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WHAT’S INSIDE: + STEPS TO STAY GREEN AT SPRING FLING + EXCUSES FOR HAVING ALCOHOL ON OLD CAMPUS DURING SPRING FLING + GUIDE TO THE SPRING FLING CROWD + BINGO! PLACES TO VOMIT AT SPRING FLING

Dear Spring Flingers! It’s Spring Fling: that wonderful event where we blow off steam before finals by listening to artists we “sort of” know, getting blackout drunk, and waking up at the front of Battell Chapel wearing a stranger’s pants. But releasing your own pressure has a way of putting pressure on Mother Nature, so follow these helpful tips to make your Spring Fling sustainable. 1.  Maximize the speakers’ efficiency and optimize Old Campus’s acoustics by cutting down the sound-absorbing trees. 2.  Eliminate all of the litter in the middle of Old Campus by setting fire to the grass. 3. Don’t let your waste go to waste! Instead of using a disgusting Porta Potty, fertilize the grass with your excrement. 4. Make sure to save all the bodily fluids you lose for later consumption. 5. It might get cold that night. So that you don’t have to turn on your heater, fashion yourself a warm fur coat with a few dozen Old Campus squirrels. 6. To keep your food and beverage consumption organic, drink only whole-grain alcohol. 7. Singing causes people to exhale carbon dioxide, so if you see someone singing during the concert, make sure to smack him. 8. Take twenty of these paper flyers, so that you’ll be twenty times as informed about how to help your environment! Stay green! —STEP

EXCUSES FOR HAVING ALCOHOL AT SPRING FLING “It goes well with my prescription drugs.” “I want to be just like my dad.” “It’s an ironic beer.” “Dean Mary Miller asked me to hold it for “I need it for Communion.” her.” “It’s for you!” “I’m an alcoholic.” “I’m making cherries jubilee with the “I need it to sanitize my feet.” Chaplain’s office.” “It pairs nicely with my Camembert.” “It’s for my organic tomato garden.” “I have a Dean’s excuse!”


Guide to the Spring Fling Crowd People who are too drunk to feel pain in their ears

People who don’t know the lyrics

People who are about to discover they have to pee

Waldo

Not pictured: People who are trying to do homework

Places to Vomit at Spring Fling Pile of New Journals

Theodore Woolsey’s Lap

Your Froco’s Room

Potato Salad Bowl

Durfee’s ATM

Chaplain’s Ice Cream Freezer

Welch Toilet Paper Stock

Dwight Chapel Altar

CT Hall Student Tech

Nathan Hale’s Bound Hands

Down Mouth of an LW Lion

Walden Peer Counselor’s Open Arms

Classics Library

Free!

Detergent Slot in Farnam Washing Machines

James Franco’s LC Mailbox

Sustainable Water Cooler

Seat of Porta Potty

Phelps Hall Security Office

Vanderbilt Moat

A Freshman

Princess Suite Balcony

Third Eye Blind’s Irrelevance

Your Pocket

Last Chicken Tender in Food Line

THE YALE

RECORD AMERICA'S OLDEST COLLEGE HUMOR MAGAZINE!

Join us for stand-up comedy at

The Cucumber!

May 1st, 2011 10 pm Calhoun Cabaret

http://www.yalerecord.com/


Spring Fling Supplemental  

The 2011 Spring Fling Supplemental flier of the Yale Record, American's Oldest College Humor Magazine.

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