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Issue no. 64 Autumn 2009

Refocussing - Diane Divett Don't short change your sleep - Arch Hart Eating Disorders - Jane Smith Plus Loss of a Child


ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN COUNSELLORS The Voice of Christian Counselling Head Office 29 Momus Boulevard, Coventry CV2 5NA Tel: 084 5124 9569/9570 or 024 7644 9694 Fax: 084 5124 9571 email: office@acc-uk.org Web: www.acc-uk.org Professional Standards Accreditation Office, 73 St Giles Street, Northampton, NN1 1JF Accreditation Contact: Val Nightingale Tel: 084 5124 9572 Fax: 016 0463 5498 email: accredit@acc-uk.org ACC Executive Chief Executive: Greta Randle Tel: 084 5124 9569 email: ceo@acc-uk.org Director of Professional Standards: John Nightingale Tel: 084 5124 9572 email: accredit@acc-uk.org Director of Pastoral Care: Steve Seedall. Tel: 0779 693 4458 email: pastoral@acc-uk.org Regional Representative: Syd Platt. Tel: 0845 123 5189 email: southeast@acc-uk.org Chair: Tony Ruddle email: chair@acc-uk.org Company Secretary: Sue Monckton-Rickett. Tel: 079 6617 6767 email: monckton@tiscali.co.uk ACC Regional Representatives Scotland: Ruth Harris Tel: 084 5123 5169 email: scotland@acc-uk.org Northern Ireland: Meriel Pinkerton Tel: 084 5123 5188 or 028 9042 7214 email: nireland@acc-uk.org South East: Syd Platt Tel: 084 5123 5189 email: southeast@acc-uk.org South West: Margot Haley Tel: 084 5123 5242 email: southwest@acc-uk.org North East: Amanda Georgiou Tel: 084 5123 5263 email:northeast@acc-uk.org

Congratulations to those who have accredited since the last issue Accredited Counsellor/Supervisor Hilda McKinney - Belfast Accredited Counsellor Amanda Pike - Camberley Avril Parker - Braunton Christine Beckhurst - Rushden Gillian James - Sale Heather Churchill - Romford Hilary Shepherd - Larne Jane Jackson - Edenbridge Jill Lawrence - Chingford John Ball - Gravesend Owen Ashley - Fleet Robert Lawrence - London Susan Steady - Coventry Vitalis Chigbu - London William Hawes - Peterborough Emeritus Accredited Counsellor Margaret Yeomans - Latvia Counselling Practitioner Albert Boyle - Portadown Anne Clark - Tamworth Diane Leakey - Stockport Lesley Dean - Bedford Lynda Stothers - Greenisland Martine Bailey - Lewes Ophelia Hughes-Lartey - Glasgow Susan Butler - Worthing Susan Flint - Tamworth Ze Markee - Croydon Caroline Jebadurai - Watford Emeritus Counselling Practitioner/Supervisor Roy Bishop - Reading Emeritus Counselling Practitioner Avril Bond - Redruth accord always welcomes contributions to consider for publication.

We cannot, of course, guarantee that a particular item submitted will be included. We recommend therefore that you e-mail us with your ideas so that we can send you our guidance for contributors.

To contact accord please e-mail: accord@acc-uk.org

Please send all correspondence relating to accord to Head Office

contents 

Refocussing - Diane Divett 4-7 ACC News 8-10 Don't short change your sleep - Arch Hart 12-13 Eating Disorders - Jane Smith 14-17

North West: Sean Charlesworth Tel: 084 5123 5264 email: northwest@acc-uk.org

Healing from Trauma - Carolyn Spring 26-27 In Touch 29 - 31

Midlands: Chris Blissett Tel: 084 5123 5265 email: midlands@acc-uk.org Wales: Mary Hall Tel: 084 5123 5267 email: wales@acc-uk.org Registered Charity Number: 1018559 Limited Company Number: 279154 Cover photo courtesy of Scott Liddell Layout and print by The Ocean Group, Coventry. T: 024 7656 0920 F: 024 7656 0930

Issue 64 Autumn 2009

Winter 2010 Spring 2010 Summer 2010 Autumn 2010

Accord Dates Press Date 4th December '09 5th March 2010 1st June 2010 2nd September 2010

Publication Date 31st December '09 30th March 2010 29th June 2010 1st October 2010

accord is published by the Association of Christian Counsellors. The views expressed by the contributors are not necessarily endorsed by the Association. Readers should make their own enquiries about and assessment of claims made by advertisers. All material is Copyright of the Association and/or the authors and should not be substantially reproduced without written permission. Brief extracts may be quoted with acknowledgement of source.


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Editorial ■ By Greta Randle As Christians in a world-wide church we have the benefit of fellowship, support, friendships, teaching and so many other things, by receiving from each other. God has given gifts to His church and the recipients are to share them with others, “to equip God’s people to do His work and build up the church, the body of Christ…” (Ephesians 4:12 NLT) I am continually inspired when I meet ACC members, not least for their commitment and dedication to God, and the people who come to you for help, support and counsel. It is heartening to recognise how much pastoral carers and counsellors are giving to others, as part of their service to God. We are living in a society that is based upon getting things, acquiring more and more, borrowing money, buying and shopping. A society that thinks only of ‘me and mine,’ that has forgotten how to be a good neighbour, that spews aggression and violence. As Christians, we have a different perspective. We are called to love, share, have compassion, and to give. Our members demonstrate these values by meeting with those who are hurt and wounded, week by week. ACC seek to support and equip you in your work as the scripture above exhorts. There are a range of benefits we can offer; training, regional networking, Accord magazine, accreditation, conference, an ethical framework, and advice. We trust that you will take advantage of all these things. In addition we also pray for our members each Thursday in our staff morning prayers. We would ask you to contact us if you wish us to pray specifically for you. The Regulation consultation is now in full flow and you will be hearing from us, by way of an individual letter, outlining the ACC response to the Health Professions Council. We have been prayerful about the comments we will be making, and we are continuing to pray that God’s will be done in our organisation.

I would like to make all members aware that not a week goes by at Head Office, without some issues around complaints being raised. We often have counsellees enquiring how to make a complaint about the practice of their counsellors, students who are not satisfied with their training agency, or affiliated organisations who are processing a complaint. British culture has become one which is very aware of complaining, compensation rights, and having their say. Following a conversation or advice from us, some people follow it through with invoking the formal process whilst others choose not to make it formal. Occasionally the issue raised is outside of the complaints procedure and hence is not appropriate to be investigated. It may be helpful for members to know the advice that is given. Complainants are first encouraged to follow the principles of Matthew 18, speaking to the person with which they have a difficulty. If a counselling centre is involved then their complaints procedure is the next stage. If a complainant finds that their complaint has not been answered to their satisfaction, then they may wish to use the ACC complaints process as outlined in the Ethics and Practice Framework. This kind of conversation has increased enormously over recent years. In the regulated world, complaints will be the responsibility of the Health Professions Council who will have a range of sanctions including, in the most serious cases, the ability to stop people from working as a counsellor. November 1st has been ACC Day of Prayer for the last two years. This year it will be a Sunday. Can I encourage you to pray, and maybe your churches could support your work by including you and ACC in their prayers that day too. Please pray for: • The future of counselling in a regulated world. • Each of the committees who work in ACC; Training Standards, Accreditation, Regional Representatives and each of the regional committees, executive and the board. • Each of the members who continue their ministry through pastoral care, counselling and training others to take on the baton. • The launch of the new Pastoral Care Foundation Course.

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Refocussing Theory and its practice Refocussing Therapy ■ By Dr Diane Divett Introduction: Refocussing is both a theory and practice designed specifically for Christians. The intentional integration of psychology and theology has been thoroughly researched to provide ‘a seven foci system’ to allow focus on the whole. Unique and central to the theory and practice are the ‘God Spaces’, which provide a predictable, reliable and repeatable way for people to connect to the ‘empowering presence’ of God. By using God Spaces people are empowered in the therapeutic session to locate (find), access (experience) and develop (describe) their own unique experiences of God and what He/She wants to show, tell, or give them. The latter in relation to any ‘unmet needs’ that may require healing, resourcing or resolving in order to obtain increased health and wholeness (the goal of the therapy).

The theory and its therapeutic practice I have been fortunate and somewhat uniquely positioned to have engaged in research as ‘a pastoral theorist in action’ but from the perspectives of a New Zealand Maori, an academic (completing a Ph.D at the University of Auckland) and as a co-senior pastor/minister (alongside my husband Hamish) of a large central Church in Auckland New Zealand. These combined allowed me to develop the theory and practice of Refocussing (Divett, 1997, 2004). Refocussing developed as the result of a personal quest. I was motivated by the multiple roles I was engaged in as: a pastor, a counsellor, a supervisor, a teacher, a preacher, a conference speaker, a consultant to churches, and an evangelist. At that time I perceived a glaring gap in the Christian counselling literature. Specifically, what was missing was a theory and practice that was not only

sound academically - integrating both psychological and theological theories (Divett , 2004, p 190-273; Jones and Butman, 1991), but also a theory and practice that allowed for the presence and power of God to be included in a counselling session in a way that displayed predictability, reliability, and repeatability (Divett 2004, p.129-187). Inclusion of the ‘empowering presence of God’ in a session was considered particularly important so that congruence with sound theology could be achieved (Fee, 1994). The rationale for this was based on years of pastoral theory and practice (Patton,1993; Woodward & Pattison, 2000), whereby I and other researchers had concluded that the presence and power of God was one of the main contributors to profound healthful changes for people (Divett, 1995, 2004; Poloma,1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000). However, I also observed: (1) Many Christian counsellors (especially professionals) avoided helping their clients engage with God in counselling sessions; possibly because they lacked a sound theory and practice to facilitate them to achieve this; (2) Christian counsellors attempted to include God in the counselling process by various means such as prayer, quoting biblical references and so on. But how this was achieved, often resembled ‘something’ more akin to good luck rather than good management.


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(2) Allows a way to focus on and attend to people’s ‘unmet needs’ in all dimensions - the transpersonal (spiritual), the interpersonal (social/ relational, recreational, vocational), the intrapersonal (intellectual, emotional, moral, physical)

Because I too was lacking a sound theory and practice to achieve what is described above, I decided to try to be part of the solution to the problem rather than carry on with my own clumsy attempts. So I became proactive and I began with a research question – Is there a way people can encounter God in therapy that displays the hallmarks of predictability, reliability, and repeatability? Accordingly, my quest led to the research and development of Refocussing. To achieve this I researched and brought together the best of psychology and theology into a coherent theory and practice so that: (1) the most extraordinary change agent (the Holy Spirit) could be included in the counselling process with attention to sound ‘scientific’ process so that a predictable, reliable, and repeatable way of encountering God’s empowering presence could be achieved to facilitate ‘wholistic’1 healthful outcomes; (2) in a way that attended to safety and sound professional process and ethics; (3) so that Christians could be at the forefront of what constitutes excellent theory development and practice; (4) so that further research could be encouraged and conducted to add to what has already been carried out, which demonstrates (a) the robustness of Refocusing as a sound theory and practice and (b) evidence of remarkable outcomes achieved by those using Refocussing (Spain, 2000, 2001, 2002; Cameron,2003a, 2003b); Jenkins, 1999b, 2005a); Kay,2001a, 2001b, 2002a 2002b; Sharkey 2005, Calvert, 2005) . The actual theory and practice of Refocussing provides a way of integrating psychology and theology into a unique seven foci system which: (1) Allows for the highlighting of ‘needs’ to occur using ‘needs’ as the common construct that transcends the differences in the two disciplines, so that they have a ‘common language’ to ‘talk’ to each other;

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(3) Provides seven distinct foci, namely: - Focus 1, The God Focus using God Spaces to encounter God; Focus 2, The Cognitive; Focus 3, The Affective Focus, whereby, emotional and or ‘child parts’ can be attended to, Focus 4, The Sensory Focus, whereby a way to attend to all faculties is made possible in the session, including the visual, the auditory, the kinaesthetic, the olfactory; Focus 5, The Physiological or Body Focus, whereby all movements, and ‘body memory’ can be attended to; Focus 6, The Evil Focus, whereby the therapist is provided with a sound way to differentiate between what is evil and that which is a mental disorder; and Focus 7, The Symbolic Focus, whereby various interventions are used such as drawing, art, sand tray, and movement to help externalise information.’ (4) Presents an adapted version of David Grove’s ‘clean language’ process, coupled with the seven foci to ensure minimisation of ‘contamination’ by the therapist (Grove1995, 1998; Lawley & Tompkins, 2000). (5) Provides a coherent system to achieve focus on the overall goal of Refocussing therapy, and that is to bring people into wholeness. (6) Describes a unique pivotal aspect - the God Focus, known as God Spaces, which provides a theory and practice in its own right, embedded within the theory. This provides a way for people to connect to, experience and develop their own ‘knowings’ (revelations) of God via their ‘God Spaces’. These revelations about God are developed according to people’s various learning modalities – these being: the visual (for those who ‘see ‘God); the auditory (to hear God); the kinaesthetic/tactile (to sense / feel God) and the olfactory (to taste/smell God although this latter category rarely occurs). ‘God Spaces’, the central and pivotal component of Refocussing, were discovered and named when I was conducting research in 1995, at the University of Auckland. ‘God Spaces’ is simply the name I gave to a theory and practice which I developed that allows people to engage in a simple three part process to (1) locate (find); (2) access (experience) and (3) develop (describe) their own unique experiences and knowledge of God. The way to develop these experiences requires the therapist being trained in how to specifically

Wholistic’ is spelt this way purposefully in order to convey the notion that all the parts are important when attending to facilitating people towards wholeness.

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attend to people’s own language, symbols, metaphors, movements, dramas drawings, artistic representations, and so on. In addition, the development of these is to attend to or ‘focus’ on those ‘knowings’ people have in relation to the visual, auditory, kinaesthetic and olfactory, as described above. What is particularly important about God spaces is they provide people with a sound theory and practice to encounter and experience God at any moment. When this is applied in the counselling process it achieves an immediate way to ‘Refocus’ on what God knows, thus enabling a way to shift one's focus from the problem to those solutions, healings or resources, God provides. This is not to say that the problem is overlooked, minimised or ignored. But what it does mean is that a shift of focus is required to gain clarity, healing, resources from something other than that which people have become ‘stuck’ on, or in, or with. Clearly Albert Einstein, understood these principles when he wrote: “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we first created them.” What is also significant about Refocusing using God Spaces, is that a way of safety is provided whereby counsellors can quickly shift people from trauma, or the possibility of retraumatisation. While often overlooked in therapy, I feel what is essential for both the therapist and the client is a way to achieve full engagement in therapy, yet also knowing ‘safety’ is provided. Accordingly, by skilfully employing Refocussing, therapists have a way to ensure their clients will not experience retraumatisation. Finally, I believe that while Refocussing has emerged from a life long quest to help people towards wholeness, which has included many years of experience and practical work as a pastor and study as an academic, I also believe ‘God Spaces’ was ‘received’ as a gift from God, thus making possible Refocussing as a therapy to emerge. I sense a call to be a good steward of this gift, to train and equip people so they might do the work of the ministry ‘to heal the broken hearts and set the captives free’. I believe Refocussing will empower people to do this in a way that is professionally and academically sound. For any who are interested, I will be in London from 10 October to 18 October 2009 to train people in Refocussing. Please contact me via www.refocussing. com ; dianedivett@refocussing.com

BIBLIOGRAPHY Calvert, S. (2005). God Spaces: Clients’ perceptions of spiritual experiences in Refocussing Therapy. Unpublished Honours Thesis Massey University, Auckland. Cameron, V. (2003a). Casework: Counselling a client for grief with the death of a child using RFT. Unpublished part of M.Ed portfolio, University of Auckland. Cameron, V. (2003b).Casework: Couples counselling with RFT. University of Auckland. Unpublished part of M.Ed portfolio, University of Auckland. Divett, D. (1995). Helping clients in the Renewal: a critical analysis of mental health effects of the Renewal and how best to help clients from a counsellor / pastor’s perspective. Unpublished A dissertation submitted in partial fulfilment for the degree of Master of Education in counselling, University of Auckland. Divett, D. (2004). Refocussing: The development and definition of the theory and its therapeutic practice with critical analysis and illustrative case studies. Thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements of the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Education. University of Auckland. Fee, G. (1994). God's empowering presence: the Holy Spirit in the letters of Paul. Massachusetts: Hendrikson. Grove, D. (1995). Perceptual mapping, clean language and intergenerational work. Paper presented at the David Grove seminar, Auckland. Grove, D. (1998). The philosophy and principles of clean language. Retrieved October 4, 1999, from http://www.devco.demon.co.uk/philosophy.html Jenkins, C. (1999b). Casework: RFT with an anorexic client (unpublished report). Auckland: School of Education: University of Auckland. Jenkins, C. (2005a) Crisis time for a young mum using Refocussing. Unpublished Case Study from a portfolio of case work as part fulfillment of the degree of Master of Education in counselling. University of Auckland. Jones, S., & Butman, R. (1991). Modern psychotherapies. Illinois: InterVarsity Press. Kay, J. (2000b). Casework: RFT with a depressed client (Unpublished report). Auckland: School of Education, University of Auckland. Kay, J. (2001a). Casework: Adult survivor of sexual abuse (Unpublished report). Auckland: School of Education, University of Auckland. Kay, J. (2001b). Casework: Group facilitation: RFT self awareness group (Unpublished report). Auckland: School of Education, University of Auckland. Kay, J. (2002b). An evaluation of clients' experiences of Refocussing Therapy. University of Auckland, Auckland. Patton, J. (1993). Pastoral care in context: an introduction to pastoral care. Louisville: Westminster/John Knox Press. Poloma, M. (1996). The Toronto report. U.K: Terra Nova Publications. .html Poloma, M. (1998). The Spirit movement in North America at the millenium: from Azusa Street to Toronto, Pensacola and beyond. Journal of Pentecostal Theology(12), 83-107. Poloma, M. (1999). By their fruits...a sociological assessment of the 'Toronto Blessing'. Retrieved 1/05/99, 1999, from http:/www.tacf.org/revivalnews/ mmpfruit.html Poloma, M. (2000). Gamaliel's admonition and the Toronto Blessing: A theosociological report, 2003. Sharkey, J. (2005). Refocussing Therapy: The effectiveness and uniqueness of a God-Based Therapy method, A thesis in partial fulfillment for the degree of master of Arts in Psychology. Massey University, Albany (New Zealand). Spain, D. (2000). Casework: Cross cultural counselling with a Samoan client (Unpublished report). Auckland: School of Education, University of Auckland. Spain, D. (2001). Integrating a client's spiritual resource of God through drawing (unpublished research paper). Auckland: University of Auckland. Woodward, J., & Pattison, S. (Eds.). (2000). The Blackwell reader in pastoral and practical theology. Oxford: Blackwell Publishers.


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The ACC web site includes • A public search facility for Finding a Counsellor • Details for becoming a Counsellor • Pastoral Care • Sections for the Regions • Information on Training, Contacting ACC, Accreditation

For Members the secure area includes • • • •

Past issues of Accord Accreditation application Forms and information for members only An Events area for you to publish your events A Jobs Noticeboard

Members without their own web page can take an enhanced description page to promote their practice.

We will be introducing a Prayer and News page within the secure members area. We would welcome contributions of Research Articles, Dissertations and Items of interest to counsellors for the ‘documents’ area of the site.

Could you find and provide contributions that would be of interest to the counselling world?

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ACC News ACC GAINS FUNDING FOR PASTORAL CARE WORK ACC is delighted recently to have secured important funding totalling £23,000 from a number of grant-giving bodies for its pastoral care work. A prime element of ACC's mission is to ensure that it is strongly placed to support and promote excellence in pastoral care work for the Christian church and Christian based organisations across the UK. Over the past two years we have been developing our pastoral care department, including investment in additional consultants working with Steve Seedall, ACC's director of pastoral care, to develop services and resources for our pastoral care members and the Church which may also be used by secular organisations engaging in pastoral care-related work. This new funding will now be used to continue this work, and specifically to further develop, expand and market ACC's pastoral skills training course. It will also enable ACC to develop a training support service to complement the revised training course. "We thank God for His marvellous provision and encouragement, for His desire to bring healing and hope to captives, for His Grace in inviting us to be involved in His work, and for His provision of the essential resources we need," says Greta Randle, ACC chief executive.

ACC MEDIA COVERAGE - UPDATE Over the summer, press releases have been written for several upcoming ACC regional events. They have, as usual, been distributed to a mixture of Christian publications and local secular media outlets. Regional event details are now regularly being uploaded onto the relevant pages of the ACC’s online regional diary. For almost all organisations today, their website is their premier means of communicating their messages and activities to the outside world. To help further introduce ACC and its work to new audiences, event details are also regularly uploaded onto websites such as Faithworks, Inspire, Woman Alive and Christian Mental Health. Research work is also conducted for ACC regional events to ensure that relevant contacts within regional church organisations receive details of them, for example Anglican diocesan communications officers.

Meanwhile, planning work has been carried out for marketing drives to increase ACC membership and to raise awareness of its revised pastoral skills training course, which is due to be launched in 2010. Debbie Hyde Oasis Media

FINANCIAL PROBLEMS? With some many clients struggling with the current economic circumstances, we thought it would be a good time to remind you about Christians Against Poverty. CAP aims to show God´s love in action by providing sustainable poverty relief through debt counselling, advice and practical help. CAP´s unique `hands on´ approach empowers people to help themselves out of poverty and be released from the fear, oppression and worry generated by overwhelming debts. Vital financial and budgeting life skills are developed through our services, thus ensuring poverty relief is sustainable. The charity operates through a growing network of centres based around the UK, all opened in partnership with a local church. Over the last thirteen years, the charity has grown from one man working from his home with a donation of £10, to a national charity with 102 centres across the country and an annual turnover of £5 million. CAP´s vision is to answer the national problem of debt in the UK by having at least one CAP centre operating in every major town and city by the year 2021. If you have clients struggling with unmanageable debt and don't know where to seek help, they can call CAP's freephone number on 0800 328 0006 to assess what support can be offered. CAP's service is totally free and the charity works with all people, regardless of religious belief. For more information, visit www.capuk.org.

TAX RELIEF ON ACC SUBSCRIPTIONS This is not new information but for the benefit of those who have joined recently HM Revenue & Customs have confirmed that the Association of Christian Counsellors has been added to the list of organisations whose Membership Subscriptions are deductible for Income Tax purposes. This means that, if paying your Association of Christian Counsellors subscription is relevant to your paid work, you can contact your Tax Office and ask for your Tax Code to be modified. For more information contact the ACC Office.


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BIG DAY FOR AFFILIATED ORGANISATION The Institute of Counselling in Glasgow chose the official opening of its new premises by the Rt. Rev. Bill Hewitt, the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland, to announce new professional skills courses. These courses include: counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy, spiritual care, coaching and mentoring. It was an honour to have the Church of God Bishop Dennis Tanner and his wife Vanna to be at the special event. The Institute has a Christian ethos and integrates clinical and pastoral counselling. It is a unique approach and takes the best out of both worlds. The ACC has been supportive of the Institute of Counselling for over a decade. This has encouraged the Institute to continually develop its model of integrating the clinical and pastoral counselling founded on a solid Christian foundation The Institute formed by the Rev. Neil Morrison in Glasgow, Hope Street, 24 years ago has grown steadily and has trained over 25,000 students including professionals and pastoral carers from the UK and overseas. Professionals from Nurses to Social Workers, Clergy to Community Leaders, develop their skills and improve their ability to help those most in need. Glasgow Caledonian University accredit the Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counselling Skills course and the University of the West Of Scotland accredit the new Certificate courses.

wonderfully for all students, who return to their communities more confident and better qualified for their waiting worlds.” Chief Executive Rev. Neil Morrison looks forward confidently, “We have recently appointed Simon Carr as Education Development Manager to spearhead our efforts toward the NHS and it was excellent to see and talk to so many NHS managers that were just as keen on our programmes as we are. Simon brings a wealth of academic experience at University level and has an NHS background so he is acutely aware of how the Institute can best complement the existing NHS provision. But it is with pride that we have The Moderator with us today, for the Institute takes seriously clients issues and their spirituality by putting the person back at the centre of care”

OBITUARY: JOANNA THOMPSON Joanna died peacefully in St. Michaels Hospice in Basingstoke around midday on Friday, 24th July. As one of the founders of the Christian Pregnancy Counselling movement in this country, Joanna has been an inspiration to thousands of Christians, not only in this country, but right across the world. She has worked tirelessly in this work for over 25 years. It is impossible to state how much we will all miss her - her grace, her humour, her passion for God, her inspirational speaking - but most of all, as our friend. The speed and the progression of the illness have shocked us all, but this has of course been most distressing for the family. Joanna is now in the best place, but right now we all mourn her parting. Her reward will certainly be great. We can all have confidence that our days are in His hands and I know that Joanna would want us to continue to work passionately in the work that God has called us to.

Rt Rev Bill Hewitt, (Left) Moderator of the Church of Scotland with Rev Neil Morrison Speaking at the Opening ceremony, The Moderator, who is a member the Institute’s Board of Studies chaired by Professor Thomas F. Carbery OBE, said, “The development of the Institute in the 15 years I have been fortunate to be part of it has been wonderful to witness. Alongside the most genuine of motives, there is a thorough professionalism throughout all courses. Academic excellence and spiritual insight combine

'...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.' Hebrews 12:1-3. Joanna has now gone to be with Him. May her life inspire us all to follow her faithful pathway, so that we too may one day rejoice with her once again. [Phil Clarke, CareConfidential]

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READER’S RESPONSE Dear Editor I read with interest recent research indicating prayer with counsellees may be seen as counter productive. (Dr. Peter Madsen Gubi's article in last accord). I have worked mainly in secular settings and have secular training, but have always made a point of praying privately before and after sessions for wisdom, understanding and appropriate responses. I have on occasion prayed brief 'arrows' during sessions: you will no doubt remember the wise person who remarked that HELP!! is a prayer that is always heard. We will surely all of us have been prayed for at some point at Christian conferences or church. Especially for young Christians, these can be difficult times as the prayer ministers or counsellors seem to have hot lines to God. Whatever they say can have terrific impact. Sometimes it is life changing; or it may minister judgement, rejection and alienation, perhaps even crushing the person's spirit. I certainly cringe as I remember some of my own earlier efforts. Prayer aloud clearly shows the counsellee just how the counsellor is feeling and thinking about them, as well as how they rate their relationship to God, the church or spirituality. The best training for counselling is of course to go through hard times oneself so we become ever more sensitive to others. Experience slowly and often quite painfully moulds us so we, like Jesus, gradually learn to communicate better through words and body language showing compassion, mercy and above all humility. So I can relate to some of the negative experience tapped into by the researcher, while highlighting from my own experience the usefulness of silent prayer. This cannot be measured by researchers, but it is vital for counsellors and prayer ministers whatever their circumstances. Where the counsellee asks specifically for prayer, humble, brief and encouraging prayers may be the most helpful, backed by private prayers by both at home after the session ends. Please don't let us throw the baby out with the bathwater but continue our personal prayers knowing these are vital for our growth–whether counsellors or counsellees. Every blessing, (name and address withheld)

FEEDBACK ON “EVERY COUNSELLOR’S DREAD…” We have received some very positive feedback on the article by Helen Avery in the last accord, talking about a client who committed suicide. Many have commented on how courageous, brave etc that it was of Helen to write the article when it is very likely all she would want to do is forget the entire situation. More importantly we have heard from counsellors that have valued the way in which Helen raised awareness about some of the pitfalls that may occur and the overall care of clients that may be having thoughts of ending their lives. It would seem that people valued this article enormously. So if you have a situation, as a counsellor, that was painful and as a result you now have positive, helpful thoughts and advice that could benefit other counsellors, then please do think about putting pen to paper and sending them to accord@acc-uk.org or office@acc-uk.org.

ACC WEB SITE DEVELOPMENT We are introducing a Prayer and News page in the member’s area of the web site. It is within the passwordprotected area so we can now be more specific than was previously the case in the publicly available Prayer Points. This a facility for the counselling community and so we would welcome your input, either in news items for prayer, items of interest locally, nationally or globally, specific requests or other information. What would you like to see included and could you help to contribute? Contact the office at office@acc-uk.org. For those who are looking to promote their practice and don’t yet have a web site there is the facility to take an enhanced description within the ACC ‘Find a Counsellor’ search. Again contact the office if you would like to take up this offer.

TRAINING STANDARDS COMMITTEE At a recent meeting of the Training Standards Committee, Lucia Hall was asked to consider the post of Chair-person. She has accepted and we look forward to seeing the committee develop and progress under her leadership. This post comes under the wing of Professional Standards, for which John Nightingale holds responsibility on the Executive Committee.

REGULATION As you are aware from the updates in Accord and the website, the Health Professions Council period of consultation is still open. ACC have considered their response and will be making contact with all members. Individuals are able to respond to the consultation document as well as the ACC corporate response which will be sent.


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11 WAVERLEY TRAINING AND EVENTS

Autumn 2009 CWR’s excellent counselling training will give you firm biblical foundations integrated with the best contemporary counselling models and practice.

Led by the CWR Counselling Training Team Impacting your own life and the lives of those you are called to help, these courses will give you a biblicallybased counselling model and develop your expertise in a range of areas. January – November 2010: Ten weekends at Waverley Abbey House in Surrey or September 2010 – June 2011: Wednesdays at London School of Theology

Helping Families Heal (Insight Day) Led by Bill Radmall Learn why relationships in families break down and how to help restore these relationships. Tues 10 November 2009

For details/to apply: www.cwr.org.uk T: 01252 784731 E: training@cwr.org.uk Waverley Training and Events, CWR, Waverley Abbey House, Waverley Lane, Farnham, Surrey GU9 8EP

Led by Jan Cadman Enhance your counselling skills with the creative use of image, metaphor, imagination and more. Tues 24 November 2009

www.cwr.org.uk

Creative Therapy (CPD)


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Caring for Yourself

Autumn 2009

Exhausted? Don’t shortchange your sleep! ■ By Dr. Archibald D. Hart It is alarming how little most people know about the liferuining and mood-threatening consequences of not getting enough sleep. Married partners do not realize that research has clearly identified bad sleeping habits as a major cause of marital distress. And parents, especially, are not well informed about the importance of their children’s sleep and how the lack of adequate sleep can rob a child of his or her ability to learn and cause many health related problems - like diabetes and obesity. Some of us may want to sleep better and longer, but don’t know how to accomplish it. Not getting enough sleep can also be dangerous. Yes, you read me correctly, I really mean "dangerous." There is a clear, though complex, connection between insomnia and your physical health, including heart disease, diminished immune system, diabetes and obesity, and your emotional health, including serious depression and anxiety disorders. How well you sleep can also predict how long you can expect to live. And, if you are a Christian believer, what do healthy sleep habits have to offer? I have been a Christian since I was 17 years of age, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that when you are sleep-deprived your “inner” life is chaotic. God has designed the need for sleep into us, as in all of nature. No one has an exemption permit. Sleep is vitally important – and it must be sufficient to provide the rest and rejuvenation our bodies need or else you will pay the penalty for this neglect. With all this in mind, being well informed about how you and your family can sleep better can only open the door to a healthier life together. Entitled “You will start to feel very sleepy …”, an article adapted from a book published by Harvard Medical School (“Improving Sleep” by Robert Stickwold, John Winkelman and Peter Wehren), sets out a very compelling case for getting both an adequate amount as well as quality of sleep. Why do I think it's important? Because I cannot begin to tell you how much resistance there is in the evangelical Christian culture to the importance of sleep. Pastors and parishioners have become convinced that sleep is bad for you – at least that’s what it appears when they boast about how little

sleep they actually get. And usually they spiritualize their reasons: “there isn’t enough time in each day to do God’s work”; “I can’t seem to stay in bed any longer, so I just get up”; “Somewhere I heard that if you sleep too much, you die sooner.” And many more! All myths, of course. Many devout believers have become convinced, through bad teaching I am sure, that sleep is associated with laziness or lack of drive. The truth is that it takes adequate sleep to help us perform at our best. So let’s turn to the experts and see what research is uncovering. “Research”, the Newsweek article says, “suggests that regular, ample sleep, is one of those indispensables, ranking up there with eating right and exercising.” I think they are wrong! It’s way above the other indispensables! Besides, we find it easier to accept the other two. It's sleep we struggle with the most. But the effects of sleep deprivation are not just physical. They are mental and emotional as well.

• Complex thinking is disturbed • Learning ability is reduced • Memory functions are disturbed (both remembering and forgetting are disrupted) • Some now theorize that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is actually caused by disordered sleep.


Caring for Yourself

Autumn 2009

Failing to fall asleep quickly enough (onset insomnia) is one of the reasons why many don’t get enough sleep. A severe anxiety reaction develops over going to bed, and this only exacerbates the problem by increasing the level of stress arousal and preventing one’s adrenaline from switching off. Many then try to distract themselves by watching late night TV talk shows, and this only prolongs their adrenaline arousal further. Other activities that can disturb sleep onset include becoming addicted to late night TV, computer games or just net-surfing. Sadly, cybersex is also taking its toll on sleep as more and more become hooked on it. Drinking too much caffeine can really upset the brain’s sleeping patterns, so avoid it totally, in ALL its forms, after midday. Now to my favorite question: how much sleep do we need? I always enjoy the surprised gasps I get from Christians when I tell them. From diaries, letters and literature, we know that a century ago most Americans got about nine hours sleep a night. Now the average is seven hours – and dropping! Lab experiments have found that a normal, healthy adult has a body clock set to about eight and a half hours of sleep. I insist, however, that it should be nine hours (our forebears were right) because sleep cycles come in one and a half hour blocks and we need to complete the last cycle so we can have enough “dream sleep”, the deepest and most important part of sleep.

Finally, let me say that the sweetest sleep of all comes from a mind and heart at peace with God and others. Bitterness, hatred, anger and a host of other “bad’ emotions will always be sleep destroyers. So listen to King David, who in the midst of feeling that the whole world was against him, was able to sleep the sleep of peace: “I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me. I will not be afraid .. “ Psalm 3:6 and 7 (Dr. Hart’s new book Sleep; It Does A Family Good (how busy families can overcome sleep deprivation) will be released early in 2010)

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Autumn 2009

Supporting an adult sufferer of an eating disorder ■ By Jane Smith Eating Disorders are often thought of as being teenage problems of dieting and vanity and all about food, but of course they are not. They are complex psychological illnesses with physical consequences that affect adults too. The roots of eating disorders lie in issues of self-esteem triggered by emotional difficulties, even trauma. Research has identified genetic and biological factors that predispose someone towards an eating disorder. Many eating disorder sufferers are adults and both men and women can suffer at any age. Eating disorders do not necessarily begin in adolescence therefore adults can suffer for the first time at any stage of their lives. Their response to food and eating is often triggered and maintained by anxiety due to emotional difficulties such as bereavement, divorce, redundancy, miscarriage, abuse, abortion or the severe illness of someone in the family.

Adults can also suffer longer-term from eating disorders and may have been ill for many years. ABC supports over 100 adults who have had an eating disorder for over ten years. Recovery from eating disorders is possible but usually takes considerable time, effort and good treatment as well as much support; support from family, friends, pastoral carers and of course from God. Many adult sufferers have been attempting recovery for years and for various reasons we shall see, have not yet achieved it. In this article we shall look at the very complex issue of treatment and recovery and try to explain what recovery is and why it is so hard for those suffering. Perhaps it is best to begin by looking at what recovery isn’t – what it is mistakenly viewed as.

Misconceptions about recovery Recovery isn’t about being quickly returned to normal, being “better” which imply speed and ease neither of which is true of recovery. Recovery is a process and usually a long one with much hard work involved for the sufferer and their family and therefore involving a long period of sustained support. Well-meaning friends and acquaintances often voice their relief that someone is getting treatment believing that this means a full return to normal, is easily within reach, and that the problem is being dealt with. For the sufferer and their families this can also be viewed as “someone else is dealing with this so we don’t need to talk about it or support you …” Recovery is about change and progress but the path is not continuously forwards or upwards. Set backs and even relapses are part of recovery. Recovery is not the same as treatment and treatment (which again is very complex and has a number of stages) does not necessarily provide recovery. Treatment does not always include after-care or rehabilitation, all of which are very necessary to recovery. Carers are very instrumental in recovery: family, friends and church, but they can also hinder the process making recovery that much harder.

What is Recovery? Recovery is something sufferers fear or something they long for and it can be both of these at different times. According to the NICE Guidelines for Eating Disorders, these illnesses are “complex, ambivalent and contradictory. Complex because a range of issues


Autumn 2009

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Recovery defined A dictionary definition of recovery explains it as the act, process, duration or an instance of recovering and a return to a normal condition. Something gained or restored. Therefore it involves a change from bad to better, involving a return to normal eating but above all involving gain and eventual freedom. In theory this might sound very obvious, welcome and also achievable given good treatment, so why then is recovery so hard for sufferers of eating disorders?

Why is recovery so hard for sufferers of eating disorders? must be untangled and understood on the long road to recovery; ambivalent, because of the tension between wanting to get better while fearing the implications of recovery; and contradictory because the disordered eating is at once the problem and the solution – a destructive lifestyle that nevertheless keeps the person in control, safe and protected while offering a dependable and consistent presence in their life.” Recovery is something sufferers are “meant” to be working towards in their appointments with doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, nutritionists and counsellors. Recovery is also something that others talk about, particularly family and friends, so this may pressurise them, especially as many sufferers have not been helped to really study the concept of recovery and what it might offer them. Where the eating disorder is anorexia and the sufferer is at very low weight, cognitive impairment makes the concept of recovery (its acceptance and the therapeutic aspects of treatment) very difficult indeed.

•U  nlike a physical illness, sufferers of eating disorders are likely to be very ambivalent towards the illness, treatment and recovery, and be confused.

• T hey may not know that full recovery is possible and therefore seem doomed to fail. As sufferers often have perfectionist attitudes and fear failure, steps to recovery may be too risky to take.

• They may fear their GP and those who may make decisions for them about their care.

• The GP may not make the correct diagnosis and referral and this is particularly the case for men, as eating disorders are still considered a female issue.

• A sufferer is often told that they are never going to get better - that they will always have an eating disorder to some extent. “Once an anorexic always an anorexic" is an all too familiar comment made to many would-be recovered sufferers, a comment that is untrue and highly damaging.

• Other people have started to give up on them because what they have tried hasn’t helped. Adult longer-term sufferers particularly can experience this, even from clinicians and those who provide treatment.

• An eating disorder is a powerful way for someone to manage aspects of their life. Therefore when they start to take steps to change, they can feel out of control and vulnerable.

• The food behaviours which have been a primary coping mechanism for a long time are being challenged, but life continues with all its stresses and difficulties and a sufferer is left feeling that they now have no way of coping. This can cause them to revert back to the eating disorder.

Aims of Recovery For many sufferers and clinicians the aim for recovery from eating disorders focuses on a good physical and psychological restoration with eating and issues of weight and health being well under control. Recovery also involves getting their life on the move again with motivation and living life needing much guidance and support. Eating disorders are attempts to solve problems, so recovery will mean finding alternative ways of solving those problems. Recovery may mean sufferers finding other things to be good at and other ways of feeling in control and it may also mean learning not to need to achieve or to feel in control to such a great extent. Of course for the Christian sufferer there’s a spiritual dimension to recovery, a restoration that goes beyond conventional recovery. Connecting with God can have a huge impact for sufferers and many of our members have wonderful testimonies of how God has brought them through their journey to recovery with complete healing with good caring and supportive relationships from church and friends.


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Autumn 2009

• There is a conflict about weight and weight gain as most wish to recover from the eating disorder but not gain weight.

• It can be extremely difficult to accept a body weight that is higher than the sufferer feels safe with, because a low weight is synonymous with so many other feelings such as significance, control and self worth.

• Where an eating disorder is a result of difficulties at home, if these problems still persist then recovery can be hard. As an eating disorder begins, it gives the individual a false sense of control, but this is short lived and once reality sets in, the eating disorder has found a ‘home’ and has become a part of that person’s life.

• In order to recover, a sufferer will have to change their behaviour and the relationship that they have with food. As a psychological illness, the eating disorder (or its behaviours) have become deeply entrenched and bound up with how the person views themselves, therefore sufferers find it difficult to see change as possible or for their behaviour to be any different.

• A sufferer may have experienced bad treatment in the past or lives in an area where provision for treatment is poor.

• Treatment in mainstream services can be a postcode lottery with long waiting lists let alone the debate about how best to treat the individual.

• The delay between raising the issue, getting a diagnosis and accessing treatment can leave the sufferer feeling let down or rejected and compound feelings of unworthiness after having found the courage to speak out. Any delay also provides an opportunity for ambivalence to creep back in again

Outcome and Rates of Recovery Recovery from anorexia is harder to achieve the longer one has been suffering, unlike bulimia, where recovery rates are similar after different durations of the illness. Studies looking at long-term outcomes for anorexia find that of those still suffering after 5 years, nearly 70% are recovered a further 5 years later. But the figures are very different for those who have had anorexia for 10 years - only just over 10% are recovered 5 years later. This is the group who are then classified as ‘chronic’ sufferers – a phrase that one ABC member described as ‘they’ve given up hope for you’. The obvious question is whether these people were always going to find recovery harder, but studies trying to identify factors that predict who is likely to suffer long term tend not to find anything consistent. So however much we want to find reasons and make it predictable and understandable, we cannot ignore the remaining possibility that the nature of anorexia and the impact it has on mind, body and life means that the longer people suffer, the harder it is to recover, and that these ‘chronic sufferers’ are people who were not able to get the treatment they needed in time or the right treatment, as many were first ill in an era where treatment was radically different. Or they were those who found that life kept on “throwing things” at them so they never had a chance to recover and who found that every year they were losing aspects of their life to anorexia, but also becoming more and more to rely on the structure and security it seemed to give them.

What is the treatment process? Treatment consists of assessment (usually at the GP) where a diagnosis will be made based on medical checks undertaken. A referral may then be made to a counsellor or to the adult Eating Disorder Services for access to a team, which can comprise psychiatrists, psychologists, dieticians, and psychiatric nurses who will manage the dietary, therapeutic and medical aspects via outpatient services. Where weight or emotional stability falls to critical levels or where physical health is compromised, inpatient care will be considered with either the patient agreeing to such treatment or an application for treatment being sought under the Mental Health Act where treatment is deemed life-saving but permission has not been granted. Hospital treatment or special in-patient unit provides this level of care, one that is seen as a last resort stage in treatment and which can be particularly traumatic for the patient. After-Care is then usually provided and counselling which may have been accessed privately during or alongside treatment is often resumed.


Autumn 2009

In the next edition of accord I will conclude this series of 3 articles by focussing on parents and family members living with and caring for someone with eating disorders and how pastoral carers can help them. Anorexia and Bulimia Care details: Parent and Carer help line 01934 710645 Sufferer help line 01934 710679 http:// www.anorexiabulimiacare.co.uk Office 01934 713789 Email: mail@anorexiabulimiacare.co.uk

How can pastoral carers help? Understanding eating disorders, having empathy for sufferers as they try to recover, realising why recovery is so hard, are all-important. In addition to the non-judgmental listening approach outlined in the last article, helping to support someone experiencing treatment will certainly include the following recommendations

• Provide time to listen and support with clear boundaries of when you are available and what you can and can’t provide

• Pray with and for. As treatment will be largely secular, having a Christian they trust to encourage and supplement the faith aspect of recovery (with wisdom and tact) can be invaluable

• Accept the person as an individual, not as an illness which according to NICE “seems critical to treatment success”

• Avoid focusing on food and weight. Talk about recovery in terms of how they are feeling and how they are coping with life rather than in terms of putting weight on or reducing destructive practices

• Have faith in them and remind them of their qualities. Personal issues together with low confidence and self esteem may convince someone that keeping the disorder is the safest option even if deep down they want to move forward. They may just not believe that they are strong enough to do so but with your help, they might

BREATHE Therapeutic Treatment For Eating Disorders

Breathe provides integrative therapeutic treatment for those individuals suffering with an eating disorder. Treatment involves the use of psycho-education, motivational enhancement therapy, cognitive behavioural techniques, nutritional counselling/dietetics, delivered with an overall person centred approach. Treatment enables exploration and understanding of self, learning new goals and strategies. Ring Shelley Perry on 07738 891507 / 01772 719215 or email breathe.preston@googlemail.com for further information

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Autumn 2009

Book Reviews Beyond Anger: Growing into Calm By Jennifer Minney ISBN: 0-9538446-7-6 Silvertree Publishing This book grabbed my attention from the first page, and was a delight to read from cover to cover. A real gem. Jennifer Minney covered all aspects of anger in a way that all counsellors will find helpful as a good handbook. Clients would also be really helped to understand anger by reading this comprehensive wellconstructed book. Her opening paragraph was on healthy anger, how anger is a normal human emotion and how healthy it is in response to injustice, injury, social wrongs and sufferings round the world.. Compassionate and passionate people will use this anger to right wrongs and to use it for good causes to promote change and bring about justice. She addresses anger turned inward which may manifest itself in many self-destructive harmful ways, i.e. falling off ladders, tripping over things, finding unconscious ways of injuring yourself, also misuse of drugs and alcohol and pornography. She explained how anger is always the root of physical attacks, sexual assault or any act of violence. So much more Jennifer Minney has managed to draw out from this book, it is an amazing journey through to managing anger, facing confrontation, teaching control, identifying causes, and expressing anger appropriately. She mentions many characters in the bible with a new stance on our old favourites; to take one example, The Apostle John. The author goes into his background, which is fascinating, and draws out his character and his sometimes misdirected zeal; a habit of speaking without thinking, expressing his anger aggressively. Jennifer blew the cobwebs away and the many myths of anger, and made it a subject of vital importance in all our relationships. One example of this: the all too common belief that Christians should never be angry was addressed. A great little manual and a very good read. Annie Cluley Jennifer has been practising for over 25 years and has been an accredited counsellor member of ACC since 2002.

Counselling Survivors of Domestic Abuse

by Christiane Sanderson ISBN 978 1 84310 6067 Jessica Kingsley Publishers This book is comprehensive in approach and challenging in content. It seeks to establish common personality traits across different kinds of abuse thereby understanding a little more the inner conflicts within the survivor as he/she tries to move on from the abuse. Within the framework of domestic abuse, Christiane includes physical and sexual abuse, emotional, spiritual and financial abuse. She also states that stalking and theft should be considered as part of domestic abuse. In trying to find a common denominator within domestic abuse and the victim’s response, Christiane appears to be in danger of focussing particularly on the adults who may be considered to be victims and not enough on children within families who may actually be the target of the abuse. Undoubtedly the children in any family will be affected by any form of abuse taking place in their home and Christiane does refer to this trauma in one of her many helpful tables e.g. Common Losses Associated with Domestic Abuse. However more on the effects upon children would also be helpful. Christiane gives a very clear overview of the cycle of abuse and the need to beware of the stage when the abuser is full of contrition, which can draw the victim back into the cycle. She talks about the pathological jealousy and fear that the victim will abandon the abuser. The victim is expected to ensure that the abuser’s fragile sense of self is not undermined. This can make it all the harder for a victim to leave the abuser. There can be a great sense of loss regarding many aspects and a splitting of feelings following the barrage of abuse leading to distortion and denial. Christiane has an extensive chapter entitled ‘Working With Loss and the Restoration of Hope’ which includes a survey of different techniques. She also includes a chapter on Professional Issues, which looks at, among other issues, the emotional impact upon the counsellor working with survivors and the need to be aware of counter-transference. One of the most impacting parts of this book for me were some of the figures relating to abuse i.e. in 2004 34% of female and 62% of male survivors have never disclosed their abuse as they thought they would not be believed. 89% of those who did contact the police reported feeling they were not taken seriously. In 2007 33% of all female homicides and 23% of all male homicides were killed by their partner or ex partner. A third of all emergency medical care is administered to women experiencing domestic abuse. Total annual cost of known domestic abuse is £5.8bn including cost to the NHS of £1.2bn for physical injuries and £176m for mental health resources. Our nation needs to find some answers. Cath Whitehead ACC Member


Autumn 2009

The Pastoral Care of People with Mental Health Problems By Marion L S Carson ISBN 978 0 281 05866 2 SPCK This addition to the New Library of Pastoral Care is most welcome and provides a rich resource of material in the area of Mental Health. The author Marion Carson offers a wealth of understanding and insight into a range of mental health issues. The author, a seminary teacher observes that one might think that the church would be at the “cutting edge” of caring for those with mental health problems. Sadly, the reality is that there is little to distinguish the church from the rest of society in this area. She observes the unhealthy attitude that is held by some in the church. We thus find that in some instances, mental health issues carry shame and a risk of judgment upon the sufferer. Such thinking may consider that the cause of mental illness is rooted in disobedience or faulty spirituality in some manner. While one’s lifestyle may lead to unhappiness and illness, this view of mental illness is too narrow by far, as is explained. Areas covered for consideration include; mood disorder, anxiety, phobias and stress, schizophrenia, addiction, dementia, eating disorders and personality disorders. Each area is given careful consideration, there are very helpful pastoral illustrations given along with possible causes and medical treatment. Care is taken to point out that a proper medical diagnosis must be made. The reader is then offered best practice regarding pastoral care. Mental illness will touch us all in some way as we journey through life. May this book help us to help those in need. This book will be invaluable to all who see the pain in the eyes of their fellow human beings. It is a must for the bookshelf of all church leaders and counsellors and to all who offer pastoral care to any age. It is a gem of a book. Wendy Haslam

Speaking about the Unspeakable Edited by Dennis McCarthy ISBN 978 1 84310 879 5 Jessica Kingsley Publishers

In his introduction to this book Dennis McCarthy states “The intention in these pages is to illustrate, explore, and celebrate the non-verbal and the nonliteral experience of children in therapy. The wonderful process of creative transformation that can and often does ensue when therapist and child are playing…………” Each chapter in this book is written by a different therapist and introduces a selection of varied resources which have been successfully used - be it in a garden setting, working with nature or the movement and dance experience, or panning first for clay and then moulding it and forming it into imaginative dwellings or playing in sand even quicksand searching the self for hidden treasures. There is also the use of a specific therapy EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). Within these very safe and secure settings the children use their own creative imagination to play out the traumatic events experienced in their young lives which have eventually led them into therapy. The skill and patience from each of the therapists is recorded in a very simple form - but behind the words lie a tremendous amount of learning and expertise. To facilitate a child to play out a destructive emotional experience and gently guide them through a process to acceptance and healing is amazing to share, and this book, I feel, will be beneficial for every counsellor/ therapist to have on their shelves to dip in and out of. Every adult has first been a child and thus the potential for an imaginative creative response to life’s difficulties can be of benefit to child and adult alike. The connecting theme of the chapters is that each child should find by personal creativity some answers to perplexing questions, and therefore be encouraged and supported in their life's journey . Christine Clarke (Lowestoft) Accred. Couns/Sup.

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Book Reviews cont. Loss of a Child When Someone Dies – A Child’s Guide – 101 ways to help you cope. By Bill Merrington ISBN 9781848671065 Kevin Mayhew Publishers Bill Merrington has been an Anglican priest for 25 years and runs Counselling Care, a support organisation for bereaved parents and children. This is a book to dip into or read all the way through. It could be used by children of all ages either on their own or with a carer or counsellor. Each page has a different heading relating to childhood experiences e.g. riding a bike, stabilizers, and jigsaw pieces. Several areas are covered which include some of the questions a child might ask. Topics covered include physical symptoms, emotions, where to find support, where is God? Each page ends with a simple exercise to complete. One exercise encourages the child to draw a volcano and write on the picture all the things that make him or her angry. On the page entitled draw a tree there are suggestions for drawing lots of children on the tree. One child could be drawn at the top of the tree, one might be falling, one may be alone, one crying, another climbing, etc. This particular exercise was an encouragement to think about which child represented them and how did it feel to be where they were. Would they like to be somewhere else? How did they think they could get there? Merrington also bravely includes topics such as suicide, murder and a changed family. He suggests helpful ideas such as making a memory box and keeping a diary. Another suggestion is to make a road map to include places the child has been with their special person, events from the past few weeks and where they would like to go or things they would like to do in the future. For me this is a very practical book which would be very helpful for a child going through bereavement. Sometimes the child’s feelings can be overlooked and it is forgotten that they are grieving too. It is certainly a book that I would recommend. Diane Leakey

A Mother's pain In January 2006, our twenty-two year old son and our only child, died from a mystery illness. He was planning to become an ordained minister and was in the second stage of his application when he became unwell. Throughout the six weeks our son was in intensive care, we could not have coped without the love and support of our church family. Despite the fact that he was transferred to a hospital some distance away, church members regularly made the journey to give us support. Our son’s funeral service was amazing, the church was packed and we felt upheld and supported throughout the service. Given the level of support we had received from the church, we had every reason to hope it would continue. When we found this was not the case and we were on our own, it came as a shock. My husband returned to work a few weeks after our son’s death and I found myself alone, for seemingly endless periods of time. And I would sit, just staring into space, longing for the doorbell or the phone to ring. I would talk to anyone who was prepared to listen. I would often phone help lines. By day I often called a Child Death help line, and many times phoned Samaritans in the middle of the night. I could not understand why so few people came to see me, and felt confused and isolated. I realise now that it was because people did not know what to say or do. In fact all I needed was for someone to listen to me, give me a hug, make me a cup of tea or bring me something to eat. I could not bear to go into the kitchen and if my husband had not taken over all the cooking, I would happily have starved. For weeks we lived on convenience food. In 2007, I attended a two-weekend course on Pastoral Care and Counselling, run by a large Christian counselling organisation. Talking with one of the lead counsellors about our difficulties with our church, she made the comment that the church cannot handle raw pain. This is obviously not true of all churches and there are, as in every situation, exceptions. But, on the whole, the church seems to turn to the same solution, a box of plasters. God says through Jeremiah “They bind up the wounds of my people as if they were not serious. Peace, peace, they say when there is no peace”. The plasters have various titles but generally come with platitudes, such as, “God’s will” or that our loved ones are, “Lost in Glory and Wonder”. Being told our loved ones are in a better place is little comfort to those grieving for a loved one. Many of the Bible psalms are full of pain and many of the Bible stories, especially


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the book of Job, tell of lives that have fallen apart, of God-fearing people who lose their way and become separated from the God they worship. So, what do we do when our lives suddenly take an unexpected and devastating turn? As Christians we hope and believe that we will be able to turn to our church for understanding and support. Sadly, that is not always what we find. When I gave a talk about my experience at our local church, the friend who introduced the seminar, herself a bereavement counsellor, said, “People stay away because they are afraid of making things worse. You can’t make it any worse, the worst has already happened.” I think there is a need to recognise that the loss of a child is a very different kind of bereavement. It is the wrong order of things, we are not supposed to bury our children. This is a loss from which bereaved parents will never recover. The Jewish people say that there is a word for widows, there is a word for widowers, there is a word for orphans. But for a parent who has lost a child, there are no words. C S Lewis refers to the Christian hope and how difficult it is to apply to ourselves. He says, “If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. A comfort to the God-aimed, eternal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.” I have learned so much over the last three years, never again will I say to someone grieving, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” Or, “You know where I am if you need me.” Expecting the bereaved person to pick up the phone and ask for help is asking too much. The one time I did phone members of our clergy, desperate for some comfort, I was told that we should not be sad for our son, he was in a better place and, “Lost in Glory and Wonder”. I put the phone down and wept. I did not want him lost in Glory and Wonder; I wanted him here, with me. Although an active member of our church before our son died, I no longer attend services. Sadly, I have not received the spiritual support I so longed for. The only place I did receive this kind of support was when I went on retreat to a convent. The elderly nun with whom I was assigned to talk, was wonderfully understanding and I came away feeling that I had been given permission to grieve. And that it was permissible to feel angry with God.

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In his book, "God of the Valley", The Rev. Steve Griffiths tells of the deaths of his young wife, his sister and a close friend and how he was expected to carry on with his duties as a parish vicar without additional support. He says that whatever position we have in the church; we are somehow expected to worship God and play a full part in the life of the church throughout our time of grief. He also observes that, “For most of us, there is a subconscious expectation too, as if our ability to worship is some kind of barometer of faith or a measure of our ability to cope”. Our main source of strength has come from The Compassionate Friends (TCF) a charity run by and for bereaved parents and their families. Founded in Coventry in 1969, by the Rev. Canon Simon Stephens, TCF is now worldwide and this year celebrates its fortieth anniversary, with a National Gathering at Bosworth Hall, in Warwickshire. TCF has provided a true lifeline for thousands of bereaved parents throughout the world. Through them we have met some wonderful and inspiring people and forged some enduring friendships. Although I still struggle to forgive God, I know He is there. Last year I wrote a collection of poetry dedicated to our son, and I attribute much of the work to God. At times the words seemed to fall onto the page. The book was published last year and all royalties and profits are being donated to TCF. I do sincerely believe that God wants His church to learn how to come alongside those in pain. I would give up all that I have achieved and the changes in myself to have our son back. But I can’t and so I must allow God to bring something positive out of our tragedy. And I believe He will… If you would like more information about the book referred to or to be put in contact with the lady who wrote this article, please contact the ACC Office. The Compassionate Friends (TCF) 53 North Street, Bristol BS3 1EN Tel: 0845 120 3785 info@tcf.org.uk Helpline: 08451 23 23 04 The Child Death Helpline: 0800 282 986 Free phone service for anyone affected by the death of a child. Staffed by bereaved parents and run in conjunction with Great Ormond Street and The Alder Hey. The Child Bereavement Charity The Child Bereavement Charity (CBC) provides specialised support, information and training for those affected when a baby or child dies, or when a child is bereaved. Tel: 01494446648


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Autumn 2009

Loss of a Child When the Worst Happens …. how can the church give better support to bereaved parents? ■ By Mike Coulson The death of a child has been described by child psychotherapist Barbara Rosof as ‘The Worst Loss’. Although death is a fundamental part of life, our natural expectation is for people who are older than us to die first. The death of a child of any age therefore suddenly overturns a parent’s natural expectations, leaving them totally bewildered and struggling simply to exist day by day and hour by hour. The tragedy of a child’s death also has a profound effect on all those in the church who knew them, including ministers and other pastoral carers – yet somehow in the midst of the grief, shock, profound disappointment and sadness, it is absolutely vital for the bereaved parents that the Church provides some of the support and care that they so desperately need. Yet, sadly, there are many instances where this does not happen, not because people don’t care but simply because they don’t know what to say and therefore keep their distance.

“A Mother’s Pain” (page 20) illustrates some of the things that bereaved parents can feel in the early days and months after their child’s death. These can include shock and disbelief (even if the death was expected); anger (e.g. at other people, at God, at the situation being beyond their control); a need for someone just to listen; a frustration at platitudes or even of people ‘defending God’s corner’; a complete lack of enthusiasm for life’s everyday necessities; an inability to make even basic decisions; the need of physical comfort in knowing that someone else is there with them …. The list could go on, but even from this brief description we can derive some areas of effective initial support that churches can provide (but ongoing and not just until the funeral is over) –

• encourage people to visit, listen and just ‘be there’, even if they don’t know what to say (and on the other hand, the parents probably don’t know what they want you to say either); • avoid meaningless conversation or platitudes (i.e. be real – tell them that you miss their child as well!); • provide meals, preferably in disposable containers so they don’t even have to wash up; • provide someone to get on with the basics of shopping, washing, ironing and cleaning (not waiting to be asked, because that probably won’t happen!); • give assistance with official forms and deal with other necessary tasks; • simply give them a hug (where appropriate!) without necessarily saying anything. One thing I came to recognise after my son died is that strong emotions take large amounts of energy – you sometimes don’t have the strength to do anything in a day but grieve. And it is important that those caring understand that. Another vital fact to realise is that whilst everyone else’s lives will move on after the funeral, this won’t be the case for the parents. Yet often those caring for them can assume that because they are starting to feel better, the parents will as well. And that simply isn’t true. They will still need ongoing support and someone just to sit and listen for many months and even years to come.


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It takes some time for reality to dawn for the bereaved parents that their son or daughter isn’t coming back. In my case I think it was about 6 months before I even started to accept this, but everyone is different. Whilst talking about ‘stages of grief’ is very common within counselling, looking at grief in this way isn’t always helpful when dealing with bereaved parents as it can imply that you eventually get to the final stage and then are ‘through it’. That will not normally ever happen. You never ‘get over’ the loss of a child and nothing (and certainly not a new baby, if that were a possibility for the family) can ever replace that special and unique person. It is perhaps better to look at grief as a journey, albeit one with many twists and turns, that does, slowly, move in a forward direction. As time goes by, there will be some milestones and significant events that the parents will have to face – in being aware of these, the church may well be able to provide helpful and sensitive support. Milestones that are immediately obvious are the child’s birthday and the anniversary of their death – but there may also be other special dates, so it is worth those close to them keeping in touch to find out what these might be. And at times, things aren’t quite as one might suppose. For instance, the parents may plan to do something special on the actual day of the anniversary of their son or daughter’s death, but we and many others have found that the weeks and days leading up to this can catch us unawares and bring us down. Being sensitive to this will be helpful, as will providing, say, flowers on those special days, not just for the first year but also in the years to come as this lets the parents know that others haven’t forgotten and miss their child too. And then there are the ‘tripwires’ – things that can catch bereaved parents unawares and bring back that intense grief all over again. These may be things like someone else having a baby, children of the same age starting (or leaving) school, going to University, getting married – or as in ”A Mother’s Pain”, the church providing care for someone else who is seriously ill. Being sensitive to the fact that these and other events can affect bereaved parents, even years after their child’s death, is all part of the church providing good support. The way that the church cares for bereaved parents will have a significant effect on their lives – either positive or negative. However, there are times when, no matter how superb the church’s pastoral care is, input and help from others is needed. The Bereaved Parents’ Network provides telephone support, where a bereaved parent can be put in touch with a trained Befriender, who has also lost a child. We also run Days and Weekends for Bereaved Parents (and also a Weekend for Bereaved Adult Siblings), to provide comfort encouragement and hope for the future. And for those providing

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support and pastoral care (as well as for bereaved parents themselves) there is a regular email newsletter containing articles and real-life stories – you can sign up online for this at www.careforthefamily.org.uk/ signup-bpn .

Perhaps the most important and helpful resource that we provide for pastoral carers, counsellors, relatives and friends is the sheet “How You Can Help Bereaved Parents”, reproduced on the next two pages (and which you can download from our website www. careforthefamily.org.uk/bpn.) This contains a list of ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ compiled by a group of bereaved parents, listing things that people said and did that were both helpful and unhelpful. If every church were to give a copy of this to everyone coming into contact with bereaved parents, then perhaps the number of negative experiences could be significantly reduced. Please feel free to distribute it as widely as you can, and let’s make a difference to those whose lives have been so tragically turned upside down. Mike Coulson © Care for the Family, September 2009 Mike & Kath Coulson are Co-ordinators of the Bereaved Parents’ Network, part of the national charity Care for the Family. Their son Philip died in 1994 aged 7, following a brain haemorrhage. You can find out more about the work of Care for the Family at www.careforthefamily.org.uk or by calling 029 2081 0800. Further information, details of events, articles and resources are available from the Bereaved Parents’ Network at www.careforthefamily.org.uk/bpn


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Autumn 2009

How you can help bereaved parents things we’d like you to know

Do

Don’t

Do talk to us – even if you don’t know what to say. Knowing that you are sorry about our loss is a good start.

Don’t avoid us – it hurts so much when you cross the road when you see us coming, rather than be willing to face us.

Do keep in touch; keep phoning, especially as weeks turn into months and years. Be available.

Don’t phone and then say “let me know if I can help”.

Do talk about our children – we love to hear your memories of them.

Don’t worry about feeling ‘awkward’ – be normal, yourself, our friend – we are still the same people.

Do think carefully before you speak – we’re feeling quite Don’t come out with platitudes, trite answers about it vulnerable at the moment and insensitivity could pull us “being for the best” or “seeing each other again one day”. We long to see them now. down very low. Do listen – it can be more important than what you say. Sometimes we just need to know that we are heard.

Don’t say things like – “You can always have another, you’re young.” Children are not replaceable.

Do give practical support. We’re not able to cope with routines at the moment so providing meals, help at home and with our children, is vital.

Don’t wait to be asked to help – initially there is so much help we need with just about everything.

Do offer specific help – “I’ll pick the children up on Friday, take them out, give them tea and bring them back at 6.”

Don’t overload us with responsibilities – for a while it will be all we can cope with to get out of bed and get dressed.

Do talk about everyday things that matter as well – If you have a faith, don’t be super-spiritual, feel you we’re still interested in you and what is going on around need to pray with us, or have to defend God’s case. us, but ‘small talk’ can seem very trivial. Do understand that it will take time for us even to begin to adjust to life, as it has to be for us from now on.

Don’t feel you have to do something – just be there.

Do give us space to be as we are, tears and all – don’t try to discourage our tears and please be willing to cry with us too.

Don’t ignore the loss, or avoid asking about our child. Most bereaved parents long to talk and talk about the child who has died.

Do be sensitive and aware, e.g. Christmas cards – a mention of our child will let us know that you miss them at this time too.

Don’t expect us to be over it – we will never get over it, but will find a ‘new normal life’ in time.

Do remember the Fathers! They can sometimes be neglected as they may not be so willing to talk. Give time to both parents.

Don’t say – “Be strong” – (it means “Don’t share your pain, keep it to yourself.”)

Do take special care of those of us who parent alone. We Don’t assume that because we seem to be coping, we have no-one to measure ourselves against to see how don’t need your help. We have no choice but to keep the we’re doing. family going.


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Do

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Don’t

Do make allowances for our children’s behaviour. It may be very disruptive and difficult. They need lots of patience and love.

Don’t forget to give time and attention to our children – we may be struggling with our feelings towards them.

Do invite us out to coffee or lunch – just to have a change of scene for a while.

Don’t tell us that you’ve been too busy to phone or get in touch. Better to say, “We didn’t know what to say.”

Do still invite us to events and parties, but Don’t avoid the issue with us just because there are understand if sometimes we feel unable to go or have to other people around – at the school gate, in church, or leave early. at work. Do remember that appearances can be deceptive – we may look as if we’re coping okay, but inside we may be falling apart.

Don’t ask how we are if you only want to hear, “I’m okay, thank you.” Be prepared for the truth!

Do treat us as two individuals, even though we are a couple – we may be grieving in very different ways.

Don’t assume that losing our child will draw us closer together as a couple. We each need your support and your help in our relationship.

Do remember that there is no time limit on grief – it will go on long after others expect. Please walk that road with us.

If you have a faith, don’t just say, “I’m praying for you” – be prepared to be part of the answer by getting involved.

Do find ways to remember the anniversaries that the family will appreciate – be creative; we appreciate others’ ideas.

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions, cry with us and tell us how you feel.

Do be ready to listen to all the jumble of emotions we may be feeling, without trying to give answers.

Don’t be judgemental of our behaviour, words, actions or attitudes – they will find a proper level in time.

Do be aware that siblings may react in ways that seem out of character – they have gone through the worst experience imaginable and may be very frightened and insecure.

Don’t try to give us answers – it is unlikely that you will have any that will satisfy us. Just allow us to express all our fears, questions and doubts.

Do show sensitivity – ring first – don’t just turn up at the door; although sometimes it may be just the break we need – be prepared for us to say that we can’t cope with company just now.

Don’t tell us to “count our blessings” as we have “other healthy children”. We are grieving for the one who has gone and nothing will bring them back.

Do be aware that there will be times when we don’t feel able to talk – but this doesn’t mean we won’t want to talk at another time.

Don’t say you understand how we feel – whatever your loss, it will be different from ours as each person’s grief is individual.

Do help with planning and suggestions for the funeral – you could spend months thinking of a wedding and just days for a funeral. The details are very important.

Don’t think that the age of the child determines their value and the impact – the loss is also of our dreams and their potential.

Do encourage us to be kind to ourselves and not push ourselves to meet other people’s expectations of how we should be.

Don’t try to find something positive in our child’s death.

Do let us know that you share our sense of loss and that you miss our child too. This can take away isolation and be a great support.

Don’t think that death puts a ban on laughter. Remembering and enjoying the times we had together is important and helps us to heal.

Tel: (029) 2081 0800 • www.careforthefamily.org.uk Care for the Family - A Christian response to a world of need. A Registered Charity  (England and Wales: 1066905; Scotland: SCO38497).


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Autumn 2009

Adah Sachs – Healing from Trauma

Training Day 26 June 2009 run by ACC Midlands & East Anglia ■ By Carolyn Spring Why do people come on a training course about trauma? I wonder, as I arrive through a wall of rain at 9.00am at a 19th century Georgian manor house in rural Leicestershire. Hothorpe Hall, this elegant venue, seems out of place with the issue of trauma.

“Trauma makes people feels terrible.” – This is Adah Sachs’ opening statement. Adah is a Consultant Psychotherapist with the Clinic for Dissociative Studies, a specialist mental health outpatient service in London for dissociative trauma survivors. As the morning unfolds, Adah shows that she knows what she is talking about. Elegantly, gently and compassionately, she talks about the effect that trauma has, not just on the survivor, but on those around them. “Trauma makes people feel terrible, so they push them away.” I am at the ACC Midlands and East Anglia training day entitled Healing from trauma: an attachment-based psychotherapy approach – from theory to practice. Adah explains that trauma is often the invisible backdrop in the lives of people who give off “an uncomfortable vibe”: the clients who don’t get better, who might be needy and demanding, argumentative or aggressive, or continually at risk. Trauma often lurks where counsellors don’t want to go: “I can’t cope with this,” they say, and (often unconsciously) turn away. And so the problem is subtly bounced back to the survivor – Adah explains that they are told to ‘do more’, to take more responsibility, do certain exercises – anything to take away the helpless, horrified feeling that by projective identification they are unconsciously and unwillingly emitting to those around them. Adah’s speaking style is calming, unanxious. She glides between the undercurrents of frequent questions, holding the unspoken unease of those who work with trauma survivors. She talks of counter-transference

in her own experience and practice – the “terror of the wait”, feeling sick with dread as a client told of the events before her abuse took place – and trauma as something that could not be assimilated because of the lack of an attachment figure. There is a sense to me in the room of just this happening: people seeking help for the despairing terror of their traumatised clients, and someone calm and containing enough to say, “It’s ok; it will be alright; we can cope with this.” From there we move on to dissociation, “the psychic equivalent of fainting” as Adah puts it, the reaction we have when we can’t cope with or process the trauma, and Henry Krystal’s apt description of “surrender to inevitable danger”. The mood darkens into talk of Satanist Ritual Abuse and “ideologically-motivated crimes”, trauma which affronts the sense of good and evil; then, factors for increased traumatisation, such as the age of the child, abuse by an attachment figure, and (arguably worst of all) being forced as a child to perpetrate. Adah’s experience working with Ritual Abuse and Dissociative Identity Disorder comes to the fore. But as if sensing the threat of secondary traumatisation, suddenly she switches, encourages us to come back to the ‘here and now’, to look out of the window and ground ourselves in the evil-less countryside, and begins instead to talk of Attachment. Attachment, she explains, is the biological, safety- and survival-based proximity-seeking system present in all animals. I’m curious to hear that even fish and ants are attachment-based. “In simple terms,” says Adah, “it’s a small person seeking the protection of a big person.” The attachment drives are innate and biologicallydriven, but the ways in which we seek proximity are learned. Our attachment behaviours – everything we do to get close to our attachment figure for our safety and survival – crystallise over time into one of four attachment ‘types’. After detailing secure attachment, and both ‘organised’ types of insecure attachment (ambivalent and avoidant, relating to the adult styles of preoccupied and dismissive respectively), Adah talks on another of her expert subjects: disorganised attachment. This is the strategy-less strategy, where because nothing has consistently worked, there is instead a seeking for ‘magical solutions’. “Disorganised attachment,” says Adah, “always has trauma in the background, and always from a very very young age, even from birth.”


Autumn 2009

This is the client group whose lack of a successful strategy in forming attachments makes them susceptible to future victimisation, and who find it particularly hard to seek and access help. And the type of person, says Adah, whose trauma makes you feel uncomfortable, even if you don’t know about it. Adah’s discussion of disorganised attachment centres around safety – the paradox and trap of seeking safety in a dangerous attachment figure. She discusses Liotti’s ‘defensive replacement’ concept, where attachment needs are substituted by the ‘agonistic’ (fighting all the time), the ‘eroticising’ (sexualising every relationship) or the ‘caregiving’ (providing closeness without vulnerability). Then Hesse’s ‘Cannot Classify’ sub-category, which fits closely with DID survivors. And lastly Kahr and Sachs’ own recent classification of ‘Infanticidal’ as the least safe sub-category of disorganised attachment. Adah describes evocatively the difference between Symbolic Infanticidal, where the parent wishes the child dead in a symbolic way (quoting the story of Christiane from her co-edited book Forensic Aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder), and Concrete Infanticidal, where the parent does actually want to harm or kill the child: “Mummy loves me best when I’m screaming in pain” or “I’m a good girl when I’m dead”. Then come questions from the people who live or work with the scalding unbearability of trauma: counsellors and prayer ministers, adoptive parents and social workers. Adah holds a contained therapeutic space for these questions, acting almost as a secure base and a safe haven for these traumas and fears to be expressed and felt. Reassurance comes at one level in the form of the good enough successes of a therapist such as Adah bringing her insight and knowledge and resisting the urge to be overwhelmed and helpless herself in the face of such suffering. And she extends the hope that trauma is assimilable if its roots in a disrupted attachment relationship are addressed and healed. So why do people come on a training course about trauma? More than simply to learn facts, this seemed to be people seeking that safe haven and secure base, and countering the helplessness and isolation of working with trauma – trauma that “makes people feel terrible”.

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References Hesse, E. (1996). Discourse, memory, and the Adult Attachment Interview: A note with emphasis on the emerging Cannot Classify category. Infant Mental Health Journal, 17: 4-11 Kahr, B. (2007). Infanticidal attachment. Attachment: New Directions in Psychotherapy and Relational Psychoanalysis, 1: 117132 Krystal, H. (1978). Trauma and Affects. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 33:81-116. Liotti, G. (1999). Understanding the dissociative processes: The contribution of attachment theory. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 19: 757-783 Liotti, G. (2006). A model of dissociation based on attachment theory and research. Journal of Trauma and Association, 7: 55-74 Sachs, A. & Galton, G. (eds) (2008). Forensic Aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder, London: Karnac Books

About the author Carolyn Spring is a freelance writer and maintains the TASC website as a resource-base for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their professional allies: www.tasc-online.org.uk

Wellspring Registered Charity No: 1100420 Towards Wholeness ~ Professional, Affordable Therapy & Training Tel: 01423 881881 Email: office@wellspringtherapy.co.uk www.wellspringtherapy.co.uk

COUNSELLING SERVICE MANAGER 20 hours a week

An exciting opportunity in Harrogate for an experienced administrator with a counselling background. We are a small charity with a Christian ethos, offering affordable counselling for those in need. Responsibilities include: • Office management • Assessment and allocation of clients • Monitoring and evaluation • Trainee & counsellor management • Recruitment • New initiatives and development Initially the post is voluntary, but with a view to becoming a funded paid position. For a full job description and application form please contact the office.


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Autumn 2009

Regional Diary ACC in Northern Ireland Thursday 15 October 2009 The Mount Conference Centre, Belfast. Edith Bell and Joanne Scott (ACC Committee members), will leading an interactive evening seminar on Evidence-based practice entitled ‘How do we measure up?’ They pose the question -is your case work looking a bit flabby or too thin? Then you need our interactive case-based seminar on using a range of assessment and evaluation tools in counselling work. Get your practice in shape with a confidence building and enriching look at this vital area of CPD for all practising counsellors! On Saturday 6 March 2010 we will be hosting a Saturday Day Conference at Dunadry Hotel, Templepatrick, suitable for Counsellors and Pastoral Carers on the topic of Compassion Fatigue led by Dr Selwyn Black. On the Sunday we plan to hold a further in depth day for counsellors. (More specific details to follow). Selwyn carried out research on how staff working with the victims of the 1998 Omagh bomb were affected. His findings on traumatic experience have established a ‘framework for measuring the intensity of trauma suffered.’ ACC in Midlands and East Anglia October 31st 2009 – Please note the corrected date. Mike Fisher will be the speaker for an event at Market Harborough His subject will be: Help for Survivors of Sexual Abuse. So please put the date in your diary. If anyone would like to join the Regional committee please contact Christine Blissett, Regional Rep. We would particularly like to have more people from the East Anglia region join us. ACC in North West Saturday 10th October 2009 : Training Day & AGM Dalmeny Hotel St. Annes-on-Sea. Dr. Pat Hartley speaking on " Suicide, Self Harm & Addictive Behaviour". £40 inc. 3 course lunch with discount of £5 for ACC members. Further details and booking form from Richard Champness on 01524824862 or via email: rsc858@btinternet.com 29th to 31st January 2010 Bi-Annual Conference Venue : The Dalmeny Hotel St. Annes-on-Sea FY8 1LX Theme - "Resourced and Equipped to serve a Troubled World". 2008 Conference prices held. Keynote speakers : Dr. Mervyn & Clare Suffield Workshops on Eating Disorders; Listening Skills; NLP;Supervision; Boundaries;Working therapeutically with Expressive Media; Pastoral Caring concepts etc Leaders inc Dr. Pat Hartley, Sue Hopton, Teresa Onions. Conference brochure from Richard Champness on 01524- 824862 or by e:mailing: rsc858@btinternet.com Discounted fees for ACC members and by early booking. ACC in North East Saturday, 3 October 2009, Mike Fisher will be leading our Autumn Training Day entitled “Working with the Attachment and Trauma Issues of Survivors of

Childhood Abuse”. This is the second of our two-part series on Posttraumatic Stress. The training day will be held in Sheffield. For more information, please contact Amanda Georgiou: northeast@acc-uk.org or 0845 123 5263. ACC in South West Saturday 17th October, 2009 ACC SW Autumn Conference “Living with a Problem Drinker” will be on @ St Leonard’s Church Hall from 10:15 to 4pm. Worship led by Carolyn Lowsey “Living with a Problem Drinker” John McMahon & Lou Lewis. John McMahon, Addiction & Recovery Expert has a PhD in psychology. He has worked in the alcohol and drug field in various capacities for around 25 years. In that time Dr. McMahon has been a therapist and has designed and run treatment interventions for both alcohol and drug problems. He has carried out research on treatment efficacy, the nature of and how to measure motivation to change, and binge drinking and drinking culture and published approximately 50 articles in scholarly journals and books and has given presentations at numerous national and international conferences. His affiliation is with 24/7 Help Yourself. We owe John’s availability to us in the SW as he has married Lou Lewis, who needs no introduction but is herself an experienced and gifted counsellor. John and Lou will be running this together. ACC in Scotland Saturday 14th November 2009 Day conference in the Salvation Army Centre, Perth. Speaker: Dr Bill Merrington. His subject will be on Loss and Trauma. Information on his work can be found at www.counsellingcare.org. Further details in the next accord. ACC in South East Saturday, 17th October 2009 "Working with Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse" - Dr Lynne Jordan. Dr Jordan is an Associate Fellow of the BPS, a Chartered Counselling Psychologist and a Senior Accredited Counsellor with the BACP. This training day for counsellors will be held at Southover Counselling, based in Lewes, East Sussex. For more details and a booking form contact by e-mail: mail@ southovercounselling.org.uk or phone: 07852 221 449 or visit www.southovercounselling.org.uk. ACC in Wales March 13th 2010 – Welsh Conference We are committed to providing high quality workshops at our annual conference. In 2010 the focus is on Counselling and Spirituality This workshop will be given by Brian Thorne. Brian is Emeritus Professor of Counselling at the University of East Anglia, Norwich, Professor of Education in the College of Teachers and Co-founder of the Norwich Centre. His many publications include The Mystical Power of Person-Centred Therapy: Hope Beyond Despair and Infinitely Beloved.


Autumn 2009

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In Touch

CCT (New Forest) offer a professional counselling service in the New Forest area and are looking for another counsellor to join the team. Applicants must be qualified with at least an ACC recognised Certificate, ideally in the “Adapted CWR/Crabb” counselling model. The service is a charity and affiliated to ACC. We operate from various churches in the New Forest area, though counsellors can come from outside of this area. £15 per session (providing you have 50-100 counselling hours with us) Socials, retreats, training etc Telephone CCT(NF) Administration on 01425-618108 www.churchescounsellingtogether.co.uk

The Consultancy team offers a wide range of Personal & Professional including: FREE (LSC Funded) Information, Advice & Guidance, (IAG Services) under our “nextstep” service contract for Adults over age 20 Isle of Wight, Basingstoke, Andover and other Hants locations (by arrangement) See Website for more information 'matrix' accredited MARY BARKER (Managing Consultant & Director of Counselling Services)

PO Box 6776 BASINGSTOKE, Hampshire, RG24 4JT. Tel Fax: 01256 477 225 or 01983 292 588; Mobile: 078 23 77 53 54 Email: BridgeUK@aol.co.uk www.thebridgeconsultancy.co.uk

Image's Pregnancy Counselling Skills Course 2010

Working with Eating Disorders: a training day for counsellors, GPs and those involved in pastoral care.

• In Manchester and London

Saturday 17th October, 9.30am - 3.30pm Place: Large Hall, Cotham Parish Church Run by: Hope's Place in association with Anorexia Bulimia Care

• Specialist course in pregnancy, abortion, post-abortion and teenage sexuality • 60 hours pastoral care with counselling skills • Suitable for men as well as women • Recognised by Open College Network and ACC • 5 Saturdays January-May 2010 For details and an application form contact: Manchester: Image, Coverdale Centre, Coverdale Crescent, Ardwick, Manchester M12 4FG Tel: 0161 273 8090 E-mail: image@poptel.org.uk Marcia Jones, Image Training London, 31 Warnham House, Upper Tulse Hill, London SW2 2SA Tel: 07753 784573 E-mail: image.london@yahoo.co.uk

Centre for Pastoral and Professional Counselling Study professional counselling courses in a Christian environment. All courses are CPCAB validated CERTIFICATE IN COUNSELLING SKILLS (CSK-L2) Focuses on the skills needed to form and sustain a helping relationship. CERTIFICATE IN COUNSELLING STUDIES (CST-L3) Focuses on the skills needed for client work within a counselling agency setting. DIPLOMA IN THERAPEUTIC COUNSELLING (TC-L4) Integrative Route (2 Year Programme) Preparing for work as counselling practitioners within agency settings. DIPLOMA IN THERAPEUTIC COUNSELLING SUPERVISION (TCSU –L6) Providing the skills needed for clinical supervision of counselling practitioners. Contact details Admissions Administrator: Miss Sarah Prior (s.prior@spurgeons.ac.uk), Spurgeon’s College, South Norwood Hill, London SE25 6DJ Tel: (020) 8653 0850 (extn. 209) www.spurgeons.ac.uk

Speakers: Julie Laycock ,Jane Smith and Caroline Virgo The day offers the opportunity to explore some of the less-discussed questions associated with eating disorders, such as how they relate to spirituality and the impact they have on men. Through a variety of lecture-style and discussion-based seminars, participants will be encouraged to reflect on how good practice in responding to eating disorders can be developed. We will also consider how partnerships between carers, service providers and churches can offer a better, more comprehensive care strategy and discuss how to recognise the limitations of each of these roles and when further help needs to be sought. For More Information Contact: kateguthrie@hopesplace.org.uk or more information at www.wholeminds.org.uk

Greetings from the Manna House in Northampton My name is John Nightingale, Director here for the last 26 years. I trust that you are well and will take a few moments to consider this advert. We believe we have some great news in that we are developing a specific counselling book part of our web site. http://mannahouse.org.uk/ Or enter ‘Manna House’ on Google and we are #1 Our prices are very competitive and include free delivery to anywhere in the UK. Our intention is to develop the breadth and depth of this site over the next few months to become a valuable and relevant resource to you in your work. If you need any specific counselling related titles please do drop us an e-mail so that we can give you a price. Bulk orders of ‘course books’ can also be supplied – prices available on request via: info@mannahouse.org.uk


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Autumn 2009

In Touch For your 2009

CPD Training Requirements www.deeprelease.org.uk

Bear in mind We, are here as a shoulder to cry on. To listen & aid you out of your deprivation.

Deep Release offers a wide variety of courses at the Sion Community, Brentwood including: Toxic Churches�������������������������������������������������������5 Oct Attachment & Transference�����������������������������������7 Oct Principles & Practice of Deep Release Level 116-18 Oct Working with the Inner Child�������������������������������22 Oct Inner Child Interventions,�����������������������������������23 Octr Toxic Relationships����������������������������������������������28 Oct Creative Counselling������������������������������������������6-8 Nov Introduction to Attachment��������������������������������� 16 Oct Creative Interventions in Gestalt������������������������� 17 Oct Working with the Body in Counselling���������������� 18 Oct Caring for the Counsellor, Ministry W/end�������4-6 Dec Supervising Trauma Work,�������������������������9th October with Adah Sachs-Simpson Dr Chris & Pauline Andrew, Deep Release Ltd 122 Hunter Avenue, Shenfield, Brentwood Essex CM15 8PG 01277 226121 info@deeprelease.org.uk www.deeprelease.org.uk All courses can be booked & paid for on line

S.E.E.D

Theology & Counselling Certificate - Diploma – BA

RESTORATION FOR ABUSED PEOPLE (R.A.P) COUNSELLING & ADVICE For the Abused & Deprived from 14yrs & above. Within Greater London TO BOOK AN APPOINTMENT for Counselling in areas of Physical, sexual, mental, spiritual, emotional abuse. With CBT/Person –centred/Integrative/Biblical Counselling approach Or Advocacy on Human rights & Spiritual Abuse – Regionally & internationally TEL: 020 – 74734550 Mob: 07960172928 Email: rapcharity@freenet.co.uk WWW.rapcharity.org./ co.uk OPEN: TUES – THURS (10am – 4pm) Venues: Stratford Arcade & Barking & Dagenham CVS (By appointments only,)

Support and Education on Eating Disorders S.E.E.D offers information, advice, education and practical help for individuals suffering from eating disorders and their carers. We currently offer a weekly drop-in and information service (1-3pm) and a fortnightly self-help group (7-8.30pm) from Preston Disc, 103 Church Street, Preston, PR1 3BS. For further information please contact 07738891507 (Shelley) or 07922828806 (Emma). Alternatively see our website www.lancashireseed.btik.com or e-mail prestoneds@hotmail.co.uk

Accredited by Middlesex University, integrates the best secular models, is professionally recognised and faithful to Christian principles.

Certificate – gives thorough grounding in CWR’s counselling model, plus a basic grounding in the biblical, historical and international story of God’s people.

Diploma – start counselling practice supported by training in theory and skills.

Degree – core module in biblical theology informs the work as students seek to integrate theological and counselling perspectives. A key element is The Project, allowing the student to research and write on an area of interest. Theology & Counselling Department, London School of Theology, Green Lane, Northwood, Middlesex HA6 2UW e - counselling@lst.ac.uk t - +44 (0) 1923 456 234 f - +44 (0) 1923 456 001 www.lst.ac.uk/counselling

NEW DAWN COUNSELLING New Dawn Community Centre, Button Lane, Northern Moor, Manchester, M23 0ND

Tel. 962 8100 Professional counselling, serving the Manchester area on a contribution-only basis.

Based in Lewes, East Sussex A team of experienced, professional Christian counsellors Counselling for adults, irrespective of faith Subsidies available Person-centred / integrative approach Supervision offered Telephone: 078 5222 1449 E-mail: mail@ southovercounselling.org.uk Address: Church End, 1 Cockshut Road, Lewes, East Sussex. BN7 1JH www.southovercounselling.org.uk


Autumn 2009

In Touch THE WILLOWS will be running the following courses in 2009/10 Supervision Course – This course will run on four Tuesday evenings; 3rd, 10th, 17th and 24th November Level 2 Introduction to Pastoral Counselling Spring 2010. Level 3 One Year Certificate Course in Integrative Christian Counselling – September 2010 CPCAB Two Year Level 4 Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling – September 2010 Saturday Training Days: “The place of music in therapy” Bob Heath – 7th Nov “Understanding and working with transference” Maria Grime 13th Feb “Understanding and deepening therapeutic presence” Kate Steele 13th Mar “Working with character strategies” Mike Fisher 8th May For further details please contact: Avril Fray at The Willows Counselling Service, The Willows Centre, 11 Prospect Place, Old Town, Swindon SN1 3LQ Tel 01793 426650 E-mail training@willowscounselling.org.uk Christian Caring in the Community Charity Registration No.1037677

Gower’s Christian Conference and Retreat Centre set in a stunning location in South Wales Prayer Ministry Retreats October & November Overcoming Eating Disorders in October & November Carers’ Weekend in November Low-cost winter breaks in Nov & Jan Send for colour brochure or see website for other events Self-catering studio apartment for personal retreats (prayer/counselling available if booked in advance) On-site bookshop and mail order books Nicholaston House Penmaen, Gower, Swansea, SA3 2HL Tel: 01792 371317 Email: managers@nicholastonhouse.org www.nicholastonhouse.org www.helenawilkinson.co.uk

UCHM UCHM offers Christian Counsellor Training that is ACC recognised and OCN accredited at affordable prices: We are currently taking bookings for the following:INTRODUCTION TO CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING COURSE 2010 Level Two Once a month over four months at the UCHM Centre Friday 6.30pm- 9.30 pm and Saturday 9.30 am - 4.30 pm. 15 - 16 January, 5 - 6 February, 12 - 13 March, 23 - 24 April 2010 BRIEF THERAPY - IN SEARCH OF A MODEL A two-part workshop to explore the theory and practice of brief counselling.At theUCHM Centre. Saturdays 10 Oct and 14 Nov 2009 Trainer: Tim Gauntlett, UKCP registered psychodynamic psychotherapist UNDERSTANDING SELF HARM A one day, interactivecourseaimed atanyone working with vulnerable people. Saturday 7 November 2009 at the UCHM Centre. Trainer: Lorraine Beaumond

For more information Tel: 01484 461098, visit our website www.uchm.org or email uchm@uchm.org

31st October 09 : Relational CBT with Frank Wills, author of Skills in Cognitive Behaviour Counselling and Psychotherapy (Sage) Level 2 Introduction to Christian Counselling (ACC & OCN accredited) - 60 hours beginning February 2010 Level 3 & Level 4: anyone interested in further counselling training and struggling with limited opportunities in the north? Please contact us. For further details and to register your interest contact Borderline at: 34 Aglionby St, Carlisle, CA1 1JP Tel 01228 596900 Email: office@borderlinecounselling.wanadoo.co.uk

The Centre for Relational Care helps equip counsellors and pastoral carers in Intimacy Therapy, a relational Christian counselling model. As well as counselling on a sessional basis, CRC also offers 24 hour or 3 day care for couples who want to enhance their marriage relationship or are experiencing difficulty in it. For more information contact: Heather Howell On: 01926 430901 Or email: heather@relationalcare. co.uk www.relationaltraining.co.uk www.relationalcare.co.uk

tag is a group studying and supporting work concerning trauma, abuse and dissociation and has a new-look journal, interact. Available to members, the latest edition contains:

 articles from leading clinicians including Janina Fisher and Sue Richardson

 contributions from other related organisations: FPP, Into the Light, TASC and PODS

 reports from the recent joint TAG/RAINS conference

 diary events and more The highlight of this edition is the article co-written by ‘Rob’ and Carolyn Spring, Life as the Partner of a Dissociative Survivor. Mike Fisher, Chair of TAG, says: “I have never read a more sincere, moving and insightful article by a partner and carer of someone with DID.”

For details of membership and our other activities please visit www.tag-uk.net.

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Professional Liability insurance for ACC members Towergate Professional Risks offers competitive rates on Professional Liability insurance for ACC members. This cover protects you if a client, or anyone else makes a compensation claim against you as a result of your counselling work. Cover is arranged with AXA, an established insurer with many years’ experience of protecting counsellors, and we regularly receive praise from clients for the efficient and understanding way we handle their claims.

Call today for a quotation on 0113 391 9595 or visit www.towergateprofessionalrisks.co.uk

Towergate Professional Risks is a trading name of Towergate Underwriting Group Limited Registered Office: Towergate House, Eclipse Park, Sittingbourne Road, Maidstone, Kent ME14 3EN. Authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority 5138/065/AD/03.09/9226

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