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Adelaide Uni Student Magazine 77.8


On Dit The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine

the team

AUU Watch Hannah Mattner State of the Union Lavinia Emmett-Grey Current Affairs Shelly Lasslet Local Issues Patrick McCabe Jarrod Fitch Lia Svilians Dit-licious Lily Hirsch Fashion Kate Bird Lara Francis Elise Lopez Film Nav Sandhu Anders Wotzke Literature Alicia Moraw Music Andrew Auld Countney Day Jimmy (Swanny) Clarke Nightlife Ainsley Campbell Arts Sam Deere Science Anna Ehmann Sport Angus Chisholm TV Lauren Roberts Poetry & Short Stories Lauren Lovett Adam Klimkiewicz Pro/Anti-Consumerism Greg Taylor Tristan Adams Marketing William Fisher Design Daniel Brookes

contact us at On Dit :

Phone: (08) 8202 5404 Email: Editors: Steph Walker & Vincent Coleman


thank you

- Danny for the cover design (which, in case you’re visually impared, depicts a scuba-diver in a bowl of noodles) - Cover Design by Danny Brookes - Random guy reading On Dit who Steph saw giggle at an editorial - Ben, of Red Bull Office fame - The nice girl who turned Steph’s shitty phone into security, you have a heart o’gold. - Bojana - HAPPY BIRTHDAY - True Blood - Billy Wilder for the film The Apartment (1960) - Lauren Lovett... you’re great.

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Editorial Letters to the Editor(s) AUU Watch State of the Union Current Affairs Ditlicious Film Professional Confessional Poetry Music The Best Coffee in Adelaide Short Stories Literature Science with Anna Fashion Op Shop Review SRC Elections AUU Notice Local Issues Nightlife Sport The Devil’s Advocate Vox Pop Social Fumbling

On Dit: proudly sponsored by the Adelaide University Union. Woooo. On Dit is a publication of the Adelaide University Union. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, The University of Adelaide, or the Adelaide University Union.

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l ia r o it d e ’ s r o it d e e th t with Steph & Vincen Steph Walker Hopefully you’re about to enjoy the second edition of On Dit for this semester. I’d just like to point out that vivienne milk was lovely enough to write a piece regarding Vinny, Regina Spektor and myself as a little gift (pg 29). Like a cameo in a work of fiction! I insisted she make me sound cooler than Vinny, so a big thanks for that! Our thank you’s on the content page don’t do our team justice, and I, unlike all the contributors, can’t actually think of an editorial themed by eccentricity. Every time I open the film section files, Anders has zipped up files with images and seperate folders for features and reviews. He is also rocking the shit out of the feature interviews (see double page 14/15).

Kimbo, up at the AUU reception, you are pretty much the best person I’ve ever met, thank you for telling students to leave us alone on our print day! Also, Marissa, totally glad you gave us a printer! If anyone saw a mime running around Uni on the first day of semester - I hope you enjoy our next cover as much as I enjoyed dressing Jake in the outfit. Also a shout out to Danny & Erin for letting us use the cups from the photoshoot (pg 25) for the office, as we have no running water *hint* someone call the UN!

Vincent Coleman I don’t wanna go back to school. Actually, after dropping all of my subjects last semester in a lifestyleoverloading meltdown of hollywood ‘exhaustion’ levels, I’m feeling quite chipper about it. At least I don’t have to see people vomiting milk this (re) orientation period.

I did however score a (potential) promotion at work thanks to On Dit, trial-period pending, and my diary is beginning to look once again like Kevin Spacey’s derranged serial killer’s in Se7en, with endless scrawls of inky black writing.

Admittedly it’s only 2 days into the new semester as I write this and I’ve already skipped a thurd of my classes to edit On Dit. C’est La Vie.

Please enjoy the attached picture of me, at some god-awful hour of the morning. Someone has to be anal about text placement guides y’know!

I’ve been looking forward to Eccentricy for some time. We came up with the idea when a crazy old man came into our old office with an article claiming that the military was controlling the Media, bribing them with free guns. I am sad to say that as yet we still have no Honoraria, no running water and definately no free guns. 4

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A Letter re: Patrick McCabe’s Anti Bikie law article and Human Rights* I

’d like to draw Patrick McCabe’s attention to the Administrative Decisions Act 1995, which you can find here:

“I really hope some Law student will correct me... and tell me the Act doesn’t really mean the government gets to apply international law only when it’s convenient to them”

It clearly states that “treat[ies], convention[s], protocol[s]...[that are] binding in international law...[which do] not have the force of domestic law under an Act of the Parliament of the Commonwealth or the State cannot give rise to any legitimate expectation that administrative decisions will conform with the terms of the [treaty] or an opportunity will be given to present a case against a proposed administrative decision that is contrary to the terms of the instrument.” That’s right, the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights only applies to South Australians when Mike Rann says so. It’s not suprising the Liberals won’t speak out for human rights, since they’re the ones who got rid of them back in ‘95. I’m not sure why they did it, but apparently there was some concern that the Convention on the Rights of the Child might stop Howard from deporting kids. I really hope some Law student will correct me on this, and tell me the Act doesn’t really mean the government gets to apply international law only when it’s convenient to them, and there’s some nuance to “International Law doesn’t apply to us” I’m not seeing. Until then, I’m going to read Article 1 as “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights, unless they were born in Adelaide which, let’s face it, is a hole.”

- Leonard Spencer

*Rights on Bikes; Anti-Bikie Laws and the Rann Government. On Dit 77.6, pp. 8-9

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“Democratic Election time” by Hannah Mattner The Constitution has been passed by Board, the SRC is finally incorporated, and we look set for the first fully functional, fully legal election since VSU shook everything up.

However, don’t be fooled into thinking absolute majority), but could still be possible that means it will be simple. When you go in the event of a gross misdemeanour or by to the ballots in September, you won’t be pissing off most of the powerful factions. voting on one referendum question, but on Generally speaking, the agreement of most four. The first, simple question will be of Board is very hard to come by, so a whether you agree to implement the sacking is unlikely to occur in any but constitution that has been drafted. the most extreme circumstances. “This year’s This constitution is mostly election will be Finally, and most controversially, administrative. It takes care of the loose ends caused by VSU held in week 6 this there is the question of whether This year’s election and the ragged edges left by past the Board should continue to semester” will be held in week administrations. Every faction is, operate with 18 members or drop 6 this semester, and or claims to be, united in their belief some of the excess baggage and will be to elect our AUU Board Directors, SRC that the basic constitution should be bring the number down. Because of Representatives, Student Media teams, NUS passed. compromises made in discussion and the delegates and to vote on a new constitution fact that these extra referendum questions for the AUU! The problems from last year The interesting, controversial bits will be were added late in the piece, the decision have been solved by the incorporation of presented in the form of three separate is between 18 and 16, rather than a more the SRC (rushed through a bit last minute, referenda questions, which each faction substantial change, but it still makes a but actually put through, which is a definite will have its own stance on. The first of difference. improvement), so we’ll actually be able these questions concerns whether to have a democratic election for by-elections should be removed in This referendum will make some interesting, “The the SRC, NUS, On Dit and Student favour of a more direct system, and hopefully very positive, changes to the Radio rather than having them Constitution has by which the 19th person elected way Board runs. Please, take the minute chosen for us. receives the empty position. This to think about the ramifications of these been passed by would be a MUCH cheaper way questions, and vote according to what you The big change this year, though, of filling positions. While some believe is best, rather than what you’re told Board” will be the Constitution. Over the Board members argued that it as you stumble over the line. last year, the Board’s constitutional could lead to a rigged system, committee has worked together a new most arguments sounded more like Remember elections Week 6 for all aspects constitution that will give some structure to conspiracy theories than actual possibility. of the AUU. a post-VSU Union. They’ve been strongly encouraged by the President, Lavinia, and These theories were strengthened (but by some uncommon factional unity (at least only slightly) by the second referendum Hannah Mattner on the topic of whether we need reform – question: whether Board should be able to they disagree a lot on what should be in the sack individuals who did not cleave to the document), and have finally come up with standards expected of an AUU Board director. something that can be put to students with a If the question passes, such a move would reasonable chance of being successful. still require the approval of ¾ of Board (an


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n o i n u e h t ssttaatteeooff the union B

y now, I’m over two-thirds of the way through my second term as AUU President. In July, the AUU Board unanimously passed a constitution which if University Council agrees, will to go to referendum in week 6. And people say student representatives can’t get along… Equally important, the board received an independent review of last year’s financials for the AUU. In 2008 the AUU had a $34 000 surplus which after years of deficits, is a good indication of the AUU’s improved position. If you’re interested in attending some campus events, the campus final of National Campus Band Comp is being held at the Unibar on Friday 21 August, so if you’re interested in live music and want to check out the campus talent, come along. The winner will be heading into the state final at The Gov in September. Speaking of events, the AUU is hosting a series of comedy quiz nights throughout August and September. Hosted by a comedian on the Adelaide circuit, the Comedy Quiz Night will test your brain power, as well as having you in stitches! It’s free to enter and there are some great prizes too! Put these dates in your diary: Wed 12 Aug -Eclipse Room – Level 4, Union House and Wed 9 Sept - Equinox Room – Level 4, Union House. In addition, the AUU is seeking stories from international students about their experiences which will form a submission for the Federal Senate Inquiry into the Welfare of International Students. One of the key recommendations we’ll be making is to lift the VISA restriction of a maximum of 20 hours per week of paid work. The three key areas we’ll be focusing on are international students in the workforce, interaction with local students and accommodation issues.

International students are vulnerable to exploitation in the workplace – a 7-Eleven store in Victoria is currently under investigation from the workplace ombudsman for underpaying their employees by nearly $6 per hour. If you are concerned that you’re being mistreated at work, get in touch with AUU Employment Service via It’s also that time of year that I dread…. Tax time. If you’re like me and you put your group certificates and receipts in an ice cream container and just pray that it turns into a tax return, you might want to try the AUU’s FREE Tax Service this year! Bookings open in the first week of August – contact AUU Reception on 8303 5401 for more details. By the time you’re reading this, nominations should be open for student elections. The positions available include AUU Board Directors, On Dit Editors, Student Radio and about 23 different positions available on the Student Rep Council. Being involved in student representation has been one of the most consuming and eye-opening experiences of my life and I would encourage students who are passionate and enthusiastic to think about getting involved! If you’d like to get in touch with me, either to tell me about your experiences as an international student, or to ask any questions about the likelihood of developing an alcohol problem as a student representative, you can email me at

Lavinia Emmett-Grey

All submissions will be anonymous, but by sharing your story, we have the opportunity to push the Australian government to ensure international students are treated as valued members of the community. The submission will be sent to government on August 14, so please contact me via lavinia.emmett-grey@adelaide. if you have something to contribute.

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“Recognise & Compromise” by Josh Shelton O

nce again, racism has reared its ugly head – but it offers a peek into the broader problem of taking sides in politics. The conflict between the Muslim Uighurs and Han Chinese signals that race based conflicts are alive and well. It is ridiculous to believe that racism ever disappeared but it has evolved. After the ‘scientific’ elitist arguments had been disproven, a simple ‘us vs, them’ approach was taken and the results are equally disgusting. This kind of approach underpins political clashes at every level and has disastrous effects. As early as 1895 Gustave Le Bon, in his work The Crowd recognised the problem with viewing conflicts as a ‘face-off’. Le Bon details that when a group unites under a common interest to face a common enemy, its behaviour is completely different to what could be expected from individuals. Effectively, the people surrender their moral ideals to the group and combine to create a more powerful force that is basically impossible to reason with. All it takes is one inflammatory person to rouse everybody and the group could be made to do nearly anything. The results of group mentality are absurd, but true. In China, the tension created by a lack of jobs and the killing of two Uighur factory workers on a false accusation of rape somehow resulted in thousands of 8

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people rioting in the streets. The death toll now exceeds 150, more than 400 people have been injured, 1500 arrests have been made and further eruptions of violence are expected. To see the effects of an ‘us vs. them’ approach on the international stage, North Korea should be considered. The Jack Russell of the international scene has basically starved its population in the quest for big guns and bombs because they understandably think that power is their only option. Yet, perhaps we should not sharply isolate any particular country. After all, people’s tendency to ‘face-off’ with opponents is universally prehistoric. From the time of the spears and animal loin attire humans have formed tribes to protect their interests. While we have physically moved beyond the Neanderthal era, unfortunately the separatist notions continue to thrive in our modern world. Even those with a small amount of intelligence, can see that compromise produces the best results – all that needs to be done is avoid surrendering your intelligence to be part of a group. There is a ray of hope on the horizon, and it comes from the most unlikely of places – America. The Obama administration is paving the way for a dialogue based approach to the world’s problems. While the EU represents the old-guard in Honduras

by removing all of their ambassadors, and South America clearly aligns itself with the ousted leader Manuel Zelaya (the Presidents of Ecuador, Paraguay and Argentina were riding in a plane behind Zelaya in his botched attempt to re-enter the country), the US has kept its embassy active in the hope of having a clear line of communication with the military leaders. Further promising evidence, is that the US is restraining itself from becoming involved in the Iranian election crisis, to the point that comments on the matter are avoided. It was shown with Joe Biden’s completely unnecessary hypothetical statement about what they would do if Israel bombed Iranian nuke facilities that the Ayatollah only gains strength from any disapproval from the US. As it stands, we have a long way to go before international problems are solved through compromise and it will take a major conscious effort. Individuals must avoid being swept up in popular movements. The thought that there’s a group of people out there who feel exactly the same as you is the first step on the wrong path – everybody must retain their individuality. The world is not a sports field with opposing teams, it’s a much more complex mixture of ideas and desires that have to be respected for their own value. Do this and we might see things getting better.

Ditlicious The prickly pear invaded Australia the same year as white people with the intention of maintaining a steady supply of red dye to the British Empire. Cochineal insects, which eat the prickly pear form a red dye when crushed. They were used to colour the British soldier’s red coats and these days they are a natural food colouring and can be found in red smarties. Anyway, like many of the wonderful examples of introduced species in Aus, the story goes that the insects died off but the cacti flourished and since then have become a huge pest in the country, clogging up areas for native plants. So, what can you do? Eat it! Here is a Mexican recipe to help the Australian environment out… Tlacoyos azules: 1. Heat and mash 1cup cooked pinto beans, chilli powder, oil and salt 2. Buy tortillas and stuff them with the refried bean mixture from #1. Roll and shallow fry. This is called tlacoyos. 3. Get your nopales, or prickly pear leaves from someone’s garden, remove spikes 4. Make lengthwise cuts on the nopales, but don’t slice all the way through 5. Place next to the tortillas in the pan (no oil on these) and sprinkle with salt 6. Flip and add more salt. They are cooked when they soften and become a deeper green and a bit burnt 7. Serve with the tlacoyos on top of the nopale, sprinkle with grated cheese and spicy salsa

Whilst on the subject of eating pests, if you are heading to QLD soon, you might want to check out fried cane toad legs: queensland/2008/10/cane-toad-legs. html

“You know I hate the French, and I hate toast so why do I love French toast?” said the harsh American voice coming from the television. It was exam time so I was watching daytime comedies and this quip planted the seed of French toast back in my mind. You see I used to have a French toast problem and this one phrase started it again. I used to be a French toast fanatic, creating joy filled squares, with crispy and golden outsides and a slightly gelatinous (but oh so yummy) centre. I usually served them with maple syrup or jam, but -if I was feeling adventurous- I create the ultimate cheese toasty, with some quince paste on the side. The trick with French toast is cutting the stale bread (and it must be stale) to the right thickness; too thin and the toast will be as rubbery as fake vomit, too thick and the centre will remain uncooked while the crust will be black. Over many rounds of the ‘lost bread’ (as the French call it) I found the perfect thickness to be an inch. The other trick is to remove the crusts before cooking to better absorb the batter. There are of course, problems with French toast; the washing up and the dilemma of stopping at one piece, as eating three seems a bit like gluttony. Make a mixture of half milk, half water, 1/2 cup of each, add an egg and dip slices of stale bread in this mixture. Lay them in a hot greased frying pan and brown on both sides. Serve with maple syrup, cinnamon and sugar, jam or cheese.

By the time this piece comes out, after 85 years, the face of vegemite will have been changed for better- or for worse. From 7 July 2009 a new Vegemite will appear in stores across the nation; vegemite crossed with cream cheese. I must admit I dislike* vegemite**, but can understand why time pressured, health conscious mums may want a Vegemite that is easy to spread without combining it with butter. I popped along to a preview tasting to find out and was given my own little jar. I un-popped it, inside was a lighter than usual brown substance. It was less intense on the nose with cheesy odours, there was still a Vegemite tang but it was not piercing. I spread it on a piece of toast and with trepidation bit in. It was not bad, it was not good and it was not bland. This ‘new Vegemite’ did not taste strongly of Vegemite but, what did it taste of? Well cream cheese, brown (if brown has a flavour) and a smattering of vegemite. So to me it was palatable. Try it; you may be won over- However, I will continue having jam on my toast.

* abhor, and loath being too ‘strong’ words for vegemite **Subbie disclaimer- Christian is a Pom. Don’t listen to him. Vegemite is awesome! (Ha! I get final edit :p) *** Editor disclaimer - Lily doesn’t actually get final edit, but we’ve kept it in anyway cause we rely on her submissions The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


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Public Enemies (MA) John Dillinger’s bank robbing, jail breaking escapades of the 1930’s has got all the ingredients of a great film. Yet Michal Mann’s screenplay, which he co-wrote with Ronan Bennett and Ann Biderman, makes a conscious effort to strip Dillinger’s story of all its bravado. As a result, it’s left to Jonny Depp’s understated charisma to remind us that we’re supposed to be having fun. Dillinger is essentially Robin Hood with a Tommy gun; “we’re here for the bank’s money, not yours”, he nobly tells a customer emptying his wallet during a heist. But according to FBI agent Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale), he’s Public Enemy no.1 and needs to be brought to justice. Purvis continually finds himself a step behind Dillinger until he makes the mistake of falling head over heels for his cloak-checking girlfriend Billie (Marion Cotillard), asking her to run away with him and be his gal. Whilst she eventually concedes, Billie initially responds with “I don’t know anything about you!”

She makes a good point. For a two and a half hour film about John Dillinger, we learn surprisingly little about him. Despite Depp’s strong performance, the screenplay does him no favours by failing to provide any sort of backstory or any idea as to his motives. The supporting characters in  Public Enemies are just as underdeveloped. Christian Bale’s character Melvin Pervis is about as one-dimensional as Wile E. Coyote; his only goal in life appears to be catching Dillinger. Then there’s Marion Cotillard’s Billie, whom despite one terrific interrogation scene with a stand-out Christian Stolte, is treated more like a plot device than a character.

★ ★ 1/2 extra definition during the slow motion scenes has a striking hyperrealistic quality. But for the rest of the Public Enemies, the choice of digital tends to only exacerbate its many flaws. It even reveals the imperfections of Johnny Depp’s face. Nobody wants to see that. Anders Wotzke

Even the faithfully recreated 1930’s setting is fraught by Mann’s continued obsession with digital camerawork, which strips Public Enemies of all its cinematic flair and causes it to look more like an amateur home video than a hundred million dollar Hollywood production. The only time it does pay off is during the film’s genuinely tense climax, where the

Bleach: Memories of Nobody (M) Memories of Nobody, from director Noriyuki Abe, is the first film adaptation of the long-running Bleach anime, based on the manga by Tite Kubo. Shiningami Rukia, and substitute-shinigami Ichigo, battle outlaws, samurai style, to save a vivacious spirit-entity. Although the film involves an offshoot storyline, it includes many of the characters from the original anime. A classically intricate plotline, and lots of magical samurai action infuse this anime with light and shade.  However, the dubbing is a serious detraction. On discovery of strange uncommunicative spirits in Karakura Town, Ichigo and Rukia meet shinigami Senna, an unknown to the shinigami Soul Society. Senna powerfully disperses the spirits in Karakura. However Rukia is suspicious and leaves Ichigo to keep an eye on Senna to check on the powers witnessed with Soul Society.    Ichigo learns Senna is unsure about who she is, and about how she became a shinigami. Soul Society reveals to Rukia the strange spirits dispersed by Senna are ‘Blanks’ which come from a between-world called ‘The Valley


Senna is captured by members of an outlawed family, who want to use her to destroy the Spiritual and Real Worlds by collapsing the between-world. Ichigo follows Senna and the outlaws into ‘The Valley of Screams’, and he, along with other shinigami, fight to save her and stop the collapse of the dimension.

of Screams.’ They exist because they have no memories. The Society recognises Senna is the embodiment of the memories from these ‘Blanks’ and that the strong attraction of the memory-less ‘Blanks’ to Senna could cause instability in the in-between dimension of ‘The Valley of Screams’.

The main drawback of Memories of Nobody  is its dubbing with voices and intonation that do not reflect the individuality and motivation observed in the Japanese-speaking characters. Whilst the voices are not offensively grating in diction, as those heard in the dubbed version of Naruto, the majority of male characters all sound alike in this film, Ichigo being the exception. The subtitled version is thus a better watch, if you don’t mind reading moderately descriptive prose, and is much more evocative in terms of character voice intonation. The story itself is creative, and thought-provoking in terms of the questions it raises about identity and legacy. Megan Wright

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Balibo (M)

★★ ★★

“Balibo shifts well into gear and reveals itself as a gritty thriller... In what is by far the most tense and traumatic piece of cinema I have witnessed in years” If I ever needed a reminder as to why I love the art of film, I needn’t look further than Robert Connolly’s political thriller  Balibo.   Based on the true story of the five Australian journalists who went missing weeks prior to Indonesians invasion of East Timor in 1975, Balibo  is a momentous piece of storytelling, driven by powerhouse performances and sublime direction. Emotionally engaging from start to end, this is a profound cinematic experience that sheds damming light on a 34 year old blind-spot in Australasian history. Don’t feel at all like you need to be familiar with the true-life events that took place in Balibo, a small village in East Timor  that sits 10km from the Indonesian border, to appreciate what Connolly’s film has to offer. I myself knew very little about the Balibo Five going in (having been born 14 years after the events occurred).   I knew even less about the sixth journalist, Roger East, who went to East Timor three weeks after the disappearance of the five journalists to investigate. Portrayed with great confliction Anthony LaPaglia (TV’s Without a Trace), East is not immediately glorified as a journalistic hero in David Williamson and Robert Connolly’s screenplay. He’s introduced as a chain-smoking alcoholic, who appears to have given up his years of experience as a foreign correspondent to lead a simpler life.  This changes when future East Timor president Jose Ramos-Horta (a standout Oscar Issac), then a charismatic scholar desperate to save his country from the impending Indonesian occupation, offers him a job managing the ‘free’ press in Timor. Declining at first, East changes his mind when Ramos-Horta informs him that the Australian government has turned a blind eye to the five missing Australian journalists - Greg Shackleton (Damon Gameau), Tony Stewart (Mark Leonard Winter) and Gary Cunningham (Gyton Grantley) of Channel 7 news and Brian Peters

(Thomas Wright) and Malcolm Rennie (Nathan Phillips) of Channel 9 - who went to Timor in the hope of filming the unsanctioned Indonesian invasion. The narrative brilliance of Balibo derives from the way in which it frequently, yet seamlessly, cuts between Roger East’s investigation and extensive flashbacks of the five journalists as they traverse the same terrain four weeks prior. Authentically portrayed, we grow immensely fond of these people; on camera they are professional reporters, bravely acting as the spokespeople for the East Timorese and their plight. Off camera, they are genuinely relatable Aussie larrikins, lapping up the tropical sun and sharing stories with the children of local villages. It’s only as they draw closer to Balibo, where Indonesian battleships loom just off the coast, that the dangers of wartime journalism become all too real. It’s at this moment that Balibo shifts well into gear and reveals itself as a gritty thriller. In what is by far the most tense and traumatic piece of cinema I have witnessed in years, the journalists find themselves caught on the frontline of the Indonesian invasion, forcing them into hiding as the ruthless militants occupy the village. Connolly skillfully utilises our invested interest in the these characters to gut wrenching effect, made all the more impacting due to Tristan Milani’s fluid handheld camerawork that centres us in the action. What transpires is now ingrained in history, despite the Australian government’s desperate attempt to have it buried as it would further criticism towards their acquiescence of the Indonesian invasion.

concerned with the box office than it is informing its audience. But aside from one uncharacteristically patriotic moment during the film’s affecting conclusion that almost sees LaPaglia break the forth wall, there’s not a pretentious bone in Balibo’s body. It’s clear that Connolly went to great lengths to authentically bring this story to the screen, adapting it from the book Cover Up,  Jill Jolliffe’s indepth case-study of the Balibo Five. Yet this is not simply a lesson of the past; Balibo’s alarming observations of wartime journalism, as well as its critical look at the peacekeeping role of state governments and the United Nations, still greatly resonates today. But what makes  Balibo  essential viewing is that, on top of its past and present significance, it also happens to be one of the most captivating and thrilling films in years.

Words by Anders Wotzke

As Connolly states himself, “Balibo is a story that demands to be told”. But it in the wrong hands, it could have been a disaster. It could have easily been another Pearl Harbor; a pretentious, overacted and unengaging film that’s more

The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit 11Na nders , Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders, Film with Nav and Anders . Film with

The Eccentrics of Celluloid

Words by Joel Parson

Wes Anderson When asked who constitutes the audience of his films, Wes Anderson responded “Outsiders”. The Texan auteur started his career with a feature length version of his short, Bottle Rocket, and the eventual cult classic Rushmore. However, people will most likely be familiar with his 2001 critically acclaimed film The Royal Tenenbaums, which portrays a glamorously dysfunctional family’s decline. Performances were given by Gwyneth Paltrow, the Owen brothers, Ben Stiller and Bill Murray. Murray returned in Anderson’s The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, and Anderson once again achieved critical success in 2007 with the release of The Darjeeling Limited. The unifying elements of Anderson’s style include fast camera pans, primary colour schemes, and Owen Wilson. Fittingly, “outsiders” are frequently present. They are flawed characters with whom the audience can relate. For a man who once famously sported a stylish corduroy suit, Anderson has attracted a surprising amount of controversy. His use of music in films has been described as “cancerous”, his drawing of non-white characters has been critiscised as “shallow”, and his Life Aquatic period branded as symptomatic of an artistic malaise. Of course detractors simply feed the mystique of Anderson’s character – an outsider who makes amazing films. His latest film Fantastic Mr. Fox is due for release in November this year. 12

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David Lynch This coverage wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the famously weird work of the original director eccentric, David Lynch. I can recall my film buff ninth grade teacher, providing an abbreviated but highly entertaining synopsis of Lynch’s Eraserhead, every turn of which elicited fits of laughter from the class; ‘I’ll tell you about the strangest movie ever, called Eraserhead. A man with hair like Kramer from Seinfeld pulls levers at a factory and looks out the window and sees himself and a caterpillar floating in space. Later he goes to an apartment, his head comes off his body, and there is this ugly baby bird creature that squawks, whose head also falls off, and turns into a planet and then explodes into… a man pulling levers.”

He had us at “eraser-head”

film section

You were in a department store. You were in that hip section that has vintage furniture spewing fourth cheap pashminas and t-shirts. There were several television screens embedded in a fluorescent wall working together to broadcast music videos. Then you saw it. It was that White Stripes video in which Jack and Meg are made of lego. Or it was that Fatboy slim video that features Christopher Walken dancing, leaping and flying in an empty hotel. In each instance captivation ensued. These are not the normal images served up by Hollywood in yet another shamefully brainless helping of Step Up 7: In Tha Hood, Tha Ghettobootay Revolution. They are wildly distinct images. Who are the “eccentrics” behind them and what are the hallmarks of their style?

Michel Gondy

Recently Michel Gondry posted a YouTube video of himself solving a rubik’s cube with his feet. To spoil the elaborately technical movie magic, I can reveal that he started with a completed cube, and simply pushed the sides around with his toes for four minutes, and reversed the footage (ha). Gondry had someone walk backwards behind him during filming to enhance the illusion, providing some insight into his whimsy and penchant for detail. Gondry has directed many of the most notable music videos of the last 20 years, and there are too many to mention here. Several of those have resulted from an enduring creative partnership with Björk. The videos for ‘Bachelorette’, ‘Army of Me’, ‘Hyper-Ballad’, and ‘Declare Independence’ are some examples of Gondry’s best work. Googling will yield a video of the two oddballs collaborating on a wonderfully peculiar musical contraption. Björk plays a piano, which through a Rube Goldberg-like apparatus releases squirts of coloured paint onto a spinning disc. Each note is a splodge of colour. The machine is all at once enchanting and dreamlike, yet tangible and real. This is Gondry’s style. Videos for ‘The Hardest Button to Button’ (The White Stripes), ‘Around the World’ (Daft Punk), and Star Guitar (The Chemical Brothers) feature visual elements corresponding with a musical note or beat of the rhythm. Gondry has often said that he prefers to use practical effects, special sets, props, and stop motion animation to create visuals, rather than the CGI and bluescreen methods, which is evident in much of his work. In recent years Gondry has ventured into feature film, directing Dave Chappelle’s Block Party, The Science of Sleep and Be Kind Rewind. In Be Kind Rewind Jack Black and Mos Def shuffle about in a vast assortment of cardboard boxes and plastic paraphernalia, attempting to recreate movie classics such as Ghost Busters, following the destruction of the video rentals at their shop. The film mirrors Gondry’s style – honest, imaginative and childlike. Gondry’s upcoming film is Megalomania.

Spike Jonze

American director Spike Jonze’s feature film directorial debut was Being John Malkovich. Anyone familiar with that spectacularly kooky gem will recall Jonze’s surrealist style; a man gets a job in a cramped Alice-in-wonderland type office dubbed floor 7½ and discovers a miniature door behind a filing cabinet. It hides a sticky portal that allows the entrant to occupy the body of John Malkovich for 15 minutes. Similarly to Gondry, Jonze started his career directing smaller projects such as music videos. There are many favourites in the Jonze filmography, although videos for ‘Buddy Holly’ (Weezer), ‘Da Funk’ (Daft Punk), ‘Weapon of Choice’ (Fatboy Slim) and Y-control (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) are amongst the most memorable. Jonze has also worked with Björk. The highly engaging video for Oh so Quiet features the Icelandic singer intermittently engaging in Broadway style choreography with local townsfolk. Jonze often takes part in the on-screen side of his projects, frequently adopting alternative personas. For Fatboy Slim’s ‘Praise you’, Jonze assumed the alter ego of Richard Koufley, and led a faux community dance group in an impromptu performance at a random cinema lobby in California. While the proprietors of the establishment attempted to prevent the group from doing its amateur yet absorbing dance, Jonze jumped onto the disruptor and held onto him until he could resume his B boy moves. Zany antics pepper many of Jonze’s projects (note his direction of two Jackass movies), which is possibly an influence of his early skate video days. Jonze also directed Adaptation (in which he acted) and the soon to be released Where the Wild Things Are.

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ANDERS WOTZKE: Given how Lucky Country is to your past works different in terms of subject matter, what was it about Andy Cox’s screenplay that attracted you to it?

I think the fact that it’s a genre film - a thriller and a western - you can be a little bit bolder with the themes.

KRIV STENDERS: Well my last two films were primarily festival films. They were great experiences, and very successful critically. But after doing those two films I really wanted to work on a broader canvas, so I was really keen to apply what I had learnt on those films and do something a lot more ambitious. I really wanted to do a genre film and then this script came along and it was so strong. I thought it would be a great chance to apply everything I’ve learned and do something on a bigger, broader canvas.

KS: I’m looking to entertain them. I really wanted to make a film for the audience I don’t want to make a didactic history lesson. It’s first and foremost a thriller; with thrills, chills, spills and shocks. If they get something out of it intellectually, then that’s great.

AW: Is Lucky Country a universal exploration of the human condition or one specifically relating to Australia post federation? KS: I think the great thing about this story is that it’s specific, but it’s also universal. You know? It’s specifically about this family and this farm at the year of federation, so it’s clearly that setting historically. But I think it has a lot of resonance. I think it talks about an Australia that exists now as well. A lot of the same issues in the story apply now. Ironically, the writer Andy Cox was originally going to set the story in contemporary times, but he decided by setting it in the past it would be stronger and more resonant. 14

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AW: Are you looking to primarily educate or entertain audiences?

But it’s more so what I call a ‘Trojan Horse’ film; it presents itself as one thing, but unleashes all these other ideas. AW: You’ve often described Lucky Country as a psychological thriller. When it comes to crafting suspense in film, what films or filmmakers do you source for inspiration? KS: I think when you’ve grown up with a lot of films, what happens is it’s not necessarily one film that your referencing, it’s more like a reservoir of instinct. I’ve watched a lot of thrillers in my time and I was really trying to tap into that intensity and that compelling, character driven suspense. You know, where there are few very simple elements - a cabin, six characters, secrets - and how within that you can really create tension and drama, with very little. I guess Polanski, Hitchcock and all those guys really set up some great conventions

that you can return to look at. But a lot of it though is instinct; you really try and put the camera where the story is and really try and create drama and suspense out of what you’ve got. AW: Screenwriter Andy Cox has described the Australian landscape as “one of most inhospitable terrains on earth”. You had to film on such a location, what challenges did that present? KS: The biggest challenge was that it was very wet and very cold! What’s great about that - what we wanted was that the landscape to become a character and also inform the story. In a funny kind of way, when it’s hard to shoot something, it actually makes it look better on screen because you’re working harder to achieve a certain level or certain quality. So in a way, the challenges were good ones because they ended up on the screen. But we filmed in Clarendon, in a place called Mt Bold. It’s only about forty minutes north of Adelaide. AW: Aden Young delivers such an intense performance as Nat, how did you go about developing his character? KS: Well his character was pretty well drawn in script. He was pretty outline and pretty developed. For me, 99% of directing is casting. So if you can cast the film right and cast the right actor for the character then it kind of works itself out. Although preproduction was very

fast on this film. We cast it fairly quickly; It was only about about a month. But I think Aden was really right for the role. He understood the character and he bought a lot of his own thoughts and interpretations to the character, which is how a like working. I really like the actors to own their characters. But Aden is fantastic, he’s great. I mean, he’s done 20 films so he’s got a lot of experience. AW: How did you come across newcomer Toby Wallace when casting for Tom? KS: Well we looked at a lot of kids, and it’s really hard looking for kids now because a lot of them look so 21st century. So we were trying to find someone that could play an early 20th century kid. Toby had that kind of quality about him; he had an ‘old soul’ to him. He’s also just incredible; he has an incredible presence on screen. He was just excellent. AW: The film is quite dark and graphic at times; as a director, is it ever a concern working with a child actor that you are exposing them to such themes? KS: Well film sets are actually really boring places. I mean, when you’re making a film it’s all done it little pieces. So the impact of those scenes isn’t really there on the day. And you know, he’s a thirteen year old kid, so he’s got a fair amount of knowledge about the world and about things.  We talked to him about it and also made sure his mother was aware

of it and everything was ok. It was just being responsible; make sure everything is above board and don’t try and exploit the situation. AW: Lucky Country was shot in 16mm, but your last two films were Digital. Why did you make the switch? KS: We decided to use film for a number of reasons. When we did the numbers, we worked out that is was going to be just as expensive to shoot on digital, or at least the digital format we wanted to. Also, the fact that we were going to be shooting in very diverse conditions and extreme locations. Digital cameras are great when you’re shooting an urban, modern story. But we just didn’t have room to have any failure; we really couldn’t afford to have a camera go down on us. Also the look; with the sun, the light was obviously constantly changing, so we thought that film would be a lot more reliable.

we didn’t have to shoot digital. The final thing; call me old fashioned, but I still think the period films have got to be shot on film. AW: On behalf of the aspiring filmmakers out there, do you have any advice for them that you wish you were taught early on in your career? KS: Oh, that’s a really good question. Two things. It sounds basic, but the importance of story. Like, really being given a stronger awareness of storytelling techniques. When you’re making a film be it short film, documentary or feature -it’s all about locking into something that’s going to engage an audience. The other one is don’t question your instincts. Being encouraged to trust your instincts. Go with your first gut feelings and things.

AW: Having now worked extensively with both digital and film, what do you prefer? KS: Well for certain kinds of film, the last two films I’ve made, digital was perfect because we shot a lot of long takes and improvisations so you don’t have that tyranny of film stock. So it’s a lot more malleable and a lot more flexible format. But because this was a traditional story, you know, with scenes we could be a lot more precise about the coverage. So The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit



ccentricity, like charity, begins at home, and we all know that there’s a whole bunch of weird stuff that you do behind closed doors, that you keep well and truly under wraps. Maybe you sing Engelbert Humperdinck tunes in the shower, maybe you keep your slippers in the fridge. Whatever. But at some point you have to leave home and actually interact with the world. Once you’ve left the cosy confines of your humble abode, you can bet your strange habit of making bizarre, animalistic grunting noises while you’re eating your ham sandwich is going to attract a few stares. So you keep a lid on things and go about your business, giving the illusion that you’re a normal, everyday person. But what if you didn’t? Well, at the very least you’d probably catch public transport (I know I’m drawing an extremely long bow between eccentricity and the public transport system – bite me). So, I talked to former bus driver Gerard, to find out what gets his motor running. I didn’t find out much about eccentric people, but it was interesting nonetheless... How did you end up becoming a bus driver? It was pretty much a matter of convenience – I was made redundant from my last job, and the bus depot was just down the road, so I could walk to work in 5 minutes. 16

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So there wasn’t anything in particular about driving that piqued your interest? Well, I like people, and I like driving big vehicles. I like being outside, and I’m a fairly sociable person, so I think I was fairly well equipped to be a bus driver. Is there a lot of socialising going on with people though? I imagine that the interactions between you and the passengers would be pretty superficial. Yeah, ‘how much’, ‘where are we going’, ‘how long until we get there’ – of course. But that gets expanded because you’re travelling regular routes, you’re picking up the same people every day, you develop these short little relationships with people. And not only are you a bus driver, you’re an accountant, you’re a tour guide for the city, you’re an incredible time manager, because you’ve got to stay on time, properly – can’t run early, can’t run late. The multitasking aspect makes it a pretty demanding job I’ve always wondered what the etiquette is with taking to bus drivers – sometimes you’ll be on a bus late at night, you’ll be the only person on the bus, and you’re not sure whether it’s kosher to go up and talk to the driver. Yeah, that’s always good. You get a whole variety of people talking to you. Some people are clearly mentally disturbed, people from interstate, overseas. It’s the whole spectrum of society, and for that I think it’s a valuable experience to drive a bus – it’s a good life

What are some of the gripes you had while driving a bus? Gripes on a pragmatic level – people not giving way, people not following the road rules, people not giving you the space on the road. People who try to pull in front of you quickly when you’ve got a 20 tonne bus with a full load of people and you don’t want people to fall over. You’ve got this responsibility for people’s safety. I guess that’s not really a gripe, that’s just one of the challenges of the job. Stupid questions get fairly annoying, like ‘where are you going’ when it’s clearly marked on the front of the bus. ‘Why are you running late?’ would be the worst thing you could ever ask a driver. They’re often stressed when they’re running late – no one likes to be running late, including the driver – that can be pretty stressful. Oh, and school children running amok on the bus, throwing stuff. Spitting. Spewing. I’ve taken the bus down from the Adelaide Hills at night, and that can get pretty loose. Is that a bit of a challenge when everyone’s had their pre-drinks, and the bus is chock full of lairy seventeen year olds? Oh that’s fine, you accept that kind of behaviour, it’s to be expected. So long as people don’t push the boundaries or get violent, or harass you while you’re driving, that’s fine. I’d always stipulate that if I knew people had drinks on board then, make sure the bottles are in the bin when you’ve finished.

Did people ever try and push the boundaries? Mmm-hmm. I once had a kid – where was he from? What’s that agricultural school called? Anyway, this kid was shining a laser pointer into my rearview mirror, which of course went straight into my eyes, so I had to stop the bus and inform him that if this behaviour continued that he’d be walking to school. I was fortunate; there were a few cases of assault on other drivers, definitely, so that kind of thing does happen. I guess it’s always on the back of your mind when someone’s becoming aggressive.

and the door button, and, accidentally, as I kneeled the bus, I hit the door button, which then slammed the door straight onto her head. Actually that’s happened to me before, where I’ve been going through the doors and they’ve closed them on me. The look on the bus drivers face was pretty priceless. Later in the day I tried it myself, I got someone to close the door on my head. It wasn’t that bad, the door opened straight away. Still, it looked really bad. Not a good start to the day. Is bus driving an occupation that you’d recommend to the best and brightest of our nation?

What’s the culture of bus drivers like, is it a pretty tight knit group of people? I imagine you’re not in close contact with your workmates as you would be in some other lines of work.

Certainly, if you want a bit of life experience. Don’t do it for the money, because the money’s terrible and the shift conditions are shithouse. But if you enjoy people, and you like driving…

That’s a good question because you feel that there is this close camaraderie between drivers. Even though you’re not working with them directly and there’s no physical presence, you’re in constant contact with everyone over the radio. Everyone can hear you on the radio, and what’s going on, and if you’re running late or having a problem people will be there to help you out as soon as they can, and that’s a really nice thing, there’s great camaraderie.

Driving a bus incidentally is not that hard, it looks hard, but it’s not. It can get monotonous, obviously you’re doing the same thing over and over again, it couldn’t be as bad as being a garbo though.

Anecdotes. Go. I think it was not long after I started, maybe my second or third week, I stopped to pick up a woman on Hutt St. heading into town, and as she got on, as I was kneeling the bus… There are these two buttons, the kneel button

What’s interesting about being a bus driver, when you’re always driving on such a strict schedule every day you start to notice the woman who pulls up beside you putting on her lipstick at precisely 7:53 every morning, at the lights at the top of Glen Osmond Rd. You start to notice little things like that, and it’s great, you’re outside all the time, you’re watching the seasons change, but you’re inside this nice little cocoon.

Healthwise, it’s not that good though, it can be stressful – you’re always dealing with time, all these people ask lots of questions, traffic – and because you’re sitting down all the time you end up with a really bad neck, lots of headaches. Has it taught you anything about people? I like the egalitarian nature of it – everyone’s on that bus together, going to work, and everyone’s and equal, whether they don’t have a car, or they’re taking an environmental stance, or just saving money. Also, if a person’s not friendly to you it’s not because they don’t particularly care for you, they could be having a bad day, just as you are. On that note, what I should say is, if a bus driver seems grumpy, don’t take it out on him, he’s probably just had a shit day, just like you had the day before. Don’t take it personally. Finally, how would you rate South Australia’s public transport system? I don’t like to compare, because I don’t really know much about other systems. What I will say though, if the State Government spent as much money [on public transport] as they do on roads then there’d be a whole lot more people using the public transport system. We’ve got buses that are thirty years old still on the road.

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poetry section

David Malouf: A Body of Work— The Making of it By Peach Howey-Lenixxh Imagine this So the theme for this month is eccentricity, and there’s definitely something unconventional about the achievements of Australian writer David Malouf—that is to say they can hardly be matched. Imagine this: a poet, novelist, playwright and librettist by trade, Malouf, over the course of nearly thirty years, has acquired many honours, including The Age Book of the Year Award for Fiction in 1982 for his publication, Fly Away Peter, and the International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award in 1996 for Remembering Babylon. In 2007 David’s Every Move you Make, won not only The Age Book of the Year Award for Fiction but also the Arts Queensland Steele Rudd Award for Australian Short Story. Last year, Malouf won the Australian Publishers Association’s Lloyd O’Neil Award for outstanding service to the Australian book industry.

film section

Well it’s on its way! On August 27 David Malouf is stopping by Adelaide Uni to give a free talk (gold coin donation invited) about his life’s work. This will be a great opportunity to spend some time with a great Australian and, for any aspiring poet or author biding their time on campus, a not-to-be-missed opportunity to get a personal insight into one of the modern greats. David Malouf: A Body of Work—The Making of it will be held at the Uni’s Union Hall on Thursday, 27 August at 6pm for a 6.30pm start. (I also hear on the grapevine that free wine—and nibbles— will be available, and I fail to see how a grapevine could possibly lie about free wine.)

Thanks to all those who have contributed their poetry for the last two editions of On Dit. Keep ’em coming. Email your own poetry to For information on open mic poetry nights around Adelaide, head to Facebook and type in ‘Adelaide Poetry Gig Guide’.

David will be giving particular attention to his new publication, Ransom, which engages with enduring questions posed by the ancient Greeks and has already been critically acclaimed as magical and sensitive for its deeply moving account of the relationship between fathers and sons woven through the Homeric tale of the Trojan war. Seriously, it’s an exhilarating read and you cats should get yourselves a hold of this Ransom (to stop me from excessive uses of poor puns, even). Just remember guys, if you’re interested, you’ll need to book by August 25. Bookings can be made by emailing or ringing 8303 4064. The event is sponsored by Unibooks.

Friends of the University of Adelaide Library David Malouf’s talk is presented by the Friends of the University of Adelaide Library, a growing organisation (comprising of students, members of academia, and the general public) that prides itself on the excellence of its speakers. The organisation also develops interest in the University libraries, as well as fosters and promotes the role of the libraries in writing, research, scholarship and community information. To learn more, or become a member, email Paul Wilkins (secretary) at Members are, among other benefits, emailed information about speakers and events and are entitled to reduced rates for concerts sponsored by the Barr Smith. They also get theatre benefits, including free programs and reduced rates, and the opportunity to support the restoration, preservation and digitisation of rare works. 18

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skeletons on sand Words by Ben Adams layers on layers of words and regret. smooth wine and smoke curling, the shortness of breath. idle hands mark shapes— stick figures in the 5 a.m. dark. waves lap towards feet, and sea-air is drawn in by lips that drain bottles. there is the unseen sun, edging up, and stick figures like skeletons traced on sand, waiting for the tide. lingering remnants of the night before: offerings to the blue -gray dawn, waiting to be washed away.

Hollow Spaces Words by Elijah Fox Sawdust piles, all lie neat and totaled. then shift, with the wind, small pieces that drift to collide with your eyes and clog up your pores, Guilt that swells up and pounds on your shores. Breathing that heaves and then stops all abrupt as though it turned conscious and chose to disrupt. Through paper thin walls I can hear life in session. Just down the hall, with all their obsession. An allergy, a lie, those people who die.

the friends, the rapport, this feeling that swells and pounds on your shore. the talking, tongues clicking, and the wheeze from their lungs. you know they are smart, they're better than you. So follow their rhythms. learn what they do. It's funny to hear all that surrounds; the wind and the hail, the laughter, that sound that travels through walls and cuts hollow places, and calls on the ears in these empty spaces. The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


Great by J S



ts in M




It’s fair to say that most musicians have some level of eccentricity. From only wanting a certain type of water on their rider, to creating bizarre stage personas which they carry over to interviews, David Bowie famously inhabited Ziggy Stardust for over a year, their oddities range from inspired to insipid.


When asked why he does not follow through with his threats, or sometimes his on-stage defecations, Allin stated, GG, you “With GG, you don’t get what you expect—you don’t get what you get what you deserve.” expect - you get Amongst other Whether or not you indiscretions, Allin cheated appreciate the extreme The punk rock scene provided music with what you deserve.” on his wife with a teenage visceral insanity of Allin, it some of its most enigmatic frontmen, the raw - GG Allin girl, and had a daughter is hard to argue he was not energy of the form leading to many performers from this relationship in convicted in his ideology, taking this viscerality to the extremes. Of all 1986. He also began visiting and, similar to the Marquis the peanut butter smearing bloodied mayhem serial killer John Wayne Gacy de Sade, followed his perverse of Iggy Pop and his descendents, no one has (Pogo the Clown), who painted a philosophies through every aspect ever come near the committed insanity of one portrait of him. GG often claimed to have of his life, until his death. Kevin Michael “GG” Allin. performed many criminal acts including breaking and entering, robbery and mugging. After overdosing on heroin, Allin was found Born Jesus Christ Allin, his father believed In 1989, he was arrested and charged dead at a friend’s apartment on the night of Jesus had visited him and told him with the rape and torture of a June 29th, 1993. He had actually died the night his son would embody the power female acquaintance. Allin before, but this was not noticed by partygoers of the messiah, GG began initially denied the charges, who took photos posing with him, possibly his musical legacy in The “When I was born claiming the woman was because the smell of feces overwhelmed that Jabbers in 1977, before a willing participant in of his decaying corpse. The next morning, releasing his debut solo in 1956, Rock ‘N’ sexual activities with some people noticed that Allin hadn’t moved album Always Was, Is Roll first started taking him, only later changing and decided it prudent to call an ambulance. and Always Shall Be in her account of event. 1980. In this period, GG off. Why do you think According to Allin, he In keeping with his deranged life, Allin’s was a stock standard that was? Because I cut her, burned her, funeral was a strange affair indeed. Allin’s Iggy Pop influenced created it. I created and drank her blood, bloated, discolored corpse sat in an open frontman, but his actions however she did the casket, dressed in his black leather jacket soon became more Elvis.” - GG Allin same thing to him. Allin and trademark jock strap, with a bottle of Jim and more unpredictable and violent, often attacking also claimed inconsistencies Beam in his hand, as he had specified in his in the woman’s statements to song “When I Die”. Allin’s brother instructed members of the crowd, being authorities supported his assertions, the mortician not to wash the corpse, which pulled offstage and beaten as well as occasionally defecating on stage and and the judge in the case agreed there were still, strangely, smelt of feces, or to apply any substantial inconsistencies in the woman’s makeup. The funeral became a wild party, throwing his feces at crowd members. account. Allin took a plea bargain to reduced with friends posing with Allin’s corpse and felony assault charges, and he was putting drugs and alcohol in his mouth. The Jabbers disbanded in ’84 and Allin imprisoned from December 20, released his 2nd album Eat My Fuc, featuring the enduring hits- “I Wanna Fuck Your Brains 1989 – March 26, 1991. As a tribute, Allin’s fans often smear their excrement on his Out”, “I Want to Rape You”, “Fuckin’ the Allin’s corpse Dog” “Cock on the Loose” and “Clit Licker”. Allin also often threatened grave. As eccentrics go, Allin sat in an open that he would commit was one of a kind, it might be GG also fronted several bands in the mid casket, dressed in his suicide at his gigs, a while before we see his like 80s, including The Cedar Street Sluts, The black leather jacket and Scumfucs and The Texas Nazis. Around this in 1988, he wrote to again. We should probably Maximum RocknRoll be grateful. But we certainly time, GG became addicted to heroin, alcohol, trademark jock strap, and a variety of other substances, and began stating that he would have a lot to thank him for. with a bottle of Jim commit suicide on stage eating laxatives before performances, as Beam in his hand. on Halloween 1989, but defecation was fast becoming a regular part of his stage routine. GG considered himself the was in prison at the time. This threat continued each year but he last true rock star, and found some notoriety in 1987 with his collaborative album Hated By was incarcerated each Halloween. the Nation, featuring a backing band including 20

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J Mascis of Dinosaur Jr on guitar and Mark Kramer on bass for several tracks. Allin also put out a number of acoustic country “With releases, in the style of his idol Hank Williams.

“Born Jesus Christ Allin, his father believed Jesus had visited him and told him his son would embody the power of the messiah� by J Swanborough

Great Moments in Musical Eccentricity

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Regina Spektor - Far

Karnivool - Sound Awake

Deerhunter - Rainwater Casette Exchange

Ms Spektor has become something of an On Dit mascot. She practically lives in our ‘thankyou’ column and when the chips are down and things get rough Reginasaurus always reminds us that things aren’t so bad. June 25th I hurried into the office with the deluxe cd/dvd edition with fold-out digipak in my eager hands, we were not disappointed.

Some four years after their stunning debut Themata, Karnivool have returned with the much anticipated followup Sound Awake. What made Themata such a compelling listen was the edge that the band seemed to have over their fellow prog-tinged alternative rockers. Never sounding forced, their debut accounted a band that bore only passing similarities to Australia’s other alternative giants The Butterfly Effect and COG, and was more concerned in developing their own unique sound, a strange mix of weird tunings, intricate melodic structures and one of the strongest voices this country has produced in some time.

Since 2007’s Cryptograms, Deerhunter have had this handy habit of creating instant minor post-rock classics. Their stellar album Microcastle released last year and was followed by another LP not quite as stellar but still pretty great in Weird Era Cont. Maintaining that strong work ethic, they’ve released Rainwater Cassette Exchange, a 5 song EP whose lead track alternates from ethereal instrumentation to highly refined guitar-driven choruses with consummate ease.

Far has a more diverse sound than previous albums. Alongside Regina’s rich piano playing is now vocoder, drum machines, samples and the quaint vocal percussion that so peppers her live intimate performances. Far is both poppier and dark in places, from the cheery oompah of The Calculation’s exuberant ode to love, to the dystopia industrial opera of Machine venturing further into the dark than ever before. Dance Hit of the 80s is like Regina channelling Cyndi Lauper through a Casiotone. Far isn’t a huge leap, but that’s not a bad thing when it comes down to it. It darts into Amanda Palmer territory now and again, but every track still has that Regina Spektor stamp on it. As Spektor’y as the rest of her back catalogue, I can’t fault it in context, although Steph did complain that the new single Laughing ith said ‘God’ too many times. While Far may not necessarily be then best introduction for the uninitiated (get Soviet Kitsch instead), it is nonetheless a quaint and adorable cracker of a record, that brings a smile to one’s face and is holding an impressively high rotation in the office. by Vincent Coleman

Sound Awake, then, finds them ploughing forth with their endeavours, and it is immediately apparent that they have crystallised their vision. The compositions on offer are high energy and clearly articulated, each part neatly building the momentum of the song. The crushing bass and guitar rhythms are beautifully balanced out by Ian Kenny’s strangely compelling and emphatic vocals, meaning that even moments of sheer brutality have a distinctly human edge. The problem the band has encountered now, however, is that although they seem to have perfected their idea of how a song should be constructed, they seem to be too reliant on this formula. Almost every song on the record delivers the same melodic build ending at a punishing crescendo collapsing to the outro. This not only detracts from the album’s overall impression, but also means that the mood throughout rarely shifts. The tonal qualities of the album, while to be commended for their richness and the warmth that comes through Forrester Savell’s production, do, as much as I hate to make the reference, tend to make them sound a little too Tool-like. The bass is the main offender here, and it’s difficult not to think of Justin Chancellor’s signature tones when listening. Ultimately, while the album has some great moments and proves that Karnivool are still a force to be reckoned with, the problem with Sound Awake is simply that they have chosen to play it safe, and as a result, there is just not enough progression for it to leave the same mark as its predecessor. If the band hopes to retain the respect they attained after Themata, they’re going to have to live up to it. by J Swanborough


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The highlight of this EP though is ‘Game of Diamonds’ which features vivid lyrics teased out with great poise by Cox over an effortlessly gorgeous melody. More than just a standout on Rainwater Cassette Exchange, it’s one of a number of highlights in what has been a pretty outstanding twelve months for the band. All the other songs are a bit samey, tapping into the Microcastle vibe to a fairly large extent. That’s not to say that they’re throwaway B-sides, if you dig Microcastle you’ll like these songs even though they lack the impact of the best songs on that album. From construction through to production, though, everything about these tracks is tight. As well as the eponymous track, the following two, ‘Disappearing Ink’ and ‘Famous Last Words’ are notable for their brevity, all clocking in at under 2:30. They’re rock solid songs that don’t waste any time. Deerhunter - for want of a better expression - make this sort of thing look easy. The final song, ‘Circulation’ is about twice as long but is built on the same reliable foundations. The difference is it ends with a long instrumental denouement which has various voice samples over the top of it, which straddles the line between self-indulgent and genuinely aesthetically interesting. Rainwater Cassette Exchange, then, is a very strong EP that builds on the band’s recent past while not giving too much away in terms of their future. One hopes that Deerhunter might endeavour to push themselves a bit more on their next release to make another great album. Given the band’s recent history though, that’s a concern that’s not likely to keep many awake at night. by Angus Chisolm

The Dead Weather Horehound

Sarah Blasko - As Day Follows Night

Quiet Child - Evening Bell

On March 12th, my birthday, I received the greatest gift of all time. The Dead Weather, a supergroup consisting of my favourite musicians from my favourite bands, was announced. Consisting of Jack White (The White Stripes), Alison Mosshart (The Kills), Jack Lawrence (The Raconteurs / The Greenhornes) and Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age). Alison began singing for The Raconteurs while touring with The Kills, substituting White who was losing his voice. Mosshart, White and Lawrence entered the studio to cut a 5” EP and allegedly found Dean Fertita bunking in the control room. An entire album was recorded and The Dead Weather was born.

Recorded in Stockholm with a producer best known for the quirky synth-pop of his band, Peter, Bjorn & John, Sarah Blasko’s third album sees the singer resurface with a refreshingly optimistic and playful new direction.

Local outfit Quiet Child’s debut full length Evening Bell is not constricted by the formulaic approach binding so many australian ‘alternative’ bands. . It has become a rock cliché to mix heavy rock up with sweet balladry, but few bands manage to do it with as much aplomb and continuity as Quiet Child have here. Kicking in with machine gun riffery and sludgy bass, the epic ‘Flowers in the Middle of the Road’ sets the dramatic tone of the record, before giving way to the sparse and beautiful ‘Dark Heart of Pleasure’. The darkly beautiful feel of the album is maintained both through the incredible voice of Peter Spiker, and the overarching lyrical themes, describing deeply personal struggles with one’s inner demons, and, in sync with the grandiose arrangements, how these struggles can grow and affect the world.

Horehound is the epitome of The Dead Weather; dark, lean and menacing. Clad in black leather jackets, hair unruly black shocks. Guitar feedback hover’s dangerously close to veering out of control and rumbling bass stalks over White’s thuggish drumming (guitar duties relinquished to Mosshart and Fertita, equal parts violent and bluesy, respectively). Songs like 60 Feet tall and New Pony simmer with trepidation before exploding in Strum & Drang. Cut Like A Buffalo grooves drunkenly like a demented reggae-waltz played underwater, and new single Treat Me Like Your Mother is goose-bump raising with it’s nasty analogue organ riff before breaking down (up?) into double-time vocal battling. A short film accompanying the track features White and Mosshart marching through what looks like rural Las Vegas before opening up with machineguns into one another, sunlight beaming through their bloody and perforated bodies. Perhaps it is this undercurrent of violent tension in Horehound, which has spawned the (false) rumour of White and Mosshart’s violent barroom brawl. The album does feel lost and without direction at times. It feels like several EPs crammed together and some of the tracks feel like they were ripped straight off of a Kills record, only the closing blues dirge Will There Be Enough Water? saves the album. All supergroups have this sense of indulgence about them, but Horehound is one I’m willing to indulge in.

Noticeably Blasko, without her usual sparring partner Robert F. Cranny, peels back much of the electric guitar, bass and synthesised instrumentation of her last album (and the foreboding and melodrama it created) in favour of a more acoustic flavour, full of rolling jazz drums, lilting string sections and dusty piano. Vocally her performance on this album, more than any other, cements her status amongst the ranks of wispy voiced chanteuses of the likes of Julia Stone and Leslie Feist, which may simultaneously increase her appeal to wider audiences whilst alienating older fans. Whilst the album has several notable highlights in the singing saw-laden lead single All I Want, the poppy Hold on My Heart and We Won’t Run, which showcases Blasko’s knack for buoyant yet understated melody, occasionally the album drifts towards the bland, with little variation in arrangement across the album. But aside from this, with the help of Producer Bjorn Yttling, these moments are at their worst very listenable, even when sounding unsettlingly like the soundtrack to a Panadol ad, as with Lost & Defeated. With endless potential for Prius or Victorian tourism advertisements, enough hook to catch a listener and depth to hold them, this album is sure to be another feather in an already bird-like cap. By Walter Marsh

Quiet Child have come a long way since their debut EP of 2007, which, while displaying an obvious knack for melody and groove, leant heavily towards chugging Queens of the Stone Age-esque riffs and only began to shed light on what the band were capable of. What makes this such an important release is that Quiet Child are not focused on the sound that has become the signature of so many of the alternative rock acts in Australia today, that sound is merely a string in their bow. Their focus instead is on creating a mood, one of the deepest darkness, punctuated with beams of light piercing through the mire. The band sounds most at home on songs which blend both modes of their sound, like closer ‘Gentle Minds’, and the euphoric ‘Don’t You Know Me?’, driven by subtly harmonised e-bowed guitars. The climactic point of the album is undeniably ‘Captain Trips’, which displays that Quiet Child are quite capable of the slow build formula which Karnivool have used throughout their record. Beginning with a strange jaunty seafaring riff, the journey down the Styx eventually explodes into a squealing guitar solo. The conventional rock songs are there as well, with singles ‘Discipline’ and ‘Stealing Inches’ already gaining airplay on Triple J, this is one of the best local releases of the year and hopefully will continue to get the attention it deserves. by J Swanborough

by Vincent Coleman

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The term ‘eccentric’ applies so broadly to music and musicians that I was originally at a loss as to what to write about. I mean, what constitutes ‘normal’ nowadays? And if we can’t determine what normal is, how can we judge what is unconventional? In terms of music, stylistic hybridisation and adaptation are such commonplace practices that eclecticism is in fact a suitable umbrella for most musical genres. And the inexhaustible combinations which eclecticism allows, inevitably leads to musical eccentricity. But…the eccentric then seems ordinary! It’s a vicious cycle. Anyway, after all that, I decided to write about some of the local bands/musicians who I consider to be eccentric. Rather than concentrating of the usual eccentricities of personality (musicians are all relatively eccentric in that regard), it is the music of these ensembles which is extraordinary.

Eccentric Adelaide

by Courtney Day

Akoustic Odyssey

Golonka Golonka describe their music as “a mixture of gypsy, French folk, klezmer-punk, and anarchic dance music.” The band consists of five members who handle a small orchestra of instruments: clarinet, guitar, double bass, accordion, guitar, mandolin and violin. Their repertoire includes amazing gypsy/klezmer arrangements of pieces such as ‘Chim Chim Cher-ee’ (from Mary Poppins) and Juan Tizol’s classic ‘Caravan.’

The seven-piece ensemble – who play guitars, violin, oboe, cor anglais, ‘cello, electric bass and percussion - have had a busy year so far, with performances at WOMAD and the National Folk Festival. Upcoming gigs include the prestigious AbaF and Ruby Awards, Tuesday September 8 at the Dunstan Playhouse. Their music is an interesting fusion of Eastern folk aesthetics, Western pop/rock and electronics. golonkagypsy

Delusions of Grandma

Adam Page Originally from Mt. Gambier, saxophonist Adam Page is one of Australia’s most exciting and talented musicians, and a graduate of the Elder Conservatorium, where he majored in jazz performance and Indian classical music. In 2000, Page studied and performed with world renowned Indian musician, sitarist Dr. Chandracant Sardeshmukh and then worked as a cabaret orchestra musician on a cruise ship for 3 ½ years before returning to Adelaide in 2006. Since his return to the Adelaide music scene, Page has performed extensively with local acts Kubrick and The Mike Stewart Big Band. However, Page’s solo work is also extensive and has been rapturously applauded. Recently, Page performed at the Wellington Fringe Festival and, in 2008, had a slot – of 24 shows! at the Edinburgh Fringe which was recorded and broadcast by BBC radio. Earlier this year, Page also performed at the Big Day Out.


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“On a journey, blindly climbing through layers of sound and vibration. Grandma ventures to unlock parts of her mind that react and mould and fuse. The collision of energy creates a delusional euphoria that opens doorways to nothing or everything or anything.” I really don’t know how to describe the music of Delusions of Grandma. It’s brilliant - and completely insane! An eclectic (and eccentric!) mix of styles including experimental jazz, progressive rock…and tightly-knit improvisation (yes, I realise that those two concepts are paradoxical). For anyone interested, you can download their EP for free from MySpace.

Erin & Daniel

at the cafés ~ get the lowdown on Adelaide’s coffee hotspots ~


hink architecture student, and perhaps you picture a reclusive, malnourished and sleep-deprived obsessive compulsive who smells of spray paint and vaguely resembles Mark Latham (losing hair and borderline alcoholic). Which is absolutely true of course. Design students are at uni working on their projects through all hours of the day – and night –most days of the week. Which is why Erin and Daniel decided it was time to undertake a comprehensive study of Adelaide’s coffee hotspots. After all, coffee is what keeps these two going throughout the night. Together they toured the streets of Adelaide (without venturing too far from uni of course) to bring you their view of the best local cafe, and where to get that perfect cup of coffee.

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Not Coffee

King William Rd, CBD I wonder if anyone could come up with a more obscure and instantly forgettable name for a cafe than Saldechin? Thankfully the experience we had here was not so forgettable. In fact, it was excellent. The Saldechin cappuccino I ordered was outstanding: strong, bitter (Lavazza), with a nice crema and good froth. Best of all, it didn’t come overly diluted with milk. Erin’s soy latte was delivered to the table hot, and with perfect quantities of coffee, milk and foam. However, she confesses that any taste of coffee that may have once existed had been completely overpowered by the exceedingly nutty flavour of the soy milk. Service was particularly good, the kind you’d expect in a swanky restaurant. Which leads me to my only real criticism of this place: what is it? An upmarket restaurant, a teahouse, a bar, a Chinese yum cha cafe with tapas and

Rundle St It’s hard to miss Not Coffee with its quirky yellow and magenta fitout, ever-changing artwork and comfy lounge chairs along the front. I can’t help but feel upbeat whenever I’m inside this delightful little space, with its cool music and colourful crowd. Trust me, this is one funky place. Which is why it is such a shame the coffee is so average. I say average because you never know what you’re going to get; a cup of hot milk would probably have tasted better than the first cappuccino I ordered, however the next day (yes, there was a next day) I received a well structured coffee a hundred times better than my previous experience. The

happy hour martinis every Friday night? Even the architecture confuses me. It’s ‘art deco’ (as Erin enthusiastically points out), with marble walls, high ceilings, lots of natural light and plush furniture. But there’s a small shop built into the cafe space selling things like ceramic bunny rabbits (which, can I just point out, not even my demented great grandmother would buy), and there’s imported Thai cabinets and Buddha statues everywhere! Weird. So I’m not really sure what Saldechin is, exactly. It tries to be many things but doesn’t really pull any of them off. However, the quiet intimacy of the place, the plush settees, the service - and most importantly the coffee - is all great. I’ll certainly be back.

service here can also be pretty inconsistent; in fact, there have been occasions where I swear the waitresses were grouchier than my menopausal mother (fortunately she doesn’t work in customer service). On the other hand there have been times I have never felt more welcome. Ultimately, this place oozes potential. So while the overall experience may be a little hit and miss, we say come here for lunch with your friends, hang out on the couches and enjoy the vibe. But maybe order soft drink, not coffee. D:  ½

E: 

Un Caffé D: 

E:  ½

puccino and a A rather scrumptious cap e at Saldechin particularly nutty soy latt


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King William Rd, CBD What can I say? This place looks amazing, even their milk crates match the interior fit out and I’d like more than anything to steal those black armchairs and put them to better use. However, that’s about all the praise I can give Un Caffé Bar on King William. The soy latte I ordered was delivered with an apology that it may not be very hot. I’m not exactly sure why they decided not to heat the milk, perhaps they were confident that their dazzling interior would make me confuse the coffee for something actually worth drinking. It wasn’t. The latte had a thin foam and that not-sodelightful nutty soy taste - which admittedly didn’t overpower the coffee flavour, but was still the dominant taste of this lukewarm beverage. Like the atmosphere, Un Caffé lacks soul. A big disappointment. D:  ½

E:  ½

Billy Baxters Myer Centre Erin and I decided it was necessary to sample a wide range of cafes around town before we came to any conclusion about which we would crown best in Adelaide. So here I am, in Billy Baxters. I don’t have very high expectations; after all, this is an empty cafe on level one of the Myer Centre. The waiters seem slow and confused, the decor tattered and grubby, and there are dirty tables everywhere. When my cappuccino finally arrives, I find myself wondering whether I actually want to consume it. The short answer is no. The long answer is hell no. I will not be spending my money here again. D: ½

Cibo Rundle St I’d be lying if I said this was my first visit here; that was in 2001 on an excursion for Italian. The fact of the matter is, if I’m at work, uni or just out with friends- I’ll come here for my coffee. It may be a longer walk, but it’s worth it - not only do they make excellent coffee, but Cibo is one of the only places you can get a first-rate soy latte. I could say it’s the coffee they use, or the soy milk, or the talents of the staff- but when it comes down to it I think it’s a combination of all three. The coffee I had from here was strong, with good creamy soy milk that foams so well I can stand a straw up in it. It was, for lack of better words, coffee joy. The place itself may be frightfully busy at times, but whether its outside, upstairs or in the recently expanded downstairs area, there’s always somewhere to sit comfortably and actually enjoy your coffee. D: 

E: 

Felici Rundle St Felici means ‘happiness’ in Italian, which is a big name for such a small cafe. Formerly an Un Caffe bar, the space resembles its predecessor minus the blaring red signage. With high, dark ceilings and a rather narrow floor area, the cafe feels quite cluttered with bar stools and bench space. But this is half its appeal – a contemporary but cosy cafe without fuss. My mocha was excellent, made with good strong Di Bella coffee, although it had better be good for $4. I didn’t have to wait long for it either. The staff here seemed genuinely cheerful too, the background music upbeat, and the food looked killer. Good killer, that is. On a minus, the space is pretty much devoid of colour and comes across as somewhat serious and sterile, which contradicts its brand name a little. Regardless of this minor criticism, Felici certainly brought some joy to our morning. D:  ½

E: 

The coffee available on campus has certain advantages over anywhere else. One being that they are actually on the campus and therefore readily accessible; the other being that they are ridiculously cheap. I elected to have my Soy latte fair trade- but that warm feeling of doing good by purchasing goods at a higher price did nothing for the coffee. Don’t get me wrong- the coffee was still less than I would pay for somewhere else- it just seemed somewhat inexpertly put together. The milk was thin, there was no real foam and all I could really taste was the milk. Points for effort, and for having fair trade coffee on offer. D: 

E: 

there’s a distinctly primal feeling you get when you’ve beaten someone to a table and chair here... it’s no wonder anyone with a seat looks so delighted with themselves

Soaking up the

cool vib e at

(image courtesy of Not Coffee w ebsite)

Not Co ffee

milk, it was watery, severely nutty and I could not taste the coffee at all. My short black on the other hand was wonderful, a tiny cup of proper, strong, bitter coffee-joy. Daniel’s cappuccino was good and strong, perfectly tempered, with a lovely crema and a delicious bitterness. But admittedly the overall experience was a bit of a disappointment. We’ve both had better coffees, much better service, and, truthfully, we enjoy sitting down too. Perhaps Lucias has become just a little bit of a victim of its own success. D: 

E: 

Café 227


Art Gallery Cafe

North Tce (opposite uni) I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting from 227, but for $4.20 for a small soy latte, I was expecting something along the lines of ‘more than what I got’. This cafe is directly opposite the uni, and therefore convenient in my books. It has an interesting light and airy fit out which still manages to look like the Un Caffé Bar that was here before. My soy latte had a nutty taste with coffee undertones, a thin watery milk, and came out lukewarm. I’m glad I was able to

Central Markets It’s quite a trek from the North Terrace campus, sure, but Lucia’s is an Adelaide icon you just can’t pass up. They’ve been around for years, something for which their decor can certainly attest to, and there has to be a reason why. Part of the experience of getting a coffee here is the atmosphere- there’s a distinctly primal feeling you get when you’ve beaten someone to a table and chair here on a Friday or Saturday; and mixed with the vibe

Just off Hughes Plaza We very nearly managed to forget about reviewing this place altogether. I’m not sure why, I mean this little coffee spot is right on our doorstep. In fact, it’s probably closer to my lecture theatres than Rumors or Mayo. Popular with lecturers (so we hear), the art gallery café is a rather small and uninspiring space. I don’t know what else to say; there is just nothing remarkable about it. Half the space serves as an upmarket lunchtime restaurant, smooshed

slightly taste coffee in the beverage they sold to me, but it wasn’t enough to blow me away.

of the Central Markets, it’s no wonder anyone with a seat looks so delighted with themselves. Which was half the problem; no matter how E:  ½ hard we tried we couldn’t get a seat. Daniel Rumours Café even found himself asking an eight-month On campus, duh pregnant mother-of-four if “she was using that chair”. Whatever it takes, he told himself. affé So we gave up and got takeaway C n U t ile a rce a sm coffee. Which wasn’t bad actually, fo o t t s e es her b although we had to wait what Erin do seemed like an eternity for it. To be fair, as I ordered I saw a carton of Vitasoy, cringed, and ordered a short black in addition to my latte. I’m glad I did. Whilst they managed to get some froth in my

amongst rather conventional café tables. It’s a little bit odd. However, I came here to order (yet another) cappuccino and certainly did not leave disappointed. This place uses Vittoria beans, and they serve a structured, wellbalanced cappuccino. Oh, and if bitter is your thing, you’ll love the coffee here. Although, for $3.50 a pop, this was actually the priciest coffee I bought for this article. While the art gallery café is a bit pretentious (it does take itself very seriously), the well-crafted coffee it serves and its proximity to uni are two qualities which make it a convenient alternative to, say, Rumours. D: ½ Which cafes do you rate? Send us your opinion in a nice email (or an abusive one, I guess) to: The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


short stories

a panther swallowing a rainbow. words by vivienne milk

i like to put vintage cheddar in my sandwiches. i feel it gives me an edge. you don’t eat cheese because you believe that you are lactose intolerant. you are not, what you are: is difficult. i lace up your roller skates for you, whilst you eat a yoghurt. at the party, you are the only one in roller skates. this makes you embarrassed. you hide in the cupboard where the ironing board lives. you refuse to come out, even when i tell you that you are beautiful atop a set of wheels. you eventually come out when i inform you that in the kitchen, there is a girl in a duck outfit, vomiting. watching an oversized duck unload its stomach onto the floor cheers you up immensely. you tip the box forward and pour yourself a mug of wine. i don’t get myself a drink, instead i fill a plastic cup with sourly creamed chips. a man comes over and pulls his shirt down until we can see his tattoo. it is a tattoo of a panther swallowing a rainbow. he asks if we are impressed. i shake my head forcibly. so much so that chips start to fall from my cup. you tell the man that you are impressed even


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though i can tell that you are not. you are not easily impressed. i know this because last year i took you to cirque du soleil and you fell asleep. i did not wake you and tell you off, tell you off for wasting my money. instead i let you sleep. my insides knew that falling asleep in public with your face nestled in a bucket of fairy floss was punishment enough. you skate around the vomit and refill your mug. you take my cup from my hand and reach for the chip packet. i tell you that i am done with chips. you ask me if i have contracted the lactose intolerance. i have not. you are not very good at drinking whilst skating. i come to this conclusion after you fall down and blanket yourself with boxed wine. your lip quivers and your eyes start to get all shiny. i tell you that your hair looks good. good and poofey. this does not prevent you from crying.

short stories

naturally. by vivienne milk. a small girl chews the button of her cardigan. the noise so annoying that it makes the sound of a smoke alarm seem like relaxation music. vincent debates whether he should move. he would prefer to stay at his current table, with the small children who have deplorable painting skills. he likes to sit amongst the agely challenged at the plaster fun house because it makes him feel like a talented artist. today however, the sound of button chewing is drastically compromising the quality of his triceratops. vincent looks over at steph. she is sitting by herself, facing the wall. from this angle, vincent cannot determine whether his triceratops is better than her unicorn. he imagines that it is. in vincent’s opinion, stephanie has less artistic ability than a dead moth. once the chewing starts to drastically infringe on the brilliance of his triceratops, vincent moves tables. sitting next to steph, vincent realizes that he needs to significantly lift his game if he is to maintain his title of the plaster master. as she paints, steph sings. mid verse, steph pauses to ask her friend if he thinks that her singing ability is incredibly awesome. vincent informs her that linking herself with awesomeness is oxymoronic. steph responds by telling vincent that his whole face is oxymoronic. she then cements her statement by flicking paint into his glasses. unsure of how to react, vincent continues to paint.

he wants the shaker more than morrissey wants to be a pompous, yet brilliant, asshole. he then advises steph to avoid using the term ‘the slammer’ because it makes her sound like a pensioner. impressed with his morrissey analogy, steph assists with the theft, concealing the shaker in her handbag. vincent touches his triceratops’ eyeball to see if it has dried. finger now black, he realizes that more drying is needed. steph tries to pass the time with a friendly game of ‘which would you rather’. the game stops when the two are slightly disturbed that vincent would rather continuously lick the underside of a mouse than watch an episode of a current affair. outside the fun house with triceratops and unicorn in hand, vincent and steph contemplate ways to fill the remainder of their day. as the triceratops occupies both of his hands, vincent attempts to open the car door with his shin. the attempt fails. not only does vincent’s shin fail to open the door, the shin lifting also causes vincent to drop his three horned masterpiece. both he and steph stare at the trisected triceratops and concur that the poor dinosaur is beyond repair. vincent’s glasses begin to fog. horrified by the possibility that she might witness male tears, steph takes her friend’s hand and the pair lay down on the footpath. steph clears her throat and closes her eyes. clasping vincent’s hand tightly, steph does her best rendition of ‘real love’. the regina spektor version, naturally.

the two have now finished their plastered animals. vincent asks steph if she would like to play ‘heads down, thumbs up’ whilst they wait for the paint to dry. although she is certain that ‘heads down, thumbs up’ is a game that requires at least three players, steph prepares her digits for round one. after three rounds, steph is winning three to nothing. vincent grows tired of the game and contemplates stealing a shaker of glitter. steph asks him if the stealing is really worth the possibility of being caught and arrested and thrown in the slammer. vincent explains that The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


Popular Penguins


’ve got so many expensive textbooks to buy at the moment, so I can’t afford my usual number of books... or can I? As most book worms would know, Penguin released its Popular Penguin series of books a while ago, but guess what? 50 more have just been released in to circulation so you can still afford that new book when you’re buying those expensive text books at the start of this semester! The idea for the publishing house Penguin came about when in 1935, Allen Lane, the director of Bodley Head was waiting at a train station after visiting Agatha Christie and he wanted something to read when travelling back to London. However, his search was futile, as in the 1930s books were extremely expensive and only available at reputable bookstores. He was 30

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words by alicia moraw

appalled that his only choices were magazines or trashy novels. So he decided that everyone should have a chance to own decent literature at the affordable price of a sixpence. This was a big success, with the books ranging from fiction to biography. They were colour coded to make it easier for the public, with orange for fiction, blue for biography and green for crime. So to celebrate it’s success, Penguin decided to release some of its most popular books in an affordable and attractive format. The following are 10 of the most popular latest releases this month (synopsises taken from the books).

Junky - William S Burroughs ‘Junk is not, like alcohol or weed, a means to increased enjoyment in life. Junk is not a kick. It is a way of life.’ Burrough’s cult classic is a raw, semi-autobiographical account of drug addiction, which outraged America and influenced generations of writers to come. He relates with unflinching realism the highs and lows of dependency: euphoria, hallucinations, ghostly nocturnal wanderings and strange sexual encounters. Junky is a dark, powerful and mesmerizing account of one man’s challenge to turn selfdestruction into art. Hell’s Angels - Hunter S Thompson The Hell’s Angels erupted into 1960s America, paralysing whole towns with fear. Determined to discover the truth behind the terrifying reputation of these marauding biker gangs, Hunter S. Thompson

literature section spent a year on the road with the Angels, documenting his hair-raising experiences with Charger Charley, Big Frank, Little Jesus and The Gimp. Hell’s Angels was the result: a masterpiece of underground reportage whose free-wheeling, impressionistic style created the legend of Gonzo journalism, and made Thompson’s name as the wild man of American writing. Wuthering Bronte




In a house haunted by memories, the past is everywhere . . . As darkness falls, a man caught in a snowstorm is forced to shelter at the strange, grim house Wuthering Heights. It is a place he will never forget. There he will come to learn the story of Cathy: how she was forced to choose between her well-meaning husband and the dangerous man she had loved since she was young. How her choice led to betrayal and terrible revenge – and continues to torment those in the present. The Art of War - Sun Tzu Offering ancient wisdom on how to use skill, cunning, tactics and discipline to outwit your opponent, this bestselling 2000-year-old military manual is still worshipped by soldiers on the battlefield and managers in the boardroom as the ultimate guide to winning. Dracula - Bram Stoker Count Dracula’s castle is a hellish world where night is day, pleasure is pain and the blood of the innocent prized above all. Young Jonathan Harker approaches the gloomy gates with no idea what he is about to face . . . And back in England eerie incidents are unfolding as strange puncture marks appear on a young woman’s neck . . . But can Harker’s fiancé be saved? And where is the evil Dracula?

And the Ass Saw the Angel Nick Cave

Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

Outcast and mute, Euchrid Eucrow of Ukulore inhabits a nightmarish Southern valley of preachers, incest and ignorance. When the Godfearing folk of the town declare a foundling child to be chosen by the Almighty, Euchrid is disturbed. He sees her very differently, and his conviction, and increasing isolation and insanity, may have terrible consequences for them both . . .

Charles Ryder, a lonely student at Oxford, is captivated by the outrageous and decadent Sebastian Flyte. Invited to Brideshead, Sebastian’s magnificent family home, Charles welcomes the attentions of its eccentric, aristocratic inhabitants, gradually becoming infatuated with them and the life of privilege they inhabit – in particular, with Sebastian’s remote sister, Julia. But he gradually comes to recognize his spiritual and social distance from them, eventually discovering a world where duty and desire, faith and happiness are in conflict.

Compelling and astonishing, Nick Cave’s acclaimed first novel is a fantastic journey into a world of Gothic tragedy. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole Meet Ignatius J. Reilly: flatulent, eloquent and pretty much unemployable . . . The ordinary folk of New Orleans seem to think he is unhinged as well. Ignatius ignores them as he heaves his vast bulk through the city’s fleshpots in a noble crusade against vice, modernity and ignorance. But his momma has a nasty surprise in store for him. Ignatius must get a job. Undaunted, he uses his newfound employment to further his mission – and now he has a pirate costume and a hot-dog cart to do it with . . . The  Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Cat’s Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut Dr Felix Hoenikker, has left a deadly legacy to humanity. He is the inventor of ice-nine, a lethal chemical capable of freezing the entire planet. Writer Jonah’s search for its whereabouts leads him to Hoenikker’s three eccentric children, to an island republic in the Caribbean where the religion of Bokononism is practised, to love and to insanity. Told with deadpan humour and bitter irony, Kurt Vonnegut’s cult tale of global destruction is a funny and frightening satire on the end of the world and the madness of mankind. For more information and to read excerpts from all of these books, go to http://www.popularpenguins.

Out of his smoke-filled rooms in Baker Street stalks a figure to cause the criminal classes to quake in their boots and rush from their dens of iniquity . . . The twelve mysteries gathered in this first collection of Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson’s adventures reveal the brilliant consulting detective at the height of his powers. Problems involving a man with a twisted lip, a fabulous blue carbuncle and five orange pips tax Sherlock Holmes’s intellect alongside some of his most famous cases. The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


e e i nc


with Anna


Great & Small


ou might think you know about the freaky diseases that are around. You might have heard about the man whose immune system couldn’t defend him from the simple wart virus, leaving him with bizarre growths like tree roots covering his body. Then there’s elephantiasis, caused by tiny parasitic worms that burrow into your skin and cause massive swelling of the infected tissue. Or, if you were unlucky enough to live in an inbred community in Kentucky in the 1800s, you might have been born with blue skin, due to a particular recessive gene being brought out after lots of cousin-sexing. Ew. As a reasonably well-informed biology nut I thought I had a pretty good grasp of things. I’d seen photos on lecture slides of oozing genitalia (thanks, Microbiology) and a particularly unfortunate case of elephantiasis in the scrotum. I’d read articles from Nature to Wikipedia about all sorts of illnesses. But recently, I came across something I hadn’t heard of before, and ironically, it’s a bit hard to miss. Gigantism is just what it sounds like: growing really fucking huge. Growth usually continues throughout the person’s life. It’s caused by an overactive pituitary gland, leading to overproduction of growth hormones. 32

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People can be born with it or it can be acquired, usually after some injury. It might look like the normal dimensions of a person are just scaled up, but many of the body’s systems that work together to allow normal functioning aren’t affected by the extra growth hormones, while the body is. This can lead to many problems, most notably with the muscles and the skeletal system – many people with gigantism lose their ability to walk or even stand up straight – and the circulatory system, and often early death. Robert Wadlow, the tallest man ever to have lived, was 2.7 metres tall and still growing when he died at just 22, in 1940 (he had to buried in a solid concrete vault to protect his body from grave robbers). The tallest woman on record was Trijntje Keever, who lived in the Netherlands in the 1600s. She died at 17 and was 2.5 metres tall. Gigantism has been (reliably) recorded as early as the 15th century and had almost certainly occurred long before. While some giants could find employment as bodyguards, many ended up as acts in sideshows. Nowadays it’s not so different – a few giants are pro wrestlers and, of course, some are snapped up by basketball teams. Several have gone into acting, with various degrees of exploitation (excellent yet trashy 1950s films with giant lumbering cavemen = PC fail). Now if you’ll excuse me I have to run off to find me some therapy, I’ve seen some freaky shit in writing this. kthxbai.


by /mr_metaphor. Q

“One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art” Oscar Wilde

uentin Crisp once said that “Fashion I’d strut into opis what you adopt when you don’t shops and waddle know who you are”. He said it, I’ve just out with armfuls of suit written it, and there was a time when I jackets, having never lived that way. Finishing high school, at even tried them on nor once free from the social fishbowl and checked whether their buttons were without an everyday uniform, I dropped on the gentleman’s side of the seam. In off the deep end of the clothesline. retrospect, the joy of these flea market Struck by a revolutionary revelation, treks may have simply been due to my I dressed for shock tactics. Clashing ability to afford an entirely new outfit patterns. Giant hats. Double-deckered- every weekend, no matter what it looked denim with extra cheese. A cane. A cane like. AND a yo-yo. I wanted to stand One such favourite was a pair out. I wanted heads to turn so fast they cracked. I of gingham pants that I “Fashion is adored so much I ignored wanted to be talked what one wears about, not caring what the fact that they had to was said. be clamped up with a oneself. What is clothes peg. (If you don’t unfashionable is what It was Oscar Wilde know what gingham is, other people wear.” think ‘country bumpkin who declared “One should either be a work tablecloth’.) I would Oscar Wilde of art, or wear a work of couple this billowing circus tent with a ‘Free Love’ t-shirt art”. Caring not for ‘either’ and ‘or’, I made a conscious (and and a raspberry beret. When my in my mind, conscientious) effort to be mum told me that she refused to drive me both. I could become a work of art by to the movies until I changed, I climbed wearing one. Or several. Passersby out of my window and strolled myself up whispered, snickered to their friends, Sturt Road, feeling like a king. I was high and shielded their babies’ eyes. With on the smell of my own martyrdom, but every tsk-tsk that I overheard, my stride when I got to Marion on my own, I felt grew longer, my chin tilted higher. For like an exhibit, not an artist. People were I had convinced myself that in stirring looking at me, but with closed minds. the point, I was creating controversy, generating discussion… bringing art to the hoi polloi.

Who could blame them, I looked ridiculous. I wasn’t generating discussion or debate at all. People saw me and switch off.

Again with the Oscar Wilde, “Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.”, I told myself that I was dressing myself for myself. Of course, this goes against the whole idea of fashion. If we really didn’t care what other people thought of what we wore, we’d all go about naked. Or worse, in identical IngSoc jumpsuits that were all about practical function, not aesthetic form. And herein lies the crunch, the difference between art and fashion. While both may be about both selfexpression and generating intrigue in others… for fashion, the latter is more important. Artists are often recognised as being ahead of their time, but very few have been labelled a fashion icon posthumously. To quote Mr Wilde one more time, “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” Thankfully, my own trip down the wardrobe’d rabbit hole lasted only this long. If you’re going to have a revolution, you have to carry your audience with you. If you’re going to push the envelope, you have to make sure someone else is there willing to open it.

“Fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are” Quentin Crisp

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Coco to Karl; a who’s who in the weird world of fashion by Kate Bird and El Lopez

Coco Chanel

From her first millinery shop, opened in 1912, to the 1920s, Gabrielle ‘Coco’ Chanel rose to become one of the premier fashion designers in Paris, France. Replacing the corset with comfort and casual elegance, her fashion themes included simple suits and dresses, women’s trousers, costume jewellery, perfume and textiles.

She adopted the name ‘Coco’ during a brief career as a cafe and concert singer 1905-1908. Mistress to a wealthy military officer, then to an English industrialist, Chanel drew on the resources of these patrons in setting up a millinery shop in Paris in 1910, later expanding to Deauville and Biarritz. By the 1920s, her fashion house had expanded considerably. Her relaxed fashions, short skirts, and casual look were in sharp contrast to the corset fashions popular in the previous decades. Chanel herself dressed in masculine clothing, and adapted these more comfortable fashions which other women also found liberating. In 1922 Chanel introduced Chanel No. 5, which quickly became popular and is easily the most famous, well-known perfume today.

Chanel introduced her signature ‘little black dress’ in 1926; an article of clothing that no modern woman should live without. Most of her fashions had a look that never goes out of style. They did not change much from year to year or even generation to generation. Chanel was still working in 1971 when she died and Karl Lagerfeld has been chief designer of Chanel’s fashion house since 1983.

Karl Lagerfield

Want more? Coco avant Chanel is a new biographical film about the legendary Chanel, so go see it!

The most famous fashion designer in the world, Karl Lagerfeld, is a multi-talented artist. Not only does he oversee the Chanel and Fendi design brands, he also owns the Paris 7L bookshop, runs his own publishing imprint, and works as a fashion photographer. It is even said that he performed as a DJ in Grand Theft Auto IV. Lagerfeld’s label, ‘Karl Lagerfeld’, started up in 1998 under the name Lagerfeld Gallery and sold to Tommy Hilfiger in 2005. Lagerfeld favours dramatic black and white tailored looks, from masculine military jackets shown with flat boots to fitted jackets and vests worn with skinny pants. Lagerfeld’s designs mirror his signature look, but lack’s the detail of his white pony-tailed mane, ever-present black sunglasses, and fingerless black gloves. As an avid photographer, Lagerfeld often shoots his own press photos, and is sometimes called “Kaiser Karl” by the press. He is a uniquely confident man and speaks German, French, English, and Italian. If you want to know more about this elusive fashion icon, he has a biographical film called Lagerfeld Confidential, directed by Rodolphe Marconi. You can also find the latest news at his official website:


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Valentin Yudashkin

Valentin Yudashkin is Russia’s top fashion designer. His clothing is displayed in the Louvre Museum of Clothes in Paris, the California Museum of Fashion in Los Angeles, the Metropolitan Museum in New York, the State Historical Museum in Moscow, and in other museums all around the world. As the only ever Russian designer to be honoured with membership to the Syndicate of High Fashion in Paris, Valentin Yudashkin has created more than forty collections since 1987. Today his clothing collection comprise of both haute couture and prêt-a-porter, accessories, jewellery, porcelain products and sunglasses. Yudashkin was invited to design the Russian team uniforms for the Atlanta Olympic Games and even the new military uniforms for Russia. According to the St. Petersburg Times, the Defence Ministry is phasing out portyanki, the footcloths that Russian soldiers have used to wrap their feet since the days of Peter the Great, and replacing them with socks. Officials are also replacing sapogi, or traditional Russian army boots, with lace-up boots similar to those worn in the United States’ army. Former Russian President, Vladimir Putin, who attended the unveiling of the new military uniforms, did not make any public remarks, but according to Yudashkin, approved of the new uniforms and made no criticisms. Valentin Yudashkin’s ‘House of Fashion’ has been running since 1988. Yudashkin’s ‘House of Fashion’ and the Russian High Fashion Association actively contribute to the development of the fashion industry in Russia and provide the opportunity for Russian designers to showcase their collections to a wide audience. The ‘House of Fashion’ currently takes interns and plans to open Russia’s first Fashion Academy. The teachers at this academy will include known designers, stylists and international specialists from the fashion industry. Over the next few years the ‘House of Fashion’ also plans to open up the first museum of costumes in Russia, presenting high fashion styles. Yudashkin’s autumn – winter 2008-09 evening dresses take on a ‘New Gothic’ look with elegant blacks in layers of different fabrics, such as wool, fur, cashmere, silk and chiffon. Yudashkin’s secret? He associates the image of the Russian woman with that of a flying bird.

Gareth Pugh

Beloved by Vogue editor Anna Wintour and a darling of the fashion elite, 28 year-old British Gareth Pugh has risen to international prominence over the last few years with aesthetically baffling creations which blur the lines between high art and high fashion. Pugh uses metals, foam, Perspex, PVC, steel, balloons and electrically charged plastics in his bizarre creations, he describes as ‘sculptural experiments’ rather than catwalk fashion. Well known for his use of inflatables, painted models, latex masks and extravagant head dresses, his futuristic, fantastical designs are dark, decadent, frightening and totally bizarre. Pugh and his designs have become favourites of Kylie Minogue and Lady Gaga and superstar fashionistas like Kate Moss, Chloe Sevigny and new wave queen Vivienne Westwood. Beginning his career as a theater costume designer in his early teens, Pugh eventually relocated from his UK home in Sunderland and completed a degree in Fashion Design at Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design in London, graduating in 2003. His final collection at St. Martins attracted that attention of the senior fashion editor of Dazed & Confused magazine, who subsequently used his designs on the magazine’s cover. After debuting with a show in East-End London’s Alternative Fashion Week Pugh was invited to participate in the Autumn 2005 group show; with only four weeks, no studio, no assistants, and a super tight budget, his collection (which featured his now signature use of balloons to accentuate models’ joints and limbs) became a critical success and brought him widespread attention from across the UK. His first solo show at London Fashion week in Spring 2006 gained international success and coverage and his cutting edge, divisive and outrageously eccentric designs saw him gain a global status as one of fashion’s newest rising stars. Now based in Paris, his most recent showings at this year’s London Fashion week were a huge hit, with critics describing his work; which featured gargantuan breast plates, reptilian scales, quilted shields and latex petals; as “undeniable genius” and drawing comparisons to Gaultier, Klaus Nomi, Alexander McQueen and current Chanel mastermind Karl Lagerfeld. Despite achieving international fame and recognition Pugh has so far found difficulty achieving the same level of commercial success – not surprising considering the physical nightmares that are his fashion concoctions and was reduced to squatting in a warehouse while designing his 2005 collection. However, with his long awaited ready-to-wear line released of his last month, and current rumours that he is set to replace Kris Van Assche as chief designer of Christian Dior’s menswear line, Dior Homme, commercial success can’t be too far off for Pugh and his fabulously creepy designs. The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


Sexual Fluidity: The Gen Y Mullet? by Lara Francis


fter lingering too long on Channel Ten on a Sunday night after, ‘So You Think You Can Flash Your Knickers,’ I stumbled upon an interview between Rove McManus and MTV reporter Ruby Rose. In listening to the interview Ms Rose referenced her predilection for the female form at least ten times during the two minute interview. I couldn’t help but notice her announcing her sexuality like it was a new designer must have bag- “ oh yeah, I like totally have the new Saatchi bi-bag Rove, I really like its unisex grey colour. Did I mention I like girl on girl action, coz I’m totally a lesbian.” I wasn’t surprised by the superficiality of the interview or her blatant use of sexuality to lure in unsuspecting males and insecure females - but I was surprised by my own reaction. I suddenly found myself yelling at the TV without thought or reason; “okay we get it you’re a lesbian!” Only to be met with whimsical stars from my flatmate and her overweight cat. As I excused myself from the lounge room, I was left to ponder why I reacted so strongly at this seemingly harmless interview. Was it that I had a problem with her sexual preference? Could I a closet homophobe? Then I realised….it annoyed me because she was using it to be trendy. Could it be that homosexuality and sexual fluidity are the new trends of our generation? Obviously there’s nothing new about same sex couples or gender exploration- but have we arrived at a moment in popular culture when it’s not just accepted by society but now also fashionable? 36

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uby Rose is just one example of an influx in gay celebrities not just living but openly endorsing the lifestyle like a Pepsi sponsorship. In the past few years, Sex and the City’s, Cynthia Nixon left a boyfriend after a decade and a half and started dating a woman and talking openly about it to who ever would listen. Party gal/Actress, Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson have flaunted their relationship from New York to Dubai and Katy Perry’s song, “I Kissed a Girl” has topped the charts. The L Word and Top Chef are featuring gay women on TV, and there’s talk of a lesbian reality show in the works. Even Oprah has ‘weighed’ in on the debate claiming an apparent trend of lesbianism. More than that, it has come to my attention that our generation is moving the black and white gay or straight barricades and blurring no mans land with complete sexual fluidity. And there’s a plethora of scientific nut jobs willing to back up my completely unfounded theory. Psych Professor, Lisa Diamonds tested it out by subjecting a group of females to different types of pornography to examine their responses. She found that both straight and gay women involved in the experiment were attracted to the person, and not the gender. Binnie Klein, an American based psychotherapist and lecturer in Yale’s department of psychiatry also adds credibility to the debate claiming alternative relationships are on the rise.


t’s clear that a change in sexual orientation is imaginable to more people than ever before, and there’s more opportunity, and acceptance, to cross over the line. Today the very definition of gender roles is being changed on a daily basis and in some cases completely obliterated. And as with sexual desire, the idea of fluidity is gaining currency, as seen in the ever-expanding vocabulary: transgender, transsexual, transvestite, heteroflexible, intersex and so on. Many who embrace sexual fluidity are also adopting the term, ‘gender queer’ with pride. But as passionate as they are, those who live by their newly won gender freedom still find themselves at odds with the prevailing culture - proving we don’t really accept the notion. For this reason, I feel the trend of sexual fluidity is just that, a trend not yet seeping into the soul of our society. It is at the moment a superficial struggle as although we do love our attractive sexual explorers such as Ruby Rose, we still fail to see pictures of Rosy O’Donnell sprawled across No Idea magazine with her latest squeeze. Needless to say, many ‘accepted’ parts of our society where at one time unacceptable and controversial and perhaps making it ‘cool’ is one way to get people to accept those with legitimate claims. One can only hope that the sexually fluid trailblazers of our generation are doing it for the right reasons and not just because they think it looks and sounds cool.

Lauren Lovett y b w e i v e R Op Shop

Store: Salvos Location: Beach Road, Christies Beach Hand knitted mittens. Check. Male birthday cards featuring manly items like horses and inkwells. Check. Volunteers with speech impediments and attitude. Check. Under priced roller skates and headphones. Check. That’s right children, this Salvos ticks all the right boxes. Now I’ll be clear, I’m talking about the Salvos near the beach, next door to the angry butcher who doesn’t like you parking in front of his meaty window. There is another Salvos but that one’s near the Noarlunga train station. Yes, the angry butcher Salvos is worth a visit. This store is pretty good with its product turnover. You’ll always find something new – even if you visit twice a week. The store does however, have issues with pricing. No need to panic, it’s not that big of a deal. Reason being: whilst this store will try to sell a soiled lounge for thirty dollars, it will also sell a set of vintage canisters or a sixties airline bag for under five dollars. Even if you don’t find anything, the store’s employees will entertain you. Last week the lady at the counter was talking into her coffee mug (instead of the store’s intercom) asking the instant coffee granules for service support. Oh and some advice: be alert when perusing this Salvo’s, this morning I had to dodge a plastic Hamburgular toy that was hurled at my face by a small child.

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Monday 31 August until Friday 4 September 2009


Open at 9.00am on Monday 10 August 2009 Close at 4.00pm on Friday 14 August 2009

POSITIONS AVAILABLE FOR ELECTION: GENERAL MEMBER OF THE AUU BOARD (18 positions) - the AUU Board is the governing body of the AUU and is responsible for managing its affairs. The AUU provides funding for activities, events and services on campus, as well as providing support and assistance to affiliated student organisations. The Board meets monthly and has various sub-committees in which Board members are expected to participate. NB: In the event that proposed amendments to the AUU Constitution are accepted via a Referendum preceding the student elections, then only 16 positions will be elected for the AUU Board and the term of the Board will be 1 December 2009 to 30 November 2010. NUS DELEGATE (6 positions) - the National Union of Students is the body that is charged with the responsibility of representing student interests. Delegates will be invited to attend State and National conferences of NUS and are expected to contribute to the development of policy and action at a State and National level. ON DIT EDITOR (1 position, however up to three students may nominate to be joint editors) - responsible for the publication of the AUU’s student newspaper which is published during academic term-time. It is highly desirable that the successful candidate(s) have some knowledge of print media (if you are considering nominating, please find out what is involved). STUDENT RADIO DIRECTOR (1 position, however up to two students may nominate to be joint editors) - responsible for the coordination of the Student Radio programs on Radio Adelaide and the coordination and training of students involved in producing programs. It is highly desirable that the successful candidate(s) have knowledge of producing radio programs (if you are considering nominating, please find out what is involved). TO NOMINATE AS A CANDIDATE: 1.

Only students currently enrolled at the University of Adelaide who are financial members of the AUU may nominate. Members must be over the age of 18 years, able to hold a liquor licence and be legally able to hold the position of a director of an incorporated association.


Nomination forms are available from the opening date of nominations and can be downloaded from or collected from the AUU Reception – Level 4, Union House (between 9.00am and 5.00pm weekdays).


Completed nomination forms must be lodged at AUU Reception, Level 4, Union House (between 9.00am and 5.00pm weekdays) or via Registered Mail addressed to: The Returning Officer, Adelaide University Union, University of Adelaide, 5005, by the close of nominations.


A policy statement and photograph can be submitted if desired with the nomination form as follows:


Policy statements must not exceed 200 words and will be cut at that limit.

Electronic versions of the policy statement and photograph should be provided via USB or CD.

Policy statements will be accepted in Microsoft Word or Plain Text with digital photos accepted in JPEG or TIFF format, with a minimum 300dpi (for clarity).

If you are unable to submit your policy statement or photograph as above, please contact the Returning Officer to arrange an alternative method of submission.

All candidates will be required to attend an information session, to be held before the elections, outlining the responsibilities of an AUU director and the structure of the organisation. NOMINATIONS RECEIVED AFTER THE CLOSE OF NOMINATIONS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED

POSTAL VOTES FOR THE ELECTION: Applications for a postal vote should be made in writing to the Returning Officer, by no later than 4.00pm, Friday 21 August 2009. QUERIES: Any questions concerning the Election should be directed to the Returning Officer on 8303 5401 or to the Assistant RO at Published and authorised by the Returning Officer, July 2009. Please recycle. 38

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Monday 31 August until Friday 4 September 2009


Open at 9.00am on Monday 10 August 2009 Close at 4.00pm on Friday 14 August 2009

POSITIONS AVAILABLE FOR ELECTION: SRC PRESIDENT (1 position) – responsible for the overall co-ordination and leadership of the SRC and as chief spokesperson for the SRC. GENERAL SECRETARY (1 position) – responsible for calling meetings, taking minutes and general administrative roles. EDUCATION OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to highlight issues relating to student’s education and other academic concerns. WELFARE OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to promote the welfare of all students and to promote and strengthen support for students. WOMEN’S OFFICER (1 position) – Acts as an advocate for women’s interests, a co-ordinator of women’s action on campus. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as a woman. QUEER OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of queer students, to promote and strengthen the rights of queer students on campus and to combat discrimination at university and the wider community. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as queer. INTERNATIONAL STUDENT OFFICER (1 position) – Advocates on behalf of students enrolled as international students at the University of Adelaide, and to promote equality and opportunities for international students. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must be enrolled as an international student at the University of Adelaide. POSTGRADUATE STUDENT OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of postgraduate students of the University of Adelaide. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must be currently undertaking postgraduate study at the University of Adelaide. ETHNO-CULTURAL OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of students with a cultural or linguistically diverse background. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as having a linguistically or culturally diverse background. ATSI OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of students who identify as Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as being Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. ENVIRONMENT OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate for environmental sustainability within the university and broader community. SOCIAL JUSTICE OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to highlight issues relating to social justice. MATURE AGE OFFICER (1 position)- Acts to advocate on behalf of Mature Aged students. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must be over the age of 25. ABILITY OFFICER (1 position) – Acts on behalf of disabled students on campus. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must identify as being differently abled. RURAL OFFICER (1 position) – Acts to advocate on behalf of rural and regional students. To be eligible to nominate for this position candidates must have must lived in a regional or remote area, or have moved from a regional remote area, within the last three (3) years and within six (6) months of commencing their studies at Adelaide University. GENERAL COUNCILLOR (8 positions) – Acts as an advocate for all students, assists office bearers in the fulfilment of their functions. TO NOMINATE AS A CANDIDATE: 1.

Only students currently enrolled at the University of Adelaide who are financial members of the AUU may nominate. Members must be over the age of 18 years, able to hold a liquor licence and be legally able to hold the position of a director of an incorporated association.


Nomination forms are available from the opening date of nominations and can be downloaded from or collected from the AUU Reception – Level 4, Union House (between 9.00am and 5.00pm weekdays).


Completed nomination forms must be lodged at AUU Reception, Level 4, Union House (between 9.00am and 5.00pm weekdays) or via Registered Mail addressed to: The Returning Officer, Adelaide University Union, University of Adelaide, 5005, by the close of nominations.


A policy statement and photograph can be submitted if desired with the nomination form as follows: 

Policy statements must not exceed 200 words and will be cut at that limit.

Electronic versions of the policy statement and photograph should be provided on USB or CD. Alternatively these can be e-mailed to

Policy statements will be accepted in Microsoft Word or Plain Text with digital photos accepted in JPEG or TIFF format, with a minimum 300dpi (for clarity).

If you are unable to submit your policy statement or photograph as above, please contact the Returning Officer to arrange an alternative method of submission.

NOMINATIONS RECEIVED AFTER THE CLOSE OF NOMINATIONS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED POSTAL VOTES FOR THE ELECTION: Applications for a postal vote should be made in writing to the Returning Officer, by no later than 4.00pm, Friday 21 August 2009. QUERIES: Any questions concerning the Election should be directed to the Returning Officer on 8303 5401 or to Published and authorised by the Returning Officer, July 2009. Please recycle.

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The “homeless”: bunch of crumbed out bums, or reflective of the underlying ills of contemporary civilization? According to 2006 “Australian Bureau of Statistics” data, in the order of some 105,000 Australian humans are homeless, or ‘hobos’, to use a fashionable colloquialism. It stands to reason, therefore, that around one in every 200 Australian humans are theoretically homeless. What, hence, does our premier elected official, The Prime Minister,

mister Kevin Rudd, suggest in respect to the next move in stamping out our darling nation’s dirty laundry; worthy of the most assiduous allegorical launderette member of staff?

A recent University of Victoria survey indicated that mental illnesses were not the chief contributing causes concerning the bane of living sans shelter.

Simply, in 2008, the said minister moved to indebt everyday Australians with a purported AU$800 Million Dollars in order to curb the spiraling homelessness figures.

Researchers from RMIT University looked at more than 4,000 homeless people in Melbourne and found about one in three had a mental health issue.

Mister Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, in midway 2008, said “In order to aid the poorest of the poor, we must suffocate, quite literally, small business and everyday Mums and Dads.”

Fifteen per cent were mentally ill before becoming homeless, and 16 per cent developed mental health issues after they hit the streets.

Realistically, chief executive Clare Martin of the Australian Council of Social Service says the Federal Government built up expectations but has now let people down. “For Australians who were homeless in December or homeless before that - probably 105,000 each night - it’s tougher for them now, it’s cold,” she said. The disreputable Rudd-homeless debacle is reminiscent of the left-wing thuggery attached to ex-Prime Minister Hawke’s notion of “no children left in poverty by 1990”. 40

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These figures, despite being subject to the extreme empirical left-wing slants of the elitist mixed economy universities, indicate that remarkably, a life on the streets increases one’s chance of mental illness by some five thousand per cent. But there is much political capital to be gained in the literally capital-less “homeless” population, capital to be surely exploited by the Liberal-National Leader, Minister mister Malcolm Turnbull and “The Greens” etc

Most common reasons for Australian homelessness (2001 Australian Supported Accommodation Assistance Program survey): * Domestic and family violence (22%)

By Category (2002-2003 SAAP) * Male (42%) * Female (58%) * Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders (18%)

* Eviction/previous accommodation ended (11%)

* People from non-English speaking backgrounds (14%)

* Relationship/family breakdown (11%)

* Average age of female clients: 30

* Usual accommodation unavailable (11%)

* Average age of male clients: 33

* Financial Difficulty (10%)

By age (2001 Australian Population Census): * 54% adults over 24 years of age * 10% under the age of 12 years * 36% young people between 12 and 24 years * 42% of houseless people were female * 58% were single (58,116) * 19% were couples (18,840) * 23% were families (22,944 people or 6,745 families The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


Higher at one end, lower at the other

As part of the recent federal budget,

the national retirement age will be increased to 67. The rational being that the federal government wants more older Australians to remain in the workforce for longer. Although I do not wish to enter this debate I want to examine some possible ramifications and hence pose anther question. A positive that comes from this change policy could be that the increased time spent in the workforce by older Australians may in fact encourage them or perhaps even enable them at the same time to prolong their participation in the community. So the question I raise then is; how do we get more young people to engage with their communities?

Words by Raffaele Piccolo

seem to suggest that they are not interested, I think we could find that this stems more from the fact that they know their lack of political voice inhibits their ability to bring about change, and hence they withdraw. Secondly, arguments that young people are not well informed obviously seem to ignore the fact that we live in age of global communications. Information is available at the click of a button. More often than not its young people who are clicking these buttons.

This is not new, nor radical, I think it seems quite logical, as will follow.

It seems to be pretty obvious that the sooner young people are actively engaged with our political process, the more likely they are to remain active.

The classical counter arguments to this suggestion is that young people are not interested in participating in elections, nor are they well informed, or mature enough to participate in such an important process.

This could be particularly relevant with local government. A tier of government that arguably has the greatest effect on our day to day lives however is most probably the most under representative body of government in Australia. It is largely composed of retired persons.

An obvious flaw in any of these arguments to begin with is that those attributes can not rightly be restricted to just young people. They can clearly be found amongst all age groups, including those who are required to vote.


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It should also be noted that such a change could not be anymore timely considering the growing cynicism for the political systems and politicians at the moment. One way to improve this is to involve more young people, unaffected by such feelings. They will be guided by idealism, a genuine belief in the system and the possibilities that they can lead improvement. This would also make the civics components taught at high school highly relevant as once a student learns how the system works, and how they can participate, they need not wait a couple of years to put it into practice.

I think the answer is simple, lets give them the right to vote at an earlier age.

Furthermore suggestions that young people are not interested in participating elections need only reexamine the growing youth movement to combat inequalities. This is a clear indication that young people want to bring about change, however arguably lack the political power to do so. However for those young people who

attend school, participate in sports, maintain social lives, have a home life and work all at the same time. And may I add, they do this successfully. To do so requires a great level of maturity. As a result, young people are ‘growing up’ much more quicker than previous generations.

They the news, before it hits to TV at night. Furthermore they have access to a variety of opinions on which to base their judgements. Finally it should be recognised that young people can not be compared to young people of a generation ago. They are much more mature. They

That is why I propose that we introduce optional voting for local government for ages 16 years and above, and 17 for state and federal elections. Changing the pension age could be the catalyst to review other age-based restrictions. All tiers of government should re-examine whether current age restrictions are appropriate.

Nightlife with Ainsley Campbell Eccentric(in the)city

The Good...

The Bad...

Boho Bar, 27 Unley Road, Parkside

Enigma, 173 Hindley Street

This circus themed bar is on the outskirts of the city, but worth the ten-dollar cab ride if you feel like a sensory overload on a Saturday evening.

Have a floor-length leather jacket, pink hair dye and thigh high boots with metal spikes on them that you have been dying to wear out? This is your place.

The flame-thrower standing on the road outside is one indication that this place is a little different. The crowd isn’t as odd as it’s interior, actually rather pleasant. The music is enough to get you moving, the drinks are generous on the vodka… and reasonably priced. Highly recommended.

Possibly eccentric for all the wrong reasons, and popular with people who ride motorbikes, Enigma is the perfect toilet stop on your way to another bar. There is never a line, and if you are thirsty the drinks are fairly cheap, so long as you enjoy Boddingtons Pub Ale.

Supermild, 182 Hindley Street Feel like busting out a move to Yellow Submarine? Get out your happy pants and groove along to some awesome music on both a Friday or Saturday night. Supermild is one bar with character… despite the outdated interior this joint seems to grow on you. Not sure whether it’s the drink prices, the line that actually moves or the female bouncer with the best Mohawk I’ve seen that keeps one coming back, but definitely worth a visit. It also has an outdoor area complete with shade structure and fairy lights if you want to sit down and have a quiet conversation.

The Ugly... The Basement The doorman used to dance in an afro wig and give out free shooter tickets for some mystery liquid, but trust us, it just isn’t worth it. The smoke is sickly and so thick you can’t see how nasty the crowd is until it’s too late. Rather than employ glassies they just let the patrons crush broken bottles down to a fine gritty powder seemingly. Imagine Shotz but replace the scene kids / emo’s for the line at your local Centrelink.

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Sport with Angus Chisolm

The History of the Decline of the Mosely Empire


ixed feelings abound over the resignation of Max Mosley from the top of the Formula One hierarchy to appease the teams that were threatening to form a breakaway competition. Formula One, for the uninitiated, is a sport which consists of a series of cases before sporting tribunals interspersed with the occasional fast car race.

Mosley’s egomaniacal posturing at the top of the Formula One tree alongside the perpetually suss-looking Bernie Ecclestone was far too much for many to bear including various important Formula One teams who had clearly had enough. The good feeling following Mosley’s resignation was summed up by former Formula One champion Jackie Stewart when he said: “The time had come that this was the only route for the sport which had threatened to be overwhelmed by [Mosley’s] extremely dominant and imperial behaviour.” Strong and entirely reasonable words to be sure, but Formula One now potentially finds itself at an interesting crossroads in the wake of his resignation. The nadir/zenith of Mosley’s reign, depending on your perspective, came last year when a British tabloid released footage of him engaged in sadomasochistic sexual acts with prostitutes with an alleged Nazi theme. In a subsequent case that Mosley brought against the parent company of the tabloid, the high court declared, among other things, that there was no evidence of a Nazi element to what was going, but by that stage the damage had already been done to Mosley in what was a hugely embarrassing affair that could potentially be considered the beginning of the end for him. It’s fair to say the 44

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other teams were probably less than thrilled with the damage said acts did to the wider reputation of the sport and the organisation in charge of it, even though his acts were uncovered and made public in fairly unfair circumstances.

The thing is, though, controversy has courted Mosley at every turn, and it’s become a part of the enduring Formula One landscape lately. Many people complain about the emphasis shifting away from the racing and onto the offtrack antics (which admittedly are down to more than ineptitude on Mosley’s part) and it’s apparent these people have fallen out of love with the sport as a result over the years. The challenge that lies ahead for Formula One is to try and curb Mosley’s overly officious tendencies from his reign at the FIA and restore some purity to the sport’s principles: Making it all about shit-hot cars fanging it along roads in exotic international locations driven by admirably skilled drivers and trying to reduce the media circus element as much as possible. Unfortunately, Mosley’s partner-incrime, Bernie Ecclestone, is still at it as CEO of Formula One Management. As an indicator of how out of touch with reality these two are, I’m reading a fresh interview in The Times where Ecclestone declares, among more bizarre statements, that Hitler was at least ‘able to get things done’. Don’t hold your breath for that media circus to pack up and leave town, then.

The Return of the Ashes H

ooray for the return of the Ashes, one of the few major sporting events where our time honoured rivalry with the poms can be properly fought out (of course, should it transpire that we meet them in the World Cup next year, that would be an entirely different and very fascinating prospect altogether - potentially taking our international sporting rivalry to a whole other level, but I digress). It does make for a nice, considered change of pace from the usual whenever the Ashes do finally come ‘round, though. For all the sport’s supposed shortcomings, it’s nice to see a sport where strategy and tactics come into play a fair bit (as well as a little bit of physical prowess, just to differentiate it from, say, poker), together with the weight of history and, particularly in England’s case, the possibility of crucifixion by media should they fail.

Compared to AFL, the A-league, NRL and even the entertaining and appealing yet still quite hard to come to grips with Twenty20 World Cup and various other Twenty20 games, The Ashes is good, clean, thought provoking fun in the world of cricket. Some might see it as bland but for me it’s a good change of pace. Of course it’s made a bit more interesting this year because of the closeness between the teams compared to two years ago when Australia had their series whitewash, inspired by the amazing game at Adelaide Oval. Hopefully by the time you read this, there will be a clearer picture of events in this tournament that confirms our dominance.

Mixed Emotions QU






s n o i t o v De A

fter watching Nick Riewoldt bawl shamelessly on national television many a moon ago, I got to wondering. Consulting, Bethany, my mahogany pipe, wearing nought but my Snuggie and pacing my library, home to many leather bound books; I questioned. In sport how much emotion is too much emotion? Specifically, when on the field is it ever acceptable to shed the odd tear? And what happens when the waters works are really turned on? Like serious Federer weeping similar to your Girlfriend pre-PMT watching Grey’s Anatomy or discovering that Robert Patterson is gay.

Yes ok, I hear you feminists’ and St. Kilda supporters promptly screeching objections.

Ponderously swirling my glass of warm cognac, I hear the familiar sound of you asking for my opinion. An intense and relatively drunken discussion with my servant, Manfred leads me to believe that I was a bit daft in hiring a mute servant. I got the jist though. Many suggest that if one wins or loses it is okay to shed a tear, however, if one is suffering an injury then tears are off the table. Basically, have a nice glass of cement and harden up. You heard me Reiwoldt, I know your collar-bone was broken, but whatevs, pussy.

When it comes to emotion in sport most of us are fence sitters, yet you do get the occasional extremists. Die hard players and fans argue that to get fired-up, react and maybe leak the odd wet one is just part of the wonderfully heightened sensation that is the Australian sporting experience. It is a cathartic way of relieving oneself and completely normal, right? Well normal to some I guess, but obviously not all agree.

Maybe that is a little harsh, possibly a little simplistic, and doesn’t really answer the most important question; does crying on the field, or court, make you passionate or a pussy? Pensively stroking my temple, and sinking further into my leather armchair watching the soft flickering of my crackling fire, the complexity of the debate became more apparent. Okay I will stop with the Agatha Christie’s recount and try to be semi-serious.

Consequently, these types will never be able to comprehend why players and spectators feel so strongly towards chasing after a ball. Such positioning makes them unable comprehend to the need to cry when your team loses by a point, scream at the bad umpiring call even when you know they can’t hear you, or jump up and down like an idiot when someone scores, Howard in his Green and Gold Trackies springs to mind. These folk will continue to shrug their shoulders, turn up their nose, ask why we can’t follow a sport where everybody wins, and continually attend their child’s Saturday sports game in a Snuggie.

“In sport how much emotion is too much emotion... when on the field is it ever acceptable to shed the odd tear?”

There are those odd, possibly un-Australian people who do not understand sport, sad but true.

Words by Sam Piotto Wisdom by Shelley Laslett The Adelaide Uni Student Magazine On Dit


Global Eccentricities (and Standards) Greg Taylor


The Devil's Advocate

ommunism, according to my antagonist on the other page, “only has bad eccentrics”, and with this statement I have to agree. An eccentric by definition exhibits behaviours or beliefs that deviate from those thought to be customary. As I have stated in a previous issue, the misinterpretations of communist doctrine by post-industrial dictators have not held true the complete ideologies of Marx and Engels. As such, those that professed to be communists and yet wielded power savagely were “bad eccentrics”, and not orthodox communists. My point is that it is systems of dictatorship that failed, not the ideologies of true communism. Communism could indeed work, but the term itself has been tarnished and dragged through the mud by dictators, and by capitalist propaganda, for decades. As we move through the new millennium it is a combination of socialism and democracy that flies the flag first waved by Karl Marx some 160 years ago. Its popularity is rising to the point that the original ideologies of communism should not be deemed eccentric. The movement is growing to a level that now provides a viable alternative to capitalist led society, should a nation choose to accept it. For an example of the democratic socialist model at work, look no further than The Bolivarian Alternative for the Americas (ALBA). Here we have an economic system designed not on global trade and free market capitalism, but on pooling regional and state-owned resources to improve the lives of those in the participating countries (Venezuela, Cuba, Bolivia, and other South American and Caribbean nations, and, under

AntiConsumer removed President Zelaya, Honduras). Bolivarianism also promotes a strong and interactive democracy, much needed in the region, which ensures that the voices of the people are heard. It is these two elements, publicly owned enterprise for equality and strong public participation, which are the goals of democratic socialism. These too were the original goals of Communism, but they waned under the oppression of dictatorship. It is in the new era, an era of democratic socialism that will right the wrongs of the past failures of communism. This is of course if the United States, menaced by the insecurity that only capitalism and greed can foster, were to allow it to happen. The corporate controllers of Washington are unlikely to stand idly by while a system preaching state ownership and equal distribution of wealth becomes globally popular. Even as I write (June 13 2009), the United States government appears to support the coup d’etat in Honduras ousting leftist President Manuel Zelaya, by refusing to denounce the coup and recognize only the elected president. The US is truly showing their hand by not rejecting the pro-Washington new de facto government in Honduras, as their need for a free-market ally in a strengthening anti-US, anti-neoliberal region becomes strategically crucial.


his is nothing new. One would be mistaken to think that the Cold War was waged for the People of the Soviet Union, and not for the preservation of American political and economic power. Subsequently, it is a fair statement to suggest that it is only a matter of time before similar steps are taken towards China, who now find themselves in

*More on the United States, who set the benchmark for non-eccentric, global capitalist powerplays, in the upcoming Pirate issue. 46

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the same economic position as the USSR in the 1980’s. Perhaps more Weapons of Mass Destruction can be not found. What should be acknowledged here is that none of these actions could possibly be deemed eccentric for a nation of greedy capitalists who will do whatever it takes to protect their financial interest. It is customary for a capitalist to protect his or her capital with whatever means necessary, including violence, or the mere threat of violence*. What should be recognised is behaviour that is eccentric and that which is not. The capitalists listed on the other page are certainly eccentric because they gave away their money (and only in the midst of obscene excess). US world domination is not considered eccentric because such is life for a nation built on greed. A communist dictator who does not provide for his people should be considered an eccentric and be used as a bad example. What should not be considered eccentric is democratic socialism itself; a system where assets are publically owned to ensure there is no rich and no poor, no structures of class, no us and them. Equality around the globe cannot and will not be achieved with capitalism. There are just not enough eccentric capitalists. LET ZELAYA RETURN!

The Battle of Excesses: Capitalist Eccentrics vs. Communist Eccentrics Tristan Adams Pro-Consumer


ohn D. Rockefeller was perhaps the world’s first ultra capitalist. Born in 1839, Rockefeller was also the father of the world’s first real oil company, Standard Oil, an organization he built using an iron fist and some underhand tactics at a time when the motor car was just getting going and the world was developing a thirst for gas. The man’s eccentricities began as a devout Baptist who never drank or smoked, they ended as the world’s richest man ever, the only person to have their wealth measured in whole percentage points of the American GDP. Rockefeller’s further eccentricities included spending his remaining fortune and years in charitable pursuits after retiring from his company at 57. He donated over $500 million dollars to charity at a time when bread cost 9 cents, and his legacy is remembered to this day in the numerous philanthropic funds and organizations he created. Turn of the century America was a good time for capitalists and Rockefeller was joined by the likes of J.P Morgan and James Gordon Bennett. Morgan was the first financial overlord and his eccentricities included having his servants prepare his bed in London every night, even though he was 3000 miles away in New York, just in case he wanted to drop in. He was also responsible for saving the US economy several times and bequeathing his amazing art collection to the New York Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art. Gordon Bennett, a now forgotten newspaper magnet, was one of the more eccentric characters of the time. After arriving at a restaurant, he liked to pull the cloths off all the tables he passed. To which I’m sure hilarity ensued. Then there was Thomas Edison, a man whose obsessive want for money has lit the Earth for a hundred years. For a more recent example of eccentric capitalists we turn to Bill Gates, today’s version of Rockefeller. His pure grasp of capitalism is captured wonderfully in

his attitude to competition; Microsoft will crush it. “If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure” Gates was once quoted. This however is the man that his given the world Creative Capitalism. The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation is the largest philanthropic organization on the planet, with a pledge to give a minimum of $1.5 billion away each year. They have at least 29 different programs running from defeating polio, creating an AIDS vaccine, teaching the poor how to use money, global libraries, and schools. This would never have been possible without capitalism and far outstrips anything any communist individual or organization ever achieved. But Bill Gates no longer tops the list of the world’s most generous people. That title goes to investor Warren Buffett, who donated $30 billion dollars to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, and also risked ridicule and huge losses in 2007-08 as he privately tried to stimulate the US economy by buying suboptimal stocks.


he Communists have had their fair share of eccentrics as well, but unfortunately their unconventional tendencies haven’t really subscribed to or even lined up with making people’s lives better. Nobody could call Joseph Stalin, communist leader of the USSR between 1922 and 1953, your average run of the mill kind of guy. His eccentricities ranged from destroying the economy and causing famine, to mass purges (read: exile, execution or forced labour camps) of the country. All up it is suspected that he killed a minimum of 3 million people and possibly as many as 60 million. I think I’ll take the Rockefeller or Edison capitalist and underhand tactics any day over a communist method of helping my fellow man.

There was also Mao a more interesting communist, a fantastic leader, with some clear insights and he actually helped his people. That all is except for when he got into power and his slight eccentricities finally got the better of him to the extent of closing all the schools, forcing educated young people to make weapons, eradicating much of Chinese culture and generally throwing the economy and society into chaos. Can anybody say Cultural Revolution? And what about Castro, the longest reigning dictator in modern time and the person solely responsible for keeping Cuba in a poverty stricken version of the 1960’s. Seriously, I hear it is like a poorly stocked time warp. I guess he was just too eccentric to allow people to work for themselves and earn a decent wage, I mean, it couldn’t be a basic failing of communism now could it? The list of disastrous communists could go on to include the likes of Kim Jongil, Enver Hoxha (a personal favourite of mine) and Che Guevara (anybody else see the irony of buying Che’s face on a T-shirt, perhaps the most capitalist symbol around?), but I’d like to end with a more general conclusion. Capitalism does have its fair share of both good and bad eccentrics, people who earn their millions by supporting thousands of jobs, and people who earn their millions buy destroying thousands of jobs. Communism on the other hand only has bad eccentrics. It has been tried for over 100 years, in over 17 countries in every potential way. It is impossible for communism to work, anybody whose says it can is not even eccentric, they’re a complete nutter. The worst pages of modern history are written about communism, when will these people learn to read and stop asking us to repeat our biggest mistakes?

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...Vox Pop pr


ming et of an upco s e th d e h s wees: ting inter vie ny & Will cra c in e V p s k u e s e n w u r is Th ask ou roduction to day? Channel 7 p aration for to k? taken in prep eauty or a Gee ve you under ha 1) Are you a B ng ni ai tr y/Geek 2) What Beaut t you? iful thing abou ut ea b t os M 3) of fame” ? ing about you? u “15 minutes yo h it w ng oi 4) Geekiest th d u planning on s or Geeks? 5) What are yo ie ut ea B r? te et b it s 6) Who doe

David Smerdon, Economist & Chess Whiz

Jessie Gosling, Assistant d Photographer an Makeup Artist

1) I’m a Geek. I’ve played Chess since I was 4 and have played in Europe. I study Math, Economics and Finance. I’m proud to be a Geek. 2) Practising playing Chess blindfolded, it’s a nice gimmick. Should I prep more? I’m happy just to come as myself. 3) My mind. Is that a cliché? I love patterns, making and understanding them. I don’t really care about appearances. 4) My love of Chess is chronic. I play Chess with myself. I also have a short attention span, so I’ve started about 5 different degrees. 5) To show Chess can be cool and is a worthwhile pursuit and to get kids to keep playing. Most kids stop playing once they hit adolescence and it’s no longer cool anymore. 6) Chess players know more mating positions

1) Beauty 2) A good night’s sleep, a redbull and a big bowl of fruitloops. 3) My eyes. And and my personality! Oh, barbie vc [p s. oe pink sh s] el pink stripper he junkie. I have ok bo 4) I’m a Face ions. We call it Renae, a million applicat Student 1) Geek ( s’. ie nk ‘fu , I like mos centre of 3) it! ck out of it! Ro and turtl sy trees 5) Work the hell and frog es and s tuff . s 2) I don’t 6) 50/50 need to trian to b I love pla e a Geek ying Ag eo . time. An d The Sim f Empires all th e s. I love 3) My to The Sim es. And s I eat a b boss’. agel ‘like . a 4) My da nc [Renae p ing. I dance like a roceeds to dance n emu arm outs with her tretched like an e 5) To try m and imp rove som u...] 6) Geek eone els s! Beauti e’s life. es are d umb!


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Jess [girl on left], Re


ptionist 1) Beauty without the Bimbo. 2) I almost didn’t come at all! 3) My eyes 4) Playing solitaire all night on my compute r. 5) Become Rich & Fam ous 6) Geeks are smarter, but Beauties are schem ers...

ght], Alcohol Shae [girl on ri hoto Model Promotions & Preading.

Joshua, Hairdresser

hate 1) I’m a Beauty, I s about 3 , the works! It take Up eak M n, Ta ke Fa , er 2) Show s and hips. hours all up. t I have big boob bu t, fa t no I’m . 3) My curves smarter. a lot to make me 4) I play sudoku g career? lin rther my model 5) Maybe like, fu 6) Beauties!!!

1) I’d apply for both if I could! 2) I read Manga, Grap hic Novels, Anime, Webcomics and playe d Video Games and went Online until 4am 3) My Quiff! (it truly wa s beautiful – eds) 4) My $6000 Anime Co llection 5) Good Question [pa use] Not sure... 6) I’d have to say Geek s. Pretty obvious.


Kamal Coker, Freelance Ar tist and Graphic Novel

1) I like Dungeons & Dr agons too much to no t be a Geek. 2) Yes! Dungeon Craw ls. Not so much today, more just day-to-day life. 3) My sense of humo ur. 4) Ironically the same. I like puns, followed by cynicism and sarcasm. 5) I didn’t think that far ahead. My brother cal led me and told me to come, so I did spontaneously. 6) Geeks my far! Beau ties piss me off .

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Social Fumbling; When Did Weird Become Gay?

by Vincent Coleman I don’t consider myself eccentric. I don’t collect Nazi memorabilia, I don’t ride a Segway and I don’t eat my food in alphabetical order. I will admit to seeming a bit odd to sometimes. I count things a lot, and do have an unconventional sense of style, I like Swing dancing and I write in moleskine notebooks with a fountain pen. I’d like to think of myself more as ‘old-timey’ rather than eccentric. I’ve always been a bit like that, I read Moby Dick in year 8 (and still do every few years) and in primary school I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. In highschool I became a ‘Goth’, started a shitty Black Metal band and cut/dyed my hair into a 8inch blue fringe. Naturally, school involved getting teased and/or beaten up quite a lot. This didn’t bother me too much, I just figured they’d all grow up to be drug addicts and public servants, which more-or-less came to providence. What went pear-shaped, socially, was the move from high-school to the ‘real world’. I chilled out and stopped painting my nails black and became a bit more conventional, although still a little odd. Jibes and random abuse didn’t really stop, it just changed from ‘Goth Fag’ to simply ‘Fag’. Street abuse isn’t just random abuse. It is in fact a finely tuned barometer of how the world actually views you. It’s just the obnoxious belligerents who have the cojones to say it to your face, albeit from the window of a passing car more often than not. Pro tip: do not ask these people to come back and say it to your face. Or threated to ‘kick their ass’, they might just oblige. The point is this. I had turned from being seen as weird, to being seen as gay. I don’t have anything against gay people, I have gay friends and coworkers. My problem is the infraction this puts in one’s love-life. If I had a penny for every time I go to a party / bar / swop-meet and get asked “are you gay?” I’d have a lot of worthless metal. This is in part due to my left-of-center sense of style. I wear blazers and scarves. I roll-up the cuffs of my jeans more than necessary to show off my cowboy boots and doc martens. I wear my hair in a quiff with Murray’s Pomade. I like to dress like an (in my mind) Jarvis Cocker, but it turns out Adelaide is rather a small town. I remember being astounded in Melbourne that I wasn’t having abuse (or bottles) thrown at me several times on a saturday night out. When did being weird become being gay? 50

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Atleast when I was ‘weird’ I got to hook-up with weird alternative girls. Now they’ve all turned into scenesters who date ‘alternative’ guys who all have with nondescript tattoo sleeves and identical spray-on black jeans. It’s not all that bad though. Once I explain to a girl that I’m not gay, and that I like ladies and their anatomy, they usually go “ah, so you just dress well...”. Not that this is all bad. Appearing gay has it’s advantages, particularly with girls. Their normally ironclad defences against male sexual advances are taken unawares. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to take advantage of girls, I’m just making the best of a bad situation. I could tone down my image, start wearing more conventional clothes, start drinking beer instead of Gin & Tonics and retire the cowboy boots for cons, even if they do make me look look like a 12 year old, but I’d rather not. My day interviewing entrants for reality TV show Beauty & The Geek made me realize how genuinely unique people make me happy and how much I dislike the superficial melange that is the in-crowd. As attractive and popular as they may be, I really don’t want to hang out with people who find reading ‘boring’ or who think being a size 8 with a DD chest is their most attractive feature as a human being. I’m more than happy being weird, even if it makes people think I’m gay. We’re the ones who get to sit in their bed eating sorbet while they ask you to compare which underwear looks cuter. It’s a hard-knock life.

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On Dit - 77.8 - Eccentricity Edition  

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