely by the Government — more specifically, emergency services. Over the years, other network users have crept in: all public transport, security at Flinders Medical Centre, security at the Convention Centre ... According to

the radio geeks at sascan.net.au, it’s quite likely a couple of limousine companies use the network as well.

system in the Lower Eyre Peninsula in under 24 hours, 500 of which had to be queued. The longest time waiting in a queue was 43 seconds.

The GRN can support hundreds of independent conversations through ‘talkgroups’, so the problem isn’t hearing conversations that aren’t relevant — the SA Police will never have to worry about trying to use a ‘frequency’ and finding it filled by the limousines. The problem is this: every person added to the network increases the number of people who need to use the GRN at any given time. But the network wasn’t built for that... which leads us to the problem of ‘capacity’.

If you’re a CFS firefighter trying to communicate in an emergency, 43 seconds is a dangerously long time. If there’s a firefront coming towards you, even four seconds is a long time. The 2005 fires were reasonably small compared to, say, the 2009 Victorian bushfires, or the recent Queensland flooding. If the GRN network’s capacity is pushed in a fire large enough to kill nine people, how will it behave in a disaster large enough to kill 173?

How easily can the capacity be exceeded? Well, there’s been no major catastrophe in South Australia since the GRN was implemented, so we don’t know for sure. However, smaller disasters do give us some indication. On the 11th of January 2005, a bushfire swept across the Eyre Peninsula on the west coast of South Australia, taking nine lives and causing huge damage to farming land and homes. Though tragic, the fire was relatively small when compared other large-scale disasters in Australia’s recent history. Yet even in this fire, the CFS made 42,683 calls through the GRN

But let’s take a step back. Hypothetically, what if these weaknesses didn’t exist? How would the GRN fare? Well, you’d still have the scariest weakness of all: dead-spots. Superindendent Colin Cornish of the Communications Branch of the South Australian Police suggests that the GRN provides service to, “approximately 226,000 square kilometres of the State covering over 95% of the populated areas of South Australia.” But percentages have a different meaning in emergency situations. Getting coverage to much of that 95% isn’t hard, as most of South Australia is made of large, open, flat, rural spaces — or similarly flat metropolitan areas — where signals travel far. So where are the dead-spots? The hilly, mountainous parts of the State: the Adelaide Hills. It’s common knowledge amongst CFS in the Adelaide Hills that, in some valleys, the GRN radios just won’t work. Every CFS radio has a ‘Mayday’ button, to be pressed only if a CFS truck is in a life-threatening situation. But to send the mayday message, you need to be connected to the GRN network. So the nightmare scenario? A CFS truck is stuck in a dead-spot in the Adelaide Hills and unable to get a connection. They’re in life-threatening trouble. And they can’t call for help. Suddenly 100% coverage sounds like more than just a nice idea. If there’s one thing we can say with certainty, it’s that South Australia is not immune to major disaster: it’s a fact of Australian life. And at the end of the day, emergency management is about information flow. Good communication can be the difference between lives lost and lives saved. Will the Government Radio Network stand up to the test of a major South Australian disaster situation? Maybe.

Each tower ‘site’ has a set number of ‘channels’. If you press ‘talk’ on your radio, you use up one of these channels until you take your finger off the button. Thus, the number of channels a tower has controls the number of people who can talk simultaneously when within range of the tower. The largest tower in South Australia (Mount Lofty) has approximately 17 channels. Most rural towers have a hell of a lot less: just four. This means only four people can talk on their radios simultaneously. To be clear, that’s not four people in a ‘conference-call’ setting, with each able to hear the other. The GRN network doesn’t allow for that. If you’re in a ‘talkgroup’, no matter how many people are listening to you speak, only one person can speak at a time... and you can’t press ‘talk’ unless nobody else in the conversation has. No, the ‘maximum four’ covers all conversations in the area. It’s a little like trying to call your mum and being told you can’t — not because she’s already on the phone, but because your neighbours are already using their phones to talk to their mothers. So how does the GRN handle this hazard? Well, Telstra built it, so it does roughly the same thing as happens if you call their customer service line: they put you on hold. You join the queue.

Now We’re Cookin’ With Garf Words & Culinary Expertise: Garf Chan

Stir Fried Udon with Cabbage, Shredded Pork, and Turkish Mushrooms Serves 1 Preparation time: 15 minutes

Ingredients: Base • 5 pcs of Shitake Mushroom (thinly sliced) • Half a palm size piece of pork (preferably back shoulder part) • Cabbage about the size of your hand. (This more or less depends on how much you like cabbage. You can also use carrots, broccoli, flat beans, or bean sprouts. But don’t add too much or else the flavour of the dish will be confusing.) • 1 pack of Udon. • 2 small cloves of shallots (diced)

Seasoning • • • • •

Oyster sauce Light soy sauce Salt Sugar Oil

Utensils: Wok Chopping board A good, sharp knife Chopsticks (Some people prefer spatulas but I prefer chopsticks for tossing noodles.)

• • • •

Method: 1. First, thinly slice the pork. Rest it on a plate and 5. Add about 2 tablespoons of oyster sauce. season with sugar, salt, light soy and oil. I won’t tell you how much exactly because that depends on your palette. Don’t use too much salt because we will add oyster sauce later.

2. Slice mushrooms, cabbage, and dice the shallots. Rest these on a plate.

3. Remove the noodles and blanch them in boiling water until they are loosely spread. Drain and then rest on a plate. Do not rinse under cold water, as the starchiness is needed for stir-frying a bit later.

4. Heat wok. On high heat, add 2 tablespoons of water and then add shallots. This will draw out all the sweetness of the shallots. Don’t use oil; you don’t want them to caramelise so oil is added with the pork instead. Once you see the shallots looking a bit soft, add the pork. Meanwhile, use chopsticks or a fork to stir.

6. Throw in the mushrooms. Let them brown a little.

7. Once moisture has reduced a bit, throw in the cabbage.

8. Put the lid on for 30 seconds or so, till cabbage is a bit — just a bit — soft.

9. Throw in the noodles, allow the starchiness of the udon to permeate. Once all the moisture is gone and the wok is getting a bit glossy and sticky, remove and serve on a plate.

10.

Become a couch potato and slurp, slurp, slurp away!

Enjoy!

Square Meals Restaurants that provide delicious food at student prices, reviewed by a guy who loves Star Wars, and a gal with a soft spot for Dr. Who. Degustatory Expertise: George Stamatescu / Words: Gemma Beale

Hong Fat B.B.Q City

So you had something better to do the day enrolment opened and now you’ve got a 3 hour break on Wednesdays, never fear we’ve got a solution! Hop on a Tram (it’s free!) or walk on down to China Town.

Photo: Gemma Beale

This week we suggest you stumble into Hong Fat on Grote St, just across from the Bus Depot. If looking at ducks hanging inside the window is your thing, you’re in luck because Hong Fat’s got ‘em. Not that into animal carcasses? That’s OK because they’re off to the side so you can ignore them. The Restaurant itself is super relaxed, table service is optional and in the words of the man himself, “they don’t even care if you’re on your laptop or if you eat like a pig”. George has been coming here for more than a decade and as such knows most of the menu and insists on ordering for you. Kinda chivalrous, I guess? Haven’t got George with you? It’s OK, that’s what we’re for. The soups at the top of the menu are all pretty decent, personal favourites are the Chicken and Corn (a cool $3) or the Tom Yum for $3.80. Further down the menu the Singapore Fried Noodles ($6.50) or the Sizzling Garlic Prawns ($11) are both pretty foolproof options. Today however we decided to step outside the box and order the Stirfried Eggplant and Bean Curd (a vego option for the lady) and the Crispy Pork with Steamed Rice for George. The Eggplant could almost be called braised, and it’s a little too salty so if you’re going to order it maybe order something else too and split it with a friend. But mostly it’s just a huge serve of food, so dig The way to a man’s heart is through Gemma’s in. The Crispy Pork was too fatty so we don’t leftover bean curd. really recommend it. However, George was adamant that the BBQ Pork is much better, muttering something about ‘delicious’ and ‘crispy’; give that a shot if you feel like a bit of dead pig. Feeling thirsty? You will be after a shitload of Chinese so use some foresight and go to Hong Kong Grocery beforehand and grab a drink; it’s cheaper than Hong Fat (sorry Hong Fat). George loves Green Power – a guava juice in a ‘man’s can’ (give it a good shake before you open it). Gem likes Apple Cidra, it’s just a carbonated apple drink but the can is pretty cool and it only costs a couple of dollars. Bon Appetit!

Targedoku Word: “DEFORMITY”

R M E D F I O T Y

M D R E Y F T O I

Crypt-o-clue

1. Tango 2. Target 3. Let

Y E O T I D R F M

T F I M R O D Y E

D O Y F E R M I T

I T M O D Y E R F

E R F I M T Y D O

4. Orientation 5. Aspirin 6. Space

Quiz 1. Valletta 2. Jonny 3. A constructed international auxiliary language. Designed to be an easy to learn, politically neutral language. 4. Jay Weatherill 5. Helga 6. Addis Ababa 7. Neon 8. 24 (not including dipthongs) 9. A disease in which the skin and underlying tissue thicken, causing massive swelling, typically of the legs and male genitals. Mike Judge 10.

No peeking until you’ve done the diversions on page 46

ANSWERS

What A Clown Does Julian Assange really deserve his pedestal? Words: John Eldridge

Even opinions lose their immunity, when the circumstances in which they are expressed are such as to constitute their expression a positive instigation to some mischievous act

- John Stuart Mill ultimate free speech fanboy If there’s one aspect of Facebook’s ascension that has gone unscrutinised, it is the threat it poses to the venerable arts tutorial. When you can average twelve allegations of fascism a minute just by scrolling/trolling through your feed, why bother with a BA at all? Ever been in a tute locked in argument with some raving (your political bête noire here) and thought of a fantastic ad hominem that totally fails to engage with their argument? Facebook has a home for that. The humanities won’t know what hit them. One recent big-time topic of online argument is Julian Assange’s battle with his real and imagined enemies. It has all the makings of top-notch political drama. In one corner is the polarising goliath that is the USA. In the other sits a natural darling of the world’s green left. He blogs. He writes poetry. He’s uncompromisingly and uncritically anti-war. If he wasn’t under house arrest, he’d probably be getting about a happening European cafe district on a Vespa. And he’s talking about ‘YOUR RIGHT TO-’ something, which is always a winner. I don’t like Julian Assange. I don’t like the way he’s hijacked the questions surrounding Wikileaks - all of which are nuanced and complicated. What should have been a thoughtful debate has degenerated into a mass braying of platitudes and pithy catchcries. In my perusal of online sparring, I’ve seen Assange’s role in the leaking of

troves of US government documents cast as the obvious duty of anyone not wholly contemptuous of ‘openness’, ‘free speech’ and ‘accountability’. Assange and his supporters pay lip service to the concerns raised by bodies ranging from the US Defence Department to Amnesty International, but seem to maintain their conviction in the sunny splendour of their work. Setting aside the vexatious question of whether ‘free speech’ is even the appropriate term to employ in defense of a body accused of transmitting stolen information, the fact is that ‘free speech’, ‘openness’ and ‘accountability’ have never been understood to exist as absolute rights or to be absolutely desirable in every instance. Any argument which invokes ‘free speech’ or the like in defence of the actions of Assange and Wikileaks must face the fact that virtually every thinker and polity in history has quite rightfully accepted that limitations may be placed upon free speech and free access to government information in the name of the greater good. Unless you happen to be Immanuel Kant, one has to crack out the utility scales in order to reach a conclusion as to whether free speech or free information is desirable in a particular case. Obviously the documents and cables released by Wikileaks run the gamut from serious to trivial, and consequently the utility realised by their release varies. I don’t plan to trundle through every document and discuss the pros and cons of its release: we’ve all heard the shitfight in the media. It’s beside the point in any case - what bothers me is not that Assange’s supporters weigh up these pros and cons and reach a conclusion that differs from my own. I am frustrated instead by the fact they fail to engage at all with the calculus of competing goods, opting instead to stick with reiterat-

ing the sacred importance of ‘openness’. This, I think, cuts to the heart of the whole Assange question. It’s an issue which is dominated by a hackneyed narrative in which the US features as the enemy of everything good, arrayed against the perennially radical activists of the internet and independent media. This penchant for understanding nuanced questions through crude prejudice is a recipe for disaster, and leads to startling and perverse outcomes.

33 Picture s: Reute

That Assange’s supporters largely dismissed out of hand the rape allegations which were levelled against him last year by Swedish authorities, with some going so far as to demonise the character of those women bringing the charges, is all the more alarming because most of those committing the moral offenses are otherwise thoughtful, aware people. Writing in Crikey last year, storied human rights lawyer Geoffrey Robertson explained, without adducing any evidence to support his belief, that ‘Mr Assange may have been naive but he is not a criminal.’ I feel certain that irrespective of how Mr Assange’s criminal case resolves itself, this remark is one that Mr Robertson will regret in time. It’s time to put away the ‘Fuck America’ banners, the marching boots, and all the other accoutrements of the ‘freedom-good USbad’ narrative, and get in touch with that darling concept of the politically thoughtful: the grey area.

rs / Vale u ntin Fla rad & A skoki

ADELAIDE: We’ve Got Lots Of CHurches Words: Angus Chisholm

Life in Australia’s most livable city

Adelaide is the BEST

Welcome, or welcome back, to university. Some of you may be reflecting on your decision to study in Adelaide when you could have studied interstate or even overseas. Rest assured, as I near the end of my university life, I am here to let you know that you’ve made a good decision. As you grow older you begin to appreciate Adelaide’s place in the wider world and you realise that the city has so much to offer for a student. The city has three good universities, the oldest of which ranks well in world university rankings, particularly for a city of it’s size. Adelaide’s cost of living relative to many cities is very reasonable, from day to day expenses to rental prices, there’s no doubt you get excellent value for money by choosing to live in Adelaide. That’s not to say that there’s a dearth of culture in the city though. There’s always something interesting happening from the galleries of North Terrace to the myriad, diverse clubs and bars littered around the city. This city undeniably punches above its weight. Marvellous local produce ensures that Adelaide and South Australia are the beneficiaries of the best the country has to offer as far as food and wine goes, and quality restau-

rants are everywhere. Even the pub food is a cut above. Adelaide is full of amicable, intelligent and attractive people. They can be found in our beautiful public spaces like the botanic gardens or shopping in the boutiques of Rundle Street. They can be found in our cafes, bars, clubs and restaurants which cater to a variety of tastes and crowds. Our array of packed cultural festivals early in the year are the envy of every city in the country, with our Fringe Festival mentioned alongside Edinburgh as one of the best in the world. Beyond our thriving local scene, touring artists and musicians visit Adelaide year-round. No one could possibly be bored living here. The city is beautiful, with abundant parklands and recreational facilities. It’s incredibly cyclist friendly and hosts the ever-growing Tour Down Under bike race. It’s a picturesque town from the coast to the hills, without even going into detail about the charm of places like Glenelg and Hahndorf. So if you’re new to ADL then welcome, and take it from me when I tell you that you’re in good hands.

Picture: Anthony Cramp / www.flickr.com/photos/anthonycramp

Dear Eds, I ended up writing two articles for the O-week edition of On Dit and was unable to decide which to submit. I leave it to your discretion. Best, Angus Chisholm

Adelaide is the Worst Welcome, or welcome back to university: The interminable period of your life where not much happens and you coast along for three to six or even more years not giving a fuck. It doesn’t help that you’ve chosen to study in Adelaide when you could’ve studied basically anywhere else in the world. Let me outline for you why you’ve made a horrible decision.

It’s true that Adelaide’s cost of living is relatively cheap. Do you know what else is cheap? Dying. The cost of dying is typically inexpensive or very cheap because it’s unpleasant. Low cost of living is another way of saying ‘we don’t have a way to compete with cooler, more interesting cities but hey, we’re cheaper!’. It’s the street hooker with the lamé shorts and the muffin-top staring wistfully at the tastefully decorated, high-end brothel across the street. Adelaide’s nightlife is mostly awful. Its bars are fairly banal and uninteresting, and transparently concerned with making money. There are about two good clubs in Adelaide, and they’re usually quiet. The rest play by-the-numbers music designed to be enjoyed by people with fake tans in the deepest shades of orange, played in clubs whose idea of atmosphere is to turn the levels up as high as they’ll go and played by DJs who crossfade every 5 minutes and think that their job is done. The people of Adelaide? The same blend of

The local scenes in Adelaide suffer from a similar lack of wider cultural awareness, resulting in acts that are typically dated and uninteresting. The Fringe? I hope you like ocker comedians, because we’ll have about 7,000 of them. Interesting touring artists consistently, and I mean consistently skip Adelaide. Either that or they show up occasionally as part of the lineup of a miserable, obscenely overpriced music festival. Don’t bother attending any of these festivals if you don’t have a walk-in wardrobe of garish wifebeaters — they’re not for you. The city is referred to as a ‘green city’, chiefly in reference to its ubiquitous, dull and continuously parched parklands. Really though, can you recall a movement described as ‘green’ in recent history that hasn’t been utterly insufferable? Don’t even get me started on Glenelg. So if you’re new to Adelaide, then welcome, but maybe it’s not too late to reconsider.

There are three universities in Adelaide. Two are bad and nobody outside of the country has heard of any of them. I mean the country as in regional SA, not Australia.

obnoxiousness and stupidity as any city really, but with a small town mentality and conservative attitude. Furthermore, have you ever seen a city so bereft of style and identity? From the skinny jeans set to the misguided head-to-toe vintage-forthe-sake-of-it wannabe fashionistas, to the barrel chested men wearing ‘designer’ t-shirts (you know they’re designer because they say “VERSACE” and ‘DOLCE & GABANNA”. You have to keep an eye out, it can be easy to miss). Every trend here is a risible caricature of something more interesting from somewhere else, or worse, something terrible from somewhere else.

Music / Arts / ENTERTAINMENT

Music Collarbones: Keeping their true identities secret since before it was cool

LOCAL Band BIO: Collarbones Words: Louis Rankin Collarbones are cool... I mean without them we’d be pretty screwed.

Collarbones have a substantial amount of hype surrounding them. Their song Beaman Park was forkcast (recommended by influential music site Pitchfork), not a common occurrence for Australian bands. Home & Hosed and Sound Lab on Triple J have also featured them on their shows. Collarbones are an interesting band. Ask someone on the streets of New York or London (and I mean your average person who isn’t a Witchhouse

Sounding good on record and putting on a good live show are two entirely different things. Luckily, Collarbones are adept at both. Expect to see Marcus (in his own words) “jumping around like a douche bag” and Travis bopping his head to the beat, hidden behind his fringe. If that doesn’t convince you to see them, then I don’t know what will! But seriously, on the two occasions I’ve seen them live both have been fun nights. As soon as they begin, you’re struck by the urge to move. Not to mention their covers of a certain Canadian teen sensation; managing to make Justin Bieber sound soulful is pretty impressive in itself. But the best news till last: they’re closing Format Festival on February 26 (this Saturday) – make sure you’re there.

Iconography is set to be released soon, via Melbourne Indie label, Two Bright Lakes.

Okay, shit jokes aside who are Collarbones? Collarbones is a long distance collaboration between Travis Cook (Adelaide) and Marcus Whale (Sydney) who met over the internet, specifically in a music forum. How exactly does this work? Well believe it or not, since the advent of the internet, communication has become vastly less difficult! On top of this, Travis travels to Sydney and vice versa relatively frequently. So I guess the next question is what genre are they? This one is harder to answer. It’s probably easiest to just label it as electronic, but within this title are numerous influences. In Marcus’ words “there’s the local (Australian) stuff – Fishing, Ghoul, etc. Then there’s the R’n’B, new stuff like The-Dream and older stuff like Aliyah and Brandy. Hip hop too, particularly Lil B. We’re also big fans of Beach House and Salem, but I could easily list many more”. So that probably didn’t narrow it down a whole lot, instead you’re better off listening to them on bandcamp: collarbones.bandcamp.com or better still, checking out their debut record, Iconography.

or post-Dubstep fan) to name an Australian band. I’m going to take a punt and guess most would say AC/DC, not The Avalanches. Or looking at some of the more popular Australian bands of the last decade, Jet, Eskimo Joe and Wolfmother are all names that come to mind. Catchy perhaps but most definitely not original. Whilst bands like Tame Impala and Cloud Control have managed to escape this mould and make some genuinely good music, their sound is still based around the traditional vocals/guitar/bass/drums set up. Collarbones are an Australian group making innovative and exciting music. Their sound didn’t exist 20 years ago, their music isn’t a revival, their music is something new and it’s constantly evolving, which to me is pretty damn cool.

Music Womad

Scrap Arts Music I’m normally somewhat weary of bands with an ecological agenda. While usually I’m totally supportive of esoteric peripheral philosophies and flotsam in music, environmentalism is an ethos that a lot of listeners are still uneasy about incorporating into their regular listening habits. Enter Scrap Arts Music, a percussion ensemble with an unabashed green focus. Gregory Kozek, the group’s focal point and chief ideologue, proved an intelligent and committed source of information for the group. “We make our own instruments from recycled salvage, which is part of a broader statement against waste in our society.” If you’re sounding a little sceptical, then so was I before speaking to Kozek, but his charisma and depth of knowledge not only about the purpose of his group’s music, but about any range of topics (seriously, he is some Renaissance man) was even to persuade any grumpy young cynic. What he does is contextualise the group’s music, explaining that they owe themselves not only to environmentalism, but science and technology, theatre and visual arts. “The visual component of our show is crucial as well, because we feel it helps listeners

understand that we aim to introduce music into all aspects of day to day life.” How is the actual process of constructing articulated instruments from scrap materials? “It’s hard, there’s a lot of trial and error... Without meaning to overemphasise the details, yeah, it can be hard.” I feel Kozek is being perhaps unduly modest when discussing his own constructive prowess; viewing the press photos, it is hard for a humanities kind of guy like me to begin to understand what goes into their construction. It’s no pejorative or back-handed compliment to suggest that Scrap Arts are exactly the kind of performance ensemble fit for WOMADelaide. The festival’s ethos, never explicitly spelt out and arguably declining in past years as its popularity has skyrocketed, has attempted to incorporate ecologically sustainable performance art and music. The Canadian group will try to show you can rock out without dooming the planet just that little bit more. And I have it on good authority that their live performances are riveting – no pun intended.

Don’t want to chill on the WOMAD lawns in your hemp fisherman’s pants and ‘just take in the vibe, man’? Here are a couple of bands you should see instead... Words: Mateo Szlapek-Sewillo

Os Mutantes

For the uninitiated, Sergio Dias co-founded a rock band in his native Brazil with his brother, Arnaldo Baptista. But not just any band. Os Mutantes – The Mutants – are one of Brazil’s greatest and most influential (and perhaps the downright oddest). The band, spurred on by what Dias calls the ‘indestructability’ of youth, evaded the heavy political and cultural repression 1960s Brazil by imbuing their music with a spirit and vitality not seen at the time, layering dissonant, psychedelic noise over censored lyrics and then performing them live anyway. In 1968 they released their eponymous debut and recorded until the mid-‘70s, weathering internal problems, hawkish censors and their own diminishing creative returns before eventually calling it a day. “Even though many people around us were suf-

fering, being arrested – my father was arrested – all of this was more of a challenge than something to fear... we would take our chances. We were not the typically political band, protesting and the like. We were just free, you know?” At the time of their debut, Os Mutantes were barely old enough to drive and drink, so they changed the face of Brazilian music and creative expression forever, playing their part in the burgeoning tropicalia movement. Tropicalia, loosely defined as a cannibalistic creative movement encompassing avant-garde poetry and music, became the Brazilian art community’s primary outlet for political protest. Os Mutantes were the kids of the movement, gleefully running amok between the legs of comparatively elder statesmen and women like Caetano Veloso, Gilberto Gil and Gal Costa. They were a band defined by their looseness, recklessness, and impetuousness. “I think that Mutantes was the glue with all of these other individuals in the movement. Caetano, Gil, they were outrageously good, and undoubtedly the heads of the movement. But Mutantes were, how can I say, sometimes you need the right gravy to put on top of it.” Madcap and brilliant. They’re a little older now, but if the remaining members are anything like Segio Dias, no less exuberant. Don’t miss them at Womad.

When I’m put on the line by the anonymous operator, Sergio Dias is laughing like a loon. It is arresting to hear a man only ever twice known to the public, briefly and thirty years apart, cackling with so much youthful vigour. “Is the coup d’etat ready to take down the government of Australia yet? I am lost for words, genuinely taken aback. Am I talking to a madman? “Really, it’s easy. How are you, my man?” Evidently not as well as you, Mr. Dias.

Theatre Join ThE Club With the Fringe (18 Feb-13 March) fast approaching and WOMADelaide (11-14 March) not far behind, On Dit brings you a rundown of 5 Arts Memberships in Adelaide Words: Amelia Skaczkowski

Fringe Benefits: This little beauty is free to join, and provides discounts for a variety of establishments including restaurants, pubs and shops as well as for fringe shows and other shows throughout the year. The Fringe Benefits site itself offers members free event promotion and will send you a weekly email update advertising cheap ticket deals for a range of productions. You can also nominate to receive a text message, which alerts you to the best ticket deals of that day or week. Basically, it’s free, has discounts all year long (though will be most useful during the Fringe) and provides a host of other services. The only catch is that it’s restricted to people aged 18-30 years. For further details see www.fringebenefits.com.au

Movie Club Membership In this case, I’m picking a specific Cinema: Palace Nova. The Nova Privilege Club is $13 to join and provides $13 admissions for you and a friend for all movies (baring Saturday sessions after 6pm). Nova also screens Classical Operas as well as a range of Art House and Foreign Films, making it perfect for all those movie buffs out there. The membership runs for 12 months from date of purchase.

GreenRoom Membership The GreenRoom is the Festival Centre’s youth oriented discount scheme. It’s $20 to join and offers discounts to the majority of Festival Centre shows - think $20 tickets as opposed to $45. The club

also runs free workshops throughout the year; the most notable of 2010 would be their Youth Arts Forum “Talk Your Arts Off. Youth, Arts and Spirituality”, chaired by the blatantly honest John Safran. GreenRoom regularly runs competitions, and holds free Artist Discussions and Master Classes in a variety of fields including Lighting and Dance. The membership is valid only for the current calendar year, and is restricted to 16-30 year olds.

Specific Theatre Society The average cost of joining a society is $20-$25. You receive discounted tickets for shows that society produces ,with the possibility of receiving free tickets. Our very own Adelaide Theatre Guild offers all members a free ticket to the opening week of all their shows. Membership lasts for the entire year and usually has no restrictions. One variation of this is the Festival Centre Season Subscription, where if you buy tickets to 4 or more shows you receive a lovely discount.

Music Member Joining a music store, such as Sanity Music, is a great way for all those musos out there to save some dosh. Joining usually costs $10-$20 and enables you to accrue points which can be exchanged for money (e.g. 10 points = $5 off your next CD).

C O L U M N S

Columnist Illustrations by Billy Horn

C O L U M N S

Facebook is not your psychiatrist Words: Emma Jones

It needs to be said: Mark Zuckerberg is not as chiselledly attractive as his film counterpart, Jesse Eisenberg. Nevertheless, Mark Zuckerberg is singlehandedly responsible for the most distracting entity on the internet, causing students worldwide to lapse uncontrollably into what can only be described as a procrastinatory coma: Facebook. (Runner-up: Tumblr, whose creator David Karp is infinitely more attractive than either incarnation of Zuckerberg. Legit.) I am an unashamed fan of Facebook. I even, in fact, ‘like’ Facebook on Facebook. (WHOA THAT’S LIKE TOTALLY META MAN) I use Facebook way too frequently to not be fifteen. I am a guilty poster of such mundane status updates as ‘mmm, Mi Goreng for dinner’ and ‘ijm so bdrun k rignt nwo’. I have been known to spam my friends’ news feeds with Youtube videos of Dr. John Dorian’s daydreams and endless photos of my cat, I converse on Facebook chat more than I do in real life and I constantly and blatantly use Facebook as a platform for self-advertising my blog*. Facebook is awesome. I love Facebook. If Facebook were a man (a sexy, sexy man) I’d marry Facebook and have little tiny Facebooklet babies with it. Facebook etiquette laws are innumerable, so it’s little wonder they’re constantly getting broken. Some infringements aren’t so catastrophic. I mean, I can deal with invitations to find out once and for all which Glee guy I’m destined to be with (Puck, for the record). I can deal with incessant poking, duck face and GPOYs. I can even deal with constantly changing profile layouts and being tagged in horrible drunken photographs in which I look like a gargoyle and ppl hu rite lyk dis. But tacky dickwads who insist on airing their dirty laundry on my news feed? Computer says no. Picture this - you’re home from work and all you want to do is spend a couple of minutes (read: a * wordsarefornerds.wordpress.com – hey, I know a good opportunity for shameless self-promotion when I see one.

couple of hours) mooching on Facebook before making a long-overdue start on that tutorial presentation (which, if you’re anything like me, is tomorrow). Unwinding on Facebook is foolproof. You’ll check your notifications, un-tag yourself from some incriminating photos, like a few mildly hilarious statuses (statii?)... but what’s this? Random Girl from High School’s status update is in histrionic caps lock... and there are 43 comments on it from that guy she was dating for two and a half years... intrigued, you begin to read, all thoughts of that tutorial presentation vanishing immediately. Sound familiar? It all starts with the appearance of one of those little pink hearts. Random Girl from High School is now single. (You can almost hear the despairing echo through cyberspace… SINGLE… single… single…) Your news feed tells you that ‘Random Girl from High School gOiNg OuT tOnIgHt lets get cruunk!!!!’, followed by photographic evidence that Random Girl from High School puked in the bushes out the front, incidentally, of high school. This same photograph incurs a comment from her hapless ex, who eloquently writes, ‘ur such a slut ur just provin me right how many guys did u take home this wkend?’, leading to a ruthless photo cull on Random Girl’s behalf, erasing all traces of the guy from her profile. The drama escalates until it reaches the point of full-blown verbal abuse, hurled unblushingly from wall to wall in plain sight of all 122 mutual friends of the once peachy couple. Luckily, it appears that when it comes to social networking magnates, the prettier the face, the less functional the forum. (Sorry, Tumblr.) Mark Zuckerberg, the forefather of selective stalking, has given us the option – nay, the blessing – to hide people from our news feeds. And with that handy feature, my Facebook homepage is as drama-free as the camping sequence in Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows.

THIS IS A FERTILE LAND, AND WE WILL THRIVE. Words: Adam Marley

If you’re still wondering: the ‘O’ in O’Week stands for either orientation or oh-sooverwhelmingly-fun (contingent on how interesting you are). O’nward! Welcome (back)! What better way to start this academic year than by looking back, and looking forward? If you can do this at the same time, Godspeed freak! I, on the other hand, will be using paragraphs - consider yourself forewarned.

WHAT WAS. The Uni is changed. I feel it in the grass. I taste it in the beer. I smell it in the smoke-free air (more on this). Much that once was, is lost, for none now study who give a damn. Frankly, my dear, I do. Having been on-campus for 6 years now, I can readily admit I don’t like what’s happening to her. The most noticeable change is in the form of renovations — unnecessary renovations some might say (quite rightly). What used to be an architecturally varied, and impressive if not beautiful landscape, one equipped with nostalgia and a pervading sense of learning, is being transformed into a steel & glass hive of impersonality and detachment. New students – look up Union Hall, then look at where it used to be. Afterwards, Google Paul Caica if you’re so inclined.

However, if you’re fresh off the bus (and as this is the O’Week edition of On Dit many of you will be), it is probable this won’t bother you in the slightest. Hell, you might even be psyched just to wear casuals and piss-off lecturers by talking in the back. Note: if this sounds like you – this is University, not high-school, sit-up or fuck-off; people are here to learn. What can you expect from University? Well for starters people more friendly than myself, albeit only when caffeinated – if somebody doesn’t hold a door for you or smile back, it isn’t because of your face (though don’t rule it out), it is because you’re not a giant cardboard cup of life-force. All-nighters. Hangovers. Lectures so boring you’ll want to peel your face off and eat it. Lectures so interesting you’ll want to devote your life’s work to that particular field. Naps in the sun on the grass. So much reading your eyeballs will melt. (Corresponding levels of stress.) Mostly though, a complete addiction to and dependence on the relaxation and affirmation that comes from great conversation and revelry with friends. Conversation that could change the world, conversation that could make you wonder how many brain cells you’ve slaughtered – it doesn’t matter, what matters is laughter, you’ll need it, and personally it has been the most rewarding part of my studies.

WHAT ISN’T. Rights. Liberties. Democracy. A complete on-campus smoking ban was decided on and enacted last year. Apparently I fell asleep in a lecture and ironically enough, woke up in Stalinist Russia (first hyperbole — allow me this one, I beg). I am fast running out of words available; suffice to say that if you agree with this biased, prejudiced, draconian, tyrannical, ludicrous, and simply unfathomable commandment, with its complete disregard for any medical or scientific reasoning – I fear we cannot be friends, and I implore you to stop reading this publication, roll it up, then beat yourself o’er the head with it until you’re not so stupendously ignorant - paradoxical I know, but why not try? For me?

WHAT WILL BE.

Procrastinetting The Hard Copy Blog Words: Sujini Ramamurthy

STRANGE

TALES

FROM

THE

INTERNET

Yvette’s Bridal Formal - http://yvettesbridalformal.com/

This site has been unduly described as a “portal to hell” and “a website so badly designed your retinas will attempt to detach themselves in horror.” WRONG. THIS IS THE GREATEST THING ON THE INTERNET. Yvette’s Bridal Formal is an HTML slap in the face; it’s a lo-fi, MS paint adventure where one flashes forward into colourful chaos set to a soundtrack of bagpipes, lutes and panpipes with nothing that even resembles a plan. Being here is kind of like having your face shoved into a bowl of skittles at an Enya show. The site ostensibly exists for the purpose of selling bridal and formal wear. However, it offers so much more than this. Click on the link to “Fashionable Literature” and what you get is an essay on the Knights Templar. You can also buy the work of painter “Sean Terrance Best Word Famous Artist $$$$$$$$$$$$$.” Or click the “Pink Links” and you get recipes for Lemon Bars and Sock-It-To-Me-Cake. Then there are links entitled “Chamberlain Knows Something You Don’t,” “UFO in the Gulf of Mexico,” and “Sean Terrance Best High Priest- V8-” These are always followed up with a link to the homepage which states “Yvette’s has a Passion for Fashion.” This site is an absolutely incoherent mess of colour, bizarre image and text. One wonders whether all this is really necessary in order to sell red hats and prom dresses? Is it simply a marketing gimmick? This doesn’t seem particularly likely given the utter density and un-navigability of the site. However, there is a curious back-story to the website design, which suggests that when the Yvette herself was actually alive, she had a rather ordinary site to advertise her gowns. However, after her death, her schizophrenic, alien conspiracy theorist, son took over website design, and the best thing that has ever been was created. Further discussion will only detract from its anarchic glory. CHECK IT OUT. NOW.

4. Refbatch - http://www.youtube.com/user/refbatch The Internet exists to uncover people like this. Possibly the most unsettling, yet most addictive thing I have ever seen. Anna Mastkevich, otherwise known as Refbatch, has uploaded approximately 12,957 videos to her YouTube account in the last 1079 days, or just over 12 videos per day. She also has a twitter account (http://twitter.com/refbatch), but unless you want to read: “I uploaded a YouTube video” four times an hour, I wouldn’t bother subscribing. The videos, filmed in various locations around Moscow, feature Refbatch’s frenetic ramblings on any number of topics (from sports contests to Putin to lizards to Serbian ballerinas dancing with machine guns) in very broken English. Her rants are positively incomprehensible (see a fragment of her profile’s “About Me” section below), and however unappealing this may seem, her videos are undeniably enigmatic and captivating. There is a reason that the tirades of a mad woman constitutes 35th most viewed YouTube channel in Russia. Prepare for the rabbit hole…..

ABOUT ME: “peoplego to motionbox-iran scientolgoy kremlin repressions can nto endure my face on sun coutnt o zxomby not to record=

Dancing Alone to Pony - HTTP://dancingalonetopony.tumblr.com/ The title explains it all. A tumblr “dedicated to the solitary soldiers keeping the grind alive,” Dancing Alone to Pony features dozens of clips of lone dancers shaking “it” to the Ginuwine’s 90s RnB hit, Pony. The song inspires dancing as salacious and absurd as its own lyrics. Watch Youtube user “mmaccora” humping a bottle of milk, an exercise ball and his dishwasher in Kitchen Grind!, a video he has dedicated to his brother, Gerald. “Remember,” he reminds us, “everything needs love- even major appliances! Don’t be stingy, Existence! Share alike!” Or, there is Jeremy Baker’s Ride My Pony, which, disconcertingly, appears to be a grown man pantomiming the riding of a horse/lady in the presence of his bemused toddler. Familial themes seem to be a disturbingly prominent feature in these videos. That said, the site offers endless entertainment, so if you too have a crush on your mother’s Ab-Master Pro or enjoy gyrating about your child’s kindergarten in the time-out corner, then get uploading.

iran gov, disconnect me from youtube for documentary prove of super persecution of my vision capabiltiies by demonstration to me of masturbation act durign record abotu quakes-coutn toi demota=ralise and to stop recor deby all means-this si supoer rassism and discrimination ot deprive me of right on soiurt dovumnets representation”

Get your pencils ready fools, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time for...

Diversions

Diversions Answers on page 51

Awkword This Issue’s Awkword:

Moist

Quiz 1. What is the capital of Malta? 2. Which of these is not a kind of apple? • • • •

What it means: Slightly wet; damp or humid. What it sounds like it means: As above, but with an irrepressible, subconscious connotation to sex. Why is it awkward? Hangs in the air like an uncomfortable comment from your vaguely racist uncle. Makes your mind, despite your best efforts, crawl, smothered in subconscious depravity to the seedy recesses of disturbing, primordial sex dens.

Crypt-o-clue (11)

5. If you’re really trying to get rid of pain, try this (7)

6. Your silly paces fill this spot (5)

3. What is Esperanto? 4. Who is the South Australian Minister for Education?

5. What is the name of Hagar the Horrible’s wife?

6. What is the capital of Ethiopia? 7. What is the 10th element on the periodic table?

8. How many letters in the Greek alphabet? 9. What is elephantitis? 10. Who was the creator of Beavis & Butthead?

Targedoku Find as many words as you can using the letters on the Sudoku grid (including a 9 letter word). Words must be four letters or more and include the highlighted letter. Use the letters to solve the Sudoku (normal Sudoku rules apply)

F Y T

R M T D E M O R R Y F D T I O E M F D Y F O D M O R R M E F

1. Dear, that boogie has a strong taste! (5) 2. Aim, obtain and mix that road adhesive (6) 3. The French alien will rent (3) 4. Where are we? In the exotic Asian nation

Fuji Belmac Macintosh Jonny

State of the Union Words of wisdom from your benevolent Union President

Words: Raff Piccolo It’s important to not lose sight of what the primary purpose of attending university is — to obtain an ‘education.’ But let’s not forget that an education is not confined to textbooks, lectures and tutorials; education is more than that!

another pressure upon the limited time each of us has at our disposal. However do not see it as an additional demand on your already insurmountable list. Instead what I am asking you to do is to find BALANCE.

Whilst at university you should endeavour to obtain your formal education, but I implore you not to neglect the other, equally worthy, facets and methods of your education. University offers you an opportunity to learn about the world around you, outside your chosen field of study, to learn about yourself, to learn about others and how they see the world. All of these are just as important as any other aspect of your education, even though you may not have a piece of paper to demonstrate what you have learnt from these experiences.

Balance is the key to getting the most out of your time on campus! Balance your books with your buddies, your friends with your family and your job with jokes.

These experiences are critical in ensuring that when you leave university, you are not only qualified to engage in professional work, but also to engage in life. Without these other valuable university experiences, it can be very difficult for one to fully participate in the world around us. In saying that, I recognise the many stresses placed on students these days. There is paid work, friends, family, society, study etc. Each demands something different and seems to conflict with the demands placed upon you by another. But I am placing another demand on you! Each demand is legitimate, and should be considered. At first glance my demand may seem to just add

So do not neglect anything; try to get as much out of life and all the opportunities placed before you, including the opportunity right in front of you at the moment. For some of us it might be to take the risk and join a club, or to chat to the unknown person next to you in class and meet some new people. Perhaps they will be your friends for life, or just an acquaintance for the next three years. Either way you will have memories to last a lifetime! Why not get involved right now?! Come down to the Barr Smith Lawns to participate in the events (or at least watch others) that the AUU have put on for you. Whilst there grab an AUU Membership for only $25, your key to year round savings. So go out there and get involved!

Good luck for 2011!

Need to get in touch with Raff? auupresident@auu.org.au www.facebook.com/raff.piccolo

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