HOW DO YOU HOST A WEDDING WHEN YOUR

From wording invitations to walking down the aisle, Claire Muir gets expert advice on getting around tricky family situations to ensure the day of your dreams is just that

First things first – getting the word out! Historically, wedding invitations came from the bride’s parents but it’s now pretty normal for them to come from the couple themselves – ideal if the bride’s parents are no longer together. Next up, couples with complicated family dynamics can avoid unwelcome plus ones by addressing each and every invitation directly to the person invited. For extra security, look into an electronic RSVP service that’ll limit responses to one per submission.

Hitting the bridal boutiques may be anxiety-inducing if you’ve not got the traditional entourage (step-mum or step-siblings on the scene?) but there are some solutions. Make memories on separate shopping trips or, if time is of the essence and you fancy yourself as a peacemaker, ask for a joint jaunt. “You could ask your mum and step-mum to put their differences aside for a day. You’ll know yourself if it’s possible,” says Mirka Jankowska at Mirka Bridal Couture.”

“Otherwise, bring the one whose opinion you trust. Then, to make sure no-one feels excluded, offer to bring the other person to your fittings. Ask beforehand for a longer appointment with some Prosecco to make it extra special.”

When it comes to their outfits, you’ll want to avoid clashing and upstaging – without offending, of course. Shop with your step-mother, suggests Caroline McGlynn, events manager at Macdonald Houston House Hotel. “Show her your mother’s dress and ask her to stick to a specific colour and style,” she says. “This can help when it comes to the photos.”

But who gets ready with who? You may get on better with your step-mother but feel having your mum for wedding morning prep is the ‘right’ thing to do, for example. Caroline suggests inviting both if possible. “Alternatively, have one get ready with you and the other take part in a different part of the day. Might she like to be a witness? Consider asking for your dad’s advice, too.”

Alastair Ferrier Caroline McGlynn | Alastair Ferrier

When it comes to ceremony logistics, wedding planners have seen it all and Oskar Gilchrist-Grodnicki of The Wedding Guru – Oskar can vouch for that. His overarching advice? Don’t stick to tradition if you don’t feel like it’s you. “I’ve had grooms awaiting their brides to walk in together, brides walking down alone, both parents walking the bride or the couple’s children walking with their mum. You want to feel like you’re getting the right support for you.”

Keep the vows conflict-free by allocating seating and embracing the age-old tradition of having ‘sides’. Got three sides altogether? Just add a second

aisle! “My husband and I had our mums walking us down the aisle simultaneously,” says Oskar.

Ceremonies can be a time to show appreciation for family members and with so many elements, from readings to the ring handover to setting up drinks from a quaich, you can choose a symbolic role for each person you’d like to be involved.

Your photographer won’t know your family and its politics so it’s going to come down to you here. But a little prep work and you’ll get a smooth session. Prepare a detailed shoot list in advance and allocate responsible people to help organise it on the day. Consider different locations for each group you want photos with, too.

Table plans make to-be-weds groan at the best of times but rest assured, top tables rarely have the traditional set-up anymore, according to Caroline – and sometimes they don’t even exist! “How about a sweetheart table just for the newlyweds? You’ll get to spend some alone time together, which is super-important.”

When it comes to parents and their partners, Oskar suggests having each couple host their own table to the front of the top table. But if one has a partner and the other doesn’t, just have a chat. “Ask both sides about their expectations. It’s all about compromise. And if you want them all at the top table, keeping them at opposite ends could be a solution.”

Arranging the rest of the room to ensure a war-free

zone is possible, says Oskar. “Do you remember Monica’s flags table plan from Friends? Ask the venue for a sample table plan and use colourcoded tabs to group guests by colours, then start placing tabs around the tables to see how it flows.”

Traditionally, there are three wedding speeches (the father of the bride, the groom and the best man) but, like everything else, why stick with it? “I’ve had weddings where the couple opted for no speeches, which is fine,” says Caroline.

Consider how comfortable people are

with public speaking. Why force your shy dad if he’d be happy walking you down the aisle and letting your mum do the talking? If the parents’ situation is just too complicated, Oskar suggests asking a sibling to do the ‘family’ part.

Alastair Ferrier

Oskar Gilchrist-Grodnicki | Geebz Photography

Oskar Gilchrist-Grodnicki

As the sun sets and the booze kicks in, inhibitions will be lowered, especially after a day of being on best behaviour. “If you strongly foresee things easily getting out of hand, consider hiring security to help you handle the situation – but make your family aware of it,” says Oskar.

If such serious measures aren’t needed, allocate ‘conflict mediators’ in advance so you’re not pulled into uncomfortable situations. “People within the bridal party who know the situation and are happy to step in will help,” advises Caroline. “And make sure your event co-ordinator is aware.”

Ultimately, though, the more planning, honest conversations and precautionary measures before the wedding, the less stressed you’ll feel on the day. And don’t be afraid to pre-warn family members. “Remind them this is your special day and that you expect them to treat it with the respect it deserves,” adds Caroline.