WUSSY vol.06 with TR/ST and Jayne County by Wussy Mag

VOL.06

AJA

DORIAN ELECTRA

PANGINA HEALS

ALLIE X

MISTER WALLACE

SCOOTER MCCREIGHT

Ben Wallis

@beardyglasses

a letter from

THE EDITOR

VOL.

From house to disco, Queer and trans people of color are responsible for influencing nearly all the popular club sounds you hear today. Contemporary musicians like Hayley Kiyoko, Janelle Monae, Kim Petras, and Frank Ocean are breaking down industry barriers even further, choosing to be visibly Queer and incorporating identity into their sound. Even major players like Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus have recently confirmed their own fluid definitions of gender and sexuality, solidifying their mark as more than just passerby allies exploiting the pink dollar. WUSSY’s first ever special-edition flip cover features two powerhouse Queer musicians who couldn’t be more different. Robert Alfons aka TR/ST is a darkwave electropop icon, crooning creepy melodramas over sexy, industrial sounds. It has been five years since the release of his last banger Joyland, and he is gearing up to release a double studio album called Destroyer this year. Robert spun for us at WUSSY Prom back in 2016 and left all of queer Atlanta dizzy and drooling. The world’s first openly transgender rockstar, Jayne County, graces the flip side of our cover with her favorite house puss. Jayne’s brash influence ripples throughout the landscape of Queer culture and punk music, including David Bowie and Hedwig & the Angry Inch, both of which Jayne claims to have influenced. Before working with Warhol superstars like Candy Darling and Jackie Curtis in NYC, Jayne grew up in Atlanta where she resides again today. We are humbled to have been invited to photograph her in her home. In addition, this issue features exclusives with queer musicians like Aja, Dorian Electra, Mister Wallace, and Atlanta’s own Taylor Alxndr. Sunni Johnson’s latest batch of ‘Cool Queers’ represents a diverse group of eager up and comers. Don’t underestimate a single one of these Queers.

APRIL

2019

FIND MORE CONTENT ON WUSSYMAG.COM

Ou r t i m e i s n ow !

COSMO QUIZ: EX LOVER

DORIAN ELECTRA Words: Sunni Johnson Photos: Parker Day

Words: Stevie King

26 SPILLING TEA WITH PANGINA HEALS

08 VIDEO TRONIC Photos: Savana Ogburn

Words: Adam Zee Photos: Chaicharn Ratavanich

NECKBONES Words: Jay Morris

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16 I WANNA PUNCH THE WORLD IN THE DICK Words: Lilith Mae McFarlin

Words: Jacob Seferian Photos: Mateus Porto

LEWKBOOK: CHICAGO Photos: Jon Dean

18 THE CULT OF CRISTINE Words: Kali Onyx Photos: Mildred S. Pierce

24 DATE, LATE NIGHT AT THE LETHE Words: Mark Ward

MUSIC TO MY QUEERS Words: Sunni Johnson

46 EASY RIDER, HOMME.BOY Photos: Christian Cody

MISTER WALLACE Words: Evan Brechtel Photos: Erik M. Kommer

80 HOLY WATER Words: Zak Horn

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ALLIE X: ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S THE LITTLE THINGS

MONARX

BRONTEZ PURNELL

Words: Nicholas Goodly

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C O N T E N T S

Words: Anna Jones Photos: Joey James

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DJ SCOOTER MCCREIGHT Words: Tyler Scruggs Photos: Jon Dean

COMMANDO: AUBREY LONGLEY-COOK

PINK GARDENS Photos: LaRue Calliet

Words: Andrew Alexander

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COOL QUEERS

WE NEED IT!

Words: Sunni Johnson

Words: Deb Kavis Words: Jhoni Jackson Photos: Savana Ogburn

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128 THE PRINCESS AND I Words: Tracey Simmons

132 AJA UNBOXED Words: Stevie King Photos: Ryan Duffin

[SPLURT] Words: Johnny Drago

ZOE Photos: Matthew Roberson

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LOVE NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND

MAD LIBS: BOTTOMS UP

Words: Sunni Johnson

Words: Stevie King

By Savana Ogburn @savanaogburn 6

@video_tronic

Ethereal Awe of Post Renaissance Watercolor

I Wanna Punch the World in the Dick

I wanna punch the world in the dick, because it’s better than writing another poem about crying into a perfectly good glass of Evan Williams. I wanna punch the world in the dick, because I feel like living another sad bourbon poem, after she told me she didn’t want to see anymore or about getting laid because I’m sad or about being sad about not getting laid. I wanna punch the world in the dick, because there’s not a Marlboro Red between my lips. Never mind, there is a cowboy killer between my lips, because this poem isn’t some lie I told my doctor. I wanna punch the world in the dick, while I tune my banjo with my toes, and use my free hand to smash the patriarchy with a giant, semi-realistic dildo. I wanna punch the world in the dick, because guys can parade shirtless down the street with their sagging, hairy guts bouncing against the waistline of their basketball shorts. Meanwhile, I’m over here with a moderately flat stomach, getting arrested for wearing the same outfit. People used to be okay with me walking around topless. I wonder what’s different.

by Lilith Mae McFarlin

I wanna punch the world in the dick, because the police officer just stole the cowboy killer right from between my chapped lips, and now he’s smoking it. I wanna punch the world in the dick, because some old lady just yelled that I could have at least shaved my armpits before prancing around next to a daycare, half-nekkid. I just bought a new mascara. Why couldn’t she have just told me my eyelashes are pretty? As the pig shoves me in the back of his patrol car, I yell that female body hair isn’t a crime. I think Porky just said something about that not being why he’s about to lock me up in the redneck hotel. I tell him I couldn’t understand what he said over the smell of bacon. He tells me to remind him to breathalyzer me when we get there. I wanna punch the world in the dick, because all I wanna do is write another poem about being sad over some girl. But all that happened this time was that she said no when I asked her if she wanted to get tacos with me, but I still wanna punch the world in the dick because I spent my whole lunch break writing this poem. I’m not going to jail. I’m still a free slut. After work, I think I’ll go out and drink some Evan Williams, tear up a little, and write another poem about that.

THE CULT OF CRISTINE BY

KALI ONYX

Cristine, or more commonly known as @daemonumx on Instagram, brings visibility to femmes, kink (emphasis on rope bondage), polyamory and leatherdyke culture. Currently, the 3rd installation of her zine FIST is out, the 4th arriving Summer 2019 and her Polyamory pamphlet has been made recently available. Her zines, performance work and skill workshops are beloved community staples. Cristineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s visibility via social media has helped countless folks find their inner pervert. WUSSY spoke with Cristine about her experiences, inspirations and intersections of identity as it relates to BDSM. 16

CR MON ISTINE UMX @DA E

PHOTOGRAPHER MILDRED S. PIERCE @MILDREDSPIERCE

What labels do you identify with and what are the parts of you in which a label does not encompass? I grew up right outside of Philadelphia and left home for NYC when I was 17, and it’s been my home for the past 14 years. I’ve had a slow and steady progression into what I would call a leather lifestyle. I was a bit of a late bloomer and didn’t start practicing queerness until my early twenties, then I discovered BDSM a few years after that, and then leather a few years after that. I identify as a white, able-bodied, cisgender woman, a femme leatherdyke, a sadist, a top, and a Daddy. What are your views on diversity and inclusion, specifically in the rope community? Can you talk about the difference between being diverse versus inclusive and how to avoid tokenizing folks? I think that mainstream BDSM is always very white, and despite being essentially started by gay men, it is very traditionally hetero. This is also true of most rope communities as well; you have to seek out queer rope, specifically. Here in Brooklyn, I have a small group of women that I tie with, but I don’t consider myself part of “the rope community.” My BDSM community isn’t rope centric at all: it’s a small local, queer scene, and extends to friendships I’ve made online through Instagram and Facebook groups. 18

Before the internet, leatherdyke community was fostered in zines by sharing experiences via art and writing. I started my zine, FIST, to pick up this tradition and to produce a tangible thing you can save and go back to. It’s a reminder to people who don’t have community that they’re not alone. I don’t want FIST to be another way the kink community is whitewashed, so I prioritize including trans and POC dykes. These voices are so vital to our community as a whole, and most importantly for folks who are physically isolated from community to feel connected and see themselves reflected back.

On social media, we get the pleasure of seeing the results of what is inferred to be consensual and negotiated scenes. Can we get some background on what goes into your negotiations, risk profile, and what models of consent you follow (SSC, RACK, PRICK, etc.)? 99% of the time I play with people that I know well, especially because I engage in a lot of high risk activities. There is a lot of trust that goes both ways; they trust me to not cause them harm, and I trust them to know their limits and communicate. Negotiations usually start in texting and finish right before a scene. We discuss what will happen, how, and what will happen after. It’s good for me to know what my bottom will do if they are really into something, or if they are not so into something (i.e.butt wagging and laughing are good, silence is bad). We are always aware that accidents and harm are not intended but can absolutely happen, which is why I like to think of my personal consent practice closely aligned with “risk aware consensual kink (RACK).”

I identify as a white, able-bodied, cisgender woman, a femme leatherdyke, a sadist, a top,

and a Daddy.

Asking for what I need is incredibly empowering for me, and those serving me find deep pleasure and purpose in that service.

KALI ONYX IS A QUEER, KINKY, WOMAN OF COLOR. SHE IS THE EDUCATION CHAIR OF THE LEATHER WOC NON-PROFIT, ONYX PEARLS SOUTHEAST, BOARD MEMBER OF ATLANTA’S TNG GROUP, WHIPPERSNAPPERS, AND ACTIVE PARTICIPANT OF Q.W.I.K. (QUEER WOMEN IN KINK).

Who or what inspires your creativity as a top and a Dominant? For scene inspiration, I’m really into horror, cults and serial killers. This is definitely dark stuff, but has given me lots of ideas. Since I engage in a lot of sadomasochism, these themes work out quite well. For example, the famous horror classic House of Wax with Paris Hilton inspired a pretty epic wax play scene. My favorite TV show is Hannibal and I’ve drawn a lot of inspiration from that beautiful show. I’ve gotten other great ideas from books I’ve read, or other media completely unrelated to kink. I think if you’re paying attention, you can get inspiration from anywhere. As for D/s, for me it’s really important to be actively invested in deconstructing what it means to be a Dominant in the first place. Erotic servitude has really gross historical roots in slavery and serfdom, and dynamics with lots of protocol seem to borrow from antiquity and do not actually serve the Dominant. I tend to lean away from traditional protocol as a result. There’s a great quote from the book Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny, that goes something like, “If the Master doesn’t want it, it’s not service.” Because I’m a Daddy, my dynamics with submissives include a lot of service and mentorship. Asking for what I need is incredibly empowering for me, and those serving me find deep pleasure and purpose in that service. Helping and guiding those in my service to be the best version of themselves (both related and unrelated to BDSM) is an important part of my relationships.

As someone who identifies as polyamorous, how do you manage intimacy between partners? What type of polyamory do you practice (i.e. hierarchical, non-hierarchical, relationship anarchy, etc.) and how does this affect your power exchange (Dominant/submissive or D/s) relationship(s), if at all? I don’t believe in hierarchical relationships, which is to say that when I have multiple partners, generally no one has priority over others. There are no assumptions of time or energy and a lot of trust and communication is involved. As you might imagine, there are difficulties here in reconciling power exchange and freedom. My partners/ submissives have complete freedom to date and play with whoever they want, I just ask that they tell me about it. I have very high expectations of ethics when it comes to partners, and I encourage my partners to be discerning and engage with people who are also ethical. I actually find that the hardest part to manage in polyamory is time. The relationships themselves are easier, but finding enough time in the day to build intimacy with multiple partners is tough, especially when my relationships have both romantic, kink and/or D/s components to them. It’s almost like each one has several different layers that need to be nurtured.

Date “Mr. you’re on fire Mr. (No sir I’m okay) - Liars Canary Wharf. And feeling like a speck among the glass everything: corporate but pretentiously polite, anaemia in real life. I buy a new magazine purely for its cover-mounted cd, its unknown sounds displacing the waiting among the shambling commuters. This venue, a cut-through willed into existence with dreams of dinner, family, something returning, hurried. No one is stuck waiting here for IMs materialised into midweek conversation, Italian food. He was mid-to-late twenties: shaved head, dinner in a restaurant; empty even of us. He lived in a floating apartment overlooking the city. Stiff-necked talking, neither of us remember the walking to the train station, unsure we’re smiling; grins, a pale imitation. A missed connection. This isn’t the city at least I tried. Leave it to its mystery. I board the train to less than this, to glances, elliptical cruising. My Discman remembers where the song stopped. It blares out mid-chorus; reasserting.

BY MARK WARD

Late Night at the Lethe

He sings an anthology of misplaced affection hoping the words will change him, that the stinking river of shit beside him will overpower everything, allowing life to conspire this meeting between him and the boy teeming with something. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s instructed to descend into the sewer cadence that decadence brings, a drowning allure now sung to an audience of echoes, these dense walls reflecting the disruption within his throes of workaday pretence. They relent to the sore squall of lips and hands, abandoned plans. Panting, he stares at the boy, at his reflection, at how the abandon has somehow made him now forever pristine.

Spilling Tea with Drag Race Thailand Cohost,

Pangina Heals

If you haven’t seen Drag Race Thailand yet…GURL. You’re missing out. The more sincere, more irreverent Thai edition of RuPaul’s Drag Race has entered its second season, and it’s already served us bigger/better finales, trans women contestants, cis women drag queens, and a light hearted sense of fun—all things that the American counterpart has sorely been missing for quite some time. Enter Drag Race Thailand’s loud, proud and downright sexy cohost, Pangina Heals. Pangina exists in the seemingly impossible intersection of dance, glam, exotic, camp and wit—with outspoken confidence to boot (you can often catch her screaming YAAAASSS with ferocity at the contestants who give her life). On top of that, she’s a thirst trap master who can be your mean trade daddy one second, and your innocent male model with bedroom eyes the next. We had the chance to catch up with Pangina and hear her thoughts about the show’s success, learn a little about the show’s main host (the enigmatic Art Arya), plus get some T about season two of Drag Race Thailand.

WORDS BY

PHOTOS BY

Adam Zee

Chaicharn Ratavanich

@homosayswhat

@chaicharn_photography

We absolutely loved Season 1 of Drag Race Thailand and Season 2 is looking even more impressive. Can you tell us what will be different and what we can expect? Aww I am so happy and overjoyed to hear that you liked the debut season. The first season we wanted to educate the main audience in Thailand about the art of drag to those not familiar to this world. Once that has been paved, we are ready in full gear to showcase even more types of drag artists on season 2. Also this year the rules have been changed where we open the audition process to all genders and nationalities. We are more inclusive than ever and as you can see, three international contestants and two trans woman were cast in the new season. We’ve seen American drag change substantially since RuPaul’s Drag Race began airing in 2009. What’s been the impact for you and Thai drag since Drag Race Thailand (DRT) aired? The world changed for me. I mean... I got to travel the world meeting the queens who inspired me to do drag in the first place. Meeting Rupaul in person, going to DragCon, to having Bianca Del Rio posting about me on her instagram. I DIED! I am living my dream every single day. I get to be the Thai ambassador of Drag and get a platform to speak my mind and challenge what I feel is wrong or right with the world. Basically I have a voice and it is because of the show. After the show has aired a lot more people see me as an artist with talent rather than a nightclub ho in female attire. We shed a light on the creativity, the passion, and the balls it takes to be a drag queen.

Speaking of impact, you always deliver impactful looks. I’m curious who were your first inspirations and who or what inspires you now?

RuPaul She made it okay for us to wear heels and prance into public because of how glamorous and beautiful she is. She is the O.G. I’m sure everyone including me at one point turned put on their mother’s heels and walked to “Supermodel.”

Bianca Del Rio I adore how unapologetic she is. An insult comedian is something I strive to be. She is simply the most intelligent, wittiest human being I can think of.

Lady Gaga / Judy Garland / Mariah Carey / Naomi Campbell I am inspired by strong women who had struggles in their lives but overcome hardship through their talent and art. Because they had to go through everything that they did, they no longer have to put up with any bullshit.. and rightly so.

Art Araya She taught me so much about the importance and nature of fashion and being around her makes me see fashion in a completely different light. I used to be intimidated by it but not anymore.

I applaud your advice to closeted kids “Only tell your family when you’re ready to tell them and never apologize for who you are.” Does this reflect your childhood and how you came out? Everyone is at a different stage in their lives. Some maybe more complicated, some are linked to family responsibilities or their jobs may be affected if they come out. So I feel we should all respect everyone’s choice when they come out at their own time. Having said that I feel that one can live without it being so heavy when you come out. When I came out to my dad, the walls of paranoia and fear came down and we became best friends. We can really talk about E V E RY T H I N G . It was worth it.

You’re also an impressive, high energy performer, and I’ve read you’re even credited with popularizing waacking in Thailand. Have you always had a love of dance? I have always loved dance, I wished I had a dance mom. I wished my parents took me to ballet and jazz classes when I was younger. Oh well. I started in dance first with Hip Hop and represented Thailand in the olympic street dance competitions; HHI Hip Hop International where each country qualifies and sends a representative. It was hardworking where we would practice ten hours every day for 4 months and that’s where my discipline and my training comes from. As for waacking, the first time I saw Princess Lockeroo dance- I fell in love. There was so much fierceness, femininity and a passion for life in a way I knew I had to be doing this. Learning more about the dance, it was born from a gay club scene in the 70s to disco music which made sense why I love it so much. I thought DRT Season 1 gave us an excitement, energy and DIY-ness we don’t really see on the US version of Drag Race. What unique aspects of Thai drag should viewers expect to see on the show? This season the stakes are higher because the girls flew in from other countries to represent not only themselves or their art but also their countries. Also like season 1 we will showcase to the world what it is to be Thai but also the notion of Thai-ness and our intrinsic cultures into the challenges... You and Art Arya have such an entertaining and loving dynamic. When did you first meet and how did your sisterhood become what we see on camera?

We are sisters from another mother. She is cool classy and soft spoken. I am an explosive uncontrollable diarrhea of noise. I love and respect her so much. The show would not be the way it is without her hardworking and her fashion perspectives. Art has said season 1 was meant to be educational for viewers but season 2 she wants to focus on Drama. I know you’re in the middle of filming - is the Drama in full effect? Lets just say we did not plan the drama but there were many moments where I almost fainted. 14 drag queens and a cash prize with a diamond crown, of course they are not going to get along... In the US, there’s been a lot of controversy and slow progress around trans and cis female contestants competing on the show. How do you feel about these groups of women doing drag and their potential to compete on DRT? I personally feel there is nothing wrong with any gender applying as long as their art is polished and they are the best at their game. We had a cisgender female audition but she didn’t make the cut this time round as she is still quite new to this art of drag so I’m hoping she comes back to audition for season 3. As for trans woman applying, I find it offensive when people said they should not apply or are not drag artists. My drag is greatly influenced by beautiful trans woman who taught me makeup hair and the art of performance. To me they are artist as much as anyone is. It is inhumane and selfish to think otherwise and think that only a certain few can practice an art that is universal. We are all sisters.

In the US, the fanbase for Drag Race is rabid and most queens have received social media hate. Have you or the DRT queens experienced any of this?

Can we expect to see you performing in the US again anytime soon?

You are not successful unless you have an internet troll hating on you. Just because people watch every episodes of RPDR doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make them a drag queen...I hate the hate. So most of the time I just ignore it or I find out where they live. Having said that I focus more on the positive and many people have lifted my spirits when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m attacked and my Fanginas fight for me... for that I am forever grateful.

YES! because of my amazing manager Sky Casper I will be back on tour in the US in MAY!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT I MISS EVERYONE SO MUCH!

P H O T O

JEFFREY BAUM

@jeffreybaum

POMPOM 32

@pompommusic pompommusic.com @POMPOMMUSIC

POMPOM is a much craved lush and ethereal energy sorely missing in many a proper dream witch’s playlist. With early love for the compositions of Final Fantasy and Chrono Trigger, adorations for the magickal in adolescence has gone beyond affecting POMPOM’s fantastical sound. Front princess and producer Audrey Bagley has an absolutely enchanting aesthetic as a video artist with directorial sensibilities marrying fashion, movement and technicality seamlessly. Singles “Stronger” and “Skull” have a deep reverberation of poetic joy, even in struggle or morbidity, gleaming with an esoteric aura made for ambient angels and fae babes. “Many of my projects come from dreams and deep introspection,” POMPOM muses. “I believe in magic as more of what we don’t yet know through science. If you can evoke feeling and connect through sound waves, there is a way to touch and influence people without any physical contact. That, to me, is magic and I feel it constantly.” Having spent the start of 2019 producing LA-based Girlfiend’s goth-grunge album, Bagley has never considered the industry or a particular scene when engineering. Exclaiming she’s a romantic who is “interested in genuine relationships and authentic people, wherever they may be”, to work with one of her favourite elven drag queens Comet has been a coveted collaboration. Bagley part lives in Los Angeles, though has family roots in the UK, has spent time in New York, and has done other work in film, credited as a look developer on Frozen along with working on a few other Pixar-esqe films. Tokyo may be the city that had the most significant creative impact on POMPOM as the birthplace for the project. We get a sense that travel is met with a gorgeous wonder itself, environments and cultural elements undoubtedly informing some of Bagley’s dreaminess. Though rarely anchored in one place, Bagley has an ease in making friends, creative partnerships and soaking up the adventures before her while weaving her own visions, no matter what country she is floating through. Creating through “internal discovery”, Bagley’s own music is tamed through a slight perfectionism, her “greatest strength and weakness”. This has propelled the artist to learn the intensive ropes of musical execution through recording, mixing and so forth. “If I have a vision I don’t expect other people to make it happen for me, but then again I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself,” Bagley explains of her engineer bravura. “I’m a martyr to my work so nothing is ever so simple. In the future I would like to delegate and collaborate more with artists who share my vision.” Crystalline in production, glittering and glistening, kira-kira style, POMPOM is the soundtrack to one’s own grace and enchantment. For those who enjoy wormholes of Japanese dream pop, Enya, Grimes, you must stay tuned for POMPOM’s full length Esper, to be released this year.

∆˚C “

I’m a band, a b(r)and, a single identity, a fashion designer, a producer, a bass player

P H O T O

TILLMAN GRESSITT @sunnybummers

@lambda_celsius @lambda_celcius

By day, AC Carter breaks barriers through non-binary clothing construction and curating events such as the recent Adverse Fest in Athens where they currently reside. Though summer-bound to a Vermont Studio Center residency, AC’s most involved passion is their musical project dubbed Lambda Celsius a.k.a. ∆°C, a solo project smartly structured to be transportable from city to city and, though in appearance as a one-person band, contains a multiplicity of entities. “∆°C contains many different facets, a series of personalities that make up a network where I am able to tap into and play different roles, much like Live Action Role Playing,” AC divulges. “Some of these characters have particular moods. As a front person, I am Ana Echo, a ‘female hysteric’. As a producer I am DJ.53, a male narcissistic bound on giving Ana a voice, and as Vixcine Martine, I am a PhD student writing the __story (HERstory? Ourstory?) of Lambda Celsius, trying to analyze their trajectory as an artist.” Ana Echo and the Beauty of Indifference is a New Wave homage, loosely connecting Valley Grrrl bedroom DIY (a la Tracy and the Plastics and Julie Ruin) to the gloomy bass-driven tones of Depeche Mode and Cocteau Twins. The album’s content centers on sexual violence and the journey in not allowing trauma to take control of one’s life, heavily influenced by Tori Amos’ Little Earthquakes. The live set-up, on an ironing board nonetheless, is quirky commentary in itself, as explained: “Amazon’s Alexa is the DJ, Siri is the unmistakably important but under-represented wifi-wizard and band manager, and the main driving force that allows for amplification of the my voice, Richard, oh I mean, Dick… the microphone. It’s both a full and empty orchestra you could say.” With a project that is beyond a doubt metaphorical in many arenas, AC Carter is highly influenced by the past, the future, and the past’s vision of the future as well, all wrapped up in their own individualistic standpoint, iterating concept with a batty and quirky playfulness. “Visually you could tie my work in with conceptualism, post-minimalism, the Unmonumental artists, assemblage, Fluxus, and Dada art movements,” they confess. “I’m interested in the crossroads of music, art, life, queer theory, feminism, karaoke, and artists who blurred the lines between creative modes.” AC performs in clothing constructed from craft-based and industrial materials, their designs relating to their non-conforming identity, feeling out abstract strategies on how style can liberate the body from binary systems into improvised fluid “inherently queer” fashion. Imagining a world where one can express freely in a fight to diffuse the anxieties that social division and labels bring upon the public is part of the artist’s vision. “I think the question I am always trying to ask myself is, ‘how do you make the deeper meaning accessible?’ I feel that pop music and that language can have a huge influence on giving persons voice and agency. Instead of pop music being an escape from reality, how do I use the framework of Pop music to confront issues of gender inequality, and present a new reality in which I want to live in,” AC questions. “I’m definitely one of those utopian people who tries to imagine a place where equality and respect for others is paramount and CAN exist.”

Mamalarky migrated from sleepy small Austin to the faster paced (and noticeably less sweaty) Shangri-LA due to the singer’s offer to work for a record label. Appropriately they briefly returned back to Texas in 2019 as SXSW Official Artists. “I’m really glad I came out here because I got to meet Noor and don’t need AC to survive the summer,” Livvy says of LA. “I love my bandmates so much what can I say.” Bassist Noor is the most recent newest addition in the band and has been working remotely for musician/activist Madame Gandhi for some time. “I pretty much always knew I wanted to work in music but in college I majored in math which sounds super unhelpful. Nobody in the music industry is good with numbers so everyone thinks I’m a genius,” Noor laughs. Newly coming into queerness as well as making roots in LA after moving post-graduation from ATL in August 2018, Noor’s musical path is influenced from a wide range (“I hate to be one of those people who says they listen to everything but I truly do”). Referencing everything from the Animal Crossing GameCube soundtrack to bossa nova, in all seriousness, there is a formula Noor loves more than a genre: “I love how you can listen to those tracks on loop forever and never get sick of them. I try to emulate that feeling a lot in my own music.” Livvy has a similar approach to writing around an energy or feeling: “Chord progressions are based on my mood. I usually feed more into the ones that feel the best once I play them with the rest of the band. I am very adamant about continuously writing to keep my chops up. There would probably be 50 songs out by now if we had the resources/ time.” Through experimenting and sharing with each other, the band has blossomed, Noor noting, “I used to be really afraid to show people my music but have definitely grown out of that fear a bit.” Mamalarky’s vibe has a sweetness and sustainability that shows in their stage presence and precious friendships. Recently releasing a newest single “Hero” with its mathy chops, 70’s sweeps and dreamy sugary vocals, we look forward to the group’s planned 2019 album.

IG / BANDCAMP

Shining jangly dream-pop in the mishmash of the lowkey LA indie underground, a favorite song, “Nonmonogamy”, has caught on to many a playlist for a very relatable reason. The musing on open relationships (a belief and practice between poly singer/guitarist Livvy and drummer Dylan) has struck a chord with many. “It’s more or less about how concepts of monogamy don’t necessarily have to guide every relationship,” Livvy, who is openly bi, explains. “It’s about experiencing this new era where relationships and sexuality can be discussed more openly, and how freeing it is to be able to be totally honest with each other about what you want. You can love someone endlessly and still allow each other to enjoy the company of other amazing people, if that works for both of you and you’re genuinely ready for it.”

@mamalarky @mamalarky

Mamalarky is highly connected. As an indie 4-piece who does everything from communal cooking, fueling with breakfast burritos and coffee before all-day songwriting sessions, to gently testing boundaries while remaining highly affirming of one another, this LA-based band defies the delicate balance in their appearance as half girl and half boy ratio rock with boldness in communication and creativity.

MAMALARKY

Livvy (above) Noor (below)

P H O T O

DYLAN 37

SIENA LIGGINS P H O T O

ERIN MCCONNELL @erinimages 38

“

“I think everyone in my life and around me knew I was a lesbian except for me and so it was a lot of more of a coming-to story than a coming-out.

@sienaliggins @sienaliggins

Siena Liggins’s smooth jams are sprinkled with cheeky verbiage and a delicious playfulness that stands out in the insane acreage of indie pop-ups. Shimmying through through the oubliettes of Soundcloud and Spotify oversaturation, her upbeat rhythm rings through bold and beautiful with lyrics lush in avowals of sweetness, her angelic vocals boosting slick dance beats. Vulnerable yet confident singles “Me Again”, “Flowerbomb” and “Naked’ are breaths of fresh air regarding how sex can be approached as musical content. Liggins is naturally serene, a bonhomie cool and cooing in waves of love. It is perfect that her video for “Flowerbomb” opens with bird song, blue skies, flower fields, and flirtatious scenes reflecting Liggins’ sweet and sapphic ambiance. “My identity is a huge part of my work. I think growing up I always used to be influenced by pop stars who just had tons of sex appeal and my identity attributes a lot back to my sexuality,” Siena explains. “I try to make songs for girls who feel like me, who want to feel sexy and want to be in control, and I also want to have songs that represent girls who are into other girls.” Siena’s sexuality is something she has come to embrace and artfully express with ease considering her history. “My coming out story in hindsight is pretty funny,” the singer recalls. “I think everyone in my life and around me knew I was a lesbian except for me and so it was a lot of more of a coming-to story than a coming-out. Everyone did a resounding sigh of relief when I finally came out because I had struggled so much with success in dating boys.” Not everyone got the total clue at first, especially her grandmother who would check in after Siena moved to Detroit from high school. Visiting her apartment to help transition from leaving the nest, “One of the weekends she popped up at my door and was like, ‘I’ve been reading this book and I want to ask you, are you transgender?’ My grandma is very old school but very progressive in her thinking and open-minded. I think coming from her generation, she wanted to prepare herself and she had been reading and researching. She was one of the first people I came out to and very supportive.” From a travelling Marine family, Detroit has been the city Siena has lived the longest and the only place she has considered a home. When she attached and made roots, initially the scene knew Siena not for making music but for lesbian and queer party planning instead, explaining “It’s been really awesome to give people a space to feel safe in. There’s sort of a common thing in Detroit, you feel like you have to move to a more progressive city like New York or San Francisco, to feel like you’re with your people.” Siena has been proactive at creating spaces for queer folx in her own city. As a project oriented person, who just happened to major in songwriting, joining the crew at Assemble Sound has been her strongest relationship to Detroit yet, where she has garnered great indie prestige, though loveably and gleefully, no traces of pretension, but loads of personality. And it reflects in Siena’s music: “I love it when someone can walk in a room and feel confident in who they are specifically when it comes to their sexuality, their charisma, and be like ‘not only am I gay but I’m also sexy as fuck’.”

OCTO OCTA P H O T O

CHARLES LUDEKE charlesludeke.com

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

I am a producer and DJ who focuses on creating and presenting music that has a resonating emotional core to it. I am also a girl who is finally living her life as sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always wanted and is elated by that fact everyday.

@octoocta @octoocta

Maya Bouldry-Morrison, known in the music world as Octo Octa, is the darling of new deep house thanks to her acosmic stream of contented flow and her organic live engagement. Alongside being a genuine spirited electro creator, Maya is a polyamorous, pansexual, transgender woman who likes cute things, being cute and, above all, is trying to facilitate more loving spaces through the gift of music. Hailing from New Hampshire and relocated to Brooklyn, Octo Octa has gained enormous traction through word-of-mouth and the SFbased queer label HNYTRX. “At the time of first touring and playing shows I was still hiding in a public sense which made me feel like I couldn’t be in those spaces. Now that I’m involved in it, I understand that that wasn’t necessarily true, but it took me being involved to finally realize,” Maya remembers. “Working with HNYTRX and queer promoters since coming out let me engage in spaces where I finally didn’t have to keep my guard up. It gave me power and I see those parties giving others power as well which is the most important thing.” Not any solo entity can mix cream-crop 90’s ambient coolness to a most wild neu-queer club but Maya’s hermetic conjuring of soundspheres, with a touch of past Euro flair akin to Aphex Twin, is divinity. Octo Octa’s bona fide elongation of the music which has brought many house lovers to states of cocooned delightful trancelike glee has roots in house, rave, and techno. Perhaps it’s been long practice as Maya (who is now 31) has been producing primarily electronic music since 14, exclaiming “I’ve spent over half my life chasing the sense of creativity and ecstatic release I find in dance music.”

soundcloud.com/ octoocta

In the past few years, Maya’s mingle with the queer dance scene has felt like a revolutionary much searched for home since she first started releasing music in 2011, noting “it’s the community I was desperate for since I was a teenager and came into my sexuality.” The music reverberates a deep connection to something greater, welling with richness, perhaps the joy Maya must experience producing the music she DJs live. “Danceable music has a particular power that I think is very important in the world and is something that hopefully more people can incorporate into their lives since it engages your body in a way atypical of how the world wants you to interact in public,” Maya muses. “Dancing is freeing, however that is for you. That freedom is what I chase, seek, and attempt to communicate with every piece of music I make, with every live performance I play, and every DJ set I spin. Dance music let me express myself before I was out and club spaces are where I first engaged in public as the person I am today. I hope more people can find that for themselves.” Maya’s passion is very clear to the listener and especially any audience present at one of her sets. Octo Octa’s early EP For Lovers on Technicolour and the track called “For My Girls”, a jungle tune that Kellam Matthews is releasing on his label Frendzone, to the newest “I Need You” are all shining examples. Maya is in the process of finishing an album TBA in conjunction with a special project.

Eager electropop with hints of bubblegum trap and new retrowave tame the subject depiction of our oft indirect cryptic modes of digital speaking. Resulting in a warm empathetic rebuilding of modern communication, Hologram is as cohesive and true to her sound as earlier releases though undoubtedly displays the artist’s greater range with highly relatable subject matter at hand. Alxndr has always had a knack of using the issues surrounding her everyday life in her songs, whether it be in relation to culture at large or her unique position in ATL’s queer scene. “The Queer South - more specifically Atlanta - is great for all of the reasons it’s also lacking. Our location makes us a destination that’s sought out and always has eyes on it, but is also glanced over by the larger queer media,” Taylor says of the SE’s Emerald City, surrounded by country and suburbs, no larger cities anywhere near. “It also sometimes leads to more gentrification due to people seeing our cheaper rent and resources. We’re marred by our history of racism and conservatism, but we also have beautiful, radical movements that were born from those fights. I love Atlanta, and the rest of the South, because of this duality. Sometimes it’s frustrating try to organize or make art in this city, but the grit and hustle you earn from it is worth it.” Due to the bubble ATL can sometimes be, Taylor Alxndr is one of the most slept on electropop artists today, though we have a feeling not for much longer. Fans of Shamir’s pop and Charli XCX’s wistful dance will be mesmerized by Taylor’s infectious work, her songs stuck in their heads for weeks.

IG / SOUNDCLOUD / BANDCAMP

Hologram, a conceptual EP tackling frustrations with our current culture’s electronic modus operandi, presents a lighter vibe from past works. Dependant on social media as a DIY artist and organizer, Alxndr’s exhaustion and dissatisfaction has been fuel for the EP’s emotive motif. “Everything is so driven by content and views that sometimes I think we lose quality of work, of connecting. People get so caught up trying to curate a sense of self online that they lose touch of who they are IRL,” Alxndr surveys. “I think near the end of making Hologram, I was more at peace with social media. It was really a processing of how social media creates miscommunication in the act of trying communicate.”

@tayloralxndr @tayloralxndr

Many ATLiens know Taylor Alxndr as the celebrated nononsense organizer for Southern Fried Queer Pride, a beacon of non-binary and QTPOC community for creative queer folx locally. Between wearing all the different wigs, performing in and hosting drag shows, scheduling festivals and fundraisers, this galvanizing life-affirming producer of community and creativity is beyond busy bee status, buzzing to and fro between life, love, career, and passion projects. Somehow carving out time to write and record poignant darkwave, Alxndr’s silky sensual soulful vox have stunned audiences, songs like “Nightwork” and “Gritted Teeth” leaving fans craving more.

TAYLOR ALXNDR

“

We’re marred by our history of racism and conservatism, but we also have beautiful, radical movements that were born from those fights.

KRISTI MAYER @kristimayerphoto

P H O T O

a way cards in ecome an eir m to b ith h e t h t d e y la W lectra p or not) led t time. tation, E r o n h a s i r en Do lly of pres onafide ntiona incredibly t e t c e n i p ( s t a tha re a b in an very a e n y n o e i c h i l i T d ual cian. roun o deta underg s attention t simply a musi visibility, sex lou queer on with lectra g E n l i l meticu t a a c c st advo unicati ham to it is a s ormance arti tender comm edic timing. m perf ion and itivity and co s s e r p x e os hical p p o s o l i ph

A major point of exposure has undoubtedly been Electra’s ingenious music videos, each shedding further light on the context of the songs as well as the humorous angle of Electra’s pop star persona. With childhood roots in musical theater, their mother a singer (for a living) and father in a classic rock cover band (for fun), Dorian surprisingly started crafting vids around age 14 with bestie Clara before ever writing songs. Adorkable montages of ELO and James Pants was just the beginning. This practice became a large foundation for their own personal compositions, stating, “It was really natural for me to start with the visual stuff in mind even before the music.” Long-standing creative partner Weston Allen has co-directed and edited nearly every music video of Electra’s, pumping narratives to life with precision and perfection a la the other wizard behind the curtain (pictured left a la Siegfried and Roy sweetness). Electra’s early musical retellings regarded the trials and tribulations of female sexuality (and the enjoyment of it i.e. “Vibrator”). Initially hosted by Refinery29 as a sex ed series, “Clitopia” gained immense Internet adoration, budding fans enamoured not only with the smart sets bathed in neon pinks and blues and the quirky wardrobes. The candycoated mod and Rococo “High Heels” brought more masculine characterization to the table for Dorian, as the shoe came into fashion by men of rank and royalty. Dorian’s non-binary identity naturally met with creating material lovingly mocking the wishful egos of masculine stereotypes, i.e. “Career Boy” as a sizzling caricature of work addiction and the cheeseball orange-tan manboys of “VIP” battle in the popularity contest of the club, Slay Rizz laying down verses in a tiny space age bikini. 2019’s “Man to Man” has been the most direct challenge of toxic masculinity to date, Electra’s actoral abilities alone branding them a concept artist over musician and a fighter for breaking down gender expectations. Dorian’s fluid journey as both an artist and individual have had immense intertwining elements.

“I’VE ALWAYS FELT SO LUCKY TO BE ABLE TO EXPLORE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS THROUGH MY MUSIC AND MUSIC VIDEOS AND THAT HAS DEFINITELY PLAYED AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN MY EVOLUTION OF MY GENDER IDENTITY.

AS I BECAME MORE INVOLVED IN THE DRAG SCENE, AND WAS INTRODUCED TO THE NOTION THAT I, AS A PERSON ASSIGNED FEMALE AT BIRTH, COULD BE DOING ‘DRAG’ WHEN DRESSED AS A ‘WOMAN’, I STARTED TO REALLY UNDERSTAND AND EMBRACE MY OWN GENDER FLUIDITY ESPECIALLY WHEN I FELT SUPPORTED BY THOSE COMMUNITIES.”

Electra’s resurrection of over-thetop 90’s & 00’s boy band, 80’s funk, R&B and a vast array of club genres hit all marks of catchiness, vocal stylings and range with impressive ease, the high-polished production alone surpassing many indie artists. Embracing pop with steadfast studious perfection, the music impacts the larger picture with impeccable tongue-in-cheek lyrics and embellishments of camp and irony in unexpected turns. “I love pop music because it’s accessible, it’s everywhere, it’s fun and mainstream, yet can also be used to challenge the status quo in a way that can have a wide impact and not just be constrained to a niche audience,” Electra acknowledges. “So many of the same tired tropes (of relationships, sex, gender roles, etc) have historically been perpetuated through pop music, through the same stories and language, only highlighting what are deemed as ‘relatable’/sellable experiences. But as more queer people come out and are able to have the courage to be visible, people are starting to realize that straight and cis romances and identities are not the only kind of ‘relatable’ experiences out there. Pop music doesn’t always have to be ‘directly relatable’ - it can be used as tool for sharing and learning about the different experiences of others.” A recent wave of inspiration drew Dorian to Las Vegas for a week in January, trekking with a large crew to compose and record material in a madcap experiment of coordination and collaboration. With a team of four producers (Dylan Brady, Umru, Social Chair, ABSRDST) and three songwriters (Bonnie McKee, Mood Killer, Weston Allen), the neon-light locale allowed this writing camp to create over 20 fresh tracks for Electra’s upcoming debut album and headlining tour in 2019. Much has changed since hiking out of their native Houston, through school, the art scene in Chicago, towards touring far and wide with Rina Sawayama and Pussy Riot and performing to huge audiences at NYC Pride and Dinah Shore. Slightly akin to a smart & smokin’ Weird Al Yankovic, this prolific poster boy bomps a longstanding love of satirizing rigid gender roles and sexuality. Imbued with social challenge under the guise of technotronic tempos and MTV choreography, Electra’s infectious melodies and aesthetic astuteness, regardless of being at the precipice of forward fashion, has a purpose unlike many with a similar sound. Regardless of the oversaturated indie acts in cut-throat LA, Electra’s current stomping ground has provided them a space to move forward with laser beam focus on continuous video production alongside an important player.

Neckbones

I My grandmother washes neckbones Under warm, running water She handles them gently As if she understands The trauma of slaughter How it pulls you out of your bed And into someone else’s kitchen Onto someone else’s cutting board She handles them gently As if to apologize for their first life And prepare them for their second

I’m feeling bored and helpful I hover about the kitchen Ready to be commanded But she waves me off “This is women’s work” I watch her fingers As she pulls apart blood, cartilage, and fat To prepare the meat for the final rinse before the salt The blood runs down her hands A bright red, on tender brown

by jay morris

II Where did our blood and our skin come from? From which canal of history did our family flow? How many of us passed through the Atlantic? What bridges did we cross? Who did we leave behind and who did we take in? I don’t know where our black skin began But I do know that everyone I see wearing it Feels like a magnet trying to pull a compass towards true north Our fields are disrupted and we’re all going haywire Culture is diaspora Our history is dislocated Whose job is it to pull us all back together

III My grandmother finishes salting the meat She tosses it in a large pot with onions and garlic She sets the stove to medium-high The water begins to writhe with heat She sets the stove to medium-low The water simmers, denied its struggle “Grandma, where did we come from?” She writhes and simmers Tells me not to worry about it “We’re black. Black is all we ever were and it’s all we’ll ever be. We’re just like any other nigger family in Athens, Georgia. Her field exudes My compass spins Who taught us how to do this to each other? In the pot, on the stove The neckbones soften In anticipation Of their second life

C H I C A G O

LEWKBOOK CURRENT FACES MAKING A SCENE IN DRAG P H O T O S

TENDERONI @tenderoni88

B Y

J O N

DELIKATE DOLL @delicate_delikate

D E A N

CLAIRE VOYANT @claire.voyant.queen

Watch wussymag.com for featured interviews and dirty details. 62

IMP GIRL @imp_kid

AUNTIE HEROINE @auntieheroine 64

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L E W K B O O K

VOTE BEST OF CLASS! KELLY BONER @kellyboner

WANDA SCREW @wanda_screw Cast your love for the best of Chicago at wussymag.com Superlatives are: MOST INFLUENTIAL BIGGEST FLIRT MOST LIKELY TO BE PRESIDENT CLASS HEARTTHROB

ROCKY YA @rocky.yaaa

TALLEST HAIR MOST COLORFUL

YOLO ONO @yoloono_chi

MOST TOP-TIMISTIC MOST LIKELY TO SPILL TEA MOST HIGH BROW MOST SICKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;NING BIGGEST IMAGINATION

DRAG OVERLORD

PHAZMA PLASMA

IRREGULAR GIRL @imirregulargirl 65

C H I C A G O

L E W K B O O K

SIGOURNEY BEAVER

KATE SASS

QUINN

SCYLLA KONE

@sigourneybeaver

@thedragquinn 66

@kate.sass

@scyllakone

HINKYPUNK @das_hinkypunk

@mistercoolmom

PHOTOS // ERIK M. KOMMER // @lad_of_leisure WORDS // EVAN BRECHTEL // @evanbrechtel 68

REVOLUTIONS AREN’T FOUGHT ON ONLY BATTLEFIELDS. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THE MOST FIERY OF REVOLUTIONS BEGIN THROUGH SPARKS IGNITED BY THE WORDS AND IDEAS OF A SOCIETY’S ARTISTS. MISTER WALLACE KNOWS THIS.

“NURTURING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER HAS BEEN THE KEY TO ME MATURING A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF AND, IN TURN, WITH THE WORLD.”

The queer rapper and DJ may be based in Chicago at the moment, but their music is revolutionizing the queer hip-hop scene across the globe. They were born and raised in the Windy City, where they discovered a love for music through church and pop culture. After living in Brooklyn and traveling the world, they now reside in Chicago again, DJing for Darling Shear’s Low Tea at the Ace Hotel and for Dem-O-Lition at Jackhammer Complex—all while releasing music to their eager audience. Wallace’s latest EP, Cool Mom, is the second of a three-part series, preceded by their first EP, FAGGOT. The album draws from family dynamics and the role maternity plays in the forging of queer togetherness. “After releasing the FAGGOT EP and launching FUTUREHOOD [their artist collective], I adopted a lot of daughters who were inspired to live freely by my work or to start making work of their own,” Wallace told us. “My maternal relationship with these artists and community members got me thinking about my own relationship to my mother, our conflicts and how they reflect the conflicts in the world. Nurturing my relationship with my mother has been the key to me maturing a better relationship with myself and, in turn, with the world.” Wallace’s vibrant music is sexy and fast, but that doesn’t keep the istener from getting lost in the hills and corners of its sonic journeys. Their empowering lyrics speak to people far beyond the city limits of Chicago. “The first song I put out as Mister Wallace was a track called “XYXMZYG,” (pronounced ah-maze-ing), that a fan in London went bonkers over via Soundcloud. His enthusiasm was immediate and spoke to a desire to see more of myself in the world that I longed to fulfill.” And fulfill it they would.

“It wasn’t until five years later that a housewife in Stavanger, Norway told me that she loved listening to my music to get her through the day that I realized my music could be inspiring to people no matter where they come from or how they identify.” But make no mistake: identities aren’t trivial to Mister Wallace. Their debut EP, FAGGOT, spoke to the power of embracing one’s identity as a means to disarm oppressors.

“All the quote unquote faggots that I knew, especially those making art and music, were fearless and majestic individuals,” Wallace says of reclaiming the slur. “When deciding on a theme or subject matter for my first EP I had a fear because of my style, aesthetic and past that I could only be considered ‘another gay rapper’ and I saw that as a limitation to what I wanted to offer the art form. In a move to critique the industry before it could critique me I titled my album FAGGOT as a way to reclaim the power of the word and the title.” Mister Wallace isn’t just fearless about their sexuality, but blazes trails in gender expression through looks and lyrics as well. “Gender for me is a tool, but one that has been weaponized against us as a society in order to maintain a power imbalance. I try to use gender in my music as a tool to make people see how they can fight those imbalances in themselves and their own desires.” In fact, Mister Wallace’s music is a battle cry, a clarion call to weird kids and Norwegian housewives and fags who haven’t found their fierceness and every marginalized person whose back is forced to bear the weight of a system designed against their self determination.

“Shame and guilt were tools used to kill my queerness and rid me of freedom of expression out of fear that it would cause me to lose my life. I found freedom in emulating women rappers from the 90’s and 2000’s, as they were fearless with their expression...I’ve learned that by expressing my full self, even sexually, without shame or guilt I could be actually saving my own life and the lives of those who are like me. Silence = Death.” These are big ideas and bold missions, which is why Mister Wallace doesn’t only rap, but explores avenues toward other methods of expression as well, like DJing. “I was writing raps before I was selecting tracks but creating a vibe at a party by spinning is much like creating a vibe in songwriting or while performing. The two definitely inform one another as they were born out of one practice.” Beyond rapping and DJing, they continue to color outside the lines, exuding inspiration wherever they go. They act, dance, design and sculpt experiences through whichever medium is whispering in their ear. “For me all these art forms are versions of one another and I tend to think of everything as a sculpture or physical entity living amongst us.”

Nevertheless, expression through music still carries a religious reverence in the artist’s heart. They described the feeling of performing onstage for audiences: “I black out and don’t recall much until it’s long over, sometimes days later. For me it’s about channeling the spirits and energy in the room at the moment and feeling what’s necessary, even if painful.” Mister Wallace plans to set their sights on acting next.

“I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. Peele.”

It shouldn’t be a problem either, as the artist already stars in and writes for their autobiographical series Hair Story, produced by Chicago’s OTV. Like their music, their creativity shows no signs of relenting as long as there are innovative and empathetic ideas to express. “Making music and art is the closest thing I can feel to giving birth and It feels like the most natural and most important thing I can do, but also like a burden that hurts like hell to get through...I want my music to change people for the better even if it’s me being me at my worst.” 77

HOLY WATER

BY ZAK HORN

My body aches so bad, cause it misses you That loss of dopamine makes me crave you So, please come back to me even if you’re not right Our bodies can take the lead, create a holy night You’ve got me on my knees praying to make it right You’ve place inside of me some of your holy light I’ve become a beacon for you, a hole to fall into You’ve become a Saint to me, my sexual deity Lay me on top of you just like the Pieta Your hand around my throat, I quote the scripture you are Let my body house your sin, the same as other men Body of Christ I’ve taken in, swallowed the unoriginal sin I don’t know what you say, I just know how you taste Even holy water couldn’t cleanse, dirty thoughts of you I’m keeping in I can still smell your scented skin; your holy ghost has gotten in Even holy water couldn’t cleanse these dirty acts with you, I’ve given in Let me be your holy wound, the sixth one you’ve dug into Place your communion on my lips, my neck, face, and hips Have me speak in tongues, legacies have come undone Banish me from this holy place, forgiveness I dare not seek Crown of thorns I wear for you, just as you command me to Disciples can join in to if your words do unto I can feel you in my ribs, pierce me with your holy lance All your wine I’ve taken in, all the water we’ve sweated out I don’t know how you pray, I just know Even holy water couldn’t cleanse these I can still smell your scented skin, a Even holy water couldn’t cleanse these

how you taste dirty thoughts of you I’ve taken in part of you still within dirty words I’m holding in

So, drip it on my tongue, cover me in you Tell me all the wrong I’ve done, wash me back brand new I don’t know what you say, I just know how you taste Even holy water couldn’t cleanse the dirty thoughts of you I’m keeping in I can still smell your scented skin; your holy ghost has gotten in Even holy water couldn’t cleanse these dirty acts with you, I’ve given in

Words by

@disco_bitch Jacob Seferian

strobe

and

beat

fostered

queer

expressions years before our lives and stories clawed their way into the mainstream. Historically, clubs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and the music they played â&#x20AC;&#x201D; have catered to and been shaped by alternative communities.

Like all things us, eventually the straights would co-opt it and the unmistakably gay and black beginnings of house music would eventually (d)evolve into the EDM stylings of folks like Diplo and Calvin Harris. Nonetheless, the dance floor remains an emotional place for queers. This is something Robert Alfons of TR/ST innately understands.

Photos by

@orograph Mateus Porto

Since the electro-goth uniform’s debut in 2012, TR/ST (pronounced “trust”) has been compared to fellow Canadian electronic group Crystal Castles. Both create moody, synthheavy tracks, but while listening to the latter inspires ascension, TR/ST’s work invites you inwards, to terrifying effect. The opening of “Sulk” — synthed sirens followed by a pulsing drum — eerily reminds me of that time I took a double-dose of Molly when I was 19. You know that feeling of sinking, only buoyed by frantic, sweaty movement? Then Alfons’ vocals come in, delivered as if the melody is nipping at his heels, he croaks, “He’s bound to fall...” But just because TR/ST’s songs can, at times, evoke a bad trip, doesn’t make it bad music. On the contrary, like substance-induced therapy sessions, it’s often revealing. TR/ST originally began as a collaboration with Maya Postepski. Their debut record garnered them praise (and an audience) for its dark, Berlin sex club atmosphere. Tracks “Gloryhole”, “This Ready Flesh”, and “Candy Walls” suggest eroticism and drugs, while “Sulk” and “The Last Dregs” make you question whether or not this indulgence is a good thing. Like any proper night out, there’s unpredictability: melodies and lyrics are often ditched mid-track, replaced by vacuous sounds and Alfons making noise. In contrast to most dance music which is built around the idea of release, TR/ST’s early work purposely never gets there; living in the moment before, during, and after you’ve done and taken everything you can to transcend but realize you’re still sad.

Speaking with Alfons, it’s hard to believe such extremes exist within him. Soft-spoken and polite (he’s Canadian, lest we forget), the 31-year-old is originally from Winnipeg. Growing up in a supportive home in the country’s coldest city, he played piano and listened to Sarah McLachlan. Not exactly a childhood that would seemingly source future lyrics like, “I am naked / I am ravaged” — at least, that’s what it sounds like Alfons is singing in “Bicep.” He tells me websites like Genius often misquote his lyrics. However, he isn’t eager to correct them, writing in a follow-up email, “The last thing I want is people to think there’s a strict way of how to experience and interpret a song.” 82

Over the phone, he can occasionally come across as withholding, not eager to expand on his answers. Or perhaps he’s just not terribly comfortable talking about himself. This is his first press interview in a while, he confesses. It’s been over five years since a full album dropped, a delay he attributes to both “professional and personal” reasons. Following Postepski’s departure, Alfons pivoted towards pop. TR/ST’s sophomore album Joyland featured lighter and dreamier production: “Capitol” and “Are We Arc?” are the outfit’s most radiofriendly singles to date, yet Alfons’ lyrics remained obscured, both sonically and conceptually. When asked if the poetic vagueness of phrases like “Give her lengths of love / But the body is gone” is purposeful, he seems put off by the question. His songwriting process is nonlinear, he explains, shaped around achieving a “feeling” and using melody and lyrics as a means of expressing the desired emotion. While he admits a good deal of his work deals with sexual repression and shame, like most of his verses, he’s not interested in divulging specifics. Are songs inspired by exes? Sure. Which ones? No way. “I can’t control how people feel. I hope they listen, I hope they have strong reactions to the music whether good or bad,” he concludes.

Alfons recently moved from Toronto to Los Angeles, where he says he’s spent much of the past five years healing and gardening. He teased new music with “Bicep” in 2017, but it’d be at least another year and half before TR/ST fans got any formal word on the new record. “[The most challenging aspect was] overcoming the voice that says this isn’t good enough,” he admits, “I always don’t think I’m good enough.” In the time spent not tending to himself or the earth, he’s been working on a new two-part LP entitled The Destroyer, which will see him reunite with Maya Postepski on several tracks. Surprisingly, the lead single “Gone” treats Alfons’ vocals as the centerpiece of the production — not dissimilar to his pre-TR/ST musical experimentations like “Nostalgia.” His voice minimally distorted, he sings to a dissolved love, “Did I ever tell you I need you? / To lead me through the fog.” Alfons identity often peaks through in his lyrics. “I am so grateful to be queer,” he says, “it has given me a higher level of empathy and solidarity with others.” A gay listener will often find familiar sentiments: desire, sex, alienation. However, pronouns and narratives are charastically blurred with TR/ ST’s particular brand dancefloor chaos. “I am getting used to the loneliest of sounds,” he sings on “Are We Arc?”

We’re left to fill in the rest of the dots ourselves, but maybe that’s the point. TR/ST’s music is crafted to be evocative, so perhaps Alfons’ cageiness about his own inspiration is to not step on our projections. “I hate… buying an album and flipping through the booklet for pictures, and there are lyrics just right there. I listen to a song for years and years, and then get attached to the lyrics that I thought they were,” he told Electronic Beats in 2012. Describing his decision to split Destroyer into two parts, he told me, “I think it’s important to be patient and put things out when you’re ready,” alluding to how with the advent of digital streaming, individual tracks can be overlooked by listeners, “but there’s only so long that you can be precious about things.” By releasing Destroyer as two separate LPs, Alfons is ensuring each track gets its due. A decision that also suggests Alfons is an artist more interested in curating his audience’s experience than he lets on. He appears more comfortable discussing his garden than his music. “My next project is growing olives, I find those trees so incredibly gorgeous,” he gushes, “I’m obsessed with starting the process of growing them and the transformation of this fruit that’s essentially impossible to eat unless you salt them or press them into oil.” You could read into this affinity for olives as a metaphor for Alfons’ creative process: his raw and bitter emotions only made digestible through melodic salting — but trying too hard to distill the precise meaning of his music seems to be missing the point. By keeping his work’s emotional citations private, he preserves the connections we’ve created: music for us that might has well have been written by us. If our experiences with TR/ST’s music are primarily alone on a dance floor in a club or your room, the only interpretations that matter are our own. When asked about the group’s mystique in another interview, he responded plainly, “The whole thing doesn’t seem mysterious to me.” Robert Alfons can most likely chart his personal pain, growth, and inspiration — but that’s for him. We’re not entitled to know the cause or cure for his fog. Maybe a feeling is enough. Maybe we should just trust the music and dance.

TR/STâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s third album,

The Destroyer (Part One), will be released on April 19th. You can visit

www.tr-st.xyz

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upcoming

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H T I W P U G N I CATCH

Y T N U O C JAYNE

D UNK LEGEN P S N A R T G OWN LIVIN GEORGIA’S

WORDS

JHONI N JACKSO KSON @JHONIJAC PHOTOS

SAVANA OGBURUNRN SAVANAOGB

If ever there were (and there should be) a state monument Jayne County, a living Georgia legend, its placard would be comically big. If we’re talking life-size statue, it might even surpass the width and height of her iconic, multiple-wigs-big hair.

6 6 6 Y T COUN

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pioneer who Rightfully, Jayne County is best known as a trans mainspring the of part as s barrier genre and gender broke both so few out New York City punk wave of the mid ‘70s. There were and lead trans musicians back then, and Jayne-as a songwriter then Wayne singer of Wayne County and the Backstreet Boys, and the County and the Electric Chairs, then Jayne County Electric Chairs-is widely regarded as the first. to Jayne The already enlightened know this type of tribute imagine the easily can they am; pipedre a of bit a is County community intensity of battle that would ensue if ever the queer ive to attempted any public dedication to an icon so subvers here’s basically all the social norms. But for fantasy’s sake, placard: large very our on e inscrib to need we’d what of more Actress in Playwright, World-A Birth of a Nation (1966). creative and to, tion Inspira (1971). Pork s Warhol’ Andy rude campy-c and queen Sleaze Bowie. David theft victim of, of the comedian. Survivor of Atlanta’s anti-queer agenda in trolling ‘60s. Participant in the Stonewall Riots. Expert . rescuer cat ed Committ bigots. obic transph and bic homopho a digital Of course, that’s not all. And could we request Jayne placard? In case we forgot anything, and also because learning County is still creating, still doing the work -pursuit. about her is an endless, perpetually fascinating graphy, autobio the in history her She recounts a good chunk of the Man Enough to Be a Woman - but it extends no later than appearing ews intervi of Heaps d. release was it when s mid-’90 identity, all over - art magazines, blogs exploring gender chronology punk sites, etc. - add layer upon layer to a public a single, that, if you’re aiming to synthesize them all into Jayne’s ated. complic pretty get can ve, narrati ensive compreh es tentacl of scores with one, rious story is a multifa subculture outstretched to touch so many nooks and crannies of that it’s and queer culture and trans history - and more reach and Her ve. narrati one just see plainly to lt difficu sent. omnipre influence feels familiar Maybe an exemplary place to begin for someone not yet German TV with Jayne County is in a 1978 performance on the and NYC, show Rockpalast. (In addition to living in Atlanta almost she was in Berlin for a stretch, too.) Jayne seems others. toned down there compared to the high camp of some set are It’s the raw emotions with which she delivers this ble undenia an legacy her of terms in , telling what’s most azer, reminder that she was (and still is) a fearless trailbl of trans forcing the world to rethink their understandings people people, to make room for trans people, to hear trans else. or ly serious them and take during our Jayne last performed in Atlanta in 2015 -- and again. interview, she mentioned “it’s about time” to play in a stony where, chat a of hts highlig the find you’ll Below my attempts southern drawl, Jayne graciously elaborates at all prove her to trawl for historical nuggets. I wasn’t aiming to ng of legend, but continue exploring its vast reaches. Deservi her fans nor Jayne neither but -is ly certain she t, monumen a need one to legitimize her power.

ENFORCEMENT’S ON SURVIVING ATLANTA LAW NDA: AGE 1960S ANTI-QUEER Halloween was a big night in Atlanta because that was the night that everyone could dress up and not have to worry about being arrested by the police. Of course, if the police wanted to arrest you, they could anyway. But they were less likely to bother you on Halloween. When everyone was all dressed up for Halloween, and it was kinda like they took a step backward. But on any other night, boy, they’d get you. They’d take you down there - I had friends arrested, they’d take them down there and shave their heads. Can you imagine that? If somebody did that? An invasion of rights actually shave your head! And they would call your parents. If they arrested a drag queen they would call their parents to come pick them up and the parents would come to pick up their son, their “son,” and he’d be in drag sitting in a cell. God, yeah. Times have really changed. Young kids today don’t realize what a lot of us old gals had to go through. We had to hide behind trees! I mean, we were experts at hiding behind trees. If were out at night, we were walking somewhere, people would walk more than they do now around the area of 14th street, people were always walking and cruising along, and going into coffeehouses and stuff, going into Mama’s, which was gay, it was called Mama Mia’s, I think it was, and it was gay club that had drag acts, also right on the corner of 14th street - that whole little area that had all these little stores and coffee houses and places where people would congregate: all the freak-os, all the freaky people would congregate.

All the freaks. Everyone kept together because we had to. We had to keep together. We all had to stick together back then because the police would center in on you and try to get you for all kinds of things. They’d arrest you for marijuana or something and it was over, you’d go right to prison. And I had two gay friends that - this was very stupid of them - two gay friends who had a photograph of them in bed together and that was the stupidest thing in the world to carry those around on you, and they were arrested on some kind of something, and they found the photograph and they were sent to prison. It was pictures of them having sex together. Consenting adults, but it didn’t matter, if they got them on pornography. But things are different now. Things are are lot better, but I do like, I’m one of these people that thinks that it is essential for the young gay kids growing up to know their history. People need gay history. You know? Because they don’t teach gay history in school, but there’s a lot of gay history. Trans history, and gay history. It goes back thousands of years. That people should know about; people should know their history and their past. 94

ON LIVING OTP WITH HER 19 CATS:

[I live in] Mableton, Austell, that area. It’s good because to go into Atlanta, it’s not that bad. It’s pretty close. I can get into Atlanta pretty easy, but you get better bargains out here with houses and things. I got a house out here for what you would spend hundreds of thousand for in Atlanta. Unbelievable. So it’s worth living out here. It’s a lot quieter. And I’ve yards - backyard, front yard. I have this large house, it’s a long house, but I’ve gotta have it big, long because I have a lot of cats. I live with 19 cats. It’s like their house, really. And I gotta live with them. (Laughs)

I take ‘em in, try to get them adopted, and I’ve quite a few kitty cats now living with me. They have their own cat section. I have one big room that’s just for them. I’ve got a lot of fenced-in area; they’ve the carport fenced in for them as well, so they can go outside but still be safe, you know? Keep the coyotes from getting them, because we’ve had coyotes in the past, and they nasty. They’ll get your kitties. Small dogs, too. One of the cats just did a big one. It’s stinky, stinky! Ringo! Did you do a stinky stinky? I’ll get the spray on them. So Ringo, my little kitty Ringo, has a problem. He’s decided he’s not going to poop in his tray anymore. He’s decided he’s going to poop next to the tray. And I can’t seem to break it from him. I have to pick it up myself and everything.

You gotta really love cats I think, to put up with them, because there’s a lot of that type of stuff with the litter and stuff, and they scratch up your furniture. They do all kinds of stuff. They’re very destructive. You have to really cat-a-ize your house, and you gotta really love them, love the cats, to take care of them, because they can really be damaging. But I love them. I just let them do what they want; they’re my kitty cats. I buy second-hand furniture that way if they ruin it, it doesn’t matter. (Laughs) I’m trying to adopt them out. A lot of them are adults; some of them have health problems and they’re un-adoptable. So I take care of them. Like Ringo has eye problems and I take care of him, I have to bring him to the vet and all this kind of stuff. You know, nobody would adopt him, I don’t think, and I’m too attached to him anyway.

ORK HER ARTW

ESS: AND PROC

work on mes I’ll st get y. Someti ju da I y e er us my art ev , you know? Beca three on or o rk tw wo ce e I on one have mayb ch pieces at ll ea l I’ ra on so ve se I’ll work g on one, ular en in ic th rk rt d wo pa An d at bore time. at one, th the same ing on th going at like work y. el wa fe at I d when done th hs ago an t a lot uple mont one. I ge York a co w Ne in d a show I just ha g success. Gogh bend bi very van it was a ionally es have a nt do te st in te un la , it was uff, the : These at st me th my to ke l t Al ou w li , oh, did a fe inted it id I po sa . dy it I bo to me t. t then so very Starry Nigh I was Bu d . an ly t real , arry Nigh van Gogh St rs of he ry at ot ve ed e ok th look t -- I lo at’s in some of gh ri w. no re on you’ So th working my god. ries I’m like, oh just a se ’s It . course

k ttle blac these li cloaked s doing wa k I ac bl at little Before th that have these s, eatures creature little cr can just e u es yo th em s, creature some of th r lips. I was d an em th thei cloaks on eyes and . a series r little ose are see thei th e, os th men’s on of g in ries work g on a se lly. in ca rk ti wo alis I was in t done re And then ey’re no tative, th en t es bu pr re cocks, ke that. lically li al ph gs in th Sort of rs and d some of lic colo funny, an psychede some of g and very st in ju st ’s re It Very inte on them. lips and s ve ce ha fa ey them have I guess paint, th s that I nd of like the cock penis, so it’s ki s , n’ em ma th on the like lipstick tion for ’t la dn cu ul as wo em some men s a form of es ) gu es I kl it. . (Cac just call s love it t we girl that. Bu

ABOUT BEING CENSORED ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Some of [my artwork of men’ s cocks] -- no, no, can’t put ‘em up. I put some of them up and they erased them. They took them off; they were too phallic. I put some on and they were kind of phallic, but they weren’t real phallic, and they got left on, but the ones that are really, really obviously what they are, you know, they get taken off. I’m not sure if there’s any left on Instagram. There migh t be some left on Instagram. But I do notice sometimes they’ll just kind of disappear. I’ll be like, I’m sure I put that one up. Facebook is even worse. They took me off for three days. I’ve been take n off for 24 hours, I’ve been taken off for thre e days - a number of times. They took me off for usin g the word tranny [sic]. The thing about usin g the word tranny came in the thing, and came into people going like, well, you can’t use tran ny [sic] anymore. You can’t say these words. I made a joke, I

said, I want all you dykes, faggots, trannies sic], come on down to a big par ty I’m having at my hou se tonight. And the y banned me for three days for saying tha t! For saying fag, dyk e, and tranny [sic]. And I was joking, I was joking, you kno w? Gay people joke tog ether all the tim e using those words, but you put them out up on Facebook and they’ll take you dow n. They don’t [consider the context]. Some of it’s done by machin es, I think, I don’t know if there’s any people involved. It’ s just certain words automatically that get automatically taken down. No, it doesn’ t consider the contex t at all.

TH HEAL CT HOW FFE ES A ISSU BILITY A HER RM: ERFO P TO

lth my hea K O op of t m ’ n I o s st me day a and ju and so y and then lems, , b e o e r s p a l on the health ad back, you g to p t n f e i o g o g t n o b e m a l very say I’ , I can’t ev I have have a . And if I ut ms, I goes o not know? k c m a ’ proble b I etes, , you my ys t a a g d h i t g e 2 diab m o and so o before the . I can’t d s type betes II is ’ t I k w l . t a s a iabete le. Di day or can hardly w e. But terrib with d be fin I really ou’ll ed now y plane, s s ’t eat o i n , n a g g c 1 n a i I e hi read, been d llable; typ everyt b d t ? What y n s e n a u c a j i t r e e ro I’ve about ’t hav e cont ange your di n r t a o a c m h W I s i t! ch es, which my die f you potato bad; i nd t any mostly area a not as s I can’t ea hat’s t , e i d h food n t. t a a i l e n a m n e e o k h t g i l t tha I’m to tha arn to ? gar -I have right and le . o a g , d any su Indian meals t o d a s n h s ve e t er a my t soda ] I lo ff lik o Krog about ve die ..[but nd stu o go t stuff. d I could ha ugar a es and have t s c d i n o o u i t n j f g i s l a a l it in o I’m go stuff that h Oh, lord. I’ the doctor s do like fru e to g t to hav r and . I or going choice ny sodas. Bu iet sodas. a look f g r m u e ’ s h I t t no no o hate d n it, so now have a n eat ings, I have can’t bad. I you ca ine ent th r i p -- I is so differ t suga d that nl o a e h o g e t t r s i o l to sto b a w g l t a f r d o ey’ve kind o e afte eetene have t but th ches, but th he stuff sw s there any ing to o g m t n I ’ pu all in. r. I fruit I’m d find be a real pa turn to suga ions. ger an hes re opt g to c a ato n r to Kro t i a e o o t r p g s e h t se It’s any. T iss my swee c? Cau I eat? y i are l t stuff. d e y r b e a m a h h can And t ’re di to be ing to ! if you Google: What I’m go for you too. to pie t used a ’ . t n . o d . p i d d n t t a s y e e and ju ve swe d ther st try emely health o u n l j A I d . n s tr But e a tion toes. p ther , they’re ex are op t pota o go u There have t eet potatoes n them, swee o t g o goin ve sw butter can ha ittle pie. I th a l i w s u o delici d. So goo

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ON LADY BUNNY:

I’ve been there and I’ve done all that stuff. I’ve been there for years and years and years. Doing what I’ve done, I started doing it in the late ‘60s, you know? And I’ve had a lot of influence. Lady Bunny’s whole look has been influenced by my look I had in the ‘70s, with the big short skirts and the huge wigs and everything. To this day, I’ll see a picture of Bunny I’ll look at it and I’ll think for a split second that it’s an old photograph of me. Because it’s so much my style, that I had. So much of my style, I used to have three wigs on, a huge wig and huge false eyelashes, little panty dresses way up to my butt. I see, I guess, I can catch that me being me and I can catch that, I can look at the wig and see that it looks like wigs I used to wear, and say oh, that’s very Jayne. But I don’t get bitter or anything, because the look is out there, anyone can do it, and other people have had that look, like in the ‘60s and ‘70s as well with the big wigs. But I did take it to the extreme, though.[On the cover of my book, it’s] a photo of me in that period with the big wig, huge wigs, outsize wigs.

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ON DAVID BOWIE:

Bowie did, he took a lot from me. It’s really funny in a way because he kept asking for more demos, and like a fool, I kept going into the studio and cutting and sending more and more demos. I sent him three sets of demos. I sent him “Wonder Woman,” I sent him “Are You a Boy or a Girl?,” “Max’s Kansas city,” I sent him “Man Enough to Be a Woman” -- all these songs. When I heard “Rebel Rebel” I like to fell off a chair because I thought, this is very Jayne, that song’s very Jayne. It’s about a girl whose gender is blurred, a rebel rebel, can’t

tell if she’s a boy or a girl, it’s very much like my subject matter that I write about and things like that. And the song is different -- the song does not sound like my song “Queenage Baby,” but it’s got the same subject matter. I sent the demo of “Queenage Baby” to David, basically he listened to it, and then as time went on he forgot about it and then he wrote “Rebel Rebel,” I think, because “Queenage Baby” probably stuck in his head. “Rebel Rebel” is David’s version of “Queenage Baby,” really. People get tired of hearing it. But if I’m asked the questions, I’ll answer them. [Note: I asked.] But people get tired of hearing it, oh, David Bowie ripped me off, blah blah blah. But he borrowed from me, and I knew David for a while, for a time, and we had several incidences and things, but not so much you’d call huge, but really incidences between us and things like that and we were friends for a while. When I started running my mouth and complaining, of course, that David Bowie was using my identity, he dropped me, he wouldn’t have nothin’ to do with me. He stopped speaking to me. So we had a big falling out like that, and I’ve always regretted having a falling out with him. I wish I had been able to keep up the friendship. But I’m one of these people, I have a mouth on me, and if I think something, I’ll say it. It gets me into trouble a lot of times. (Laughs)

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And I’m no longer bitter about David. Not at all. Poor fellow, I’m so upset that he’s passed now. He was such a great artist, you know, and I have the utmost respect for him. But he did take a lot of my ideas. It would have been nice to have a credit. It would have been nice to even have a “thank you, Jayne.” Just a thank you Jayne, thanks a lot, something like that. He should have thanked me in the Diamond Dogs because so many of my ideas are on the Diamond Dogs album, so many of them. But my manager swears that “Watch that Man” is about Wayne County and me, but I’ve listened to the words, and I don’t know if it’s true or not. I know that David would write songs about people around them. I don’t know if that was about me or not. Rebel Rebel was about one of my friends - she was kind of, like, glamorous, went around with all the boys, in glam makeup and bleached hair and black fingernails, and blue fingernails and things. Very glammy, that look. You know, what he’s singing about in “Rebel Rebel.” A queenage baby. My line is “queenage baby, she’s every man’s woman, or every woman’s man.” (Laughs) Yeah, that’s it, with the David thing. I think he did, to be blunt, he took credit, he borrowed from me. You know. He would never admit it. He swears that my demos were destroyed in a fire, his apartment in London had a fire and my demos were burned up. That’s why he never gave them back, he said. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I know it can’t be true because some of the demos have surfaced on the underground on the internet. Somebody else either has a copy or they didn’t burn up. They come out every once in a while. I have an album out called Wayne County and the Trucks and some of the original MainMan demos are on that. A couple of the MainMan demos - “Man Enough to be a Woman” is on that; two versions of that I sent to David. That’d be funny if all of the sudden stuff was true and I passed away and I walked into heaven and said, “Hey, David, surprise! When are you gonna give me my demos back?”

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HER RESPONSE TO HAVING - MAYBE INSPIRED HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH: t wig was the guy tha The thing with Hed , Cameron Mitchell] hn [Jo , wig Hed did the SqueezeBox [party the at out g he hun s], NYC during the ‘90 at Don Hill’s in m. Squeezebox for per ld wou where we I ‘n’ roll night and was the gay rock e. All the tim the all re performed the it med rock ‘n’ roll, drag queens perfor I was ht. nig g dra l was a rock ‘n’ rol this e, and he wrote there all the tim der gen ans [tr nde blo play about this Europe and got red tou who ] ter charac I big rock star, and ripped off by a sounds kind of t tha w, kno said, you then I went to see like my story. And ies were like, uh! rit ila sim it and the ularly the time he tic Par Unbelievable. ause I spent my bec , spent in Berlin I don’t know, . too time in Berlin, similarities y man so there were just ed ry. And they admitt sto wig Hed the to of , there’s a lot yes d sai y The it: n Jayne’s story, wee bet ies rit simila t’s al story. So. Tha but it is an origin is, it’s an it So to. ck sti what they not but they borrowed original story, from a lot ed row bor y the just from me, in New York. of the drag scene

ING ON OVERCOM : S E BITTERN S ranoid; being pa start I’m not to me t ti it’s no es. I’ve your ey rolling and lots er ng care n from had a lo ke ta have of people owed from it. I rr out it. it and bo bitter ab don’t feel e, but r a whil s I was fo e. I wa or ym an I’m not anymore. t no m . I’ to be [bitter] no need nt to There’s wa t n’ I do er old bitter. tt bi me as so be seen aughs) queen. (L

ABOUT THE REACH OF “LEAVE MY PUSSY ALON E,” AN ANIMAL RIGHTS SO NG: It’s doing really well, it’s getting more and more hits on YouTube and it’s selling around the world. Strange places like Norway and places like that. A little bit here, a little bit there. I’m never going to be Lady Gaga, I can’t compete with that, any of that stuff. We don’t even try.

ABOUT THE MESSAGE BEHIND HER LATEST SINGLE, “IGenderTy” mind specifically. Jimi LaLumia wrote it with me in ion.” (Laughs) I liked the line “gender assassinat Yeah, I liked the Gender assassination! (Singing) r assassination, words. Actually that line, gende else but I changed is mine. He had gender something e that to gender it; I asked him if i could chang better. It’s like assassination because I like it then starting all assassinating your gender and the real gender or r, gende new a with over again old, the old the ing sinat Assas feel. that you r you that gende the with in g comin gender - and you recognize as yours.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

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A S L ON G AS I’M NOT B E I N G G AY B A SH E D O N T H E ST R E E T.

I D O N’ T G I V E A FU C K I F S OC I ET Y A C C EP TS M E

I C AN ’ T BU Y M Y WAY I N TO A C C E P TAN C E , A ND A L SO ,

@B RONTEZPURNELL

BRONTEZ PURNELL FRO M TH E SIDELIN ES

N I C H O LA S GO O D LY INT ER V I EWED B Y

One thing I find so impressive about you as an artist and writer is how you work so fluidly between mediums while maintaining a distinct voice. How do you determine what form best suits your subject? Do multiple modes of expression often inform a single project? Totally! Tbh I think I take one theme and apply to all my disciplineshow you would write about a subject like say, disappointment and how you would dance about it are two different things- it creates two feelings and two worlds. But I also find that moving between mediums and doing them in lots of forms gets me deeper to the heart of what emotion it is I’m exploring. The subject matter becomes more 3-D. As someone who has lived in and reflected on young queer punk life in Alabama, what do you find unique about the South’s punk scene versus your current home in Oakland? Oh lord, well in I think a year or two I’ll have lived in California longer than I did in Alabama! I went back home a few years ago and it struck me how old I was and what a weird bubble I grew up in. The same kids I use to see at shows when I was a teen are still there and still play in bands and host a DIY record space and recording studio- it was uplifting to see that punk wasn’t a phase but something that helped us function in life. But also Alabama was so conservative as one would imagine but growing up, I think cause of my youth and punk and playing in bands was all so new to me I just saw so much limitless potential in my life or where expression could go. I’ve spent so many years soaking up the California sun that I almost think that I can’t even speak on Alabama too too much anymore cause it’s so far behind in some ways. Also being here so long and cause of my age I’m now seeing limits- especially here post Ghost Ship Fire And how I think all the few liberal bubbles of America are being bought up by corporate interest and leaving artists with not many choices . I’m approaching the future with a certain caution.

Because of the internet and a more socially conscious atmosphere, queer culture is evolving fast and becoming more visible in the public eye and more pronounced in pop culture. Your book Since I Laid My Burden Down examines DeShawn’s life as a gay man in the 1990’s and his childhood in the 1980’s. If DeShawn were coming up today, the landscape might be drastically different. Do you have any thoughts on the changes and direction of LGBTQ culture as a whole? The current queer landscape feels foreign to me but I come from an entirely older version of the Matrix as my friend Frank Smigel would say. I don’t really keep up with queer mainstream engagement because I know that as a black punk faggot the world “they” (quite frankly white mainstream gays with money) are making isn’t being built with me or my concerns in mind. I look around at who’s getting married and it’s always either someone who came from generational wealth or is acquiring it via a well paying job. I have access to neiter, and money - no matter who you are - is always the bottom line. I can’t buy my way into acceptance, and also, I don’t give a Fuck if society accepts me as long as I’m not being gay bashed on the street. Does that make any sense? I watch this new breed of queers from the sidelines (i.e. the margins) You are a queer black punk man who has made an impression and developed a reputation throughout the art world. What advice do you have for artists to navigate these spaces successfully? I want them to understand that my career - though triumphant in a lot of ways- is also a cautionary tale. Is there a medium you haven’t tried that you would like to? I would like to try the medium of making a shit ton of money lol

A lot of your work deals with loss, and that word loss means something different for our queer community, as our friendships, family, and romantic connections usually has its own unique meanings for us. What do you think you’re trying to say in your work about grief and/or loss? Loss destroys something in us but then can create something too. I’m dealing with loss I’m always contemplating the hole in me that’s left and also try to be aware as best I can what I’m filling the hole up with.

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In the faraway land of Toronto, Canada (depending on where youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re reading this), event producer and DJ Scooter McCreight has been raising the bar in the local queer scene for over a decade. His parties grew out of a disdain for mainstream Top 40 sheen and a craving for furry tattooed men in underground clubs surrounded by thumping bass, sweat, and steam. Through the embracement of the often catty animal tribe (cub, bear, pig) selflabelling game gay men often play for identity and validation, McCreight in turn discovered something universal and far more inclusive. His signature recipe for a good time and brand of erotic, trashy-but-flashy fashion is now in high demand and is shared and celebrated regularly throughout the continent.

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Whether itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cub Camp, TRADE, or any of the other themed events he and his international network of like minded partythrowers throws throughout the year, McCreight prioritizes creating queer spaces for sexual exploration through events and music. Through his platform and queer existence, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s consistently challenged the norms set by the LGBT venue owners and gatekeepers of yesteryear. From wearing make-up at Steamworks to simply getting freelancers compensated for services rendered, Scooter is deejaying for all of us. WUSSY MAG had a chance to chat with Scooter about the future of his music, parties, the queer scene in Toronto, and whether LGBTQ people in America should immigrate north.

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What’s something everyone should know about Scooter McCreight in 2019? PAY ME. Lol. This actually is something that the entire queer community should be saying in 2019. Too many events happen where people are not getting paid the fees they deserve, or even are asked to do things for free for the exposure. Don’t do that. If you’re a drag queen spending hours getting into face, or a DJ buying new tracks to play for the dancefloor, make sure you’re getting paid your worth. Especially when it comes to brands and corporations who want to align themselves with the queer community. PAY US IF YOU WANT US TO PLAY! How many parties do you anticipate throwing this year? I do know that I’ll definitely be doing TRADE monthly with Black Eagle here in Toronto. This May will be the 6 year anniversary of the event. Otherwise I’m bringing TRADE to The Stud in San Francisco this February. I also have Cub Camp and Goddess which are semiregular. I’ll be playing The Carry Nation as well as DJing in San Jose, Costa Rica this March. Beyond that I’ll throw as many parties as the people need.

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PAY US IF YOU WANT US TO PLAY!

What perspective do you think your parties bring to the queer community at large?

Pushing evolution in our community. People need to do better and learn more about others. I’ve been pushing my events to be more inclusive. Especially among the cis gay male identifying party kids, some promoters throw events that are catered to a certain type of identifying person and explicitly say that others are not welcome. When I began my events at Black Eagle theree was a lot of various “rules” they had about who could come into the space, play in the dark room etc. I’ve worked to eliminate these rules and now anyone can come to TRADE and explore themselves sexually. I think it’s really important for people to do the right thing. Is @neverforgets in reference to twitter itself, something in particular, or just a fun username? I have had that username for at least 10 years across Tumblr and Twitter. I actually got it from a t-shirt that my brother used to wear from Black Label Skateboards that had an upside down elephant and then said NEVER FORGET under it. I do enjoy the conclusions that people come to around what it means, and also gives me some false power to believe I remember everything.

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Search out the community of peers that inspire you and make you feel comfortable. Does TRADE feel like the evolution to Cub Camp for you? TRADE actually was born out of an evolution of Cub Camp. All the events I create and produce on my own are build out of necessity of aspects that I feel are missing out of nightlife. Specifically a sex-positive space with the infrastructure to host an event like that is why I started TRADE. Cub Camp had been happening for around 4 years at the time and the sexual energy was VERY high but the space had no dark room or sex space so people were just having sex in the open or the washrooms. It was definitely ok but I knew I needed something that could actually hold space in a proper way. This is when the Black Eagle had approached me about being a new promoter in their space after they did some major renovations and TRADE was the first event that was born. Should Americans be seeking asylum in Toronto? I’m not going to say no to this. I have so many Americans that I love dearly and I want them all coming for sleepovers in Toronto. I hope that all queers can live vibrant lives but if Americans need to get out because it’s not safe, please come to us!

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Advice for young, not yet totally furry queers? Search out the community of peers that inspire you and make you feel comfortable. There are so many aspects of queer community and you won’t fit into all of them. Trust your instinct on what makes you happy and what does not. Also, the hair will probably grow in.

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“ALTHOUGH ANY SAFE SPACE,

BE IT ONLINE OR IN PERSON,

IS GREAT TO HAVE AVAILABLE, WE MUST FIGHT FOR

REAL-WORLD INCLUSIVITY. REAL-WORLD CHANGE. REAL WORLD AGENCY

AND POWER TO PULL

OURSELVES OUT OF POVERTY,

HOMELESSNESS, HUNGER, AND HIDING.” IV FISHER COOL QUEER

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Known on Instagram as @failureprincess, Amanda-Faye Jimenez is adorable, disgruntled, cooing at puppies, poking fun at her partying and has no qualms “oversharing” about lactose intolerant IBS. “I made my first meme out of annoyance with a man and my second meme was femme-specific, and those two things have pretty much become my brand”, Amanda-Faye laughs. In short, relatable and real content for many femme lesbians.

@FAILUREPRINCESS

PHOTO: PROVVIDENZA CATALANO @PROVVIDENZAC

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Memes have been the niche in which Amanda has particularly clicked, noting she was “slightly too old or young or cool or uncool for the golden age of chat rooms” and, long-time monogamously partnered, eschewed online dating. Realizing Facebook statuses were a dying medium (“which I was pretty good at if i do say so myself”), not down with the tiny character count on Twitter, and too little a photo-taker for IG, memes dawned on Amanda one random day. “Honestly, I didn’t intend to become a memer and don’t really consider myself one, mostly because I’m like 800 years older than most of them, but my personal account just happens to be a place where I make memes,” Amanda explains. “I’ve always liked memes, obviously, everyone does, but my interest was especially piqued when longer-form memes started becoming a thing since I’m a writer.” Meme-ing was the first time Amanda really connected to online friends, other mememakers or frequent commenters on mutuallyloved content, even tighter a bond if they are also LGBTQ. “People really crave queer community, art, voices, and especially lesbian culture content, as that’s something that’s been mostly overlooked or mocked, even as being queer has gone mainstream,” Amanda analyzes. “Getting to know like-minded lesbian content creators, being reposted by and reposting them, has been a huge part of community building for me in the last few years.”

''slightly too old or young or cool or uncool for the golden age of chat rooms '' Having a rapidly-followed account has not been all gay-bonding and pansy posies. Many anonymous individuals have attempted to censor Amanda’s work, including supposed “feminists”. “The people who have been most organized in terms of reporting my posts like to call themselves ‘egalitarians’ and claim to hate ‘sexism’, whether its against women or men (sexism against men is not a thing), but most of them spend their time attacking feminist accounts and never really seem to go after misogynists,” Amanda eye-rolls. “I mean, in their defense, that’s a pretty big pile of shit to wanna stick your shoe in, but the reality is that they don’t actually hate misogyny as much as they hate women standing up to it.” Born and raised in LA, this badass biracial “old millenial”, who didn’t go to university but beauty school instead, has been a community mainstay as a queer party promoter who just happened to find meme-making as a source of stressrelease. Within the past two years she delved into stand-up comedy, rescue dog momming and creating the tender hearted, lez drama, confessionalist goodness Instagram femme dykes have craved. A 90’s kid who incorporates The Simpsons, frequently and hilariously gushes about Tori Amos, has brought meme-awareness to the realness of PMDD (and the diarrhea and emotional nightmares that go with), has created Valentine’s re: fisting and so on, WUSSY is a fan.

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Toni Villaseñor’s persona, YOLO Ono, is an artist whose elaborate stage narratives, whether performed to Shakira or Marilyn Manson, Kate Bush or Against Me!, invokes abundant incarnations of fairy princesses along many paths of genre and influence. Always consistently and transcendently regal, “a painting, a guardian, a warrior”, Toni at home is a Two Spirit savant who also carries an artistic practice within the Fashion, Body and Garment program at the Art Institute of Chicago. It was when the two worlds of drag and design collided that YOLO Ono was truly on the rise.

@YOLOONO_CHI

PHOTO: WANDA SCREW @WANDA_SCREW

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''designers create and execute original concepts. They are filters of art into wearable/interactive wonders. That's where I want to exist. ''

Though by no means a loner, YOLO is proudly part of drag trio SADHAUS alongside nail-glove and eyelash enchantress Quinn and Kryolan City Chicago’s Wanda Screw. Wanda’s airbrushed MUA techniques paint watercolor porcelain prettiness and Quinn’s meticulously detailed creations add a cutthroat elevation of glamour. Combined with the Stolen from YOLO collection of wearable art, these three have a continuous collaboration --- not just on social media or their 4 past productions in long-form theater but --- in providing glam services in symbiotic sisterhood, supporting one another as kindred. Toni has found empowerment in discovering her own beauty, a walking living breathing work of art. With petticoats dappled in daisies and an adoration of 18th century silhouettes, the decadence of Marie Antoinette in bright candy coated opulence, YOLO’s designs combine the delicate and dreamy with intensity and imagination. For all her detailed elegance, she can just as easily pull off Swinging Sixties popette, tre-cool mod simplicity, two-toned wig and dress, wallah! Though Euro gowns have influenced some of YOLO’s work, indigenous blood runs deep on both familial sides. “My mom is native North American and Ainu, my father is indigenous Mexican (Purépecha), so I’ve had the privilege of being raised in a community and extended family that was very proud and made sure I knew my ancestral history,” YOLO says. “Being brought up in a rich cultural heritage means I’ve also had to learn about the harsh existence that my ancestors have had to endure in the face of colonialism - and how they have thrived. Survival in the face of oppression seeps into my work and always manifests in some form.”

Pastel peignoirs infiltrate her design while challenging the way we as a society views fashion. “I’m always thinking about ways to extrapolate the shape of the body in new and wild ways, to create a shape that is otherworldly, which often changes how the wearers carry themselves and how the viewers perceive the body in space”, YOLO glows. “Seamstresses can replicate the work of other designers. Designers create and execute original concepts. They are filters of art into wearable/interactive wonders. That’s where I want to exist.” Another element informs her fashion: Science. In studying anthropology and genetics, Toni learned to reclaim pieces of peoples’ collective stories through the documentation and analysis of ancient human DNA and its relation to expansion in the “New World”. Between performing at Chicago’s shows Velvet Underground and Clownfish, open studio nights, exhibitions, runway shows and the like, she puts aside time to construct outfits for clients like T-rex, Angel Lebare, Lucy Stoole, Nico and Creme Fatale. In May, YOLO ONO sets off to the UK to do a drag tour, hot off an exhibition at Columbia College Chicago. YOLO especially enjoys the dialogue within the local drag community. “Drag artists provide a unique service to the community that allows us to protest through our art, allows us to serve as a rally point, and allows us to celebrate and uplift queer people,” she says. “It allows me to filter what I see into ‘armor’ that speaks to queer issues and allows us all to transform into walking forms of art, protest and joy.” 121

@ASMRER

SELF-PORTRAIT

Tony Bomboni has been a waiter at a pickle restaurant, an ice prince, discontent with sugar daddy dating, a merman, store clerk and a pilot guiding you on your life path. Though Tony sips blackberry hibiscus tea, applies Sephora eyeshadows and relaxes to trance-like ambient music on camera and off, his imaginative ASMR channel allows for ascension into soothed states for the 275k souls that are his subscribers. 122

''i try to remember to look within when my thoughts get too wild. '' The smorgasboard of communities that thrive solely on YouTube are vast: how to build chicken coops, video game walkthroughs, zit popping, “unboxings”, MUAs, surgeries, product reviews… you name it. ASMR (also known as autonomous sensory meridian response) is a particular niche, one where the word “trigger” is a positive, and though not for everyone, those who love it are devoted. Initially, Tony Bombino felt somewhat alone as one of the first gay ASMRtists in a sea of cishet women. After Tony’s voyage maiden video in July 2012, a fellow ASMRtist compiled demographic data that reflected a very extreme imbalance. “He discovered only 10% were men... TEN PERCENT!”, Tony tells WUSSY. “And of all those men, guess who had the most views? WOMEN! Each and every time. The view ratio was off the rack!” The overall resistance to men clued into an irksome reality that convinced Tony to take action, sharing that “ASMRtists really decided to push the message that it was okay for men to do ASMR - there was nothing pornographic about it.” Unsurprisingly on a troll-filled platform, Tony dealt with ridiculous YouTube comments regarding how genders are socially expected to act. He was harassed simply for emitting softness and elements of femininity and contended gentleness on his well-watched channel. Homophobia was a damper on the heart and soul plus time-consumingly hard work of daily video uploads.

“I believe my identity has actually harmed me from succeeding. I know my followers will think the total opposite, but I always thought, even when I first joined and was not getting as many views as I hoped or expected, ‘it’s because I’m a flamboyant piece of ass!’ That must be the answer!”, Tony laughs. “I believe because of the stigma behind ASMR that men are uncomfortable and wouldn’t want to be called out. They are afraid to get out of their shell and whisper on a camera because of judgment.” Cis men in general are so frequently afraid to expose gentler vulnerable selves but also can be perceived as “rough around the edges” by the ASMR audiences as well, a double edged sword. These perpetuated ideologies affect both potential whisperers and watchers. Ironically, ASMR is not about fitting into your role socially as imaginative role plays themselves are frequent in the community. Amongst those who whisper, tap, scratch and even chow down to offset relaxation sensations in strangers, being an ASMRtist is truly a service to others who seek better sleep and stress-ease, a perfect path for Tony who strives to do good for others, whether through pretending to clean ears, align chakras, sell smoothies or lip injections, or reaching out to friends going thru hardships IRL. This first generation Macedonian American living in Southwest Florida received more traffic after being featured on Tosh.O with his fairy roleplay. “People began being more open, accepting, straight men messaging me their crush on me or whatever,” Tony laughs, to this day uneclipsed as a male ASMRtist with his good looks and kooky conglomeration of imagination. Tony’s own stress led to a large portion of his relaxing video work, first as a viewer, then onward as a practitioner of meditation. “I used to not realize that I had little to no ‘self-love’ until I stumbled upon the spiritual world. I was in a miserable depression when I first joined the community and seeking that peace inside of me, to look at myself in the mirror and accept who I really am,” Tony explains. “I was so uncomfortable in my own body and people’s confirmation in the comments made me more confident and feeling more beautiful. I try to remember to look within when my thoughts get too wild. You’d be surprised if you sat down in front of a mirror and just spoke with yourself what you will uncover.”

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@IV.FISCHER PHOTO: JON DEAN

“I read somewhere that the LGBT community has more visibility online because we have the opportunity to reclaim a space that is, fortunately, not so dominated by the binds of a patriarchal society,” reasons Ivana Fischer, emerging social media starlet, fierce fashionista and trans icon. “Although any safe space, be it online or in person, is great to have available, we must fight for real-world inclusivity. Real-world change. Real world agency and power to pull ourselves out of poverty, homelessness, hunger, and hiding.” Just shy of 21, utilizing available resources has been crucial for Iv to communicate her message via Instagram and YouTube. Planning for future filmmaking, Ivana’s mission is clear: “I want to collectivize and mobilize within my community to help others visualize what could be. I want to continue to be a voice and focus on increasing trans representation in the media.” 124

''I like art that is outlandish, thoughtprovoking, unabashed, and beautiful.''

It doesn’t hurt that Iv’s style is on-point, so much that Vogue reposts her image in impeccable 90’s glam get-up from ATL’s Burning Ball. With inspo from Diana Ross and Donna Summer, noting “their makeup, hair, sounds and overall auras are very integral in my current aesthetic” and the technicolor wash of Pierre et Gilles’ pieces (“I like art that is outlandish, thought-provoking, unabashed, and beautiful”), Ivana’s wardrobe and beauty rituals are weapons light years beyond vanity. In her proud stake of personal goddesshood, and her refreshing refusal to be marooned by melanin naysayers, the Church and TERFs, her confident ability to process and proudly share her tribulations in uplifting iotas empowers other queers in similar binds. From a young age Ivy learned the personal is political. “Depression broke me as a child and I felt early on that I was an alien in my own body. Growing up, my father would forcibly push my legs apart as I got in the car because, naturally, I would curtsey my feet sitting down,” Iv remembers. “These and many other traumatic occurrences followed me from childhood to my teenage years as I tried to silence the piercing siren that is my identity as a trans woman.” All experiences she trudged thru shaped her identity. “From every minor thought of ‘what if I was--?’ to each weekly estrogen injection, I would say my life is now filled with defining moments”, she says. “I try to make my time here valuable by telling my story.” From MUA-style tutorials to recounting strange club experiences, her YouTube channel is saturated with advice. “You have to want better for yourself. You have to want to live in your truth. You have to want for a better future. You just have to focus on what’s best for you at the time being and make it a goal to instill a strong sense of self worth,” Ivana concludes. “Take care of your mind and body. Hold yourself close. Hang in there. Cling to some good friends and work toward the day when you can finally live your life loud, live, and in color!” One thing you will not find is Ivana pleading for tolerance or teaching cis stupids how to be less tragicomic. Her astute equanimity upends the aversion for trans visibility without shade-throwing. She is direct without bankrupting her energies on the political realities abounding. Ivana Fischer commands change, speaking real on violence against trans women of color, and her authenticity against the demarcations of daft normies is passionate and courageous, a voice not just for the ATL LGBTQ community, but for queer youth of the world.

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THE PRINCESS AND I

“One day I’m going to be a girl.” “Huh?” I replied. I didn’t know what to make of his statement. The traffic broke and I gripped his sticky little hand tight as we darted across the street, his short legs skipping beside me, trying to keep up with my big strides. His mother, I’d become close friends with I’d met at an Narcotics Anonymous meeting. She stood on the balcony above us, waving goodbye from the second floor of their apartment. We arrived safely on the other side of the street, leaping over the red curb onto the uneven pavement. He waved back and she went inside. I unhinged my fingers from his sticky hand and placed it on top of his short curls, rubbing his head, I sighed with a giggle as if he was silly and mistaken and we walked on. The sun was particularly hot that day and we sought out every speck of shade on the tree-lined street, causing us to zigzag like two bees pollinating flowers in a garden. He must have sensed my dismissal, because he moved ahead of me and blocked my way. His long lashes fluttered as he smiled up at me and pulled out a tattered card of some Barbie character from his jean pocket. His hand curled tightly around the card, guarding it as if I was going to take it away. I could barely see it and instead my eyes kept focusing on a small piece of candy at the corner of his mouth. It was stuck just below his bottom lip, from a cherry flavored lollipop that I’d given him when I arrived. It stuck out to me as he looked up and smiled widely. He was a cute kid — a bit odd, but mostly he seemed lonely, severely introverted and, for a five-year-old boy, he worried a lot. I think that’s what attracted me to him. He needed someone and so did I. “You have a piece of…” I tried to pluck off the candy but he moved his head, demanding my attention. “You don’t believe me?” He peered so intently into my eyes I felt as it he was reading my mind. “I’m going to be just like her.” He showed me the card again, releasing his kung fu grip and opening his fingers up one by one like a lotus flower. His soft brown eyes waited for my response. I looked at the thin, blonde, blue-eyed woman in a rose-colored ball gown trimmed with white lace, who had blue birds dancing around her head, and then I looked at him. The princess Barbie character was the complete opposite of Andre. I smiled wide-eyed and turned from his gaze, exhaling deeply. I knew that his brown skin would be the least of his troubles.

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I pursed my lips and managed to crack a smile because I knew that what I said next could be damaging. I wanted Andre to feel normal, even if to me the situation was not. I could remember my mother telling me when I was five that I shouldn’t like SpiderMan because he was for boys. It was the first of many times my gender disappointed me. I didn’t want that for Andre, so I said, “She’s pretty, but you’re prettier.” His cherub cheeks widened and through his gapped smile, where his two front teeth used to be, the lollipop made its second appearance. I watched his red-stained tongue find the missing piece of the pop and bring it to his mouth. I still didn’t believe that Andre would grow up to be a girl, but it didn’t matter what I believed. I did have my suspicions that he was gay, however. It was hard not to notice that his mannerisms were a bit lady-like — the way he swayed his hips like a dancer when he walked or the way he’d carefully cross his legs when he sat down, locking his chubby fingers around his knees with a slight tilt of his head, as if he were posing for a portrait. I didn’t know many little boys like him. His mother Lee — short for Rosalee — was a butch lesbian, and a butch in every sense. She kept her hair cut short, wore button-down dress shirts which gaped between her well-endowed breasts, creating peepholes and threatening the strength of the buttons, and her Dickies pants never quite fit her hips the way they would a man’s body. Lee made sure to dress Andre like he was a mini her. Both of them looked like their clothes were made for someone else. Gender roles were never something I subscribed to, being that I was known to be a “tomboy” myself and I had never quite mastered all the mannerisms of being a lady which Andre seemed to have come by naturally. I put my hand on his head again and tousled his curls, directing him to my new primer gray ‘78 Toyota Corolla. Hints of the original blue paint could be seen around the rim of the doors when you opened them. I’d decorated the outside with Grateful Dead stickers and on the inside I’d glued blue and red felt squares to the roof to cover the original white vinyl where it was ripped and hung like a hammock. When the windows were open, the ceiling loosen the polyurethane foam insulation and gold dust would fly around the car. The yellow foam that still remained looked like it had Paleolithic cave art carved into it from the previous owner’s children, except instead of etching wildebeest and wild elephants, there were drawings of stars, happy faces, and the classic “Ryan was here.” I thought my felt squares were an improvement, but I had to replace one about every other day because the Pasadena sun would steam them loose again — and pull chunks of the insulation with it.

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I was a newly recovering addict and I never thought I’d ever own a car or even learn to drive one. My new life was a vast improvement from squatting in open apartments along Venice Beach, waiting for the landlords to catch on and throw me out. That ’78 jalopy was mine and I was proud of it. The whole right side of my car had issues and I joked that it had had a stroke. The passenger door didn’t open, the passenger window fell into the door if you rolled it up or down too fast, and the seat was permanently reclined so it made everyone ride in a gangsta lean, no matter who you were — even my mother. So, I loaded Andre in on my side before we headed out to my apartment. I had two roommates then and we had a three bedroom apartment right by Pasadena College. My roommate Melissa had a five-year-old daughter named Chelsea that I thought for sure Andre would get along with. Chelsea’s room was painted pink and everything inside her room was pink too. She had a pink dollhouse, a pink kitchen, a pink vacuum and a matching broom. Her pink roller skates hung from a pink hook, and even her VCR/TV combo was pink. And, there was a plethora of VHS movies about princesses. The complete opposite of what I would’ve wanted when I was a girl, but Andre nearly fainted. He began to hyperventilate as his little eyes danced around the room. He looked at me like we just walked into Disneyland. “Oh my God. It’s beautiful,” he said in a gasp. I could see my roommate’s face scrunch up at a little boy expressing his pleasure with a pink room, she looked at me and I shrugged. We let the two children play, while Melissa and I went and smoked cigarettes and talked about who was dating who and can you believe she wore that? After hours of Andre and Chelsea playing, I heard Chelsea pleading with Andre that she get to be the girl this time. I couldn’t help but laugh, because if there was one thing that was for sure, it was that Andre knew who she was. And later that night, she asked if I could call her Amber. I guess when she told me she was going to be a girl and I responded the way I did, she felt she could trust me enough or maybe she thought that I was evolved enough to let me in on her truth. She had heard too often, “You are not a girl, you’re a boy,” from the mouths of adults that seemed like they knew something. They didn’t. I really wasn’t any different from them at the time, but there was something in her eyes that seemed so authentic when she asked me. It was as if in that moment she was letting me in to a place she hadn’t revealed before. I was getting to meet her for the first time. So I obliged. I never saw her so happy as when I asked, “Amber, what should we do tonight?” To me, we were playing an innocent game of “house;” to Amber, I was validating her existence.

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I didn’t get that then. It was the early nineties and I had never heard of or known anyone to be trans at the time. I didn’t know anything about what pronouns to use or know anyone that identified as genderqueer, or what “cis” meant or anything. I saw drag queens at clubs, I’d heard of crossdressing men and I saw the prostitutes on Santa Monica Boulevard, but “he” was a kid, so what did he know about any of that? I only did it because it made her so happy and I didn’t see the harm in it, so why not? But, I could not let her mother know. She, I knew, did not want this for her son and I’m sure she did her best to change “his thinking.” But, I understood what it meant to feel like no one got you, that no one could love you if they knew who you truly were. I had just finished my second drug and alcohol rehab and I was in for a lot of firsts: first Halloween, first birthday, first… Unlike Amber, I had no idea who I was. My workshop to enlightenment started with five days in Santa Monica jail and acceptance into a state-run treatment center that was full of ex-convicts, freshoff-the-street hookers, and former gang members. It wasn’t exactly Esalen Institute, but it worked. I had lost track of my worth long ago and hadn’t quite found it yet. I internalized and self-medicated with untruths, believing that my skin didn’t carry beauty, just struggle, or that my gender had no strength, just objectivity. I believed that falling in love with someone of the same sex was a cruel joke and would lead me to hell. Ultimately, I’d let my inauthenticity pave my way. But Amber knew who she was and she kept trying to tell us. She didn’t have all the hang-ups I had acquired through the years. She was pure, authentic, and far more evolved than anyone I had ever met. Unfortunately, this day was our last and I don’t know what happened to Amber. Her mother asked that I not come around after I gave her a pink princess doll for her birthday. I’d crossed a boundary. I regret not being able to see her grow up. I will never forget that moment that I handed her the doll. Her eyes lit up and they caught mine. She shrieked with merriment. Our embrace was like a scene from a Norman Rockwell painting — well, if Norman Rockwell painted lesbians and little trans girls. She hugged me tight and I held her then realized that all this time my concentration was focused on her outsides, what my eyes could see, but Amber lived on the inside and this little girl was staring back at me deeply, sincerely, and wholly. She was Amber, a beautiful, charming little girl who loved pink. Amber showed me that.

BY TRACEY SIMMONS

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ajathekween

Aja, the reigning MVP of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars season three, has fought an uphill battle to change their narrative and combat the double standards gender non-conforming people face in the drag community. Coming off their tour de force run on All-Stars, Aja shifted the focus from their time on the show to pursuing a music career with their first EP, ‘In My Feelings.’ A mixture of haus, trap, and rap, ‘In My Feelings’ gave the music and Drag Race world an intimate glimpse into Aja’s transformation, from a reality tv star to powerhouse rapper. Looking back, it was the beginning of Aja challenging many expectations and norms audiences associated with former Drag Race contestants. Leading up to and during the release of their debut album, ‘Box Office,’ Aja discussed not wanting to be labeled as a drag queen anymore. This was met with backlash from a culmination of fans and Drag Race peers who mistook the rapper’s words as disingenuous. But truthfully, they were far from it. As someone who identifies as gender non-conforming, Aja is making it loud and clear that drag isn’t about 15 seconds of fame on a reality tv show. Ultimately, they see drag as way to express different forms of gender and reveal the most intimate facet of their complex identity.

WORDS: STEVIE KING @halfdadallwoman

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PHOTOS: RYAN DUFFIN @ryanduffin

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In the last year you’ve been met with criticism for not wanting to be labeled as a ‘drag queen.’ But this is an issue that has less to do with your time on Drag Race, and more to do with how you present yourself as an artist, correct? Here’s the thing. I’m constantly found at the center of controversy for being a performer who does drag, who was on a reality tv show for drag, but who ultimately decided to pursue music. It ruffles a lot of people’s feathers. Feathers that shouldn’t even be ruffled. You know, it’s people who have no business caring about what I do. There’s sort of a paradigm - a box if you will - that people like me are forced into. Where it’s like, “You’re a man in a wig. You’re a drag queen.” This is what society will look at you as no matter what you do. So all you’re supposed to be is America’s niche of a drag queen. That doesn’t sit right with me. Right, because calling you a ‘man in a wig’ is dismissing how you identify and how you use drag to express yourself. Totally. It’s also not unheard of for a reality star to pursue an acting or music careers after their show airs. Cardi B! She was on a reality tv show about music and people slept on that woman like she was nothing. They were so misogynistic toward her on national television. They were so classist towards her! They said she’ll never do anything, and she shitted on everyone!

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You mention ruffling feathers with people who say you shouldn’t do music or want you to act like an ‘All-American’ drag queen. Is it coming from queens you’re working with or is this a reaction you’ve been receiving from your fan-base? It’s been a mix. I’ve received that criticism from many different places. I’ve heard it from the fans, people in the (drag) industry, and other people who do music. The list goes on! The truth is I think I use drag in a different way than a lot of people do because to me drag is not my artform. I love drag! I love the art of drag and I do think that at one point in my life and my career I was very invested in the art of drag. But right now, at this moment, especially with the last two years, drag has (beat) Actually it’s become a bigger part of my life because drag is a way for me to try on the spectrum of gender. It allows me to present as femme and it allows me to express that side of myself. When I’m doing drag, to me, you know I’ve been criticized for saying “I’m not just a drag queen.” But the truth is when I’m in drag, I’m presenting as femme for me. It’s for me to feel comfortable. So when people do criticize my drag, especially now, it becomes a personal thing because you’re talking about me as a person. Do you think criticism, like receiving flack for saying, “I’m not really a drag queen,” stems from people who aren’t informed about transgender or gender non-binary expression? It comes from people who want to have an opinion they know nothing about. And the real T about is that people have accused me of thinking I’m better than drag or thinking that I want to ‘hetro-normify’ my drag aesthetic to match (beat) I don’t know because people have said that I want to be ‘straight famous,’ and there’s no such fucking thing.

I think drag is one of the best artforms on the planet. It’s a beautiful artform that was pioneered by trans women of color and their upbringing in New York City. So I do have a lot of respect for the art of drag. But if you were to put me and let’s say a great drag queen, like Roxxxy Andrews. You were to put Roxxxy Andrews and me together. And you’re saying, “Here we’re going to take this picture.” Now Roxxxy as a drag artist is thinking, “How can I make my drag look good? I’m going to put on these big earrings, big hair, and put on some shiny stuff.” Because that’s her gig. I’m going to be like, “I don’t really care how I look because my gig is not how I look!” I don’t use drag in that way. Yes, of course, I would love to look good, but it’s not my main focus. Honestly, my thought in the picture would be, “How can I look the most feminine and to present comfortably as femme in this photo.”

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I think it’s jarring for some people who have never seen a transgender or a gender non-binary person perform in drag because if it’s not a cisgender male dressing up and performing as a woman, they for some reason can’t wrap their head around it. And you hear it all the time when people refer to drag like, “Oh, that’s a man dressed up as a woman.” That’s what society has labeled it as, but it goes further. Now, we’re entering a different space where - it’s a conversation I’ve been having recently - I feel like this year and last year I’ve been working so fucking hard and I don’t get the same respect as heterosexual artists. I’ve witnessed it with my own two eyes. Straight artists are taken seriously. Drag queens in society are looked as a joke. Straight people think drag is a joke. They don’t care who’s looking fish or talented, they’re like, “You’re a joke!” When you’re a drag queen and show up to a gig and you’re headlining with a straight person whose - let’s say a singer - that straight person is going to be taken care of and paid more than you are. They could do half, maybe minimal of the work, they could attract maybe ten people of an audience of a thousand who came out to see you, but you won’t be respected. Billboard recently did a ‘top ten drag queen music videos’ list, which I was on twice, and I posted a tweet saying, “Hey, you know I think it could have been called something else because there’s really no such thing as drag queen music videos. It’s niching it.” In Billboard’s defense, they said they understood exactly what I was saying and they agreed. But other people took to that conversation, like people online. They were like, “Aja should shut up, sit back, and appreciate that their work is even being featured! Because basically if your work is not on the top ten drag list don’t expect your work will ever be on the top ten anything else. Like, let’s be real.” Why the fuck not? I’m not saying I have work out right now that’s worthy of being a top ten anything. But who’s to say that’s not achievable? So when people get mad at me for being outspoken because I think we deserve more, it stops being a conversation and stops something that can open up opportunities for queer people and drag queens that will give us better pay, better exposure, and ultimately give us respect. 136

There’s definitely a disparity between straight and queer artists. You look at other queer rappers like Mykki Blanco, Big Freedia, Frank Ocean, and Brooke Candy and a lot of press that surrounds them is less concerned about the quality of their music but the supposed ‘shock value’ that comes with being a queer person in the music industry. How long did sites run headlines talking about how shocking it was for Frank Ocean to post about falling in love with another man? You’re about to throw me into a whole other conversation (laughs). When I was writing my album Box Office, I was like, “You know what? I want to know who right now is the premiere queer rapper in the world.” I start doing my research and realize all these queer rappers are like myself because they’re dwindling in the wind of mediocrity. Yet they’re so talented and they’re all doing amazing, great things like breaking barriers, starting conversations, giving great fashion, discussing about racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. All that shit! But then all their followings online are way less in comparison to a straight person who’s honestly way less talented than them. Then you look at their streams on their Spotify and their music videos views are less in comparison to straight guy from Atlanta who doesn’t really have anything to say. Like what’s his face who went to jail, Tekashi 6ix9ine. He’s one of those people who blew up in the last year, he has platinum records. That motherfucker use to make my sandwiches at the fucking bodega. You’re kidding. I’m not fucking joking. He use to ring me up at a fresh deli at Myrtle Ave in Brooklyn, and now he’s on tracks! With auto-tune up to ten saying nursery rhymes. But is getting paid! Well, was getting paid millions. What kind of bullshit is that? And that’s the kind of double standard I’m talking about. There are people who are doing exactly what you do, frankly better, and because they’re queer it’s not worth it? You know what I mean?

It’s upsetting when any industry, not just music, actively works against queer voices from being heard. What do you think would be a possible solution for better queer representation? I think there’s several things that can be done. For one, feature us more on the radio and tv. For example, we have Love & Hip Hop on VH1. It would be great if they had a gay character or like a trans character on the show who was not made fun of or made to be ridicule or just there for back scenes. Something that’s not in the style of what they do on say the Real Housewives and avoid the backdrop token gay character. Yes! There is such a stereotype of queer people used in the media that it’s so counterproductive to queer success. I don’t know maybe there’s a fear of queer people taking over the entertainment industry. But let me tell you something, queer people are entertaining. Queer people are very entertaining. And if every queer person had a fucking platform, at least seventy five percent of the entertainment industry would be abolished. Again, I think it’s this idea that nobody wants to take queer people seriously. Like it’s a joke to people. Do you think that queer rappers have moved past trying to be a part of the hetronormative mainstream rap scene? Or is it even worth appealing to a larger ‘straight’ audience, and instead focusing on creating content for queer audiences? Personally, I can’t speak for other artists. But when I created Box Office, I didn’t just have queer people in mind or people of color in mind, I had everyone in mind. I wanted to create an album that I could say what I wanted to say and still there would be a song on there for everyone, even for the straightest of male. The thing is what you’re saying is true, it really does depend on who you’re marketing to at the end of the day. But I feel like if you can listen to a track and you like the track, why does it matter who the person who made it how they live their life or how they present themselves.

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LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL LET’S BE REAL 138

It sounds like there a lot of barriers and preconceived expectations to break, not just with straight people in the music industry, but also within the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s true, and I want to take a moment to talk about the quote on quote ‘LBTQIA+’ because I just say queer. You know people have looked at the LGBTQ community for so long as a spectrum of people of different sexualities, but being trans has nothing to do with sexuality. I feel like by switching it to queer we’re being one hundred percent inclusive of everyone who falls under that umbrella. To me, being a queer person means you’re not normal to society. It means by society’s standards, something about you is different. Whether you’re attracted to someone, or feel you were born in the wrong body, or identify a certain way, you should be under that bracket. I think that a lot of people, in the gay community, love to pretend that they’re not part of queer community. Or worse they try to pretend that trans people aren’t part of the same community. That’s something I can’t get behind. I remember watching the show, Pose, and the scene where Blanca is kicked out of the gay bars of the West Village, or wherever, and the thing is that shit happens! I know it use to happen a lot, and I’m pretty sure it still does. I’m pretty sure there are other gay people who still make fun of trans people, who talk down to them, and treat like they’re not human.

The kind of gay people you are talking about it’s like they’re trying to be straight. They become a part of a culture that’s concerned about the domestic ‘straight’ life or they want to have a certain kind of job and go to a gay bar where a certain kind of gay person shows up. It begs the question as a queer community are we striving to be inclusive? Or are we feeding into the straight, white ideal of what being a queer person should be? People love to do that! I call it ‘story-picking.’ Where people choose who they want to be but ignore the rest of it. You know, people who are trying to erase you are always going to do that because they’re going to try to antagonize you or make it seem like your concerns are trivial. The one thing I do tell people is don’t forget that if you are not born Anglo-Saxon, blue-eyed, blonde hair, white skin male of money, then you are a minority. And someone in this world hates you. We are all hated by a group of people or someone. Some more groups of people than others. So there’s no need to continue pushing a hateful agenda. And you know, people get a taste of privilege. I look at it as, you can’t buy privilege but somehow throughout your life achieve a level where you feel like you have privilege. I think some people get to that level and they forget who they are. They start to forget where they come from, who they are, and other people who are like them. They suddenly have the power. And they certainly have no intention of ever giving back to their community. I feel like that happens a lot in the Drag Race community. I feel like there’s a lot of queens who made it big and have no intention of talking about issues that happen in the queer community. Most of them don’t say anything. The white queens aren’t talking about racism. They’re not talking about trans issues. And to me, those times you need to be an ally. That’s when we need that person as a part of our community to convince people otherwise. But girl, people don’t care!

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I think fans of RuPaul’s Drag Race either forget or don’t know the reason why that show has a platform today is because of the legacy of queens and trans activists like Crystal Labeija or Sylvia Rivera. Back then, they were doing pageants and didn’t win the kind of money or exposure like the girls on RuPaul’s Drag Race do now. It’s strange to criticize other performers who identify as transgender or gender nonconforming; especially when it’s coming from queens who aren’t participating or speaking out for the queer community, which gave them a career.

Absolutely. I remember when I left Drag Race I helped as many people as I could. And not because I had to but because I wanted to. I want to see queer people succeed especially queens of color. It’s hard being a drag queen, especially a drag queen of color, in America. The drag community can be racist. Furthermore, when I started doing music, I tried to uplift other people. Part of having a bigger platform makes me feel like I have a responsibility to help other talents be seen, regardless if I was flying around the world on a jet literally getting out and landing at the venue or if I was on an Amtrak or like a fucking Buwick. I want to make sure that other people are seen. I one hundred percent know for a fact that if I were to evolve harder into mainstream and start having 40 million followers online and selling out to like twenty-three thousand people capacity venues, I would give back to the drag community, to the black community, to the trans community because those are pieces of who I am. Those are communities that are so underheard and one of the biggest reasons why I want to make it big is not just for me but for my people. People who have no voice, but something to say. I’m here to prove a point. The thing is I’m going to prove it whether people like it or not. I’ve never been the type to shut up. If you want me to shut up, you’re gonna have to kill me. That’s really honestly the only way to get me to shut up. And believe me, when I’m done you’re still going to hear my mouth.

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Looking forward, you have a lot of fans who grew up watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, but you also have younger fans. There are teens and young adults who are being introduced to, for the first time, drag culture and queer history. What would you say to any young transgender or non-binary fan who feels like they can’t express themselves fully and need to hide their gender identity and expression from the world? What I would say is one: always be safe. People will go out their way to hurt you, and I don’t want anybody in the trans or the gender non-conforming community to be hurt. But also don’t be afraid to be heard. Like don’t be afraid to speak up. And I think a lot of people on that spectrum who are going to hide a voice because the world has taught us don’t, and the thing is you do have a voice no matter how many people you piss off. Girl, I piss people off all the time! Like, do you think that’s going to stop me from living my life? No and you know some people hurt you. “Well you have a platform.” No, I was just on a television show and people saw me. You have a platform too! It may not be as big as mine, but there are people around you and people who will listen to you.

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WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOUR PERSONA MONARX AND YOURSELF AS SHAMIS, THE INDIVIDUAL? I am the artist and MONARX is my creation and a vessel for me to explore identity. MONARX isn’t a character, it’s more of a space that I’ve allowed myself to take up and create something meaningful to me. This space isn’t always where I want to be, because it forces me to face the unknown things like ego and the soul, but I want to grow and MONARX forces me do just that. IN YOUR WORK AS A PHOTOGRAPHER, ART DIRECTOR AND AS MONARX THERE IS A SENSE OF THE SUBJECT AS ALIEN, OTHERWORLDLY AND BEYOND HUMAN. WHY DO THESE CHARACTERISTICS PERSIST THROUGHOUT YOUR WORK IN VARIOUS MEDIUMS? Aliens as a concept are entities I look up to and hope to see in my lifetime because if they exist, they challenge everything we know about ourselves, our place in the universe, and our origins. I think being in my early 20s I’m constantly in existential crisis of “this can’t be all that there is”. Playing with otherworldly aesthetics is my way of challenging the idea that the world has to always be the way that is is. MONARX EXISTS IN THE REAL WORLD AS A NIGHTLIFE CLUB KID, BUT A LOT OF YOUR WORK IS CAPTURED THROUGH PHOTOGRAPHY AND DIGITAL IMAGES. DO YOU FIND ANY CHALLENGES OR ADVANTAGES WORKING THROUGH MOSTLY VISUAL MEDIUMS? I started working in nightlife when I was underage. It was a great space at the time to explore my identity as a queer person as nightclubs have sometimes been the only “safe” zone for LGBTQ to explore identity. I quit working in those spaces because my body and mind were violated and I didn’t control the space. In my studio and through digital imagery, I get to have a say in everything I do and no one can touch me. Creating editorials hopefully resonates more than photos of me with a drink in my hand. YOUR USE OF MATERIALS AND TEXTURES FOR YOUR LOOKS IS FASCINATING, RESOURCEFUL AND SHOWS INVENTIVENESS THAT SETS YOU APART AS AN ARTIST. WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM? I’m a cancer, I don’t come from a lot of money, and it’s important to me to have a safety net than spend all I have if I can help it. I didn’t have any money when I started out, so I really had to just see what people were throwing away, get out the hot glue gun and cross my fingers that it didn’t fall apart until after I got in my Uber home. Even with more resources now I love to incorporate materials that are absurd because I think it’s an extension of my challenge to reality and utilitarianism. WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR BIGGEST INFLUENCES IN ANY MEDIUM? Janelle Monae. If I didn’t have her music and visuals when I was in high school, I would have been lost. I’ve never seen an artist create such an expansive sonic and visual world while being an activist constantly challenging the her own reality in such an authentic way. She’s also a fan of futurism and sci-Fi so I feel connected to her through that naturally.

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PHOTOGRAPHER / CREATIVE DIRECTOR

LaRue Calliet @LaRueC_photography

MUA / GROOMING

Marq Smith @MakeupBy_marq

STYLIST

Scoop Davis @ScoopDavis

MODEL

Mo Stringer @MoStringer

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[ S P L U R T ]

A LONG-FORGOTTEN ISSUE OF SPLURT MAGAZINE, A TOTEM OBJECT OF TEENAGE FANTASY AND DESIRE, HIDDEN DEEP INSIDE A SHOEBOX, UNDER MY CHILDHOOD BED, WHERE MY ELDERLY MOTHER COULD FIND IT AT ABSOLUTELY ANY MOMENT. B Y J O HN N Y DRA GO

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This “shy until proven otherwise” trans masc hype man has a mission to challenge gender thru fashion & photography and believes social norms are the true enemy of fun.

J elene

@canadaddi

“We are all complex no matter where we come from. You are beautiful in any way you choose to identify. Once you learn to love yourself, the only validation you will ever need is yours. This has been said many times, but it is the most reassuring thing anyone can hear: You are not alone. You are valid and loved and accepted. Go out there and buy the clothes you want, get started on HRT, whatever makes you feel happy. Do it because at the end of the day you need to take care of yourself first. Your happiness is the key to your success. You are a story for someone else who will be in your shoes one day. Show them that it is possible to live as yourself authentically.”

LOVE NOTES from the underground

And reani n a v i o G Di Italian-born UK-based electrochanteuse believes in deconstructing our trauma, internalized phobias and negativity through gentle creative approaches.

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“It’s a constant journey. We are human and therefore imperfect, and we have to accept and be at peace with that. I know it sounds easier said than done but it starts with small changes in the way that you see and perceive yourself. We are all different; accept your flaws and see them as your unique selling points, even if society doesn’t agree with you.”

“For too long, nightlife, especially for queer people, has had one particular flavor. It’s usually some combination of bright lights, loud music, flowing drinks, and lots of stimulation to the senses. For introverts, that’s a lot to take in. Our mission is to simply offer more choices for queer people as it pertains to socializing. Genuine conversations, a cozy atmosphere, and moments of connection are what we aim to provide. Queer people deserve, better, more heartcentered spaces where we can be together and get to know each other more deeply.”

@queerintroverts

Josh Hersh This “sober curious” advocate, writer and life coach created the Queer Introverts community in Brooklyn, curating quiet gatherings for those who crave an alternative to the typical gay clubs as a social outlet.

@joshhersh

WUSSY’S Queer Crushes talk Self-Care & Self-Love

BY SUNNI JOHNSON

“On February 11th, 2019 I lost my mother. In that short moment of learning about her passing, self love and self care became something totally different for me. Self Love and Self Care is the act of putting yourself first. In whatever way that works for you. It is moving with so much confidence. Assuring yourself that, as I take care for myself first, I create a domino effect for everyone attached to me. We all play significant roles in the lives of others and so it’s important that a person of such significance, makes themselves priority.”

Cu rtis Br y ant Brooklyn-born visual artist and healer, currently residing in ATL, is deeply connected to inner work and exploration, available for advisement through astrology and tarot, an inspirational individual with much heart and soul.

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ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S THE

LIT TLE THINGS

There are moments in my life where I can see the scene I’m in unfolding like a movie, and I imagine others have similar experiences, even if they don’t hold the semiuseless Theatre degree I do from my local town’s university. Listening to Allie X’s ‘Little Things’ for the first time was one of those moments. I was sitting at my kitchen table, writing in one of my favorite sweatshirts, leggings, my curly pixie cut a poofy homage to Molly Ringwald. I could see the camera moving back on a dolly, other aspects of my life being pulled into focus from the edges: my leftover-from-the-holidays snowmen dish towels, piles of blankets on an ottoman, my three-year-old eating a spaghetti dinner with a giant open container of Target pretzels next to her. It’s not a bad life, but the song puts it into perspective, and at the risk of sounding navel-gazing, make you wonder how you got to where you currently are. The YouTube lyric video switched over to ‘Girl of the Year,’ and my daughter ran over, pointed to ‘Science’, so we listened to that instead. All of Allie X’s tracks are like a cohesive fashion show, easily blending pain, beauty, chicness, a love letter to any and all. She’s like a combination of Lana del Rey, The Veronicas, Halsey, and Hayley Kiyoko all rolled into one dreamy package. I got so lost in her sound that I burned my dinner, but I found a part within me that had previous gone quiet: the beauty that lies in autonomy.

WORDS:

A N N A JONES @GIRL.COPY

PHOTOS:

JOEY JAMES @JOEYJAMESPHOTO

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Canada: The American Dream When Allie X moved from Canada to LA, she had a moment of realization akin to what I had experienced in moving from Atlanta to Seattle, or Seattle to LA - a moment, I think, many of us have had: you realize that you love your home (or, rather, homes), but the excitement of a new city motivates you to take risks. To participate in artistic endeavors you never thought possible, like, say, collaborations with Troye Sivan or working with Tove Lo. Moving to LA gives you the room to dream. Even as a famous musician, Allie X still dreams, and therein likes her appeal. But her path to LA wasn’t necessarily an easy one - she came out to the big city on a publishing deal, during which she was put up in a house, got a visa, and was given a little money to get by on. Once the deal was in place, Allie X started selling and pitching songs. Success soon followed, but Allie still managed to view her newfound fame with humility without sacrificing her confidence. “I didn’t listen to my new album for like, four months. I put it out on October 29th, and when I finally listened to it, I got in the bath and thought, ‘Wow, I’m really proud.’ With just the intro, you’re getting into this elevator and going down to this fantastical world. It’s as if I made a Hollywood movie of my Hollywood story, and I exagetarged the personas. I feel like its my most cohesive, conceptual body of work.” Cohesive and conceptual indeed. 160

Weird Women & Dark Dreams “I would love to duet with so many female artists that I admire in my circle. I just did a show with Charlie XCX. Charlie, Tove, Bebe, Dua, Bishop Briggs - there are so many in like my extended circle that I know and would love to write with.” Despite her yearning for collaboration with artists she admires, both musically and non, like Kate Bush or author Haruki Murakami, Allie X maintains her humility, even when working with the aforementioned big leaguers. “Troye is a good friend. We have the same management. We really developed this synergy and friendship and this, I don’t know - we write in this way that’s never really radio-driven, just Troye talking through what he’s feeling and creating these really natural vibes songs in a organic way, which is super refreshing in LA.” To me, LA has always been a gorgeous, at times grotesque combination of neon lights and scenic views, smog and clear skies, broken hearts and the highest of highs. Everything about the city inspires me personally, even the dark, seedy underbelly that is so often written about in neo-noir pieces. Allie X appears to agree, citing “fashion images, cupric, drag and drag makeup, and queer culture” as inspirations, all of which are tropes I associate with the City of Angels, too.

“...you go inward and live a truth that makes sense to you.

Allie X is kind of like unknown. She’s still trying to find herself, and she’s a little confused. She’s trying to find the truth.” 161

LGBTQ+ Humans & the Unknown Variable

Talking of queer culture, Allie X has developed quite the extraordinary LGBTQ+ following. According to the star, she is an “alley who has [your] back.” She feels a part of the queer community; it makes sense, after growing up feeling different and like she would never fit in. While never intentionally writing for the queer community, she has to think about the queer community a lot when she’s writing, performing, or putting together the visuals and making the moodboards - she has to consider how her queer fans will respond, as they are such a fervent part of her fanbase.

Plug Time

Now, the musician is working on a new record set on the East Coast. As Super Sunset was set on the West Coast, Allie X wanted to make a new album based in hypotheticals, as in, “What would it be like if Allie X was a East Coast person?” The singer states that, “musically, it’s a new direction, but a very natural evolution. I’m really excited about it. I have a lot of images in my head - I’m seeing a lot of blue.”

Allie X believes that the idea behind her stage name is “that you go inward and live a truth that makes sense to you. Allie X is kind of like unknown. She’s still trying to find herself, and she’s a little confused. She’s trying to find the truth.” To me, that variable is the truth, because our truths often lie in the unknown parts of ourselves - as LGBTQIA, we all understand that on some level, which is why many of us are so drawn to Allie X’s sound. It’s like a siren call for queers.

And we’re seeing

stars, Allie X particularly yours as it rises x 163

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WE NEED IT!

I remember hearing the word “queer” for the first time on an episode of The Simpsons. It was an episode entitled “Homer’s Phobia” featuring famed cult film director John Waters as Homer’s new friend John. Homer befriends John and is immediately taken with his free spirit and fondness for all things camp and kitsch. Unbeknownst to Homer, however, John is gay and once this is revealed to him, Homer is instantly mortified and angered. In one scene, Homer unleashes his fury at John’s casual use of the term, “queer”:

Yeah, and that’s another thing! I resent you people using that word. That’s our word for making fun of you! We need it!! The episode does have a happy ending, though, with John heroically saving Homer’s life from a pack of reindeer in heat and Homer finally (albeit while concussed) realizing that his feelings of prejudice are unfounded. The episode addressed Homer’s deep-seated feelings of homophobia in a manner that, while humorous, was also able to convey a powerful message. Needless to say, I know I was personally touched by it. As a child of the 90’s, however, it would be years before I would discover my own queer identity. I find “queer” to be a powerful word. In fact, I find the word so powerful that I used to be afraid to use it to self-identify. I always thought I wasn’t queer “enough” because I can pass for straight and, as such, am afforded a certain amount of privilege that other queer individuals are not. Through the years, as I began to discover and accept my evolving sexuality, I finally managed to come to terms with and love myself as a queer woman. It took a lot of time – years of confusion and self-loathing – to come around and see myself in my truest light. From my young, curious years of calling myself “heteroflexible” to currently floating somewhere between the labels of bi and pansexual, I find that labels, though seemingly convenient, can often be limiting and harmful. I am in a straight-passing, monogamous- passing relationship with an individual to whom I am engaged to be married. No, I haven’t “picked a side”, nor does this in any way invalidate my queer identity. In a sense, I can understand Homer’s admittedly imbecilic insistence on the use of the word “queer”; however, from the other side of the coin, so to speak.

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BY DEB KAVIS

It was a long yet rewarding road growing to accept myself as a queer femme. Thankfully, I had a handful of pop culture heroes to light my path. Like many 90’s kids, I too used to intently watch Xena: Warrior Princess and credit that show in part to the beginnings of my understanding my budding sexuality. I never questioned the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle other than to wonder when they would finally share a kiss. It all just seemed like teasing to me otherwise. Between that and seeing other strong femme type role models on the big and small screens – regardless of the presence of queer subtext or not – I found myself both confused yet ultimately delighted by attempting to answer the question of whether I wanted to be them or simply wanted them. Or both! Jessica Rabbit, Princess Leia, and Dr. Frank N Furter (whom I would get to play in a Rocky Horror shadow cast years later) were all icons of my formative sexual awakening. Dr. Frank N Furter was, in fact, a huge influence on my sense of femininity and sexuality. I even recall one of my very first sex dreams being about him. As I grew up and learned that gender is a spectrum, it helped me to understand my sexuality with much more clarity. My feelings for individuals that span or even transcend the spectrum of gender are what make me proudly and unabashedly queer. I’d finally found my place. Growing up and feeling like I never fit in anywhere is a common thread for most queer individuals. Confusion, internalized homophobia, selfhatred, and fear are among others. It was not until I truly began to explore the feelings and desires I had for the same sex that I then realized and embraced my queerness. I now celebrate out loud and proud to be a member of the queer community. Despite the enduring presence of queer gatekeeping and misunderstanding, I will forever strive to keep my seat at the table and to show others that they are not alone. I am truly grateful for the wonderful partners in my life who embrace and accept me as I am. Navigating the oft treacherous waters of self-realization and selfacceptance is no easy task. Having a word like “queer” to hold in one’s mind and heart as a symbol of love and pride is of the utmost importance.

We need it.

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MODEL: ZOE FULLER

ZOE @SMOKINORANGE

PHOTOS: MATTHEW ROBERSON

@MRUNIVERSEISDEAD

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Ben Wallis

@beardyglasses

VOL.06

AJA

DORIAN ELECTRA

PANGINA HEALS

ALLIE X

MISTER WALLACE

SCOOTER MCCREIGHT