SMS Magazine-Fall 2025, Breaking Soul Ties and Cycles by 4JesusChrist

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Glory to God in the highest, in the name of our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Sundie Morning Sistas Magazine

Breaking Soul Ties and Cycles

When Your History Is Blocking Your Destiny

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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Issue: Fall 2025

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elcome to the Fall Issue of the Sundie Morning Sistas Magazine, entitled, “Breaking Soul Ties and Cycles.” We pray it’s a sacred space where we get honest, get whole, and go deeper into what it really means to walk with God through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If you’ve been feeling like you’re on the edge of something—like God’s been stirring something deep inside of you that you can’t quite put into words—you’re not alone. This issue was created with you in mind. For the woman who’s tired of the cycle. For the one who’s still trying to breathe through the betrayal. And for the one who loves God deeply, but quietly wonders, “Why does this still have a hold on me?”

Our aim is to always talk about real things—the struggle, the process, the victory. In this issue, it’s soul ties and emotional strongholds. The pain of choosing wrong and staying too long. The heartbreak of betrayal that shook your foundation. The kind of wounds that smiles don’t cover. And while none of that is easy to sit with, here’s what I know for sure: God wants to meet you right there—in the middle of the confusion, the questions, and the tears—and help you step into what He’s already prepared for you. These articles were written with prayer and purpose. They’re not about placing blame or rehashing old stories just to feel pain again. This is about healing. About pulling up the root. About letting God walk you into the kind of wholeness you didn’t think was possible anymore.

One of my favorite reminders from Isaiah 43:19 (NLT) says, “But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun!” That’s not just pretty scripture. That’s real-life hope. God’s already working behind the scenes. Even if you can’t fully see it yet.

So as you read through each article, our prayer is that you’ll feel seen, strengthened, and stirred. May the Holy Spirit shine light on the places that need healing and give you the courage to confront what’s been holding you back. It’s not too late to be free. It’s not too late to start again. May you sense His nearness in every line and be reminded that even now, restoration is not only possible, it’s yours to claim.

With grace and bold faith, President and Founder, SMS

PS: Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37(NKJV)

here comes a time when you have to ask yourself a real question:

Why am I still stuck here? You love God, you’ve prayed, cried, fasted— and yet, there's a familiar pattern that keeps showing up in your life. Maybe it’s that unhealthy relationship you can’t quite detach from, the dysfunctional family cycle that seems to follow you into every new season, or that inner voice that keeps repeating what someone else said about your worth. That’s not just coincidence. That’s a cycle. And it’s time to break it.

The Word tells us in 2 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT), “Examine yourselves to see if your faith

is genuine. Test yourselves…” And sometimes, the most courageous thing you can do is look in the mirror with honesty and ask God to show you what needs to be healed—not just what needs to be fixed.

Take Tanisha, for example. She is 32 years old, has a successful career and is respected by her colleagues. Saved since she was 22, she deeply desires to live for God. However, she’s consistently finding herself in relationships with the same kind of man. They’re usually emotionally unavailable, controlling, and spiritually disconnected from the Father. Tanisha tells herself each time that this one’s different, but the end result is always the same: heartbreak, confusion, and regret.

hat Tanisha doesn’t realize is that she’s been living with residue from her past—an unhealed soul tie from her first serious relationship at 19. This one was a doozy—a heartbreak that changed her in ways she couldn’t fully recognize. It left her feeling like love had to be earned and pain was just part of the package. It planted a lie in her heart that says, this is the best you can get. So even though her head knows better, her soul keeps choosing from a broken place.

That’s what these ties do—they affect how you see yourself and how you interpret love, safety, and worth. They dull your spiritual discernment and hijack your ability to choose wisely, especially in significant relationships. You begin to normalize dysfunction, mislabel chaos as passion, and accept red flags as just “flaws to work through.” But you were never meant to live like that. God desires

wholeness for you—especially in the area of love and covenant relationships.

What Exactly Are Soul Ties and Cycles?

Soul ties are deep emotional or spiritual bonds that go beyond surface-level connections. They can form through sexual intimacy, trauma bonding, intense emotional exchanges, and even one-sided loyalty. Not every deep bond is destructive—but when it pulls you away from God's peace, identity, or purpose, it becomes a spiritual trap.

Cycles are those frustrating patterns that repeat—like choosing the same kind of emotionally unhealthy partner, always running back to a situation you swore off, or carrying emotional burdens that don’t belong to you.

Where Does It Come From?

Cycles and soul ties usually trace back to something deeper:

 A wound that never healed

 A lie you believed about yourself

 A generational pattern you didn’t ask for but inherited  A fear of being alone or unloved

 A longing to be chosen—even at the cost of your peace

Unholy cycles often find their power in unhealed places. Before you ask God to break the pattern, ask Him to expose the pain that’s been feeding it.

Psalm 139:23–24 (NLT) says: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

The Bible encourages us through Paul’s prayer in Philippians 1:9–10 (NLT): “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.” When we don’t grow in our understanding of what really matters or guard what our hearts hold onto, we can easily become tangled in emotional and spiritual ties. We might continue the pattern of giving our hearts away too easily and steer our lives down paths we were never intended to take.

The Spiritual Reality of It All

Soul ties and spiritual strongholds are real. They’re invisible chains, but they grip hard— especially when they’re connected to your emotions, your past decisions, or generational behaviors you never chose but somehow inherited. Sometimes the hardest thing to fight isn’t what’s going on around you—it’s what’s rooted deep within you.

But God didn’t leave us powerless. 2

Corinthians 10:4 (NLT) says, “We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the

strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.” We’ve been given divine tools to tear down the lies we've believed and the toxic agreements we’ve made in our souls. This part of the journey requires spiritual warfare, yes—but it also calls for honest self-reflection, repentance, and a willingness to walk away from anything that’s been secretly stealing your peace.

What Does Freedom Actually Look Like?

God’s deliverance doesn’t just remove the person—it renews your perspective. Real freedom feels like:

Peace where you used to feel panic

Discernment where confusion used to reign

The strength to say no, even when your feelings say yes

Choosing based on God’s voice instead of your fear of being alone

This is where healing starts. Not just the kind that puts a bandage on a bleeding heart, but the kind that pulls up pain by the root. That’s deliverance. That’s inner healing. That’s the Spirit of God reaching into your soul and doing what therapy, good advice, or time alone couldn’t fully do—break the chain and destroy the pattern.

“When

Steps Toward Healing and Wholeness

Don’t wait. Begin today:

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any emotional or spiritual ties still holding you back.

Confess and renounce those ties in the name of Jesus Christ.

Forgive anyone involved—including yourself.

Write down the cycle God is breaking—and declare truth over it.

Surround yourself with truth through Scripture, prayer, and godly counsel.

Stand firm when the enemy tempts you to go back to what God already freed you from.

If your history is blocking your destiny, then now is the time to rewrite the story. Not by pretending the past didn’t happen, but by letting God heal what happened in you because of it. You don't have to be who you were. You don’t have to live in reaction to what hurt you. And you don’t have to stay tied to people or patterns that God is clearly calling you away from.

When

Your History Is Blocking Your

Destiny

: Honest Reflection and Healing

You don’t have to spend another year bound to what broke you. Jesus came to set the captives free— and that includes you. No more carrying people God told you to release. No more shrinking to fit broken patterns. The weapons God has given you are mighty. Use them. Rise up. Break the tie. End the cycle. And walk forward into the freedom your soul has been craving.

In Isaiah 43:18–19 (NLT), our Heavenly Father said, “But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”

That’s your confirmation. He’s already working behind the scenes. That quiet stirring in your spirit? That’s the Lord nudging you toward better. So let go of what drained you. Shut the door on what distracted you. Fix your eyes on what God is birthing in this next season. You were never meant to stay stuck. You were meant to be free, whole, and walking boldly in the new thing God has already begun in you.

Healing is possible. Wholeness is promised. And your future is worth fighting for.

1) Who or what do I still feel emotionally tied to, even though I know it’s not God’s Will for me?

2) Have I normalized dysfunction in relationships because of what I saw growing up or experienced early on?

3) What lies have I believed about myself because of past relationships or painful moments?

4) Is there a specific pattern or cycle that keeps repeating in my life? What might be feeding it?

5) Am I willing to fully forgive those who hurt me—even if they never apologize?

6) What do I feel like I “need” from people that I haven’t yet learned to receive from God?

7) Have I asked God to heal the places in my soul that still grieve or ache from old wounds?

8) What new standard do I need to set for the relationships I allow in my life moving forward?

9) Where do I need deliverance—not just change, but real spiritual freedom?

10) Do I truly believe that God’s love is strong enough to rewrite my story and restore my heart?

I Declare: Speaking Life, Freedom, and Wholeness

Use these declarations to speak truth over your soul. Say them out loud. Say them often.

 I declare that every toxic soul tie is broken by the authority of Jesus Christ.

 I am no longer tied to my past—I am tethered to my purpose.

 I will no longer confuse dysfunction for love or settle for less than God’s best.

 I forgive, release, and let go—my freedom matters more than my pride.

 I am not who I was. I am who God says I am—healed, whole, and made new in Christ.

 I choose healthy love. I choose godly boundaries. I choose to wait well.

 I walk in wisdom, not wounds.

 I am creating new patterns for the generations that will follow me.

 I will not go back. I am moving forward.

 The cycle ends with me—and a new story begins.

PRAYER— Breaking Free in Jesus’ Name

I come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, humbled and ready to be made whole. I acknowledge that there are places in my soul where I’ve been tied to the wrong people, the wrong mindsets, and the wrong patterns. I’ve allowed things that You never intended for me to carry—pain from my past, trauma that was never healed, and emotional attachments that have kept me bound.

Father, I ask You to forgive me for every sin I’ve committed—knowingly and unknowingly. Cleanse me from all unrighteousness. If there is any area in my life where I’ve been walking in pride, disobedience, denial, or self-deception, open my eyes. Show me the truth about myself so I can walk in true repentance and surrender. I don’t want to stay blind to what’s keeping me bound.

Lord, I repent for every time I knowingly or unknowingly chose relationships or cycles that dishonored You and harmed me. I ask You now to break every ungodly soul tie—whether emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual—that is still holding onto my heart. I choose to forgive those who hurt me, and I release them into Your hands. I also forgive myself for the ways I’ve stayed stuck.

I plead the blood of Jesus over my heart, my mind, and my history. Thank You for cleansing me and making me new in Christ Jesus. Where there was shame, replace it with peace. Where there was confusion, give me clarity. Where there were lies, plant Your truth. Where there were strongholds, bring deliverance.

Teach me to walk in wholeness. Guide me into healthy patterns and relationships that align with Your Will. Restore my discernment and help me see myself the way You see me— loved, chosen, and worthy of freedom.

Today, I take authority in Christ and declare that the cycle stops with me. From this moment forward, I choose freedom. I choose healing. I choose You.

In the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, I pray, Amen.

ome say that life on earth is a serious wilderness experience, with its deep valleys and steep climbs. And they’re right. It’s no joke, that’s for sure. When we’re young, we’re told that we can do anything we want to do and become anything that we want to become. It’s not until we mature spiritually, mentally, and physically that we find out that just ain’t so. Life brings triumphs and real joy, but there’s also staggering disappointments, and tough life lessons to learn. Over time, we start to understand that although we’re in the wilderness and it’s tough sometimes, life on earth is a journey with purpose.

We’re not here just to do whatever we want; we’re here to fulfill what God has called us

to do. Just like Jesus, who was sent on a divine mission, we’ve been given one too. And the good news is that our Heavenly Father has already equipped us for this work. You’re not walking around without direction or meaning—there’s purpose on your life. Kingdom purpose. And that’s something to be continually excited about, no matter what season you’re in.

But here’s what we have to know, purpose requires spiritual depth. God is calling us beyond surface-level faith. He’s calling us into intimacy, because there’s no transformation without relationship. It was true for the Samaritan woman at the well, and it’s true for us now. She had no idea what that ordinary trip to the well that day would become. It was a divine encounter that would change everything.

Jesus Moves with Purpose

Jesus never moved randomly. He always walked in purpose and divine timing. When he sat at Jacob’s well in John 4, He wasn’t just tired from travel—he was on assignment. He knew the Samaritan woman would be there. He knew her story. And he knew it was her time to be seen, healed, and changed.

So many of us walk through life missing the divine moments where God is trying to meet us. We stay quiet when we should speak life into someone. We hold back when God is nudging us to pour out. But Jesus shows us what it means to be available, to be present in someone’s moment of need.

In Luke 19:1-10, he did it with Zacchaeus too. Jesus knew Zacchaeus would be up in that tree. He didn’t just spot him—he called him by name and in Luke 19:5 (NLT) said, “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today. I must stay at your house today.” That was a divine setup. Then there’s the man possessed by a legion of demons. Mark 5 lets us know that Jesus didn’t avoid him—he crossed the sea on purpose to meet him. And when Jesus stepped out of that boat, the man was already running toward him. The enemy knew what was about to happen. Jesus cast the demons out, and that man was found clothed, in his right mind, and fully restored.

Each of these moments shows us that Jesus moves on assignment. And when we need him most, he will be there.

If You Only Knew...

Back at the well, the Samaritan woman questioned why Jesus, a Jew, would even speak to her. But Jesus saw straight through the surface and

spoke straight to her soul. John 4:10 (NLT) tells us he said, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.” Our Lord and Savior is speaking these same words to us: “If you only knew.” If you only knew the power, grace, and mercy he offers, you would never hesitate to fully surrender all to him. If you only knew the depth of love that he has for you, your faith would move mountains. If you knew the peace God wants to flood your life with, you wouldn’t hesitate.

If we were confident in God’s provision and the breakthrough that’s waiting on us, everything would shift. But like that woman, we’re often caught up in the wrong details. We’re caught up in our shame, distracted by our pain, or tangled in the labels the world stuck on us. But Jesus just keeps trying to pull our eyes back to the Father’s heart. You don’t have to wait for the “right moment” or have everything together. Christ is ready to meet you right where you are. Whether it’s at the well, in a tree, or in a graveyard of brokenness, he’s waiting for you to wholeheartedly accept his invitation. You’re important to him, so open your heart wide. And when he meets you at the well, accept all that he wants to give you. thirsty. Come real. He’s already there.

Let him speak life into the parts of you that feel dead. Let him heal what’s been hurting and restore what’s been lost. Don’t hold back—he already knows your story, and he still chooses you. Because with Jesus, nothing is wasted. And once you drink from the living water he offers, you’ll never be the same again. ■

aking big life decisions can be anxiety provoking, especially when you’re wrestling with whether or not the choice you’re about to make is the right one. That internal tug-of-war is real. We want to be in God’s Will, because we know that’s the only real guarantee in life, but sometimes we’re not sure if we’re really hearing Him clearly. We wonder if we’re just talking ourselves into something.

In Isaiah 55:9 (NLT), God tells us, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Our Heavenly Father is brilliant beyond our comprehension. He knows how to lead and guide His children. He gives confirmation in many different ways, and one of the most important is His peace. When something is from Him, peace will be there. It won’t feel forced, heavy, or frantic. It’ll settle into your spirit like a knowing—even if everything around you still looks uncertain.

Romans 15:33 (NLT) says, “And now may God, who gives us his peace, be with you all. Amen.” God gives us HIS peace, and just as Philippians 4:7 tells us, that’s a peace that passes all understanding; it guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. It’s divine reassurance that quiets the noise of fear and doubt and brings clarity to the confusion. This is the head and heart space we want to be in when we have to make a decision that could potentially change our lives long-term. When God is in something, nothing goes wrong. He parts everything like the Red Sea. That’s why it’s so important to include Him in our plans from the start.

God is a perfect gentleman—He won’t force His way in. Without prayer and an invitation, He will not intervene, and that’s usually when His peace is missing.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV) reminds us of this truth: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” That word acknowledge is everything. It’s not just about checking in with God once the plan is already in motion—it’s about making room for Him before the first step is taken. For me personally, I wouldn’t want to show up anywhere I wasn’t invited. When we’re not acknowledged, we feel overlooked, like our thoughts and presence don’t matter. That’s exactly the message we send to God when we move forward without Him. Even if it’s unintentional, it’s important to be mindful of who we serve—and to remember that He wants to be involved in every part of our lives. That awareness, that invitation, that surrender—that’s what opens the door for His peace to flood in.

God should be in our thoughts twenty-four seven. The Bible says in Acts 17:28 (NLT), “For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’” Our very existence is in Him; therefore, He should be in everything we do. Once we give our lives to God, we’re no longer living for ourselves—we live for Him. So, if His peace is missing in our plans, that’s a clear sign it’s time to hit the brakes and seek Him more deeply about what our next move should be. When we do that—when we pause, pray, and truly invite Him in—His peace shows up. And not just any peace, but the kind that surpasses all understanding.■

“And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.”

HEBREWS 12:1‐2 (NLT)

ollowers of Christ have a depth that may not be perceived by everyone they meet, but it’s there. We weren’t made to drift aimlessly through life, and most of us understand this. God created us in His image—intelligent, spiritual beings with the capacity to think, believe, speak, and act with power and purpose. One of the most remarkable gifts we’ve been given is the authority to open our mouths and do as Romans 4:17 says: call

those things that are not as though they were. Through faith, we’re not hoping and wishing, we’re walking in the footsteps of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He didn’t just show us what holiness looked like; he showed us how to live victoriously. God’s Will is that we live a more than abundant life through Christ, where we’re doing more than surviving—much more. We’re thriving, overflowing, and bearing fruit. That clarity of vision starts by looking to Jesus and staying focused on the road He paved.

Jesus Christ, the Trailblazer

Jesus didn’t just talk about purpose—He lived it. He is the blueprint, the gold standard, the Trailblazer of our faith. The Word tells us in Hebrews 12:1–2 (NLT), “And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.” Jesus wasn’t running aimlessly. Every step he took was filled with meaning. He endured suffering because he could see the outcome. He had vision—clear, focused, unshakable. And that’s what we need. The race isn’t about impressing people or stacking up achievements. It’s about finishing strong in what God has called us to do. Jesus cleared the path—now it’s our turn to run it with purpose.

Faith Is the Right Way of Believing

Jesus didn’t come to earth to pursue his own agenda. He said clearly in John 6:38 (NLT), “For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will.” That’s powerful! How many of us can honestly say that’s how we live? We’ve got dreams, goals, and plans—but what happens when they don’t align with God’s Will? Do we adjust, or do we push forward anyway, hoping God will bless it later?

Jesus walked by faith, not feelings. And that’s how he calls us to live. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) tells us, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” There’s purpose in you that didn’t originate with you. It started in the mind of God before you ever took your first breath. Our faith sharpens our vision when we align it with His Will. We stop chasing things that don’t matter and start walking in what’s eternal.

Stay in the Race

Life will throw distractions your way— emotional ones, financial ones, people-related ones. Some of them may look like good opportunities. But if it pulls your eyes off Jesus, it’s not worth your time. He’s not just the goal—He’s the guide. He’s the pace-setter. And He showed us that joy can still be found in the middle of suffering when your trust is in the right place. When things get rough—and they will—look to Jesus again. Hebrews 12:3 (NLT) says, “Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.” He didn’t let the weariness of people’s opinions, the sting of betrayal, or the pain of the cross make him quit. That’s what staying in the race looks like. It’s choosing to believe, even when you don’t feel strong. It’s saying, “God, I trust You,” even when your circumstances look cloudy.

Eyes on the Finish Line

We have to ask ourselves: what’s the endgame? What are we truly pressing toward? The Apostle Paul gives us the answer in Philippians 3:14 (NLT), “I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” That heavenly prize that Paul is talking about isn’t just about getting into heaven—it’s about becoming more like Christ here on earth. The prize is spiritual growth, maturity, and alignment with God’s heart. It’s obedience. It’s surrender. It’s impacting His Kingdom in the way that He has purposed. When we sharpen our vision, we stop living for applause and start living for God’s approval. We stop measuring success by what we’ve accumulated and start measuring it by how faithful we’ve been to what God gave us to do.

Finish Well

Jesus completed the mission. He didn’t leave anything undone. He walked in full obedience and redeemed humanity in the process. That’s what finishing well looks like. And for us, finishing well isn’t about perfection—it’s about perseverance and endurance. It’s about being able to say, “I stayed the course. I didn’t let pain or confusion or delay push me off the path.”

In the end, what we long to hear is what Jesus described in Matthew 25:23 (NLT): “Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!” That’s the real finish line—not earthly success, but heavenly affirmation. That’s the vision that needs to stay sharp in our minds and hearts.

Let Your Vision Be Set by God

When your vision is sharpened by God’s truth, you stop wandering and start walking with direction. You begin to value what He values. You let go of the distractions and run with discipline. It won’t always feel good. It won’t always make sense. But clarity comes when you keep your eyes on Jesus—the One who started your faith and the One who will finish it. So, let’s be committed to know God’s Will by reading and studying His Word. This is what keeps us razor focused and helps us shake off the weariness we get from this wilderness experience. God didn’t call you to live blurred, distracted, or overwhelmed. He called you to live full of purpose, power, and clear-eyed faith. Sharpen your vision, stay in the race, and watch the power of God as it is boldly manifested in everything you do. ■

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love… neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”

Romans 8:38-39 (NLT)

ifficulties and painful circumstances are facts of life for everyone, but for a wife coping with the pain of your husband’s infidelity, it can feel unbearable. The effects of betrayal can leave you so shaken and traumatized that getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain, and making it through the day becomes a fight to survive. I’ve had both the privilege and the responsibility to be a compassionate ear, a confidant, and a prayer partner for many women going through this exact heartbreak. And let’s be real—this kind of wound cuts deep. It strikes at the very core of who you

are as a woman, a partner, and a believer. But as devastating as it is, there are also sacred revelations hidden in this level of pain. God wants to uncover some things in us and for us—and we can’t afford to overlook them.

Pain is not our natural state. It was introduced into this world through disobedience to God’s Word. The enemy—the architect of pain—will always try to use the things we hold most dear as darts aimed straight at the most vulnerable parts of who we are. Sometimes the hit is so direct and brutal, it leaves us stunned and spiritually paralyzed in ways we never saw coming.

The ache can be nauseating, even gnawing, like something eating away at our soul piece by piece. And in those moments, it’s not unusual to find ourselves whispering through the tears, “God, why did You allow this?”

But here’s what you’ve got to hold on to—there is no pain so dark, so ugly, or so deep that the love of God can’t reach down and grab hold of you. Betrayal might leave you feeling like you’re drowning in a place too far gone, but His love doesn’t back down from the hard stuff. Romans 8:38-39 (NLT) puts it plain: “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love… neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” So even if your heart feels like it’s barely hanging on, and your faith is running on fumes—God’s love is still right there. And it’s strong enough to start mending the pieces you thought would stay shattered forever.

Pain is not the best teacher, because its lessons are harsh. However, as difficult and hurtful as life can be at times, it is nothing like the pain and hurt that our Lord and Savior endured on the cross for our sakes. This is a very important truth that our pain reveals. It allows us to have confidence that Jesus Christ understands our broken hearts, because Hebrews 4:15 (NLT) tells us, “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testing's we do, yet he did not sin.” Not only do we have a Savior and Lord who understands our pain, he tells us to bring it to him, and he will bear the load of it.

The standard of love that God has set is personified in Christ. We are the bride of Christ, and he is our bridegroom. He loves us so much, and his passion is to care for us and support us in every way. We make mistakes and we get hurt, but even in the middle of our disappointment we have to remember that we are the light of Christ. The pain we may experience feels very dark and heavy, but we will overcome and shine forth through the power of the Holy Spirit that indwells us.

A woman once told me that when she first started dating her husband, something in her soul felt off. Every time they met up, she couldn’t shake this quiet feeling like something wasn’t quite right. But he treated her so well—kind, attentive, thoughtful. Over time, she fell in love with him. They got married. And now, years later, she’s sitting in the pain of betrayal. He stepped out on their marriage, and along with the heartbreak came this deep regret. She said, “I feel like I’m hurting even more because I ignored what I knew deep down.”

God’s heart is never for us to sit around drowning in self-condemnation. That’s not His way. When we ask for forgiveness, it’s not about jumping through hoops—it’s about showing humility and

“Overcoming

showing reverence and honor for His perfection and grace. Forgiveness aligns us. It brings us back into right standing with God and clears the way for us to receive more of His wisdom and instruction. That’s why 1 John 1:9 tells us, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” That cleansing isn’t just about guilt—it’s about freedom.

Truth is, most of us have taken that same kind of risk. We’ve gone all in on love, because something in us wants to believe that when love is real, when it’s right—it’s worth everything. And honestly? That kind of hope isn’t something to be ashamed of. We don’t need to condemn ourselves for loving hard. But what we do need is to take all of that—the regret, the heartbreak, the questions—and bring it to the Father. Let Him teach us how to better guard our hearts—not by shutting down, but by walking in discernment. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” That’s not a warning to fear love. It’s wisdom to help us love well.

If you’ve been betrayed—whether by your husband or someone you truly gave your heart to—know this: you are more than a conqueror through Christ. This pain won’t take you out. You will overcome, but not in your own strength—in His. Jesus never promised us a life free of heartbreak or tribulation. He said it would come. But He also told us to press through, to endure, to stand strong in Him. In John 16:33 (NLT), He said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” That means we don’t have to fake strength—He gives it to us.

The bottom line is that no matter how you ended up broken—whether it was through betrayal, disappointment, or decisions you now regret—God still heals. Through Christ, you will come out of this. It won’t always hurt like it does right now. The same God who walks with you through the fire will bring you out refined, not ruined. And when you look back, you’ll see that the pain didn’t have the final word—God did. ■

Kim Times, Minister, Writer, and Editor

arriage is not just a romantic union— it’s a spiritual covenant designed by God. But too often, we prepare for the wedding day and neglect preparation for the marriage life. True preparation begins with the heart. And that means addressing the ungodly traits that quietly sabotage our readiness for covenant.

1. Pride: The Silent Divider

Before we can step into the kind of love God designed—sacrificial, faithful, and enduring—we must be willing to confront the behaviors and attitudes that block intimacy, trust, and growth. Below are seven ungodly traits that hinder spiritual preparation for marriage. These aren’t just “bad habits”—they’re spiritual issues that must be dealt with through repentance, healing, and transformation in Christ.

Pride makes us believe we’re always right. It refuses correction, resists accountability, and puts self at the center. In marriage, pride kills communication and fuels conflict. There’s no room for “we” when pride is shouting “me.”

“Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18 (NLT)

A proud heart can’t apologize, won’t compromise, and struggles to forgive. But marriage thrives on humility— the ability to listen, to grow, and to prefer one another in love.

2. Unforgiveness: The Emotional Wall

Unforgiveness holds the past hostage and demands payment for wounds. But marriage requires constant forgiveness—because two imperfect people will inevitably fail each other.

“But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:15 (NLT)

Carrying unforgiveness into a marriage is like setting up a landmine under the foundation. It creates emotional distance, bitterness, and eventually resentment. If we can’t forgive before marriage, we’ll struggle to extend grace after the vows.

3. Sexual Immorality: The Impurity that Clouds Judgment

Sex outside of God’s design—whether through fornication, pornography, or emotional entanglements—distorts our understanding of love and intimacy. It forms soul ties, clouds judgment, and dulls spiritual discernment. “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (NLT)

When we invite impurity into our hearts, it becomes harder to hear God clearly about our relationships. Sexual immorality offers short-term pleasure but long-term consequences—including broken trust, shame, and confusion.

4. Selfishness:

The Enemy of Unity

Marriage is a daily dying to self. It’s serving, sacrificing, and showing up even when it’s inconvenient. But selfishness keeps score, protects its own interests, and asks, “What’s in it for me?” “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” – Philippians 2:4 (NLT)

A selfish heart isn’t equipped to love unconditionally. It can't handle covenant because covenant demands commitment even when feelings fade. Selfishness will always seek an exit when things get hard. If fear is ruling your heart, love can’t fully grow. A guarded heart may protect you from pain, but it will also block intimacy, connection, and covenant trust. Fear must be replaced with faith.

Continued on page 26

When Shame Still Has a Voice

By Fran Mack

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:1 (NLT)

arius had done a lot right over the last few years—got sober, got saved, got serious about building a new life. From the outside, it looked like redemption was in full swing: steady job, deeper faith, even leading a men’s Bible study at his recovery center.

But sometimes, even when the fruit is good, the root still aches.

He had been with Lena—now his ex—for eight years before they finally married. She was loyal, steady, the kind of woman who made broken things feel safe. When he’d show up at midnight after working a long shift, she’d already have a hot meal waiting. No attitude. No complaints. Just love.

She wasn’t his wife yet, but she covered him like one.

He had a son from a previous relationship. The boy’s mother struggled with alcoholism, and the stability just wasn’t there. Lena stepped in—quietly, without fanfare—and made sure his son had what he needed. School clothes. Good food. A soft place to land. She didn’t owe him that, but she did it anyway.

She was the one who pushed for the marriage. Darius knew it was time, and he gave in to her ultimatum. It was overdue. It was right. But deep down, he was unsettled—panicked in a way he couldn’t explain or tame. He walked out on his marriage. No warning. No explanation. Just a trail of selfish decisions and unresolved pain.

Years later, after a long road of repentance and recovery, he made peace with Lena. She forgave him—fully. Graciously. She was still there for his son, but the shame Darius carried was too great—he just couldn’t look her in the face.

Continued on page 26

Shame has a way of doing that. Even after the apology. Even after years have passed, shame can sit in the quiet and whisper: You broke something you can’t fix.

But that’s not how God works. Romans 8:1 (NLT) tells us, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” That doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences. But it does mean there’s no life sentence.

Still, that freedom has to take root in your soul. Darius had repented. He was a new man. But he still carried the old shame—the shame that had driven him to alcohol and drugs after walking out on his son and his marriage. And even now, it still echoed: You’re disqualified.

But God doesn’t just forgive—He restores. Psalm 32:5 (NLT) reminds us, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt… And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.” That’s the part we struggle with sometimes. The gone part. The

truth that we don’t have to keep carrying what Jesus already nailed to the cross.

Maybe you’re where Darius was. You’ve confessed. You’ve changed. But there’s still a voice that says you can’t be fully free. That your past cancels your purpose. It doesn’t.

Isaiah 61:7 (NLT) gives us this promise: “Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” This is our Heavenly Father saying: I saw what you lost. I saw what you did. And I still have good for you.

So let go of the voice that says you’re not enough. Let go of the guilt that keeps dragging you back to old chapters. Let go of the shame that keeps you playing small.

You are not your past. You are not your worst moment. You are not what you broke. You are His—redeemed, restored, and still deeply loved.■

Clearing the Way: Ungodly Traits That Block Spiritual Preparation for Marriage Conclusion

5. Fear of Commitment: The Heart on Lockdown

Fear of commitment often masks itself as "guarding your heart," but it's rooted in mistrust, insecurity, or past trauma. This fear can prevent someone from fully surrendering to God’s will and plan for marriage. “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.” – 1 John 4:18 (NLT) If fear is ruling your heart, love can’t fully grow. A guarded heart may protect you from pain, but it will also block intimacy, connection, and covenant trust. Fear must be replaced with faith.

6. Bitterness: The Root That Spoils the Fruit

Bitterness is unresolved offense that turns into poison. It affects how you see others, how you communicate, and how you receive love. Bitterness makes you cynical, suspicious, and emotionally distant. “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” – Hebrews 12:15 (NLT) In marriage, bitterness contaminates everything—every conversation, every disagreement, every attempt at closeness. Before you marry, ask God to dig out every root of bitterness, and allow Him to heal what still hurts.

7. Meanness: The Cold Climate of the Heart

Meanness is the outward behavior that flows from inner brokenness. It shows up in sarcasm, harshness, criticism, or emotional cruelty. While some try to pass it off as “just my personality,” meanness is a spiritual issue. “Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” – Colossians 3:12 (NLT) A mean spirit pushes people away. It doesn’t create a safe emotional space for connection. In marriage, kindness isn’t optional—it’s essential. Meanness makes love feel unsafe and slowly erodes the joy of being together.

Preparing the Ground

Before God brings you into covenant with another, He often calls you to a season of inner cleansing. He doesn’t want you to simply find the right person—He wants you to become the right person. If any of these traits have been hiding in your heart, let today be the day you lay them before God. Ask Him to purify your motives, heal your wounds, and grow you in spiritual maturity.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10 (NLT)

God’s desire isn’t to shame you—but to shape you. His goal isn’t perfection—but preparation. Let Him clear out anything in your heart that would hinder the blessing He wants to entrust to you.■

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