Words by Annabel Fedcesin
follow-up to
‘Nice Guys Aren’t Nice’ in Elle Dit 2021 Here I am, writing this piece again. I can’t fucking believe I have to do this. But we’re in this place. We’re talking about this. These past 6 months as I’ve been navigating the ins and outs of work, uni, friendships, my relationship, an internship and trying desperately to find a place to live outside of home for a reasonable price, I have been bombarded with people getting too comfortable and familiar with me. I don’t know what it is about me feeling confident in my body and my skin that suddenly pulls all the arsehats out of the cracks.
Now let’s look at the most recent event. A nice guy asks to sit with me in class. Who am I to turn down the offer of a study partner? He sits, we chat. Now all of a sudden, he’s asking what I’m doing after class? What I’m doing on the weekend? Maybe he just wants a friend, he did say that already when he mentioned to me that he has no friends at uni. No harm, right? ‘I’m bussing up to the Hills to have dinner with my partner’s parents.’ I glow, self-absorbed and feeling the love for my boyfriend and his family. ‘Oh,’ his face falls, ‘you’re engaged?’
I struggle with autism and my biggest issue is trying to understand people’s intentions towards me. In essence, I assume you either want to be my friend or hate me. There’s no inkling of ‘maybe they want to date you’. It’s just not something that occurs to me. So, when I meet new people and go ‘hell yeah, a new friend’ in my head, it doesn’t trigger anything else but a friendship expectation. 46
‘Oh god no! That’s just my self-preserving way of maintaining my bisexuality in my relationship with a straight man!’ I chimed, assuming it was a funny joke that everyone would understand, while also being somewhat truthful. His face lights up again. So I continue the conversation. ‘How about you?’ ‘Oh no I’m single. No one to hang out
