a taste of SARCASM
with Dan Doyle
The Phillips Avenue Diner “It is odd how all men develop the notion, as they grow older, that their mothers were wonderful cooks. I have yet to meet a man who will admit that his mother was a kitchen assassin and nearly poisoned him.” – Robertson Davies
When a person envisions a true American diner, they often have visions of a frail, old lady behind a counter with a cigarette dangling from her lips; $0.05 cups of coffee; and plates piled with mounds of eggs, potatoes and various breakfast meats derived from that magical animal, the pig.1 More recently, with the show “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives,” people’s thoughts are clouded with visions of that loudmouthed Guy Fieri with his frosted tips and backwards sunglasses.2
There is something about the concept of a traditional diner that evokes some sort of fictitious, nostalgic vision of doo-wop music, home cooking and the Fonz. Maybe it was manufactured by movies like “Back to the Future” and every single movie that has ever been set on Route 66. So many fond memories from film have taken place in the random truck stop or diner. If you can honestly tell me that the quote, “Excuse me, Flo? What is the soup du jour?” does not bring you immediately to the movie “Dumb & Dumber,”3
24 | February 2011
and if you can tell me that you haven’t already responded to the foregoing quote while reading this run-on sentence by saying “It’s the soup of the day.” – “Mmm, that sounds good. I’ll have that,” then, you no longer need to continue reading this column and you can go directly back the hole in which you have been living for the last 30 years. In Sioux Falls, we are fortunate enough to be the home of the Phillips Avenue Diner: A diner that, esthetically, evokes all of those nostalgic memories of a traditional diner. The exterior is a glistening chrome structure shaped like a Twinkie, and the interior is filled with a countertop hugging the kitchen, vinyl-padded booths and oldies music on the radio. All of the traditional concepts are there. For better or worse, what makes the Phillips Avenue Diner different from the Hollywood cliché is the food. Now, I am not about to tell you that the Diner does not have home-style comfort food classics like Hot Beef, Hot Turkey, French dip, meat loaf, or biscuits and gravy. Oh no, they are all here. The difference is in the execution - as I said, for better or for worse. It’s a question of taste and expectation. Dishes at the Diner are executed with a sense of precision that is foreign to the average small-town diner. In fact, nearly all of the dishes come out looking a little too perfect, for me. In fact, for the longest time, I had a real problem eating at the Diner. I thought I was selling out. To me, I was eating at a place that was posing as a diner. A wolf in sheep’s clothes. Corporate America going too far with a concept that was intended for mom and pop.4 Over time, as usual, I got over it. I have since accepted the fact that the Diner is what it is. They brought a novelty to Sioux Falls that was direly needed - a home for comfort classics in downtown Sioux Falls; A place that often seems dominated by upscale establishments and snooty coffee houses. The Diner actually had some cool things to offer. First off, it has a very good coffee offering. You will not find $0.05 coffee here. They have Seattle’s Best Coffee, and you can get it served in all of the forms you would expect from a fancy espresso shop. As for the food, the Diner thankfully offers one of my favorite concepts – breakfast after noon.5 So, yes, you can still get delicious fried morsels of egg, potato and pork products