[Adai Ad - J.O.T.] Sefira Series - Gevurah

GEVURAH הרובג

GEVURAH

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Literal definition: Strength.

In other words: Restraint. Channeling. Focus. Discernment. Respect for boundaries. Discipline. Measured. Balanced.

Expressions of Gevurah: Gevurah is about setting up boundaries and standards so that the kindness, love, giving and all activities in our lives have focus and direction; this is what yields success. Through Gevurah, we give the correct healthy amount; we restrain and withhold as appropriate for the circumstance.

Beyond discipline in interpersonal relationships, Gevurah should also be expressed in our own lives: self-discipline, refining our own character, calculating our own time, resources and efforts These will help us maximize our achievements and success.

Even more: Gevurah is also a positive mode. For example: using Gevurah and strength to continue giving kindness even when it's not easy. Giving with extra strength, with extra fervor, excitement and passion. Doing for your marriage and family above and beyond your basic duty. It is the strength to put aside our own interests, issues and focus exclusively on the other. Forcing yourself to give and do even when you are not in the mood.

GEVURAH

[PART 2/6] INTEGRATING GEVURAH INTO YOUR LIFE #1

INTEGRATING GEVURAH

INTO YOUR LIFE #1

Gevurah is holding back – if that is how your spouse likes it.

Sometimes, you may want to give a gift or do something for your spouse (think: lavish gift or surprise party or public announcement). It may be something that you (and perhaps many others) would like or appreciate, but your spouse doesn’t. Then, don’t do it.

GEVURAH

[PART 3/6] INTEGRATING GEVURAH INTO YOUR LIFE #2

INTEGRATING GEVURAH

INTO YOUR LIFE #2

Gevurah is leaving some words unspoken.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

You really don’t have to share everything you are thinking or feeling. So, your spouse chose the wrong way to say something? So, you disagree about the best route to take home? So, your spouse came home a few minutes later than they said they would?

Hold your tongue and keep the peace.

GEVURAH

[PART 4/6] INTEGRATING GEVURAH INTO YOUR LIFE #3

INTEGRATING GEVURAH INTO YOUR LIFE #3

Gevurah is saying no or yes at the right time.

Every choice you make is like a seesaw; when you say ‘yes’ to one thing, you are saying ‘no’ to another. For example, if you are saying ‘yes’ to helping someone, you are saying ‘no’ to using that time for yourself. If you are saying ‘yes’ to working more hours, you are saying ‘no’ to spending that time at home with your family.

Sometimes, ‘no’ is the best answer. Hearing a ‘no’ may be hard, and so sometimes it is hard to say ‘no’. But sometimes it is what needs to be said in the circumstances Think: budgets, schedules, balanced life.

GEVURAH

[PART 5/6]

REFLECTIONS ABOUT GEVURAH IN YOUR MARRIAGE

REFLECTIONS ABOUT GEVURAH IN YOUR MARRIAGE

How do you act with Gevurah in your marriage?

1. Boundaries? What are the healthy boundaries in your marriage? In what ways do you respect your spouse’s space, boundary and privacy - morally, psychologically or emotionally? Are you consistent?

2. Commitment? Do you use Gevurah and strength to continue giving kindness even when it is not easy or convenient? Do you do beyond your first inclination to stop? Do you do what is needed even when you are not in the mood?

3. Appropriateness? Is your amount of Gevurah appropriate for a married person? Are you overbearing? Is your demeanor too strong and silencing your spouse? Do you act in controlling ways? Do you speak with harsh words of insult, blame, demands?

4. Expression? How do you express your disagreements to your spouse? Do you choose your words wisely with sensitivity; do you show respect and concern for your spouse’s dignity?

5. Sacrifice? In what ways do you have personal restraint and sacrifice for the sake of your marriage and your spouse’s happiness and dignity? In what ways do you filter out other interests in order to focus on your spouse?

What will you do to use strength and restraint to enhance your marriage and family life?

הרובג

GEVURAH

[PART 6/6]

TALK TOGETHER ABOUT GEVURAH IN YOUR MARRIAGE

TALK TOGETHER ABOUT GEVURAH IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Ask your spouse:

"What types of boundaries or limits help you feel protected?"

"How might I express a ‘no’ so that it feels acceptable?"

"What are some boundaries that we ought to incorporate for our family?"

Be brave, ask for insight and feedback:

"What was a time when I expressed something with too much Gevurah? What could I do differently in the future?"

"What is an area where you think I could demonstrate more restraint? "