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Issue no. 70 Spring 2011

Magazine for the Association of Christian Counsellors

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Burnout- Sue Flint Relationships - Gary McFarlane Understanding Pornography - Tony Tufnell

re Ca n al tio or di st l e es Pa cia pag e Sp 40

Plus - Changes to proposed Regulation?

Association of Christian counsellors The Voice of Christian Counselling

Congratulations to those who have accredited since the last issue

Head Office 29 Momus Boulevard, Coventry CV2 5NA Tel: 084 5124 9569/9570 or 024 7644 9694 Fax: 084 5124 9571 email: office@acc-uk.org Web: www.acc.uk.org

Accredited Counsellor/Supervisor

Wendy Haslam....................Wedmore

Heather Churchill................Romford Owen Ashley.......................Fleet

Accredited Counsellor

Accredited Counsellor/Supervisor Maintenance

Amy Barnes.........................Worthing David Logsdail....................Kirby-in Ashfield Jo Trowbridge......................Caterham Linda Cubitt-Smith..............Coventry Roddy Macdonald...............Edinburgh Kathleen Maggs..................New Malden Michael King.......................Helston

ACC Chief Executive Greta Randle Tel: 084 5124 9569 email: ceo@acc-uk.org Professional Standards Accreditation Office, 73 St Giles Street, Northampton, NN1 1JF Accreditation Contact: Val Nightingale Tel: 084 5124 9572 Fax: 016 0463 5498 email: accredit@acc-uk.org

Celia Harrisson....................Guildford Counselling Practitioner Lorraine Smedley................Beccles Janet Jones..........................Colchester Emeritus Counselling Practitioner Barbara Drake.....................Norwich Mary Alexander...................Sapporo, Japan

Accredited Counsellor Maintenance Linda Fenney......................Manchester Emeritus Accredited Counsellor

Director of Professional Standards John Nightingale Tel: 084 5124 9572 email: accredit@acc-uk.org

Rosemary Glover.................Leeds

accord always welcomes contributions to consider for publication.

Director of Pastoral Care Steve Seedall Tel: 0779 6934 458 email: pastoral@acc-uk.org

We cannot, of course, guarantee that a particular item submitted will be included. We recommend therefore that you email us with your ideas so that we can send you our guidance for contributors.

To contact accord please email: accord@acc-uk.org

Network Representative Syd Platt Tel: 084 5123 5189 email: southeast@acc-uk.org Chair Tony Ruddle email: chair@acc-uk.org

Counsellor Manager Maintenance

contents

Issue 70 Spring 2011

Company Secretary Sue Monckton-Rickett Tel: 079 6617 6767 email: monckton@tiscali.co.uk

ACC News (incl Regulation Update) 10-11

ACC Representatives

Conference Report 12-13

Relationships - Gary McFarlane 15-18

Ministering to people with Homosexual Struggles - Phil Barnett 20-24

Scotland: David Thomson Tel: 084 5123 5169 email: scotland@acc-uk.org Northern Ireland: Meriel Pinkerton Tel: 084 5123 5188 0r 028 9042 7214 email: nireland@acc-uk.org South East: Syd Platt Tel: 084 5123 5189 email: southeast@acc-uk.org South West: Wendy Haslam Tel: 084 5123 5242 email: southwest@acc-uk.org

Reflections on Burnout - Sue Flint 4-5

Understanding Pornography – a Pastoral Carers’ Perspective - Tony N. Tufnell 26-29

Diary UK 35

In Touch 36-39

North East: Amanda Georgiou Tel: 084 5123 5263 email: northeast@acc-uk.org North West: Sean Charlesworth Tel: 084 5123 5264 email: northwest@acc-uk.org

Have you received your copies of E-News?

If not, would you please email office@acc-uk.org giving the email address you wish to receive it on.

Midlands: Christine Blissett Tel: 084 5123 5265 email: midlands@acc-uk.org Wales: Mary Hall Tel: 084 5123 5267 email: wales@acc-uk.org

Registered Charity Number: 1018559 Limited Company Number: 279154

Designed & Produced by Dialhouse Visual Communication T: 024 7660 3030 www.dialhouse.co.uk

Accord Dates

Press Date

Publication Date

1st June 2011 1st September 2011 2nd December 2011 2nd March 2012

27th June 2011 29th September 2011 2nd January 2012 30th March 2012

Summer 2011 Autumn 2011 Winter 2011/12 Spring 2012

accord is published by the Association of Christian Counsellors. The views expressed by the contributors are not necessarily endorsed by the Association. Readers should make their own enquiries about, and assessment of, claims made by advertisers. All material is Copyright of the Association and/or the authors and should not be substantially reproduced without written permission. Brief extracts may be quoted with acknowledgement of source.

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Editorial n by Rev Tony Ruddle, Chair of ACC In introducing this year’s Conference Theme, “Crossing the Causeway”, I was conscious that ACC stands at a crossroads of opportunity and challenge.

Challenge because we face potential regulation, which was taking positive shape towards completion, inclusive of all, at appropriate levels of education. Then the need for the statement in this edition (Page 10) arose as an alternative approach has been published.

Opportunity because of the excellent representation - in the consultations - in preparations for regulation and with our voluntary register in the new scenario to reach a more direct influence on the future for ACC counsellors.

Challenge, since we all face an unprecedented squeeze on finances while ACC and its associated Training Agencies have additional reduction of income due to the changes in the way Government Funding of education is now being allocated.

Opportunity as we seek to develop new income streams and increase the effectiveness of previous ways.

In considering these and a number of other possibilities, the Board concluded that it was time to introduce a new Mission statement while continuing to be a catalyst for excellence: To facilitate provision by Christians of quality counselling and pastoral care.

The reason is the growth of members in our pastoral care division and the developing influence in the area of pastoral care training. Therefore our strapline changes to “Representing Christians who provide Counselling and Pastoral Care”.

In my AGM Review, enclosed with this edition, I explain the changes to the working pattern of personnel and the support this gives to promotion of ACC. We have avoided placing a burden on our current financial position while seeking to expand and develop new relationships throughout the country.

At one point in our deliberations we received a text message from a previous Board member who was praying for us suggesting we read Jeremiah 6:16 and

we found this to be a great encouragement and so share it with you.

After the KJV we read first in The Message, then the NIV: “Go stand at the crossroads and look around.

“Stand at the crossroads and look; Ask for directions to the old road,

ask for the ancient paths, The tried-and-true road. Then take it. ask where the good way is, and walk in it, Discover the right route for your souls.”

and you will find rest for your souls.”

It is this right route we look for that will lead us to God’s rest and the confidence that we have crossed the causeway as the Lord intends.

Alongside this we intend to make further announcements of development in ACC throughout this year; a Summer school in 2012 with more indepth training and master classes (See page 8); the acceptance and utilisation of technology such as video-conferencing for supervision in the first instance; how information gathered during the regulation consultations may enhance and widen the use of CPD for ACC members (See page 8); and a number of other ideas still being formulated.

It is timely that this accord has a specific focus on issues that relate to recent events in our nation. By reading these articles we will get a broad spectrum of insight into the pastoral and counselling needs that human sexuality poses for communities and individuals. We need to read them in a prayerful and listening attitude so that we can grow ourselves and so be more able to help others.

During times of recession there is often more talk of the difficulties that arise, so the article from Christians Against Poverty (Page 30) is a timely reminder that this is a constant area of concern in people’s lives who live among us.

It would be great to see many of you at the AGM and to catch up on your news and ideas. Every member has a vote so why not join us and contribute while listening to the Spirit about how “Crossing the Causeway” can be done together far better than alone? Let us put down markers to thank God for where we have come from and seek him with all our heart, mind and strength for the Promise(s) of what he has in store for us.

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Reflections on Burnout n By Sue Flint What would have happened to the tortoise if it had kept up with the hare in the first instance in that infamous race?

acting like I was? The next milestone is retiring after all! Is it stress and anxiety? Well what’s that about? Fear? What are you afraid of? And so the self reflection process really starts. Slowly, very slowly, I have to unpick all that has been going on in my life lately – at home, work, in my faith journey, with friends etc. etc. Where has the fun gone? Where is the laughter in my life? Why is the ironing and housework such a problem these days? What are my priorities of life? Where am I and where do I want to be? How can I make that happen?

What would happen to the candle if it truly was burning at both ends?

In my post-burnout period I enjoy time off work by getting into the garden; I enjoy seeing an empty ironing basket; I enjoy good home cooking which I take an hour to prepare rather than pulling something last minute from the freezer to microwave in a hurry. I enjoy listening to music, reading, nodding off, daytime television, tracky bottoms and no makeup. I touch base with who I really am. I am no longer the competent worker juggling ten balls in the air; I am no longer super-mum or super-wife; super-carer or superchurchperson that some have known me as before.

I am just me. I begin to love the slow lane again and it loves me. I start to test out the middle lane vowing never to get into the fast lane again, hoping that meeting the hares in the middle lane is enough. Can I hold my nerve and trust that all will be well? Or will I fall down the same hole again in a few more years? I think this time I have learnt my lesson to look out for holes in the road ahead, but time alone will tell.

If the tortoise had run, he would have had to stop having run out of energy. He would need to rest, to eat and to sleep to regain strength before it could even walk again, let alone run. And the candle – well it would simply burn itself out.

Two significant people in my life are hares. I am a tortoise. I try my hardest to keep in the slow lane of life but sometimes it is necessary, and even enjoyable, to move over to the middle lane.

There I am nearer to my hares, and, as long as I can retreat to the slow lane on a regular basis all is well. However, the hares travel in the middle lane of life, and often move into the fast lane with ease and very rarely travel in the slow lane. The danger for me is being in the fast lane and being unable to get back to the slow lane. I delude myself – ‘oh yes, I can do this – fast lane, middle lane, fast lane.

CRASH! Having had that happen more than once I then, in the recovery period of rest and regaining energy, go on a fact finding mission of why it happens. Is God telling me, ‘Hey I didn’t make you to live that way, stop, take stock, look at your life and make adjustments’? Is it my age and stage of life telling me I’m not a spring chicken anymore and to stop

I know I will have to negotiate the labels others give burnout – nervous breakdown, panic disorder, hormonal trouble (it’s her age you know) anxiety or stress disorder, meltdown, oversensitivity, delicate, emotional. Hares can be a little less than understanding sometimes. Comments like ‘What’s the matter with you; pull yourself together; and, just get on with it – don’t worry so much’ ring in my ears when thoughts of ‘getting back to normal’ see me trying too hard too soon.

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My experiences of burnout have shown me it acts as a safety valve like a circuit breaker on the lawn mower preventing it from cutting wet, too long or stony lawns. As I look back I can see I expanded myself beyond the call of need within my work at the expense of all else. Balance was not in kilter with the requirements of my personality type – I need adequate rest and fun in order to give my best to all areas of my life. Channelling all my energy into one area is counter-productive.

To those reading this who know how scary and out of control burnout feels; I recommend you give yourself some serious TLC – a massage, a manicure

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or pedicure, a new haircut, an outfit or some other extravagance you put off wanting. Try to educate those who do not experience this debilitating experience; practise being kind to yourself as well as to others; practise your new limits, boundaries or pace and know it is ok to be you. It is ok to be a tortoise, rabbit, hare or even a panther if that’s how God made you. But He did not make tortoises with long legs and ears, hard shells and a fluffy tail. We are as and who we are. Jesus said, ‘I am who I am’ and we should too.

Sue Flint is an ACC Accredited Counsellor and Supervisor

New Fellowships Awarded It was announced at the National Conference in January that a new Fellowship and two new Honorary Fellowships had been awarded by the ACC Board.

The new Fellow is Dr Paul Hebblethwaite who was honoured for his contribution showing how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be used with a Christian worldview. Paul has done this through speaking at ACC Conferences, publishing a series of articles in accord and through providing training courses. He also served on the ACC Board for several years.

Dr Paul Hebblethwaite

The two new Honorary Fellows are both from overseas.

Peterson Githinji has been largely responsible for setting up the Association of Christian Counsellors in Kenya. Particularly of note was his work to co-ordinate the bringing of healing and reconciliation after the violence which followed the 2007 General Election in Kenya. (See accord, Summer 2008). Peterson, who was not able to be present at the Conference, later responded to the award – “It is very important in my life. This

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award gives me new energy and vigour to pursue solutions and mitigation to human suffering through Christian counselling at all times and all places that I can reach. Once again pass my very heartfelt gratitude to the board and assure them that I am ever ready to serve in any way they would like me to serve, to God’s glory.”

Peterson Githinji

Samson Gandhi has made an outstanding contribution to the development of Christian Counselling in India and surrounding countries through the Person to Person Institute of Christian Counselling and through ACC South Asia. The situation is particularly challenging due to the relatively small Christian Community and the vast distances involved.

Having been a speaker at the Conference, Samson was able to receive his award in person.

Samson Gandhi

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A Good Gift in a Fallen World n By Dr David Hall Charlie sulkily sat on the couch with his arms crossed and avoided making eye contact. “So” I started, “was it your idea to come here today?” Charlie’s eyes flickered up for a quick moment to look at me; he was fighting the slight smile coming across his face as his cheeks turned red. Regaining his grumpy look he responded, “No, this was not my idea! I only got in the car because I thought I was going to McDonald’s.” We both start to chuckle at this point. “Well” I said, “since you are going to have to sit in here with me for the next 45 minutes or so, I would be interested to hear why your parents tricked you into coming.”

At 16 years old, Charlie is not all that different from most other teenagers. He seems a little uneasy in his own skin, not completely sure of whom he wants to be, a little standoffish with the adults in his world

and very self-conscious with peers. Charlie’s parents brought him in to counselling to address their concerns regarding his sexual health. Starting a few years back, Charlie’s parents began catching him periodically looking at pornography on the Internet. Though this activity went against the family’s Christian beliefs, Charlie’s parents thought this was just a part of adolescence and tried not to make too big of a deal about it.

Things changed when the police knocked on the door one day. As it was discovered, Charlie had been going on to video chat rooms and then exposing himself on his webcam. Typically these were chat rooms not meant to be sexually explicit and Charlie had been kicked off of several websites. The police eventually got involved in tracking Charlie’s online activity and the seriousness of the situation became even greater when Charlie was discovered to be underage. In the counselling sessions, Charlie began to finally open up about the thrill he got from exposing himself to unsuspecting people and how he thought he would have enough anonymity on the

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All programmes are run in partnership with CWR

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with the facts of living in a fallen world, where good things are often manifested in skewed and misdirected ways. Though I would not see Charlie’s behaviour as healthy, I would still be greatly interested in helping him see and understand the true and healthy model of sex God has designed.

Internet not to get caught. Even so, Charlie also talked about how the thought of being caught, or at least the chance of getting caught, gave him an even bigger rush and he had begun to think about ways to expose himself in public before he was found out. After some time, a tearful Charlie explained how he still found himself obsessing over the idea of exposing himself and wondered if he could ever “be normal.”

In the United Kingdom, the term “dogging” has become well-known in describing the interest and/or engagement in sexual acts in public. Clinically, dogging can be seen as closely related to both exhibitionism and voyeurism. Voyeurism is a sexual compulsion involving watching others in intimate situations, oftentimes without the knowledge and/or consent of the people being watched. Exhibitionism, on the other hand, is a sexual compulsion to expose oneself in a sexual manner to others, oftentimes in public. In Charlie’s situation, a compulsion towards exhibitionism seems to be strongly present. How should the Christian sex counsellor approach this issue?

Though still a treatable condition in psychotherapeutic settings, many secular clinicians choose to see such sexual compulsions (clinically known as “paraphilias”) as a matter of sexual preference as long as no one is being victimized. Although Charlie’s situation clearly did have victims, and infringed upon the law because he was underage as well, a secular counsellor might approach treatment by offering Charlie suggestions involving other methods, such as certain types of pornography or consenting partners. And while some moralists might counter on the other extreme, reinforcing a sense of shame and guilt in Charlie for impulses he does not completely understand, I would offer a third approach.

As Christians, we have the ability to see sex and sexual desire within the greater story of God’s creation and desires for us. At its core, we understand sex as a good gift created by God. Yet we can also realistically deal

There are many different theories as to the origin of exhibitionism in people; such as a form of dealing with rejection. Though any or all of these reasons might be a factor in Charlie’s situation, I would also be interested in looking at the Christian model of sex as being truly “known” and “exposed.” Although Charlie is manifesting an unhealthy desire for exposure, expressed in a completely opposite context from a safe, age appropriate, and committed marriage relationship, part of the core of the story of sex is still there.

I believe that as more of the core of God’s truth can be uncovered, we can live in greater happiness and contentment. From a therapeutic perspective, Charlie can be treated well with cognitive-behavioural, group, or strategic therapies; but the question then becomes: “To what end?” For some, the problem of Charlie’s exhibitionism is deciding how much of the sexual impulse needs to be quashed and how much of it needs to be left alone. I would say that none of Charlie’s true sexuality, the part that God made, needs to be quashed; rather it needs to be discovered and given voice. And by the same token, none of Charlie’s sexuality, as it is now, needs to be left alone, but all has to be taken through the transforming power of Christ.

In the end, I think of a quote from George MacDonald’s work “Unspoken Sermons” talking about the love of God. He says, “When we say that God is love, do we teach men that their fear of Him is groundless? No. As much as they fear will come upon them, possibly far more….The wrath will consume what they call themselves; so that the selves God made shall appear.”

I believe that even in our darkest sexual brokenness, the story of God’s love and grace still comes out in the story of sex.

David Hall is a licensed counsellor and family psychotherapist in practice in Knoxville, Tennessee, in the United States.

David Hall & Michael Sytsma will hold a series of seminars in Christian Sex Therapy in London, beginning in May this year. See “In Touch” section for more details or visit http://www.eccp-ywam.org.uk/ training_sextherapy.htm

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An Ever Changing World n Director of Professional Standards, John Nightingale, shares ACC’s thinking on Continued Professional Development Planning a magazine is not always an easy task, as our editor would confirm [Yes! – Ed] and in the current economic and political climate it is even more difficult as things are changing so quickly. The Editor and the ACC Board originally asked me to write this article on Continued Professional Development (CPD) when it seemed fairly clear that we were heading towards statutory regulation via the Health Professions Council (HPC). As you are no doubt aware, that landscape seems to be changing thanks to a government ‘Command Paper’ issued on 17th February 2011. (For more information look at Page 10 and check our web site under ‘Breaking news regarding regulation’ for any later updates). I have no more to report at this stage on the detailed implications of the ‘Command Paper’ apart from, it may be that full statutory regulation is not going to be the way forward and that a lighter form of government oversight may occur through a system of ‘assured voluntary registers’ administrated by the Council for Healthcare Regulatory Excellence (CHRE). Whichever way it goes, and in anticipation of the changes, ACC is reviewing and updating its position with regard to CPD. Traditionally, ACC has asked for CPD (40 hours over four years) that centres around attendance at certified courses. This view needs to be broadened

Advance News ACC Summer School at High Leigh Conference Centre, Hoddesdon, Hertfordshire from Mon 18 June to Fri 22 June 2012.

to allow a more inclusive approach to the whole topic. CPD is and will be a requirement for all who are accredited – that is Counselling Practitioner or Accredited Counsellor and possibly, in the future, a Registered Counsellor (or whatever someone on the assured Voluntary register is called). For a Counselling Practitioner who is studying to progress to Accredited Counsellor, their CPD will be taken care of by that study. We do not envisage any change to the accreditation criteria unless it is required to enable our Voluntary Register to be ‘assured’. We would also strongly recommend that counsellors who are not accredited comply with the CPD requirements.

I have examined many definitions of CPD and whilst they vary slightly, the one below, I believe, is an appropriate hybrid:“any process or activity that provides added value to the capability for the appropriate execution of professional duties.”

Whilst there is not an agreed single definition of CPD, it is clear amongst all regulated or semi-regulated professions that any accredited member should keep and maintain an up-to-date and accurate record of their CPD activities and these records should be readily available for inspection, on request, from their accountable body. There is not a set format for this record but a table that includes the date and ‘type’ of activity undertaken and a brief rationale as to why, would seem the simplest way of building the record (see example on facing page).

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Association of Christian Counsellors

Further details in the next accord.

Please put it in your diary

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ACC would expect any CPD record to show a variety of different learning activities that have been undertaken; if there is only one type of activity (e.g peer reviews) then this would not be acceptable. We are, however, aware that a portfolio will and should reflect a bias to learning styles that suit the individual member. As well as this, there should be a clear rationale for the choice of activity undertaken and an explanation of how it influenced and developed your practice. It is also important that your CPD should have relevance to the member’s current or future practice and should clearly be aimed at improving the way the member works. For example, if you want to develop a new specialism, it would be logical that for a period of time your CPD would concentrate on that area of practice before actually working with clients.

Equally, it may be that you choose to invest time in deepening and honing your existing scope of practice – either is valid. Ultimately your CPD should benefit your clients.

So what can you count as CPD? It is generally accepted that CPD activities basically fall into four main categories :- work-based learning, professional activity, formal learning and self-directed learning. We have therefore decided to widen the scope of acceptable CPD to include things such as: seminars, workshops, training, reading (please give titles), case studies, coaching from others, reflective practice, committee work, secondments, profession related project work, specialist interest groups, lecturing, teaching, mentoring, tutoring, being an expert witness, giving presentations at conferences, supervising research, being a national assessor,

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writing articles or papers, writing books and distance learning. Whichever activity is undertaken a summary of :- why the activity was chosen, how the CPD is linked to and relevant to your practice, how it has improved the quality of your work and how that improvement will help clients would be needed.

In common with many other professional bodies, having increased the scope of CPD, we plan to initially increase the required number of hours of CPD to 20 hours per annum with effect from 1st January 2012. It should be noted that this figure may be changed depending on which body regulates the profession and what standards are set as obligatory requirements. ACC will also be passing some of the responsibility for signing off CPD portfolios to supervisors when it comes to maintenance applications for accreditation. ACC will reserve the right to call in a CPD record at any stage and will formally check up to 20% of renewal applications each year. Clearly the maintenance of a proper and appropriate CPD file would be a factor in any potential ‘fitness to practice’ investigation.

As stated at the beginning of this article, we are in an ever changing world and one thing is sure, that ‘change is here to stay’. As things unfold about the future of our calling, we will endeavour to keep you fully informed. Keep an eye on the web site for any updates in between issues of accord. As always, our role is to keep you informed of developments, up to date and relevant, and that we will do on your behalf.

CONTINUED PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT PORTFOLIO CPD development activity undertaken

Hours & Date (& provider if relevant)

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Brief explanation of reason Brief description of how activity benefited for undertaking activity your professional development and practice

This is a true and accurate record of my CPD for the past 12 months.

Practitioner’s Signature: Date: This is a true and accurate record of CPD for the past 12 months.

Supervisor’s Signature: Date:

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ACC News Regulation News On Wednesday 16th February 2011 the Coalition Government presented to parliament a new Command Paper entitled :“Enabling Excellence – Autonomy and Accountability for Health and Social Care Staff.”

This paper potentially has major implications regarding the proposed regulation of counsellors and psychotherapists albeit there is no exact reference to the subject.

There are clear indications that the government want to reduce the burden of centralised government regulation. Having read through the publication there are also clear indications that the proposed regulation via the HPC is unlikely to be taken forward.

The preferred route seems to be via the Council for Healthcare Regulatory Excellence (CHRE) and their powers to accredit existing voluntary registers.

The potential changes are suggested in sections 4.4, 4.5, 4.11 and 4.12 of the paper. A full version of the paper can be accessed via the Department of Health web site – www.dh.gov.uk – simply add the title above into the search box on the front page of the site.

The news of this change of direction is not a total surprise but as yet there is very little detail available.

ACC will endeavour to obtain more information and will keep you up to date with developments as they become clear.

John Nightingale – Director of Professional Standards Director of Operations Following the advertisement in the last edition of accord (and elsewhere), we are pleased to announce that Ruth Nelson has been appointed Director of Operations from a very strong field of candidates. She will take up her post in April and we will have a full introduction in the next issue of accord Give your insurance cover some thought!

A member of ACC contacted her insurers about the possibility of their support for a period when she was insured. However her employment had changed and she was no longer counselling so had let her Professional Indemnity Insurance lapse. The insurers advised her that because the policy had lapsed, she had invalidated the insurance cover and she would not be able to make a claim against the time period that she was counselling. Furthermore she was told that there is a very low cost premium for counsellors who are no

longer counselling which maintains the cover for the time they were counselling should any retrospective claims be brought. accord asked Steve Johnson of Oxygen Insurance to comment on this situation:“ What the insurers have said is basically correct, it is the policy that is in force at the time a claim (or a complaint) is made that responds to deal with it, not the one that might have been in force at the time the work was done. This is fine if counsellors switch from one insurer to another while they are still working as it will always be the current insurer and the most recent policy wording and levels of cover that respond to the claim.

There is an issue for those who stop working as counsellors either upon death or through retirement, taking a career break or, as in this case, making a change of career. In these circumstances, there is a need to arrange what is often called run-off cover and this is usually done for a period of three years after the expiry of the last period of insurance.

It is usual for insurers of counsellors to give this cover free, but not all of them do it automatically, that is without being asked. Their renewal invitation documents, however, should include a clear warning about the implications of just allowing the policy to lapse.

The way we deal with this at Oxygen is to automatically extend the period in which claims can be notified after the policy lapses to three years in the event of the death or retirement of the counsellor or of them taking a career break or making a career change or ceasing to be self employed as a counsellor (provided that other insurance has not been arranged).

It is possible to extend the period of this run-off cover where a longer period is thought necessary (for example for counsellors who have been working with children) at relatively low cost.

I don’t know, in this case, how long ago the incident is alleged to have occurred, but if it was within the three years when the free run off cover could have been provided then there may be grounds for the insurers’ decision to be challenged if, for example, the documentation did not contain a clear warning about allowing the cover to lapse.

Steve Johnson (www.oxygeninsurance.com) ACC Europe David Depledge and John Nightingale represented ACC in the UK at the annual meeting of ACC Europe,

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the network of ACCs in different European countries.

On the agenda for the meeting held at Freudenstadt in Germany were such things as comparing standards between ACCs, continuing to explore the possibility of getting European Union funding for training and responding to the Cape Town Declaration (see next news item).

The Cape Town Declaration The Lausanne Movement (www.lausanne.org) held its third great congress in Cape Town, South Africa in October 2010. One thing to come out of this was “The Cape Town Declaration on Care and Counsel as Mission”. The authors say, “Our hope is that this statement will stimulate discussion among practitioners and educators and will lead to a greater engagement with the tremendous needs worldwide”.

The full text of the Declaration can be found at www.careandcounselasmission.org where you can also make your views known. The Board of ACC UK has endorsed the Declaration and ACC Europe has asked to be involved in steps to take the Declaration further.

Membership Survey Thank you to everyone who responded in April 2010 to the membership questionnaire that was sent to you by email. This is a brief summary of the findings that will help us take ACC forward and care for our members. More detail can be found at www.acc-uk. org in the members section. NB This information may not be typical of all ACC members as it is based on the percentage who replied.

• There was an overall response rate of 17% • On average respondents joined ACC 8 years ago • The top three areas of counselling are depression, bereavement and relationships • 85% of our members are aged 40 and above • Most respondents heard about ACC through a training course, a colleague or their church • The top reason for joining was wanting to be part of an association with a clear Christian base

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• Most people discontinued membership due to not continuing in counselling • Most people thought the accreditation process and criteria were similar to other organisations • accord magazine was rated highly • A third of respondents do not attend the regional training events • A fifth of respondents do not look at the website • Many respondents thought that a members panel would be a good idea Affiliated Organisations Survey Results: Summary A review was conducted of ACC Affiliated Organisations to explore their views on current service provision and ideas for potential expansion. Questionnaires were sent, predominantly by email, to all 155 Affiliated Organisations around the UK in April 2010.

Approximately, 26 percent of the sample responded, representing 41 organisations/agencies. Results were entered into an Access database and analysis of textual information was made using basic content-analysis.

Preliminary analysis indicates that in terms of member benefits, the highest value is placed on (i) belonging to a professional body that represents Christians involved in counselling and pastoral care; (ii) membership of a professional organisation with Christian values/statement of faith/ethical framework, and (iii) regular copies of accord journal. Additional benefits valued included keeping members informed of national/policy issues (e.g. Regulation) and provision of staff expertise and support.

New resources/services the affiliates would like ACC to develop included new training initiatives (e.g. more short courses, online CPD, an annual conference) and also additional central services (e.g. access to affordable legal advice, policy templates on web).

The results also provide interesting statistics on the profile of organisation and agencies affiliated to ACC. For example, the five most frequent subject areas the affiliated organisation provided counselling for, in descending order are: (1) anxiety and depression, (2) relationships, (3) bereavement and loss, (4) workplace, stress and anger, (5) trauma and abuse. In terms of sources of referrals, the most frequently cited sources, in descending order, are: (1) healthcare and statutory services, (2) self-referral, (3) church and related sources, and (4) other organisations (including ACC).

More information about these and other results can be found on the member section of ACC’s website at www.acc-uk.org.

Amanda Georgiou & Tony Ruddle

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ACC National Conference Crossing the Causeway was the theme of the ACC National Conference which took place at Swanwick, Derbyshire at the end of January.

The ACC team checked in delegates starting with the Training event held on Thursday and Friday with the Conference following from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon.

Dr Diane Langberg, Chair of the American Association of Christian Counsellors, was the keynote speaker at the Conference. Many had already learnt a lot from her at the training event where she spoke on Trauma.

Another international speaker was Samson Gandhi, General Secretary of ACC South Asia, who told delegates about the developments and challenges of Christian Counselling in that region.

He also ran an excellent workshop about Listening to Leaders.

Samson Gandhi In addition to the international speakers already mentioned, Linda Flament came from Denmark and delegates came from Iceland, Finland, Germany, France, Kenya, Tanzania and Romania.

Director of Professional Standards, John Nightingale, spoke about ACC’s input into the debate on the Regulation of counselling which led several delegates to comment that they had not previously John Nightingale realised just how much time, energy and money had been committed to this work.

Dr Diane Langberg

The Conference Centre was almost at capacity and, as usual, delegates were well looked after by the centre staff.

There is, of course, not space here to report on all the training events and workshops. But, in between the formal learning, there was plenty of opportunity for delegates to learn from each other as they chatted together.

With an event like this, the intensity needs to be broken up by something different. The traditional conference walk took place in good weather with Barbra Depledge leading the way as usual.

Spring 2011

The Saturday night entertainment again involved activity with some taking the dancing more seriously than others. Chief Executive Greta Randle did her best to help Samson Gandhi through the culture shock.

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all, the thing that has impacted on me the most, on a personal level, is that feeling of ‘belonging’, of being part of a community. Of course I have been on lots of courses and workshops over the years (haven’t we all!) but never one like this before. A big enough event to attract excellent speakers from all over the world, yet at the same time inclusive of and engaging with each individual there.

So thank you ACC for an excellent training event and conference. If you are reading this and have never attended the conference I can recommend it. I will certainly be booking my place for 2013.

Liz Potter, Counsellor

Greta Randle and Samson Gandhi enjoying the dancing

Crossing the Causeway Crossing the causeway I retrace a hidden place, not filled with dread, to make me tremble or fear to tread, but hand in hand, I give permission to be led.

The journey is a mystery; an unploughed field, a new frontier, I, summoned like a pioneer.

Rev Bill Merrington

Rev Russ Parker

On a road without a map, although somehow I know I’m coming back, to the place I began, where through pastures green, there flows a stream, in a garden beautifully serene.

Walled and secure I embrace my Saviour

And finally a good time came to an end with Board Member, Rev Bill Merrington, leading a Communion Service, and Rev Russ Parker delivering a challenging message in his own inimitable way.

and who I am, and what I do, and things I can, and can’t do, are swallowed up in some other place where only you can unlock the gate, allowing me to penetrate.

Letter to accord magazine: I have just attended the ACC biennial conference. It is the first time I have been to this event and I just wanted to say what a blessing it has been. On a professional level the quality of the training has been excellent and I have gained insights, knowledge and skills to bring back to the counselling room. But above

You hold me closer, I discard my cloak – the pressures of life that so easily choke – cross this causeway you choose for me, more peacefully, and contentedly.

Jan Bebbington 27/1/11

Oh Lover of my Soul, your one desire is to see me whole.

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Supervision of Christian Counselling Designed for experienced counsellors who have trained to at least DipHe (level 5).

Level 1: thurs–Fri 9–10 June 2011 | Level 2: thurs–Fri 7–8 July 2011 | Levels 3 and 4 will be run in 2012.

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Spring 2011

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Going Home Again: but love don’t live here anymore… n By Gary McFarlane When the work-life balance is challenged and all is not well at home, it affects all aspects of life - life in the workplace, at home, at church and relationship with God. We must either change or change will happen to us.

The first three chapters of Genesis provide the foundation for everything in the Bible about relationships. All else in the Bible is a commentary which sits alongside those three chapters. We learn about the foundational truths of God’s purpose concerning man and woman and God and Man. Understanding and applying the Genesis truths may involve having to challenge some learned and established concepts to which we hold.

Couples enter relationships at the courting stage bringing all their “stuff ” (good and not so good).

There is a collusive fit which brought them together. The individual distorted image of a male bringing their unique impressions and experiences of life and the individual distorted image of a female also bringing their unique impressions and experiences of life, come together. They begin negotiating with each other as they adapt and seek to ascertain whether there are enough common attractions that can hold and carry the relationship.

If time proves to be a glue then the relationship may develop into marriage and the two become one. The two distorted images are suppose to live a lifetime together in harmony. The impressions and experiences of life, including the adaptations they have had to make to survive life, may no longer serve them well in the new oneness. Adapt and survive or live with conflict is now the choice.

They fell in love with the person who had sufficient

degrees of difference and similarities which complemented them. Then they spend a lifetime trying to change the other and make them more like themselves. (Could it be that we never did reach a point of accepting them unconditionally?)

The things which attracted become the very same things that turn into dislike. Henry Dicks says: “The partner attracts because he or she represents or promises a rediscovery of an early lost aspect of the subject’s own personality which, owing to an early conditioning, has been recast as an object for attack or denial”.

We get a glimpse of that from the person who was the life and fun of the party, who attracted everyone’s attention. The attraction is their ‘life of the party spirit’, compared to the other partner’s reserved and somewhat introvert personality. After marriage and as the years go by, those very same qualities start to grate and are now recast as showing off, attention seeking and embarrassing.

We have to take time out to consider the underlying assumptions that govern our attitudes towards marriage and love. They may have been formed unwittingly from our perception of other people (including our parents’ own relationship).

Most of us have a “true” and a “false” self. When we do not much like our self, that will affect our relationship with others. We may portray a side to others as a way to regulate levels of closeness, commitment and intimacy. The way we do relationships with others may reflect the way we do relationship with God. A “pinch” will disrupt harmony and we must decide

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which option to take to deal with the issue which has the potential to de-stabilise. Options include fight, flight, separate, divorce, counselling or going back to an earlier stage in the relationship and start again to renegotiate needs and expectations.

“Crunches” are even more painful and are a de-stabilising assault on the relationship. Like pinches, we must chose an option, including doing nothing. Doing nothing is to coast in the relationship. We are then vulnerable to events in the future which will take choice out of our hands - the outcome of which is not always determinable by the parties.

Our tendency in relationships is to try to get the other person to change so as to meet our want.

That may trigger a reaction in the other person who may want to maintain the status quo. Men frequently flight from a situation and that can take the form of the silent treatment. That exacerbates the situation and taps into the woman’s fear of feeling disconnected. She feeds off his behaviour and he in turn starts to feed off her’s. Both of them are feeling disconnected from each other – having lost their best friend. Neither is getting their need met.

Too often we fight people. We do conflict with people rather than recognise the “who” behind the stuff of conflict. We see our husband or wife, rather than the cause of the tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword. We do not see the who behind the what. The “what” we see are the principalities, powers, death, life, heights, depths which Romans 8 speaks about.

But the question asked in Romans 8:35 is “who”.

Therefore we fight with or flight from the person we are in relationship with rather than the stuff that is the substance of the weapons formed against us (Isaiah 54:17). We allow the stuff to prosper and shift our focus from who is the real opponent against whom we should be fighting using supernatural against supernatural. Recognise the enemy – Satan – in the who and behind the what.

Relationship issues that set in at home will, sooner or later, play out in the family, the workplace or church life. Stuff happens! Life stages can throw up some unconscious behaviours. Love and affection are challenged. Our stability in relationships can

be tested and shaken. Transference of our feelings onto other people gives the Pastoral Carer or counsellor a clue about possible inner conflicts.

Only for so long can we keep up appearances, using defences to hide the inner turmoil that breakdown in our close relationships will cause.

So often, well meaning family and friends offer advice that, in times of marital difficulty, a period of separation will give us the space we need to work things out, to reassess our feelings and make decisions for the future. In the absence of some form of domestic violence or other abuse within the relationship, a separation (to provide time and space to think) will almost always be a wrong decision. Natural inclinations will tend to get us in trouble. At the time of disharmony in the relationship, making right decisions with the other’s best interest in mind is illusory - in that space provided by such a separation.

We were made to be in relationships and strive to be and remain in relationships. Despite the increase in single occupancy dwellings (as we avoid commitment), the mobile phone market increases as we use them to nurture relationships!

But relationships do go wrong. Conflicts arise.

Some conflicts in marriage can be seen as an attempt to put right experiences which have gone wrong in the past. Marriage is the place of healing.

It is the place where we confront our true self.

Don’t leave it too quickly. Robin Skynner says: “Marriage is always an attempt at growth and healing oneself and finding oneself again, however disastrously. Any attempt may fail for lack of sufficient understanding or external help”.

Sometimes our families of origin hold some clues about our experiences that we go through at given points in our lives. There may be family scripts (as a way of behaving) that we have sought to cast off, which mould us and cause us to follow a particular pattern of behaviour. So much of the past continues to live in the present and affect the future. It is self-evident that childhood experiences must have a profound formative effect upon the beliefs we have about ourselves and upon our expectations of others. After all, the child learns to be a parent from their parents.

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Falling in love may be involuntary – so some say! What is for certain, however, is that being and remaining in love is a choice.

We can choose to fall out of love.

Love does not just go. It takes time. Coasting in the relationship like driving, must mean a downward journey and it is not always immediately visible. We can justify the reasons for quite a long time.

Re-editing or trying to correct our script so as to avoid passing it on to our newly created family is not always successful. Our choice of partner may even have been a part of our attempt at reshaping that script. Learning about our family heritage can free us to positively affect our future. Maybe the more we know about our families, the better we are at avoiding repetitive behaviours. Yet blotting out the past unwittingly causes us to repeat it.

“You are just like your…” is rarely greeted as an endearment. Acknowledging an element of truth in the statement can be punishingly painful. Through the backdoor, some of those traits have gained a hold that we sought to reshape.

Be aware of core values. If our core values are trampled, de-valued or undermined, then we may fight and do battle (out of character sometimes) and take even us by surprise. There are some values we will not give up - at least not without a furious fight, but we and our partner may not recognise what is happening.

Conflict is not necessarily bad. Some differences are natural and beneficial. We are unique individuals and therefore we will have different opinions, convictions, desires, perspectives and priorities. That is a part of our diversity and personal preferences. Disagreements can stimulate productive dialogue, encourage creativity, promote helpful exchange and generally make life more interesting. Unity does not demand uniformity. We should not be seeking to avoid conflict, but rejoice in diversity.

Learn to see the little foxes in the relationship; the little problems which left unresolved eat away at the relationship until it becomes a pain and not pleasure (Song of Solomon 2:15).

The five Greeks words for love – if identified, understood and practised, are life savers for every marriage. Every married love life should have all five facets of these aspects of love. Each builds on the other. Epithumia is the strong desire – which is represented by sex. Eros is the romance. Philea is the best friend. Storge is the security and Agape, the unconditional giving. Each has its own special and significant place. Each is distinct, but interrelated and overlaps. Each reinforces the other.

In Song of Solomon we can take example from the King Solomon and his queen about their relationship and apply them as events which transcend time, place, cultures, ages, political correctness, traditions, perspectives, diversities, races and post-modernity. We see features of all the five loves in action. It still remains the world’s greatest romantic literature which is relevant today.

It depicts the problems which can arise in marriage.

The misunderstandings, the joys, elation, dark periods and expressions of joy; yet it leaves us with tools for problem solving, teaches us what love is, how to develop love, stay in love, rekindle failing love, refresh, revise and recommit to love for a life time - with passion. It shows us Epithumia, Eros, Philea, Storge and Agape love actually at work.

Not only are we treated to an insight of Genesis 1-3, and the five aspects of love, but Song of Solomon also shows us an example of Ephesians 5 in action.

Facets of the teaching on submission are on show.

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We see trust developing in front of us such that the husband earns the submission attitude and the two are a symbolic representation of Christ and His church and how to love devotedly.

Increased hours in the office, church life, workplace stress, alcohol, pornography, sex and drugs are some of the precipitating factors of relationship problems, but they can also become the camouflage that provides a temporary false sense of well being and security. Love addiction is less readily identified in the female partner who takes solace in false intimacies from relationships formed from, for example, increased use of social networking websites. Much more common is the false intimacy of the increasingly prevalent pornography and cybersex addiction seen in the male partner.

Counselling, sex therapy or sex addiction therapy have the potential to help individuals and couples to change their mindset, habits, practices and behaviours and in so doing are able to change their lives.

Hope and history starts to rhyme as we begin a work of understanding and reconnecting. In so doing, we inform the here-and-now with the hope of a better tomorrow. Our house starts to become home – not just a room with a view. Life can start to take on colour again. (Something about what the Person-centred here and now work can look like as it is intertwined with some Psycho-dynamic journey into the past).

The story is told of an old Rabbi: “When I was young, I set out to change the world.

When I grew a little older, I perceived that this was too ambitious, so I set out to change my State. This too, I realised as I grew older, was too ambitious, so I set out to change my Town. When I realised I could not even do this, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I know that I should have started by changing myself. If I had started with myself, then I would have succeeded in changing my family, the Town or even the State and who knows, maybe even the world.”

The Alcoholics Anonymous serenity prayer is: “May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The question posed by Charles Dickens “Shall I turn out to be the hero of my own life…” can start to be answered in the affirmative, with a little help from a third person. Add God’s ‘super’ to your ‘natural’ and the combination will overcome all adversity. The Bible does work! Know the truth.

Consistently practice the truth and truth will overcome.

Gary McFarlane BA, LLM is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment all of which are undertaken by Skype, telephone and face to face with clients from all parts of the country. He is also a member of BACP and the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity. www.Garymcfarlane.com Tel: 0786 609 7247

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THE NEW TESTAMENT MANDATE FOR PASTORAL CARE n Ian Macnair I recall a phone call from a member of ACC who was trying to promote pastoral care in her church. The young minister there was more interested in evangelism and could not get excited about pastoral care in the same way. But the New Testament gives us a clear mandate for both if we are to see church growth and the fulfilment of Christ’s mission to build his church.

Any programme for church growth will start from Christ’s statement: ‘You are Peter and on this rock I will build my church’ (Matthew 16:18). Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of interpretation, from recognising Peter as the first Pope at one end or maintaining that the rock was his confession of Christ, not Peter personally, at the other, you cannot escape the significance of this statement.

Peter was a fisherman and when Christ called him he said, ‘From now on you will be fishing for people.’ It is clear from this that evangelism is a major element in church growth and indeed the evidence is that Peter fulfilled this role in the earliest days of the church, ‘netting’ about 3000 believers on the day of Pentecost alone.

But there is another side to Peter the rock. He was to prove very un-rocklike when the crunch came, denying Christ three times with oaths before being shattered by the piercing gaze of his Master.

After the resurrection Peter was singled out for a special interview with the Lord. Three times Jesus asked him, ‘Do you love me?’ Three times Peter replied, ‘Yes, Lord, you know I do,’ and three times Jesus gave Peter a new commission: ‘Feed my lambs … take care of my sheep … feed my sheep.’ Out of the crucible of suffering and failure came a new

sympathy and empathy that would be expressed in pastoral ministry.

What is the difference between a fisherman and a shepherd? A fisherman catches fish but he does not care for them. The shepherd does. He knows the sheep and names them. He feeds the sheep and leads them. He guides the sheep and guards them.

He seeks the lost sheep and restores them.

Later when Peter wrote to Christians scattered throughout the Roman empire he had a particular message for church leaders: ‘Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers – not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock’ (1Pet. 5:2, 3).

There is a balance in Peter’s approach. He never lost his fervour for evangelism but now it was tempered with a pastoral emphasis. For example, he had a concern for women married to unbelieving husbands. We might have expected the big fisherman to say, ‘Don’t let up on your husbands; keep giving them the gospel.’ But no, what does he say?

‘Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives’ (1Pet. 3:1, 2 emphasis mine).

There is a (perhaps unexpected) gentleness and winsomeness about this approach.

‘On this rock I will build my church.’ Evangelism, yes, but also pastoral care.

Ian Macnair is the ACC Membership Secretary

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Ministering to people with Homosexual Struggles n by Phil Barnett The culture in which we live today is one that is highly charged sexually.

All around us are magazine articles, advertisements, TV soap stories and documentaries etc constantly challenging us to focus on our sexual identity.

Official documents often now ask our sexual orientation (as if that is any business of anybody but ourselves) and we see debates on sexual issues within some mainstream denominations creating schism and breakdown in relationships.

In this climate, the needs of individuals who struggle with sexual issues, especially those who profess a Christian faith and wish to live in godly ways, are too easily drowned out by the “sexual noise” round about us. They can often be afraid to express their struggles, and when they do, they may not be heard as well as they need to be. This can be most acute for those who might classify themselves as having a sexual orientation other than heterosexual.

The challenge to us as pastoral workers is to seek out some keys that will enable us to best support those who come to us for help with their struggles. I hope to provide a few pointers in this article.

Feeling isolated, lonely and different Perhaps the first challenge if someone tells us they struggle with homosexuality, bi-sexuality or lesbianism is to feel this is something so unfamiliar that we do not know where to start. But, is it really so unusual? Many of us will have had people share their heterosexual struggles with us: obsessions and emotional dependencies etc with members of the opposite sex, pornography and masturbation addictions, casual encounters and the use of prostitutes. However we choose to label our sexuality, the behaviours we engage in and the inner needs we are trying to meet inappropriately are perhaps far more common than we might immediately think. Much of what is available to help heterosexual strugglers is applicable in other situations too.

As is so often the case, the basic anchor points are in Genesis. We are all made in the image of God,

(Gen 1:27) and we have all fallen such that His image is marred within us. Pastoral Support work always aims to help an individual in their quest to restore (only ever, in part) some of that image. Broken sexuality is one area that mars that image. When a vessel is broken, it can break in many different ways, but the task of restoration is common whatever. It is in Genesis 2:24 also that God first establishes marriage and gifts the act of sex to that institution, beginning a theme that sexual relationships outside of marriage are sinful that extends throughout the Bible.

So perhaps the first principle we must keep in mind is that of consistency. Many people identifying as “gay” can be very wary of churches which may appear to apply different standards to heterosexual and homosexual sins. Generally too, they feel they are different from others. Indeed, rather perversely the whole “equality agenda” is about respecting and making room for difference. Whilst this can be a useful step in fighting prejudice (which should never be condoned by Christians), it does re-enforce the perception that “gay” people are different and there is a gay / straight divide in the human population.

Christians should always work to promote the common humanity of us all as being broken images of God – especially within the Christian community where there is “no Jew or Gentile” and “all are fallen” etc.

Perhaps because of this perception that they are different, many will feel lonely, especially if they feel that they are forbidden a sexual relationship. They are not attracted to the opposite sex and a same-sex relationship is sinful and yet our society seems to be loudly proclaiming that a fulfilling sexual relationship is a basic human right. Is that biblical thinking?

Add to that mix, shame, and there is a strong recipe for isolation and withdrawal from relationships altogether, whereas God wants to “set the solitary in families” and makes it clear “it is not good for man to be alone”. People crying out for the love of God feel it is denied to them. Can we, as pastoral workers help our churches to be places where healthy relationships can be developed?

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Origins of homosexuality There is much controversy over the origins of homosexuality and research in this area is so often biased by “political” prejudices. It’s not possible in this article to evaluate and review what research there is. However, from my own experiences and in talking with many people over the last 10 years I have found it is unusual if at least one of the following three factors does not lie in someone’s background: sexual abuse, a poor same-sex parent relationship (for a variety of reasons) or poor samesex peer relationships in childhood. Even if a genetic component were to be identified, as fallen image-bearers we should not be surprised that the propensity to sin is in our DNA. Does that absolve us from responsibility?

I would therefore suggest that a pastoral worker should focus on the person’s personal story.

Fruitful areas to ask about are childhood, teen years, early sexual experiences, relationships with peers, close adults and role-models especially of the same-sex.

As an example, as a child in primary school, I found myself feeling different from other boys. I had poor eyesight and was not sporty, I had the hair of a girl (or so my mother and many old ladies at church told me), I played piano and went to Sunday School.

These were all things that, in my view, set me apart from other boys my age. I began to envy other boys, what they did and what they looked like. As puberty struck at age 11/12, that envy began to morph into attraction and began to take on sexual overtones. It is not untypical to be able to see the origins of sexual brokenness in a person before puberty begins.

It would be easy to accept I was different from the word-go, and I suppose it would be logical to accept that I was “born gay”. But looking back in a more detailed way, I do see factors and influences, of which the above was only one example of how my own broken sexuality developed.

It can be tempting to see homosexuality as primarily a problem of failure to relate to the opposite sex. Whilst early

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unhelpful experiences of the opposite sex may play a part, it is usually much more a case of failure to relate well to same sex peers and to compensate for that in a sexual way.

Sexual pressures on young people When talking with younger people, we need to bear in mind that sexual feelings will still be developing and maturing. For many, they may not be established until early twenties, and even then there is much evidence that sexuality can be more flexible than one might think. We need to help to relieve the pressures on young people to make sexual lifestyle choices at an early age as much as we need to discourage sexual experimentation of any sort.

Perhaps being a little more honest about the consequences in our own lives of our sexual brokenness might be helpful to them.

A model for understanding homosexuality In ministering to people, it may well be helpful to adopt a model that breaks homosexuality down into three aspects: behaviours, attractions and identity. Indeed, whatever our sexuality, it probably impacts us, or is expressed, in those three ways. I have already stated that, where behaviours are concerned, the tools we have to help with heterosexual issues are probably just as effective with homosexual ones.

As regards to identity; this is perhaps where we have the strongest clash with the sexual culture in which we live. As Christians, our identity must primarily be in our relationship as a Child of God and “in Christ”. Within this world, there are pressures to identify sexually on a gay – straight spectrum. Should a child of God use his or her sexuality as a major marker of identity – especially as the bible would describe so much of the sexual behaviour around us as sinful? As Pastoral Workers, the challenge here is to ground the people we are helping in their relationship to God. Attractions, as shown in the example above, probably have

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roots in our early experiences and self-perceptions.

They may be very ingrained by adulthood and hard, perhaps impossible, to change, but not necessarily hard to understand and therefore learn new ways to react. Attraction to someone never has been (perhaps until recently) the major justification for a sexual relationship. If it were, serial adultery would be the norm. Whatever, our orientation, we exercise control to some degree or another. For Christians, much of that control is found in our moral values and beliefs about God’s Word.

Looking at behaviours, attractions and identity as three distinct aspects can also help us not to jump to conclusions if someone shares with us “bombshell” statements: “Pastor, I’m gay!” Many of those who come to True freedom Trust, might never have had a physical sexual experience but are wrestling with an identity issue because of the pressures of society and the attractions they feel. Others may well have lived in a variety of “gay” lifestyles including a long-term loving relationship.

For some, the sexual attraction and drive of a relationship might be strong and for others, it’s the emotional closeness and bond of a person of the same sex that is the over-riding force. Each person has their own story – so we should explore what “gay” really means for them?

What about church?

The extract from my own story that I shared reveals two important underlying issues that many with same-sex attraction have in common: firstly, an embedded conviction of being different and secondly a failure to build healthy same-sex friendships. Churches that desire to be helpful to strugglers will need to consider how to generate a threefold environment: 1. A safe place where these issues can be discussed openly, so that those in need have no fear of expressing their deepest struggles. Shame must be minimised.

2. A more than inclusive culture such that a person with issues of self-perception and selfconfidence can feel fully accepted and welcomed.

3. A community of same-sex believers

who are willing to build healthy relationships with the struggler that may well initially be more demanding than usual in their depth. This community may also need to embrace a wider concept of masculinity and femininity than it might be used to.

The emphasis in many churches on (nuclear) family life can mitigate against such an environment. It does so at the expense of the wider context of the family of God, and frustrations are often even expressed by heterosexual single people in churches about this, let alone homosexual strugglers.

Biblical approaches to helping people with issues have universal applicability. We have already discussed encouraging a deep understanding of our identity in Christ and the assurance of God’s love for us.

Moving in deeper, many people can be helped by allowing space for confession, repentance, renunciation of the past and work on forgiving those in the past who have wronged us.

One great danger in helping homosexual strugglers is promising more than perhaps God promises to us. We should not assume that a heterosexual marriage is the goal God has in mind for everyone, although some will achieve that.

However, God is always interested in developing our characters into godly image bearers irrespective of our sexual attractions and feelings. The teachings of Jesus show us that often these character changes come about through self-denial and taking up our cross. Perhaps we need to walk with others as they explore how God is using their sexual brokenness as a means of moulding their character, in bringing blessing to others and to explore how God is drawing them to Himself through their experiences.

How do our churches value the experiences of those in our congregations who have undergone painful personal journeys, or are still going through them? Are these hidden from view or celebrated as the redeeming acts of God? What can I do, as a pastoral worker in my church, to ensure they are seen and celebrated?

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Here is a case study to think about …

SIMON is an elder in a local church. He has been a Christian for twenty years and is a respected member of the community. He spoke out loudly against homosexuality when his church campaigned against a local council’s stand for ‘gay rights’. He seems happily married and his wife is a Christian. They have four children. Simon’s job in computer technology takes him abroad occasionally. He is forty-four years old. (fictitious story) ‘I feel as if I’m going mad... If I don’t talk to someone soon... I just don’t know what I’ll do.

There’s something no-one else knows anything about... I guess it will blow your mind.... You see.....

When I got married my wife knew I had been involved in homosexual relationships. It was all in the past and we were very much in love.

I’m not aware of strong sexual feelings for other women, but Irene and I have always enjoyed a good sexual relationship. On one of my visits to Holland I felt really low. Pressures of work and loneliness seemed too much. I wandered the streets of Amsterdam and fell into sin with a really good looking guy I met in a bar... I guess this must shock you... I’m not trying to make excuses... I felt terrible afterwards, but he’s so loving and affectionate... I thought at first I would be able to control my sexual feelings. There was something about the situation which I found exciting... I didn’t want to... But I did.

That wasn’t the end of it. Many times on my travels, I found the temptation to pick up another man again very difficult to cope with... I struggled and struggled, but despite some victories, frequently fell. I didn’t have the same problems in England, it was just whenever I went abroad. No-one knows anything about this... Until now.

The worst is yet to come... I went for the AIDS test ... I’m HIV positive. Part of me wishes I hadn’t gone for it... Part of me wishes I could throw myself under a bus ... Maybe I’ll have the guts to do it! I just don’t know what to do!... Will I have to tell my wife?

It’ll be devastating for her!... She’ll be infected too... Maybe even our youngest child?... Perhaps I should simply pray for healing?... How will God heal me, after all that I’ve done... What a hypocrite!

I just feel I want to escape... Pretend

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that none of this nightmare has really happened...

Perhaps I’ll wake up and find it’s all not true.”

SIMON was brought up by an aunt and uncle. He was conceived as the result of a casual relationship and never knew his father. His father does not apparently know of his existence.

His mother died during childbirth and Simon was not expected to live. He spent some time in an incubator.

Prayer revealed that the little baby felt he didn’t have a right to be alive. He felt he had to almost earn his birthright. It would seem that his mother was under considerable stress when carrying Simon and full of guilt. She may have secretly tried to abort him.

His relationship with his aunt and uncle, who were, as far as he was concerned, his parents, seemed very good. He was aware of being loved by both of them and experienced affection and affirmation, although he can remember his uncle being away from home quite often.

He was a fairly lonely child. Although he had some friends he often felt he had to earn their friendship and used to try and please them with this in mind. His teenage years were difficult and a lot of his friends went away to University. He did not go to college until he was in his twenties and this is where he first experienced homosexuality. Whilst on his way home, he passed a place where homosexuals used to meet and went back there several times. Then he became a Christian and was so involved in Christian activity that his homosexuality ceased to be much of a problem. He had quite a dramatic conversion experience.

He is usually attracted to mature men with a strong build and personality.

How can I respond to the person who is content with their same-sex attraction?

Furthermore, they may come with a belief that God approves of sexual relationships within a same-sex setting. Such a person may or may not have a Christian Faith, but nevertheless maybe seeking help and acceptance from the church community.

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For church leaders, how this is handled will depend very much on the characteristics of the church culture. It raises many questions, and these will have to be asked and resolved in three arenas: with the person themselves, amongst the congregation and amongst the leadership. The easy solutions are to adopt a more liberal theology, or to challenge the person and risk a “Rich Young Ruler” situation.

Maybe Jesus would aim to be their friend, show them love and see what the Holy Spirit will do in their life, lavishing grace upon them, and maybe this is the more difficult and challenging path to follow. It is certainly a path that involves relationship and time; a joining with them on their journey and a time of learning for all involved. However, inevitably there would have to come a “Rich Young Ruler” moment.

My personal view is that the fellowship life of the church should be freely available to all, but I would reserve church membership (where that applies) to those who are willing to take on the challenges of deeper discipleship and to submit to church discipline.

What that discipleship looks like will be shaped by the individual church and by the answers to questions such as: Is the person a Christian or a non-Christian?

If a Christian - how open are they to studying scripture with you and getting to grips with the theology?

Which then leads on to discussion about some of the current scripture interpretations that the “gay churches” promote and how to counter them.

If a non-Christian - they need to come to Christ before you can really start.

Basic teaching on the nature of sin, repentance and redemption will have to lay the groundwork.

Why have they come to your church?

What is it that you are offering that attracts them?

Depending what that might be is where you need to begin to build the relationship.

Being in relationship can be a very different thing than being a church member - but how does that work in practice in your church?

What is the experience of the other “fringe people” in your church situation? - How do they relate?

If celibate at present - do they intend to stay that way and why?

If in a relationship - are they expecting you to accept that and bless it long-term? Why?

If having casual sex etc - how do they perceive that in relation to sin?

Is there an agenda - e.g. are they wanting to make a stand for gay marriage and take you to court if they don’t get it, or make a fuss in the Press that you refused Holy Communion?

What about the person in my congregation who is a “struggler” in this area - how will they be affected?

How public can you be / will they be about their situation and views with your congregation?

What are the issues that this will raise for your congregation?

How prepared are they to be understanding, welcoming and non-judgemental?

What have you done previously to prepare them for this happening?

What are the rules in place in your church re: membership, taking of communion, holding office?

Do things need to change in preparation for this?

What is our policy?

At what point does church discipline kick in, how is that done, and is it being applied consistently in other sin areas?

The answers to these questions can only be worked out in the individual situation, and perhaps only go to highlight the challenge there is to the church in this area of ministry.

Phil Barnett is the Regional Ministries Overseer for True freedom Trust; a ministry to teach and encourage individuals, their families and friends as they deal with issues around same-sex attractions, working in partnership with Christian leaders and local churches to promote a biblical pattern for sexual relationships based on Gen 2:24. www. truefreedomtrust.co.uk A committed Christian for 40 years, he is part of the leadership team of a church in Buckinghamshire and has been married to Jill for 35 years. They have 3 children and one grandson. Phil has a degree in Physics from Imperial College, London. In 2000 he retired early from a career in IT, Project Management and Customer Service within the telecommunications industry and now works in a voluntary capacity with a variety of Christian Ministries. Phil admits to being same sex attracted, but does not believe his sexuality defines his identity or lifestyle.

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TRAINING WORKSHOPS AND INFORMATION SHARING DAY

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Saturday 7th May Christian Life Ministries, Parkside, Coventry CV1 2HG

Time 10am - 4pm Plenary

Afternoon Workshop

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Choose from • A Comprehensive Assessment of need for couples in crisis • Sandplay

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Spring 2011

Understanding Pornography – a Pastoral Carers’ Perspective n Tony N. Tufnell “I’ve got a problem!”

“I’m in trouble - my wife has found out”. “Can you help me?” says Peter* to me – to you. He goes on: “Sheila is threatening to leave me. She found dirty pictures on my computer. She went ballistic. I was stupid. I forgot to switch off that damn machine.

Now she’s mad and I feel dreadful that she’s found out.”

As his story unfolds, you learn that he saw his friend’s adult magazines when he was about 12 years old. It was exciting and he discovered the pleasures of masturbation. The fantasies began to fill his mind. The internet opened up a whole new pornographic world to him and he spent more and more time in his room. His school work suffered, he stopped playing football, and shunned his friends.

Peter left school and found a job in banking which he enjoyed. His career progressed and he rarely visited pornographic sites. In his early twenties he returned to church and met and married a young lady in the fellowship. He hoped this would finally solve his pornography problem.

At first all went well. But after the second child was born, and with increasing pressures at work, Peter found relief in entering the fantasy world of his teen years. He spent more and more time accessing pornography on the internet. His attitude to his family changed and he became more distant and isolated from his wife and children. Then his wife found out...

So just how can you and I help him?

Peter’s story is not unique. Sadly it is a common one in both secular and Christian society. Pornography comes from the Greek ‘porneo’ meaning uncleanness or lewdness. It can be seen as a sin, in the same way that pride, selfishness, covetousness etc are sinful in the eyes of God. Pornography is viewed by both men and women, but it is more widely practised by men. This article is restricted to male pornography addiction.

What is the difference between erotica and pornography? This is an interesting topic for

discussion! ‘The majority of porn out there is degrading to women.’ (Pamela Paul –‘Pornified’) Then how should art – paintings of naked women hanging in the National Gallery for example – be defined? Perhaps it lies in the creator’s intent – to paint a beautiful woman or to deliberately excite and sexually arouse the viewer.

A study into pornography in 2009 found that single young men viewed x-rated material on average 3 times a week for 40 minutes each time. They couldn’t find a single man who hadn’t viewed pornography! 90% of porn is taken from the internet and 10% from video shops. (The Mail Online 3.12.09) Frequent viewing of pornography is a part of sexual addiction. Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related behaviour which interferes with normal living, and causes severe stress on family, loved-ones, and one’s work environment.

Viewing pornography can be the tip of the iceberg. There may be visits to massage parlours, prostitutes, orgies, and possibly paedophilia. It’s available on the TV, as DVDs, by phone chat lines, magazines (so-called soft and hard-core), books, mobile phones, and the internet.

It appears from the earliest cave drawings that visual pornography has existed a very long time!

The Roman ruins of Pompeii have revealed sexually explicit wall drawings outside rooms which illustrate

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what is on offer inside. The Old Testament describes the unacceptable sexual practices associated with worshipping Canaanite gods. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was brought about because their societies were riddled with deviant sexual behaviours. Only in 1959 was it deemed necessary to have laws to regulate printed pornography – the Obscene Publications Act. The development of the World Wide Web opened the pornography’s industry to a mass market. That industry now has a turnover equal to that of the Coco-Cola business worldwide.

Why is the visual effect so powerful in men? Maybe God’s command to man to be “fruitful and multiply” is the answer!

How else will this happen unless men are attracted to women? And how else will this happen unless the male eye is attuned to the beauty of the woman? Pornography is the ugly result of male lustful imagination, far in excess of what is needed to attract a real relationship. Pamela Paul writes “…for men, the visual experience of sex is very important, which is why men get drawn into pornography…. women are more sensual and are more likely to be aroused by the look-touch-talk-hear of flirting… they (men) are built for porn”. Paul again: “At least half of the men in Christian churches struggle with pornography at some level”. (Pamela Paul – ‘Pornified’) Generalisations are always difficult. But there are some common trends in men who are addicted. Life seems dull and uninteresting. He may feel lonely, isolated and abandoned. The addict may have been abused as a child or as a teenager. Addictions can be interrelated. Having given up one, the person gravitates to another.

So what is life like for the addict? Dr. Patrick Carnes, father of sexual addiction therapy, says, “Sex becomes the priority for which they sacrifice

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everything. They put sex before their children, spouses, and friends, despite great cost to themselves. Distorted fantasies and satiating behaviours that are obsessive to the point of physical harm are used in an attempt to resolve the addict’s desolate loneliness. Addiction can be viewed then as an intimacy disorder.” (Facing the Shadow) The roots of sexual addiction can be complex. Early exposure to pornographic material and abuse may contribute. There is no explanation as to why some children and teens seem able to shrug off the material so available to them, and others become fixated. Some children have discovered their father’s stash of material. It is amazing what children can find around the house when Mum and Dad are out!

What does the addiction do for the addict? He becomes increasingly engrossed in the pictures. He will find sexual activity which excites him for a while. Then he will view increasingly degrading and explicit images, including violence towards women. He may begin paying for films.

Viewing till early morning or all night causes exhaustion.

His work life will suffer. He is most likely to masturbate frequently. The culmination of a session on the computer excites erection, and the release of such tension is achieved in masturbating himself. In this process, a cocktail of hormones “invade” the pleasure location in the brain to produce a “high”. This activity is referred to as “acting out”. The excitement of the experience leads him to find more “exciting” material, and he finds himself drawn towards images increasingly depraved.

His spiritual life will take a nosedive. He may begin to give up on churchgoing - he hasn’t got the time.

He spurns friends, and family.

The wives of the addicts will have their own

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struggles. Do they voice their suspicions or not?

They may question where large sums of money are going. Others see the browsing history of sites visited on line. It is amazing how careless many addicts are in this regard! Wives may be disgusted with their husband’s behaviour. They feel this has tainted them too. They can feel abused – when there has been sexual intimacy was he comparing them to the pornographic images? They can question their own sexual attractiveness.

Except for the very occasional user of pornography, I believe counselling is necessary for all addicts.

Treatment assesses the extent of his addiction – including other aspects of sexual addiction. Current practice is to invite the addict to begin a 90-day period of complete abstinence from all sexual activity, or “sobriety” (Patrick Carnes “Facing the Shadow”). This enables the body to adjust to an equilibrium without the drive for constant hormonal boosts and bring the brain back to “normality”. 90 days is seen as optimum for this purpose, but does not put too much a strain on the spouse who will be denied intercourse for this period. The counselling will include the wife of the addict and her reactions and feeling about her husband’s activities.

After time the addict’s sense of wellbeing returns, proper sleep patterns are restored, and former healthy activities return. Temptation is gradually overcome. The addict begins to have hope that, in spite of some lapses, he is making progress. Lapses are not condemned. My practice is to find out what happened. To work out how to meet personal needs without acting out is the objective of therapy. All this takes time. Practitioners in the US, principally Patrick Carnes and Mark Laaser, write of 6 months

to 2 years as typical recover time. At the right time in the process, work may be needed to restore the marital relationship. A marriage enrichment course may be helpful too.

For effective recovery, it is important that the pastoral carer, church leader or counsellor doesn’t add to the addict’s pain by indicating their own shock at the news. This addiction is similar to other addictions and the addict can be helped to overcome it successfully. If those who hear the story can offer acceptance of the person whatever they have done, the addict can begin to feel valued and be helped to improve his sense of self-worth. Acceptance does not mean condoning the sin but recognises that we are all sinners in need of God’s mercy and grace.

The challenge is to stay alongside them through the lengthy process of recovery. Our attitude to the addict is key to a successful outcome. This is step one.

Step two: Confidentiality is vital. Who really needs to know the man’s issues? Scripture speaks of “covering” sin – not to ignore it but to ensure that the man’s condition is not worsened by knowing that many people share his secret. It won’t help his wife or other family members either if his addiction is known.

Pornography involving children is a very different matter and I suggest you get in touch with the Churches’ Child Protection Advisory Service (CCPAS) for advice.

Pastoral carers can help by listening to his story.

Encourage him to express his feelings about having been discovered. Now what does he want to do about all this? When their secret life is revealed, many men are shocked to realise they have a problem. They had assumed that their secret would remain so. The embarrassment of discussing it with another person is demoralising in the extreme. The addict will begin his journey only when he determines to come out of the addiction. This may take time.

Step three: Listeners and carers must exercise patience! When the addict is willing to undergo treatment, the best approach is a mix of professional counselling and pastoral care supplied by the church.

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So step four – help the addict to find a counsellor experienced in working with clients who are addicted to pornography. The pastoral carer may then become the addict’s mentor. This is someone who is willing to befriend the person, meet regularly with him and to whom he can be accountable. This is agreed with the counsellor, the addict and the carer/mentor.

Of course prayer works! So all those involved with the addict can pray privately. Praying with the addict should be with his permission and again not where anything could be overheard. Sharing through prayer must never happen!

A vibrant men’s group in the local church can empower and equip men to find fulfilment in their Christian faith and in their personal lives. In an accepting and understanding environment, men can share their temptations and find support, prayer and care from each other. This would be the perfect group for the recovering addict as there his need for genuine male affirmation can be met. Some churches have allied themselves to CVM – Christian Vision for Men, an organisation which encourages men into ’brotherhood’.

The Bible warns us of the dangers of sexual sin and gives us confidence that sin does not have to rule our lives: 1 Cor. 6: 18 reads, ‘All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but the one who sins sexually sins against his own body.’ And Romans 6:13f. says: ’Do not offer the parts of your body to sin...For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.’

We all have a part to play when a person who is addicted to pornography comes to us – carers, counsellors and church leaders. Our care may never be known to anyone except the addict and God, but effective and committed help is vital.

So what happened to Peter? He received counselling and accepted the 90 day abstinence. He found strategies to use when tempted. One of these is having a caring mentor. Perhaps the best result was that Peter and his wife publicly renewed their marriage vows and went on a second honeymoon! (*Names and identifying details have been changed).

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Resource Materials – Sexual Addiction.

Bibliography: Tangled in the Web 1st Books Library

Dr. Kimberley S Young 0-75962-288-4

In the Shadows of theNet (2nd Ed.)

Patrick Carnes PhD Hazelden 1-059285-149-5 An Affair of the Mind Tyndale House

Laurie Hall

Don’t Call It Love Bantam Books Pure Desire Regal

Patrick Carnes 0-553-35138-9 Ted Roberts 0-8307-2335-8

Pornified Henry Holt

Pamela Paul 0-8050-813-2-1

CD: “Purify” Produced by CARE (London). Songs, music, Scriptures and prayers to help centre on the healing grace of God for those in recovery from sexual addiction. Obtainable from CARE, 53 Romney Street, London. Tel: 0207 233 0455. www.care.org.uk Helpful Internet Sites: www.sauk.org.uk Details of “Sexaholic Anonymous” groups. Useful questionnaire. www.covenanteyes.com Computer monitoring software. www.sexualrecovery.com Sexual Recovery Institute, US. Various articles, and a self-test. www.sexaa.org

Sex Addicts Anonymous – a fellowship of men seeking to overcome their addiction. www.r-a.org Recoverers’ Anonymous – a 12-Step Guide. Self-help. www.ccpas.co.uk Churches Child Protection Advisory Service.

Tony is willing to give help to those struggling with this addiction, as well as those willing to help them.

He will consider speaking engagements both for carers, leaders, and counsellors, practising and in training.

He may be contacted on 01277 221784, mobile 07984 146898, or by email tonytufnell@talktalk.net

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Feeling the Squeeze n The right advice to the financially squeezed could literally be a life-saver, says Marianne Clough at debt charity Christians Against Poverty.

There’s no doubt that with a VAT rise, the price of energy and petrol going up and Government cutbacks, no one will be exempt from feeling the effects of this financial crisis as we go through the year. However, for the most vulnerable, it will be further pressure in an already fearful existence that requires much support.

A quick overview shows the scale of the problem: • Individuals owe more than the whole country produces in a year and those with unsecured loans owe on average more than £16,000.

• The Job Centre has recently agreed to give out vouchers so people can collect free food parcels from a growing Christian charity, the Trussell Trust.

• The Joseph Rowntree Foundation reports that a record 2.1 million working families are living below the poverty line, and another million more by 2014.

• A recent study by insolvency trade body R3 shows that 19 million people in the UK are worried about their levels of debt.

Faced with the huge scale of the problem across Britain, is there anything anyone can really do?

The best advice from the start is to safeguard yourself from sudden changes to income which come in the form of job loss, illness in the family and relationship breakdown. Working out a household budget and learning to save are foreign ideas in our society but definitely worth rediscovering in this age of austerity. More than 700 churches have trained with Christians Against Poverty (CAP) to deliver the CAP Money course for people to learn just how to do this. Find a course near you on www. capmoney.org.

Another great source of advice is Martin Lewis’ website: www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/ Budget-planning.

How do you know if someone is receiving all the state benefits they should? www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits runs an easy checker.

Personal financial concerns are a peculiarly isolating issue. Considering it is so widespread, money is still a very private matter so when it goes wrong, the vast majority delay asking for help and struggle on, compounding the issues. The best advice to anyone is debt is to contact one of the organisations that offer free help. CAP, Citizens Advice Bureau, Debtline, and Consumer Credit Counselling Service. The vast majority of the “we can consolidate your debts” adverts seen on television are from companies that are expensive, even if good, and in most cases they will add to the overall debt.

Do not rely on good intentions to enable you to do debt counselling for someone else. One of our supportive MPs with a background in law said it was extremely difficult and now gladly passes all his struggling constituents in debt onto CAP. Money equals success in the minds of many.

Personal pride has a big part to play so poverty, even when caused by situations like illness or death rather than just overspending, remains hidden until the debt is overwhelming. People in debt fear the judgement and condemnation of those around them more than almost everything else. However, for some clients sorting out their finances is easier than they might think. CAP has a good working relationship with the majority of major banks and creditors and the most vulnerable, terminally ill or very elderly, do sometimes see their debts wiped out.

Regularly husbands and wives will even keep a dire situation to themselves without talking to their spouse. Sue, a mum living in the North East, shouldered the problem alone, stuffing unopened mail into hiding places around the house without her partner knowing.

She was unable to sleep - a common feature of the lives of people in debt. She paced around at night trying to figure out how to free herself from this devastating conundrum.

Only when she stood to lose the family home did she seek help from CAP. Since then she has seen her

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situation completely transformed and the family have taken on a kind of “Ready brek” style glow!

When debt is out of control, life is very miserable.

Creditors call through the day and night, bailiffs arrive and the household can feel under siege. No wonder, then, when the stress is so great that 74 percent of our clients have visited their GP to find some relief, with 44 per cent prescribed medication to help them cope. Sometimes the debt is not the biggest issue but can contribute to making life feel an insurmountable challenge. One client had just one water bill but because he suffered from depression, was not able to pay it off before the court would add to the amount payable and he was truly desperate.

CAP’s methods to combat the loneliness of debt are to partner with the local church so that people in need are seen faceto-face in their own homes.

Alongside the vital business of tackling the debt, contacting the creditors and stopping the interest payments, a team of befrienders regularly check up on the client, take them out and help address other areas of need in their lives. This kind of help was a lifeline to Kay in Edinburgh who had been suicidal with debt: “I would be taken out for a coffee and suddenly I had something to talk about with people.”

Karen, a mum from London, described how the phone would ring 30 to 40 times a day. “I was seriously considering walking away from my family because all the debts were in my name and I thought that that would allow them to get on. We were literally living off £20 per week to feed all five of us. I dropped my friends. I didn’t want to have to admit to them the trouble I was in. Being in debt can isolate people. You never stop thinking about it. We’re not extravagant people. We have never been on a foreign holiday as a family. We don’t own a car and we don’t wear designer labels. Our debts were just incurred through bad decisions.

I was in £10,000 worth of debt. Now I think we will be debt-free in about 15 months, which, before Christians Against Poverty got involved, I couldn’t see happening.”

Once in debt, vulnerable people with no support are likely to pay those who shout the loudest, which includes doorstep lenders and more aggressive creditors. This often means that even the most basic necessities for life (food, shelter and heating) are neglected for the sake of paying off debts. Before

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getting in contact with CAP, 72 percent of clients sacrificed meals to pay off debt and 30 percent of all clients did so regularly. A visit from CAP often means a peek into the cupboards to check there is something to eat in the short term.

Single mother, Leonora said: “Debt meant we didn’t have much money for food. I missed out on meals myself to make sure the kids could have the little that we had. We had to scrap around for things and put two and two together. I was depressed. As a mother, with children looking at you for something to eat, it made me feel useless and incomplete.”

Unless you’ve been in debt, it’s hard to imagine how stressful it can be. 77 percent of CAP clients in relationships said debt affected their relationship, with 28 percent saying it caused their relationship to break down entirely. One client Tessa said: “Debt turned our relationship into one big argument and in the end we split up. I ended up in temporary accommodation with the kids and the debts were still there. I was drinking all the time, was really, really depressed and ended up having a breakdown.”

It is worth saying that mental illness regularly comes hand-in-hand with debt. A study by psychologists showed that someone with six or more debts is six times as likely to suffer with poor mental health and our own findings back this up. More than a third of CAP clients say they seriously considered suicide as a way out of their debts. Yet our charity’s experience shows that whether it is bankruptcy, a debt relief order or just carefully managed budgeting and repayments (as in the majority of cases), most people can be living a debt free life in five years. There is hope - and it starts with a phone call.

Christians Against Poverty is a national debt counselling charity with a network of 150 centres based in local churches. CAP offers hope and solution to anyone in debt through its free, unique and in-depth service.

The service is largely funded by individuals and churches wanting to contribute to a 21st Century way of caring for the poor and needy. In 2010, CAP helped around 19,500 people. The charity hopes to have a centre in every major town and city by 2015.

Anyone needing CAP’s help can ring free on 0800 328 0006 or find our more at www.capuk.org

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Training News Barnabas Counselling Training In December 2010 BTI came under new management with the name of Barnabas Counselling Training.

Originally the vision of Roger Altman (Barnabas House), Rosemary Pavey-Snell took over the company in 1993 and it grew rapidly to the forefront of Christian counselling training in the UK. The training courses offered have changed in shape over the years and now include a Pastoral Care course, a correspondence Introduction to Counselling course, Counselling Levels 2 (Skills) and 3 (Studies)and Diplomas in both Counselling and Supervision. There are also some ad hoc CPD courses, for example a Diploma in NLP. Managing Director Pauline Andrew says “The new Board of Directors consists of four couples with some great experience to launch the next stage of Barnabas’s development, including several trainers, three psychiatrists, a wealth of business experience and a heart to bring cutting edge training that reflects current trends in the world of counselling. This will include developments in Attachment, Neuroscience and the interface with Mental Health, reflecting the changing role of the therapist in the twenty-first century”.

Barnabas courses take place all around the UK, wherever we have a group of people wanting to train.

Taster days will be starting this year, explaining the process of becoming a counsellor and all the different options students might take up. Julie Allday remains as Administrator based in Arundel, although the main operations base shifts to Essex/Suffolk.

For more information and details of courses near you, call 01243 554462.

Pauline Andrew, Managing Director and Susie Donaldson, Director of Training Standards at Barnabas Counselling Training

UK’s first Christian led degree in counselling CWR has launched the UK’s first single-honours BA degree in Counselling taught from a Christian worldview. Leading to an award by Roehampton University, the pioneering programme is part-time and delivered over four years.

Much celebration followed the news from Roehampton University that the rigorous and lengthy approval process had reached a successful conclusion. Although demanding commitment and application from students, the course is built flexibly and can be accommodated around the calls of work and home. The taught elements of the programme are delivered primarily at weekends.

CWR says it has retained the integrity of its historic approach to counselling training. The new degree offers training to the highest professional standards within a strong Christian framework.

Years One and Two of the programme are similar to CWR’s long-running Waverley Certificate of Christian Counselling and subsequent Diploma. The new degree is already generating interest from past students of these courses, as they look to access Year Three directly.

The new degree programme will be led by ACC Accredited Counsellor, Heather Churchill, who says ‘The BA programme has got off to a wonderful start, with healthy enrolments and great student feedback from the first sessions. There’s a real buzz about the place.’

With a Year One cohort having begun in November and a Year Three cohort in January, CWR’s Director of Training, Elizabeth Hodkinson, is thrilled for the programme to be underway: “There is much excitement as we take this big step forward. Our hope and prayer is that in the next few years many hundreds will gain university validated counselling awards and then use their learning, gifts and skills to help thousands.”

Further information about CWR’s new BA (Hons) Counselling can be found by visiting: www.cwr.org. uk/ba or by contacting Admissions Officer, CWR Waverley Training 01252 784731 registry@cwr.org.uk

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Book Reviews ‘Healing Timeline God’s Shalom for the Past, Present and Future’

by Catherine Thorpe ISBN 978-0981913704 Timeline Press Cathy Thorpe is based in Seattle and is a longtime friend and colleague of Peggy Pace who has developed a new therapeutic technique called Lifespan Integration. LI is subtitled ‘connecting ego states through time’ and describes itself as ‘a gentle, body-based therapeutic method which heals without retraumatising.’ It is based on developing a visual timeline of memories to ‘facilitate neural integration and rapid healing’. Sounds complicated? The beauty of Lifespan Integration is that it’s not. It has a growing number of adherents and has been used successfully as an additional tool within talking therapy both in the US and the UK for the last 7 years.

But Cathy Thorpe has taken things one step further with her own book and process called Healing Timeline – God’s Shalom for the Past, Present and Future. With Peggy Pace’s full permission and support, Cathy has developed a ‘Christian’ version suitable for use within church healing and counselling settings. In her book she describes how the Healing Timeline is comprised of three basic steps: (1) asking God to guide the client to a memory related to a current problem; (2) inviting Jesus into the memory scene, and (3) ‘proving’ to the brain that the problem is over with repetition of the timeline.

Sounds too good to be true? Cathy backs up her claims with a wealth of clinical experience and case examples presented throughout the book. Healing Timeline provides an ‘accelerated healing method’ and is easy to understand and easy to apply. In the book Cathy provides a hypothesis as to why it works from the perspective of neuroscience. This is not an in-depth discussion and indeed none of the book is heavy, but it is accessible to anyone who wants to add another tool to their toolkit for helping people resolve emotional and psychological issues from the past.

It’s good to talk: and sometimes it’s even better when there’s a tool that can unlock things faster.

Carolyn Spring Cathy Thorpe will be speaking at the Midlands and East Anglia Annual Training Event in Leicestershire on 10 and 11 June 2011. For further details please go to www.tasc-online.org.uk/cathythorpe.html.

Connecting with your Asperger Partner

by Louise Weston ISBN 978-1849051309 Pub. Jessica Kingsley The title of this book says it all. It is extremely apt for the content of the book and it does what it says on the tin! The style is easy to follow having lists, charts, bullet points and headings together with pages of text. It gives advice on living with an Asperger partner in very practical terms, right down to how to construct a conversation that is clear and will be understood. The book recognises the difficulties of relationships that have not yet identified or had a diagnosis of Aspergers but then gives many tips, a wealth of information and support to the neurotypical partner. It also talks about the quirkiness and associated fun and joys of an asperger partner, which I can endorse.

At first my reaction was that the book indicated that all the adjustments that need to be made are by the neuro-typical partner and that the asperger partner gets away with carrying on with business as usual.

But the more I read and recognised my own family situation, the more I realised just how many of those things I have been doing for the last 40 years and it has paid off. By using the strategies suggested and making the adjustments the relationship becomes much more harmonious and life is made less stressful.

In addition, it gave me the confidence that doing things for me and giving myself some time out, is actually beneficial to us both and my partner is not upset by my activities, but is glad for time to pursue his activities alone. Although I have been doing things without my partner, it released me from the guilt I carried.

This is a great book to give information to other family members so they can understand and use some of the techniques described. It would also be very useful for counsellors for the same reasons. There are specific chapters of interest e.g. Communication, Letting go of Expectations, Surviving Blunt and Harsh Words. However the whole book taken in context is an exemplary picture of Aspergers Syndrome, its impact on ordinary life but also the vast improvements that can be made and the enjoyment that is possible in the relationship.

Anon

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Dementia: Frank and Linda’s Story ISBN 978-1-85424-930-2 Monarch 2010 Worshipping with Dementia ISBN 978-1-85424-931-9 Monarch 2010

by Louise Morse “Dementia: Frank and Linda’s Story” is not a technical book, though it contains much information. It is the story of a married couple dealing with the emotional and practical effects of one partner having dementia. It is this story which brings home so vividly the frustrations of someone whose mind begins to fragment, the difficulties that are encountered by the carer and the practical considerations of care homes and funding.

This book focuses on truly compassionate care for those with dementia, care that brings new understanding to the situation and new hope to both sufferers and those who love and care for them. I found the chapter on ‘tipping points’ especially helpful as it supports the care giver in times of crisis and decision-making which can be so isolating and guiltridden.

Though this is a difficult topic I was struck by the theme of positivity and encouragement that runs through the book. The strong message is that while a person may appear to lose their identity, their identity is still there and they have only lost “their ability to make sense of themselves and their world”. Louise explains the specialised early care for Alzheimer’s known as SPECIAL and includes a ‘passport’ which details personal preferences, life themes and core beliefs which enables carers to relate to the essence of the person, offering truly ‘person-centred’ care.

One of the important themes of this book is that a person can be emotionally supported by the elements in their life that gave them most fulfilment.

Christian fellowship and spiritual support play a vital part in keeping a person with dementia peaceful and secure knowing their identity is in Christ and cannot be shaken. The second book, ‘Worshipping with Dementia’, is a resource book of devotions for dementia sufferers and carers which directly speaks to the concerns and fears common in this situation and points their eyes back to God’s love and care.

I would thoroughly recommend these books and wish they had been available when our family was dealing with these issues.

Mary Hall

The Christian Handbook of Abuse, Addiction & Difficult Behaviour Ed. Brendan Geary & Jocelyn Bryan ISBN 978 1 84867 033 4 Kevin Mayhew 2008 p/b 383 pages [individual chapters also available as a Christian Handbook series] A half-way house is a useful place to stop and catch your breath and reflect on your journey so far. This handbook on Abuse, Addiction and Difficult behaviour is just that, a useful half way house. There is more detail and background than the very general advice books (like Peter Hicks’ What Could I Say?) and more general content than specific books dealing with each single issue. This book is available as a unit or as individual chapters dealing with: child sexual abuse, domestic abuse, addiction to alcohol, substances, gambling, sexual addiction and internet pornography, dealing with difficult people, adult bullying and violence in the workplace.

Each chapter (or booklet) offers a helpful description of the issues and some detailed research, which occasionally is a little too detailed or technical. A Christian response is always offered alongside some very helpful “do’s and don’ts”. Further reading and resources are also given for those who wish to take this further.

In addition, there is a chapter on “Caring for yourself ” which is included in each individual booklet. This chapter is helpfully written but is aimed at those who find themselves in a leadership position and dealing with some of the issues in the book. I think it is too good to be limited for it contains much good advice and should be read before any of these significant pastoral issues hit! The book (but not repeated in the booklets) also contains a well argued chapter on Practical Theology.

As a halfway house, this book is neither a more wide ranging overview nor a very detailed engagement with the issues the editors have chosen, however, as a stand between it achieves its aim in a readable, useful and accessible manner. I found the editors’ selection of subjects curious; I wonder why the issue of Mental Health was not chosen despite both its impact on Pastoral Carers and the significance on the issues discussed in this book. Perhaps that is a set of topics for another Handbook.

Jem Sewell, Pastor, Slough Baptist Church

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Diary UK ACC in the Midlands and East Anglia

ACC in Northern Ireland

HEALING TIMELINE Friday 10 June 2011 19.30 to 21.30 and Saturday 11 June 2011, 09.30 to 17.30 at St Wilfrid’s Church Hall, Church Road, Kibworth Beauchamp, Leicestershire, LE8 0NB. Speaker: Cathy Thorpe MA (visiting from the USA).

Cathy is a Licensed Mental Health Counsellor with a speciality in trauma and relationship. Healing Timeline is a new process developed by Cathy Thorpe from work devised by Peggy Pace’s Lifespan Integration.

Email paul_niven@sky.com for further details. To book and pay online go to www.tasc-online.org.uk/ acc-cathythorpe.html.

Cathy Thorpe is also speaking in Northern Ireland at Glengormley Methodist Church, Belfast Sunday June 5th 2.15 to 5pm, and Monday 6th from 9.30 to 5pm.

Applications to madeline@communityworksonline. com

ADVANCE NOTICE 2 ¬ 3 March 2012 Annual Conference, Speaker: Russ Parker Rev Dr Russ Parker is Director of Acorn Christian Healing Foundation, which exists to resource and educate the church in the Christian Healing Ministry.

Russ is also a co-founder of the Community of Aidan and Hilda whose mother house is situated on the holy island of Lindisfarne. He is a founder member of the Fellowship of Christ the Healer (UK and USA) which exists to resource leaders of residential healing and healthcare initiatives. He is co-founder of Wholecare, an initiative to support and resource Christian healthcare professionals within the NHS.

GETTING TO THE SIMPLE HEART OF THE COMPLEX PROBLEM Friday 17 June 2011 09.00 registration to 13.00 plus lunch at Hothorpe Hall, Theddingworth, Leicestershire, LE17 6QX. Speaker: Isabel Clarke In over 20 years of practice in the NHS Isabel Clarke has developed a simple, emotion-focused approach to making sense of mental distress. She is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist, working in acute mental health in the NHS. She publishes and talks on the psychology of spirituality, and has always had a deep interest in ecology, having been active in Greenspirit for many years.

Email briggs.debs@googlemail.com for further details. To book and pay online go to www.tasconline.org.uk/hothorpe-clarke.html.

ACC in North East England CARING FOR THE CARERS The ACC North East Spring ‘Training Day’ will offer something slightly different this year. We thought our members might appreciate a little time of rest and reflection and we would like to offer a Quiet Day/ Themed Retreat, of relevance to all those in pastoral, counselling and caring roles.

Saturday, 16 April at Holy Rood House, in Thirsk.

Contact Amanda Georgiou on northeast@acc-uk.org or phone 0845 123 5263.

He has a post graduate degree in Phenomenology and Theology from Nottingham University in which his thesis was entitled Dreams as a Religious Phenomenon. In particular it was given for the standard of scholarship in his latest book “Healing Wounded History” which is about reconciling peoples and healing places.

Details of our Autumn 2011 seminars to follow in the summer edition of accord.

If you would like to get in touch with us or share any ideas or thoughts around ACC NI, feel free to contact Meriel on: 084 5123 5188 or 028 9042 7214 or nireland@acc-uk.org.

ACC in the South West Linda and Julie continue their involvement with Hopes Place. Linda will be training in Guernsey on ‘Loving is Tough’ and in Cornwall on ‘Couple Counselling’. Julie will be offering and hosting further Deep Release days.

WHO CAN TELL ME WHO I AM? April 9 (Deep Release) SIBLINGS April 10 (Deep Release) CREATIVE DAYS June 11 and 12 (Deep Release) All of these days will be held at Shipham Village Hall, a very comfortable venue. Shipham is just off the A38, a short distance from J22 on the M5. Information and booking for the Deep Release days please contact Julie Timm on timmjulie@yahoo.co.uk. For all other training contact Wendy Haslam on wendy.h@eclipse. co.uk.

See the web site, www.acc-uk.org for up to the minute news of ACC events throughout the UK.

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In Touch Study professional Counselling and Supervision courses in a Christian setting. All courses validated by CPCAB CERTIFICATE IN COUNSELLING SKILLS (Level 2) Starts Sept 2011 CERTIFICATE IN COUNSELLING STUDIES (Level 3) Starts January 2012 DIPLOMA IN THERAPEUTIC COUNSELLING (Level 4) (2 years) Starts September 2011 CERTIFICATE IN SUPERVISION (Level 6) Starts Oct 2011 For more information please contact Sarah Prior: s.prior@spurgeons.ac.uk or Tel 020 8653 0850 South Norwood Hill London SE25 6DJ www.spurgeons.ac.uk

COUNSELLOR PLACEMENT OFFER and EXPERIENCED COUNSELLORS NEEDED CCT (New Forest) offer a professional counselling service in the New Forest area and are looking for more counsellors to join the team as the service is expanding.

The service is a charity and affiliated to ACC. We operate from various churches in the New Forest area, though counsellors can come from outside of this area.

Placement: The applicant needs to be attending a Diploma course, preferably recognised by ACC and ideally in the “adapted CWR/Crabb model” or similar.

Experienced Counsellors: Accredited with ACC or BACP and able to utilize a Christian Counselling Model. For this position a financial package could be negotiated.

Team meetings, socials, retreats and training etc are arranged from time to time.

Telephone CCT(NF) Administration on 01425-618108

Dealing with Stress, Anxiety & Burnout 15-17 April Ellel Glyndley Manor, E. Sussex (01323 440440)

Specialist 20 hr Telephone Listening Course (ACC Accredited) providing core Training for Christian Telephone/Helpline work.

Saturdays May 14th & 21st, June 11th & 18th 2011. 9am – 1pm at CCM, Coventry, CV2 2AA There is an opportunity to apply to be listeners on Crossline on completion. Courses can be provided for a minimum of 8 people at any location.

Further information: John Pither Crossline Coventry 02476 615931 or crossline@covcitymission.org.uk

The Church & Israel 3-5 June Ellel Grange, Lancaster (01524 751651) Jesus Heals! - Free Event 21 May Ellel Pierrepont, Farnham (01252 794060) Healing & Identity 17-19 June Ellel Scotland, Huntly (01466 799102) Healing Through Forgiveness 16 April Red Hill Christian Centre, Stratford-uponAvon (01789 731427) Steps to Freedom from Fear 6-8 May Ellel Northern Ireland, Ballyclare 02893 344401 For more information contact the Centre as above.

To receive our 2011 Handbook listing all our UK courses please call 01252 797381 or visit us at www.ellelministries.org

Ashby de la Zouch and Loughborough Reg charity no.1082850 Professional, confidential, short and long term counselling and therapy for a wide range of issues.

Placements for counsellors on degree or post grad diploma courses.

Supervision for other professionals/ organizations.

CPD –Mercy Ministries 5th Feb 2011 – self harm and eating disorders. £35.

Babette Rothschild Making Trauma Therapy Safer 15 -16 October 2011. £210 if booked before July 31st For more information: 01530 560921 Please leave a message. thehavencounselling@btconnect.com www.thehavenashby.org.uk

UCHM Graduate Diploma in Christian Counselling Commencing September 2011 For Christians who want to counsel explicitly or implicitly with their faith.

NOCN Accredited, ACC recognised and containing necessary elements for BACP accreditation. Clear progression route to BSc in Therapeutic Counselling at Leeds Metropolitan University in view of proposed Government regulation.

Information packs available.

Coming up as part of UCHM’s CPD Programme: Introduction to Non-directive Sandtray Weekend Fri 10 June, Sat 11 June 2011 Trainers Roger and Christine Day. Early booking recommended to avoid disappointment.

For more information and details of other training events, Tel 01484 461 098, visit our website www.uchm.org Email: uchm@uchm.org or write to UCHM, The Elms, 78 New St, Milnsbridge, Huddersfield, HD3 4LD

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In Touch

Based in Lewes, East Sussex A team of experienced, professional Christian counsellors Counselling for adults, irrespective of faith Subsidies available Person-centred/ integrative approach Telephone: 078 5222 1449 E-mail: mail@ southovercounselling.org.uk

Address: Church End, 1 Cockshut Road, Lewes, East Sussex. BN7 1JH www.southovercounselling.org.uk

The Olive Tree Centre Counselling Services We seek to help and support those who are suffering emotional and personal issues helping them find a way forward through their difficulties.Particularly in the following areas: Bereavement * Trauma * Loss * Physical/ Mental/ Sexual Abuse Depression* Relationships * Stress* Drug/Alcohol Abuse* Gender * Sexuality *Anxiety Loneliness * Marriage Counselling is carried out by professionally trained counsellors using a range of recognised models of counselling.

For more information Tel: 07817 106295 Or write to: PO Box 2018, Rayleigh Essex SS6 7FD E-Mail enquiries@olivetreecentre.org.uk Registered Charity No 1075617

We offer a wide range of dynamic, interactive, well-illustrated CPD COURSES including 4 May: Living with Depression (Adrian & Bridget Plass) 5 May: The Problem with Food Plus Attachment - Inner Child Trauma & Dissociation Mental Health Issues Creative Counselling Plus our own Deep Release training programme Principles/Practice of Deep Release Levels I-4 For full details and a brochure please contact us: Dr Chris & Pauline Andrew 01277 226121 info@deeprelease.org.uk www.deeprelease.org.uk

The Consultancy team offers a wide range of Personal & Professional Services ‘helping people get on in life and work’

Including FREE (Funded by Skills Funding Agency & ESF) Information & Advice career, learning & work related services under its ‘Next Step’ service contract for Adults over age 19 SE Region (incl Hants, Berks and Isle of Wight) • See Website for more information ‘matrix’ accredited • MARY BARKER (Managing Consultant & Director of Counselling Services) Tel/Fax: 01256 477 225 or 01983 292 588; Mobile: 078 23 77 53 54 Email: BridgeUK@aol.com Web: www.thebridgeconsultancy.co.uk

BARNABAS COUNSELLING TRAINING Certificate and Diploma courses in Counselling Pastoral Care Course Level 5 Intermediate Diploma in Counselling Supervision Diploma in NLP Hemel Hempstead, 2-3 and 16-17 April (4 days total) For more information and details of courses near you contact Julie Allday 01243 554462 info@barnabastraining.com

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Looking for a listening ear?

Open House is a free counselling service for young people and part of Guildford YMCA. Open House is open to any young person up to the age of 30. It is open to all, regardless of gender, religious conviction, cultural background or sexual orientation. Counsellors will arrange to meet you at one of the YMCA locations in Guildford.

CCTS teaches a high quality, professional, Christ centred biblical model of counselling.

Introduction to Christian Counselling.

We are running this popular course again .It is ideal for anyone involved in pastoral care, social action/ community work, or of course those wishing to explore counselling itself.

Southampton: over 3 weekends , 6–8 May, 10-12 June, 8-10 July 2011.

Closing date: 26 April (Early bird rate– 18th April) Edinburgh: October - December 2011, Certificate in Christian Counselling.

For anyone seeking counselling or who may wish to refer someone, please call 07932 047778

NOCN Level 3 - Southampton: Autumn 2011, dates to be confirmed.

Do leave a message.

Tel: 02380 385247 e-mail: counselling@ccts-southampton.org Website: www.ccts-southampton.org

A counsellor will respond within 24 hours to take brief details.

Central Counselling & Training Service, Central Hall, St Mary Street, Southampton, SO14 1NF

We are pleased to offer the following training courses in Carlisle: Grief and Loss: Friday 13th May 2011, 9.30 – 12.30 £20 Attachment Theory in Practice: Friday 15th July 2011, 7.30-9.30 £15 EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing: Friday 14th October 2011, 9.304.30, £45 An Introduction to Christian Counselling, Level 2: £160 plus £45 fee for OCN. Run over 5 Saturdays in Sept, Oct & Nov. www.borderlinecounselling.co.uk Tel: 01228 596 900

The Willows Counselling Service Level 2 Introduction to Pastoral Counselling will commence on 26th April 2011.

Level 3 One Year Certificate Course in Integrative Counselling This is planned to commence in September 2011.

Saturday Training Days: 7th May – “Life on the edge, an exploration of Borderline Personality Disorder” Anita Stokes 21st May – “Myers Briggs Type Indicator” Mike Fisher 11th June “Changing Minds in therapy, emotion, attachment, trauma and neurobiology” Margaret Wilkinson 9th July – “Spiritual dimension in person centred counselling” Canon Stuart Taylor For further details, please contact: Avril Fray at The Willows 01793 426650 E-mail training@willowscounselling.org.uk Christian Caring in the Community Charity Registration No.1037677

‘road to restoration’

RESTORATION FOR ABUSED PEOPLE (R.A.P) COUNSELLING & ADVICE For the abused & deprived age 14yrs plus Within Greater London for 10years Free Counselling in areas of Physical, sexual, mental, spiritual, emotional abuse.

(CBT/Person –centred/Integrative/ Biblical Counselling approach) OR Advocacy on human rights & spiritual abuse – Regionally & internationally TEL: 020 – 7473 4550 Mob: 07960 172928 Email: info@rapcharity.co.uk WWW.rapcharity.org (or .co.uk) OPEN: TUES – THURS (10am – 4pm) Venues: Stratford Arcade & Barking & Dagenham CVS (By appointment only)

❖ A counselling service for adults in emotional crisis or distress

❖ Based in Chippenham, North Wiltshire

❖ Staffed by a team of professional and experienced Christian counsellors

❖ Person-centred and integrative approaches Tel: 01249 443810 Email: olivebranch89@tiscali.co.uk www.olivebranchcounselling.org.uk

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In Touch Beulah Counselling Service serves the community by offering affordable counselling to those in need of support.

We provide a listening ear in a safe environment where difficult feelings can be aired, shared and explored, creating the opportunity for positive change and growth.

INTRODUCTION TO CHRISTIAN SEX THERAPY With David Hall & Michael Sytsma 20 – 22 May, 2011, London This modular training is ideal for Christian counsellors working with: Couples experiencing sexual difficulties Couples wishing to enhance their intimate relationship Individuals seeking to overcome sexual addictions For information and application please visit: www.eccp-ywam.org.uk/training_ sextherapy.htm

Beulah is based in Edgware, NW London.

Contact us on 0208 906 8664 or email beulahcounselling316@ googlemail.com

Hosted by ECCP Training Youth With A Mission

email: training@eccp-ywam.org.uk Phone: 020 7471 7030 www.eccp-ywam.org.uk

MINDSET The Conference A conference for youth workers on Mental Health and emotional wellbeing When?

Saturday 2nd April 2011 Where?

Soul Survivor Watford Warehouse 5-7 Greycaine Road Watford, Herts WD24 7GP Cost Standard booking £30 To Book visit www.premier.org.uk/mindset Call 08456 52 52 52 (Mon-Fri 9am – 5pm) A limited number of tickets will be available on the door.

THE LIGHT HOUSE

(Christian Care Ministry) CPCAB courses in Counselling Skills Level 2 & Counselling Studies Level 3 Starting September 2011 Courses are recognised by the ACC Our Courses are also available under Franchise Agreement For more information on the above courses please contact Julie Lancaster on the telephone number below External supervision also offered by qualified supervisors Discounted supervision rates for students Telephone: 024 7644 0095 Fax: 024 7645 1141 Email: info@lighthousechristiancare.co.uk www.lighthousechristiancare.co.uk Lifespan Integration Workshops

The Harnhill Centre of Christian Healing Brings the healing love of Jesus to all who visit.

Jesus teaches that through Him we can be whole in body, mind and Spirit Individual Prayer Ministry (by appointment or residentially) Training Days/Training Weeks The Harnhill Centre, Harnhill, Cirencester, Glos.

GL7 5PX

01285 850283

office@harnhillcentre.org.uk www.harnhillcentre.org.uk

in Portrush (N Ireland) on Fri 3/Sat 4 June 2011, and in Sheffield on 9/10 June, taught by Cathy Thorpe MA (Seattle USA), a Licensed Mental Health Counsellor with speciality in trauma and relationship.

This workshop will provide participants with the skills they need to begin using the basic Lifespan Integration protocol with their clients. After completing this workshop, therapists will be able to use LI to help their clients with attachment issues, anxiety disorders, difficulties with affect regulation, with self esteem, and with most other current issues which are related to a history of abuse or neglect in childhood. The beginning Lifespan Integration training briefly reviews the neuroscience of integration, and describes how trauma affects the encoding of explicit memory. During the workshop, participants will have the opportunity to practice using and experiencing Lifespan Integration therapy under supervision.

Applications and further information available on www.LifespanIntegration.com N. B. Places are limited, so allocated as applications received!

[UK cost: earlybird £232, late £257: £215 concessions] UK contact: sheelaghmont@hotmail.com

Limit of indemnity

Total annual cost of the insurance*

£1,500,000 (one point five million GBP) any one claim

£61.00

£3,000,000 (three million GBP) any one claim

£71.00

£5,000,000 (five million GBP) any one claim

£101.00

*The cost of the insurance includes insurance premium tax at the current rate of 5%